Well, it was bound to happen.  I do most of my writing at home, but post updates from work.

Yesterday, a clever young lady was in my office, and evidently, kept an eye on my screen.  She read a paragraph out of the slut dictionary and began laughing.  Of course, she has no idea that I’m the author, but thought it was funny that I would read such “trash” especially since she knows that I’m “a really great guy who treats his girlfriend well”.  She said I didn’t seem like the type of man to pay any attention to such nonsense.  She actually referred to me as “a keeper”, which I thought was offensive.  Evidently, I’m still giving off a Beta vibe at work.

Of course, I told her that some idiot friend sent this blog to me in an email, and that he was indeed, a Neanderthal.

So we started to chat a little about men and women, and how relationships always seem to degrade when an overbearing, judgmental, uncivilized, immature male starts pushing his weight around and has the nerve to vet his girlfriend for a potential LTR.  I agreed with her wholeheartedly on everything that came out of her mouth.  I wanted female intelligence, even if that is an oxymoron.

Well gentlemen, I’m now rethinking my slut dictionary.  I may actually rewrite it tomorrow to remove the word “slut”.  Is this because I think a slut shouldn’t be called a slut?  Of course not.  It’s because I’m finding that woman have actually raised the bar in that field.  Slut is a derogatory term that should be earned.  I can’t call everyone a slut, can I?  I think the term is losing its meaning.

So instead of judging a woman’s LTR potential by the amount of dick she’s hosted, among numerous other qualifiers of course, I’m going to take a new approach.  I’m actually going to let women decide for themselves how I assess their sexual market value.  From now on, I’m going to take the Lowest Common Denominator (LCD) approach.

LCD APPROACH: I will never give a woman more respect than the least amount of respect she’s demanded from any other man.

I don’t care if the woman is a cross between Mother Teresa and Florence Nightingale.  If she’s had a one night stand or was ever an easy lay, that’s her sexual market value.  Evidentially there was an instance where she had to make a decision, and she decided her sexual value was that of a one nighter, a threesome, or whatever the case may be.  So hell, who am I to argue with her?

The beauty of this approach is that while women generally never talk about their number of partners, they will for some reason brag about their favorite “dirty little not-so-secret secret”.  To me, that’s all I need to hear.  It doesn’t mean she’s a bad person.  It doesn’t mean that I won’t treat her well.  All it simply means is that she’s knocked herself out of the LTR category.  Though in some cases she may not be a “slut”, she has chosen to lower her sexual market value.

Building a great relationship isn’t a matter of an abundance of any one big thing; there is no “magic spell” or “magic bullet” that’s going to instantly put you over the top. But that’s a good thing, because the alternative is creating a mixture of more common, attainable things, and any man can do that, IF he knows what goes into the mix!
 
Before we get started, check out this news article on the current state of divorces, counseling, etc., as influenced by current economic conditions. It’s downright scary to see how many people are unhappily stuck together because they think they can’t afford divorce or even counseling!http://www.makingherhappy.com/. It’s called “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” and from what my readers and I have seen, it has that which will cure what ails your relationship, if you do nothing more than read and apply it. Don’t tell anybody I told you so, but just between us, it’s a whole lot of fun, so get to it now, before you do another thing!

One thing that caught my eye in the article was how these people who seek counseling because of the expense of divorce are looking at $1,000 or more for 10 or more sessions. Most of my readers never need counseling, and the few who opt for it have never required more than a session or two, often only a half-hour. Un-freaking-believable. I was flamed on the Divorce Busters’ web site by some guy who said that he was a counselor and was appalled because I gave specific advice. If it takes others ten sessions to get things on track and it takes me one, I can see why that might upset him.

By the way, in the end he ignored my advice to leave a woman who obviously had no love or respect for him, as evidenced by the way she chronically abused and demeaned him, because he found that by deceiving her, his situation became tolerable, and that in his estimation, deceit was the key to a happy relationship. I didn’t bother responding out of respect for the owner of the web site, Michelle Weiner-Davis, PhD. She tries to help people, while this guy was just looking for validation of his mistakes instead of a solution.

Getting into today’s lesson, as many of you already know, one of my acquired talents and favorite achievements is that of being a chef. The fact is I’m a “very alpha male” and therefore not only a leader, but also a consummate do-it-yourselfer, the most secure route to the independence that every alpha male demands, and a man who loves good food as much as I do needs to be able to create it at will, because unless you live in New York City, there are more places to get an average or bad meal than there are to get a good one.

(As a quick aside, New Yorkers are probably the only people on this planet that I envy as a whole, because in my experience, you just can’t find a bad meal in New York City. I’ve literally had better food from a NYC street vendor’s cart than I’ve had at restaurants in other places. A bad restaurant isn’t going to survive very long in a densely populated city with commercial real estate prices and rental rates as high as they are there. If you love good food, a vacation there is worth the stay just for the food!)

Getting back on topic, I was making omelets for breakfast this morning (“guy omelets,” loaded with pizza sauce, cheese, pepperoni, mushrooms, etc. – use your favorite pizza toppings!), and it hit me how much has to be just right for the eggs to set right, and how that equated to a relationship.

If you add too much water or milk, they don’t hold together and you’ll end up with runny scrambled eggs. If you let the mixture reach too high a temperature by leaving it in the pan too long, the proteins “spasm” and force all the water out of the eggs, giving you rubbery lumps sitting in water. Too much heat quickly will cause them to scorch and burn. Like baking anything that turns into a set foam (omelet, cake, biscuits, etc.), it’s a matter of chemistry and physics, and you have to have the right amount of everything to make it perfect, and getting close will get you something very good.

It’s the same way with relationships. Think about the things required to keep a woman happy:

You need to be sensitive to a woman’s emotional condition and have good communications skills, but if you over apply either you end up being treated like a girlfriend.

You need to project a strong leader-like personality, but if you cross the line and come off as controlling, you’re toast!

You need to have a good sense of humor and know how to have fun and make her laugh, but if you do it too often, you’re an over-aged adolescent clown, not “her dream guy who can be so much fun and makes her laugh when she feels bad.” (She really will get bored with too much comedy.)

You need to project self-respect and groom and dress in a manner that does so, but if you go too far with that, especially if you go “metrosexual,” you become conceited, fussy, spend more on skin and hair care products than she does, and you’re fun to shop with but nothing else (GIRLFRIEND AGAIN!), not to mention getting all the attention that she wants when the two of you go out.

You need to be a friend and companion, but if you take that too far, you become “just friends,” and a “nice guy,” somebody she wants to watch a chick-flick with, not somebody she wants to have come into the house, sweep her off her feet, and ravish her. Just another relationship for her to have to manage, and women manage a lot of relationships, actively. And, regrettably, you’ll also be someone who can’t stand up to her, and hence, in her eyes, someone who can’t stand up FOR her.

There are a lot of people touting a lot of ways to instantly get results, and as men, we tend to try to make each thing we hear about be that one magic thing we’ve been missing to make everything wonderful again. We heard women wanted a man to be “nice” and “sensitive” back in the 1980’s. We gave up on being the men that our fathers taught us to be and started being wimps who cried in front of their women while watching a movie.

What they wanted was for us to be real men, treat them as someone we liked (nice) instead of taking all their money and beating them up and then leaving them for one a little younger, and to be emotionally aware enough know that there would be times when they would be upset for no apparent reason, and other times when they needed to talk to somebody, and that busting through the door yelling “I’m home! Where’s my damned dinner?” wasn’t going to work out very well for anyone involved.

You don’t need to know every little thing there is to know about women, but there are some things that you do need to know if you ever want to be happy with one or more of them. And there again, it’s not just one thing you’ll need to know about, but a mix of things: compatibility, communications, emotions, mentality, needs, wants, and reactions, just to name the big ones. And then you need to throw into that mix everything that makes the women in your life (wife, daughters, sisters, friends, wives of friends, coworkers, wives of coworkers – there are probably a lot more women in your life than you realize) individuals, their idiosyncrasies that will endear you to them if you notice and appreciate.

With all these “mixes” going on, it sounds like you need a HUGE cookbook, doesn’t it?

Well, no, you don’t, and no, I’m not going to drop that “recipe for a happy marriage” cliché on you. However, you do need to learn a few things because there are several aspects of your relationship that you need to master and manage.

But! That’s not to say that you need a dozen books on psychology, several on communication, a few on seduction, a bunch on female physiology and sexual technique, one on women’s history, etc. Yeah, that’s a mixture, too, but it’s a whole lot of overkill, and quite frankly, since a lot of women think they want things that they really respond to quite negatively, it’s also going to be pretty confusing.

There is an answer for you, though. It’s not a freebie, but you can easily afford it, no matter what you’re situation. It’s not a magic pill, but it’s a regimen you can easily swallow. It’s not likely to turn your life upside down overnight, but some of my readers have stopped their divorces cold within less than a week of receiving it, and over the course of several weeks after that put things back on track and then went on to make them better than they’ve ever been.

Some are going more slowly, taking a few months, because sudden change just isn’t in them (you know, the detail-oriented sort who take the time to check and double-check and study everything before taking action), but even if you are one of those people, what’s two or three months compared to extending your marriage as much as thirty or forty years, and making it a great marriage instead of a trap that sucks the life out of you?

Or worse, what are two or three months compared to the years you might continue to be unhappy and/or alone, or stuck with the wrong person, if things continue the way they’re going? Not much, not much at all. Let’s see, three months study and self-improvement for 30 years of happiness. That’s a 12,000% return, and unlike the stock market, you’re in total control of whether that investment pays off, because it’s based on choices you make and actions you take, not the choices and actions of others. And I don’t even want to try to compute the percentage gain if you only have to spend the two to four hours required to read the book and hit the ground running!

Your answer is at

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Labels: Alpha Male, Communication, Confidence, control, How to Please a Woman, How Women Behave, Leadership, Male Attitude, Projecting Respect, Respecting Women

I’ve been writing a lot lately about women.  That’s because I generally write about what I’m experiencing.  While there’s certainly a lot to discuss about Beta v. Alpha traits in the workforce and normal social circles, without giving up too much information (I don’t want to piss off the matriarchy at my “gurl power” firm) I am going to write yet another post on the fairer sex.

I work with three teams of girls between the ages of 24 and 29.  I’m the department manager for two of the teams.  That means between work, lunch, soul-sucking Holiday parties, and mandatory community volunteering, I have personal contact with 19 women in that age group for at least 8 hours per day.

I listen to them drone on and on about their love lives or lack thereof – albeit for only a week or two at a time, since these girls can’t go two consecutive weeks without a man.

I never considered myself anti marriage until three years ago when I started working here.  The girls are all college educated, and come from a wide variety of backgrounds.  Their skill sets range from accounting to project management, sales and design…basically, the age, intelligence level, and background most men would consider attractive in the dating world.  By today’s standards, they truly are “good girls”.

Because of the line of work we’re in, none of them are fatties.  Every single one of them are cute to say the least, and several of them are just so fucking hot it hurts to look at them.

What started out with me working around these beautiful young girls, listening to them, watching them and thinking “That’s kind of shitty.  Oh well, that one’s just a little misguided” has slowly deteriorated into a true belief that today’s American girls are only worth the flesh they’re willing to give up.  If it wasn’t for the ever popular and easily obtained sport fucking, I wouldn’t even speak to an American girl.  Of course, this view has only been validated and reinforced by meeting their friends, having my own girlfriends, and making platonic girlfriends outside of work.  Mine is a pretty diverse and rather large sampling of American women in my opinion.

So here’s 15 of the top lessons I’ve learned from my experience with the “Average American Good Girl”.

1.  They don’t love you.  They’re in love with love.

Those doughy eyes that glow forth with a passion that could traverse the whole of space and time come as standard as seatbelts in a minivan.  It was already in them long before you walked into the picture.  You’re not special, you just happened to meet them when they had an opening.  They are determined to fall in love and be in love, and you simply fit the bill for now.  If they can get you to marry them, they win.  If not, they have yet another story of an immature man who was scared of commitment to bitch about.  Either way, they win.

