Nkemdilim is a role model for young women everywhere interested in STEM and tech, but particularly, for young women in Africa. Her continued accomplishments are wonderful, but we at Love.’n Words are delighted to learn that she credits her father with her interest in tech. In an interview with The Guardian Life Magazine, Nkemdilim explains that she originally wanted to be a writer, but her early introduction to tech got her started on her current path:

“I always wanted to be a writer, but I never got round to it. IT has surrounded me all my life, as my dad is an IT guru and he had us playing with his PCs from the age of three. Later on he taught us programming, which sparked my interest in IT.” [How cool is that, right?]

Below is an excerpt of Nkemdilim’s interview with Naija Careerist in which she discusses her company, father’s influence and being a female tech entrepreneur.

“How is your business model unique to Africa?

I’m not sure that there is anything especially unique to our business model, apart from the core focus on open source technology. Like a lot of businesses, we’ve tried to find ways to overcome the challenges of low skill level and low infrastructure. Most of our development is done offshore, which helps us keep very low overheads as well as deliver international standards, which are very dear to us. Our core focus on open source technology has allowed us to offer complex solutions at lower rates, thus making technology more affordable for smaller businesses. When businesses grow they need more technology and usually companies stick with their technology providers, thus over time it pays off to offer solutions for SME’s that have potential to grow into big companies.

Who is your role model?
My father is one of my greatest inspirations and role models. He is the reason why I love technology so much and he believes in my abilities and supports everything that I do. He also mentors me and challenges me daily. He truly is a living role model. Sometimes it’s amazing how many people tell me that he has impacted their lives and made them love technology. I hope to one day be able to step into his shoes and fill them to my best ability, especially with focus on the “IT gospel” and getting more young Nigerians and Africans interested in technology.

How can we encourage more girls to study science and technology?

I speak at different events that are focused on girls in technology. This year I spoke at the ICT 4 Girls day as well as at the W.TEC Girl’s Technology Summer Camp. I try to tell girls my story and show them the various ways that they can use technology. Practical examples often help them to see how useful technology is and that sparks interest. I also tell them the truth about women being a minority in most technology related fields and let them know that they will need to work very hard to make it, but who doesn’t love a challenge more than a woman. I also try to show them that you don’t need to be a geeky geek to study anything technology related. I tell them stories from my days in University, where I was directed to the business school, as no one could believe that you can wear heels, look cute and study Bioinformatics…..but I guess I proved them wrong.

As a woman in business what are the challenges you face?

I guess the challenges are the ones all women in male-dominated fields face. A lot of the time people doubt your competency. They think women don’t know technology like men. Most people are surprised and their jaws drop when they hear what I do and what I studied. But to me it’s an advantage. If you underestimate you, you will never know what hit you, so I capitalize on this and use it to my advantage.

For young women that want to start a business what advice would you give them?

I would probably give them 5 key phrases to focus on:

1) Pay attention to detail

2) Know your market

3) Give yourself an edge to stand out from the crowd

4) Capitalize on being a woman

5) Learn, learn, learn – learn every day.

How do you see women influencing business in Africa?

I think women are influencing business in positive ways in Africa, they are innovators, barrier breakers, they are strong and fearless, but still embody being an African woman, which means being a family woman and often putting yourself last. They wear the hats of mother, wife, CEO, innovator, trend setter, teacher & disciplinarian and constantly change them. African women have always been strong and we will continue to be strong and leverage on this strength.

What are the future plans for Futuresoft?

We have a few solutions in the pipeline that will be launched towards the end of the year….we can’t yet talk about them, as contracts are not all signed yet, but they are something to look out for…..so watch this space “

[Read the full interview at the Naija Careerist.]

It’s no surprise to learn that Nkemdilim’s father, the highly accomplished Mr. Chris Uwaje (called the Nigerian IT Tech “Oracle”) has been happily married to his wife for over 35 years! Great marriages often produce well-adjusted, passionate children. With all his accomplishments, it is clear that this man understands that the greates accomplishment of them all is a happy family .

Follow Nkemdilim Uwaje on Twitter @MissUwaje

While in England, the father works extremely hard and is able to make a much better living than he did back home. He’s finally able to send home a great deal more money than he did before; he’s satisfied that now, his children will get better educational opportunities than they could have before. Success?

Back home, the man’s wife essentially becomes a single mother and has no choice but to raise the children all on her own. Yes, their father calls every now and then, but his physical presence is no longer there. She’s all on her own. Money is only one part of the equation: what about the physical, spiritual and emotional team work that’s necessary? What about discipline? “Raising children requires a team, a unit, sometimes even a village,” she thinks. Exhaustion starts to set in!

On the children’s part, they wonder what happened. Yes, life is better now. They’ve been able to move to a new house and attend better schools, but they still wonder, “Why isn’t Daddy here?” Their parents have told them that the money that’s made things better is from Daddy’s great job in England, but sometimes, they want a father who’s just…well, right there!

Okay, I wanted to lay out all 3 sides of this since this is clearly an issue that affects the father, mother and children. This is obviously a hypothetical situation, but I realize that it happens everyday (not just in Nigeria or other African countries but in every country all over the world). What are your thoughts on this? Which is more important: that financial foundation that leads to amazing opportunities; or that physical presence that mostly creates emotional stability and fosters team work? Is there an easy answer?

Thoughts?

