Well… MOST people had smiles on there faces.  Screw you, Todd.

The CAC will rise again, and trust me…  If you love having a good time, then you want to be all over this CAC.  This year’s CAC will be held (get it?) on April 6th, and HQ will once again be at the Pine Ridge Campground near Ashland, MO.  Camping the night before and the night after is free (because we have so much clout in Missouri), and last year it was ridiculously fun.  Just ask anyone who participated in the first CAC, and they’ll tell you that the camping was as much fun as the non-race itself.

The Carnage At the Creek Two (CAC2) is free (other than roughly 10 bucks for the map), and it will be roughly 6 hours.  Solos, duos, trios, quadros, or whatever kind of team is allowed. You will be hiking, trekking, running, mountain biking, hike-a-biking (maybe), orienteering, and you’ll possibly face a mystery event or two.

Dave man-handled the rowboat by himself. What a stud!

Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it), the CAC2 will have no paddling event…

OR WILL IT?  MuwahahaHAHAHAHAHA!!!

No, it won’t actually.

Even without a paddling leg this year,  our CAC will still be (ahem) unbeatable.  We will have many more details to come, but we need to know VERY soon if you will be joining us or not.  The sooner you let us know you’ll be there, the more likely we’ll have a map for you.  So let us know ASAP!

You can comment below, or you hop on the CAC facebook even page right here.  So please don’t be shy.  You know you’ll regret missing this when you here everyone raving about how much they enjoyed our CAC.  Don’t be a fool.  Come join us!

It has come to our attention that our beloved CAC had come under a vicious and unprovoked attack.  No, I’m not kidding.  And I know what you’re thinking:

But how could this be?

Who would possibly attack a CAC that has given so many people pleasure?

I thought everyone loved CAC.

Well, that’s what we thought too.  But take a look at this:

Clearly, Todd from Whiskey Tango Foxtrot has some issues with the 2012 version of the CAC.  I’d like to defend my CAC since it is so precious to me.  So please watch the video above and then read my point-by-point rebuttal below.

Point 1: The Hike-a-Bike Section – This section may not have been “fun.”  I can admit that.  However, there are always parts of every adventure race where you think, “This sucks.  I’m never doing this again.”  But then you look back at it later and realize it was awesome… Unless you’re a wimpy Packers fan like Todd is.

Point 2: Getting Lost On the Way to the Race – Out of all the racers, volunteers, and super sexy race directors – over 30 people in all – only two people got lost.  Can you guess who they were?  I’ll give you a hint: Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.  That’s right, Brian and Todd. (And I love the fact that Todd risked his life for this shot.)

Point 3: Local Turkey Hunters – Well, there isn’t much to say about this one.  Yes, it was turkey season.  Yes, there was one disgruntled hunter.  But he was probably more irritated with the 200 Bushcrafters in the area that weekend.  Besides, it’s not like anyone was shot.

Point 4: Ticks in MO – Missouri isn’t the only state with ticks.  Maybe Todd had more than his fair share of ticks, but that’s understandable.  Everyone knows that Ticks are attracted to high levels of estrogen. (Todd’s rockin’ a sweet hat, by the way.)

Point 5: SuperKate Sleeps Like a Baby – Okay, I can’t really say anything about this one either.  I’ve heard her snore, and it’s amazing that such a delicate, little flower could produce such a horrendous sound.  Perhaps she’s developed sleep apnea in her old age.

Point 6: Proximity of Jefferson City to Iowa – Nothing I can do about this one.  Maybe if someone put on an adventure non-race in Iowa, we would travel to that hell-hole.

Point 7: Snakes – It’s common knowledge that snakes, like ticks, are attracted to estrogen.  (A very nice touch sitting on the toilet in this shot.)

Point 8: Bad Singletrack – I don’t get this one.  I think the singletrack is easy and fun, but I guess I have a basic understanding of how my bike works and at least a modicum of athletic ability.

Point 9: Half-Priced Beef – I ate this questionable meat, and it truly was delicious.  And I didn’t get sick.  Man up, Todd. (That brownie looked delicious in this scene.)

Point 10: Bob Jenkins and Lukas Lamb are Sick SOB’s – What can I say?  We tried to emulate the sickest, most sadistic race director we know – Gerry Voelliger.

Point 11: Smelly Rowboats – Coming from someone who lives in the middle of Iowa, a state most well-known for the stench of pig poop, this makes no sense.

Point 12: ??????? – There was no point #12, but don’t think I didn’t notice that hideous Cheese Head in this shot.  You’ll pay, Todd Garrison.  Oh, you’ll pay.

I think this weak attempt at a stache is Todd’s way of compensating for lacking in other areas.

Obviously, all of Todd’s issues with our CAC are unfounded.  For the rest of you, don’t worry.  The CAC will be back sometime in April (probably) 2013.  It will be bigger, longer, harder, and, as Todd said, maybe even bushier.  Please don’t listen to Todd.  He clearly has a case of CAC-envy.

I had a really great weekend (other than giving myself an ulcer by worrying about every single person out on the race course until everyone was finished and accounted for).  I hope everyone involved, from the non-racers to the volunteers to the friends and family, enjoyed themselves as well.

Below you will find the non-results for the Carnage at the Creek non-race.  Teams are non-ranked by time if all 13 CP’s were gotten, and then by total # of CP’s.  In a couple of instances, teams are ranked behind another team with less total CP’s because of a missed time-cutoff.  If you want to argue the results, you have 30 seconds from the time you read this to file a formal complaint.  Seriously, though, if I made a mistake, please let me know about it, and I’ll try to make it right.

