Stress is at the root of most, if not all illness and the chaotic mind is at the core of all human suffering. In today’s society, individuals are consumed by the overexertion of daily living, including stress accrued from work, school, and/or family demands. Workdays are longer, leisure time is shorter, family time consists of rushing across town to drop the kids off at school; our laptop, cell phone and blackberry have replaced our best friends. People’s thoughts are clouded, lives are overrun with things to do, and this manifests in an unhealthy and unproductive approach to living. Stress, as a result of our fast-paced lifestyle, contributes to physical and psychological distress and illness.

Research shows that psychological stress is linked to several health indicators, such as immune responsiveness, hypertension, gastrointestinal disorders, chronic pain, and cancer, to name a few. Stress is also linked to psychological disorders such as depression and anxiety which can be exacerbated with increased stress in one’s life. There is a correlation between stress and the physical and psychological affect on health. The questions we must ask ourselves are: How can we reduce stress? How can we improve the quality of our lives including our psychological and physical health?

Listen to your body. We need to be vigilant of the fact that stress creates a pattern on the brain and body that over time breaks down our immune system and healthy body functions. People become sensitized to stress and its ill affects on the body. Instead of keeping busy and thinking that productivity and success comes from living frantically, STOP. Listen to your body, take a break from the cycle that the brain and body have created to sustain your chaotic life pattern. That is not to say that we need to stop working and being successful, however, we need to listen to our body and honour what it is telling us. STOP the cycle by going for a walk, taking mini-breaks throughout the day, meeting a friend for lunch, or doing something that you truly enjoy. Create new and healthy patterns for the brain and body.

Listen to what you tell yourself. We ultimately have direct control over our mind and how it perceives, interprets and in turn, responds to everyday experiences. Speak kindly to yourself, stay positive, and know that stress is more a creation of your mind and body than anything else. How do you speak to yourself? What do you tell yourself on a daily basis? Remember, words have power.

Pay attention to how you spend your time.  Don’t let stress conduct your life; choose through intention how you wish to spend your hour, your day, your lifetime. Each moment counts. Make sure that how you spend your time is in line with your values, goals, and aspirations. Each day ask yourself, “Am I honouring myself by spending my time this way?”

Find a healthy balance in your life. Balance is a subjective experience and varies from person to person. Some people require a lot of alone time to gain energy while others require social time as a means to recharge their batteries. Finding a healthy balance means listening to your body and honouring what it is telling you.

Psychological stress is something we all need to tend to. We can do so by paying attention and listening to our body; staying positive and listening to the way we speak to ourselves; spending our time in a manner that sustains and supports our needs and desires; and finding a healthy balance in our lives for work, leisure, health and happiness. Take the time to reflect, evaluate and change your life so that the song in your heart may be more in tune with the melody in your mind.

Rachela Buonincontri, BA, MC:AT, CCC

Certified Counselor and Art Therapist

rlbuon@shaw.ca

位於濃厚藝術味的瑪黑區中，

4 Me為法國設計師Julie Bernardin所創立的手工創意珠寶店，

4 Me就是For Me「為自己而創作！」。

Julie從小就沉浸在藝術創作的薰陶中，

爺爺Alain (Crazy Hors法國著名的歌舞秀場)的創辦人，

母親Sophie Bernardin是瘋馬夜總會的藝術經理兼著名畫家。

Julie在藝術時尚領域工作多年後，

決定將自己的夢想化成真實的創作，

開設這家專為配件而創作的飾品珠寶店，

挾持著對市場的敏銳度及產品的獨特性，

4 Me快速地在巴黎時尚圈引起極大的迴響。

Julie自認4 Me是個怪趣風（Funky）的珠寶品牌，

 一個名字代表一個故事，代表一種風格，

也代表了這個創作與青睞者的理念共鳴，為

飾品賦予一個新的意義與生命。

4Me 的作品有些獨一無二或是少量的創作，非常有質感，也很精緻。

我個人很喜歡^^

更多的 4Me

well….well
walaupun agak ribet… but it’s ok!!
acara sukses besar bok…
(hah….hakz…)
ge males nulis nih…
ntar ajah waktu laptop saya selesai dipake ama kakak kelas….
‘