2.  Billy Graham isn’t the only one who sings “Just As I Am”.

You must take her as she is.  Any due diligence, shit testing, or investigation on your part will be met with hostility most foul.  She is unique, special, more than you deserve, and altogether lovely.  You will take her just as she is, or you’re an inconsiderate immature asshole.  She’ll work on your numerous faults later, after you acknowledge this eternal truth.

3.  They think they’re smarter than you.

They know your faults, they know how much of a bitch your mom and sister are, and they know exactly what you should do about it.  They control the relationship, and you’re nothing but a pawn in their sick chess game.  Right now, the only game is to get you to commit forever.  After that, their unbridled wisdom will be granted to you on a daily basis and forcefully applied to every aspect of your life.

4.  Most of the time, they actually are smarter than you.

He may not always go down without a fight, but he usually goes down.  You wouldn’t believe the shit these girls get their guys to do.  Amazing, and sad.

5.  It is indeed your fault.

Every instance where she’s gone up against an Alpha with a backbone and lost (got hurt) is your fault, and you will pay greatly to ensure the remission of his sins.  Every argument is directly related to your lack of communication and understanding.  Even the 2% of arguments you think you’ve won are merely her granting you a win because of your stunted, ill man brain.

6.  There’s a difference between getting married and being married.

At a ratio of 1,000 to 1, I hear conversations about getting married versus actually being married.  She wants the party, the handsome groom, and all eyes on her.  She’ll have plenty of time to whip you into shape after the fact.  She owns your ass then, so married life should be a grand adventure for her and doesn’t require an ounce of thought from her pretty little head.  She can always leave you and take your kids and half your shit if it doesn’t work out.  So really, outdoing her bitch best friend’s ceremony and reception is all that matters.

7.  Sex is an important aspect of love…and lust…and boredom…and learning…and growing…and expression…and revenge…and power…and loneliness…and happiness…and sadness…and self validation…and tropical vacations…and down time between boyfriends…etc.

Need I say more?  Chances are your sweetheart is more than a few locker room stories.  I have learned that the “rule of 2”, which is dividing the partners a man claims by two, and multiplying the number the girl claims by two may not always hold true – many of them think they are still a virgin if they’re under 20 partners. However, I can certainly confirm that “blowjobs don’t count”.  So she may have “only” slept with 18 men, but that doesn’t account for all the dick that’s entered her body in one form or another.  Of course, you’d come closer to finding Jesus Christ in line for a Starbucks at the mall than you would finding out the truth about her cock intake by asking, so just listen for clues and form your own opinion.

8.  They show you off just as much as you show them off.

They don’t ask their friends “what do you think of him?” because they want an earnest opinion.  They ask because they want to make their girlfriends jealous.  If they don’t see the envy in their friend’s eyes, you’re gone, buddy.

9.  You will comply with her every wish, or you’re a selfish jerk.

50/50 partnership my ass.  Its her way or you’re out…once she has your replacement in her pocket, of course.

10.  Women give each other the worst dating advice imaginable.

I could write a book about the stupid shit I hear.  My favorite is that when you find a man who could be “the one”, hold out on him in the bedroom for three months.  Make him chase you for a while so that – and this is a direct quote – “he won’t think you’re trampy”.

11.  They lie.  My god, they lie.

The moment they feel something, it becomes truth.  The moment something no longer tickles their emotions, it becomes a falsehood.  They will lie, manipulate, and do whatever it takes to get what they want and honestly think nothing of it.  After all, it can’t be a lie or manipulation if they’re being true to themselves (thanks Oprah).  And as for how it affects the man, it matters not.  Remember, they’re smarter than you, and their growth benefits you too.  You should really thank her.

12.  They hate your single friends.

The most positive thing I’ve heard about a man’s single friends in my three years at that company is “he’s ok, I guess, but [boyfriend] needs to distance himself from him because he’s not going in the same direction we are”.  I could go on for ages with all the nasty things I’ve heard, and the plots to disassociate a man from a good friend he’s had since middle school.

13.  They hate their own friends.

As King of the world, I would ban women from talking about how aggressive and hateful men are.  Women are the most scheming, backbiting, twisted creatures on the planet.  They actually hate their friends and are overcome with jealousy when anything good happens to their peers.  I always have at least one trying to get the other fired…right before they go have their nails done together over lunch break.  This is really the only time I actually find myself afraid of women.  Their evil knows no bounds, and damn it, it scares me.

14.  They overvalue themselves.

Many women literally think that God Almighty himself stepped out of nowhere onto nothing and created the universe just for them.  They believe they are inimitable, distinctive creatures who should be referenced as a glowing and obvious example of all that a woman should be.  When they say “You’ll never find another woman like me!” they actually believe it wholeheartedly.  There is no one quite like them.  They are irreplaceable, and if you’re not smart enough to recognize it, you’ll undoubtedly live a life of solitude and regret before dying a lonely old man with no one to take care of him.

15.  Their perfect man will be greatly rewarded.  Then eaten.

From what I’ve seen, the poor Beta men who comply with this laundry list of horse shit are heroes and become the standard by which their girlfriend’s friends will judge their potential suitors.  But that only lasts for about two months until they get tired of his capitulating pansy ass and start longing for a real man to keep them in check.  Then they devour the Beta carcass and head out looking for an Alpha to treat them badly so they have something to bitch about again.

Many lessons from the past, before the feminists and media decided to attempt the castration of our gender, are being lost, things that our fathers and grandfathers knew from childhood about women and keeping them happy. Tune in to see a biggie…

One of your fellow readers, truly one of the sharpest of you, sent me this little pearl of wisdom:

You might point this out to your readers someday – an idea I got from one of my son’s movies:

Clark Kent and Superman are the same guy, but Lois Lane is only attracted to Superman – Clark is someone she can only see as a friend. A little story we all learned so young it’s permanently part of our thought process!

How profound! And how sad, that we’ve seen that story and that double image for so long and so many of us have been unable to make that connection until this moment. Superman acted as he did in the guise of Clark Kent to kill Lois Lane’s attraction for him. Think about that!

He was nice, agreeable, indecisive and ultimately left decisions up to her, never assertive, never took the lead on anything, never initiated conversations – the consummate wuss! And he was the same guy as Superman, the guy she couldn’t stop thinking about.

“Oh, but that was a comic strip,” you say! Sure it was, written by men of the early and middle 20th century, before the wussification movement of the late 60’s through the present. These men who wrote that comic strip and did those shows (it was in black and white for a long time, and if memory serves, was on radio long before it was ever on television) knew about attraction because it wasn’t politically incorrect at that time to acknowledge that there are distinct and delightful differences between the sexes that can enrich any relationship if the partners in that relationship understand them.

Decisive man of action, or nerd who talks to his feet through his hand – which one do you think any woman would go for? It sickens me to think about the hero images being painted for our kids today. We had Superman, the Lone Ranger, Babe Ruth, Lou Gherig, The Green Hornet, The FBI Guys, James Bond, etc., and what do they have? Barney, the Teletubbies, and that man’s man of the world, Sponge Bob Squarepants. Gender-neutral at best.

And it doesn’t get any better if you look at films for people our age. You may recall from the editorial in the “Where Have All the Real Man Gone” editorial quoted in my free “Break-Up Busting 101” report that Gary Cooper, John Wayne, Chuck Norris, Clint Eastwood, etc., have been replaced by Demi Moore and Angelina Jolie, with our gender being represented by Will Farrell, Hugh Grant, etc. Real fine examples of attraction-building heroes, huh?

Gents, it’s like this: A woman’s greatest enemy in the world is boredom, bar none. Wussy men who won’t act like a man, take the lead, make decisions, etc., are boring. When she gets bored, she picks fights, then has affairs, then leaves if you don’t finally get the message. It’s really just that simple, and Ladies, please feel free to comment on this to help me get these men to see that this is as big an issue to you as their job security is to them!

You need to know how this works, and you need to know how to listen to and speak “girly-ese” so that when your partner starts trying to tell you that you are boring her (and you can bet the farm that she will, whether she wants to or not!), you can respond appropriately in a timely manner and head off the trouble that is going to follow. And most of all, you need to know that being the kind of man that every woman enjoys is a whole lot easier and more fun than being the one they merely tolerate, or dismiss as a wuss.

I can and will teach you, as hundreds of women have voluntarily taught me, if you’ll jump over to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage.” It’s easy, it’s enjoyable, it’s easily affordable, and it’s guaranteed, so you have no excuse. The earlier you stand up and take action, the easier it is, so stand up and do it now, or maybe you’d prefer to continue making life hard on yourself…

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Labels: Alpha Male, attraction, authority, Boredom, Leadership, Male Attitude, What Women Want

Real men, alpha males, are nearly an extinct species, in spite of all the information available to help men avoid drowning in a sea of wussitude. Why? What can you do to protect yourself and reverse the damage that has been done? Will the woman in your life appreciate it? (You BET she will!)

There is something I have to talk about from time to time because it bugs the hell out of not only me, but out of every woman alive. Women and the dating gurus are also mentioning it, so it’s not just me. Men are rapidly deteriorating into miserable wusses at an accelerating rate, and it’s getting scary.

During conversations with men, the most ridiculous things keep coming up. Fights over things that wives have found out from non-family members that they should have found out from their husbands, leaving decisions about outings, dates, etc., to the women, total indecision about career and asking their wife not for input, but for decisions about what they should do! Men being afraid to be men!!! It’s a disgusting and unfortunate by-product of a lot of miscommunication in the 80’s and 90’s.

I still keep tabs on the gurus in the dating world, and Shelley McMurtry has reported that she went into a bunch of bars in a major Texas city where men and women used to “hook up” with regularity, and it was the same story, singles style – the bars full of women, dressed to the nines and obviously looking for action while the men are playing pool, talking to each other in hushed tones with slumped shoulders and drinking, sneaking a peek at the women and mentally undressing them but rarely if ever walking up to them and introducing themselves, let alone initiating a conversation. Again, disgusting!

Being married, I’m seldom in a bar, but on the rare occasions I’m in a bar, coffee house, or anywhere else that single men and women are, I see the men eyeing the women, looking sheepish, and not approaching; the only ones who appear to be taking any action are the nerdy-looking pick-up artists, sporting their peacock gear a la Neil Strauss, in “The Game,” and as Strauss describes finding out at the end of his book, that’s all just a show to get women’s attention, and has nothing behind it worthy of a relationship or that could ever sustain a relationship, and women are so aware of this that they refer to the pick-up artists’ approach as “running game” on them.

(“The Game” is a great book, by the way, and while you won’t learn much about long-term relationships other than what to avoid doing if you want one, it’s still fascinating to see how far wusses will go to try to make up for not having alpha male characteristics they could easily develop in themselves.)

When I’m out and watching couples interact, I rarely see a man walking with his head up, smiling and looking confident; he’s usually looking either angry or lost as his wife or girlfriend seems to be leading him around and making all the decisions, and when she stops to talk to another woman, you can see the looks of “yeah, I’m out with stupid wuss-boy here again, and I’ll call ya later and give you a good laugh about his latest stupidity” from across a shopping mall. Double disgusting!

Gentlemen, it is our station in life to make decisions – not to force our decisions on everyone else, mind you – but to be decisive when we have information; strong, and confident to the point of being benevolently aggressive and even a slight bit arrogant, and having the gonads and intestinal fortitude to talk to women about whatever we want or need to discuss with them, looking into their eyes, not at our feet. We are born and bred to lead. There is no excuse for failing in this regard. Nor is there an excuse for being towed around a place we don’t want to be like a little red wagon, or more appropriately, a child being led by the nose or ear to a place to be punished for his bad behavior.

