Is it a holiday, a new job, better grades, respect, money? What are you fighting for? As an actor this is a very important question you are going to have work out with every character and every script, it is all about choices, the choices you make as an actor for your character to bring them to life;

                  “Your talent is in your choices…”
                                                    Robert DeNiro

This is one of the many, many lessons we learnt today. First up it was time to perform our scripts which we have been rehearsing and studying, playing “Sister Ray” a nun who is fighting for her beliefs and the wishes of those who are unable to speak for themselves. We chose the script to be set in 1950 in order to establish a solid setting and emotion for this political debate in a time where few were outspoken.

Being in the moment of another character and playing outside of you, letting go in front of a class is something I have certainly missed though enjoyed immensely the opportunity to perform.

Our first class of Acting for film began today and what an experience to be taught by an inspirational and knowledgable teacher, who for 10 years played a leading role on everyone’s favorite sitcom “Happy Days.” Knowing that all our teachers started just as we have and now have accomplished so much; reassure’s me that what I am fighting for is certainly worth it!

Until then…

Miss D

I haven’t been here for a while, i don’t think anyone has. Well i still manage to not know who i am, or what my purpose is. But atleast i’m not about to exit life everyday, like it used to be.

To Postulate is to suggest or assume the existence, fact, or truth of (something) as a basis for reasoning, discussion, or belief.

My first real post. Today I ask, exactly what it means to ask; or to believe.

Finding truth in fiction.

My fate both dire and vein.

Assumptions based diction, from the holy ordained.

All in the same,

had I burst into flame.

Would science be proved wrong or right?

I don’t know the answers to the most pressing questions…

My ignorace has taught me to enjoy my wisdom,

to know that I know nothing at all.

and to appreciate the journey…

True knowledge is not found by those who seek it,

true knowledge seeks the wise.

-samuelreed

should we seek knowledge or command that it flow through us?

…who forget Allah.

I just attended a program for a brother that recently died (inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon, from Him we come and to Him we return) in Makkah, right after he’d completed his Hajj. I went on a last minute’s notice (with my father).

The program included a Qur’anic recitation, and the verses recited were a reminder to me. You see, I’d seen many  of my friends that I hadn’t seen in a while (mostly youth). Just thinking about the lifestyle of this generation (I believe about 5 cell phones went off during the program, unfortunately all from uncles). Another thing that attributed to my thoughts was a video I watched minutes before I left my house:

I saw it from Kashif Pasta’s blog. (just have to mention that this is an amazing kinetic typography piece).

The poet is Taylor Mali, and he brings to light the speech of my generation. Honestly, what caught me was the ‘conviction’ part, do we really mean and believe the words we say? When we stand up for Salah five times, are we mumbling through the words of our Lord? Or are we proudly speaking the truth that we believe?

Now, this reminds me of a few days back. I did a small personal experiment that I invite you to do as well.

I stood up for Salah (not a real Salah), and I raised my hands and loudly said “Allah is the greatest!”, Then I began Surah Fatiha:

“All praises are due to Allah, lord of all the worlds. The Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Master of the Day of Judgement. You alone do we worship and from you alone we seek aid. Guide us onto the straight path. The path of those whom have earned your favor, and not the path of those whom have earned your anger, nor of those who have gone astray.”

Then, thinking of the first Surah, surah Duha came to mind. “By the forenoon! … um…by the foren-…”

It was an eyeopening experience. If I am to stand in front of my Lord five times daily, will I continue to speak to Him with words that I do not understand?

InshaAllah, I’m trying to study, now, the meaning behind the words, especially in Salah.

/~~~\

All of these thought tangents lead me back to my original contemplation on the following ayah:

“And do not become like those who forget Allah, and He causes them to forget themselves! It is they who are truly deprived.” -Surah Hashr, Verse 19 [59:19]

This is an ayah we easily see the effects of these days. Ask any person that doesn’t believe in God, or isn’t that ‘religious’. Are they happy? Do they feel at peace? A line from the poem (in the video above) also poses a great statement to contemplate on: “I’m just, like, inviting you to join me, on the bandwagon of my own uncertainty.” Is uncertainty where you should be in life?

The truth is, we are all creations of Allah, and our purpose in life is to worship Him. That’s who you are! If you forget that, then you’re forgetting your own self.

Simple and plain.

Share.

Add to: Facebook | Digg |  Stumbleupon | Twitter

I’ve been very greedy…unforgivably greedy. I knew I need to behave N trust me…I am trying hard.

I envy those with flexible working hour – they can sleep a little late when they are tired, taking a break when need to, travel when they have enough.

