Well, 2009 hasn’t come to an end yet. The last post wasn’t really going to be my last post of this year because of what happened an hour or so back. It’s an amusing incident, yet I am pissed.

Earlier in the morning I saw a couple of missed calls on my cellphone from some unknown phone numbers. I ignored them, knowing that most of these calls are from telemarketers. There was nothing in these numbers that would get me to notice them. Unfortunately, one of these missed calls was from a lady I am doing some business with.

I also noticed a voicemail alert from Vodafone and when I called up my voicemail, I found that no message had been left. In effect, the caller had left a blank message on my voicemail. I again ignored it, thinking that it must’ve been from a telemarketer.

Later in the afternoon I got an email from this lady in which she informs me that she tried to call me earlier in the day but could not talk to me because my phone was on ‘voicemail’. Ah! Such a creative reply. I must say, only my countrymen (Indians!) can come up with such creative replies.

I was amused. In fact I was pissed at the time I saw her email. Now that I think of it, I am amused, smiling at her stupidity. I want to say to her ‘Hello lady! knock knock! You got some common sense?’ If she got thru to my ‘voicemail’ as she claims then the least that she could do to get to me was to leave a message asking me to call her back. It’s just that simple!

Had she left a proper message I would’ve called her back immediately on hearing it.

Voicemail is a very popular concept abroad (i.e.: outside India). Phone companies in India too provide it to their customers. I have subscribed to this service from Vodafone. It helps me keep telemarketers at bay. (I have already registered my phone number on the NDNC list, but it is of no use). While I generally accept all calls from unknown numbers, voicemail helps in getting messages at times when I can’t take phone calls. And many times such phone calls come from telemarketers who want to sell credit cards to me. I am least interested in them.

If only, this lady had the common sense of leaving a message! It would’ve saved me a lot of hassle of emailing her again in the evening.

It’s farking hilarious.

I hate all those “news” stories of people finding the likenesses of religious figures in everyday objects. Why do people make such a commotion when they find a Cheeto shaped like Jesus or see the face of the Virgin Mary in their dog’s bowel movement?

Every now and then, I hit a wall, and become punch drunk. This became evident today in a Twitter conversation with my long time friend, Purplecar.

It always starts off innocently enough…

But then…

Naturally, I know I have caused confusion, and at this point, am giggling stupidly.

See, because I know Purplecar, I can just envision her blinking her eyes, a confused look of “WTF?!” on her face because she’s knows that it’s something obscure and stupid, and it’s vaguely familiar … and that makes me laugh even harder. So, I have to let her in on it …

(Gary is her husband, and one of my old fraternity brothers.)

For those who are still confused, this is what I’m quoting:

And then there are other conversations that I start innocently enough, because stupid notions come into my head (names removed to protect the innocent) …

The response?

Oh, watch as I completely whiff on Tim’s joke … yeah, I’m out of it.

So if I leave you an obscure sounding tweet or comment, believe it or not, it does actually make some sort of sense … to me … and even then, it’s iffy.

It is perhaps the new hurdle of man, now that the internet has bloomed into this huge, dense, mass of green that was once, in reality, a tropical forest. But no, this time it had found its existence within a virtual world, a mass of entangled knowledge lost within the cerebral folds of the computer-brain, where one can not point to WHERE it is, but only to WHAT it is. And my mind had been grappling with such masses of information with so much effort through the day.

WHERE is it?

There I was, in the library under the cold blasting air-cond today, trying to look for a decent job opportunity that maybe, is offered by some bigger companies like international banks or finances, petro-chemical industries, or whichever that might fit my bill. But no, there I was at Jobsdb, Google, everywhere, looking high and low without being able to ascertain the exact page that would give me all the details I would need. Fair enough, it is always hard to meet everyone’s expectations, and to fulfill all requirements of the users had been an impossible task. Imagine the 5 billion people around, with 5 billion permutations and possibilities… It’s a programming nightmare to cater to all needs.

