I’ve been on 15mg of Focalin XR since September and it’s been amazing. No side effects and I’m adjusting well to the slight “drop-off” at night when it starts to wear off. My focus has improved and a couple of close friends said I seemed calmer. I think this is the one!  Woohoo!

Our patience will achieve more than our force.

Edmund Burke

Irish orator, philosopher, & politician (1729 – 1797)

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.

Victor Hugo
French dramatist, novelist, & poet (1802 – 1885)

Jag älskar fredagskvällar. Nätet är lugnt, inget händer. Alla är upptagna med att festa, titta på tv eller så. Dessutom har någon av mina grannar ofta fest, vilket ger mig den perfekta ursäkten: Det finns ju ingen mening med att gå och lägga sig när man ändå inte kan sova.

Så vad gör jag istället? Jag pluggar. Nördigt, jag vet, men inte maniskt. Den här gången har jag ordning på studierna. Att plugga 25% gör det omöjligt att lägga hela min vakna tid på skolarbetet – vilket var en sån sak jag bekymrade mig för när jag började igen i höstas. Jag har lagt upp en plan för hur mycket jag ska göra varje vecka, och jag håller mig någorlunda till den. Det där med att plugga 100 timmar i veckan för att hålla jämna steg med resten av kursen är inget jag varken vill eller behöver numera. De första fyra åren på högskolan var fruktansvärt jobbiga, men det är fem år sedan sist och mycket har hänt.

Det finns flera anledningar till varför jag fungerar bättre nu än då, men en av dem är att jag får jobba hur och när jag vill. Att plugga på högskolan är som att äta morotskaka och spara glasyren till sist: Ju längre upp man kommer desto mer uppsatsskrivande och mer självständigt arbete. Det enda jag gör det här läsåret är alltså att skriva min D-uppsats, och det är verkligen som att slicka i sig ett tjockt lager glasyr efter att ha pliktskyldigt ätit upp själva kakan. Allt detta med seminarier och tentor och hemtentor och gudinnorna vet vad är sånt som gör att 100% egentligen betyder 250%, men den biten är jag i princip klar med. Jag har möjligheten att bestämma mer själv nu.

Självdisciplin har aldrig varit något jag lidit brist på – tvärtom. Den har snarare urartat i självdestruktivitet gång på gång. Det jag behöver lära mig är, som min psykiater kallar det “att gasa och bromsa”: Att inte fastna i hyperfokus för långa stunder åt gången. Det är det jag tränar nu. I början av terminen var det omöjligt att sitta bara sex timmar i ett svep; jag satt lätt åtta timmar eller mer utan att äta, dricka, gå på toa eller höra telefonen eller veta vad klockan var. Idag kan jag faktiskt bryta efter bara tre, fyra timmar och ta paus.

Kerberos, trehövdad hund. Bild från http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Cerberus_%28PSF%29.png

Att försöka kontrollera sin kreativitet är som att försöka lära Kerberos att gå fot, men jag har hellre en hund med två huvuden mer än normen än inga huvuden alls. I fem år har jag känt mig som en hund utan vara sig huvud eller svans, och jag vill inte förlora det jag äntligen har fått tillbaka – så man kan säga att jag jobbar på min lättja.

Läs även andra bloggares åsikter om studier, skolan, högskolan, utbrändhet, psykisk sjukdom, sjukskrivning, stress, uppsatser, självdisciplin, tvångshandlingar, självdestruktivitet, lättja, midfulness, psykologi, kreativitet, hyperfokus, ADHD, NPF, Aspergers syndrom

Intro
ADHD- [Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder] Lack of focus and hyper active. It’s more common to boys then girls. 3-5% of childeren show symptons starting before seven years old.

Hook
Gotta get me my sugar and break loose
Gotta get me my sugar and get hyper
Won’t do my work cause I can’t focus
Won’t do a thing cause I won’t focus

Chorus
I already know I have ADHD
I know who I am in the streets
Got my signature walk as Beyoncé
I will have it my way

I already know I have ADHD
I know who I am in the movie
Divo’s like me get them money
Holla at me if you know what I mean

Verse1
Hold up I’m getting tired where’s the candy I need
Hold up I’m not focus I don’t care I’m having fun
Let’s get loose and have the fun I want
Don’t tell me what the fuck to do

Hold up I’m getting sleepy where’s my sugar
Don’t tell me what the fuck to do today
I want to party and rock harder then anyone
What, what gimme my fun what, what gimme my fun

Hook
Gotta get me my sugar and break loose
Gotta get me my sugar and get hyper
Won’t do my work cause I can’t focus
Won’t do a thing cause I won’t focus

Chorus
I already know I have ADHD
I know who I am in the streets
Got my signature walk as Beyoncé
I will have it my way

I already know I have ADHD
I know who I am in the movie
Divo’s like me get them money
Holla at me if you know what I mean

Verse2
Hold up I’m bored at home no way I’ma party today
Candy (check), soda (check), music (check)
Alright here I go once again as I do hyper then before
Don’t get mad cause I have more fun then you do

Hold up I’m getting weak hook me up with candy
Candy (check), soda (check), music (check)
Woaaaaahhhhhhhhhh this is funner then anything
Don’t be mean when I have the fun

Hook
Gotta get me my sugar and break loose
Gotta get me my sugar and get hyper
Won’t do my work cause I can’t focus
Won’t do a thing cause I won’t focus

Chorus
I already know I have ADHD
I know who I am in the streets
Got my signature walk as Beyoncé
I will have it my way

I already know I have ADHD
I know who I am in the movie
Divo’s like me get them money
Holla at me if you know what I mean

Hook
Gotta get me my sugar and break loose
Gotta get me my sugar and get hyper
Won’t do my work cause I can’t focus
Won’t do a thing cause I won’t focus

Chorus
I already know I have ADHD
I know who I am in the streets
Got my signature walk as Beyoncé
I will have it my way

I already know I have ADHD
I know who I am in the movie
Divo’s like me get them money
Holla at me if you know what I mean

Hook
Gotta get me my sugar and break loose
Gotta get me my sugar and get hyper
Won’t do my work cause I can’t focus
Won’t do a thing cause I won’t focus

Chorus
I already know I have ADHD
I know who I am in the streets
Got my signature walk as Beyoncé
I will have it my way

I already know I have ADHD
I know who I am in the movie
Divo’s like me get them money
Holla at me if you know what I mean

I really believed I wasn’t going to mention ADHD again – and indeed I’m not. Because neither does Sami Timimi in his condemnation of the fast-cure parents who want instant results when treating their child’s bad behaviour and emotional distress. I found Timimi in The Telegraph last week, where he is quoted as saying: “With the widespread application of the techniques of medicine to manage our children’s behaviour and emotional state, particularly through use of drugs, we have achieved what I call the ‘McDonaldisation’ of children’s mental health.”