I envy those without office – they are not required to be creative inside the small monotone office box and expected to come out with the most breath-taking creative idea or business solution.

I envy those who pay their own salary – they earn as much as they put their labor in. The best of all – labor on things they believe in.

I envy those who comfortable working alone – they are not answerable to anyone but themselves.

Well…erm, I know all the above has its disadvantages, as much as how appealing it may look and sound. But, these are things I desire now.

So, despite some might think it is silly to let go of such comfortable income and go into a life filled with uncertainty. But, my spirit desire freedom more then anything else. And, if that is the price I need to pay…I will.

I don’t mind about the glamor and the ideal of others, but I like to think I am moving forward to a new life with many different story to accomplish. Each story is a record of how I leave an impact to this life I am having. I don’t want to end up telling my grandchildren one day…I work all my life 9am-6pm building and sustaining others dream, maintaining others pocket with enough cash.

So, how about doing something for myself? I love that idea. Surely…I do. It make me smile.

The thousand and one song I wanted to write…
Pieces of memories and images I wanted to paint…
Endless amount of good books I desire to drill into…
The sweet scent of the lavender tea I like to linger a little longer…

That is just a small part to begin with…

I will start my lit studio with RM1 and do everything and anything that is fun, but bring in sufficient income to allowed myself to further indulge into this free style life – without boundary.

I am working toward it!

A series of drawing by Donald Zolan ~reminded me to threat the world with the heart of a child. Splendid!

Title: Twilight Prayer
Reminded me to always pray with a child like heart.

Title: Tender Moment
Reminded me of my little pet when I am young…

Title: Summer Suds
I like the joyful and hopeful smile of his face. Simply light up my world.

Title: Snow Adventure
This little girl really look like my adorable niece ~ Abigail

I read a truly excellent article from the New York Times’ T Magazine this afternoon, and I really wanted to share it.

It was all about the re-emergence of American style. I love the author’s definition and discussion of what differentiates American design from the design produced by the rest of the world.

More often than not, American design is based on practicality. We design things to do a certain job, and to do that job well.  I love the example of jeans. Denim started as workwear–valued for its durability and comfort. Same with Converse–which started as a simple solution to a basketball shoe.

I was especially struck by this quote:

“And there we have it: the secret spiritual promise, traceable to our nation’s religious origins, that subtly underlies American style and fuels its resurgent allure. American style whispers of a day when all will be attractive, healthy and competent, when style as we know it — that urge to differentiate — will finally prove obsolete because all will be equal, idols every one.”

I think that most people can identify with that subtle, underlying desire. Whether you’d like to admit it or not.

I love this ad. It might sound cliché, but I feel like they really captured the essence of American spirit.

It’s a feeling that I think even the most cynical citizen loves and appreciates.

Don’t you feel inspired and kind of wild after watching it?

“Sometimes the point is too much to concentrate on, and people spend all their time looking for it, and they refuse to recognize that it’s right in front of their eyes.”

“Umm Sumayah wel hikam,” She piped; Sumayah’s mother and her wise words.

We agreed that she was right. Sarah hated to admit it but she knew what I was saying made perfect sense. Mom wasn’t random, she was serious about the things she said to me, I soaked them in not knowing their value or how strongly they would affect my transition into adulthood or help me skate over the thin ice of adolescence.

I stood there ironing my school shirt, watching the steam silently rising off the fabric as the iron smoothly slid across it. Sarah sat on my couch talking about something irrelevant to my concern at the moment. The iron hissed as I put it in its upright position, then switched to the left arm. We had agreed to skip first period to talk about the issues she was going through. I moved quickly because according to mom I needed to make it out of there on time, and I was adamant on making a show out of rushing through the front door.

The cold air and fog were familiar to us on school mornings, the street was filled with kids in uniform headed to school, some walking others in cars, taxis, or buses. At this point in my life I was in love with Cairo, and Egypt was the only place I had lived long enough to dare call home.

We walked against the crowd towards the park two blocks down. Sarah usually kept her sleeves rolled up. And like myself, her shirt was never tucked in, ties hanging around our necks, and our grey pleated skirts falling loosely to the ground. Except today she didn’t.

We stopped at the far end of the park and sat down at the passageway. I looked her in the eye but she intentionally avoided looking back.

“Ana mish tay’ah nafsi” I can’t stand myself.

Malik? What’s wrong?

I’ve just been depressed lately.

Over what?

She shrugged, and carefully rolled up her sleeves.

I’ve just been feeling bad lately. I don’t know.

