So, the Higher Power must be more than a concept.  There has to be a very real interaction with a very real entity of some form that is connected to and at least influences all power and knowledge, and that has an obsession for me that would pass for love.  Without those characteristics, the Higher Power becomes irrelevant.  If I must pick and chose when the Higher Power can be trusted and where I have to step in and make up for His inadequacies, then the Higher Power becomes merely a concept that I give lip service to.  And something my disease will fashion to accomodate a relapse.  He truly is everything or nothing.

If this is too much for you to swallow, as it often is for me, it is quite workable to go at this piecemeal, to test the waters and accumulate your own undeniable experiences.  I have a few that I have to remind myself of.

As far as this blog goes, I will converse with anyone who comments.  But unless I am just overwhelmed with an epiphany, I will not continue writing here.  I will not initiate it.  You the reader, or Gomu Himself will motivate any further contributions on my part. 

Thank-you for the opportunity to share.

I wish more kids would read historical fiction.  Books set in the earlier part of the 20th century would set quite a few jaws dropping if more kids understood how their grandparents and great-grandparents lived, and how much harder life seemed to be.

Little Audrey is a depressingly fascinating view of life in the 1940s in a coal mining camp in Virginia.  Few people have much money, most have no electricity, and simple things make people happiest.  At 11 years old, Audrey is the oldest of four daughters, and has more responsibility.  Mommy tries to make ends meet on Daddy’s meager scrips, or earnings, from the mine before Daddy drinks it away.  Some of the local kids call her “Little Audrey” or “skeleton girl” because she is so skinny, partly due to her bout of scarlet fever.  Even Audrey’s teacher knows how difficult her life is, and tries to help.

Although Audrey is confronted with tragedy, she realizes it may be a chance to improve life for her and her sisters.

This story is based on Ruth White’s real life.  The book is written with the hillbilly lingo akin to life in the hills of Virginia.  The richness and depth of this short (146 pages) novel bring to life how it must have felt living in that era, and makes us appreciate our lives today more.  Little Audrey would be an easier sell to girls than boys, but I think the book could benefit both genders.

Highly recommended:  Gr. 4 – 7

For more information:  http://us.macmillan.com/author/ruthwhite

I don’t know what the heck I am thinking. I am totally atheistic and kind of hostile to religion in general, and xtianity specifically. The last time I semi-willingly went to a church was a midnight mass at Our Lady of Concrete, in order to please the parents of my first ex-wife. Needless to say, I was not married in a church either time, and the second time avoided any mention of the G-word, save a brief reading from Ecclesiastes, or something, to avoid the tittering of the extra-xtian family and to keep my “sainted” grandmother from having a heart-attack on the spot. So why did I shave, spray on cologne, comb and tie my hair up, put on slacks, a collar shirt, a neutral sweater, almost a tie, and drive by church at 10:15 this Sunday morning?

I tell myself that I did not stop, because the picture in my head had me walking through the door to some glad-handing deacon giving me the twice over. I tell myself that I did not stop because the smell of old lady-cologne from someone besides my “sainted” grandmother gives me the heebie-jeebies. I tell myself that, being a solitary male, and this being a Unitarian Universalist church, that I will be pegged for one of the lonely homosexuals that the rainbow banner outside proudly welcomes. I tell myself that My intentions for coming alone will be misconstrued by wary earth-mothers and tweedy-yet-protective fathers. I tell myself that I forgot to pee before I left the house and do not want to immediately ask wherefore is thine restroom at a place where I know no one, and everyone knows everyone else. I tell myself that, despite the declarations on the website that many humanists and atheists enjoy fellowship with other socially liberal, enlightened, and well read people, that I just cannot accept that I am walking into a church, which is the house of God, possibly considered by many congregants, under false pretenses.

I tell myself all of these things and drive by sheepishly, hoping the squat woman in khaki pants with a pixie haircut helping her mother out of the backseat did not see me and will not peg me for an acolyte of the pathetic unemployed bigot who cowardly shot at children and the elderly during a youth musical presentation in a UU church down south last year. I keep on driving, telling myself that I will be late anyhow, if I turn around. I will try to take a seat in the back quietly, but the only spot will be two rows from the pulpit, next to three squirming kids who have not been taught lessons about respecting a stranger’s personal space. I tell myself that I will be seated between two slightly infirm octogenarians, whose walkers block my escape route when the panic attack ensues. I tell myself that the warmly smiling and plump suited minister will pause during his homily to ask the congregation to welcome new friends, whence all the unfamiliar faces will turn to me and smiley-nod, while I shrink into a puddle of sweat and neurosis.

