Before you start launching comment grenades in my general direction, there are three very important things to consider regarding the following list of my 40 favorite films released between 2000 and 2009:

(1) There are a TON of likely fantastic movies I still have not seen yet, even from several years ago;
(2) As the father of two youngsters, I am subjected to a PAINFULLY inordinate amount of kid flicks; and
(3) My list contains a RIDICULOUS number of low brow comedies, because mentally, I’m still pretty much 15

So, that being said, here’s my list…

1. O Brother, Where Art Thou? – The moment I realized it was futile to hate George Clooney.

2. WALL-E - It took an animated trash compactor to thaw my cynical heart, if only for two hours.

3. Napoleon Dynamite - The single most quote-worthy flick since Caddyshack.

4. (tie) The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
4. (tie) The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
4. (tie) The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - The greatest trilogy since the original three Star Wars films.

7. Remember the Titans - Call it cheesy schmaltz if you must, but it fires me up every time.

8. Step Brothers - POW! POW!  Indeed.

9. Superbad – Never has the male genitalia played so prominent a role outside the porn realm.

10. Frailty - Manages to be extremely disturbing and terrifying without lazily relying upon gratuitous gore.

11. Tortilla Soup - Not too many cooks in this kitchen; an absolutely fantastic ensemble!

12. Mulholland Drive - Trademark Lynchian weirdness and confusion abounds, but you literally can’t avert your eyes for a second.

13. Wet Hot American Summer - A smarter, edgier and sometimes even funnier Meatballs.

14. Snatch - The British Tarantino draws incredibly manic performances from his brilliant cast.

15. Slumdog Millionaire - Not only lived up to, but exceeded, its lofty Oscar-driven hype.

16. Gran Torino - One of Eastwood’s finest performances both in front of and behind the camera.

17. Inglourious Basterds - Tarantino’s WWII cartoon is lifted to great heights by an all-time performance from the previously unknown Christoph Waltz.

18. Old School - This 21st century take on Animal House provided a much-needed respite to all of us facing the otherwise grim prospect of a mid-life crisis.

19. The Bourne Ultimatum - Damon’s Gen-X Bond really hits the mark in this outing that recalls such great paranoia classics as Three Days of the Condor.

20. Nacho Libre - Jack Black may fancy himself more of a tubby troubadour, but this wrestling Mexican monk was truly the role he was born to play.

21. Unbreakable - Still the only good movie Shamalamadingdong has ever made.

22. Anchorman - A fantastic concept flawlessly executed to hilarious results.  The gang fight may be the single funniest scene of the decade.

23. No Country For Old Men - The Coen Brothers manage to maintain maximum tension throughout.  Well done, Friendos.

24. (tie) Kill Bill Vol. 1
24. (tie) Kill Bill Vol. 2 - Uma Thurman’s finest hour(s).  I’m still holding out hope for a Vol. 3 at some point in the future.

26. Fantastic Mr. Fox - Unequivocal proof that Wes Anderson’s trademark brand of indie quirk comes across much less grating when delivered by animated animals.

27. Sin City - I loved every single thing about this movie, except for the lighting during Carla Gugino’s scenes.

28. The Simpsons Movie - Kudos to Groening and company for successfully turning their half-hour cartoon sitcom into a legitimate 90-minute movie and not just three loosely intertwined episodes of their show.

29. Charlie Wilson’s War - Hanks and Hoffman both at the top of their game, with Hanks actually playing a flawed guy, for once.

30. Up - Leave it to Pixar to somehow make ED ASNER lovable.

31. Iron Man - Great effects and action anchored by the best superhero backstory yet.

32. Vanilla Sky - Most people hate this movie, but it really got to me, especially the scene scored by Todd Rundgren’s “Can We Still Be Friends?”

33. Cloverfield - Some real chilling edge-of-your-seat moments, provided you can fight off the vomit reflex triggered by the shaky cam.

34. American Psycho - A tour-de-force performance by Christian Bale, who demonstrates a unique ability to multi-task (impressively operating a chainsaw while crtitiquing the output of Huey Lewis and The News).

35. Shrek - A fresh take on a fractured fairy tale driven by pitch-perfect voice work from Myers and Murphy.

36. Tropic Thunder - Robert Downey, Jr. absolutely carries this one on his shoulders, with a minor assist from a wonderfully bizarre cameo by Tom Cruise.

37. The Royal Tenenbaums - A delightfully unorthodox take on a severely dysfunctional family, led by one of the most inspired performances of Gene Hackman’s career.

38. The 40-Year-Old Virgin - Nobody makes losers more lovable than Steve Carell.

39. Big Fish - Tim thrives taking these tall tales to theaters.

40. Monsters, Inc. - Crystal and Goodman make a great team, even when covered in fur.

There you have it - not too many trendy art house darlings to be found, but I likes what I likes.

 

cause the spotlight aint nothing without cha girl

and the danceflo’ aint nothin without cha girl

you a show stoppa, woah oh ohhhhh

let’s get it poppin’ woah oh ohhhhh

I am not a fan of Gucci Mane at all, well not the artist as a collective, I will admit to liking a few of the singles that I hear on the radio, but I absolutely love this song “Spotlight” featuring Usher! And doesn’t Eddie Murphy’s daughter look like a doll! Shes gorgeous! But so is her mom so it should be expected!

Bria Murphy

I am loving the short hair! Its HAWT…I just cut mine off this past weekend, and I can’t wait to show you guys I have just been uber busy with Christmas and other things! I also have to post my little wish list just in case one of my wonderful readers wants to be my Secret Santa.

Back to the reason for the post (I always rant, which goes against my short and sweet rule) over the past year alone I’ve become more exposed to the spotlight and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy it. Sometimes I fear losing the real Keisha to the madness and staying both grounded and humble is a true task, but I feel as if I do well in maintaining my true self.

Funny thing was said about a week ago from a couple of my around the way girls!

Friend 1:OMG you should have seen Keisha when we went out, she acts totally different around those people. She was giving air kisses!

Friend 2: Air kisses? No she wasn’t. I am so glad she’s able to turn that off when she gets around us

Friend 1: Yea (laughing) me too.

