Do you remember what is was like to “fall in love”? Even the wisest man that ever lived, Solomon, could not understand how a man and a woman fall in love:  ”There are three things that are too hard for me, really four I don’t understand: the way an eagle flies in the sky, the way a snake slides over a rock, the way a ship sails on the sea, and the way a man and a woman fall in love.” Proverbs 30:18-19 (NCV)

done

Helen Rowland states: “When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of all the other men she knew for the inattention of just one man.”

I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on my wife to be. I was in charge of a freshman reception and was chatting with the incoming freshmen. It was outside, late August, and I was naturally checking out the incoming freshmen girls. I turned around and noticed this shy gal with the sweetest smile and expression. I went over to talk with her and her friends, but there was just something about her that grabbed my heart. She had the sweetest spirit of any girl I had ever met. Well, it wasn’t but a couple months and we were engaged, and marriage came within nine months of our meeting. (Just a coincidence)

We were flying back from our honeymoon and this guy next to me asked if my trip was business or pleasure. I said pleasure, I’m on my honeymoon. He looked at me, mystified, and said, where’s your wife? I said, a couple rows back, cuz they couldn’t get our seats together. We were still at the gate and he said, I’ll be happy to change seats. I said, “Naw, that’s ok, we’ve been together all week.”

Hopefully you can remember those days when you excitedly ran to meet your future wife or husband. You may have even met them at the door wrapped in Saran Wrap, or with a sexy nightie. But soon those days melt away to kids and diapers and headaches. If you’re lucky the kids still come to the door to excitedly greet you. But after they get older, hopefully your dog comes and greets you, wagging his tale. But once he gets too old, you are pretty much on your own.

Studies show that married couples spend an average of just 27 minutes a week actively communicating.

I’m not talking about, Honey, what do you want for dinner? You respond “Ugh” They say OK. That doesn’t count.
I’m talking about meaningful shared conversation.

Most of us fall in love, and if we are not careful, we let trials, selfishness, neglect, anger, problems lead us to fall out of love.

Two Stumbling Sinners Falling Toward God and Each Other

We need to realize it’s ok to stumble, it’s ok to fight, it ok to have struggles in your marriage, as long as you are falling the right way. Falls are inevitable, but we can take some steps that will enable us to control the direction we fall.

Just as my wife and I fell in love rather quickly, the danger is always there that we fall out of love. We learned that love is not a passive emotion. God intends us to actively engage in love, to be purposeful with our love, just as God actively uses marriage to accomplish His purpose for our lives. God wants our marriage to be much more than polite “civil” arrangements. He wants us to be dynamically involved with Him in allowing this marriage to make us more like Jesus Christ.

If you have stopped moving toward your spouse, you have stopped moving toward God. The opposite of “agape” love isn’t hate, it is “apatheia” which is no emotion, indifference, apathy. If you are not purposefully moving toward your spouse, you are indifferent toward your spouse. To make matters worse, if you have stopped moving toward your spouse, your love for God is lacking. God has inextricably combined our love for our spouse with our love for Him.

DIFFICULT FOR MEN

This active moving toward your spouse is more difficult for men.

1. Men Are Less Communicative

• We think warm and fuzzy thoughts about our wife
• We have trouble expressing those thoughts
• Men do not realize the damage they do by simply staying quiet

2. Men View Independence As Sign Of Strength And Maturity

• We must be willing to stand alone
• God is always moving toward people
• To flee relationship is an act of cowardice
• Easier to get someone young
• Maturing relationship challenges his authority and power
• We sulk when we don’t get our way.
• We can’t take the “give and take” of a real relationship, so we pour ourselves into our work and play.

God calls men to centrally move toward your wife. This moving toward your wife is what will mold you into the image of Christ.

There Will Be Emotional Highs and Lows

Madeleine L’Engle (A Wrinkle in Time) wrote a little poem which expresses what many couples feel at one time or another. She directed this toward God:

Dear God,
I hate you.
Love, Madeleine

Her love for God is the foundation of her hate. Even though she hates Him at the moment, she says she still loves him. Even in the moments of anger, betrayal, exasperation and hurt, we are called to pursue this person, to embrace them and to grow toward them.

WE EACH MUST INITIATE INTIMACY

Marriage is much more than “I agree to never have sex with anyone else.” Marriage is a GIFT of SELF that goes way beyond sexual fidelity. You can have a great marriage in the eyes of the world by doing many external deeds of love, but all the while you are holding back the most precious gift-your inner self. That gift must be consciously and continually given through communication.

Verbal Communication

You need times of communicating, not just through raised voices. You each need to learn how to accommodate your spouse and their particular communication skills or lack thereof:

From Annie Hall: Alvy addresses a pair of strangers on the street:
Alvy Singer: Here, you look like a very happy couple, um, are you?
Female street stranger: Yeah.
Alvy Singer: Yeah? So, so, how do you account for it?
Female street stranger: Uh, I’m very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say.
Male street stranger: And I’m exactly the same way.
Alvy Singer: I see. Wow. That’s very interesting. So you’ve managed to work out something?

Physical Communication

While men certainly need to discover the importance of nonsexual touching, most wives discover that if a woman is not pursuing her husband sexually, just about every other movement toward her husband will go unnoticed.

