Can’t think of anything else to really talk about.. things have been pretty hectic socially lately so I’ll just talk about myself. /conceitedness.

uno. I love to scream extremely loudly when I’m on roller coasters. Apparently people find it to be very unexpected..

dos.  Star Trek comes out on DVD tomorrow. I preordered it and over Thanksgiving break next week I plan to watch it with Katherine.

tres. I am going to major in computer science in college.

cuatro. I got my hair cut rather short last Thursday because my hair felt so disgusting due to swimming. I lalalove it now. :]

cinco. I have started writing a novel. So far I’m 7% done. It’s a top secret project as of now. ^_^

seis. My friend Sammy Sam showed me this smilie about a week ago and I think it’s the most adorable thing ever. (^^)b. Thumbs up!

siete. My current favourite CD is This Is Us by the Backstreet Boys.

ocho. I lost my eraser yesterday.. I’m really upset by this. I really can’t find it anywhere, but I know I lost it in my house.

To continue with my story:
I continued to make minimum payments on my student loan of about $400/month, and the agreed upon monthly payment of $150 on my car, and an additional $150 per month for my insurance. With only $400 per month going towards my student loan, I felt I was barely making a dent in my loan. I got to a point where I was completely frustrated with my debt, and within 6 months of minimum payments, I decided to lump almost entire paychecks to my student loan. I made my final payment one year ago and have been STUDENT debt free for one year. I decided to leave my $150 monthly car payment because I have so few months left and at this point in the payments schedule, I am paying my principal rather than any interest, and I really wouldn’t be saving any money. I’m comfortable with the $150 monthly payment towards my car. The majority of my left over paycheck goes towards my savings and some fun money.

1. It’s November 16th! And next week is Thanksgiving, which means I get ALL of next week off! Well, actually, no, I’m kidding. I’ll probably have homework to do, but still, I’m pretty sure I should get a couple days off somewhere in there.

2. Last weekend the power went out for an entire hour and a half right when I was working on computer, writing a super-important, to-be-mind-blowing essay for journalism. Given the fact that the essay was DUE the next day, in fact, **coughcough** I emailed my instructor and begged for a couple extra days to wrap things up. My teacher emailed back the next day and not only gave me a couple days, but a WEEK! Oh yes, I was excited.

3. Uncommon Gift Mall this weekend and next! YEAH!

4. Two job opportunities…. one, a photo business assistant, and the second being a caretaker for someone… now I just have to decide which one(s) I’m taking. Both? Neither? One? Hm.

5. I’m STILL surviving Russian class. YES!

Some of you might be wondering why I chose “start the revelation”.  No, it’s not a typo and yes, I do know what the difference is between “revelation” and “revolution”.  I actually put a lot of thought into this… I was originally going to call my blog “start the revolution”, but that didn’t quite grasp the concept I was going for.

Revelation: an act of revealing to view or making known.

The real purpose behind my blog is to reveal my inner-most thoughts and opinions on society and the world around me, as well as making known who I am as a person. On top of that, Revelations is my favorite book in the Bible.  I find it the most fascinating and thought-provoking and it is the book that changed my life as a Christian.  The book of Revelations revolutionized my faith in Jesus Christ.

I leave the rest to you: open for interpretation…

-Alaina

I always say that raising three children is a juggling act. In three ball juggling, there is never a moment when all three balls are in the air simultaneously and that’s pretty much how it is with my three kids. If I can get two of them in the air, or in my analogy, concern-free, then the third is at the bottom and needs a boost up. Not to say that any of my children have huge issues or troubles, but more just a matter of dealing with the curves that life throws at them. Periodically, each of them needs a little parental support and my husband and I are happy to give it. That was the deal when we signed on to be parents. We knew it was a lifelong commitment.

My husband and I always wanted three children. When our first two children were born, we were over the moon with happiness, but in our hearts we knew we had room for one more. When I was pregnant with our third child, a wise friend informed me, that having three kids was not just a simple equation of 2 + 1 = 3, it was more like the chaos theory. Her point was that with two children you achieve equilibrium because you have one hand for each child. With three, there’s always one on the loose and you’re always off balance. Without a doubt, having three is challenging just by virtue of being an odd number. Pairing up for amusement park rides is awkward, packaged toys are often packed in twos, and the two-against-one argument is commonplace.

The thing about having three children is that there has to be one in the middle. Being a middle child myself, I know about threes. I am sandwiched between an older sister and a younger brother, so I am well aware of birth order characteristics. My sister, the oldest child, definitely has the leadership characteristic stamped in her DNA and my brother, the baby of the family, is characteristically comical and entertaining. As for me, three, yes, three, middle child characteristics jumped off the list when I first read it. “Creative.” Yes, I am creative – that’s why I’m a blogger! “Doesn’t like to follow authority.” Hmm, I view it more like I have a lot of questions for authority. “They can usually read people well, they are peacemakers who see all sides of a situation.” I’ve certainly had on the job training as peacemaker in my family.