{Image Credit: Fungai Neni}

“In Nigeria, you are taught to respect your elders and all, but your respect is really not respect as it should be, but fear. You basically live in fear and there’s no way to express yourself. Even if you had the opportunity to express yourself, you wouldn’t have the courage to, because of that fear instilled in you as a child. And that is the problem with our community, even within our families. I’m not saying we should now push aside tradition and how we were raised. But the truth is, in my case, I never could look my father in the eye. If you were talking to your father, you would be looking at your toes, you know what I mean? You don’t even know who your father is. It is only now I’m finally getting to know my father, which is actually a shame because he’s almost 78 years old, and I don’t know anything about him. I don’t know if that has to do with tradition or some complex imposed on us but it’s not good and we’re still maintaining it. I don’t know where that comes from, but as far as I’m concerned, I don’t think that’s the way our forefathers lived and wanted it.” 

Source: Last Plane to Lagos 

Nneka raises very valid points. Respect, love and a certain kind of “respectful fear” if you will does not equal a child being completely afraid of his/her father. As I’ve said many times before, it’s high time that these beliefs, those inform many African fathers that an emotional relationship with their children is unimportant, be done away with permanently.

Fatherhood is not a position or title; it is solely a relationship.

What are your thoughts?

Adewale, however, did not have a great start in life; that’s actually an understatement! Suffice it to say that he had a really terrible start in life. At the extreneky young age of only six weeks, his Nigerian parents, who were studying in London, handed him over to a white “working-class” couple to raise as their foster child. Thus, would begin a childhood of foster care, chaos and eventually hatred of his “Blackness.” AAA is making a movie based on his life called Farming; it is written and will be directed by him.

This is an excerpt of an article in UK’s The Guardian based on a recent interview with the actor,

“”It was a strange relationship,” he recalls of his feelings for his foster parents. “It was one of love because that’s all that I knew, and that’s what love is: you accept people for what they are. If I’m honest, it was very tough. My father was a lorry driver, very rarely at home. The house was run by my mother, and because there were 10 or so kids, there was no time for individual attention. It was about survival. It was about where the next meal was coming from. We had to go out and nick things to get it. So there wasn’t any love in the sense of hugs or anything like that …. outside the young boy was in constant danger of physical attack from local kids who, encouraged by their parents, nurtured a violent fear of blacks. He learned to feel the same way himself, running away from the black sailors who occasionally visited the docks from far-off locations …. Such was his eagerness to fit in that, although his skin clearly told another tale, he thought of himself as white. And if his sense of self wasn’t already damaged enough, he knew nothing of his African parents until one day, when he was eight, they turned up out of the blue and took him back to Nigeria.

“It felt like a kidnap,” he says, “and it rendered me mute for about nine months. I couldn’t speak the language, and if I spoke English I was abused for it …. I was so traumatised and afraid that I stopped speaking and my [birth] parents thought there was something wrong with me, thought I was possessed. They tried various indigenous ways to deal with it, and when they didn’t work they sent me home, back to Tilbury, but kept my sisters there.” ….

Reluctant to go out, he was issued with an ultimatum by his foster father: either he fight in the street or he would have to fight in the house. With little choice, he learned to defend himself and also to attack others. As he became a teenager he grew into a well-built young man with a reputation for violence. “It was a time of standing up and standing your ground or running, and there wasn’t anywhere to run in Tilbury. The local skinhead gang really ran the streets. They made my life – and anyone’s who was a shade darker than pale – a misery.” ….

He became a skinhead. He didn’t just adopt the haircut and clothes but the racist attitudes too. He fought alongside his new skinhead comrades, who treated him at first like some brutalised pet to be unleashed in battle. “I was like a little dog that followed them around,” he says. “When a child wants to be accepted,” he explains, “he’ll do anything. And if it means you’re getting a certain amount of notoriety from a fight, that’s what you’ll do. If all you’ve known is racism, abuse and persecution, then all of a sudden you’re getting some recognition, that’s your new drug. That’s what you want. By the time I was 16 I was someone to reckon with. I was so eager to repudiate any connection with any immigrant race I would go above and beyond. I was desperate to belong to something.”"

{Be sure to read the full fascinating story at The Guardian UK.}

Adewale would eventually go to boarding school in Surrey and, then, to the university to study law. His education was paid for by his birth father who had a very lucrative law practice in Nigeria. Boarding school was his turning point: he attempted suicide at first and then, with the help of friends, learned to accept his heritage and study. He would go on to work at a clothes store before making his way into the modelling industry and, subsequently, the film industry.

Adewale has stated that his parents never apologized or took responsibility for the terrible repercussions of his childhood! Interestingly, I came across 2 excerpts from hugely successful Nigerian-owned international magazine, Ovation International, on Adewale’s father at his funeral. It struck me because they had all these great things to say about him; yet, he clearly failed in the area that counts most: as a father. Excerpt below (Words are bolded by me):

“By the time Otunba (Dr) Olusola Akinnuoye-Agbaje breathed his last on January 8, this year at the age of 73, he was already a contented man, a great lawyer, technocrat and family man whose landmark achievements is a reference point to the younger generation. As a silent philanthropist, he touched many lives; as an upright man, he endeared himself to many people who attested to his honesty and tenacity to uphold values he strongly believed in.

[In the] ancient town of Ondo, Ondo State, Nigeria stood still as the remains of one of its illustrious sons, Otunba (Dr.) Baronet Akinnuoye-Agbaje was brought into the town, in a carnival like funeral procession for burial.

