Science needs to come up with a pregnancy test that is accurate 1 DPO becaue this 2WW is absolutely maddening!   I think that I ovulated last Thursday, which means that taking a test on Christmas is basically out of the question as it will only be about 8 DPO and that is way too early to test.   So not only do I have to wait through Christmas, I have to wait about 3-4 extra days also.    My goal is to hold out on testing until 12/29, hubby’s birthday, but I seriously doubt I’ll be able to wait that long!    Hopefully I won’t lose my mind in the meantime.

Wow, the most amazing thing just happened! As I was writing my last post a beautiful hawk landed in the tree outside our window. I can honestly say, as city dwellers, this has never happened before. I’m so happy that Jeremy was able to get a photo of it.

It was so big, beautiful and amazing. Just the wake up call that I needed. I googled “symbolism of a hawk sighting” and found the following from this website.

In representation to humanity, the hawk is called messenger, protector and visionary. Keen vision is one of its greatest gifts. Hawks see things others miss.

The hawk comes to you indicating that you are now awakening to your soul purpose, your reason for being here. It can teach you how to fly high while keeping yourself connected to the ground.

As you rise to a higher level, your psychic energies are awakening and the hawk can help you to keep those senses in balance. Its message for you is to be open to hope and new ideas, to extend the vision of your life.

The Hawk is an animal of flight. It soars through the air looking down, and sees everything. It has a larger perspective of what is going on down below. With its keen eyesight, it looks down as it soars through the air looking for its prey. It can see the smallest of creatures below.

The Hawk is known as a messenger, similar to the planet Mercury, for the hawk soars close to the Grandfather Sun, as does the planet. When you listen to the power of the Grandfather Sun or Wise Spirit that lives within, you are protected from all types of harm.

The Hawk teaches you to be observant and take a close look at your surroundings. It soars with the power to overcome difficult situations. It soars in circles over the life of the earth, asking you to circle over your life and view it from a higher perspective.

The Hawk has a distinct cry, one that most people are aware of. Its cry signifies awareness. If you hear the cry of the hawk use your intuitive ability to discern the message and seek the truth.

If a hawk has soared into your life, you require a higher perspective. You need to see the details of what is going on and look at the bigger picture. Take a look at your situation from above.

It’s not looking good. I’m 12 days past my IUI — only two more to go until I really know — but I spotted last night and this morning. Why does it have to be red! It’s like a red hot poker right into my heart. Hear that? My optimism train just left the station.

How does anyone keep their sanity through all of this? I know there are woman who suffer with infertility for years to no avail — I guess I’m still a novice. Wait, no, it’s been over a year since so I think that counts for something.

I recently read a blog about a woman who was purchasing a new calendar for 2010 and reminiscing on how this was her third one to track all of the unsuccessful steps & months of her trying to get pregnant. I guess I’ll be needing another one after this month too. A new calendar to help me keep track of my cycle. Stars for the days I should ovulate, circles for the days I should get my period, and now Xs for when I need to take my shots. As each day, each month and each year passes, my heart gets heavier.

Okay, pity party over. After a good cry and a nice talk with my true love, I feel better. Life is a journey and this part of mine is in the valley right now. But I’m lucky to have the greatest partner by my side and we’ll be making it up that mountain again soon.

English translation: “the waiting game.”

It’s been 10 days since the IUI — only 4 more days ’til I can officially test. This has been the longest 10 days ever! I keep thinking how quickly our 2 week honeymoon in France seemed to fly by. How I wish I could have spent the last 10 days there looking over the mediterranean.

I’m hanging in there though. The most frustrating thing is that my boobs have been super sore for the past 5 days. And when I say “super sore” — I mean “SUPER SORE!” I read that the side effects of the Ovidrel shot are the same symptoms of pregnancy. That’s just a cruel. They say it can take up to 10 days to go through your body so I’m wondering if they will stop hurting in the next few days. Which, again, messes with your head — “is that a good thing or a bad thing that my boobs aren’t sore anymore? “

Only time will tell. I need to move on with my week and focus my energy onto something better. Like studying for my real estate license exam.