With the boat situation at the end, we had a couple of solos use a kayak.  Yes, they are indeed faster than a rowboat.  We tried to make the most out of what we had to work with.  I made a note for those that used a kayak.

Okay, I think that just about covers everything.  So, here you go.  Just click on the image to enlarge the CAC… results (Oh, and just so you know, the race started at 9:10 am):

Tomorrow Bob and I will place the last 22 CP’s in the woods and finalize setting up the course.  Everything should be ready to go by the time anyone gets to the Pine Ridge Campground.  I just wanted to give a few last minute details to all of you non-racers and any other Virtusites out there.

First of all, for all of you that can’t make it (or are too scared to make it) to the CAC this weekend, we’ll be tweeting updates as often as we can, provided we have cell phone service which is hit or miss out there.  If you want to follow along, be sure to follow us on Twitter and/or like us on Facebook.

Now, on to the info regarding the actual non-race…

There is an area that Bob and I like to call the Bermuda Triangle of Cedar Creek.  If you’re not very careful, you will become completely lost.  This part of the trail is not marked very well at all.  Nor is it maintained very well… as in, not at all.  Bob and I have marked the worst part of the trail with small strips of bright pink tape.  And where the trail has been re-routed, we marked it like this:

You can't possibly miss it.

For the rest of the CAC, though, you’re on your own.  This will be the only help you’ll receive.  We just want to make sure that nobody’s race is ruined because of a poorly maintained trail.

One other thing about the trail.  There are a lot of fences out there.  You may cross almost all of them.  You see, even though you will be non-racing through Mark Twain National Forest, cows are allowed to graze in the area.  Most of the fences you will see are not on property lines.  They are simply to prevent the cattle from, oh say… drowning in a deep pond… or doing a header off of a cliff.  So unless you see a “private property” sign or a blaze of purple paint, assume you are indeed on National Forest land.

Keep out to the right, but straight ahead is okay.

The above photo shows part of the “Bermuda Triangle” area.  The “Keep Out” sign is a bit misleading.  At first glance, it looks like you’d be trespassing if you continued on your way, right?  Well, you’d be wrong.  To the right of the sign is private property.  To the left of the sign is public property.  And if you look closely, you’ll see the pink tape that we used to mark the trail.

One last note on the non-race.  Your feet may get wet.  I just thought you might want to know that.

I think that was all I really needed to share with everyone.  The forecast looks great as of now, so keep your fingers crossed on that front. Get it?  On that “front”… Get it?  I was talking about weather and then said something about a “front.”  I know.  Pretty hilarious.

We’ll have more info for you at the pre-non-race non-meeting on non-race morning.  If you have any non-questions between now and then, feel free to email us or post a comment for us.

I hope you’ve all been training hard, and I hope you’re ready for the time of your life.  See you soon, friends.  See you soon.

Bob and I have been working really hard on the CAC.  Day in and day out, we’ve been slaving over this CAC.  Why?  Well, to bring you the best non-racing experience ever, of course!

Gettin' ready for our epic, week-long journey setting up the CAC course.

Scouting for and planning the course for this year’s adventure non-race has been a ton of fun.  Setting the course up, however, has been a struggle.  It took us just a wee bit longer than we thought it would.  Bob and I were in the woods for seven days straight just placing all the CP’s in the correct locations.  We battled heat, rain, cold, hunger, thirst, wild animals, and each other over the last week.  Don’t believe me?  Well look at this:

Now do you believe me?  After all the hard work and several near-death experiences, we only have a few control markers left to hang, and we’ll take care of those in the next day or two.  And in case you missed it on our facebook page, the control markers will look like this:

It'll give you fresh breath, too!

After we were finally done, Bob and I finally got to reward ourselves with a long-awaited packrafting trip down storm-swollen Cedar Creek.  It was the perfect ending to a long, hard CAC preparation expedition.

Way too much fun.

What else could possibly make the CAC better?  How ’bout a potluck?  Rumor has it that Todd from the Hoosier Daddies is going to bring some brats, Kage is bringing some cookies, and we’ll be providing some baked potatoes and toppings.  If you wanna bring a dish too, that’d be fantastic, but definitely not mandatory.

Anyway, I hope you’ve been training hard.  This just might be the best adventure non-race of all time, and I’m not exaggerating at all.  It’s going to be amazing.

To ensure we have the maps in time, we need to order them by Thursday afternoon.  That means you have until Thursday, April 12th at 12:34 PM to let us know whether or not you’ll be non-racing at this year’s adventure non-race.  For more info regarding the what, when, where, and what to bring, simply go here.  And to see who else is already signed up, just go here.

As of now, we have 10 teams consisting of 18 racers from all over Missouri as well as a few racers from Iowa and Illinois!  Very cool.  And just to entice more out-of-state teams to come down off the fence and sign up for this, we have now lowered the entry fee to all non-Missouri residents to… Wait for it… ZERO DOLLARS!!!  Okay, so that’s not a huge discount since it was already free to anyone that wants to join us at the CAC, but still, it’s a FREE race.

Derrick of Orange Lederhosen at a mystery event from last year's Adventure Non Race. Will there be something similar this year? Perhaps, but maybe with a slight twist... Then again, maybe not.

Also, we just got some pretty cool news regarding the CAC.  I don’t want to spoil it, so you’ll have to show up to find out what it is.  We’re also working on acquiring some schwag for this adventure non-race.  That’s right.  We’ll be giving away a few small prizes at the CAC!  Cool, huh?

