Datorita scenelor de lupta pe care le va avea, cel de-al treilea film din seria Twilight Saga, ar putea primi ratingul “R”. Asta inseamna ca tinerii sub 17 ani nu vor putea sa vada filmul decat insotiti de un adult.

“Eclipse va fi sangeros” declara de curand Peter Facinelli aka. Carlisle Cullen.

Din acest motiv, filmul a avut parte de un regizor pe masura, David Slade, care s-a facut cunoscut datorita filmului 30 Days of Night, un horror cu vampiri sangerosi.

Here is Kiele Sanchez as Stella Oleson (Melissa George in the first film) looking bloody and holding a big knife.

AICN had the photo from the sequel. No vampires in sight so far, but at least there is no snow.

Halloween 2 (Rob Zombie, 2009)

Rara vez, prácticamente nunca, me veo disfrazado en una de esas fechas señaladas que te predisponen a ello. Aunque costumbre puramente americana, y a diferencia de los polivalentes carnavales, más nuestros, Halloween me merece el respeto y la oda por ser la única fecha medio pagana y ceremonial especializada en los espantos y la casquería, y por dar origen a ese precursor inabarcable e inmortal del cine de terror que es Halloween, claro. Por eso, nunca fallo a la cita que Noel congrega en su blog todos los años por Halloween. Celebrar estas fechas con un texto purificador no tiene igual, ya que ver a niños con bolsas de caramelos y artículos terroríficos proponiendo truco o trato en casas ajenas de barrios residenciales, no le incumbe a este país, como tampoco les incumbe a los americanos bailar la jota como costumbre nacional.

La 6ª edición del especial de Halloween heladero, centrado en los amoríos del voyeur más implicado, me ha dado la excusa perfecta para soltar una carga que ya llevaba un tiempo pesándome: mi declarado al Josh Hartnett de 30 Days of Night, texto que merece estar archivado aquí también:

Sedúceme a hachazos:

Desde los fósiles fundacionales hasta los más contemporáneos, son muchos los amores puros y platónicos con aspecto físico monstruoso o normal y corriente (es un decir) inmortalizados en el grueso del cine fantaterrorífico que consideramos nuestros, sin embargo, es cada vez más inusual que un sentimiento tan delicado, íntegro e irracional como es el afecto incondicional hacia algo emerja en el espectador a causa de alguna cosa o persona que deambule con cierta autoridad por una película de terror, una de cara a la galería, la de los grandes estudios (o los pequeños auspiciados por los grandes), por supuesto, siendo las producciones más pequeñas (y rara vez con una distribución comercial mínimamente decente y efectiva) las que destilan mayor honestidad y mejores resultados en su totalidad. No es el caso de 30 Days of Night, pequeña producción de la Ghost House Pictures de Universal, comandada por Sam Raimi y Rob Tapert, protagonizada por una recurrida estrella juvenil (Josh Hartnett) y dirigida por la arquetípica y sempiterna figura de la “joven promesa en el género” que apuesta mucho con poco (David Slade, director de la finalmente muy decepcionante y desaprovechada Hard Candy, aunque de solvente y personal resultado en los apartados narrativo y visual).

Hubiera sido más sencillo (y previsible) tomar notas de un dibujo mental nítido y exacto del Boris Karloff blanquinegro de The Mummy; contar los hondos agujeros del careto de la Barbara Steele de La maschera del demonio; decantarme antes por la Jennifer Jason Leigh de Eyes of a Stranger o The Hitcher que por la Jamie Lee Curtis de Halloween o Terror Train, o anteponer la poderosa presencia y las sadianas acciones del Tom Cruise de Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles a la pataleta gótica y la ética de bolsilibro, uno, claro, firmado por la plomiza Anne Rice en forma de best-seller, pero ya llevo tiempo queriendo resaltar los logros de la mejor y más sexy caracterización de un héroe de impoluta virilidad del cine de terror actual, el Sherif Eben Oleson, el excelente Josh Hartnett de 30 Days of Night, con su casi erótico, fiero y primitivo empleo del hacha, su valiente inmunidad al riesgo, su impasibilidad sentimental y su ética de guerrero tribal y llanero solitario místico, capaz de infundir un poético poso nihilista a una básica y honesta yuxtaposición vampírica rebosante de mala idea. Un hombre definido de manera directa y abierto, pues, a los estados febriles y amatorios que puede despertar en espectadores como el que esto escribe.

La película, que desborda un para nada casual bondad de pura Serie B, o sea, patente tanto en fondo como en forma, sabe equilibrar su brutal agresividad formal con un sólido clasicismo sin subterfugios irónicos que narrativamente recuerda a las mejores ocurrencias de un Stephen King sin beatería, superando, en líneas generales, y con enorme facilidad, al cómic homónimo del que procede, 30 Days of Night, guionizado por Steve Niles, coguionista en la película (por suerte, con arreglos concluyentes y definitorios de Brian Nelson y Stuart Betti), y dibujado por el sosainas de Ben Templesmith, francamente, un cómic rayano en lo patético, casi, casi un truño en todos sus aspectos, cuyo único punto favorable, su estupenda premisa, es sabiamente reinterpretado en la película (los 30 días seguidos de oscuridad del título planteados sobre inteligentes elipsis que la crítica y el público inertes no saben ver, como demuestra lo terriblemente infravalorada que está la película, aunque el tiempo y los aficionados al cine de terror más despiertos ya la están convirtiendo en ineludible título de culto).