My attention was drawn to the scabs on her left forearm. She had apparently been cut, repeatedly, with something sharp in vertical lines about 4 inches long.

Eh dah?! What is that?

to be continued.

On service, coordination and fellowship
When someone is passive or back-slided, we would try every mean to stir him/he up to serve. Then it seems inevitable that one, being stirred, would reach some excitement in the soul to do more things. If not directed in a proper way, these attempts may cause harm to the church life. This is the paradox doing and not doing. We do need to stir up people’s burden to serve the Lord and the church yet we should not stir up their soul or flesh but their spirits. People may have the appearance of service for many earthly and fleshly reason or motivation but the Lord cares for one’s heart and its purity. It is easy to stir up one’s soul and flesh, yet it is harder and better to stir up one’s spirit. Sometimes it is hard to distinguish the difference. That is why we need to be careful in stirring up one’s burden. Having said that, I guess service in soul is still, to certain degree, better than no service at all.

On the one hand, we need to have resolve to serve yet we also need to have a patient attitude and a soft heart to wait and consider. The proper balance between doing and not doing manifests one’s maturity.

On the one hand, one needs to have genuine burdens and acts according to such burdens. On the other hand, one needs to learn to turn to the Spirit and consider the feelings of the body before acting in a fleshy way.  Our burdens and actions always need to checked and balanced by the body. This is why we always need to spend extra time for fellowship. The census or oneness in spirits is prerequisite for any actions. One’s maturity also manifests on one’s consideration of the body and one’s sense of oneness with the body.

This is why serving the Lord and the church in much harder than worldly job, which doesn’t care how it is done as long as it is done.

On building up
There is no better way to build up than service, and coordination. Without service, everyone feels they are heavenly and spiritual. It is in the practical and annoying details that we find out that we are still quite earthly and fleshly. Only in practical service, we may recognize that our opinions may not be correct, our outer man needs to be broken, our natural man cannot be relied on, our methods may not always be the best, and our real condition may not be so good. Having said that, the building-up and the oneness should precede the service and coordination. No building up, no service. Yet having the heart and resolve to serve and coordinate is a good beginning for being into the body.

On contacting the new ones
We all should preach the gospel.
But we need to be clear about our burden  and vision. What is the purpose of contacting the new ones? To make friends or to bring them to Christ?
Our goal needs to be reminded, our motives needs to be purified, and our actions need to be sanctified.

On calling on the name of the Lord
Although calling on the name of the Lord is definitely a scriptural practice, it could be a little shocking to the new ones. I think we would never deny the validity or deprive our right to call on His name, but we may give some time for the new ones to know us better, to find themselves enjoying the gatherings. This period shouldn’t last too long which should be just enough to avoid the initial shocking.

Conclusion
Always turn to the Spirit and enjoy the Lord’s presence.
Continue to refresh the heavenly vision
Give Christ the preeminence in all things
Learn to consider others’ feelings and burdens.

(written a couple months ago and then polished and posted now.)

In light of reading a little bit about the researcher George Gerbner, I’ve decided to try and cultivate a new idea, replacing the Mean World Syndrome with the Kind World Syndrome.

On meanworldsyndrome.com one finds this:

“Mean World Syndrome is a phenomenon where the violence-related content of mass media convinces viewers that the world is more dangerous than it actually is, and prompts a desire for more protection than is warranted by any actual threat. Mean World Syndrome is one of the main conclusions of cultivation theory. The term “Mean World Syndrome” was coined by George Gerbner, a pioneer researcher on the effects of television on society, when he noted that people who watched a lot of TV tended to think of the world as an unforgiving and scary place.

Individuals who watch television infrequently and adolescents who talk to their parents about reality are said to have a more accurate view of the real world than those who do not, and they are able to more accurately assess their vulnerability to violence and tend to have a wider variety of beliefs and attitudes.”

George Gerbner was also was quoted saying:

“Fearful people are more dependent, more easily manipulated and controlled, more susceptible to deceptively simple, strong, tough measures and hard-line postures,”

“They may accept and even welcome repression if it promises to relieve their insecurities. That is the deeper problem of violence-laden television.”(Source…)

If this is indeed true than the opposite might be something to seriously look into and try to cultivate through consistent behavior in the opposite direction. Now I might be way out of line here but if cultivating fear causes typically irrational behaviour, than cultivating kindness and happiness might have the opposite effect?

Not exactly a scientific conclusion but maybe one worth delving into.

In any case it’s high time we stopped letting the intentional manipulation of lobbying organizations determine our behaviour and attitudes. One way to start is to really question where the information is coming from, and what the underlying incentive for getting people to think a certain way is.

