As the Indian summer draws to a close over Europe, in another part of the world Down Under, Spring is in the air, racing carnivals have begun, World Masters Games are about to commence and a select set of women are doing their best to plan for that day of all days that is the Wedding Wonderland.

Brides to be, preparing for the day (eg working out what to wear), can get at times, as we have seen in countless hollywood movies, like “Bride Wars” and “My Best Friends Wedding”, down right dirty and as close to a blood sport as maybe the women’s waterpolo olympic final.

Getting everything thing perfect, takes a full assult team, a tactician and at times a trained negotiator to talk many a bride, and her best friend from jumping off the ledge of friendship into a lonely endless sea of wedding insanity.

Yet with all the planning for the wedding itself, and the revered designer wedding gown that contain two words that start with V W (insert Vera Wang or Vivienne Westwood Carrie Gown as your see fit) . Not to mention the cake, the flowers, the guest list, the music, the honeymoon, the gift registry, the cars, the thank you cards, the invitations, the ring, and this and that.

I have seen many brides to be, arrive on department store lingerie floor’s around the world, and do exactly the same thing. Usually less than a week before the wedding, in a flap, they ask for white, smooth, seamless lingerie that does not under any circumstance interfere with the line of the dress.

So we explore the options slowly and with a sense of humor.. They never bring the dress and describing it well we dont have time for playing charades. Corsets at a pinch yes, silk, yes, knickerless on occassions YES… Braless too many times to mention.. What women will do without, just to wear a white dress is amazing.

Off course one thing is always forgotten..WEDDING NIGHT LINGERIE and the ART OF SEDUCTION. Hello this is the NIGHT of ALL NIGHTS for ROMANCE. FOR SEDUCTION, FOR ILLUSION, FOR INTENTION and FOR SENSUAL HEIGHTS of SHEER INDULGENCE and OPULANCE.

 Of course Kim Basinger is totally in need of Harlette Housecoat in 9 1/2 weeks but Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger really know how to play.. I know you do to…

So dont forget this level of absolute bliss, after all how much did you spend on the dress.. how many credits cards did you split the payments across, have you actually told anyone the real price of it? I am thinking NO to all of the above questions and the best lie’s one tells is of course I got a discount… mmm OK moving on.

So say the dress in the vicinity of tens of thousands…you wear it for at most eight hours.. the return of investment is very low in comparison to what the return on investment is for exceptional lingerie. Lingerie can always be brought out again… Especially when you can link it with the phrase remember our wedding night, and what I wore, would you like me to put it on again.

You see it works if its lingerie… There is not a man in the world that would say NO honey to sexy lingerie.. You see what happens though is women associate all that intoxicating romance stuff and link it with the dress and how they feel, forgetting sometimes about the love’s of their lives, and their needs and the amount of times women will try to bring the wedding dress out again to rekindle the romance is suprising..

So be prepared to create the ultimate seduction on the wedding night and come prepared with at least three sets of lingerie. One that is daring, one that is tantalising and one that is sensual. Make your wedding night a night to remember. 

Of course  to make this happen, try to avoid the typical bride diet,  eating nothing then drinking copious amounts of pink laurent perrier champagne on the day. Dont get me started on the Honeymoon…

Speaking of weddings and honeymoons, Harlette Luxury Lingerie had a photo shoot last week for a wedding magazine called Modern Wedding and will be available in December. It featured the soon to be released Wedding Wonderland Housecoat that features a handmade piece from the Harlette Platinum Lingerie collection.

The shoot also featured a super secret preview of a few of the pieces that will be shown in central London at www.mybeautifulcity.co.ukon December the 3rd as part of Fashion Mode Fashion Show, coincidently Vivienne Westwood also recently showed her spring summer 2009 collection here and for the time being all the Harlette pieces are underwraps until the London Launch.

Which reminds me, on a Eurostar trip from Paris to London I was sitting in the first class section and got talking to a lovely bride to be as she sat across from me, as we shared dinner she told me the tale that she had just bought the Carrie wedding dress from the Sex in the City movie from the Vivienne Westwood Conduit Street store in Mayfair and I thought to myself, fairytales can come true for those that believe.

What impressed me the most about this bride to be, was that she did not stop at the Carrie dress, she also had another one in reserve and was deciding at what time during the day she would wear which dress. My type of Bride… making it as fashion full and fabulous as can be.

For the ultimate lingerie experience, why not take it to the level of lovers and adorn yourself with limited edition hand crafted diamonds and platinum lingerie items for him to feast forever upon you. To arrange a viewing just click the link and enter your name and email address http://www.harletteplatinumlingerie.com/Guestbook.php

One of the pieces of the Harlette Platinum Lingerie collection is a first of its kind in the world of luxury objet d’art and has a patent on its design. You do require a password to preview the work of art and to become one of the inner circle of the harlette platinum lingerie purveyor’s, budget really is not a concern.

To suit those with a budget, you can still experience something that is unique, Harlette can create luxury objet d’art in silver or gold and use swarovski crystals instead. The New Strait Times mentioned the Harlette Platinum Lingerie in a Sunday People article written by Rachael Philip in August 2009.

Of course if  9 1/2 weeks and food is not your thing, maybe your a dancing queen at heart so may be you would prefer to take a tip or two from Jamie Lee Curtis on the art of seduction from the movie True Lies..

I didn’t think my boyfriend and I were going to end up together…well that wasn’t my initial plan anyway.

Christmas Eve, he picked me up at a club, telling him that he only had one week with me until the guy I was seeing was going to be back from his holiday. It didn’t phase him as he was also seeing other girls.

But most importantly I told him:   “DO NOT fall in love with me!”

He looked me straight in the eye and said, “that’s the same thing I say to all my girls.”

I have to say, his charm definitely captivated me. He took me back to his house, had THE best sex and I went home to celebrate Christmas with my family.

A couple of days later he asked me if I knew of the book (that also inspired the movie) ‘9 1/2 weeks’. I had heard of the movie but I didn’t know what it was about. He smiled and got me to read this description….

“9½ Weeks is a 1986 erotic drama film.  The title of the film refers to the duration of a relationship between a Wall Street investor and a SoHo art gallery employee. The two meet and lead a (somewhat) violent, kinky sex life.”

The thought of a short affair between the two of us deeply excited me.  I instantly became comfortable and more open with him, thinking that what we were going to embark on was something spontaneous, uncertain & very kinky.

And indeed it was; except it has lasted more than 9 1/2 weeks…..

Since septmeber 2008 when I started my residency in endodontology I heard, written and talked very often about what is an  outlier.  And what it means in our profession.

When the USA presidential campaign came almost to the last straight line, we heard very often about John McCain as a  Maverick.  Term which might have some common parts with what an outlier is for statistics.

Both try to explain something that is out of the tendency, not part of the trend, different in bad or good way.