Anyway, so I chanced upon this job by RBS – only now did I know it stood for Royal Bank of Scotland. It sounded fairly interesting, some minor programming but seemingly having plenty of chances to learn the different aspects of the trade. It was required that the employed would prepare MI (management information) reports and present them to the clients and the senior members of the bank. It seemed really interesting, having the opportunity to learn the undisclosed secrets of the trade and to meet with and to learn from the high society. But maybe that is just a fantasy, but they were looking for a diploma holder, and I was just beginning to understand the meaning of overqualifying.

So I humoured myself by beginning to organize my CV. And thanks to Ben, and rh too (for she told me about the Shell application), they’d sent me copies of examples for CVs and those had been extremely useful during the phase of me constructing the CV coherently.

But then again, I do not know where to start applying. Is it possible for those jobs, posted on the advertisements on Jobsdb, to be deferred till my graduation? Some of them, I believe, might provide information regarding deferment, but several of the others had not mentioned a word.

Mein god. I believe there’ll be light at the end of this path. We’ll all get a job, and be happy with the job. I believe so. I hold it close to my heart, as close as my racoon in the middle of the night. You may name me the ostrich, cast the dreadful curse of childish-ness and immaturity on me, but my world is beautiful, and it remains so!!

I finally was able to take part in a little Santarchy fun … well, before I had to go to work. If you have no idea of what Santarchy is, it’s basically when people get together in various Christmas costumes and just run amok and spread joy throughout the city — but in untradtional manners. For example, a reindeer named Vixen was passing out cheap DVD porn to adults as they passed us by.

So, here’s a tiny glimpse into what happened. Some of these pictures ARE NOT SAFE FOR WORK, OR SAFE FOR THOSE WITHOUT A WARPED SENSE OF HUMOR.

We started off in front of the Cheesecake Factory in the South Side, but the security folks wouldn’t actually let us congregate in the little square there. So, we gathered on the street and, a little after 2pm, kicked off the shenanigans — singing dirty Christmas carols.

After we did that for a little bit, we headed off to the Hofbrau Haus. Now, having an assload of Santas, reindeer and elves pouring into an establishment is a site to behold. Even in a place like Hofbrau, we seemed to mob it.

Santarchists getting their cheer on.

Dancin', singin' and drinkin'

The reindeer are scheming.

Adolf the Reindeer

Now, Adolf the Reindeer is obviously a controversial costume. Even a few Santarchists were a bit confused by this choice. But as I found out later, he was part of a group of “8 tasteless reindeer” (or something like that) that included Vomit, Stoopid, etc. So, once that was understood, I had to get a picture of him in a bier haus. It’s just too disturbing not to.

Next we moved on to do a drive by Clausing at a book store. However, I was among a group of people that kept getting stopped for pictures. Yes, dress up and cruise around on the streets with loads of other people, and people will stop and ask you for a picture. And the vast majority say “Thank you!” after they get the picture.

This little boy was stunned by the shenanigans, but his mom had a bigger grin on her face than he did.

Also, people driving along the roads would cheer, wave and honk their horns. It was amazingly fun.

We piled into the Doublewide Grill for the next stop, which rapidly became too packed.

Fill 'er up!

Well, I’m past my “sitting in a place that’s entirely too hot and crowded” days, so I joined a bunch of people outside, where I had a little space and it was much less hot.

Deer and dogs

Gimp Santa and some porn from Vixen. As he said, "I'm comin down your chimney! Or in your chimney. Or whatever."

The Mizers having a friendly chat.

Santa Elmo. The little boy in the earlier picture didn't quite know what to make of him -- it was a mixture of "WTF" and pure Christmas glee.

I don't know why, but this picture continues to crack me up.

Adolf and Stoopid

The smoking section

And then, suddenly, things started taking a slide into the weirder side. I was taking pictures through the glass of the Doublewide, and when these guys pounded on the glass to get my attention. All of the sudden, bam! Cheetah skin and faux junk. I couldn’t stop laughing.