Never without my miniature Batman (a bag jewel) for months !  Collections run, my bags change, but mini Batman lasts as a classic. Here the winter collection of the jewels designer of my precious Batman: Julie Bernardin (click here for the interview). After the hyper media Teddy Bear of Karl, the Julie one : an irresistible pendant ! Wow wow ! Does and mini Fender charms . Seventies paste handcuffs and huge old school Run DMC chains, I want all ! Stylish enthusiastic fun ! Julie, you : Rock this Place !

www.juliebernardin.com

Suis scothchée à mon Batman miniature bijou de sac, depuis des mois. Les collections se suivent, mes sacs passent, mais mini Batman reste, comme must have indémodable. Voici la collection hiver 2008 de la créatrice de mon précieux bijou batman : Julie Bernardin (cliquer ici pour l’interview). Après l’hyper médiatique nounours de Karl, celui de Julie en pendentif régressif : irrésistible ! Wow wow ! Breloques biches et mini Fender très stars. Menottes strassées seventies et imposantes chaînes à la papy Run DMC, je veux tout ! Fun, enthousiasmant et non moins dénué de style ! Julie, you : Rock this Place !

www.juliebernardin.com

“when the rain falls, it don’t, fall on one man’s house top”
Remember that.

They’ve go so very many things to say about me.I’m telling you no lie:And they will have so many things to say about you. Cuz they don’t know me and they don’t know you.And they don’t know my farther..cuz if they did….-lauryn hill.

So lately i’ve been being pretty negative.Why?Simple, life don’t get easier it only gets harder.And i’m tired of it and everything. But i just gotta realize that everybody goes threw shit.Not just me.Life is hard for everyone. No matter if it seems like it or not.And whatever happens happens for a reason.One day im gonna be trully happy because thats my destination for life.Thats my motivation to keep going. I know im not a weak person so im not gonna sit around and act like I am.Yes it hurts.Yes, i sometimes feel like i can’t do this, & i wanna give up but ya know what. Thats kia. And whose gonna love kia if i don’t love kia. Personally right now i don’t care who loves or hates kia cuz the only thing that matters is that i do. I realize that a lot of people talk and don’t listen. People listen to me but they ain’t hearing me.They see me but then again they don’t but ya know what it doesn’t matter. I realize that i don’t need anyone. At the end of the day i gotta do what i gotta do for ME. I born alone and im going to die alone. And lately it seems like everyone is so happy so in love. And here i am friendless,manless,lonely and heartbroken. I want to cry just thinking about it. And maybe i will.but i know afterwards i just gotta move on.Even though it still hurts. And pray cuz i know that everything gonna be okay. And one day im going to find the man i’ve always wanted and the friend i can trust that i know will never leave me. No matter what. I know i’m just rambling on not really making sense and my thoughts are just unorganized but i feel a lil better.

“I’m gonna put one foot in front of the other keep on moving forward && let god do the rest.I don’t know whats gonna happen thats alright with me i open up my eyes and i embrace the mystery. I’m gonna swallow my pride and i be who i am. I don’t care who don’t like it. && i can guarantee it won’t be easy but i know that i can beat the feeling. “

Sometimes i wish i could stand here and fade a way. So that no one can see the tears running down my face. *invisibility would be great*

mood::her in his arms depressing.

So im sitting here tryna find a rhyme then i realize. Life too short to cry ova a guy but i did cry.common sense tell me to move on, it ain’t that easy tho.Inner strength helpin’ me to be strong.Can’t really feel it tho.I remember back way in junior high when i used to wish my life was perfect but i never knew it would come to this.Enough reminiscing its time for reality..i had a lot of friends but goddamn they all mad me.and Everybody asking me whats wrong how ya doin are u paronoid? I tell em no,leave me alone what the fuck you caring for.Everybody coming in my face on some stupid shit. They wrong for coming at me like that i feel like slappin a bitch.Time to end my day, fade away, get in my bed and pray. I ended all my games in 07 and its 08, so watch me survive. I paid the price for my mistakes now its time to do or die. so i guess ya know? I roll solo so i don’t need no one by my side.Too many fake bitches in the world, i did know. i finally got the chance to be one of em. took the chance..grew and advanced now i done my dirt. god help me cuz im sorry but no one cares. Cold stares from my enemies..but no fear in my heart. No one knows whats goes threw my mind ..maybe suicide? I know I’m young but who gives a fuck if i live or die. life’s hard but who can you blame..damn ain’t this a shame. can’t nobody feel a bitch pain got me going insane

Maybe everything would be much clearer if no one could see me….