When all the layers are stripped away from all of societies preachers a red line of truth usually emerges, and suddenly, the world and the information doesn’t feel as frightening. The truth should be liberating and instill a sense of acceptance and calm – not panic.

The problems of this world can be dealt with in two practical ways – acceptance or resolution, and neither should bring fear to the table to sway your senses as to which course of action is the most rational.

This is an excerpt out of Michael Crichton’s book, “State of Fear.” I avidly encourage everyone to read this book – mainly because it so clearly reveals to you that so much of what you have taken to be fact is infact media-driven-bogus. For instance, did you know that there is actually no greenhouse effect going on? What the author has done is taken an immensely wide range of information and studies and conclusions, and fashioned a novel using their conclusions – not forgetting to include the real footnotes of these findings for your personal research. Have a read:

“Within modern culture, ideas constantly rise and fall. For a while everybody believes something, and then, bit by bit, they stop believing it. Eventually, no one can remember the old idea, the way no one can remember the old slang. Ideas are themselves a kind of fad, you see.”

“I understand, Professor, but why-“

“Why do ideas fall out of favour, you are wondering?” Hoffman said. He was talking to himself. “The answer is simply – they do. In fashion, as in natural ecology, there are disruptions. Sharp revisions of the established order. A lightning fire burns down a forest. A different species springs up in a charred acreage. Accidental, haphazard, unexpected, abrupt change. This is what the world shows us on every side.”

“Professor…”

“But just as ideas can change abruptly, so, too, can they hang on past their time. Some ideas continue to be embraced by the public long after scientists have abandoned them. Left brain, right brain is a perfect example. In the 1970s, it gains popularity from the work of Sperry at Caltech, who studies a specific group of brain-surgery patients. Sperry denies any broader meaning. By 1980, it is clear that the left and right brain notion is just wrong – the two sides of the brain do not work separately in a healthy person. But in popular culture, the concept does not die for another twenty years. People talk about it, believe it, write books about it for decades after scientists have set it aside.”

“Yes, all very interesting –“

“Similarly, in environmental thought, it was widely accepted in 1960 that there is something called “the balance of nature.” If you just left nature alone it would come into a self-maintaining state of balance. Lovely idea with a long pedigree. The Greeks believed it three thousand years ago, on the basis of nothing. Just seemed nice. However, by 1960, no scientist believes in the balance of nature anymore. The ecologists have all given it up as simply wrong. Untrue. A fantasy. They speak now of dynamic disequilibrium, of multiple equilibrium states. But they understand now that nature is never in balance. Never has been, never will be. On the contrary, nature is always out of balance, and that means-“

“Professor,” Evans said, “I’d like to ask you-“

“That means that mankind, which was formerly defined as the great disrupter of the natural order, is nothing of the sort. The whole environment is being constantly disrupted all the time anyway. If you study the media, as my graduate students and I do, seeking to find shifts in normative conceptualization, you discover something extremely interesting. We looked at transcripts of news programs of the major networks – NBC, ABC, CBS. We also looked at stories in the newspapers of New York, Washington, Miami, Los Angeles, and Seattle. We counted the frequency of certain concepts, and terms used by the media. The results were very striking.” He paused.

“What did you find?” Evans said, taking his cue.

“There was a major shift in the fall of 1989. Before that time, the media did not make excessive use of terms such as crisis, catastrophe, cataclysm, plague, or disaster. For example, during the 1980s, the world crisis appeared in news reports as often as the word budget. In addition, prior to 1989, adjectives such as dire, unprecedented, dreaded were not common in television reports or newspaper headlines. But then it all changed.”

“In what way?”

“These terms started to become more and more common. The word catastrophe was used five times more often in 1995 than it was in 1985. It’s use doubled again by the year 2000. And the stories changed, too. There was a heightened emphasis on fear, worry, danger, uncertainty, panic.”

“Why should it have changed in 1989?”

“Ah. A good question. Critical question. In most respects 1989 seemed like a normal year: a Soviet sub sank in Norway; Tiananmen Square in China; the Exxon Valdes; Salman Rushdie sentenced to death; Jane Fonda, Mike Tyson, and Bruce Springsteen all got divorced; the Episcopal Church hired a female bishop; Poland allowed striking unions; Voyager went to Neptune; a San Francisco earthquake flattened highways; and Russia, the US, France, and England all conducted nuclear tests. A year like any other. But in fact the rise in the use of the term crisis can be located with some precision in the autumns of 1989. And it seemed suspicious that it should coincide so closely with the fall of the Berlin Wall. Which happened on November nineth of that year.”