I was right in the vicinity when this convo was going on and these girls are like my sisters so I don’t mind what they have to say. I look at it like this, it takes a real pro to be able to fit in to all crowds, I am diverse, and no it’s not a big ship! *Anchorman insider*

Well hopefully I’ll get my blog on before Christmas, until then toodle loo and thanks for reading *air kisses* lol

I'm Kind of a Big Deal - Retro T-Shirt by Lamborati

http://www.zazzle.com.au/im_kind_of_a_big_deal_retro_t_shirt-235641712786891122

Ron Burgundy: I don’t know how to put this but I’m kind of a big deal.
Veronica Corningstone: Really.
Ron Burgundy: People know me.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, I’m very happy for you.
Ron Burgundy: I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

From the hilarious comedy film Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Pants Party - You're Invited T-Shirt by Lamborati

 Brick Tamland: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.
Veronica Corningstone: Excuse me?
Brick Tamland: [struggling] The… party. With the… with the pants. Party with pants?
Veronica Corningstone: Brick, are you saying that there’s a party in your pants and that I’m invited?
Brick Tamland: That’s it.
Veronica Corningstone: Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?
Brick Tamland: No. Yes. He did.
Veronica Corningstone: Okay. No. I don’t want to go to a party in your pants.
Brick Tamland: Very well. Ian, would you like to go to a party in my pants?
Ian: No, Brick.

From the very funny movie Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Here are 5 things that made me laugh pretty hard during the past 10 years:

In no particular order:

I found the series of GI Joe videos during my 4th year of university, when Ebaumsworld was big. My friends wouldn’t stop saying “Porkchop Sandwiches” or “Help Computer” for a really long time.

While this particular clip probably isn’t one of the funniest clips of the past decade, it is representative of Anchorman as my choice for funniest movie of the past 10 years. As this also came out during my senior year of university, I had to move into the library under Schmon Tower at Brock University to get anything done. I sang “Afternoon Delight” at at least one party. In no way is that depressing.

Definitely the funniest folk parody duo of the past 10 years, the Flight of the Conchords produced some of the most smartly written singing comedy that I had ever heard. They even inspired some of my own work.

Arrested Development is my choice for funniest show of the past decade. I personally find George Michael to be the funniest character, but it’s pretty hard to choose.

And finally, love him or hate him, there was this:

Agree? Disagree?

Honourable Mention

Dwight Schrute, Dick in a Box, Robert Goulet, Superbad, Total Eclipse of the Heart, End of Ze World, Clone High

Yesterday we gave you the definitive list of the funniest comedians of the decade. Today, NPI continues its look at the comedy of the Aughts by looking at the ten funniest films of the decade. Evaluating comedies can be tricky. Is the sheer number of laughs more important than the overall quality of the movie? This list aims to balance those concerns: It is a list of the funniest films, and not the best comedies, but at the same time, the best comedy often comes out of a good story. So what is the funniest film of the Aughts? Well, here’s the list:

10. Meet the Parents (2000)

Time has been a little unkind to Meet the Parents. An unfortunate sequel, the overexposure of Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson, and a rather disappointing decade from Robert De Niro all conspired to reflect poorly on this film. These considerations, however, are generally unfair; they ignore the fact that Meet the Parents was one of the Aughts’ first great comedies and that Stiller was one of the best comic actors of the first part of the decade. Meet the Parents showcased his ability to play the understated, slightly belligerent everyman that he would later tone down to a bland, traditional romantic comedy lead. This, combined with De Niro’s excellent and persistent deadpan, led to some truly great comic scenes, like the discussion of “Puff the Magic Dragon” in the car and the lie-detector scene.

9. The Hangover (2009)

Before I saw this film this summer, a friend called to recommend it to me: “I don’t want to oversell certain parts…well, there’s pretty much no way I can oversell Zach Galifianakis’ performance.” And he was right. Even with all the hype Galifianakis was getting, his performance in The Hangover was still one of the most satisfying comedic performances of the decade. Galifianakis’ role was the standout, but the entire cast, including Ed Helms, Bradley Cooper, and Jeffrey Tambor, helped take a movie with a rather generic premise—a bachelor party gone awry—to new heights. Even a cameo from Mike Tyson was handled rather well (I’m on board with any excuse to include “In the Air Tonight” in a movie). Nevertheless, without Galifianakis—the one-man wolf pack—this movie wouldn’t have even sniffed the Top Ten.

8. A Mighty Wind (2003)

Christopher Guest movies are known for a consortium of characters who are completely unself-conscious and oblivious, but one character usually stands out. In Waiting for Guffman, it’s Corky; in Best in Show, it’s Fred Willard’s announcer. But it’s the dueling performances of Eugene Levy and Fred Willard in A Mighty Wind that set this one apart. Levy, as folk legend Mitch Cohen, is arguably the heart of the movie, but it’s Willard as Mike LaFontaine, the former star of “Wha’ Happened?”, who has the funniest lines. This, of course, shouldn’t minimize the contributions of Guest, Michael McKean, and Harry Shearer as The Folksmen, or John Micheal Higgins as the head of the New Main Street Singers. As usual in Guest’s films, the entire cast gets laughs, but none as much as Willard and Levy. And of all the films on this list, A Might Wind has by far the best soundtrack: So it’s got that going for it, which is nice.

7. The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005)

6. Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

5. Knocked Up (2007)

How you feel about comedies during the Aughts—or at least since 2005—comes down largely to how you answer the “Judd Apatow question.”* Judd Apatow films, and his style, have dominated the comedy landscape in the second half of the decade, so it’s hard to escape his influence. If you find the movies tiresome, redundant, one-dimensional, too long, or any other of the myriad complaints lodged against these films, then you’re probably not happy about this influence.

*It also, I guess, has a lot to do with how you answer the “Vince Vaughn question.” My answer to that question has always been, “No.”

I, for one, have no problem with Judd Apatows movies. In fact, I think they represent a breakthrough in romantic comedies, an otherwise stale genre. Apatow and his crew have such an ear for dialogue, and such a wry yet sympathetic take on relationships, that his films have an earnestness and realism that make the humor even more powerful. It also doesn’t hurt that his films star some of the funniest actors in the world, like Jason Segel, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, and Steve Carell.

