Today on the listening agenda:

80s Hairbands and other rockers!

I hope everyone enjoys their Wednesday!

I was in my second year at Middle School in Greenfield, Massachusetts.  Noticing that I had a ridiculously massive love and hunger for any book I could get my hands on (partial quest for knowledge/partial escape at any cost) one of my teachers suggested that I help out in the library for study/free period. I loved the idea and jumped at the chance to actually be “behind-the-scenes” at the library. It was to be the first library I had direct contact with. It was wonderful. I had access to the restricted Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue box that had collected these particular “naughty” magazines for years. I was also left alone to enjoy the library when my work was done.

It was there that I encountered my first peek into the world of witchcraft and magic, potions and spells. I have recounted before that Scott Cunningham’s ‘Magical Herbalism’ was the first book to get me into all the wonderful stuff I currently love. This is not entirely true. I usually default to Cunningham’s book due to the fact that I could never remember the actual book that I first laid eyes on. To be sure, ‘Magical Herbalism’ changed my life. I carried an ultra dog-eared and marked-up copy in my backpack all through High School. However, the book that started it all, revved up my curiosity, and caused me to actively seek out a book like Cunningham’s was this:

“The Book”

I refer to it as “The Book” (capitol “T,” capitol “B”) because for 20-some-odd years I couldn’t remember the name of it at all. I remembered that it was the color of the hard cover book was the same green and purple that my beloved, also Massachusetts-based, Dinosaur Jr used on each and every one of their album covers (at the time, excluding the ‘Dinosaur’ debut album) and t-shirts. I vividly remembered the art on the cover as being amazing…and now after seeing it again I realize that the illustrations for the book had formed my current artistic tastes.

I happened to randomly stumble upon it while looking through a popular book-buying site we all know and love/loathe. It all came rushing back to me. Just seeing the cover made me creep very close to “tears” territory. The book is called Witches’ Potions and Spells. It was written/edited by Kathryn Paulsen and illustrated by Maggie Jarvis. The book was published in 1971 by Peter Pauper Press of Mount Vernon, New York and was not reprinted. There is an alternate blue and red hardcover version as well.

It is a 62 page book filled with spells that go from utterly charming to chillingly horrible. The book is divided into sections titled Love Potions, Transvection, or Flying Ointments, For Jealousy and Conquest of Rivals, To Break a Love Spell, For Deceit, For Good Fortune and Favor, For Strength Courage and Fear, Preparations of Mandrake Root, To Cause Discord, To Cure and Prevent Illness, To Cause Sleep or Wakefulness, To Compel True Speech, For Prophecy and Raising Spirits, To Cause Illusion, To Harm Enemies, etc, etc.

I was 11 going on 12 years old. I was captivated. I had seen magical things on television and in movies and video games, but this seemed real. The book was powerful and scary. I did not want to go and do anything that had to do with the killing of animals for ingredients (and hoo-boy, there is a LOT of that in this book) but I still recognized that this was much different from the faerie tales and kid’s books I had read. The spells were OLD sounding. Some mentioned the Devil! Eye of Basilisk is even mentioned a few times! In between the fantasy, I was introduced to a world where herbs and roots could heal and harm, protect and help with deeds. I wasn’t about to get the brains of a bear to soak in wine, but I was interested in these old ways I was reading about.

I decided to take the book home and, too afraid to officially check it out of the library, slipped it into my bag and hurried out. That week at home I poured over the book endlessly. I admired the illustrations, or “decorations” as the book describes them, staring at them for as long as I could. I read, re-read, and re-re-read each page over and over again. That is, until my mother found the book.

She had been “cleaning my room” and came across it. I came home that day, from school, to a flipped out, hysterical mother who waved the book in my face and started to scream at me. This was different, as I usually had little-to-no parental input. My Mother was 28 at the time and was very much into a new band called Guns N’ Roses. Whitesnake, too. Usually she was cool; MTV, pizza, Wonderful World of Disney, Ozzy worship, and Atari’s Star Wars: Death Star Battle were all very common in our house. She was not having this though. Not at all. She started yelling at me that she had known a kid when she was younger who was “into all of this stuff” and had “killed cats and hurt animals” and did I think that that sounded fun or something I would like to do. She must have forgot my extreme love for birds, our cats, and pretty much all of the animals I helped care for on my Uncle’s farm that we had previous lived at. I assured her I wanted to do no such thing.

