I am not having a good week for boots. I have returned two different pairs of boots within the same week. I see them, buy them – then get them home, try them on with leggings/skinny jeans/skirts and decide they are not acceptable…and then have to take them back. What a waste of time and effort. That’s why when I tried on the pair of ankle boots I saw – I made sure I did it properly. I walked up and down, executed an america’s-next-top-model-type-catwalk turn. I inspected it from all angles. I took the advice of a friend. It was only when I went to do the checking where my toes where routine (thanks to Micheal McIntyre for jogging my memory), that I realised there was something wrong.

I had somehow managed to do the whole pre-purchasing routine, complete with catwalk style turn, with the boot on the wrong foot.(?!?!?!?) I didn’t think that was even possible. I give up. My friend who had been so supportive about the stiletto style booty started laughing, before swiftly moving into another aisle to avoid looking at me staring incredulously at the outward facing ankle boot, perilously close to having another laughing/crying episode.

This morning I was determined that Maya and I would get along.  I made pancakes to start things off on the right foot:

But Maya wasn’t impressed.  Instead she decided to build herself a tent in the living room and hide from the offending pancakes:

It took all my energy not to make her shift everything into her room.  I have a bit of an obsession with things being in order.  A pile of Dora blankets in my living room isn’t exactly my idea of appropriate decor.

After we sorted the Dora situation out I decided to make an effort and get dressed in something other than my favorite yoga pants.  I exchanged my sweats for jeans.  How great are Paige jeans?  I swear nothing fits like her jeans do.  I love them.  Anyway, the cooler 65 degree  temperatures allowed Maya and I to dust off a few of our warmer clothes:

We tried to channel Ralph Lauren.  I don’t think we succeeded.

We headed off to Palos Verdes for lunch.  Thanks to my very restrictive diet these days, there was nothing for me to eat.  Flushing Fat is harder than I imagined.  But I am on Day 5 of 14 so I am 35.71% done.  Yes I do fractions to make me feel better. 

Since I always try to look at the positive side of things, here is the silver lining for the afternoon - I didn’t get to eat much but at least I was able to enjoy this beautiful sunset from my in-laws house:

After the sun went down I realized I was starving and needed to eat pronto so we decided to hit up Paul Martin’s for dinner.  I almost went here a few months ago for a birthday dinner but Maya got sick right before we were supposed to leave and we didn’t make it.  So I was thrilled that we were going to make another attempt.  On our way down Maya told me her tummy hurt and then proceeded to throw up. 

Score: Maya 2, Paul Martin: 0. 

Maybe I’ll make it there one day.

After cleaning Maya and the car up we trekked back to Westwood – Ali drove at 85 mph and I turned around every few seconds to ask Maya how her tummy was.  We deal with the stress of vomit in different ways.  Luckily we proceeded without incident. 

After a much-needed bath for Maya and a load of much-needed laundry for her Ralph-Lauren-esq outfit, Ali and I settled in to eat Paul Martin-esq food courtesy of the Whole Foods deli.  For about $7.50 I had a piece of salmon, some salsa, and roasted veggies.  Not a bad deal at all.  The best part?  I didn’t have to cook it or clean it.

After dinner I felt kind of full so I headed down to the gym for some American’s Next Top Model reruns and some treadmill.  When I came back up 45 minutes later Maya had fallen asleep on the couch.  We were scared to move her to her room because we knew it wouldn’t be easy but Ali finally got brave.  She woke up yelling nonsensical things but things that definitely didn’t sound polite.  I told Ali that instead of a “mean drunk” Maya is a “mean sick person.”

At last she is in bed and I pray that the meanness and sickness will be finally over tomorrow.  It’s been a rough weekend!!

America’s Next Top Model

Biracial Photo Shoot

This image does not represent Biracial American’s as a whole.

I want to know your opinions?

Ok, so total shock to me ! Tyra Banks photo shoot on America’s Next Top Model, had models painted in dark makeup to represent Biracial Americans. I am the first to vouch and say, that I have no skin pigment and i am Biracial. Everyone should know that Biracial Americans range from many skin tones. Some of us are dark skinned- all the way to- light-skinned. That is an irrelevant situation in all terms, for the simple reason that one model can not represent us all. We Biracial Americans come in all shades, and the Human Race is uniquely created.

