Last post I showed why the All-MIAC list wasn’t what it should be using the statistical analysis of Game Score (GS) and Game Score Per Minute (GSM) to measure the productivity of each player. This time I will again look at and critique the All-MIAC list, but this time I will use a different measure, that of Win Shares (WS) and Win Shares Per 40 Minutes (WP40). WS is a measurement the calculates how many wins each player produced for his team throughout the year, so obviously WP40 measures how many wins a player produced per 40 minutes (1 full game).

The All-MIAC coaches’ selections are obviously still the same, and looks like this:

MIAC Player of the Year: Joe Scott, UST
MIAC 6th Man of the Year: Chris Vavra, BU

If you remember, I was very critical of the selection of Joe Scott as the player of the year, as both GS and GSM show that there were more effective players in the league, namely Zach Johnson and Tim Madson. I also was critical of the coaches’ choices to leave Carl Hipp off the All-MIAC team as his GS and GSM were both in the top 10. This time, I will be looking to do the same thing but using the Win Shares measures.

League average WS came in at 0.56 wins, and league average WP40 was 0.0272 wins.

When looking at the Win Shares measure, something very interesting happens……the coaches were right in their selection of Joe Scott for MIAC Player of the Year, as he led the league in both WS and WP40. His productivity was somewhat hidden from the Game Score measures because of St. Thomas’s many offensive weapons. Contributing to his high WS is, no doubt, UST’s dominant, high-pressure defense. Tim Madson is second on the list in WS, just slightly behind Scott, but his WP40 is much lower. Following those two are Alex McCoy, Aaron Burtzel, Zach Johnson, Bryan Rosett, V.J. Viau, Nate Alm, Mike Moberg, and Lonnie Robinson rounds at the top 10 in WS. All of these guys are on the coaches’ All-MIAC team. But next comes, Tyler Nicolai, Cory Laugen, Carl Hipp, and Nathan Robertson, who all didn’t make the All-MIAC team (although Laugen and Hipp did make the Honorable Mention team). And the last two players rounding at the All-MIAC team, according to Win Shares, would be Tony Thrasher and Jesse Van Sickle. The Game Score measures were rather harsh on Van Sickle’s production, but the WS measure shows he was very important to his team’s success. These 16 guys would make up the WS All-MIAC team.

Players on the coaches’ team that would not make the cut based off of WS include Jon Cassens (35th), John Fraase (although he finished barely behind Van Sickle), Will Wright, and Lukas Holland. The two St. Mary’s players weren’t far from the top 16, but still didn’t quite make the list. The honorable mention team then would include Fraase, Ryan McPartland, Will Wright, Anders Halvorsen, Andy Grzesiak-Grimm, and Alex Healy. Holland doesn’t even make the honorable mention list, and Sam Paulson (28th), Bobby Fong (89th, and actually the 7th-best player on his team), and Chris Schwartz (36th)would not be on the team.

Next, looking at WP40, again something amazing happens…….the top 8 qualifiers (those that played in enough games) were all from St. Thomas. EIGHT!!! Incredible. Again, the individual production is aided by the relentless team defense of the Tommies, but top 8 is pretty incredible. I’m not arguing all 7 players should be All-MIAC selections because of this, as the overall production isn’t there due to fewer minutes, but still remarkable. Breaking up the run of Tommies is Tim Madson, again placing himself as an elite player in the conference. Following him are two more Tommies, Nicolai and Peltier, and then Carl Hipp. Another Tommie bench player, Eicher, follows, and then more players from other teams finally come along. The next four are Rosett, Moberg, Burtzel, and Johnson, followed by Tuma, Isetts, Alm, and Thrasher.

I won’t go down the entire list but I will point out a few players who stick out based on the coaches’ selections. Cassens ranked 75th, and actually ranked as the 5th best player on Augsburg’s entire team. Holland comes in in the 71st spot (of all players, including non-qualifiers), Wright is 57th, Fong 108th, and Fraase 52nd. Of course per minute basis isn’t the greatest measurement of a player’s effectiveness, but it does give a reasonable estimation of his productivity while he’s on the floor.

Looking at both the WS and WP40 measures, I come to the conclusion that the coaches’ were correct in selecting Joe Scott as the MIAC Player of the Year. However, my stance stays the same in that Anders Halvorsen should have been named 6th Man of the Year over Vavra. The numbers again show that Hipp is very under-appreciated by the coaches in the league, and the WS measures hint that the St. Mary’s players (Wright and Holland) are overrated, although I wouldn’t agree with that because their efficiency goes down because they have to carry so much of their team’s offensive load. Overall, WS gives us a nice measurement to look at when considering who the best players in the league are and who helps their team win.

Another analysis I would like to do in the future concerning WS is looking at the productivity and WS measures for every player on each team, and totaling those to calculate a team’s expected win total, then comparing that to the team’s actual win total to see which teams over- and under-achieved.

-Avon Barksdale

Following the 2008-09 MIAC men’s basketball season, the post-season awards (as voted on by the MIAC coaches) were released and looked as follows:

2008-09 MIAC Men’s Basketball Awards:

Player of the Year – Joe Scott, St. Thomas (Jr., Guard, St. Anthony, Minn./De LaSalle)

Sixth Man of the Year – Chris Vavra, Bethel (Jr., Guard, Cambridge, Minn./Braham)

Coach of the Year – Steve Fritz, St. Thomas (29th season)

There are definitely a lot of good players on the list, but is everybody accounted for? And are the players on the list really the best players in the MIAC? This entry will take a statistical analysis approach to determine if the all-conference list and player of the year selection were the proper choices for the MIAC.

First, I’ll start with the all-conference selections. Many of the players on the list are deserving of consideration for the all-conference team, but I’ll argue that the list isn’t as good as it should be. Game score (GS) is a calculation that incorporates all statistical contributions made by each player, and will be used (along with game score per minute, GSM) to analyze the past season’s individual performances.

The first thing that jumps out when we look at GS is that the highest rated player in the entire MIAC was not the player of the year. The coaches’ selection for player of the year finished 10^th on the list. Impressive, but it doesn’t stick out to determine him as the player of the year. The argument can be made that Joe Scott’s output was less because he played on a loaded St. Thomas team where shots and playing time were distributed evenly. That’s why we look at GSM so we can see how much each player is producing while they are on the court. We’ll get back to this, but first we’ll look more at the list of GS leaders.

The person on top of the GS list is Zach Johnson, the College Sporting News’ MIAC player of the year and MVP. Johnson finished the season with a GS nearly 40 points higher than the next rated player, Tim Madson. It’s no wonder these two were selected onto the D3hoops.com all-American teams, Johnson on the second and Madson on the third-team. Johnson led the league in scoring, averaging over 22 points per game in conference play, accounting for 33.5% of Carleton’s points, with an effective field goal percentage of 49.3%. He also averaged 6.25 rebounds (8^th), 2.8 assists (7^th), and 1.05 steals per game. Madson finished second in scoring, averaging 19 points per game with an effective FG% of 49.5% and a FT% of 90.4%. He also averaged 3.7 rebounds, 2.55 assists, and 1.05 steals per game. Scott, coaches’ choice for player of the year, definitely had an impressive year, and was clearly the best player on one of the top team’s in the nation. He ranked 10^th in GS, but shot up to 3^rd when looking at GSM, which shows he was very productive and efficient, but didn’t put up huge numbers because of the team he was on and the system he played in. For the MIAC season, Scott averaged 13 points on an impressive 64% effective FG%, shooting 43.6% from beyond the arc, 3.05 rebounds, and led the league in steals with 1.75 per game. Scott had an amazing year, and I guess if the coaches wanted to vote for player of the year as the best player on the best team, he’s the winner. But I’m not convinced he should have been the player of the year because there were other players who put up bigger numbers while playing a larger role for their respective teams. Had Scott been taken off St. Thomas’s roster, I’m not sure they would’ve missed a beat, as evidenced by only two of their players rating below league average in GSM. Johnson and Madson, amongst others, played much more significant roles for their respective teams, who without them would likely not have been playoff teams.