Seulement quatre jours supplémentaires!

Ok so now its time to play a little game of spot the difference.  It’s a game that is impossible to avoid during the 2ww.  The past few days have been spent reflecting and drawing up comparisons or differences between this IVF cycle and my previous ones. 

The biggest one is if I can make it through today without any blood then this will mark the biggest difference for me as it will mean I’ve past the point where I started bleeding with previous IVFs.  Of course this means nothing really as it is probably all the meds that I’m on thats holding back AF and it definitely does not mean I’m pregnant.  So remind me, what was the point in playing this game again?

Other things that I’ve done differently this time are:

1) Taking it EASY.  I am a person who is easily filled with guilt so it has not been easy to step away from my busy job and life and let my husband pick up the slack.  But I did it and I’m super glad I did. 

2) Acupuncture.  I had acupuncture just before and immediately after transfer and it is the first time that I havent had horrible cramping immediately after transfer.  I don’t know what this means but I never felt it was right on previous IVFs that my body seemed like it was rejecting the embryo seconds after it was put back.  Any time over the past few weeks that I’ve felt myself getting carried away with my over active brain I’ve imagined myself back at that acupuncture table and pictured my zen being beautifully aligned.  I don’t even know what it means to have your zen aligned but hey, don’t argue with what works right?

3) Flare Protocol.  This is a new protocol for me and it was supposed to be ideal for low responders like me.  Not that it went according to plan, as it very nearly turned into a disaster at retrieval but, whatever. 

4) Double trigger.  This was supposed to overcome the fact that last time my eggs were hard to retrieve and I had a lot of ‘empty’ follicles.  I don’t think it helped as we still only ended up with only one egg, but who knows maybe we wouldn’t have had that single egg if it wasn’t for the double trigger?  Imagine zero eggs, that would be so much worse.

5) Extra meds.  Post transfer I have been taking heparin injections twice daily (to assist with implantation and blood clotting issues), Dexamethasone (to cancel out any undiagnosed auto immune issues that may be lurking), Estradoil Valerate  three times a day (to keep my E2 levels up).  As well as this I’ve also been on the normal regime of high dose folic acid, progesterone pessaries three times a day, pregnancy multi vitamins and fish oil caps.  Will they help?  I don’t know but it has been worth it for me to at least give these drugs a chance.  I feel like we are trying everything we can with this cycle and that has helped me not slip into the depths of paranoia during this 2ww.

But all the analysing and comparing in the world does not give me the answer I really want.  And now that BT day looms closer I find myself wishing it would never come.  I am so scared of a negative result that I would rather stay here in ignorant land than get a negative result.  I have a conditioned response to the words “blood test” and just the thought of waiting in the room to get my blood drawn brings back all the previous times I’ve sat in that same room over the past 4 years.  Medlab should do something for repeat customers like me, surely they could find an incentive programme that would make going there less gloomy.  Maybe if they stamped a card each time I went there and after 10 visits I got a free hamper like this one here then it would feel less depressing!

PS – Still sending good luck and loving hugs to my cycle buddies Hope Springs & Shell.  And also sending strength and massive congratulations to Sonja who just saw 4 heart beats in her first scan!!! FOUR.

Disclaimer: This entry contains information regarding our adventures with trouble trying to conceive. Feel free to skip over if you wish to avoid too much information regarding my reproductive parts. I won’t blame you. I’d rather skip this stuff, too.

I confess to peeing on six pregnancy tests this cycle. Two of those tests were done way too early, but four of them were fairly timely.

All were negative.

Pissed at pissing away money on tests that didn’t really gave answers but only chipped away at the hope I tried desperately to keep, I headed into the RE’s office today for the more definitive blood test.

Negative.

Plus, I’ve started spotting. That was the other thing keeping the hope alive. I never start a period without spotting first, and there was nothing in site till after I left the RE’s office.

I think I scared my uterus into finally giving me some answers.