Hoffman fell silent again, looking at Evans in a significant way. Very pleased with himself.

Evans said, “I’m sorry Professor. I don’t get it.”

“Neither did we. At first we thought the association was spurious. But it wasn’t. The Berlin Wall marks the collapse of the Soviet Empire. And the end of the Cold War that had lasted for half a century in the West.”

Another silence. Another pleased look.

“I’m sorry.” Evans said finally. “I was thirteen years old then, and…” He shrugged. “I don’t see where you are leading.”

“I am leading to the notion of social control, Peter. To the requirement of every sovereign state to exert control over the behavior of its citizens, to keep them orderly and reasonably docile. To keep them driving on the right side of the road – or the left, as the case may be. To keep them paying taxes. And of course we know that social control is best managed through fear.”

”Fear,” Evans said.

“Exactly. For fifty years, Western nations have maintained their citizens in a state of perpetual fear. Fear of the other side. Fear of nuclear war. The Communist menace. The Iron Curtain. The Evil Empire. And within the Communist countries, the same in reverse. Fear of us. Then, suddenly, in the fall of 1989, it was all finished. Gone, vanished. Over. The fall of the Berlin Wall created a vacuum of fear. Nature abhors a vacuum. Something has to fill it.”

Evans frowned, “You’re saying that environmental crisis took the place of the Cold War?”

“That is what the evidence shows. Of course, now we have radical fundamentalism and post-9/11 terrorism to make us afraid, and those are certainly real reasons for fear, but that is not my point. My point is, there is always a cause for fear. The cause may change over time, but the fear is always with us. Before terrorism we feared the toxic environment. Before that we had the communist menace. The point is, although the specific cause of our fear may change, we are never without the fear itself. Fear pervades society in all its aspects. Perpetually.”

He shifted on the concrete bench, turning away from the crowds.

“Has it ever occurred to you how astonishing the culture of Western society really is? Industrialised nations provide their citizens with unprecedented safety, health, and comfort. Average life spans increase fifty percent in the last century. Yet modern people live in abject fear. They are afraid of strangers, of disease, of crime, of the environment. They are afraid of the homes they live in, the food they eat, the technology that surrounds them. They are in particular panic about things they can’t even see – germs, chemicals, additives, pollutants. They are timid, nervous, fretful, and depressed. And even more amazingly, they are convinced that the environment of the entire planet is being destroyed around them. Remarkable! Like the belief in witchcraft, it’s an extraordinary delusion – a global fantasy worthy of the Middle Ages. Everything is going to hell, and we must all live in fear. Amazing. How has this world view been instilled in everybody? Because although we imagine we live in different nations – France, Germany, Japan, the US – in fact, we inhibit exactly the same state, the State of Fear. How has that been accomplished?”

Evans said nothing. He knew it wasn’t necessary.

“Well, I shall tell you how,” he said. “In the old days – before your time, Peter – citizens of the West believed their nation states were dominated by something called the military-industrial complex. Einsenhower warned Americans against it in the 1960s, and after two world wars Europeans knew very well what it meant in their own countries. But the military-industrial complex is no longer the primary driver of society. In reality, for the last fifteen years we have been under the control of an entirely new complex, far more powerful and far more pervasive. I call it the politico-legal-media complex. The PLM. And it is dedicated to promoting fear in the population – under the guise of promoting safety.”

“Safety is important.”

“Please. Western nations are fabulously safe. Yet people do not feel they are, because of PLM. And the PLM is powerful and stable, precisely because it unites so many institutions of society. Politicians need fears to control the population. Lawyers need dangers to litigate, and make money. The media need scare stories to capture an audience. Together, these three estates are so compelling that they can go about their business even if the scare is totally groundless. If it has no basis in fact at all. For instance, consider silicon breast implants.”

Evans sighed, shaking his head. “Breast implants?”

“Yes. You will recall that breast implants were claimed to cause cancer and autoimmune diseases. Despite statistical evidence that this was not true, we saw high-profile news stories, high-profile lawsuits, high-profile political hearings. The manufacturer, Dow Corning, was hounded out of the business after paying $3.2 billion, and juries awarded huge cash payments to plaintiffs and their lawyers. Four years later, definitive epidemiological studies showed beyond a doubt that breast implants did not cause disease. But by then the crisis had already served its purpose, and the PLM moved on, a ravenous machine seeking new fears, new terrors. I’m telling you, this is the way modern society works -  by the constant creation of fear. And there is no countervailing force. There is no system of checks and balances, no restraint on the perpetual promotion of fear after fear after fear….”