Yes, we’ve been programmed by our mothers, our teachers, ex-girlfriends, Hollywood, etc., to be “nice,” to “share our feelings,” to be “sensitive,” and do a whole bunch of ridiculous crap that literally annoys women to death, whether they realize it as they are doing it or not, but we are not born or built that way. We are born male, with the capacity to be “alpha male,” and it is our natural state. No matter how long and how severely you have been programmed, you can deprogram yourself with a little knowledge and very little effort.

By the way, how are women responding to all these candy-asses? They’re getting more and more bored and frustrated with them, and pushing them harder and harder towards an emotional explosion in hopes of just getting a glimpse of their maleness. They want us to be real men, to the extent of risking a huge fight to see us do it, and when they don’t get what they want, they continue to escalate until your worst nightmare begins: they decide you may be unsalvageable, and then either affairs or divorce proceedings start, because such things will either get your attention and finally call you to action or at least provide them some relief in the form of drama and a change of scenery. (The one partial exception I’ve noted is in marriages where there is a high level of religious involvement, in which cases the woman “wears the pants in the family,” and both parties to the marriage are obviously unhappy, usually stuck in that “comfortably unhappy” state I warn you about.)

At that point, they have nothing to lose either way. It takes time, and they don’t like going through it, and if they see you suddenly start trying to improve, they will cautiously encourage you while skeptically testing you to see if you have the courage of your convictions and will see it through, or just shrug it off and consign yourself forever to terminal wussitude.

You can fix this, starting right now, if you have the desire and guts and of course, know how to read. That’s all it takes. You’re reading this, so you’re one third of the way home already. Go for broke. Go to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” right now. Fix this before it gets out of hand, and be one of the few and the proud instead of one of the many and lame.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Labels: Alpha Male, Breaking Up, divorce, How Women Behave, Projecting Respect, Saving a Marriage, Self-Esteem, Taking Responsibility

11 “Don’t-Tell-the-Husband” Secrets All Women Keep

This little gem was copied from MSN.com.  Words of Christ in red.

1. Everything we buy for ourselves—shoes, a skirt, even just stuff from the drugstore—really costs 20 percent more than we tell you it did.
Just because it’s a classic sitcom plot doesn’t mean it isn’t true. “Sometimes I’ll buy an outfit and charge half of it on our credit card and pay for the other half in cash so my husband doesn’t know what I’m actually spending,” admits one 32-year-old, who requested anonymity to protect her sneaky secret. Yeah, we know honesty is the best policy, hiding your spending habits is bad, blah blah blah. But sometimes we just don’t want the hassle of arguing over the price of the fancy shampoo. Is that so wrong? We don’t think so.

Fine by me.  If youre my wife, youre spending your own cash and not mine.  As long as you look good for me, I care not.

2. We actually think about sex—with you!—a lot.
Sometimes we think about it all day long. It’s just that by the end of the day we’re too damn tired to do anything about it. Now, if you could only catch us at lunchtime…

Bullshit.  You find time to do everything else that pleases you.  Marrying you made me an equal in your eyes, and women are only sexually attracted to Alphas.  The reason you were horny at lunch time was because you were thinking about your boss’ cock.  Its ok though.  After years of watching your ass increase in size to the point where it needs its own zip code, I’d rather have 10 minutes with a bottle of lotion and some internet porn.

3. We’re just as nervous about commitment as you are.
True, many girls grow up dreaming of Prince Charming, the white wedding, and happily ever after. But we’re human, just like you, and when it comes down to the reality of tying our life to another person’s, we get scared, too. “The idea of getting married completely freaked me out at first,” says my friend Lisa, 34. “I know this sounds like a guy cliché, but I saw it as giving up my independence and being tied down.” The good news is, once we’re hitched, we’re generally pretty delighted about it. Says Lisa, “Now that I am married, having a life commitment is so comforting and wonderful. I love knowing that we are a team and that we’re going to be on the same team forever.”

Yeah, I meet women who are scared of commitment all the time.  Nice try.

4. We may be modern and independent, but we still want you to be “the man.”
We do want you to be sensitive, caring 21st-century males, but even the most ass-kicking, take-no-prisoners woman still wants to feel taken care of by her man somehow. Whether that means you take charge in bed, know how to fix the car and kill spiders, or even just carry the big suitcase when we’re on vacation—when you act all manly, even if you’re 98 pounds soaking wet, it makes us feel more feminine, more safe.

“I love that my friends and family always comment on how my husband opens the door for me and does all kinds of other chivalrous things—especially when I was pregnant, when he was so protective of me and my belly,” says Lorraine, 29, of New Hartford, NY. “At the end of the day, being in his strong arms is definitely a good feeling, no matter how independent I know I am.”

So you want a Beta husband when you want to be a bitch, and an Alpha when you want to be a delicate little flower.  No deal unless you’re going to be a sweet church lady when it suits me, and a total whore when I’m ready to get busy.  Of course, we’ve learned from statement #2 of this asinine article that those options are not available.

5. Our ex-boyfriends were not completely terrible in bed.
You know how we’re always telling you things like, “No one does it like you do”? Um, yeah. Well, we may have been stretching the truth just a teensy bit. But we’ll never actually tell you that a past lover was a bedroom dynamo—we’re smarter than that. Just know that whatever toe-curling orgasms the other guy gave us, sex with you really is a million times better—because it’s you, and you’re the one we really want.

Thanks.  It’s all good though.  We miss that 110 lb. Latina with perfect breasts who used to fuck our brains out before making breakfast.

6. We’re scared that we’ll turn into our mothers.
We love our mothers, really. We admire them, we’re grateful to them, we think they’re the most amazing women on the planet. We just don’t want to be them. That’s why one of the worst insults you can hurl at a woman is, “You’re acting just like your mother.”

But here’s one that’s even worse: “You’re acting just like my mother.” It sends a horrible oedipal shiver down our spines—did he marry me because I’m like his mom? Will he start expecting me to cut the crusts off his PB&J? So please, if you value your sex life, never ever compare your wife to your mother. Out loud, anyway.

Yeah, we’re scared of that too.  Your mom is a bitch.  Oh, and you really do remind us of her sometimes.

7. We want you to be jealous—but just a little bit.
We want you to notice—and care!—when the waiter flirts with us, or when other guys check us out on the street. It makes us feel that we matter to you. But please don’t get all Neanderthal and possessive on us. “I’m very loyal, and if my guy can’t understand that I would never do anything with anyone else, then that just makes me mad,” says Paulina, 22, from Brooklyn. So, to recap: Raising your eyebrows when we introduce you to our cute coworker—good. Punching him out—very, very bad.

Yes, your highness.  I’ll harness the most powerful raging emotion a man has and use it to fluff your ego.  Will there be anything else?

8. Yes, we fantasize about hot celebrity guys, but that doesn’t mean we want you to be them.
Christian Bale is sexy and all, but can you imagine having to clean that Batcave?

Christian Bale wouldn’t put up with your ass for 30 seconds.  He may not even let you clean the Bat Cave.

9. We tell our girlfriends more than we admit to you (but less than you fear).
Yes, we tell them about the latest marital spat, complain about our mothers-in-law, and sigh over the hobby that sucks up all your free time. But we don’t tell them how big your you-know-what is or that you cried in our arms when your dad died. Some things are just too important and intimate to share. “I definitely don’t tell my girlfriends details like what my husband said when he proposed, the feeling I have every time I see him look at our daughter, and the little wonderful things he does for me every day,” says Lorraine. “Those are just for me.”

We know the deal.  Your friends shoot us that “knowing” look all the time.  We let it go because we actually have less regard for her opinions than we do yours.

10. We really do notice and appreciate all the chores you do.
Why don’t we say so often enough? Because we can’t get over all the things you don’t do. My husband, for example, is incredibly diligent about keeping a 6-by-10-foot carpeted patch of our apartment vacuumed and cat hair–free, and I love that. But it kills me that it never occurs to him to dust the furniture sitting on top of that piece of carpet, or to sweep the hardwood floor adjoining it.

Blame our lack of positive feedback on that stubborn female belief that there is Only One Right Way to do any given household task—our way. It’s probably the real reason why men don’t shoulder a greater share of housekeeping duties; we complain about how you did it wrong, so you never want to do it again. (Sounds familiar, right?) Let’s make a deal: You promise to dust the lampshade (or wipe down the kitchen counter after you wash the dishes, or take out the garbage and then put a new liner in the can) once in a while, and we promise to sing your praises. Agreed?

Sorry.  I quit reading after about the third sentence.

11. We love you with all our hearts, but we still get wistful about the fact that we’ll never feel that falling-in-love sizzle and spark again.
I’ll just come right out and say it: Most women are love addicts. And while we appreciate the depth and richness of long-time love, there is simply nothing like the giddy, fluttery, crazy feeling we get (or rather, used to get) with a brand-new guy. We know we’ll never feel that high again, and there’s a little part of us that will always miss it. (Why do you think we watch so many romantic comedies?) But in the end, what we get instead—you, and a lifetime of true devotion—is more than worth the price.

And we get wistful about the fact that you’ll never fit into a size 2 again.

I woke up unusually early today.  As the sun pierced through my window on this fine Saturday morning, it cast a warm glow on the gorgeous little redhead cuddled up next to me.  As a man in his early 30s, I once again recognized that I was lucky to be waking up to a 23 year old woman with a body that could (and sometimes does) stop traffic.  I took a little peek under the covers just to make sure the carpet still matched the drapes, and I felt a sense of pride as I was reassured that my little ginger was the real deal.

I wasn’t surprised though.  This has been my morning ritual for the past two months on the nights she sleeps over.

While I normally date strong 7s and solid 8s, I have certainly outdone myself this time.  She treats me like a King, always does a load of laundry when she drops by, fucks on command, and welcomes the kind of freaky bedroom play that make redheads notorious.

Brilliant!

Of course all that will end the moment she realizes I will never put a ring on her finger.

My biggest issue in dating modern Western women is that they don’t seem to own a calendar.  Let me explain.  I met my little Red at a bar where she was the “Bud Light” girl.  She was dressed like a cheap hooker in a referee uniform with stilettos, and was constantly being groped by drunken jackasses.  She readily admits that she went through a “wild phase” where she dated bad boys, partied all night, and made, and I quote “lots and lots of bad decisions…like really a lot…you have no idea”.

I’m told by Oprah and a slew of feminist rags that I’m supposed to be ok with this because it’s 2009, she really is a great girl, and most chicks go through a party/slut phase these days.  Fine.  I’m ok with that.  But to my surprise, I also learned that I’m not supposed to look at her and say “you’re a hot bar chick with 20+ ex boyfriends who uses her ass to promote beer to drunken frat boys, and I will treat you as such”.  On the contrary, I’m supposed to treat her like my Grandfather treated my Grandmother.  Like a perfect, untouched, classy lady who would never fraternize with anything less than a perfect gentleman.  I’m supposed to treat her like its 1950.

Now I certainly knew what I was getting myself into by pulling an alcohol promotions chick out of a bar for a little nookie.  I also knew that a month or two into the relationship, she would either get bored and move on, or fall desperately in love with the man she thinks will be her White Knight.  As usual, the latter happened.

So while I sit here writing this, she’s back at her place getting ready to jiggle her tits for random guys in order to sell shitty beer tonight because it’s 2009.  Tomorrow morning, I will be expected to pick her up, take her to brunch, pick up the tab, open doors for her, and be a perfect gentleman like its 1950.

While I’m inclined to meet her expectations until I get tired of fucking her, it really is a raw deal.  I have to be a 2009 guy when she wants to be a slag, and a 1950 guy when she wants to be a lady.  It’s too bad too.  She’s a great person with a quick wit and a worldly knowledge that seems intrinsic.  She treats me well, comes across as socially intelligent, she’s beautiful, and she (incorrectly) thinks she may have found her White Knight.

Unfortunately for her, I’m only willing to be a White Knight for a woman who doesn’t need one.