It was a talk-of-the-town burial ceremony attended by many dignitaries from within and outside the country. The list of who is who is inexhaustive but remarkably, the Osemawe of Ondo, Oba Victor Olasimbo Kiladejo, Jilo III played host ….”

All this talk of achievements and being a “family man”; yet, I wonder if anyone ever called to question his role as a father and how disastrous his son’s childhood was. This makes my heart ache. Deeply! We must do better!!

What are your thoughts?

{Image Credits: The Guardian UK; Blackfilm.com}

So how has your relationship with your dad shaped the way you view yourself as a woman, especially with 4 sisters and how you expect to be treated in a future relationship or when you do get married?
Well, I think…I mean I always say that your father as a woman is probably almost more important in your life – not more important – but they shape the way you look at yourself as a woman, even more so than your mother. Because so many things in your life as you grow as a woman is reflected through a man’s eyes. So your father is your very first teacher of that, and one thing with my dad is, I guess since he had no boys, he instilled that male confidence in his daughters and so he would always tell us, “You’re so smart.” Are you kidding me? Like you can’t tell me anything! I try to maintain humility but you can’t tell me anything. I think I’m so smart! It wasn’t until I got older that I realized that there are so many people who are really geniuses but when I was growing up, I thought I was a genius! I used to think, Oh I’m so smart, because my dad would tell us all the time. I really believed that I was like Einstein only waiting to find whatever I was going to invent because he really put that in us. [That] and you’re beautiful …. He tolerated nothing less than the best. Like, what is this C? As smart as you are, this is what you’re bringing home. He would never tolerate anything less than the best because his expectation was, All of you are brilliant. There’s no reason for anything less than good …. It gave me supreme confidence in school and interacting with other people.

I grew up in Roselle [New Jersey] which was a mixed sort of working class town. Then I went to Westfield which was a majority upper class white town. Literally in middle school, there were only 2 black girls – the whole middle school – and in high school, very few … I remember being in class with one of my friends and she would always say, “Aren’t you scared to raise your hand in front of everybody? What if you look stupid? What if all these white people are going to look at you?” I remember thinking that it never crossed my mind. Why shouldn’t I raise my hand? I know the answer! … I never realized how, unfortunately, if you didn’t have this tradition of excellence that you’ve been raised with, it will affect you. I never thought of not raising my hand – and so many girls are afraid versus boys being afraid. Boys raise their hand and even if they’re wrong, so what? A girl won’t do that, but I wasn’t raised like that. I remember my dad, one summer, he was like, “It’s your summer to learn how to cut the lawn.” I’m like, what? But I did all summer. And he was like, No I don’t want you just mowing the lawn,. I want designs … He was like, you have t learn how to take care of yourself. And I remember when I was in 2nd grade, it was my turn to learn how to make pancakes. Every Sunday, we had pancakes whether we wanted to or not. I was in 2nd grade and had to stand on the stool and take orders. So, everybody would want 2. 2 x 7 is 14; so every Sunday, 14 pancakes and I had to get it perfect! That was his thing: excellence. You had to learn how to cook, clean, mow the lawn, take care of your car, manage your money. He would always say, “I want you to marry for love and not because you need someone to take care of you.”

So I have very high expectations when I comes to men. I don’t want to hear you complaining about what you have to do. I need you to have your own passion because my dad is a dreamer. You have to be to come from a small village in Nigeria to America. He’s a big dreamer. He always has a plan, like, me and your uncles are putting together a plan to see if we can open up a hotel in Nigeria … He always has some sort of dream that he wants to fulfill and so, the person that I want to be with must be a dreamer as well and must be willing to work hard! My dad worked hard. I work hard. You can’t be lazy and I’m hustling hard. So, in some ways, I feel like he spoiled me because very few men can match up to that, you know?

Yes, but they’re out there!
Of course, they are!

But they have big shoes to fill. Wow! So what inspires you most about your dad?
Just the fact that, I don’t know …. Sometimes, he’s just so worried about me [but] he and I, probably out of all my sisters, are most alike. That’s probably why I used to always get in trouble as a kid: because I’m just as stubborn as he is. I think now he’s starting to understand and allow me to be myself because a lot of our back-and-forths were because he was worried. Because he knows that when you’re a dreamer, everything doesn’t always work out. So, he’d rather [I] do something safe. I’m like, really? Safe would have been for you to stay in that village in Nigeria for the rest of your life. No! I’m not going to be safe! You weren’t safe. You came here with little to nothing. I think he came here with less than a couple hundred dollars in his pocket to America, to make his life happen. Then, he somehow brought my mother here and had kids here …. Probably what I really admire most about him is the fact that he’s a dreamer that acts on his dreams, and that he could work really hard. And I like the fact that I never really heard him complain about the work and you could tell that he understands – which is something that some entrepreneurs and people who have dreams don’t – the dream and the journey are one and the same. You can’t have one without the other. You say you want to be Oprah, but there’s 20 years of work to get there. If you don’t understand that that work is part of your dream and that you had better learn to be joyful in that work …. You know, Oprah it took her how many years to get there? Imagine if she was miserable before she got to the point where she is now. What would be the point of life? So that’s what I admire about him. that he understands that …. He’s come so far! I have not come as far as he’s come from his beginnings. I’m trying to make it there …. I have a long way to go.