So, this is a free adventure race, with free camping, and free schwag.  I mean, c’mon!  There are no excuses for missing the CAC.  I even know of someone that is skipping a 50K trail race to do this non-race.  You’ll hate yourself if you miss this, and you know it.

One last thing… I’d be remiss if I didn’t pay homage to our friends at Team Seagal for bringing the idea of non-racing to our attention.  Big thanks to those guys.  To find out more about how non-racing got started for us and ultimately led to the upcoming CAC and Cedar Cross, then you really need to check this out.

So, please let us know if you want to take part in the CAC before Thursday, April 12th at 12:34 PM!  Either leave us a comment below, contact us, or hit us up on facebook or twitter.  Hope to see you in a couple of weeks!

I know you're trying to see what's on our computer screen, aren't you? Cheater.

We will be ordering maps very soon, and we REALLY need to know if you plan on non-racing on April 21st.  If you need more info on the race, read our previous post on the CAC.  So far, here are the teams that have the intestinal fortitude to face our CAC

Male Solo Division:

• Dave Beattie – Mapping the Miles
• Travis Hammons – Offroad Medics
• Adam Laffoon – Formerly of Team Virtus
• Todd Rochleau – Hoosier Daddies
• Steven Willi – Lonsome Drifters

Male Duo Division:

• Chad Schwab, Thomas Ressmer – Two Tonic Knights
• Derrick Boos & Kyle Boos – Orange Lederhosen
• Dave Huntley and Tim “AR Virgin” Adams – Tardy Rooster

Two Person Coed Division:

• Kage Geisen and Chuck Vohson- Team Virtus (AKA – SuperKate) / Rock Racing

Three Person Coed Division:

• Justin Nemeth, Stephen Nemeth, & Allie Winford – Team Name TBD

Three Person Male Division:

• Brian “Sucks at Tetherball” Van Weelden, Todd “The Packers Suck” Garrison, & Beau “Snores Like a Screaming Woman” PartsUnknown – Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Four Person Coed Division:

• Josh Perkins, Allie Edwards, Jerrell Vaughan, & Trevor Cokley – Team Wahoo

The Maybe Division:

• Snail Trail??? – Doubtful since they’re scared from last year’s non-race

As of now, we have 8 9 10 11 12 teams consisting of 13 15 17 18 19 20  21 22 24 racers signed up to do this ANR.  If I didn’t have all of your names or the name of your team right or if you need to be in a different division, please let me know.

Also, if you would like to team up with anyone, leave us a comment below or contact us, and we’ll try to pair you up.  Bob is available to help out any newbies that are uncomfortable with racing alone, and I believe that Travis Hammons (an experienced racer) said he would team up with someone if anyone wanted to.  So don’t be shy!  If you want a teammate, just let us know, and we’ll make it happen.

Maybe a Steel Gate Rodeo is a mystery event at the CAC... But maybe not. And yes, this is part of the course (except I doubt we'll have snow).

Everything we posted in the first CAC update holds true, so go check that out to make sure you have all the info you need.  After working the CAC over last night and finalizing the course, the mileage estimates we gave in that update are quite accurate.  We predict the fastest teams should finish in 5 hours, and the least fastest teams should finish between 8 to 8.5 hours after the start of the race.  Don’t forget to bring a PFD and a $5 bill for the “Water Event.”  Muha… Muha… Muhahahahahaha!!!  If you don’t have a PFD, we have a few extras for you to borrow one, but we’ll have to double your entry fee.  (That was a joke since 2 x 0 is still 0 by the way.)

Now it’s time for an important piece of new info, so LISTEN UP and PAY ATTENTION! I’m going to let one little secret out of the bag…

The CAC is a point-to-point non-race.  That means that you will finish in a different location than the start of the race.

We will have a min-van or two to shuttle people back to the Pine Ridge Campground, but if you want to stay and hang out, drink some beverages, eat some food, and watch as everyone finishes the non-race, then you might want to pack a bag of stuff you’ll need after the race, and we’ll shuttle it to the finish line so it’s waiting for you when you finish.  If you’d rather just hitch a ride back to the campground right away, we’ll make that happen too, but we’d love it if you would stick around to par-tay with us.  And of course, after everything is said and done, we’ll be camping/chilling/reminiscing/having the best time ever at the Pine Ridge Campground on Saturday night, and we’d love it if you stayed for that as well.

So, if you’re on the fence, jump off it.  Let us know if you want in ASAP.  And let us know if you have any questions.  We’d be happy to help in any way we can.  See you on the 21st.  We can’t wait!

Hopefully this doesn't ruin the secret location of part of the race.

We know you’ve all been patiently waiting for all of the details of this Adventure Non-Race.  Well, wait no more!  Here you go…

Entry Fees:

NONE!!!

Location:

Racer check-in and pre-race meeting will be held at the Pine Ridge Campground in Mark Twain National Forest.  Team Virtus has enough clout to offer you free camping at Pine Ridge!  Okay, so it’s free for anyone to camp there, but it’s still a pretty good deal.  No showers, though, but there is a vault bathroom and drinking water available.  Rumor has it that Team Virtus will be camping there on Friday AND Saturday nights.  Feel free to join us before and after the non-race for some more fun.

For directions, here is a Google Map.