So for now, it’s back into the time machine for me.  I did the 1950s thing this morning by walking her to her car, then texting to make sure she arrived home safely.  But I’ll need the tools of the time traveler to make it back to 2009 by tonight so she can party her ass off, get paid to give boners and beer to strangers, and come back to my place in her stripper-like uniform for guiltless rough sex.

Finding a real lady with class these days is next to impossible.  Finding a chick with no morals or virtue who demands to be treated like a lady seems to be easy.

Well, back to 2009.  It’s a good thing she’s smoking hot.  Take care, and perhaps we’ll cross paths in the Great Female Time Machine.

Well guys, I hate to tell you this, but you had better keep your girl away from me.  You see, according to every woman I’ve ever been with – especially the LTRs, I’m a sexual god with a golden dick that hits the right spot with astonishing accuracy and the skill of a military sharpshooter.  I’ve nicknamed my cock “Zeus”, because from my Mt. Olympus of sexual strength, I rain thunderbolts of orgasmic pleasure down on my subjects unlike any other god or mortal in recorded history.

Huh?  What’s that you say?  Women lie about these things?  Holy shit!

Here are my favorite things to hear from women who think men are retarded, or are trying to downplay the impressive amount of cock they’ve hosted in order to appear marriageable:

“No one has ever made me cum like you do”

Shut the fuck up!  You’re 26 years old and swing from cock to cock like a monkey through a tree – never letting go of one “branch” until you have another firmly in your grip.  You’ve been doing this since age 17 and your “relationships” only last 4 months on average.  Somehow I’ve bested 27 other men including the body builder gym rat, the 22 year old quarterback who fucked you during his sexual prime, and that good-looking bad boy guitarist I bumped into at the bar last weekend?  Somehow I’ve developed a magic touch that those guys could never have?  Maybe I’d believe you if I didn’t hear that same shit from every woman I’ve ever been with.  It’s cute that you’re trying to boost my ego, but you should really just shut the fuck up.

“I’ve never done this before”

You were naked in my bed on the second date.  As I slowly moved my hand towards your tits, you pulled it up around your throat and moaned like a porn star while I dominated you at your request.  Third date, I had you bent over the couch screaming my name while I fucked you in the ass.  Not once did I judge you for this, and I enjoyed it as much as you did.  But are you really going to pull this Mother Teresa / Pollyanna crap and have the nerve to tell me that this is out of character for you?  Really?  You’ve never had wild sex until you met me?  Shut the fuck up.

“No man has ever treated me as well as you do”

I get this one all the time.  You may not think so judging by the things I say on this blog, but I do know how to treat a lady and make her feel like she’s the only woman in existence.  But when I hear this, I can’t help but wonder why this cute little thing standing in front of me would ever allow herself to be treated like anything less than a lady.  I reckon it’s because she isn’t a lady at all.  Women with a long sexual history should never tell a man this.  It devalues them in a man’s mind like they could never understand.  Perhaps it’s because of my age, but my girlfriends usually range from 25 to 29 years old, and all of them have ex fucks littered around the city.  The fact that a woman would allow that many men to penetrate her body who never treated her well makes her seem weak, and puts her in the “pump and dump” category in my mind.  When it comes to this topic, women should really just shut the fuck up.

“What we have is special”

You loved before me; you’ll love after me.  Other than a few small personality differences – which admittedly can mean something at times, all women are the same.  There is absolutely nothing you have to offer me that you haven’t offered to the scores of other men who took you for a test drive and decided to pass.  You’re not a delicate flower or a unique snowflake.  You’re a typical modern American woman, and I’m just a run-of-the-mill jackass with decent game.  Yes, it may be fun, and it may even be better than many of your other experiences.  That’s great.  But unless you’re a highly educated woman who doesn’t swear too much or party like its your last day on earth, can hold your alcohol, behave like a lady, and have been consistently selective in your mating habits, then what we have is average at best.  So shut the fuck up.

“I’m not like most other girls”

Yes you are.  Shut the fuck up.

Ladies, do us a favor.  Be kind and complimentary, but don’t piss in our face and tell us its raining.  I can count on one hand the number of times in my entire adult life I have had a woman say something ego-boosting that I felt she really meant.  I could see it in her eyes, and tell by the way her heart was about to pound out of her chest that she had experienced a “first” with me.  One sincere compliment dwarfs a lifetime of the “Virgin Mary” act.

Haflingers do have a variety of creative techniques for attracting attention to themselves when someone walks in the barn, especially around feeding time. Over the years, we’ve had the gamut: the noisy neigher, the mane tosser, the foot stomper, the stall door striker, the play with your lips in the water and splash everything, and most irritating of all, the teeth raked across the woven wire front of the stall. Some Haflingers wait patiently for their turn for attention, without fussing or furor, sometimes nickering a low “huhuhuhuhuh” of greeting. That is truly blissful in comparison.

Most creative of all, however, was our mare, Nuance, who did not live up to her name in any way. She was the least “nuanced” Haflinger we’ve owned. Her chosen method of bringing attention to herself was to bump her belly up against her rubber water buckets that hang in the stall, making them bounce wildly about, spraying water everywhere, drenching her, and her stall in the process. She loved it. It was sport for her to see if she could tip the buckets to the point of emptying them and then knock them off their hooks so she could boot them around the stall, destroying a few in the process. Nothing made this mare happier. When she had occasion to share a big stall space with one of her half-siblings, she found that the bucket bouncing technique was very effective at keeping her brothers away, as they had no desire to be drenched and they didn’t find noisy bucket bumping very attractive. So her hay pile was hers alone–very clever thinking.

This is not unlike a wild chimpanzee that I knew at Gombe in Tanzania, named “Mike” by Jane Goodall, who found an ingenious way of rising to alpha male status by incorporating empty oil drums in his “displays” of aggression, pounding on them and rolling them down hills to take advantage of their noise and completely intimidating effect on the other male chimpanzees. Mike was on the small side, and a bit old to be alpha male, but assumed the position in spite of his limitations through use of his oil drum displays. So Nuance, my noise and water splashing mare,  became alpha over her peers.

We humans have our various ways of attracting attention too. Some of us talk too much, even if we have nothing much to say, some of us strut our physical beauty and toss our hair, while some of us are pushy to the point of obnoxiousness. And some of us are real bluffers, making a whole lot more noise and fuss than is warranted, but enjoying the chaos that ensues. Meanwhile we may leave a wake of destruction behind us–not unlike my mare with her soaked stall, and mangled buckets–all done to make sure someone notices.

I’ve learned I need to quit stomping and quit knocking the door in my impatience, quit hollering when a quiet greeting is far more welcome. And I need to quit soaking everyone else with my water–after all, it yields me nothing more than empty buckets, and eventually I get very thirsty and wish I hadn’t been so foolish. As my horses are trainable to have better manners, so am I.

And I really am trying.

What exactly do I mean when I tell you to be “naughty”? And what is it about “naughty” that drives women crazy?

Over the years since high school graduation, I’ve talked with old classmates and found out all kinds of things that I never knew about myself and the girls I went to high school with. If I could go back knowing what I know now…

Well, I can’t, and I don’t know that I’d change anything at all, because the idea of dating a bunch of teenage drama queens is even less appealing now than it was then, but it would sure be fun to see all of that through new, more aware eyes! You see, what I’ve been finding out was how many of the girls “had the hots for me,” including the hottest ones in the school, even a couple of classes ahead of me, and I never knew. That begs several questions, among them:

1. Why didn’t I know?
2. What made it happen?

Both questions have answers that are easy today, but in those days would have amounted to hidden, mystical knowledge that no man was supposed to have! And which, by the way, I can now provide…

I didn’t know because I didn’t know how to listen to women and read their signals. One girl had such a crush on me that she bought tennis shoes that matched mine trying to get my attention; I had no clue. We were “just friends” as far as I knew, and I though it was an act of camaraderie. Others asked questions that, at the time, I found extremely annoying because the answers appeared so obvious; they already had the answers. The questions were just excuses to try to get my attention and strike up conversation; I was the stupid one, in spite of graduating as class Valedictorian and receiving a congressional appointment to a military academy.

What I knew about communicating with girls when I was in high school wouldn’t have taken a whole sheet of paper to record. I still thought, as nearly all men do, that women talk just like we do, but a whole lot more, and usually too much about too many things that I don’t want to talk about or hear. That doesn’t take anywhere near a page to write, huh? But I learned…

I eventually found out that what caused all those girls to want my attention was two things: I didn’t give two hoots in Hell what anybody thought about me and was about as independent and often rebellious as a kid can be if somebody tried to push me to do something that didn’t make sense (alpha male behavior), and I was about the most devil-may-care, mischievous little demon in the school.

You went to school with a guy like me, the one who couldn’t keep his mouth shut when there was a good joke to crack, always a smart-ass but usually a likable smart-ass. The prankster who seemed to be at the center of every spectacular stunt, joke, or uprising. The guy whom the teachers were always having to punish for breaking some rule or disrupting something, but never wanting to punish because his mischief brought some fun and excitement to their boring routine and because he was the curve-buster and teacher’s pet as far as grades went. And most of all, the guy who, in spite of all his shenanigans, never hurt anybody, and was always leading the action, recruiting others to join his quests and adventures, sometimes causing a whole group to sit in the principal’s office, brothers-at-arms, waiting for the group ass-paddling to commence and laughing it off.

Remember him? You never really knew what he was going to do next, or what he was going to say. A teacher would ask a question, and if he raised his hand to answer, everybody would turn and look at him, silently trying to guess if he would be serious and give an authoritative answer that would ensure his position as teacher’s pet for another week or crack wise with something that he and everybody else knew he shouldn’t say but had to say, and when the teacher would reprimand him through clenched teeth trying to keep from laughing themselves to death, would cock his head a little and with a sly grin say something like, “Who, me?” or “Now you KNOW I didn’t mean it THAT way! Get your mind out of the gutter, Ms. Teacher. There are children in the room!”

Sure he meant it that way, and so did I! But it was that attitude of selectively bucking the establishment when there was really no harm done, leading the way in making mischief when it was least expected, and grinning that manure-eating (taken from the colloquial “grinning like a ‘possum eating s**t”), fun-loving grin that drove the girls wild. They have a naughty streak, too, but for centuries they’ve been told that they shouldn’t let that be seen, because “nice girls don’t do that if they want to find a nice man and get married.”

And they won’t, until a man gives them such a dose of it that they can’t help themselves, and become overwhelmed with a feeling that it’s safe to cut up and let their own naughty side come out; some would say they’re waiting for your permission to show their naughty sides, and I couldn’t argue with them, but what I’ve seen looks more like they’re waiting for leadership to go down that road. AND BE ADVISED…

It must be only a side of you that you expose, especially in a committed relationship. Why?

Think about the guys you knew who cut up in school. There was the “class clown” who was constantly into something and getting in trouble, right? How did he fare? The teachers thought he was a mildly amusing constant pain in the ass, and nobody, including the girls, took him seriously, right? Everybody would go to him to get a levity fix and then move on to other things, because that was all he had to offer, a quick chuckle or a good laugh, but nothing of real substance. Like what, you say?

Like a deep conversation, or a challenge met and conquered, or an example set by leadership, or homework answers, or anything else that people naturally look for in other people. Do you think a woman wants to be married to a clown? Or do you think she’d prefer a man who gives her the feeling that he can handle the world, protect her from the world and the boredom it threatens her with, can have a deep conversation with her and leave her with something to think about, and when she least expects it, do something outrageously naughty that lets her show her own horns for awhile too? Kind of a no-brainer when you think about it, huh?

So how do you develop this naughty boy bit? You don’t! It’s already inside you, no matter who you are. What you have to develop is the courage to let him out on occasion and the discipline to put the genie back in the bottle after you’ve had some fun. If you really don’t think you have it in you, then expose yourself to it, explore it in others, until you can remember it in yourself, or simply feel it trying to come out. You’ve been in situations where something serious was said and a sly, hilarious thought crossed your mind, but you didn’t let it out. Why?