As a kid, I thought I would never have three children, because I didn’t want to create a middle child. Obviously my husband convinced me otherwise. But as I raised my children, I made a concerted effort to be especially fair to my middle child. The tough thing, though, is life is not fair and will never be fair, so maybe I should have taught my middle child that lesson instead from the get-go. From a middle child’s perspective, it’s all about expectation, therefore middle children are better off if they have no expectations and then they can be pleasantly surprised.

If I had to do it over again, I would still have three, because I cannot imagine my life without anyone one of my children. They are three wonderful individuals marching to their own drumbeats who every now an then need a boost from their parents to get back in the air. Who will be up and who will be down next? Your guess is as good as mine.

Hello, world.

Who am I, you ask?  Just another high school senior frightened, anxious, and unprepared for the new world ahead of me.

I decided to make this blog to act as an account of my senior year in high school, my journey to the real world, and my experiences thereafter.  I already have a diary, but this seems like a better way of spending my time, seeing as how anyone in the world can read it after I write it.

I hope to use this as an outlet to the world and a place where I can express my opinions and thoughts. Even so, feel free to judge, challenge and criticize me because it just might spark new and fresh ideas for another blog. 

This introduction will have to suffice for now.  My critical nature is starting to take control, and I have the urge to correct this a few times over, but I will not allow it today.  I am going to make this blog fresh and unedited for the public to decide how they feel about me, whether that be one person or half the continent…

If you’d like to know more about me, you’ll have to wait and read… I’ll be here again soon.

-Alaina

Be sure to visit my website!

www.intuitiveconnectionsonline.com

I briefly referred to this on Saturday, that my grocery shopping trip to the new Market District in Robinson Township was an utter disaster. This is partially my fault and partially the store’s fault.

What I Did Wrong

• Went shopping on a Saturday morning. Unfortunately, that’s when I have time to shop.
• Went shopping with two children. Unfortunately, that’s with whom I have to shop. And the girls were, for the most part, well behaved. Not perfect, and far from holy terrors. (Kate, as per, was quite… er, restless, let’s just say.)
• Used the of the mini-van of shopping carts. Flora wanted to stay with Kate and me, not go into the Learning and Activity Center. I would have insisted she go in there if I had known then what I know now. Shopping with two children necessitates the use of large, unwieldy carts.
• Went shopping at a new, unfamiliar, HUGE store in less-than-optimal conditions. (See above.)

I am completely willing to accept my portion of “blame” for the worst grocery shopping experience of my life (excepting the time I vomited in the South Side Giant Eagle; I was 13-weeks pregnant with Flora and morning sickness won that day, all over aisle 5).

What the Market District Gets Wrong

I am certain that the new Market District is a very nice store — unless you actually have to get some shopping done. Then, the vast selection of products and the numerous specialty sections dotted throughout the store, combined with the sheer size of the store and the Saturday morning crowd are utterly overwhelming. I had a list of about a dozen items that it took me three hours to get. THREE HOURS. Unacceptable.

The prepared food section is a hot mess. Not in a good way. People mill about; there are no lines and no customer flow; ordering food is a free-for-all; and paying for food is a guessing game. The seating area — for a mom with a mini-van sized shopping cart, two children, and a tray of hot food — was nearly inaccessible. Note to whoever stuck that elevator in: IT IS NOT BIG ENOUGH FOR PEOPLE USING SHOPPING CARTS, even normal-sized ones. My children and I barely fit in there alone with the cart, and there was no way any combination of more than one normal-sized cart and any number of people (or strollers or wheelchairs, etc.) fit in there. BAD PLANNING. Thank goodness for helpful patrons — note: not employees, to whom it appeared I was invisible. This portion of my shopping trip 1) almost made me break down in tears and 2) almost made me abandon the effort of shopping at the store all-together.

If you provide mini-van-sized shopping carts for parents who choose not to use the Learning and Activity Center (no “Eagle’s Nest” here!), you should provide wide enough aisles for said shopping carts. Please and Thank You. There were certain areas of the store where I was sure I was going to get stuck and/or knock over whole displays. They were also the areas I didn’t mean to wander into, but I was unfamiliar with the layout, and by hour two I was completely disorientated.

It’s nice to be able to pick up a six-pack of beer (and a being able to pick up a bottle of wine will be even better), but it’s way too expensive. And the location of the beer purchasing area makes this just about not worth it.

It may seem that putting organics with all the other products — mainstreaming them, as it were — is a good, intuitive idea. It’s not. It just makes them that much harder to find. And I never did locate organic butter.

I like and support the idea of sampling stations. Unfortunately this Saturday morning with the crowd and my massive cart (have I talked enough about that yet?) they just added to the congestion and made everything take longer.

What They Get Right

The deli area is the picture of efficiency. No lie.
The coffee area (right near the deli) is loverly, and the free sample sure came in handy.
The bulk foods area. Although there should be more than one scale — and since there’s only one scale, it better freaking work every time.
Providing a map. In the end, it didn’t help me much, but it’s a great idea. And I’m sure it will help me IF I ever shop there again, and it probably did help others on Saturday.

