On my last visit to London,  I was waiting in the line for the Border Control in Heathrow, when the digital board said that due to stricter checks they need to spend more time with each person, and thus the lines are longer than usual. That may sound like a very good reason for the excessive waiting time. However, it was very easy to notice that among the 13 stations allocated to non UK/EU citizens, only four were staffed. If the British government (and their UK Border Agency) is really concerned with the quality of the inspection (and it should be), but would like to reduce the waiting time, the solution is very simple – have more border officers on board. This is doubly infuriating since the British believe they invented the queue (“Britons will still be first in the queue, and second, and third”, Times, 2003), and thus should assume more responsibility in educating those coming to the Kingdom.

Turkey’s airports have experienced significant passenger growth this year. Source: PSS Publications

New data shows that passenger numbers to Turkey’s airports rose by 14 percent in October and 10 in October.

During this year, 11 of the country’s top 12 airports reported growth. In total, Turkey’s airport traffic rose by over five percent, which comes from a 12 percent increase in domestic traffic.

At the forefront of this trend is Istanbul’s Ataturk airport, Turkey’s busiest flight hub, where international traffic is up by 6.6 percent as Turkish Airlines continues to expand its operations globally.

Istanbul’s second airport Sabiha Gokcen reported 41 percent growth so far this year. This is driven by domestic demand rising over 50 percent, while international traffic has passed 20 percent. The airport, which opened a new terminal just over a month ago, anticipates surpassing Izmir’s passenger numbers next year.

Experts predict Turkey’s airports will have processed more than 80 million passengers by the end of the year.

This afternoon, I write my grocery list
on the back of a poem
in an airport terminal: coffee, spinach, veggies.
I put “fish,” in parentheses and a question
mark after “tortillas,”
unable to remember if there are any
leftover
from the last time I was craving tacos.

You tell me
my life is romantic–
writing here
on the back of beloved penmanship.
But tonight,
I will eat ground beef,
alone
on my couch.

Between the lines
I can see,
faded,
through the white,
while pushing my cart through Harris Teeter,
Wallace Stevens musing away:
“The reader became the book; and
summer night; // Was like the conscious being…”
And I wonder if you are
what you read, are you also what you eat?
I wonder,
if I am a tortilla question mark, and
if you are a parenthetical salmon fillet.

Anyway, I have always liked
the flexibility
of unusual punctuation marks.
So universally confusing, so ambiguous–
like the elegance
of my lonely meal.

ECONOMY

The government has proposed the elaboration of partnerships with the private sector to create management corporations for water and electricity utility Electra on an island-by-island basis (A Semana).

The Bank of Cape Verde (BCV) is expecting a “slight recovery” of the economy in 2010, with gross domestic product (GDP) growth of between 4 and 5 percent, after “continues slowdown” due to an “unfavourable international climate” (Macauhub).

The government of Cape Verde wants to turn the Archipelago into a “cybernetic island” and to do this will be supported by India, specifically in creating a technological hub, Cape Verde’s Foreign Affairs Minister said in Praia (Macauhub).

BANKING

Banco Interatlântico has opened its first branch on the island of Santiago outside of the city of Praia. The new branch, in the city of Assomada, is its eighth in the country. The central region of the island of Santiago has grown economically over the past several years, and is now third in the growth ranking in Cape Verde, following the city of Praia and the island of São Vicente (A Semana).

TRAVEL

Cape Verde is currently under the influence of a zone-specific anti-cyclone flow that is favoring the transportation of dust from the coast of Mauritania to the archipelago. The phenomenon, known in Cape Verde as “dry haze,” has led TACV Cabo Verde Airlines to cancel flights from the island of Sal to other islands (A Semana).

Cape Verde’s airline has become a fully-fledged member of the International air Transport Association (IATA), the company’s commercial director said (Macauhub).

Yesterday – or was that the the day before since I lost a day crossing the Pacific? – I spent too long at LAXative airport waiting for a rare (for me, since I hate them) flight after some brilliant days on the train across the USA. One after the other came the announcements – in Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Spanish, German and so on, followed by American English. (Strangely, they didn’t announce the flight to Sydney in Australian and then American, even though the two languages are often far apart.) Initially I assumed that in each case the announcement referred to a flight to Japan, Korea, China, Mexico, Germany …  But then I began to wonder. What if, I imagined, they were to announce flights in languages entirely unrelated to the destination. So a flight to Mexico would be announced in Chinese, one to Sweden in Korean, one to Sydney in Arabic. My guess is that the confusion would be no greater than that which currently engulfs airports in the USA.

I love airports. Whenever I’m waiting for a flight to a destination off my travel list, I people watch. I always overpack my carry on with things to do, but time and time again I will sit with an unread book in my lap and watch.

I will notice the camo-clad soldiers two gates down or the crying baby at the Starbucks. I will watch the same hipster guy walk back and forth, back and forth, back and forth while chatting on his iphone. I will peek over the shoulder of the businessman on my left to see what he’s typing on his computer and I’ll watch on as a brother and sister watch the latest Disney DVD.

What I like most about airports, however, is all of the love. Underneath all of the frustration, the confusion, the chaos is love. Whether it’s a newlywed couple on their honeymoon or a family of five off to Disneworld—that’s love. I think my favorite part of the airport is the baggage claim. You see, that is where family members, friends, spouses wait on their loved ones arrival.

When I’m riding the escalator up to baggage claim, I secretly wish someone that looks strikingly similar to Joshua Radin (any handsome fella will do) will be waiting for me with a huge “Welcome Home” poster and a dozen flowers (preferably lilies, but I’ll take what I can get). I’ve only been “welcomed” once and that was by my parents, so it totally doesn’t count.

One day I’m going to be coming home from somewhere fabulous, perhaps from a trip to Portland to visit my friend Caroline, and one day I look forward to someone welcoming me home. Showing me all of the love I want to have in my life. Who knows, maybe I’ll be “that girl” a stranger envies during her next visit to the airport.

A refurbishment of the Isle of Man airport is completed, the Department of Transport says…. From BBC News. Full story

This site may contain information about: travel deal. The blog is also related to: holiday airport.

Late planes, layovers, crowds, no tables, no room, hurry up and wait.
I miss road trips.

Larger image here.

# # #

Picnic at Denver Airport, 2009, Dolly Salazar
Kodak Max 800

It has occurred to me what Thanksgiving really needs to be the perfect holiday. While the holiday is a fantastic time for being thankful, the one thing I would be very thankful for is a morning after pill. Not just any morning after pill, but one that automatically makes you lose all the pounds you pack on during the holiday feasting. A bonus feature would be giving you the ability to clean the kitchen in two seconds flat after all that cooking. That would be my morning after Thanksgiving pill. While I did not go over board with the feast I prepared for my family and neighbors, I feel like I will have to do a week of hard running to keep my petite frame in check. We had a 10 pound goose, deviled eggs with tomatoes, cornbread stuffing with apples and pecans, goose gravy, white wine, and apple crumble that my neighbors were so nice to bring. The four kids ate, watched Peter Pan a million times, and went upstairs to have a plastic ball war (with all the plastic balls we have we should make a giant ball pit in the yard). Markus (my husband) and Markus (Angie’s husband) talked about airports while Angie and I talked about cooking and Christmas decorations. Luckily my dishwasher was empty so all plates and such got washed immediately and all I had to do was put away leftovers.

