Apparently our home town U has had a low flu rate.

Acadia University in Wolfville, N.S., has so far emerged relatively unscathed from the second wave of swine flu. Spokeswoman Sherri Turner attributes the university’s run of good luck in part to beefed-up hygiene protocols and an extensive effort to get information out to the student body.

“In high-touch areas, there’s extra cleaning happening. We also have almost 300 hand sanitizers in buildings throughout campus. We’ve kind of done a lot of things in terms of education to prevent the spread of the illness.”

Those educational efforts included the launch of an informational website where parents and students can go to obtain credible information about the virus, Turner said. Acadia’s efforts have been a success so far, she said, adding that no classes have been cancelled yet. [/source]

Quite a few students in the line earlier today getting shot up [ along with half of Wolfville]. Some of them didn’t even wait the 15 minutes. Maybe they had a class.

MT_Cert_Addendum_Small_Courtesy_004_10-12-09

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The meeting last night at Wolfville school was well attended except, surprisingly, by the pawns in the game – the children. Few were visible and only one spoke all evening. [This was odd indeed since children have been easily mobilised as poster children, for anti-idling campaigns for example]. We are left to wonder what the youngsters think. Perhaps the Gr. 6 – 8 crowd would be happy to get out of our problem prone facility and try the Pizza in another town?

Attendees were welcomed with “Save our Wolfville School” buttons , and an alarmingly coloured red folder containing information sheets. The mayor introduced a consultant [Did we hear right? from Ramp Up?] who MC’d the evening. After summarizing some of the information handed out, all were encouraged to join discussion groups on various topics with volunteer facilitators – Impact on the Town, Busing, Quality of Education and the like. Those who could stay after that were to gather together again to hear a summary of those discussions.

We drifted around and left before the fireworks. Quite emotional enough as it was. What we learned:

• The mayor thinks the $4. 5 Million promise “will be honoured” – but this “assurance” is not in writing and perhaps might be spent on other schools or if on our school to renovate for a P-5 facility.
• No one has reliable numbers on anything.
• There are two camps: those who think the 4 communities should be presenting a unified face to the Board= ” Consolidation is a flawed principle, don’t do this!!” and those who think we should go it alone = “Wolfville deserves the nod.” Mayor and Council appear to be in the second camp.
• If comments are to be believed, Acadia and Acadia students are much more involved in our school than we would have guessed.
• Insiders think Avonport will get the nod given previous School Board decisions favouring L. E. Shaw
• Political pressure will be put on “our” MLA Ramona Jennex and she will no doubt be reminded that this is an NDP town. In other words – a political decision will be required.

Sigh.

We hope to hear from some Hantsport, Avonport and Gaspereau parents, as well as those from Wolfville in the comments.

To reiterate: the Grand Cherokee is set to get a makeover for 2011, with multiple changes that will make the vehicle both more competitive and less Jeep. With the changes to the Grand Cherokee, and Chrysler’s management changes, ownership changes, and a basic look at Chrysler’s history, I felt it was needed to give my boss a list of alternatives to the Jeep.

Since the Jeep Grand Cherokee (from now on called GC) is not mainstream, like a Ford Explorer or Chevrolet Traverse (in the past, I would have said Trailblazer…I guess Chevrolet saw the writing on the wall, just like Ford did with their next model of the Explorer) nor as luxurious as a Mercedes or BMW, I felt it was needed to find alternatives that competed with the GC in price and features. I felt a V6 that was fairly powerful (or an optional V6 or V8) was needed, safety and technology features were needed, and it needed to have AWD/4WD as an option (of course). So, what did I suggest? Here goes:

Buick Enclave/GMC Acadia

So, of course, with my love and admiration for all things General Motors, these vehicles would be at the top of my list for an alternative to the GC. I know, I know – they are much larger than the GC. But, if you get a fully loaded (which my boss will) GC, then an Acadia or Enclave doesn’t look too bad. I lean toward the Buick, but then, I am a Buick man. In my opinion, other than the Cadillac Escalade, the Enclave is the most luxurious SUV in GM’s stable. Quiet, smooth ride, nice handling, competent engine, and a very nice interior, it is overlooked for the simple fact it’s not advertised and it’s a Buick. The Acadia is also well-received, and shares its platform and engine, and multiple interior bits with the Enclave. It doesn’t have the polish the Enclave has though.