I know he includes ADHD in that because I have read his A Straight Talking Introduction to Children’s Mental Health Problems, but the book they are quoting from here is Childhood, Wellbeing and a Therapeutic Ethos, which has an enticingly wide selection of well-known contributors. The contents listing on Amazon is so good I have ordered it and will report back later when I’ve read it. That might be a while yet, because it’s scheduled as three- to five-week delivery. I guess that makes it a Christmas present to myself!

Moving tangentially from that thought, one of the chapters by Richard House is about “A Winnicottian and a Steinerean rationale for avoiding the premature ‘adultifying’ of children” – a bit of a mouthful! But this ‘adultifying’ is something we all find difficult to witness in our therapy rooms, since this is mostly a result of the society we’ve allowed to come into existence. It was only the other day that the MP Barry Sheerman lambasted the media coverage that has led to children enacting porn in the playground.

So what is the connection here? The fast food syndrome? Is it simply that parents can’t wait for their children to “cook” (grow up) properly for the correct length of time?

I’m sure I’m not the only counsellor who longs for parents to realise that kids need to be allowed to be kids and, for the duration, need parental time and attention. I think of a boy who wants only to play Ludo with me week by week as he absorbs what it’s like to have someone interested enough to be bothered, and also a girl who acknowledges she never has attention from her mother. At home, the partner is always there; out and about together, mum texts said partner and so isn’t entirely present. Both young people have a weary and worn view of life – mini adults in their resignation. Don’t you just hate to see it?

Medicating kids unnecessarily and shoehorning them prematurely into the adult world are equally obnoxious. No wonder they love coming to see us, however distressed they are.

Psychopathology of Children with Alcohol Dependent Fathers.

SUMMARY; Objective: In this study, we aimed to research cognitive, behavioural and psychopathological differences between children of fathers with alcohol dependency (ACOA’s) and children of fathers without alcohol dependency (non-ACOA’s). …

Note: Cross posted from Recovery Is Sexy.com.

Permalink

As I cross the Bay Bridge on my way to the first-stop-Emeryville leg of my travels to Fres-yes, a flotilla of freight ships fans out in departure, dotting the shimmering waterscape. The rare, late-November San Francisco sun smiles, also lending its warmth to a Burmese wedding ceremony who’s party walked into Larkin Express/Burmese kitchen as I was leaving with my delicious takeout of ginger salad and beef curry with rice.

When you’re doing what you’re supposed to, “the universe conspires to help you,” as Paolo Freire expresses.

Even if it’s help just to enjoy the small miracles and delightful coincidences that each day offers. And only if we’re open and willing to see them.

Today is a good day. And a variety of things transpired to make this a reality (though things undoubtedly happen every day, I was just willing and in tune this day).

First (though not chronologically), I am on the sadly named “Valley Train,” headed to see my family for Thanksgiving. The holidays are often hard for many people, and they would have been had I not stopped drinking/using. I would have been anxious, ashamed, embarrassed and self-isolating. In contrast, I’m upbeat, excited, optimistic and calm. ß a series of “Step 1” statements.

Also, at the beginning of the day, I had an appointment with a psychiatrist to discuss medication options for ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). As of this morning, I began a low, low dose of Adderall.

It was fascinating.

Adderall is a stimulant, but because of the differences in brain chemistry that people with ADHD have, rather than speeding you up as a stimulant would normally, it more or less equalizes the brain chemistry and enables you to focus the energy inherent in the condition. As such, I’ve been more focused, less fidgety, and most importantly, my thoughts have slowed. They’re not impaired, just arising at a more manageable pace so that I don’t feel overwhelmed.

For me, this is amazing. I spent so many years self-medicating, trying to slow my brain down or black out just to get a break. And all it took was this! Who knew? Tell me again why I didn’t do this earlier?

Also, as I was writing parts of this, a guy sat across from me on the train and promptly began mixing himself some homemade drinks. Now, I don’t want to drink, I don’t even have the urge at this moment, actually. But naturally, it made me uncomfortable on another level.

Perhaps as Luna said, the universe may be testing me. And I’m down. But it was also highly reflective.

I did the exact same thing to a degree on my last train trip to Sacramento to visit my parents. This of curse was before I got back into treatment, before I started working a program at A.A., etc. So, I moved and texted friends and my sponsor. And my sponsor’s sponsor.

And I feel better already. J Still a bit anxious off and on, but that’s internal stuff, I believe. I’m not going to drink and I’ve got support.

2 more hours until family time!

HealthDay (http://tinyurl.com/ADHD-and-Smoking 11/23, Thomas) reported, “Children whose mothers smoked during pregnancy or who were exposed to lead have more than double the risk of having” AD/HD “as other children.” Based on their study of “2,588 children aged eight to 15 from around the” US, researchers from Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center “concluded that about 38 percent of AD/HD cases among children” in that age group “may be caused by prenatal exposure to tobacco smoke, while 25 percent of AD/HD cases are due to lead exposure.”

Judith gjorde mig uppmärksam på ett inslag igår i TV4:s Efter tio, där Lars-Erik Spothon och sonen Daniel berättar för Malou  von Sivers om hur det kan vara att ha ADHD. Lars-Erik fick diagnosen först i 50-årsåldern och Daniel någonstans i mellanstadiet. I slutet av inslaget  intervjuas också barn- och ungdomspsykiatrikern Kai Bruno om vad ADHD egentligen är.