At the end of the night I decided I was very thankful that Angie loaned me her meat thermometer and brought dessert. Markus was thankful that I actually decided I like goose, because it is hard on him that I hate duck. Mary was thankful that Alex did not destroy the house and she did not have to chase him screaming “No!” Alex was thankful that Mary was not screaming and that he had more people to climb on. He also appreciated having a plate containing only meat and no veggies to contaminate it. Little sweet Analena was thankful that Mary had horses to play with, while Cedrick was just thankful that we had Peter Pan in German so he could understand it. It was my first Thanksgiving with my husband and children, and also my first Thanksgiving since I moved to Germany. Despite the four hours constantly on my feet cooking in a very hot kitchen I really enjoyed it. It was an experience that I hope to repeat next year.

Needless to say, it was not as stressful as I envisioned it to be. The kids behaved rather well, the food was great, and we all went to bed with full stomachs and no allergic reactions in sight. That is something to be really thankful for which brings me to my next point. When cooking for others, Thanksgiving or not, it is always best to call the person and ask if they or anyone in their family has any food allergies. This will save you a trip to the hospital and a lot of guilt over poisoning the guests. I hope that you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving and that you all have a safe Black Friday. Please try to avoid being trampled in the stores today. One final note, Happy Birthday Grace! My little sister’s birthday is today and while I can’t be with her to celebrate I shall drink some rum (her favorite) tonight in celebration. I hope that you and Win have fun today going out and that no one steps on either of you if she ends up taking you to Wal-Mart. Happy Birthday and I miss and love you very much Grace!

The public is being kept in the dark about what is happening in the US and world; they have been kept from finding out just how big this ‘mutation’ issue is becoming. Please pass this site on to as many family and friends as you can and post links to it on as many sites as you can. We will continue to update as new information becomes available.

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OFFICIAL ‘UKRAINE CRISIS’ NUMBERS 11/26/09

1,751,546 SICK

104,332 HOSPITALIZED

414 DEAD

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Has the Ukraine swine flu mutation spread to the United States?

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Bleeding Lungs and Tamiflu-resistance -Do H1N1 mutations make the swine flu vaccine less effective?

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Rise in pneumonia cases linked to H1N1- Also Says Convergence of 3 Viruses – Pneumonic Plague

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D225G Evades Human Immune Response

Worldwide Transmission Of D225G Confirmed

WHO Silence On D225G Evading Immune Response

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Global Swine Flu Deaths Surge

Swine Flu – Record UK Deaths In Last Week

China Readies For Flu Mutation Epidemic

Chicago begins offering inoculations at airports

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H1N1 (D225G) mutation now confirmed in China – Chinese watch for H5N1/H1N1 hybrid – YouTube

H1N1 is now a full blown ‘mutated’ pandemic in many countries – “fills lungs with blood”

Plague of ‘Black Lung’ Is Sweeping Through Europe

Iowa’s Announcement of Appearance of Virulent Swine Flu Virus Spells Trouble Ahead

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Probable Swine Flu In Congo – 3 Dead, Hundreds Sick

One Million Iranians Test Postive For Swine Flu

England Swine Flu Deaths Reach Highest Level

WHO Studying Swine Flu Mutations – (And Has Been For Weeks)

Man dies in Sweden from the “swine flu” – now 9 ‘official’ deaths

132 Flu Patients Hit with Brain Disorders Since July

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Vaccine-Induced Disease Epidemic Outbreaks

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Peer reviewed study in Virology Journal shows why H1N1 was most likely released from a lab – YouTube

From Where Did the 2009 Swine Flu Emerge?

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Military To Work With FEMA During Swine Flu Pandemic

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Foods That Can Help to Prevent Swine Flu

10 Things You’re Not To Know About H1N1 Vax

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Reported flu stats by country

(courtesy of Flu News Network)

China
•  8 cases of swine flu mutation (Link)
•  Chinese expert warns of H1N1 and H5N1 pandemic mutation (Link)
•  Detected H1N1 mutations ‘not dangerous’ (Link)

Canada
•  Helen Branswell – GSK says still no answer on whether H1N1 vaccine batch triggers more reaction (Link)

Japan
•  Japan to send experts to Canada over flu vaccine reactions (Link)

Latvia
•  Baltic states swine flu death toll rises (Link)

Saudi Arabia
•  Swine flu fears for hajj pilgrims (Link)

Slovakia
•  Ill Man with A(H1N1) Flu Virus Dies in Prievidza Hospital (Link)

South Korea
•  South Korea Unlikely to Buy Problematic H1N1 Vaccine from GSK (Link)
•  22 new deaths recorded last week, total now 104 (Link)

Taiwan
•  Confirmation of death of 4 yr old girl from H1N1 (Link)

United Kingdom
•  Scotland has 3 more deaths, 43 total now (Link)

United States
•  US: CDC says that the rates of ‘invasive pneumonia’ tripled in Oct vs 5 yr averages in Denver metro (log in required) (Link)
•  Decoding the turkey’s genetic gobbledygook (Link)
•  FL: New mom in coma w/ H1N1, newborn survived 5 days (Link)
•  IL: 2000 hospitalizations from H1N1 and 389 new hospitalized (Link)
•  IN: 33 of 35 deaths from flu so far are confirmed H1N1 (Link)
•  MN: Minnesota news reports seem inconsistent now (Link)
•  MN: Six Duluth deaths associated with H1N1 (Link)
•  NM: Two Deaths In Eastern New Mexico Linked To H1N1 (Link)
•  OR: only 17 more hospitalizations since yesterday, no new deaths (Link)
•  OR: Oregon Hospitalizations up 22 in four days and 4 new deaths (Link)
•  PA: (7) New Deaths on PA DOH Website for 11.25.09 (Link)
•  TX: 2 more deaths confirmed in El Paso (Link)
•  UT: Utah confirmed another death and 72 more hospitalizations last week (Link)

General
•  WHO: Possible Tamiflu resistance (translated) (Link)
•  Biological H1N1 Vaccines: Too Little, Too Late (Link)
•  Drug-resistant swine flu probed (Link)
•  The Hajj: A perfect storm for swine flu? (Link)

나는비비안. 지금나는인천공항에 있어요. 하글 type uh… I can. 모르게서. 시발, 나의 책을 잊었어요. (XINLEI, YOU HAVE MY KOREAN BOOK! You’ll have to give it back to me sometime T__T)

와, 이거 “pear drink” = 너무 단것 (???).

Since my Korean sucks and I can’t type anything, really, that makes sense, let’s list what foods I had this time!

SIDE DISHES

김치 (Of course…)

MAIN DISHES

국밥 (Delicious……………..!!!!!!!!! I want to eat it now!!!!!!!!!!)

떡볶이 (Same ol’, same ol’ — didn’t actually see 볶이 anywhere!)

오뗑 (Meh)

버페 (Vegetarian buffet @ New Start — clockwise from top: eggplant, candied yam, spring roll, tofu, soybeans, weird apple cinnamon mash thing, vegan quesadilla, and in the center, potatoes and vegetarian flour pancake thing.)

된장지개
해물파전
김치순두부지개
빵
김밥

DRINKS

바나나우유 (Well, I’ve made myself sick of it. Naturally.)