I wonder what ever possessed me to get up on Sunday morning, purposefully, without a hangover, make myself presentable, and drive across town to this building that I lived three fourths of a block away from for the last three years, without ever going in, save for the annual rummage sale. (this is how I know they are well read; I bought loads of good books there.) Why did I even try? I know it was not to find a god that has been credulously demonstrated to me by the earnest and judgmental faithful of all stripes. I know it was not to prove to myself that I would not burst into flames, or be struck by lightening or receive the holy spirit upon crossing the threshold. I am pretty sure that It was not so that I could demonstrate my spotty knowledge of the scriptures and their many inconsistencies, inhumanities and abominations to a horrified and unwilling audience.

I think the only real reason is that I thought that I might avoid being judged too harshly for my lack of eye contact during my uneasy attempts at verbal communication with strangers. I thought that people would not gasp in horror and shake their heads decrying the shame when I answered the question of what religion I was raised in, what I converted from or whether I had AcceptedJesussAsMyPersonalSavior.

I thought that my two failed marriages would not be seen as failures of character, communication or compassion, but as necessary stages of learning and growth. I thought I would find people who did not judge the fact that I made a conscious decision never to have children because my genetics stink and I am not emotionally stable enough to maintain a marriage, let alone nurture children in a healthy and meaningful way.

I thought that I would find people who might have a built in safety net from the character flaw that some call alcoholism or addiction, without all the twelve-step promotion of pathetic helplessness that only helps people feel like victims, and makes everyone a prisoner of their vices, rather than their master. I also figured that, so far, besotted buddies and bar-stools have not helped me to be a kinder more social person, and have just served to funnel away money, time, health and motivation.

I thought I might be welcomed to participate in community projects and service programs that provide what Superior Christians call charity, without hanging the albatross of blood salvation, guilt and atonement around the necks of those they wish to help. I thought I might go because I feel alone, and have little family that can see ,clear-eyed, my point of view. I heard that their was a group of atheists and free thinkers within the UU church who preserved a love of reason and science without hiding in a godless closet, afraid to express their true feelings about supernatural woo-woo to peers and family.

So I guess I am still waiting to see if I can stop my car and walk through the door. Will I find a welcoming, but not pushy group to adopt? I guess the only way to know would be to be able to overcome this crippling shyness, that I fear makes me appear to be a stammering lunatic loner.

Complete abstinence (no alcohol or drugs at all) is the surest, quickest way to unlearn associations of triggers, cravings and alcohol use.

Cooking and eating are two of my favorite activities during the holiday season, but many dishes are prepared with alcohol, beer, or wine.  So, being knowledgable of alternatives to alcohol as an ingredient is important if I want to preserve my sobriety. 
Many dishes are normally prepared with alcohol because it contributes a complex balance of acidity, sweetness, and savoriness to a dish’s flavor.  There is also the distinctive aroma that alcohol can provide to a dish.  So your olfactory senses are affected on top of your taste buds thereby enriching the experience.
The problem for alcoholics is that not all of the alcohol evaporates during the cooking process.  So if you accidentally (or intentionally) ingest a dish cooked with alcohol as an ingredient, you run the risk of triggering your craving mechanism and putting your sobriety in peril.  For a breakdown of how much alcohol is retained during various cooking process go to http://www.betterendings.org/Recipes/cookal.htm.
The obvious option to avoid a potential problem is to not cook, order, or eat dishes that are prepared with alcohol.  The other option is to use substitute ingredients for the alcohol.  For most dishes where alcohol is only a minor ingredient plain water can be substituted.  If alcohol is a main ingredient, then you can substitute a variety of juices, ciders, or broths.  The results may vary so it’s probably a good idea to try out various combinations of substitutes and mixtures before serving any dish with a substitute to guests.  The bottom line is that preserving your sobriety is paramount, but if cooking dishes that normally contain alcohol is unavoidable then there are options.  For a detailed list of these go to http://www.gourmetsleuth.com/alcoholsubstitutes.htm or try http://whatscookingamerica.net/alcoholsub.htm.

Incredible Behavior

It relieved me somewhat to learn that in alcoholics the will is amazingly weakened when it comes to combating liquor, though it often remains strong in other respects.  My incredible behavior in the face of desperate desire to stop was explained.

