Updates on My Year of Scary Living because I’m very serious about living scary.

1. I started researching venues in my area where I might be able to do standup. There’s a whole world and process I’m ignorant to so educating myself on how to get a foot in the door is important. 

2. I am writing the standup material and say it/work it out in my mind ALL THE TIME. This results in varying questions and thoughts: Will my parents care if I talk about them? Will my parents even come? Should I tell my parents I’m doing this? No, they really don’t need to know. I won’t tell them. This is a great idea. Maybe no one I know in real life should come? I’ll keep it a secret. No, if I bomb I’ll want someone to hold me afterward and that shouldn’t be some rando at the bar. Preferably. Well, if I’m crying hard enough I won’t care who’s holding me.

3. The guitar playing is still pretty scary and painful. My pinky finger SUCKS. It totally needs to shape up or I will WHOOP on it. I don’t know what the ring finger is laughing at. It’s right there behind the pinky finger. The entire hand cramps up and that’s just inconvenient. STUPID HANDS. I’m kidding. I love you, hands. Don’t leave me.

4. My 3yo went to school just fine. He didn’t cry and his teachers said he did great. Go him! I spent two glorious hours “at the office.”

5. I bought a navy peacoat. The buttons are shiny and fabulous. I’d like for everyone to call me “Sailor” from here on out.  For those of you who don’t care that I’ve replaced my granny cardigan with a peacoat, I’m very sorry BUT THESE ARE MY FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

6. To add to my Year of Scary Living, the Stud and I are going Vegan for a while. He has a history of heart disease, high blood pressure and bad cholesterol in his (very immediate) family. He’s on medication for it some of the issues, but we’d like to achieve the healthiest of livings possible. We’ve done a lot of research and are planning on doing a 30 day challenge and see what we think afterward. It will be a food adventure of sorts. I say all this, but just last night while watching a documentary on ancient Rome, we shared a bag of chips and cheese dip.

Me: We’ll go Vegan tomorrow.

Him: Totally.   

6. I think I’m done now.

7. I love you all.

8. Bye.

This year is different. I turn 29 in January - the final year of my twenties. The past two years, I’ve adopted a ”DO THINGS THAT SCARE ME” mentality. I’ve loved it. I’ve hated it. I’ve done things I wouldn’t do again. I’ve done things I’d repeat in a heart beat. I’ve discovered a lot about myself and still have so much more to learn.

My resolution - and I’m not going to call it that - I’m going to call it A Year of Scary Living - is to intensify what I’ve done. Times a jabillion (actual number).

Most of you read about the guitar I got at Thanksgiving. Before the year is over, I want to feel comfortable and

Like this. Only without the fishnet stockings and very short skirt. Maybe I already own that top.

competent enough to play it in public. If the public will have me. If the public won’t have me, I’ll put myself playing on youtube. But let’s shoot for the kind of public humiliation that can’t go viral. Yes? A Year of Scary Living.

You all might roll your eyes at this, but I guess I consider myself something of a humorists. In high school I loved being in plays and performing on stage. Give me a sheet of paper and a character and I’ll memorize the words and practice the delivery until it is hammered into perfection. I would like to combine the humor with the onstage aspect this year and do some standup comedy. If the standup world will have me. If it won’t, I’ll put it on youtube. A Year of Scary Living.

The following isn’t huge because I’ve been doing it all along, but I want to write EVERY DAY and not feel guilty about the time it takes away from my family. I think I use my family and the guilt as an excuse not to write sometimes. My youngest is SO BORED with only me around in the mornings before I go to work. Sure, he enjoys the one-on-one time for a while, but most days he asks to go to school with his older siblings. So I’m giving up feeling guilty and putting him in school for ONE MORNING (baby steps) a week. I will use that time to sit in a coffee shop and write. A Year of Scary Living.

The final thing might not seem that scary to some of you, but it is for me: I want to be more fashionable. I know, I hear the collective “Whaaaaaat?” across the internets, but I’m a big fan of “safe” and clothing falls into that category. In person, I’m quite shy and my clothing kind of reflects that. I don’t do daring things with colors or patterns and jewelry just hasn’t seemed sensible with extreme child-rearing. My work isn’t the type where I really have to dress up. Most days I’ll wear a nice pair of jeans, a basic shirt, and a cardigan. My building is cold and maybe I’m a grandmother. Long story short, I LOVE looking at cute clothes and accessories, but am just too scared to make any kind of fashion plunge. It’s so much easier to go with what I know than take a risk. I’m welcome to fashion suggestions or tips. I stalk modcloth.com and ordered this dress from them.

WOULD TOTALLY DO IT AGAIN, but it was such a “Is this cute on me? What shoes should go with it? What jewelry? WHAT IF I DO IT WRONG?” These things shouldn’t be so stressful, but I’m uncomfortable with lots of attention and the wrong kind of attention would just be GAH. NOBODY LOOK AT ME. I’M CLIMBING INTO A HOLE. The Stud and I were walking around Target one evening, being our regular sexy selves. I saw a display for ULTIMATE CARDIGANS and told him, “That is what I need. Not just a cardigan, but an ULTIMATE CARDIGAN.”

So, this is my Year of Scary Living 2012: Guitars, Comedy, Putting my youngest child in school so I can write for one day WOW that’s a mouthful to say, and Fashion. More items might be added. Like a body building competition.

Stay tuned! Thanks for reading. You’re all beautiful!