“링빵” (Well, not in cake form, but doughnut form. )

햇밤우유 (So good, kinda tasted like coffee milk…)

아침햇살 (Some kind of rice milk, I think. YUM!)

민트초코레트
커피
허니레몬
맥주

SWEETS

와플 (Waffle with tiramisu gelato!)

바나나초코레트

More later, MAYBE. Flght’s boarding to go to Narita.

Dude, in other news, I’m pissed! Twice now I’ve paid for internet at Narita and it’s just fucked up! This time I changed companies, thinking maybe it would be better, but at the moment, I think it’s worse! Fuck this shit! For motherfucking $6 a day I damn expect it to work and to work awesomely. I mean, the Taiwan airport has free internet. Damn you, Narita. Damn you to hell. So ghetto. Still not fixed. Godamn it Narita; time’s a tickin’ and money’s a drainin’. Not that I can even complain to someone, cause the last time I asked for any kind of help in Narita (losing my jacket and trying to claim it from the ridiculously lost and found and then being utterly unable to communicate what kind of jacket it was that I lost) soured me in asking Japanese people for help in any capacity than looking for directions or something! It’s just too hard to communicate.

In the meantime, I guess I’ll just keep adding shit to this and hope that the internet comes back in time for my flight for me to actually post it, cause if not, that’d be stupid, too.

General observations about Korea, which is no doubt the weirdest freaking Asian country I’ve been to:

THE PEOPLE ARE HIVE-MINDED AS FUCK.
Everyone is the godamn same! They all wear the same kinds of clothes (the fashion is boring as can be, which was a huge disappointment), drink the same drinks, eat the same things, listen to the same music… it’s sooooooo boring.

THE SUBWAY 90%+ OF THE TIME SMELLS LIKE OLD PEOPLE AND KIMCHI.
It’s truly horrible. That’s all there is to that. The only times it didn’t smell like that was like, at 11:00 in the morning when no one was really riding the subway. It’s truly, truly foul.

SEOUL IS LIKE A CONFUSED WESTERNIZED COUNTRY.
Everything in Seoul seems to have a huge Western feel, which makes it a really weird place and really different from other “first-world” Asian countries I’ve been to (and even different from developing Asian countries I’ve been to). Nearly everything has English signs and a shitload of their signs are in Konglish or English — generally making pretty decent sense, even.

SWEET SHIT REIGNS THE FOOD MARKET.
If you look at Korean imported drinks in America, the ingredients are surprisingly similar to those in American soft drinks. If you look at the same drinks imported from Taiwan or Japanese, they are generally pumped with sugar, yes, but at least it’s sugar. Korean drinks, on the other hand, taste fake, even when they taste good. They’re pretty much all high-fructose corn syrup, and some have phenylalanine. As a drink whore, I still drank a good array of shit in Seoul, but I showed

ATTENTION TO DETAIL IS KEY.
All new restaurants, all tour book guides, all the subway messages, hell, even the airport shuttle bus… it’s all done very, very well, generally with an adorable flair of kid-like proportions. Attention to detail seems pretty immense.

THINGS ARE APPARENTLY BETTER NEW.
From houses to eyelids, all things seem better if newly renovated in Korea… including older neighborhoods, which are being demolished by the dozen to make room for newer condos.

MOST PEOPLE SPEAK AT LEAST A *LITTLE* ENGLISH.
As opposed to Japan where people will barely ever talk to you in English even if they know some, in Seoul, it seems like everyone speaks a little English, including old ahjusshis and ahjummas. And I find that even if they don’t really know English in Seoul, they will at least try and talk to you. Which is appreciable.

Also echt jetzt, wenn ich mir das anschaue… das ist ja wie bei uns im Westwood-Inn virtual Flying Club!

Umsomehr freue ich mich auf eine Virtual Airshow in Valdez.

Enjoy!

I adore surprises. I love all the secrets and scheming leading up to the surprise, and even more than that, the moment of shock on a person’s face when, as they try to comprehend what the H is happening, you know you pulled it off. Wide eyes, dropped jaws, yelling, laughter. All elements of a GREAT surprise.

When Emily and I initially discussed visiting our dear elf-footed friend Katy in Tennessee, there was no question in our minds that some element of the visit would be a surprise. Because really, what’s better than a visit from friends? A SURPRISE visit from friends. Duh. And we wanted it to be big – a reaction that would rival that of the Nintendo-64 kid. And we suceeded.

So how did we do it, you ask? Well, it’s easy. And to help you out, Emily & I have created a simple 5.5 step process*. Really, the majority of this process is plan development. So put on your game face friends, because when it comes to surprises, the motto is: Go Big or Go Home.

0.5. Know Your Surprisee
Whether or not they like surprises is not your main concern. Rather, how does he/she act? If you’re going to put in all the effort, the reward dang well better be worth it. So if you have a friend who is pretty much overall non-chalant, you might first want to reconsider your friendship, and second, not surprise them ever. The best people to surprise are your overreactors. Hands in the air, yelling, screaming, jumping, smiling, uncontrollable belly-laughter, backpack throwing – this is what you’re shooting for, so surprise someone who will commit to the whole 9 yards. (Katy fit the bill. Game on.)

1. Plan Ahead
The first – and perhaps most important – element of a well executed surprise is a plan. Large-scale surprises, such as Washington’s little boat ride into Delaware or the end of “Fight Club” may require weeks of planning. Your smaller scale surprises? Child’s play.  Either way, surprises are serious business, so whether it’s a three pointer or a foul shot, follow through is critical. Ask lots of questions of your surprisee. Sure, no one cares whether or not they’ll be visiting their Uncle Herbert for the holidays, but you have to plan around potential surprise-ruining events (bat mitzvahs, cousins’ piano recitals, grandparents’ 95th birthdays, etc.)

Emily and I were serious about getting out of Gboro, and even more serious about seeing Katy, so we started to dig for details. In early November, under the guise of catch up conversations, we discovered that Katy would be home a week early for everyone’s favorite nom-fest, Thanksgiving. Fortunately, we also found out in advance about a wedding Katy would be attending – yikes, potential snag. However, not ones to face defeat, Emily and I pressed on. From there, the snowball began to roll. Though we had to tell Katy we were coming, we saved the surprise by not only planning to be at the airport when she arrived home from Montana, but we also were bringing Heidi along with us – who had told Katy she couldn’t get off work to come. Fist pump.

2. Select & Involve Your Key Players
Next to developing your plan, choosing your accomplices is an essential piece of surprise pie. Be selective in sharing your plan with – you never know who will accidentally spill the beans, and that’s just the worst. As far as communication, I suggest vague presentation, if only to make yourself feel like Jack Bauer. My personal favorite: “Are you in?” … “I’m sorry, what?” … “are you IN?! YES OR NO!?” … “uhmmmm, uh, I don’t know? yes?” Score. Thanks to the wonderful world of modern technology, involving key players has never been easier. Discreet communication can now happen over multiple states! You can now text, email and teleconference your way to surprise success. In the words of Stacy Laue, YAHTZEE! But be selective about your communication – twitter and Facebook statuses are clearly out. Imagine what would have happened if the Greeks had had twitter – Trojan Horse fail.

