An ideal alternative perfectly fulfills every condition set for it without adding new difficulties. Unfortunately, ideal alternatives are rare. We must, therefore, evaluate each available alternative by measuring it against all of our objectives. It is the relative quality of that fit that concerns us.

If we must choose among several alternatives, we will have to decide which one will best fulfill our objectives with the smallest acceptable risk. In other words, we try to make a balanced choice. An alternative that best accomplishes the objectives but carries severe risks is not, after all, the best choice. Another alternative, perhaps less exciting but safer, may be the best balanced choice.

If there is only one alternative, we must decide whether it is good enough to accept. In this case our evaluation will focus on its relative worth compared with a perfect but unobtainable alternative.

If we must choose between a current and a proposed course of action, then we consider both to be alternatives. We evaluate their performance against our objectives just as we would if both had been proposed. Whatever is currently being done is, after all, an alternative; the choice is whether to continue that way or find another, better way.

If, in the absence of any alternative, we must create something new, we can usually build an alternative from available components. We then choose the best and most feasable combinations, treat each as a separate alternative, and evaluate all of them against an ideal model of an alternative.

My Consultancy–Asif J. Mir - Management Consultant–transforms organizations where people have the freedom to be creative, a place that brings out the best in everybody–an open, fair place where people have a sense that what they do matters. For details please visit www.asifjmir.com, Lectures, Line of Sight

If we are to develop a new product that meets the goals for it (sales, profits, whatever), it must be acceptable to the end user. Therefore, a new product process should have end-user involvement. But, the buying/using decision is often a complex one, where advisors, resellers (and even vendors) play roles, and hence they are stakeholders. And, because it rather defeats the purpose of working for a year or so and eventually they don’t like it, the stakeholders should be involved from the very beginning, and often. And not just surveyed once or twice, involvement of stakeholders must be continuous.

My Consultancy–Asif J. Mir - Management Consultant–transforms organizations where people have the freedom to be creative, a place that brings out the best in everybody–an open, fair place where people have a sense that what they do matters. For details please visit www.asifjmir.com, Lectures, Line of Sight

wednesday, 10/14/09, tri-c metro “sometimes we think that we’re liberal but we’re not” 2:53

Two years ago we started sending out this daily email.  It is a way for us to think about God’s word every day and I hope that these emails have been a blessing to you as they have been to me.  This is the first email that I wrote two years ago so I am going to send it again.

Romans 12:2

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

The world and even saints can easily get too busy for God.  He gave His LIFE for us, but it is hard for us to give five minutes daily for Him.  We have to protect ourselves from the world and the temptations of sin.  We CANNOT do this on our own, or by our own will.  As Brother Duane says “the problem with the world isn’t that we don’t have enough will power, but that we don’t have any WON’T power.”  The more WE TRY to live godly and righteously, the more we seem to fail on a daily basis, which is very, very discouraging.  We have to quit trying and start TRUSTING.   We will ALL struggle to live a godly Christian life unless we take in the word of God daily.  As you go through your day, please prayerfully, think on the verses in these emails and know that “the renewing of your mind” daily through the intake of God’s word is what we need to be transformed, to prove God’s good, acceptable and perfect will.

Rejoicing in Grace,

Keith

2 Cor 5:14-15

www.richesofgrace.com

(What to change)

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Well you are not going to change drugs, so that just leaves us with which to deal with. We are going to have to get our heads around the fact that we are always going to have a drug problem, the only question is which drug problem we want to have to deal with. We are going to have to make a few changes, because what we are currently doing isn’t working. (I am talking about the illegal drugs, not the sort you buy from the chemist with a prescription from the doctor) What we are doing now is making our problems worse, at this point we are dealing with drug related problems that are of our own making and that has to stop. Our “Drug” problem has now grown to be less to do with the drugs and the users, and is much more to do with the business of drugs, the gangs and the money involved. Lets get rid of the problem of the business of drugs and revert to just looking after the problems of drug abuse, that isn’t going to go away but if that’s our only problem then we quite capable of putting the necessary resources into dealing with that and keeping that situation manageable.

The quick answer is a very short and simple answer. Legalise drugs. The long answer is a bit more complicated of course, but it still comes down to the same thing. Legalise drugs. No doubt there are a lot of people who are horrified at that whole idea, and for lots of good and worthy reasons I am sure. But it still doesn’t change the reality, that the only answer you are going to get that mitigates the drug problem as much as possible, is to stop making the use of drugs illegal. Because the side effects of illegal drugs are far and away more destructive than the original problem. Once again we had a situation where we had a issue we weren’t happy about, we wanted to do something about it, we passed a law saying you are not allowed to do it, and surprise, surprise, people ignored it and still kept on doing it anyway. The law changed nothing except to criminalise a lot of people and precipitate a lot of unintended consequences. So instead of taking the time and effort and paying the costs of thinking carefully through what actually needed to be done, as well as recognising the limits of what we are able to do, we went with the simple solution, no, make that the simpleton solution.

We have already had the experience of Prohibition to show us the fallacy and futility of that approach, and yet we have still gone ahead and repeated that same mistake all over again. Actually in a way the problem is worse because we never really dealt with the alcohol problem either. In spite of the problems we have with the illegal drugs, that is still swamped by the problems we still face with the legal ones. At least we don’t have the criminal associations with alcohol though, thank heavens for small mercies. Instead we just have a binge drinking culture and an army of alcoholics. We pontificate and bewail the facts, but we don’t actually do anything about it. If we were actually doing something about it we wouldn’t have the social problems that we do, to anything like the extent that they exist.

