I was bitten. Not now, not a year ago; I was bitten when I was just a kid. The travel bug got to me way before any of the others, even my first bout of flu came later. And unlike all the other bugs, there is no vaccination to shield yourself, neither is there any bunch of antibiotics to cure you of it. Once it gets to you, you’re stuck with it for life.

And I love it. I agree it often clashes with my meager Indian middle class pocket, but if there comes a travel opportunity knocking at my door, I am the least likely to keep the shutters down. If my pocket manages a just-able-to-cope-with-the-strain sort of nod, I don’t look twice and jump aboard. Fate has been kind and has provided several opportunities; holiday times with family, school and college trips, Industrial Visits, Nature Club treks. But the dream come true for the travel bug in me, was the Tata Jagriti Yatra.

Tell me, how many times in your life are you told that there is to be a train that will make a circuit of the entire country and you could be on it? Not everyday, and when Disha told me of the Jagriti Yatra, that little bug in me dances with joy, dragged me by the hand and got me to fill in the form and waited with a baited breath for the response from the team. When the acceptance letter came, the only thing I did not do was hijack the nearest radio station to yell out my good news to every one. Excitement, thrill, anticipation, anxiety, joy, ecstasy….. you name it and I was full to the brim with it. A country tour! a fully sponsored one..!! It was so unbelievable that every morning after that, I woke up with the fear that it was a cruelly wonderful dream and it was time to crash to reality.
But weeks went by and I continued to network with faceless names on the internet who were supposed to be on the train too. Hyderabad, Pune,Indoor, Delhi, Lucknow, Jamshedpur, Kolkatta, Chennai…… there were people from EVERYWHERE!!
Within no time at all….. or what could have been a lifetime, I was pulling my bag towards the cluster of people at IIT Powai. Got my group and cohort details, met all the faces I’d befriended on the net, and introduced myself to the people who were to become my family in the next 18 days; My group R….

The problem with us is that through out our childhood and student life, we are hammered with words like ‘unity in diversity’, the ‘magnificent patchwork of the Indian diversity’ etc so frequently that it becomes a cliche by the time we are young enough to understand the ramifications of having a diverse population. Same was the case with me. I had stood up on countless national festivals on the school and college dais and made speeches about this very multi faceted personality of the land that I call my nation. But that day, as I stood in the Ravindra Natya Mandir and looked the very same Diversity in her eye, I couldn’t think of any speech…. I was speechless. That was just the first blow in my gut.
Over the next 18 days, every time I looked out of the window and either saw a hill side, a river glittering beneath the bridge, a golden coast, a foggy stretch of open land, a city, or any of the marvelous eye pleasing portraits that my homeland threw at me, my gut twisted in a knot not just with the idea that it was all there but also with the realization that all of it was My country; My land!

Then was the factor of meeting the faces who murmured the song of success into the ears of the country. Meeting the people who defied all the conventional myths and beliefs about standing up for your dreams is something not every ambitious youth gets to do. And we didn’t just meet one or two…. there were dozens!!! From the role models and their success stories, to the panelists at the CNBC debates, they were all there, not just meeting us and showing their faces, but more often than not, seeing the same spirit that had possessed and propelled them in the hundreds of eyes drinking them in. They all spoke from their hearts; because they knew that some dreams were listening.

It was amazing and no note, speech, or even book could rightly justify what I learnt from there and the experience. All I can say is that fate had thrown my dream at me and my heart was drinking it in and my brain marinating in it. The ignored embryo of impossible dreams had been dormant in me so long; Now it is taking form, a small but potential life form pulsating with promises. It had been so long that we had been kept from dreaming big that when we were shown these people and their works, the floodgates opened to the land of never-say-never….

It was like my dream come true; But the thing about dreams is that when you dream them, you don’t expect them to fall into your lap, smiling genially up at you. And when your dream is unfolding before you, writing itself upon your very soul, hope, determination and every positive feeling available glistens to your eyes with the unshed tears. Like Shashank Sir said once, Here I was, offering a symbolic garland of our route to our nation. Here I was, paying the tribute I thought would take me a lifetime to offer at the feet of the land that was much more than a mother to me. Here I was, taking notes as dreams spoke to me. Here I was, Dreaming….. with 400 others.

To those who seek to embark on this experience, log on to www.jagritiyatra.com and register. If there is anything worth the time, this is it.

Ok – first post

There’s 8 days left of 2009, so I’m counting down to the start of 2010 and the beginning of my new years resolution. Simply – to make £1m by the end of 31st Dec 2010, via ethical & legal means.

That means

• No “get rich” quick schemes
• No rip off type money making angles

My Aims

• Provide services that hit niche markets but do it better & cheaper than anyone else
• Set up projects that run themselves and require as little intervention as much as possible. (Not because I’m work shy – but this way I can cull non profitable ideas and work on new ones.)

I honestly believe that it’s theoretically possible to make £1m within a year, with nothing else apart from a computer, camera and telephone (which I already have), a lot of hard work, some luck and ethics. It can be done.