At this point she stormed out of the house and walked across the parking lot to one of those GIANT blue trash dumpsters that are always sighted in apartment complexes. She tossed the book into the open “window” of the dumpster and walked back into the house, grounding me for some allotted amount of time. Here’s where things get magically delicious. About two days after this happens I was ordered, at the top of my Mother’s lungs, to “come down these stairs right this instant!” I thought she was upset because I had been listening to her cassette copy of Def Leppard’s ‘Hysteria’ without asking her again. I was chilled and goose-bumped to see her pointing to the back patio concrete where the book was laying in the lightly falling snow. It was on our back steps, as though it wanted to be let back inside the house. I had to swear to her and yell that, “I hadn’t gone after the book…and if I had, why would I leave it outside in the snow to get ruined…and where she could see it!?” None of my friends knew about the book or that she had thrown it away and, even if I had wanted to, the dumpster door was too high up for me to climb into. I didn’t want to go rooting around in a huge, smelly dumpster anyway.

I was re-grounded for an even longer time. My boombox was taken away along with my comic books and Weird Al cassettes. The book was taken to the dumpster and thrown away AGAIN. After that I hadn’t seen the book again until about a month ago…and I’m in used bookstores/browsing books online constantly. My Mother swears she was not behind this, in an attempt to try to scare me and she barely even remembers the entire incident.

This single book from a small Middle School library (Sara and I speculate how the hell it even ended up in a school library in the first place) in Western Massachusetts formed an idea in my brain that never went away. I may have turned my full attention to comic books and music for my teen years to come, but I never dropped the witches and magical spells entirely. So I say a belated Thank You to Kathryn Paulsen, Maggie Jarvis, Peter Pauper Press and everyone involved with getting ‘Witches Potions and Spells’ into my 11 year old hands. I am forever indebted to you.

To recreate this salad you’ll need the following:

• a hungry, vegan belly
• a frying pan and spatula
• a stove with working electricity or gas
• oil of some sort (canola, vegetable, olive, you get the drift)
• fake chicken, such as Morning Star Chik’n Strips®, my favorite!
• at least one hand to stir the fake chicken, or a friend who will stir fake chicken for you. Note: They do not have to be vegan. Or even your friend.
• greens ( you know, like lettuce and/or spinach. Get funky!)
• dressing of your choice..keep it vegan baby. I prefer Wegmans Traditional Italian dressing.
• a fork (use of fingers optional)
• a plate

Pair with:

• white wine
• Alexia Ciabatta rolls

Optional Items:

• 80′s hair band music playing in the background
• Whining dogs, begging for your food
• a bad attitude

Instructions:

1. Read the directions, follow them, get creative, eat, smile. Rinse, lather, and repeat.

Go visit my friend Flannery’s blog Living on the Spectrum: The Connor Chronicles to see what kind of trouble I got into with her two-dimensional doppelganger last week. The story includes gambling, 80s hair bands, a cat fight, and a urinal. This should come as no surprise to anyone.

Thanks, Flannery!!

© That’sRightISaidIt.Dot.Mom

Bret Michaels is expected to undergo major heart surgery today. During the procedure, which is scheduled to take place in Phoenix, doctors will work to repair a hole in the Poison singer’s heart. 

The rocker told “The Arizona Republic” that he plans to be hospitalized for approximately three to four days in connection with the procedure. Michaels added, quote, “Then, I will be down (resting) for three weeks. I don’t know if I can sit around for that long, but I’ll try my best.”

Today’s surgery is an epilogue of sorts to 2010, a year filled with medical scares for the 47-year-old. It was just last April that Michaels was forced to leave his tour to undergo an emergency appendectomy. A few weeks later he was hospitalized for a brain hemorrhage. Then, in May, a “warning stroke” led doctors to detect the abnormality in Michaels’ heart. At the time of the diagnosis, physicians said it was not likely that the heart condition was connected to his earlier brain hemorrhage.