So, there are a few topics to explore; legalising drug, what does that actually mean – and – dealing with drug users, what would, could, should we do. What I would do, would have to be carried out within the context of a Revolution however, because I don’t believe you would be able to get my agenda carried out within our current system. The status quo is incapable of moving far enough, fast enough, or having a big enough impact to change our current situation. A lot of that has to do with our current conception of rights, we have got the right to do whatever we want to ourselves and no-one should be allowed to interfere with that. Actually in a way I agree with that, except when that impacts on the rest of us. That is also a principle that the current system would espouse and yet that isn’t what actually happens is it. People continue with their destructive behaviour and end up damaging others. All too often they are back at it the very next week or even day because there is insufficient responses for unacceptable behaviour. What is said and what is done is not the same thing and everyone actually knows it too. Through the laws and the legal precedents we have a situation that the principles of the law are defeated by the practise of the law. If you think that it is possible to tweak the system or pass a new law that will solve the problems of the old laws then you are living in a dream world. That’s not how law works, particularly when it is the law that has created the system and problem in the first place. Our problems might be unintended consequences, but they are not an accident. There is a direct causal link between the situation we have and the laws that prescribe it. Those laws must be removed if we are to deal with our problems and they must be replaced with a whole set of new rules that deal directly with the real issues.

Heres one real issue: people who are drug addicts are people who are addicted to drugs, they love their drugs, drugs are the most important thing in their lives and until they change their mind about that, there is no dealing with them, you cannot reach an agreement, have a quid pro qo, or offer an alternative. There is one and only one priority, getting more drugs. Be it alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, heroin or P, an real addict loves that more than anyone or anything. Treating them as a rational, responsible adult is pointless. Then there is the next tier of addict, who isn’t completely insensible, but they definitely are in denial – they don’t have a problem, they just use socially and they definitely don’t love it more than their family, children and friends. They could stop if they wanted to or needed to, but there isn’t any need to because they don’t have a problem…! So they will go on using because it isn’t hurting anyone, right up until they crash the car because they are wasted and then Oops, look at that, they have managed to injure or kill someone, fancy that, who could have imagined or foreseen…? Apart from all the rest of us that is??!! But what have all the rest of us done about it? Nothing effective that’s for sure. Then there is the next level, mostly youths, they don’t really drink or use habitually, instead their pattern is to occasionally binge on their drug of choice. Then they go picking fights, throwing up in the street, urinating in someone else’s doorway, vandalising property and generally being unsociable. As well as of course, completely over doing it and ending up paralytic, comatose, or dead of an overdose. Nothing new in any of that though of course, that is what we have all has been fighting forever, and yet we are still no further forward on any of this either, hmmm…!

Heres another real issue: Apart from tobacco and alcohol, we have pretty much made every other drug illegal, we haven’t stopped people using them of course but they are definitely now illegal. So that moves the whole situation on into a whole new realm of consequence. We get to sanction people under the law, for breaches of that law. Interestingly, the law in principle is applied uniformly to everyone who is in breach of the law. So if you grow a Pot plant in your back yard for your own use, you are just as liable to criminal prosecution as a major league dealer or grower. The potential exists to end up in jail, that you might not do so actually has more to do with the prisons being too full rather than anything else. So, if you are already someone who has been a part of the penal system and have a criminal record for whatever, then what is the reason not to be involved in a criminal activity, particularly if you are already an addict and there is a mountain of money to be made. You could end up going back to jail, but if you get properly organised, then the odds on that are actually pretty slim. And therein lies the logic of the drug gangs. They exist because there is money to be made by organising like that. Effectively we have payed them to be a criminal gang and a gang of criminals. Whatever we may say or choose to believe, whatever the laws we may pass, if the end result is not what we desired then we have created our own problem. If our problem is gangs, and their behaviour is motivated by the money that can be made because of the law we have passed, then the problem is not them, it is us. If you do not want someone doing something, then first make sure you are not paying them to do it.

Hopefully a bit of a clear idea of what the problem is, also helps us in determining what the clear solution is. We don’t have to be too smart in one respect though. At the very least we know what not to do, stop doing what we are currently doing. By making drugs a legal issue we have also made it an illegal issue. Stop. Make them legal and the illegal issues go away. That is not to say that drugs then become an open slather situation, rather it is about treating them as a social and medical issue with appropriate regulation. It is also about treating it as a human behavioural problem and not about banning an inanimate object. Banning the inanimate is always a signal of a failure of intellect, comprehension and regulation. Unfortunately there are certain personality types that instinctively cry out for more regulation, more restrictions and more punishment. They should be automatically barred from ever having a voice in policy, because they patently can’t add two plus two. None of this is a mystery, unexamined or incomprehensible, so why are we still battling these same issues. These issues should have been sorted fifty years ago, the fact that they haven’t is an indictment and a travesty. Actually it also makes you wonder if there isn’t more than a little corruption involved too, because there is definitely a lot of money involved. Whether it is just human nature, ossified laws or corruption that creates and sustains the problem, there needs to be an en-mass block removal of the current standard practises and a replacement with new rules and procedures. And do it now, as soon as possible, the costs are too high across too many areas to maintain the status quo.

.