I’ve got the following business ideas

1. Automated Algorithmic Trading – analyse trends of UK stocks indexed against sectors & the market as a whole, recommend buy & sell points, risk/reward and stops & trailing stops.
2. Clothing Label – more on this later
3. Niche Search Engine – present data in a more convenient form than has been done before for image based searches, make use of previous search trends to cut down on user’s number of clicks.
4. Iphone App - travel related niche app & website
5. Online Gallery – I just need a brand name and then will be pumping some high quality art prints out into a living room near you. Different, noting pretentious, just stuff that people will enjoy looking at.

Judea J http://www.judeajackson.wordpress.com made some very good points and gave excellent advice on setting goals and priorities. In brief, she said I would be best to figure out what’s important, prioritize it, and knock out each goal one by one and find a way to unite them all in to one common goal later on, aka my long-term career goal. She also stated that goals should be set on a very short-range basis and over time your short-range goals will naturally start to highlight great long-term goals.

With that said, lately I’ve felt very urged to busk for income and experience, and so I shall. Over this short winter break I am working up a set list for busking all throughout this next semester here locally. As the semester progresses, I’ll add a song or two every week and by summer have a minimum of 30 songs hopefully to work with. I’ve been looking for ways to hold myself accountable, I think this is one of them. But I needed to take it a step further, so I contacted a great friend and fellow music major at my university who actually does a decent amount of busking locally as well. We’ve decided that we would like to go on a 75-90 day busking adventure around the local states this summer. During which we will be giving out “free” cd’s along with donations and tips (since it is illegal to sell on a street corner without a permit). We’re working on logistics and what not as the semester progresses, but we’re expecting on producing a 10+track cd this semester with some covers, originals, and duos and we’re hoping to copy 1000+CDs for the summer to take along with us.

To say the least, I’m stoked. This is exactly what I needed to hold myself accountable and to live a little. It should be fun, enlightening, and provide income along with life experience. And people say you can’t do anything with a music degree.

In other news, Linda C recommended that I start a goal journal/diary. I think this is also an EXCELLENT idea. There seems to be a strong bond between physically writing something down and getting it done. As a side note on a similar idea, I think I might start writing down, in a log, what I accomplish daily. It too will help show me how much (or little) I’m getting done with my time, and will encourage me to look deeper into finding my pitfalls that are destroying my productivity.

Any advice? Comments? Spit them out. Don’t be shy. I’m on a learning journey and I welcome your life experiences to better enrich my own.

Ciao.

I have been long away from this blog that sometimes feels like I have stopped it all together. But no…I have been meaning to update, but then nothing goes according to plan, when there is a little one in the house and then too, it is the end of the year which means there is a lot of wrapping up of things going on…nothing physically, just that a lot of things come to a close. And a new list needs to be planned for the up coming year…not a resolution list, more like a list of things/stuff that needs to be accomplished.

Where did I go? Nowhere! I didn’t go on a vacation or anything…been in and around the house. Let’s tackle this step by step.

Dec 17th: Last day of school for Naren which also happened to be the day of a Christmas celebrations for the parents by the kids. The school is doing this for the first time (they are a 3yr old school) and I must say, that it was a huge hit. Each class performed. The Toddler class, in which Naren is, performed 1 song about the arrival of Jesus, and they practiced it for 2 whole months…all actions and singing included. The boy with his mates walked on to the stage and refused to move away from the microphone and stood next to a pretty little girl. The original plan was for him to stand in the second row, next to a boy from his class. But NO! He has his own plans and so he stood where he wanted to. The lights dimmed and the song started. And he sang and followed directions from the conductor…he swayed, he bounced and he danced. He smiled and best of all…sang. Finally after the song was done, he took a bow that would have put any Prince to shame and waited with his best buddy A, until I picked him up. Since we were asked not to take pictures with flash (as it was inside a closed audi, there would be flash..hence couldn’t get any), as it could distract and scare the kids, no photos, until the school issues the CD.

2 weeks prior to that: The boy was sick…a viral infection that wouldn’t give up for 2 whole weeks. The first week was lots and lots of throwing up, that just took away all of his strength. The second week started with a bang. He woke up one Sunday night complaining that he couldn’t breathe…we rushed to the ER where he was administered the meds and stayed there for a long night and came back home, only to repeat the sequence that night too. And then we went to the Doctor’s office every single day, where he was continuously monitored since his throat was severely infected that was reducing the oxygen that went in. All of this was accompanied by a fever that hovered between 103-105F. At one point we were thinking it could have been the swine flu, but the oppurtunity for the same was less, as he is vaccinated against it. Thanks to a lot of prayers from friends and good wishes, we managed it without any sleep for 5 days. An hour’s worth of shut eye was the only possible break that I got.

That should pretty much explain where I have been since my last post. And now that the little guy is home, not much time to get any blog work done. We are not planning on any vacations even though a lot of friends are doing it or have done it, as I really really want to get some work done in the house. We have been meaning to change the room that is under the stairs, into a pantry/store room for all the stuff that is lying around. And change the current store room into a much more usable room…make it into a working place and fit in a treadmill or any other exercise machine. Lets see. So far, nothing has been done, as the husband is on a vacation at home and that means just a lot of time being wasted in front of the TV and lolling around. I am not sure, I am liking this one bit. I hope to get it done, because it means we have to wait until next year to plan this again. I will update as any work gets done.

Ciao!