.Fading away sounds great.

Whats wrong kia?…

You know whats wrong…but i’ll be alright.

I can feel my sanity slipping through my fingers.

No one ever said the road would be easy, But I’m fed up because it only gets harder. I’m at a point where i just feel like my purpose for being here is just to go threw shit. I asked God to give me strength, i guess this is the way of making me realize i could handle anything. I’m ready for a break…for true unjustified happiness. Love comes and go i know that. Maybe this one went because i still need to learn how to love myself. Instead of getting so dependent on someone loving me and being there for me. I need to do my own job. I need to feel secure with Lakia and stop being so insecure,easily discouraged and intimated. I have a purpose which is now blinded to my eyes. But if i never find it..it will be strength..courage and the love. Strength to handle the things i can not control. Courage to try things I’ve never dreamed of doing. And love for others and myself. I’m building my bridge..getting ready to walk over it.

“He broke my heart. And now its raining..time to get over it. Im at a place where i need to be. Nothings gonna hold me down or keep me back. And yes i cry real tears. But ima keep on going on and i won’t stop for nothing. “

How could you know that behind my eyes a sad girl cried?
&& how could you know that I hurt so much inside?
How could you know that I’m not the average girl
I’m carrying the weight of the world.
So can you get me out of here? Take me away.
Jump in the car. Drive till the gas runs out
&& we’ll walk so far that we can’t see this place anymore.

Today i didn’t cry.Today i woke up feeling brand new. Today is the day where i lay my securities on the table. Today is the day, i become real wtih myself.Today is the day…I become Lakia.Gotta live my life for me.

“Love, i thought you had my back this time, but damn I’m wrong this time.”

Today I’ve decided to let it all go. I’m going to be truthful with myself. The root of most of my situations is the fact that i have trust issues. Caused by fear. Fear of being hurt. By today, im letting it all go. Giving everybody and everything a chance. Its time for a change..and im ready. Tired of being stressed out. Sick of being held back. Its all about me.

Lately i’ve been drained. No emotions just nothing. I feel nothing..no sadness at all. Which should be a good thing but i think its the worse kind of pain of all. I want to feel my heartbreak i want to let it out. Get it over with…i have a lot to say.No one to say it to.

The Way It Is
The way that I think about you all the time,
The way that I can’t get you out of my mind,
The way that I swear I have loved no one more,
The way that I see how great you have made me,
The way that I know you are the one,
The way that I want you here with me,
The way that I need you so that I can survive,
The way that I have to make you smile,
The way that I would die if you left me,
The way that I cry if you are hurt,
The way that I smile just hearing you breathe,
The way that I frown when you are unhappy,
The way that I put you before anyone else,
The way that I hope you know how I feel,
The way that I love the things you say even when you have nothing to say,
The way that I hate when people mess with you,
The way that I pray I will be with you forever,
The way that I wish that you were here with me,
The way that I wait for you no matter what,
The way that I feel when you are not around,
The way that I miss you even when you are right there,
The way that I dream about you about you almost every time I sleep,
All of this shows me how strong I feel, and how much I need you.

&it doesn’t even matter. Cuz nothing even matters.Because its over. So whats next for me…

I need you. But importantly I need you to need me.

La version française de ce texte est “Julie Bernardin, la petite amie parisienne de Batman”

- I love speed, I’m not politically correct ! I am quick and I only work in the rush.