Dates and Times:

Non-Racer check-in will take place between 7:30 and 8:30 AM on Saturday, April 21st, 2012.  That’s right.  It’s the day before Earth Day, and I can’t think of a better way to celebrate it than by non-racing in the great outdoors!

Pre-Race Non-Meeting will start at 8:45 AM, and the non-race will start at 9:00 AM sharp.

Divisions:

Solo, Duo, Trio, Quad, Male, Female, Coed, etc.  You can do this non-race however you want to, but please don’t be stupid about it.  YOU are responsible for YOU!  We cannot and will not guarantee your safety.  We are setting up the course, but you are choosing to take part in this non-race of your own volition.  If you’re a newby, then don’t try this alone.  Find an experienced teammate.  Don’t have one?  Leave us a comment, and we’ll hook you up.

The Course:

Both the 12 hour and 24 hour courses will start and end at the same location.  Just kidding.  Our CAC will definitely be long and hard, but it won’t be that long.

The course will have a 10 hour time cutoff so that even the beginners will have a chance to finish, but a lot of you will finish in roughly 6 hours.  We are much more confident with our time estimates thanks to our friend and AR guru, Kelly Sumner of Off Road Fixation.

Estimated Distances:

• Bike 15 – 25 miles including single track, gravel, and pavement
• Run, hike, trek, bushwhack, crawl, crab-walk, or whatever 5-10 miles
• “Water Event” for 2-5 miles (Muwahahahaha!  You’ll have to show up on race day to find out what that means)

Mandatory Gear:

Individual Gear for the Entire Race:

• Backpack with at least 50 ounces of hydration (bladder, bottles, old Boy Scout canteen, whatever)
• Rain Jacket
• Wool or Synthetic Stocking Cap
• Whistle
• Headlamp
• Camera (okay, it’s not mandatory, but we’d love it if you took some photos during the race!)

Individual Gear for the Bike Leg:

• Mountain Bike
• Helmet
• Rear-Facing Red Blinking Light (Yes, this is mandatory since you WILL be biking on roads)
• Spare Tube

Individual Gear for the “Water Event”:

• PFD (That’s a Personal Floatation Device and it’s NOT to be confused with a Portable Document Format or PDF) – If you don’t have one, surely you can borrow one.  It doesn’t have to be fancy, and you will not have to carry it with you through the whole race.  If you can’t find one, let us know, and we’ll hook you up.  You don’t have to worry about paddles or a boat.
• A Five Dollar Bill. Or 5 One Dollar Bills.  Half of a Ten Dollar Bill will not be accepted.

Team Gear for the Entire Race:

• Compass
• Cell Phone in waterproof container (make sure it’s charged!)
• Small First Aid Kit
• Iodine Tablets or other water treatment method

Team Gear for the Bike Leg:

• Bike Tool
• Pump or Inflator
• Patch Kit

Awards Ceremony:

Yes, there WILL be awards.  Overall winner gets free entry into our next non-race.  Other schwag and awards will be given out after the last non-racer non-finishes the non-race by crossing the non-finish line.  I’ve finished a race MANY times after the awards ceremony.  That ain’t gonna happen at our non-race.  Anyone that has the cojones to drag themselves across the finish line deserves to be present for the awards ceremony regardless of how long it takes them.

Post-Race:

We will be providing baked potatoes, sour cream, butter, some Rotel Dip (which is delicious on the ‘taters!), and possible some other things.  I’m sure we’ll have some beer and soda, but depending on how many people show up, we may not have enough.  I don’t wanna make any promises I can’t keep, so you might want to bring your own.

Like I said earlier, we’ll be camping after the race if you want to hang out and have a blast with us.  Some of the best memories are made AFTER a race, you know.

Volunteers:

If you’re bringing a spouse or friend that doesn’t want to non-race but would like to help out, please let us know.

**************************************************************************************

Damn! Now you're SURE to know where the secret location is.

So that should be enough info for you.  If you have any questions about the non-race, please let us know.  We really do think this will be our best non-race yet, and if it sucks, we’ll give you your money back.  Guaranteed.

One last thing… And this IS IMPORTANT!!!!  If you want to non-race, then you need to let us know.  You can either leave a comment below, or you can use the Contact Us form.  It’s important that we know how many maps to provide, how many potatoes to make, how many beverages, etc.  So please let us know as soon as you can.

All skill levels are welcome.  This is a great way to get your feet wet if you’re new (It’s FREE for crying out loud), and it’s also a great way to get ready for other races if you’re an experienced racer.  So come and enjoy our CAC.  We really hope to see you there.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————

Who would have thought organizing an adventure race could be so much fun AND such a pain in the ass?  I mean, seriously!! I think we all had our moments of anxiety before and during the Deuce……

EFF Word!! Eff word REALLY LOUD!!

…. but now that it’s over I think we can all agree it was a success. And since we’re shameless self-promoters, we thought it’d be fun to give you a behind-the-scenes look at how we set things up.

Setting the course was a lot of fun. Late in the summer last year I found a substantial piece of National Forest land about 10 minutes from my house. On my days off, I’d just go out there and walk around. It didn’t take long to compile a list of “cool stuff” we wanted to include in the race, and it was also nice to watch my dogs roll around in every disgusting mudhole they could find.

Course markers are super-expensive if you buy the good ones, so we decided to make our own.  I think we spent $8 on spray-paint and twine to come up with all our 31 checkpoints. Each non-racer would be given a small notebook and an ink-pen to record the images we put on each control.

Yeah, so the paint came off.... big deal. 