Answer that one question, “Why did I not allow myself to be myself in that moment, and cut loose with that naughty thought as a naughty remark to be shared by everyone in the room?” and you’ll be well on your way to reviving your naughty boy side. Somewhere along the line you locked him in the closet, maybe because you were afraid of mom finding out, losing a job, being punished, or sounding silly – who knows? Find out!

That’s not to say that if you are invited to report at a board meeting that you should make a farce of it. But if you’re sitting in a meeting at work and things are just getting too tense, lighten the moment if it’s not going to get somebody fired. If you’re having a fight with your wife and you have a funny thought cross your mind that won’t come across as you making a cruel and embarrassing remark to her, let it fly! It will probably end the fight – maybe with her giving you a sound smack in the head for interrupting her rage and making her smile, but end it nonetheless – and how can that be a bad thing?

Just remember that naughty is about fun, for everyone. It’s never mean or cruel, and laughter should never come at anyone’s expense, including your own. If something that goes through your head has realistic potential to hurt others, keep your mouth shut. It’s far better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. It’s also okay to poke a little fun at yourself along with everybody else, but don’t embarrass or demean yourself for the attention.

So now you know. Just like when I was in high school, you can be doing everything right and never know it, or worse, be doing everything WRONG and never know it! Most men are, and if you were doing everything right, it’s highly unlikely that you’d be reading this, right? It takes two skills to really make it with any woman, no matter how much you love each other.

You need to be able to create attraction within her by creating and releasing sexual tension. This is done by alternating between various types of behavior ranging from strong and serious to thoughtful to naughty as a man can be. You also need to be able to really read and understand what she says and signals to you through words, deeds, body language, vocal tone and volume, etc., so that you know WHEN you are succeeding at creating attraction, and succeeding at receiving and returning her love, respect, friendship, and loyalty, or when you are killing any of the above.

THAT is one of the secrets of relationships that are enjoyed for a lifetime, and I can tell you about the others, too. Sound like something you want to get in on?

I thought so. Here’s what you do: Go to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” and read the inadvertently best-kept secrets in the universe, those of what women want, how they think, how to communicate with them, and how to turn them both on and off pretty much at will. It doesn’t put you in control of them; it puts you in a position to lead, understand, and enjoy them, and to be enjoyed BY THEM. Do it now, before you do another thing, because you should never, EVER put off until tomorrow the success and happiness you can have today!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Labels: Alpha Male, attraction, Leadership, Male Attitude, Naughty Play, Projecting Respect, Respecting Women, Romance, seduction, Sweeping Her Off Her Feet, What Women Want

I had a bullshit session with eight men this morning at a work-related breakfast.  The participants were all degreed professionals between the ages of 29 and 48 and represented several industries including Medical, Transportation, IT, Creative Marketing, and Legal.

I was the only single man.

We started in on married life, and had a few good laughs.  A couple of the guys are very unhappy in their marriage, while most of the rest said they were “happy for the most part” but really seemed not to care much one way or the other.  Of course, there was the newlywed Beta who rebuked everyone and insisted that his wife “makes him a better man”.  He’s been married for 7 weeks.

With exception of the retard, I took the information I gleaned and boiled it down to the statements everyone basically agreed on.  So, according to my highly unscientific study, this is how many men see the marriage timetable:

Years 1 and 2:  You try to make her happy.

Years 3 and 4:  You realize you can’t make her happy, so you just try not to piss her off.

Years 5 and 6:  You realize you can’t keep from pissing her off, so you just try to stay the fuck out of her way.

Years 7 and 8:  You either divorce, or adjust to the fact that this is your fate.

Of course this is a one-sided account from the man’s point of view.  But then again, if you’re a man, it’s really the only point of view that’s relevant.

My three favorite quotes came from men who described their marriage as “happy”.

“I want my balls back.  I don’t really feel like myself anymore.  But she’s great though, and I love her.” ~ 34 years old (I think), married for 5 years.

“I love her, I guess.” ~ 39 years old, married for 7 years.

“I just keep reminding myself that I’ve made my choice, and now I have to find a way to be happy” ~ 36 years old, married for 5 years

I’m going to vomit the next time some ignorant woman asks “Why is it that a man who sleeps around is a player, but a woman who sleeps around is a slut?”

Two people walk up to you in a bar.

The first boasts that he’s convinced 30 people to let him give them $100 without asking for anything in return.  You laugh at him and explain that everyone wants money, so it’s really nothing to brag about.

But the second person boasts that he’s convinced 30 people to give him $100 without asking for anything in return.  You pat him on the back, call him brilliant, and ask him for the secret to his success.

Sex is something every man wants.  He has to work to get it, bring a good game, and convince a woman that he’s worthy of her time.  When he does this, he has bested the other males around him.  On the same token, the woman has agreed to what every other woman on the planet can easily do with little or no effort.  She didn’t have to bring game, jockey for attention, or convince a man that she’s worthy of his time.  All she had to do was say “yes”.

The more tail a man gets, the more he proves that he has a set of skills most other men simply do not have.  Conversely, the more cock a woman receives, the more she demonstrates that she is, at best, less selective than other women.  It’s simple economics.  The man becomes a stud, the woman, a commodity.  This is not gender bias.  It’s the indisputable ramifications of supply and demand.

For a double standard to exist, an unfair advantage must be given to one of two identical entities with the possibility for identical outcomes.  While men and women are certainly equal, they are not identical.  The level of difficulty in finding sex is not identical, the propensity for emotional attachment after the sexual act is not identical, the judgment passed on the two parties within their own gender is not identical, the risk of pregnancy is not identical, the likelihood of STD transmittal is not identical, and the risk of physical abuse when engaging in sex with a stranger is not identical.  I could go on, but you get the idea.

The double standard is a myth.  There are no double standards, just different outcomes.

In order to become a Better Beta and eventually pull off the B2A transformation, I constantly remind myself of the following:

I I am a man.  It is ok to be a man.  It’s ok to be competitive, protective, jealous, and maintain a healthy ego.  I will never apologize for being a man. I will remember that even the most hardened feminazi gets moist when she watches Russell Crowe in Gladiator, because all women admire real men.

II If I choose to reserve marriage for a true lady who inspires me to make that commitment, or if I choose to stay single and enjoy a lifestyle of cohabitation indefinitely, that’s exactly what I’ll do.

III I define what a “true lady” is according to my own standards and guidelines.  I do not value anyone else’s feedback or input.  It’s a personal decision.  She has the right to gauge my worth as a potential mate based on her selected criteria, and I will do the same.

IV It is not my moral duty to keep used up cunts from growing old alone.

V It is not my problem that her biological clock is ticking.  Women age like bread, and men age like wine.  Even in my early 40’s I can find a nice 28 year old woman to birth my offspring.  I’m in no hurry, so if she is, she can go find another sucker who is ok with a high probability of divorce, financial ruin, and the loss of his children.

VI When women call me “childish, immature, afraid of commitment, insecure, and a loser” I will smile politely and remind them that I will not put a ring on a finger that has been wrapped around two dozen cocks.  Nothing they say will change my mind.

VII I will always remember that given the opportunity (in private of course) even the happiest of married men tell their younger comrades to “be careful” and that they themselves “wish they would have waited”.

VIII I will thoroughly research the common law marriage or cohabitation laws in my state, because I’m pretty sure she will if she hasn’t already.

IX I understand that every LTR will inevitably lead to pressure from her family and friends to get married, resulting in a shitty breakup.  I also realize that a shitty breakup is far better than a shitty divorce.

X When a reformed slut tells me that the “past is the past” and that I should love her for who she is now and forget about the slut she once was, I’ll agree just long enough to tap that ass a few more times, then send her on her way to be some other guy’s problem.

XI If I choose to have children, it is my duty to my first born son to ensure that the lips that give him his very first kiss will be the lips of a lady.  I owe it to my daughter that her mother will be a woman she can look up to and aspire to become.  The womb that brings my children into this world will not have seen more traffic than the Denver Airport.

XII I will never forget that every woman is replaceable.  I will never put a woman so high on a pedestal that the only thing I’ll be able to do is stand on the tips of my toes to kiss her ass.

This blog is being written for the 80% of men out there who are now (or soon shall be) in my situation.  Over the past few years, I have become increasingly popular with women who for years had been far, far out of my league.  It seems I’m the “Beta Male Provider” type, and now that these women are done partying, I’ve been informed that it’s my duty as a man to step up and give them the emotional support and personal fulfillment they missed while they were busy cock hopping and gargling bad boy jizz…er, uh, I mean “learning and discovering themselves”.

Fuck that noise.

Yes, I’m Beta, and that sucks ass.  The good news is that I recognize my affliction, and though some may say it’s damn near impossible to pull off the B2A (Beta to Alpha) transformation, I’ve decided to try.  Worst case scenario, I remain Beta with carefully chosen, brilliantly implemented, and impeccably honed Alpha traits – The Better Beta.

My biggest inspiration for this blog is Roissy in DC.  You can check him out here.  Even though Roissy’s style hinges on bashing the shit out of us Beta types (because we fucking deserve it), I have to admit that 97% of everything the man says is gold, and the other 3% aint too shabby.  I checked my ego at the door, and read every word on his site.  You should do the same.

You Know The Story:

I can just imagine you sitting there behind your computer.  In many ways, you’re probably a lot like me.  You’ve studied hard, worked hard, and now that you’re in your late twenties or early thirties, you finally have something to show for it.  Financially, emotionally, and spiritually, you’re in a pretty damn good place.

You’re not a ruggedly handsome devil with leading-man movie star good looks, but you’re in shape and you clean up well.  You get quick stares from the ladies from time to time, but you’ve never needed security to keep the women off of you at a club.  You didn’t go buck wild in college, party your ass off at the craziest frat house, or become the big man on campus by kicking a pig skin through a few pieces of plumbing, but hey, you’re no lame pushover either.

You never found it difficult to get a date, but you had to work a lot harder at it than, say, that lead singer for some shitty local band, or the bad boy who drove a motorcycle, and that guy who was blessed to have his charming good looks augmented by a trust fund.

Still, you don’t complain.  You did ok, and you’re happy.  You lead what most would consider a “normal life”.  You’ve loved and have been loved.  You never were the “playa” looking for a quick hookup or the guy who would say anything to get laid.  It’s just not your style.  You’re not some lonely jackass playing Xbox in your mom’s basement who can’t find a woman – you’re socially intelligent and well traveled.

But you’re the guy who for years watched most young women walk right by you as if you didn’t exist.  You were invisible as they pushed past you on their way to the pretty boy or the bad boy or the sports star, all the while lamenting that they can’t “find a good man”.  You stood there in amazement at the local pub as you watched yet another jackass walk away with the sexy bar kitten.

But things started to change somewhere around your 25^th birthday.  That kitten who didn’t want you is older now, and suddenly wants to offer you the cat.  Her friends are getting engaged, married, or even *gasp* having children.  Her biological clock is ticking.  Her party days are (sort of) behind her, and she says her behavior was nothing more than youthful “learning, growing up, changing, experimenting, asserting her sexual power, and becoming a woman”. But now that she has denounced her bad boy loving, party girl, bed hopping ways, she singles you out as the “weakling beta good guy” who she may bless with the opportunity to:

1. Treat her like a lady even though she rarely acted like one.
2. Commit to her forever even though she cock-hopped and averaged a different “relationship” every few months for her entire adult life.
3. Help raise her children even though she’s the last person on the planet you would want advising your future daughter on what a lady should be.
4. Believe that her love, her body, and her emotional attachment is special even though it’s been given to scores of other men who were not required to make any sort of commitment.  The other guys got easy ass based on their looks or status, but you sir, can only secure the same by committing to her forever.