“A wife may demonstrate her love in many ways, but it is often negated by her rejection or lack of enjoyment of sex. You may be a great housekeeper, a gourmet cook, a wonderful mother…but if you turn him down consistently in the bedroom oftentimes those things will be negated. To a man, sex is the most meaningful declaration of love and self-worth” (Love that Lasts, p 152). Men and women just have a totally different view about the importance of sex:

In the movie  ”Annie Hall” you see a split screen with Annie and Alvy both in conversation with their respective therapist:

Alvy Singer’s Therapist: How often do you sleep together?
Alvy Singer: [lamenting] Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.
Annie Hall’s Therapist: Do you have sex often?
Annie Hall: [annoyed] Constantly. I’d say three times a week.

Now communication either verbally or physically is not the focus of this message. (THANK GOD)
What I do want to emphasize is this, communication is important to please God and see Him working in your marriage.

• Some of you men may say “Why should I talk to her or be affectionate when she never wants to have sex?”
• Some of you women may say “Why should I have sex when he never talks to me or shows me he cares for me?”

The question you should ask is how can I keep moving toward God when my wife or my husband is causing me so much pain or frustration or problems. The answer will be found in how God wants you to keep falling toward your spouse when you want to do the exact opposite.

Typically a marriage book will say “Well you have to do A if you want to get B! Husbands, if you do this it will get her revved up and jumping into bed. Here is the point-if marriage is about making God happy, it involves a lot more than going to sleep with a smile on your face. God wants to use your marriage for your spiritual benefit and growth. It’s all about God remember?

MARRIAGE METHODS

1.Self-Centered

• Withholding Approach –Selfish, moving away, marriage is more about getting what you want
• Wanting Approach – Basically self – centered; you realize to get what you want, you have to give a little. So you move toward each other, but you still guard yourself. Marriage is a continual process of give and take, but the intimacy is on a constant roller coaster.

2. Spouse-Centered

This is the Willing Approach. You have given your marriage to God and you realize that your spouse is important to you, right or wrong. So you pay her attention, you focus on her needs, you treat her with love. She does the same for you. It’s not always perfect, but for the most part you are willing to honor your spouse.
You can still fall short of spiritual intimacy and growth.

There is a spiritual discipline that you must consider following. It is the:

3. God-Centered

This is the Waiting Approach. You add another dimension to the willing approach. You consider God as you seek to love and communicate with your spouse. In fact, God is the very reason you fall toward her, communicate with her, have physical relations with her. You treat your relationship with your spouse as you do God. No matter what God does good or bad in your life, He is God, and you owe Him your undying devotion and attention. No matter what your spouse does or says, they are your spouse, and you owe them your undying devotion and attention. Wait means “To wait or to look for with eager expectation”

The waiting approach applies if both spouses are moving toward God, or if only one is.

• Psalms 25:5 Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.
• Psalms 33:20 Our soul waiteth for the LORD: he is our help and our shield.
• Psalms 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
• Hosea 12:6 Therefore turn thou to thy God: keep mercy and judgment, and wait on thy God continually.
• Psalms 123:2 Behold, as the eyes of servants look unto the hand of their masters, and as the eyes of a maiden unto the hand of her mistress; so our eyes wait upon the LORD our God, until that he have mercy upon us.

A Christian is never dependent upon the response of others to grow spiritually. He is looking to God and waiting expectantly Our relationship with God is dependent only upon our heart decisions. If you have truly given yourself to God, you will want to give yourself to your spouse. If you are holding back areas of your life from God, you will hold back parts of yourself from God.

The WAITING APPROACH TO MARRIAGE

1. God’s Will and Pleasure is Supreme
2. God uses your marriage and your spouse to refine you into likeness of Christ
3. Just as you keep moving to God, you must keep moving toward your spouse by giving yourself (whether they do or not)
4. You look to God with expectation of His provision and power in your marriage.
5. You Forgive your spouse
6. You Serve your spouse

Fellowship with our spouse that mirrors our fellowship with Christ is one which acknowledges our sinfulness and embraces His forgiveness. The challenge is not to keep on loving the person you thought you married, but to love the person you did marry! (A Sense of Sexuality, p. 197)

Falling Forward will always involve Forgiveness

The Prodigal God showed us that while the Father let the son go, he was constantly looking out for the return, so that He could fall forward upon the neck of his son. We can’t depend upon someone else to determine what we do. God was actively seeking the lost when He sent Jesus to this earth. We often use our spouse’s sin to pull back, to hold back to Withdraw. We all sin, so even in our sin we should fall forward into the arms of God and the arms of each other.

A Stonemason was charged with inscribing a headstone for a woman’s husband. He inscribed the husband’s name and this common phrase: “Rest in Peace”
A few months later the wife discovered that her husband had been unfaithful. In a fury she returned to the stonemason and had him add these words to the gravestone:
Rest in Peace…
Till we meet again.

None of us got married for the reason “It gives us an opportunity to forgive!” But we certainly must…

How to Build a Forgiving Spirit into your Life

1.See Yourself as God Sees You – A Stumbling Sinner

To constantly be moving forward to God means we must be continually forgiven. To see that same spiritual growth in our marriage, and to move toward each other, we must also practice forgiveness. We do so by realizing our need for forgiveness on a daily basis. We must see that sin is anything that we do without dependence upon God. We don’t hold up God’s Law to our spouse and say “How Could You!” If anything, we hold up God’s Law and say forgive me Father, I am unclean. I have no right to condemn.