This leads me into an interesting situation. The person ranked atop the GSM category was someone who didn’t even make the all-conference team. The numbers suggest that Carl Hipp was the most productive player in the MIAC last year, ahead of Scott, ahead of Madson, ahead of Johnson. His 0.50405 GSM is the highest in the league despite not having the highest GS (6^th), largely due to his tendency to get into foul trouble and his team’s inefficient effort of getting the large post player the ball in good scoring positions. Hipp ranked 8^th in the conference in scoring at 13.1 points per game, good for nearly 19% of his team’s point production, despite averaging less than 10 field goal attempts per game (and only 16.3% of his team’s shots). He was also 5^th in the league in rebounding at 9.1 per game, 6^th in field goal percentage (56.9), and 1^st in blocks (2.6). Overall, he had a very productive year, and should have found himself on the All-Conference team (for sure) and the Player of the Year discussion (maybe). I can see why he wouldn’t be included since Hamline wasn’t a playoff team and they already had an all-conference player in senior Tony Thrasher. However, the numbers suggest that Hipp was easily Hamline’s best and most productive player last season and should have at least been considered that in the postseason awards. Even if looking only at GS, only six players are higher than Hipp, and all of them are and should be on the All-Conference team. Only Johnson, Madson, Aaron Burtzel, Will Wright, and John Fraase rank ahead of Hipp in terms of GS, indicating that Hipp should have replaced any of the others on the list. The lowest ranked in terms of GS on the All-Conference team was Lonnie Robinson, but his GSM was well ahead of Jesse Van Sickle’s (20^th and 37^th, respectively). I understand Robinson’s defensive presence was a huge part of St. Thomas’s success, and he deserves mention, but there isn’t much that separates Van Sickle from his teammates Sam Paulson and Ryan McPartland, and I don’t believe every playoff team deserves an all-conference honoree if they don’t have an all-conference performer. Actually, both Paulson and McPartland rank ahead of Van Sickle in GSM, suggesting they were more productive than Van Sickle and therefore more worthy of more than honorable mention nods. In no way am I trying to downplay the abilities of these players. The point I’m trying to get across is that Carl Hipp deserved more recognition than he received, and the GS and GSM calculations show us that. If we average the players’ rankings in GS (overall production) and GSM (production per minute), we get a list of players that could (arguably) be the All-Conference team. Here is the list we get (same number of selections for each team):

All-Conference Team:

1. Zach Johnson, CAR
2. Carl Hipp, HAM
3. Tim Madson, BU
4. Joe Scott, UST
5. Aaron Burtzel, SJU
6. Alex McCoy, UST
7. B.J. Viau, UST
8. John Fraase, CON
9. Will Wright, STM
10. Mike Moberg, BU
11. Tony Thrasher, HAM
12. Nate Alm, AUG
13. Bryan Rosett, CAR
14. Anders Halverson, UST
15. Lonnie Robinson, UST
16. Cory Laugen, BU

Honorable Mention:

1. Ryan McPartland, GAC
2. Nathan Robertson, BET
3. Lukas Holland, STM
4. Andy Grzesiak-Grimm, AUG
5. Sam Paulson, GAC
6. Darrin Olmscheid, CON

This All-Conference team has many of the same players, but there are some differences, notably Hipp and Halverson. St. Thomas has an incredible 5 players on the All-Conference team, including a bench player (Halverson). The GS and GSM rankings also suggest the individual honors voted on by the coaches were off, showing that Zach Johnson should have been voted Player of the Year, and Anders Halverson should have been the 6^th Man of the Year.

The numbers when calculating GS and GSM give another way of identifying who the best players are. This is not the only way to rate players, but it takes into account many of the variables that we often look at and combine them into one. The calculations shows that there are players that are both overrated and underrated by the coaches in the MIAC, and some (Hipp) are vastly underrated.

-Avon Barksdale

Many casual fans will rate teams offensively and defensively simply by looking at the total points scored per game for and against them, some will look at shooting percentages, and others will look at turnover margin, etc. Which qualifies as the best means to measure the quality of teams depends on the eye of the beholder and really depends on your basketball philosophy. Many coaches and teams have been successful playing completely different styles so there really is no way to measure which system works best. However, by looking at offensive and defensive efficiency, we are able to gauge just how effective each team is with their possessions. Here is a look at the best of the best in the MIAC last season (only conference game stats are taken into account).

But, first, a very simple explanation of what it is I’m looking at (many probably already know, but just in case). Offensive efficiency is the number of points a team scores per offensive possession, and defensive efficiency is the number of points a team surrenders per defensive possession.

So, who were the best offensive and defensive teams in the MIAC last year? Let’s take a look:

Offense:
1. St. Thomas – 1.1854
2. GAC – 1.0974
3. Bethel – 1.0657
4. Carleton – 1.0346
5. St. John’s -1.0077
6. Augsburg – 1.0053
7. Hamline – 0.9995
8. Concordia – 0.9701
9. St. Olaf – 0.9618
10. St. Mary’s – 0.9422
11. Macalester 0.8080

MIAC average: 1.0071

Defense:
1. St. Thomas – 0.8526
2. Augsburg – 0.9720
3. Bethel – 0.9748
4. St. John’s – 0.9807
5. Carleton – 0.9885
6. GAC – 1.0017
7. Hamline – 1.0347
8. Concordia – 1.0362
9. St. Olaf – 1.0388
10. St. Mary’s – 1.0891
11. Macalester – 1.1117

MIAC average: 1.0072

The numbers show, to no surprise, St. Thomas being way ahead of the league last year both offensively and defensively. It’s amazing how far ahead they are in both categories. This wasn’t St. Thomas’s best offensive team in recent years (even the numbers say so as the 2005-06 team had a 1.2009 offensive efficiency), but their offense was so efficient because it was able to get more freebies than any team with their intense pressure defense that forced an incredible 20.7 turnovers per game. Besides the high turnover numbers, they also held opponents to 42.3 percent field goal shooting, which also ranked first in the league. And they themselves also shot 54.2 percent from the field. Adding all these things together, it should come as no surprise that they swept through the MIAC without a single blemish on their record, became the #1 ranked team in the nation, and made an Elite Eight appearance.

The top six in both offensive and defensive efficiency are the six teams that made the playoffs. Bethel, who finished second in the MIAC, ranked third in both offensive and defensive efficiency. The high offensive ranking comes as no surprise, but the traditional lack of defense at Bethel did not show up this season as their defensive efficiency rating shows. Really, the stereotype that Bethel doesn’t play defense is completely wrong, as they have been above league average in defensive efficiency every year since 2004-05 except for one (they ranked last in 2005-06). Their style of play is different than most teams in the league as they look to increase the tempo, which naturally leads to more points being scored by both them and their opponent. They held opponents to 43.3 percent shooting, which ranked 4th in the league, and held a +4.5 rebounding margin, good for second in the league. Everybody knows about their offensive prowess, but they were a well-rounded team last year and that’s why they were the second best team (which I thought was obvious throughout the season watching them play).

Now comes the logjam of 12-win teams. St. John’s pulled down the 3-seed in the playoffs because of tiebreakers, Augsburg received the 4th seed, and Carleton the 5th. The numbers show these teams to be pretty similar, with Augsburg the best defensive team of the three (opponent FG% of 42.6 was second to St. Thomas, but they were first in opponent’s effective FG% at 47.74%), though all three teams were above average defensively. Carleton’s defensive strength was really its low number of fouls (0.157 opponent’s FTM/FGA led the league), and St. John’s was above average in several categories. Carleton was the best offensive team of the bunch, ranking 3rd in the league in effective FG% at 50.41 and had the third-best assist-to-turnover ratio. St. John’s was effective in getting to the line (and converting), ranking 3rd in the league in FTM/FGA.