The order of these three films is inevitably going to be somewhat arbitrary; I love all three and have seen each of them dozens of times. If you reversed the order, or changed it any way, I probably couldn’t object much.

If I had to pick a favorite of these three, I’d probably go with Knocked Up, thanks largely to Rudd’s performance as Pete. It also showcases Rogen at his best and the most fully depicted relationship of any of the films. Scenes like the pregnant-sex scene—“I do not want you to fuck me like a dog!” “It’s doggie STYLE. It’s  just a style….We don’t have to go outside or anything”—, their fight scene—“Fuck you, hormones. You are a crazy bitch, hormones”—,and the dinner scene—“I’m pregnant.” “With….emotion?”— are especially funny because they feel so realistic.

Having Said That, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and The 40-Year-Old-Virgin are classics in their own right. Forgetting (which isn’t directed by Apatow, but was produced by him and featured many Apatow actors) finally gave Jason Segel, maybe the funniest leading man of all these films, an opportunity to shine; as I’ve said, I’d listen to Segel sing in any movie. Russell Brand, Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, and Jonah Hill also don’t hurt.

And The 40-Year-Old-Virgin features the guileless Steve Carell—“You know how when you grab a woman’s breast and it feels like a bag of sand?”—and great scenes like the “You know how I know you’re gay?” exchange and David’s attempt to bring Andy his porn collection: “Here it is: Boner Jams ’03. It’s a mixtape I made of some scenes I was really into in the summer of 2003.”

4. Wet Hot American Summer (2001)

This cult classic doesn’t need realism—it’s just a continuous string of absurdity and satire. The ensemble cast, made up largely of alums from MTV’s The State (the film was also directed by The State alum David Wain), manages to turn the ridiculous farce of a story into one of the funniest films of the decade. Working with such tropes as high-speed chases, natural disasters, and children in peril, as well as broad genres like underdog sports movies, teen romance/romantic comedy, and summer camp movies, Wet Hot American Summer undermines practically every cinematic conceit. There’s Coop’s speech before the “culminating climactic softball game against evil Camp Tiger Claw” in which he tells his team of his plan to “try to come from behind at the last minute with some weird, trick play that we made up,” and the team responds that “it sounds like pretty well-worn territory” and that “the whole thing feels kind of trite.” The overall silliness is sold by a great cast of comic actors who would go on to big things in the Aughts: Paul Rudd, Michael Showalter, Amy Poehler, Bradley Cooper, and A.D. Miles.

3. Anchorman (2004)

Wow, we managed to make it through 70% of this list without a single Will Ferrell movie. Ferrell certainly passes Apatow and Vince Vaughn as the most polarizing comic figure of the decade: Some people think he’s a glorified buffoon who plays the same kind of idiot in every movie, while others think he’s an extremely funny buffoon who plays the same kind of idiot in every movie. It’s true that Ferrell has made a career out of repeating the same shtick, but this is largely because he has, with pretty much every movie since, tried to duplicate the success of Anchorman. Ferrell’s brand of arrogant, unrestrained fool was never more hilariously embodied than it was in Ron Burgundy. I don’t know how to put this, but he’s kind of a big deal. Anchorman also features a stellar supporting cast, with Paul Rudd as Brian Fantana (“60% of the time, it works every time.”), Steve Carell as Brick Tamland (“I love lamp!”), David Koechner as Champ Kind (“I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you; I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk.”), and Fred Willard as Ed Harken (“I have no idea where he would have gotten a hold of German pornography.”). Really, though, it’s thanks to Ferrell’s skill with improvisation, and his ability to bring lines like, “Milk was a BAD choice!” and “They named it San Diego, which of course in German means ‘a whale’s vagina’” into the public consciousness, that makes this movie so great.

2. Zoolander (2001)

The similarities between Anchorman and Zoolander are obvious: They are both movies about incredibly successful and confident, yet incredibly stupid, people. They both feature a rich cast of comic actors—Will Ferrell’s role as Jacobim Mugatu may be even more inspired than his portrayal of Ron Burgundy. And they each left an indelible on the culture in the form of absurd lines that can be quoted at pretty much any time for a cheap laugh: “A ‘eugoogolizer’: One who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I’d be to stupid to know what a ‘eugoogoly’ was?” “Sting would be another hero of mine. The music he’s created over the years…I don’t really listen to it, but the fact that he’s making it. I respect that.” “I’m pretty sure there’s more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking.” Zoolander, however, gets the #2 spot because it was probably slightly funnier overall, and it had a more compelling plot. Plot may seem almost irrelevant to movies like this, but Zoolander’s somewhat absurd assassination plot manages to include a Derek Zoolander trip to coal country, a secret graveyard meeting with David Duchovny, and the great brainwashing scene. 

1. Superbad (2007)

The last three movies on this list may indicate that I prefer absurd humor to realistic humor, but this is not the case; both styles have their appeal, and a comedy’s quality is more dependant on how well it operates within its own version of reality. Superbad, the funniest movie of the Aughts, is almost disturbingly realistic in its depiction of high school life and language. The characters of Seth and Evan, and the friendship between the two of them, are deep and compelling, lending a strain of pathos to the humor—a strain both leads, particularly Michael Cera, exploit well. Cera, who has been caught in a Will Ferrell-like dilemma of his own in his attempt to capture George Michael Bluth in every movie, has probably never given a funnier performance than he gives as Evan. During a scene early in the movie, when Seth gets spit on by the mullet-wearing bully, Cera lingers in the background, bobbing his head; even as a blur lurking in the background, though, Cera manages to steal the scene. For his part, though, Jonah Hill as Seth gives what would be the breakout performance of almost any other comedy. While he lacks Cera’s subtlety, Hill probably gets the more outright hysterical lines: “Look at Jules’ dating record: […] Jason Stone who looks like fucking Zack Morris, and Matt Mayer. Matt Mayer: He’s the sweetest guy ever. Have you ever stared into his eyes? It was like the first time I heard The Beatles.” And none of this even includes Christopher Mintz-Plaatz’s breakthrough as McLovin, or Seth Rogen and Bill Hader as the cops; you’d have a pretty difficult time coming up with a better secondary story in a comedy. It’s Cera and Hill, though, and their ability to seem like plausible high school students and best friends, that manage to turn Superbad into the funniest film of the decade.