Finally, to the other people shopping at the Market District on Saturday:

An “excuse me” goes a long, long way. Huffing at me, elbowing me, crashing your cart into mine, and/or rolling your eyes at me? Gets you NOTHING. I know the “excuse me” thing, combined with a smile, worked wonders for me, my giant-ass shopping cart, and my children. I had to use it several times, and I got a lot of “that’s okay”, “I’ve been there” and nice smiles in response. So next time, if it seems I don’t know you’re there, simply say, “Excuse me.” I will maneuver out of your way, and I will smile at you as I do it.

Options for me in the future should I decide to return to Market District:

Shop at a different time and/or day.
Shop with my husband as well as my children.
Shop without my children in tow (will necessitate employment of a babysitter).
Wait until Kate turns 3 (in January) so I can stow both girls at the Learning and Activity Center.
Forgo the prepared foods section all together OR only visit the grocery store to have lunch.

Incidentally, I heard from other (child-free) people who declared their experience at Market District pretty terrible on Saturday as well.

What should they do differently? What else do they get right? Or wrong? What else could I have done? Should I give the store another trial run, or just wait until the girls are older (college graduates or married with their own kids?)?

So I realize that I have not posted in a long, long, long time. So apologies to anyone who came by looking for new material.

Some updates on my life… I graduate in December (last quarter of school!) which will give me a BS in Biological-anthropology and a Chemistry minor. I would claim that this is why I haven’t been posting much except that it is an easy last quarter.

I have my last race in college this coming Saturday, provided I can kick this cold. It will be a 10k cross-country race so I’m looking forward to that.

I have been trying to buy all my fruit and vegetables at the farmers market here (which most awesomely goes until Christmas this year!). I must say that I haven’t totally stuck to this, I get bananas at the grocery store still and OJ and I bought a cucumber and a couple tomatoes one time. I still think that’s pretty good for the past 3 months-ish.

Finally, I have a ticket booked to go to Argentina on January 2nd and returning on March 31st. While down there I will be trekking with my dad, helping out one of his coworkers as a field assistant, go WWOOFing (world wide opportunities in organic farming) and doing whatever else grabs my fancy. Once I graduate I will try post some more, especially after I get down to Argentina.

In the mean time I kind of forgot everything I posted on before so I am going to double check what I’ve talked about and then post some more stuff very soon. Like today maybe!? and then I will probably hibernate until my finals are over before posting again. Sorry! 2010 people! That’s all I’m going to say.

I HAVE CAT is officially an award winning blog! I woke up today nervous that my post for the week was not complete only to learn I was the recipient of the “Honest Scrap” award.  Honest Scrap recognizes bloggers who “oftentimes put their heart on display as they write from the depths of their soul”.

Thanks so much to Glogirly for bestowing I HAVE CAT with this honor (check out her blog, you’ll love it ) and for giving me something to write about today!

The origins of “Honest Scrap” are elusive and all I can find is that it's likely been in circulation since December 2008 and many posts reference beginnings in Eastern Africa – how cool is that?!

The stipulations of accepting the award are as follows:

• Highlight the award on your blog and link back to the person who bestowed the award to you (check!)
• Post 10 interesting things about yourself
• “Pay it forward” by presenting the award to 5-10 other blogs

I’m not sure how interesting these are but you probably don’t know them about me and might find them entertaining.

Hottie violinist

1 – Band Camp (kind of): I started playing the violin at the age of 4 years and received a music scholarship to college but haven’t played the violin since graduation (sad I know).  Joshua Bell alone was good reason to pick up the violin.

My name in Armenian

2 – ESL: My first language was Armenian and I still speak at about a 3^rd grade level.  In High School I tried to take the TOEFL* instead of the SATs but that didn’t fly (can’t blame a girl for trying).

*TOEFL = Test of English as a Foreign Language

3 –My Dr McDreamy: My celebrity crush is Dr Gregory House the character played by Hugh Laurie). It must be that “I’ll save you” gene women seem to have.

4– Little Drummer Boy: For many years I only dated drummers and this was not necessarily a concerted effort. Sure in my teenage years I crushed on drummers (lead singers and guitarists were too obvious) but later in life I’d find myself on a date with a preppy guy only to find out he had a band or played the bongos.

Is this goodbye?

5 – Eggs + Oil = Yum!: When younger (much younger) I used to eat mayonnaise straight from the jar by the spoonful. And no, Miracle Whip doesn’t count. Even today I love it on a sandwich or in tuna salad. But seeing that I’m considering going vegan, it might be time for this love affair to end.

It was recently “suggested” to me that my postings be shorter. So keeping that in mind I will refrain from posting all 10 “interesting” factoids about me and will leave this “to be continued”.

