Today we braved the world of Babies R Us – a huge step in getting ready for this baby! It was a little daunting, but allowed me to feel that at 23 weeks, I still have a few months to plan. Thank goodness!

Pregnancy Stats:

How Far Along – 23 Weeks

Size of Baby – Size of a Grapefruit

Gender – Boy

Total Weight Gain – Doc appointment set for next week.

What I Miss – Being able to do projects around the house without having to stop because I’m out of breath or the “non toxic” paint is getting to me.

Cravings – No cravings other than what has always sounded good to me – butter, bacon, eggs, and chocolate!

Symptoms – Moodiness, restless sleep, and I’ve noticed that sometimes my belly button really hurts!

Maternity Clothes – Nope

Worst Part of Pregnancy this Week – Answering the same questions over and over when meeting new people.

Best Part of Pregnancy this Week – Finally finding a stroller that is going to fit our family perfectly! It’s becoming more real every day.

WEEK: 23

MONTH: 6

TRIMESTER: 2

GENDER GUESS: Right now I’m wondering if it’s a boy.  A couple people said I was glowing and beautiful in a recent photo and that means it’s a boy.  And I have a girl name I love and a couple others I love as well, but not a single boy name that excites me.  And on the baby name forum I tend to click on way way way more girl name posts than boy.  This all worries me that I’m having a boy.  Which really, it would be wonderful of course, and I’ve heard that in general little boys are more cuddly than little girls.  But I would soooooo miss not being able to use my girl name, and sooooo miss the cute cute adorable girl clothes and pink and all that.  I’m so torn.  I feel like I would be happy with a boy but still be jealous then of anyone who had a girl – even though I already got my girl so I should just be happy with that!

BABY’S HOMEWORK THIS WEEK:  The baby is busy putting on weight this week, about 6 oz now every week! It’s slowly putting on more fat, and it’s organs, bones and muscles keep growing. The baby has eyelashes and eyebrows now, too, and probably some hair – although all the hair is white because the pigment hasn’t come in yet, so we wouldn’t be able to know yet what color hair it will have. (via What to Expect). Also, this week the baby is really working to prepare itself for breathing after its born. It’s lungs are producing something called surfactant that keeps the lungs from collapsing or sticking together when breathing, and blood vessels in the lungs are growing and developing more as well. And the baby is even making breathing-like movements and inhaling amniotic fluid in and out of its lungs! (via StrongMoms).

BABY’S SIZE: Baby is around 8 inches long (head to bum) and weights a little over a pound!!

BABY LOOKS LIKE: It’s such a little baby in there!

AND, here are a couple of the ultrasound photos from almost two weeks ago, baby was 21 weeks and 2 days old then (it already seems like it was so long ago and it wasn’t even two weeks ago):

BELLY PHOTO: I’m actually writing this at midnight on Tuesday morning, so I’m just now 23 weeks but haven’t taken my photo yet (will in the morning).  So I’ll attach my photo from last week, here is the belly at 22 weeks:

WEIGHT GAIN: Around 15 pounds I think, although I haven’t weighed myself since last week.  My belly is now 39 1/4 inches so it keeps growing between 1/4 inch and 1/2 inch per week it seems.  A total steady climb, which is both exciting and scary cause how big will I be at the end?!

SYMPTOMS: Little bits of acid reflux here and there, usually when I lay down but this last week it’s come here and there even when I’m vertical.  My stomach definitely feels heavy sometimes, after I’ve been standing or walking for awhile I just FEEL it and I want to sit down and give it a rest.  I need to start doing some prenatal exercises, I have a couple yoga DVDs that I should do.  And maybe start going to a chiropractor now, too.  I think I tend to let my shoulders hang forward instead of pulling them down and back, and it affects my whole belly.  I definitely feel weighed down when standing up from sitting (especially on he floor), and leaning over to pick stuff up on the floor is really hard without doing a weird squat, but it’s uncomfortable now to just lean over.  A couple times in the evening when sitting at my computer, or after working a whole day at a wedding, I have felt like my feet were just slightly swollen and I look at them with dread in case, but so far I haven’t seen any kankles or signs of them.  What else?  I just feel more pregnant.  A couple nights I’ve had the stuffed nose again.  Hardly any bleeding gums though.

Oh – this may mean something, I need to look it up.  I realized just this weekend that my leg hair right now isn’t growing as fast.  I shaved on Friday evening and on Monday evening I feel a little soft stubble but it’s nothing like the hard stubble that I usually get even the next day.  I don’t know if this favors a boy or a girl, I must investigate!  It’s really nice though!

This last week I have been feeling the baby much stronger than before!  I can even feel it on the outside now I’m sure!  J tried putting his hand on yesterday but he only has patience to wait for a minute and the baby didn’t move during that minute.  At the ultrasound two weeks ago, the baby was laying horizontal across my belly.  It’s head was on my left side, it’s spine curved down low with it’s bum resting low, and it’s legs stretched out to my right side.  I think it’s still in the same position, yesterday I was feeling strong kicks on the right side there, and I feel probably the hands and arms around my middle and usually down a little lower.  It’s so cool!!!  I love feeling the miracle of a baby moving inside me, it’s such an amazing and special thing!  And although we haven’t talked about it or officially decided, it’s likely that this will be my last pregnancy and that makes me sad that I’ll never feel this again.

CURRENT MOOD: Happy, content, loving being pregnant and my big belly and the miracle of it all!  And just under 4 months until my due date now!  I’m happy I’m feeling as good as I am, although a little scared that some of the things, like the weight of my belly and difficulty bending over and such, didn’t happen until around 28 or 29 weeks with Elsa.

Also, and this may be weird to some people, but I’m worried that this baby is going to have a flat forehead.  Granted, the ultrasound tech was only able to show me the profile one time cause the baby had it’s little head so pressed against the placenta, but compared to Elsa’s ultrasound (and coming out with) a wonderfully perfectly rounded little forehead, this baby’s ultrasound photo shows a very flat forehead.  I need to make an appointment for around 32-34 weeks for 3D and that’s one thing I’ll be paying very close attention to.