Inspiration can be found in many places. One of those places could be in a high-five with Angus Clark, one of the backup guitarists for the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, in the middle of a performance. I attended their concert here in Little Rock, Arkansas last night and during the middle of the performance one of the violinist and Angus ran off the stage and ran to random places in the audience. Fortunately for me, he ran and stopped within five feet of where I was sitting. This probably affected me completely different from everyone else around me. It’s easy to idolize the people on the stage, but we all have to realize, they in fact are too still people.

Angus is by no means my favorite guitarist, but I do have an extremely deep respect for him as a musician, where as Al Pitrelli up on stage at this point is currently my largest professional influence. Back on subject. Angus, being in such close proximity, was close enough that I could see every unkempt hair, his fingers, the scratches on his guitar, the solid expressions on his face, etc. Though he may have inspired other people around him to be better musicians just due to being so close, he inspired me by reminding me that he’s just simply a man who loved his guitar and spent time with it in a committed relationship. In other words, anyone with the right heart, determination, commitment, and consistency can do what he’s doing.

Al Pitrelli, also currently enlisted in the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, was also on stage. For those who don’t realize, Al played guitar for Blue Oyster Cult,  Megadeath, and Savatage for at least some period of time before playing with the TSO. He attended Berkley (dropped out) for music and is extremely humble as a musician. Every year when I get to hear him play live, I come home and I start planning out how I’m going to step up my game. Up until this year I’ve had no one and no way that I could find to hold myself accountable. Lucky me, I’m now studying classical guitar and music theory/composition at the University Of Central Arkansas and I have plenty of people to hold me accountable. That said, I came home and started working on my chord progression theory a bit before sleeping.

This morning, I started working on songs for busking. I haven’t had a lot of time for it, so I’ve only added two songs to my inventory. Summer of ‘69 and Semi-Charmed Life. Semi-Charmed Life is a wee bit harder, but it’ll fall together in time.

Are you interested in busking? Check this site out. http://www.sjefke.be/ It’ll rock your world.

Any tips for me? Advice? Throw it out there. I’d love to hear what you have to say.

Answering the deeper questions in life appears like it’s going to take some dear time–time that I don’t have to exert right now just solely for that purpose. Can you relate? After looking over my last few posts, I see that this is going to be done best over a long period of time. Fine by me. I’m fishing for advice people. Give it.

In other news, Trans-Siberian Orchestra is playing tonight at Verizon Arena here in Arkansas and I will be attending. Maybe while I’m there for the 6th year in a row something in their performance will inspire me in a way that I find some answers. I should be on the look out.

In more news, I read Darrin Guilbeau’s article on awareness and perception of the world around us and it poses questions addressing why we overlook some of the most beautiful things in the world. It is short and highly worth the read. http://darringuilbeau.wordpress.com/2009/12/19/a-2010-resolution-awareness-perception-pause-enjoy/

In last news with all addressed above, I’ve decided I need to get more in to busking (street musician). I’ve got guitars. They are beautiful instruments. I neglect them a tad more than I should considering the level I study music, I think it’s about time that I give them the glory they deserve and I spread it to the rest of the world, and maybe supplement some income doing it.

Writing down my actual wants on a notepad seemed to make a huge difference. After my last post earlier this morning, I started googling for articles on defining what I wanted out of life. As suspected, the simple question, “What do I want” is far too vague to get much anything accomplished. It seems asking questions more like “What will I do for the rest of my life” and “Why do I even care” are giving me much more fulfilling results. Don’t let me fool you though, these questions are going to take a lot of time to get real answers for. I feel like I’m confusing what I want (and am willing to work for) with what I dream (what I’d like, but honestly have no desire to make the commitment for). Is it possible that I want to do too many things with my life and it’s overwhelming me? What should I do?

“What do I want?”–it keeps running through my head. I’m getting millions of vague answers and anything that’s worth fully committing to is so broad that I don’t even know what to think about it. Maybe I’m getting vague answers because I have a vague question. This is quickly turning in to more work that I imagined. It looks like it’s time for me to do some deep research, and quickly. I’m on my winter break from my university, and I can’t waste it answering the deeper questions of life. I need to spend it practicing and getting somewhere on guitar.

After sleeping on the question, “What do I want?” as posed by Achor, I decided that it might be a little harder to answer clearly than first expected. It’s easy to say, “I want to be rich,” “I want to be a successful guitarist,” etc, but these vague answers, I don’t believe, are the ones that are going to get me anywhere besides realizing that my “wants” run a lot deeper than what I feel are my wants.

So, how to go about isolating my wants… I studied philosophy, psychology, and religion before I studied music and honestly, even with that background, I do not know where to begin. Should I just keep going the direction I’m going and hope to find answers to this simple, yet perplexing question on the way, or should I stop in my tracks and commit my full attention to answering it? Knowing me, I’ll go with the latter. I hate having unanswered questions, especially ones that are so detrimental to my life.

I need a lead and maybe a little help on this one.

We’re fast approaching the end of the year.

Who’s going to admit it? At least one of us has said “I don’t know where it went!”  It’s almost as traditional as putting mince pies out for Santa!

Have you actually considered what you did achieve this year? Whether it’s in business or your personal life, what can you honestly say you are proud to have accomplished in 2009?