Romans 3:20 (NIV) Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

The law wasn’t created by God for two spouses to hold each other up to an impossible standard with which they can beat each other over the head. A “self-righteous” spouse is an obnoxious spouse, even though they are momentarily blameless. Eventually the spouse will slip to. The worst thing you can do is to hit your husband over the head with a Bible Verse.

2.Realize to Withhold Forgiveness is to Invite the Cancer of Bitterness into Your Life and Marriage.

Hebrews 12:12-15 (ESV)Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;

Focusing on the sin invites a cancer into your life. God says to lift your hands and strengthen your knees and make straight paths, so you can be healed. To not do so, to not forgive, to not seek holiness, you are blocking God from your heart. Instead, bitterness will crust and harden your heart, it will spread, and it will bring more trouble into your life and those around you. This is especially true if you are in a second or third marriage. If there is still unforgiveness from those prior marriages, you are bringing bitterness into your present marriage.

Shoah is a documentary film on the Holocaust. In one scene the leader of the Warsaw Ghetto uprising talks about the bitterness that remains in his heart toward the Germans. “If you could lick my heart, it would poison you!”

3. Forgiveness invites God’s Healing Into Your Marriage and Life

James 5:16 (ESV) Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Example of Forgiveness

Gary Thomas tells of Melissa and Bryant, who after 25 years of marriage began facing a severe problem. Melissa discovered Bryant had been cheating on her. She had contracted an STD. Melissa remembers the day Oct 16 1997. She went totally numb. She tried to find answers from the Bible, but she could find none.

To compound the problem, Bryant was pastor of the church they attended, and Melissa sang on the worship team. To her horror, she remembered she was to sing this Sunday at a special service in which most of Bryant’s family would be there. One of those people was her unsaved brother-in-law who was dying of lung cancer.

Surrounded by Bryant’s family, Melissa led the worship team and listened to her husband preach. Then she watched as their brother-in-law came forward and received Christ as his Savior. She thought that even though her pain was devastating, it wasn’t bigger than God.

She remembered looking at her husband and saying “I know I have to forgive you and I’m going to. But she was not flooded with a great sense of forgiveness. She was confronted with the truth of having to forgive.” Forgiveness was the only way she could stay right with God.

In the months that followed Melissa was constantly confronted with forgiving her husband. She learned that there had been more than one affair, and she knew she was in her rights to kick Bryant out of her life. But she said “Forgiveness was the harder option, but I never felt in my heart that divorce was the right thing to do” “I’ve always lived my life by conviction and the harder road is not something I’m afraid to take.” I’ve learned that even when you are in great pain, we’re not excused from considering others and from carrying out our call to witness to God’s faithfulness.”

Melissa told Gary that forgiveness kept bitterness and anger at bay. It saved her marriage, brought Bryant around and moved Melissa many steps closer to more fully modeling the person of Jesus Christ. Melissa took the bitter juice of her marriage and by offering that to God, made spiritual honey in her life.

We love the sinner but hate the sin. Except when it comes to our spouse. Yet, turn the tables around and we love ourselves in spite of our wretched sin. We learn to forgive ourselves to maintain our own health, So why not our spouse?

“As an old man, Bill, looking back on one’s life, it’s one of the things that strike you most forcibly–that the only thing that’s taught one anything is suffering.  Not success, not happiness, not anything like that.  The only thing that really teaches one what life’s about–the joy of understanding, the joy of coming in contact with what life really signifies–is suffering, affliction.”Nearer, My God: An Autobiography of Faith by William F. Buckley, Jr. (Harcourt, Brace & Co., 1997) p. 211; quoting Malcolm Muggeridge.

(This accords with the ancient Greek proverb “pathein mathein”–“to suffer is to learn” and calls to mind that most mysterious of NT verses, Hebrews 5:8, “Though a Son, He learned obedience through what He suffered.”)

A God-centered spouse who practices the Waiting Approach:

1. Waits Upon God
2. Gives YourSelf By Communicating
3. Forgives Your Spouse
4. Waits Upon Your Spouse by Serving

The Waiting Approach requires you to actually wait on your Spouse. You become a servant of your spouse.

Falling Forward will always involve SERVING

The essence of our falling forward toward God, toward our spouse is found in Phil 2:
Philippians 2:1-8 (NIV) If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death– even death on a cross!

Most marriages begin by bringing certain things to the table:

• Wife brings her body, her admiration, her dog, her funny personality, her debt, her money, her organizations skills, cooking abilities…
• Is my wife attractive to me, will she take care of me, wash my clothes, feed me, take care of the home, keep it nice, look good when we go out…
• Husband brings himself, his career, money, strength, confidence, hopes, dreams, debt, money, endurance, strength, cooking abilities…
• This is why we marry: Can this guy support me, would he make a good father, do I find him attractive, will he make me feel special and loved.

If you keep expecting from your spouse, you will keep going through those withholding – wanting – willing cycles. Eventually you either get too hurt, or too tired or too anything. You end up leaving because your found someone else that meets your expectations better, or you end up settling, living as individual people separated by a wall of politeness and preoccupation with what you want to do.

A God-Centered Spouse keeps falling toward God and that spouse He brought into your life. You don’t fall away, you fall toward.