AABB – pg. 7 (“Bill’s Story”)

The Few, the Proud

In the years between his first and last drink, the years between when he was a twenty-year-old army officer and 1934 when he was a down-and-out drunk, Bill [Wilson] cycled through an entire alcoholic career, from the first euphoric moments to the last desperate beers.  If the story of these years has a theme, it is the enormous power of alcohol over an alcoholic.  Most alcoholics can’t stop, ever.

Cheever, Susan – My Name is Bill (2004)

My Take On It …

As a member of AA (whatever that means, exactly, I’m not quite sure), it is my responsibility and reward to reach out to other alcoholics.  This can take many forms but it is all, at least in part, Twelfth-step work.  Sometimes a one off and at other times a progressive, sustained effort, such as between sponsor and sponsee.

As frustrating and as disappointing as it may be, I must ever remind myself that sobriety (with or without the Program) is not for everyone.  Worse, I have to accept that each of these is actually only for the few.  Most alcoholics never stop drinking alcoholically.  Most can’t wrestle loose from their disease and bolt feverishly into the rooms of AA.  If they are fortunate enough to find the rooms, they are incapable of sitting still long enough to truly grasp how the tenets of the Program can thoroughly alter the trajectory of their lives.  Simply put, they cannot identify.  This is not exactly a character defect; they are not lacking in will or in opportunity.  They just can’t.

This fellow I know, Ransom, seems to be amongst those who just can’t.  At least he hasn’t been able to in the past and cannot now.  Sadly, I know however that there’s a pretty good chance that, over time, family and professional life for him will deteriorate.  If the misery ultimately gets bad enough, I think he knows that the hand of AA will remain outstretched for him to grab.  That’s indeed one of the amazing things about AA and its adherents; everyone who wants it is welcome, and everyone is welcome back.  No questions asked, no explanations necessary.

Well maybe not everyone, but I am only days away from the annual night when my demons come out and if I survive, then I am three years sober and solvent free (the sober is obvious, the rest is known to a few friends). Throw in the fact that my PSA (prostate blood test) has finally started heading downwards after all the treatment I had last year and the world seems dead good from here.

That’s why I’m happy enough to play The Answer (great gig during the week, btw) twice in two weeks, altho’ as JC, producer, said, ‘Don’t make it a habit.’ I think it’s a musical reference rather than a drink one. More of JC maybe next week but can I just say…..What magnificent chips Michela had, JC.

And can you stress to your students that I don’t normally carry small jars of hand and face balm with me, available from Lush in Buchanan Street, to hand out to good looking young women as soon as I meet them? Altho’……

No. In the spirit of upbeatedness obviously pervading me this week I have had discussions (not quite lofty) with the Vampire Slayer and I have set her a task. There is a grail to be sought. (Crossword buffs amongst you will have instantly gone anag 1,4 and you wouldn’t be far away).

I have left it to her to call a meeting of the Great Council and to set the agenda for the task ahead (like, is skank or trailer trash necessarily bad?)

The last time there was such a meeting was a defining moment in my life (pudding….toffee…..sticky.) As I was saying to Missie K only last week, not only did I come to terms with various decisions in my life that night but since then I have acquired eight albums by Green Day, and a DVD of them at Reading.

Oh, and following the expert slagging from my gd frnd Clr that night the house was redecorated. I look forward to recreating the full experience, with artistic licence, in the screenplay. No. No reason.

Indeed a marvellous example of the species, skank, albeit unwittingly, was on the train to Paisley the other day;

‘I genuinely can’t remember a thing I said to her, but I definitely didn’t say that. Count.’ It’s at moments like that you turn the MP3 vol down to zero but continue to drum your fingers….just in case.

But it’s a pleasure to write for Watson’s Wind Up on BBC Radio Scotland; the writing credit, the audience laughter, the cheque……I’m a showbiz pro.

So let’s get The X Factor out of the way. Yes, Daniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, it’s a singing contest. I saw no magicians, vent acts or fat Greeks dancing on TV the other night.

Let’s cut to the chase and let me take the heat off the 1.24 Girl. Let’s talk SuBo. I agree she has a good voice but on the evidence of the pre-recorded, second take we saw transmitted last week, she has so much to learn. She has no stagecraft. Please will someone tell her how to get on and off  the stage. And not to make faces. It’s not funny. I’ll stop there.