I’m sure he’s pretty proud of you right now, seeing as you’ve been featured in a lot of major magazines. I’m sure he’s very proud!
[Laughs} I hope so! All he wants to talk about is, "So where's your husband? Where are your children?" The last time I spoke to him, he said, "Do you have health insurance?" I was like, "Ouch!" I try not to worry because, you know, when you're an entrepreneur, sometimes it's tough out here. So for the longest time, I was letting them believe I was still working for this nonprofit, and I slipped up one time and said, "Yeah, I'm doing the Budgetnista full-time" and he was like, "What?" We had a talk a couple of days ago and he was like, "Do you have enough to pay your bills? What if you get hurt? ..." I was like, "Oh gosh! I know, Daddy. That's why I try not to tell you those things."

Awww! That's cute! So what's your favorite childhood memory of him? What do you remember of you as a child that makes you wish you were a child again?
Ummm, let me see! My favorite childhood memory .... I don't know! Well, a memory that always pops up in my mind is that I remember that he was so proud of himself that he bought his first luxury car, a Mercedes. There was even a lesson in that: it was used Mercedes. I told somebody that and almost got the spanking of my life because you know when you're a kid, I don't know! [We laugh.] I remember we were so proud of it and we were living in [a particular] neighborhood and it was one of the best cars in the neighborhood. Some lady asked me, and I said, “Yes! It’s USED!!” I didn’t even know what “used” meant. I just know I heard my parents saying it; so I was like, “Yes, my dad bought it! It’s USED!!” My dad was like, “What? Why would you tell her that?” …. but even that was a financial lesson because every car I’ve ever bought since then has been used. He taught us never to buy brand new cars and instead to get a car that’s 2 or 3 years old. It’s still basically new but you can can get it for 30, 40% less …. One of my probably best memories is – he loved that car – him waxing that car every week. He used to wear this red tank top, and I would always think, “My dad is so big!” and he’s not even all that tall. My dad played sports and he was pretty muscular and I used to be like – because everybody thought the car was so great – I didn’t know what was so great about it. I didn’t know what a Mercedes was, but I remember him being so proud about it. And I loved growing up in Roselle where there were so many kids that lived on the block, and just … memories of summer time in Roselle.

He used to know how to make things fun. He’s be like, Okay. You guys are going to weed the front yard, and we would get all the kids in the neighborhood and he would buy us these little trowels, these little shovels. So, everybody would weed the front yard. You’d see like 15 kids weeding the Aliche’s front lawn because they wanted to be at our house and he would say, “Okay. You can come but you have to work” and they didn’t mind. Or just playing kickball in the backyard because we weren’t allowed to go past our front yard so all the kids would come over and we’d play kickball. Or learning to ride my bike for the first time at the side of our house. We lived on a quiet street and so, the side street was really quiet. So, him running behind me, holding the bike and me trying to ride it and him letting go but me not knowing. And once I realized he’d let go, I’d fall and he’d get mad, “Odochi! You can ride!” and I’d say [in crying voice] “I don’t know how to ride!” [Then he'd say,] “I wasn’t holding it and you were riding.” Just stuff like that! My dad was the best, though. Believe me, he was very very very strict. I mean, we weren’t allowed to go out much, we were never really allowed to sleep over at anyone’s house, but he always made fun in the house. Like, anyone could come to our house. Bring them [but] stay here, play here. You could have your little sleepovers but he wants you to sleepover here so [he] could watch you and make sure you’re safe.

If you had to say something to your dad in one sentence or more, what would you say? Something you’ve always wanted to say to him ….
Just “Thank you” for giving me the foundation to make my dreams come true and to live my best life. Just really, Thank you. I don’t know if he realizes how much the things that he said and did, and lessons that he taught – because like I said, he was really strict, so coming up, there was a lot of, you know, punishment because he was always correcting us … And one thing I really want to say also is I think he took on the role of being, like, the corrector. That’s not always a role that, you know, kids don’t like that! As an adult now, I realize just how hard that must have been, to sacrifice because maybe your daughters don’t like you today because you said, no TV. To scarifice your daughters liking you for what’s best for them. To say [to him] that I understand and “Thank you”. And we love and like you …. especially since he put what was best for us over what was best for [him].

That’s deep! That’s deep! So last question: this is not on the subject of your dad but I follow you on Twitter and I noticed that you have “Dreamcatchers Meetings” with some of your fellow entrepreneurs? What is that about and why do you do this? How does it work?
So I just one day, started calling myself a dream catcher and most of my friends now are entrepreneurs. I thought we should meet up, and people were like, Yeah, yeah, but I thought let me put it together because I find myself sometimes being the organizer of people, you know? And I met this young woman at one of my talks and she wanted to be an entrepreneur, and I thought, “Well, wouldn’t it be great to kind of center our meeting around her?” So we meet quarterly. Her name is Eshani Way and she has a mentoring program – a business that she actually started – called Bridgez Mentoring and we meet with her quarterly to be her advisory board. There [are] about 10 of us – 10 entrepreneurs from every work of like from PR to photography to motivational speaking to financial literacy, just everything. Her parents come and it’s just such an amazing time. It’s a potluck: everybody brings a dish, we eat, she gives some updates, we give her advice and give her homework for the next time we meet. We share what we’re doing, what help we need. We even started a group on Facebook so whenever we see what could be a great opportunity for Ishani, we post it on our Facebook group (it’s a private group) and we say, “Eshani, this is a great opportunity. Call this lady. She’s waiting to hear from you.” or “Eshani, don’t forget your homework….Please post your progress here ….” Like, if you need headshots, there’s [film maker/photojournalist] Akintola Hanif. That’s where we meet in Newark everytime; he has a really nice studio in downtown Newark. He’ll do your [Eshani's] photography for free. Nina, she’s a graphic designer, she’ll do [Eshani's] logo. Dreena [Whitfield], who’s PR, will help you with PR. I’ll help you with your finances. It’s just a support group for entrepreneurs.

