Reblogged from This Just In:

I also attribute Disney’s woes to making so many 3D films that, while sell a lot of money per ticket are so expensive that only the upper-middle class can see them.  And then you have the whole Netflix issue.  I guess Disney felt it was too nice to let Netflix customers stream their stuff without paying each time, so they ended their contract with Netflix.  Less viewers, regardless of which legal method you get them…means less customers.  And also, when people get tired of your same boring old formats that you have been throwing into toilet bowls since Mr Walt Disney was no longer around to oversee the company, that also means less customers.  I guess that also means less perk for the little kiddies to be excited about the characters in Disney’s ulta-expensive money making Disney World and Disney Land.

Sorry Disney Co…. you messed up, and your poor leadership and administration led a probably pretty good film director to quit his job.  Good luck finding one that’s as good as Rich Ross.  Maybe you should look at the independent industry so they can shape Disney up to be actually better than the others, just like most independent and forgien film industries are.

To all who don’t know what I am referring to, below is the link to the CNN/Money article:

http://money.cnn.com/2012/04/20/news/companies/rich-ross-john-carter/

-fromghost [4:05 PM US EST]

Like I said to a person who complained about how I seemed to “really love my life,” even though I might write about what’s good and what’s cool or fun, there are posts like these where all there is expressed in the post is feeling of being trapped— knowing there is something better outside this transparent glass cube I am in of having a disability and namely mental illness, seeing so many ways to fix it or make it less hard in the longrun, but having no answers.

I have had a long lasting dream of being more accessible to area recreation, leisure, and general public transportation in and around the area and to/from the city.  It was also partly a dream of not living in a town with the only benefit being a specific service for the disabled community.  I still hold that dream, but when I look at how things are going now that I have made active attempts to start that dream, it has become a catch-22.  My change in behavior over the past week or so as I have made attempts to start it with my family and find ways to make it different and better, has made me say “watch out…or else your decisions might be clouded by your increased lonesome and continued sleep deprivation.”  But on the other hand, seeing how things have just dragged on with my mental heath with my program for disabilities and the psychiatrist I have further affirms perhaps good reason why I am exploring other options, and I also know that this has come up when I was having no symptoms of mental illness or insomnia before.  So I know what I am doing in the way I have started looking is right.  Its’ just that in the interim, in order for me to make decisions to the best of my ability and in the most appropriate manner (not emailing family members like crazy) I need at least 7 hours of consecutive sleep so I can get the proper restorative REM processes going in my brain on a more regular basis.

I feel better now than I did a few hours ago.  I went to sleep last night at about 10:30 AM and woke up at 1:24 AM.  I wasn’t able to go back to sleep until I was so tired that my stomach was bothering me and I had to drink maybe like 4 or 6 cups of chicken bullion stock to soothe me.  I went to bed at about 6:45 and woke up at 8:45AM.

-fromghost [10:28 AM US EST]

I have grown somewhat disdaining of American society.  I don’t feel that people are encouraged to help each other.  People hold back from helping others in need, and when they do its most often for the benefit of their resume so they can get more money.  There are many exceptions, but corporations and money make decisions for us.  Highest quality ingredients are in the lowest level availability and at the highest price.  Children learn their lessons by textbooks wrote by corporations.  Children have their cirrculums funded by lobbyists working for corporations.  The medicine that’s prescribed when we are sick is because a certain pharmaceutical corporation convinced our doctors that it is better than the other, and becuase our doctors get money every time they prescribe one of these products from these corporations.  Its madness.  And of course, true freedom, independence, and leadership is discouraged because bosses and politicians are afraid that truly capable individuals will overthrow them.  The McDonald’s logo is a more widely recognized symbol than the face of George Washington on a single dollar bill.