Anyway I notice that another X Factor person, Alexandra Burke, is set to play my home town of Peterhead, described in one newspaper as ‘a small fishing community’. No. It’s more boring than that. It’s the ‘White Fish Capital of Europe’. That’s how boring.

So it is no coincidence that sixteen miles up the road (Fraserburgh) the world’s strongest and most expensive beer is now on sale. It’s called Tactical Nuclear Penguin and retails at £30 per bottle.

Sorry. I’ve been spending too much time in the same coffee houses as Frankie Boyle. I was very lucky in that I grew up with the North Sea at the bottom of my road. Literally. Rocks. Sand. Water. That’s not a bad place to learn about the facts of life. And death. Although I should stress that one was much more pleasant than the other.

So, to Christmas and some dates are being filled in and my first cards have been sent abroad, including a world renowned soccer academy in the USA, and I’ve bought my first present by mistake (it’s a long story and I’m not referring to the one last year that never got given…..gulp, sob, gulp, but I await guidance again this year. I could always phone…..mmmmm…..it’d be my call)

And so to those who say they don’t understand this blog - remember I write it sober; to the blogmeister you show me yours and I’ll show you mine; to Son Brian your latest biggest day ever is in my diary for next week; to BBC Reevel, you really pressed that guy on garlic futures the other night; and to bestest friend Caitlin, it’s almost exactly one year now and so much has happened, but you’ve always calmed me down when needed, so ta - I mean what is there not to understand?

And that’s maybe the point. For the first time since I went self-employed I’ve just arranged to draw lots of money out of one of my business bank accounts, not for a certain expense or business matter, but purely to shove in my wallet and spend, not even on ASDA groceries or my bar bill, but to have in my wallet so that the Great Council shall have champagne if they want; so that if I buy a Chrissie pressie and it doesn’t get used then so be it; and as all good bosses should do, when I take my staff out for Christmas, I’ll pay the entire bill.

Maybe it was worth being cried ’scum’, ‘unlikely to cope’ and all these things…..maybe even the cancer helped…….maybe one of the greatest freedoms in the entire world is not having to do things that people always understand. Maybe……. No. No maybe. Definitely.

So if you’re not happy, don’t really understand what people or lecturers are saying, and it’s maybe only cos they wrote a book they’re there, you’re not alone. They don’t always know best. That’s my view, not a visual. Generally.

Today I helped arrange a meet for two good people. They both agreed without any fuss and it will be done. No. No hassle. It’s how it should be. Real journalistic PR. I’ll let you know when it’s published.

Yours, always keeping it fun, (smiley, smiley, george smiley)

cya

Johnt850

‘Welcome to a new kind of tension, All across the alien nation, Where everything isn’t meant to be okay……..’

and then the drums kick in…..(Sorry, neighbours….this was written about five in the morning…..)

American Idiot. Green Day.

Estimates over the last three decades predict that “90 percent of alcoholics are likely to experience at least one relapse over the four-year period following treatment.” That dire statistic underscores the importance of relapse prevention, which Alcoholics Anonymous links to working Step Four:

[With] the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave…. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.

Years ago, that was definitely true for me. Since then, however, medical options have dramatically changed. For early phases of alcoholism treatment, Healing the Addicted Brain now recommends new anti-addiction medicines. Here’s a summary of those ideas:

Vivitrol encourages the addict to cut back on alcohol intake, thereby reducing or eliminating ongoing brain damage, while Campral helps accelerate repairs to brain systems. With less poison coming in and repairs occurring at a faster rate, the brain is better able to accept new, healthy thinking patterns and master sober life skills…. Vivitrol and Campral are the new hope millions of alcoholics have been waiting for.

Harold C. Urschel III, M.D., also explains that once-a-month injections of Vivitrol nearly eliminate relapses, and that Campral tablets, taken daily over the span of about a year, help “repair damaged systems in the limbic region. This reduces cravings and makes it easier for the brain to concentrate on cortex-based talking therapy.”

Anti-addiction medications were not possible for me through 2001 when I most needed such help. If you are seriously suffering, ask your doctor about new medicines for recovery. Relapses can kill. At the same time, though, I encourage you to realize that ours is not an either/or choice as alcoholics—new medicines and the steps of AA heal. So if you can muster the faith to do so, turn your attentions to the powerful Fifth Step and seal the healing deal. Extend the same trust to steps that you do to medicines, because both are gifts from God for our recovery.

