I freakin’ love Hip Hop man……many years ago i used to (like a lot of genres) judge on what chart music had that genre, not very clever on my part but as i am now a little older and a little wiser i can think for myself. Two songs which get me torso moving on the bus are, the always classic ‘Juicy’ by Biggie Smalls and ‘Alive’ by Kid Cudi which is a collaboration between the Kid and Ratatat (who i believe aren’t getting NEARLY enough credit/publicity for how talented they are).

Music rant done…

I recently took a walk to find inspiration. I searched for some kind of perfect subject to write on. I try to encourage people to better themselves. That’s what I try to focus on, but this time I stopped and just listened. That might be weird to some, but it’s quite invigorating to just listen listen and observe nature.

I was struck with a notion.

We don’t know our purpose. We make presumptions of what life is, but nobody knows. Many claim, but few come forth with answers and even then we’re all skeptics. It’s a mystery, but a mystery that nobody truly appreciates.

Each and every one of us goes through this robotic ambience day in and day out. This consists of work, social life (or not), and sleep. Rinse and repeat this process. It’s an endless repetition that’s so very sad. I believe we’ve lost touch with ourselves and what it means to be human.

Instead of “watching” others live their lives on T.V. and wishing you could be someone else, just do it! So many people go through life only regretting what they never tried to achieve or opportunities they never took. Learn from these people! Do the exact opposite because apparently they made the wrong decisions if they’re now regretting it. Take a stand and push forward even if it’s hard. A barrier is bound to break. You’ll be acknowledged for your bravery and courage. Failure is not a part of my vocabulary and so I believe it shouldn’t be in yours. Failure to me means an opportunity to learn, that is all. Tap into your inner child, life was all about making mistakes but it taught you and made you wiser. You weren’t afraid then, why we afraid now? The world might have been perceived as smaller but realize that it actually wasn’t. It has always been the same. Only now your opportunities are much greater.

Take it all in. Take in everything that surrounds you, most importantly the little things. Acknowledge the simple breeze that rolls over your skin’s surface and notice the goosebumps it creates. Look up at the stars at night and remind yourself that you’re apart of it all, whether it be a grand scheme or some random occurrence. You’re here for one reason or another and it’s okay if you don’t know why. Meaning is what you make of it, so create yourself.

Our lives are all wonderful and even if you may not see it that way, I bet I can find someone who does. Now go be alive. Go on and truly live.

Tengo una guitarra en el hombro
Una montaña de asombro una ceniza en la voz
Tengo dos canciones firmadas,
una está envenenada y la otra quiere tu amor
Guardo un recoveco en el alma
Que recuerda tu cara como nadie la vio
Río, lloro y paso de todo por el bien de los dos.

Vivo en un jardín sin malvones
Un zaguán sin salones, tu amistad quinto C
Pido que me olvide tu olvido
Pero ya es bien sabido no lo va a conceder
Ando como siempre vagando
por algún escenario y no lo vas a creer
Supe que mentías y todo por el bien de los dos

Y otra vez seremos dos extraños
Otra vez volveré a hacernos daño
Otra vez estoy en el fondo del dolor
Y otra vez, tu y yo, por el bien de los dos.

Tengo un rincón en la cama
Que ya no entiende nada y me pregunta por vos
Tengo una mitad que se queja
Y otra que no me deja escapar del dolor
Tengo una tremenda ceguera
y no va a ser la primera vez que vuelva a empezar
Porque ya no estas a mi lado por el bien de los dos

Y otra vez seremos dos extraños
Otra vez volveré a hacernos daño
Otra vez estoy en el fondo del dolor
Y otra vez tu y yo…

Y otra vez seremos dos extraños
Otra vez volveré a hacernos daño
Otra vez estoy en el fondo del dolor
Y otra vez, tu y yo, por el bien de los dos
Por el bien de los dos

I’m done.

I’m through.

It’s over.

I’m finished trying to run, finished trying to control, and finished trying to be independent. Trying to be a grown-up. Let fate fall where it may, and I guess I’m leaning against the old fallback of “if God wills it.”

But seriously. At this point, if God wills it, I’ll be one intensely blessed grateful dumb shit.

I’m done.

I’m done with pretending that I’m an adult. I’m not, okay? So get over it and leave me alone. I’m struggling to get into a college that I know I’m not prepared for in a competitive world that’s waiting with eager, dripping jaws to eat me alive. I’m not ready.

I’m through.