Tiger Woods: The continuous Tiger Woods’ saga has grown much worse for the golfer over the past week.  Woods received treatment for his surgically repaired knee from Dr. Anthony Galea, who, unfortunately for Woods, has been linked to PEDs.  It is not known whether Woods has received any type of illegal treatment from Dr. Galea, but this is obviously terrible timing for another Tiger Woods scandal.

I’m going to try and send some positive vibes your way Tiger.  If anything, try and bank off of all of the recent turmoil.  My master plan for you: Make the fictional cologne, Sex Panther, from the movie Anchorman a reality.  Sure, you can rename it Sex Tiger, and it already has the perfect slogan: “Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.”

Randy Moss: Mr. Moss took a lot of heat for allegedly dogging it in a New England Patriots win over the Carolina Panthers last Sunday.  However, recent reports state that Moss has been ailing from back issues the past few weeks and is not at 100 percent.  This is clearly a case of someone’s reputation preceding them.

Also, I don’t think Bill Belichick and Tom Brady would defend a player that did not care about their team.  Brady and Belichick are winners, and they wouldn’t allow someone to give an effort less than they are physically capable of.  I’d also give props to Moss for his statements following the Patriots win yesterday over the Buffalo Bills.

Dirk Nowitzki: Dirk Nowitzki’s elbow took on Carl Landry’s face, and there weren’t any winners in the confrontation.  Nowitzki received stitches in his elbow and missed a game after pieces of Landry’s teeth were lodged into his elbow after a collision between the two during the Friday night contest between the Rockets and Mavericks.  Nowitzki is still in pain a few days later, and Landry you ask?  All he wants for Christmas is his two front teeth.

Chad Ochocinco: It was a very emotional scene yesterday in San Diego when Chad “Johnson” scored on a long touchdown pass from Carson Palmer in the first half.  After Ochocinco reached the end zone he knelt and pointed to the sky, a tribute to fallen teammate Chris Henry, in a display of pure emotion for a good friend.

Nick Finkle… I mean Folk: The Ray Finkle award has passed hands a few times this year, (see: Suisham, Sean and Elam, Jason) but Folk was stupendously atrocious on Saturday night. The Cowboys ultimately won their battle against the then-undefeated Saints; however, the kicking display from Folk was pathetic.  Folk had a game clinching kick opportunity with a few minutes left in the game which would have put the ‘Boys up 10 with little time left for a Saints comeback.  The miss was so bad, and NFL Network’s clips of Folk’s pregame work so comical, that Folk had to be on the Weekly Weis Five.  Laces out Dan!

When news teams of all the channel fight together.. We can see some of the greatest comedies being staged.

60 percent of the time, this works every time

I agree to disagree

And the reaction of will Ferrell when the character veronica says that his hair is not gud.ha my god. I know where Kollywood captain Vijayakanth took the Graphics for glowing his eyes when he is angry.

Imdb Review: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0357413/

Rotten Tomatoes Review:http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/anchorman/

As we come towards the end of the first decade of the new millennium I will use this Christmas period to highlight what I think has been the ‘best of the decade’. Today I start with the best comedy film.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

The ever hilarious Anchorman sees Will Ferrell star as Ron Burgundy, a legendary news anchor from San Diego. When a woman joins the news team and threatens to replace Burgundy as the news anchor, Ron and his Channel 4 news team struggle to readjust from their male-dominated work environment . Aside from comedy genius Will  Ferrell, Anchorman has a cast stuffed full of comedy stars including, Vince Vaughn (Wedding Crashers), Paul Rudd (Knocked Up), Luke Wilson (Old School) and even a cameo from Ben Stiller (Zoolander) as Arturo Mendes, the anchor of ‘Spanish speaking news’.

A short clip from Anchorman:

The most intriguing thing about Anchorman is that most of it is improvised from a very loose script. When watching the film with this is mind it becomes all the more impressive. The improvisation results in an endless array of comical quotes which don’t often make a lot of sense. It is these quotes which add something entirely fresh to previous comedy films and subsequently justify Anchorman being named ‘comedy film of the decade’. Indeed I think the legacy of this ground-breaking classic will extend well into the next decade.

Besides the soul-abiding sense of rightness that I derive from my attempts at seeing the grace and truth in all things in the universe and my positive affirmations and all my other crazy-go-nuts, tree-hugging-hippie bunk, another thing that never fails to make me feel better when I’m blue is a couple of beers and some Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy.

Ron: Unique New York. Unique New York.
The arsonist has oddly shaped feet.
I love scotch. Scotchy scotch scotch.
The Human Torch was denied a bank loan.

Brian: I know what you’re asking yourself, and the answer is ‘Yes, I have a nickname for my penis.’ It’s called the Octagon. But I also nicknamed my testes. My left one is James Westfall, and my right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.

Ron: I friggin’ love you!
Veronica: I friggin’ love you back!
Ron: Look! The most glorious rainbow ever!
Veronica: Oh, do me on it!

Brick: There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident.
Ron: I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You may want to find yourself a safe house or a relative close by; lay low for a while? Because you’re probably wanted for murder.

It’s like, no matter what’s going on in my life, I should maybe just accept that it will eventually be over, whether it’s a difficult test, a faltering interview, or a drawn-out discussion of divorce and its backstory; and, when it’s over, there will be a later point from which I am remembering it as I crack a beer and set up the Anchorman DVD. That’s eternal — Anchorman is consistent and omnipresent, the afterpoint of 1,000 sorrows which will always be in flux, but Anchorman will never change, no matter how many times I watch it and feel uplifted. So what is the lesson here? Maybe this. Troubles are temporary, they are almost impossible to sustain, but the good stuff lasts. I like that way of looking at it. So much better, am I right? I’m off to make like everything is super-great and normal and a-okay. You stay classy, The Internet!