Jag kan inte låta bli att bli bedrövad. Och det beror på Kai Brunos sätt att i inslaget beskriva ADHD som rätt och slätt en personlighetstyp. Detta är att utelämna viktiga fakta och skickar dessutom helt fel signaler. Bruno beskriver hur ADHD yttrar sig, om svårigheten att reglera uppmärksamhet och aktivitetsnivå (där är jag med), men han tar inte tillräckligt upp den avgörande forskningsslutsatsen att ADHD eller personlighetstypen (som han väljer att kalla det) beror på en biologisk störning i hjärnans system för överföringen av olika signalsubstanser. Det är ju på denna slutsats som alla terapeutiska och medicinska behandlingar i dagsläget bygger på. Detta faktum nämns i en ren parantes, tycker jag. Detta är mycket olyckligt.

Att kalla ADHD för en personlighetstyp ger verkligen vatten på kvarnen för de belackare (scientologer, debattörer m.fl) som vänder sig mot diagnosen ens existerar och att vi som har ADHD (och speciellt barn med ADHD) medicineras med centralstimulantia som Concerta, Ritalin, Equasym. Vem medicinerar en “felaktig” personlighet? Ni förstår ju själva hur dumt det låter! Det är ju störningen/det neuropsykiatriska funktionshindret som behöver regleras och stödjas medicinskt för att vi bättre ska kunna fungera och bl.a få vaknare hjärna (som bättre kan sortera intryck) och ett förbättrat arbetsminne – inte personligheten.

Tänk om vi skulle kalla döva eller människor med cerebral pares (CP) för en personlighetstyp – vilket ramaskri det skulle bli. Personlighetstyp är något jag kopplar ihop med något så ovetenskapligt som astrologi, dvs idén om att personer födda då planeterna står på ett speciellt förhållande till varandra, påverkar vår personlighet så att den kan förklaras i s.k stjärntecken. Och med detta sagt påstår jag inte att ADHD inte skulle påverka vår personlighet, för det gör den. Men fler saker spelar också in.

Här hittar du inslaget, som är cirka 25 minuter långt. Kai Bruno kommer in ungefär i halvtid.

Det är ett tag sen jag ramlade in här. Mitt eget ställe och jag hittar inte ens in här. Hmpf. Dålig Zstiiil asså.

Här är fullt från golv till tak. Både i huset och livet kan man säga.
Badrummet är färdigrenoverat. Ja, med undantag från spegel och ljusramp ovanför handfatet. Det kommer när vi varit på IKEA.
Sovrummet är i princip färdigmålat och tapetserat. Nu är golvet kvar. Det är bara att slänga sig på knä som gamla husmor och såpskura golvet.. Ska bara införskaffa mig ett ordentligt förkläde först Kanske en bättre borste också. Nog för att min nagelborste är större än de flesta men inte såå stor.

Jag har en ny Bärbara Barbara. Minimonster, -även kallad Hoppochstudsmaskinen, var liksom lite arg. Han fick inte sitta och spela på Barbara. Barbara är inte för Minimonsters. Då slängde han igen toppen på laptoppen. Locket alltså. Hårt. Ordentligt hårt. Knytnäve? Troligtvis. Jaha, tänker du som läser. Och. Det är väl inget att dänga igen en laptop, det har jag gjort många gånger.
-Lägg musen mellan t-bord och lock och stäng sen lika hårt. Titta sen hur fint mönster det blir på skärmen.

Nåja, med lite hjälp från försäkringsbolaget så har jag en ny Barbara. Barbara 2 heter hon
Klart det är en hon liksom. Så mycket intelligens och kunskap så kan det inte vara något annat. Vem är det man frågar när skärp/slips/byxor/strumpor/favoritkalsongerna/osv/osv saknas och inte går att finna? Inte är det han iallafall.
För att även dra fram något negativt även om det både bär emot och är ruskigt svårt att hitta något, -så vem är det som är lynnig, humörsvängningar, dagar av absolut utomjordighet? Som plötsligt går i strejk och vägrar samarbeta.
Jodå, det gäller män också, men inte i samma utsträckning. Åtminstone inte i detta huset. Fast visst finns det sånt även hos män. Först kommer PMaS och därefter kommer mans… Perioder av manlig hopplöshet. En grinig man är en störig man. Urtråkig…
Och dessutom har de mage att klaga över vår periodiska störighet.
Men Barbara2 är fin. Mannen, dvs Genbanken valde ut henne. Vad han kan.

Självklart är det ju krångel med skolor i vanlig ordning.
Mister trivs inte i sin skola. Orkar inte med alls. Går fortfarande 4 förkortade dagar i veckan. 2 dagar är som vanligt och två dagar är ännu mer förkortade. Ändå är det på gränsen.
Vi var iväg och tittade på en skola för barn o ungdomar med autism. Första gången pojken skulle byta skola såg vi den på nätet och tyckte den verkade bra. Tyvärr sa rektorn att det var odiskutabelt för den skolan är för särskoleelever och dit hör inte Mister. Nu fick vi veta att den är för särskoleelever i första hand men om man inte har det behovet så läser man enligt vanlig grundskoleplan. Så bra tyckte vi och var iväg på studiebesök. Vi bestämde att Mister ska få titta själv och därefter ta beslut. Vi ville ju men det är bäst att ha honom med sig.

Efter några samtal med start med ett NEJ ALDRIG och hojt hojt och till slut: “jag orkar inte mer. Jag vill byta skola. Iallafall titta på den” så ringde vi om tid. Det var svårt att få tag i rätt personer och till slut fick Genbanken tag i rektorn på skolan. Då säger han att Mister är ju högfungerande och då hör han inte hit. Här är bara förskoleelever. Genbanken tog upp det att skolpsykologen har ju hållt i detta och varit med på studiebesöket. Rektorn säger att hon nog inte har lyssnat på vad han faktiskt har sagt….
Så nu har vi en Mister som accepterat och numera är redo att titta på och ev byta till denna skolan. En chans att må bättre. Fast nu kommer han inte in iallafall fast han blivit i princip lovad en plats av skolpsykologen.
Vi har ännu inte vågat säga någonting. Måste dessutom ha lite mer information om vad vi har för alternativ att röra oss med. För i nuläget funkar det inte alltför bra.