Gustavus, the 6-seed in the playoffs, were next in the league with 11 wins. They were just above league average in defensive efficiency. They’re slower pace naturally allows fewer points per game, but their stellar defense of the 3-point line separates them from other as they led the league with an opponent’s 3PFG% of 30.7. Also, they don’t allow teams to even attempt many 3s (they allowed just 15.3 attempts per game, 2nd behind only St. Olaf who allowed one less 3-point attempt throughout the MIAC season), which helps their defensive efficiency rating. Offensively, they were 2nd in effective FG%, 2nd in assists per game, 2nd in offensive rebound percentage, and 2nd in assist-to-turnover ratio. Overall, they were just a very effecient offensive team.

The remaining teams did not qualify for the playoffs, and it’s easy to see why when you look at their offensive and defensive efficiency ratings. Hamline and Concordia both went 8-12 last season, and rank 7th and 8th, respectively, in both offensive and defensive efficiency. The rest falls into place as we would expect by looking at the numbers. The staggeringly bad numbers for Macalester (ranking last by far in both offensive and defensive efficiency) would allow one to predict that they possibly went the whole season without a win, which is exactly what happened.

So overall these rankings help us properly gauge the best and worst offensive and defensive teams in the league. One would think GAC was the second best defensive team last year if they looked strictly at points allowed per game, but the defense efficiency stat accounts for pace of play, which springs a team that may allow more points due to style of play (Bethel) ahead of them. The numbers show one team that was far-and-away above the rest, and 5 other teams fighting for the next spot (with Bethel possibly separating itself a little from the pack). It made for an interesting season, that’s for sure. But I think the lesson to learn is not to judge teams defensively by the number of points they allow, but rather to look at the number of points they allow per possession, whether they’re shutting teams down by forcing turnovers or holding them to low FG%, but what made St. Thomas such an incredible team is that they led the league in both categories.

-Avon Barksdale

I walked around Midtown Loft during the DC Twestival, mixing and mingling as City Girl, Relationship and Sex Blogger. I met a few more people, but wanted to get back to my conversation with Buckeyes Boy.

I returned to his table and took a seat on the bar stool across from him. Normally, at an event like this, you give people some space as you’re talking to them. My interaction with Buckeyes Boy was different, though. Our feet rested on each other’s bar stools…I leaned my body in toward him…his hand brushed against my leg a few times. Being so close to him just felt natural, even though we had only met an hour ago.

We discussed all the topics that you usually would bring up with someone you just met:

Where are you from?
What do you do?
Where do you live in town?

I couldn’t stop smiling the entire time that I was next to him. I’m not referring to a relaxed or coy smile here. I’m talking a smile so big that you would think I was competing in a pageant!

Since the Steelers-Titans game was playing on the TV in front of us, our heads turned from time-to-time to catch the game. But, for two football fans, we concentrated much more on each other than the game. And, it was a good game!

The table got pretty crowded as the Twestival organizers finally sat down to enjoy a drink after all of their hard work. One girl accidentally bumped into me, and without hesitating, Buckeyes Boy put his arm around my back to protect me. It was a gesture so simple, yet it made me feel safe.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I was pretty disoriented, and knew that he could tell that from my expression. Rather than giving him one of my pat responses, I said,

“You like football so I’m sure you’ve heard of Post-Concussion Syndrome. I have it, and crowds and noise make me really dizzy. But, it’ll calm down in a minute or two. Thanks!”

(For those of you who don’t know me, I don’t normally share this much with someone I just met. But, I didn’t feel like it was a big deal.)

“You sure you’re okay? Do you need anything?” Buckeyes Boy inquired.

“I’m okay. Thanks. I’ll just probably head out soon so I can get away from the noise.”

Other people walked up toward us, and he put his arm around me again. When he touched me, I felt that spark that you get when you have an attraction to someone. I hadn’t felt that in a very long time. And, I couldn’t resist doing something that I had wanted to do the whole evening: I put my arm around his perfect, huge biceps and squeezed. He didn’t see that coming, but he took it in stride. We both laughed, as I complimented his guns.

Buckeyes Boy asked for my contact info (of course I gave it to him), and we continued talking some more. When halftime came, I told him,

“I should go now, but I’ve really enjoyed talking to you. I hope that you’ll give me a call!”

He offered to walk me out, and we ended up standing outside Midtown Loft for another 30 minutes. There were a lot of people of the street, but with the exception of the odd man carrying nun chucks into Julia’s Empanadas, I didn’t register what anyone was doing. All of my attention was focused on Buckeyes Boy.

We talked about his experiences playing football in college and what his plans were now that the Twestival was over. He asked if I was taking a taxi, and I said,

“No, I’ll walk back to Foggy Bottom.”

“Really?” he inquired with concern. “Are you sure it’s safe?”

I liked how protective he was of me, even though we didn’t know each other well. It also crossed my mind that the third quarter of the game was almost over by this point. Buckeyes Boy was a Steelers fan, and yet, he was missing the game to talk to me. Huh. *smile*

While we were outside, his friend, Paul, came up to him and asked if he was leaving. Buckeyes Boy replied that he would be going back up to the lounge. Shortly after I left, Paul asked Buckeyes Boy about me and learned that we had met at the event.

Paul to Buckeyes Boy: Really? I wanted to approach you, but it looked like you were in a very intense conversation. You guys were standing like an inch away from each other! You really didn’t just meet her tonight? [Buckeyes Boy nodded.] Seriously?

Buckeyes Boy had asked me to text him to let him know that I got home safely, which I did. The last five minutes of the game were quite eventful so as he was stuck on the Metro to Maryland, I started texting him with updates from the game.

When he got home, he called me to say thanks and we talked for another hour. I knew that I had met a guy who was fine, nice and cool. I knew that I wanted to see him again soon. But, I didn’t imagine two months ago that attending a Twitter charity event would lead to something so wonderful.

(And, yes, I have tears in my eyes as I’m writing. Really. Happy. Tears.)

Next Post: Back to 2006 stories about Philly Matt.

September 2009

I woke up on the morning of the 10th with a heavy heart and a few tears in my eyes. On this day last year, my girlfriend, Kiki, lost her courageous battle with leukemia. I took some time before getting out of bed to look at a photo of us, reread the last card that she had written me, and say a prayer for her and her family. I also reflected on how much I had learned about unconditional love from watching Kiki’s husband sit by her bedside for 13 long and painful months.

The NFL season opener was taking place that night between the Steelers and the Titans. My friends and I didn’t want Kiki’s husband, a Titans fan, to be alone on the anniversary of her passing so we asked if he wanted to join us for the game. He had already made plans with his in-laws so I ended up buying a ticket to the DC Twestival.

(If you aren’t familiar with Twestivals, they serve as a way to connect members of the Twitter community offline for a social event and fundraiser. All proceeds from DC’s Twestival went to Miriam’s Kitchen, a wonderful organization that also happens to be the first place I volunteered at when I moved to DC.)

I decided that I would go to the Twestival as City Girl, thereby choosing to out myself to people as a relationship and sex blogger for the first time. I thought I would build a little blog buzz, contribute money to a great cause, and make it home by the second half of the game. Little did I know as I showed up at Midtown Loft for the event that a date that brought me so much sorrow last year would bring me so much happiness this year!

When I arrived at the Twestival, I scanned the crowd in search of familiar faces. I saw a friend from law school and his girlfriend in one corner of the room. I saw a reporter I had befriended online near the DJ booth. And, then I saw him…Buckeyes Boy.