“Because we have freedom of speech, freedom of the press.”

“That is the classic PLM answer. That’s how they stay in business,” Hoffman said. “But think. If it is not at all right to falsely shout “Fire!” in a crowded theater, why is it right to shout “Cancer!” in the pages of The New Yorker? When that statement is not true? We’ve spent more than twenty-five billion dollars to clear up the phony power-line cancer claim. “So what?” you say. I can see it in your face. You’re thinking, we’re rich, we can afford it. It’s only twenty-five billion dollars. But the fact is that twenty-five billion dollars is more than the total GDP of the poorest fifty nations of the world combined. Half the world’s population lives on two dollars a day. So that twenty-five billion would be enough to support thirty-four million for a year. Or we could have helped all the people dying of AIDS in Africa. Instead, we piss it away on a fantasy published by a magazine whose readers take it very seriously. Trust it. It is a stupendous waste of money. In another world, it would be a criminal waste. One could easily imagine another Nuremburg trial – this time for the relentless squandering of Western wealth on trivialities – and complete with pictures of the dead babies in Africa and Asia that result.”

He hardly paused for breath. “At the very least, we are talking about a moral outrage. Thus we can expect our religious leaders and our great humanitarian figures to cry out against this  waste and the needless deaths around the world that result. But do any religious leaders speak out? No. Quite the contrary, they join the chorus. The promote “What would Jesus Drive?” As if they have forgotten that what Jesus would drive is the false prophets and fearmongers out of the temple.”

Today was a very intense but rewarding day at the Academy. We began with monologue class, a two and half hour journey beginning with accepting yourself and having the courage to be vulnerable and allow yourself to become the character and best actor you can be.

We were stripped down to our inner core and left there to find the true us and why we were here, and how by being truthful, not knowing, reverting back to our innocent child perception is the only way to create a believable and confident actor.

This is a confronting experience and this course because of the intensity is the two-year program smashed at full force into 8 weeks. There is no time to hide your true self, lie or not step up. In this one class we learnt and journeyed on 2 – 3 weeks information and inspiration. It was amazing. Though our class has only known one another for three days, the vibe and trust in this room to step up and be yourself would have had everyone fooled.

Next was a complete session on Movement; intensive Yoga, structured movement acting followed by lessons in Salsa and Merengue, where everyone’s hips were shaking, and after this core workout muscles we did even know existed ached and on a cold winters day all to be seen was sweat from everyone in that room. It was the realization for me anyway that as an actor your body is your product, we are advertising not vacuum cleaners, not televisions, just head to toe ourself, so it’s time to start treating your body like that!

The day had been long but certainly not over; finally we were thrown into an Opening Casting, two sessions with 8 Directors in each, improvise, step up, perform and shine in order to be cast in anything and everything being shot by seniors.

For the third day it has been an eye-opening and confronting experience that will only continue to push us further and further. Though it may be 11:45pm day three has still not finished, line learning and final self rehearsal for our scene study performance in the morning still has these two eyes wide awake. With a compact day tomorrow, filming weekend, study, writing and rehearsal weekend the best is yet to come;

Until then…
Miss D

O God! Refresh and gladden my spirit. Purify my heart. Illumine my powers. I lay all my affairs in Thy hand. Thou art my Guide and my Refuge. I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved; I will be a happy and joyful being. O God! I will no longer be full of anxiety, nor will I let trouble harass me. I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life.
O God! Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself. I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord.

‘Abdu’l-Bahá

Rehearsing yesterday went well, got all the blocking done so just a matter of learning and memorizing the lines now. After we wrapped rehearsals last night we hit Hollywood Boulevard…

It was truly amazing,  walking along and suddenly looking down to see you have just stepped on Steven Spielberg, Meryl Streep and Natalie Wood’s Walk of Fame Star, knowing that it is all real, that dream you have had, the vision of what you hope for your future is surrounding you, the Kodak and Chinese Theatres, all these places and landmarks which seemed so far away, now right around you.

Some exciting last-minute news, when we finished rehearsals we managed to get our hands on tickets on “JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE” tickets to be in the audience at his show, we got to see host/comedian JIMMY KIMMEL actor MATT DILLION, Twilight Saga’s NICKY REED who plays Rosalie and a performance by SEAN JOHN & BIRDMAN. A rushed but delightful experience.