About one thing I thought I was not an outlier. About one of my biggest all time favorite movies : 9/12 weeks. Google-ing something today I came across some articles about the movie, and it turned out as a big surprise for me that not only it is not today a hit or a huge success, but also at that time, in 1986/1987 it was considered a failure and one of the worst movies of it’s year. Few dollars gained on box-office and 3 nominations for the Razzie Awards (the worst movies).

In the last 20 years I think I saw that movie at least 30 times. I had in my collection both the soundtrack from 1986, but also the soundtrack of the follow up movie , from 1997, Another 9 1/2 weeks.

I tried to get some explanations, why it was so bad perceived. What was the director doing wrong. Then I checked the filmography of the director  Adrian Lyne: and I saw there other big time favorite movies of mine like the Indecent Proposal, Unfaithful, Fatal Attraction. Got immediately a relief sentiment. I am proud to be an outlier if I see myself as a fan of those movies by Adrian Lyne. If it was just that I liked one bad movie of him, maybe I would have needed to rethink my scale of values. If I see that I like almost all his movies, than maybe I need to further memorize his name and have it as one of my favorite directors.

About 9 1/2 weeks probably I will write again and again on the blog. Is a phenomenon for me and if I want to start a great weekend, it’s definitely the movie I wanna see friday at 10 pm.

Jack Nitzsche did the music (also for One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, An Officer and a Gentleman, Breathless) , with a remarkable final scene part (not to be seen if you didn’t saw yet the movie).

I finally decided not to place a trailer or a song  here, but just a simple and not popular image. An outlier..

.

After turning on my computer today, I was awed by the amount of nudity and porn that is so readily available. What is one of my generation to think?

 As always:

http://mikestermike.wordpress.com

http://mikestermike.livejournal.com

When I was younger, I would try anything to see a naked lady, or to even see part of a girl nude. No, I didn’t stalk the girl’s locker room or wear mirrors on my shoes. But I did what I could to do so. From sneaking a peek at a relative’s Penthouse to intercepting “adults only” mail, I kept it on the down-low. I was a very sensual(and still am) kid, so sometimes I’d be pacing the room trying to think of a way to see more naked girls. Sad, wasn’t it?

Nowadays, all you have to do is to turn on a computer and *bam* topless women. A simple search can bring up porn of the average variety. Add a few key words, and you can see any fetish you could possibly imagine exists. I don’t think the boys of the modern world have the same “mystery” of the human body questions.

Even the young ladies today seem to have no problem with “sexting” or showing of their goods. Perhaps it isn’t a big deal to them as it was to me at that age. Girls never flashed their boobs. Only “slutty” girls would even think of such, at least those who did it openly. Maybe I was too naive to see it then.

So, what did I have to work with then? I created a fap-list of movies.

OK, I am not going to explain fapping. Google it. These movies were the ones I would use the pause button on the VCR, or would wait up to the wee hours of the morning tweaking in a fuzzy Showtime image to watch.

The criteria are

1. Had to be made on or before 1991. I was a teen boy then and it was prior to any personal sexual experiences.
2. Nudity is not a qualifier. Some B-movie skin flicks just didn’t do it for me.
3. I had to seen it more than once, or it was such an intense movie I couldn’t forget it.
4. Hardcore porns are disqualified.

Here’s the list, in no particular order. These are just the ones that stand out in my mind now. There was many more.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) –

            What a wonderful flick. Funny but sexual. From the banana-job scene (which originally was supposed to have been in a hot tub with both girls naked, BTW, but the censors said no) to Phoebe Cates’ famous slowmotion breast extravaganza, the movie was awesome. My favorite part, though, was seeing Jennifer Jason Leigh’s full nude body. I am so fond of creamy white skin.

Revenge of the Nerds (1984) –

            Another fun movie, the best for me was the spy cams installed in the Pi’s dorm. Oh..my.. That is every boy’s fantasy. I couldn’t get enough.

Blue Lagoon (1980) –

            Ok, who cares that some of the nude Brooke Shields scenes had body doubles? I don’t. It was poorly acted, in my view, but the nudity and the concept of being stranded like that was a great fantasy.

Alien (1979) –

            What? A sci fi flick? I didn’t watch these sci-suspense-horror flicks (and still don’t). But Sigourney Weaver in her undies (hey, I was 6 when this came out) during the final battle is, well, freaking awesome.

9 ½ Weeks (1986) –

            Refrigerator. Ice. Kim Bassinger. Enough said.

Pink Floyd’s The Wall (1982) –

            I am a huge Floyd fan. I got to see this movie only because of its music content. But to see the very real and very tasty redhead breast of Eleanor David was an extra added treat. Pause, rewind, repeat.

Emmanuelle (1974) –

            The French version was rated X I think, but I saw the R version on Showtime. Many, many times. Something about Thailand, I think. Meh. Lots of nudity and sex in this one.

The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of Yik Yak (1984) –

            Ok, sexy but more importantly, Tawny Kitaen’s boobs. Tawny Kitaen. Tawny Kitaen!

Weird Science (1985) –

            No nudity, but the idea of showering with Kelly LeBrock is delicious. And no, I wouldn’t have worn my clothes. Losers.

Caligula (1979) –

            A “historical” movie masquerading as a porno. A Skinemax staple, I believe only the R version was available.

Legend (1985) and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) –

            Ok, I listed both for only one reason: an almost nude Mia Sara, In FBDO, she was all wet and in her slip at the pool. In Legend, she has a dress given to her by Darkness that opened to her navel. Yeah, she isn’t busty, but it doesn’t matter (she was 15 at the initial filming of  Legend, but it took forever to release). Dee-lish-us.

And finally:

Tendres Cousines (1980) –

            A French movie, well, OMFG. I saw this on Showtime I think. I had the sound turned off. Actually, it was me and my brother in the living room. I had to keep checking that my mom was asleep. Incredible. Only saw it once, but dayamn.

OK, get back to work you pervs.

L8rs-

It’s so easy to get caught up in the trap of day-to-day living, which essentially involves doing the things that are tasks, rather than pursuing our dreams. Is it not so? When you write down your daily to-do list  (or mentally think about it), don’t you notice that you’re focusing on a lot of activities that have little or no bearing on your ultimate desires? In other words, are you really working to create the life of your dreams every day? I know that I am guilty of letting myself get caught up in the struggle to do what has to be done in each 24-hour period. It’s frustrating but sometimes it seems inevitable. But, is it? Well, I think there’s no doubt about the fact that there are certain tasks that we must accomplish on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. However, when we focus on just those things at the exclusion of the activities that would get us closer to the life of our dreams, this is when we start to feel pessimistic. Do you remember my mentioning the film, “Groundhog Day”? Do you recall my talking about how it sometimes seems as if the same day is virtually repeating itself over and over again? You see, I have felt like that too often not to completely relate to the concept. There have even been certain periods of my life in which I dreaded getting up in the morning because I was certain that I would simply be repeating the day I had just lived through. “Okay,” you say, “I get the point. But what I don’t see is how I can prevent myself from feeling this way.” Well, the only way you can prevent yourself from feeling this way is if you choose to see life from a specific vantage point. You must replace those thoughts of hopelessness and frustration with faith in yourself. The only way you will ever accomplish anything is if you see it as being completely within the realm of possibility. In other words, you must capture your vision. . .and you must hold onto that vision, no matter what.