This article really blew me out the water, but I am glad to know that Tyra Banks did apologize for the mishap on her talk show. Her Response: “I apologize because that was not my intent,” “It’s my number one passion in my life to stretch the definition of beauty. I listen to many heartbreaking stories of women who thought they would be happier if they looked different. I want every girl to appreciate the skin she’s in.”

I will link the article below, so you can read the full article. [=

http://www.stylelist.com/2009/11/18/tyra-banks-apologizes-over-bi-racial-episode-of-antm/ 

Making this short and sweet, since I spent three hours redoing five or so posts.

Posts done before the computer broke

1. No York Fashion Week (“How Short Can You Go”)
2. Tyrant’s Playhouse (“The Early Bird Gets a Makeover”)
3. Who Wants to Be a Superhero 2: Cavern of Cameltoe (“Fortress of Fierceness”)
4. Stay Horrified, Appear Taller As Needed (“Make Me Tall”)
5. Easy, Breezy, Brutal Headwraps (“Take My Picture, Tyra!”)
6. Side Show and a Circus (“Dance with Me,” not to be confused with anything in this link)
7. The 36th Chamber of Munchkin (“Petite Ninja Warriors”)
8. The Outsiders (“Interview 101″)
9. Not So Good Eats (“Let’s Go Surfing”)

Posts done when I got my computer back

10. The Sadism Episode (“Dive Deeper”)

11. The Lullaby League welcomes you to Munchkinland. (“Hawaiian Hip-Hop”)

12.  The Unitentionally Queer Finale (AKA The Water Orgy Episode) (“America’s Next Top Model Is…”)

13. The Second Ever Vice-Style Recap (“Cycle 13: Revealed”) (Posterous links)

BONUS:  The Tyra Show’s “Fan Favorite” (Posterous link)

The off-season filler starts next week after I read three or so books.

It’s also the recap with the better looking pictures than the ones I posted on Posterous.

Bianca Richardson = a cracked-out black version of Serena van der Woodsen minus three inches.

Nicole Fox’s nicknames for the girls:  Because you’ve always wanted to know what A Shot at a Flavor of Munchkin looked like.

Nicole Fox’s pathetic attempt to scramble eggs is proof you either have to know how to cook for yourself on the post-UPN version of ANTM or look stupid trying.

American Apparel: The Musical!

Oh…I’m sorry you had to walk down a runway with some girl Tyra Banks “discovered” on her talk show.  My apologies.

This is the part of the show where you ASK FOR A CAN OF RAID and blame Tyra Banks for putting you in a house with candy lying around the runway as if that won’t attract pests, not go crazy over some damn snail on a window.

…although having popcorn in your bag isn’t going to alleviate the pest problem.  Bianca Richardson.

According to Laura, Brittany Markert’s foot injury here will result in her skin eventually being flayed off, causing her to die.  It’s not exactly how Laura put it but I assume that is what Laura meant when she said that.

Speaking of, this cycle would’ve been better with moar nipple.

I think there’s a guy dating a sheep somewhere in this film too.

and the best of the rest of the WTF clips

WHAT ARE THESE MUNCHKINS I DON’T EVEN.

(Note: the following was supposed to be published November 7, which will at least explain the Harper’s Bazaar cover and why Blair Waldorf is popping out of Nigel’s chest. This will replace the text recap that was published on that day.)

First things first, Laura Said Something Cute #7:

This is a very important plot point in this episode, as most of the events in the episode revolve around Laura’s birthday.

That said, how could I love Laura when I didn’t know it was her birthday last May-Junish June 12? Can I love someone I never knew existed before August?   The logic of this statement boggles my mind.

Thank you for clearing that up, Philosoraptor.

The following is a list of presents Laura got on her birthday.

Laura’s Birthday Present #1: Eggs and Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam

Laura’s Birthday Present #1.5: Ham, Marisa Miller flavored

Apparently Miller’s also auditioning to be a sadist character on the CW’s new Pretty White People with Problems Drama, The Beautiful Munchkins.

Stop being so cruel!