Training for 3/7 – 3/13

• Mon – Strength Training + Foam Rolling/Mobility Work
• Tues – Intervals on the Stationary Bike (8 x 1 min hard/2 min easy + warmup and cooldown)  for 40 min total
• Wed – Kettlebell Complex followed by Steady State on Stationary Bike + Foam Rolling/Mobility Work
• Thurs – Strength Training + Foam Rolling/Mobility Work
• Fri – 4.5 Hours of Hiking with Otis on My Back (He’s chubby and heavy!)
• Sat – Rest Day
• Sun – Raced in The Deuce Adventure Non-Race (9 hours and 35 min)

Like I said, the running was put on the back burner last week.  I did run some at the non-race, though.  I did the non-race with Kate.  It was her first adventure race, and I tagged along to show her a bit about using a map and compass and to make sure she didn’t die.  It turned into a pretty loooong race, and she did an AMAZING job, especially since she had run over 20 MILES the previous day!!!  Stay tuned for her race report on her blog as well as mine on the Team Virtus blog.

I told you it was a long race... We finished in the dark. And Otis and Becca are clearly ignoring me in this photo.

My weight update… I got down to 206 (a new low by half a pound!), but I ate way too much over the weekend.  I’ll be cracking down on that so I can at least get close to 200 for the adventure racing camp we’re going to soon.  Well, that’s it for me.  I hope your training is going well too!

Use the time between now and then to come up with a decent excuse for why you weren’t there.

Kate breezes along the Pine Ridge connector

Check back soon, cuz we’re almost done with The Chill report too!!

Bob and I are almost done getting the course ready for you.  We’ve literally put lots and lots of minutes into planning this thing.  In fact, just this last Sunday we both went out there to mark a few checkpoints.  Don’t believe me?  Here is photographic non-evidence:

Okay, so now it’s time to drop some knowledge bombs on all of you regarding The Deuce.  Remember, though… Daylight savings kicks in this weekend, so don’t forget to set your clocks! Below you will find all of the important info…

Date:
Sunday, March 13th

Start Location:
Bob’s Pad
150 A. Rief Court
Holts Summit, MO 65043

Non-Registration / Map Hand-Out:
9:00 – 9:30ish

Pre-race Non-Meeting:
9:45ish

Start Time:
10:00 AM

Mandatory Team Gear:

• Compass – 1 per team (we have a couple if you need to borrow one)
• Map Case or really big Ziplock bag for the map – 1 per team
• Bike Tool, Spare Tube, Pump or Inflator

Mandatory Individual Gear:

• Rain Jacket (just in case)
• Bike – Mountain or Cross Bikes would work – you choose
• Bike Helmet to protect your melon
• Red Blinky Tail Light for Bike
• Enough Water and Food
• Enough Clothes to be safe and comfy
• Headlamp or small flashlight (just in case)
• 50 feet of rope and a shovel – for the mystery event

That’s right… There will be a mystery event for you all to enjoy.  Make sure you’re prepared for anything, and I mean ANYTHING! Want a hint?  Here you go:

You might have to drink water Bear Grylls style (and yes, that's real poop)

You should also be ready for some climbing... I hope you're not afraid of heights.

Okay, okay…  There will be no drinking poop-water or climbing or anything like that.  And no, you don’t need to bring 50 feet of rope and a shovel for the mystery event.  I REPEAT: There is NO need to bring 50 feet of rope and a shovel so PLEASE don’t go out and buy these things and blame me later. There will be a mystery event,  but it doesn’t require any extra gear.  It’s nothing too crazy, but it should be fun (I hope).

Good news on the maps… Thanks to Kelly Sumner of Off Road Fixation, we should be able to print our own maps.  I have copies of the maps, but I still need to get to a printer.  If all goes well, there will be no charge for the maps.  So if you see Kelly, give him a bear hug from all of us at Team Virtus.

If there is gear that you don’t have and need to borrow, please let us know.  We’d be happy to help you out.  And if you have any questions at all, please contact us.  We’re really looking forward to it, and we hope you are to.  And if you’re one of those unlucky people who isn’t going to be non-racing this weekend at the non-race, then you’re going to feel like this:

Don't miss the Deuce!

It’s not too late to non-race!  If you want in, though, you have to let us know TODAY!  We’ll be printing the maps tonight.  We’ll probably print a few extra maps, but we’d really like to know how many people are going to show up.  Hope to see you out there… Yes You!

Okay, everyone.  As our non-race draws near, we need to get an official headcount.  Are you planning on attending Team Virtus’ 2nd Annual Non-Race, The Deuce, on March 13th in the Holts Summit, MO area?  If so, we need to hear from you.  We need to know if you’re planning on non-racing so we can order enough maps.  And unfortunately, you’re going to have to buy the map.  We’d love to be able to provide it for you, but we also really need to make sure we feed our kids.  It’s only going to be 10 bucks or so, and you can pay at the race.

Here is a brief description of the course:

• 20 – 35 miles of biking on gravel roads, paved roads, and some single track
• No Paddling (sorry, we just aren’t ready to offer this yet)
• 5 – 15 miles of trekking on the rogaine-style orienteering section
• Possible Mystery Event (or two)
• Guaranteed Good Time or Your Money Back (minus the cost of the map)

You can run this race however you want to… Solo, Duos, Trios… Whatever.  If you’re a true beginner that really wants to give it a go, let us know.  We can pair you up with someone, or we can even do the race as a small group with someone from our team to help guide and teach you.