Julie Bernardin is a radioactive frenetic jewels designer and extremely good with her hands. She studied at Esmod and Studio Berçot where: “Everything I did was terribly bad!”. And became a collection coordinator at Isabel Canovas and a specialist of the XVIII century items and furniture: “pretty cosmic!”… And a Spiderman’s buddy who’s created her trade “to make gifts” three years ago: 4 Me.

- A jewel is a way to express yourself. People easily adapt, one season and you throw them. I think I have fun, but I don’t really have talent.

I disagree: for months, years, two years! For two years I’ve looked for the shop of Super Julie, further to a never-ending brunch at Hotel Murano with The Human Torch. While we nonchalantly walked: I saw it! A kind of “Honey I shrunk Batman” miniature with strass and chains, like a jewel for bags with hype bling charm! I love it! The Human Torch wants to give it to me, I can’t make up my mind: Tiny-Bat is too big for my imaginativeness threshold. Ellipse, after a while and the absolute certain I want the Batman jewel, “the object of desire” says Super Julie.

Once again: after the Sunday brunch ritual in front of the Murano superstars fire place and endless white leather sofa, with this time a human friend, I look for the shop in rue de Turenne. Nothing! The shop disappeared. That’s it! With my jewel! Joker for sure! Two years later, Super Julie comes out again on Iqons. Now the shop has a black box frontage and my X-Men intuition won’t make any mistake again. So what? Even superheroes make a mistake! Seldom!

- I love charms, I put them everywhere! Thanks to Vanessa Zochetti (a elle.fr journalist), I also put them on chains. I really like working with chains. I buy small thingamajigs everywhere, lots in the States, in shops of cooking, cakes tins. Many stuffs from the 50-70’s.

My mega bionic eye examines the glam Barbie’s red superb curls dressed in vintage cowgirl, with a denim tiny short and colourful Mexican boots on a shelf. “Inspector Harry” flashes, in the Vegas 70’s. On another shelf, some Spanish”something”: Super Julie likes kitsch things she transforms into collectors. The 40-50’s jewels she antiques in the US and then “put back together again” to make her own jewels.

- I  love Rita Hayworth, Fred Astair, Capra… 50’s massive influence. I’m very conceptual. I like when it’s representative and something happens: telling a story, like in a Crazy Horse act. All samples have a name. Small dogs are in “My Best Friends”, cause they are here when we need them.

Among the first persons to have a look at her jewels, guess who ? Two great members of the Marverick private club: Gaspard Yurkievich (again and again, I know!)  and André who sells them in his Black Block shop at the Palais de Tokyo.

- I think there are people with an eye and others not. I grew up in the cult of what was beautiful and good, the Crazy Horse basis principles: it had to fix it! Detail is very important.

Yes, a detail, Super Julie is the grand daughter of Alain Bernardin, the Crazy Horse creator.

- Really hard to be yourself ! I am very shy: I listen too much, I need to be relieved. We are in the rat year, a very important year for me! I’m not zen at all!

A big laugh ! No problem, I am not either and I could ask for help Master Carradine for an intensive coaching! I shake off Joker, now we can leave our super powers:

- I love music, I’ve always gone to concerts. I am a mad keen of Fleetwood Mac, Prince, « Sympathy for the Devil » of the Stones… and seventies. I would like to work in music. Many DJs and rappers like my jewels.  I sell a lot to celebs: Rolling Stones, Guetta, Audrey Tautou, Olivier Assayag…

Her handmade jewels, four to ten samples by models, are sold in Paris at Bon Marché that “loves them”  (with an exclusive design, for this winter), Galeries Lafayettes (at the fashion designers corner, last summer) and in thirty shops, mostly concept stores (oups!) around the world: Great Bretain, Italy, Germany, Japan, Taïwan, New York and Chicago, by Jeff Mills, yeah the DJ…

The English version of this text is “Julie Bernardin, the Paris girlfriend for Batman”

- J’aime la vitesse, je ne suis pas politiquement correcte ! Je suis rapide et je ne bosse que dans l’urgence. 