You are not Chuck Bass. You aren’t even Ed Westwick.  Contain that chest hair once and for all or Blair will cock-block it forever!

Laura’s Birthday Present #2: Jumping off a Small (oh, about a 20 foot, more or less) Cliff, Literally

Although the way the promos were presenting the cliff, they made the cliff 1,000 feet tall with raging water and jagged rocks.

Speaking of, the cliff diving was atrocious.

Let’s move on.

Laura’s Birthday Present #3: Birthday Dinner Buffet

Also: breast sweat.

Yummy.

***

The following contestant Tyra Mail Wrong Guess™ would’ve been more interesting to see than the majority of typical crass stunts and awful photo shoots seen on ANTM.  Also, Laura Said Something Cute #8.

Instead, the show went for the pointless location shot approach and showed turtles in the water for no reason.

Also, who knew Laura wore tasteless hipster shirts?

***

Tyra went on her crusade to purify ANTM casts’ wardrobe again.  This time it was (guess!) Laura’s weird bolero jacket.  And Laura Said Something Cute #9.

Too bad Tyra took the bolero jacket because the bolero jacket alone is better than the current cover of Harper’s Bazaar (US).

For someone who wants to make models look like models, or so she claims, Tyra has no sartorial sense herself. Behold, her blouse…thing.

Currently it’s hiding the excitement the third season of Gossip Girl is sorely lacking.  Get out of there, Meester!

Kayla Ewell looks radiantly beautiful on the November cover of Beauty Entertainment Magazine. Inside BE!, you’ll see a bevy of hot new stars, celebs and salon people. To subscribe, visit http://www.saloncity.com or http://www.amazon.com. To view November’s digital edition of BE! click on: Kayla Ewell Stars on BE!’s November 2009 Cover!

Will Cycle 14 of America’s Next Top Model send the wannabe models to New Zealand?

The New Zealand Herald is reporting hush-hush Tyra activities on the island nation. Let’s hope this will be the “destination” for next season (er, cycle). This year they changed around a few things and kept the location domestic (Hawaii), which I thought ended up being kind of lame…especially how the “petite model” emphasis meant the girls couldn’t go to judging in heels. Come on, now, Ty-Ty. They’re not circus freaks.

In my opinion, Moscow would be the ideal next locale for the Top 5 to finish out a Cycle, given its international status as a burgeoning style capital. Maybe it’s because Eastern Europe has no shortage of beautiful women, although that didn’t stop Ty-Ty from taking the girls to Brazil in Cycle 12.

• CBS: The Ghost Whisperer, 8pm; Medium 9pm.
• FOX: Ice Age: The Meltdown, 8pm.
• THE CW: Smallville, 8pm; America’s Next Top Model, 9pm.
• NBC: The 40-Year-Old Virgin, 8pm.
• ABC: Supernanny, 8pm; Ugly Betty, 9pm.

Saturday, starting with the “Dive Deeper” recap I meant to post earlier.  The jury is out on making new recaps for the couple of episodes after those recaps.  However, new, non-shitty pictures will be up soon, starting on Saturday.  Then, in December, prepare for a new series focusing on badly made food that you will not believe!

I found it hard to choose a photo from the series taken of Jaime. Yes, another photo shoot for Christmas   To all the mums out there my question to you is…how do little girls learn to pick their poses? To change them with each photo flash? Do your little girls watch America’s Next Top Model? Do you let them watch fashion shows? I know with mine she’s never actually seen a show (that I know of) yet she’s a model wannabe! Jaime was no exception – I know her mum was surprised. We had lots of fun – wish you could see more…

Actress Bipasha Basu is all set to rock the small screen. The news is that this Bong bombshell will host an upcoming reality show, Female Model Hunt.

The show ‘Female Model hunt’ will be produced by Shah Rukh Khan’s TV software production company Red Chillies Idiot Box and is based on popular US show America’s Next Top Model. It is yet to be finalized that which channel will air the show.

Also the rumours are that for this Bipasha will get a whopping Rs 65-70 lakh per episode. If the deal gets finalized, Bipasha will become the highest-paid woman celebrity on Indian television. The other actresses who got paycheque in the 30-plus bracket are Preity Zinta, Sushmita Sen and Rani Mukherji.