Y ya ni mencionemos la amplísima diferencia, diría que hasta antagónica, que hay entre el Eben Oleson del cómic y el de la película. El primero manda a cagar la integridad viril y la humanidad del segundo a golpe de cursiladas baratas y convencionalismo pegoteado, y, por supuesto, dónde va a parar cualquier comparación con un Josh Hartnett de barba desgarbada con colgajos de hielo que blande un hacha para organizar con él una salvaje y casi ritual reyerta de brutales decapitaciones y desangramientos. Lo cojonudamente bien trabado que está este personaje a las magnificencias formales e hiperrealistas del suspense y del gradual y clásico desarrollo argumental de la película, es un hecho único en el cine de terror de los últimos años, sobre todo en el de vampiros. Con muchísima más violencia, sangre, terror, acción y vampiros feos con pinta de yuppie trastornado que en el cómic y una voluntariosa necesidad de respetar las consignas del gore y el terror duro a la vieja usanza por parte de un David Slade asombroso de veras, toda la parte final de 30 Days of Night demuestra un azaroso dominio de la contención, que no peligra la honorable condición de modesta película de terror que estamos degustando y, además, consigue arrastrarnos hasta una coda que no teme a una muda y simple poética del vampirismo y el heroísmo que deja en ridículo a la de Blade II, prácticamente idéntica, aunque con los roles invertidos.

Apego este mío por un hombre devuelto a sus orígenes primitivos de supervivencia y nobleza más que justificado.

‘Tis the season! With the end of the decade and Halloween approaching, now’s the best time to torture your soul with the best horror this decade has to offer. Now, please, forgive me. The horror genre, like everything else, is getting blurrier. It’s hard to tell just what exactly is a horror film these days. I attempted to honor the genre, while keeping a clear opinion of what the best are. Enjoy!

10. 30 Days of Night

It was either this or Zombieland. A) You already know and love Zombieland. B) This is a comic site! I have to mention the adaptations when I can. 30 Days of Night could’ve easily been mediocre. An essential part of the book’s success was Templesmith’s art. Having said that, this movie looks pretty damn good. Snow always feels epic. 30 Days of Night is well-acted and well-made. It manages to naturally stretch Niles’ novel, making it, in some ways, better. To those of you who vomit at the sight of sparkly, beautiful teenage vampires, watch 30 Days of Night. These are just about the ugliest vampires ever filmed, and that’s a good thing.

9. Land of the Dead

I would’ve loved to re-watch this one, but I figure I have to get this out before Halloween. Romero’s return wasn’t as earth-shattering as we may have liked, but there’s plenty of merit here. For one thing, Land of the Dead looks great and features actors who can actually act. For another, Romero still manages to scare us with creatures who aren’t all that scary, providing uniquely gory deaths for his decent actors. And what would a Romero Dead flick be without some social commentary? With “Fiddler’s Green,” he managed to capture both the atmosphere of rich nations, who live in luxury while many still live in hell-holes, and of a post-post 9/11 world. While we sit comfortably, discussing American Idol, the evil is still lurking, and, perhaps, evolving.

8. The Mist

Ok, it’s kind of a zombie movie with bugs, but that’s different, right? In fact, thanks to the titular mist, the creatures can be grand and epic, without looking too cheesy. We’ve got some great actors here: Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden, Toby Jones. They help elevate the material. Frank Darabont, the director of The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, completes his King trilogy, and it’s a lot of gruesome fun. This being a comic site, I have to mention Darabont’s Walking Dead TV involvement. If you want to see if he’s right for that adaptation, this movie will give you a clue.

7. 28 Days Later

Again, I would’ve loved to re-watch this. I even rented it, and I will watch it, but I’m a slave to this post. Danny Boyle was a good director before Slumdog Millionaire. I swear he was, and this film is part of the proof. I mentioned in my introduction how the horror genre has gotten blurry. Indeed, this film helped start that, with many rabid fans crying, “These aren’t zombies!” Well, whatever they are, they’re scary as hell. 28 Days Later has many impressive, grim shots of a destroyed London. It has great performances from the then-newcomer Cillian Murphy and the always-fantastic Brendan Gleeson. This may have helped splinter the zombie genre, but at least it’s pretty damn good.

6. Shaun of the Dead

This movie hammered home what George Romero has known since the 70’s: zombies are hilarious! They’re such boring monsters. In this film, we can barely tell them apart from the boring humans, maybe that’s just because they’re British. Shaun of the Dead is hilarious, but it also manages to touch upon the important elements of zombie movies, such as banding together, social commentary, and that wonderful gore.

5. Drag Me to Hell

I don’t want to oversell this, but Drag Me to Hell is arguably Raimi’s best film. We’re back to Evil Dead 2, with the perfect mixture of terror and comedy. Christine isn’t as lovable as Ash. She’s not really meant to be. However, Alison Lohman is a perfect horror heroine. She has the innocent looks and a wonderful scream. Amongst the laughs and gasps, this movie teaches us some very valuable lessons. Never deny an old gypsy! And never dig up a body in the worst storm of the decade!

4. Grindhouse

Yeah, it’s one film, damn it. Funny thing about this being on a “best” list, it’s trying so hard to be bad. That said, this is probably the most enjoyable pick on my list. Ok, so Deathproof isn’t much of a horror film, even though hot girls are getting hunted and slaughtered by a badass Kurt Russell, but Planet Terror is horror all the way, in the vein of a Carpenter flick. You’ve got the babes. You’ve got the gore. You’ve even got the great actors, like Bruce Willis! And if you’re not at least a little scared of testicle harvesting, I don’t know what to tell ya.

3. American Psycho

Finally, a slasher movie where the murders don’t matter, even within the context of the film! Bateman’s murders are an expression of his boredom and vanity. Mary Harron took this material and made it an exploration of male insanity, rather than just Bateman’s. You’ve all seen these guys. They’re on Wall Street. They’re trying to sell you something. They might even be firing you. American Psycho documents masculine squabbles in deliciously, horrific detail. Perhaps, most chilling of all, the film asks, “What if these assholes really are killing, and, with wealth & power, their mess is wiped clean?”