Även Decibel har fullt upp. Numera ledig varje onsdag. Nu har hon varit hemma även igår och idag. Hennes lärare verkar närma sig den berömda väggen. Igår hade han inte klarat att ta sig till arbetet.
Man ska inte säga “vad var det jag sa”. Men jag tänker det. Högt. Jag sa faktiskt det efter mötena vi har haft. Han tar på sig och får på sig för mycket.
På dessa möten är det också bestämt att vi ska få veta när det sätts in vikarie i klassen. Så att Decibel vet om det innan och om det inte funkar för henne så får hon stanna hemma. Att läraren som inte mår bra inte ringer det säger sig självt men ingen annan har ringt heller. Inte heller rektorn som suttit med på dessa möten och som lagt en hel del på läraren. Och som sitter och säger att skolan har mycket mera att försöka förbättre. Vi lyfte tanken att om det fortsätter gå neråt så kanske man kan tänka tanken att byta till Rönnen där Mister gick.
Det är ju lätt att säga att det finns så mycket när hon själv inte behöver göra det. Det lägger hon ju på läraren. Som nu är hemma….
Eftersom skolan inte informerat oss har jag heller inte informerat dom. Ser inte vitsen med att tala med en av de andra klasslärarna som inte har med saken att göra. Genbanken skulle försöka få tag i rektorn idag och förhoppningsvis få lite information om hur det blir.

Oj…så var det första advent snart då… Jisses vad åren går fort:(

Samma dag fyller min “lilla” kille tonåring…som sagt, åren går.

Dagens schema: Städa, handla mat och glögg förstås, julpynta med kidsen, dricka glögg, äta pepparkakor, lyssna på julmusik, äta en mini-julmiddag och sen slapp framför Idol.

När brukar du julpynta??

Hoppas du får en underbart fin fredag!!!

I had the shock of my life on Wednesday morning when I had a call from my son’s headteacher telling me that his behaviour had got to the point that they were going to have to suspend him from school. It wasn’t just the one incident – it has been a build up of rude and agrressive behaviour that stems from his frustrations and the way that he subsequently lashes out at other people in anger. This is the culmination of many months of problems at the school that I’ve not mentioned so much in my blog as I’ve been so pre-occupied with getting out my thoughts on stuff with AP and getting to bed before 3am in the morning that I’ve not had TIME to write about everything else.

My son is 9 years old and was diagnosed at age 6 with ADHD and Aspergers Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) – although I had been pushing for a diagnosis of something since he was 2.5 years old! He takes medication called Equasym XL daily to keep him calmer and more focussed and generally I find that the meds combined with good parenting and support from the school keeps him on a fairly even keel.

My son’s ”combined disabilities” for want of a better term mean that as well as the ADHD side giving him a total lack of focus, the Autistic side gives him a great deal of difficulty in understanding and social communication. Although he understands cause & effect and consequences, he has trouble actually applying this to real life circumstances. If you were to give him an example of a playground scenario where one child ends up being hurt by another child and ask him to talk about what each of the children involved could have done differently to avoid injury and confrontation, then he will literally give you a text-book perfect answer. He KNOWS what he is supposed to / should do … but cannot actually get his brain to c0mpute this at the time which leaves him frustrated and lashing out in anger.

Thankfully my son is very well supported at the middle school he’s at. It is a combined primary/middle school which has meant that the same teachers / staff / support workers/SENCO etc get to know the children from ages four through eleven during those really valuable formative years. It has also meant he’s been with the same peer group throughout all of that time as well, so the other kids have had a chance to learn / tolerate him to a certain extent. There have been good and bad aspects of all of the above, but I’ve been really lucky with the support I’ve had from the school on a personal/parental level.

The headmaster Mr P is a very fair man and has given my son a lot of leeway for his “disabilities” – he also understands my personal situation as a single mother of two, (where the father attempts involvement) and basically it all comes down to me (and my support from AP!) Mr P understands my situation with my ex and has actually given me compliments many times on how well I handle things on my own and I’ve had lots of ticks in the good mother box from Mr P about the things AP has suggested that I’ve implemented!

I am SO LUCKY that although I am a single parent, I’m not alone because… even though AP and I don’t live together … he has been such a huge influence on the positive parenting that has made a big difference to my kids. It is so crazy how a man in his early 30s who has no children … has such great ideas/values on parenting!!

It’s okay that this makes me really horny, right?

Seriously AP will make such an amazing step dad and an incredible father that it makes my body twinge in all kinds of wonderful ways!! I LOVE the way he gets so wound up at my ex’s lack of real involvement! AP was with me when I got the call from the school’s headmaster informing me that my son was suspended and he was really there for me.

The upshot of things is that I’ve grounded my son for two weeks. I chose this time period because there is three weeks left of school and four weeks until Christmas (it’s on a Friday this year) which gives him four whole weeks where I expect absolute exemplary  behaviour out of him because not only is his mother severely pissed off with him (I didn’t use those words!)   Santa is watching very very closely!! being suspended from school puts you firmly on the naughty list and you have to work extra hard to get off the naughty list, then even harder to get back onto the good list. So far he thinks all he is getting is coal for Christmas!

Grounded as far as I am concerned means absolutely NO computer and NO television whatsoever. There’s no checking email and they aren’t even allowed to use the computer for homework purposes … and not even allowed to glance over the shoulder of someone else on the computer! If you are grounded and in the room when the TV is on, then it will be on either news, or the Discovery / National Geographic channels with an educational documentary on! You are not allowed to play outside at all and if you even mention the words “I’m bored” then you have to do lines (two sides of A4 lined paper) You also forefeit bedtime hot chocolate and bedtime snacks and get nothing more than a juice to take up to bed. IF you are caught breaking any of the rules of grounding then extra time will be added to your punishment depending on the gravity of your crime.