Julie Bernardin est une « frénétique, gravissiment manuelle », radioactive créatrice de bijoux, passée par Esmod (un an) et Berçot où: « Tout ce que je faisais été à chier ! ». Coordinatrice de collection chez Isabel Canovas, spécialiste en reproduction d’objets de décoration du XVIII siècle : « assez cosmique ! »…  Et accessoirement potesse de Spiderman qui a eu « le déclic »  il y a trois ans « pour faire des cadeaux », sous  sa griffe 4 Me :

- Le bijoux est une façon de s’exprimer, ça peut-être très direct. Les gens s’adaptent très facilement, une saison et tu les jettes. Je pense que je m’amuse, mais que je n’ai absolument pas de talent.

Suis pas d’accord des mois des années, enfin deux ! Deux ans que je traque la boutique de Super Julie, suite à un interminable brunch au Murano avec La Torche. Tandis que nous vaquions nonchalamment rue de Turennes, l’œil vif : je tombai sur une miniature du genre « Chéri j’ai rétréci Batman en pendentif Barbie» prisonnier de chaînes et de strass, en bijou de sac breloque bling chic ! J’adore, j’adore, j’adore ! La Torche veut me l’offrir, j’hésite trop grand Batmini pour mon seuil de fantaisie. Ellipse, un temps plus tard et l’absolue certitude: je veux bijou Batman, « l’objet du désir » selon Super Julie.

La répétition: après le classique rituel du brunch dominical devant la cheminée star, moelleusement lovée dans l’over sized canapé cuir blanc sanctuaire du fameux lieu. Cette fois avec La Chose, je retourne la rue de Turenne sans dessus dessous : rien, la boutique avait dis-pa-ru ! Tout bonnement. Et mon bijou avec ! Joker sûrement ! Deux ans passent et Super Julie réapparait sur Iqons. Boutique, désormais parée d’une devanture écrin noir, où même fermée, mon flair d’X-men mis en déroute ne s’y trompera plus ! Ben oui même nous les super héros on s’trompe parfois ! Enfin rarement !

- J’adore les breloques, j’en mets partout ! Grâce à Vanessa Zochetti (rédactrice du Elle.fr), je les porte aussi sur chaîne. J’adore travailler avec des chaînes. J’achète des bouts de bidules partout, beaucoup aux States, dans les magasins d’ustensiles de cuisine, moules à gâteaux. Beaucoup de trucs des années 50-70.

Mon œil mega bionic ausculte les sublimes boucles rousses de glam Barbie cowgirl qui tient la pose vintage en mini short jeans et tiags rouges sur une étagère. Des flashs de « L’Inspecteur Harry » à Vegas, dans les 70’s. Il y a aussi ces espagnolades sur d’autres étagères, Super Julie aime les objets kitsch qu’elle transforme en collectors.

Les bijoux 40-50’s qu’elle chine aux States et « remonte » pour en faire ses bijoux:

 - J’adore Rita Hayworth, Fred Astair, Capra… grosse influence des années 50. Je suis très conceptuelle. J’aime que ce soit représentatif. Il faut toujours qu’il se passe quelque chose : raconter une histoire comme un numéro du Crazy Horse. Tous mes modèles ont un nom, c’est un impératif. Les petits chiens sont dans : « My Best friends » parce qu’ils sont là quand on en a besoin.

Parmi les premières personnes à avoir vu ses bijoux, devinez qui? Deux éminents membres de la congrégation des Maverick : Gaspard Yurkievich (encore lui, je sais je sais !) et André qui les a présenté dans son Black Block au Palais de Tokyo.

- Je pense qu’il y a des gens qui ont l’œil ou pas. J’ai été élevée dans le culte de ce qui était beau et bien, les principes de base du Crazy Horse : il fallait que ça roule ! Le détail est très important pour moi.

Oui petit détail, Super Julie est la petite fille d’Alain Bernardin, le créateur du Crazy Horse :

- Très difficile d’être toi ! Je suis très timide : j’écoute trop, j’ai besoin d’être rassurée. C’est l’année du rat, une année importante pour moi ! Je ne suis pas zen ! 