Passing the Torch:

Hopefully I’m not giving this to anyone who already has it, but getting the same award  twice can’t be too bad right?  In no particular order – -

• Single Gal in the City - I’ve only recently discovered Melissa’s blog but she’s a single girl in NYC and she tells it like it is!
• Little Cat Diaries - Tom Cox clearly doesn’t need my help because he has a book published in the UK titled “Under the Paw: Confessions of a Cat Man” (sadly not yet available state-side). I couldn’t help supporting a self-professed cat-loving man!
• Old Cat’s Rule – This site is both fun and serious and celebrates the joy of life with a senior cat – which surprisingly includes any cat over 6 years old according to the literature (I’ve always wanted to say that!).
• Lucky Fiona A company named after a very lucky dog called Fiona who was rescued from a kill shelter. Not only can you find stylish dog collars (I’ve seen a few on cats too) at this website, but Fiona’s owner has a great blog and she recently rescued a fourth lucky dog.
• Albert the Cat’s Blog – Albert is a mancat who lives in London with his “poncy brother” and “stupid sister” (and 2 house staff of course).
• Tabby’s Place - Tabby’s Place is a wonderful cat sanctuary in New Jersey that accepts even the most handicapped animals.  Their blog tells the stories of various cat residents and really gives you a sense of what a labor of love this is for all the amazing folks that work there.
• Men and Cats – The title says it all

Hoho! Premiere: Zum aller ersten mal in meinem bisher doch recht kruzen Leben habe ich ein Stöckchen zugeworfen bekommen! Fakt ist, dass ich deshalb jetzt 7 Dinge über mich preisgeben muss, die vorher niemand wusste. Leichter gesagt als getan. Ich hoffe ich kann die Aufgabe zur Zufriedenheit aller erfüllen!

1) In der 5. und 6. Klasse war ich Hals über Kopf in einen Gerrit aus meiner Klasse verliebt obwohl ich das bisher immer vehement abgestritten haben weil ich ihn gleichzeitig auch irgendwie ziemlich dämlich fand.

2) Manchmal, wenn mir langweilig ist und keiner zuguckt, dann schau ich mir “iCarly” und “Hannah Montana” im TV an. Eine der Tatsachen die ich eigentlich nie im Leben öffentlich machen wollte weil mir die Disney Kinderstars in ihrer rosa Plüschwelt irgendwie gegen den Strich gehen!

3) In Warheit finde ich so Steaks, Schnitzel und Consorten total lecker. Vor allem wenn sie richtig gewürzt sind! Könnte ich mich echt rein setzen Einzig die Konsistenz hält mich davon ab es häufig zu essen! Da die meisten das nicht gelten lassen und ich keine Lust auf Diskussionen mit Fleischliebhabern habe bei denen ich verlieren könnte, sag ich einfach ich mag es nicht!

4) Manchmal habe ich ein bisschen Angst im Dunkeln. Nicht immer, aber manchmal! Vor allem wenn ich grade einen gruseligen Film geguckt habe…was ich genau aus diesem Grund extrem selten tue. Dann denke ich immer, das da jemand oder etwas in den dunklen Ecken lauert und beeile mich immer ganz arg, dass ich schnell wieder ins Licht komme oder eine Tür zwischen mich und das Dunkel bringe.

5) Ich bin in der Schule mal eingeschlafen. In der ersten Reihe! Direkt vorm Lehrer. Da habe ich meinen Kopf schön auf die Hände gestützt und so getan als ob ich ganz angestrengt im Buch lese. Schwupp…bin ich weg genickt! Als ich wieder wach wurde habe ich auf einen mehr oder weniger großen Sabberfelck auf dem Tisch geblickt, welcher aufgrund eines langen Fadens der aus meinem Mund tropfte, immer größer wurde. Ich habs schnell weggewischt und so getan als sei nichts passiert. Ich hoffe mein Lehrer hat nichts gemerkt!

6) Der erste Kuss den jemals ein männliches Wesen das nicht mein Vater war bekommen hat, war ein Kuss beim Bruderschaftstrinken der an einen guten Freund ging.

7) Nicht das ich das jetzt irgendwie einen Fetisch dafür hätte oder eine besondere Vorliebe, aber ich muss gestehen: Ich steh schon irgendwie auf so Lack-, Leder-, Latex- und Lycra-Klamotten! Wenns einem Menschlein steht siehts extrem sexy aus. Hab sowas noch nie angehabt, hätte aber keien einwände es mal anzuprobieren!

So…this is it! Oder so ähnlich. Zugeworfen bekommen habe ich das Stöckchen überigens von Pooly. Weitergeben tu ich es an Daniel der die ganze Sache hoffentlich genau so ernsthaft ausführt wie ich! Sonst geh ich hin und schubs ihn (indirekte Drohung und so)…

During our lives we have to deal with so many ups and downs.  Hopefully the downs are few.

I had arthritis from neck surgery a few years back.  I was in a car accident and all I could think about was that I was going to have one of those ugly scars on my neck and I’d have to wear turtle necks and scarves for the rest of my life.  Lucky for me the scar is invisible unless I want you to see it.   Whew!  I thought I was going to look like the bride of Frankenstein or something.   The doctors told me that I might develop arthritis due to the foreign metal in my spine and scar tissue.  Boy were they right.   Within two years I was in so much pain I couldn’t dress myself or do my hair.  My husband had to everything.