A quick message (thanks, Facebook!) to Lindsay, a lifetime BFF of Katy, secured Katy’s home phone number and access to the two individuals who would earn the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor & Actress of this scheme: Katy’s Parents. Emily coordinated the Branston FamJam efforts and they were eager and excited to help the cause – and after seeing Mr. Branston’s sleuthing skills in the airport, it’s safe to say he always has a backup career with the FBI. We also arranged a Wednesday night stay with Lindsay in Knoxville, so that we could arrive to Memphis early Thursday morning before Katy’s plane touched down.

3. Lie Your Pants Off
Self-explanatory, but also tricky. Half the fun is planting little lies in a casual manner. When involving multiple parties, consistently make sure everyone is on the same page. Thanks to Emily, most phone calls and emails included a “This is what Katy thinks is happening” and “This is what is actually happening.” Good work, sidekick.

As the token facebooker of the group, this was my primary method of sneakery. A casual post on Heidi’s wall, “ughghghghghg just quit work and come on a roadtrip.” was likely to go unnoticed, but still, a fun lie nonetheless. And of course several posts, texts and emails regarding “FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY” to Katy did nothing but help our cause. My personal favorite? A phone conversation with Katy where we discussed how sad it was that Heidi wasn’t coming because she didn’t have the vacation days. Whoever said I can’t keep a straight face is a liehole. As far as Katy knew, it was Knoxville Thursday night, then hitting the ground running in Memphis on Friday afternoon. Bahaha, Sucker.

4. Set the Stage & When in Doubt, Disguise
Again, pretty self-explanatory. Arrive to the scene early, scope out possible hiding spots, disguise options, and overall get a lay of the land. When necessary, alert strangers that it’s probably going to get “loud in hurr.” As a side note, costumes are great. A best friend and I once showed up at the airport in matching pajamas and embarrassed the heck out of our roommate. Goodwill ensembles are also highly encouraged. Oh, and make sure you have a backup plan. As far as that goes, Key Player selection is, again, crucial. If you have non-improvisers in your group, don’t give them a lead role. Sorry, Grandma, but your inability to lie with a straight face is your ticket to RuinTheSurprise-ville. Heidi Klum said it best, you’re out.

We arrived at the airport about 45 minutes before Katy landed. After scoping out arrivals and baggage claim, we had a plan set. Katy would arrive and meet her dad at the end of the gates. She would come through and see her mom sitting in the chairs – where Emily and I would also be sitting behind newspapers. Thanks to a little clever finagling, I was able to record Katy’s approach through a hole punched in my newspaper. Airport security violation? Maybe. At the right moment, Emily and I would make the big reveal. Heidi had the perfect vantage point from the airport gift shop, and once we made our way down to baggage claim, Heidi would follow. Due to clever placement and Emily’s and my request to get a “post surprise interview” while we waited for her bag, we were able to catch the whole thing on tape. After we set the stage, we made sure to plan for all possible scenarios. Katy not checking a bag, alternate sneaking routes for Heidi, different ways to get Katy to go into the sitting area… The list goes on.

5. The Big Show (Double Surprise if Possible)
The reveal is, without a doubt, the BEST part of the surprise. It is, of course, what all your hard work has been leading up to. Make it big, make it loud, make it awesome! The double-whammy (or triple-whammy for that matter, but four is pushing it) is the king of all surprises. The person’s heart rate finally reaches normal, their eyes are no longer popping out, the hugs have stopped, and they have only a faint resemblance of the shakes – as opposed to full on convulsions. What’s the last thing they expect? ANOTHER SURPRISE. Perfect.

After flinging her backpack off one time at arrivals, Katy, Emily, the Branstons and I made our way down to baggage claim. Little did she know, Heidi would be sneaking down from her post in the gift shop to give her the second surprise of a lifetime. It was flawless, and possibly THE best reaction I’ve seen in a long time. I’d try to explain in words just how awesome it was, but that would be a miserable attempt at capturing the spectacle of a lifetime. Instead, I will let you watch the video. Which brings me to the last point: Remember To Bring A Camera. The reasoning behind this should be pretty obvious. But in case you’re still left in the dark, just watch and learn.

Happy Surprising, Readers!

*E&P are not responsible if you suck at surprises.

Some pics taken from my Ixus digicam last Nov 12 and 16. =)

Terminal 2 waiting area

Terminal 2 Check-in area

Escalators going to and from the train station

Well here I am again in yet another Hotel. In  my room I could be anywhere in the world. The only difference is I am paying through the nose in Euros.

I am in Athens at the airport. It is my first time in Athens I hope it will not be my last as I am trying to secure a contract for some work here. I have budgeted my costs before I came here but  having had dinner here, I have adjusted them upwards. Dinner here cost me 98 euro eating on my own. I had Mozzarella with tomatoes for starter and Sea Bass for main. One Campari and soda and a half bottle of wine. No sweet. 98 euros can you believe it. They say to be a millionnare you have to think like one.  How long will a million last with prices like that.

What would the Greek Gods think I wonder. Not That I will see much of the Greek history this visit. When I was at school we studied quite a bit of Greek Mythology and I used to love the films that were  made at the time, all that flesh showing. I was a teenage boy you understand. Anyway I am getting off the subject here.

I was thinking how many people are doing what I am doing just to make a living. Living in hotels for 1 or 2 nights a week and then moving on to the next hotel and if you are lucky home. This is my third hotel this week if you count my fathers place. He is 84 and I visit him and stay when I travel down South to Gatwick.

many people workig like I do do not even have an Office they work from home and travell to see clients. Their social life is no existent just like mine. You cannot make arrangements as you never know where you are going to be, and when you do something turns up and you are on the road again. Is it really worth it? I don,t think so. I am on the verge of giving it all up and doing something different. I have seen most of the world and really now it is all the same. Shopping malls and MacDonalds everywhere. Why bother?

You prbably think what an old fart. So what do I really care?

Marc treats historical artifacts with respect

Greetings from La Guardia airport! Your highly esteemed (ok, ridiculed) co-blogger is sitting on the floor with her dog and her laptop, bored and cranky because her flight has been delayed two hours due to, get this, the anticipation of rain. Not even real rain. What the hell is that? The airlines aren’t even trying anymore.

I just watched a small child drop a piece of cheese on the airport floor, pick it up and then feed it to her father. Ew.

In honor of this ridiculous travel holiday and the highly caloric meal that follows it, Marc has agreed to do a Thanksgiving-themed Either/Or. I provide the subjects, he makes hasty and uninformed opinions. Everybody wins. Well, except the Indians.

Buckles on Hats vs. Buckles on Shoes

Buckles on hats are nice, but are they anything more than a passing fad among a group of uptight Puritans? Is that who I want to be associated with? Absolutely not. Buckles on shoes, on the other hand, have been around for centuries, maybe more. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Jesus had buckles on his sandals. They are timeless and practical. Putting metal on your hat isn’t practical. It’s just the fast track to getting struck by lightning.

Smallpox Blankets vs. Sending Everyone to a Reservation

Well, ignoring the white elephant of abject genocide, I’m going to go with sending everyone to a reservation. If you’re trying to contain a population, smallpox just isn’t the way to go. It may be confined to a few blankets at first, but you never know how fast the disease is going to spread. You could end up taking out your allies and trading partners. It might even spread to YOU. A reservation allows you to keep track of where everyone is and what they’re doing. You can encourage them to farm the stony rocks you’ve given them, or produce casinos for their benefit and your debauchery. I’d rather be an imperialist jackass than a murderer.