Lincoln MKT

Being a GM fan doesn’t stop me from complimenting Ford on a job well done. Lincoln’s new lineup is very impressive, and I love the look and design of their new vehicles. The only one that needs something done now? The MKX, which to my eyes is a styling disaster. Back to the MKT: based on the Ford Flex (which itself was based on the Taurus X, which was based on the Volvo S80/XC90) it is a very quiet, luxurious ride just like the Enclave. Long wheelbases help these vehicles ride amazingly smooth, but it also means this vehicle is also longer than the GC. The MKT also has an interesting option that is available on almost all new Fords – an Ecoboost V6 with 355 horsepower. Not only does it offer decent fuel economy, but it has astounding power. With the GC offering a V8 with 360 hp, the MKT is able to compete against it fairly well, while getting significantly better fuel economy. While on that subject, what is up with Chrysler’s fuel economy? Why does every vehicle get worse mileage than comparable other vehicles in the segment?

Cadillac SRX

Based on two different platforms – a car (new Buick Lacrosse), and another crossover (Chevrolet Equinox/GMC Terrain) – the Cadillac SRX is a little heavy for both of its engine options, but is priced similar to the Jeep. About the same size as the GC, with plenty of room and style, the Cadillac seems like a nice fit. Technology and safety features abound, but I still feel like the Enclave is a better vehicle.

Acura MDX

Of course, some will say – how does an Acura compete with a Jeep? Well, it goes back to the image – not mainstream, but now BMW. In my opinion, Acura does not compete with BMWs and Mercedes’. They just aren’t as nice – just as technological, but not as nice. Very nice handling, huge feature set, nice engine. Competes well against the Jeep, just not in the same class as others, even Lexus. Of course, this is my opinion. Also, you don’t really see many Acura’s on the road in Oklahoma. So, this vehicle is included just based on the image it portrays.

Mazda CX-9

Longer than the GC, but with a similar feature set. I know most of you are saying: you are including mostly just crossovers. Fourth (fifth) vehicle on the list, and none of them are serious off-roaders like the Jeep! Settle down – the new Jeep will still be a strong off-roading machine, but not like the current model. Who really goes off-roading that often anyway? Its the image that’s important here, in my opinion – an SUV gives off that aura of “I will go anywhere I want, thank you very much.” Not many people know the difference – a crossover is perfect here. Much better fuel economy, better ride, a lot of creature comforts, just not able to seriously go off-road. AWD/4WD is more for show/snow than for getting dirty. (Also, how many people when pointing out SUV’s have you heard say “It’s a Jeep/Explorer”? Too many don’t know the difference in the vehicle in the first place).

Fun vehicles I listed

These are vehicles I considered “fun” because they are not well known, not advertised, newer, and kind of compete with the GC.

The image on the left is the new Acura ZDX, and the other is the Infiniti FX.

There is a third issue of the Mud Creek News available at the Post Office – at least that’s where we got ours. Get them while they last!

We only have time to type out some of our paper copy so our readers will have to be satisfied with our choice of excerpts. We do feel the articles deserve a wide distribution and unfortunately they are not available on Voices of Wolfville [ "your information source" according to the cute little card which accompanies the MCN in the stand at the PO]

We will do our best to encapsulate. First item of note, in the “DO YOU KNOW” section:

The Town may donate a lot on Maple Ave. to Habitat for Humanity with the option for HFH to purchase additional lots under market value for $10K per lot.

Will each taxpayer get a tax receipt for this charitable donation we ask? As in the case of the Hospice we don’t think the municipality should set a precedence and give to charities. Where do you stop? Should the Baptist church get funding from the Town?

There follows a list of the upcoming Town meetings in Nov. which you can find on the Town website.  Included is the much publicised “Save Our School” meeting on the 17th (Wolfville school  7pm)  It is a shame most people paid no attention to the policies of the past few years which threatened our school population but it seems people can be mobilised only when it is too late, or – let us be optimistic for once- almost too late.

The first article is on Communication and Participation by Mr. Becker.