He was one of the Twestival organizers, and I had been following him on Twitter for the past couple of weeks. His online picture caught my eye because his smile could light up a room, but his headshot didn’t do him justice!

Imagine 6’3”, 245, with skin like café au lait and arms so big that I could only hope to get tickets to the gun show. (It was like I went into a lab and created the perfect guy for me, and *poof* there he was!) His pale pink shirt exuded confidence, but his smile and laugh revealed a friendly and genuine side.

Before I could head over and say hello to Buckeyes Boy, my friend from law school approached me. I caught up with him for a while and then met several new people. After about an hour on the one side of the lounge, I finally walked toward Buckeyes Boy.

“Hi,” I said as I extended my hand to him, “I’m City Girl.”

“Hi,” he replied, “I’m Buckeyes Boy.”

“I just wanted to congratulate you and the other organizers. It’s great that this night is such a success and raised so much money for Miriam’s Kitchen.”

“Thanks,” he responded. He smiled at me warmly, but I could tell from his expression that he was trying to place me.

“I have a blog, and we’re Twitter friends, but I only have a picture of the back of my head on the site. I figured I would introduce you to the front of my head,” I told him with a laugh.

His smile widened, as he registered who I was.

“I write about relationships and sex, but I’m also an attorney so I have to blog anonymously. Don’t want to jeopardize my career,” I explained, as I handed him a business card with my blog information on it.

We talked for a while about my blog, the Twestival and the football game (he’s a Steelers fan) before he looked up and said,

“Your hair is beautiful! The way the light is shining on it…there’s this glow around you. Did you just get it done?”

“Yeah, I did. Thanks,” I replied, blushing.

I felt like I could spend the entire evening just talking to him, but a part of me thought that I should mingle a bit.

“Would you like to sit down?” Buckeyes Boy asked.

“I should probably go network a little more, but I’ll be back,” I informed him.

“I hope so.”

I had started to walk away, but turned back to smile at him and say, “Oh, I’ll be back. Definitely.”

To be continued tomorrow…

Comparing problematic factors USA – Germany

World Economic Forum

Source: World Economic Forum, Global Competitiveness Report 2008-2009

© Flavia Westerwelle

TransDomo,LLC
Klaus Westerwelle
Phone: 864.908.0690
Email: info@transdomo.com
Transdomo
Westerwelle

August-September 2009

I had seen JAG Man twice in one week, and yet, I still wasn’t sure how we felt about each other. He was caught between a rock and a hard place: he wanted the benefits and ease of being in a relationship without investing in the time to actually build a relationship. And, I was uncertain if I cared about him enough to put up with that mode.

On the 4th, he was leaving for a ten-day trip to China. I waited to see if he would plan a date with me before then. The last weekend in August almost passed by completely without any contact from him. On Sunday afternoon, he sent me a text, whining about how many all-nighters he would have to pull at work so that he could go on his vacation as planned.

Are all-nighters at the law firm fun? No, of course not.

Would it have been beyond disappointing if he had to cancel his trip for work? Definitely.

Although I was empathetic to his situation, I realized something: I just didn’t want to be in a relationship with JAG Man. My Mom always told me that “a guy who is interested in you will make sure you know how he feels.” Well, let’s just say that I knew how JAG Man felt about work, but after six weeks, I wasn’t sure how he felt about me.

When I started dating JAG Man, I thought that I was looking for the same amount of interaction that I was used to in my previous relationships (once or twice a week). But, I soon learned that wasn’t what I wanted anymore. I was fine not dating anyone since I love my independence and only having to answer to myself. And, for the first time in years, I was open to being in a traditional relationship, provided that I could give myself completely to someone who was ready, willing and able to give the same back to me. But, I was done with pseudo-relationships.

After hearing about JAG Man’s text, my friend, AP, said, “He isn’t going to see you before he leaves for China? He’ll be gone for almost two weeks! Does he expect you to just wait for him?”

I thought about it for a little a replied, “I don’t know what he is thinking. And, at this point, I don’t care. He had great potential, but I’ve dated guys for their potential before. I’m not doing that again.”

I didn’t contact JAG Man before he left, even when Creepy Apology Guy, who may or may not work in JAG Man’s building, kept approaching my neighbor and me. (As a follow-up to that bizarre story, I changed when and where I walk my dog, and thankfully haven’t run into Creepy Apology Guy again.)

JAG Man headed to China, and I enjoyed the respite from wondering what he was thinking or when I would see him next. I felt like we fizzled out before we ever sizzled, and I didn’t shed a tear over that fact.

One door closed. I didn’t know at the time that another door would open so soon, and behind that door, I would find the most amazing guy.

You make the call as to my next post:

1. How I met my current boyfriend (and yes, I wrote boyfriend *smile*);
2. 2006 stories about Philly Matt and getting back with THE Ex;
3. My sexcapades on a cruise ship, including my first and only real threesome; or
4. A sex advice post in response to a question about talking dirty, meeting singles or anything else you want to throw my way.

Please comment, tweet, e-mail or text so I know that you are out there . Have a great weekend! xoxo

August 25, 2009

On several occasions since I had met JAG Man, I had a feeling that he was on his way out of my life. I pictured that our budding relationship would fizzle before it ever fully developed. Even though we weren’t even really a couple yet, a pattern started to form. The moment I thought that he was gone for good, he would surprise me with a romantic date, some of his precious time or a conversation in which we really connected.

I had seen JAG Man last night for a bit while he was taking a break from work. Forty-five minutes may not seem like a lot of time (because it isn’t *chuckles*), but the brief rendezvous showed some effort on his part at a time when I needed to see just that. Given his pattern, I figured that I wouldn’t see him for a week to ten days, but once again, he surprised me.

I was watching television, when my phone vibrated with a text from him. I replied, and he wrote back, asking when I was heading to bed. We went back and forth like that for a while, until he realized that I was wide-awake, and I realized that he was stuck at work until he received a call from the LA office.

Me: If you want to come over to take a nap or kill some time, feel free .

JAG Man: I would love to.

I began to tidy up my place, as I thought to myself,

“I’m going to see him two nights in a row. This is good! If there’s a chance for us to work as a couple, then this is going to be representative of our routine. I think this could be enough for me…maybe?”

A few minutes later, JAG Man knocked on my door, looking as handsome as always. I poured him a drink, and we watched a few minutes of ESPN before heading into the bedroom. He kissed me, and unlike the other nights, there wasn’t a build up from gentle to intense. JAG Man came on strong, but it felt right.

JAG Man’s lips moved from my mouth to my neck to my tits. I arched my back, and as his lips headed toward my boy shorts, I waited to see what he did next. He kissed my thighs a few times on both sides, and then his face moved up toward my lips as he removed my shorts.

“I want to go down on you so badly, but I don’t want to feel rushed. I want to stay down there for 20, 25 minutes” he told me.

What I really wanted to say was, “Seriously! Are you viewing eating me out like a billable assignment? Get down there and show that pussy some love!” But, I didn’t. Instead, I tried to convey my thoughts in a subtler manner:

Well, what’s stopping you? You could always just say hello for a few minutes?

He made some comment about not wanting to be distracted and kept his fingers on my pussy. Sigh.

JAG Man got me off once like that, which was good, but I still wanted more. I knew it was my turn to take care of him, and I decided to throw some oral into the mix. From the noises he made and how quickly he came, I would venture a guess that it had been quite a while since he had received a blow job.

I enjoyed going down on him, but in the back of my head, I kept waiting to see if he would reciprocate. Instead, he put his arms around me and wanted to snuggle. Bigger Sigh.

For some reason, we got on the topic of losing our virginity and relationships in college. He said,

“I could tell that you weren’t a one-night stand person. If you had been, I don’t think I would have gone out with you again.”

Oh. My. God. That’s hysterical!