The disturbing Santas

Oh, the irony of finding a German Shepard and Adolf in the same spot

The nose presented some problems for some of the deer.

And then we were off to Lava Lounge. On the way, there was another Clausing of the library down there, but half of the crowd ended up going to the White Eagle. Someone apparently said, “Hey, they’ll give us free drinks if we stop in!” So naturally, we go. However, we get there and the bartender is bitter at us, there is no free drinks and well, there was more shenanigans to be held elsewhere.

We stop into Lava Lounge for a bit. It was to be my final stop, as I had to get my butt to work.

Into the pit!

My failed attempt to capture the glow from Heat Mizer's hair

By this point, I knew I had to get my stuff together and high-tail it out of there. I know more shenanigans happened, but I’ll have to link to other stories and pictures as I see them.

Until next year, folks!

“I’m single and lonely, so give me company”

This is what my friend said to me today. However, that wasn’t what my friend was saying and feeling, it was what she was repeating. What she’d seen. My ex-boyfriend is throwing himself to anyone who will listen.

I don’t know how to feel really. I’ve got a choice I guess:

- Amused. How hillarious. You’ve lost me, thought you’d get with another girl, and she rejected you too. Now you realise you’ve got no one to love you like I did. Well shit, son.

- Hurt. You’re going after other girls like it’s nothing. Do you have no clue how I feel? At all? Do you even care remotely that you’re killing my soul, that you’ve helped thrown away any trust I had for anyone?

- Despair. I want to cry my heart out for you. As if crying would suddenly solve everything. Of course it won’t. You’ve gone and left me. Where on Earth did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve that? I loved you with all my heart, spent all my time and money on you, set my life around you. Why have I been given this in return?

- Confused. Why the HELL do you feel lonely? What the shit is going on? Did it not maybe occur to you that being single is a lonely process? You can’t just jump from one person to another like it’s a game. Life doesn’t work that way!

- Angry. How DARE you say YOU feel “lonely”. You’ve got all our friends on your doorstop. You have the life I adored. You haven’t had to say goodbye to anyone except me. You’ve got everything you need. Why the shit should you feel lonely. I’m the one sat here feeling like my life just crashed to a hault and threw me out.

- Abandoned.  You left me. God knows why, but I know deep in your heart you know why you don’t love me. Maybe you’ve not realised yourself, but your heart does know. Here I am, after all the love I gave, prepared to give my life to you, to be your wife, to bare your children. And I was abandoned.

- Outraged. You told another girl you liked her, whilst I was still with you. No, no, I do not care that you “have feelings for her”. That’s not the fucking point. I was your girlfriend. It’s not RIGHT to go fucking around with other girls when I’m still holding on to the hope that you’ll be mine forever. Like I said, don’t you dare do that to a girl again. You had it happen to you for Christ’s sake, you should know better. You aren’t the same any more. Who on Earth have you turned into? Your behaviour horrifies me. Where is the Kieran I was so in love with?

- Ashamed. I feel ashamed for being angry at you. Because through it all, somewhere (although God knows where he is now) there’s a fragment of the man I used to love, buried deep within that mind, body and soul. I don’t want to hurt you, yet I feel so frustrated and my head and heart are in utter madness. I could never bare to loose you. Yet there you are, loosing me.

- Hopeful. During the day, I realised. That single sentence you typed out to the members of WOTA was so desperate. I didn’t love a desperate man. And if that’s what you’ve turned into, then you’ve just made me love you a fraction less. So thank you, for pushing me that step further.

Today is Kieran’s birthday, and I hope from the bottom of my heart that he’s enjoyed it. I wish I had been there for him. Right now we should be settling into the night, perhaps winding down, or perhaps heading home. Curled up together on the bus. He would go on Modern Warfare 2 when we got back to the house, I would go on my laptop and look at Lolita clothing. Then we’d head to bed, I’d make love to him, and tell him how dear he is to me. How I hoped that we’d all made him have a wonderful 22nd birthday. Then we’d fall asleep together, wrapped up and peaceful.