The place that speaks to me as far as this song is concerned is at 3:55. The song has become a crawl. Coverdale has taken his vocals to a low growl and the music has slowed to a slow simmer. Then there’s what sounds like a violin builds to a crescendo and then…at 3:55…Coverdale lets out a guttural howl and the song picks up pace and you can almost feel the heat of the song as the guitar kicks in. The hair on my arm stands up every time I get to this part of the song. I don’t know what it is…whether its the energy or the guitar or the violin or what, but it’s a purely sexual sensation and Coverdale and the band take it and run with it.

“Still Of The Night” is easily one of my favorite tracks from that year and this ear nugget is one of the many reasons why. Well…that and for lyrics like this…

In the Still of the Night
I hear the wolf howl, honey
Sniffing around your door
In the Still of the Night
I feel my heart beating heavy
Telling me I gotta have more

Now I just wanna get close to you
An’ taste your love so sweet
An’ I just wanna make love to you
Feel your body heat

Yeah….that’s STILL kinda hot.And so is Tawny Kitaen.

When I was 8 years old, my older sister Patrycja introduced me to Hair Metal; that flamboyant display of eyeliner, lipstick and skin tight leather pants which was so glorious. One of the best parts of having an older sister is that she got to buy Metal Edge magazines and I got to read them. That is partly what influenced the purchase of my very first album, Def Leppard’s Hysteria, which I listened to repeatedly and tirelessly. From there I discovered C.C Deville, Rikki Rockett, Bobby Dall and Bret Michaels – also known as Poison.

I recall my father saying “What a bunch of ugly girls”, when he saw the above posted photo. That is when they became my favorite band. The pure fact that my father disliked them obviously made them so much more appealing to me. (This became a trend in my life, but is a story for another time).

Honestly, don’t laugh, their music was really good. “Look what the Cat Dragged In” samples can be heard HERE and even though at 9 years old “I Want Action” was probably not something I should have been listening to, I loved that album. My parents were surprisingly accepting of the ‘cassette tapes’ that Patrycja and I would haul along on all our family road trips. Those, by the way, are some of my best childhood memories. We took A LOT of road trips and the only thing that made it remotely tolerable was the refuge that Bon Jovi songs like “Wanted Dead or Alive” brought.

Due to the fact that my baby sister Cathy and I fought constantly when we were forced to be stuck inside a car together for longer than 15 minutes, I had to sit in the front seat next to my father. That made me the DJ, a job I was more than happy to take on. The only rules were: each album was allowed only one rotation at a time and for every album that Patrycja and I wanted to listen to, my parents had their choice played. My dad usually went for Pink Floyd or Supertramp, really great bands. My mother on the other hand chose Richard Clayderman, Gypsy Kings and various Polish pop songs, some of which I still cannot get out of my head.

My dad was pretty cool though because when I was twelve, he took me and Patrycja to a Poison concert. Even though he wore ear plugs the whole time, I want to believe that on some level he enjoyed it.
My love of hair bands didn’t stop there, so I’d like to to share with you, some of my other favorites:

Trixster: Ah, sweet PJ Farley with his luscious long hair and kissable lips. This gem came courtesy of our cousin Zaneta, who I always admired because she was friends with boys that were in bands.

And one of my absolute favorites,Winger. This song in particular:

This post must be concluded with the band that made this possible.

The Scorpions

It’s Music Monday!

I ♥ ♪ #musicmonday ♪

Every Monday on Twitter  before the midnight hour I unleash 10 random tunes from my Ipod.
Here are the top ten from Monday’s 3/22/2010

#nowplaying You Got It All by The Jets on playlist.com! Click here to listen http://shar.es/mfT8A via @sharethis #musicmonday

#nowplaying Catch Me Im Falling by Pretty Poison on playlist.com! Click here to listen http://shar.es/mfT8r via @sharethis #musicmonday

#nowplaying Wind of Change by Scorpions on playlist.com! Click here to listen http://shar.es/mfTI8sharethis #musicmonday via @

#nowplaying I Need a Dollar by Aloe Blacc on playlist.com! Click here to listen http://shar.es/mfTJ0sharethis #musicmonday via @

#nowplaying Roller Skates by Steel Pulse on playlist.com! Click here to listen http://shar.es/mfTIq via @sharethis #musicmonday

#nowplaying Don’t Stand So Close to Me by The Police on playlist.com! Click here to listen http://shar.es/mfTEG via @sharethis