But you HAVE to let us know you’re going to be there.  And let us know how many are racing on your team so we don’t order too many maps.  Comment on this blog post to let us know.  Or you can get in touch with us on our facebook page, through our twitter page or through our contact page.

A non-race is what you make it.  You can be as competitive or as non-competitive as you’d like.  It’s a no pressure, almost-no-cost way to get some practice before the racing season really kicks into high gear.  We hope to see you there.  And again… LET US KNOW if you’re going to be there!  Seriously, we can’t read your minds.

As we pulled into McCubbin’s Point, I was elated to see them waiting for us in their warm truck. Happiness spewed from my chest for a couple of reasons. First of all, I love it when we can get new people involved in this great sport. Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, seeing Brandon and Ronda there meant that I was going to do the short course instead of the long course (Thank God I didn’t have to paddle!).

As we waited to see Casey, Zack, Bob, and Phil take off on the long course, I quickly showed Brandon the basics of using a map and compass while Ronda wisely waited inside the warm truck.  I somehow managed to screw the UTM coordinates up (I still need to figure out how I did this), but I was able to plot all of the points for everyone anyway.

Brandon made short work of learning how to use a maps and compass

It seemed like it took forever to get going – we started at around 11:00 AM instead of 9:00 AM, but this might have been a good thing since it was slightly warmer (17 degrees instead of 13).  Once the long-coursers were on their way, Brandon, Ronda, and I drove down to the trailhead and started off on the orienteering leg of the non-race.  I’ve found that the best way to teach someone the basics of orienteering is to just let them go for it on their own and get their feet wet (there’s a little foreshadowing for you).  Brandon confidently took the lead and brought us right to the first Checkpoint with no problems at all.  Seriously, the guy acted like he had done this a thousand times.  Was he hustling me?  Had he done this before?

Checkpoint #1

Both Brandon and Ronda were managing to stay warm, and they were still smiling.  So far, so good.  Brandon took his next bearing, and we headed off in search of CP #2.  This checkpoint proved to be slightly more difficult than the first one, but Brandon and Ronda soon found it after consulting the map and reading the landscape.

Getting CP #2

Now it was time for Brandon and Ronda to make a decision.  They could take a bearing and go directly through the forest to CP #3.  Or they could head to the power line that we had previously crossed, take this down to the creek, and then follow the creek along to the CP (the clue was Creekside Cedars).  They chose to take the power line down to the creek which proved to be easier traveling than bushwhacking through the trees and brush.  After reaching the creek, the Wondrously Wed Duo quickly found #3.

Headin' down the power line

Ronda getting CP #3

I asked Brandon and Ronda if they wanted to head back to the car.  Brandon told Ronda it was up to her, and, much to my delight, she said, “Let’s finish this thing.”  If that isn’t the attitude of a future adventure racing star, then I don’t know what is.

The weather was actually turning out to be pretty nice, all things considered.  Although it was still cold, the sun was out, and we stayed warm as long as we kept moving and stayed dry.    It’s the dry part that had me worried.  We needed to cross the creek to get to CP #4, and Bob had previously fallen in the creek when we set the course up two weeks prior to this (check out the photo right here).

I knew that if Brandon or Ronda got wet in this cold weather, the race might be over.  I wanted to make sure that they had fun and wanted to come back for more, so I was trying to guide them up the creek to a spot that I knew we could cross without getting wet.  Before we could get there, though, Brandon found his own place to cross.

As he took one step out onto some rocks, I tried to say, “You might not want to cross there.”  However, I was too late.  Splash!  Brandon took a second step that plunged his foot into the icy water, followed by a third step into the water. Splash!  At this point he was already committed, so he just kept on plodding through the creek, completely soaking his feet.  Splash, splash, splash, splash!  Once on the other side, he looked back and wryly said, “That might not be the best way to go.”  Truer words have never been spoken.

Although it was pretty funny, I couldn’t laugh.  I was a little worried.  I thought this was the end.  Having wet feet while hiking through the woods is never a picnic.  Having wet feet while walking through the woods when it’s less than 20 degrees out is even less fun.  I had two pair of extra socks, and Brandon and Ronda each had one extra pair.  So Brandon sat down, took off his shoes to wring them out as much as he could, and put on dry socks as Ronda and I headed up-creek.

Brandon "getting his feet wet"

Ronda and I crossed the creek, although Ronda ended up getting her toes a slightly wet, but not too badly. We headed down the creek to check on Brandon when we heard him call to us from above. He had already taken care of his feet, climbed the very steep hill, and was waiting for us. When asked if they still wanted to go on, both of them were ready to keep going – another sign that they have a bright future in this sport.

As we reached the trail at the top of the climb, we began to look for CP #4. Brandon was about to take us up a reentrant, when I (being the orienteering master that I am *note sarcasm*) pointed out that I thought we needed to go farther. A short distance down the trail, we met up with the guys doing the long course. They had to beach their kayaks at a different location due to the ice in the coves, and they were having trouble finding their CP #3 (which was the same as our #4).

Bob and Ronda try to figure out where to go.

After searching for a while, we headed back to where Brandon originally wanted to go up the reentrant. Sure enough, the CP was right there. The student had now become the master. Great work, Brandon! I felt a little silly, especially since I set the course up (hey, it was dark when I set that CP – cut me some slack).  It just goes to show you that we can always get better at orienteering.