Congratulations!  You’re stable.  You’re a rock.  You’re a comforter.  You’re a provider.  You’re a Beta Male.

Yes, beta male, you’re on deck.  After years as a bench warmer in the game of “getting stupid”, it’s your job to step up, shrug it off, and give her what she wants.  She always gets what she wants.

Perhaps she’s been around the block a few times, but so what?!  She’s different now.  She’s learned from those experiences.  She knows what she really wants – and it’s you.  It only took her 15 or 20 tries to get it right (not counting a couple of drunken one night stands, that “experimental” time in college, the vacation flings, and of course, the blowjobs which really shouldn’t count anyway).  Those days are behind her and you have no right to judge her for her behavior or assume that a woman’s sexual past is in any way indicative of her personality, how she views herself, or how she views intimacy.

In the days and weeks to come, I’ll blog about the things I’ve learned as a mildly popular Beta Male in a big city full of party girls, as well as the things I’ve witnessed and heard first hand being a fly on the wall around the “marrying age” office chicks.  I invite all my Beta brothers out there to join me on my quest to pull off the B2A transformation, or at least, to become The Better Beta.

Did you ever notice a couple of teens getting hot and heavy in a public — or not so public — place? Ever wish you could go back to those days? You can, if you’ll just let yourself…

Those of you who have read “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” understand how and why a small boy knows more about attracting a female than most adult males seem to. Have you ever wondered what else you might learn from children about how to be an adult, or at least how to enjoy being one? Ask Dawn:

Dear David,

I am not sure how to word this so it does not sound like I have been spying on my daughter. The truth is at 16 I do watch her closely, probably a lot more then most parents.

There is one major thing that I have noticed about her and her new boyfriend is how they look and talk to each other. At such a young age they seem to understand many of the things you talk about better then most men who have many more years on them. It just seems so open and honest and that the attraction between the two of them is not only red hot but that it is what as an adult I want in a man.

How can it be they know at their tender age so much about attraction and all the older men I know seem to know nothing?

Dawn

My reply:

Well Dawn, it’s not what they know, it’s what they don’t know. In fact, it’s what they’ve not yet learned: inhibition! Their hormones are raging and their youth and inexperience is making the exploration of themselves and each other exciting, so once they get past the awkwardness of the invitation to the first date and get into each other, they could care less about whether they’ve gained a couple of pounds, they have a little razor stubble, whether the kids might walk through the bedroom door and catch them, what might be going on at work next week, what that noise downstairs might have been, whether the dry cleaning has been picked up, what their friends or family might be doing, or any of the other things that men and women allow to interfere with their “quality time.”

They just let go, and do what comes naturally. Granted, their hormones are pushing them hard, but that’s merely sauce for the goose. When was the last time that you tried it? You say you want that kind of heat and passion, but who’s keeping you from having it, other than yourself? Don’t worry about two pounds you gained during the holidays; when the lights are out or his eyes are closed, he’ll never be able to tell the difference, except you might feel just a little better pulled up close to him; ribs and hipbones jabbing us is a bit distracting.

I’d just as quickly chastise the men for letting things interfere with passion in this manner. “Lock the damned bedroom door, for crying out loud! Get yourself up to Alpha Male standards, fire that woman up, and get into her and let her get into you like you did when you were teenagers. Worry about what’s going on at work next week when next week gets here, or while you’re at work tomorrow morning. Unless that noise downstairs is followed by a scream, a barking animal, an alarm bell, a crash or explosion, or the sound of an adult voice cursing, it can wait until after you and your partner have enjoyed each other.”

There is no aphrodisiac in the world that will guarantee good sex tonight or tomorrow night (or in the morning!) like good sex last night! Don’t let the world put a damper on your sex life. If you need a little help turning the clock back, go to a drive-in instead of renting a DVD, or get a room in a cheap hotel, not the kind you would rent today, but the kind you rented when you were a teenager and weren’t supposed to be renting a room! Add that seedy, naughty flavor to the mix, and play up the mischief, nostalgia, and “getting away with something” angles. A covert quickie in a public place might be more enjoyable –on occasion — than the girly dream date with candles and flower petals in the bed or on the mattress. Have fun with it – and each other!

Take care, and keep in touch,
David

Gentlemen, everywhere you look is something that can help you to revive and enhance your relationship if you know what to look for. Knowing what to look for comes from having that romantic, can-do hero’s attitude and knowing what women want. You don’t have to be young, rich, powerful, or drive a fancy car to get your wife’s attention or any other woman’s attention; you just have to be a man, a REAL man who enjoys living and leading as a man, the man she went crazy over and married.

If you want to keep her attention, you keep her guessing, not at whether you’ll be around tomorrow, or have a job next week, but at what kind of laughter and excitement you’re going to create for her today. Will it be walking into a room like you own it, telling a grand tale, or whisking her off to some fun place or activity? The choice is yours, and she expects you to make it. Indeed, quite often her mental and emotional survival DEPEND on you making it.

Women have affairs because they are bored, not because they don’t love their husbands anymore; lost love comes well after lost attraction, if it comes at all. (And for you ladies reading, the same thing is true of men!) Have you ever heard that bit, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore,”? That “in love” bit is attraction, not love.

All you need to become a master of attraction and supreme boredom-fighter, the confident ultimate male who knows what women, especially his partner, want is contained in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” and you procrastinate at reading and using it at your own peril. Get ahead of the curve and stay there by going to http://www.makingherhappy.com and downloading your copy right now, and bring back that passion, intimacy, and honeymoon, because life’s too short to spend it playing catch-up.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Labels: Alpha Male, attraction, How to Please a Woman, Naughty Play, Romance, Saving a Marriage, seduction, Sweeping Her Off Her Feet, What Women Want

Most writers know that in order to keep a reader’s attention, you have to have a strong alpha male. When I write, I try to pull together the characteristics of real men that I have met to build one man that all women wouldn’t mind having. The definition of alpha male:

Definition:

1. dominant male animal: a male in a pack of wolves, or a similar pack or troop of animals, that other members submit to and follow and that takes priority in mating with females
2. dominant man: a man who controls the activities of a group and to whom others defer ( informal )

However, the strange thing is that most women think of a very different man in their minds when they think of this type of guy. Some of us like bad boys, some of us like good guys, but all of us like take charge types that match with our own personalities.

Alpha males have been the topic of discussion since the very beginning of time. Since we received their rib, we have been utterly fascinated by their ability to control not only us but the world.

It’s strange but the Alpha male is not always a good guy and most often we see fireworks when two alpha males collide. They are not able to occupy the same space for long because they tend to want to dominate.
Dmitry and his brother Ivan are very much alpha males. They are both dominant and unable to even stay in the same room with each other very long. However, there is something about both of them that is so appealing.

My question to the ladies is “What is your ideal alpha male?” Often, when we think of this type of man, looks don’t become the number characteristic. It’s swagger and how he holds in own and maintains in his own skin. Once a man is an alpha male, he never turns back, never becomes docile again. He remains forever more, king of his jungle.

I know 60 year old men who are still alpha males. I know young boys that at a very early age control their environments. What is your type of alpha male? What makes you insane about a man so much that you might be willing to write about him, blog about him, have a relationship with him, marry him or the cardinal sin – become his slave.

Hollywood has quite a few alpha males. Denzel Washington. George Clooney. Matt Damon. Brad Pitt. Gerard Butler. Djimon Hounsou. The list is too long to go through. However, it is something about the combination of beauty, confidence, brilliance and masculinity that creates strong men that women croon over. Have you ever just sat back and thought about it? What is your ideal alpha male? Why?

We’ve all heard the old cliché, “Nice Guys Finish Last,” and it seems counter-intuitive, but let’s face it, clichés get to be clichés precisely because they are so universally true and self-evident. Let’s look closer at why this is true and how you can correct any problems it may be causing you…

A friend forwarded me an article asking if men honestly thought that being nice was a drawback when it comes to women. I had to say something…

What difference does it make whether men “think” it or not? It’s a proven fact. Just look at “nice guy” behavior! And most important, it’s something you can easily fix, too!

Before I start, let’s make sure we’re all on the same page. We’ve been through one major debacle over men failing to realize that women never speak the obvious, so let’s avoid another by speaking what some will consider obvious and most others will have been oblivious to…

Back in the 1980’s, we were told that women wanted a man who could be sensitive. They meant sensitive IN ADDITION TO being a manly man, not INSTEAD OF. And by “sensitive,” they meant “being in touch with our – WOMEN’S – feelings,” not “being overwhelmed by feelings” like they often are. Hence, instead of remaining our normal, rough, rowdy, fun, sexy selves, we started acting like wusses and crying with women at chick flicks. And we’ve all noticed where that got us over the last thirty-plus years, right?

So when women who realize what they’re saying still say they want a nice guy, they don’t mean a guy who is ONLY nice, and has no other positive attributes. They’re talking about a man who is a manly man but not an abusive man, a man who gives them an input channel when decisions need to be made but doesn’t just give in to their whims, and recognizes that when she spends two hours making herself look great to go out with him that he at least make the effort to show a little self-respect by wearing things like real shoes, a belt, clothes that fit, tucking in his shirt, which by the way, has a collar on it and maybe even a neck tie, depending on the occasion, socks that match his pants, etc., in recognition and appreciation of her effort.

And by the way, a genuine compliment like, “You look really well put-together tonight. Thank you for making the effort,” instead of complaining that it took her so long to get ready would be a good idea, too.

So in a nutshell, when a sane, undamaged woman wants a “nice guy,” what she is really wanting is a man who notices and respects her and her efforts to please and nurture him. That’s a far cry from a guy what we’ve been led to believe, isn’t it? It actually sounds like a pretty natural thing for a guy to do if he’s with the right woman and he’s an adult.

Okay, now that we have that straight, let’s look at the things that make a nice guy NOTHING MORE THAN A NICE GUY. What do you always notice about them? Or more to the point, what makes them so boring and wussy that women immediately label them as “just a nice guy”?

First and foremost, they’re a pushover. They make the biggest mistake a man can make: deferring all decisions to everyone else. Any risk of discussion or conflict is too much, and they’ve mistakenly been led to believe that leaving decisions to others to make unilaterally or letting somebody else lead the action by making the first suggestion is somehow considerate or polite. Is it?

Not just no, but hell no! Putting somebody else on the spot or dumping a choice into somebody else’s lap so that they are deciding something for you is shirking your responsibility and putting it on them. Ask someone, especially a woman, who looks uncomfortable about making a unilateral decision that concerns more than herself about what is bothering them and they’ll tell you, quite bluntly, that they don’t want to make the decision for everybody.

So how nice is that, really? Not!

And besides, it’s our job to lead, remember? That doesn’t mean that we make all the decisions in a relationship unilaterally, or even any of them. It means we initiate discussions, lead off with suggestions, invite participation, and actively sift through everything being said to come up with a satisfactory option, then announce it as a decision and prompt everyone to start acting on it. Leadership, not control. Motivating as you take action, not just barking orders and pushing people around.

And keep in mind the first rule of thumb in any relationship with a woman: if you can’t stand up TO her, and WITH her, you definitely can’t stand up FOR her. Ergo, you’re a wuss. And boring. That’s really sexy, right?

I was going to go through this whole thing in one edition, but it’s going to take several, so we’re going to stop here and call this “part one,” because this is already more than enough for you to be chewing on for the next 24 hours and trying to root it out of your life. We’ll be talking about these major mistakes that “nice guys” make (and that make “nice guys”) for the next three or more editions, so grease yourself up, strap yourself in, hide all pets, stow your bags under the seat in front of you and make sure your tray table is in its fully upright and locked position, because it may end up being a pretty wild ride.

Yes, really. You’re more than likely going learn some things that you’ve been doing for a long time with the best of intentions and getting exactly the opposite results that you wanted and expected. That means you’re going to get to stop doing some things that you probably didn’t like to do anyway and start getting better results, not just with your partner, and not just with all women, but with everybody around you.