Dans un grand éclat de rire ! Qu’a cela ne tienne moi non plus, mayday Maître Carradine pour un coaching intensif ! Largué le mode super pouvoirs, j’ai semé Joker :

- J’adore la musique, je suis toujours allée aux concerts. Je suis une frénétique de Fleetwood Mac, Prince, « Sympathy for the Devil » des Stones… des seventies. J’aurai voulu bosser dans la musique. L’univers de mes bijoux plait beaucoup aux DJ (Michael Canitro) et rappeurs. Je vends beaucoup à des people: Rolling Stones, les Guetta, Audrey Tautou, Olivier Assayag…

Ses bijoux faits mains, quatre à dix exemplaires maximum, sont distribués au Bon Marché qui « adore » (un modèle en exclu cet hiver), aux Galeries Lafayettes (corner créateurs, l’été dernier) et dans une trentaine de boutiques, plutôt concept stores (oups!) de part ce vaste monde : Grande Bretagne, Italie, Allemagne, Japon, Taïwan, New York et même Chicago, par la boîte de Jeff Mills, oui le Dj… 

Hé Super Julie, si on se téléportait loin ailleurs ?

- Je suis toujours malade en voyage. Le matelas blanc en plastique aux Seychelles : faut pas déconner ! Rédibitoire. J’adore les Caraïbes, je me sens chez moi, les States, l’Italie et toujours pas le Japon.

Mon œil mega bionic a décrypté l’amour du grand Ouest home sweet home Arizona :

- Je suis née à L.A. Je suis une frénétique de tout ce qui est pur et dur, des indiens Navarro et de Tony Hillerman (auteur culte pour moi aussi). J’adore ce qui est aride. Le Grand Canyon, Las Vegas où l’on trouve les meilleurs antiquaires…les lampes du Ceasar Palace. Et près de Vegas, une réserve où je me ressource. J’ai adoré Kauai (Hawaii), à la fois le côté ricain et bout du monde : beaucoup de trucs vintage.

Et Paris, dernier trend du Maverick international ?

- Je suis l’archétype de la parisienne. Tout ce que j’aime n’existe plus. Paris n’est plus du tout une ville de nuit, il n’y a même plus de boulangerie de nuit ! J’ai des difficultés à voir que les choses bougent. J’aime les choses qui restent.

- Un dîner « Burger et Château Carbonieux » au Hilton Arc de Triomphe :

www.arcdetriompheparis.hilton.com

 - Fruits de mer au « désuet, drôle et totalement absurde » Océan Paris Bar : 5, Place Parmentier, 92200 Neuilly-Sur-Seine  -  Tel : 01 47 22 92 05  

- Une brasserie, Le Stella :133 avenue Victor Hugo, 75116 Paris  -  Tel : 01 56 90 56 00

- Des lieux, quartier : la place de l’Alma, le parc Monceau, le 17eme Arrondissement

Joker a refait surface et pas l’envie de retourner en mode supersonic. Et déjà la rencontre touche à sa fin :

- C’est un moment, un pola. Mon grand-père prenait beaucoup de polas. C’est un plaisir quand les gens aiment, c’est qu’ils sont comme moi… des gens qui ont envie de se démarquer. Il faut que ton œil soit heureux. Ce qui me fait le plus rire, c’est créer ! J’adore faire des pièces uniques, comme les coiffes de mariage.

J’acquiesce réajuste mon loup or, gainée dans mon attirail cuir noir de super héroïne, mes glitters baskets fraîchement lacée des bijoux chaînes strassées 4 Me, je cours vole vitesse krytonique sauver le monde, tout en style et propulsion ! Attention méchant s’abstenir! Let me introduce myself : suis la petite dernière, l’exotique efficace mélange des clans Batman, Spiderman et X-men, family business. A bientôt Super Top Julie !