Let me ask you: do you think an astronaut goes into space without first envisioning the trip in his/her mind? I would say not. Indeed, my guess would be that before an astronaut ever enters his/her space shuttle, he/she has visualized the endeavor in intricate detail. I would also imagine that many surgeons use visualization before they ever enter the operating room. Believe it or not, the mind often cannot distinguish between the things we do and the things we imagine that we do. This is why it’s essential that you begin to incorporate visualization into your daily routine. It’s particularly effective if you tend to get nervous or anxious easily. To envision that you complete a task successfully prior to beginning it will automatically give you a sense of self-assurance. And this self-assurance will make it extremely likely that you’ll accomplish whatever it is you want or need to do. When I was a stage actress, I used to envision myself making a fabulous impression at an auditon before I ever arrived there. Did this mean I necessarily got the role I was auditioning for? Of course, it didn’t. But what it did do was prevent me from letting my confidence be eroded by stage fright or feelings that I wasn’t experienced and/or talented enough to be cast in the part I was up for. Sometimes, we have to coach ourselves, you know. If we wait around for someone else to tell us that we have what it takes to achieve success in our chosen career, we may find that a lot of opportunities come our way that we fail to seize. It was the legendary singer, Janis Joplin, who once said, “Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.” And, you know what? To a certain extent, I think she’s right. Although I will always declare that I wouldn’t be half the diva I am without my fans and friends supporting me and offering me words of encouragement, I know that, if I stop believing in myself, no matter who else believes in me, it won’t matter much. Your psyche responds in a certain way to the image you hold in your mind of the person you are.  You cannot deceive yourself. If you are frequently allowing yourself to focus on thoughts of worthlessness and self-doubt, you aren’t going to ever be able to use most of your potential. I use the word “most” because there are very few of us who will ever use all of our potential. We are amazing, complex creatures, and it’s rare that any of us will ever understand all that we’re truly capable of accomplishing over the course of a lifetime.  We are actually consistently limiting ourselves. It isn’t that we lack the talent, intelligence or social skills to make great things happen in our lives. Rather, it’s that we’ve attached ourselves, body and soul, to a self-limiting belief system. Whether we are aware of it or not, we let ourselves absorb the negative energy that other people around us are nourishing themselves with. Rarely do we take the time to create a psychological barrier between ourselves and these self-destructive individuals, and because we fail to do this, we end up letting other peoples’ ways of thinking control the way we think. I know it may not be easy to accept this idea, but I assure you, it’s true. And, with years of being conditioned by the pessimistic thought patterns that are handed over to us and passed down to us by friends, family members, and acquaintances, we eventually get to the point where we feel like our chance of ultimate success is practically impossible. How can I speak with such authority on this subject? Well, I was raised with a father who believed that girls were intrinsically less valuable than boys, and, in spite of doing my best to eliminate this toxic viewpoint from my world, my father’s words and ideas seeped into my system and poisoned my blood. Yes, I still do have to convince myself that women are capable of accomplishing remarkable and incredible things. Although I am dedicated to not being controlled by the erroneous views that my father tried to impart to me, it is nevertheless a struggle to have an enormous amount of faith in myself. I remember reading about the actress Candice Bergen, and how she battled her feelings of rejection from her father for a number of years. When she was a teenager, Candice’s father, the famous ventriloquist, Edgar Bergen, made Candace feel that she was unattractive simply because she didn’t have a curvy figure. In later life, Candice has spoken candidly about the self-esteem issues that came about as a direct result of her father’s rejection of her and her appearance. And yet, when we look at Candice in such classic films as “Gandhi,” “The Wind and the Lion,” and “Starting Over,” for which she was nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar, it’s not easy to believe that anyone would have ever thought she was anything less than beautiful. In fact, she bears a striking resemblance to one of the classic sex symbols of the 1980s, actress Kim Basinger. And, oddly enough, Basinger also struggled with a lack of self-acceptance. In fact, she made the erotic film ,”9 1/2 weeks”, mostly to please the man she was married to at the time, whose approval Basinger desperately wanted. Do you see what happens when you depend upon other people to make you feel as if you are worthwhile?? This brings me back to what I said in one of my most recent posts about establishing a genuine sense of self-worth. But you must go beyond that if you want to live the life of your dreams. You must actually create a vision of your ideal life and sustain that vision no matter how many obstacles come your way. The only person who can hold you back in the long run is yourself. It may be easier to blame other people or various circumstances for the fact that you don’t achieve your goals, but unless you are fully prepared to acknowledge the role you played in not making your dreams a reality, you will not succeed. Yes, the psychological and emotional scars that are inflicted upon us at the most vulnerable times of our lives may not ever completely heal. However, continuing to blame those scars for the fact that we haven’t done more with our lives will only hinder us. In fact, in blaming the scars for our lack of success, we are really giving power to those persons or events that caused the scars in the first place. Am I making sense? I wish I didn’t feel like I had to keep re-iterating these things, but, if I don’t repeat important concepts, there is no way I’ll be able to help you eliminate the thought patterns that are preventing you from finding happiness and fulfillment right now. Every day, this diva works to erase the carefully installed negative conditioning of the past. Sometimes I feel like my mind is a computer, and I am constantly having to re-program it to think in a way that will make it possible for me to be the success diva of my dreams. The good news is that the more committed you are to the task, the easier it will become. So, even if you feel that you are fighting an uphill battle at first, as time passes, you will find that your mind is starting to work with you. Rather than having to force yourself to think differently, you’ll find that any negative ideas you have about yourself will be easily replaced with positive ideas. Now, I’m not going to predict how long it might take for this change to take place. For all I know, it could take a year, two years, or even five years. But those years will pass even if you keep your old, poisonous thought patterns. So, you might as well do yourself a favor and make it possible for you to do something with all your talents and abilities, instead of sitting back and using phrases like “I wish” and “If only.” I’ll talk in future posts about the phrases we use on a daily basis that are automatically sending us down a tunnel of doubt, fear, and repression. For the moment, I urge you to pay attention to your thoughts. If you find it’s difficult to keep track of the toxic thoughts you’re having about yourself, those around you, and your life, keep a tablet or some notepaper and a pen or pencil nearby and start writing down your thoughts. You don’t have to write your thoughts down often, but you should at least check in with yourself a couple of a times a day, preferably when you’re feeling especially miserable or unhappy. When you see that you’re having thoughts that involve feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, address them immediately. Don’t let them take up residence in your mind like a teabag, steeping in a cup of hot water. If you don’t work to eliminate the destructive thought as soon as you’re aware of them, they’ll have a chance to start poisoning your system. Before you know it, you’ll be psychologically ill, and you’ll have lost nearly all your confidence in your ability to do anything that you consider worthwhile.