The beginning of a year can start with great intentions filled with New Year’s Resolutions and comments such as “this is the year it will happen”. The question is, at what point do we review the last twelve months, allowing ourselves to celebrate successes and use our experience to improve?

The answer is NOW!

Allow yourself at least half an hour to consider the following points, which will enable you to make your plan of action for 2010 a lot more effective.

• What were your three principal ambitions for this year? Write them down followed by the answers to the following:
• How successful were you on a scale of 1 to 10?
• What would have made the difference between the score you gave and a 10….or an 11?
• How often did you monitor your progress? Would it have been helpful to have done this more often?
• If your priorities changed throughout the year, did you adapt your goals to ensure they were still realistic and achievable?
• Did you use all resources available to you? What or who else could you have used?
• Take five minutes away from these questions to make a cup of tea, check your email or make some calls.

…go on, put the kettle on!

Now, imagine the answers you have in front of you are not yours, but those of a colleague who has requested your help. They’ve asked for your opinion on each of the points and are in need of complete honesty to help them improve for the future. What would you say to them? 

• Do you think the scores they gave were reasonable?  
• If they say that they did not adapt during change, or they didn’t use all available resources – ask them why?  Was something holding them back? What obstacles prevented them from achieving each of these goals and how could they have overcome these?
• In what way have you seen them progress and grow this year? What do you see as their main achievements?

Finally, I’d like you to raise your mug (you did make that tea, didn’t you?) and congratulate yourself on everything you achieved during such a testing year – here’s to even more success in 2010…CHEERS!!

To find out more about hgcoaching please visit www.hgcoaching.wordpress.com, follow me on Twitter @hgcoaching or contact Holly at hollygordon@btinternet.com

Everyone has their war medals to collect and show for their achievements, but what kind of war medals do you want to collect?

I wasn’t really sure at that point.

But now I’m starting to realise that I want to be extraordinary.

I want to do the things people would never even have dreamed of. Be at the places no one else has ever been.

Well, at least not the people I know so far.

Next step: work with the UN on some level.

Everyone has their war medals to collect and show for their achievements, but what kind of medals do you want to collect?

I wasn’t really sure at that point.

But now I’m starting to realise that I want to be extraordinary.

I want to do the things people would never even have dreamed of. Be at the places no one else has ever been.

Well, at least not the people I know so far.

Next step: work with the UN on some level.

1948 Olympic swimming star Robert Cowell (my father, who died in 1960, and who won a silver medal in 1948 for 100-meter backstroke) wrote this tribute to his own father (my grandfather) for his English composition class. Interestingly, the date on the composition is December 7, 1942.

A Brief Biographical Sketch of S.E. Cowell, by Robert Cowell (age 18)
Written December 7, 1942

Born on a farm in southwestern Pennsylvania in 1892 of English-Scotch-Irish oparentage was Sylvanus Einex Cowell. His very peculiar given name gave him trouble all his life. Disliking the name Sylvanus and thinking his grandmother’s last name of Einex quite out of place for a farm boy, he looked for a change. Admiring an oil well driller by the name of Sylvester he took it upon himself to use it for his first name.  Later on, while in college, the teachers called him Sylvia and this caught on for a while.  Some of his relations called him Sylvy.  Finally a few business acquaintances called him “S.E.,” and this has more or less remained his favorite name.  “S.E.” continued in its popularity and is now also most commonly heard.

When Cowell was but a child of five years, his family moved to West Virginia where he attended the first six grades.  Moving back to Point Marion, Pennsylvania, he completed the eighth grade by taking the county examination and finishing third, preceded only by his brother and cousin.

But he had read widely, in fact everything he could get his hands on; it was in this little one-room country schoolhouse that he actually began his education.  It was here that he learned good poetry.  In fact, he learned it so well that he was able to recite it to his children at their bedtime, many years later.

Against the advice of all his immediate relatives, he realized his ambitions to “get off the farm.”  It wasn’t because he didn’t like farms and country folk, for he loved them.  It was because he had an ambition spurred on by curiosity, to see the outside world, hidden until then deep in the realm of his small but oft-read library.  It was a dark day when he left home.  Defeat meant returning to work with his hands and listening to the many “I told you so’s” from his grandmother who insisted a good lad should be home “tilling the soil.”

He departed for the California State Teacher’s college (in Pennsylvania), where he was to spend his next two years.  Teachers were so few at the time that the state financed an education if the student would teach for at least two years following graduation.

It was here, in California, Pennsylvania, that he met his future wife, Laura Leota Butler.  Laura Butler, also a student at the school, came from an opposite environment from that of her future husband.  “City-bred,” she came from a historically distinguished family. A third cousin of General John J. Pershing, she was able to point proudly to her many relatives who had bravely served as high-ranking Colonial officers in the American Revolutionary War.

Although opposite in temperament to Cowell with his slow, easygoing manner, Laua Butler and S.E. Cowell loved each other with completeness and married several years later.

The school did much to develop the personality of this somewhat shy and bashful youth.  He became captain of the basketball team and ran the mile with the varsity track men.  He held the lead in the annual play and was a member of the glee club.

Following graduation, this lanky young man started his teaching career for thirty-five dollars per month.  Frequently younger than his pupils, he displayed his future executive capacity by sometimes finding it necessary to discipline older students, which in some cases probably were of superior physical strength.  It was at this time he was invited out to dinners which had pig’s knuckles for the main dish.  Completing two years as a teacher, Cowell decided school teaching would not satisfy his ambitions and he resigned.