I’m getting so excited for fall, too!  I know it’s just the beginning of August, but I’m getting so excited for sweaters and long sleeves and the crispness in the air.  Well for me.  But then I think of all of Elsa’s adorable summer clothes that I love so much and I don’t want summer to be over just yet, and I think of all the fun she has at the parks, and that I want to take her to more splash pads and swimming and all that, and then I don’t want summer to be over yet.  So I’m very torn between total excitement about fall and totally not wanting summer to be over for Elsa!

One other thing with my current mood, although not related to pregnancy exactly.  I’m sad that I’m the parent who has to deal with all of Elsa’s bad behaviors and work on inserting discipline into our day and telling her no and all that stuff, and occasionally yelling when she purposely throws her plate after I tell her not to, etc.  Whereas J comes home and is so happy to see her and gives her little bits of fun daddy time and makes her laugh and he seems like the fun dad whereas I seem like the mean and not fun to myself sometimes.  It makes me feel so bad.  It makes me wonder if she’s going to find me so annoying in a couple years and J will be her favorite and the one she wants to be with.  I get that it’s normal, and J comes home and spends a little bit of time with us, and then is doing stuff or out working on building the garage or whatever, so it’s always me with her and he just pops in for fun, but it’s making me feel bad.  And I feel a little more irritable lately and have a little less patience and I don’t seem to be doing new and fun and creative things with her and it all makes me feel like such a bad and boring and not fun and blah mommy.  I feel like I say no too much, like I’m telling her not to do things or asking her to do things too much, and not making her laugh enough.  I need to pick her up and make her fly even if I’m tired and feeling weighed down by my belly.  I get on the floor and play with her, I talk to her all the time, I say words to her and emphasize words all the time, I praise her for new sounds or trying to say things, I try to work on letters sometimes and numbers sometimes and try to teach her to act certain ways and not act certain ways and all that, it’s just hard to know whether you’re doing a good job or not sometimes, whether I have a good balance of everything or not, whether I’m setting a good example and making her happy and being right about setting limits and telling her no.  I am having all these doubts about myself as a mom and I think it all is stemming from me feeling like I’m not fun enough and not exposing her to enough things, and seeing J come in and be sweet and fun with her and not have to be doing the no or discipline thing with her.  Maybe I’m too picky and am not letting her be a toddler enough and saying no too much?  I don’t know, but I’m very aware of my nervousness with not being a good mom.  We go on vacation tomorrow, driving to Michigan, so it will be nice to have a change of pace and something new, and she’ll be around her grandma and grandpa and even my brother and his family are coming, so I’ll also get to see how my brother and sister-in-law are with their two boys.  Elsa also doesn’t always give me a hug and kiss on request anymore and that hurts, I know it’s her age and she has other things she wants to do then, but it feels almost like, in my subjective mind, she doesn’t want to because I’m not a good mom.  Oh so emotional when I think about it.  I love that little girl with my whole heart plus some, I don’t want to be doing things wrong and I don’t want to be affecting now how she’ll feel about me later.  Anyway, I should move this to a new post, maybe when we get back I’ll copy and paste it to a new post and have new thoughts as well.  This is a complicated paragraph with no good answers but just my worries and feelings.

CURRENT FAVORITE FOOD OR CRAVING: I don’t think anything.  I finally drank some coffee this last week though!  Twice, and both times I mixed decaf and caf grounds together.  I think usually I’ll just make decaf but a little bit of caffeinated grounds mixed in now and then will be just fine.

DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS: Not for another couple weeks at least.  But I feel the baby lots so I’m not worried like I used to be!

BEST MOMENT OF THE WEEK: I think just all the moments where I have felt the baby this week, such stronger movements, it’s so wonderful and amazing!

WHAT I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Hitting 27 weeks so there’s a 50/50 chance of survival if the baby were born early, and to watching the weeks tick by after that knowing that every week the baby gets bigger and stronger and the chances of it surviving go up just in case.

WHAT I’M MISSING: I don’t think I’m super missing anything right now.  Maybe sleeping on my stomach but I can sometimes still manage to feel like I am, at least for a little bit, by raising my leg up so high so it lifts my stomach off the bed when I twist a little more towards the bed that way.  Sometimes now it actually bothers me but sometimes it still works!  And I’m doing better with just sleeping on my side actually, too!

In fact, I almost never eat any kind of fast food. Not only is it horribly unhealthy, but I can’t imagine that the kitchen of any global corporate food chain staffed by wage slaves is up to my standards of hygiene. Oh, and I’m morally opposed to any business that treats food resources—especially animals—strictly as commodities, devaluing their inherent worth in the name of maximizing profit.

But for some reason as I drove by this combination Popeye’s/ Dunkin’ Donuts on the south end of Prospect Park, I became possessed. All I could think about was fried chicken and a cold Coke.

And that, friends, is what I guiltily ordered and took home with me. Bonus: at $4.12 for two pieces of chicken, a biscuit, and a “small” (read: huge) soda, this was possibly the cheapest lunch I have ever eaten.

And, with apologies to the earth and Mother Nature, it was…delicious. And I will probably never do it again. The end.

I just came across a random blog written by a new mom, and I (of course) clicked through all her old pregnancy posts. She seemed kind of cool and I was this close to adding her to my Google Reader, until I noticed a theme:

She was obsessed with her weight. Not post-partum, but while she was growing a baby. To the degree that she went on a gestational diabetes diet even though she didn’t have gestational diabetes.

What’s worse—she uploaded pictures of herself at every stage. And she looked fine. FINE. Like, “what an adorable pregnant woman!” fine. Distinctly not a whale (although I have to admit, I find whale-sized pregnant women adorable, too).