1. I was the Queen of One-Night Stands when I was younger. I viewed them like some people view a multi-vitamin or apple. Little does the boy know; and

2. This was coming from the same guy who got offended a few weeks ago that I wanted to wait to have sex with him. So, he wouldn’t have dated me if I had slept with him after our first date, but he made me feel badly for not giving it up sooner. Does that make any sense?

I kept both of those thoughts to myself, though, and replied,

“Well, that’s good. I would say that I’ve had my share of casual relationships in the past, but that’s not what I’m looking for right now.”

“I can tell. And that’s a good thing.”

We kissed again. As his mouth enveloped one of my tits, I put my finger to my clit. I waited to see if he would pick up the cues and finish me off, but he didn’t. This was the second time that he had left me hanging. Two Strikes!

A work call came in (yes, at 2:45am), and he had to take it. Afterward, he kissed me again before getting dressed and heading back into the office.

I rolled over to my dresser drawer and pulled out my massage toy.

So…in the good column, I had seen JAG Man twice in two nights. In the not-so-good column, he still didn’t finish me off in the bedroom.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to do or not with respect to JAG Man, but I didn’t have to figure that out right now.

I closed my eyes, thought of AOE, got off, and went to sleep.

Soundly.

August 24, 2009

When my emotions become too deeply entrenched in a relationship, logic goes right out the window. Up until that point, though, I’m able to approach dating pragmatically.

After five weeks, I was still thinking logically with respect to JAG Man. I liked him enough that I was willing to let things between us simmer. I was able to envision us getting more serious as easily as I pictured us fizzling out so why push either option? It made more sense to let our relationship progress organically. Nonetheless, the logical side of my brain started forming a list of his pros and cons:

Pros:

JAG Man was so accomplished and motivated that he made me look like an underachiever. He stimulated my intellect and my ambition.

He was well rounded. He loved sports and was a New York Giants fan like me, frequented the Kennedy Center, went to church, and volunteered with numerous charities.

He was a great kisser and got me off with his hands on the first try.

Cons:

On a light week, JAG Man worked 90 hours. (He was up for partner at his firm and had to do the time.) To compound the situation, his alumni association activities took about 20 hours a week. With that kind of schedule, there just wasn’t much time left for anyone or anything else.

He claimed that he wanted marriage and kids, and that he didn’t know if he wanted to be in a relationship. (Think you need to have one to get the other, right?) My friend, Z, is a social worker, and she asked if JAG Man has intimacy issues. She speculated that the reason that JAG Man works so hard and takes on so many extra projects so that he doesn’t have the time to form emotional attachments to people. She might be on to something!

I wasn’t sure if he was a selfish lover or not. We had yet to have sex (thankfully), but when we messed around, he didn’t respect me on one occasion and didn’t finish the job on another. Not the best track record, to say the least!

So…my cost-benefit analysis was in the back of my head as I went outside to meet JAG Man on Monday night. The night before over the phone, I had told him that I needed more face time with him, and ‘lo and behold, he was offering me just that! Maybe there was some potential here? [Visualize scales tipping slightly in his favor.]

I walked downstairs and saw JAG Man standing outside in one of his impeccably tailored suits. I sighed, thinking of yet another, completely superficial quality that I liked about him: he’s really handsome!

We kissed hello and stayed outside talking for 45 minutes. A work call came in, and he answered it, writing notes with one hand as his other hand rubbed my back. I felt content.

Me: I’m really glad that you called me.

JAG Man: Well, I sensed from our conversation last night that I needed to see you soon. I wish that my job had more traditional hours, but I’m going to try to make more time for you.

Me: Thanks! That means a lot. I like you, JAG Man, and I’d like to keep getting to know you better. But, this is me. [Draw an imaginary door with my index fingers.] And, this is you. [Draw another imaginary door with my fingers.] And, this is me to you. [Pretend to knock on his door several times.] And, my arm is starting to get tired.

JAG Man: [He smiles.] Got it!

Me: [I smile back at him.] Good!

We talked a bit about the case on which he was working before he went back upstairs to his office. I felt like we had made some progress. There was enough that I liked about JAG Man that I wanted to see if our casual dating would lead to anything more serious.

With an open mind and a big smile, I headed back to my apartment.

Where would this go next? Tune in tomorrow…

August 2009

Despite the fact that JAG Man clearly didn’t understand how to deal with a multi-orgasmic girl like me, I wanted to give him (us?) a chance. JAG Man was great on paper, and we had so much in common. Our potential seemed to outweigh the negatives thus far.

I started to rethink my plan to ride things out, though, when JAG Man reverted back to his old pattern. After he came over, we e-mailed. Then we texted. And then, we e-mailed some more. But, I didn’t see him in person for another week.

In his e-mails, he alluded to spending more time with me when his schedule lightened up. That just didn’t seem realistic, though, as he had work trips or alumni association conferences 10 out of 14 upcoming weekends. The odds of him having time to spend with me just weren’t in my favor!

JAG Man’s e-mails were often lengthy diatribes with thought-provoking questions. Six weeks ago, I found his e-mails to be entertaining, but now, I just stared at my computer screen.

He had 15 minutes to write me a lengthy e-mail, but he couldn’t just meet me for a coffee downstairs? We would text some nights for hours, but he couldn’t spare a few minutes to say hi as he was leaving the office? What’s the use of home-field advantage if you never use it?

I liked JAG Man enough to want to get to know him better, but not like this. I had dated guys for their potential before (*cough* Baseball Boy *cough*), and I’d much rather be single than do that again.

On the last Sunday in August, JAG Man kept texting me. After another weekend that had come and gone without seeing him, I was done! (To clarify, I wasn’t mad or sad about the fact that I hadn’t seen him in ten days. But, I didn’t want to invest any more energy on a guy who clearly didn’t have the time for a relationship.)

I tend to call a spade a spade so I texted him back that he could call me if he wanted, but I wasn’t up for another night of text messaging. My phone rang in 30 minutes.

We caught up for a bit about our weekends, and then I just said what was on my mind,

“I appreciate how much you have on your plate with work and your other commitments, but it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me that you’ll send me a long e-mail rather than meet me downstairs to say hi or grab a coffee. I realize that your schedule isn’t your own, but if you want to keep hanging out with me, then you need to make some effort.”

He replied, “I want to spend more time with you, but my schedule is so crazy right now. When my day is over, I just want to get out of Foggy Bottom as quickly as I can. And, during the day, I try not to take any breaks so I can get home before 9pm. I used to go out for lunches in the neighborhood with friends, but I stopped doing that after I realized that I spent the entire meal on my Berry, rather than relaxing. It would be unfair to you if I asked you out during the workday and then ignored you.

If I just popped in on you, it would be the same thing. I couldn’t disconnect from work enough to focus on you. I’m sorry. I don’t want my schedule to be so hectic, and I’ll plan a date for us when things calm down a bit.”

Hmm…I had never thought about it from his perspective since I always viewed our close proximity as a good thing. We talked a bit more about how we understood the other’s point of view, and I felt better about the situation. As we said goodnight, he told me that he would make more of an effort, yet in the back of my head, I still wondered. Would it be enough?

The following evening, I had just finished dinner when a text came in from JAG Man:

Taking a break from a filing. Care to meet downstairs in 10 minutes?

Huh. Maybe the boy was finally stepping up?!? I got up from my couch to freshen up.

To be continued…

August 2009

JAG Man and I had a wonderful date at The W Hotel’s bar and restaurant, but the elation turned to deflation when his little head took control of his big head. I’m way too old and comfortable in my own skin to tolerate a guy trying to make me feel bad about waiting to have sex. JAG Man told me three days after I met him that he wasn’t sure what he was looking for out of a relationship. I was equally clear with him that I wanted to take my time and get to know him gradually before adding sex into the mix.