www.juliebernardin.com 

Hmm…What should i write about today?The way i feel?I give up on trying to express the way i feel.Its hard having no one there. No one to call. Especialy when the people you can call can’t listen and the people who can listen don’t understand. For a long time i’ve always wondered how poeple find it in themselves to be postive. How, and what would make them think that way…and why can’t i think that way. Seeing that i’ve never seen anything postive before in my life, nor have i ever been around any positve people. I can’t just change….its like another world to me. Just something i ain’t used too. I ain’t never seen a better day. I’ve only seen shit go from bad to worse. From worse to can’t get no worse then this and if it do what im gon’ do. I could sit here and say that im going to try and be positive but i’ll be lying. All i know how to be is all i was taught to be. And all is see is misery so thats my mindstate. I also give up on hoping and wishing…i never get want i want. Shit always seems to be so fucking backwards why is that? And im sick of hearing people say if you don’t like it change it. How can i change situations i have completely no control over. Thats what you call stress…stupid ignorant UGH!! It just gets on my nerves. I just don’t get why nobody understands. Acting like im stupid. Im not. I don’t need noone stating the obvious to me. If it was that easy don’t ya think i would have done the shit already?

Anyways…

Right now i feel like giving up. Better yet. Im just tired. I mean why and i trying…its not working. Its been 6yrs of the same ol shit. And since the shit first started its only gotten worse. Theirs nothing i can do but sit back and let it happen. All i really want is to be happy. Better yet atleast satisfied with maybe something in my life. Soon as something good happen something 10x worse right there riding on its back. And its easy to say don’t let it get to you. But i cant help but let it get to me. I hate how the same shit happens over and over and theirs nothing i can do to stop it. Its all mental…like torture shit messing with ya brain. Not like a crack head u can just kick out ya life or say go to rehab. Not like apologizing. Not like just not thinking about it. Its not that easy. Its like torture. Shit that be happening to me all look like mind games. Sometimes i just look at a world different angles and i cant help but laugh and be like why me. Knowing i wanna cry and knowing i wanna help but what else is there to do? Pray? Theirs nothing noone can do. Its all mental. UGH!!I have so much i wanna say. And i dont feel like typing it or writting it down. I wanna say it….i want it to come out of my mouth. Even though it wont make sense…im tired of holding shit inside. I wanna let it out…when it happens. I want sombody to be there for me…like i was for them.I want somebody to listen to me..not just listen understand. Im tired talking to myself…being alone. And even though i know everyone has their own life..their own problems…i still don’t think its fair. I deserve to be happy. If not then why am i here?

Random:
I think some cool motherfucka sat down a long time ago and said, Let’s figure out a way to control motherfuckas. That’s why they came up with the Bible.

I want to hold you forever,
Never make me let you go.
Forever, in itself is a lie,
But maybe we can redefine it.
Be mine until the stars fall from the sky.
Don’t leave me in the rain,
I don’t like the cold.
I need you to not let me go.
Hold me tighter than I can imagine.
Never stop bringing a smile to my face.
I don’t think I can handle not being with you.
Not again.
You can have my heart,
Please don’t break it.
Be my everything.
Be the reason I open my eyes in the morning.
Never leave my side.
-x-

I guess I’ve finally hit rock bottom. My heart hurts. This is the first time I’ve even really had no clue of what to do. But hey, I was feeling that hours ago. I’ve come to decision that I am NOT…a weak person, and things could be worse. So I am not going to be sad no longer..I refuse. Because I am always one that likes to say…people change,things change…people come and go, happiness and love is temporary. So I am now just going to try to be by myself for right now…just gotta get my head right, gotta get my mind strong again!

** So for right now I just wanna be left alone from the world…I dont feel like eating,sleeping,laughing,crying…just nothing. **

 

((Kia))

I wonder if the Lord will forgive me
I couldn’t let my adversaries worry me
and every single day it’s a test,
and still im stressin over death
If I could choose when it was my time to  die, i figure I’d
take a puff on a blunt, and let my trigga fly.

———————————————————

When everyday it’s another death, with every breath,
it’s a constant threat, so watch yo’ step!
You could be next if you want to, who do you run to?
Murderin niggaz, look what it’s come to
My memories bring me misery, and life is hard
in the ghetto, it’s insanity, I can’t breath.

Got me thinkin, what do Hell got?
Cause I done suffered so much, I’m feelin shell-shocked
And driveby’s are an everyday thang
I done lost too many homies to this motherfuckin game
and Lord knows…

——————————————————

Money gone fuck friends
I need a homie that know me
when all this mothafuckin’ stress  be on me.
I got problems ain’t nobody calling back
now what the fuck is happenin’ with my so called friends?