• Forgiveness is a must to keep the hurts from piling up and building that wall of separation.
• Servant hood is a must to keep you falling toward your spouse.

SO we must learn to ask ourselves: How can I serve my mate? Most people do not enter into marriage with the idea of becoming a servant. It is demeaning to women, and emasculating to men.

Why is it empowering to give yourself as a servant to our Lord Jesus Christ, and yet demeaning or emasculating to give yourself to your spouse as a life-long co-servant? To fully sanctify the marital relationship, we must live it together as Jesus lived His life-embracing the discipline of sacrifice and service as a daily practice. In the same way Jesus gave His body for us, we are to lay down our energy, our bodies and our lives for others, especially our spouse.

Instead of “will you do this for me”
“Will you accept what I want to give?”

You become consumed with how well you are carrying out the duty of serving your spouse.

SERVING YOUR SPOUSE

1.Serving Because God Lives Within Me

1 John 3:16-18 (ESV) By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

2.Serving Because I Want God To Live In Them

John 3:17 (NIV) For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

• Serving not because they deserve it
• Serving regardless of reciprocal treatment

3. Serving With A Willing Spirit

Eph 6:6,7 doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men (your spouse)

• Dutiful isn’t necessarily beautiful
• Beauty of God is reflected in our attitude and Spirit
  • Verbal expressions –sigh, puff of exasperation, rolling of eyes, hunched up shoulders, the headache grimace, grunting when I have to do something.
  • Expressed attitudes reveal a self-serving spirit, a wanting spirit, a selfish spirit.

4. Serving in Practical Matters

a.Time & Money

• Quarrels over money reflect a demand to “own” our own life rather than serve each other with our money, our things and our existence.
• How much am I willing to sell my marriage for-30 pieces of silver?
• Ask, how does spending this money serve my spouse?
• Am I putting money before my spouse?
• Same applies to our time and the things we use to occupy it.
• Am I spending time to serve my spouse?

b.Sex

In 1958, when Player won his first tour event in Kentucky, he was asked for his reaction to a new Callaway driver he had helped develop and used during the victory. “Like a fool, I said that if I had to choose between the driver and my wife, well, I’d miss her,” Player recalls, laughing. “A week later I’m at the next tournament in Oregon and I walk in the (hotel) room and there’s my driver on the bed with a negligee wrapped around it.

• Sex brings a husband and a wife under tremendous relational power.
• Sex can cure everything from depressions, to migraine headaches, although those usually keep you from wanting sex.
• Sex between a husband and wife can be a powerful experience in serving.
• Likewise it can reveal the lack of serving.

The problem with illicit sexual behavior – sex between other people besides a married husband and wife, is it focuses on getting. Sex becomes the preoccupation, rather Than the needs of the spouse. Each spouse should constantly be asking:

• Is sex something I’m giving or withholding
• Is sex something I’m demanding or offering
• Is sex something I am using as a tool of manipulation or as an expression of generous love?
• If God looked at nothing other than my sexuality, would he consider me a mature Christian or as a near pagan.

God-centered Spouses see God in every aspect of their marriage.

Forgiveness and Serving-two powerful results of focusing our lives on God. When our spouse errs, hurts, even abuses us, we forgive for Christ sake who loved and gave himself to us. This forgiveness is not dependent upon anything our spouse does. We must not allow any bitterness or resentment or hurt or pain get in the way of our relationship with God. We must not allow our partners sin build a wall of bitterness on our heart.

Serving is the way we see God in a more powerful way. We need to see Him in our lives, or else we won’t have the strength or the spirit to serve. We must see that by serving our spouse, we are serving God, and God will use this to open our spouse’s heart to God. We must see the importance of service in every aspect of our marriage – money sexual relations, spending time. Marriage and the willingness to serve will bring the reality of the cross to your life.

Do you see the face of God in your spouse? Do you see God as your Father-in-Law, watching the way you regard his son or his daughter.

Jesus knew that the time of His death was near. He also knew that none of his disciples would stay with him. He knew Peter would deny Him, Judas would betray Him. Yet Jesus went one by one and washed their feet. Do you think he really rubbed Judas feet till they hurt? No Jesus washed each one as if he was washing the feet of His Father. He wanted God to be so much in their lives.

Are You Falling Toward Your Spouse? Or Are You Falling Away?

Relato originalmente publicado en Quimera. Nº308-309. Julio 2009

El día del fin del mundo, Alvy Singer se pasó toda la mañana pensando en la palabra subsahariano. Jamás la había escuchado hasta que llegó a Salamanca, y tardó unos cuantos meses en darse cuenta de que era la palabra que utilizaba la gente amable cuando querían decir negro.

A su lado dormía Susan. Susan era una mujer muy grande; debía pesar alrededor de unos ciento veinte kilos. Y su piel era blanca como la leche.

Susan era una preciosidad, pensó Alvy mientras la miraba dormir. Y no es que fuera condescendiente con los gordos. La gordura extrema era una deformidad tan repugnante como cualquier otra. Pero es que Susan era una de las personas más bellas y morbosas que había conocido. Y era precisamente su enorme tamaño lo que la hacía tan especial.