I love being a mean and cruel mother because IT WORKS. The punishment is all my own except for the addition of lines which was AP’s suggestion. I actually used it on my son yesterday after the phone call from the school and it was an excellent way of getting him to realise just how much trouble he was actually in. I made him write two sides of lined A4 paper saying “I must not be aggresive at school.” I made him start it three times because he wasn’t writing it out neatly enough, then on the fourth time I let him get halfway down the second side before pointing out that any crossing out or mis-spelling meant he had to start all over again.

He was crying his eyes out, flopping on the floor, swinging on the chair and trying to come up with every excuse possible NOT to sit there and write out lines, but I simply maintained control, kept the consistency going and told him tough luck because until every single line of both sides of paper said NEATLY the words “I must not be aggressive at school” then he wasn’t allowed to move even to go to the toilet.

Being so very harsh on him was VERY DIFFICULT even though I was utterly furious that it had got to the point of a suspension!!!! It was a very hard thing to do because in my heart I kept wanting to make excuses for him due to his ADHD & Aspergers and give him reasons to get away with his behaviour … but in my head I knew that the absolutely right thing to do was to come down on him like a tonne of bricks, so that is exactly what I did and IT WORKED! One of the hardest things to do as well was knowing that this all kicked off on a Wednesday … the one night per week that the kids go to their dad, and that during the day on the Thursday when my son was suspended … it would be entirely my ex’s responsibility to make sure that our son was punished.

I don’t ever give my ex credit whatsoever when it comes to parenting our children because of past experience and more proof than you can shake a big hairy stick at that he is indeed a crap father!! BUT what I’ve realised I need to start doing is to give him credit for growing and changing as a person over the last year we have been apart, and for having a vested interest in our kids’ futures.

I was very impressed  by my ex’s parental involvement in this and it was nice to see. Ultimately I would love to have absolutely NO contact with my ex at all, but for the kids it is important that we get on to a certain degree as it will make them emotionally healthier when they are older. I even rang my ex tonight to give him a compliment on the way that he handled everything today and admitted I had been tempted to pick our son up from him at 9am today to make damned sure that he worked hard during those school hours!! I even told my ex that it was AP that turned around to me and said “Nessa seriously, you have to give your ex a chance to prove that he actually can be a good father to those kids. We all know that SON would do much better if you were there with him, but give his father a chance to take care of things too.

If the truth be told I didn’t think my ex would do a very good job of it today at all. I had visions of our son being plonked in front of a TV while my ex “worked from home because he’s so very busy at work”, but what I was actually greeted with when my ex dropped off the kids tonight was both sides of paper completed with the lines I had set our son, plus what the school had set him as work while he was suspended. He had apparently finished all of this by 2pm so my ex made him write out multiplication times tables until 3pm!

I was most impressed. Ohhhh not in any “ohhh look at my ex-husband” kind of way!! Trust me, my thoughts as far as that are concerned stay firmly in the “ewwwww!” camp. I can’t believe I was ever attracted to him and I know damned well that it was my thinking that “ugly blokes won’t cheat on me” that led me to date my ex-husband after my ex-ex … it was more that my ex actually bothered to take an active role in parenting HIS children. It was interesting to see.

My ex and I had quite an interesting phone conversation tonight. I’d said to AP earlier that I thought possibly that my ex’s relationship with his new girlfriend was over based on something he’d said about not being sure what he was doing for Christmas… and during the conversation I had with my ex – he confirmed that it was over I’ll admit part of me did a little silent dance because I am secretly happy that my ex is alone again … but part of me really does feel for him.

I almost got the impression that my ex was trying to flirt with me over the phone, so I changed the subject back to our son and we hung up not long after the subject change.

I am NOT INTERESTED IN MY EX. That is so long gone that the thought of even going there makes me feel physically sick. I am so totally and utterly in love with AP that even if my ex were a more tempting prospect .. I still wouldn’t be interested on  a physical OR emotional level!

AP and I have had the m0st amazing 24 hours over our Weds night together … and if anybody asks me what the big bolt screwed into my ceiling is for … then I will tell them with a very straight face … it’s for hanging things on

Am I a bitch for being happy that my ex’s relationship didn’t work out? Should I feel bad for wanting to say “I told you so” when my ex wanted to tell the children about his new girlfriend and I considered it waaaaaaaaay tooooooo soooooon?! Am I happy and living life with a great big grin???? YOU BETCHA!!!

I was out with a friend of mine and his son at fireworks night when we got to talking, not for the first time, about dating websites. He had met a woman over the internet, jokingly (so he says) made mention of a window in his schedule between the end of the working week and his psychotic ex popping round with his little boy. She said, ok, one o’clock you say, and drove the not-insignificant commute. Cue afternoon of rare athleticism.

I admired and deplored his behaviour in equal measure. Or perhaps not. It seemed to suit him. I didn’t see as it inconvenienced or demeaned her. He had got out of a relationship with a truly crazy former drug fiend and didn’t want to take time and attention from his boy. No, I liked the idea. I asked for the site he had visited. Asked him during a fireworks display. “I’ll tell you later” he said, a smile on his face.

Uk sex pages, it may have been called. Turns out to be the only such website that took payment in cheque. A liason didn’t take long. And she seemed an interesting girl by the sounds of her. Not skinny as is the fashion now. She might disagree, as well she might, with the evidentally cerebrally-nutritionally-deprived Kate Moss that “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”, and so she perhaps gets passed over. My friend seems sold on her. It’s quite touching in fact. Unromantic it may be, but it would take a hard-hearted individual to consider that they don’t have something going for them. And it does go deeper than the title of the website might suggest. Why shouldn’t it?

It often seems to me quite arbitrary how moral values become attached to particular pursuits and ways of behaving. Being aggressive, for example, curt and rude, is valued in the boardroom whilst it would be condemned elsewhere. Alan Sugar is lionised and knighted for it. The same is true with sex. promiscuity is seen as superficial, seen as lacking in respect. Relationships are more honest, stable ways of behaving.