2. Antichrist

I was mugged by God. That was my initial reaction to this film. True of almost every great film, on the first viewing, we’re not really sure what we’ve seen. This movie’s depth is so endless, it threatens to swallow you whole, taunting you to disregard it as Eurotrash. What I am sure of is the bravery of Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsburg, who follow Trier’s insanity to the end. Trier is a madman, as most great directors are, and his images, no matter how shattering to our senses, are fully realized here.

1. Sweeney Todd

The bloodiest musical, Burton’s possible best, and indeed, the greatest horror film of the decade. Burton stays faithful to the original tale, as well as Sondheim’s music. Depp and Carter are dressed like 30’s horror stars, paying homage to both the genre and the original film. I never felt Sondheim’s music should be gloriously sung, no matter how talented Angela Lansbury is. These songs are sad and personal, and though Burton’s cast aren’t singers, they are actors, and they deliver their tunes in the best possible way. You won’t find any prancing or choreography here. Sweeney Todd is a dark, terrifying tragedy that will slash its way into your nightmares as efficiently as Mr. Todd’s razors.

For more comic goodness, go here.

Barrow es un pequeño pueblo al norte de Alaska, donde el sol no se pone durante la friolera de un mes, haciendo del lugar un restaurante de comida rápida para la plaga de vampiros que merodea por los alrededores. Éste es el prometedor punto de partida de “30 days of night“, película que comparte título en castellano (de ahí el cambio) con la curiosa “Frostbitten”.

“30 días de oscuridad” está inspirada en el cómic de Steve Niles y parecía ser una digna película de vampiros, muy por encima de lo que viene produciendo Sam Raimi (me remito a “Boogeyman” o “El grito”) últimamente. Pero, a pesar de que los tres son copulativos: ser, estar y parecer son verbos muy distintos entre sí. Resulta intrigante que el director David Slade pase de hacer algo tan interesante como “Hard Candy”, que apela al terror psicológico sin necesidad de derramar una gota de sangre, a esta hemorragia de escenas gratuitas y salpicada de sustos fáciles. Supongo que la pela es la pela.

Vale que son ideas diferentes y, por extensión, también lo es su planteamiento, sin embargo, no deja de tener coña adivinar que la trituradora que vemos al principio está puesta ahí a caso hecho, porque alguien tiene que acabar dentro obligatoriamente. Slade pone las cartas sobre la mesa, apoyándose en una fotografía que es lo más destacable del film, y logra mantener el ritmo hasta bien entrado el segundo acto, el cual no tarda en tomar los derroteros propios de un survival, explorado ya en infinidad de cintas habitualmente regentadas por muertos vivientes.

Como adaptación, es bastante fidedigna y suprime alguna que otra subtrama innecesaria, dotando a la pareja principal de mayor dimensión que en las viñetas. El guaperas Josh Hartnett cumple de sobras, aunque no termina de dar el perfil de sheriff, y Melissa George se está labrando toda una carrera dentro del género tras “Turistas” y “La morada del miedo“. Los chupasangres capitaneados por Danny Huston no salen mucho mejor parados y me atrevería a decir que los dibujados por Ben Templesmith son más carismáticos, pese a que el maquillaje está tan logrado que incluso tenemos a la réplica femenina de Marilyn Manson. Los demás personajes aparecen y desaparecen a su antojo, como en el caso del compañero de Hartnett, al igual que el tiempo pasa de cualquier manera. Me hubiese gustado ver al abuelo después de los créditos, preguntando por su esposa, a lo “Jóvenes ocultos”.

Por desgracia, el sentido del humor no abunda en los gélidos parajes de Barrow. Otra de tantas películas que pudieron haber sido y no fueron.

16ª Participación para el concurso del DVD de Payasos Asesinos (Killer Klowns from Outer Space), reseña escrita por Manu Riquelme.

Ok, ok, I know I’m way late in this but I rarely watch movies.

So I’m two years late in critiquing this movie, but I’ll claim that I’m right on time because (according to internet movie database), a sequel is being filmed now.

I just watched this movie and I Am Legend last night (once again, I know, these are old movies, it takes me a while).  It was theme movie night, I guess.

So I really enjoyed both movies.  However, I have some issues with the major plot holes in 30 Days of Night.  I realize that these movies require the suspension of disbelief and that they aren’t trying for realism, but come on. So anyway, here are my problems with the movie, in no particular order:

1. cell phones – at the beginning of the movie, the sheriff (Josh Hartnett) and his partner find a pile of burned cell phones. it is one of the many ways that the vampires have attempted to cut off communications to the village.  however, after this, the sheriff and his estranged wife are shown using cell phones with each other.  they never remember to use them to call for help after they find that the land lines and computer access have been disabled.
2. cell phones part 2 – later, we find that a strange man has come into town and helped out the vampires by preparing conditions.  we are led to believe that he is responsible for the cell phone thefts.  however, no one in the town has seen him around while he managed to steal EVERYONE’s cell phone.  this guy was in town long enough to steal the cell phones from 152 people (500 and some are in the village before it’s sealed off for the 30 days without sun) but no one noticed him.
3. cell phones part 3 – wouldn’t people in an isolated village such as this have a few satellite phones lying around?
4. sealing up the town – just because there’s no sun for 30 days doesn’t mean that every form of outside contact would close down.  That’s just silly.  the airport shuts down for lack of sun? I’m pretty sure that planes have been flying in the dark for ages.  the closed town is an efficient explanation for the lack of outside help, but it doesn’t seem realistic to me.  everyone racing for the last flight out before the sun goes down is just silly.
5. subtitles – why do the vampires need subtitles?  that’s just silly.  but it does add a nice layer of cheese to this enjoyable mess. actually, I don’t have a problem with this.  this may be one of the best parts of the movie.
6. asthma – why does Josh Harnett have to have asthma?  how silly.  only after chopping the head off of a vampire does his asthma become a problem, but then he is able, after a brief lie down, to go running through the town without any access to an inhaler
7. child vampire – is it necessary to have one of the children become a vampire?  and why would she be wearing a sun dress?  surely she wasn’t wearing the sun dress when they attacked and turned her.  did she change afterwards?  and did I really need to see them hack off her head with an ax?
8. marital issues – the lame allusions to all the troubles in the marriage of the sheriff and his wife, and bizarro reasons for the wife to end up coming to town and then getting stuck in town were amateurish and lazy writing.  and the whole, they still love each other, it took this crisis for them to realize how they worked so well together was amateurish as well.
9. killing the dogs – real sled dogs, tied up or not, (barring the use of a gun) would have been really difficult to kill without sustaining some pretty serious injuries.  and yet, the stranger comes through, kills the dogs without problem and no one notices the stranger or the dogs’ wild barking.
10. the stranger – yeah, all scary movies need a mysterious stranger who, while initially being written off as only spouting foolishness, at one point becomes the sole source of knowledge in the crisis.
11. the stranger part two – why do the vampires need the stranger at all.  they are impervious to most things and the village is cut off by distance and snow.  even if communications weren’t cut off, the vampires should have no problem destroying everything and everyone before help could arrive.
12. the grinder – how does the mysterious stranger manage to get the town helicopter into the grinder without anyone noticing?
13. the grinder part two – why is the grinder left running constantly?  doesn’t it consume a lot of energy to have a giant, metal shredding grinder running at all times?  what do they need this grinder for anyway? and even after the town power is shut off the grinder is still running for 30 days.  that must be one hell of a power generator.
14. how the vampires decimate the majority of the population in the first couple of days but can’t manage to pick the rest of the people off before the end.  you’d think they would have burned as they went and far before the 30 days ended they could have had everyone rounded up and fed on them as they pleased.
15. the end – too much cheese, yes, yes, Josh Hartnett is wonderful, he can overcome everything even *******MAJOR SPOILER****** the vampiric need to feed.  He’s so wonderful that in his last moments he is quietly burned to a crisp by the sun in the arms of his wife.  Blah! I needed insulin afterwards.

But it still was a fun movie.  I suppose the sequel should involve the vampires regrouping and attempting to extract revenge on all of the survivors.  Let’s see, there was the sheriff’s wife, his brother, the little girl, and a couple of other people.  Yeah, that sounds like a movie. Hell, I’ll watch it.  Maybe not until two years after release, but I’ll still watch it.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer 1992

Director: Fran Rubel Kuzui

Writer: Joss Whedon

Starring Kristy Swanson, Luke Perry, Donald Sutherlnad, Rutger Hauer, Paul Reubens, Hilary Swank, Natasha Gregson Wagner, Stephen Root and Candy Clark

    I am a big time Buffy fanatic, the TV show is one of the few shows I have the complete set on DVD.  I had not seen the original movie though, since I saw it in theaters in the summer of 92.  I remember it really being the only film of that summer that was really good.  But, after watching the show it always felt like I was cheating by going back and watching this.  I am sorry I took so long, because I think the film has aged very well.  It has bits of flourish that remind me of the show, but it really is a completely different animal.  And I think that is a good thing, it separates it from what the TV show was.  It is a light, fun and campy film, which works better in a film than it would on a TV series.  The cast is very good and the script is funny and flies by at no time at all.   Though, I would have liked to have seen what Whedon’s original script was really like.  This is probably the last vampire film I really enjoyed until 30 Days of Night.

    The plot basics are this, Buffy (Swanson) is your typical high school cheerleader, flighty, ditzy and more caring about her fashion sense than anything else.  She goes through life as usual until she meets Merrick (Sutherland) a strange man who tells her that she is the chosen one, the Slayer and she has a destiny to slay the undead, otherwise known as vampires.  He instructs her how to kill vampires and warns her of the coming of Lothos (Hauer) a ages old vampire who has killed many slayers and Buffy keeps having dreams about him.  She soon meets Pike (Perry) who has seen the vampires and soon becomes an ally with her.  It all leads to the school dance where Lothos attacks and Buffy must stop him once and for all.

    This was a good film.  The direction by Kuzui is very well done, it is directed with a very campy feel throughout the entire film and it really works with the material.  The script is great, Whedon has a great feel for great dialogue and it shows very well in here.  There is much humor in the film but it is more from the situations than the characters, which is always a better route to go.  The cast is great, Swanson is a very good protagonist and is very likeable.  Sutherland is great as the wise mentor and Hauer is a great main antagonist, he just oozes wickedness.  Perry also does a good job as the romantic interest, but I think the best performance is Ruebens as Hauer’s lackey.  He steals every scene he is in and I loved his death scene.  The SFX and the action sequences are done quite well, and I especially love the siege at the dance, that was pulled off really well.  This is a campy little horror comedy, that definitely improves with age and if you want to see how the show started you should see this film.

This one gets 3 stakes out of 5

Monday while Badger was safely at school, I finally got to watch “30 Days of Night”. Ya’ll know I love me some vampires, regardless of whether they’re scary or sexy (although if I were ever to be attacked by a vampire, I much prefer the sexy, kthxbai), and “30 Days” was about the scary kind. I’ll spare you a complete plot rundown because, you know, it’s not infused with any deep meaningful metaphors or anything. Lots of blood and creepiness about sums it up.

Anyway, there was this one scene, where a group of survivors are holed up in a hidden attic while their neighbors and friends are being systematically chowed down by the vamps (who are very messy eaters). As the screams and gurgles taper off a bit, the attic people hear a girl calling for help and at first want to rush out and save her, but Sherriff Hottie (Josh Hartnett) points out the vamps on rooftops already surrounding her. She’s bait; if they attempt to help her they will be discovered and all of them will be vamp chow. The Attic People can only watch in horror as, after determining that she has failed to bring out any new entrees, the vamps slash her and then chow down on her, too.