One of my coworkers recently got The Very Best of Enya for Christmas from her Secret Santa.

She can’t wait to find out who her Secret Santa is. Neither can I. I am going to kill her Secret Santa when I find out who they are. No, seriously, I am going to straight-up murder this woman’s ass. Because ever since my coworker got this CD, she has been playing it non-stop.

Sure, it’s at a low volume. Doesn’t matter. It’s Enya. Her whale-noise singing permeates every barrier known to man, including the crust of the earth. Wonder why we haven’t been attacked by mole people lately? Enya scares them away. (It’s the only good thing she’s ever done for humanity, though, personally, I’ll take the mole people any day.)

Enya is like being force-fed a sedative through your ass.

Enya is like falling asleep on top of an anthill.

Enya is like getting a bear hug from an actual bear.

Enya is pretty much the worst thing ever.

You all know how I love the Lord of the Rings and how I saw all the movies, like, a stupid number of times when they were in theaters? The first time I saw Fellowship of the Ring, I was sitting there all in love with this wonderful adaptation of a book that I’d been reading since I was a kid and trying to work out if it would be possible to kidnap Billy Boyd without sabotaging the other two films in the series, and then “May It Be” came on over the closing credits, and I just sort of sat there trying to figure out what I was listening to and why did that sound familiar and HOLY MOTHER OF PAIN, IT’S ENYA! NOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

From that point on, when I saw the movie again, I stuck my fingers in my ears and fled from the theater at the end of the film.

I know Enya’s supposed to be like an auditory tranquilizer, but her voice has the opposite effect on me. Listening to Enya pisses me off. And if there is anything I don’t need here at work, it’s another reason to be pissed off.

And just because I have fun writing them, he are some more descriptions of what Enya is like:

Enya is like going to the Met to see a William Hung concert.

Enya is like eating a marshmallow covered in thumb tacks.

Enya is like a down pillow with a dead hamster in it.

Enya is like drinking Bailey’s Irish Cream out of the toilet.

Enya is like jumping on a king-size feather bed and getting decapitated by a ceiling fan.

Enya is like waking up to find a fluffy cat curled up on your chest and a fluffy skunk curled up on your face.

Enya is like taking a Caribbean vacation with a corpse.

With the 00’s coming to an end, I think it’s good to reflect on some of the best films that came out this decade. I feel it was a good decade for film, the best since the 70’s. Below is my personal top 10 list from the 00’s, it will certainly differ from many critic’s lists, but these are the ones I enjoyed most and that’s what film is all about. Wasn’t easy to narrow down my original list of 26, but here it is:

1. Gladiator (2000)- I don’t think anybody can say anything negative about this film. It has everything, action, drama, Rome, and incestuous lust, what’s there not be entertained by? The Academy got it right by awarding “Gladiator” Best Picture. Almost makes up for “Shakespeare In Love” winning over “Saving Private Ryan” two years prior, almost.

2. The Departed (2006)- The film that finally gave Martin Scorsese his Oscar. Who cares that this was a remake of a Japanese film that came out 4 years before? Not me. This film is one of the best works of Scorsese. Like Gladiator, this film has everything. Incredible casting too.

3. City of God (2002)- The DVD is labeled as “The best film you’ve never seen,” and it’s a real shame if you have never seen this film. Based on the true story about the gangs and violence in the slums of Rio, this flick is truly extraordinary. The movie is in Portuguese, but the film is so good you’ll barley notice your reading subtitles.

4. The Pianist (2002)- The best and most haunting portrayal of the holocaust I’ve seen yet on the silver screen. The scene when Nazis bust into a dining room of Jewish people eating and kill them, is one of the most disturbing scenes and it sticks in your mind. If there was a best actor of the decade award, Adrien Brody deserves it.

5. 40-Year Old Virgin (2005)- Definitely the funniest of the comedies that came out this decade. A special props to “Old School” for really making the rated-R comedy popular this decade. So many memorable lines from this movie, I can still watch this over and over again.

6. The Hangover (2009)- I love this movie. The entire film is comedic genius. Alan Garner (Zack Galifianakis) might be my favorite mentally disturbed character in comedic history (slightly beating out Brick from “Anchorman”). If my future wife divorces me for naming our first-born son “Carlos,” this film will be why.

7. Gangs of New York (2002)- A truly great and underrated Scorsese film in my book. A very entertaining and violent film about how New York was in the 1800’s, which was never really shown before in cinema. Plus, has there ever been a better villain than “Bill The Butcher?”

8. Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind (2004)- The best film for movie night with a girl in my estimation. It appeals to both genders and has a very interesting plot. My favorite Jim Carey movie ever and Kate Winslet is awesome in it too. Plus, this is a romantic movie that won’t make you (guys) feel as if your brain is melting.

9. Training Day (2001)- Easily one of the coolest movies ever. Denzel Washington makes this film so entertaining and a little scared thinking that there may cops out there like him. This film also introduced us to Eva Mendes, need I say more?

10. Taken (2008)- Yes, this is a basically mindless action film, so what? It is probably the best action film since “Die Hard.” The action is constant and awesome, Liam Neeson makes you believe you should never fuck with him. The “I have a special set of skills,” line he uses on the phone with the kidnappers is as classic as Dirty Harry’s, “Do you feel lucky?” line.

My favorite films from the years not listed above:

2003: Old School

2007: Knocked Up

Honorable Mentions: Anchorman (2004), American Psycho (2000), Downfall (2004), Inglorious Basterds (2009), Almost Famous (2000)

“60% of the time…. It works everytime”

So as I was saying before, my weekend was pretty good, heard some new stuff amongst all the rushin’ about, but here’s a bunch of stuff I forgot to post over the last few weeks…there’s quite a lot to get through actually

First up is some D’n'B goodness from BENNY PAGE – it’s a simple, down-the-line remix of Breakage’s new track with Roots Manuva (lovely man, what could go wrong), and I quite like it. It’s not too fussy, and I’m surprised how fussy I am – I usually just listen to Roni Size or some old junglist stuff. But give it a listen, hear you go (see what I did there?) – also, how cute is this pic of Benny Page? That’s actually what he looks like apparently, he has to stand on a shit load of Yellow Pages to reach the decks!