CAO Brideau used very questionable or dubious tactics in launching a “Communication Committee” and selecting its members without going through Council [emph ours]. He hired outside consultants to come up with a plan for Council on how to solve the long ongoing communication /transparency and participation problem and allocated $15,000 to an “operational project team”. Sections 24 to 26 of the Municipal Government Act (MGA) make it clear that only the Council may establish standing, special and advisory committees and its members.

Becker points out that in order to get around these annoying rules this administration just changes the terms – so this is not a committee but a project team! The same wordplay was used when a “meeting” was called a “workshop” to get around the MGA limitation on in camera meetings [see this post from the past. Someone should have a little talk with the town solicitor.]

Mr. Becker also objects quite rightly to the CAO and the mayor being on the committee. “Due to their past attitudes they would appear to have very negative qualifications.“

With the budget process starting up soon and since one councillor at least has warned that the Town is in a “difficult financial situation” there is bound to be a rocky communication road ahead.  Mr. Becker ends with this comment:

Maybe in the context of a dire financial situation the consultants could shed light on the Council’s very recent decisions to spend taxpayers’ money for nothing and/or almost nothing in return for Wolfville residents (Acadian University Swimming Pool $5K of $8.4K total, Acadia Raymond Field another $15K of $60K total, Central Ave Walking Project about $200K, Communication Committee $15K)

The next article is by Mr. Daniels on the payments to Acadia. Are we getting enough in return he asks.

The Town has agreed to give a second $15,000 to Acadia, one of 3 (or 4?) installments “promised” in the past [ Council shouldn't really make these commitments into future years but they do anyway.]Until 2013 Town Residents will be permitted to use the track and the field free of charge, when not in use by others. [Is this why they keep the lights on at great expense into the evening hours even though there isn't a soul on the track?] Also the Town will be able to make use of Raymond Field “for events the Town deems of mutual interest to its citizens and Acadia University.” [ We suggest a football game between staff administration - including the mayor and Council and the Acadia staff!] This does not seem very much in return for $60,000 – and it ends when our installments end!

Mr. Daniels also complains that the Recreation Committee recommendations were ignored in giving $5,000 for Acadia’s pool renovations. The Committee suggested Council attach conditions  – that the University also obtain funds from Kings Co., that Acadia have a local fund raising drive for the purpose and that Acadia provide Town residents with a certain number of discount day passes to the pool. Instead:

During the discussion at the Council table nothing was said about the Rec. Committee questioning the claimed economic benefits or that the Rec. Committee recommended conditions…. The silence was odd in view of the fact that three members of Council, including the Mayor, sit on the Rec. Committee and all three had voted in support of the Rec. Committee’s recommendation to fund the pool renovation, but with conditions.

Why did the Mayor and all Council members approve the funds without conditions?

Mr. Becker and Mr. Daniels still expect to be enlightened. We admire them. We stopped asking those kinds of questions of the Town a  few years back since we lost hope of getting any answers.

I got a new bench from LLBean the other day. Do the kittens care about the bench… no. But the box! The most exciting thing that’s come into the house in the last year or so. They went crazy! Here are some pictures to enjoy of the little kittens and their most favorite new toy… a box full of paper!

Bobby is sooooo stealthy.

Scoping out the situation.

Acadia storms the fort! (Bobby hasn't noticed yet)

Acadia takes the castle!

They literally did this for hours. How much fun is a box?

For those of us in the VMware/Cisco/EMC ecosphere it has been an interesting week.  The major news was the announcement of the Virtual Computing Environment coalition.  Basically, it’s a more formal partnership of VMware, Cisco, and EMC..which we already called the VCE partnership so I guess it’s convenient.  So, in simple terms what does all this mean?

In brief it means that the VCE members are working even closer together.  They are building reference architectures (Vblocks) for different goals such as internal cloud, external cloud, virtual desktops, etc.  A Vblock will be a complete technology package that has been built, tested, proven, and documented by the VCE coalition.  Need an internal cloud capable of supporting 2,000 VMs?  There is a Vblock for that.  VMware, Cisco, and EMC all do reference architectures now but they aren’t presented or sold as a complete solution.  That’s where this takes those standard architectures to the next level. Think of them as a prix fixe menu.