So, to sum up Success Diva’s input and suggestions, let’s re-visit the subject of your personal vision. As I said of earlier in this post, an astronaut or a surgeon or anyone else who is going to perform a major task scracely starts that activity without visualizing in their mind what how they’re going to go about it. You need to have a definite idea of what you are going to do, how you are going to do it, and why it’s essential that you do it. This means you must come up with a what, a why, and a how. That sounds pretty easy, doesn’t it? However, some of you may be prepared to tell me that there isn’t a specific reason for why you do many of the things you do. If this is the case, then why are you even reading Success Diva’s blog? I think you are wanting to live your life on purpose, rather than by default. I believe that’s why you’re here. And if you make up your mind to capture your vision, I have complete confidence in the fact that you will one day have not only the life of your dreams but maybe even a life that exceeds anything you could have ever dreamed of. 

I hope you will make each minute of this day matter and that you will start replacing doubt with faith and feelings of apathy with passion and enthusiasm! Only you can capture your vision. No one, including your diva, can do it for you.

Until soon,

Your Success Diva

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This page and all written material at The Success Diva pages is written by Alexis Wingate. All rights are reserved. (C) Copyright by Alexis Wingate. The Success Diva

Two female friends wrote to me recently, deploring the mutual bafflement that was coming between themselves and their boyfriends. One of them was French with an Englishman and the other, English with a Frenchman.

“It’s good to notice that even a British women has come across the problem of repressed English boys!” wrote La Francaise. For I had guessed at what she was going through, having experienced it myself: she was fed up with not feeling sufficiently desired and was appalled by the fact that he seemed to prefer a night out drinking with his friends than a night in bed with her.

The Englishwoman, of course, was suffering from the opposite. What would she not give for a night out with the girls? Her problem was not her man’s sexual repression, but his persistent tendency to sexualise everything. Beyond the first flush, his refusal to let her develop beyond the sex slave and their relationship beyond a parody of 9½ Weeks, was suffocating her. She felt, she said, like a character in a film he was directing: “It was as if he had the script in his head and I kept wandering from it and disappointing him.” In his keenness to fan the flames by acting out his idea of the love affair, he was actually snuffing out her desire for him.

For this is a reconstructed woman, he’s dealing with, who will resist submission and infantalisation, both by-products of what he sees as vital components of the sexy woman. She is used to contractual relations between men and women and the hard, brittle, intellectual tussle that they bring. And so she will call it a day, choosing the need for autonomy over the ‘ecstasy of submission’ (as Finkielkraut calls it).

My French friend, on the other hand, knows that she is not sacrificing her intrinsic autonomy by submitting to the rules of the Game of Love. As long as she is with Englishmen she will continue to miss the playful, erotically charged, wilfully mindless games-playing of L’amour a la francaise. Keep contractual relations out of the bedroom, says she, for therein lies the secret of erotic longevity. Play the game and preserve the mystere that Catholic societies have ever sworn by to keep the faith.

I’m hoping this post will have cathartic results, which might make to incredibly boring to any number of readers. I’m sure if you click on pornstars over on the right, there will be a lot of fine search results for you.

Last night I listened to Bryan Ferry’s Slave to Love (not prominently featured, but featured nonetheless, in 9 1/2 Weeks) for the first time in eight years. Seven years. Eight years.

I used to listen to it all the fucking time. Every Wednesday my sophmore year of undergrad, my friend and I went to this bar and got shitfaced for five or six hours. I actually don’t remember much about these evenings, except that we had them–and the one time we invited another friend along he spent our money on brandy, the prick–we kind of flirted with the Wendie Malick looking bartender (I almost hooked up with her later on until the prick’s fuck buddy cock-blocked me–bringing up the twenty year age difference… I mean, what the fuck, how’s that cool….), drank a lot–probably gins and tonic–and I played Slave to Love maybe three times a night.

I was harboring, afflicted by, suffering from–I was in love with someone who didn’t love me back. 

But anyway, I’d play Slave to Love maybe three times a night on the jukebox. Ol’ girl loved 9 1/2 Weeks, loved the song. What the fuck, I was a drunken moron. I’m sure my friend had a great time.

After the breaking–which, unfortunately, is punctuated with a visit to the WTC bar, ruining my life-long positive feeling about the Twin Towers–I tried playing the song again. Nope. I was done with that business.

Last night, I didn’t just start listening to Slave to Love again, I even emailed ol’ girl. It’s been eight years… she’s a Mickey Rourke fan, maybe the only other one who can fully appreciate the Wrestler comeback, so I figured what the fuck. Emailed her.

Why am I being a grown-up? Wait, I’m not being a grown-up. I’m turning the other cheek or something, aren’t I? What am I doing–it’s the cheek thing.

Why am I listening to Slave to Love all the time again?

I think it’d be fun to slow dance to with M1. I’d definitely need to brush up on my dancing… the last time I danced was with ol’ girl at a mutual friend’s wedding and I was so exceptionally drunk I’m shocked I didn’t get us killed driving home.

Off to do the laundry. Boo!

By Cathy Wos

I blame Michelle. She was my best friend from high school and she introduced me to Mickey Rourke. To be more specific, 9 1/2 Weeks and apple schnapps from her grandmother’s alcohol cabinet. My life would never be the same.

Now don’t get me wrong. I had already discovered the Bad Boy. In fact, I bonded with Michelle over our mutual Dead Crush, James Dean. But Mickey was ALIVE and he was raw and sexual and vulnerable and yes, he was crazy. These were the salad days: Pope of Greenwich Village, Angel Heart, Barfly (which I watched with my father ?!?!? and he nicknamed Mickey Snagglepuss). I will admit this here and only here – I even loved Year of the Dragon. Mickey was heading toward a long and prosperous career and then he gave it all up…for boxing.

I received tickets to see Mickey box a mechanic from Hialeah for my 19th birthday. Joe Queenan was Mickey Rourke for a day and smoked 81 cigarettes. Kim Basinger said kissing him was like licking an ashtray. I was undeterred.

I suffered through years of bad movies and bad personal choices. My personal shorthand for this time period? The Carre Otis Years. And don’t jump on my case. I am not blaming the victim or excusing Mickey’s bad behavior. There was a lot of shit going on in that relationship that I don’t pretend to understand. Although it is clear that they do NOT belong together.

Mickey had become a punchline and I wore my love for him like a badge. There were glimmers of hope: Spun (which is a movie he apparently hates) and Sin City. But for the most part he was uninsurable and morphing into caricature through years of boxing damage and bad plastic surgery.