Instead, here I am, making a wordpress entry on how depressed I am, what I’m feeling, and trying to clear my head. I have no clue where he is, who he may be talking to, or what he’s doing. And I’m not going to ring or text to find out. Because he’s living his own life now. What he wrote has dissapointed me, but at the same time makes me happy that he’s moving on. I want to move on, and not go on the rebound. I hope he’s not attempting to do the rebound part, it’s just silly. That’s not the Kieran I know.

Kieran, if you read this: Don’t regret what you said. Never do. I’m sorry if this post hurt you. Just realise I might not take what you say very well all the time, but you are helping me move on. So for making me feel outraged, upset, distraught and all the others I listed; thank you.

Now fuck my life. I’m not going to cry, because I don’t want to. I’m off to go chat to the men and women that make me feel awesome.

The different facets of me are so detached from one another when I’m one, I feel like the other doesn’t exist. Maybe I’m certified bipolar. Maybe I’ve lost myself such that I can be whoever I want to be. Emotions seem controllable. Like a muscle you can flex and relax. And yet they’re completely out of control, careening in random directions, taking on a life of their own. But this is good, one personality having nothing to do with the other, free of accountability – it serves me well. With this, there is exoneration. Pathetic though it may be.

Last night happened to be BF’s 1st Anniversary. Packed place, awesome music, good company. 

Got quite high at some point, couldn’t stop talking. Pissed someone off real bad. And of course, knowing him, he later returned the favor. Saw the B-boys there. For the record, not all of them are B-boys. In fact I think all of them stopped, and Andy’s doing so many genres he can’t be classified as a B-boy. Even Zhen Wei (oh ya, I think ZW is the only one still in a crew) was there, and he was FREAKING HIGH. At some point, he came up to me, jabbered some nonsense about “Is this your new boyfriend?” I grabbed him by the jaw and shook it left and right, hard. “You fucking high already la hello!” He disappeared into the crowd after that.

SUDDENLY, the fella reappears from behind, grabs my waist and happily starts grinding while whooping in drunken delirium. Dear N stood by and did nothing. How nice. By the time I regained my composure and turned, ZW was gone again. What the hell? I wasn’t offended, we’ve all been friends for years. But I sure was in a rather similan?! fluster. I swear the boy is two different people sober and intoxicated. He’s usually damn stoned and aloof. Xiang was there too. Did his usual mock disapproval headshaking-sigh-walk-away shit. Gee. All in all it was quite an alright night save for the parts someone was being all dulan and stuff, which was like, HMMM, 65% OF THE BLOODY NIGHT?

I’m going to recuperate for the rest of the week. My skin was erupting, but somehow it calmed down over the night. I think it’s the alcohol. Woohoo. If that be the remedy for breakouts, I love it! Or maybe mountain air is good for the skin.

Took the morning off so I wouldn’t be too worn out at work, but waddya know. I’m dozing off at my desk. Fug.

that’s 2012 for you. a glimpse of its title reveals not too much, but its poster drove the message home. pretty enjoyable i would say, although the whole movie is bugged by over-the-top, incredible effects that somehow, made the movie a little unreal. Had it been filmed in the fashion of Cloverfield, i would actually believe and be afraid, terribly afraid of the coming of that doomsday. But man, it was an enjoyable ride through the movie. Awesome graphics, especially for the part where the volcano explodes and when the earth sinks in California. Ha ha.

And pretty awesome technology as well – that is, assuming that they actually exist. Awesome programs, and scanners and mechanical miracles and many others. I think we are becoming too technical an educated professional – and that’s a compliment to ourselves – cause somehow, we just can’t stop noticing the awesomeness or faults of the movie. Well, it may also be the case that we are assuming too much, haha, heck cares. It was fun while it lasted.