Also part of the announcement, and the one that probably caused the most discussion especially with partners, was around Acadia.  As Chuck Hollis says:

“One of the key areas I believe that Acadia (as part of VCE) is different than HP’s and IBM’s approach is motivation.  Acadia is all about enablement of the partner ecosystem, and not competing with it.”

There are organizations, large ones, that want to work direct with the company providing them services.  EMC has plenty of enterprise accounts that only have EMC staff on the floor doing the work.  They have Cisco SEs there doing initial deployments…same with VMware.  But what happens when they do a full large-scale virtualization initiative?  You end up with multiple vendors at the table and a lot more work.  That’s where Acadia comes in.  One note worth mentioning by Chad Sakac here is that, if you notice, Acadia is always referenced as EMC and Cisco, along with VMware technology.  It’s really an EMC/Cisco joint venture.  The idea there is to not compete with the VMware partners out in the world..even though VMware has their own internal professional services, but I digress.  It’s a way for organizations to get direct consulting from EMC and Cisco.  It’s pretty obvious to most people that EMC and Cisco are working together more and more every day…this is just another way.

So partners (me included), don’t be worried.  Even better, we should be happy.  All of the intellectual property that Acadia develops and builds will be shared with partners.

So, in the end what we get is an even tighter working group with more information shared.  Even if your organization isn’t large enough to benefit from the pre-built Vblocks you’ll still benefit from the work that goes in to them and the documentation around them.  You’ll benefit from the interoperability testing that goes in to those solutions.  It’s a win for everyone.

InformationWeek EUA
 
 
Companhias se unem para oferta de serviços de data center com tecnologia de virtualização
 

Cisco e EMC ampliaram sua parceria, aproximando seus links de data center e computação em nuvem em um momento que as duas companhias trabalham para ampliar participação no mercado de infraestrutura de TI. A nova oferta, chamada Virtual Computing Environment (VCE), une tecnologia VMware, redes Cisco e armazenamento EMC.

As duas empresas trabalham agressivamente para ampliar presença além dos tradicionais mercados de atuação desde que a EMC aceitou a Cisco como investidora em sua empresa de virtualização VMware, em 2007.

“Esta coalização vai além da tecnologia e parceria”, afirmou John Chambers, CEO da Cisco, em comunicado, onde também pontuou novas oportunidades em data center. “Trata-se de uma nova forma de aproveitar o data center, melhorando sua utilização, energia consumida e segurança da informação, tudo isso dentro de um melhor custo para os clientes e com uma arquitetura de rede para otimizar os recursos virtuais.”

Os primeiros testes com o Vblock Infraestructure Packages, peça integrante do VCE, resultaram em redução de custo na ordem de 40% no gerenciamento e operação de infraestrutura de data center virtualizado. A proposta é desenvolver estratégia de TI em torno de nuvens privadas com o Vblock, que possui ferramentas que permitem a participação de diversos atores no lançamento da nuvem como comunidade de integradores de sistemas, provedores de serviço, canais parceiros e vendedores independentes de softwares.

Outros players, como a Intel, também participam do lançamento do VCE. A Intel, por sinal, participa de outra joint venture com Cisco, EMC e VMware chamada Acadia, pensada para transferir rapidamente a infrestrutura Vblock para organizações, acelerando processo de virtualização e nuvem privada.

“Os clientes precisam tirar o máximo de seus orçamentos de TI para o desenvolvimento e rápida implementação de novas tecnologias que ajudem suas organizações na criação de vantagens e diferenciais de negócios”, analisou Joe Tucci, chairman e CEO da EMC, em comunicado.

Nos últimos meses, Cisco e EMC adotaram políticas agressivas para aquisição de companhias, sendo que a EMC ficou mais próxima de seus interesses em torno de storage e, a Cisco, atacando companhias de eletrônicos e videoconferência.

“Os clientes estão de olho na tecnologia de virtualização para melhorar o desempenho e flexibilidade de seus sistemas de TI”, afirmou Paul Maritz, CEO e presidente da VMware.