And then came along Darren Aronofsky.

When I first heard the buzz surrounding The Wrestler I got that feeling. Here was The Redemption of Mickey Rourke. Here is the role I always knew he had in him, the role he lived. And sure enough, he’s been invited to The Big Dance. Will he win an Oscar? I placed my bet on this dark horse long ago. He does have competition among fellow Bad Boy, Sean Penn. And Mickey is still…Mickey. He has accepted a certain amount of politics in Hollywood, but he still refuses to play the game. He thanked his precious dogs in his Golden Globe acceptance speech.

His best friend Loki died this week. I wonder how he copes with losing his 18-year-old dog. I, myself, am in the process of saying goodbye to my own feline best friend who is sick. His name? Mickey. I think you’ve figured out by now that he’s not named after the Mouse.

Remembering the early career of Mickey Rourke, this year’s comeback kid.

Possibly no other actor of his generation rose so quickly and brightly, nor fell so precipitously, as Mickey Rourke. An A-list leading man following his breakout performance in 1982’s ensemble drama Diner, Rourke’s smoldering, barely-subdued screen confidence combined with a vaguely sordid ambivalence, as if James Dean had come out of the 1970s having tried a thing or two he probably shouldn’t. In fact, for young male audiences of the era he embodied the kind of restless, anti-authoritarian screen persona John Garfield held in the 50s and Jack Nicholson occupied in the 70s: the surly outsider getting what he wanted by following his own discontented moral compass.

Though it’s hard to pin down where things began to go wrong for him, Rourke’s career was always dogged with controversy and often seemed fueled by hubris. His star continued to rise through the mid- and late-80s, making period landmarks like The Pope of Greenwich Village, 9 1/2 Weeks, and Rumble Fish, while his turn as a Charles Bukowski analogue in 1987’s Barfly single-handedly made the film a minor classic. Still, his reputation for being difficult to direct and quick to anger undermined his career, as did a series of woefully missed opportunities. He’s reported to have turned down starring roles in Top Gun, The Untouchables, and 48 Hrs. in favor of little-seen works such as Francesco and A Prayer For the Dying, smaller and more ambitious films that lacked the widespread appeal of such larger projects. And the partying never helped, or the misbegotten plastic surgery, or the notorious boxing career that often left him looking ridiculous and self-deluded.

Yow! Rourke, Basinger in 9 1/2 Weeks

But ultimately it’s likely the public simply grew bored with him. Never afraid of adult material, the eroticism of 9 1/2 Weeks and Angel Heart (more on that below) linked Rourke in the public mind to “tawdry sex films,” and a starring role in 1989’s stupendously awful Wild Orchid left him typecast in that niche for years. It’s also fair to say, though less fair to him, that by the end of the 80s he seemed merely passe, a relic of his decade best set aside in favor of younger stars. He’s spent much of the last twenty years in supporting parts in A-movies and starring roles in B- and D-movies, often in roles that are little more than cameos.

Now his career is resurgent. Besides his award-winning turn in The Wrestler he’s won a starring role as the villainous Whiplash in Iron Man 2 and a prominent part in the action ensemble The Expendables. And as further proof that all things are cyclical in Hollywood, the recent indie The Informers featured both Rourke and his 9 1/2 Weeks co-star Kim Basinger, onscreen again after twenty three years. Still and nevertheless, the best of his early films stand among the best movies of their era. The five presented below are representative of that body of work, though by no means comprehensive.

Diner (1982): Rourke is so charismatic in Barry Levinson’s boys-will-be-boys remembrance that his costars Kevin Bacon, Daniel Stern, Steve Guttenberg and Paul Reiser often seem trapped in black and white film stock by comparison. The following scene, in which Rourke’s hairdressing law school student Boogie Sheftell tricks his date (Colette Blonigan) into touching him someplace special, is topped only by his oily charm at calming the girl down afterwards. A meandering piece more about time, place, and character than narrative movement, Diner cemented Levinson as a director to watch and made stars of its entire cast, which also included Ellen Barkin and Tim Daly.

The Pope of Greenwich Village (1984): Director Stuart Rosenberg’s (Cool Hand Luke) character study of two cousins in New York’s Little Italy was critically praised but flopped at the box office. Charlie and Paulie (Rourke and Eric Roberts) try to rob a safe so they can bet on a winning racehorse, a desperate and ill-considered scheme that puts them afoul of the local mafia and threatens their lifelong dysfunctional friendship. Rourke is focused and intense beside the all-over-the-place Roberts, allowing  their lost soul characters to forge a kind of New Yawk version of Lenny and George from Of Mice and Men. The following scene, early in the film, comes just as Charlie begins to lose all patience with Paulie’s goofing:  

Angel Heart (1987): Among the most unsettling horror films of the decade, yet probably the most disconertingly erotic, Angel Heart cast Rourke as Harry Angel, a 1950s New York private detective sent to New Orleans to find a missing singer named Johnny Favorite. As he investigates Favorite’s disappearance while courting local girl Epiphany Proudfoot (The Cosby Show’s Lisa Bonet, a long way from the Huxtable household), he begins to realize his client Mr. Cyphre (Robert DeNiro) is framing him for a series of bloody murders connected to Favorite’s disapperance. Director Alan Parker (Midnight Express) piles on the creepy until even the film itself becomes as grimy and murky as yellowed glass. Rourke and Bonet’s torrid sex scenes were so graphic they were trimmed to get an R-rating but restored to a home video release, making the film one of the ealriest examples of a director’s cut.

Barfly (1987): Proving something of a critical comeback after the poor receptions of Year of the Dragon and 9 1/2 Weeks, Rourke’s turn as a slightly-fictionalized version of legenedary poet/drunk Charles Bukowski also returned Faye Dunaway to the screen after years of osbcurity. Rourke plays Henry Chinaski not as a holy fool or mystic spirit but rather as a shambling, self-destructive asshole who writes poetry sort of as a pastime from getting hammered. The film is a warts-and-all approach to Bukowski’s almost mythic life that doesn’t skimp on grit but also doesn’t back away from showing the dark comedy inherent in many of the situations. In the clip below Henry taunts his nemesis Eddie the Bartender, played by (you guessed it) Frank Stallone.

Homeboy (1989): Rourke wrote and starred in this rough, uncompromising character study of a broken-down boxer carrying an unrequited love for a carnival worker Ruby (Debra Feuer) while nursing a brain injury that might kill him the next time he fights. Christopher Walken, years away from the self-caricature of his 90s work, plays a cheap hood trying to get Rourke’s Johnny Walker to come along on a heist. Reuben Blades and Jon Polito fill out the cast, while Eric Clapton provides the moody soundtrack. Rourke sued to have the film’s release stopped, claiming creative control promised him by the film’s producers was never delivered, and reviews have been mixed over the years. But Rourke and Walken give great performances despite the film’s middling faults, and with Rourke now celebrated for a similar role in The Wrestler it seems time to get this film an American DVD release.