WTF? In the comments (which are half the fun of any blog), nobody called her out for being a psycho. In fact, many people shared their own pregnancy experiences, in which they were super-healthy (all lean meats, veg, whole grains, and fruit) except for the occasional “guilty” indulgence every few days.

Now, I always think of myself as a healthy eater. I eat something sweet every day, but I also eat my weight in vegetables every week.

But since getting pregnant? I eat ice cream every freaking single day. Sometimes more than once a day. And you know what? I DON’T CARE. It’s my only source of sugar during the day, it’s loaded with calcium, it’s hot as shit outside, and I am craving dairy. Sometimes that ice cream is actually low-fat frozen yogurt, but more often than not it’s straight frozen cream. Don’t care.

And to be honest, I kind of thought most pregnant women were like me. As long as they’re healthy, their babies are healthy, and they’re gaining weight at an acceptable clip (I’m 23 weeks along and have gained 10lbs, mostly in my bra), why not give in to the cravings when they come up?

There are so many other things you have to give up when you’re making a baby. Don’t start dieting now, for chrissakes.

Well,the school year is almost over, give or take a day or two..just had a rainy Sports Day,  with an Olympic Theme of course! But fun was had by one and all regardless of rain, and ooodles and oodles of medals! ( Yes, I did get a medal..Gold no less…it wasn’t a three-legged race either! ) I didn’t actually compete, hee, hee, hee – it was just an award for staff members, for their help in organizing the events.

I have been attending this schools Sports Days for a very, very long time…my daughter was four when she was a pupil here, at the  school where I now work, she will be 20 in 7 days time! When did that happen? Scary stuff! I feel so old!

Like I said..Time Flies..

Here I am thinking about Christmas Designs, stop groaning! It will be upon us before we know it, I know, I know, we haven’t really had summer yet! But it’s kind of inevitable, in about 23 weeks time, that’s about 161 days it’ll all be over! Christmas that is! Summer has well and truly done a runner, as it were!

So, I’ve been looking at images and ideas for Christmas Cards and Gift Tags and no its never too early!

In fact my sister and other members of my family secretly ( ..and yes,it’s a very BADLY kept secret -  I’ve known this for a while now! ) take bets as to when I’ll send my first card out….handmade, of course!

Take a look at my workspace ! Its strange, but true, I actually work better like this!

Whilst I’m busy creating I sometimes do forget to eat! So, when my daughter ( all grown up, back from uni for the summer, ‘What summer would that be, then?’ ) is around, the cooking is mostly left to her! Makes me sound like a horrid mother, I know, but she does enjoy cooking !

This is what I was presented with last night! Mussels in white wine, served with tagliatelle…mmmmmmmmmmmm

On that note, I shall retire for the evening, shattered after todays Sports Day..

Goodnight

Kaytrina♥

So I’m housing a friend’s six-month-old Boston terrier for the weekend, and it’s making me reconsider parenthood.

Doooon’t get me wrong. I love her. She’s sweet, she makes me laugh, she keeps things interesting. She gets me out of the house.

But I can’t get anything done! Between making sure she’s comfortable/ not destroying anything in my house and going out for walks 3-4 times a day, I’m having a really hard time taking back my mental and physical energy and focusing on the stuff I want to get done.

Like cleaning. And building websites. For money. So I can continue to have a place to clean. Oh, and thinking about my actual child, whose kicks I haven’t even noticed since I picked up Ms. Terrier from her dad’s house. (Is this what it will be like to be pregnant while caring for a small child?)

I’ve never had a dog before. Maybe by Sunday I’ll have figured it out and will emerge slightly more prepared for the challenge of making sure my child is comfortable/ not destroying anything while actually getting other things done.

Baby size and random info: Baby can sense movement and sounds! Baby is about 11 inches long and over a pound.

Symptoms: Swelling like a balloon. It’s definitely a mix of all the extra blood in my body, the salty foods I’ve been munching on lately, and being in a different elevation. I hope it goes away soon. I’m not liking it at all. Haven’t felt too nauseated lately though! My nails are growing long and strong. I feel a bit wobbly still like I waddle. I have a residual pain in my lower abdomen…from my running? Otherwise feeling really good.

How I’m feeling: I get tired a lot quicker than I used to. I tend to walk a bit slower than those around me. Emotionally, I am a bit better than I was in the previous weeks. I don’t maintain snacks throughout the day like I should and tend to get a bit woozy from it.

Week’s highlights: Completely finished 2 tee shirt quilts and finished 1 new tee shirt quilt, ready for quilting by my aunt Janet. It was great to spend so much time with family at work. The 4th of July was so much fun with the bbq and fireworks. 

Boy or Girl? Girl as far as we know. 

Cravings: No major cravings this week. Been enjoying having fresh cherries and cantaloupe. 

Worries/Concerns: Vaguely concerned about my weight gain and only for the rate of the gain. A little nervous about getting to South Carolina and finding the OBGYN. 

Goals and what I look forward to: Our 3D ultrasound is tomorrow! Whoopee! I also look forward to working on more quilts this week. I look forward to narrowing down name choices as well. The baby shower is on Sunday, so I am excited for that. My sister and sister in law are so wonderful for putting it together. 

cravings & such:  nothing new to report.  i am the lamest pregnant lady ever!  where are these pickles and ice cream cravings that i have heard about.  come on baby girl, let’s get crazy and work on expanding that palate!

the bump:  yup.  i still have one.  and it is getting bigger…

cool & cute things:  baby girl’s sense of movement is well developed by now and can feel it when i move around.  apparently i should have private dance parties with her.  we’ll see about that.  but, if you happen to witness my swaying or doing the macarena, you’ll know why.  baby girl is 11 inches long and weighs over a pound.

new things:  blood vessels in the lungs are developing to prepare for breathing.  and, the inner ear is fully formed so she can hear whatever i hear [but not at the same level].  which would explain why she gets her in-utero groove on whenever i play music.

meaningful moments:  another doctor appointment [we are on the monthly appointment scheduled now].  being reassured that you are doing well.  hearing your heartbeat again.

the countdown:  119 days to go!

current size: weighs as much as a large mango

The thing is, I don’t usually mind being hot.  The temperature isn’t making me uncomfortable in and of itself, I think.  It’s just that after doing two errands, I came home and was nauseous.  I drank about 26oz of cold water and took an hour and a half nap, but I was still nauseous.  My energy is sapped.  And while sitting upright I can feel my feet swelling.