Todos los negros de la ciudad conocían a Susan, y todos los negros de la ciudad se conocían entre ellos. Era una ciudad de blancos. Había venido siendo una ciudad de blancos desde su fundación, ya antes de los romanos. Dios, pensó Alvy, y lo seguirá siendo. Porque nosotros, los negros de esta ciudad, acabaremos siendo blancos. Aquí los negros se vuelven blancos, no hay otra explicación o solución posible.

Alvy tenía resaca, y estaba bastante incómodo. La cama era muy pequeña y Alvy era una persona corpulenta. Debían formar un cuadro bastante cómico; ella tan grande y tan blanca, y él, tan negro y tan corpulento, en ese diminuto catre. Pero Alvy no quería irse; no hasta que Susan se despertara. Quería volver a hacer el amor con ella antes de volver a su casa. Así que Alvy siguió pensando.

Eran pocos los negros de la ciudad, y se conocían todos. Contrastaban tanto como el brazo de Alvy rodeando el lechoso vientre de Susan. Eran más visibles que los semáforos; su negritud parecía refulgir a varios centenares de metros. Y era algo que Alvy no podía soportar, estar siempre rodeado de blancos. Todo el puto día rodeado de blancos. No es que tuviera nada en contra de los blancos, como tampoco tenía nada en contra de los fontaneros, o de las personas mayores de sesenta y cinco años. Eso no determina el fondo de las personas, concluyó Alvy. Pero tanto blanco era una auténtica jodienda. Y los días como hoy, que se había despertado en casa ajena y no podría ducharse, ni peinarse, ni cambiarse de ropa antes de salir a la calle, se iba a sentir realmente incómodo. Sentiría a las personas mirándole, girándose molestas por el olor rancio que desprendía su cuerpo. La gente le miraría en el autobús, muy discretamente. Llamaría la atención. Podría decirle a Susan que le acompañara. La invitaría a comer. Así, yendo con ella, se sentiría menos incómodo.

¿No es increíble que yo sea así?, pensó Alvy. A veces se escandalizaba a sí mismo. Pero lo cierto es que le hubiera encantado que Susan le acompañara a casa porque así llamaría menos la atención, pasaría más desapercibido. Y si había algo que odiaba Alvy era llamar la atención. Desde pequeño había sido tímido.

Pero Susan no le acompañaría, y Alvy lo sabía. Se lo habían dicho sus amigos, que también se habían acostado con ella. Susan era la joven hija de unos agricultores adinerados de un pueblo de Leipizg, cuyo nombre solo podían pronunciar los del propio pueblo. Había venido a la ciudad para aprender español y luego decidió quedarse a vivir, sin más ocupación aparente que salir por la noche a bailar y acostarse con el mayor número de negros que fuera posible. Uno siempre la podía encontrar en El Savor, la única discoteca de salsa que había en la ciudad. Llegaba sola, cuando apenas había gente, y se sentaba a tomar una copa con los camareros. No bebía mucho, Susan. Lo justo, pensó Alvy. Posiblemente no tenga tanta resaca como yo, y quiera volver a hacer el amor conmigo.

El bulo se había extendido por toda la ciudad. Un bulo de negros, se dijo divertido. En ese momento Susan se movió un poco. Alvy se tuvo que agarrarse a las mantas para no caerse al suelo. Casi se parte de risa pero se mordió los labios. No quería despertarla. No quería que ella le preguntara por qué seguía allí, y luego continuara durmiendo. No, esperaría a que ella despertara espontáneamente. Así estaría de buen humor y podría hacerle el amor. Solo de pensarlo ya se estaba empalmando otra vez.

Subsaharianos. Había pocas cosas que los negros de la ciudad tuvieran en común, excepto esa palabra. Aunque refulgieran como putos semáforos entre tanto blanco, lo cierto es que no eran más afines que cualquier otro grupo de extraños escogidos al azar. Así que cada vez que un negro pesado se acercaba a hablar con Alvy solo porque él también era negro, Alvy le soltaba la historia de Susan. ¿Qué otra cosa se podía decir?

Susan se había convertido en una leyenda urbana, siempre en la misma discoteca, esperando a algún negro para acostarse con él. Allí podías ir a buscarla, y si tenías suerte y no había a la vista otro morenito más guapo y simpático que tú, te acostarías con ella. Y mira por donde que hoy era él, Alvy, quien había conquistado la cama de Susan. ¡Ya formaba parte de la leyenda! Alvy se mondaba solo de pensarlo. Lo único que quería volver a metérsela hasta dejarla completamente rellena, oírla cantar la Traviata como la noche anterior.

Una lástima que luego tuviera que volver a su casa, ya se lo habían dicho sus amigos. Y tendría que tomar el autobús con esa facha. Todo el mundo le miraría. Igual que a un puto semáforo negro. ¡Qué pereza da siempre ser negro!, pensó Alvy. Y ya no pudo más: se descojonó

I have to watch movies from the beginning.  If I don’t, I get stressed out think about what I’ve missed rather than focusing what’s on the screen.  The best way to show the way I can be is a scene from “Annie Hall,” which I am having trouble finding on YouTube, but the dialogue goes like this:

Annie: So do you wanna go into the movie or what?

Alvy: No, I can’t go into a movie that’s already started because I’m anal.

Annie: That’s a polite word for what you are.

But I have never refused to go into a movie that has already started.  I saw “The Iron Giant” twice in theaters; once I missed the first half, the next time, I missed the first ten minutes.