Wow. That’s a wonderful idea!
Yeah. Honestly, it’s just the best. When we meet, you’ll see …. we always post an album when we meet. So, if you go to my Budgetnista fanpage and just scroll down, you’ll see the last time we met and we always post an album, we always have a good time, and it’s just great to help this young woman. She’s going to be something. I told her, one day, you’re going to be hiring me because she is something special.

That’s amazing and there’s nothing like people helping each other, especially women helping women because, I don’t know, for some reason, there is just this portrayal of African woman like we’re all catty and we don’t help each other. So, that’s great!
Yeah, that’s not true, because people always tell me, “Oh! Other entrepreneurs, I don’t get along with them.” I say, “Well, your life is what you say it is!” I have not really had, I mean here and there, there have been some people that haven’t wanted to help … but then, in my mind, they’re just not in my circle. I have so many people that are just so good to me. Why would I focus on those who are not? So I don’t even think, “There [are] no women that want to help.” I can name 10 women off the top of my head who have been helpful. I remember my very first proposal. I had never written one before; I was scared, and I tweeted, “Oh my God! I need help with a proposal. I don’t know how to write it.” This woman, [exemplary change agent, strategist and political analyst] Michelle Thomas who was the Communications Director or something like that for the city of Newark – she worked directly with [mayor of Newark] Cory Booker – tweeted me back, “I’ll help you,” and I didn’t even know who she was …. So, I sent her an email [of] what I had and she totally transformed it and sent it back to me. I submitted the proposal; I didn’t get that proposal but I have used that proposal as a template and gotten more money with [it] than I can even tell you. Yeah …. and I asked her, “Why are you helping me?” and she said, “Because you’re a young black woman who’s trying to make something of herself and I’m a black woman as well and I want to see us succeed.” And it wasn’t till I googled her later after her [help] that I realized [who she was]. She’s in the Brick City [series that aired] on the Sundance Film [Channel] …. The show was pretty big and she was all in it. I was like, “Oh my God! That’s that woman!!!” I’ve never met her in person, but because of 1 tweet, this woman decided to help me because she could see herself in me. That’s what I mean: there are so many people out there willing to help you; it doesn’t make sense to focus on the 1 or 2 or 3 who aren’t. It doesn’t matter!

Nice! I’m going to hold on to that one.
Believe me! You’ll be surprised, Chioma: if you put your mind, if you say what it is that you want, there are so many people who are willing to help. Just from Twitter! Look at that! That was crazy; I couldn’t believe it! ….. So many great people I’ve met on Twitter and Facebook – and so many people contact me from Twitter and Facebook. I always help them! I have this girl that I mentor [and] I’ve never met her. She saw me on Twitter and she emails me every once in a while and I mentor her, just because of Twitter.

That’s great to know. That’s great help for me, because sometimes, I’m always like, If I reach out, what if this person turns me down? But I’m just learning that even if they do, so what? I’ll just find someone else.
Exactly! See? Look, I didn’t turn you down.

Exactly! Actually I was very, I was like, Mmmmm, I don’t know if I should reach out, but okay let me do it! So I just decided I won’t think about because if I think about it, maybe I won’t do it. So I just sent out the email and … wow, you replied – immediately! So, thank you so much!!
I try to reply at least within 2 days and I always have my Blackberry ready so I can. If it doesn’t require me to do an attachment or whatever, then I can just reply right away.

So thanks so much!!! I was very excited when I got the email, so thank you a million times. This was great! This was so great. Your dad sounds like someone I wish I could meet.

Everybody always says that. Everybody who talks to [my sisters and I] always says, “oh my God! I want to meet your dad!” Everybody always wants to meet him.

He sounds like a great guy. He really does.
He is!

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What set me over the edge was when I found out that Tiffany credits her father with starting her off on her financial journey that has ultimately led her to live a purposeful life and pursue her passion as an author (get her amazing book here), passionate speaker and financial coach. She has been featured everywhere: Munaluchi Bridal Magazine, MSNBC, Essence Magazine, Black Enterprise, CBS, USA Today, News 12 New Jersey; and worked with such organizations as Dress for Success, American Express, The United Way, and Princeton University among so many others. I’m so blessed to have had this opportunity to interview her now that she’ s still available. I guarantee that she’ll blow up within the next few years. Just watch!

I interviewed Tiffany late last year and this is one of my favorite interviews. It (sadly) has taken me a while to post this but this is the perfect time to post this because it’s a wonderful introduction to a new section for the site I’m working on. Prepare to be inspired, moved and challenged by this interview. You might even want to take notes! Trust me!

Because this is such an in-depth interview, I separated it into 2 parts.

*[I highlighted certain parts in blue because I think they are pertinent. My questions are in bold]*

What’s your full name?
Tiffany Odochi Ihuoma Aliche.

And you have how many siblings?
I have 4 sisters.