Back home at the farm he found his family in a quite prosperous state and the proud owner of a Studebaker, one of the first cars to come into that section.  It was here that Cowell displayed amazing versatility by becoming a tool dresser.  He longed to go on to college and and his family was at the time financially capable of supporting such a venture, but as typical of his life, he “rowed the boat upstream” and dressed tools until he had sufficient money to start to college.  He had been writing to Washington and Jefferson College for two years trying to secure a scholarship.  Finally he made one of the supreme accomplishments—he had successfully sold himself and received a scholarship.  In doing this, he ahd displayed one of his greatest abilities—salesmanship.  Salesmanship was the spelling of his success story.

Life was pleasant at Washington and Jefferson.  He chauffeured, waited on tables, was Worthy Master of the Alpha Tau Pmega Fraternity, and was the roommate of “Pete” Henry, all-American football player.

In his senior year at Washington and Jefferson, World War I began, and he volunteered for active duty.

The war over, he returned a corporal and married Laura Butler.  He started selling insurance in Uniontown, Pennsylvania; and it was here, two years later, that his first child was born.  He was a boy named Robert Edward, vastly different from the antiquated Sylvanus Einex.

Seeing a chance to “get in business for himself,” he went into business partnership with his brother James and returned to California (Pennsylvania) to operate an ice plant.  It was at this time that he felt most discouraged.  He now had a daughter, Margaret Ann, and he was a college greaduate, still delivering ice.  Then came the depression and his ice business collapsed.  Through pure ability he managed to keep one job or another all through the depression and against his wishes took a job with the Victor Brewing Company and moved to Greensburg, Pennsylvania.  His ability was quickly recognized, and he soon became the one sales manager in the area who “never touched a drop.”

Remaining in this position for several years, he left to take a better position with the Pittsburgh Brewing Company, where he has since remained.

While with the Pittsburgh Brewing Comapny, he displayed his originality by naming a new beer the company wished to put on the market.  “Dutch Club” soon became a top seller and gave him a name in the brewing industry.

Although he leads a satisfying life, Cowell looks forward to returning to a farm someday and “watching things grow.”

The affable face of S.E. Cowell shows none of the ravages of wear and tear usually carried by self-made men.  It is a constantly beaming, bland, unlined face.  He is a big man and heavy through the chest and hips.  He keeps himself in good physical condition with numerous golf games in summer and long walks in the winter.  He is up at seven and frequently works until twelve (midnight).  However, even with this heavy, self-imposed routine he finds ample time to be a fine father.

Never in his life, has his son heard him use profane language or seen him take a drink of intoxicating liquor.

He devotes one evening a week to the family.  At this time the family meets to discuss their mutual problems and learn each other’s defeats and sucesses.

He and his wife’s ages are not actually their ages all.  He and his wife live in the age that their children live in, and they face problems together.

When his son is away at college, he will frequently send letters full of the soundest advice ever given to a son.  Frequently his letters outclass those of “A Self-Made Merchant to His Son.”  He will end them with, “Work!  Laugh!  Play!”

His philosophy in life is quality, not quantity.  His products sell at highter prices.  As a result he sells less, but has a higher net income than his competitors. He would rather fire one sixteen-inch shell than a hail of six-inch fire.

Overflowing with personality, he has friends everywhere.  He meets friends and acquaintances at every ball game and every city he visits.

Cowell enjoys watching baseball games and takes quite an active interest in his son’s swimming career.  He is quite varied in his interests and able to maintain quite an intelligent conversation on practically any subject.

Cowell enjoys good books, good movies, and outdoor life.  Through his example, hsi family keeps healthy.  Once a smoker of the two-packs-a-day calibre, he has stopped entirely.  He exercised this extreme will-power merely to illustrate to his son that smoking was quite unnecessary.

Although he goes to church seldom he gladly cooperates with his wife in seeing that the children go and constantly encourages his children to lead a Christian life by, as usual, setting the example.

An ardent listener of news programs, he reads extensively and is particularly well-posted on world affairs.  He often keeps quiet when big arguments start and never raises his voice.

As most World War veterans, he was quite disgusted to think of the British and French being defeated so sorely on the field by the Germans and turned from a pro-British to more or less an isolationist attitude.  Following Britain’s heroic and successful stand against German air attacks, he was inclined again toward a very much pro-British attitude.  While not regarding the French, Spanish, and Italians very highly, he utterly dislikes, yet admires the fighting qualities of both the Russians and Germans.

–Posted by Madame Monet

Righty-Oh, so I’ve made myself a decision. I’m gonna give Journalistic Writing a try. And why the hell not? I have stuff to say that I think needs to be said, and I don’t see that anyone else is going to say anything anytime in the near future.

The chances are, what I have to say, or what I write or whatever will end up being about homaphobia and being gay, and stuff like that, but thats not all I have stuff to say about.

Although I do think someone my age needs to start making a point. How many ‘normal’ people my age are their around that are going to say anything. how many rolemodels do gay people my age have, that we can relate to. Not many, thats for sure.