This thesis will be continued in the next post – “Drugs Practically”

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Dear God,

Is it just me –or is the world becoming so used to “stretching the truth” that it honestly doesn’t see black or white or even shades of grey. But, to everyone it may appear as though conversations are heard in the obscure color of opaque? Could anything that is spoken, written or otherwise translated, be  left for interpretation, and therefore glazed with something that does not reflect light. Jesus, You are Light. Your word is never obscure or opaque. It should never be left for one’s own interpretation, but is identifiable and completely understandable. You are incapable of telling lies, therefore nothing in the bible is left so misrepresented, that we have to use our imagination to decide how to live our lives, or how to receive Your mercy and graceful forgiveness. You love without ceasing, and give life to each person who accepts that free gift.

  It seems to me, that it is so easy for us to “bend” versions of actuality into a new molded version of an incident. When asked about our opinions, we often tend to soften our answers, so as not to offend a friend or colleague. Our political views on the other hard, are often less generalized. Perhaps, in part, due to the fact that we already are aware that few politicians are able to answer or advise in their own moral capacity–due to fear of voter offense or (dare I say) that they perhaps don’t have a moral capacity gauge to begin with. It is quite clear, that our free government thinkers are less likely to take a stand for You, God. They are led by the majority of congressional leaders and public relation advisors who intend to make certain that their agenda be fulfilled during their term in office. If every Christian who has any voice in this nation, would choose to pray publically, voice opinions based on biblical truth, and stop tip-toeing around right and wrong, then perhaps we could tilt America towards the vicinity of it’s only hope for a future. You alone. For there truly is good Christian leadership among the masses. The problem is that they are often avoided, and ignored by those whom take a larger role in deciding the fate of our nation. We still have the ability to show the world that there is One True God. That Jesus Christ is the authority on honesty, and You are ourchoice– for a moral compass that dictates truth and honesty in its rawest form. 

As children we so often learn from observation of others. When our parents show us what is acceptable and what is not, then we learn quickly that no–truly does mean no. If we see them tell unrecognizable versions of a story to someone, and call it the truth, then they learn that black and white realities are only for some people. That each day’s answers and conversations are relative only based on how we choose to relay them to others. Do we not see that by telling someone, that the grass is blue, and the sky is green is blatantly deceitful? Then why would we choose to intentionally deceive someone about our daily activities, and gossip about others when we know that we do not have all of the facts? Surly someone can see right through us if we insist on such nonsense. If only we would remember that there is always someone who hears every word that proceeds out of our mouth. Someone who knows our thoughts that race through our minds, even before we choose to speak them aloud. That someone is You. Even when we have the confidence that no one else truly knows the “whole story”, we are forgetting that we are never alone. We are never completely private. For if You did not love us, then You wouldn’t be the God who is all-knowing and loves us in spite of our indiscretions. For whether the sky is clear or layered in fog…..our almighty God is never clouded by an opaque view.

The ultimate moral dilema then exists in our reputation. Just as the story of the  boy who cried wolf, with consistency.  He repetedly missled the towns people until….eventually the lie– did become fact. Are we so gullible that we will try this same act of treachery until we have become as the boy, and Satan is the wolf who will gobble us up for his own enjoyment?  I have to admit that I have become a sceptic when it comes to accepting the words of a handful of individuals, whom I know have to embellish in order to speak. It truly does become a game of truth or dare and –winner takes all.  All the extra insertions into every conversation, then becomes so trite, that we tend to listen with deaf ears. I fear that at some point in their lives, they will have something truly spectacular to announce to all, and no one will listen. If the truth becomes so opaque….that no one is concerned with the outcome from the lack of honest diligence, then we are certainly going to delight our truest enemy.

I pray that every word that proceeds out of my mouth…..will be carefully thought and processed before articulated. I know that we all tend to embellish family stories for the laughter effect, but it will be my newest goal, to think before I speak. I never want to disappoint my Savior. I don’t want to mislead or misdirect my children into thinking that we live in shades of grey….in an opaque lie…left up to interpretation. Give me strength and diligence to do my best and serve at the greatest capacity for the honor of my King.

Looking through the glass of honesty,

Gina

I don’t know what it takes to be a mother. I don’t even really know what it takes to be a wife, yet. But here I am, living and breathing one and about to jump into the other. How do I know I can make it in either? How do I know I have what it takes? That I won’t fail?

Today is a rainy, gloomy day. My husband is home again, and it is nice to just hang out with him inside when it is so gross outside. He burps really loud from where he sits browsing TSN.ca, and baby kicks me in the ribs. I smile. My little family.

My mom once shared with me a theory that she has: Super moms = lazy kids, and lazy moms = super kids. There are moms who do everything, so their kids never *really* learn how to take care of themselves. There are also lazy moms who force their kids to grow up a little faster and learn the hard way. 

My grandma was a bit of a drinker, and spent a lot of time doing her nails and drinking rum while my mom taught herself to cook. My mother went to India by herself when she was 18, moved to Calgary and put herself through Art school. My mom was a super mom, and I never learned how to cook. 

The Magpie wonders if I’m sacrificing too much of myself in this new life I’ve chosen. But I have to look carefully at the things I’ve had to change or give up for the sake of my relationship and this new role.

1. I’ve had to learn how to cook. 
Well, I’m still learning, and it’s probably going to be a while before I feel any kind of confident in the kitchen. But it’s a good skill to have, and cooking for someone else is the kind of kick in the pants I needed to get off my ass and learn a new skill. Is it stressful? Absolutely. Frustrating? Frequently. But I’m definitely learning.