And yes again, that sounds like a tall order, so don’t miss it. I can’t tell you everything I know in the next three newsletters (it took a whole book just to hit the major points!), but I am going to give you a lot more than enough to see two things: that you do indeed have a lot of room for improvement, and that you can make those improvements easily, especially with my help.

You think not? Take me to task! Put me to the test! Go to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” and see what you find. My guarantee is simple: read it and use it for a whole year, and if you don’t think you got your money’s worth, you keep your money and my book.

Do you think you’ll get the same offer at a brick-and-mortar bookstore for some tome full of theory and opinion? Good luck with that. Meanwhile, you remember Kevin, who, by the way, has been married over twenty years and just learned how to play with his wife, from some past articles? I’ll let him tell you about what works. I got this from him today, and I had to “soften” some of it to get it past the spam filters who would otherwise block it for being “for grown-ups only”:

Hey there David!! Man I hope other guys reading what you shared with them from what has been positive to say the least with me are giving it all their effort. It can work for sure. Further proof my friend….

Guys should give this using “panties” (referring to a remark I made about telling a woman who was being a brat to “put her big girl panties on and get real”) a try in whatever way…panties seems to be something that has rather strong influence in having fun with the wife and maybe any woman. Now, I like panties play myself so it influences me a great deal for fun sex play!! The visual of seeing a woman playfully and sensually pulling down her panties certainly gets my rise going!!

Also, it’s sensually fun for me to pull down the panties! So verbally talking panties play gets us going for sure. Now to where I was going with this…..We went to a Halloween party last night and I attached a picture of us which includes a fun girlfriend….Anyway, my wife I guess decided she was going to take the upper hand this time instead of me doing any playful teasing to start.

Well, while we were dancing, she says to me…”You aren’t going to get to pull down my panties tonight because I am not wearing any under my mini skirt”!!! And she takes my hands and puts them on her behind and pulls me into her and grinds her [groin] right into me out on the dance floor and teasingly laughs!!! This, of course gets me amped up even more!!

When we leave the hotel party David, she is pretty much quiet on the ride home. When we pull into the garage she asks me…”did you have a good time?” And I said, “Sure I did.” Get this David….She then says, “You got pretty excited knowing my panties were off in there”…..and she gets over in my lap facing me lifting her skirt above her waist and says…”Now start spanking your bad girl for taking off her panties!!!!”

David we [had sex] right there in the car in the garage and I gave her a good spanking too!!! Literally David she wants to have her panties pulled down and get spanked since I started that with the “scolding panties remarks”!!!! Man, I hope it works for other guys!!! There is something about “panties” and women!!!!

Kevin

Kevin’s complaint when we first met was celibacy. From celibate to getting it on at a party on the dance floor and in the garage with a woman who is now, twenty years after they got married, CHASING HIM! This guy has given me more testimonials than some authors get from their entire customer base, and he only one of many getting these results! You don’t see me displaying little disclaimers about results being “atypical” in fine print to cover my butt like everybody else does either, because these results are in fact quite typical amongst those who use what I teach, and they can be YOUR results, too, if you’ll just step up and get with the program.

‘Nuff said…and again, it’s waiting for you at http://www.makingherhappy.com, so get moving, and gals, if you’re feeling a little jealous of Kevin’s wife right now, you can get in on this, too!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Labels: Alpha Male, attraction, authority, Handling Conflict, How to Please a Woman, How Women Behave, Leadership, Male Attitude, Naughty Play, Projecting Respect, Respecting Women, What Women Want

Stop reading emails and get a set of balls.

Another reader sounds off with a great display of imagination and new-found skill in heading off testing, drama-seeking and brattiness, and you’re going to love this!

I hope every one of you is having a better day than I’m having so far. Really. It’s not that it’s that bad; it’s just one of those days in which lots of little things keep popping up and getting in the way of doing the things I have planned for the day. Like finding a leaky pipe under the kitchen sink…

There’s a quick but very powerful lesson in that, so I’ll go ahead and point it out while I’m thinking about it – at least this distraction from what I had planned has a productive purpose! LOL! Seriously, after discovering the leak I started shutting off the valves under the sink to stop the expansion of a pool that was forming in my kitchen and living room, and one of the valves broke and water started spewing out from where the valve stem entered the valve. So I cut the water off at the meter and started cleaning up all the water that had escaped before I found it.

That took quite awhile, and as I went to the garage to get the tools to fix the leak and replace the valve, I thought, “Nope, I’ve already lost half my morning fooling around with this. I’ll do my job and pay the plumber to do this because he can do it faster and cheaper than I can.”

Wait! He can do it cheaper than I can? Sure he can! He’ll be in and out of here in half an hour or less, and charge me fifty bucks or so. I can do the work, but it will take me 2-3 times as long as it will take a professional plumber simply because I don’t do it every day and I’m not used to having to work around all the other pipes under the sink to get the job done. Plus, the risk of turning the water back on and finding something still leaking is higher for me than for the guy who does this all day every day; I’m a “do-it-yourselfing” amateur who can do it in a pinch if there’s nothing pressing, nowhere near as skilled as a professional.

So I can give up a couple of hours of income to do something that I really don’t like doing, or I can give up about a half-hour of income to pay the plumber and do something I love doing, which is helping all of you. To me, that’s a no-brainer.

The lesson? Being an alpha male doesn’t mean that you always have to do everything yourself. You should always try to strike the correct balance between the alpha male qualities of independence and assertiveness and the other alpha male qualities of leadership, delegation and making sound decisions for the benefit of your household. Do it yourself only when it makes sense to do it yourself, and be respected for it, because if you go overboard, you’ll just end up being a control freak who can’t get anything important done.

Now on to what I had planned to give you today, a stunning display of male attitude and ingenuity in dealing with feminine testing and pissitude. Meet “Logan,” whose name has been changed to protect his privacy, who writes in response to a lesson on “The Great Female Contradiction” of wussitude being boring but being non-wussy makes you “mean.” Check him out:

David,

Your timing is ironic. It is that time of month for my wife, which usually means some big blow-ups. On Sunday, as my wife was starting to go down that path towards a bad day, instead of tip-toeing around her, I started joking with her. At one point in the middle of her ranting over something silly, I walked up and pulled her pants down, then casually walked away. Within a minute or two the ranting had stopped. She did tell me that I was being mean to her, but she had a bit of a grin on her face, almost shock. Then as we were trying to get on our way to church — always a challenge to get the three little guys ready and loaded in the van and my wife ready on time, the boys and I waited for her.

Now, during this time of the month, she usually takes even longer to get ready, because nothing fits right, and she is just generally unhappy with the way she looks and feels. So the usual custom is for her to arrive late to the car and be even more upset over the fact we are now going to be late for church. So just to be different, I found a Rolling Stones CD and started blasting the song “Let’s Spend the Night Together,” as she finally arrived in the car. By the way, the Stones have a ton of songs that you can use for this type of move (Satisfaction, Wild Horses, You Can’t Always Get What You Want, She’s So Cold, Crazy Mama). Anyway it seemed to do the trick, as she, in a very frustrated voice, said while stifling a smile, “Stop trying to make me laugh, I’m crabby and I have my period.”

Then, later that night, she takes me and grabs me in the pantry and starts to attack me while my Dad happened to be over and in the next room. I told her that I would continue to be “mean to her.” This time she laughed.

Thanks for the timely articles,
Logan

Priceless! Absolutely, utterly priceless! And how many of you “newbies” would have thought you could go that far and get away with it? The truth is that almost all of you could have; the few who couldn’t would be those whose wife had some sort of trauma in her past (like rape or having her clothes torn off of her in public) and would hence have very bad memories triggered by such an act.

The key to pulling it off is two-fold. First is the attitude. The naughty kid who just threw the huge “spitball” at the blackboard over the teacher’s shoulder and when they turn around, furious, there he sits, looking anywhere but at the teacher, with a big cheesy grin and a “who, me?” look on his face. The guy who will do anything for fun, no matter how irreverent, as long as nobody gets hurt, because mean people “suck.”

The second is knowing when to play naughty boy and when to be serious. You can’t deal with all of a woman’s negative emotion by being a clown. That works for the testing, the drama-seeking, and when she’s just being a pissy little brat who wants to feel bad for awhile and wants you to feel bad with her, but when she has a real problem or a real issue with you, trying to play it off with something like that will get you in the doghouse for awhile, if it doesn’t get you killed.

In those cases it’s strong character, strong leadership, and a fair hand that she needs to see. If you’ve done something wrong, you need to admit it and show that you have learned from the mistake and won’t be making it again. If she’s having some other kind of trouble, she needs for you to hear her out instead of trying to jump in and “save her” from her problem. If she needs help, she’ll let you know…

But…

You’ll have to listen to hear her when she lets you know. You probably won’t hear a direct request like, “Can you help me?” It will probably start out sounding a lot more like, “This would be a lot easier if somebody would…” Yeah, you’re “somebody.” Remember that…

There is so much about living happily with a woman that we all spend our lives thinking – because we’re being taught! – that it’s all some huge and terrible mystery that women don’t want us to solve, and Gentlemen, that is one big, nasty load of unmitigated crap. I had almost 200 of them volunteer to teach me about the mysteries of womanhood within one hour of posting a request for research subjects in a relatively obscure place on the Internet, and all I had to do was ask and be willing to listen to the answer.

The first thing we found out was something I’d suspected for a long time. We speak with the same words, but we don’t speak the same language! We have different meanings for the same words, and we use entirely different protocols for conveying and gathering information. Once those differences were understood and we all got over the shock of it, learning the rest was fun and easy.

Indeed, we finally found that communicating effectively with a woman and knowing everything she wants you to know at any given time requires doing nothing more than adhering to three simple rules. When this became apparent, I immediately thought of Sigmund Freud, the renowned psychologist, who said, “The Great Question, which I have not answered, is ‘What does a woman want?’” He didn’t know at the end of a distinguished lifetime of studying people. And yet it turned out to be easy.

The next step was to test everything they had told me, and I got 118 of their husbands and boyfriends to take what they had taught me and test it on them. We found a few contradictions along the way, too, things that women only thought they wanted until they got it (and the reason I frequently recirculate that “Be Careful What You Wish For, You Might Just Get It” newsletter series). We ultimately found out what women really want, need, and expect from men, and what they really respond to, favorably and unfavorably.

The end result is “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” and you can download your copy at http://www.makingherhappy.com with a few mouse clicks and be reading and learning the truth behind the great mysteries of womanhood yourself in just a few minutes. So you can be a guy who’s in the dark or a guy who’s “in-the-know.” It’s your choice, so choose well…

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Labels: Alpha Male, authority, Handling Conflict, How Women Behave, Male Attitude, Naughty Play, Warning Signs, What Women Want

My favorite motivational poem, which projects the true spirit of the unconquerable alpha male, who does takes both action and full responsibility for his actions, and how the confident attitude it projects will make you absolutely ooze attraction.

I have a special treat for you, my favorite motivational poem of all time. Many of you may have read it, but I’ve met few who ever gave it serious study and consideration. And that’s a shame, when you see what it holds for you that could help a man, relationship and marriage.

Most people remember and even quote that last line or two, but few remember their origin and have never really studied the poem, trying to live the part of the main character, and exploring and adopting the attitude expressed. Read it carefully, once for understanding of what the character is saying, and then a second time to try to feel what they are feeling, and we’ll discuss it and how it relates to your relationship and building attraction afterward.

So let’s dig into this, deeply, and see what Henley knew about being a man and how that might help you get your life and relationship or marriage back on track. To make sure you get the context, “Invictus” is “soliloquy,” defined in “The American Heritage Dictionary” as “A dramatic or literary form of discourse in which a character reveals his or her thoughts when alone or unaware of the presence of other characters.” He’s not trying to impress anyone; he’s alone and thinking or speaking only to himself.