After everything went down (pun intended), JAG Man apologized, said that it would never happen again, and that he wanted to continue dating me. I figured that he would try to make it up to me that weekend, but that never happened. For the next ten days, JAG Man sent me lots of e-mails and a few text messages.

Did he call me on the phone? Nope.

Did he ask me out again? Nah.

Ten days seemed liked an eternity because he worked right next door to my place! Next door!

As we were texting back and forth, I made a reference to the fact that I had gotten some new boy shorts. (Yes, I can play dirty.)

JAG Man: You better watch it or I’ll get in my car and drive over there.

Me: What’s stopping you?

We played that game for a little bit and then he called me. I told him that I didn’t want to keep putting the brakes on the physical side of things, but that I wasn’t about to put out for a guy who didn’t have much time to spend with me. (If you’ve read my blog before, you know I’m not a prude. But, I had told myself that I wasn’t going to have sex again unless I was in a relationship and I was sticking to that.)

I did clarify, though, that I was hoping things would progress gradually.

“It’s not my intention to stay at 2nd base indefinitely!” I explained with a laugh. “I’m open to doing a little more than last time when we see each other next.”

“What would more consist of?” JAG Man wondered.

“Hands…no oral,” I said. “Would that work for you?”

He paused before saying, “I’ll be there in 20 minutes.”

I had wondered if he planned on spending the night at my place since it was already after midnight and he had to be at work by 8:30am. But, I realized that wasn’t part of his plan when he arrived at my door without any bags.

We had a drink on the balcony, and then headed to the bedroom. JAG Man is a great kisser so it felt right to have his lips back on my mine. Everything happened naturally, and we lost our clothes pretty quickly. I placed my hand on his cock, and he put his two fingers on top of my pussy. I exhaled when I realized that he knew what he was doing, as he easily found my clit and then my G-spot. I smiled to myself since a guy who can make me cum with just his hands on the first try is clearly no novice. (You would hope that would be the case with all guys in their 30s that I meet, but I’m sad to say that it’s not.)

JAG Man removed his hand from my pussy, and I focused on his cock until he came. When he was finished, he got up to go the bathroom. When he walked back into the bedroom, he found me still lying there with my finger on my clit.

I looked up at him coyly and said, “I’m not done.”

JAG Man got back into bed, leaned over and kissed me. He then took one of my tits in his mouth and put his fingers back on my clit. In less than five minutes, he got me off one more time…then a…

Wait a minute…why did he take his hand away? I was just saying, “Right there.” Put your hand back. Put. Your. Hand. Back!

I thought that to myself, but didn’t say anything out loud. He kissed me once on the lips, and asked me,

“How many times did you cum?”

“2 ½.”

I waited to see what JAG Man would do. Would he realize that I wasn’t done or not? Who responds to a question about orgasms with a half of anything? He would get it, right?

Umm…nope! JAG Man got out of bed and started putting on his clothes.

“So…you’re leaving?” I inquired with some confusion.

“Yeah. I have to get up early tomorrow.”

“Okay. Well, you could’ve spent the night if you had wanted.”

“Well, I always sleep better in my own bed. You don’t need to let me out, though. Go to sleep,” he told me.

“Umm…I’m not finished so I can let you out. I’m going to get off one more time before I crash,” I explained.

I wondered what he would do, and watched as he didn’t deviate from his plan for a second. I walked him to the door, gave him a kiss goodbye, went back to bed and broke out my favorite toy.

I was glad that I had seen JAG Man that night. But, I sure as hell wasn’t thinking about him when I got off that last time. JAG Man had a chance to win some points, but instead, he left me wanting more.

And not in the good way!

This week’s posts: What happened next with JAG Man and how I met Buckeyes Boy .

Next week’s posts: Back to 2005 and Philly Matt.

as I was in ecuador, I decided to keep track of all the books I read during my volunteer experience.  I’m not sure why.  because I like finishing things and making lists? so here is my list of the 98 books that I read in ecuador, august to august (that’s over 8 books a month, I had some slow patches where I didn’t read much). I didn’t leave anything out, no matter how embarrassing, and while some of them were really not good, some of them were really good and those I particularly enjoyed I’ve marked with an asterisk, in case you’re interested. some of them have stories behind them, like how the only reason I’d ever read a nicholas sparks is because melissa asked me too, she couldn’t believe I wouldn’t enjoy it (I didn’t). or how I’ve read everything stephenie meyer’s written, not cause I think they’re good books but because carolyn loves them so. or how I read the shack so elyse wouldn’t have to.  so if you’re really stumped as to why I’d ever read something you can ask.  and if you want to know what I thought of something in particular you can ask that too.

war by candlelight – david alarcon
eva luna – isabel allende
midnight in the garden of good and evil – john berendt
city of god – e.l. doctorow
how we are hungry – dave eggers
brief encounters with che guevara – ben fountain
diary – chuck palahniuk
a heartbreaking work of staggering genius – dave eggers *
i am america and so can you – stephen colbert
picasso’s war – russell martin
the red tent – anita diamant
grendel – john gardner
oh the glory of it all – sean wilsey
hotel sarajevo – jack kersh
the book of lights – chaim potok
the club dumas – arturo perez-reverte
barrel fever – david sedaris
naked – david sedaris
haunted – chuck palahniuk
the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime – mark hadden
falling man – don delillo
the last lecture – randy pausch
volunteer with the poor in peru – jeffrey d thielman and raymond a schroth, sj
a perfect friend – reynolds price
wind, sand and stars – antoine de saint-exupery *
the alchemist – paulo coelho
the wounded healer – henri nouwen
gilead – marilynne robinson
¡gracias! – henri nouwen *
the great train robbery – michael crichton
one big damn puzzler – john harding
the end of poverty – jeffery d sachs
no country for old men – cormic mccarthy *
a passage to india – e.m. forster
stranger than fiction – chuck palahniuk
the power and the glory – graham greene *
watership down – richard adams
quarantine – jim crace
breath, eyes, memory – edwidge danticat
my name is asher lev – chaim potok *
neverwhere – neil gaiman
confessions of an economic hitman – john perkins
miracles – terri blackstock
the wolves of willoughby chase – joan aiken
twilight – stephenie meyer
the vision of emma blau – ursula hegi
indecision – benjamin kunkel
traveling mercies – anne lamott *
the sunflower – simon wiesenthal
three to get married – fulton sheen
teachings on love – thich nhat hanh *
the 5 love languages – gary chapman
cry, the beloved country – alan paton
new moon – stephenie meyer
i know this much is true – wally lamb
eclipse – stephenie meyer
searching for and maintaining peace – fr. jacques philippe
the art of loving – erich fromm
shepherds of the night – jorge amado *
what is the what – dave eggers *
let your life speak – parker palmer *
no death, no fear – thich nhat hanh
here and now – henri nouwen *
breaking dawn – stephenie meyer
the storyteller’s daughter – saira shah
the dna of relationships – dr. gary smalley
chronicles vi – bob dylan
confessions – st augustine
permaculture (finding our own vines and fig trees) – carol coston, op
a tale of three kings – gene edwards
contemplation – james carroll
a sacred voice is calling – john neafsey *
life of the beloved – henri nouwen
the storm – kahlil gibran
dune messiah – frank herbert
confessions of a jane austen addict – laurie viera rigler
the walking tour – kathryn davis
the host – stephenie meyer
the wedding – nicholas sparks
a 7 day journey with thomas merton – esther de waal
the shack – wm paul young
reaching out – henri nouwen *
living a spirituality of action – joan mueller
under the fig tree – william breault, sj
the god of small things – arundhati roy
making sense of god – elizabeth a dreyer
gil’s all-fright diner – a lee martinez
thomas merton: a different drummer – robert j voight
heaven and earth – brother ramen
no man is an island – thomas merton
the princess bride – william goldman
the way of the disciple – erasmo leiva-merikakis *
dandelion wine – ray bradbury
blooming murder – jean hager
praying with therese of lisieux – joseph f schmidt, fsc
take this bread – sara miles
parables to live by – john and lynn samaan
the active live – parker palmer

Foto: CTK

Esta temporada, Abril y Mayo de 2010, el MET presentará Armida de Rossini con Renée Fleming como Armida, el reparto incluye a José Manuel Zapata como Gernando que vuelve al MET después de su debut en Il barbiere di Siviglia en 2008.