Brandon at CP #4 right where he thought it was

From here, the long coursers bushwhacked while The Wondrously Wed Duo and I headed down the trail to the tip of the finger before heading back up the hill to find CP #5.  Brandon led us right to it with no problems.  To get to CP #6, we could either take a trail and go down a reentrant or take a bearing and head straight at it.  Brandon decided to practice with the compass some more, so he took a bearing and went for it.  We came in just slightly above the marker, but we were close enough to find it easily (This wasn’t a mistake… This is normally how it works out for me anyway in most races).

Getting CP #5

Getting CP #6

From here, the orienteering leg was over except for getting back to the trailhead.  Brandon’s plan was to take the trail until we saw the power line and then take the power line back.  Either the power line didn’t cross the trail like we thought it would, or we somehow walked right past it.  So we ended up taking the trail all the way out to the gravel road to get a “bonus” CP (it was a CP for the long course, but since we were there anyway, we made it a bonus CP – hey, I was the race director so I could make that happen).

Brandon Getting the Bonus Checkpoint

Ronda crossing the slabs on the way back

We took the long, hilly gravel road back to the trailhead where we met Casey and Phil getting ready for the biking leg of the long course.  Brandon and Ronda took their truck up to McCubbin’s Point to use the restroom while I hung out with Casey and Phil.  Zack and Bob soon showed up as well.  The sun was now behind the clouds, and the temp was dropping as the hour was getting late.  Nobody wanted to paddle in the dark, so we decided to cut out the last paddling leg completely and to make the bike leg shorter for the long course.  If we would have started right at 9:00, then they might have been able to get it all in, but we did what we could.

Brandon and Ronda came back, and we drove down to the slabs to ride the South loop of the Honey Run Trail.  It was now getting really cold again, but like the troopers that they are, Brandon and Ronda got ready and hopped on their bikes.

Ready for some single track in the bitter cold

We headed into the trail.  It was fun, but none of us were really feeling it that day.  Every little bump seemed like an enormous obstacle, every creek seemed like the mighty Mississippi, and every breezed seemed like gale force winds.  It was cold, it was getting late, and we were all beat.  So, after a short bike down the trail, we simply turned around and headed back to the truck.  I think this was a great decision.  I would much rather stop a little early with smiles on our faces than try to push ourselves so hard that we ended up hating the experience.

Ronda still smiling at the end of a long day

We got back in the warm truck and drove back to the trail head.  Bob had gotten a flat and wisely hadn’t carried anything with which to fix it.  So he was already back at the trailhead when we got there while Zack, Phil, and Casey finished up on the bikes.  Brandon and Ronda dropped me off, and then they headed home.

Bob and I had to go with Dan from Oz Cycles to pick up the kayaks that we rented from him.  They had left the kayaks at the bottom of a huge hill at some sort of barracks-like camp.  Unfortunately the roads were gated and locked up, so we had to walk  all the way down to get them and carry them up what felt like Mt. Everest for at least a mile.  Dan put us to shame by single-handedly carrying a kayak while Bob and I struggled to carry one between us. It sucked bad.  I mean really bad.  And it was weird how Casey, Zack, and Phil all managed to show up juuuuust as we got the kayaks back to the car (Jerks!).  A HUGE thanks goes out to Dan.  If you go to the lake, be sure to stop in and say hi at Oz Cycles.

So, that was the end of my day, and the first annual Team Virtus Adventure Non-Race was over.  We had just completed a race on the coldest day of the year up to that point (and the hottest day of the year up to that point as well – not too many people can say they’ve done that).  We laughed in the face of the cold.  We scoffed at the rugged terrain.  We snickered at the thought of everyone else all snug in their warm houses while we brave few conquered the short course.

Brandon and Ronda did a superb job (and I’m not just saying that because they are going to read this).  Brandon was a natural with the map and compass, and Ronda seemed to smile the whole day even though she thought she’d hate being out in the cold when the day started.  They seemed to enjoy the race, but maybe they were just being nice.  At the very least, I hope they liked it enough to come back for more, because I think they’ll make great adventure racers.  I know I had a lot of fun tromping through the great outdoors with these two.  I hope to do it again sometime soon.

There are only two things that I regret about this race.  Casey had t-shirts made up for confirmed participants (Sorry Phil, Brandon, and Ronda – we didn’t know you were coming in time).  Unfortunately we left them at my parents’ house and had to hand them out later in the week.  Here is what they looked like:

Front of the Team Virtus T-Shirt

Back of the Team Virtus T-Shirt

I also really regret not taking my Beaver Walking Stick that Bob had given me at the start of the race.  This thing is freakin’ amazing.  It has literally been chewed on by beavers, and it has been made into a suh-weet walking stick.  I love this thing.  But I’m an idiot, and I totally forgot to take it with me until we were a couple miles away from the trail head.  Anway, thanks a lot, Bob.  I’ll be sure to use it next time.  To find out more about them check out beaverstix.net.

So, there you have it.  If you stayed at home in your warm bed… Or if you were “driving back from somewhere with your girlfriend” (Corey)… Or if you were too scared to come out and join us… Then I feel sorry for you.  You missed a great time. Don’t believe me? Then check out the slideshow below:

It was 7:40 and I was nervous.

I called Zack… no answer.  So, I called Luke. He informed me that this was perfectly normal for Zack and everything would be fine. At 7:54 Zack rolled up and we were off.

To say that it was cold that morning would be like saying that Salma Hayek kinda has a nice rack. If I remember correctly, it was 8 degrees when we left Jefferson City.