2. I’ve had to cut all contact with past lovers.
It wasn’t even especially my husband dictating who I can and cannot speak to, it was more about whether or not it makes sense to keep these people in my life, when they pose a threat to my relationship with my husband (which should be the most important relationship in my life, should it not?), and wouldn’t it make me feel much better about our relationship if he did the same and didn’t talk to any of his past lovers? Let me tell you something, it sure does. Some of my past lovers were my best friends, and that’s been really hard, to let go of that aspect of my relationships with them. But it all comes with the territory of doing what’s best for this new family that I’ve chosen.

3. I’ve had to move away from my family and in with his.
What were we going to do, move into my tiny room in my mother’s house? There was a space for us here, low rent, built-in babysitters, and a hand here and there when we’ve needed it from my in-laws (new bed, anyone?). I wonder sometimes when we’ll leave the Compound, because I know my husband isn’t eager to leave, but if getting off the Compound means higher rent and not always being able to afford diapers or food, I’m okay staying here until our financial situation changes enough for us to buy a little house or something. Not that being away from my family hasn’t been hard, especially being pregnant and being away from my mom. But she’s selling her house, downsizing so that she’ll have some extra money with which to travel. She reckons she can come visit 5-6 times a year. Of course, my first choice would be to have her on the island, but you can’t have everything.

4. I’ve lost some of the best friends I’ve ever had.  
Well, it’s a shame that I no longer have these people in my life, but they obviously weren’t as true blue as I thought since they up and bailed on me at the most important time in my life. Not to mention the things they stand for, that I once stood for, are not the kinds of values that I want to influence my kid. That’s all I’m going to say about that.  

5. I pretty much always have to censor myself.
This is probably the hardest one, and I’m still wrestling with it. I have to accept that I am now surrounded by people who did not grow up in the liberal household I did, and are not used to discussing sex and other scandalous topics as freely as I am. And if nothing else, I do have to respect the way Pops and Angela are raising their kids, and try to refrain from certain topics  of conversation for the sake of their children’s innocence, even if the way they do things isn’t necessarily the way I would.

Things are different, there’s no doubt about that. Since I got pregnant and married my baby’s daddy, my world has pretty much been turned upside down. And yeah, I’ve had to make quite a few changes in order to find my place in this life. But I think, as far as compromise goes, these roles that I am now faced with require compromise and sacrifice from anyone. I don’t know any married person who didn’t have to compromise something, even if it was something as small as whether or not the toilet seat being left up is acceptable.

And about being a mom, even though I’m not one yet, I know enough moms to know that the role of “mom” is the most selfless one out there. If that doesn’t spell sacrifice, I don’t know what does. But I’m also pretty sure that being a mom and raising this kid with my husband is going to be the wildest adventure of my life. And I can’t wait.   

How epic is that!

On a more related note, I was thinking about reviewing a whole album before. But then I decided against it. Because I’m lazy I’d just started going through a bunch of Stereogum mp3’s, downloading the ones I want, and I thought I’d talk about them. There really is a tonne of good stuff there to look through, I’m still not finished going through it all.

Anyway, as follows are links to the articles with the songs in them, and a brief opinion and score (I did find a lot of songs, I’m just listing the ones I’ve found particularly awesome so far).

“Fake Empire” by The National – Absolutely amazing in my opinion. I’ve been quite taken by The National after hearing their album Boxer. Vocals are amazing, different from anything else I’ve heard. The piano’s timing is great, lyrically it’s interesting too. Score: 10/10. Yeah, you heard me. It’s that good.

“Leyendecker” by Battles – I actually had this before I saw the download on Stereogum. It’s a short instrumental piece. Catchy drum beat, cool uh… electronic sounds. I’m terrible at describing music like this. The words “techno” and “electronic” are too simple to describe it properly, and I don’t know any others. But anyway, you might like it. You might not. I just think it’s catchy. Score: 8/10

“The Underdog” by Spoon – I’d heard this before, but didn’t know what it was. And I’d only heard “The Way We Get By” by Spoon before (well, as far as I know). But this is awesome. Great horn sections, great chorus, great song. Oh yeah, and it has hand claps! Score: 9/10

“Acceptable In The 80’s” by Calvin Harris – WELL I’VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU, IF YOU WERE BORN IN THE 80′S, THE 80′S! It’s time to disco boys and girls. Score: 9/10

“One Crowded Hour” by Augie March – If you don’t have this amazingly poetic and beautiful song, get it NOW. Unfortunately, I’ve only heard 2 Augie March songs I really like (this, and “The Cold Acre”). But, this is good enough for me to not care. Score: 10/10

Anyway, I’m off. Hope I’ve provided you, whoever you are, with some good listening.

Who doesn’t have to make decisions? Private decisions? Job related/business decisions?

No matter your age, position, job, we all have to make decisions almost on a day to day basis.
Decisions alternatives, even the straight forward ones, often have hidden/secondary effects, and most of the time are made more difficult by our perception, sentimental values etc.

Large corporations sometimes use highly sophisticated procedures to support their decisions on capital expenditure, investments, processes, and yet, oftentimes, they realize afterwards that the best option was not selected.

Not to dig the dagger in the wound or work on the obvious, but if the world went into the global economic recession and crisis we have endured, it was precisely because decision making was based on improper parameters.

The reason for these problems afflicting decision making is that upside and downside risks (upside= winning aspects, downside=failure aspects) are not properly accounted for each alternative, and alternatives are not properly compared among each other.