Ok. I know that’s something I read before which was interesting to me: you are all girls. So, generally another stereotype of the Nigerian man is that everybody wants to have a son who will carry on the family name and the legacy. How did your dad take that? Did you ever feel that your dad….
Of course. That’s why we have four, five …. [We both laugh] because he kept trying for a boy. [laughs again] But after the baby, they were like, “Okay! If it was meant to be, we would have one by now.” So, they let it go. Because we were all born 2 years apart and then the baby was born 5 years later….but they were trying for a boy. I think almost every culture, you know, thinks having a son is important, but after a while, my dad realized, Okay. Enough is enough! (laughs)

(Laughter all around) Okay. Great! And you mentioned that your dad basically got you started on your journey, but before we talk about that, can you tell me a little bit more about what you do and where the name, “Budgetnista”, came from?
Well, I am a financial coach and I specialize in teaching fun and engaging financial literacy. I just noticed I was always good at managing money – just from my background growing up in the family that I grew up in. We learned about finances at home and I kind of thought everybody did. It wasn’t until high school …. ’cause kids are very self-centered so you think what your life is everybody else’s life is when it’s not true at all, you know? It wasn’t till college that I remember with my college room mate, there used to be bill collectors calling. I didn’t even know that that was possible. And they would call every day and I said, “Wow! People get harrassed by people?” It was really then that my eyes were opened up to see – and mind you, the bill collectors were calling because her mother had used her [the room mate's] social security number…

Oh no!!!
Yeah … and I couldn’t even believe that!! Parents do that? The bill collectors not only called her but also her 11 year old sister because her parents had used their social security number. So, it kind of opened my eyes up to realize that I was really fortunate to grow up in a financially literate household and that that wasn’t my experience. And so, it was then that I started helping them to teach them the lessons that my parents taught me. My dad was a CFO. He worked for a nonprofit for a number of years before he became the Executive Director. It’s funny, the year that I was born is the year he started working with this organization called “Newark Tenants Council” and that was his very first job. He has his Master’s Degree in Finance. It was his very first job and he stayed there. That’s the only job he ever ever had. He stayed there the whole time.

Wow!!
He was a junior accountant. Then, he became the accountant; then, became the CFO; then, became the Executive Director. The place closed down when I was like 29 [or] 30. So, he was there for 29 or 30 years.

The “Budgetnista” name actually came from my sister because I wanted to teach people how to manage their finances and take it to the next level, really just to volunteer. But I wanted to start a site so I was Googling and everything was taken: “budget queen”, “budget princess”, everything! My sister at the time was 19 and she said, “Well, what about ‘Budgetnista’?” You know, the “-nista” thing, it wasn’t as popular as it is now like “fashionista” and all that, but it was starting to peak a little bit so she said, “Why don’t you try that?” So, I googled it and no one had it so I said, Okay! This was only so I could start a blog. But then, one of my friends said, You should really trademark it, a year after I had it and I was like, I don’t have the money. It’s 275 [dollars]; but he made me trademark it. Thank God I did because now some people try to pop up with the name but the trademark is all mine!

That’s great! That’s something I need to keep in mind …. You mentioned in one of your interviews that your family used to have monthly financial meetings. Can you tell me a little bit about that?
Well, it was really just our family meeting. We would meet, sometimes once a week, depending on what was going on, but at least once a month. The basis of the meeting wasn’t just finance; it was everything from homework to who’s doing their chores … just a family meeting, but in the meeting, we would always discuss the state of our family’s finances. One year, I remember that my dad thought his job was going to close; so, he said, “I may not have a job and it’s almost Christmas,” and I think at the time, my mother’s hospital closed or something, but in an effort to not spoil Christmas, he said we’d get our Christmas gifts a month later. So, we kept the tree up and we celebrated Christmas at the end of January.

I think the mistake most parents make is that they don’t talk to their kids about money. Imagine if we would have not gotten Christmas gifts and my dad didn’t explain: I mean we would have been devastated because as a kid, you don’t understand. But by him telling us that, I wasn’t going to be disappointed. I just knew, Okay. Christmas will come a month later. So those were the types of conversations we would have. He would say: the water bill is too high, you guys are running it too long; or the light bill is too high, make sure you turn off the light when you leave the room. You know, things like that!

Nice! Because I know some people have the opposite belief: that you should keep your kids in the dark so they’re never worried about what’s going on, but that’s a realistic way of approaching it.
You know what? That’s the worst thing you can do with kids because a 4 year old who doesn’t learn about money is an 8 year old is a 16 year old is a 20 year old …. The parents will say that until when? [My dad] didn’t make us worry but he would just be honest, [saying] ”This is what is happening”and the reason why. Because kids sense things anyway. If all of a sudden, they aren’t getting as many sneakers as they used to get or you’re not getting name brand food and you have to explain to them that it’s because mommy lost her job, you’re forcing them to live the reality without explaining what’s going on. So, in essence, it’s not fair. It’s not about worrying them. It’s just kids are smart; [tell them,] this is why we’re doing this so they feel included in family decisions.