“Run ‘Em Out” (Benny Page Remix) – Breakage ft. Roots Manuva (zshare)

So yeah, we got off to a hectic start, so I’ll keep it up with a bit of ‘ravestep’. I know, you would expect it exists, what with clowncore and all that nutty shit, so yeah. Ravestep. That’s apparently what KANJI KINETIC’s music is described as. My friend went to see him the other day with 16bit and said he was pretty mental. But yeah, I don’t really know how to describe it other than…ravey dubstep? Still, sounds shit doesn’t it, but it’s not. It’s got a lot of cheese, and a lot of bassline. Try it, see if you like it, this particular track has an Anchorman sample so you cannot complain. Ever. And the remix he’s done that I’m giving you is called the “Fuck Yo Shit Up Remix”, which is also a reason in itself to download this shit up. Or something.

“The Buffalo” – Kanji Kinetic (zshare)

“Get Yo Shit Out” (Kanji Kinetic’s Fuck Yo Shit Up Remix) – Jahcoozi (zshare)

As we’re goin for the hectic at the moment, I think I’ll drop some heavier, dubbier, steppier stuff…this one’s a remix by BAR9 of one of the new Foreign Beggars tracks – their new album is pretty crisp actually, my favourite track being the one with Guilty Simpson (me being a Stones Throw whore of course). So the original is pretty suhweeeet, but Bar9 has upped the rowdiness to make it a laddish stomper rather than standard crunker. Check the video for the original, and the zshare link for the remix. Then comment and say thanks, cause nobody ever fucking does.

“Seven Figure Swagger” (Bar9 Remix) – Foreign Beggars (zshare)

So yeah, there’s this sick new track by COTTI which I faackin love. It’s got the right kinda swagga, all dub-like, with subtle bass rumbles and sweet vocals. He released it in a split 12″ with 501 I think, so look into it and buy it if you’re interested! Both tracks are sick but I think I prefer this one:

“Rise The Temperature” – Cotti ft. Doctor (zshare)

BONUS >>> “Under The Sheets” (Jakwob Remix) – Ellie Goulding (zshare) >>> [JAKWOB MYSPACE]

Everyone in the electro world seems to be teaming up and making epic tunes that you can’t help but nod your head to. For example, Diplo and Laidback Luke, and Crookers with Congorock, and then we have LEE MORTIMER and FOAMO. I saw the former last weekend, and I’ve gotta say, he was much better than the headliner (Fake Blood – who, if you’ve ever read this blog before, asked me to take a track down, spoilsport!) and Foamo has grown up and made some good music, much like Boy 8-Bit did too. Anyway just listen to it you’re probably not reading this anyway haha:

“It’s Going Down” – Lee Mortimer & Foamo (zshare)

Oh yeah, and A1 BASSLINE has a new track and it ain’t bad. I found out recently that he was half of Partyshank, which kinda makes sense considering his first solo stuff, but he’s changed a lot. A little birdy tells me he’s a bit of a prick, but hey, he still makes good tunes.

“8oh8″ – A1 Bassline (zshare)

Yeh so this next track is SIIICK! Cannae remember where I found it, but it’s pretty effin wrecky. It’s by some guy called BILL EFF. According to my minimal research he has been involved with the aforementioned Lee Mortimer – just gonna say, from where I stand right now, that guy seems like a saint. Until I meet him, I’m gonna stand by that. Anyway, this stuff is quite blow-your-hat-off heavy so be prepared Scouts:

“Baby Baby” – Bill Eff (zshare)

HARVARD BASS are pretty sweet. I’ve heard his mixes and stuff pop up all over the shop. I noticed his stuff in the Buraka Som Sistema Fabriclive tracklisting (BUYBUYBUYBUYBUY!!!), which looks incredible by the way (on my Christmas list fo sho), and I dunno, it’s pretty bangin’ stuff from the States. Good club music. Try this for size…oh yeah, is it me or does he look oddly like a dark-haired Diplo? Maybe they’re related?

“The Whole Sh’bang” (Harvard Bass Remix) – Mom & Dad (zshare)

And just to jump back a bit, and calm it down to a nice mellow pace, I’m back with a last bit of dubstep (please don’t groan). JSAXTON has come to my attention as one to watch out for. As far as I know it’s some 16 year old kid from Leeds, which is pretty, no wait, VERY astounding. I should go up there sometime, see what they’re feeding them, but last time I checked, I’m scared of the North, and they’re scared of me…this is my favourite edit this lad has done (I think it’s a lad?):

“Who’s Afraid Of Detroit?” (JSaxton’s Scared Remix) – Claude VonStroke (zshare)

So as I was saying before, my weekend was pretty good, heard some new stuff amongst all the rushin’ about, but here’s a bunch of stuff I forgot to post over the last few weeks…there’s quite a lot to get through actually

First up is some D’n'B goodness from BENNY PAGE – it’s a simple, down-the-line remix of Breakage’s new track with Roots Manuva (lovely man, what could go wrong), and I quite like it. It’s not too fussy, and I’m surprised how fussy I am – I usually just listen to Roni Size or some old junglist stuff. But give it a listen, hear you go (see what I did there?) – also, how cute is this pic of Benny Page? That’s actually what he looks like apparently, he has to stand on a shit load of Yellow Pages to reach the decks!

“Run ‘Em Out” (Benny Page Remix) – Breakage ft. Roots Manuva (zshare)

So yeah, we got off to a hectic start, so I’ll keep it up with a bit of ‘ravestep’. I know, you would expect it exists, what with clowncore and all that nutty shit, so yeah. Ravestep. That’s apparently what KANJI KINETIC’s music is described as. My friend went to see him the other day with 16bit and said he was pretty mental. But yeah, I don’t really know how to describe it other than…ravey dubstep? Still, sounds shit doesn’t it, but it’s not. It’s got a lot of cheese, and a lot of bassline. Try it, see if you like it, this particular track has an Anchorman sample so you cannot complain. Ever. And the remix he’s done that I’m giving you is called the “Fuck Yo Shit Up Remix”, which is also a reason in itself to download this shit up. Or something.