MTV VJ and former America’s Next Top Model contestant Kim Stolz. 4.5 I love this color on her and the dress isn’t too overwhelming.

Dead Weather

Zooey Deschanel – I just want to see her in a 500 Days of Summer frock! All the time. She looks alright though. 3.5

Death Cab For Cutie - They all dress so well.

Hellogoodbye

Passion Pit – They all look super goofy.

Alexa Chung my style icon! 5!

Roxy Olin… bathrobe? 1.5

Jessica Stam – I love the gray on orange. 5

A CBS dominou a noite com ‘Old Christine’ e ‘Gary Unmarried’ atingindo suas maiores audiências na temporada. A primeira fechou a noite com 7.3 milhões de telespectadores e 2.2 pontos na demo qualificada 18-49. Já ‘Gary’ fez 2.5 pontos na demo e atingiu 7 milhões de telespectadores. ‘Criminal Minds’ teve alta de 9%: 13.7 milhões e 3.7 pontos, enquanto ‘CSI: NY’ fechou a noite da emissora caindo 16% em relação ao crossover das franquias na semana passada: 13.6 milhões e 3.2 pontos.

A Fox ficou em segundo lugar com a exibição de ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ (5.7 milhões e 2.1 pontos), enquanto ‘Glee’ se manteve estável: 7.4 milhões e 3.3 pontos.

A ABC ficou um pouco atrás com seu bloco de comédias: abriu a noite reprisando ‘Modern Family’ (6.1 milhões e 1.9 ponto) no lugar da cancelada ‘Hank’, e exibindo inéditos de: ‘The Middle’ (7.1 milhões e 1.9 ponto – que cresceu 26% com o lead in de ‘Modern’), ‘Modern Family’ (9.2 milhões e 3.7 pontos) e ‘Cougar Town’ (7.9 milhões e 3.2 pontos). As duas séries tiveram crescimento: 6% e 14%, respectivamente. A emissora fechou a noite com o especial ‘In The Spotlight With Janet Jackson’ (6.6 milhões e 2.3 pontos).

A NBC ficou em quarto com ‘Mercy’ crescendo 18%: 7.8 milhões e 2.0 pontos na demo qualificada. Pela quarta vez nesta temporada, a série venceu em seu horário no número de telespectadores. A emissora também exibiu ‘Law & Order: SVU’ (8.4 milhões e 2.6 pontos) e ‘The Jay Leno Show’ (4.8 milhões e 1.4 ponto).

A CW fechou a noite em último lugar com a exibição de ‘America’s Next Top Model’, que teve sua melhor demo na temporada (1.8 ponto) e atingiu bons 3.7 milhões de telespectadores

Image :: cwtv.com

I guess I got distracted on Wednesday night (November 18) — and perhaps the day after, too.

Somehow, I completely forgot to mention Nicole Fox’ win of ANTM Cycle 13. This means that she is the first ever winner in the show’s experiment with shorter contestants.

Congratulations, Nicole!

If you missed the final episode, which 2.7 million watched last week, or just want to see it again, you may view it on www.cwtv.com.

Also, check out some pics from the Beverly Hills ANTM finale party.

Annalynne McCord

Stephanie Pratt

Katie Gill

Tameka Jacobs

After 13 seasons of America’s Next Top Model, I think it’s about that time the plug gets pulled. 13 young women who were promised the opportunity to be what Tyra Banks was in her hay-day, a top model. 13 winners, 13 beautiful women, 13 dreams materialized, and not 1 top model:

I’m sure all the winners, runner-up’s, and contestants have achieved some level of success in their own right, but again: NOT ONE TOP MODEL. Which is the basis of the show. It’s not America’s Next Mediocre Model, America’s Next Book-At-Least-One-Job-Per-Fashion-Week Model, America’s Next Damn-I-Can’t-Even-Get-A-Spread-In-Teen-Vogue? Model, it’s AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL. Name one model, a winner, who has left the show to achieve prime fashion industry success. I’m talking about snatching up an ad campaign for Bottega Veneta, strutting in a Chanel show, at least being the new face of Movado watches! Baby Phat ad? Nothing? Not even a Rocawear endorsement? How about a perfume campaign? Damn it! Even Amber Rose has one of those (no shots fired)!