Good point! Another thing is that you chose to not go the corporate route, like to work for a major financial company. Instead, you decided to start your own business and to work in nonprofit. How did you dad feel about that because I know, for me as a Nigerian, it’s usually, “Oh, go to medical school or law school.” So how did that work out? [We both laugh ]
My dad, at first, was very disappointed because they just knew. They were like Tiffany, you’re so smart, you talk so much, you should be a lawyer. I went to school for Business and hated my internships. I knew I didn’t want to do that for a living, and I’m very stubborn – my dad knows. So, out of all my sisters, they have kind of always let me be because my dad understood very early that if Tiffany loves what she does, she’ll do well. I remember that if I didn’t like my teacher, I’d get a B. If I loved my teacher, I don’t care how hard the course is, I’m gonna get an A. I’m the type that [is] very emotional. From the very beginning, they’ve always given me a little leeway to be myself. My older sister is a typical Igbo older sister: she’s a scientist, she got straight A’s, she’s married to a Nigerian doctor; so, they’re like let her be the perfect one. This one [referring to herself], let’s see where this one will go.

So for me, I wanted to be a teacher and I was scared to tell them because I knew they were going to be like, A teacher! Odochi, what are you going to do with that? But I remember that I got a teaching job and I almost accepted the offer and I was whispering and telling my sister, and [the job] was going to pay me hardly anything, like $31,000 and my dad heard me and was like, “Mtchewww [Hissing Sound]! Fine! I see you really want to do this teaching thing. At the very minimum, come work for my company.” He said, Come work for us and we’ll pay you 39,000. That’s the going rate in Newark. I said, Okay. Really it worked out because my dad got to see my strengths because, in essence, he was my boss. I used to win all these awards and would always be praised for being such a great teacher. So, very quickly, he kind of got over the fact that I didn’t become a doctor or lawyer. And eventually, I made almost $70,000 a year teaching and he was like, “Okay”.

Wow!!! Really?
Yeah and then I went to school and got my Master’s in Education. After a while, they kind of accepted the fact that I was going a different route. He didn’t mind! He would say, I have every profession in my home. My sister’s a scientist. The second, me, is a teacher. After that, my sister is in finance. She’s not really an accountant but she works for Prudential. The one below her is an engineer. And Lisa, she was at the time in school for journalism. She has since graduated … So, all in all he was happy. And, of all my sisters, I used to send them away on vacation every single year, on my teacher’s salary. When I did that, they were like,She can do whatever she wants!  (Laughs) My sisters would chip in, but they would put in like $200 and I would put in $2000.

That’s amazing! So, can you share some of your dad’s story with me because, also in the interview that I read when I was doing some research, you mentioned something about him coming from basically this little village and now, he is who he is. Can you share some of his success story?
Yeah. Well, my dad came from a small village in Igboland in Nigeria, from Abia State. [That's where I grew up!] He’s from Umuahia … So, just a small village and they didn’t have much. My grandmother was illiterate and he would always say … One of the things that impressed me about him is that he always did very well in school, like finishing #1 or #2. He would always tell us, like if I didn’t do my homework or something, “Imagine if I didn’t do my homework: my mother would never know. She couldn’t read or write; he could’ve tricked her and played around too but to whose detriment? To [his] own, right? And he always talked so much about how his mother believed in his dreams and how he used to tell her, “I want to go to London to study or England to study or America to study” and the only thing she knew how to say in English was, “That’s right!” He says now that he looks back on it, he might as well have told her – this little village boy – “I want to go to the moon.” I mean that’s how [im]possible it was. Like, you have nothing: no money, no means, and just your mother and your sisters, and to say to her that you want to [achieve] this impossible feat of going to one of the richest countries in the world to study is basically impossible! But he didn’t know it was impossible because she never told him that. She would always be like, Oh yeah! …. Because of that, he said it put it in his mind that he could really do anything and since then he’s .. you know, all Igbos have to build that big, beautiful home in the village.

Since then, we have this, in the Aliche compound, beautiful home that kind of overlooks where my father grew up, and you see just how small and impoverished it is, but one of the things that my dad has done is to really help his village. Outside our compound, we give free water; so, twice a month, they pump water outside and its free. Because you know, some places, they will charge you … Everybody lines up their buckets on Tuesdays and Thursdays. My sisters and I now contribute: we give my dad money every month that he sends home to help to continue that tradition …. My dad’s parents passed when he was really young. His father passed when he was really young and his mother passed when he was 19; so, he was the breadwinner for he and his two sisters that he helped raise. He just tells us stories about …. Well, my dad always says, I’m not the smartest, even though he’s super smart. But he remembers people who were way smarter than him. You know he always says, “I wasn’t the smartest. I’m not the most handsome or the tallest. I’m not the …” but it wasn’t about that: he put in all the work possible, and that’s the tradition that he tried to pass on to us. That it’s not about having the most talent; it’s, How hard are you willing to work? One of the things I love most about him is that, I’m sure there are times when he had 2 or 3 jobs. I remember when my sister was born, he was telling us, he literally worked and went to school for 24 hours a day. I think it was maybe a 3 hour gap in his day: 2 jobs and school and a 3 hour gap. How is that even possible? Plus, with a child and a new wife. But the thing is, he never complains. Even growing up, if we didn’t have, my dad wasn’t the type to say, “Oh men! “The man” is holding me down” or “It’s so hard!” or “Why is life so hard?” You never hear that. If we were in a financial situation, my dad would say, “Okay! My job may be closing so I’m looking for another one.” Everything was so matter-of-fact … It was just: this is my duty and I do what I have to do, and that’s one of the things I respect most about him and I wish more men had that about them. If you know that this is your duty, do it! Stop complaining! Just do it, you know?

Wow! [Your dad] sounds great!

Yeah, he’s great! Especially to raise 5 girls. You know how hard that is!