Tho at several moments, i was wincing in the sugar coated emo-ness of the movie scenes. And how bias it was for the lady to only NOTE that her husband was dead, and was crying and sobbing when she thought that her DIVORCEE (if that’s a word) was dead. lol… Ok, forgive my boredom. It is a pretty good watch if you’d loved watching buildings crumble and trains flying around in harry-potter style. Haha. Good night!!

Somehow, whether it’s because of the way I call it, or its ever so slightly shy-ful eyes, or that two whiskers sticking out symmetrically on both sides of its chubby cheeks, or that cute paw that’s sticking out of the picture…

I know not of the reason, but I can’t help but to find this picture a very cute pic of my racoon. Although it is true, you can’t see its cute thick tail that’s similarly adorned with the strips of the bumblebee’s raiment, but its face.. oh loooooook!! So cute and lovable! Adorable is it not!!

I know now! Yes, I do! The reason is plain, it wears my Giordano boxers! Who else gets to wear my boxers but my Racooooonzzzz. Oh cutie compact, purr for me if indeed you will! Oh how lovely! Look! Its pleading eyes (for no reason at all) melts my very heart, and that little mane of his. Oh so lovely creature. I will hug you everyday to sleep~~

But tonight it might be racoon-napped by yingqian. She’s coming over, yes, indeed she is~~ haha. Oh, she’s not now. Woops. So tonight the creature sleeps with me~~ Weeeee.

Oh my cute racooooonz~~

It was almost as if the festival had arrived early, even though I would not really consider now – the 8th of December – as being totally early (because somehow, I’m already in a slight Christmas-ty mood since a few weeks ago). I’m quite blessed to have a family, though truth be told, it is not always the ideal kind of household where one can pick out from happy little fairy tales. And to some of your fervant readers and close friends, you might already know that I’ve got some problems, or issues, as they would call it, with my parents.

While I dread to admit that by saying “parent” I’m refering primarily to my mother, I must be true and indeed it is. But this time round, lets focus on the brighter things and the happier moments.

Well, she arrived on Saturday. The flight was delayed, and luckily I had my Dracula with me. So I picked a spot before the “Arrival” gates, that was after a little hassle of trying to locate the terminal and the gates themselves, and started on where I left off. The plane got there around a quarter pass nine, and I picked up her bags, and some of my relatives’ and we headed to the pickup points, as my uncle was driving over to get them. Then we went off for some light supper – delightful cinamon rolls and some juices – and back to bishan where my brother is staying. He was out, working late and pass the twenty-fourth hour so we rested without him while Etta James CROONED to us.

Upon writing this point, I realised that it is pointless for me to recount every single detail. You will forgive me, as I am in not quite a state to write, or to think fluently. My choice of words might be impaired by this lack of capacity for thought and spirit. A cold had got me, from days of troubled rests (I wonder if a vampire’s stalking me), and the chill of the late night fans. But I shall continue before sleep takes me!!

So we attended the wedding ceremony. There were so many of the folks around, and cousins and *new faces*. I loathe to admit that through my 23 years, I had yet to recognise all of their faces, or to remember all of their names. But I shall strive in doing that. There is this cousin, similar of age as I am, and a generation younger (if one were to consult the family tree), and we got engaged in quite a relaxing chat. She had just graduated from UK, spent a year touring about, and settled for work barely two months ago. A delightful person she is, friendly and amiable.

Then the brief chats with many of the others had turned out fairly enjoyable as well. Her brother (there being only one) was young and through the wedding dinner I was keeping him company with his many games and varieties of joy. There’s a spark of loneliness, somehow, that I felt in him. Perhaps I was a little redundantly sensitive, but I hope that, at least, he is happy and well. But in doing so, I left my elder brother quite alone throughout the dinner. One can only attend to so many matters with a brain, I pray he forgives me!