When Zack and I rolled into McCubbins Point we saw Brandon and Ronda Lepage sitting in their truck waiting for us. No Luke and no Casey. Phil was late, too. Things were off to a bit of  a shaky start.

All my worrying was for nothing, though…within minutes everyone else was present and we were ready to get underway. A lot of us had never met, and it felt good to finally shake hands with people I had only ever spoken with on the internet. It turns out Casey is much hairier than I thought.

After some last-minute modifications to the maps we were ready to get things underway. Ronda and Brand would be running the “Supervised Short Course” with Luke  while Zack, Casey, Phil and myself would attempt the full course.

Dan from Oz Cycles was kind enough to get up early on his day off to deliver the kayaks to the race-course. We would be using 2 (2-man) kayaks for the first leg of the “race”. I had brought my own kayak, (borrowed from Red Wheel Bike Shop) but after much deliberation decided to ride in one of the tandems with Zack.

And so it became a 2-team race: Zack and I would be “competing ” against Casey and Phil.

Here we see Phil and Casey carrying their boat to the water:

Casey and Phil got a pretty good gap on us right away, as is evidenced by this photo.

Zack and I were undeterred. Armed with a brand new bag of Beechnut’s Moonshine-flavored long leaf tobacco, we raged forward and overtook them. Look at the pain in Zack’s face as he tries not to drop a doozer in the kayak:

The first CP was one that did not require being punched on the passport, we needed only to read the # on the control and write it on our passport. We found it quickly and moved on.

Cool pic off the front of the kayak:

Ckpt 2 would be a different story. Per the map,  ckpt 2 was at the end of a gravel bar right next to the water’s edge. The problem was that the entire cove was frozen, making the cp unreachable by kayak.  The decision was made to backtrack to the bank, beach the kayaks and proceed on foot to CP #2.  I snapped this photo as proof:

After some old-school style bushwacking/ unknowingly tresspassing on government property, Zack and I were face-to-face with a serious dilemma. CP 2 was about 10 feet off the bank underneath about 1/2 an inch of ice. Zack started taking his shoes off and I got my camera ready.

What a freakin’ animal. I never could’ve done that.

After that things got a bit hairy. Looking at the map, I was just “sure” I knew where we were going and exactly where CP 3 was waiting for us. An hour later  we were still looking for the damn thing because I was completely wrong. At this point Casey, Zack and I were walking around trying to find the CP while Phil was running wild thru the woods earning base miles for an off-road marathon later in the year. After running into Luke, Ronda and Brandon, we finally figured out where the damn thing was and punched the passport.

Damn you, CP 3…..damn you.

I’ve got a nasty habit of writing long-winded race reports, so how ’bout I show you some of our pics and letcha know what happened:

We stopped to snap a pic of this badness on the way to CP 3:

Zack punches CP 4

^^ CP 7 clue was “culvert”. I was smart enough to scratch my way thru a wall of thorns only to crawl into the wrong culvert about 100 feet up the road. Luke will pay for this someday.

Hard to believe it, but we found the CP!!!

After the race was done, Dan came to pick up his kayaks. Try to put yourself in his shoes: He delivered 2 very expensive kayaks to a group of total strangers, then had to come pick them up. When he showed up to get them he had to hike over a mile downhill to find them, then carry one BY HIMSELF back up a mile-long uphill climb back to his car. His wife thought he would be home hours ago and he was definitely going to get his ass kicked if he didn’t make it home with the groceries. Wouldn’t you be a little aggravated? Not Dan, he actually brought us beer and stood around in the freezing cold to shoot the breeze with us for a while. I can’t say enough about his kind of customer service. If you see this guy, shake his hand and tell him he’s the man.

Then it was time to head back to the cabin for some serious hanging out. Dan lead us out through a series of sketchy-ass gravel roads and across swinging bridges that had Luke and I dropping bombs in our pants. It was so crazy that we actually went back the next day to take pictures. Check this shit out:

Yeah, that looks safe.

Here’s the view from the bridge

I never would’ve thought that we would find Osama Bin Laden’s hideout in the middle of the Ozarks. Too-shay, Osama….Too-shay.

Tell me this isn’t creepy..this thing has electricity going into it, sewer pipes outside, and some kind of fan blowing air out the door.

Of course, the race is only half of the fun, so when we headed off to our cabin in the woods there plenty of shenanigans taking place. Casey brought me a souvenir from New York:

It was still very cold, and I think we were all a bit nervous when, even after Zack got the fire going, the cabin was colder than a well-digger’s ass in the arctic circle. It’s not everyday you can sit on top of a wood burning stove and not feel warmth:

Note the “mood candles” that Zack had strewn throughout the cabin.  I tried to use one to warm my face and lit my beard on fire…now my sideburns are all messed up.

^^^ Who would’ve thought that lasagna from a bag could taste so good? Casey is an official spokesperson for Mountain House camp food.

Three very hetero-men wearing spandex (post-race) with our brand new Beaver  Stix that we both forgot to use during the race.

Long story short, we had a ridiculous amount of fun and froze our asses off. You should’ve been there. Don’t worry though, we’ll be doing this again.

Although it was cold, and it wasn’t a perfect race, we had four fearless competitors “compete” in the long course and two first-timers “compete” in the short course.  I can’t speak for anyone else, but I had a blast.

No one capsized their kayaks, and no one got frost-bite.  Everyone was smiling at the end of the day, so this will go down as a success in my book.

We’ll post more pictures and a much more detailed race report soon, so make sure you check back in with us. Oh, and… Happy New Year everybody!