- Michael Kabel

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November 07, 2008 we had our second sonogram.  The baby was moving around alot and the heartbeat was 153 Everything is going well.  Here are a couple of pictures from that

This is not at all what I predicted (even though I was remarkably close in my predictions of final records for many teams midway through the season).

But I was rooting for the Phillies, inasmuchas when I watched the SportsCenter highlights before work, I was happy that they had won the games I didn’t bother to watch.

Nice job Phillies. Way to beat the fanless, cowbell swinging, Devil Rays.

But you know, the Rays success that happened immediately after they removed part of their team name has to give some other teams something to think about…

If I owned the Pirates, next year they would play as the “Irates”. I gaurantee this would AT LEAST get them a World Series birth.

Maybe the Detroit Lions should just take “Detroit” out of their name…

Nice job Phillies. Enjoy it while it lasts, because the Sixers are going to be a giant pile of suck this year (OK, myabe not a giant pile of suck, but disappointing) and the Eagles? I just never know what to make of them…They’re sort of like Godspeed You Black Emperor!, sometimes you think they’re awesome but sometimes you just think they’re a bunch of losers with a lot of talent too preoccupied with trying to be cool to actually do anything worthwhile.

As hard as it is to believe that Philly won any type of sports Championship, it is far more difficult to believe how fragile Greg Oden appears to be so far.

The guy misses his rookie season with micro-fracture surgery. In his debut, he sprains his ankle/foot. Out for a month. Fucking Amazing.

This is what happens when you bring in Abraham Lincoln’s grandfather to play for your team. Sure, he’s tall and has a killer beard…but the guy is made of twigs and tacky glue.

I am probably as disappointed about Greg Oden’s injury as I am about the fact that the ending of the movie version the “The Watchmen” supposedly will not contain a giant squid like demon. Nor will it contain as much animated nudity.

Thinking about how good the Blazers should probably end up being makes me consider a question:

If you could completely restart your NBA team and you got to select 2 players knowing you could afford the two alone but the deal was that one had to be not currently in the NBA, one had to be a rookie or sophomore  and the rest of your team would be role players and scrubs who would be selected at random, who would you add for your two guys?

I’d take Ricky Rubio at PG. The kid just turned 18 and even though (obviously) he hasn’t played int he NBA, he certainly seemed to have no problem holding his own against a team of NBA All Stars at the Olympics…

Plus he’s soooo cute!

I’d probably take Kevin Durant at the other guard. He sometimes misses a lot of shots and is still learning but I don’t know how I could take Greg Oden’s 214 year old body over a young and electrifying Durant.

Can you even imagine Durant and Rubio playing together? It would be like that album Jimi Hendrix and Miles Davis were supposed to make together. Which never happened. Which is why i feel like Durant is destined to play on shitty teams for most of his career.

And speaking of insane Halloween is tomorrow.

As I said last week, I kind of hate Halloween. It just always seems like a bad idea. And you know what’s crazy about it? Is how many grown adults take their kids to haunted hayrides and haunted houses and things like that.

I remember when I was eight or nine my parents took me on a haunted hayride and I had nightmares for weeks. Like I literally couldn’t sleep until after Thanksgiving.

If you aren’t familiar with what a haunted hayride entails here it is:

Don’t have a house to build a haunted house in you say? But you have 20 acres of farm land you’re doing nothing with? You want to employ college and high school kids for minimum wage and KNOW that they’ll work hard because their job will be to scare the shit out of middle aged couples and little kids? Have a few flatbed trucks you can cover with wooden planks and throw hay on top of?

Well you’re in luck! You’ve got a haunted hayride!

I don’t know where these things started, but basically they are just a series of scary exhibits that you drive to and stop and watch and then drive away. Sometimes they involve serial killers from movies. Sometimes they are funny (if you’re an adult) and sometimes they are just confusing.

Example:

(the set is a barber’s shop. A guy walks in and sits down in the barber’s chair)

Barber: Hello friend.

Guy: Hey. Just take a little off the top.

Barber: Oh a little off the top huh?

Guy: Yeah a little off the top!

Barber: I’ll take a little off the top! HAHAHAHA!

(barber stabs guy through the back of the head with giant scissors)

Barber: YOU ALL LOOK LIKE YOU NEED HAIRCUTS!

(Runs towards Haycart swinging the scissors wildly, getting fake blood on everyone, the truck drives away).

(SCENE)

Now, 23 year old York is fine with this display of gruesome hilarity.

But 8 year old York never wanted to go to a barber again.

There were also scenes of people being tortured and screaming. There was a scene of kids being murdered by their parents. One of a guy having his legs broken ala “Misery”. When all was said and done, it was maybe the most traumatic night of my life to that point (thankfully I would experience much worse REAL things {not involving physical torture} as I got older).

But my point is, don’t take your nine year old kid to that shit.

Sure, I guess I’m not scared by horror movies anymore. That’s great. But I’m pretty sure I would have had a far better childhood (or at least November 1994) if none of that ever happened (among other things not related to Halloween).

Anyway:

Top 5 Greatest Unintentional Halloween Movies Of All Time (in no real order):

1.  ”As Good As It Gets”- Helen Hunt won an Oscar for this piece of shit? Now that is SCARY. Helen Hunt is probably the worst actress of all time. She can’t act. Why do you think her average ass hasn’t been in ANYTHING since “Twister” (which by the way, features the most underrated Goo Goo Dolls song of all time “Long Way Down” which my first band covered when I was in 9th grade. What a great song to cover if you are in 9th grade and only one person in your band is halfway decent at playing an instrument and that instrument is bass).
2. “Dan In Real Life” – What scares me about that movie is the fact that anyone could possibly consider anythingabout this festering pile of dog shit even quasi-realistic. It is seriously one terrible cliche after another. I have never actually walked out of a movie in the theater in my life. This might be partly due to the fact that movies are so goddamn expensive these days and the fact that I would never have anything important enough to do that could warrant leaving a movie at night. What would I do if I walked out? Go to a Wendy’s? Listen to NPR? Watch PBS? Yeah. Exactly. Anyway, this would have been the first. Because it was so cringe inducing that I felt uncomfortable watching it. Like i felt embarrassed to be in the theater and I felt embarrassed for Steve Carrell (who is a great guy by all accounts). But because my girlfriend picked it, I couldn’t just walk out and be like ’see you at home lady!’. So I tried to enjoy hating it. And even that wasn’t fun. Fucking Dane Cook. At least his daughter’s were slammin’.
3. “9 1/2 Weeks”- You know what will give you nightmares? Seeing Mickey Rourke in softcore porn. Stay far away.
4. “Daredevil” – I have never seen any other superhero movie that made me actively root againstthe superhero. “Oh man I hope Michael Clark Duncan breaks his neck int his scene!” and “I really hope Colin Farrel throws an ultimate Frisbee so hard it rips Ben Affelck’s head off!” Also, why does Colin Farrell get work? He may be a fine actor in reality, but being that I can only remember him being in “Daredevil”, “Miami Vice” and that movie about him beign stuck in a phone booth (absolutely fucking riveting!…except not…at all) he seems like a giant pile of shit to me.
5. “Howard The Duck”- Does a young and foxy Leah Thompson walking around in her underwear attempting to seduce a 3 foot tall human-like duck scare you? George Lucas’ crowning achievement. You know how some movies forever become associated with the city they take place in? Like for example, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” is as Chicago as deep dish pizza and Ozzie Guillen?  Well, “Howard The Duck” will always make me think of Cleveland. And Cleveland, will always remind me of “Howard The Duck”.

