When they join the festivities?

What are the donuts going to be doing? I really want to know. Are they sparkling conversationalists? Do they do magic tricks? Dance on tables?

Does Jane Parker also come along for the fun? If so, I hope she brings along Betty Crocker, that saucy wench.

Party donuts are not your ordinary dull, morning-coffee donuts, you see. That cup of coffee is just there to try and keep things a little bit quiet. It’s like the donuts’ chaperone – overheated, breakable, and yet all it can really do is – just sit there.

Those crazy donuts will just ignore the coffee. They’ll be swinging from the chandeliers! Telling dirty jokes! Leaving powdered sugar all over the guests’ fancy clothes (it’s hell on velvet, you know).

The drummer is there because…OK, why IS the drummer there? An escapee from the toy box. He’s going to lay down a groove. Well, if he can. I’m not sure if he can really loosen up. He is made of wood, duh.

Not exactly a Ringo Starr or a Keith Moon, is he.

Still, there are those damn donuts – in a drum. I get it. They’re the ones drumming up the fun. As soon as they get out of the drum, that is. Jane? Betty? Could you just tip them out onto the table? They’ll be fine once they get on a flat surface. Wait till you see them do the Twist!

And the coffee sits there thinking; if only I can get someone to start dunking.

Betty’s been sampling the Tea Punch in advance of the party, I suspect. It’s the only way to explain it. She writes, “Isn’t it fun when your friends exclaim with admiration over the unusual and exotic dishes you serve them at your parties?”

Yes, that does sound like fun. I think.

Friday night is party time. And our old pal Betty Crocker is giving what she calls a “Stand-Up Party.” She must have hidden all the chairs. And she is (if the title of the booklet is correct) serving Frankly Fancy Foods. Or perhaps she means Frankly Freaky Foods. Hard to tell.

But at this party I am going straight for the drinks. I’m skipping over those appetizers. Bambinos? Cock kabobs? What was going on with Betty in 1959? (FYI, the Bambinos are the little teeny pizza things hanging out on the top tier with the olives and grape tomatoes, and the, um, kabobs are at the bottom, next to the Pastry Boats being manned by olive slices).

I will have some more of that unusual and exotic Tea Punch, though.