El gran Alvy Singer menciona este noble proyecto:

“El verano infinito por la red (de gente más o menos inteligente, claro): Invierno Infinito de Diego Zuñiga y Antonio Díaz Oliva y en el Lamento de Portnoy. Yo estoy leyendo con pasión a Susannah Clarke y Audrey Nieffenneger. ¿Una reacción popper ante este revival del barroco declarado de la posmodernidad literaria norteamericana?”

Gracias Alvy.

1.

Increíble lo sucedido anoche en los cines Casablanca;

se notaba esa excitación de las cosas que no se sabe si acabarán en desastre o en apoteosis.

Y el experimento explotó en entusiasmos colectivos, la participación libérrima de los asistentes, la entrega bulliciosa y festiva de todo el público; diversión y jolgorio ciento por ciento.

Yo creo que el señor Minchinela ni de lejos se podía imaginar que la cosa resultaría tan furiosamente emotiva y añado que, desde ya, necesaria. imprescindible.

¡Imprescindible!

Eso hay que repetirlo.

Y además se podían beber tercios de cerveza en la misma sala de cine.

Si hubieran dejado fumar, yo me hubiese quedado a vivir allí.

2.

Para seguir con la confraternización esta que me habita graciosa en los últimos días,

(porque el viernes estuvimos en una fiesta del mundillo literario,

con buenos chismes y algún poquito de literatura),

pues me voy a celebrar el final de la semana portuguesa en Bcn:

dj´s performances, caipirinha, y lo más importante:

¡pasteles de nata!

Y hablando de experiencias imprevistas, veremos mañana qué pasa.

Ya les contaré…

**Actualización **

(16-Junio-2009 [17:33])

A la salida de Trash entre amigos:

*La foto es de Pere Vall

Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter. It’s the same every year, yet always different. While cold weather brings rain and snow into our souls, there is still space for the sun to light up our dreams and desires. I remember the first snowflake last year. It was midnight, too and I didn’t know what was to come. If only I knew. 

It’s the past, though, and we’re done with our past. This week was nonetheless very much like one of those I had last year around this time. Full of loneliness, misery and suffering. I was like Leo Cohen. I didn’t consider myself as a pessimist at all. I thought of a pessimist as someone who was waiting for it to rain. And I felt completely soaked to the skin.

But the lightness of the snow brought some hope and colors. And I feel like me again. I still can taste it, too. 

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” ~ Frederick Keonig

“There is no worse sorrow than remembering happiness in the day of sorrow.” ~ Alfred De Musset

“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again.” ~ Alex Tan

“Music is what feelings sound like.”

“Distance never seperates two hearts that really care, for our memories span the miles and in seconds we are there. But whenever I start feeling sad cuz I miss you I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss.”

I thought of that old joke: This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, ‘Doc, my brother’s crazy, he thinks he’s a chicken.’ And the doctor says, ‘Well why don’t you turn him in?’ and the guy says, ‘I would, but I need the eggs.’ Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships. They’re totally irrational and crazy and absurd, but I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs. – Alvy Singer

Reexamine all that you have been told in school, or in church or in any book. Dismiss whatever insults your soul. – Walt Whitman

 

Here… have some music.

Parken – Helvete Med Himlen

alvy singer – high

Orchard Lounge – 79 Minutes of Radness

1. ugly people intro
2. beck – hell yes (8-Bit Remix)
3. M.I.A. – galang
4. Llyrics born – callin’ out
5. ozomatli – cut chemist suite
6. zapp & roger – more bounce to the ounce
7. common – the light
8. one way – cutie pie
9. ripple – i don’t know what it is, but it sure is funky
10. special ed – i got it made
11. prince – musicology
12. stevie wonder – superstition
13. aretha franklin – respect
14. INXS – devil inside
15. beastie boys – hey ladies
16. digital undergound – doowhatchalike
17. de la soul – saturdays
18. deee-lite – groove is in the heart
19. gorillaz – D.A.R.E.
20. depeche mode – just can’t gjet enough
21. jamiroquai – canned heat
22. michael jackson – billie jean
23. chromeo – needy girl
24. the barkays – freak show
25. erlend oye – ghost train (being young)

La-di-da,
I laugh, and
you are back on how we just might be
a Woody Allen movie and
if so, there is no way

I am Annie Hall
because she is just so
blasé and light and
there is nothing light about
the way we drink our scotch or
eat the pizza that had since cooled off and
no longer burns our tongues

It’s true
I don’t understand why
you stay with your wife,
your girlfriend in California,
your analyst,
none of them understand
like your cowherd friend in high school
how you sat on the couch with the fat girl and
told awkward jokes while your friend in
the bedroom kissed her
fine-haired friend

La-di-da, because I think maybe you are
more fucked up than me and
that is why I love you or
because we have nothing in common
except that cubicle next to my cubicle in
harsh 10am light
scotch-stamped mornings
Rachel the bartender,
who maybe loves both of us,
the cure for our problems
airbrushing over our problems
Photoshop portraits and unbitten nails

One more pitcher of beer
it’s dessert, Tuesday night,
La-di-da, and thank god
you’ve made me laugh
because you need to earn it and
this time I let you
the men on the Blackberries and
waiter on the phone
the beer foam sloshing over
the rim of my glass onto
pizza crust graveyards and

to you I am Tracy or Mary,
Diane?
but you could never be Woody,
I promise, I promise,
I’m sorry, I promise,
la-di-da.