The nurse who called to give me the negative results kindly informed me to come back in for more bloodwork in a couple days if I hadn’t started my period. I don’t know if that meant there was still a shred of hope on their end or if that meant I could be facing an issue with a not-starting period and no pregnancy to keep it from started.

I don’t believe the first is an actual option. It just doesn’t seem possible with all the signs pointing to an unsuccessful cycle. In that case, I hope, hope, hope the second option is one I don’t have to think about. I’ve been there, done that far too many times with the absent period for no good reason, and while I do love the side effects of the drug prescribed to induce bleeding, I DO NOT WANT TO GO THERE AGAIN.

For each step forward we take, I feel like we’re taking a step backward. I can’t present good evidence to show the truth and validity in this, but that’s why I chose to say “I feel like,” rather than outright stating it as fact.

For what it’s worth, the facts remain that we did get pregnant; I respond well to the drugs; Rob does have great swimmers. There are a lot of factors in our favor.

But, still. I’m going there. That place where Bitter Infertiles linger and use to feed their anger toward the Fertile Myrtles. Are you ready?

Still, there are an insane number (millions? billions?) of couples who conceive completely on accident or on the first try. Many of those who wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am on their first try are even taking a mere stab in the dark with no knowledge or know-how of the science and precise dance that is conception.

Yet I’m taking drugs, eating (and avoiding) certain foods, being monitored, and every sexual event in this house is being timed (highly romantic), which includes having to avoid amorous behavior sometimes. And, still.

Still.

Nothing.

I’m ready for this cycle to end. I’m ready for the next to begin. I’m bummed out about this one, but I need to put it behind me, dust myself off and face the next round of hopes and dreams.

Disclaimer: This entry contains information regarding our adventures with trouble trying to conceive. Feel free to skip over if you wish to avoid too much information regarding my reproductive parts. I won’t blame you. I’d rather skip this stuff, too.

I do it. I don’t see the point in it, and I’d rather not, but I compare myself with others. To be more accurate, I compare myself with other women who have no fertility issues.

To be perfectly honest, I’m not bothered by the fact that we’re facing fertility difficulties. Everyone faces their own difficulties, and everyone does what they can to overcome them. Do I wish I didn’t have to snack on meds and be shot up for my body to function as it should? Of course I do.

There are many aspects of my life I wish were less difficult, many hardships I wish I hadn’t experienced. The thing is, those are my experiences, and they’ve played a large role in who I am today. Plus, I like to think I’ve always come out on top, even if it took a while to climb up there.

But damn if I don’t feel left out. This business of infertility is rough. So many classify their feelings toward the so-called Fertile Myrtles as bitter. I classify mine more as longing.

It really does feel like being picked last for a team or group in grade school or maybe even like that group of students we see lined against the gym wall in “Sixteen Candles” at the dance – the kids no one has asked to dance.

Do I smell funny? Is there something on my face? In my teeth? Am I trailing behind me a toilet paper train stuck to my out-of-style shoe?

Oh, no. That’s right. My body just doesn’t work like it should.

That knowledge right there is just as good as finding out that, yes, I do in fact smell bad. Really, REALLY bad.

Tomorrow will be a month from when I started bleeding and found out the pregnancy I was getting excited about was ending.

What started out as an awful week ended even more horribly when my uncle passed away entirely unexpected.

The time I spent with my family in the week following his death retaught me a lesson I find so important that I had it tattooed on my ankle: Carpe diem. Sieze the day.

And so, rather than dwelling on what could have been with the pregnancy we lost, I switched my focus to what still could be.

It’s just too difficult and too exhausting to think about the pregnancy we lost, the ultrasound photo I could be looking at right now, the plans we could be making.

Life is too short to dwell on the past. I’ve known far too many people die far too young to feel an ounce of comfort with being anything but proactive.