Finally all the speculation is put to rest as VMware, Cisco and EMC announce their joint venture: Acadia.  The “coalition” of the three companies will work together to deliver private cloud infrastructure which utilises Cisco UCS, VMware vSphere and EMC storage hardware.  All of this will be delivered in something called the Virtual Computing Environment (VCE and conveniently the initials of the three companies) and in packages called Vblock (interesting that the ‘V’ is capitalised here).  Acadia acts as the delivery company for the technology and from the legalese on their website seems to be an EMC entity.

I can’t help thinking back to my mainframe days and the monopoly held by IBM in the development of the entire System 360/370 & 390 architectures.  Many companies copied (Amdahl, HDS) and EMC effectively broke the grip IBM had on storage hardware.  Now the mainframe is niche and things have moved on, however  EMC seem to be heading full circle by packaging their technology in the triumvirate that is VCE, but is perhaps more a duumvirate than we care to think.  How ironic.

So what is the initial offering?  Well, there are three offerings labelled Vblock2, Vblock1 and Vblock0, covering the support of up to 6000, 3000 and 800 virtual machines respectively.  High end uses V-Max storage, the middle offering uses CLARiiON and the low-end uses “EMC Unified Storage”, which presumably is Celerra.  Ionix rears its ugly head as the management tool of choice, packaged as “Ionix Unified Infrastructure Manager”.

Whilst some customers will find the packaged delivery of the components they may well have already chosen as helpful, what’s not clear is how readily other technologies can be integrated into the Vblock architecture.  For instance, if EMC storage isn’t the preferred option or if Hyper-V is the hypervisor of choice (regardless of how unlikely this may be), how can customers implement their configuration? There’s no incentive for VCE to offer other options and that just reduces customer choice.

How will the existing VMware partners like HP and Netapp feel?  No doubt we’ll see other partnerships and offerings spring up and I don’t think that will take too long, however some vendors will quickly be left behind.

Ultimately, we all know that IT is moving into a new phase where virtualisation of all components is the key strategy.  Networking, servers and storage are all moving to be commodity and consequently there needs to be another approach to making money and achieving high margin from hardware and software sales.  Delivering a consolidated architecture where integration means the sum is greater than the parts is what ACE and Acadia will deliver.

You can read the Cisco press release here.  Scroll down to the “Additional Resources” section for more links.

Today I found an awesome article that tells you which National Parks are best for various activities.  The first one on the list is Acadia National in Maine which I was excited to see since I have been there before, though long long ago…The best activity to do in Acadia is biking, if I had known this back then I would have biked rather than walked!  Anyhow, I thought this would be a great article to share with my fellow travelers.  Hope you enjoy!

It’s Nick here, posting my first blog on obsessed with my pets. Gill just created my account and handed over administrative powers to me. Of course my first blog entry will be Rocky, the most well behaved of the bunch.

Rocky hard at work.

Gill and I worked hard to clean the house for Tony’s birthday party, but it wasn’t quite good enough. I seemed to have forgotten to wash the table, and carolyn saw that immediately. As soon as the party cleared i taught rocky how to clean the table. He’s such a smart one. So don’t worry, the table will be clean when thanksgiving comes.

Acadia supervising

With rocky working on the table, Acadia is busy helping with the dishes.

Top Five Friday! and it only seemed that national parks went with the rest of my posts this week. Soo number five is..

5. Zion National Park in Utah

4. Acadia National Park in Maine

3. Great Smoky Mountains in Tennessee and North Carolina

2. Grand Canyon National Park in Arizona

1. Yosemite National Park in California

list found at forbestraveler.com

Today is my the second day of my Vacation in Bar Harbor, Maine. I had the opportunity to get some shooting done in Acadia National Park today, although not as much as I had hoped for. The sun was shining so brightly today that it was difficult to be able to find subjects in suuitable light until the sun started to set. It was a beatiful day in the park, though.

Today’s photo was taken with the Nikon D700, with 70-200mm f/2.8 VR lens. I had everything mounted on a tripod, and I used a remote shutter release since the exposure time was around 1 second. I intentionally underexposed the shot by about 1 stop to try and enhance the saturation of the foliage. The reflection on the pond was a real bonus, especially since it was fairly windy today – I think the pond just happened to be sheltered enough for the surface to be pretty flat. After returning to the hotel, I imported the RAW file into Adobe Lightroom. I really didn’t need to do much of anything to the file, but I did bump up the saturation of the foliage by using Nik’s Color Efex.