Thanksgiving Dinner vs. Leftovers

I’m going to wager that, like me, every one of you has thought about this question before. Dozens of times. You probably haven’t come to a clear conclusion, so I’ll save you the trouble. It’s Thanksgiving dinner.

The thing about leftovers is that they’re great, but they’re really all about one thing: that giant, amazing turkey sandwich. And man, it is ever amazing.  You pile on that cold turkey, throw some dressing or cranberry sauce on it, toss it between a big Kaiser roll and you’re stuffed for hours. It’s great.

But look, at the dinner not only do you have the turkey and the sauce, you also have all the amazing sides. Mashed potatoes, corn, fill-in-the-blank casserole and fresh rolls. That’s the kicker right there, isn’t it? Sure, you have the sides with the leftovers but they’re not fresh. Everything is fresh at Thanksgiving dinner, especially the rolls. Not to mention that after dinner you’re probably heading for the absolute King of Naps, the post-Thanksgiving slumber. To put the nail in the coffin, what night did we all hate as children? Leftover night. Check and mate.

Gelatinous Cranberry Sauce vs. The Kind With Real Cranberries in It

There is something inherently amusing about a cranberry sauce that comes out of the can in a solid, gelatinous cylinder. There is also something inherently disgusting about that. I generally don’t like my sauces to involve jiggling, so I’m going to go with the real thing here.

Note from Claire: False. Gelatinous is better, especially when it slides out of the can as one solid mass: Thhhwwuuuk!

Thanksgiving Football vs. Thanksgiving Movies

Ignoring the fact that you can do both of these quite easily (that’s what she said!), if I had to pick I would go with the football. Yes, Thanksgiving movies are typically a fun, family outing. You still have to deal with traffic, parking and all the other families that are going to see the exact same movie. You will inevitably struggle to find seating together. And if you blunder into picking the wrong movie, well shit. You’ve just wasted 2-3 hours of your life and $8 that could have bought booze.

Thanksgiving football almost always involves a horrid game played by the Lions, a mediocre game played by the Cowboys and a wildcard. And you have the option to take the best nap of the year at any time, something your movie cannot offer you. I’m going with sports and naps.

Black Friday vs. Black Tuesday

One of these is the death of fun, the other is the fun death. There’s a surprisingly small amount of difference between the two. Each mass hysteria, loads of money exchanging hands and at the end of the day the loss of most of your savings. The bonus to Black Friday is that you’re killing on the ridiculous sales, and most likely someone is buying YOU presents. The bonus to Black Tuesday is…well there aren’t any bonuses. That was the whole point; everyone lost all their money. Black Friday wins.

Growing Corn vs. Starvation

Remember Bubba, from Forest Gump? That’s me, except with corn instead of shrimp. Also, I’m white and I didn’t die in ‘Nam, but details. If you didn’t know, corn is god’s food. There’s cornbread, corn on the cob, creamed corn, corn chowder, corn syrup, popcorn, candy corn and dozens of other concoctions. There are ways to prepare corn that I don’t even know about. Hell, you can even power your car on it. If you were starving, and all you had was a boatload of corn, you could turn it all into ethanol and drive yourself to a grocery store. It’s simply amazing.

Pumpkin Poo jokes vs. Turkey Breast Jokes

This photo was sent to us by Janice

Case closed.

Christmas Decorations in October vs. People Who Don’t Like Christmas

Ugh. Putting up Christmas decorations pre-Halloween is an absolute joke. First of all, it completely overshadows and disrespects All Hallows’ Eve—or Candy Day as it is more widely known. Secondly, you still have Thanksgiving to contend with. And finally, it makes you think about having to go shopping for Christmas presents. I do not want to think about that in October. I want to think about football, eating candy and delicious holiday pies.

People who don’t like Christmas: The Grinch, Ebenezer Scrooge, Mr. Potter and the Jews. One guy loves dogs and ends up saving Christmas; one guy is massively wealthy and ends up saving Christmas; one guy is just massively wealthy; and the Jews, well, they love presents so much that they have eight days of them instead of just one. Even the people who don’t like Christmas actually like Christmas. I’m going with them.

Dying on Thanksgiving Because You Choked on a Turkey Bone vs. Dying on Thanksgiving Because You Were Attacked by a Balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

Wow.

I’d like to think that choking on the turkey bone means I have already enjoyed a delicious meal and am polishing off the turkey by ripping apart the bone like a greedy dog. I’d also like to think that being attacked by a balloon means I am in the parade, like Mr. Pitt in Seinfeld. That would certainly be very exciting. I don’t know these things, though. What I do know is that my death by turkey bone would ruin Thanksgiving for my whole family, and that’s simply not fair to them. If I were killed by a Macy’s balloon however, it would be immediate national news. I would live in infamy, and might even usurp the name “Balloon Boy”. Or even better, some people would think the real Balloon Boy was the one who died. I can already picture the Time cover with a deflated balloon, my legs sticking out and a “WHOSE FAULT IS IT?” headline. This is just too good.

Thanksgiving with Marc’s Dad vs. Thanksgiving with Janice

This one needs a brief preface. We all know about Janice and her wonderfully endearing, quirky ways. What we don’t know is that my father, in many ways, is just as quirky and bizarre as Claire’s mother. He once washed his shoes accidentally, then continued to wear them even though they had shrunk an entire size. He once added a cell phone on his plan and mailed it to my brother, so that he could talk to him for free. This is the man that asked me if he could take cough syrup for his cold, despite the fact that the bottle in question was not cough syrup, and it was 16 years expired. Needless to say, he’s an odd cat.

That said, around Thanksgiving, my dad is fairly normal. He smokes a good Turkey, talks his way into doing nothing and eventually takes a nap. Pretty standard fare. In Janice’s corner we have the fact that she just recently sent Claire a recipe that turns your Turkey into boobies. I’m going with Janice.

I’m hanging out here at Dulles Airport…I’ve got 2 hours to kill before boarding starts so I figured I’d update you on my vacation thus far.

The trip to the airport was uneventful and fast.  On the off-chance there’s a So. Cal. Chipper reading this post, I won’t indicate the number at which I was traveling.  Let’s just say that I was practice flying BUT I rarely caught the pack of cars in front of me and was always caught by the pack behind me.  Californians do have an on-going love affair with speed (maybe that’s why so many NASCAR drivers are from the Golden State?).

I’m very glad that I prepaid for my parking as the lot that I chose was only accepting vehicles that had reservations.  It’s inexpensive for San Diego ($10/day) and extremely convenient to the freeways.  The good news was that the shuttle followed me to my parking space so within 10 minutes of turning off my ignition I was walking into the airport!  And the better news was that my car is parked underneath something because I‘m right near the cement support!  I’m not sure what I’m parked under as it was dark and the shuttle was waiting, but my car will not get sunburned while I’m in MA!