I won’t lie and say it’s just a conscious decision I’ve made, to just pick up my sad bags and move forward. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I’ve discussed in the past how I’m an “out of sight, out of mind” type. I’ve had to cut myself completely off from seeing/hearing/thinking anything about what happens in the first trimester of pregnancy. I avoid all topics and the possibility of accidentally running into topics regarding that like the plague.

That makes for a sticky situation right now, as I’m in that most impatient phase of a TTCer’s cycle – the time when one’s waiting on two pink lines.

I’m hyper aware of my body and my various “symptoms” (some different and some quite similar to last cycle), but … I just don’t know. I don’t know if it’s anxiety because of where I could be right now if I were still pregnant or if it’s anxiety because of the distinct possibility that this cycle might be a bust. Hell, it could be an evil combination of the two.

In any case, I feel a lot like I’m riding a bicycle with no hands. Only, it isn’t that triumphant, double-fist-pumping feeling of victory when you finally get it right. It’s more of the wobbly, grab-and-let-go dance you do when you’re first learning. To be quite honest, it also feels like someone’s tied my hands behind my back because I can’t grab onto the bike to balance myself. Sometimes I fall flat on my face and cry, and other times I’m able to right myself for a few more feet without falling or grabbing on.

Yesterday I waited all day for the clinic to call me with the results.  By 3:30 I hadn’t heard anything (and their call line closes at 4, and you always have to wait about 15- 20 minutes to get through) so I decided to call.  After waiting for about 15 minutes a nurse gets on and says “I’m so sorry, the test came back negative.”  I said “ok” or something and then she said bye and hung up…she didn’t even give me a chance to breathe or remember that I need them to call in a refill for my Metformin.  I’m done with that place.  I don’t blame them for my not being pregnant, I just don’t like how they run things.

So December 18^th is our new start at a new clinic.  We’ll take a month or 2 off to get organized and get a little back in shape and then we’ll begin the IVF.  I have to be very hopeful about the IVF, cause after that I don’t think there’s anything left to try to have a baby that grows inside of me.  I could still be a mom, I know that – but IVF looks like our last shot.  I NEVER EVER NEVER thought it was going to come to this.

Is the strongest feeling I have right now.

I POAS (FRER for those who might be curious) yesterday, and for a second I thought I saw a line.

I looked again, and no, there wasn’t anything.

I kept looking, and almost convinced myself that there was the smallest imaginable suggestion of a colour change where the line should be. But no.

It was 9dp2dt, and it was a BFN. However much I tried willing it to be otherwise.

I haven’t tested since.

I flit between thinking ‘maybe’, and then ‘it’s just the crinone’.

I don’t know what I feel. I don’t think I feel pregnant. But then, what does pregnant feel like?

I might test tomorrow.

I might wait for my Beta / Period.

I might be pregnant.

I might not be.

Today is Friday, tomorrow is Saturday, the next day is Sunday, and the day after that I will know for sure.

Baby, please stay.

Thanks everyone for all of your positive comments!  I know I keep writing in the “maybe /maybe not” voice, but I have to incase things don’t turn out as planned.  I’m so close to Beta it’s driving me nuts!!!  How do we survive these 2WWs – it’s unreal!!!

Just last night I started to have some sore BB, but of course AF could be on her way –plus it only lasted for about 10 minutes…Think positive!  Think positive!

Today I got to work and during my bathroom break saw pink on the TP – I started to cry.  I know it could be implantation bleeding, but I’ve had this happen right around this day every other time and the results have not been so great.  Now tonight it’s red on the TP – not happy.

I went out and bought that ornament I love so much  (see Nov. 19th post).    Baby Baker’s  My Fertility post inspired me to.  The ornament says “Mom to Be” and that’s what I am.  I may or may not have a baby growing inside right now – but I will be a mom – so I bought it.

OK- I’m gonna post this and then do some online shopping to take my mind off of things – I’ll be checking in with you all soon.