Escuchemos a Renée Fleming en el rondó D’amor al dolce impero de Armida, en una versión bastante alejada de la de Joyce Didonato que se comentó recientemente en el blog. La grabación procede de un concierto en Praga el pasado verano, le acompaña la Symfonický orchestr Českého rozhlasu, Orquesta sinfónica de la radio checa, bajo la dirección de John Keenan.

Ace shuttler Saina Nehwal walked away with the Sports Person of the Year award for 2008-09, while world billiards champion Pankaj Advani and cricketer Virender Sehwag shared the honours for the year 2007-08 at the ninth PSPB Annual Awards.

The Petroleum Sports Promotion Board (PSPB) last night gave away the awards for two years 2007-08 and 2008-09 but the function lost some of its gloss as many awardees were not present at the function due to different reasons.

However, Advani, chess ace Abhijit Gupta, badminton players Shruti Kurien, Trupti Murgunde, India table tennis player Subhajit Saha among others were present on the occasion.

Meanwhile, former India table tennis player Monalisa Mehta was conferred with the Life Time Achievement award for 2007-08 while ex-hockey goalkeeper Romeo James was given away the honour for 2008-09 season.

The BBMP is initiating action on the property owners who have not paid the taxes for the period ending 31-03-2009 (2008-2009)
2%interest will be charged on the tax along with penalty.

Notices will be issued and action will be taken soon for the non payment of taxes.

Properties, which are commercial in nature and have paid taxes as residential properties have also been identified and action is initiated accordingly.

Tenanted properties, which were declared as self occupied will also come into penal list and taxes will be collected accordingly.

Los premios de la crítica operística convocados por la asociación Amics del Liceu ya se han hecho públicos.

A destacar los tres premios que se ha llevado la producción de Salome de la pasada temporada del GTL: mejor director musical, Michael Boder, mejor cantante masculino, Robert Brubaker, y mejor cantante femenina, Nina Stemme.

También destaco a Maite Beaumont como cantante revelación por su Ottavia de L’incoronazzione di Poppea y a Thomas Quasthoff como mejor intérprete de recital.

Ver Se acabó la temporada 2008-2009 (1).

August 2009

After our very romantic date at the W Hotel, JAG Man and I went back my apartment. I wanted to have sex with him, but felt that it was way too soon to go down that road. This was only our third date after all, and I was looking for more than a friend-with-benefits.

We sat on my couch for a while talking. When he was finished telling me about his pro bono case, he leaned over to kiss me. The kiss was soft for but a minute before his tongue probed for mine, and his hand pulled me in closer to him. I got on top of him, and our kisses became more and more passionate. As I took off my blouse and he put his hands on my tits, I said,

“It might be more comfortable if we moved into the bedroom. If we did that, would you be cool with sticking to things north of the border?” I inquired, as I showed him that the line of demarcation was at my waist line.

(As an fyi, JAG Man and I had previously talked about our respective reasons for getting to know each other before having sex so my request wasn’t out of left field.)

“Of course.”

We headed into the bedroom, and he got on top of me. He stayed in that position for almost an hour, as he kissed my neck, lips and tits. I was very hot and wet for him, but I didn’t want to blow this. At this point in my life, I was looking for a relationship, and JAG Man had definite boyfriend potential.

We moved on our sides, and his hands started to graze underneath my thong.

“Watch it,” I gently scolded.

He didn’t say anything, but removed his hand as he kept kissing me. A few minutes later, I opened my eyes and saw his cock outside of his briefs, as his left hand was moving up and down from the base to the tip. Whoa!!!

(Now, I’m not going to pretend I’m virginal, but I have a problem with a guy giving himself a hand job in my bed. Either, it’s a new relationship, and we should respect the ground rules. Or, we have been intimate in which case I’d like to have the right of first refusal. I would never leave a guy with whom I’m in a relationship hanging in that regard. Ever.)

With respect to JAG Man, he seemed fine with my boundaries in the living room so how does that translate to jerking himself off in the bedroom?

“Can you put that back in your briefs there?” I asked with a light tone to my voice.

“If I must,” he replied as he did just that.

“Thanks,” I said as I got on top of him to avoid that happening again, “I like you and I just want to keep getting to know you before we go there. And, the first time you get off in my bed will be with me doing it.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t worry,” I told him with a chuckle, “there’s a method to my madness.”

“I’m beginning to think I need to take my method away from your madness,” he informed me.

I waited for him to laugh…or smile…or wink…for some sign that he wasn’t serious. But, his expression was stoic. My eyes got wide, and my brow began to furrow. “Excuse me? That wasn’t funny.”

“I’m sorry,” he replied.

I got off of him and laid down on my side of the bed. JAG Man put his arms around me, but I was still in shock. Then, he brought up an irrelevant conversation that led us on a 20-minute tangent. I was fine with that because it gave us a chance to simmer. I also thought that we would get back to the topic of what had just happened. But, he didn’t do that, claiming that it was late and he needed to go home.

As we walked out, I said, “I feel like you’re mad at me, but that doesn’t make much sense. I told you where I was coming from and you said that was fine, but then you just made me feel like shit for trying to get to know you before we have sex.”

He stopped walking, as he took my face in his hands. He planted a gentle kiss on my lips and said,

“I’m sorry. That was wrong of me, and it won’t happen again. I will have more control next time.”

“Thanks. And, I hope that there is a next time. I like you and had a wonderful time tonight.”

We kissed when we got to the front of the garage. But, when we parted, I realized that I didn’t feel that settled about the situation. JAG Man was old enough to have handled the evening maturely, but instead, he acted like a high school boy who just wanted to get laid.

From elation at the W to deflation outside my building, what a long night!

Next Post: Back to 2005 tales.

August 2009

Reservations were set for dinner with JAG Man on Thursday night.

“Where are we going?” I asked him enthusiastically.

“A new steakhouse in town,” he replied.

“Hmm…Bourbon?”

“Newer,” he informed me.

“BLT Steak?”

“Newer. I don’t think you’ll guess it,” he teased, knowing that I hate surprises.

After we hung up, it hit me. The new W Hotel had a Jean-Georges restaurant, the J&G Steakhouse, inside! Nice one, JAG Man! Despite his hectic schedule and aloof demeanor, he still knew how to woo a girl!

I could tell just how much I was looking forward to our date by how much thought I gave to the outfit that I would wear. I wanted to have the right blend of sexy and professional. I decided on a black pencil skirt from We One You Two and a fuchsia ruffled top from Nido.

On Thursday evening, JAG Man picked me up at my door. He was impeccably dressed in a designer suit and looked as handsome as ever. When we arrived at the W, we were seated at a romantic table by the window with a view of the Treasury Building. The dinner was very good, the service was great, and the conversation with JAG Man was even greater than great. We talked a lot about our career paths and what brought us to DC. As it turned out, we both arrived in town in 1993 for internships. I joked that I was glad that we didn’t meet back then since I was in a much different place. (That was code for “we would have had a one-night stand and never seen each other again.”)

As JAG Man and I enjoyed our steaks, I noticed a striking black man walk into the restaurant. I smiled when I realized that it was Oscar, a guy with whom I had gone to law school. Oscar and I went out on two dates in 1997, but didn’t do anything more than snuggle. He was a gentleman, and back then, I only wanted the Bad Boys.