#nowplaying Nappy Heads by The Fugees on playlist.com! Click here to listen http://shar.es/mfTzZ via @sharethis #musicmonday

#nowplaying Dancing Machine by Micheal Jackson and the Jackson 5 on playlist.com! Click here to listen http://shar.es/mfTkR via @sharethis

#nowplaying Sex is on Fire by Kings of Leon on playlist.com! Click here to listen http://shar.es/mfTZQsharethis #musicmonday via @

#nowplaying So Far So Good by J-Dilla on playlist.com! Click here to listen http://shar.es/mfTZ5 via @sharethis #musicmonday

]]> http://mattwisdom.wordpress.com/2010/02/11/guilty-as-charged/ Thu, 11 Feb 2010 16:57:00 +0000 Matt http://mattwisdom.wordpress.com/2010/02/11/guilty-as-charged/ Guilty pleasures. Though we may try and keep them under wraps, we all have them. So today I would like to offer a forum to you in which you can come out of the closet and publically declare your guilty pleasure.

One of my guilty pleasures is, without a doubt, bad 1980’s hair bands. Even today, 20+ years after their heyday, I still love to listen to them. I mean, what’s not to like? Who doesn’t like men in makeup with an entire can of hairspray in their hair, dressed in skin tight leather and screaming songs in falsetto that objectify women?

This morning on my way to work I picked out a few songs to help fulfill this need:

Skid Row – I Remember You
Poison – Talk Dirty to Me
Warrant – Down Boys
Motley Crue – Girls, Girls, Girls

What about you? What are your guilty pleasures? The forum is open, but please keep it relatively clean…

It’s been a long time since Bret has played the big stage and last night he missed his cue to get out of the way! At the Tonys, during a nice promotional plug with Rock of Ages, Bret performed with Poison and got hit with the (slowly) descending “Broadway” stage prop.

No one wants to see Bret squashed like a bug (ok, maybe some do) but this was pretty funny … and nothing but a good time to watch.

If you’ve been an LTR/LTT reader for awhile, by now you should know Edward does many things other than steal the hearts of 17 year old girls he meets at Forks High School. Ever since January 11th the Edward action figure has been busy- doing things like: going to the beach, driving in Hollywood, playing with bunnies, going to Seattle and Chicago…we could go on and on…

We think we have discovered just “how” Edward does it all. At first we attributed his ability to be everywhere at once to his amazing vampire-ish-ness, but now we think we’ve discovered the secret: There’s more than one Edward Action Figure out there. We’re pretty bummed because we thought we were the only ones who had him. He told us we were unique and special.  Yeah, we’re pretty pissed, so currently we’re “on a break.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The Edward Action figure gets around. Enjoy his latest travels.

Love,
Us

Yanin told us how you were strong and gave support when she found out her cousin was pregnant. You even held the test while they waited!

2far2care took you to a Nascar race in Texas (You wanted to be just like Ricky Bobby for a day- please never do that again)

You laughed as you watched those poor humans struggle.  The first car you saw was Dale Earnhardt, Jr’s. Looks like one of his crew recognized you.

You even got to see first place winner, Jeff Gordon.  See how he tries to imitate you.  (Everyone wants to be like Edward)

See more of Edward breaking our hearts and cheating on us with others, after the jump.

Briar Rose showed us what you helped with at her house. She says:

I must say that I was a bit embarrassed when you caught me drooling over the Rob Porn over at LTR.

But being the perfect specimen of Micro Edward that you are, you picked up on the concept of Porn for Women right away.  I must say that you are a tiger in the laundry department how very “Growing up Cullen” of you  **swoon**

Unfortuneately, you were too embarassed to be photographed as evidence for this next letter:

Dear Lovely People at NECA,

While I appreciate that you have been able to deliver a Micro -Edward to the enthusiastic masses  (and by “masses”, I really mean 30-year old stay at home moms like myself, who have seen a surge in sexual appetite since Rob/Edward has come into the picture; as well as the blissful return of fangirl silly sqeals that haven’t crossed my lips since I saw NKOTB at the Spectrum in 1990.  But, I digress…) Anyway, micro Eddie and I had so many plans for this week, all of them shattered this morning at breakfast when my 6 year old daughter removed him from the chandelier (Why was he swinging from said chandelier you ask? Perhaps a story for another letter.), and his graceful plastic hand broke away from his body.  The horror!   Now his gorgeous limbs will be tainted with Super Glue, and he will be the laughing stock of the party I’m taking him to on Sat. night.  Thanks alot, quality control dude from NECA!