Welcome to Pregnant Summer 2012.

Except that HOPEFULLY tomorrow evening we will finally have our air conditioning units installed.  Thank Gd we have ceiling fans in every room, and our apartment faces both east and west so we get good cross-ventilation.  I also have a jumbo standing fan that is helping move air from the cool side to the hot side, which changes depending on the time of the day.

I’m going to take a cool shower before bed, another one in the morning, and probably another one or two tomorrow (it’s supposed to get to 100 degrees tomorrow plus high humidity).  I’m freezing water bottles and making lots of ice, and I plan on buying popsicles and stuff.  I’m also going to put ice in the cat water because I feel bad for them, being so furry and not being able to sweat and all.  Lucy has been lying on the bathroom tile.

Brain is sapped.  Cold shower time.

Weight Gain: At least 24 pounds, but the scale is packed somewhere!

Maternity Clothes:  All the time.  I bought some new things and had to get a size up in order to accommodate my bump!  I’m getting big!!

Movement: Lots of movement now.  You can see my belly jiggle from the outside!

What I miss: My hips not hurting when I wake up in the morning…  I can’t wait to go back to yoga.  I do hip circles and some stretches in the morning and eventually they recover.

What’s up with my body:  I don’t feel huge but when I see pictures of myself (or in the mirror, but it’s packed so I haven’t seen myself) I feel like I look huge.  And I feel like my belly is growing exponentially.  The Hunger has really kicked in, and it takes a lot to satiate it, especially in the middle of the day.  I ate an entire 12″ pizza by myself the other day (I was supposed to take home half for later).  Also I have this weird pain in my left rib, and I can’t tell if it’s from Banana’s position or something else, but I often have to lean to the right just to sit comfortably.  Heartburn has also kicked waaayyy back in.  In general, though, I still feel great!!

What’s up with the Babies:  They are between grapefruit and cantaloupe sized – no wonder my belly is so big!  AND… only a few days before VIABILITY.  Which I am so excited about, because then we will finalize our registry and send it to our parents to distribute, so we can start receiving / buying / putting together baby stuff!

Genders: Boy and Girl!

Today’s picture features me posing in front of Box Mountain.  Our stuff just arrived in the new apartment.  We’ve stacked it all in the dining room so that it’s easier for me to access to unpack (although Mr. Brightside will have to bring them down for me in the morning).  There’s also a bonus second picture today, after the cut…

I’m so big I’ve started the Pregnant Lady Waddle.  I try not to do it but it’s so much more comfortable sometimes.

And a gratuitous picture of me with Lilly in my lap.  She really insists on sitting in my lap whenever possible, which is crazy because she really doesn’t fit.  But she tries anyway.  I never would have guessed she would be my snuggly kitty, but since getting Lucy she has gotten a lot snugglier, and especially since getting pregnant.

I mean, we are a family now.  The two of us plus two cats, it is a family.  But in a few months we will be a FAMILY OF FOUR.  Which is just nuts.  I go from being a couple to having as many kids in my new nuclear family as I had growing up.  It’s kind of overwhelming.  Sometimes I’m like, holy shit, I am NOT ready to be the mom of a four-person-family yet!  There are so many things I want to do before the kids get here!  OMG!  I never got to be in a roller derby! (This is something I’ve only thought about since getting pregnant, the roller derby thing, and it is a symbol of the ridiculousness this sometimes gets to.)

Then I’m like – we’re going to be a family!  We’re going to be more than just the two of us!  And some day those babies will be walking and talking, and we’ll go do fun things with them, and we will be a family.  And that is awesome.

Plus, if I REALLY want to be in a roller derby, I can do it once the kids are a little older.  Ha!

I have to remind myself sometimes, when I freak out like that, that having kids does not mean that *I* disappear!  Maybe for the very beginning I will get swallowed up by feeding and diapering and whatever.  But I can still go to yoga, and have friends, and make art, and we can still go on trips.  I will change but I won’t disappear.

Slight tangent: Since getting pregnant I haven’t had so many dreams as I usually do, but last night I had a dream I gave birth to three cat-humans, but one of them wasn’t alive.  So I ended up having to take care of two cat-humans, who looked exactly like Lucy and Lilly except with vaguely human features, and diapers on (they came out already diapered, isn’t that awesome?).  And I was like, uh… these are my kids?  And felt guilty because I totally thought they were the weirdest, ugliest babies ever.  Is it possible for a mother to think her babies are ugly?  I think my cats are the cutest but I would not want my babies to look like them.

Apple is measuring in as weighing 1 pound 5 ounces, lying right across the bottom of my uterus, head up.  His placenta seems to have migrated away from my cervix, which is great (it was partially covering it a month ago).  We got a funny picture of him, a good shot of his face with his fist under his chin, very thoughtful.  Big pinching-ready cheeks.

Banana is measuring in as weighing 1 pound 4 ounces, lying across the top of the uterus, also heads up.  She was facing my back so we didn’t get a good picture of her at all

Cervix is long and closed!

I looked up average baby weights and it looks like our babies are comparable an average 24 week singleton – a week ahead, according to this chart.  Pretty amazing for twins!  I’ve been eating like crazy lately and my belly seems to be growing exponentially, so that makes sense.