Copyright © 2009 by Randall E. Greene

Apparently the powers of Grape-Nuts are far greater than they’ve been letting on. An ad in The Booklovers Magazine (circa early 1900s) touts Grape-Nuts as the miracle cure for all your drinking problems.

Did You Ever Know That Improper Food Often Causes the Liquor Habit?

It’s a great proposition to get rid of a taste for liquor by changing food.

Improper food and stimulants like coffee and tea create unnatural appetites. The one who eats only proper food is normal in health and therefore normal in appetite.

By way of example take the case of a well-known business man of Lowry City, Mo., who says: “About three years ago my appetite failed me and my food disagreed with me. I got weak, nervous and dull and entirely unfit for business. Then like a fool I went to taking liquor to stimulate an appetite.

“For a time this worked well and I thought I had found a simple remedy, but I noticed I had to take more all the time and before long I found that I could not get along without the whiskey and I was in a pitiable condition.

“I tried to quit but it seemed impossible, as I needed nourishment and my stomach rejected food, and the more whiskey I drank the worse I got. I kept fighting this battle for more than two years and almost gave up all hope. Then I noticed an article about the food GRAPE-NUTS and concluded to give it a trial.

“I found I could eat GRAPE-NUTS with a relish and it was the first food that I found nourishing me in a long time. Soon my stomach trouble stopped, my appetite increased and then the craving thirst relaxed until all desire for drink was gone.

“I have used GRAPE-NUTS now for more than a year and I am entirely strong and robust, entirely cured from drink and able to work hard every day. My gratitude for GRAPE-NUTS is unspeakable, as it has saved my life and reputation.”

Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich.

A Free Sample of Delicious GRAPE-NUTS Food sent to any address upon request.

Here’s a Grape-Nuts ad from 1968.

Mrs. Burke: “Oh!”
Dennis: “Oh no, Mrs. Burke!”
Mrs. Burke: “Don’t worry about it, Dennis.”
Dennis: “I thought you…you were Dale!”
Mrs. Burke: “Dale’s my teenage daughter. We’re often confused. How do I stay so slim? Exercise, and I watch what I eat. Like Post Grape-Nuts for breakfast. It fills you up…not out.”

Announcer: “Like the Burkes, your whole family will enjoy the chewy, nut-like flavor of Grape-Nuts. Delicious Post Grape-Nuts, it fills you up…not out.”

Here’s one more with a Matthew McConaughey look-alike.

There’s no question that Grape-Nuts are right for you. The question is…are you right for Grape-Nuts? I’ve always loved Grape-Nuts and now I know why. Apparently they are the miracle nuggets sent straight from the gods.

“God can remove whatever …has blocked you off from him. If you have …made a decision and an inventory …you have made a good beginning.”

This is my first Sober Holiday in Years, please join me and STOP THE MADNESS?
 
I’ve Discovered many solutions and resources that are extremely 
useful for anyone’s that is looking to better their Life’s!

I have put together many useful tools that will help anyone that can be completely honest with them and give 100% to these simple programs. 

Alcohol and Drugs Kill thousands of people every year and very well could save your life or save the life of someone you Love! 

This worked for me Stop Here

According to a 2006 National Drug Intelligence Center (NDIC) survey nearly 21% of the population in the U.S. reported non-medical use of prescription drugs at some point in their lifetime.  The 2009 National Presription Drug Threat Assessment states that unintentional overdose deaths resulting from prescription drugs has increased 114% from 2001 to 2005.  And according to SAMHSA, prescription drug abuse is the second most common form of recreational drug use in America second only to marijuana.  Given these statistics, it is clear that abuse of prescription drugs is a serious subject.
For many people, the stigma of prescription drug abuse is negligible when compared to illicit drug abuse.  After all, the substance of abuse was prescribed by a doctor and purchased in a pharmacy.  It’s not like the addict was buying heroin, cocaine, or some other street drug from a dealer.  So where’s the problem?  This type of mentality is contributing to the problem, prevents treatment of the abuse, and if perpetuated can have drastic results.
The diversion of prescription drugs from their intended use has increased drastically from 2003 to 2007.  According to the 2009 threat assessment, the diversion of opioid pain relievers has increased the most during this time period: hydrocodone (vicodin) 118%, morphine 111%, and methadone 109%.  Other prescription drugs commonly diverted for abuse include Oxycontin which has a street name “80″ or “Hillbilly heroin”, Ritalin (Ritz or Vitamin R), and Xanax (zanies).
The diversion of these drugs occurs through various forms.  56.5% of abusers reported that they received the drugs from a friend or relative for free, and 81% of these people reported that the drugs were originally obtained from a doctor through a prescription.  Other ways that prescription drugs are obtained for illicit use include theft from a family member or friend (5.2%), Internet purchases (0.5%), and purchase from a dealer (4.1%).  Another common practice amongst addicts to obtain prescription drugs is “doctor shopping.”  This is the practice of visiting several doctors for the same “ailment” to receive multiple valid prescriptions. 
Amongst teens, the practice of “pharming” can have drastic results when they grab a handful of prescription pills out of a bowl and ingest some or all of them.