Over the years, I would run into Oscar from time-to-time. Once in a while, we exchanged contact information, but when I e-mailed him last, he never wrote me back. I had thought of walking across the restaurant to say hello to Oscar, but I decided not to. I didn’t want to leave my date with JAG Man nor interrupt Oscar’s date.

After dinner, I stepped out to the ‘loo and ran into Balducci’s Boy in the lobby. Balducci’s Boy and I had met last year at a supermarket. He wasn’t necessarily my type (late 40s and white), but I did like the fact that he was a lobbyist with contagious energy. For a couple of months, we had tried to meet for coffee, but our schedules never meshed. I chalked it up to a blend of bad timing and lack of interest on both of our parts. Balducci’s Boy was talking to a girl so I didn’t want to mess up his game and proceeded downstairs. (It’s worth noting that had I been alone or with a friend, I would have made a point to say hello to both Oscar and Balducci’s Boy. But, I was out with JAG Man and just wanted to focus on him.)

At the end of the meal, JAG Man asked if I would like to go up on the rooftop to have a drink. The view from the top of the hotel is one of the best in the city, and the W made great use of the space. We stood by the railing, enjoying the perfect weather and view. JAG Man took my hand in his, and a few minutes later, he placed his lips on mine. After some more kisses, he suggested that we head back to my place.

On the walk back to Foggy Bottom, we heard a lot of noise coming from behind the Old Executive Office Building. I thought it might be coming from The Exchange. (The Exchange is a GWU bar that I used to frequent in 1995-96. It also was the place where GWU Boy first introduced me to Baseball Boy.) JAG Man wanted to see what was going on so we heading down G Street. Sure enough, there was a Kickball Happy Hour taking place on The Exchange’s patio. I saw a tall black man working the door, and quickly excused myself from JAG Man for a minute before exclaiming,

“Gus!!!”

Now, Gus was UConn Boy’s best friend. (UConn Boy was my first serious relationship out of college. He and I broke up when I found out that he had lied to me about his cocaine habit. To make him as mad as he had made me, I started sleeping with UConn Boy’s dealer and several of his friends, including Gus. I’m not saying that was a smart response; I’m just being honest.)

I hadn’t seen Gus in at least 10 years, although we had recently reconnected via Facebook.

“Wow! Long time no see!” he said as we hugged.

“I know! It has been too long, but luckily, DC is a small town,” I commented as we laughed.

“I was just talking about you,” he told me.

“You were? With whom?” I asked.

“UConn Boy. You know him. He’s not on Facebook, but wanted to check it out. When I told him that you were on there, he wanted to see your pictures.”

“Ahh! Cool. Tell him hello for me,” I replied. (There was a time when the mere mention of UConn Boy’s name would have sent me into a tizzy. But, thankfully, that was a long time ago.)

Gus and I caught up for a few minutes before I said goodbye. It was great running into him, but I was ready to head home with JAG Man. There were other things on my agenda for that night!

To be continued…

Summer 2009

I met JAG Man in July outside of his office building. We had a lot in common, and I felt a connection with him from the moment that we started talking to each other. On our second date, we had dinner and then spent two hours making out on my couch as if we were in high school. By the time he said good night, I realized that I was developing a little crush on him.

He called me when he got home, and my crush soon turned to confusion. JAG Man told me that he has a tendency to get close to girls very quickly and then just stops calling them. Apparently, he still is processing his break-up with his ex-girlfriend from two years ago.

Two years ago?!? I wanted to be like Cher in Moonstruck, slap him across the face and tell him to “snap outta it!” But, I wasn’t about to smack him across the face, and I tried to respect the fact that: 1) everyone gets over relationships at their own pace; and 2) he and I were still getting to know each other so I didn’t need to be thinking in the long term yet.

I decided to just enjoy the beginning stage of dating JAG Man and let things evolve naturally. But, that was easier said than done. I felt like my relationship barometer with JAG Man was marked by steps forward…and then steps backward.

After our night of kissing and bizarre conversations, I saw him twice that week while I was walking my dog. We didn’t spend a lot of time together, but it was enough to catch up and show me that he cared. JAG Man also started sending me e-mails with “getting to know you” questions. We wrote at length about politics, racism, our faiths, volunteering and sex.

(I had told him after our first date that I wasn’t interested in getting into a physical relationship anytime soon. But, that didn’t mean that we couldn’t talk about sex, right? After all, he knew that he was helping me make sangria for my Girls’ Night/Sex Toys Party. It seemed rather stupid to pretend that I wasn’t a sexual person.)

Anyway, I was feeling good about things with JAG Man until the weekend. Friday and Saturday came and went without a call, e-mail or text from him. That seemed odd to me so by Sunday afternoon, I sent him a casual text. As it turned out, he had to come into the office to do some work. He mentioned grabbing ice cream and then relaxing on my balcony. I wanted to see him so that worked for me.

We talked about what we had done over the weekend. Apparently, he had a friend in town, and that was why I hadn’t heard from him. Now, I get that we had only just started dating each other, but it still didn’t sit right with me that he hadn’t let me know his plans in one of his many texts or e-mails that week.

I chalked it up to the newness of things and decided to relax. As had happened the last time he was over my place, we started making out. Two hours later, we were still kissing on my couch. His kiss was perfection, and he easily ranks as one of the best kissers that I had ever laid lips on. Kissing for so long left him hard and me wet, but we didn’t focus on those things. He won huge points for being so respectful.

When we finally came up for air, he said,

“I don’t want all our time to be spent in your apartment. I want to take you out on a real date. Would you be free on Thursday night?”

“Yes! That would be great!” I replied with a huge smile.

“I have an idea as to where, but let me see if I can get reservations.”

“That works, but I would have a wonderful time with you at Starbucks,” I told him.

I wasn’t lying about the fact that I would enjoy being with JAG Man at any locale, but I was glad that we would be going out on a real date. It wasn’t about the cost or the prestige of where he would be taking me, but rather, the fact that he was putting thought into the evening and courting me a bit.

JAG Man was stepping up! Maybe we would be taking two steps forward after Thursday night?

CURE Childhood Cancer is pleased to present CURE Childhood Cancer’s 2008-2009 Annual Report. We are thrilled and proud to be able to report to you on the progress we made over the past year on behalf of children with cancer as a result of your support.

As you know, finding a cure for cancers that affect children is our highest priority. To that end, your support enabled us to invest nearly $1.2 million in six specific research projects aimed at better understanding the genetic and biological mechanisms through which childhood cancers arrive and further developing therapies aimed at beating these cancers. CURE’s investment paid off last year with an exciting discovery of a new target in cancer cells. Finding a way to attack that new target could lead to improved treatments for children with leukemia and other cancers.

Additionally, CURE funded scientists made significant progress in research relating to medulloblastoma, the most common brain tumor among children. This research uncovered a link between medulloblastoma and high levels of a gene known as wild-type p53-induced phosphatase or WIP1 (pronounced whip one). With CURE’s funding, scientists are working to establish why WIP1 seems to cause medulloblastoma in children and why WIP1 seems to protect cancer cells. A compound has been identified that appears to prevent WIP1 from working and seems to stop the growth of cells in test tubes. Our goal is to determine if the compound will be an effective therapy for children with this devastating form of brain cancer.

Discoveries that result in children’s lives saved take time, but they do happen. Thank you for being a part of significant discoveries that offer hope to children with cancer.

Of course, while working on scientific discoveries, CURE is focused on supporting the children battling cancer today and their families. Our efforts, outlined in the Annual Report, are aimed at addressing the critical and urgent needs of patients and their families because we believe families most need crisis oriented support.

Your generosity makes our work possible. We truly cannot thank you enough.

View the CURE Annual Report