Top 5 Events That Will Make Your 5-10 year old Son or Daughter Feel Like They Have Been Punched In The Stomach:

1. Finding out Santa Claus/The Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy don’t actually exist- Yesterday I was talking to one of my colleagues about how much I don’t care for Halloween and he responded by saying “I also hate any occasion on which you lie to your children for your own amusement”. I assumed he was talking about Easter and Christmas, so I responded by saying “I’m pretty sure the only reason why you now have to make your kids believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny is so that they don’t spoil it for everyone they go to school with. Because even if you were honest with a seven year old and told them that Santa was a lie but not to tell anyone, the first fucking thing they would do in school the next day is say ‘my Dad TOLD ME SANTA IS A LIE! HE TOLD ME SO!’. Bastard kids I don’t have yet…” and I honestly think this is true. As much as I would rather say to my kids “On Christmas, mom and dad spend way too much money on buying you all the thing syou want because we love you and because the economy DEMANDS we do” instead of lying to them, I know I cannot. Remember when you found out that Santa Claus was fake? I remember because I was probably 6 or 7 and my bastard sister told me. And it felt like someone punched me in the stomach. She was all “Think about it stupid. How could Santa Claus be real?” and I was like “Well…the Easter Bunny is real though, right?” and she was like “YOU’RE SO DUMB! HAHAHAHA!”. The knife was twisted. But you know what the worst part about it was? I believed her (because frankly, she was my older sister and she could get me to wear dresses if she wanted to) and I felt guilty about knowing and like I would be letting my parents down if they knew I knew they were faking it. Think about how absurd thatis. So I pretended up until like 5th or 6th grade that I thought Santa was real. Every holiday it felt like I was living a lie. Fucking terrible.
2. Watching “The Good Son”- Remember “The Good Son” with Macaulay Culkin? I remember being so excited when it came out. I was obsessed with kids being important or something at that time in my life (I’m not sure where this idea of ‘nobody respects kids’ came from…maybe it was because I watched too much Nick News W-5 with Linda Ellerbee and somehow that gave me the impression that a)everyone thought kids were stupid and should be dead and/or b)made me depressed at an early age) and I remember Macaulay Culkin was finally taking a serious role to prove that kids COULD in fact be important to society. That movie dealt with real issues, issues all kids face. Like smoking and how to drown your baby brother. I remember watching that and not only feeling like the world was a terrible place, but also feeling like kids all were stupid and probably should be dead. Thanks for ruining my life Macaulay! But in all seriousness, every kid has a movie they see at an early age that makes them regret ever enjoying cinema. For some kids it was “Bambi”. For some it was “My Girl”. I can’t wait until some 10 year olds see “Hounddog” and wonder why the World would be so cruel to Dakota Fanning. Major punch in the stomach.
3. Watching An A & E Documentary About Inner City Life- I recall watching something about young kids and gangs and drug dealing in Baltimore and Detroit. I was probably 8 at the time. The kids int he documentary all had their faces blurred out, but they were like 9-14 and all carried guns and talked about all the people they killed and drugs they sold. That was pretty much when I decided that the world was a horrible place for sure. I tried to rationalize that “The Good Son” was just a bad movie and incredibly unrealistic (who raises kids at a house near a giant cliff???). But this documentary made me long for the days where I was worried someone in my 3rd grade class might be a closet serial killer.
4. Moving From one State To Another- This one is something that isn’t always controllable, but really makes your kid wonder if you are just being as difficult as possible because you hate them or because you are a self-centered jerk.
5. Getting a Divorce – The easy but still effective punch in the stomach for any kid. Next time use birth control! ZING! (I joke…all though, I’m sure fewer divorces would result in fewer Psychology majors…)

It seems shitty that the season already started and I didn’t get to do my big NBA preview. So now that I’ve seen most teams play a game (or 2) I have an unprecedented edge in all of my predictions. Here we go:

The New York Knicks will NOT be the worst team in the NBA. In fact, because Mike D’Antoni will do everything in his power to NOT be horrible, I predict they win 33 games this season. Yes. 33 wins. They will be sneaky some nights. They won’t use Marbury all that much. It will be a fun group. Sort of. They might even be fiesty enough to try to slide into the Playoffs (they are probably 1-3 years away from being a playoff team). The New York Knicks will be 33-49.

The Cleveland Cavs will be pretty damn good with Mo Williams (lack of a bench notwithstanding). I expect they will have a 54-28 season.

The Toronto Raptors will be sort of like the Detroit Tigers were this season. Except, they didn’t ALSO get a young all star along with a washed up Dontrelle Willis. Jermaine O’Neal will be OK, but he won’t be the savior. 45-37.

The Detroit Pistons will finish 54-28.

The Celtics will finish 60-22.

The Wizards will finish 41-41.

The 76ers will finish 47-35.

The Magic will finish 52-30.

The Miami Heat will be a lot better this season. I love the Dwayne Wade ad campaign already. He should be incredible this season. Like that time he was essentially the ghost of Michael Jordan against the Mavericks in the NBA Finals for a couple of games. Michael Beasley won’t hurt either. I know the supporting cast is grim and Shawn Marion might have been the most overrated player of the last half decade…but maybe not. 44-38

The Lakers will win 69 games this season. Yes, that is absurd. I agree. But they are going to angry, big, and bitter. Expect blood on the court.

I like the Grizzlies to win 33 games in the West. They will sort of be like the Knicks of the West, but with more upside (youth and not as much wasted cash on the books).

The Trailblazers should (could) have won 50 games this season. With Old Man Oden out a month I will drop them down to 44 wins.

The worst teams by far will be the New Jersey Nets, Oklahoma City Thunder, Golden State Warriors and Milwaukee Bucks. I don’t think there will be as many pitiful teams this seaosn as there were last year…

The Chicago Bulls could be a surprise playoff team. They were everyone’s sleeper pick for 2007-08 for some reason…But it would make sense for them to be good this year in the same way it sort of made sense for the Devil Rays to be good overnight. When you get one of the highest draft picks year after year after year it only makes sense that you should eventually have a stockpile of good young players and/or trade bait galore. Even if their success does happen seemingly overnight.