I’ve never had a rolemodel, and sometimes I think life would of been so much easlier if I could relate to something or someone, but I guess I’ve turned out ok, and now I think it’s my chance to make a point.

Theirs probably so many people out their who will hate what I have to say, and what I plan on saying, but if they don’t like it then they don’t like it, It’s realy not going to bother me all that much. I hope that theirs people out their who will appreciate what I have to say as well.

I don’t know how I’m going to start this, but I’m pretty determind to make this happen now. Although what I have to say will probably be published under a different name, I’ll keep everyone updated through here, so you can keep an eye out for me.

Wish me luck!

And P.S. this isn’t the first sign or a new or mature me. It’s still the same old me, I just think its time to make a change… or rather, contribute towards a change.

GO ME!

Xx

Today it was confirmed that Anthony has lost his job. We have been through every emotion possible from anger through to relief because at least we know where we stand.

My friend Mel called me earlier and I was so grateful. She asked me and Anthony to sit down tonight and write 10 things that we want in the next 12 months. The rules were these: it doesnt matter how silly the things sound, how far-fetched or how impossible they seem. You are not allowed to include any negative thoughts in the list. No ifs, buts, maybe’s. No saying “this is what we’d like but we’d settle for that”.

Here is what we have come up with:

1. We want to have another baby
2. We want Anthony to be working in a good job where he is happy
3. Mel wants to be confident in looking after Katie on her own
4. Mel wants to have lost 4 stone in weight
5. We want to be living in a house with a garden
6. We want to go away somewhere hot and sunny with our family
7. Anthony wants to have lost 2 stone in weight
8. We want a brand new family car
9. Mel wants to publish a children’s prayer book with her mum
10. We want our own Cafe and Bistro business. We will call it Karma

Suddenly seeing it written down like that doesnt seem so hard to achieve…

One of my best friends, James Bratton, may be moving across the country sometime soon.  I hope it’s not supposed to be a secret.  Anyway, he’s pursuing his ambitions in music and I am proud of him for it.  I’m just going to miss him a lot.  He’s a great guy.

Last night he mentioned some things that hinted at the possibility of him not going.  Of course, there’s a conflict of interest there for me since I want him to be able to achieve his goals but I also do not want him to leave.

Well, I just wanted to throw that out there.

Oh, and if you know James then the subject should make sense.

What jamming should sound like

Enjoy

Recently, while researching different viewpoints about women in ministry (a subject I have not abandoned, by the way), I ran across a certain preacher who was taking potshots at Wonder Woman. He was decrying her as an invention of the feminist movement, which she is. But he especially took offense at how she acts too much “like a man”. Now, admittedly, I’ve never read the comics, but I would seriously doubt that to be the case. If her costume is any indication, I’d say “butch” is not exactly what the comic creator was going for.

I was discussing this with my mom the other day, and we got to talking about role models for girls in the media. The course of conversation brought up another fictitious fighter, Xena the Warrior Princess (who also received a derogatory mention from the above preacher). She’s another example of the entertainment industry’s attempt to offer girls an alternative role model to delicate wallflowers and fainting damsels in distress such as Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel, and the like.

The secular media loves these superheroes, because when it comes to role models, it means girls no longer have to choose between being a princess and kicking tail.  In the past, in movies and stories, girls have generally been cast in the roles of: cute, boring, basically useless sidekick who gets captured and needs rescuing; delicate, lovely princess who needs rescuing (or at least has the handsome princes falling all over themselves to woo her); or — if she’s useful and has the ability to hold her own – the plain, spunky tomboy who nobody falls in love with but everyone likes to keep around anyway, because she’s just “one of the guys”. The message was fairly clear. Dainty and delicate was the way to go if you wanted to be an attractive, successful woman.

From a purely secular standpoint, Wonder Woman and Xena seem a little refreshing after that kind of stuff. This would explain why in more recent years, movie heroines have gravitated more that way. From those two already mentioned, to Fiona of Shrek and Eowen of Lord of the Rings, girls are “empowered” with the message that they can be both devastatingly beautiful and devastatingly — um, devastating.

However, there is a problem. I mean besides the fact that these are fictional characters.

Just as not all girls fit into the mold of Cinderella and Rapunzel in days gone by, not all girls today fit into the mold of Wonder Woman and Xena. It’s a redressed form of the same problem. Society tries to set up this ideal woman — and while you might count it as a win that the ideal woman now can singlehandedly rout a horde of undead ogre-monkeys (or whatever it is they do in comic books), the ideal is just as restrictive and shallow as it has ever been.

I began thinking about how one might go about addressing this problem. For starters, getting some real-life heroes might be a good idea. Getting real-life heroes who loved Jesus would be even better. I began thinking about outstanding women from history, and they come from all walks of life. Some were nuns. Some were scientists.  Some were missionaries. Some were doctors and nurses. Some were artists and writers. Some were revivalists. Some fought in battles. Some were queens. Some were stay-at-home moms. All were heroic in their own ways. All are worth admiration.

But even as I was compiling the mental list, I realized how I was making it way too complicated. By all means, I think it would be good for little girls to know about these women. But at the end of the day, it still doesn’t help anything to ask them to pick a role model, like, “Now sweetie, would you rather be like Joan of Arc, or Kathryn Kuhlman, or Susannah Wesley?” Giving them a wider selection of molds, even really good ones, does not help them fit into any given one. These women are largely famous for what they did, which may or may not match the gift mix of a little girl searching for a reference point for her life.