Money walks where the money talks.  That’s how people talk here.  Anybody who has a skill that they are passionate about, like Art, Music, Writing, humanitarianism, for example is only encouraged to do it if it can make them money. Government funding to help people who don’t have money is dropping, while tax breaks keep on being given to people who have a lot of money.  And when a whole bunch of people unite into something called a labor union, people become afraid that something might happen to the convenience of something, and so they become afraid when people speak up about something.  So as a result, many government leaders have tried there hardest to stop this madness and ban labor unions to the fullest extend they can.  Basically, the best way to be an American is to shut up, deal with it, and eat in the crap until you like it. And once you like it, promote it because it has “helped,” your life be easier.  That’s how we live here.

We value convenience over values, values over truth, and convenience over ourselves.  If it creates a moral agony or pain that we are making a lot of money in a certain way..then our morals must be wrong.  Sound pretty backwards, right?

I have lived this way like and as an “American” for almost 26 years since birth and I almost don’t want to be here anymore because this society is so corrupt and rotten.  When I read the news about what’s happening in certain nations like Canada–yeah, sure they have complaints too.  But the severity of the issues they deal with are severe because they seem sometimes afraid to be like us.  Not because Canada actually has our issues to our severity.  What other highly-developed Democratic society besides the United States has so many people without medical care?  I can’t think of any.

Your thoughts, please.

-fromghost [8:47 PM US EST]

So to clarify, what makes me different from the norm?  I consider my best lessons learned by individuals not influenced by corporations.  I learned my Junior Year in High School history by a textbook wrote by an individual and not a corporation.  I also learned it by reading novels wrote by individuals who told in their writing how their experience really is.  By incorporating the things happening at the given time, with how people actually felt and reacted to these actions I learned a lot about what it was like to be an American at almost any given time in history.  To my readers outside the United States, did you know that in most American schools they teach that Christopher Columbus discovered the “New World,” and “discovered America.”  And because of this Christopher Columbus Day is a Federal Holiday?  What about the mass genocide he committed to the native peoples in the Carribean? And the land he saw that is now American territory first went to Spain (I am talking about Florida and Puerto Rico)?  Nothing is taught in mainstream American schools about anything outside the United States.  And the only people who have accsess to such education and even in the public school systems, are for people who have a lot of money.  I was lucky to be in a town full of doctors, lawyers and corporate bloodhounds where 45% of the town’s budget went to the high school district, and even still I was taught very little about cultures outside the United States.  My knowledge of other cultures came from my own independent research.

-fromghost [9:24 PM US EST]

I do completely understand that there are some influences on my father’s side as well, equally as much.  But as my mother’s side is seems to be a bit more homogeneous, the influences of both cultures I think are a reason as to why my diet is quickly shifting East to Eastern European, Russian, and Middle Eastern.  Indian cuisine fits too, but it depends upon which region.  I have still yet to discover which regions of Indian cuisine are the best for my needs/tastes.  But through the ancient Silk Road, many Indian influences came upon and into the everyday life of the people in Eastern Europe and eventually up to the British Isles and Ireland.

So, it’s just a topic that has sparked a lot of curiosity and fascination, as I have been researching heavily in the past month or so authentic recipes from Afghanistan, Syria and Northern India.  I have also looked into Mongolian food.  Perhaps I should look into food from the Balkans region, Kazakhstan, and Georgia.  It all sounds so good, healthy, and satisfying!  Russian food should also be something I might benefit from.

-fromghost [5:32 PM US EST]

Since my writing has matured, I noticed over the past 4 or 5 weeks specifically since I stopped writing about my thoughts about one particular religion I was exploring, I have attracted more viewers, more people clicking “like” on my posts, and more followers.  The majority of my followers and people who comment are not even from the United States!

That knowledge in itself is a personal motivator to break down barriers and write more openly more honestly, and about more topics that strike my curiousity or just thoughts that cross my mind.

Blogging is for anybody who has something to say.  Everybody has something to say.  But if you feel you don’t, then there must be a barrier that keeps you from speaking up in one medium or another.  The power of the self-expression in blogging, as people have felt more confidence and ability in moving people and changing the world (as it is doing with me) can do great things.

Happy Blogging!