Related Links:
http://www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov/drugfact/prescrptn_drgs/rx_ff.html
http://monitoringthefuture.org/
http://ncadi.samhsa.gov/govpubs/prevalert/v6/4.aspx

This is not Good

Here I was thirty-nine years old and a complete washout.  Nothing had worked.  Mother would take me in only if I stayed locked in a small storeroom and gave her my clothes and shoes.  We had played this game before.  That is the way Jackie found me, lying on a cot in my skivvies, with hot and cold sweats, pounding heart, and that awful itchy scratchiness all over.

AABB – pg. 219 (“The Vicious Cycle”)

Brain in Orbit

The first year I was in New York I did nothing but guys and blow.  Staying out all night at the Surf Club and Zulu, waking up at five in the afternoon with plugged sinuses and sticky hair.  Some kind of white stuff in every opening.  Story of my life.  My friends are still pretty much that way, which is why I’m so desperate to get this check, because if I don’t there’s no reason to wake up early Monday morning … and somebody will call up and the next thing I know it’ll be three days from now with no sleep in between, brain in orbit, nose in traction.

McInerney, Jay– Story of my Life (1987)

My Take On It …

Most of us have pictures in our minds about the classic, gutter-dwelling, rancid overcoat kind of alcoholic.  These are the skid row bums, the derelicts, the winos, and the “deservingly downtrodden.”  This can be an image that’s hard to relate to and, without question, one of the (many) reasons that so many of us take an excruciatingly long time to find a program that will allow some sort of recovery.

We’re the “high functioning problem drinkers” that can quit (cut back?) whenever we want to and if we are ever so inclined.  We have friends and partners and spouses and children.  While our jobs could be more fulfilling and while we could be a little better at doing them were it not for the hangovers and the lack of sleep and such, we’re actually hanging in there pretty well.  Rent and mortgages are paid, food is on the table and so forth.  How could we possibly be alcoholics?

Not only that, we are indeed often celebrated and, damn it, we’re clever and funny.  Yesterday’s New York Times included Janet Maslin’s book review of Hellraisers by Robert Sellers.  Sellers chronicles the lives of four revered British actors, including Richard Harris and Richard Burton.  I haven’t read the book yet, but the review clearly indicates that these guys were quite entertaining even off the stage or screen.

In the end, however, when we each hit our personal bottom, we finally learn what our mothers taught us:  It’s all fun and games until somebody has an eye put out.

Some of us end up in the unfamiliar bed with the unfamiliar person long after even the after-hours clubs have closed.  Some of us end up self-made prisoners in our mothers’ basements.  Some of us merely take hostages in the form of spouses and children.  Whatever the particulars, we have to count ourselves amongst the fortunate who are somehow able to see it for what it is.  Then, if we are able to act on the evidence, it turns into our Lucky Day.

This Thanksgiving I did not drink and become the drunk for the day!!

We got to my brother in laws house at 11:30am yesterday and I was offered a beer as soon as I walked in, to everyone’s surprise I declined it and everyone smiled to see that I was going to try to white knuckle it this year (so they thought), but they did ot know that I have been sober for 136 days.  I had  many family members come up to me and told me that I looked like I just got back from someplace in the sun cause I have more color in my face and they all thought I have gained some weight,  I just smiled and said thank you but what happened next took me completely by surprise.

I laughed, smiled, tolded jokes and just had an wonderful time and this year my wife did not have to drive home cause daddy was to drunk to drive, I have not seen her and my two girls smile and laugh like this in so many years I think I’ll just not get drunk anymore.

The Gift I got was this over whelming feeling from something I cannot explain but I’ll try, I have been in AA since March of 2009 but only since July 13th 2009 I’ve been able to stop and I owe that to my higher power (which I call GOD as I believe), getting back to it, That feeling was warm, enlightening and just overwhelming but amazing, I have heard of many Fellows in my program talk about this spiritual feeling that has come over them of take away the cravings, I truly believe that this was the feeling I had yesterday.