This is of course often the case. But need it always be so? And is it not the case that oftentimes when it does play out like this, it is because of the prevailing mores of society, the conventional way of viewing affairs rather than because of anything intrinsic to the practises themselves. Would it not be possible to meet somebody, have a high regard for them, treat them with respect, have sex with them for a time – and do so perhaps exclusively – and be there to support them in difficult emotional times, without cohabitation, without marriage or civil partnership, perhaps without even the exclusivity? Could there not be a different way of doing things that needn’t coexist with dope smoking and tarot card reading. Would it not be less dysfunctional for many couples to live with friends as they may have done in the early stages of a relationship, meeting up occasionally in cafes, going to the cinema, restaurants, cooking for each other, each sometimes, with a frisson of an outing or an occasion, staying over sometimes but having one’s own base, one’s own preserve, one’s own autonomy, one’s own life?

I had mixed feelings probably even on that day with the fireworks, and with Charlie holding our hands, me and my friend, and asking repeatedly to be swung in the air. Never had I wanted kids. For years I thought I was manic depressive. Maybe I was. I thought too that it was invariably a hereditory disorder. I thought I would never be able to have a girlfriend, let alone children. I prepared myself to be a kind of monk given over to the service of a writing life. Later I saw that I struggled enough to take care of myself, that I needed a lot of time on my own to cope with life, and I saw that a lot of events of my life that had led to crisis and a kind of breakdown had been precipitated by taking on more and more responsibility, or by trying too hard to conform to social conventions. Spontaneity and social life didn’t come naturally to me. I didn’t want to pass my clumsiness on. And I didn’t want to be a bad parent. For years I carried around with me the riposte “I’d make a great uncle” should anyone suggest I would be an excellent dad, as sometimes they did. As sometimes they still do. I stood there that night watching all the children around me and worrying about sparklers, my heart jumping when a girl dropped her sparkler and went to pick it up, daydreaming of running with a child with a burnt hand to the First Aid point. And yet, too, I knew how claustrophobic I begin to feel when I enter into a relationship of any sort and the feel the bind of the responsibilities and reciprocity that brings with it.

It is a profound, troubling ambivalence. It led me to join a dating website. Not for the first time. Catastrophically, I did it once before, when I was feeling claustrophobic, lonely, unhappy and unsupported in a relationship, the longest I have yet had. I was desperate. I thought I was too emotionally disturbed to ever survive on my own. I was torn. I didn’t want to hurt somebody (though by trying to do otherwise I of course hurt her more than I ever could have by making a clean break, if I had known how to do that), but I needed to know too that there was some kind of a safety net. I needed to know if somebody else could feel something for me, as socially inept as I was. I set up my profile, uploaded some photos, and wrote what was an incredibly caustic description of myself. My ambivalence made it onto the page. I engaged with it, but didn’t. I signed up but made sure nobody could have any interest in me, nobody would want to see beyond this rebarbative presentation I had made of myself.

Staggeringly, one or two expressed an interest. It’s interesting now, standing back from it, how you find yourself using the arbitrary criteria on offer; how the grocer’s apostrophe becomes an instant fail, how a certain kind of quirkiness is a turn off, and how many plump for the chirpy and vague. It’s interesting how you find yourself searching for signs of a tolerance to your worst traits even as you attempt to disguise them, and yet allude to them in a manner that you might call on should you ever be criticised for disingenuity: in a second mail I mention how I put my profile down to a slipping time belt in my frontal lobe. I find myself worrying that women as old as me might not hold my interest, and might run to fat. I find myself fretting, on the other hand, that younger women wouldn’t have the life experience to keep me interested, and, in any case, would demand more from a relationship in terms of time put in, time in bars and pubs and cafes and meeting the parents and… ugh!

And so I get into a correspondence. It happens like this. One woman, 31, a horse rider, with a pronounced aversion to facing cameras, unless they should be low definition, writes to me to congratulate me on my profile, which is something like the opening of Finnegan’s Wake or T S Eliot’s Book Of Practical Cats, but not as *weird* [sic] as that. I have not yet got a subscription and so I can’t reply. I chose one of the one liners, saying I would love to reply but cannot. I mull on it for a few days. Fifty pounds! On Job Seeker’s Benefit, and with Christmas coming up! And then, of course, on one of the swings towards the convenience and maturity of it all, my impulsivity gets the better of me and I find my card in my hand. But I don’t write to her, the horse girl.

No, I write to a younger woman. She looks posh. A lot of them do. She looks like a lot of the women I didn’t ever speak to at uni looked like. Dresses that way too. She looks like she is a little insulated from the more rough and ready sides of life. But then she goes walking in the hills in the Peak District. And she talks about literature. She might even work in the publishing industry.

I realise with all of them that I would be lacking the expression of one side of my personality. There are so many sides to me that I don’t even know who I’ll be when I wake up in the morning. I mentioned that in my profile. “It’s like ‘who you going to be today Huxley pig, oink, oink’” I wrote, quoting from a cartoon theme song, which, frankly, is predictable in itself; one of the off-the-shelf student poses of highbrow with a little lowbrow chucked in to show GSOH and a pop culture sensibility.

She doesn’t write back. I cringe at my e-mail. It is long, and digressive. And mad. Not slightly mad: it is mad. It’s the kind of thing I always do when combined with modern technology. E-mail, texts, blogs, social networking: these things will never work for me. God no!

I wait a couple of days. Over this time I debate with myself. Is my considered judgement being short circuited by my hard-wired loins which bristle at any woman beyong the age of 25? Will it always be so. Will I always choose the wrong woman, a woman I could never really spend any amount of time with because of foregrounding my knee jerk sexual instincts over the deeper and more meaningful bonds which develop with conversation and affection? And do I really want a relationship at all or is all this internet-based procrastination and category cross-referencing just some dopamine-pumping substitute for looking at typewriters on E-bay? Have I really tired of the freedom I have had to write and exercise and read and look after myself? Do I really want to be meeting parents and spending whole weekends away in Camden or Ludlow or Stratford upon Avon just because I sometimes feel at a loss for what to do? Do I want to have to explain my relationship with food and make compromises to my health again and again because of the struggle to find acceptance? Eat lasagne and get angry? Drink beer to appear sociable and not sleep and be pulling back on my irritability the next day? Do I want to go through the whole heartbreaking arc from ignorance of my difficulties (and my ability at first, through novelty, to pretty much cope as anyone would), to the conversations about it, the partial acceptance and faltering support, and then to the conclusion that I’m an out and out cunt and the breakdown in communications, the messy break up and recriminations that ricochet in my mind for months and months?! And then, bored and impulsive again, I write to the horse woman. It goes fairly well. She has heard of Raymond Carver. She mentions her name in fact without me doing so. We send a few mails over the course of an evening.