As I approached the nearly empty security screening area I realized that on this trip I was one of those passengers that I hate being behind.  It took me a few minutes to get all my stuff situated on the conveyor belt – shoes and coat off and in bin #1 along with my neck pillow, my briefcase went into bin #2, my laptop into bin #3 once I took it out of the briefcase and my carry-on suitcase was plunked directly onto the belt.  Fortunately two of those people I hate were in front of me and much less organized so the people behind me were actually waiting for the people in front of me, not me.  PHEW!

But…once I passed through security that wasn’t exactly the case as I tried to gather everything back together…  L

The wait at the airport was uneventful and fairly quick thanks to my laptop and the work I had brought with me.  Once on the plane I was thrilled to find that the overhead bins were not all full and I was able to hoist my suitcase into a space right above my head.

I tucked my briefcase under the seat in front of me, put my neck pillow around my neck, grabbed my iPod from my coat pocket and then put my jacket on like a Snuggie.  I was dozing before the plane was even in the air!  Thank goodness because I’d been up since 2:30AM (no alarm – just the time my eyes popped open and my brain engaged) and it was now 9:30PM!

Part way through the flight as we bounced our way through some turbulence I woke up thinking EARTHQUAKE!  When I opened my eyes and oriented myself I knew that was wrong, but my error did end with a chuckle and the realization that I have become way too Californian!

The rest of the flight was uneventful and long since I was still very tired but unable to do anything more than doze.  I see a nap in my afternoon plans…I’ve been working way too much and sleeping way too little for days, weeks actually.

When I deplaned and entered the airport I was staring at Starbucks.  Boo…hiss…  I was on a Dunkin’ Donuts mission and I knew exactly where I had to go thanks to researching the locations on Dulles Airport’s website!  I hoofed all the way down one concourse, past another Starbucks, and partway down a second concourse before reaching my destination.

I purchased my goodies, medium coffee cream no sugar and a plain bagel with plain cream cheese (they didn’t have any veggie cream cheese L  ) then hoofed it all the way back to where I had started.  Yep…I came in at the same gate I’m flying out of!  That never happens when I have 45 minutes or less to make a connection, only when I have hours to fill. 

So here I sit, blogging while I patiently wait for the next 70 minutes to pass so the boarding process can begin for my flight into CT.  All’s quiet right now in the concourse but I’m sure the number of bodies will increase exponentially with each tick of the clock.  After all, it IS the day before Thanksgiving, traditionally the busiest travel day of the year.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve day everyone!

Thanksgiving Travel Tips from The New Yorker:

Do not waste space packing your workout shorts or running shoes. The only clothes you need are eating clothes, crying clothes, and escape clothes.

Read the rest here.

]]> http://sollybear.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/3-days-to-go/ Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:33:31 +0000 sollybear http://sollybear.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/3-days-to-go/

Since my last post I have been understandably very busy. I took another trip upto London to the US Embassy to get Max’s new US Visa. This trip was simple and we got the VISA back after 3 working days. As soon as we got that VISA everything kicked up a gear. The removal company was confirmed, the flights were booked, the accommodation was booked, transport to and from airports, hotels, we confirmed that we were moving out of our house and what seemed to be everything we have went onto eBay.

Here we are now, with only 3 days to go. I have been for the last 2 weeks in a mild state of panic, I have a constant nervous feeling that I’ve missed something but as a fairly well organised individual I’ve cross checked my spreadsheets to make sure I’ve covered all the bases. Even though as this is a massive logistic challenge I’m sure I’ll miss something along the way. I don’t consider the nervous feeling to be a bad thing in fact quite the opposite…. I’ve never felt more alive, this is a massive challenge and I’m loving every moment of it. In life…you rarely get an opportunity like this so I’m wrapping both my arms & legs around it and hanging on for dear life.  It’s not all cup half full though, I have been quite sad over the last week especially after watching “Children in Need” and feeling wistful wondering how I’m going to feel to leave my country & culture behind.. No more sarcastic British wit and how will I live without Terry Wogan??? I guess it was my reaction to the feeling that I might be losing out on some of the traditions that I’ve built up throughout my life so far and coupled with the dread that I might have missed something has lead to a pretty emotionally draining week….add a 2 year old, 6 week old on top of that and you can probably guess I’ve been less that “Chipper!”. All that aside now I’m here on my last day at work and with time running out I’m becoming more realistic about what I CAN do in the time I’ve got left… Sure I’m having to make some compromises especially when it comes to selling off your belongings on eBay but it’s only STUFF… I mean, come on, who in their right mind would dwell over stuff rather than embracing the new and exciting adventure ahead of us. So the rest of the week plays out like this :

• I’ll be doing the last of my “Things to do” tonight possibly until 1am (again)
• Removal company arrives at 9am in the morning and starts packing
• Drop the car off with it’s new owner on Friday, clean the carpets and finish off with the removal company
• Get up-to Heathrow and check into the hotel
• Go from the Hotel to the Airport and check our luggage
• Fly to Miami
• Get our luggage and get from the Airport to the Apartment near Dadeland Mall
• Check into the Apartment & Order a pizza & some beers and try to take the enormity of it all in.
• Sunday pick up the hire car and go to the beach….supposed to be 23′C
• Monday morning 9am….start my new job.

So there you go, wish us luck and I’ll try and keep you all updated as I go along, internet access permitting.

]]> http://ellsbeta.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/on-waking-up-early-2/ Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:04:29 +0000 awkwardinnumbers http://ellsbeta.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/on-waking-up-early-2/

It is early. I know this because I have dragged myself out of bed at an hour in which the perky baristas of the airport Starbucks have yet to arrive. It is just me, a security check point employee, and an airline employee with a rayon tie and sweater vest the color of the industrial carpeting. An empty sea of irregular squares stretch on without interuption.

An older couple sit, waiting near the gate. The man quiets the tremor in his hands by fiddling with a camera hanging around his neck. He removes and replaces the black plastic disk of the lens cap over and over again. His wife sits, knees locked, feet resting on an imaginary ottoman. She comments on the earlyness of the hour and small number of holiday travelers. Her companion nodds his head rocking slightly with the motion of his hands.

The man with the rayon tie clicks away on a computer. He is much more animated than the almost empty room would explain. He answers questions in a tone that says ” I am very busy, and important.” He calls each passanger up and asks if we would be willing to change seats, and coments on the low passanger numbers to people who will listen.

“Are there first class seats available?” a man asks.
“Oh yes,” says the man in the rayon tie “and it’s only $50 to upgrade. Of course, you have an upgradeable fare?”

The man, executive rolling bag in tow, thinks about it for a moment and strolls away to consult his phone.

I do not have an upgradeable fare.

I am not a business first, premier or club member. I am forgetable because I used skymiles but will not pay to upgrade my skymiles account to a first rate platinum premier membership with access to lounges on three continents (and don’t even think about the level were I could go in the lounges here in the states…) Maybe I’m just bitter because I should be there by now. They cancelled my flight yesterday after I was dropped off at the airport.

]]> http://sugarboy1245.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/uks-east-midlands-airport-keeping-the-regional-airport-flag-flying/ Wed, 25 Nov 2009 14:58:16 +0000 sugarboy1245 http://sugarboy1245.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/uks-east-midlands-airport-keeping-the-regional-airport-flag-flying/

The UK’s popular East Midlands Airport has set out its stall for UK travellers looking for an easy start to their holiday this autumn and winter. Like other UK regional airports in recent years, East Midlands Airport has seen substantial growth and development. This is in a great degree due to the development of new routes by low cost carriers to new destinations. But it is also due to the demands of discerning travellers, who realise increasingly that no package holiday should begin with an exhausting and expensive trip to the so-called “hub” airports in the south or north-west of England.

