When one uses alcohol and/or drugs, gambles, or binges on food, they expect to change their mood. So, does this really happen? Substance abusers expect that within minutes to an hour, they will feel less sad or angry, more relaxed, energized, or happy. Gamblers expect to win, to feel the exhilaration of that big payday, food addicts expect to feel satiated and euphoric after a binge. And do they not get at least some of the positive feelings? Yes, or they wouldn’t keep doing it.

For a certain amount of time,  external substances or behaviors may meet the desired expectation. People feel happy as they drink with friends in the bar, they feel numb when they shoot up the heroin, gambling makes them forget their money problems. Eating that pint of ice cream does allay the sadness at first. Problems of the day, at least for a while, are forgotten. But reality always, always, sneaks back in. Lying on the bathroom floor with a pounding headache and aching gut the next day wasn’t part of expectation of drinking. Leaving the casino at 5am after losing two weeks pay and the rent money wasn’t really fun. Eating the bag of cookies and the two pizzas then purging, led to more guilt and sadness.

It is when the actual negative outcomes outweigh the positive outcomes that we begin to examine our belief systems, and only then might we be open to make changes. We start to see that our lives are disrupted so much from the addiction that we cannot function in the world as we would like. Loved ones leave, jobs are lost, depression and anxiety become the daily state of mind. The pain of using becomes more pronounced than the moments of pleasure. At these times, it is good to know that there is help to assist addicts to challenge their old ways of thinking and behaving. Doors can be open to assist them in discovering how their expectations led them to make decisions that harmed them and those they love. They learn how past expectations led to harmful thinking or behaviors. And they can learn new ways to cope with negative thoughts and feelings. Expectations can now be based in reality. The long-term joy of healthy relationships and stable lives becomes more important than the temporary euphoria of past behaviors. Acceptance of life on life’s terms can truly lead to ‘great expectations!”

If you or someone you love is suffering with an addiction and you would like help, please contant lifechangeinterventions@gmail.com for a free confidential consult. Please allow 24 hours for a response.

Her parents had lost the little girl they raised and did not know where she was living or with whom (and she was only 21 years old). Their best efforts had only seemed to push her further away. Her adoring little sister and brother missed her every day and could not comprehend what had happened to their hero sister. Her old high school friends had all lost contact with a friend with whom they had spent many nights sharing stories and laughing about boys. Her grandparents wondered what they could do to find her and heal the broken bonds of family. Her former boss who gave her her first job had had to let a hard-working employee go after may late days and more no shows that even he could allow. Her former boyfriend of four years still saw her periodically. Only from a distance. As she was panhandling on the side of the road with her current partner. Or in a store once, where he watched this once naive and honest girl steal a candy bar and cigarettes before running out into the dark rain-soaked night.

Yes, our addictions do affect others. Families are brokenhearted when they lose a member to addiction. Friends wonder what they could have done to stop the downward spiral. It isn’t really all about the addict, as they think. Most leave behind a trail of chaos, tears, and empty promises. Perhaps it is easier to pretend they don’t care, they don’t need their loved ones anymore. But there is always a trail of sadness and there are many people who would do anything they could to get the addict the help they need. Because they love them and want them to end this painful path the addict seems intent to want to continue on.

The domino effect is described as a chain reaction that occurs when a small change causes a similar change nearby, which then will cause another change, like the toppling of dominos stood on end in a linear fashion. When someone we love changes, we all change in small or large ways. So, it is never just about the addict. She isn’t standing alone like she thinks. If she only knew that by leaning back into her loved ones, she could begin a new chain reaction. Only this time, it could lead to finding sobriety, healthy relationships, and hope for healthy future.

If you or someone you know is suffering from an addiction and would like more information, please feel free to contact lifechangeinterventions@gmail.com . Please allow 24 hours for reply.