It then struck me how role modeling becomes really easy. Almost laughably easy, in fact. Too bad it’s not my idea… it’s Apostle Paul’s.

(Eph 5:1) Therefore be imitators of God as dear children.

(1Co 11:1) Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.

It really is that simple. To whom do we point girls (and boys!) as their primary role model? There’s only one Man who perfectly meets that need. It may sound like the cliche Sunday School answer, but if we take it seriously, it’s the only one that truly gives kids the groundwork to grow up into exactly the sort of godly grown-ups they are supposed to be.

Part of the reason this may sound weird to us is this thing called, “the scandal of particularity”. Jesus is uniquely Himself, distinct from any other individual on the planet, and very distinct from anyone living in our modern culture. For obvious starters, He’s God — how much can our kids really aspire to be like Him? He’s a Man — can girls really relate to Him as a role model? He was a carpenter turned preacher – will boys really be drawn to that lifestyle? And certainly none of our kids are going to get any ambitions to someday die for the sins of the world.

Jesus was (and is) a real human Being, who was born in a specific social class, in a specific place, and grew up with a specific kind of education. He had a specific trade, a specific appearance, and had specific and limited life experiences. He never married or had kids. He never had to learn trigonometry. He never had to worry about impure images leaping off of the internet at Him. He didn’t even live to see the age of 35. There are scores of things about Him we could theoretically point to and say, “I can’t relate to that at all.”

(As if we can relate to Xena. But moving on.)

However, it is this very scandal of particularity that makes us actually able to connect with Jesus. He is not some mystical figure with an uncertain history prior to the start of the story. He is a real, living, breathing human being in every sense of the word. We could never relate to an abstract figure who somehow represented “a little bit of the best in all of us”. We can relate to a real Person who is actually, wholly Himself.

And because He is set apart from us in ways we will never physically emulate — i.e. bearing the sins of the world — we aren’t going to get confused about making our personal callings match up with His. There’s no, “Well, I should probably be a warrior because my hero was a warrior”, or, “I should be a nurse because my hero was a nurse,” or, “I need to have a zillion kids because my hero did”. We simply are who we are as we try to emulate Him in the ways we’re actually supposed to. Specifically, we emulate Him in how we relate to God and to other people (which, coincedentally enough, are the First and Second Great Commandments, which according to Him, sum up everything).

The best part is He’s still around to give us pointers. We don’t even have to ask ourselves the rhetorical, “What would Jesus do?” We can actually ask Him what He would do. And through the Holy Spirit, He is only too happy to coach us through life’s trials and decisions.

Now is it good for kids to have other role models? Sure. The Bible itself is replete with them. History is full of godly men and women whom it’s wonderful to be provoked by. But at the core, it’s really simple. We aspire to be like Jesus. He is our #1 hero. We win at life when we press in to be more like Him.

Women don’t need to invent a bigger, better, super-hero-ier character for little girls to idolize. Women need to point to the one Man who lived a perfect, complete, relevant life. If the coming generation grows up saying, “I want to be like Him,” we are going to find ourselves among the most dynamic, truly liberated crew of women who ever walked the earth.

Today, for the first time in a long time, I thought about my freshman year of college.

I blame the blog CKTK for this, being that over there they are talking a great deal about Great Music and often in their posts the name ‘Sufjan Stevens’ comes up.  I have heard of Stevens, but never listened, and I finally decided to give him a go.

It was the sort of sound that takes you back to a very specific time, with its own colors and scents, and all of a sudden you can feel the position your body was in, and everything around you just vanishes in a haze of nostalgia.  As soon as the first refrain of Sufjan Stevens’ Chicago came over my headphones, I was back in my dorm room at Syracuse University, hiding behind my desk with my knees bundled under me and my bed behind me, trolling through webcomics on my computer while my roommate prepared to go Out Somewhere.

At that time of my life, I was listening to a lot of indie music.  It was mostly a means to distract myself, to have something to focus on, and now whenever I hear that familiar sort of cadence, I think of those moments in that little room in New York.

I’ve never talked much about my freshman year of college.

It wasn’t a great time.

I think everyone has a junction in their life, some moment when they need to confront what they want to be with what they are.  When I graduated high school, I wanted to be someone who could adapt.  I wanted to be somebody adventurous, with Style! and Grace! and Wisdom! and the magnetic ability to flourish without a single friend in the room.  In an effort to train myself into this, I threw myself toward the other side of the country and landed in exactly the sort of situation I had hoped for.  I was in art school.  I had new paintbrushes and everywhere there were people making bad decisions and losing themselves in the thrill of growing up.  I really wanted to be able to participate in that dizzy sort of self-discovery, but the fact was, I just wasn’t very good at it.  That wasn’t to say I didn’t discover anything.

I discovered that I’m shyer than I thought I was.  I made very few friends, only one of which I still speak to (hi, Michael, hi!) and spent most of my time alone.  I discovered that I’m not a very good artist, and that sometimes trying hard just isn’t enough.  I discovered the difference between the ‘thrill of growing up’ and the genuine pang of being lonely and pissed off for no good reason at all.  Most of all, I discovered the ability to change my situation.