“La memoria es la espina dorsal de toda la literatura respetable”.

 WG SEBALD 

El debut extended and uncut de Ricardo Piglia reeditado con Anagrama tiene demasiado en común con el Alien (director’s cut) de Ridley Scott, en el sentido de que son reescrituras de obras primerizas desde la veteranía más absoluta, por eso el resultado es aún más desconcertante porqué la pulsión adolescente propia de cualquier obra primeriza queda barnizada a ojos del receptor. Ridley Scott se acercaba más a la sabiduría del autor, en una maniobra de impostura por parte de un cineasta caracterizado por su artesania du prestige, al añadir escenas restauradas como los planos de la luna o las luces en los cascos de Dallas, Kane o Lambert. A pesar de ello, Alien sigue siendo una obra maestra por su inesperada reunión de talentos, entre los que Scott es, tal vez, el más funcional de ellos: sólo la unión de unos talentos tan grandes como los de Dan O’Bannon, Carlo Rambaldi o H. R. Giger potenció el resultado. Piglia prefiere en cambio dar al libro un cariz antagónico: los cambios están en el cuento de La invasión, que marca el ecuador del libro y sus dos partes, y añade un epílogo a modo de relato que deja claro que su rumbo sigue abierto. La invasión nueva, como dice Vicente Luis Mora, tiene mucho que ver con la idea de la prisión de Michel Foucault: el mejor cuento del libro, el que le da título, habla de esa sociedad de vigilancia y castigo desde la anécdota más escalofriante, desde esa concisión trazada a partir de un territorio sórdido: el protagonista, encerrado en una celda, contempla el encuentro sexual mas aterrador jamás concebido no por el acto sino por el entorno.  

¿Está Piglia enmarcado en el realismo? Si es así, lo está en una idea del realismo muy propia de Vila-Matas: la realidad es una construcción del lenguaje en sí misma, por ello la literatura se ocupa de investigar estos territorios. La aparición de Emilio Renzi también es la aparición defintiva de la metaliteratura en Piglia, de forma obvia aclaro, del diálogo literario presente en su obra que le un íntimamente a escritores con Vila-Matas (con el que comparte ese gusto por la memoria inventada, por la desaparición de la figura del escritor por los callejones del recuerdo) o Sebald (que podría parecer un padre de este modelo de escritor europeísta, pero nada más lejos: fue un contemporáneo). Los paseos y anotaciones de Renzi por un mundo imaginario, lleno de hoteles y citas de autores célebres, son los que cierran el libro pero su debut no es otro que el del relato que da título al libro.  

En El Joyero, su narrador se lamenta: “Ése era su problema, no podía parar de pensar”. No hay forma más concisa de definir esta extraña Invasión nueva pero antigua: una obra que nace del impulso, corregida. ¿Qué hay entonces? Una constante: Piglia define siempre la novela como un complot. Pues su idea del libro de relatos es la de la sospecha: en Mata-Hari, donde la tensión y la intriga dominan todo el ritmo del relato. Hay una historia pero lejos de la narrativa: Piglia cuenta siempre las cosas desde lo dramático de la incerteza, desde la memoria, que asocia a un ejercicio de reconstrucción.  

“Lo que ustedes no saben es que ya estaba muerto desde antes. Por eso yo quiero contar desde el principio. Para que no se piense que ando arrepentido de lo que hice. Que una cosa es la tristeza y otra el arrepentimiento. Y lo hice ya estaba hecho y no fue más que un favor, algo que sólo se hace para aliviar. Algo que no le importa a nadie. Ni al General. Porque para nosotros estaba muerto desde antes…” 

En Las actas del juicio la historia empieza como el mejor cine negro, al que Piglia referencia con un conocimiento icónico mayor y más juguetón del que admite (¿o acaso no es El Joyero una versión acelerada e irreal, más bien redundante, de los climas y espacios de El tercer hombre, ese mano a mano de Greene con si mismo?), para terminar siendo una crónica de las trastiendas de los dictadores mucho más eficaz que otros ejemplos más célebres (pensar en la novela La fiesta del chivo) y en el que Piglia se emparenta con el universo de Estrella Distante: la excentricidad y la humanidad más pasmosa como partes inevitables, tristísimos, de las figuras que se erigen en señores del espanto. 

Jean-François Fogel dice, en un tono irónico, que es prematuro asegurar que esta nueva Invasión es al fin una obra excelente: mejor sería esperarse al 2047. ¿Es La Invasión una obra definitiva, la perfecta jugada de reedición de un trabajo anterior a través de la ampliación, que se revela refinamiento? Tal vez en la broma de Fogel resida la clave: en una realidad tan marcada como la memoria como la de Piglia sería antiético no esperar hasta 2047 para examinar, al fin, la última de nuestras invasiones.

La invasión, Ricardo Piglia (Anagrama, 2007)

ALVY SINGER

El día del fin del mundo, Alvy Singer se pasó toda la mañana pensando en la palabra subsahariano. Jamás la había escuchado hasta que llegó a Alemania, y tardó unos cuantos meses en darse cuenta de que era la palabra que utilizaba la gente amable cuando querían decir negro.

A su lado dormía Susan. Susan era una mujer muy grande; debía pesar alrededor de unos ciento veinte kilos. Y su piel era blanca como la leche.