———————————————————–

Remember Me?

I guess not. I thought I had friends but in the end im sitting here all alone again. I wonder when whill I be happy..ain’t nothin’ funny.Everybodies dyin’. Am I next?Im worried. and I loosin’ my mind?I try to look at my reflection in the mirror but the reflection only makes the pain turn realer.And my visons gettin’ blurry. I fall to my knees and pray to god but he ignores me cuz im guilty.Show me a miracle im hopeless!Dont mention funerals, im already paranoid,nervous and stressin’, and reminicing bout them niggas that murdered my cousin. Where will I go since I discovered..nothing can save me and its even worse since no one loves me. Im gettin’ supsicous with my friends. Its funny how evertyime I call the line is busy. Now stress begins.

Im underpressure. Sombody help me..im underpressure is there a better way?Bitches don’t like me, but it dont matta cuz they ain’t real. I put up my middle finger then i dash. And they just laugh.

They wanna bury me Im worried, no need to lie. I pray to God I dont scream when its my time to die.No ones reading no ones listening..im all alone. I pick up the phone but all i can hear is my dial tone.Im seeing visions of me dead. Lord are you there?Please help me cuz im scared.No where to rest im loosin’ family..ain’t that a bitch!

Hey, tell me if im lost cuz im lonely…I thought i had friends but in the end i guess I’ll die lonely.No where to run and im in terror, cuz no one cares!Closed casket at my funeral cuz no ones there.Is there a future for a liar?I change my ways.But still that dont promise me anotha day.Sometimes I wonder if im hell bound well hell im in hell now.And hell can’t be worse than this.Dont make me hurt you cuz i will, but im tellin’ you now these mothafuckas dont know me!

I ain’t scared to die.

 

 

I used to think that a broken heart could only come from a break up. But my heart is broken now. A broken heart is the worst feeling in the world. Atleast to me…

Things that break my heart…

• pretty smiles
• decieving laughs
• people who dream with their eyes open
• lonely children
• unanswered cries
• souls who have given up hope
• being misjudged
• and selfish people that dont care about me….selfish ppl like u.

It’s a new day. I have a new heart. And Im going to move the hell on. I am only human. A senitive human. My friends….those that have been there will stay there. Those that have gone threw the motions…will be thrown out. I will no longer worry myself over people that wouldn’t worry over me. If you care for my i care for you. If you don’t care for me, I still care for you…I just won’t fuck with you. I am no longer downgrading my self to any nigga. No boyfriends for me….I am becoming a better person. Maybe nicer…maybe less angery. But still in all the kia that you used to know is not gone. I’ll still be me. Just better.

FRIENDS.—On the whole, I don’t have any friends. Friends come and go; I’ve lost my trust factor. I believe I have people who think they’re my friend. And I believe that there are people probably in their heart who are friends toward me or are friends to me. But they’re not my friends, because what I learned is that fear is stronger than love. So soon as somebody scarier or better comes along, they won’t be my friend anymore. I learned that not to long ago-so I don’t have friends, I have family. You’re either my all-the-way family or just somebody on the outside.Not my friend.

A MAN—-Im 15 years old. I shouldn’t even be worryng about no boyfriend. Well i was …just to say i had sombody that cared about me. I was desperate for love. I never felt loved. I wanted sombody to love me. I needed sombody to love me. But now i know that if i just wait love will come to me. One day god will send me someone thats going to love me for me. Thats going to be man enough for me. One day i will find love. Real love. One day i will find a strong man,one dat will fall inlove with me because he appreciates that fact that im in love with him. Evertime i think i love a boy..i dont love him. a I love what i want him to be or what i think he was. I never thought about the fact that a boy never showed me he cared for me atleast half of the way i showed them.But still i’ve never found a dude to fit up to my standards. And im 100 percent sure i dont fill any one elses’ standards. But IF i could find a dude with potential …then i could love him and we could have the rawest relationship in the world.