The Spurs will finish 51-31.

The Hornets will finish 58-24.

The Clippers will finish a fun 39-43.

The Mavericks will finish 53-29.

The Suns will finish 46-36. I know this might seem low. But they are old. And not the same team anymore. At all.

The Nuggets will finish 31-51 and without either Allen Iverson or  Carmello Anthony or both.

Playoff predictions later in the season.

And now, a segment we call “Bet On it” where York Robrts gives readers 13 things to bet on this week because all of the readers of Chair are compulsive gamblers, simply arrived here looking for porn or both.

• The Chicago Bears will win the NFC North. For no good reason. Bet $1000 on it.
• Mickey Rourke will win the Oscar for Best Actor for “The Wrestler”. Bet $100 on it.
• Zac Efron will be this generation’s Michael J. Fox, somehow. Bet $13 on it.
• Marques Colston will finish the NFL regular season with 38 catches. On the dot. Bet $25 on it.
• Braylon Edwards doesn’t actually drink 5 Hour Energy. Bet $17 on it.
• Rickey Henderson will be a first ballot Hall Of Famer. Bet $50,000 on it.
• John Rocker will one day visit Cooperstown. Bet $9 on it.
• “Life On Mars” will last 39 episodes or less. Bet $270 on it.
• Pogs will be cool again by 2039. Bet $7 on it.
• Penn State will win the BCS National Championship. Bet $312 on it.
• Leon Powe will make the NBA All Star Team. Bet $1.73 on it.
• Derrick Rose will win rookie of the year. Bet $42 on it.

     Acaba de llegar el otoño a Bilbao oficialmente. Ayer por la tarde empezó a llover y no ha parado hasta ahora (en breve comenzará de nuevo, seguramente). Me apetece no salir de casa durante los días lluviosos y ver pelis en blanco y negro, ya que acompañan mejor al cielo gris. Pero lo que realmente me gusta hacer es buscar recetas de postres en internet y cocinar algo que posiblemente sea incomible, ya que nunca acierto con las recetas a la primera.

      Si no hay más remedio y decido salir a la calle, me encanta meterme en la biblioteca a buscar libros para llevar a casa, ojearlos un día y después devolverlos. No sé en que película americana de mediados de los ochenta vi esto, pero es una cosa que me parece genial, igual que vestirme con ropa vieja o muy grande… Es como un regustillo a lo Diane Keaton en Manhattan de Woody Allen cuando les pilla la tormenta paseando por Central Park. Eso también me gusta. Que me pille una tormenta con mi churri en medio de un parque creo que es super romántico, el correr buscando algún sitio dónde refugiarnos y terminar haciendo el amor en un callejón y bajo un desagüe como Kim Basinger y Mickey Rourke en 9 Semanas y 1/2…

     Es la primera vez, estando con Pablo, que llueve tan de seguido, así que le voy a proponer uno de mis planes caseros ,a ver que dice, sino pasear bajo la lluvia no estará nada mal (siempre que encontremos un parque y después un callejón con un desagüe…) 

Domestic abuse is a phrase I am sure we all shudder at, even though we may conjure up an image of a glamorous-looking woman wearing oversized sunglasses and scarves to cover bruises. Such a cool and mysterious (and inaccurate) depiction allows this kind of violence to border on being trendy. While it occurred behind close doors for centuries – even the Bible allows for the punishment of disobedient wives – only now do we have this media obsession with the personal lives of celebrities who are rumored to have an unruly fist every now and then.

Because in the end, domestic abuse is not what you see in the movies; it’s not the erotic passion of Kim Basinger crawling across the floor in “9 ½ weeks,” but it’s also not a Lifetime tale of a helplessly shattered woman.  The harsh reality of abuse is that it is full of emotions on both sides, but not the beauty and heart wrenching dysfunctional love that people have come to find enthralling. I know I will not be the only woman to admit that a man unleashing his aggression on me makes me feel wrongly passionate, alive…and well, pretty damn turned on.  Just think back to the innocent pop sound of the 1962 song “He Hit Me (And It Felt Like A Kiss),” written by none other than Carole King and co. – listen to the original by the Crystals and check out a great live cover by one of my favorite inappropriately badass babes.

But neither extreme holds true to reality. If your boyfriend hits you, it doesn’t mean he loves you.  But just because he hits you doesn’t mean he is abusive.  There is some line in this blurry universe of domesticated war that seems natural for people to hang around…when the heat rises, horrible words, hands or other foreign objects may start flying.  Now if this is a daily part of you and your partner’s routine, you may want to rethink the relationship, or at least hide all the sharp objects in your house.  But the occasional expression of physical aggravation is normal and I don’t think that every woman should be throwing the word “domestic abuse” around.  The allegations against “Batman” star Christian Bale are close to being dropped, for example, because the motivation has been rumored to be money.  Cases like these simply weaken the support behind those who really do suffer from abusive relationships.  It’s a more dangerous version of “the boy who cried wolf” because true domestic violence is a real problem.  Statistics show that in the U.S. about 1.3 million women are assaulted by a partner each year.  Even worse, 1,247 women in the U.S. were killed by an intimate partner in 2000, and those are only the allegations that have been proven (think of the crack in the judicial system that allows a man like O.J. to fall through).

I am not trying to say that hitting people is justified, because in all moral concerns it is wrong.  But humans are not strictly moral beings, and in that way I can understand how a person can hit another person – or, God forbid, how a man could hit a woman.  I know my behavior, and I can understand why ex-boyfriends might think about realigning my teeth with their fist.  For the record, I sometimes want to punch them too.  And I feel a lot more comfortable expressing this desire simply because I am a woman.  While women are most commonly victims of abuse, men are as well – but it’s almost a joke in this society for a man to come forward against an abusive woman. For some reason, it is acceptable for women to hit a man across the face as way of expressing their disgust, but a man doing the same thing would get slapped with an assault charge.  In my mind, domestic abuse has been so popularized and trivialized that it takes attention away from the real cause, the real battered women who most often sit in silence rather than throwing around accusations against former NBA players who have deep pockets.  And these men could be abusive, but I can not believe that every acquittal in domestic violence cases is wrong.

Ike, OJ, and even smooth-voiced Jackson Browne.  There are probably a million reasons how truly abusive men like these got their women to stick by them for so long.  Society saw it as almost commonplace.  I do not believe that anyone wants to endure that pain, but if a woman doesn’t leave after that first punch, then chances are she will be around for many more of those throughout the years, if not forever.  At the end of the day I am not sure the “how” matters.  They stayed, and the men received little or no punishment for the tragic outcomes.

Photo Credits: Abuse ads by Saatchi & Saatchi Singapore for Association of Women for Action & Research (2008)