Around March, I made the decision to transfer schools.

It was one of the toughest decisions I ever made.  I was going back to Linfield, a school that I had fought going to for years.  It felt like failing, to change the path I was on.  It felt a lot like quitting, but it had to be done.  In Syracuse I was spinning my wheels and sinking deeper into the mud, and staying would mean drowning.  Still, there was the constant feeling that if I just tried harder, if I just acted a little differently, if I was a bit bigger, a bit better, a bit taller, things would be okay.

Things wouldn’t have been okay, and it took me a year to convince myself of that and get out.

I could write volumes about Linfield, and really, I already have.  If you want to see how the whole Linfield experiment went, I would direct you to this post, or this post, or even this one. For the first time in a long time, I was able to be me without having to remind myself that it was acceptable.  I was one of the leaders of a sorority.  I had a ‘wolf pack’ that I was rather codependent with (and still am) and a safety net that I fell into more than once.

In that Sufjan Stevens song, he says, “I made a lot of mistakes,” and I have.  I promised Taylor, again and again, that I would stay with him in Syracuse, and I left.  I decided I had to be somebody different to be happy, which is a mistake I make about every other Tuesday.  I convinced myself that the world isn’t any tougher than it needs to be.

I felt like I had to endure some sort of trial by fire to be interesting, or whole.  Ultimately, I just got burned.

I’m not sure what that period in my life means.  I mentioned the things that I learned, but were they worth knowing?  Are the memories I have worth having?  Would I be the same person without them?  Would the years I spent at college be as meaningful without the shit that preceded it?

I’ve made a lot of mistakes.

I’m still not sure whether these mistakes spell ‘failure’ or not, and I’m not sure how this conversation ends.

Questions to ask in quiet moments, I guess.

Sharon is in another of her weakest period of her life, she gave in to temptations yet again even though she did not want to and end up regretting over her deeds but all are too late now. You cannot change what that has happened, Sharon. Yet, you know that Jesus, your Lord is the almighty Lord and that He can change you. He can erase your sins. I have a feeling that this is condemning the Lord though, knowing that He will forgive and so you keep on repeating yourselves.

She read about Jayesslee for the first time in her life today and checked them out and find them really impressive. She is totally impressed by their guitar, their perfect skin and their clothing. Weird as it may sound, this is the Sharon we know. She is envious and yet she is down because she still cannot seem to pinpoint her direction and what she is going to do in her life up till this stage where she will be graduating from university with a degree soon. She has another year and a half, i think she has enough time and i am quite positive that something will happen in between to let her see her way. God will be watching over and guide her that’s the only thing that we can say for sure.

She needs to wake up early tomorrow morning to send her brother to church and then she has a lunch date with her medical schooled friend. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day for her. She needs to get up and start doing things instead of lying on her bed and watching movies.

Yeah team Alice!! So?!

She’s just so… nice ah!

Can I have her????

Ashley Greene

Plays Alice Cullen in hit movie Twilight and New Moon. With Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner and Dakota Fanning (love Dakota, too sick of an actress)

!!OH MY GOODNESS!!

!!NO NEED TO BE SHY!!

This is purely playful banter and I have no intention of offending anyone. But I like her too much O_O

Blessed is he that waiteth (Dan. 12:12)

It may seem an easy thing to wait, but it is one of the postures which a Christian soldier learns not without years of teaching.  Marching and quick-marching are mush easier to God’s warrieors than standing still.

There are hours of perplexity when the most willing spirit, anxiously desirous to serve th4 Lord, knows not what part to take.  Then what shall it do?  vex itself by despair? Fly back in cowardice, turn to the right hand in fear, or rush forward in presumption?

No, but simply wait.  Wait in prayer, however.  Call upon God and spread the case before Him;  tell Him your difficulty, and plead His promise of aid.

Wait in faith.  Express your unstaggering confidence in Him.  Believe that if He keeps you tarrying even till midnight, yet he will come at the right time; the vision shall come, and shall not tarry.

Wait in quiet patience.  Never murmur against the second cause, as the children of Israel did against Moses.  Accept the case as it is, and put it as it stands, simply and with your whole heart, without any self-will, into th hand of your covenant God, saying, “Now, Lord, not my will, but Thine be done.  I know not what to do; I am brought to extremities; but I will wait until Thou shalt cleave the floods, or drive back my foes.  I will wait, if Thou keep me many a day, for my heart is fixed upon Thee alone, O God, and my spirit waiteth for Thee in full conviction that Thou wilt yet be my joy and my salvation, my refuge and my strong tower.”

                                                                                From Morning by Morning

Wait, patiently wait,

God never is late;

Thy budding plans are in Thy Father’s holding,

And only wait His grand divine unfolding

Then wait, wait,

Patiently wait.

Trust, hopefully trust,

That God will adjust

Thy tangled life; and from its dark concealing,

Will bring His will, in all its bright revealing.

Then trust, trust,

Hopefully trust.

Rest, peacefully rest

On thy Saviour’s breast;

Breathe in His ear thy sacred high ambition,

And He will bring it forth in blst fuition.

Then rest, rest,

Peacefully rest!

Source: “ The Streams of Desert ”   Mrs. Charles E. Cowman