I know! All that estrogen!

I know! We drive him crazy. My dad always said that he wanted to go to Wall Street. His dream was to get his Master’s and go to Wall Street. Then he said, Your mother kept pushing out girls. So I said, Alright, I have to be in the house. He knew that if he worked on Wall Street, he’d be working 15 hour days and he said he couldn’t do that! He said he knew, if I have all these girls, then they need a strong male figure. So, he gave up his dream to make sure he could be home at 5 o’clock. I remember…

That’s beautiful! Oh wow!

Yeah! He used to check our homework …. My dad played the role of a mom and a dad. My mom was a great mom, but she wasn’t raising us alone like so many women do. No, he was very integral … My dad would ask every question. If I got a 96 on my test, my dad would say, “What happened to the other 4 points? Why are you so happy with yourself? A 96? Is that 100?” [ We both laugh loudly because every Nigerian child can relate to this.]

See Part 2 of this interview tonight at 8 PM

[Image Credit: The Budgetnista on Facebook]

Name: Elizabeth Olubukola Bello

Father’s Name: Olayinka Bello

Raised in: Willingboro, NJ, USA

How would you describe your relationship with your father?

My dad and I are kinda like <laughs> I’m his wife <laughs>. Seriously though, we have a very open and honest relationship, I would say. He just tells me what I need to know and we don’t really hold back anything from each other. My dad raised me and my siblings since I was, I think, 15 by himself; my mom wasn’t really in the picture. Because of that, he kinda told me everything probably because I was one of the oldest. He would tell me, “If I pass away, this is what I want you to do.” There are really no secrets between us which is kinda unheard of [between father and daughter]. Usually, kids just happen to stumble on something. He has always been totally 100% honest with me. I didn’t always appreciate that when I was younger but now I appreciate that.

Some people have the impression that African men are not naturally nurturing. So, in your dad’s case, do you think he adapted because of the circumstances or do you believe he is naturally a nurturer?  

Oh he is definitely naturally nurturing. My mom and dad actually left [us] kids in Nigeria for a year [to come to the US]. On the plane, they were actually arguing about who would go back to be with the kids. It was my dad’s priority. He’s always been like that. When he was younger, my grandpa passed away and he had to work and support the family. It’s always been his way: to take care of everyone else.

How has your relationship with your dad shaped the way you view yourself, especially as a woman?

Because of everything I learned from him, I am more independent and able to think for myself. I kinda do what I want when I want. <laughs>I am also very school-oriented. His characteristics are things I would like to have: a good friend to others and caring. [From him, I learned to] try to emulate people close to me and try to be like them. If I grew up with someone who was not really caring or nurturing, it would make me a cold person. Instead, I’ve never really had a problem telling how I felt.

How has your relationship with your dad shaped your view of men and how you expect to be treated in a relationship/marriage?                                                                                                               

To be honest, because my dad has always been honest, I expect that. Also, anything my dad wouldn’t say to me, I wouldn’t let anyone else say to me. It has made me <chuckles> to realize my self-worth and what should and shouldn’t be tolerated.

Has your dad’s relationship with your mom taught you anything? What?

Actually, it taught me a lot! It taught me what I should do in a relationship. It showed me that people’s stereotype is that the man is the cause of everything; but sometimes, it’s the woman who is wrong. I learned to never stereotype people. [Also] it’s taught me that, in a relationship, there has to be a line of open communication. There has to be some kind of middle ground. It can’t be what you want or what he wants; it has to be what works best for everybody.

What inspires you most about him?                                                                                                     

The person he is: he has a very caring nature and will literally give the clothes off his back.  He is selfless and humble-it amazes me that someone can be so humble. It’s totally unbelievable! When my [now married] sister had my niece, at that moment, it wasn’t about being up in arms or yelling; for him it was just about coming together as a family and dealing with the situation. He is just a giving person. He doesn’t do things for what he’s gonna get out of it. I’ve had so many people live in our house.

One day, we gave him a GPS for his birthday. He came home and we asked him where it was. He said he saw a woman who he thought needed it more than him so he gave it to her! <laughs> He’s so humble, so giving, so selfless that he does it without second thoughts. He’ll open his house, his wallet, anything to anyone in need. He can go to a supermarket and make a friend.

For me and my siblings, he sacrificed sooo much, including not having a wife for so many years so that he could focus on his children. I owe him so much. If I’m sick today, he’s the first person I call. I’ll always be his 5 year old little girl. In the moments when I’m vulnerable and I need him, he’s just a call away. He worked very hard to provide. He’d go without to make sure we had cars, insurance, and went to college. I could talk about him all day!

 What’s your favorite daughter-father childhood memory?                                                                                                               
When I was younger and started the school year, he would iron our clothes, would get fresh book bags, anything we needed for school. He would send us off looking like we were going to meet the president or something. <laughs> I hated that then but I cherish that now when I see other kids that don’t have that. He was so involved. He would drop us off at school or at the school bus.

He would take us to Atlantic City [in New Jersey]to go on the boardwalk. Those are moments I also cherish. <laughs again> He would embarrass me because he taught Sunday school, or the fact that he was always there. Always!

I have seen my dad cry 2 times:  One was when he dropped me off at college (and my sister too). My brothers he didn’t care that much about. <laughs> probably because we were the first. He almost cried at my sister’s wedding but held it together

If you had to say something to your dad in one sentence, what would you say?

Thank you for everything…I owe you!

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