What’s really creepy about this scene is the looks on the faces of the Attic People. Their only two choices are equally gruesome in that situation, and they are obviously reduced to a state of utter despair, abject hopelessness and sheer misery. They are waiting to die.

That, my friends, is exactly how I felt after completing Jillian Michaels’ ”30 Day Shred Workout”. (Notice how similar the title is to “30 Days of Night”. Coincidence? I think not, young grasshopper.)

After hearing my girls Lola, Becks, and Juicy comment on how hellish good a workout it was, I picked up a copy on a whim at Target. I figured, hey, it’s only 10 bucks, and I was intrigued. I’ve been neglecting my bod for over a year and it shows. I don’t give a shit if I ever look like Jillian does, because I am not cutting out wine and chocolate and cheese for nothin’, but I really do feel better when I am working out and strong. Lately I’ve just been feeling strung out, sleeping badly, no energy, short of breath…none of this is a good thing anyway, but with a perpetual-motion Badger in the house, it’s exponentially worse.  I don’t have the time or inclination to join a gym, and my workout time is limited to 5:15-5:45 AM because that Badger I mentioned? He FREAKS when I work out. I think he thinks I’m dying. And after The 30 Day Shred? I might be. Like I told Juicy & Lola, that bitch made me cry. Now she’s made me cry twice.

Lest I frighten the uninitiated away from ever trying it, let me tell you what I like (besides the 20 minutes long thing) about it. First, I like Jillian. She’s just tough enough to make me mad at her, which stirs the tiny bit of competitiveness in my soul so I must beat her, but not so tough that I actively hate her. Much. And she’s not perky. I can’t stand perky. It makes me homicidal.

Second, I like that the workout, while being extremely hard, is actually comprised of basic moves that anyone can do. Yes, you too. Jumping jacks. Push-ups. Squats and presses. Butt kicks. I’ve never been able to follow those stupid dance-y step routines where the overly perky instructors (who already make me feel homicidal, remember) are up there chirping ”OK, now a triple axe four leaf clover left step together crossover grapevine and we’ll move on!” while I am merely trying to keep from falling off the fucking step and everyone else is gliding around like a drill team. So if you’re like me, you’ll appreciate the simplicity of The Shred. Note I didn’t say “ease”. Because it is about as easy as doing dental surgery on yourself with a chainsaw not easy.

Third, when Jillian promises results in 30 days? I am inclined to believe her even at this early stage of the game. In 20 minutes, she crams a powerhouse workout in. I’m not too proud to admit I couldn’t walk yesterday without some serious wincing. I am literally shaking with exertion and begging for death 5 minutes into this thing. By the time I finish it, I’m sweating like a pig, my legs are on fire, and I am barely able to crawl into the shower. In 20 minutes.

“Wait,” you’re saying to yourself, “this doesn’t sound like fun. It sounds awful.” And it is. I ain’t lying to you. But here’s the thing: I don’t care what anyone says, all exercise is awful if you are a lazy ass like me. Yes, even yoga. Even pilates. Even belly dancing or Hip-Hop dance  or ballroom dancing or whatever the hell people say they do because they just love it. I hate exercise, but I recognize and respect that I need it. I hate the gym. So I want something I can do at my house that works and works fast and hard so I can get back to being a lazy ass the rest of the day. This is it, lovers.

I mean, about halfway into it, even though I still want to die, my body begins to work. It hates me, but it is moving easier and I am getting though it. I AM BEATING JILLIAN. I know that every day, if I just keep going, it will get less horrifying, and I will get stronger and pretty soon I will be kicking Jillian’s ass and taking names. So I push myself through it.

Of course, I don’t want you guys to think I’m all crushy over Jillian. There are a few things that annoy me about this workout. For instance, Jillian uses the phrase “phone it in” excessively. Like “don’t phone it in, get deep into that squat” and “if you want to work out for 20 minutes you can’t phone it in”. I don’t really want to rip her tongue out or anything, but it is an irritant. Also, I can’t stand the 2 girls she has working out with her.  I don’t know why, because they never say a word, but really, Jillian? You had to get 2 amazonian supermodels to work out with you? Bring me some short girls with pudgy thighs like me and show them kicking this workout’s butt. But that could also just be due to the general hostility I feel toward all 3 of them as I wonder if my heart might actually explode. I’m sure they’re both perfectly lovely human beings. *snort*

So there you have it, sports fans. I’m going to keep you posted on my progress (not every day because most of the posts would be essentially the same: “Today, I still hate Jillian. I cried all through the squats.”) and if you want to join in, let me know and we’ll all compare notes.

P.S. If you are in really poor condition like me, take my advice: start with 3 pound hand weights. For the love of God.

30 días de noche

Bloody-Disgusting sacó todo el casting para la secuela que va directa al dvd de la cinta “30 days of Night” y que llevará por título “30 days of Night: Dark Days”.

Rhys Coiro será el personaje principal mientras que Mia Kirschner la hará como la vampireza de la película. Harold Perrineau, Kiele Sanchez, Diora Baird y Monica Ganderton también formarán parte de la cinta.

La trama es la siguiente:

“Después de un año luchando para exponer la verdad, Stella, desesperada y solitaria, decide unirse con un grupo de vampiros renegados para tener su venganza contra Lilith, la poderosa vampiro responsable del ataque de su ciudad en Alaska”

La producción comenzó hace apenas unos días pero no se sabe con seguridad cuando saldrá a la venta el DVD.

Es una pena que debido a la mala adaptación del cómic a la pantalla grande, esta secuela vaya directo al DVD. No creo que pegue mucho esta cinta, si la película en sí no fue muy satisfactoria para aquellos que sí conocían la trama original.

Bloody-Disgusting has revealed the full cast for the upcoming straight-to-DVD sequel of 30 Days of Night, entitled 30 Days of Night: Dark Days.