Still, I’m not sure. I have seen a handful of photos of her back, her hair, her dog, her on a horse far away. And then you get chatting and enter into all of the back and forth that begins to accrue expectations and some kind of implicit growing intimacy. I feel a little irritation at her trying to show her learning with talk of lexical analysis. One x becomes two. I have broached the fact that I am not working. I have even broached my ADD – something I wanted to be sure to do from the start. I have felt unsure.

The next day, unable to do anything. Dosing up on anti-fungals and feeling it bite, hard, making me irritable and angry and unsettled and unable to do anything but sit in front of the computer confecting hits of dopamine with a click and a click and a click. I manage to do nothing. I can’t work. Two half hour sessions on a childrens’ book I hadn’t thought of until a few days ago, a Yes Minister and some flitting around the ADHD forum. Avoiding the almost finished first draft of a short story in the summerhouse. It’s the worst kind of day. I check in to the dating website. I signed off last night taking the piss that she really is in London, having moved there from up North, because she is sending texts on her Blackberry. That’s how I left it. And then, today, procrastinating, and offended that the profile Horse Girl so approved of is leading few enough women to click on to me, I change it. Completely. As I am doing it I realise it will come across as a serious rebuff to the girl I was speaking to yesterday, who promised to speak some more today, but I seriously need to do something, and it is a writing exercise of sorts.

The first girl doesn’t write still, of course, and the women who are looking at my profile are much older, and none too attractive. You want to feel better about yourself than that.

I go to my therapist. Probably, my appointment at four o’clock is a large part of the reason I have been flitting around all day, unable to settle. I can’t stand having something, anything, in front of me like that. We talk, eventually, about the dating website, and she gives me a few interesting insights into my evident discomfort when silence falls in the room. I hear too a few of my own views on the dating website, and, having fallen this far into it, almost committing myself to something where I know I don’t have the skills to back out of, as I didn’t with the whole fiasco with Marketa in the summer (which I was unhappy with from the very start and couldn’t, somehow, say the words, nor even write them into the computer) I heard myself talk about how I don’t want that, don’t want to give so much of my time over to something that would only make myself feel claustrophobic. I heard myself expressing thoughts that get lost in the mix in my head.

I may no longer be thinking “fuck that” as I said, of relationships. I may no longer be regretting the mess that came of the last relationship I had, nor going over it, nor feeling the malice I did, or going over and over everything my emotionally-fragile ex gave me hell for day after day for almost a year, dredging up each of my aspergic failures of empathy and social solecisms and gong over them and over them like students would set to a case in mooting at late sessions of one cigarette after another when one after nine o’clock would stop me from sleeping that night, but why would I want to seek that out again?

Charlie is a good kid. I see a Gruffalo jigsaw or a cardboard cut out for a Postman Pat live show and I’m happy, thinking I might be able to recommend it and contribute to his happiness in some way. All this is novel, but it’s nothing more than playing the uncle figure of my ready riposte of ten years and more. I’m not cut out for marriage. I couldn’t feel even for a short while that I might be being tied down somewhere whether it was Camden or Ludlow or the dales, Prague or Barcelona or Kidderminster. I ticked no on the wants kids section of the website, and my heart falls when women come up with yes, or even maybe, for a reason. I’ll be turning 31 next month and I won’t have a diagnosis yet. Had things been different.. But they weren’t. I hope I can enjoy the company of women again. I hope I can do so with mutual respect and fulfilment and support. But I don’t want a relationship. I couldn’t navigate one, and, besides, I like being on my own and, sometimes, often enough perhaps, and in any case as often as may ever be the case, and as often as I can perhaps expect, I’m happy. That’s all any of us can ask for.

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There is no such syndrom as ADHD. It is a fraud a myth helping despaired people with pseudosientific och reductionistic means labeling their kids with brain dysfunction syndrom. This is actually a political biochemical castration of unhappy children.

Samtidigt som kommunerna blir alltmer ointresserade av dysfunktioner kom just nu ett glädjande besked från regeringen, som nu sköter EU:s ordförandeskap:

“Idag, den 26 november, antog EU:s ministerråd beslut om att EU ska tillträda FN:s konvention om rättigheter för personer med funktionsnedsättning. Det är första gången en regional organisation tillträder en FN-konvention om mänskliga rättigheter.”

Hur skall kommunerna tackla detta? Bryta emot det brukar ju vara lösningen. Vad gör regeringen då?

Flera gånger har jag skrivit om och diskuterat det stigande ointresset från kommuner, som har det yttersta ansvaret för medborgarna, och från skolor när det gäller elever med olika former av dysfunktioner.

Nu tycks det dock vara så vanligt att elever med läs – och skrivsvårigheter inte får tillräcklig undervisning, att massmedia endast meddelar detta med en notis. Notisen idag i SDS pappersupplaga:

“En friskola i Malmö får kritik från Skolinspektionen sedan det uppdagats att en elev med skrivsvårigheter hänvisats till självstudier.”( s C9)

Vad hjälper den kritiken? Föga, eller inte alls. Det verkar vara så att kommuner och skolor kan strunta i alla de regler och lagar som gäller alla andra medborgare i vårt land. Vad sänder det för signaler?

Ännu ett exempel:

“Lagen innebär att friskolorna får ett snitt av hela kommunens skolhyror. Men i Vellinge gör den nya lagen ingen skillnad.

– Nej, vi betalar ju hela hyran både till kommunala och privata skolor. Då blir det på lika villkor, säger Carina Larsson (M), ordförande i M-nämnden.