Basically, our big babies are tucked in tight.  Good news to go into the weekend!

So here I am a year later, 23 weeks pregnant with twins.  Crazy.

Twenty-three weeks pregnant.

That’s me, in the morning, twenty-three weeks pregnant.

One week away from viability.

I should be taking it easy, right?  Lying on the couch, my feet up, a cold drink in my hand, waiting for viability.  But instead I am on my feet, and packing, and trying to remember not to lift things.  I REALLY need to be more careful but I have such a hard time sitting still when people are moving around me.

This week has been a crazy week of endings and beginnings.  It’s not even over.  Tuesday was our “final” meeting for the retreat that happened Memorial Day weekend, the follow-up to make a list of suggestions for next year.  Wednesday was the final event for the fellowship I’ve been involved in, with 300 people to talk to about my project and explain that I’m on a break until next spring because of the behbehs but that I am excited to get their contact info and get in touch when I’m ready to start up again.  Tonight was my last night of music therapy, one of the best nights of therapy so far, in which I expressed anger and frustration at my therapists about how a lot of things in the last few months were handled and why I had a hard time opening up in the group since January.

My parents are here helping me and Mr. Brightside pack up the apartment, and then we move this weekend to our new two bedroom apartment in a non-Manhattan borough.  We’re not getting cable TV and instead will spend that money on a monthly cleaning service, starting asap.  It’s a major lifestyle change.  Not just the TV but also the kid-friendly neighborhood, and decorating the nursery finally, and nesting, and viability.

I can’t wait until next Friday, when I can say we have reached 24 weeks and if my babies were born they would try to save them.  Not that I want them to be born next Friday.

It’s almost 100 degrees here and I am loving it.  I’m pretty big and yes my feet do swell already but my body always feels better when I’m hot.  I’d rather sweat than shiver.  I feel good that summer is coming, or is already here, or whatever, because I feel my best in the summer.

Tomorrow I will be more careful with myself, less bending and packing and more sitting.  Plus tomorrow we have another ultrasound, where they will check my cervix and hopefully reassure me that everyone is locked in there tight.  Even though I feel like Apple is banging on my cervix constantly with his little fists.  Why won’t he turn around and bang on my belly instead??

I’m considering changing the name of my blog.  I think with wordpress you can change the name and url without somehow affecting the RSS feed.  I don’t want to start a new blog, because I feel like this past year has been so incredibly important to me.  And I also don’t want to start a new blog and essentially say good-bye to anyone who doesn’t want to follow me there.  But for now I’m not thinking about my PCOS, and assuming everything goes well it might not be top priority in my mind for a while.  So I’m thinking about changing the name, just a face-lift, but I’m not sure to what.

I can’t believe where I am now compared to last year at this time.  What I’m doing, what I’m thinking about, what I’m looking forward to.  It’s all very different from what I imagined.  I actually don’t know what I imagined, except that I’m sure it must have been different than what is happening right now.

I tried bonjela which she licked happily and then when she breast fed it made my nipple tingle (which was weird and not very pleasant) and she has been sucking her blanket, her rabbit’s ear and really anything else she can get to her mouth, mainly her fingers and her sleeves. She has also developed a wonderful new habit. Gone (on the whole) is the frequent gummy smile, and in its place is the new gum sucking smile. Hope looks like a Les Dawson old lady with no teeth parody when she does it which invariably makes me laugh, which is mean of me but she does look so comical.

sore gums grin – bless her with her new wry smile

She’s also loosing her hair (please please little tuft stay there) and is totally bald now at the back and her little bed after two days develops a dark patch where the stubble is rubbed off as soon as it comes through! We’ve been away for a few days with her Godmother and family (oh how Hope loved playing with her Godbrothers aged 6 and 4 … they treated her like one of them and chatted away and jumped around and presented her with all their toys it was an absolute delight to see… and I quite enjoyed time gossiping and setting the world to rights with Auntie Susannah and Uncle Adi).

happy playing with the boys

Then we went to see a friend in Gloucestershire who has been storing my father’s old possessions, his flat flooded before he died and everything was put in storage and latterly in my friend’s barn which he has now sold so it all needs sorting through. It was very bitter-sweet, deciding what to keep, what to give away, what to burn, what to recycle … tears and laughter and very dusty fingers rubbed in my eyes … Hope supervised from the other end of the room on her small pink throne and I told her stories of her Grandfather and read her bits of his letters and bits of the letters that his troublesome teenage daughter (me) had sent him years ago which he had kept … I was quite articulate once, and thin judging by the photographs he’d kept as well!!! We did also make it into the local town and a wonderful children’s clothes shop called Little Monkeys where we bought a hat (for when the sun comes out one day!!) She seemed to really enjoy wearing it while I was carrying her round (facing forward) in the carry pouch even though it’s big enough for next year too!!

happy girl in her new hat

Anyway, a long drive home (I love being able to glance over my shoulder and see her little tuft of hair sticking up above the car seat, if she’s awake it nods back and forth if she’s asleep it sticks straight up … it is also curling now) on a windy wet June evening last night and a slight lack of sleep for me (Hope slept all the way, got back, looked at me, fed then zonked) but today although it’s still blustery, the sun is out and the morning started wonderfully with Hope seeing her Granby for the first time for a week and staring intently, following her around the room with her eyes (oh which do appear to be changing colour slightly … more grey than blue now) before breaking into a huge joyful gurgle smile followed by sitting up against the pillow grinning her new funny grin. Then she did a huge nappy explosion and grinned even more broadly.

sleeve chewing in her throne chair

We went downstairs and she had great fun licking a tiny piece of toast into total mush (I’m letting her taste and lick things as a precursor to starting her on other foods alongside breast milk – so far tomatoes and soggy toast are favourites oh and curry … chicken tikka Ceylon to be exact, she doesn’t like pasta putanesca or cucumber).