I know it’s still early – but MAN I HATE BFNs.  I feel like I’ve had so many symptoms, but they could all be mental, or something else. I’m just still so hopeful that each time I get AF I’m crushed!  So here’s the symptoms the past few days: crazy dreams, CM, thirsty, SO TIRED and yesterday I had awful pain on my right side – so much so that as I was walking home with DH I had to stop, I had horrible cramps and I thought I was going to throw up.  I started crying, it was weird, so we took a cab home instead.  I rested for a while and then felt better.  The rest of the night I had a stitch in my side and I still kinda have it this morning.

In a strange way, I’ve had opposite symptoms too…my face is clearing up a little and I’m not as bloated.

I know, not a very interesting update.  Just thought I’d throw out some symptoms for other 2WWers to obsess over.

I guess I could share part of the weird dreams I had – here’s some parts I remember…

-So most of them have to do with people in my past, like elementary school past.  I remember I was riding in a limo with them somewhere- weird…did I mention I never got along with these people?

-Another piece was, I was trying to get into a knitting class at NYU (what?!) and then decided I wanted to get a second Masters, but the interviewer was an old restaurant manager of mine and he couldn’t finish the interview because his 8 year old just broke up with his girlfriend.  Then I got home (to a house I never saw before) and told my mom I wanted to go back to school and my mom freaked out and said NO (which she’d never do).  She wanted to know why I wanted to change what I was doing and that she never had to go and spend so much money on school (again, my parents would never say this to me, they are supportive of everything, in every way).  Then I yelled back “because all I want is to be a mom and that’s not happening – you are living my dream!”  (aha! infertility has crossed over into my dreams.) Then AF came – in a very heavy, scary way. (TMI, even for a dream, sorry)

-last memory of the dreams: DH and I are living somewhere (I don’t know where) and apparently I’m also renting out a hotel room that cost $145 a night (why I remember that, IDK) so that I can keep my stuff there – because I am a slob (I’m not really a slob, I’m sort of  a hoarder)…but then as the dream goes on, months go by and I forget about the hotel room – until I finally remember it and how much it’s costing me-so we have to drive over there and clear it out – but it’s an impossible task, so we just keep the room for longer.

Ok- please don’t think I’m insane – just thought I’d share a little of the CRAZINESS of my dreams the last 2 nights!

So I’ve got my good underwear on again… it’s time to see Pascal the Acupuncturist tonight!! I must say I feel like I need to see him, it’s been a long week and I’m looking forward to relaxing and chilling out for a bit!

My boss’ daughter had a wee boy the other day and I was invited to look at the photo’s etc. My boss when telling me how chuffed he is said “I can’t describe it, you’ll not know what it feels like until it happens to you”. My eyes were stinging with tears trying to break out and my throat felt like it’d been clamped shut. I got a dull stabbing pain in my chest and could only nod at him in agreement. I really could have screamed “No shit Einstein! You know I’m trying to experience that for myself, why oh f*cking why would you say such a thing to me you insensitive twat”!

Needles to say I wasn’t in too great a mood after that, coupled with the fact that AF is imminent and I’ve got PMS from hell!

You know I get so angry with myself month after month. I mean how could I have been so stupid yet again to think that maybe this month I will be pregnant and AF won’t show. Why oh why do I constantly ride this rollercoaster and believe “this” month it’ll happen?? You’d think by now I’d have learned my lesson but oh no I keep coming back for more!

I’m going to make that appointment with my GP for next week and see if she can help refer me for further tests re my luteal phase. I’m 9 DPO today and think my period will either come today or tomorrow morning so my LP isn’t long at all. If she even tries to fob me off I may committ murder… I’m a donkey on the edge!!! ;o)

I broke down and bought some HPTs – I need to know when the Ovidrel is out of me…I’ll test tomorrow morning, that’s pretty good holding out for me – 7 days!!! Symptoms are the same, meaningless. Well, I actually have 2 kinda new things, I’ve been craving cheese and mashed potatoes and I periodically feel a little uneasy(DH says I’m always like this, lol). However, no BB symptoms, which is the main thing I read about on-line, so who knows.