The techniques I used here for getting the saturated colors in the foliage are all things I have learned from Moose Peterson’s outstanding website and blog. The link for these websites can be found on the right side of this page. I would highly recommend that anybody interested in improving their photographic skills following these sites. They are contstantly updated, full of valuable information, and they’re free.

At our old house Acadia and Dillon Bob spent their whole day playing outside since we lived on a very quiet road. At the new house there’s a very busy road out front so I’ve been trying hard to keep them in. Since then it seems like they don’t have too much “spice” in their life and have just been laying around the house without interacting too much, so I’ve decided to take the risk and let them out the back door to play outside again. So far they’ve been pretty good. Bob hasn’t ventured our front yet… he tends to stay in the back not far from the door. Acadia goes around front and is always wanting to come in the front door (daddy saw her sitting there the other day on his way home from church. In general she’s much smarter than Bob though so I’m hoping that she’ll stay out of the road. The problem is that with so many places to go and 4 different doors back into the house I always seem to be losing animals. Last night Bob slipped by Nick into the barn and woke us up this morning meowing at the attic door well into the house upstairs. And then this morning I let the dogs out and totally forgot about them until Rocky started barking at a passing biker. Ooops! They were happy enough though and everyone is ok. Anyway here are some picture of the cat’s re-introduction to the wild. And sorry for the lack of posts. It’s been a super busy week.

Acadia takes the dangers of the outdoors much more seriously than does Bobby. And look at the size difference between them!

Bobby in the garden.

Acadia undercover in a bush.

Bob's usual spot.

Find your bliss.

Sounds like something I’d read on the inside of a Dove chocolate wrapper.

But if I don’t know what it is, how do I find it and would I know it when it pops up. 

According to Dictionary.com, bliss is defined as “supreme happiness;  utter joy and contentment”. 

Hmmm.

I’ve heard of  A Love Supreme (thank you, John Coltrane) and  Diana Ross and The Supremes.  But supreme happiness?  Is there such a thing, ans what do you need to accomplish to achieve it?  Can mere mortals hope to find supreme happiness or is it like nirvana, only met when certain conditions are overcome?  ANd should we have to work that hard to achieve it?

Find your bliss?  How?  When?

These are questions I’ve pondered while making my way through the haze and hubris of my life.  If we can identify those special moments, unique places, and interesting people in our lives as blissful, then I can understand the concept.  I can recall the amazing places and people I’ve encountered.  Whether or not they are blissful is up for debate. 

I can recall a handfull of blissful moments:

1.  the births of my children.  No further explanation.

2.  Both of my visits to Scotland.  It’s proof that there are places in the world where one feels completely at home.  I sensed that this was a place where I felt truly intigrated with my surroundings.  What’s wonderful is that I’ve only scratched the surface of what I could’ve experienced.

3.  Standing atop Cadillac Mountain in Acadia National Park.  I’ve done it so many times and, yet, every time I do it’s like the first time.

4.  Flying down the Hudson River, on approach to LaGuardia airport in New York City.  I was flying down to take a physical when I was hired at American.  We were in a Saab 340B turbo prop, and the tower had given the captain permission to take the “river approach”.  One moment I’m looking out back towards Connecticut, then next we’re banking hard left and I’m staring at the Statue of Liberty from above.  We flew just off the tip of Manhattan.  I could see the World Trade Center.  I could look over Manhattan and see the Empire State Building, Chrysler Building and other New York landmark buildings.  I’ve flown in and out of LaGuardia many times since and have never taken that route since.  It cetainly can’t be done now.

5.  Any day at the beach.  I prefer early morning or late afternoon.  Being near the water is the best feeling. It must be something primative.  I can sit and listen to the sound of the waves, and feeling the calm move through me.  It’s always a toss-up whenever I ponder the eternal Powerball question:  “beach house or lake house?”

There are more.  I can’t recall them at the moment.  Some I won’t reveal.  They were shared moments between myself and someone special.

‘Nuff said.