I’m through sitting back and letting my hundreds of responsibilities run amok over me. It’s partially my fault through disorganization, partially my fault through neglect. I’m doing so much I can’t focus on the important things. If something doesn’t go, I will. I’ll go insane. So I’m through being trampled by my own many loves and passions, and I’m through being choked and hung by the dramas of my friends and school life. I’ve got to distance myself from it, before it gets me. If I don’t focus, and work my ass off on the thing that is most important, I won’t get anywhere. Ever.

It’s over.

So it’s over, kids, and here I am typing as a shakily resolute and keenly terrified individual who’s not grown up and who’s ready to practice and who really just wants to stay home and love her life and her family in peace.

But Time and Nature won’t allow it. So ready or not, I’m out in less than a year. If I go to a shitty school, well hey, that’s my own fault. Goodbye, Eastman. Nice looking at your name on the website, C.I.M. I wish I would have been good enough. I’m sorry for wasting your time, Heather. I’m deeply sorry, Mrs. Ripley.

What happens, happens. If I can’t contact anyone and have them be my savior with my transcript and SAT score report today, then I am fucked. And who can or will help me, the irresponsible procrastinator who is falsely deluding herself that she can make it in the vicious world of music?

I just want to sing. And that will probably never happen now, because I’m a fucking retard.

So guess what.

I’m done.

So, I can’t sleep.  And I also have this song stuck in my head.  I heard it on the radio earlier, and I knew it was a Metric song, but I didn’t know the name.  So, I googled it.  I put in “beating like a hammer song” and there it was!  Now, I will share with all of you…

Metric – Help I’m Alive

Love it!

GiveMeLoveOverThis

MUNICH, Nov 26, 2009 (AFP) – Under-fire Bayern Munich coach Louis van Gaal admitted he was a relieved man after the German giants kept their Champions League dream alive with a crucial 1-0 win over Maccabi Haifa.

Croatia striker Ivica Olic’s second-half strike breathed life into Bayern’s fading dream of reaching the knock-out phase alive at Munich’s Allianz Arena on Wednesday night.

Bayern Munich’s defender Daniel van Buyten (L) vies for the ball with Maccabi Haifa’s striker Vladimer Dvalishvili in Munich on November 25, 2009. AFP PHOTO

After group leaders Bordeaux enjoyed a 2-0 win over Juventus, Bayern are now just one point behind the Italians in Group A and must win their final game at Turin’s Stadio Olimpico on December 8 if they are to progress.

Having drawn their last three league games, this victory was badly needed by van Gaal, who has been told he must win his four remaining Bundesliga games before Christmas to be sure of keeping his job.

“Of course, we are all very relieved to get the win,” said van Gaal.

“The team played well and we are pleased to have got our destiny back into our own hands.”

Van Gaal suspended Bayern’s want-away striker Luca Toni on the eve of the game after the World Cup winner told the Italian media the pair’s relationship has completely broken down.

Bayern later fined Toni 25,000 euros (38,000 US dollars) for his comments, but goalscorer Olic insisted the squad are behind their coach.

“We are 100 percent behind the coach, everything he does is good and I hope we win everything up until the winter break,” said the Croatia star, who was making only his second appearance after injury.

“I think it was very important that we won and put this dark period behind us.

“I had a bad injury and it was a long break and it was pleasing to get the winning goal.

“I owe a lot to (Munich’s team doctor) Dr. Hans-Wilhelm Mueller-Wohlfahrt. The coach wanted to take me off at the half-time break, but I said I felt good and I told him I wanted to score a goal.”

Glum-faced Toni spent the game in the stands next to French midfielder Franck Ribery while Bayern’s fellow walking-wounded Arjen Robben and Miroslav Klose looked on.

But with Germany’s rising stars Thomas Mueller and Mario Gomez causing the Israeli team constant problems, in the end Bayern’s superior fitness made the difference.

Bayern took the lead in the 62nd minute when captain Mark van Bommel found Gomez in the penalty area and he fired his shot to the left of Haifa goalkeeper Nir Davidovitch.

The Israel national goalkeeper made the save, but the rebound fell into the path of Olic, who slotted home to keep the dream alive.

“We are of course very pleased to be back in business and everything is back in our own hands,” said 20-year-old Mueller.

“We needed a lot of passion and fire, it was noticeable that everyone is concentrating hard.”

Bookmark & Share

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

BLACK FRIDAY HERE I COME!!!!