She’s asleep now and sucking her gums loudly and I have to finish a bit of work, finish this, hang the washing out, dry my hair and think about eating something!!!

sucking her fingers

23 weeks, 120 more days to go (give or take a few).  I don’t have any really fun new photos this week so I thought it might be good to put a photo from one of the pregnancy websites I read.

Baby Size:  CLL is about 11.5 inches long and a full pound at least!  Food comparison this week is a large mango.

Fun Facts:  CLL now has a clear sense of movement-aka I’d better get interested in some dancing or at least some serious moving around!  The baby can now hear loud noises.  S/he will likely already be used to dogs barking since I’m at the dog run almost every day and will hopefully hear the music I’ve been playing while I work during the day.  In last weeks post I wrote about how I was starting to notice my belly actually moving when the baby was kicking/moving and sure enough this is about the time that I would be able to see some movements.  I was actually feeling some pretty clear kicks (I think) and so I started poking around where I was feeling and the baby would kick back!  It was almost as if I was interacting with him/her already.  It was funny.

How I’m Feeling: Luckily I am still feeling great for the most part.  The only new symptom I have been having is what I think is round ligament pain.  It’s been happening around mid-morning for the past few days and a lot of times when I find myself headed to the gym and then into a good portion of my workout. The round ligaments are what surround your uterus in your pelvis. As my uterus grows during pregnancy, the ligaments will stretch and thicken to accommodate and support it.  From what I’ve read, the pain should be short lasting but lately I’ve been feeling them off and on for about 15/20 minutes and then slightly achy after for a while.  I am going to keep an eye on it and definitely talk to my doctor about it at my next appointment.

I have been trying to keep on top of my baby reading, although I did take a short break to read the 50 Shades trilogy.  I’m back on baby books now and I thought I’d share what books I’ve been reading and some that are on my list to read.

The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy was given to me by my friend Caitlyn and I had also bought it for myself.  It was a quick and easy read.  It was the first book I read when I found out I was pregnant and I found it to be a gentle introduction to pregnancy without being too technical or scary.  I highly recommend it!

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth has been a very informative read.  Although it is a bit one-sided in its views, I have found it to be inspirational.  M and I are hoping for a natural birth and reading the stories in the book have given me faith that I too will be able to attempt what my body was made to do.

The Natural Hospital Birth has been very helpful to me in planning our own hospital birth.  It gives great tips on the process of planning to have a natural birth at a hospital.  The book even gives sample birth plans, which I used to help create my birth wish list.

The Happiest Baby on the Block was given to me by a friend and I’m so excited to read it.  I’ve heard amazing things and I will definitely report back after I’ve finished it.  There is also a DVD to go with it, which I will watch with Mach.

I am making my way through The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding but not quite finished.  I want to read it to closer to the birth so I can have the tips fresh on my mind for when the baby arrives.  It’s a big book with lots of great tips, advice and recommendations for breast-feeding.  I have heard stories about woman having a very difficult time with it and other stories that the baby has latched on right away and it was a breeze.  I want to be prepared either way!

This past weekend Mach and I spent Friday night with some yummy takeout food and a movie.  The movie was The Business of Being Born.  I had heard amazing things about it and it truly was eye-opening in a lot of ways.  Mach and I have already made a decision about our path for labor and delivery and we know things can change at any time due to unforeseen circumstances, but this movie just solidified our decision to try to have as natural a birth for our baby as possible.  I’d encourage everyone to watch this movie no matter what kind of birth you’ve had/are planning to have.  It’s just an interesting documentary about the business behind it all.

Today we hit 24 weeks, the beginning of the 6th month! Unbelievable!! But first, a 23 week recap (that is pretty much a pregnancy-workout recap because everything is still going GREAT!)

Workouts

I mentioned last week that I’m loving working out while pregnant! I walk to class 5 days a week, and that gets me in 40 minutes of walking per day! That’s pretty much the only form of “cardio” that I’m doing, and I still feel a little silly calling it cardio because it doesn’t feel quite the same as running, but it’s what feels good! Walking routes with HILLS is so fun yet challenging at the same. My walk to and from school is flat (thank goodness), but it is fun to visit the Arboretum or to walk in the hilly neighborhood when we go home to visit our families on weekends.

Aside from walking, I’ve been pretty good about getting in 2 weight lifting sessions per week! I learned a lot of great exercises when I did the LiveFit trainer, so it’s been pretty easy to make up an exercise routine!

When I do an upper body workout, I usually warm up a little bit on the treadmill (if we didn’t go to the gym right after I got home from class). Then, I usually do 3 sets of 12-15 reps of the following: Bicep Curls, Tricep Pushdowns, Bent Over Tricep Extensions, Rear Delt Fly (with resistance band), and Incline Chest Press. Sometimes I’ll add on a few Pilates-inspired moves or rows/lat pulldowns, but those are generally the exercises I go through on an upper body workout day. I only do legs once a week (if that), but I usually do squats, calf raises, abductor and adductor exercises and a bunch of SI Joint exercises (like the ones here: http://www.pilates-back-joint-exercise.com/si-joint-exercise.html). And I usually do 3 sets of 12-15 reps of each of those exercises as well. It just depends on the day and whatever weight I choose! I can assure you that my muscles are tired by the last few reps, but not overly so.

I’m also LOVING planks!!! I read on Fitnessista that you should do a combination for 10 second planks with a 3 second rest so that you’re really activating the muscles in your core. I like to vary the planks by doing some on elbows, some on my hands, and some on the bosu ball (elbows and hands). Depending on the day, I’ll do 10-20 planks (again, holding for 10 seconds with a 3 second rest).

The only body part I’m having trouble working out is my back. Most of the back exercises I know have you lie down on your belly, and I know baby girl doesn’t like being all smushed in there! I think I mentioned last week that bending over for more than a few seconds makes my lower back ache, so standing back extensions are out. I just need to do my research- I’ll report back!
Of course, if you’re pregnant- check with your doctor and do what your body is comfortable with. I’m fairly certain that a few months from now, my workout routine will not look the same, and I intend on doing whatever makes me (and baby girl) feel good!