Är det rätt att bryta mot lagen?

– Vi har tolkat det så att det går att göra ett undantag. Vi gör inte bara ett undantag för friskolorna utan för alla skolor.”

Artikeln: Klicka här!

Det är alltså rätt att bryta emot lagen om det tjänar de egna intressena. Tänk på det, om du är arbetslös eller fattig. Gå in och ta det, om du tycker det är rätt att göra så. Men ursäkta det går ju inte, det är ju bara kommuner som kan göra så. Endast kommuner och politiker har en laglös frizon!

The Desktop Desk can benefit individuals with disabilities on many different levels. It does the small things like helping provide individuals with hyperactive and autistic tendencies the means to focus and participate, while also providing students who can’t speak or who have limited motor skills the ability to more independently participate in classes and [...]

Desktop Desk Leveling The Playing Field On Disability
Ziggi
Tue, 24 Nov 2009 23:51:58 GMT

411: In California doctors are now giving  marijuana to children diagnosed with ADHD aka attention hyperactivity disorder.

STATS: California gave out  36,000+ medical marijuana cards in 2004.  Most of these cards were given to children/treenagers.

RULES: Teenagers under 18 are not permitted to get the marijuana card without their parents at the time of doctor visit. Ummm hello if only they knew kids are going to find another way around that especially when told NOT to smoke marijuana, be it medical or street!!!!

Don’t you find it odd that they won’t approve it for recreational use but as soon as MD’s and Pharmacies can make money off it and the government can regulate it in some way it’s all good!. They won’t make it legal for adults who are probably a lot more sane when they blaze because they don’t want people on the street making tax free money and endangering young kids by altering their futures…but doctors can tell your kids to smoke weed..what is this world coming to?.

Im all about being open to new ideas but, been there done that,..this whole operation is about as organized as a hit in the mafia..they tell you to do it, but your the first one wacked if you miss one step. They are giving kids the wrong idea and when they take it away from them because they are “better” all hell will break loose.  I am sure many parent’s for the 18-21 crowd aren’t liking this because they have no say in the decision of their childs care (yes 18-21 your still considered a child to mommy+daddy). If my mother was alive she would bitch slap me for even thinking about it and i am 25! 

THC is the main ingredient in marijuana, it causes short-term memory loss (Dude wheres my car?) and inattention (Dude!…What?..Dude!..WHAT??!). Hmmm let’s READ about ADHD quickly so you can see the IRONY here! Below is info i retrieved on ADHD from American Accreditation Healthcare Commision:

Hmm on that last note…if your health care provider lives in Cali..he will take you to ” the spot” ..watch out! ..

Over and Out

J

When a person arrives for drug treatment it really does not matter where the drug came from or if it was gotten illegally or legally.  Addiction is addiction.

At Narconon drug treatment center, we have treated several people for Adderall addiction and even the ones who were taking it legally, knew in their gut that they were getting high.

In the end, the lesson learned is the same – there is no pill to make you smart and no drug that will make one happy. In fact, it is quite to the contrary – there are many drugs that will make you stupid and all of them can ruin your life.

Narconon 877-413-3073

“College students between the ages of 18 and 22 were twice as likely to use the amphetamine drug Adderall nonmedically as those who had not been in college at all or were only part-time students, according to data from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH).

Approximately 90 percent of the full-time college students who had used Adderall nonmedically in the past year also engaged in binge drinking in the past month, and more than 50 percent were heavy alcohol users, researchers reported. Students under the legal drinking age who used Adderall were also more likely to binge drink or engage in heavy drinking than underage nonstudents who had not used Adderall nonmedically.

Full-time college students who had used Adderall nonmedically in the past year were almost three times more likely to use marijuana, eight times more likely to use cocaine, eight times more likely to use tranquilizers nonmedically, and five times more likely to use pain relievers nonmedically, the survey found.

Prescribed for the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and for narcolepsy, Adderall is classified as a Schedule II drug because of its high potential for abuse and dependence. However, it has become popular on college campuses as a study aid.

This article summarizes an external report or press release on research published in a scientific journal. When available, links to the sources are provided above.”

http://www.jointogether.org/news/research/summaries/2009/college-students-more-likely.html

Ylivilkkaita lapsia, joiden on vaikea keskittyä asioihin on ollut aina ja tulee aina olemaan. Ennen oireyhtymää kutsuttiin MBD:ksi nykyään ADHD:ksi.  Oireyhtymä aiheutuu kun aivojen dopamiini-nimistä välittäjäainetta ei ole niin paljon kuin pitäisi. Tämä puutos johtuu perinnöllisistä tekijöistä.  Dopamiinin matala taso aiheuttaa epämukavan olon ja se taas johtaa siihen että herää halu liikehtiä. ADHD lapsi pystyy keskittymään vain 15-20-minuuttia kerrallaan. Lapsista noin 5-10% :lla on tarkkaavaisuushäiriö, osalla ylivilkkautta, osalla molempia. Pojilla ADHD on yleisempää kuin tytöillä.

ADHD-diagnoosi ei tarkoita sitä että elämä on menetetty. Nämä lapset ovat vain nopeampia, energisempiä, luovempia ja ennakkoluulottomampia kuin muut. Heidät koetaan usein häirköiksi ja hankaliksi oppilaiksi, koska he eivät jaksa seurata uuvuttavia 45 min oppitunteja paikallaan istuen.  Heidän oppimistaan helpottaa kun tunnit pilkkoo 15 minuutin osiin ja mukana on toiminnallista oppimista, eikä vain kuuntelua. Silloin oppimisesta tulee mielekästä ja jotain jää mieleenkin kun saa itse osallistua.

Ennen lääkityksellä huumaamista on syytä kokeilla riittävää unta eli aikaisin nukkumaan, muulloinkin kuin kouluaamuina. Säännöllisiä päivärutiineja, myös kotona. Kalaöljykapseleista, EPA:n ja DHA:n on todettu auttavan keskittymishäiriöihin ja oppimisvaikeuksiin.   Kunnon aamupala aamulla pitää virkeänä koko aamupäivän.