What you will find in the linked KISS (Keep it Simple, Stupid) Presentation is a summarized version of an introductory course on decision making. The considered technique is applicable to any type of decision and is a subset of the CDA/ESM methodology. In order to make it really simple, we had to simplify some areas to the bone (hence the recurring remarks about a mathematician most likely fainting when reading our explanations). More sophisticated and rigorous methods do exist (CDA/ESM), especially if you want to compare in detail long term alternatives and produce/evaluate their financial results. We have books, blogs, courses and web site talking about them, but the purpose here was to really bring a somewhat impervious subject to the point it make sense for everyone to use it on a day to day basis, with a minimum of remote supervision/coaching.

Welcome to the world of transparent, justifiable, decision making!

So, how are you and that “sin” of yours getting along? Are you and your “sin”  just “livin’ the good life”? Are you content with your “sin”? Is your “sin” content with you? Do you and your “sin” ever run into any “relationship” related issues, or do you and your “sin” get along pretty well for the most part?

Do you welcome “sin” as a “normal” part of your life? Do you consider a moderate amount of “sin”, to be acceptable? Do ”sin” and “fun” somehow coincide with one another? Does “sin” vary by level of importance, depending on what day of the week it is?

What would the list of answers look like, if you, yourself, answered all of these questions? What would the list of answers look like if Jesus Christ, Himself, answered all of these questions for you? Would the two lists be comparable? Who’s would be more accurate?

Just one more question……why?

Romans 6:12 – Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires.

One world, at the feet of Jesus Christ. God Bless!!

“You have been bought and paid for by Christ, so you belong to him—be free now from all these earthly prides and fears” (1 Corinthians 7:23 LB).

God says not only are you accepted, you’re valuable.

How much do you think you’re worth? I’m not talking about your net worth; I’m talking about your self worth. Don’t ever confuse your valuables with your value as a person. You can be rich or poor but it has nothing to do with your value as a person.

What determines value? There are two things that determine value in life:

1. It depends on what someone is willing to pay for it. How much is your house worth? Not as much as you think it is, and probably not as much as it was a year ago. Your house is worth what somebody is willing to pay for it. No more.

How much is a baseball card worth? To some of you, it’s worth nothing. To Matthew, my son, it’s worth a lot of money. Some people are willing to pay $10,000 for a baseball card.

How much is a piece of art worth? Whatever someone is willing to pay for it.

2. It depends on who owned it in the past. Sometimes something is valuable because of who used to own it. For example, would a car owned by Elvis Presley be more valuable than a car you owned? Probably. Or, would a guitar be more valuable because it was owned by John Lennon? I read about a pair of stinky, smelly, worn out basketball shoes that sold for $7,000 at an auction because they happened to be owned by someone named Michael Jordan.

Based on these two things, what’s your value? Ask yourself, “Who owns me?” “What was paid for me?” The Bible says, “You have been bought and paid for by Christ, so you belong to him—be free now from all these earthly prides and fears” (1 Corinthians 7:23 LB).

You have been bought and paid for by Christ. You belong to Jesus. How much does that make you worth?

Now ask yourself, “Who do I belong to?” The Bible says you belong to God. God exchanged his own Son for you! The cross proves your value. Jesus didn’t die for junk. You are incredibly valuable. Nobody has ever paid a greater price than God paid for you. You are acceptable and you are valuable!

So I was reading my new book Mind-Rain (meaning a book i bought that im reading) which delves into the backgrounds and side notes of my favorite book series of all time, the Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld, my all time favorite author. And anywho, this got me thinking. Mind-Rain is composed of essays from other writers on specific aspects of the books and i decided to write my own essay. Not on the Uglies books, but on the main concepts with which, I delved into a little deeper to see what I could find to compare everything to today. I think my essay turned out well, but that is for you readers to decide. Here it is.

Knowledge.
Isn’t that how everything in the world starts? The knowledge of what society needs or turns into. Adaption and change is a result of knowledge. So what does this all mean to us? We have a choice. We choose to be knowledgeable about our society today and we choose to go along with it or rebel.
Rebellion.
This is what happens when knowledge is put into action. We can be knowledgeable about something terrible that is going on, but most people choose not to act against it. They don’t like to be ostracized and be known as an outcast, so they simply choose not to “know.” That is because as human beings, we crave acceptance, even changing ourselves to be known as “Acceptable” to others. But who is it that defines acceptable? Society. And though we are all part of society, most of us choose not to act upon our duties to contribute to society. We prefer to be “normal.”
Normal.
This is the word that can mean a million different things. Normal is a synonym for acceptable. Again, this loops back to the beginning point. Normal is good, because it gives everyone a state of equality, but is normal always good? No. If not for some who were considered “not normal,” things would never change or evolve because they would have no reason or means to. Different is good. And if we all choose to accept different as good, then is everyone normal? In a way, but everyone still has their individuality, an important aspect of life.
Different.
There was a story called Liking what you See: A Documentary by Ted Chiang, about something called calli (short for calliagnosia), and what calli does is shut off the part of your brain that determines whether people look attractive or not. It doesn’t affect the person’s sight, people can still tell the difference from say, brown or blonde hair, but it doesn’t affect how they perceive the person. The debate stood – was calli good or bad? To me, it was at a neutral standpoint. The people who grew up with calli found it very easy to act around others because they did not discriminate because of looks, and also, they felt more self-confident. In turn, it also prevented people from feeling different things and they were missing out on an important life lesson. When they got calli turned off, they were able to experience those feelings and some people, saw themselves in a new light, not even recognizing themselves at first. People could now see “beautiful” and “ugly,” which gave them new feelings about society. Is that necessarily bad? No, because it was how God intended things to be. Different, and it made them appreciate the new aspects of their life. Chiang’s story explains how society is affected by looks and how seeing looks versus not seeing looks changes how people feel about others. The society was being active and was performing a form of rebellion, because they were voicing their views on calli. Now, knowing all of that, I conclude that being different is good. This difference binds us all together while keeping us ourselves. Being true to ourselves and our society.
Together.
As a society so heavily reliant on others to do things for us, we fail to notice that we end up complaining lots. We can change that. With the knowledge we have of society, we can act in a “rebellion” of sorts to change the normal and expected of the world around us and can make different, the truly acceptable thing. We can be individual and stand up, and be ourselves.