In honor of roq of the 90’s…

Did you know that Pearl Jam’s “Alive” is actually part of  a trilogy known to fans as The Mamasan Trilogy? Indeed it is. The Mamasan Trilogy  consists of  “Alive“, “Once“, and “Footsteps“. In that order. Together they tell the tale of incest, murder, and, finally, the remorse of a man on death row about to take a walk down the green mile.  “Alive”  is semi-autobiographical  and also one of the first songs Eddie Vedder ever recorded that eventually landed him the role of frontman for Pearl Jam. Nowadays, “Alive” is sung as an anthem of survival, but it didn’t quite start out like that. Here’s Eddie Vedder explaining where “Alive” started and where it is now:

P.S. Eddie Vedder is an angel.

Day 11:  Finding it hard today, grey clouds hanging around my head, making it hard to see the good in things.  I am alive and breathing, healthy and surrounded by good people, for this I am grateful.

Day 11: Be still my grey thoughts

Please know you have profoundly helped me grow to who I am today (I hope that’s not a bad thing!). I apologize off the bat for the bad grammar. This is a very stream of consciousness letter. I am thankful for so many people this is going to sound like an acceptance speech. If only I had an award to go with it!For some reason, I feel more thankful than ever. Going through a transformation of sorts puts everything in perspective. When I lost my job this past June, I would have never guessed I would have felt more alive and have met some of the most amazing people. I never dreamed I would be on television/radio and also have a blog, which has had to date over 15,000 hits. I am grateful for EVERYONE who visits day after day!

Thank you for following the journey.

If I could tell you one thing –change the world. Go out and make a difference. Stand up for what you believe in. Change someone’s life. We all have amazing stories to tell. Share them.

My blog wouldn’t have gotten off the ground without a few people. My publicist, George, whose idea it was to really go forward and create the blog. He always has a way of staying positive. A special thanks to ALL the people I have interviewed thus far: the wonderful Marti C., single-licious Melissa B, exceptional Jerry Mitchell, incredible forced to be reckoned with Frenchie Davis, life changing activities Ryan Janek Wolowski and Randy Wicker, and uber talents Richard and Dana. Elisa, Will, Angelo and Renee thank you for one point or another for being my camera bitch! There are many more people, so I apologize if I have forgotten you.

Liz S, you are an amazing woman who constantly gives me the chance to do what I love! You always astound me by the types of events you have me cover. Thank you for taking a chance with me!
Julie H. you have such an amazing heart. I never thought in a million years I would be on the Pat Field website! You have really made my year. You see things in me that I have overlooked. I can’t thank you enough for the dream come true it has been and will keep continuing!
Meagan H. – WE WILL GET KATHY!! You are such a joy to know and you never make my crazy idea is well…crazy! You are a great visionary at what you do!

My family has always been my rock. A special shout out to my relatives in PA, who are not only amazing, but I am so blessed to have reconnected with them on Facebook. Though sometimes we seem miles apart, BENNINGTONS know we are NEVER that far. Thanks guys for all the kick ass support!

My other “family” -my friends who have seen my light and my dark, I feel so fortunate to have had the opportunity to see each of you grow and become individuals who make me proud in the way you contribute and choices you make. Each of you has such a special gift. I truly love you all and you have been a place to look for advice, support and unconditional love. You have no clue how much I value all of you (though sometimes my sarcasm may make it seem otherwise)

My Old Tappan friends, it’s been a while but let me know when you’re around the NYC/NJ area. For me to see us all grown up seems a little freaky! It was only yesterday we were singing to Mr. Boscia’s music, seeing Mr. Rossi throw a desk, cutting class, going to the prom. Now some of you have your own families. Keep me in your heart, as I do with you.

Wagner College gave me amazing inspiration to find myself and meet professors and life-long friends who inspire me daily. There are many ways you can gain an education as I learned in my years at Wager!

Thanks to all the RENT friends I have made. Measure in love. We can always be grateful for Jonathan Larson’s lasting treasure. Thanks for all the RENT road trips!

Thank you, all the new friends I have made. I look forward to knowing you more and more (that DOES sound kind of creepy)

THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE WHO INSPIRE!

This year, remember those who are not as blessed and keep them in your thoughts and prayers. It’s important for us –as teachers, friends, parents, lovers, brothers, sisters,-you name it, to go out there and make a difference. Anything small can help. We can be the change.

Please have a safe, healthy and happy Thanksgiving this year.

The best is yet to come,

Neal B
www.nealbinnyc.wordpress.com

I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change
And life will find a way.

Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
Cause youre not where you belong;
Inside my arms.

Ronan Keating – Winter Song

It’s wordpress and it’s on my iPod! Can you imagine? ! That should explain any grammar or spelling errors! It will probably also explain why this is all in one massive chunk too because I havn’t 1found the enter button… So anyway I’ve decided to just ditch the whole limit of one blog a day thing because I just need to get some stuff out!

Oh and I just found enter

Anyway I just started relistening to my top 25 tracks from back in the day! And it’s rewoken some old memories! Like when I used to kid myself that my whole life could be explained in song lyrics… Glasvegas that’s all I’m saying…

So I dunno I’m feeling a bit shitty at the moment for no real reason… I want to talk to someone new. Like never met them before like when that guy commented me last night…

Once again I gotta say I’m sick of being lonely, I’m sick of wanting what I can’t have, and most of all I’m sick of talking all the time and never saying anything!

And once again, this title means something and for once I’m gonna explain it. That phrase ‘there’s plenty of fish in the sea’ annoys me! If I wanted a fish I’d go to an aquarium, but where do I go for an adventure? Or someone new? Or just something to make you feel alive?

And to answer the questions I’ve been getting all day, yes I will ask Will out if that group gets 1000 members. Why? Because I want to do something to make me feel alive again.

Random blog. Sorry.

Jack out.

Here’s a video from this past weekend’s ALIVE 09 conference that we played in Ocean City, MD.  3500 youth and adults in one place equals FUN.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

This past May, when I went to NYC, I wasn’t really allowed to experience much (okay, any) of the city at night, being all of fifteen years old at the time.  But from what I did see, the only thing better than New York City during the day, is New York City at night.  They don’t call it “the city that never sleeps” for nothing.

Night skyline over the water

I’ve always had this idea that as much as any city is always alive, at night is when it wakes up.  I don’t know what it is about it, but the noise gets louder, the lights get brighter, the dark gets darker, and everything is that much more vivid.  I guess when the sun sets, everything else rises.

What do you think?  Do you think this is true, that nighttime is the best time?  Or do you think cities are most alive under light of day?  When does the metropolis come to life for you?

Love this! Here are some of my favorites with my comments in italics:

I’m a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.

Lord, here I am, send me. Keep breaking my heart for what breaks yours. Let Your love overflow.

No moment from my God is a rock of burden…it’s just a rock waiting to be broken apart into stepping stones.

Even this moment…this moment when I’m laying on the floor crying. You are using it to make a stepping stone toward something beautiful.  You are the potter. I am the clay.

choose joy

here am I. I choose You tonight and Your joy.

if what you do does not resonate with you… it is not really going to matter to anyone else.

talking about passion gets me energized and makes me come alive. talking about kids and life changes and God completely invading your heart…yeah, that’s the good stuff.

some pursue happiness..others create it

I may not control the circumstances, but I choose joy and I choose to let God give abundant life in Him.

fashion your life as a garland of beautiful deeds.

let everything I say and do be a reflection of You.

16 Nov 2009 A 55-year-old Taiwanese man tricked up to 20 women into having sex with him in an elaborate scam where he posed as both a handsome young man and that man’s ailing father.

Hsu Shian-ming, who was arrested on Saturday, allegedly posted photos of a youthful male model online, claiming to be that person, and attracted numerous calls from women interested in romantic liaisons, the China Post reported.

Hsu would then use the telephone conversations to tell his victims he had a father whose medical condition required constant sex to stay alive, sweet-talking them into doing what was necessary to save him, it said.

The women would then meet up with the “father”, also Hsu, waiting for them at various hotels in Taipei, according to the report.

One of his victims eventually became suspicious after several attempts to see the handsome “son” were unsuccessful, and after she uncovered the truth with the help of private investigators, police were involved, the paper said.

The 30 year old rocker revealed that last month his life hung by a piece of string, being half dead.

Forced to cancel several concerts, Doherty’s agent announced that the artist is exhausted and that he was hospitalized. Now the rocker admitted it was a sort of poisoning of the body, but the problem wasn’t caused by drugs, as doctors first believed, because of his drug related past.

Pete’s heart stopped beating and after resuscitation he needed to be connected to life support machines. All he remembers is hitting himself against a wall and suddenly fell unconscious: “I woke up in hospital. They asked me around 20 questions – if I know my name, how old am I … I later found out how serious the situation was. “

While doctors still fear for his life, Doherty wants to return to the stage with Babyshambles: “A concert is exactly what my doctor recommended,” he joked.