These are moments in my life where I have been touched so deeply.  I have been blessed  and these connections have helped shape me.  Where will I find my bliss?  I guess it’s something you cannot create out of nothing.  Like love, it comes to you at the appropriate moment in time.  It finds you.

Here I am, come get me.

this afternoon, wendy and piper were discharged from the hospital.

we picked up riker at school and she met piper for the first time in the back of the acadia.

riker has been great; she has been trying to help out all night.  piper and riker exchanged gifts after dinner, so i’m sure that helped,… riker’s gift was a bit over the top (see pix below), but now she thinks piper really likes her.

mike is off work for the next week and wendy is off for the next six; time to embrace baby-hood and enjoy the fact we can stay up all night and not have to go to work the next morning!

This summer, Daniel and I met our family out East and went to Bar Harbor, Maine. While we were in Bar Harbor, we went to Acadia National Park. We stopped by a beach and did some swimming. The water was a scorching 60 degrees. Against my better judgment, I decided to risk my camera to try and get some cool pictures of waves.

Not one wave is the same. They are all filled with their own sense of originality. I have always been fascinated by them. Many times I have sat on a beach, watching the waves crash onto the sand, each one different, but amazing in it’s own way….

It’s amazing to me how the water directly beneath a wave can be so calm. Especially while the intensity of the whitecaps looks so ferocious compared to the calm glassy surface below…..

What were God’s intentions for waves. Are they to remind us of the magnificent power that He possesses? Or are they merely examples of our uniqueness and individuality?

Or maybe the clear glassy surface and rushing water is to remind us of our spiritual cleansing.

Waves are truly amazing and beautiful. They give the individual a chance to escape in imagination and wonder. They provide a peaceful, but authoritative sound unlike any other. Waves can lull a baby to sleep or wake a sailor in the deep. There is no better explanation for the uniqueness and beauty of waves than these two words…. Intelligent Design.

At 42, I left the cocoon of my life as a mother, and set off to a friend’s seaside cabin in Maine. I went alone– with my laptop, a journal and an art pad–planning a long weekend of retreat. Instead, I found myself venturing to nearby Acadia National Park, prompted by an entry pass left behind by a previous guest. Nothing else on the trip was as I had expected either.

After the solitary adventures of my youth, I hadn’t been alone in over two decades. Rather than the imagined delight of this time away, I felt empty without my family’s company.  To vanquish the pit in stomach, I spread my personal things throughout the cabin– into the second bedroom, the loft, onto the desk and coffee tables, and even onto the porches; but I couldn’t shake the feeling.

When night came, the void of loved ones was filled by irrational fears. I felt engulfed by peril– from the beautiful lapping water right off the front porch, to the Maine woods on each of the other sides of the cabin.

I lay terrified in the single bed under an open window. There weren’t any neighbors to speak of– not within shouting distance– and I had this creepy seventies horror-film fear that someone or something could be lurking in the pines outside the bedroom.

My imagination prevented me from falling to sleep for hours into every night, and woke me early, before the dawn, exhausted, but relieved to have one less night of terror ahead of me. I showered in salty water and hastily grabbed nuts for breakfast so that I could exit this unsettling space as quickly as possible.

What were these feelings and where did they come from, I wondered?  Was I experiencing some existential theater? Unresolved childhood traumas? Was I really in danger? Or was this simply the dark chasm between motherhood and returning to self?

With a map in hand, I jumped into my vacant mini-van, and drove toward Acadia in the dark. I expected to arrive at it, assess its merit, and then return to the cabin to write in the comforting light of afternoon.  I was also looking forward to enjoying the piece of blueberry pie and bottle of micro brew left behind by the happy family before me.

I never did return to the cabin that afternoon or during any of the following days until late into the evening, because once I entered the Acadia, I was captivated. It was if I had mistakenly slipped through the cracks of my life into a slice of heaven.

My small contracted mother-chasm-self expanded there– into all those open vowels, tall trees, mountaintops, lakes and streams, ocean and sky, boulders and cliffs.

On the second dawn, I drove to the summit of Cadillac Mountain to greet the rising sun atop  the highest peak on the East coast.  Before the day grew warm, I climbed to the top of another peak, Penobscott, and stood there alone—with mountains and water and air in every direction.