~Sabrina
(sab-wa)

I’ve often wondered, what makes a good mother? And if I were to be marked out of 10, what would I get?

I mean these days are you considered a maternal goddess simply because you manage to keep your offspring alive, fed and watered till they’re 18, or is there more to it than just ensuring the survival of the young? Maybe it’s about teaching Junior not to knock every other child to the floor, in the stampede to get the last biscuit. Or how it’s unacceptable to spit at passing old ladies in the street, or hold up the local corner shop with a Swiss army Knife, for the sake of a pocketful of jelly beans.

Basic ground rules no longer seem to apply to kids today and it’s hard to know what will keep them from falling off the straight and narrow. Personally I concentrate on good manners, eating well, doing what they’re told – and the all important learning not to interrupt me when I’m on the phone. But who knows if this is enough.

Perhaps there should be a Parents Manual 101. A check list so we can tick off what we’ve done right, what we’ve got wrong and and what’s still to come. Actually scratch the last one. If we knew what was to come, the survival of the young would be put into jeopardy and Prozac sales would sky rocket.

I do sometimes feel that I probably fall well below the Mother’s Mark – that’s the parental version of the Plimsoll line, there to let you know when you’re about to drown in another child rearing disaster. These feelings of inadequacy are often as a result of me completely losing the plot, followed by my temper. Generally over something that is, in the grand scheme of things, really not that important at all.

Like my daughter sifting through her dinner as if I’m deliberately trying to poison her with an olive. Or my son deciding that the clean, cream wall is the perfect empty canvas on which to exercise his untapped artistic talent. The sort of stuff that I no doubt did at that age – and got a smack for.

So when one tearful child has gone to bed with no pudding, because he refused to eat any of the vegetables, or the other is glaring at me as she stomps to her room because I’ve abruptly switched the TV off – without giving a full  60 minute’s worth of warning – then I feel like crap. Well actually, lets be honest, initially I don’t feel that bad at all. I’m normally glad to have some peace and quiet at last and a chance to sit down without being talked at, tugged down to floor level or questioned over everything I say.

It’s about an hour later when I go into their rooms and see them laying there, all angelic looking with a tear still clinging onto an eyelash. Then I feel like crap.

Worse still, when looking for reassurance the next day, I ask my daughter, “So do you still love me or am I the meanest Mummy in the world?”

“Of course I do”, she says, looking horrified at the very suggestion she wouldn’t, ” you’re the very best Mummy in the world”.

And that’s when I feel REALLY crap. As I think to myself how important, on a scale of 1 to 10, was it that she ate that last piece of aubergine.

The trouble I find is that intending to be nice, loving and patience to my children every minute of the day, and actually achieving it are often about as far apart as the North and South Pole.

Sometimes it’s impossible not to be a bitch, even to them. I never mean it, but they seem to have this knack of catching me at a time when I’m especially stressed out, tired and hungry. They then  pull out all the stops and leap up and down on my very last, very frayed nerve. At that point, unfortunately for them, the most appetising looking thing to bite off just so happens to be their heads.

To make matters worse, it’s at these times that I come out with the most god awful things. Threats I have no intention of ever carrying out, character assassinations that are completely unfair and phrases that instantly morph me into my own mother. I hear the words come out, and even in mid flow think to myself ‘what the hell, shut up will you’.

I’m presuming, or rather hoping I’m not alone in all of this. Judging by some of the sad looking children and the angry, muttering mothers I’ve seen stalking around the supermarket and away from the playground, I’m guessing not.

In a perfect world I’d deal with stress better and never take it out on my kids. But the trouble is, as with most multi-tasking mums, half the time I’m too busy trying to work to play dress up with Barbies, and too busy cooking, feeding and clearing up to make necklaces out of pipe cleaners and the contents out of the ‘Bits’ draw.  By the evening I am certainly too bloody tired to discuss in detail, all those things that children find endlessly fascinating, and parents find, well, boring.

Yesterday for example, after a long day at the keyboard, my daughter informed me that for her latest school project she had to learn all about the banana. Now it’s not that I don’t care about the banana project, or wish to restrict her learning all about the cutting edge life cycle of this thoroughly nutritious fruit. But my brain just doesn’t have enough functioning cells left at the end of the day to process such an uninteresting topic.

I could let her lose on the Internet to find out more, but god only knows what would pop up if she Googled ‘ banana + picture’. I have images springing to mind, and none of them I wish to have burned into the memory bank of my 8 year old. I am tempted to just be blunt – ‘A banana grows, it’s peeled, it’s eaten – end of story’. But I suspect this just won’t cut it.

Besides that, it would be mean to crush her imagination and wish to learn. Particularly as I’m something of a witch when it comes to policing her homework and making her learn her times tables in the holidays – when all the other little girls seem to be out chatting with their friends on the street corner, wearing 2 inch silver kitten heels and eating sweets…

Juggling life and kids is an uphill battle at the best of times. Add to that a job, whether in an office or 10 feet from the kitchen table, and you may as well throw in a couple of knives and a blindfold. I wonder how many woman wish they didn’t have to do it all, or at least to be seen to be doing it all.