I couldn’t put my arm above my head or get up from a chair without it taking me several minutes to walk 10ft.  My husband had to dress me, do my hair even tie my shoes.  This is very upsetting to an independent female who “needs no man to take care of her!”  I almost lost my job because I couldn’t walk across the floor or fill out paperwork fast enough.  A friend of ours told us about this juice he came across and said it might help me with my arthritis.  “What can a fruit juice do that the drugs the doctors give me can’t?”  I laughed at him.   I was on Oxycotton at first but it upset my stomach so they put me on Celebrex.  It gave me migraines.  Isn’t an anti-inflammatory suppose to get rid of headaches?  Anyway I finally settled on 800 Ibuprophen.  I was taking 2 800’s two or three times a day (like candy) and it still didn’t help.   He told me as politely as he could to “shut up and drink it”. So I figured what the hell, I’ll try his juice.  It can’t hurt me, its just juice.  I drank 2 to 3 oz of juice 2 to 3 times a day.  About the 6th day of drinking this juice I rolled out of bed without ANY pain.  ANY PAIN!!  I sat back down on the bed and cried.  My husband came in and saw me crying thinking I had really hurt myself. But when I got up on the bed and jumped up and down he was just as amazed as I was.

I had lived with pain for years.  If this juice can keep my pain from coming back I’m buying stock in the company!  We joined the company as distributors and did our homework.  We found out that it has multiple uses for conditions and medical problems.  Our daughter had eczema all over her legs.  We had taken her to doctor after doctor and all they could do was give her crèmes and bath salts.  They told her to take shorter showers because it was the hard water making her skin dry.  Nothing worked.  Some doctors just don’t have a clue.  We told her start drinking the juice.  She broke out even more.  I called my friend and told him she must be allergic to something in the juice and he said and he said that eczema is a liver condition and the juiced is detoxing her body.  Keep drinking it and she’ll be fine.  So she did.  We even put about 4oz in a bath and had sit in it for about our.  To this day she is free of dry patches and itching.  She’s even wearing dresses again.

We found that it helps animals too. We took the empty bottles, with the residue in them, and filled them with water and gave it to our dogs.  Just the residual drops left the in bottle made a difference in our dog that had asthma.  One of our friends said her puppy had worms.  We told her about what it did for our dog so she gave it her puppy.  It worked like a charm.  Just a couple of teaspoons a day and the worms went away in a few days without going to the vet.

To read more about what this amazing juice can do check out my testimonies.  You will be amazed.

We believe in this stuff!  If you suffer from migraines, arthritis, fatigue, acid reflux, allergies, skin disorders, pink eye, some forms of cancer, YES CANCER or whatever.  Try it.  What we have may change your life!  It did mine.

Welcome to the first post I’ll be doing answering the questions I received over the weekend.  I’m planning on alternating between the serious and not so serious and will probably limit most posts to answering only one question per post… except for today!

I received a question last night from a friend whose question I thought should go first.

Katie said:”…And what made this come about in the 1st place?”

Good question, Katie!  This is an idea I have toyed with for over a year, but finally decided to just do it.  I have found that people have a lot of misconceptions about who I am.  They hear stay-at-home daughter and figure they know what I believe, what all my goals are, what my tastes are, that I have no struggles.  You name it, they think they know it!  It can be frustrating emailing/talking with someone who thinks you are something you are not.  Sometimes I want to start telling them all my faults so they will get me off the pedestal they have put me on in their minds and stick me down in the mire where I would belong but for the grace of God.   So, here I am, trying to answer any questions that may crop up to the best of my ability.

On to one from Dr. Fletcher.  He asked “Interesting one: What are your goals and what are you doing to achieve them? (No catechism answers allowed…because I know you want to glorify God and enjoy Him forever).”

Rats, I can’t use the catechism???  Since I’m not sure if you’re looking for long term or short term goals I thought I would give you both.

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Short term goals: I would like to improve my photography.  Improve my handgun shooting skills.  Complete a 5K and not die at the finish line.  Work on patience with my brothers… this may be long term too.

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Achieving these goals:  I am experimenting with my dad’s camera and reading a few blogs that give some down to earth tutorials on how to get great photos.

I’m looking for a local gunsmith to repair my gun so I can then talk my dad into taking me to the range again.

I have started running three times a week using this program .  I am doing this with some other ladies from our church who help in the encouragement department.

Patience with my brothers…  Prayer.  Learning to hold my tongue.  Prayer.  Being careful of how I react when my brothers get our 75lb. Lab riled up and then send her ripping through the house into my bedroom where I am still asleep, where she then plants all four of her enormous feet into my shoulder/head/stomach and bounces along the bed before tearing back out of the bedroom.  Did I mention prayer

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Long term goals:  I would like to be married and raising a family for God’s glory along side my husband… and still be able to run a 5K   Work on being ready in season and out.  I find myself too often saying “I should’ve…” or stuttering and stammering when I try to speak.  I also tend to over think my answers to questions (one reason this blog post came about.)  which probably isn’t a bad thing, but I would like to be able to answer up a little quicker.  I would also like to commit more scripture to memory and fewer radio commercial jingles and movie quotes .

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Achieving these goals:  Can you over use prayer?  I don’t think so.  Praying for a future husband you do not know.  Learning how to properly care for a home and family from my mom and submitting to my dad’s authority.