I swam at Echo Lake and at Sandy Beach where the ocean waters barely crested 50 in July. I stood atop rocky cliffs, and formed a crush on a boulder– hugging it, taking photos of us together, waving goodbye, imagining how I might bring it home with me.

In the afternoons, I journaled beside Jordan Pond with a pot of tea and a basket of popovers and jam. I fell in love with Acadia– and with myself there.

Why then, driving around its stunning Ring Road, did I see myself leaping from the rocks to the water below?

Were these delirious daydreams? Blissed out fantasies? Suicidal threats?  Suicide made no sense because I was so happy.

Happy– and exhausted– I realized, from a lifetime of holding on so tightly that I finally wanted to just let go.

This exhaustion began, not with motherhood, but with a childhood steeped in fear and abandonment– influenced by birth order (first), alcoholism (my mother’s, grandmothers’ & aunts) and divorce (my parents.)

I had been “gripping” for as long as I could remember and it had worn me out.  I  was ready to go to sleep—forever–right here at Acadia, the closest thing to heaven on Earth.

I saw myself turn my car off the road ringing the ocean and heading into the air over one of these amazing cliffs; or parking my van and carefully crossing the road before jumping–right into the water or into the rocky beach below.

These images came to me over and over again, even after I returned home– sweet Acadia beckoning me to death.

There had been two other times in my life when I’d “imagined”  suicide. Once was at Christmas, my the year my parents got divorced.  The second time was decades later in the in the winter following my mother’s death.

But if I was so ready to die in Acadia, what was this fear I felt each night in the cabin?

I’ve felt it before, I realize–during a particularly poignant gulf of understanding with my husband, growing my head the size of the room so that my even though he is beside me, he feels miles away, so small—or just the opposite– so close that he is a smothering giant.

These strange space-warp “trips”  first came at four-year’s old in the huge expanse of my grandparents’ bedroom, entombed in the hum of the air conditioner, and manifested by high fever. Where was my mother?

Where was she when those feverish images returned years later so that the cellar shelves grew closer and closer to my bed– and then so far away that I had no idea where I was, what I was, or if I existed at all.

And where were her arms when my beloved, black cat “Licorice” disappeared; and  in the nights when I shook in terror after the neighbors family– all but the boy my age– died in a fire; and where were they when my grandmother and aunts were killed by a sixteen wheeler; and when I lost my first and second pregnancies to miscarriage?

In the face of my own abandonment, how could I ever leave my children? If I drove off that cliff, who would be there for them in the horror of that loss?  Or… (now here’s kernel of my fear): If I found that new career that I longed for, who would be there to care for them like I do?

Who  would bring the forgotten teddy bear to school when Aidan called home crying? Who would make the lunches, give the kisses, make popcorn when the bus pulled up? Who would tend to their secret fears, hold them at night, tuck them in?

Are my arms, my heart, my self even wide open now to the gift of my children? Or do I stand, protected, like my mother, resigned to the inevitable loss?

How can you love that so deeply which ends?

How can one soul hold all the complexities, the juxtapositions of spirit and this human experience? How can beauty and terror and loss and blessings exist together without completely exhausting our minds?

And how do we let it all go without giving up?

(Kelly Salasin, 2006)

Last night the sound of two owls wakened me from sleep, and I sat in the dark listening to them until there was only silence.

WE MISS YOU!!!!! We had a birthday party and did our first ever group shot for you!!! Here you go!

Middy… is not.

Happy Birthday! Loads of love from Me, Nick, Misty, Rocky, Acadia, and Dillon Bob Jr.!!!!!!!

Playing with fire.

Hiking in Acadia National Park.

New books.

(I’ve never read anything by Edgar Lee Masters, but this book caught my eye and seemed like a good thing to read on the side while huge novels like Kristin Lavrensdatter and The Guermantes Way are still occupying my time! Thoughts or opinions, anyone?)

Dillon Bob and Acadia have taken to sleeping in Grammy’s chair with their little chins in Jeremy’s lap. Here are a couple shots:

Acadia waking up from a night with Jeremy. I couldn't get the camera fast enough to catch her asleep.

Bob Sleeping with Jeremy