Given the choice, some days I think I’d rather go back to the Stone Age way of life. Sitting at home in my nicely decorated cave, with nothing to do but carving up and cooking whatever gets dragged back in through the door after the hunt. As long as there was Ebay that is, and Eastenders on the telly.

Anyway I have to say I felt slightly better about my mothering skills the other day, when I set eyes on this picture. I may bark, bite and occasionally smack my kids, but at least I’m not subjecting them to this type of beauty pageant child abuse. I ask you, what sort of self obsessed mother does this to her child? It’s freakish, warped and quite frankly creepy.

In comparison to these ‘eyes on the prize’ mothers,  I’m practically Maria Von Trap, with a little Mary Poppins thrown in for free.

I think people are color-blind in the morning. When I wake up and look out the window, I can’t tell if the sky is blue or gray. Likewise, I can’t tell which way this day is going to take me. And sometimes a bit of grogginess is all it takes for a thought to take me by surprise.

When you are reading a book or having an intellectual conversation, your mind expects to be challenged by ideas that are unfamiliar. Your abstract thinking is fully en garde, acting as a filter and a shield. It foresees things, protecting you from surprise, and it tempers emotions like anger or exultation.

Daytime adult thinking provides a middleman (a proxy) between you and the world. This middleman is stronger than you (he will not cry in public if he can avoid it), and unlike you, he can see himself through the eyes of others. He is your personal ambassador to the world. You might be screaming inside, but he will keep his composure. You might be disgusted, but he will remain polite. You might be about to jump off a building or tell someone you love them — he will betray neither.

It is probably a good thing that we have this public persona at our service. Without it, the world would look too much like a kindergarten, or a madhouse. But while the middleman filters our thoughts and feelings, presenting to the world a watered-down, more acceptable version of ourselves, he also works the other way around. The trickster knows more about the world than he will let us see.

If a person you care about hurts you, your ambassador will not disclose the full implications of that until you safely lock yourself in your room. If the girl of your dreams has just agreed to a date, your ambassador will not let you jump with joy until she isn’t looking. If some epiphany is staring you in the face, your ambassador will pretend omniscience to avoid looking ignorant or surprised.

(Your ambassador is also a bullshit detector. That’s why dreams are so fascinating when you wake up and he is asleep. But come morning, he will promptly convince you they didn’t happen.)

The ambassador is not infallible. He will occasionally let things slip, especially when he is half-asleep, tired, or inattentive. This is why seeing seagulls in the morning can make you smile like a child. This is why you write some of your best poems when you haven’t slept in 20 hours. This is why some seek to tranquilize their ambassadors with weed.

The more interesting case, though, is when the ambassador lets something slip because he doesn’t think much of it. These are the things which make you do a double take and ask yourself, “How could I miss that before?” These are the truths that come to you out of left field, the insights that let you see the world obliquely, and find meaning by surprise.

A girl in an English class, pointing out the difference between being in love with love and being in love with someone. A remembered dream that allows you to acknowledge and contain your fear. Something you see, that brings up a vivid memory from childhood. A guy giving voice to thoughts you never thought anyone else could have.

There is meaning, connection, and truth everywhere, but we are often too caught up in everyday things to notice. Catch yourself off-guard sometime, and today might take you to surprising and wonderful places.

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer”

The LORD, to whom David prays, is both his strength and his redeemer. He is the One who enables by His strength within, the believer to speak and think in a manner that is acceptable. And He is the One who has and must sanctify because we do not often speak or think what is acceptable to Him. By nature we speak and think from our fleshly inclinations. By nature we speak and think from our own desire and our own will. We speak and think according to what is acceptable to us. Thus it is necessary for the believer, who fears the Lord – knowing that he is ever before the face of the Almighty, to seek His grace in order to do what is pleasing to Him.

David’s request is both confident and realistic. It is confident because he knows that the One to whom He prays is Supreme and Sovereign over all, even the will of man. And it is realistic because he understands that his own nature is contrary to this request, he himself being but dust. Thus, if God wills - which we know that He does – then the words of his mouth and the meditations of his heart will be acceptable in His sight, because God will both give strength and redeem us for that purpose.

May we all have that same confidence.  May we all believe that we are ever “before the face of God” that we may make this same request.

Our Strength and our Redeemer
What wondrous love You give
Our wretched hearts condemn us
But by Your grace we live

Each day we must seek You
If ever You we’ll please
Each day You must redeem us
Till us Your grace receives

Every organization has its own unique culture. This culture includes longstanding, and often unwritten , rules and regulations; a special language that facilitates communication among members; shared standards of relevance as to the critical aspects of the work that is to be done; matter of fact prejudices; standards for social etiquette and demeanor; established customs for how members should relate to peers, employees, bosses, and outsiders; and other traditions that clarify what is appropriate and “smart” behavior within the organization and what is not. An employer who has been properly socialized to the organization’s culture, then, has learned how things are done, what matters, and which work-related behaviors and perspectives are acceptable and desirable and which ones are not. In most cases, this involves input from many individuals.

My Consultancy–Asif J. Mir - Management Consultant–transforms organizations where people have the freedom to be creative, a place that brings out the best in everybody–an open, fair place where people have a sense that what they do matters. For details please visit www.asifjmir.com, Line of Sight

I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful. 
Frederick E. Perl

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I think asking yourself ‘would I’ rather than ’should I’ is a much more honest approach to life. Everyone does things that they think they shouldn’t; who sets the standards of what is ‘acceptable’? ‘Should’ is mildly irrelevant to say the least. ‘Would’ is the raw truth. It’s liberating. It’s comfort in you’re individuality. It’s asking of yourself to be you, not what others want of you or expect of you.