Rhys Coiro (Entourage) will play a lead character while Mia Kirschner (The Black Dahlia) will play the lead vampire, Lilith. Harold Perrineau (Lost, 28 Weeks Later), Kiele Sanchez (A Perfect Getaway), Diora Baird (Night of the Demons, Stan Helsing) and Monica Ganderton also star in the film. The site has also received the first plot synopsis, which you can read below.

After nearly a year of struggling to expose the truth, a desperate and lonely Stella decides to join a group of rogue vampire hunters to seek revenge on Lilith, the powerful vampire responsible for the attack on her Alaskan town…

Production started today on the film, but it wasn’t quite clear when the DVD would be set for release.

Steve Niles’ 30 Days of Night: Dark Days, the sequel to his hit vampires-in-Alaska comic book series 30 Days of Night, is by courtesy of Niles and writer-director Ben Ketai.

M. Night Shyamalan

By Paul Young – ScreenRant.com

M. Night Shyamalan’s next story, Devil, a horror-thriller, is being backed by Universal and directed by brothers John Erick Dowdle and Drew Dowdle (Quarantine) with actor Chris Messina (Julie and Julia) attached to star. Brian Nelson (30 Days of Night) wrote the script based on Shyamalan’s story, the details of which are being kept a tightly guarded secret. I’m not really sure why a movie based on a story no one has heard about would be kept secret, unless Universal is concerned that pre-filming buzz would either  be highly critical or ruin one of those “Shyamalan Twists”.

Shyamalan grabbed the world’s attention with The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable and even Signs as well as The Village, Lady in the Water and most recently the “environmental” film, The Happening.

Devil starts production in Toronto on October 26th, 2009 and so far it looks like Messina is on his own because no other names have been attached to the project yet.

Amazon Specials!

30 Days of Night (2007)

30 Days of Night, superficially a horror film but truly an action/suspense to the bone, is based on an outstanding comic book miniseries with the same title. It is directed by David Slade, who brought us the surprisingly suspenseful and unique Ellen Page vehicle Hard Candy. Although 30 Days of Night is a different type of film, the same all encompassing suspense permeates and Slade is once again very fortunate to have some of the best young actors around today as part of his cast.

Melissa George and Josh Harnett

The film takes place in the isolated village of Barrow, Alaska where the sun annually disappears for 30 days straight. As the sun sets for the last time in a month, the town Sheriff, Eben (Josh Hartnett), increasingly gets busier and busier over the course of a few hours. Some peculiar vandalism occurs and some sled dogs are killed. He investigates and soon stumbles upon a bizarre drifter (Ben Foster) who becomes the film’s “crazy old man” cliché character who warns of the town’s fate. Although Foster is of course young, that cliché may very well be intentional as it probably goes all the way back to the Renfield character in Dracula. Foster’s character is definitely the Renfield of this film, so perhaps he brings the formula full-circle. Anyway, the townie characters are for the most part likeable and that makes it even more exciting when a ruthless posse of vampires shows up and wreaks havoc on men, women, and children alike. No punches are pulled as we see Sheriff Eben do his very best to protect the few folks who remain holed up in some old guy’s attic.

The aftermath of the film's most horrific scene, effectively using its isolated and unique setting.

The film has solid performances from Hartnett and Melissa George and I guess they help to anchor the marketing end and make this very good movie some well earned money. However, others are far better. Ben Foster convinces this viewer that his performance in 3:10 to Yuma was the real deal. I think we may be looking at a great actor on the verge of stardom. Danny Huston, who plays the lead vampire Marlow, contained an amazingly eerie and chaotic emptiness just enough to keep a layer of vulnerability to his host exterior, which was probably a nice businessman out of Anchorage. He is a great villain.

Danny Huston is great as the film's lead vampire

The real winner in 30 Days of Night though is the village of Barrow and its tundra setting. It represents the northern most settlement in the United States but from what I hear the town wasn’t portrayed accurately, nor was the film shot on location. That’s somewhat forgivable because as it turns out 30 Days of Night has a very unique feel and it is a nice looking production overall, especially compared to most horror films. The sound effects and music were great and some of the aerial shots that Slade creates are unforgettable. It’s like Near Dark meets John Carpenter’s The Thing, but I would wager a guess and say that Slade is not a hardcore horror movie buff and despite the aforementioned comparison his film is unique for the genre. The genre in general is way too derivative and most horror filmmakers are far too celebratory of their peers. It’s like a clubhouse sometimes and the regurgitating of each other’s ideas is as expected as giving each other a secret handshake. Slade seems influenced from better films than those of this somewhat tainted genre and his movie is much better for it. He did his own thing and now horror filmmakers can steal from him.

My rating is 4 out of 5 stars.

In Barrow, Alaska, seventy percent of the population of five hundred and some dwellers travels on the day of the last sunset, since the town will stay along the next thirty days without sun light. Sheriff Eben Oleson and Deputy Billy Kitka find many cell phones burned on the road. Then they receive a phone call from the local creator telling that his dogs have been slaughtered; later Eben finds the operator of the cell tower decapitated. He arrests a troublemaker drifter and the stranger frightens him telling that \”they are coming and the locals will be dead\”. Sooner Eben discovers that the town is under siege and attacked by a gang of bloodthirsty vampires, and together with a few survivors, they hide in a empty cellar expecting for the next sunrise.

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As we roll into October, the Halloween Spooktacular is again upon us! The Showcase is undergoing some big changes this week, but Blake and Kenny sit down to talk about the immortal lord of the night, Count Dracula, from his classic movies, the legendary Tomb of Dracula comic, and his appearances in the DC Multiverse and elsewhere. The guys also talk about the rest of the Count’s vampire bretheren, some great vampire novels and comics from recent years, and desperately look for a way to save the Noble Nosferatu from being Twilight-ized. In the picks this week, Kenny goes with Blackest Night #3, and Blake takes the upcoming prose book Peter and Max: A Fables Novel. Contact us with comments, suggestions, or anything else at Showcase@comixtreme.com! (Special thanks to Jacob Bascle for the Spooktacular Album Art we’ll be sporting all month!)