As the credit crunch begins to bite, such considerations of cost as well as convenience will intensify the need for travellers to look at all aspects of their budget. Hence they will be selecting destinations based on available routes from their local airport to save fuel on driving to a far-away airport, or hotels costs for an overnight stay before departure.

Additionally, the price of fuel is already causing airlines such as Ryanair (who have seen exponential growth in the past decade) to cut back on selected routes. How this will affect customer choice and the ability of some destinations to continue to attract UK visitors is yet to be seen, but experience shows that destinations without a traditional following will be hard-pressed to keep customer loyalty when low-cost travel facilities start to dry up in coming seasons.

Thus in the case of East Midlands Airport, popular but less mainstream locations are being heavily promoted, alongside traditional summer and winter holiday destinations. These include Ryanair routes such as Fuerteventura in the Canary Islands and Faro in Portugal – both popular for traveller traditionally seeking extended summer sun where the weather tends to stay good through to early October. And in the case of Faro in particular – where days of less favourable weather can be compensated by excellent cultural attractions.

Also promoted heavily are trips to Prague from October. The Czech Republic’s capital city has been enjoying a massive boost in UK travel – not necessarily simply due to the growth in stag weekends, but also due to the easy accessibility from regional airports at prices which allow travellers to afford to grab several weekend breaks each year in addition to their main holidays. Destinations such as Prague are likely to continue to attract business for this reason.

Another destination which has always attracted a big UK following is Bulgaria. Again, hardly mainstream like Spain or Greece for Summer holidays, or Austria and France for ski breaks, the destination nevertheless has a loyalty amongst the discerning, who have long since discovered the excellent value for money to be had in this destination in the South East of Europe, with its blue flag beaches, sunny weather and high quality hotels. For the winter, of course, Bulgaria also features its three skiing resorts of Bansko, Borovets and Pamporovo. These are perfect for beginner and intermediate skiers, with Bansko and Borovets being most suitable for advanced skiers. All three resorts have a wide choice of excellent hotels and apartments and excellent apres ski including restaurants, bars and nightclubs. Hence, travellers looking for a ski destination served locally at East Midlands Airport are well served.

Thus East Midlands, along with other UK regional airports, are pushing hard to keep variety, value and choice alive at times when the challenges for holidaymakers and businesses alike are plain to see.

]]> http://newideasconsult.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/another-day-another-card-fraud-new-zealand-car-parking-machines-compromised/ Wed, 25 Nov 2009 10:47:46 +0000 newideasconsult http://newideasconsult.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/another-day-another-card-fraud-new-zealand-car-parking-machines-compromised/

Another day and yet another card fraud uncovered. Auckland City Council is a little red-faced after being warned that cards have been skimmed in one of their larger car parks in downtown Auckland.  Don’t laugh yet, as they are only the first of many I predict who will see this type of attack escalate.  ATM devices are getting harder to skim and easier to simply blow up for their cash, so any other unattended device taking card payments are the next big thing for card fraudsters.

Fantastic one this one as it finally alerts authorities to stop believing hardware manufacturers who sell them systems clearly designed to be compromised!  Card park systems that simply read your card to bill you for payment should have been left in the 1990’s when authorities and private car parks could trust the public with insecure card systems.  To have an unattended system that processes a payment from your card without any verification today is simply put STUPID!  Yet we see almost every car park around the world using them.

Nice thing about South Africa is that we always follow what is fashionable or what the big technology brands manage to shove down our throats with a few extra golf days and a lunch or two, so it cannot be a surprise that South Africa, like New Zealand, offers the public the same wonderful automated payment process at their public car parks.  In fact these state-of-the-art systems have been rolled out at our lovely new airport parking extensions from Johannesburg to Cape Town (Durban too?).  Nothing like popping your parking ticket into a slot where it gets swallowed, checked, then held while the same slot then needs your card to process the calculated parking payment, and then have it spat back at you, all in one smooth action.

Wait, no cardholder verification required? Nope, none, nada, nothing!  We are living in 2009 and trust you completely, so much so we even put these systems at our airports for the fraudster’s convenience so that they can fly in, commit their crime, and fly out again to the next city and their next target.  Nothing like customers demanding convenience to make us do stupid things in terms of payment systems.  We need to ensure things are secured as soon as possible here in South Africa, and we need to ensure it is done before the World Cup or we will see the same old and I bet wonderful new attempts from our local and international call-a-fraudster groups at hacking all those foreign high value credit cards on unattended systems such as the parking kiosk.

I can hear some readers of this post thinking why all the nonsense over a compromised parking ticket fee or card payment? Card skimming is pretty sophisticated, so you can bet that cards being skimmed are pretty much communicated to fraudsters abroad in seconds, printed and encoded onto new cards, and then used within hours abroad on a terminal where signature is the only thing needed to verify the ‘cardholder’, or even better online with e-commerce sites that do not verify the user.  So your parking ticket payment of ZAR25.00 at Cape Town International airport at 10am on a Tuesday in South Africa, can actually be costing you US$300 (ZAR2,220) for a 2am club entry in LA, or worse…

]]> http://neovernacular.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/plague-of-bears-to-be-unleashed-on-select-theater-audiences-as-punishment-for-arriving-early/ Wed, 25 Nov 2009 06:16:48 +0000 neovernacular http://neovernacular.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/plague-of-bears-to-be-unleashed-on-select-theater-audiences-as-punishment-for-arriving-early/

Conservatives with Weakened Immune Systems Already Experiencing Allergic Reaction to Rare 11th Plague; Vaccine-Resistant Viral Clip May Also Convince Stubborn Eskimo to Rethink Unnecessary Air Travel, Free Israelites

You guys know I find politics gross, but I really wanna talk about this clip, and there’s no way to do it without trudging through hot-button sludge. So here goes. A nickel-bag environmentalist group in England somehow rustled up the funds to produce the following clip, which is blue-filtered and moody and Bolero-like and melodramatic and artsy and all of the things that a good theater commercial should be. That’s right, I like commercials—that doesn’t make me a capitalist any more than a conscious effort to reduce my carbon footprint makes me a communist.

Fueled by blind, impotent rage, scores of resentful, self-imagined guardians of truth instantly responded to this new threat with a barrage of climate statistics and strange references to Al Gore.  This counteroffensive, however, will probably prove ineffective against the bears, which are computer-generated and not really falling from the sky. YouTube is not the front, and the comments sections are not the trenches. Get over yourselves. You’re taking all of the good out of it, and ruining it for the rest of us.

There will be blood.

The channel that I embedded from is called “adsoftheworldcom“, and the theme of the channel is not global warming or climate change or making fun of birthers, but rather—you guessed it—ads of the world. It’s seemingly a repository for cool ads. That’s why I thought the comments for this clip might break YouTube precedent and actually be about style and technique and approach. It was naive of me, I now realize, to expect that the invisible chains of relevance would hold. Again, I thought we could all just enjoy the fact that it really looks like there are polar bears falling out of the sky. Yeah, the factoid is specious and the mammal use is over-the-top sentimental. Yeah, the cause is too niche. But the jet engine SFX are synchronized well, and incongruous imagery is always a treat. Usually the comments are an amusing supplement to any popular YouTube video, but today they just made me feel like I was living in a social Dark Age.