“The Buffalo” – Kanji Kinetic (zshare)

“Get Yo Shit Out” (Kanji Kinetic’s Fuck Yo Shit Up Remix) – Jahcoozi (zshare)

As we’re goin for the hectic at the moment, I think I’ll drop some heavier, dubbier, steppier stuff…this one’s a remix by BAR9 of one of the new Foreign Beggars tracks – their new album is pretty crisp actually, my favourite track being the one with Guilty Simpson (me being a Stones Throw whore of course). So the original is pretty suhweeeet, but Bar9 has upped the rowdiness to make it a laddish stomper rather than standard crunker. Check the video for the original, and the zshare link for the remix. Then comment and say thanks, cause nobody ever fucking does.

“Seven Figure Swagger” (Bar9 Remix) – Foreign Beggars (zshare)

So yeah, there’s this sick new track by COTTI which I faackin love. It’s got the right kinda swagga, all dub-like, with subtle bass rumbles and sweet vocals. He released it in a split 12″ with 501 I think, so look into it and buy it if you’re interested! Both tracks are sick but I think I prefer this one:

“Rise The Temperature” – Cotti ft. Doctor (zshare)

BONUS >>> “Under The Sheets” (Jakwob Remix) – Ellie Goulding (zshare) >>> [JAKWOB MYSPACE]

Trying to order a pint in a loud pub when you sound like Screech from Saved By The Bell is not an easy thing to do. But I did it. So it was a day of achievement yesterday. At a price.

I may not be able to talk at the moment but I can still drink and use my hands – which is a dangerous combination, as I proved last night on Faceybook. Reading back some of the things I said to people this morning makes me realise why I’ve been single for two years.  *red face*

Arsenal lost yesterday which all but puts us out of the championship race. Annoyingly, I expected it. Same old. Same old. During the game however, it was rather funny to see a toddler smashing the shit out of a friend of mine. Being a child, my mate had to just let him do it. You can’t retaliate against a child can you? It got messy. At one point, I thought the kid was going to smash him with a bottle. Future football hooligan in the making.

Two weeks left in this office and then I’m unemployed. Any film directors out there making a silent film soon? I’m your man. I could also play Mr Bean should anybody want to rebrand the franchise.

I wonder how much surgery will cost if I go private. Any ideas? Worth putting on my Christmas list? 

It’s only 10am and I am already thinking of lunch. Mmmm I love lunch. Lunchy lunch lunch. Here it goes, down down into my belly.

Apparently, I may need to have vocal therapy after surgery to prevent the nodules from coming back. Part of vocal therapy involves vocal exercises.

“The human torch was denied a bank loan.”

Ahhh Anchorman. I love it.

You’d be forgiven at the moment for thinking we were nearing the end of a decade. The interwebs have been awash of late with more countdowns, best ofs, top tens and general reminiscences of the 2000’s then you could poke a digital stick at. Suddenly everybody is a critic, and while some of the countdowns have been insightful and thought-provoking, others have been….well, like this one. For the nostalgic, these countdowns are practically memory-heaven. But for those who don’t buy into that sort of stuff, it gets a little tiring. So, what better than to list some of the best (and worst) ‘best-of’ lists currently clogging up cyber-space?

Pitchfork: P2K

Over the past months American music site Pitchfork have taken an in-depth look at the decade in music. Way back in the dark ages of 2001 the site barely existed, but since then has grown to be one of the most formidable online music news and reviews sites on the net. Not only does P2K count down the best albums, songs and music videos, it also features a series of essays detailing some of the more interesting developments in music over the past ten years. Of particular note is the ‘Decade in Indie’ and the social history of the mp3.

Highlights
Best Album: Radiohead- Kid A
Best Song: Outkast- B.O.B.

Paste Magazine: The 25 best Album Covers

Slightly more obscure is Paste magazine’s countdown of the best album covers. It has been argued that as digital sales boom and physical CD sales decline, the quality of modern album art is going steadily downhill (as this cover would seem to prove). Regardless, Paste have put together an interesting countdown, which includes the likes of The Flaming Lips, Animal Collective, Arcade Fire and Lil Wayne. Whoever decided to award Neko Case’s Middle Cyclone cover as number 1 though needs to go back and re-take primary school art classes.

Highlights
Number 1: Neko Case- Middle Cyclone
Number 2: Animal Collective- Merriweather Post Pavilion (and rightly so)

The A.V. Club: The 30 best TV Shows

The problem with critics is often that their views on what is ‘good’ differs from the majority of the viewing public. Which is a shame, but it’s also the reason why most of the shows on the A.V. Club’s list of best TV shows of the decade have either ended or been cancelled. Still, it’s a formidable list. The top 3 (The Wire, Arrested Development and the Sopranos) are undoubtedly some of the finest productions since television’s inception, let alone in this decade. Other notable shows include Mad Men, Lost and The West Wing, just scraping in at number 30. The best part of this countdown though is the shitfight in the comments as to what constitutes a ‘decade’. Hilarious.

Highlights
Number 1: The Wire
Number 15: Veronica Mars
Number 22: Six Feet Under

News.com.au: Moment of the Decade

Oh, News.com.au. Purveyor of fine, quality journalism. Not content with simply telling Middle Australia what the best bits of the noughties were, good old Rupert has gone and encouraged everyone to name their own favourites! For anyone that’s ever read the comments to any article on the site, that should be enough to click your way on over. In case you need any more incentive though, today’s category is ‘Killers, Haters, Tools: Choose the Villian of the decade’. Apparently Kyle Sandilands and John Mayer are in the same league as Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. Who would have thought? The fun doesn’t stop there. Oh no siree, it doesn’t. For you creative types, you can even have a go at naming what the next decade should be called! An issue of utmost importance, of course. Seriously, the sooner this site becomes paid-only, the better.

Lowlights
Pop Culture
Money
Sex & Life
…actually, just spend a good 15 minutes trawling through the site. It’ll make your day.