So that probably wasn’t too exciting, but Daniel and I did see my family this weekend (and we ate a lot of ice cream!)

Weeks 14-18

Weeks 19-23

Weeks 24-28

Weeks 29-31

My mother-in-law offered to buy us a stroller. Since I had already bought one for the infant days, we went ahead and picked out the Appletree green Joovy Kooper for when this little wee one is large enough to hold himself upright.

Both families are planning showers. It looks like I’ll have both of them in August; one at the beginning of the month and one at the end. We hope to do a bunch of registering next week. B normally hates shopping but enjoys picking things out for registries so we’ll have a good time.

I started cleaning out the craft room/BBQ’s room to get it ready for painting. The rep from the painting company came over on Wednesday and said he’d be sending a quote by email. I haven’t heard anything from him yet but I’ll give it a few more days.

I also started painting the new baseboards that B bought to replace the ones we threw out during out kitchen remodel. We are getting very excited to see this project come to an end! I’ll be especially excited when the cats cannot get their toys or food stuck between our wood floors and the wall.

Since a picture is worth a thousand words, here is something to fill in all the dead space in this post:

As the temperature rises and my belly expands, I’m finding it harder and harder to fit into any of my “normal” clothes.

This comes as no real surprise, being that I’m almost 24 weeks pregnant with 2 little humans (and measuring 28!)… But it’s still a bit of a downer. I have so many cute & comfy summer dresses that will get absolutely no use this year. Boo-hoo, right? Thing is, 95% of my wardrobe consists of dresses. So now that I can barely squeeze myself into them, I’m pretty much… um… Wardrobe-less?

So the only logical thing to do now is buy maternity clothes — which I would be okay with except for the simple fact that I DON’T WANNA DRESS LIKE A MOM!!

I don’t know if I’m just looking in the wrong stores (Target, Kohl’s, Macy’s, etc.), but holy crap are maternity clothes UGLY. Not to mention the fact that they seem to just lump them in with the plus sized clothes, so I can never tell which is which.

Perhaps I was just naive, but I always imagined myself wearing cute little maternity dresses with fun prints and cute bows tied lovingly above my growing belly. I’m not sure where I expected to find such cuteness, but they certainly don’t exist in any maternity department that I’ve come across. Instead, I find over-sized, totally unflattering “dresses” that look more like this:

…cos what pregnant woman *doesn’t* want to resemble Fat Homer?

I have a feeling that unless I want to spend a ton of money (that I don’t have) on some sort of specialty maternity site, I’m going to be stuck looking like Fat Homer until these babies come out.

It’s going to be a long summer…

See? Nothing to wear…

23 weeks growing baby!

This was the week that was all about changes! It is amazing the amount of changes that go on during these months. The time is ticking by and golly have I been feeling it! I feel like this time is going by so quickly that I barely have the time to think about what is going on. I don’t like that part- I need to make a point to be journaling more and keeping track of what is going on with my body, life, and all things baby. I feel like some of them would be boring though because I haven’t had any cravings (except Chocolate Coconut Almond Butter but I have a feeling that isn’t pregnancy related.) or adverseness to anything. I’m pretty boring

I have been growing SO much and it is becoming quite noticeable to those around me.  Since I spent the first 18/19 weeks hiding it- the growth is coming quickly now. There is one particular little one that keeps bumping into my tummy- it’s so cute because I think he is just as shocked that its there as I am. (he is one that I have taught for two years in a row and I feel like he could be my own kid!) I feel my stomach stretching and to be completely honest, it hurts. I mean it’s not like “holy cow…. I can’t go on.” But the slight pain is definitly a reminder that I am not the same Julie that I was only months ago. But that isn’t a bad thing. 

I have been spending the past few months trying to live as completely normal as possible. Working out 5-6 days a week with some pretty great intensity, eating the way I normally would (plus more protein! and water!); no eating for two for this girl!, and trying to keep up with my regular schedule and life as long as I possibly can. Being tough, you know. Yep, really tough. Just kind of shaking off the changes that are tough and keep trucking on. 

However, I realize that THINGS ARE CHANGING! 

My body is telling me that I’m crazy for doing things the same way I was only months ago. I am embracing these changes and just growing this little one the best I can.

Top 3 Changes so far. 

• My body not being MY body. I no longer own my body.
• Absolutely everything I do affects the little one I love and affects my decisions on EVERYTHING.
• Food drops on my tummy instead of the floor when I miss my mouth. I’m a mess. (silly but so true!)

Still loving this journey and blessed to my very core to be carrying this little one!

Up next:

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**Monster Cookie Dough Dip**

Monster Cookie Dough Dip! Heck to the YES!

I was inspired by an incredibly unhealthy dip recipe to twist it into something healthy. …. Success was mine!! YAY! 

Nathan's First Pair of Jordans

23 weeks has come and gone and now I am 24 weeks pregnant and my belly is HUGE.  It is definitely bigger than my butt now and thankfully my butt has remained about the same size

24 Weeks Belly Shot!

Within the past couple of weeks I’ve experienced quite a few new things:

• At week 23 I had really bad swelling of hands at feet
• By week 24 the swelling was very minimal and only noticeable in my feet at the end of the day
• Between 3 am and 4 am I wake up to a kicking baby who moves around non-stop for about half an hour
• Nathan’s little jabs can now be felt around my belly button instead of just my lower abs
• Speaking of my belly button,  it is slowly starting to pop out
• Difficultly finding a comfortable sleeping position even with my Snoogle
• 95% of the time I am overly happy
• 5% of the time … I am annoyed or upset at something

That 5% thankfully doesn’t happen everyday.  When that 5% hits, I become a lot more direct,  impatient and annoyed.  Once,  I got so annoyed that I became frustrated to the point where I started to tear.  Then,  those tears turned into uncontrollable sobbing.  At that point, all I knew was that I had to let it all out in order to get past it.   It was the strangest feeling and I’m glad it hasn’t happened again.