2 in 1 Showcase Episode 139: Dracula and the Vampire’s Redemption
Inside This Episode:

J’ai été fascinée par les vampires pendant toute mon adolescence. Je ne pensais jamais révéler ça au grand jour, mais je suis une ex-gothique. Ado, j’ai passé des heures à me documenter sur celui qui a inspiré Dracula de Bram Stocker, Vlad Basarab (connu par ses surnoms roumains Ţepeş = l’Empaleur ou Drăculea = Dragonneau, qui lui venait du surnom de son père, Vlad Dracul, membre de l’ordre des Dragons). J’ai même eu des posters de lui dans ma chambre! (je n’arrive pas à y croire maintenant!!). J’ai fait mon cégep en cinéma et mon film de fin d’année était évidemment une histoire de vampires… Vraiment poche d’ailleurs!
Lorsque j’habitais en Angleterre, je suis même allée visitée Whitby, une petite ville du nord de l’Angleterre qui aurait inspiré Bram Stoker pour son roman. J’y ai, entre autres, visité le cimetière sur une colline et c’était drôle parce qu’il y avait des pancartes à l’entrée de la petite église pour dire que Dracula était un personnage de fiction et qu’il n’y avait donc jamais réellement mis les pieds. (Je dois retrouver les photos de cet endroit, c’était magnifique)

Enfin, tout ça pour dire que j’ai du mal à comprendre la folie entourant la sortie de New Moon, le nouveau film tiré de la série de romans Twilight de l’auteure américaine Stephenie Meyer.

Suis-je la seule à ne pas avoir été conquise par ce “Roméo et Juliette” du monde fantastique? Je dois avouer ne pas avoir lu les romans, mais le premier film m’a laissé un peu indifférente…

Je préfère cette parodie du trailer:

Kevin Pereira et Olivia Munn, les animateurs de Attack of the Show! (G4TV), m’ont fait rire récemment avec ce clip.

****

Enfin, si vous aimez les histoires de vampires, voici des films à voir:
Nosferatu de F.W. Murnau (1922)
film complet ici: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcyzubFvBsA

J’ai adoré Dracula, le roman de Bram Stoker, et l’adaptation cinématographique de Francis Ford Coppola avec l’excellent Gary Oldman (et Keanu Reeves et Winona Ryder).

Lorsque j’étais ado, l’auteur qui remportait du succès avec ses romans de vampires était Anne Rice. Je n’avais pas détesté Interview With the Vampire avec Brad Pitt, même si je n’ai jamais compris le choix de Tom Cruise.

J’ai réécouté plusieurs fois The Lost Boys avec Kiefer Sutherland,
Corey Feldman, Corey Haim et Jason Patric. Ça fait d’ailleurs longtemps que je l’ai vu, je devrais le louer!

From Dusk Till Dawn réalisé par Robert Rodriguez et co-écrit par Quentin Tarantino est un classique.

Malheureusement, 30 Days of Night de Sam Raimi avec Josh Hartnett, l’adaptation du graphic novel de Steve Niles, n’a pas été à la hauteur de nos attentes…

Blade (basé sur le comics Marvel du même nom) avec Wesley Snipes en chasseur de vampires a remporté plus de succès (merci @plusvee de me le rappeler, j’avais presque oublié lorsque j’ai retranscrit ma liste)

Il y en a des tonnes de films de vampires, mais je termine avec Shadow of the Vampire parce que John Malkovich est un de mes acteurs préférés et que c’était un traitement original du classique.

****

Il y a également eu plusieurs films et séries animées japonais sur les vampires dont:

Vampire Hunter D de Hideyuki Kikuchi (1985)

ou

Blood: The Last Vampire de Hiroyuki Kitabuko (2000)
Ils ont d’ailleurs sorti une adaptation cet été http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnIPDFnwnlY (je ne l’ai pas vu encore)

****

Enfin, est-ce que quelqu’un peut m’expliquer l’engouement et la “fascination” pour Twilight?

On friday night i went to cinema after a long break to see the new movie of Bruce Willes…Surrogates. No need to mention that his movies meet the high level of standards mostly and this one was surely one of them. It is categorized as action/science-fiction. Shortly regarding the topic-line…there are surrogates of people used in daily life. Surrogates do the work or have the fun and the human beings just manage and witness the happenings all in safe at their homes until there occurs a murder of a surrogate which also causes the death of its real owner. Then things get complicated and it becomes more difficult to distinguish between the real and the copy, between the good and the bad. I really enjoyed the movie hence rated it as 5/5.

The second movie i have seen within this week is 30 Days of Night, which is a horror movie as can be deduced by its name. A group of vampires assaults a town in Alasca where it is night (no sun rise) for 30 days hence it has no connection with the rest of the world. The movie tells about the struggle of a handful of people who witness the murder of their family or neighbors yet have to think about his/her survival at the same time. The movie was not that scary but the scenes floaded with blood were quite disgusting in real sense. Well, some scenes were hair-rising  i can say but frankly speaking i did not like the way it ends. The end was very romantic which was not appropriate for a scary movie i believe so i rated it as 4/5!

‘30 Days of Night’ was one of those horror flicks that had a decent foundation, a good script, some fun actors and generally had a good time with vampires.  And didn’t make me want to swear off the genre ever ever ever again.  I’m looking at you ‘Twilight’ and ‘Vampire Diaries’.  I think it’s the combination of bloodsuckers and harsh, cold climates, seeing as how both ‘30 Days’ and ‘Let the Right One In’  both had that theme in common.  Or maybe it was just the lack of sparkles.  Anyways.