I freaked out a little today…I sat down in a huff and really jolted my body. I got so upset, not that by bottom hurt, but that maybe I shook so hard I inhibited implantation – I actually started to cry and then prayed to God that I didn’t mess things up and apologized to my maybe baby…um…if this cycle doesn’t work a break is DEFINITELY in order.

Can’t wait for Thanksgiving and 2 extra days off! Hope you all have great turkey day plans!

Sorry I’ve been MIA lately.  Things have been pretty busy around here the last few days.  My mom’s visit is going well, and generally she’s toned down the pregnancy talk.  We haven’t really had any heart-to-hearts about infertility yet this visit (there’s still time I’m sure), but I just share as things come up.  For example, my sister had sent her a belly picture, and she thought it was strange that it wasn’t sent to me as well.  I told her that my sister was probably trying to spare me from pregnancy overload…and that I appreciated it.  She had to think about it for a second, and then admitted that she could see how that would be difficult.  I think I’m handling everything okay since my last breakdown a couple weeks ago, so hopefully she’ll see that I’m not just feeling sorry for myself and being selfish.  Infertility struggle aside, the last times she’s seen me were either during/post-surgery or when I was in a lot of pain (last Christmas), so she was floored at how much better I looked.  How much healthier, happier, etc.

Saturday, she and my sister spent the day together while DH and I went to Annapolis for an early anniversary celebration (our actual anniversary is tomorrow).  We had a free stay in one of the historic inns, since our last visit was ruined by a crazy guy in the room below us crying and screaming all night at the top of his lungs (turns out his wife had just left him).  This time, we picked a different inn (they have several to choose from)…just in case…and it was awesome!  We got the “Queen’s Suite” and it had lovely hardwood floors and fireplace, as well as a great view of the State House.  Of course I forgot my camera, so there aren’t any pictures .

We explored a couple new areas that we hadn’t visited before, and found some neat shops, a cool used bookstore, and a few new restaurants that we’ll have to try soon.  We bought a bottle of champagne after walking around all afternoon and toasted each other back in the room on our seven years of marriage.  We both dressed up for dinner, which we don’t get to do that often.  Dinner that night was at a lovely Italian restaurant that served coastal cuisine, which was similar to the food we ate when we visited Italy years ago – a lucky coincidence since we didn’t know much about the restaurant at all and basically picked it online.  I had purchased a restaurant.com certificate many months ago, and we had to order at least $100 worth to get the $50 off, so we ordered aperitifs, appetizers, entrees, desserts, coffee and digestifs!  Talk about splurge .  It was wonderful, the food and the service were fantastic, and we sat side-by-side in a cozy booth which made it very romantic.

After dinner, we strolled down Main Street toward the waterfront.  I can’t remember how it came up, but we started talking about adoption.  We hadn’t been talking about infertility all day (except for me saying that I really shouldn’t have another drink since technically I was in the 2ww), but for some reason, adoption was on both of our minds.  We are both heartbroken about not being able to have a biological child (not yet, anyway), but both of us are very open to adoption without question.  In the past, it has seemed more of a last resort, a decision that would be forced on us because of our failure to reproduce, as opposed to a choice we would make together.  We both agreed that even if we did get pregnant, it is something we think we should do.  DH is open to adopting an older child (under 7), which surprised me.  And he is open to all races.  Which also surprised me.  I think he’s been doing a lot of thinking on this, that I wasn’t even aware of.  We’re both ready to be parents.

The question is, how long do we wait?  I told him that I don’t want to be “at the end of the road” TTC before we start the process.  I think emotionally, I couldn’t handle the “starting from scratch” feeling, which he understands.  We talked about our fears about adoption in general, about the lack of privacy and the uncertainty.  We decided that we have to wait to figure out what the next year will bring for us job-wise.  To figure out if we’ll be staying in this area, or moving to New Mexico.  If we can sell the house.  But, some way or another, before our next anniversary rolls around, I’m hoping that we’ll have started down that path.