Do whatever you got to do to me little buddy in my belly.  Daddy and I love you so much that together we can handle it

Nathan says, "Hi friends!"

Truly Blessed,

Cat

I have been wanting to write this for a long time. But as I’m sure some of you may know, writing the birth story of an angel can be quite the task. So many things you want to say and express. So much you want people to feel and understand. All needing to be wrapped into a pretty box of words tied with love. I’ll do my best to make this birth story worthy of an angel. Evelyn Juliet was to be my rainbow baby. You see we lost a little girl this past October at 23 weeks. My sweet Lainey Grace. Three months after loosing Lainey I discovered I was pregnant. Oh the joy and instant fear I felt. Regardless I praised God while sitting on that bathroom floor, tears streaming down my face, staring at those two pink lines. God answered my prayers. He gave me the chance to start over, the chance to be a mommy again. Weeks went by and everyday I worried. I prayed God would let me keep my baby, let me bring my miracle home. As I passed my 23wk mark I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought “This is really going to happen!”. I started getting excited. Ordered a Girasol Amitola wrap for my rainbow baby. A rainbow wrap for my rainbow baby. What is more perfect than that?? I began looking at cloth diapers and even ordered my first newborn fitted! It was finally starting to set in. Soon I would be co sleeping with my baby, waking up every few hours to breastfeed, make baby food in a few months. My excitement was welling up inside me. My life was to be joyous and complete! My joy came crashing down ever so quickly I’m afraid. I’m not sure when my angel stopped moving. I’m guessing Monday morning August 8th 2011. I knew something was wrong but denial can be such a strong emotion. Tuesday morning I told my husband we needed to head to my midwife. It was like deja vu all over again. The drive to my midwife, the nervous wait in the waiting room, the silent search for a heartbeat and then the dreaded ultrasound. “I’m sorry Chelsea but it looks like we aren’t seeing anything”. My world burst into flames right at that moment. No, this can’t be. I cant do this again, I just can’t! But it was happening and I couldn’t stop it. We headed home to find a babysitter and pack our bags. At that point there were no tears. Just pure numbness. After a few hours we were headed to the hospital. When we got there they hooked me up to the monitor to see my contractions. I was already having a few mild ones off and on. They inserted some cervadil and I was given sleeping medication to ease my troubled mind. Now to sleep and wait. The next morning I woke up and the cervadil was removed. All was the same. No dilating, no intense contractions. So they started me on cytotec. A dose every 6hours. Time ticked by, slowly but yet fast all at once. Contractions started to pick up but I was still fairly comfortable. Friends and family began calling but my heart couldn’t bare conversations. I did have a wonderful friend come visit me. She was such a blessing. She brought me a huge bag of organic produce, two outfits for the baby (we were team green and didn’t know what we were having) three different size cloth diapers, a hand print box/frame, my newborn diaper I had ordered, and more. I don’t believe I will ever be able to express to Emily the joy she brought to me in that hospital. Such small things meant so much and left an unmeasurable imprint on my heart. The sweet words she spoke over me and the love and comfort of her presence. Of God’s presence. I will never forget it. Emily also contacted a friend of hers to come be our photographer. Oh Mary Anne. What can I say about her that haven’t already said. She was beyond amazing. Mary Anne practically acted as my doula, making sure my request were fulfilled by the nurses and taking care of my needs. She was also very much like a mother. She read scripture to me, laughed with me and also brought me a beautiful bathing suit top and angel wings necklace that I cherish with all my heart. I could feel God’s spirit in that room with us. He held my husband and I as we wept and kept us close to his heart. Without him I wouldn’t of had the strength to go threw it all. My pastor came and prayed with us as well. He gave my husband the shirt off his back (literally). We hadn’t planned on the possibility of being there more than one night so my husband had been wearing the same clothes for two days straight. The nurses continued to give me cytotec. At around the 4th dose they decided to up my dose by giving it to me every 4 hours as opposed to every 6 hours. My midwife also broke my water in hopes of getting a kick start with labor. After my water was broke they brought in the birthing tub and began to fill it up. By then my contractions were becoming rather painful. I waddled over to the tub and got in. It felt oh so nice. I was filled with joy and sadness all at once. Finally I was able to have my beautiful waterbirth but sadly not under the circumstances I had imagined. After 3 contractions my angel was born at 3:05 pm on 08.11.11 weighing 2lbs 13 oz and was 15 1/2 in long. The nurses immediately wanted to know the gender of the baby. I said “A boy….oh wait, no, a girl! A GIRL!! Evelyn Juliet” At that place and time I burst into tears. Why God? Why take another princess from me? Don’t I get to be a mommy to a little girl on earth? Don’t I get to dress her in pink dresses with bows and ribbons in her hair? Why is this happening? I stared at her for hours. She was breathtaking. Beautiful beyond words. We gave her a bath and I put her small yellow preemie happy heiney diaper on. I then wrapped her onto my chest and closed my eyes. I began praying for God to help me, to give me strength during this time as I was so broken and weak. Her daddy wanted to hold her so I took her off and dressed her in the cutest outfit. He held her for hours, staring at her, kissing her, telling her he loved her. We prayed over her and told her we loved her so much and I made sure to give her at least 3 kisses before she left my arms. I wish I would have given her more. We said goodbye and they took her away. After that we began packing and getting ready for the journey home. Every day since then has been a struggle for me. All I can do now is lift my sorrow and pain to God and have faith he will heal all wounds. I know my sweet Evie loves is in heaven with her sister, playing and being surrounded by love. I miss her look forward to the day I can hold her again.