So I’m excited to see that there’s a director attached to the sequel. from Bloody Disgusting:

Bloody Disgusting has exclusively learned that Ben Ketai has been tapped to direct 30 Days of Night: Dark Days, a story from both Steve Niles and Ketai. Shooting is already slated to begin this October in Vancouver, Canada. We also learned that Stella Oleson returns as the lead character, but she will be recast (Melissa George toplined the first film). In the sequel, Stella joins a group of vampire hunters in order to get revenge on Lilith – the vamp responsible for the attack on her Alaska town. Ketai wrote directed the web series “30 Days of Night: Blood Trails” and “30 Days of Night: Dust to Dust.”

After Olaf fell off the ski lift several times, he resigned himself to hot cocoa, cozy fires, and tearing out the throats of the local snowboarders club

Keep us a promise they wont stop BREAKING us down!

So yeah… uh…

Thursday was an okay day… I guess, it was just all Biology, so my review of Miss Cresdee….

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

100 minutes of notes and nothing learned… mmm mm MMMMMMMMMm.

Friday started with Physics… the problem seemed to be, that as I wrote stuff down… it seemed to make PERFECT sense, when I got to the homework, I felt like, OH SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?! The conversions this is…. Thankfully I know I’m not alone, even Chloé said she doesn’t really get them, and she’s FUCKING smart!

I got my parents to explain it to me, I did the homework, by sunday I forgot it… lames… Double Chemistry was funny because on Thursday afternoon whilst explaining Ribosomes to me, my brother managed to teach me what I was doing Friday in Chemistry AND Maths… As well as about half the courses… yay… Really the only thing “new” was Dative Covalent Bonding… Chemistry is pretty PISS easy… I could write my chemistry in urine from 12 feet away and still get it right… That is how easy I find it…

Maths we were doing Surds… RIGHT IN THE FACE! So we got “taught” how to get rid of the surd on the bottom… but WAIT, my brother already taught it me… so LOLLOOLOLOL. The free afterwards Eliza and I went through the “SECRET Bush!” into the sixth form garden where Chloé and Rose were and chatted with them until they all went inside and away… then Ben jumped into my hip (or did so before) and it still fucking hurts… Then Ben and Nico gang raped me… and I didn’t enjoy it…

Then it was a matter of loling around the shop… and talking with Bethany Huls till the days of DAWN!

Saturday was very much the same…. but oh wait! I finished Assassin’s Creed. LOL! It was good, I enjoyed it, the ending was  a bit… weird… but oh well… I just have the flags to get… pass… Then I spoke with Bethany Huls some moar!

Sunday once my brother went out I played some Final Fantasy 12 and raped up some 102 guards in a row… aww to the yeah! Then punched a judge in the face and escaped their prison!

Later in the day… OH. EM. gEE! Chloé came on MSN, I was like, “BLIMEY!” and she was like, “Yeah I know!” and then we were like, BIG LONG CONVERSATION! Then she had to go and do stuff… oh well. It was good talking to her on MSN. It’s been YEARS!

Today was Monday. I had a lesson with Mr Tapscott… it seems he stopped going to me for answers… sad face… I’ll have my hand up going in my head, “Pick me! Pick me! I know the answer! I had the answer 5 minutes ago before you gave us time to think of it!” He’ll ask Alfie or something and they could get it SLIGHTLY wrong… ignore me… then I die on the inside…

Then was a free… where I geeked about with Ben and Max… Then Break (SNOOZE!). Chemigy was next! More easy work… I burned that work in teh face!

Lunch! I spoke with Ben and Luke as they ate. Then we went upstairs, I dropped my bag off… Ben “legged” it. Basically, he ran downstairs… Then out the sixth form block. Luke and I waited inside the sixth form block, and then saw that Ben (predictably) had run through the science entrance and ran past us out the other end… where we watched from STILL standing in the same place, him running onto the Garden… So that’s where we headed…

I plopped myself down with Eliza, Chloé, Adam, Andy and Clio. We chatted about stuff. Then Eliza and Clio left because they were cold… So Adam and Andy joined Chloé on the bench. Ben came by and we talked a bit more, Andy left at some point… then I sat between Adam and Chloé on the bench… We then chatted a bit, Ben mentioned something about Classics then we ended up having an odd sort of conversation about the Greek stuff… and giving it an odd sort of view… like Hades not being Evil… just misunderstood…

Soon some guy from STABbroke came over and was apparently covered in coke that had been thrown on him from a passing car… which SERIOUSLY, every time I type that makes me laugh. So we threw comments at him. Then Adam started to talk to him and I talked to Chloé till the end of lunch about films, Brothers and stuff… That was fun! TO THE EXTREME! Chloé asked if I’d seen 30 Days of Night,  I said I hadn’t then she handed me the DVD to borrow… I have yet to watch it, I’ll probably do that tomorrow… or later tonight… Probably! We talked about the Blade films and how Blade Trinity was AWESOME and Ryan Reynolds in it was pretty EPIC. And How Blade II was probably the worst…

Lunch was soon over… shame… well, it was Physics… which I can’t remember anything… again! DID we work? I’m thinking, but I don’t remember actually DOING anything… OH! We just talked about materials and how Bones are made up of Calcium Phosphate and Collagen. THAT better be on the fucking Exam…

Chemigy was next. Here I burned the shop up. Mr Hillier seems… a bit… well, I’m sure he likes me, but every time I asked him if this was right he’d go, “I don’t believe it! You don’t do it properly! You don’t label everything! *tick*” tee hee… I love getting things right AND criticism at the same time!

Well, then, I got home, and BLOODY YES! The Resistance by Muse is FINALLY out… my brother didn’t pre-order it… so I’ll probs buy it the next time I’m in town… instead I’m listening to it on Spotify… and I ruddy LOVE IT. Uprising had a sort of Marilyn Manson Base line to it. Resistance (where the title is from) is AWESOME! It seems to swap between slightly rockier Queen like music… so it will have the backing chorus. To then some awesome guitar riff or Piano Medley… I <3 Muse… =3