Afterwards we walked the Walk of Fame, hit McDonald’s on Hollywood Boulevard and I have to say the food in there much better here, it taster fresher, it was certainly bigger and the mayonnaise mmmm. Though I think this will be my only fast food eat out here as it is the city of stars and staying fit and healthy is number one priority.

Following dinner it was a trip to the Hollywood Wax Museum and The America’s Guinness World Records. They worth both a lot of fun. I finally got to meet SHIA LEABOUF and showed that MEGAN FOX who he really likes

Until Next Time…

Miss D

Attending the Excellent private concert given by singer-songwriter, poet, and visual artist Patti Smith, presented by Robert Miller Gallery at the Robert Miller painting sudtio in the Wynwood district of Miami, during Art Basel Miami Beach. Pre-show image courtesy Doug Meyer for The Excellent People, 7:55 p.m., Thursday, November 4, 2009.

Thursday December 3, 2009 By Kevin Morrow

Today I had to ask myself where all of my memories true?

My answer was cloudy. Sometimes I recall memories as they were, and sometimes I don’t. But even when I think I do, I’m not sure if I’m really recalling them accurately.

It appears the memories can be true and untrue at the same time. Very interesting. So now I asked myself, do the negative memories matter?
They could be true and untrue at the same time. The event that they are tied to only has the meaning that I GIVE it now, sense I cannot recall it fully.

Is it possible for me to come to terms with negative memories?

If it’s possible for me to recall a memory that isn’t true, it’s more than possible for me to replace negative memories. Whether I come to terms with the “memories” or just replace them with positive “memories” it really doesn’t matter. Those memories are as real as I let them be.

I see what I expect to see. So maybe I should change what I expect so see.

My memories can seem real and be untrue, so if they are harming me, what’s the point in holding on to them?

Are all your memories TRUE?

Take the time to see if you can recall 3-5 memories with 100 percent certainty that you remember everything that happened.

I mean it, start reading again after about a minute or so and then answer if you can remember everything truthfully.

CAN YOU?

I’m not sure if most of my memories are 100 percent true. Although I believe they are never forgotten. I feel as if memories are retained and then recalled as best suits the current situation.

The element of truth may only be apparent to myself upon recollection. Of which I might not even be certain that I’m correct. Maybe the “IDEA” of a memory represents something else.

If memory is a variable in which I determine many forms, maybe only the idea of memory is real. While my memories are fabrications.

Meaning I CAN recall truth. Memory is like an idea from reality, that let’s you know that you can recall truth.

This means to me that no matter how trapped in illusion my mind is, I can still recall truth.

It may seem strange to those who read this, but sometimes I come to conclusions in my own unique way

If you could give a taste to your emotions, how would revenge taste?

To me it would be sweet or that was how I felt the other day having lunch with A, K and his ex.

I love eating new stuff as much as cooking new recipes; however I’m a cheap cook so I never go to fancy restaurants that charge you lots for a morsel of food.

This time was an exception, and I couldn’t help not to choose the most expensive items on the menu from appetizers to desserts and they all tasted obscenely good or was it because his ex was paying?

Anyway, she will leave Boston tomorrow taking A with her so there will be me and K, having lots of free time to do nothing than staring at the thick grey walls, torturing one another by stupid thoughts.

His will be unknown to me, black enough to bring tears into those brown eyes that are no longer warm and lively, mine will be of the future unknown, something dreadful to face.

However with generous sun shining upon us we have little reason to be gloomy. Tomorrow will come and bring happier days.

Who knows? One of these days me and K may go to the beach, walk bare-feet on the sands with our fingers entwined and determined to build a happier life.

Note to self: I’m still afraid of PDA! So don’t expect me much!

How long can I maintain I wonder. How long will it be before I can no longer play to the tune of niceties, before the veil shifts and cracks?

No sleep does this to you – the already surreal world takes a turn for the worse, you see things – details – that go unnoticed by all those around you. All those schister bastards who sleep a minimum of 6 hours. They cannot comprehend the world as the afflicted few do. Those insomniacs. Hell, I’m part of their group; I can no longer distance myself from them with words – so I correct….. we insomniacs see things in a whole new light. The moonlight, this second-hand, second grade cast off from the sun; adulterated and tarnished as it goes the extra mile to illuminate the earth with what little reflection it can muster.

It’s through this lens we can truly see. We are immune to the distractions, the bright lights and vibrant colours. Moonlight teaches us how to truly understand the world and all thing in it. Simply in shades of grey.

Teach me to treat all that comes to me with peace of soul and with firm conviction that Your will governs all. In unforeseen events let me not forget that all are sent by You.