Speaking of gender, we don’t know whether the character is a man or woman, but everyone assumes it is a man when they read it, because the feeling generated is that typical of an alpha male – independent, strong, railing against the storm so to speak. He is in complete darkness, according to the first paragraph, possibly in a prison or dungeon cell, or in an apartment or bedroom, utterly alone and celebrating his own sense of self and character. In the second stanza, he says that no matter what has happened to him, he’s taken it and moved on.

He’s been beaten up, but not beaten down, and certainly not beaten into submission. In the third stanza, rather reminiscent of Psalm 23 of the Christian Bible (“vale of doubt and fear” is identical allegory to “valley of the shadow of death,” “the terror of the Shade” being the angel of death or god of the underworld, as in the first stanza we see that Henley’s character is religious, but not Christian, as his “gods” are unidentified and existence questioned – “whatever gods there be”), he says that life is uncertain, and the afterlife possibly more so, yet he has no concern for that.

He goes on in the fourth saying that it matters not how he is judged (“how straight the gate” is an allusion to several different versions of Heaven and Hell, and “the scroll” is the judgment of his life) because he lived his life making his own choices, and is perfectly prepared to accept the consequences of those choices. His world and his choices are simply, utterly, and relentlessly, his own.

Why? Is it ego? Conceit? Hardly. Ego and conceit are not signs of confidence, but of a lack thereof, the leper’s bell of someone lacking self-esteem and trying to fake it. This character has simply chosen to command his own life, to do with it the best he can, to accept all challenges to his life and well-being, and if he is to lose a battle, he will regroup, re-engage, and ultimately win the war.

What image does this paint for you? A sniveling, craven little wuss huddled in a corner of a dark room? I should say, “not just no, but hell no!” A man standing straight, tall, shoulders back, feet at shoulder width, head held high, ready for action; he may not own the world, but he certainly commands what part of it is around him. So blatantly heroic an image that it’s not hard for a cape whipping in the breeze to enter the picture if you’re not careful.

Why do I bother going through all of this about a poem? Wake up, gentlemen! This is the guy every woman wants her partner to be! At the very least, it is the image of him that she wants to hold, strong, confident, moving through the world with a purpose that is his own, in command (not CONTROL, mind you!) and in demand. Do you want to know one of the best kept secrets in all of existence? Every one of us is born this way!

Really! Look at small children. They try to do things assuming that they will succeed. They don’t jump off the back of the couch and land face-first on the floor because they’re stupid; it’s because they’ve not yet learned that there are things that are impossible. Unfortunately, as they grow older, they learn a lot more than the simple physics of gravity, inertia, and motion that would keep them from jumping off the couch and busting their face again.

It is failure that they (we!) learn, and which plagues us all for the rest of our lives if we let it. The operational phrase there is “if we let it.” It’s a choice. Failure of any kind is a choice, a choice to be defeated instead of a choice to learn all we can, give something our best effort, and if it doesn’t work out, to acknowledge that it required more resources – whether time, money, energy, relationships, or whatever – than we were able to muster, and to make course corrections so that we continue the journey toward something desirable. No matter what the outcome of any endeavor, it is only a failure if we choose to declare it so, and choose to be a loser or victim instead of a contender or survivor. And as long as a man truly gives something his best effort, he cannot fail; the only failure is to fail to rationally address an issue and meet it with whatever he can reasonably muster.

Do you realize that humans are the only species on this planet with the power of volitional choice – the power to think and choose everything, instead of simply growing to the point of being able to survive and then having all development stop? Intellect allows us to reach a point of being able to survive, then surpass that point and flourish, improving our standard of living, and possibly that of others around us and in generations to come. We are the top of the food chain for that reason and none other. Contrary to popular belief, being human isn’t something for which one should apologize (…”I can’t help it. I’m only human…”), it’s something to which one should aspire! (Be a REAL man! Or be a REAL Woman! I think, therefore I succeed!)

Those whom women find the most attractive are those who have aspired to be and finally became supremely human men, the alpha male – the strong, confident male, able to make logical decisions, formulate successful plans, and carry them out with all the confidence in the world that he can do just that, who looks not at his feet, but at the horizon, and onward to the next world he is to master. Be that man; it’s your choice, and her dream. Make both of you happy. If you have to, print this poem and put it where you can read it while you shave every morning. (Yes, EVERY morning! Real men have more self-respect than to run around with two-day old stubble on their face and “bed hair” trying to look like a thug or a flake, no matter what might be “in style”!) Memorize it, and recite it several times throughout the day. Get it done.

It’s time to take charge, and make the world your own. She’ll notice. It’s not an act. It’s a matter of first learning how things work and what the best behavior is, then toning down your bad behavior while enhancing the good behavior, and then adding to the good behavior with other traits that you can enjoy having and she will enjoy seeing. There’s a full explanation of all of this and an effective training seminar to help you put it all to work in a natural, stress-free manner, in “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage,” so download it now at http://www.makingherhappy.com. Go ahead, do it now, and start living the “unconquered” life, because life is too short to live it otherwise.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Labels: Alpha Male, attraction, Male Attitude, Taking Responsibility, What Women Want

The Following is a resignation letter from Matthew Hoh, that was sent early in September to Nancy J. Powell. This was talked about on Larry King Live with Michael Moore, which i have embedded at the bottom.

Afghanistan: text of resignation letter by Matthew Hoh










Ambassador Nancy J. Powell
Director General of the Foreign Service and
Director of Human Resources
U.S. Department of State
2201 C. Street NW
Washington, D.C. 20520

Dear Ambassador Powell:

It is with great regret and disappointment I submit my resignation from my appointment as a Political Officer in the Foreign Service and my post as the Senior Civilian Representative for the U.S. Government in Zabul Province. I have served six of the previous ten years in service to our country overseas, to include deployment as a U.S. Marine officer and Department of Defense civilian in the Euphrates and Tigris River Valleys of Iraq in 2004-2005 and 2006-2007. I did not enter into this position lightly or with any undue expectations nor did I believe my assignment would be without sacrifice, hardship or difficulty. However, in the course of my five months of service in Afghanistan, in both Regional Commands East and South, I have lost understanding of and confidence in the strategic purposes of the United States' presence in Afghanistan. I have doubts and reservations about our current strategy and planned future strategy, butmy resignation is based not upon how we are pursuing this war, but why and to what end. To put simply: I fail to see the value or the worth in continued U.S. casualties or expenditures of resources in support of the Afghan government in what is, truly, a 35-year old civil war.

This fall will mark the eighth year of U.S. combat, governance and development operations within Afghanistan. Next fall, the United States' occupation will equal in length the Soviet Union's own physical involvement in Afghanistan. Like the Soviets, we continue to secure and bolster a failing state, while encouraging an ideology and system of government unknown and unwanted by its people.

If the history of Afghanistan is one great stage play, the United States is no more than a supporting actor, among several previously, in a tragedy that not only pits tribes, valleys, clans, villages and families against one another, but, from at least the end of King Zahir Shah's reign, has violently and savagely pitted the urban, secular, educated and modern of Afghanistan against the rural, religious, illiterate and traditional. It is this latter group that composes and supports the Pashtun insurgency. The Pashtun insurgency, which is composed of multiple, seemingly infinite, local groups, is fed by what is perceived by the Pashtun people as a continued and sustained assault, going back centuries, on Pashtun land, culture, traditions and religion by internal and external enemies. The U.S. and NATO presence and operations in Pashtun valleys and villages, as well as Afghan army and police unites that are led and composed of non-Pashtun soldiers and police, provide an occupation force against which the insurgency is justified. In both RC East and South, I have observed that the bulk of the insurgency fights not for the white banner of the Taliban, but rather against the presence of foreign soldiers and taxes imposed by an unrepresentative government in Kabul.

The United States military presence in Afghanistan greatly contributes to the legitimacy and strategic message of the Pashtun insurgency. In a like manner our backing of the Afghan government in its current form continues to distance the government from the people. The Afghan government's failings particularly when weighed against the sacrifice of American lives and dollars, appear legion and metastatic:

• Glaring corruption and unabashed graft;
• President whose confidants and chief advisers comprise drug lords and war crimes villains, who mock our own rule of law and counternarcotics efforts;
• A system of prvincial and district leaders constituted of local power brokers, opportunists and strongmen allied to the United States solely for, and limited by, the value of our USAID and CERP contracts and whose own political and economic interests stand nothing to gain from any positive or genuine attempts at reconciliation; and
• The recent election process dominated by fraud and discredited by low voter turnout, which has created an enormous victory for our enemy who now claims a popular boycott and will call into question worldwide our government's military, economic and diplomatic support for an invalid and illegitimate Afghan government.

Our support for this kind of government, coupled with a misunderstanding of the insurgency's true nature, reminds me horribly of our involvement with South Vietnam; an unpopular and corrupt government we backed at the expense of our Nation's own internal peace, against an insurgency whose nationalism we arrogantly and ignorantly mistook as a rival to our own Cold War ideology.

I find specious the reasons we ask for bloodshed and sacrifice from our young men and women in Afghanistan. If honest, our stated strategy of securing Afghanistan to prevent al-Qaeda resurgence or regrouping would require us to additionally invade and occupy western Pakistan, Somalia, Sudan, Yemen, etc. Our presence in Afghanistan has only increased destabilization and insurgency in Pakistan where we rightly fear a toppled or weakened Pakistani government may lose control of its nuclear weapons. However, again, to follow the logic of our stated goals we should garrison Pakistan, not Afghanistan. More so, the September 11th attacks, as well as the Madrid and London bombings, were primarily planned and organized in Western Europe; a point that highlights the threat is not one tied to traditional geographic or political boundaries. Finally, if our concern is for a failed state crippled by corruption and poverty and under assault from criminal and drug lords, then if we bear our military and financial contributions to Afghanistan, we must reevaluate and increase our commitment to and involvement in Mexico.

Eight years into war, no nation has ever known as more dedicated, well trained, experienced and disciplined military as the U.S. Armed Forces. I do not believe any military force has ever been tasked with such a complex, opaque and Sisyphean mission as the U.S. Military has received in Afghanistan. The tactical proficiency and performance of our Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines is unmatched and unquestioned.  However, this is not the European or Pacific theaters of World War II, but rather is a war for which our leaders, uniformed civilian and elected, have inadequately prepared and resourced our men and women. Our forces, devoted and faithful, have been committed to conflict in an indefinite and unplanned manner that has become a cavalier, politically expedient and Pollyannaish misadventure. Similarly, the United State has a dedicated and talented cadre of civilians, both U.S. government employees and contractors, who believe in and sacrifice for their mission, but have been ineffectually trained and led with guidance and intent shaped more by the political climate in Washington, D.C. than in Afghan cities, villages, mountains and valleys.

"We are spending oursleves into oblivion" a very talented and intelligent commander, one of America's best, briefs every visitor, staff delegation and senior officer. We are mortgaging our Nation's economy on a war, which, even with increased commitment, will remain a draw for years to come. Success and victory, whatever they may be, will be realized not in years, after billions more spent, but in decades and generations. The United States does not enjoy a national treasury for such success and victory.

I realize the emotion and tone of my letter and ask you excuse any ill temper. I trust you understand the nature of this war and the sacrifices made by so many thousands of families who have been separated from loved ones deployed in defense of our Nation and whose homes bear the fractures, upheavals and scars of multiple and compounded deployments. Thousands of our men and women have returned home with physical and mental wounds, some that will never heal or will only worsen with time. The dead return only in bodily form to be received by families who must be reassured their dead haves sacrificed for a purpose worthy of futures lost, love vanished, and promised dreams unkept. I have lost confidence such assurances can anymore be made. As such, I submit my resignation.

Sincerely,

MATTHEW P. HOH
Senior Civilian Representative
Zabul Province, Afghanistan

 

Source of letter: scribd.com