Love, Me

Allison and an unnamed accomplice took Edward to Forks

See everywhere else that little slutty plastic doll as been…

This nightly rant is brought to you by the wig that lays upon Bret Michael’s balding head. For those you of who aren’t familiar with Rock of Love  (how lucky are you???) Bret Michale’s is now in it’s 3rd season of his freak show reality series to “find love” on a tour bus. You don’t have to second guess that this show is yet again another creation by the duo Abrego and Cronin. They have brought us other smutty shows like For the Love of Ray J, Flava of Love, and I Love New York. 

with or without the bandana it is CLEAR this is one cheap wig!

 this mug shot lighting put this wig shot on BLAST! I believe this is a Raquel Welch wig #4706 : Mandee is bleach blonde with fried ends..

 At least the man should be able to get a great weave! There are some really intricate tools out there to make your extensions look like they are growing out of your head, yet Bret sticks to these cheap-o wigs. I just don’t comprehend it? The only plausiable explanation I could think of is that perhaps, Bret is SOOO badly balding that he doesn’t have much to work with in the first place. I know to at least get these super weaves that all the stars wear, you have to have at least have an inch or two of your own hair to work with.

I HAVE A FEELING THIS IS MORE LIKE WHAT LURKS UNDERNEATH

 In one episode of Rock of Love Tour Bus, he was smacking lips with one chick and she came ever so close to touching his hair. I could feel the anxiety through the tube. He didn’t want his coif to come right off into the girls hand. It was so hilarious to watch because he tried extra hard to keep his cool, but  his eyes went into ” deer caught in headlights” mode, and the gig was up.  Bret is mentally attached to his hair, even though physically the foliciles have fallen to the wayside. At the time of his  musical peek as the front man for Poison, Bret was known for his “great” hair (I guess back in the 80′s it was considered to be great)

Poison the beloved 80′s Hair band, with hits like “Every Rose” and I couldn’t name another one to be honest…

The gig is up Bret! I would love to take credit as being the first person to bring this notion to light, but I have been beaten to the punch. All you have to do is search the wonderful world of the web to find others that have made this asertion about Mr. Michael’s and his bad, bad, WIGS. There is actually an ongoing debate about it on Vh1′ website. Here are some of the comments wittingly titled “Bret is Bald” that had me in stitches.

MELODY

BRET TOLD ME HE AINT’ BALD. HE WEARS A WIG BECAUSE HE DOESNT’ WANT PEOPLE KNOWING WHAT HIS HAIR REALY LOOKS LIKE SO HE CAN LIVE UNDERCOVER WHEN GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE.

Jeff Kent has spent the week since his trip to the movies at home watching a Hills marathon.

Jeff: What an amazing show! MTV sure got lucky when they picked someone with a life as exciting as LC’s to follow around. Most people’s lives wouldn’t be near entertaining enough for television without writers! And that Spencer fellow sure is a swell guy! I’m just sad the marathon is over, aren’t you Davey?

Davey: (does dead dog type things) …

Jeff: (shoots Davey’s decaying bones) You know, you’re right buddy, I SHOULD get out more! But where to go?

TV: Come on down to the Los Angeles Zoo! Fun for the whole family!

(Jeff shoots TV)

Jeff: Well that was fun! And that last thing it said sounded fun too! Look out zoo, here comes Jeff Kent!

(Drives Dodge Stratus to zoo, approaches front entrance)

Zoo Worker: Welcome to the Los Angeles Zoo!

Jeff: (shoots zoo worker) Why thank you! Boy this is going to be fun!

(Walks to elephant enclosure, imagines targets on elephant)

(shoots elephant, it refuses to go down)

Jeff: Boy that elephant sure is strong! I’d better come back later with better equipment!

(pulls out “To Do” list, writes “Buy elephant gun from Plaxico” at the top)

(walks over to childrens play area, shoots all children in sight)

Jeff: Oh look! I bet that slide is loads of fun!