That aside, mum was in quite a total ecstasy, chatting with her sisters and brothers, socializing from our table to the next, and even the others. I’m extremely glad that she’s happy, for she claimed that some depression had gotten into her days before her coming. I wonder what had affected her, but then again, it might be anything unless it is within her mood to tell.

My relatives (from my mother’s family) is crazily entertaining as well. We spent another half of a day, sitting around my aunt’s house chatting, laughing and enjoying ourselves. They were telling stories, both recent and old, sharing familial secrets and also, attending to the little kids (the third generation, and already I am belonging to the second!!) and continuing their fluent cantonese amidst those snaps at their grandchildren. I even watched some sesame street, had a talk with another lil’ kid, I forgot his name, but he’s a decent fellow, with totally lovable smile and a charm at the parting of his lips, where those toothless gums were exposed in the big, happy grin.

He was obssessed with spiders, and had his drawing books out when I handed him a coin, and busied himself with the “printing of the coin”. It’s an act where one puts a sheet upon a coin and gently shades the paper with a pencil. He seemed pleased and raised his head with yet another giant grin, haha, cute little kids! His brothers came to join him after they woke. And they’re all obsessed with creatures of all sorts. And man, they even knew what a ChiWaWa is, speaking to me about SaintBernards and cats. Kids, how wonderfully swift they learn!! And of course, not forgetting how the kid was looking through my wallet for cards and everything, looking for my name, at my pictures, and all sorts of things. Ha ha. They are really an entertaining bunch, so void of troubles and terrible thoughts!!

Of course, there are so many other encounters which I can write, and attempt to paint its picture for remembrance’s sake, but my mind’s already almost dead, and its millions of neurons shuting down, vehemently screaming for me to retire. Then it is time! Good night!

ps. I’m in a dilemma as always. The sword has two edges and so are my decisions, my reactions, and my person. I would admit that money is love, for a certain something that had occurred. But if indeed, that it was not perforce given, I would appreciate it all the more. As of now, when I had said “no”, and the other party resorts to asserting authority over my liberty, it made me feel ill with disgust and anger. Why MUST I always be on the path of retreat and submission? And what’s wrong with buying christmas gifts for non-family members? What’s wrong with my part-time earnings? Are those not MONEY as well? Why cast them aside as if they are just a few cents??!! I do better than that? Did I NOT???

ps. Forget it. My family is just weird. Plain WEIRD. I care not, I shall get gifts back, with those money that is given to me. I shall buy, use and spend them for my parents, to purchase items back to them, and to let those money go back, to them. I do not need it. When I do, I will tell. But as of right now, I will begin my campaign of reverse psychology. It takes two to clap. Be it anger, or love. It takes two to clap. You never allowed me to make my part, and you strive to dictate everything for me. I’VE HAD ENOUGH.

ps. But I know you’ll still, thrust, push and stuff, by force and into my hands, all the more of anything even after you had read the last line above. What irony. We’ll just continue in this dance of death.

Me: There’s just some things that ought not be vegan.
Rob: Like people.

From a friend’s Facebook status….

Last 24 Hours (abridged): cocktail dress; 4-inch-heels; white russians; 3 am; slip and fall; waking up in a strange house; knee pain; ride home; hospital; x-ray; mcl; leg brace; crutches; orthapedics; percocet; vomitting…AND looks like my car was stolen. My life continues on its path of awesomeness.

And if you think she’s all QQing or looking for sympathy, after several people commented sending hugs and whatnot, she responded with this:

I’ll see the orthopedist this week and find out if it’s a strain or a tear and if I’ll need surgery. I’m especially excited about the crutches just in time for snow and ice in Pittsburgh. Could be worse, right? My house could be filled with bees. That would suck if I had this horrible pain and a house full of bees.

So, no matter how much things are sucking, things could always be worse … just add a house full of bees into the mix, and you’ll see, things may not be all that bad as is.

TJ chuang shared this with me on facebook–i thought it was too priceless not to put up somewhere more permanent. is it wrong to find this funny? was it meant as farce? why does it fill me with such glee? =D