Along with my AA program and working with other I have also created a website that helps me help others by providing a service of other that suffer like me and without all the work I have and doing today really working for me,

I hope you can relate to this story but if not you can get sober by dong the work through your local AA Program, Doctor or just find someone in your life that has the same issues as you. Please go to www.Sober4LifeClub.com and get the program that I use along with the help from my AA program in my area, or write me back I would be happy to help anyone that is looking for help.

Thank You for reading and I just you a Happy and Blessed Holiday season

The important part of having spirituality in your recovery is letting go of complete control over the process. Recovery is a long and difficult journey, and there will be many instances where turning control of a situation over to someone or something else will be required to stay on the path. Oftentimes it is the stubborn belief that we are in complete control of our lives and our addictions that keeps us active in the addiction.
For those addicts that believe in Christianity and want to make it part of their recovery The Life Recovery Bible would be a helpful tool. It’s a new living translation of The Bible that is easily readable and relates the Twleve Steps and other recovery themes to the stories of the old and new testaments. If you’re unfamiliar with The Bible, this version is also an excellent introduction as it provides historical background at the beginning of each book and chapter.  For a relation of other religious traditions to the 12 Steps check out http://www.12wisdomsteps.com/.

Related Links:
http://www.barefootsworld.net/aaorigmanuscript.html

We alcoholics can also work Step Four from a non-self-help, let-God-change-our-brain perspective—which means that while we do the personal work (taking action in specific ways that AA literature suggests) we also ask God to work on us. And we trust that he does so.

That has been my Step Four experience. I let go, allowing God to transform me into a new person by his methods of changing the way I think (a practical, layman’s translation of Romans 12:2). That initial process spanned a two-year period in my life; a more mature process continues to this very day. Specifically, I worked steps one through four during my first months in AA, stayed sober, but got drunk on St. Patrick’s Day 1999. Again I tried the process, this time remaining sober for five months while working the fourth step, and again I drank—this time the night before I departed for Louisville and my first-ever experience with rehabs.

During both attempts, I withdrew from my first AA sponsor, Jack. I feared placing the process within God’s protection and care, so I worked alone on the steps. Both times I did Step Four as if working a crossword puzzle—alone, objective, detached, putting pen to paper—and each time I drank again. The popular self-help, change-our-lives approach only led me to relapses.

The third time, however, I worked steps one through four as part of a committed, fifteen-man step-study group. I shared with my AA sponsor, Jim, everything that I wrote or thought in the steps. My times with Jim were strictly confidential, one-on-one encounters. Nothing in AA literature endorses doing painful, spiritual work publicly in any type of group therapy, at AA meetings or in rehab.

The earnestness of my third attempt paralleled the intense work that I did, years earlier, with a first-rate analyst in Lexington. The only differences—at last in 2001, I remained abstinent, and I prayerfully asked God to work on me while I did my part. God did, and over time I realized that it worked. Grace sobers.

Now, before we turn to AA’s Fifth Step, let’s consider relapses….

Copyright © 2009 by Randall E. Greene

We let God “demonstrate, through us, what he can do. We ask him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what he would have us be.”

Step Four (among the twelve steps in Alcoholics Anonymous) states that we “made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” Details about this stage of recovery appear in:

• Alcoholics Anonymous, which describes Step Four on pages 59, 63-71.
• Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, which describes Step Four on pages 42-54.

And why should alcoholics of our type bother with this step? Because it helps us face the need to change our thoughts and behaviors. Even if we work Step Four from popular self-help, change-our-lives perspectives (instead of from spiritual slants), making an inventory works effectively. The experience is like an end-of-the-year accounting of goods, which is one way that the Big Book describes Step Four. Actually working the step parallels psychological techniques that help us combat alcoholic thought distortions, triggers and cravings—as do the very practical exercises found in chapters two and three of Healing the Addicted Brain by Harold C. Urschel III, M.D., or in other good books that approach alcoholism in holistic ways.

Specifically, Step Four begins with our resentments (our so-called ”grudge lists” against people, places, ideas, etc.), and the step uses these lists to reveal our failures, sins, liabilities (apply whatever label that works best for you). Second, the process leads us into breakthroughs about how, when and where we were responsible for thoughts, feelings or actions that led to our resentments. Indeed, Step Four exposes how we alcoholics typically blame other people, other influences—even alcohol itself—for our problems.