Being more outgoing with strangers.  Normally when I do this it is a complete flop, big ugly silences fill a conversation I start up with someone I don’t know.  I find myself stuttering (I didn’t even know I stuttered!) out an explanation on why home schooling can be a good thing and how “M-M-M-M-M-My M-M-M-M-Mom-m-m-m h-h-homesch-sch-sch-ooled m-m-m-my s-s-s-s-ister and I.”  Poor fish they think.  I chalk it up a loss, get my face to return to its normal coloring and think about what I will do next time.

Scripture memory, this is something I work on for awhile and then it gets set aside again, I’m trying to be more consistent in taking the time to work on this in the evening when it is quiet, and I have only the dog’s rhythmic snoring to bother me.

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If any of these posts bring up more questions feel free to leave them in the comments or in the original blog post.

So I updated my Monster.com account and applied for two job openings over the weekend. One was for a for-profit school in the Pittsburgh area (so, not ideal, but still – permanent!) and the other was online, part-time, for international students (again, not ideal, but still – income!) I guess a decision is being made tonight regarding whether or not I’m employed for the rest of the school year. I am still holding onto hope, but also bracing for disappointment. Even if that decision is made, I have very little idea of when I would know what that decision is. Hopefully sooner, even if it’s not the one I would rather have.

In updating my resume and looking at other opportunities, I’ve also considered diversifying as a teacher by adding Reading Specialist certification (one of the biggest problems I’ve faced in the classroom is teaching literature to students who can’t read) or by moving into a different aspect of education, namely, education policy. As a teaching intern and a substitute teacher, I’ve had the opportunity to work inside a variety of classrooms and talk with teachers and administrators as a kind of “outsider” – someone who isn’t inside the system with an agenda to pursue, at least not beyond getting a permanent job – and in many situations, I think the problems public schools in particular are facing are fundamental, institutionally-based flaws, not something a teacher can fix with dynamic lesson plans (perhaps bought and sold on the Internet) even though it may help.

I’ve often thought that my high school teaching career would probably be short (less than 10 years), but that’s obviously not something you share with prospective employers. Frankly, I’ve already seen and experienced how toxic an environment it can be for teachers who genuinely want their students to learn (see my employment situation, where my students have had six different English teachers since the last week of August thanks to nepotism and poor planning) and while there’s something to be said for teachers who stick it out, I’m not sure that’s the place for me to effect change. I’ve been interested in policy since I was an undergraduate, and the roots and foundations of institutions and how to effect change in a large way (this was less about the literature-loving part of me and more about the Women’s Studies major, sociologist part of me) seem to me like really important work I could do. So I’ve been looking into PhD programs about learning policy. I’m not sure what exactly my timeframe is, but depending on my employment situation this may be something I go for next fall. It would incorporate almost all of my interests (research, social justice and change, gender, education, and public policy) and I would have the opportunity to continue teaching on a collegiate level.

Sometimes I have this feeling that God is directing me to something else. I try really hard to let that voice in, but sometimes I want to block it out to force a fit with my own plans. But maybe I am supposed to do something else. I should pursue that voice and find my place to make a difference. Maybe the spot where I belong is a little bit different, but still in the same realm.

My goal for tomorrow is to think about this a little more (which seems like a cop-out, but believe me, I’ll be thinking about it, and analyzing it, and figuring out what I want to do). I have another goal of digging up some of my old Masters coursework that I can submit as part of my application if I decide to go for it. I have submitted my transcript for review at one school already, so we’ll see what happens from there.

Oh, world of academia…if I had known I would have been hankering to go back so soon…

I’ve started reading a book my mother in law lent me. She said sae’d read it many times and it never failed to draw her in and really get her involved. I could do with a bit of out of head experience so I picked it up. Bugger. It’s sort of like assessing previous relationships through very female fiction. I have to read it now to see how it ends, but it’s hard work. It’s called Kiss Mummy Goodbye (old version before Americans insisted that Mummy was spelt Mommy… I’ll leave the US bashing for another day, suffice to say it’s Al-i-min-i-um, not Alooominum). Anyway, review and such may be seen: http://www.amazon.com/Kiss-Mommy-Goodbye-Signet-Fielding/dp/0451155068

So back to self reflection. The baby stuff put to one side for a while, I’m looking at the past which I know I said I wouldn’t do, but some days I like to make an attempt at stamping down the lump where I’ve swept all the stuff under the carpet.

Going back to earlier this year, The ex’s current (?) girlfriend made contact with me via facebook as they were having issues. Now, having put stuff behind me I blindly wandered into this agreeing to meet her and maybe give her some support. This was a bad move having brought up a lot of stuff I didn’t want remembered and allowed contact with him again which was a thing I NEVER want again. I made the sensible (although what I saw as cowardly) move to change my phone number, lock down my facebook account, delete email accounts and break all possible contact paths. I still find myself wondering what happened to her, hoping that she just took my advice and walked and not stay around for the inevitable kicking. It doesn’t matter how much people talk about what is now fluffily termed domestic abuse, until you’re there and faced with the actual reality, you don’t know what you’d do. I know now that if Mr T ever raised a hand I would walk, imediately and without a second thought. But I also know he wouldn’t, not in a million years even if hell froze over and pigs were gracefully doing loop the loops. The Ex would, and did.