(Orthodox prayer)

Isn’t that an amazing prayer? There are two things that struck me in reading those words. First, we need to be taught to have peace and assurance that God is in control. This lesson is learned in the second part of the prayer: to recall that all events (foreseen and otherwise) are ordained by God. It seems that the second part of that prayer is the most difficult to comprehend.

But everything ordained by God is for our good.The Apostle Paul endured a life that, through human eyes, would perhaps undermine my previous statement. He was beaten, stoned, left for dead, imprisoned, among other things. Yet, he kept his focus on God’s purpose in all things. In a letter to the Corinthians, Paul describes an encounter with an unspecified “thorn in the flesh.” His request for God to remove it was answered with profound call for Paul to rely on God (2 Corinthians 12:7-10):

“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”

Paul’s response could have been to argue the point (the why), to continue to beg for release from this thorn, to have a self-pity moment. But he doesn’t. He glories in the fact that God was using this moment for His purposes;

Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecution, with difficulties for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

He understood the heart behind the author of that orthodox prayer. Early in his second letter to the Corinthians (4:7-10), he makes the comparison to earthen vessels:

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down by not destroyed; always carrying about in the body of the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.

We are fragile beings that endure hardship, at the allowance of our heavenly Father. He weaves both good and difficulty in our lives to make us into “little Christs.” Paul encouraged the believers in Philippi in this way:

…work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.

Whatever He brings into our lives, challenges or joy, it is for our good and by His appointment. Our prayer should be to continue to see these moments with gratitude. For each moment reveals the heart of our Father.

Here goes my second photo essay, ‘Beauty & Blur’. Originally inspired by ‘Blinded’ by Jade  Lim and ‘Abstract Heaven’ by Ricardo Cezar. Both of their work has opened my eyes to see things differently. They remind me to the fact that there is beauty in everything. And it makes me feel grateful to be able to see. It’s a gift for us and lets learn how to appreciate it.

By the way, i want to share a quote from Jade Lim post, I love this quote so much.

“she loves lights.
but she was blinded. “

and yet, she still saw a beauty in it.

MKhalid Ibrahim
December 4th, 2009.

Presenting Excellent design by Mattia Bonetti, Ben Jones Beehaven, and Robert Rida, as displayed at Design Miami during Art Basel Miami Beach. All images via Doug Meyer for The Excellent People, 2:32 p.m. to 2:45 p.m., Thursday, December 3, 2009.

Mattia Bonetti at the Paul Kasmin booth.

Ben Jones Beehaven at Johnson Trading Gallery, New York.

A pair of cabinets by Robert Rida at the Donzella 20th Century booth.

You’re sitting. You’re standing. You’re not talking. You’re barely talking.

The space in your mind is infinite, a small shooting star in the distance is transversing your train of thought, its colours tightly packed in its core and suddenly it strikes a shapeless, immovable object.

The object does not exhibit any particular fathomable physical characteristics, the star doesn’t explode on impact, it fragments.

The fragments arch and deflect, hurtling at speeds. Unimaginable. Instantaneous. The fragments travel a short distance before they blossom into a myrad of oranges, purples, lemon greens, reds and yellows and are rapidly becoming focused and illuminated in the mind.

The dust trails of the fragments are bathed in the rich glow emanating from the nearby thoughts, mingling and manipulating their composition, sparks are given off as reactions between these individual curions fuse.

As more and more curions fuze, the colours swell and blend with one another until they create a planet in your mind, the planet is entirely gaseous, composed of memory, opinion and subjective thought, its borders undefined. A warm centre carries the pulsating glow that is the inexplicable essence of the original idea, now consumed, digested and envisioned within the eye of the mind.

Bask in its beauty, for it will be here forever.

I am experiencing a rather odd feeling which I’m not quite sure what it is.  There has been recently a lot of activity going on at my husband’s place of work and much of it has to do with the era we are living in.  There are a lot of people who have been experiencing the threat of being made redundant, laid off or already have.

My husband has been working for the same company for just over 21 years and over the past few months he has seen a steady flow of people being let go.  Today was one of those days and it has been a very sad day for him as he had to see some more of his crew be informed of being laid off.  It is bad enough to be give or receive this type of information but so close to a holiday period especially one like Christmas.

Perhaps sooner rather than we (my husband and I) realize it will be his last day, since it is difficult to imagine the business is to be able to run with a ’skeleton crew’ time will show if the work is able to be done with the likes of such a small amount.

Though it is a frightening thought I’m sure that when it does happen God has a plan for us and has given us the strength and with his help he will bring us through the ordeal.