My thing is, if you can not do for these girls what you promised them to do, what they signed up to do, why bother? Tyra knows a thing or two about leaving the game on a high note, as she did with modeling. So instead of waiting until the show gets canceled due to a decline in viewership, just announce Season 14 as your last season, and develop a new fashion centered show. Where new opportunities are available, new promises are made, new standards are set. Instead of fueling this stigma of unrealistic perfection with a weight and height limit, why don’t you leave the physical requirements alone and base a fashion centered show on something a lot more substantial? Like a skill. No shots fired at you models who put work in to perfect your craft, props to y’all!

When I say a skill, I mean something substantial where there will be no physical limitations… like an editorial opportunity at a major fashion magazine. Or a chance to develop their own (online) magazine. A show centered around young designers (25 & under), and giving them the opportunity to apprentice with a major designer for like 6 months to learn the ropes. A competitive show for entrepreneurs trying to win money to start their own fashion business, the list and ideas and market potential goes on. The point I’m trying to make is, WE GET IT! The only person that doesn’t seem to get it is Tyra and the good ole’ folks over at the CW and Bankable Productions. Oh, and the models don’t get it either. The only thing they get is a short-run CoverGirl contract without the possibility of a renewal. Oh, and representation from a top agency that never books them jobs. Womp womp.

Tyra, if you’re reading this, understand that I’m only reiterating what I hear in coffee shops, book club meetings, round table discussions, chat room debates, and high school hallways. We’re sick of it. And if you really want to show young girls how it’s to be done, as far as being a model goes, show them something a little more realistic. ANTM’s challenges has become more irrelevant to the field of modeling than Diddy’s requirements from his aspiring Making The Band members. (I’m still trying to figure how walking to get cheesecake will transfer to record sales, wake me when we get there).

Tyra, I AM CHALLENGING YOU TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING FRESH, ORIGINAL, NEW, EXCITING, AND REALISTIC! I dare you to be great! Should you accept this challenge?

Sincerely,

Tara Decoda

Nicole's Final Picture

The final show of America’s Next Top Model, the petite edition, came down to Nicole and Laura.  Both of the girls had issues.  Laura has dyslexia which leaves her frustrated and unable to talk or read at times.  Nicole has a shyness and awkwardness and she was often criticized for a lack of personality.  Erin even went so far to say Nicole’s personality was like a fetus.  In the Cover Girl commercial, Laura overcomes her dyslexia enough to speak the lines but they are not articulated very well.  Nicole has great articulation but Nigel said she sounded snobbish in the commercial.  At the runway competition, they did equally well.  Nicole had an awkward yet confident walk. 

Laura is bragging the whole time that she thinks she will win it because her personality is so much better than Nicole’s.

And, the judges pick, Nicole.  Its nice to know that everything is not just about personality, and even a shy girl can get a chance once in awhile.

Playboy’s Miss November 2002 was actress and model Serria Tawan, seen here in the centerfold posed as a voyeur.

Photographed by Arny Freytag and Stephen Wayda

Note how the light glinting off of the leg of the telescope in the foreground points up a strong diagonal beginning from the bottom left of the composition, that is then intersected by a cross diagonal from the upper left created by her posture and her hand holding one of her braids: together they make an arrow which draws the eye to the undressing couple in the window of the building across the street, who are positioned just above and to the right of the focal attention point of her breasts, making it even more difficult to miss them as the final critical element of the photograph. As your eye moves from left to right, reading the composition, it tells a story: there is a girl. There is a telescope. The girl is using the telescope to look at the couple.

The centerfold was a really good composition. The rest is all over the damned place. Any type of theme with set dressing, poses, or costuming is almost totally absent. Maybe the raincoat is to hint at her being a flasher to boot? Not sure. But it doesn’t get picked back up again even though it’s a fun little kicky erotic detail. Missed opportunity in my book.

From her data sheet

WHEN I GET OLDER:
I want a harem of guys like Hef has women. I want them all diverse. Variety is the spice of life for me.

Get it, girl! I like this lady’s style. If you’re looking to join that harem, you can contact her via her profile on the myspace. In several places on that page, Serria directs you to a website, http://askserria.com, but it is not up and running yet, as far as I can tell.