What’s not mentioned is that it never actually entirely leaves you. You still check the car when it’s dark. You still hate walking through certain areas because if you meet you have to make the decision to run and let them know you’re still scared (and rightfully so) or walk past and allow the possibility of a confrontation to happen. This is where it differs from feeling awkward about the stuff that happened before – I felt uncomfortable about it, even slightly icky (read dirty, but I don’t like the word), but walking past them now would have no effect, they are blurred faces from the past that have no effect on the here and now, but him I remember his every detail and the way in which to gauge what may or may not happen next. I know that I remember this because I continue to have nightmares where he makes contact and the personal safety that I now regard as a daily occurance is lost again (that should be a normal day for reference, and has only been realised because of the great big protective bubble that Mr T placed around me and surgically healed the mental wounds that he could). Because of that pitiful excuse for a man I still, even now, flinch if Mr T raises his voice or moves in a certain way. What I want to do is to concentrate on the here and now, not feel the need to guard against the past.

A friend of mine once said it would be better if ex’s just died instead of hanging around being creepy (that doesn’t actually work if you think about it becuase technically you’re an ex too… but i like her theory from a narcasistic point of view). I know I’m meant to be forgiving. I know that turning the other cheek is the dine thing and I should leave the fire and brimstone for the big dude. But sometimes, just sometimes I wish he’d dropped off the planet and burnt up (slowly) on re-entry.

Today I bumped into a girl from my secondary school at a tea for internationals on campus. This is surprising because one, I didn’t know there were other Singaporeans on campus, and two, I’d never have expected to find someone who’d come from the same school here, in a rather isolated bit of England.

I became an IJ girl in 1993 when my parents enrolled me in Katong Convent Primary at Martia Road. It looks a lot different now, though it’s managed to keep the red roofs and colour scheme I remember. My Primary school experience was…mixed. I was bullied, and remember coming home in tears not wanting to go back to school again. I was lucky enough, though, to have parents who taught me that running away never solves anything, and that mere persistent existence will eventually bore the bullies away. I was 13 before I took a step past just returning to school to face them again – but I’m getting ahead of the story. And friends – I remember Jess and I in the little cove above the hall reading and surreptitiously eating mammee Then there was slightly kooky Nic I also had some incredibly supportive teachers. I’ll never forget my Pri 1/2 form teacher, Mrs. Jessie Goh. She was the first person who took my writing seriously (other than my parents, and even at 7 I knew parents could be biased…), and who encouraged my love for reading. There was also Mdm Fam, my Pri 3/4 Mandarin teacher. She was strict, but fair, and I gained my confidence in Mandarin then. That confidence increased even more in Pri 5 with Mrs. Sim, but was all but dashed when I got transferred to another class, under a really mean teacher whose name I don’t remember. She wasn’t so much mean as reluctant to acknowledge my existence in class, to the point where she’d claim to have forgotten I’d handed things in or had participated in class, till proven otherwise. That was an eye-opener for me though, and lesson 1 in life’s ‘reliance on self’ module.

I hated P.E. I was always a chubby kid, and was often reminded of this fact. I wasn’t only chubby, though. I couldn’t run to save my life, and was the last kid to be picked for a team. Primary school girls can be cruel, and the bookish, slightly annoying know-it-all, chubby, pathetic-at-sports kid never gets out unscathed. Also there was this EVIL thing the wise souls in the Ministry of Education proposed and set up called the TAF club – the ‘Trim-and-Fit’ club – for kids deemed overweight, which I was. Now you don’t need to be a brain surgeon to work out what that quickly became known as. We were given 5 (or maybe 10, I don’t remember) minutes for recess, as opposed to 25, and had to spend the rest running around the school. Fun times. I also dreaded, to the point of occasionally being physically ill, the PFT (Physical Fitness Test), which involved a shuttle run, broad jump (which, up to the time I was 18, I never passed), inclined pull-ups, sit-ups, and a 1.6km run. It’s probably no surprise then, that as a kid, I HATED any kind of sport. Except cycling with my family. That was fine. (I think I may have liked swimming, except I was landed with a sadistic swimming instructor who used to hold our heads underwater to make us learn to blow bubbles. I’d come up choking and slightly hysterical, and after a couple of lessons my parents took me out).

It wasn’t all bad though, and in fact if I had to decide, I’d label my primary school experience as tending to the positive. It took its reputation as an IJ school seriously, and we were taught to live faith, rather than just be preached at. The IJ motto is Simple dans ma Vertue, Forte dans mon Devoir: Simple in Virtue, Steadfast in Duty, and we were taught, and shown, just how that could be achieved. Its sister school, the secondary school I eventually went to, had a penchant for the arts, so we were encouraged not just to be good at those, but to appreciate them too. I learned to love literature there, before literature was even a proper subject, and music. There was an old piano below the canteen which we could all tinkle on whenever we liked, and I remember working out the melody for the BSB’s ‘As Long As You Love Me’ – the very first song I ever played on a piano! – and being told by a passing teacher that I should consider taking proper lessons – which I soon did. We were never forced into anything (other than P.E., grr.), and I can’t speak for everyone, but that’s where I learned to love learning.