Susan era una preciosidad, pensó Alvy mientras la miraba dormir. Y no es que fuera condescendiente con los gordos. La gordura extrema era una deformidad tan repugnante como cualquier otra. Pero es que Susan era una de las personas más bellas y morbosas que había conocido. Y era precisamente su enorme tamaño lo que la hacía tan especial.

Todos los negros de la ciudad conocían a Susan, y todos los negros de la ciudad se conocían entre ellos. Era una ciudad de blancos. Había venido siendo una ciudad de blancos desde su fundación, ya antes de los romanos. Dios, pensó Alvy, y lo seguirá siendo. Porque nosotros, los negros de esta ciudad, acabaremos siendo blancos. Aquí los negros se vuelven blancos, no hay otra explicación o solución posible.

Alvy tenía resaca, y estaba bastante incómodo. La cama era muy pequeña y Alvy era una persona corpulenta. Debían formar un cuadro bastante cómico; ella tan grande y tan blanca, y él, tan negro y tan corpulento, en ese diminuto catre. Pero Alvy no quería irse; no hasta que Susan se despertara. Quería volver a hacer el amor con ella antes de volver a su casa. Así que Alvy siguió pensando.

Eran pocos los negros de la ciudad, y se conocían todos. Contrastaban tanto como el brazo de Alvy rodeando el lechoso vientre de Susan. Eran más visibles que los semáforos; su negritud parecía refulgir a varios centenares de metros. Y era algo que Alvy no podía soportar, estar siempre rodeado de blancos. Todo el puto día rodeado de blancos. No es que tuviera nada en contra de los blancos, como tampoco tenía nada en contra de los fontaneros, o de las personas mayores de sesenta y cinco años. Eso no determina el fondo de las personas, concluyó Alvy. Pero tanto blanco era una auténtica jodienda. Y los días como hoy, que se había despertado en casa ajena y no podría ducharse, ni peinarse, ni cambiarse de ropa antes de salir a la calle, se iba a sentir realmente incómodo. Sentiría como las personas le miran, se giran molestas por el olor rancio que desprendía su cuerpo. La gente le miraría en el autobús, muy discretamente. Llamaría la atención.

Podría decirle a Susan que le acompañara. La invitaría a comer. Así, yendo con ella, se sentiría menos incómodo.

¿No es increíble que yo sea así?, pensó Alvy. A veces se escandalizaba a sí mismo. Pero lo cierto es que le hubiera encantado que Susan le acompañara a casa porque así le prestarían menos atención, pasaría más desapercibido. Y si había algo que odiaba Alvy era llamar la atención. Desde pequeño había sido tímido.

Pero Susan no le acompañaría, y Alvy lo sabía. Se lo habían dicho sus amigos, que también se habían acostado con ella. Susan era la joven hija de unos agricultores adinerados de un pueblo de Leipizg, cuyo nombre solo podían pronunciar los del propio pueblo. Había venido a la ciudad para aprender idiomas y luego decidió quedarse a vivir, sin más ocupación aparente que salir por la noche a bailar y acostarse con el mayor número de negros que fuera posible. Uno siempre la podía encontrar en El Savor, la única discoteca de salsa que había en la ciudad. Llegaba sola, cuando apenas había gente, y se sentaba a tomar una copa con los camareros. No bebía mucho, Susan. Lo justo, pensó Alvy. Posiblemente no tenga tanta resaca como yo, y quiera volver a hacer el amor conmigo.

El bulo se había extendido por toda la ciudad. Un bulo de negros, se dijo divertido. En ese momento Susan se movió un poco. Alvy se tuvo que agarrarse a las mantas para no caerse al suelo. Casi se parte de risa pero se mordió los labios. No quería despertarla. No quería que ella le preguntara por qué seguía allí, y luego continuara durmiendo. No, esperaría a que ella despertara espontáneamente. Así estaría de buen humor y podría hacerle el amor. Solo de pensarlo ya se estaba empalmando otra vez.

Subsaharianos. Había pocas cosas que los negros de la ciudad tuvieran en común, excepto esa palabra. Aunque refulgieran como putos semáforos entre tanto blanco, lo cierto es que no eran más afines que cualquier otro grupo de extraños escogidos al azar. Así que cada vez que un negro pesado se acercaba a hablar con Alvy solo porque él también era negro, Alvy le soltaba la historia de Susan. ¿Qué otra cosa se podía decir?

Susan se había convertido en una leyenda urbana, siempre en la misma discoteca, esperando a algún negro para acostarse con él. Allí podías ir a buscarla, y si tenías suerte y no había a la vista otro morenito más guapo y simpático que tú, te acostarías con ella. Y mira por donde que hoy era él, Alvy, quien había conquistado la cama de Susan. ¡Ya formaba parte de la leyenda! Alvy se mondaba solo de pensarlo. Lo único que quería volver a metérsela hasta dejarla completamente rellena, oírla cantar la Traviata como la noche anterior.

Una lástima que luego tuviera que volver a su casa, ya se lo habían dicho sus amigos. Y tendría que tomar el autobús con esa facha. Todo el mundo le miraría. Igual que a un puto semáforo negro. ¡Qué pereza da siempre ser negro!, pensó Alvy. Y ya no pudo más: se descojonó.