(spends next 2 hours on slide)

Jeff: Wow, that sure was exciting! But I think I wanna go see the monkeys now!

(walks to monkey enclosure)

Jeff: Oh dear! That one monkey appears to be harming that other monkey!

(monkeys are getting it on)

Jeff: Won’t someone please help that monkey?! No one? I guess I’ll have to do it!

(jumps into enclosure, while trying to break up monkey sex becomes involuntary partner)

Passerby: Oh goodness! What is that man doing?! (shields the eyes of the innocent children)

Big black PETA guy: (becomes overly self-righteous)

Big black PETA guy: HOW DARE YOU ABUSE THOSE ANIMALS! PETA SMASH! (knocks Jeff Kent unconscious after resisting a half dozen bullet wounds)

Announcer: Is this the end of Jeff Kent? Will PETA take over the world? Who thought that elephant slide was a good idea? Why did they decide to add an announcer now? Find out the answers to these and other questions next time on Jeff Kent’s Life After Retirement!

I have begun to wonder if my putative guide, Hoggle, actually knows his way around this confusing realm; we have spent several hours wandering through a vast hedge-maze and appear to be no closer to finding either Hoggle’s friend Sarah or our way out.

Eventually, even Hoggle is forced to admit that we are lost:

Fortunately, we eventually find our way out of the hall of the hideous eyeless white creature, only to be confronted by a new threat which Hoggle evidently finds even more terrifying.

At first, I don’t understand what Hoggle is afraid of; after all, the rest of the band is not present, so there is little danger that they will begin jamming.  However, I soon learn that the one whom I took for the lead singer of an 80s hair band is, in fact, the powerful and dreaded Goblin King.

The Goblin King does not deign to repeat himself, so I am forced to guess how to respond.  A wrong answer could well mean my death. Fortunately, I guess correctly.

Or did I?

I have evidently entered myself into the service of the Goblin King, charged to complete some deadly errand or quest that I didn’t even hear him explain.  But I have no doubt that, whatever it is, I will be able to carry it out; because I am Dennis the Vizsla, and I never give up.

This was a treat because he is a hero of mine…however, it was quite a surprise that even on the set of the show, we were given food that was catered by Craft Services out back…what a pity.

I digress…on to my obsession…
I can’t get enough of Bret Michaels and Rock of Love on VH1.  Are you kidding me right now???  What kind of mindless fluff have I gotten myself hooked on like bad crack cocaine…???

I watched last season and thought this has got to be a one off…no WAY will this continue on…Loved the girl he picked in the end, named Jesse – but she dumped him on the reunion show much to the millions of viewers chagrin.

Well, lo and behold there is a Rock of Love 2 – I actually TIVO this…and can’t WAIT to get home to watch the trainwrecks that alcohol and too many women in one place (read: GROUPIES) create…catfights, more name calling and puking than a sorority house all vying for the attention of one puffy ol’ Rocker from the 80′s biggest hair glam band, next to Winger.

What killed me last night was something he said and I couldn’t believe that he actually spoke these words about one of the girls’ ex boyfriends…

“With Daisy’s ex-boyfriend I knew something was up…it’s a bit of a conundrum…he’s an enigma…this is a mystery…”

HUH???!!!!  What the bloody hell does that mean? 

Why didn’t he just say “That guy is one sneaky, you know what…”  or   “That shady guy just ain’t telling me something…”

 SCRIPTED…No…*sarcasm, sarcasm*

Maybe I should have titled my post:

Puffy rocker uses THREE 25¢ Words in one sentence…

Music Television.

It was glorious. I can remember the days of waiting for the top 1o so I could call in and vote for my favorite video.   At the time, I think the current champ was Def Leppard with Pour Some Sugar on Me. Loved that song and loved that video. I think it was #1 so long it would have gotten the boot on TRL. If TRL had existed.

Def Leppard had won my heart, as did another 80′s hair band. Poison. (Actually a lot of hair bands dominated my life. But I’m trying not to scare anyone away.) I loved Poison. They were awesome. They ARE awesome. Bret Michaels was the definition of cool.