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So, I’m just getting my final things together before taking on the big bad world on my own. Bags are packed – pretty minimalistically (i’m proud) and yesterday I had a going away picnic / dinner to say bye-bye to my friends. I’ll miss them; they’re all great. I’m really excited to be off though. There is this great travel blog - gridskipper - I’ve been exploring so if you are into travel – take a look. It covers most of the major cities of this oyster. 

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I am still hopelessly in love with Gregory David Robert’s book Shantaram, despite finishing it over a year ago now. He is such a beautiful writer and deals with issues of life so honestly, simply and vividly. I’ve only just discovered his site and it’s well worth exploring. Especially the interviews with this enlightened, interesting man.

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I saw the movie the Hangover on Friday and it exceeded my expectations. In fact, it’s one of the best movies I have seen in a while. One that is actually funny – not trying too hard. I especially like the way it was put together. Some of the subtleties in the story telling approach were just genius at establishing a sense of authenticity. I don’t want to give it away. The photos with the credits at the end are very realistic and fun and overall this movie rocked in it’s accurate depiction of one bitch of a hangover.

& you know what else is awesome? I lost my wallet last night with $70 (not a regular amount to have in my possession, let alone my bank account), id, license and credit-cards. I spent so long looking for it! Today, one altrustic soul as they had found it and were generous in initiating a crusade to give it back to it’s rightful owner. A godsend seeing as I’m leaving the country in 4 days. There’s hope for humanity yet

Japan is VERY different from the United States. Everybody ‘knows’ this, but until you come and really experience it I don’t think that you would really completely understand HOW different. Tokyo is rather Westernized but is able to retain it’s own identity, so you get a very interesting mix of cultures. However, in the end, it is still very Japanese.

One thing you notice here is a certain order. Now, there are of course exceptions and people to whom this doesn’t apply, but by and large Japanese people know and respect rules, laws, and social expectations. For example, when riding the trains, it’s fine to talk at night, but in the morning you will be hard-pressed to find Japanese people chatting it up. Or on escalators in Tokyo, if you want to stand and ride, you stand on the left, whereas the right side of the escalator is for people who want to continue walking (it is the opposite in Osaka; I’ve read that the reason is traced back to samurai!).

There are many manners, I suppose would be the best word for them, that foreigners just wouldn’t know if they’ve never visited. By myself I cannot cover them all, but I would like to review at least some of them here.

So again on the trains. First, if you do want to talk in the morning, it’s best to keep your voices down. No one will say anything if you are too loud, but people don’t appreciate it. Also, when riding if you have any bags or backpacks or anything, don’t wear them on the train. Take backpacks off and hold them, keep bags in front of you, hold purses close to your side or in front of you. These are polite ways to make more room in the train. If you sit, make sure you take up only one person’s amount of space. Again, either hold your bags or you can put them on the rack that is above the seat; you needn’t worry about people snatching your stuff, as pick-pocketing is very rare here (I’ve lost my wallet before to have it returned to me with everything, including money, still inside).

Some of you may have seen videos of Japanese trains being jam-packed, so much so that people are literally shoved inside; well, those videos are true. In the stations they have officials who wear white gloves, and if people can’t get in by their own power, the white-gloved men will come and push you in. This is not a fun experience, as it becomes crushingly crowded and sweltering hot. Trains are not always like that, thank goodness. Usually it is only for the morning rush, so it is recommended to avoid using the trains from about 7-9:30/10:00 in the morning. That seems like a big chunk of time out of your day, but few things are open before 9 or 10, even 11, so no worries!

Enough for now about train manners. Let’s talk a little about walking. First, I would like to say that in my experience, people are often unaware of others when walking. It is very easy to get stuck behind a group of very slow-walking high school students or grandmothers, or on narrow paths behind a zig-zagging woman texting someone on her phone. It can be maddening, but that’s how it is.

In busier, bigger areas, though, there is some visible order for pedestrians. When walking, watch for the general flow and try to keep with it. Usually it follows traffic rules: keep to the left. (It is good to remember that traffic is opposite from the US, especially when checking for cars! So in Japan, look Right, Left, Right) Sometimes the flow is opposite, so just be aware. If you are caught on the wrong side, just make your way over to the correct side when you can.

Many people ride bikes here, so you need to be aware of them when walking. They usually keep an eye out for people walking, so if you hear one approaching don’t try to avoid it; it’s best to keep on your set path and they will avoid you just fine. If you hear a bike and try to step out of the way, you’ll likely get hit. Bikes generally come with a little bell that people sometimes sound as they approach to warn you. If they keep ringing it, then that is usually a signal to please move, but otherwise just keep your course.

Japanese food is delicious, and much of it is easily held in the hand to eat. But it is somewhat of a no-no to walk around while eating. If you buy an onigiri (rice ball) and want to eat it, step off to the side somewhere, take a little rest, and eat. If you have to eat and walk, try to be discreet about it. You will see some Japanese eating and walking, but by and large they will stop to sit and eat. Ice cream is one of the few exceptions, as are taiyaki (fish-shaped pancake-like snack with cream or red bean paste in the middle) and a few other Japanese sweets.

Those are some of the basic manners for Tokyo. I will continue to talk about more in the future, but I don’t want entries to be TOO long!! If you have any questions about acceptable behavior, please ask!