In addition, Step Four helps us understand how anger, fear and misdirected instincts—even soul sickness—can intensify our alcoholism. Said differently, Step Four has spiritual value, as described by The Life Recovery Bible: “This will teach us humility as we uncover our sins and faults. It will also help us develop a grateful attitude toward God as we discover the many gifts he has given us.”

Copyright © 2009 by Randall E. Greene

If you have spent any time in a recovery program you have probably heard how important it is to develop a gratitude list.  I completely agree that it is one of the most powerful things that can be done to change perspective and overcome many issues.

But instead of providing a bunch of supporting evidence and such I want to just jump right into listing what I am grateful for.  I want to point out that I am not going to name specific people in my list but rather initials and descriptions and qualities.  I don’t want to name names for personal reasons.

This list is not all-inclusive but the best I can do right now.

God, Jesus, and Spirit – I need all of you.

The Bible

Prayer – you mean to tell me God wants to hear from me?  Wow!

The “struggle” – it has made me appreciate the blessings more…

Air to breath

Food to eat

Health

A roof over my head

Clothes

My children – you mean the entire world to me and I am so proud of each one of you.  Each of you has so many incredible qualities that show me that God loves me.  A father could not have imagined a greater gift than what each of you is to me.

DW – I am amazed that we share so many incredible things from our past and our present.  You are so encouraging. I feel how much you believe in me. I love hiking with you. I love talking over coffee with you. I love working on our recovery together.  I love learning more about each other together.  You are beautiful inside and out.  I love how much you love God.  I love your kids and see how much they love you.  You have done an incredible job raising them by yourself.  And thank you for reminding me that I love to write!  I had completely forgotten until you helped me to remember that….

KF – you accept me, listen to me, you are one of the most safe people I have ever met, you have stood up for me and stood next to me in my defeats and victories, you’re my biggest fan and encourager, we eat together, go to concerts together, and share the deepest fears and challenges with each other. The challenges I have faced the last several years were more bearable because of your friendship!

DT – thanks for helping me to get my job, thanks for not judging me, thanks for being a light to the rest of the office.

My country – warts and all!

The men in my Celebrate Recovery small group.  You make CR the best place to be on a Friday night!

Celebrate Recovery – I have grown so much from this program.

Reconnecting with so many old friends on Facebook.  This has shown me how blessed I have been in my life.  To think people I have not spoken with or have seen in over 20 years actually care about me and my life is truly a blessing

My job.  I am grateful that I am not among the many unemployed at this time in my life.

San Diego. I have been blessed in my life to visit many different countries and cities.  San Diego is the most beautiful city in the world.

The ocean. Specifically watching the tide come in.

Coffee – nectar from God

The Living Room Coffee Shop in La Jolla

My therapist.  Thank you for your wise counsel this past year.

UA Basketball and Football.  I love the Wildcats!!!

March Madness – the best sporting event ever created!

The Office – I need to laugh and that show never fails.

Law and Order – all the different versions..

Cable News – sorry liberals – I do mean Fox News when I say that..

Liberals – because every protagonist needs an antagonist…

Today at work, I was able to observe for a while, a man standing outside the doors of the mall (the temple of consumtion). In our town there is a magazine that’s made with the purpose of helping those who have a hard time getting their life together for different reasons. The articles are about social issues, and also about these people, in an effort to help people see the individuals behind the problem. 
 Half of the price goes to the seller, and the rest goes to make the magazine.

I think this is one of those genius win-win ideas that make our world a little better. The person selling is able to work and get paid, while also getting to talk to people and at least lower some of the walls we often seem to raise when people don’t fit into our frame of mind. The people reading the articles get a nuanced picture of what life is really like on the rougher side, and hopefully they gain some understanding and compassion for their neighbours.

This is already enough to make me very hopeful about the state of our community, but my spirit was lifted even further today as I stood there watching this salesman. In the brief period I observed him, several people bought the magazine, but more importantly, there were also people stopping just to chat and say hello for a second. That’s just wonderful!

The big risk for these people is to lead an isolated life in the shadows, being ignored by others and thus feeling like they don’t exist. Just a nod and a hello is actually enough to show this person that he exists and that I respect him. (See also the earlier post “By this roadside”)
 And most of all, it confirms his worth as a human regardless of his circumstances, and that’s worth more than money in my book.