While the braids are lovely, I like her even better in the above pic, with a gently relaxed weave. She looks younger and very soft and romantic. Even without the bangs, I think this look works better for her than the long braids, and it seems she agrees, as she is apparently rocking it on the reg these days (see below). The only trouble is that it makes her look a lot like phony-evil-queen-witch “ANTM” Cycle 9 winner Saleisha Stowers, who my sister-in-law, husband, and I all unilaterally despise.

Left: Serria Tawan. Right: Saleisha Stowers.

That girl and a competitor, Bianca Golden, were unbelievably cruel to standout contestant Heather Kuzmich of Valpariso, Indiana, who had Asperger’s Syndrome for crissake and still mopped the floor with their jealous asses until Go-Sees, which she only blew because she was not being properly aided. Yes, I have every detail of every cycle of the Tyra Banks reality show “America’s Next Top Model” memorized, and may the good god strike me dead if I ever stop loving the parade of tears, catfights, and girl-girl showers that comprise that gory but gorgeous grand guginol.

Anyway, Saleisha and Bianca were rude, catty, and sneaky about Heather, not to mention super-jealous and totally ignorant of the qualities that made her outshine them week after week, and their insecurities drove them to taunt her and talk about her behind her back like they were twelve and not on national fucking television. Because of that I will forever despise their fake sticky-sweet smiles. Although I was on the Bergie’s website a while ago — just window-shopping; like I could possibly afford something from their store right now — and I know for a fact I recognized Heather modelling some of the dresses in the pictures, so in their snotty, sabotaging, difference-hating faces: time has told, success-wise.

Wow, I think I might need to write some more about Top Model another day. It would appear I have Things to Say.

In other news, Kristy Swanson was on the cover of this one. I have never even seen one episode of the television series, so to me it is she who will always be Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Even though vampires are lame, passe, and ridiculous as all hell, that movie is so great.

I’m a Dork and I watch America’s Next Top Model

Every year, I root for the Dork. I am happy to admit that I’m a Nerd. Or a Geek, dork, bookworm: whatever you wish to throw at me. I am also completely open with my viewing habits, one being my unashamed reality TV watching. One of these shows is the US sensation America’s Next Top Model in which numerous thin, pretty and tall girls ‘battle’ it out (model style.) This season the girls had to be short. Let me point out something to the producers of ANTM, 5’7” is not short. 5’2” is short (my height without heels) 4’10” is short, twelve inches is…weird…but you get the point.

   As I said, every year I root for the weird girl, and this year was no exception. The funny thing about ‘weird’ or ‘dork’ look is that non-nerd girls love it. They wear woolly jumpers and braces with big glasses (non-prescription of course) while us Geek chicks wander around wondering what happened? ANTM supplied me this year with a fine selection of girls who satisfied my diverse needs (bitching, laughing, gasping, screaming at the TV etc) but Nicole, from day one, was my favourite. Firstly she was ginger, which none of the past winners have been. Secondly, she was educated, middle class, shy, unsociable and well, weird. However, Nicole did, in the words of the irrefutable Tyra Banks (creator and producer of ANTM) take ‘fierce’ photos week-to-week. On top of that, Nicole was never in the bottom two (until the last two), won three best photos and two challenges.

   This is the first time in 13 series that my favourite was won America’s Next Top Model. I was actually preparing an article about how it was in just that she lost, that she only didn’t win the top place because she didn’t fit the Cover Girl image ra, ra, ra. Luckily, I don’t need to write that article, because, in her words shes ‘a dork, and America’s Next Top Model!’ Well done Nicole- Represent for all the nerd girls who don’t have the confidence to stand up and say ‘I’m short, I’m a geek, and what?’

So I set up Posterious to autopost to hearts for dinner, but that didn’t work out too well with the cuts I wanted to add for your eyes (especially if you’re on a mobile device viewing this like I am). Instead I’ll link you to the “Vice-style” Cycle 13 clip show recap. The photos are here. The text to that post is here.  I promise I’ll clean up the reviews on WordPress and add better quality photos when my computer is fixed, starting with that “Dive Deeper” recap I meant to post about two weeks ago.