Times Online: The 100 Best Movies of the Noughties

Slightly more classy news outlet Times Online went all out and counted down the top 100 cinematic releases of the decade. With everything from political drama Milk to Roman-epic Gladiator to comedy Knocked Up, the list does well to cater for everyone…up until the odd choice of The Bourne Supremacy/Ultimatum at number 2 (So really it should have been the best 101 movies). And Team America World Police in the top 5? You must be joking.

In Brief
Number 1: Hidden
Number 16: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Number 34: Finding Nemo
Number 64: Anchorman

Well that’s about it. Some of the best (and worst) countdowns of the best (and worst) things to happen in the noughties. Of course, a quick google search will reveal thousands more best-ofs then the ones here. But really, is there much point? When it comes down to it, who gets to decide that Franz Ferdinand is better than Hot Chip? Or that Monsters, Inc. deserves to place ahead of Pan’s Labyrinth?

Perhaps the best countdown of the decade should go to Hungry Beast. They look at the ten best years of the 2000’s. You can check that out here.

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WALTER CRONKITE
He never would have spent 4 months on the air talking about Michael Jackson’s funeral …

(Walter Cronkite)

They don’t make ‘em like this anymore.

Picture by: dunno source Caption by: Mitchell via Poster Builder

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El director y comediante Judd Apatow anunció, en una reciente entrevista, que está ya trabajando en una secuela de Pineapple Express próximamente. Del mismo modo, mencionó que también tiene planes para las ocntinuaciones de Superbad y Anchorman, además de un spin-off de Funny People, aunque de estos últimos no sería tan inmediato. Es hasta cierto punto preocupante que de pronto se case con sus proyectos exitosos, pues eso significa por necesidad que no veremos nada original de este director en un buen rato.

Right after I’d gotten off the subway today, I stopped by the newsstand to get my dirty little mitts on the December edition of Empire: “The Icons Issue”. (I’ve read Empire since 1993. I know that because the T-Rex from Jurassic Park was on the cover of the first issue I bought.) This month, there are ten different covers to choose from, and I saw six or seven of them on the shelf. Anyway, I wasn’t about to fork over my hard-earned cash for The Bride (from Kill Bill) or The Joker. Harry Potter? Puh-leeze! I had decided on either James Bond or Jason Bourne, when a welcome sight revealed itself at the very back: Shaun! You know, as in “of the Dead.” And with that, despite a tiny tear in the cover, the choice was obvious. Easy decisions are such a relief!

When I got home, I saw that there’s an additional, subscribers-only cover. It features Ron Burgundy, San Diego’s top anchorman, admiring his mustache in the mirror. That’s actually the cover I would have chosen, had it been available. (Am I committing genre sacrilege by admitting that on my horror blog?) But up against candy-asses like Jack Sparrow and Aragorn, Simon Pegg wielding a cricket bat will do just fine.

Senior Assistant Editor, Suzie Moore, recently submitted a piece to the Splice Capades and placed as First runner up! If you are not familiar, Splice Capades is an annual competition in which assistant editors show off their editing chops by “splicing” two different films together to create a :90 trailer! This year’s mash-up featured the films “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy” and “Network”.

http://www.youtube.com/user/foundationcontent#p/u/0/m6WVv7ijlZU

Suzie says of the experience, “I just love Steve Carrell so when I watched the movies I knew I wanted to do something funny with him as the main character. It was a lot of fun to put together. As first runner up I won a blu-ray player!” Her trailer is absolutely hilarious, so be sure to check it out at the link above!!

There were 25 entries from assistants in Chicago. We’re proud of Suzie every day – this is just “splicing” on the cake!

Lately I’m thinking…

Is this picture inappropriate? I don’t think so, it’s not like i’m a male cow or something. On a side note, do kids even trick or treat anymore? We only had 1 family come by (they were awesome though and I made sure both adults got some candy too). Well i guess we had 2 if you count the kid that came by while it was still daytime outside without a costume on and yelled “trick or treat” at the top of his lungs about 3 times. Steph asked him what he was and he said “James Bond” to which she replied “What!” – he then said he was half james bond half robber and put his shirt up over his mouth. I just gave him some candy anyway, mostly so seeley would stop trying to bite his head off.

This is really interesting…

Apparently halloween occured before it started getting dark at 3:30 PM – seriously i wouldn’t be surprised if i’m eating lunch in the dark soon.

Lately I’m thinking…

What do baseball palyers talk about when they are on base? Almost every time someone is on base it looks like the defender on that base is talking to them. Is everyone friends in major league baseball? Or do they just sit there talking trash the whole time? In the NBA or something I feel like people have to be separated once a game by their teammates for jarring in some guys face. What would they do in baseball – “hey you go over there to 3rd base and you stay here and play 1st base?” It’s really strange to me that there are never fights at a certain base or something. Anyway all that aside, i’m really intrigued in general by what catchers say to people batting and what people in the infield when they’re standing next to batters. I’d rather hear them microphoned up instead of Peyton Manning or something yelling colors and numbers for 30 seconds every play

Shout out to…

Heather – i hope you feel better soon. it’s in your best interest too, as people don’t usually trust doctors as much that are sick. It would be like if a fireman showed up on your front step engulfed in flames or something.

The Soapbox:

“The human torch was denied a bank loan. “

This is really interesting…

I only saw one picture where my head was perfectly upright from saturday night, and this wasn’t it. I could really only either drink out of my costume or see out of my costume at a time, but not both. So I spent a lot of time just saying “i have a crooked head” when people I couldn’t really see tried talking to me. It was a super fun night, i’ll have some more photos throughout the week.

This is really interesting…

We are in the latest issue of Demaris’s favorite magazine, “US Weekly” – Ali Sweeney said “The Whrrl” is her favorite iPhone app. As a bonus, Jason the bachelor is on the cover, so it’s a good read no matter what.

Shout out to…

BRITTNEY ‘HALSETH IS MY NEW MIDDLE NAME’ SOUEIDI on her birthday! I look forward to seeing you this weekend saggy bottoms.

Current Status…

A monday 9.0 – MNF tonight combined with a short week and a departure to MOD pizza soon. Oh ya and I wore flip flops today and I think it might pay off if the sun ever comes out.

The Soapbox:

“It is anchor*man*, not anchor*lady*. And that is a scientific fact. “

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