The long hair, the suggestive lyrics, the scantily clad women in his videos. It was everything a pre-pubescent male could ever ask for. Had I actually been old enough to pick up on sexual innuendo, Poison would have solidified themselves and coolest thing about being 9 years old. (The Nintendo Entertainment System grabbed a hold of that top spot for various reasons.)

Flash forward to 2007. One of the greatest reality shows to hit the airwaves! Rock of Love. If you’ve haven’t seen it, you should. It’s a train-wreck of a show with one of my pre-pubescent heros Bret Michaels. He’s basically trying to find love. Or a hot little thing to sleep with for awhile.

Which I believe came to fruition when he nailed first season winner Jes.
Who I actually picked to win last year. (p.s. the reason I picked her to win, was not because she was the most compatible with Bret, but because she was the hottest. And sometimes folks, hotness trumps compatibility. Take that Eharmony!)

So anyway, much was my excitement when I was told of a Rock of Love Season 2. [Now airing on VH1 on Sundays.] I’ll be the first to admit I haven’t followed as closely as I did season 1. But I have Tivo’ed most of the episodes. So much to my excitement I set some time aside today to catch up on my missed episodes of Rock of Love Season 2.

I can’t tell you how disappointed I am in my Hero Bret Michaels. I thought for sure, this season of Rock of Love would bring even hotter women. Skankier women. Women who just wanted to be on a reality show. Women with lose morals, and a low tolerence for drinking. Well to my dismay, the show actually brought along ALL those types of women.

Except hot. And I’m being serious. Like not hot at all.
Heres our girl Catherine….

While not exactly the ugliest of the group, I’m pretty sure she’s got grandkids somewhere. I’m putting 10 bucks on the fact, that she may have been my friends mom, that was enabling us to call MTV to vote for our favorite video. And I must admit, I do like the feathered hair, WITH bangs. I believe it’s something only a Glamour Shots Professional can achieve.

Heres one of my favorites… Daisy.

Now, some may find our little Daisy to be attractive. And by attractive I mean slutty. I can’t help it, I only call it as I see it. I’m sure she’s an extremely nice girl to all she meets, but people, come on. If you’ve been watching the show and you’ve seen the episode where Daisy puts on a lingerie fashion show for our hero Bret, then you’ll know exactly why Daisy is still around. Reminds me much of that dating show, ElimiDATE. If you were a smart dude, you’d keep the slut around till the final elimination, then see what she’d do (slut wise), the eliminate her, and take home the nice girl. Hate to say it Daisy, but you’re pretty much on ElimiDATE.

Next of course is Peyton. Who by all accounts should also be my friends mom, smoking a cigarette, drinking bourbon on the rocks while her boyfriend “Don” fixes his T-Bird.

Wait a second?!?!? Is it just me… or is Peyton actually Richie Sambora??

Quick!! Someone find out if they’ve ever seen Peyton or Richie Sambora at the same place at the same time!!!!

This my friends is where I lose my faith in Bret Michaels. You see last year, Bret’s Roadie John did the picking of all the women who were allowed to be in the house. So I can actually fault Big John for messing up a good thing. Find hot women. How hard could that be. Well Big John did us fans a huge disfavor by not selecting that many hot girls. But I will give him credit. He picked more than Bret did. In fact, as I’ve previously stated, Bret let me down. Bret picked this girl to stay… the lovely Albine…

I just….
I dont know. I’m at a loss for words. I know when people get drunk their decision making goes all to hell. But Bret?!?!? How drunk where you? The selection show MUST have come after a three day bender! PLEASE TELL ME IT CAME AFTER A 3 DAY BENDER!!! Please restore some faith I once had in you.
If Bret was indeed drunk then I’ll give Bret some credit….

After weeding out all the lost causes at the Rock of Love mansion, I did however settle on a winner. I picked her once again cause she is hot. And as we learned earlier hotness, trumps compatibility sometimes.

In this case, I think it’s more of this scenario….

OK I have to choose for THESE girls??? Damn. Ummm Alright… You.. Yeah You! You’re not the hottest girl I’ve ever seen, but you’re hotter than you’re surroundings. You win. Now get some whiskey.

In all fairness, she may be the hottest, but then again, I also think she’s a germ-a-phobe, retraining ordering, playboy posing, crazy. Like “that bitch is crazy,” crazy.

Then again…. the hot ones always are.