Secondary school was a whole different ball game. I’d had an epiphany of sorts between finishing my PSLE (Primary School Leaving Examinations) and starting secondary one. I’d done well enough to go to a ‘better’ school, but there was something about being in an IJ school – a convent, and one with a history – that appealed to me. KC Secondary had (and has) a bit of what one might call a Reputation. We were surrounded by schools like Tanjong Katong Girls School, and St. Anthony’s Canossian Convent not far away, which had higher entry points, and, supposedly, better behaved girls. KC girls had a reputation for being truants, loud, and casting a bad light on IJ girls in general by being too friendly with the boys. It’s not a reputation without basis in fact – but it’s one that propogates itself by being repeated ad nauseum. Sure I have friends who dropped out, or caused trouble, or got pregnant, or all of the above: but it was a school that didn’t, as far as I know, judge people on what they did (though it did often remind us that society would), but who they were. As for those friends – it wasn’t the end of the world, in fact for some it was the beginning of newer and brighter worlds, and we’ve all grown up better people for it.

KC Secondary gave me an opportunity to experiment with the confidence I thought I had discovered in myself during the December holidays after the PSLE. I can’t remember exactly what prompted the discovery, and I wish I can, but all I can remember is going to school on the first day in January determined to make the best of it. Turns out the girls I called bullies in primary school had grown up a bit too, and after a couple of weeks of rubbing the edges off each other, most of us settled in. It’s in secondary school where my love for music really took off. The Drama society always intimidated me, and I wish it didn’t, because outside school I was revelling in Speech & Drama lessons, but there you go. Sport was becoming less of an issue, and I give our P.E. teachers credit for that. We played games, predominantly, and when I ran at the back of the group during PFT training sessions, they ran with me.

Teacher-student dynamics were different, too. I had teachers I learned to call friends – Ms Pilo, Miss Gamma, Mrs. Teo, Mrs. Agnes Tan, Mrs. Lie, Ms. Louisa Tan, Mr. Karib, Mdm. Fu, Mr. Jega – and learned to spar with, which stood me in good stead! Then there was the myriad of activities I became involved in – the Publications society, the Peer Support Leaders, the Choir, Badminton…I’d gone past just loving learning; I was loving school. KC Secondary gave me some of the best friends I have, and friends I’m still in constant touch with (as much as that’s possible!) – Toot (Dog Duck and Baka, but I havn’t heard from them in ages ), Chris, Jannie, Pris, Ame, Ina, Ice (also havn’t heard from you lot in an EON)…and loads of others who shaped my life then, and the way I look at life now.

Not that it was all plain sailing of course. The rise in confidence coincided with a rise in an ability to annoy teachers/not do hw/pass notes in class containing inflammatory/incriminatory material… I absolutely loved KC. TJ taught me how to use the confidence KC gave me the space to build – but it wouldn’t have been able to do a thing without the experiences that built the person I became from being in KC.

So there you have it. I apologise for the long reminiscence, but I doubt many have read this far. You don’t get chance encounters with KC girls often, and when they do happen, they bring up (mostly) happy memories of one of the most enriching, exciting, and character-building times of my life. I’m proud to be an IJ girl, and even prouder to have been from KC. It’s a pride that’s not necessarily easily explained to someone who’s is neither, but it’s a pride that’s inextricably part of who I am.

]]> http://smoy61.wordpress.com/2009/11/16/ordered-a-refurbished-15-macbook-pro/ Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:12:58 +0000 Steve http://smoy61.wordpress.com/2009/11/16/ordered-a-refurbished-15-macbook-pro/

I ordered my new Macbook on Friday the 13th! It should be arriving on the 17th. Here are the specs:

Refurbished MacBook Pro 2.53GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
15.4-inch LED-backlit glossy widescreen display
4GB memory
250GB hard drive
8x SuperDrive (DVD±R DL/DVD±RW/CD-RW)
SD card slot
Built-in 7-hour battery
NVIDIA GeForce 9400M graphics
Illuminated keyboard

I decided to buy refurbished to save $150 over my company’s discounted price and $250 if I didn’t get the business discount. It still has the same 1 year warranty as a new product and I could’ve gotten an extended Applecare warranty if I wanted to. Here is what refurbished means according to Apple’s website. Pictures to come soon and an assessment on whether buying refurbished is WTD!

My mother died in 1998, when I was 21. I vowed then that I would not let it define me; I would move on and be stronger for it, because if there was one thing she taught me, it was not to feel sorry for myself. But I find myself, 11 years later, still somewhat stuck in grief. I got off to a good start, but got derailed by certain events and never really regained that drive and hope I started out with. But at my heart I’m a joyful person and my goal is to be that person again, to shed the baggage that life piled on top of her.