From the Associated Press:

BRUSSELS – With a caretaker holding his hand, a Belgian man who was diagnosed as comatose for 23 years typed out a message Tuesday that he felt reborn after decades of loneliness and frustration. A leading bioethicist, however, expressed skepticism that the man was truly communicating on his own.

Car-crash victim Rom Houben was diagnosed as being in a vegetative state but appears to have been conscious the whole time, doctors here said. An expert using a specialized type of brain scan that was not available in the 1980s says he finally realized Houben was conscious and provided him with the equipment to communicate.

Assisted by a speech therapist who rapidly moved his finger letter by letter along a touch-screen keyboard, Houben told AP Television News that years of being unable to move or communicate left him feeling “alone, lonely, frustrated, but also blessed with my family.”

The therapist, Linda Wouters, told APTN that she can feel Houben guiding her hand with gentle pressure from his fingers, and that she feels him objecting when she moves his hand toward an incorrect letter.

“It was especially frustrating when my family needed me. I could not share in their sorrow. We could not give each other support,” Houben wrote during the interview at the ‘t Weyerke institute in eastern Belgium.

“Just imagine. You hear, see, feel and think but no one can see that. You undergo things. You cannot participate in life.”

Arthur Caplan, a bioethics professor at the University of Pennsylvania, said he is skeptical of Houben’s ability to communicate after seeing video of his hand being moved along the keyboard.

“That’s called ‘facilitated communication,’” Caplan said. “That is ouija board stuff. It’s been discredited time and time again. When people look at it, it’s usually the person doing the pointing who’s doing the messages, not the person they claim they are helping.”

Caplan also said the statements Houben allegedly made with the computer seem unnatural for someone with such a profound injury and an inability to communicate for decades.

Asked how he felt when his consciousness was discovered, Houben responded through the aide that: “I especially felt relief. Finally be able to show that I was indeed there.”

“Just like with a baby, it happens with a lot of stumbling,” he wrote.

The doctor who discovered that Houben had been wrongly diagnosed said that he is re-examining dozens of other cases.

Dr. Steven Laureys said he has discovered some degree of consciousness using state-of-the-art equipment in other patients but won’t say how many. He looks at about 50 cases from around the world a year but none are as extreme as that of Rom Houben, who was fully conscious inside a paralyzed body. Many center on the fine distinction between a vegetative state and minimal consciousness.

He said Tuesday that: “It is very difficult to tell the difference.”

His studies showed that some 40 percent of patients with consciousness disorders are wrongly given a diagnosis of a vegetative state.

“It is clearly unacceptable. It is four times out of ten that they think the patient is in a vegetative state but in reality he is minimally conscious,” Laureys said.

Patients from Europe and around the world brought to his center in Liege for a second opinion go through and PET scans, MRI’s and a battery of other tests during a weeklong reassessment.

“Sometimes patients fly in and there is all this hope. But after the tests we have to confirm they are the opposite case from Rom and that there is no error,” Laureys said. “But that too helps the family accept reality.”

In Belgium alone there are some 350 patients diagnosed as in a vegetative state, he said.

I read one quote about love today by Theodor Storm… “Liebe ist nichts als die Angst des sterblichen Menschen vor dem Alleinsein” (Love is no more than the fear of the mortal human being of being alone). Storm was deep inside a romantic, while he uses his own experience with love and the painful truth of suffering through rejection and unfulfilled love. So true.
And then I watched new moon and again “love and pain” was the leading theme. In which Bella would put herself into danger just to see him and just to get the vision of being close. Love is so powerful it decides over us whether we ask her for or not, pain is the result no matter what and as many before also Bella agrees that the pain is what eventually shows her she is alive.
I try to tell myself the same thing each day and maybe that is why I am hurting myself. I need the security of being alive. Being in control is one way, but a painful way, because no one can ever control everything and even though my urge to be perfect is so incredibly strong it will in the end just leave me wounded and scared.
I have no sense of what else could be right, whatsoever, I am looking to find the answers to my nightly questions, the key to the lock of myself bearing the power of my soul to lead this life. I am lost still and all I do is try and all I can do is keep moving towards the right direction, whatever that may be.

Trailer for the new Wolfman movie coming out next year. Features Kid Cudi’s song “Alive” off Man On The Moon: The End of Day. If you listen to the song, it fits in perfectly with this movie.