This is something that happens.

This is not something that happens. It looks really crazy, though, right?

]]> http://elephantsleg.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/cake-eating-toilet-squatting-ex-pm-samak-sundaravej-dies/ Wed, 25 Nov 2009 04:54:55 +0000 elephantsleg http://elephantsleg.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/cake-eating-toilet-squatting-ex-pm-samak-sundaravej-dies/

Samak finds food and politics don't mix

Former Thai Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej died yesterday. He succumbed to liver cancer in Bangkok’s Bumrungrad Hospital, aged 74.

Samak was PM when I moved to Thailand in April last year. He was quite a character and his presence – along with the movements of his rivals and his interactions with the press – could at times be quite comic, if not downright farcical. Before Thai politics turned sour with mob protests, airports seiges and coups, it could even be quite fun to read about Samak’s exploits.

He was the first of three PMs in my time here (three leaders in 19 months in itself is an indictment of the state of Thai politics) and by far the most memorable. He was nowhere near as photogenic as current PM Abhisit Vejjajiva, nor was he anything like as polite as his successor, Somchai Wongsawat, but that is precisely why he made his mark. He behaved aggressively, he was beligerent to the media, he sulked in public, he was unafraid to belittle people if he felt they deserved it, he was stoic in the face of political pressure – and his hardened appearance matched these, ahem, qualities.

In deeply-divided Thailand, he certainly had his critics and enemies. It was his very presence as PM – and the fact that he was an open supporter of Thaksin Shinawatra and his ideology – that sparked the “yellow shirt” protests of the People’s Alliance for Democracy (PAD), who laid seige to the grounds of Government House for weeks while Samak was in charge, and which ultimately – under Somchai’s premiership – led to deaths and the one-week closure of Bangkok’s two airports, causing untold damage to the nation’s economy and reputation.

But I respected Samak’s single-mindedness in the face of such pressure, with not only the PAD but also significant political commentators calling for his head. Not for him the weak attempts to appease all of successor Somchai, whose two and a half months in office were among the more forgettable even in a country known for the transciency of its leaders. Nor for him the squeaky clean, ever-smiling PR profile of Abhisit, who was surely appointed (notice I didn’t say elected) more for his appearance and undoubted charisma than for any heavyweight political credentials.

No, Samak told it the way he saw it, and while that of course didn’t mean he was always right, it did at least show he had the courage of his convictions, and to express himself publicly without first needing a spin doctor to polish his words.

Now, as stated before, I’m not a political analyst. This is not my area of strength, although like most people I have my own political opinions. But the news of Samak’s passing gave me cause to remember some of his more colourful moments.

Cake-eating cat

First of all, before the squabbling erupted into violent demonstrations, there was the usual tit-for-tat name-calling in Government House, with one opposition politician (I forget her name) bringing Samak to task for his choice of cafeteria food. As a man in his seventies, she said it was inappropriate for him to choose a piece of cake for lunch, washed down with a glass of bright red soft drink. She suggested Samak seek psychological help, because Adolf Hitler was known to have similarly immature tastes.

Now, even within the realms of political cat-calling, which often amounts to no more than childish spats along the lines of “You smell!” “Yeah? Well, you smell worse!”, this was adorably convoluted. Never mind education, employment and crime – “Prime Minister, would you care to justify buying that cake? Because I’m rather worried it is a sign you may be a tyrant in the making, capable of ordering the slaughter of millions.”

Samak, as was his wont, barely dignified the comment, choosing instead to fix her with a customary silent staredown.

But Samak’s finest hour would not have looked out of place in an episode of Fawlty Towers, such was the level of high farce.

Pursued on motorbikes by a press pack from Government House to Chatuchak Market, Samak sought refuge in a public toilet. Not wishing to speak to the media, he remained in a cubicle, but unfortunately for him the journalists proved even more stubborn than he. More than an hour later, Samak could no longer stand the heat, moisture, smell and mosquitoes (I have been to the toilets at Chatuchak Market and they’re no place for a dignitary, let me tell you), and emerged, furious and doused with sweat.

He ignored the reporters’ questions (surely the fact he spent an hour inside a toilet cubicle would have told them he was in no mood to speak?), instead bearing down on them with a fuming glare of which Charles Bronson would have been proud. After staring them into silence, he set about berating them and their conduct, and labelling them “disgusting” no less than a dozen times.

Reaction to this incident depended, of course, on which side you were on – either Samak was rightly defending himself against media intrusion, or he showed an arrogant disrespect towards the free press, who were just doing their job in the public interest.

There’s a bit of truth to both sides, but the bigger picture for me at the time was the fun factor of living in a country where the PM is forced to flee halfway across a city as hungry hacks literally chase him into a stinking, mosquito-blown long-drop. Add to that the picture of the nation’s leader stewing there for over an hour, followed by his ultimate outburst, and clearly you can see Samak Sundaravej was not your average politican.

And his eventual dismissal from office in September 2008, after just eight and a half months, was also unorthodox, if not comic for its irony. While the country’s leading industries of tourism, exports and foreign investment were taking near-death blows from the effects of the protracted demonstrations, and while the spectre of corruption hung over everything Thaksin and his allies did, it was none of these concerns which spelled the end for Samak. No, he was booted out because he had twice appeared on a TV cooking show. Innocent enough, except politicians are not allowed to accept money for working with private enterprises. Samak’s fee was nominal and his appearance of no bearing whatsoever to his political standing, but this was a conflict of interest. Not quite along the lines of Thaksin using his position to allow his then-wife Potjaman na Pombejra to purchase multi-million-baht swathes of land, but still, rules are rules…

Ultimately, it may have been a face-saving move. As pathetic a reason it may have seemed for removing a democratically elected PM, Thailand was at the time being virtually held hostage by protesters, with the international news coverage doing the country no favours. There were far bigger concerns than the PM’s appearance on a cookery show, but Samak was steadfast in his refusal to stand down or dissolve the cabinet, the two main demands of the PAD, despite the presence of 30,000 protesters camping out on the lawns of his workplace.

So while the cookery show controversy was of negligible importance, by following the law to the letter, the courts could remove him from office legitimately. And with that removal came a lull – as temporary was it was – in the tensions. The PAD had not been placated, as the Thaksin-backed People Power Party was still in charge, but tempers were nevertheless calmed, and at a critical time.

It also proved timely for Samak himself. Despite being disqualified from the premiership, he had the opportunity to return to power if voted back in, but instead he accepted the judgement and retreated from politics. It seemed strange for such a combative man to slip away from the spotlight so quickly and readily.

But then news came less than a month later that he had been diagnosed with liver cancer, and it all made sense. It’s unknown how long he’d been sick. Indeed, it’s likely he was running the country while ill. Considering how stressful a task that must have been in the late summer of 2008, that shows either remarkable devotion or unwavering stubborness. In Samak’s case, it was probably a bit of both.

He flew to the US for treatment in the new year, returning to Bangkok and continuing to be treated at Bumrungrad, one of the country’s best hospitals. After roughly a year battling the disease, he passed away at 8:48am yesterday morning.

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