I didn’t cry the whole day.  Not once while we talked about how unfair it is that some people wait for years for a child, when crack-whores can just pop a baby out like that.  Or about the fact that someone who wants to adopt has to be interviewed, examined, and “pass inspection” before they are approved to be a parent, while random teenagers get knocked up at the drop of a hat.  Our decision doesn’t mean that we’re giving up on having a biological child.  Far from it.  It was just a reaffirmation that we will be parents one day of an adopted child, regardless.  DH thinks we have the strength and skills to adopt an older child, and seems the most interested in that right away.  Maybe because he’s afraid of infants?  Maybe .  I think we’re both up to the challenge anyway.  We don’t know if we’ll look at international or domestic first.  We’ve talked about fostering in the past, so maybe that’s the path to go down?  We’re both interested in South Korea, because we both loved the country and the culture.  But who knows which direction we’ll be led?

Even typing all of this, I don’t feel sadness for having been “forced” into this decision.  It’s strange actually.  It’s a more peaceful feeling, I guess. Kinda hard to explain.

As I said, though a second ago, it doesn’t mean that we’re giving up TTC.  Fertility Friend this month believes that my ovulation day was cd21.  I don’t agree at all.  I had ewcm up to cd17, and feel like cd16 was the day and that my temps just took their sweet time to climb.  If I’m correct, we had a chance this month.  If FF is correct, then we missed it by a mile (except that one day of fun on cd19).  I feel like my temp drop this morning is an indication that AF is on it’s way, and I have had some twinges and whatnot over the last 2 days that would support that feeling.  I’m hoping it at least stays away for another couple days.  AF on my anniversary is no fun, and neither am I looking forward to it arriving on Thanksgiving.  In fact, there’s no good time for it to show up in the next week.

I keep dreaming that I’d be able to post a picture of a BFP for my anniversary post tomorrow.  Wouldn’t that be surreal?  Although, speaking of surreal, I found myself in Baltimore over my lunch break at a pawn shop in a sort-of sketchy part of town.  Why, you ask?  Well, to buy a Clear.Blue Easy Fertility Monitor of course .  I’m just so fed up with opk’s and wondering if I should follow my mucus pattern or my temps to pinpoint ovulation.  And after this many years, I don’t think missing the window is an acceptable thing.  Not at all.  Every month counts.  Anyway, they had one for sale for $70!  Unopened, still in the shrink wrap.  I also bought a box of 30 test sticks ($20).  (If anyone in the Baltimore area is interested, they have more and you can email me for the name of the shop.)  So, I’ll try it for a few months and see if it sheds any light on my ovulation wackiness.

I was just planning on posting a quick update and sharing our Thanksgiving menu, but this post just sort of ran away from me.  I’ll still share our menu, but in a separate post.  I don’t know about y’all out there in internet land, but I love seeing what other people eat for holidays .  My mom gets back from visiting my brother this afternoon, and we’ll be doing the last of our grocery shopping.  I’m pretty excited about the next few days – should be lots of fun!.

Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to let you know we will know soon! I want to recap my symptoms quickly:

Crampy tummy almost like AF is coming soon, sore bbs, queasy tummy from certain smells, craving very specific types of food, very sleepy and very bloated tummy. What say you? To be honest, it is very early for these symptoms….

BUT, you also need to remember I have alot of drugs pumped up in me – progesterone shots every morning and estrogen patches on my tummy, so I try not to get too excited because those drugs could be jacking with me!!

I know we are all waiting in suspense and we will know soon! I will only be announcing it to you, my friends on the blog. If I am preggo I will announce to everyone else besides y’all after the 1st trimester aka facebook, work, extended family and friends. I really just want to be able to make it through the 1st trimester without the whole entire world knowing as I don’t know what I will be like with the issue of miscarriage, twins etc. and I just can’t deal with so many people knowing so soon, I think I already have a huge following for being so early on. For some reason the more people that know, the more disappointing it is….

I really really appreciate you journeying with me. I will update you as soon as I know something this week – I am thinking I will announce on Thanksgiving! Keep your fingers crossed and keep praying praying praying!

Steph