-fromghost [12:47 PM  US EST)

Now what arose, after mashing the bean mixture and stirring on medium heat, was a much better bean burger than taco filling.  It sure did suit the taco filling purpose, but had I took the bean filling and formed patties out of it, I would have had homemade, spanish-style black bean burgers, probably about 4 or 5 of them for way cheaper than what they cost at the grocery store.  I’m guessing these 4 generous sized bean burgers would have an equivelent cost of about $2.50 for everything.  It would be more like between $1.25 and $1.50 for that batch of 4 had I used dry beans and soaked them overnight.

Even for meat lovers, the cost of good quality meat is so high these days that you might as well go for vegetarian options sometimes to defray the cost.  That’s one reason why even if this food intolerance test that I’m getting back very soon says I am not lactose intolerant, I will still stick with non-dairy milk because it’s healthier and less expensive than the decent quality milk I would be buying otherwise.

Making your own bean burgers gives you a lot of freedom to do whatever you want.  You can make green split pea soup burgers, chick pea burgers, burgers with lentils in them, or the recipe I did, or really whatever you want just as long as you soak the beans and mash them in with your other ingredients.  A blender helps, but is not necessary.

-fromghost [11:13 PM US EST]

So all those dliemnas aside, I am looking at the actual thoughts and feelings I have had and expressed and how they relate to my life experience.  For a while, I was afraid to admit that I was an Athiest and had curiosity about my own gender publically in fear of losing my Eagle Scout award with the Boy Scouts of America.

Even though I knew that for me promoting the Boy Scouts as a 100% positive role in the development of happy, independent and successful adults felt (and still feels immoral), I wanted to hold on to that title because of the honor.  Well, after looking at some of my fellow scout’s (of my age group) facebook pages over the course of time, most of the other people who are “Eagle Scout.” now seriously also question the whole idea of religion, just like I do.

I have also had a lot of desires since adolescence to inspire and lead movements, because just sitting back and having all these ideas of how to solve problems, help people, and make the world a better place, and not doing anything about these ideas was causing frusteration.  I felt that for many reasons that came to mind, that I was not capable of doing so.  Now mind you, this is even before I found out I had Schizoaffective Disorder.  After things fell apart with mental illness, the idea of achieving anything except just the basic necessities of survival were just a pipe dream.  I began to conform more, accept that my way of just taking it in and not constructing anything for myself or others.  After a while of just sucking it up and living by the reccomendations of the people that I listened to, I actually got so used to it that for a little while, it actually worked!  I had turned into this quirky, goofy, almost gothic-hippie rebel that I took some pride in.  But it wasn’t right.  I was constructing my limiting.  But creating a seemingly somewhat unique title and pushing my passions aside, I had conformed.

Conforming was the worst mistake I ever made.  I eventually started spiraling into emotional demoralization, depression, and loneliness.  My confidence in making connections with the outside world outside the disabled community had vanished.  No medication out of a plethora of different medications made a change.  I thought I was OK, but I knew things were wrong for a while, didn’t know what and just lived with it.  Eventually, on June 14th, 2011 I was taken away by ambulance to a local hospital because I was suicidal.  I was admitted directly after doing bloodwork to the Inpatient Behavioral Health Unit and stayed 9 days, and had a lot of radical medication changes and complete boredom before I was discharged.

Even after an Intensive Outpatient Program, more med changes, therapy, going back to work, and a second medical leave of absence for similar symptoms, I am realizing just recently that the problem was that I was the feeling of desire for conformity or a title anything else besides my name.  The problem all these years was not my nationality or sexuality, or gender identity, spirituality, or even thinking about my personality.  Some people benefit more from certain titles because it makes them feel more comfortable, gives them strength.  But everybody’s different.

Today marks a milestone, with a powerful meaning that creates an uncertain future.  I have been trying to extend the leave of absence I had at my retail chain just so I can have more time to get the medications adjusted, go back, and find a different job.  After sending my leave of absence extension request TWICE, each before the said deadline, both times the corporate office didn’t even acknowledge that they had recieved it.  After coordinating with my manager and my manager sending emails to corporate, today was the deadline for them to recieve the form.  Basically, by not acknowledging my form, as of today I am terminated effective April 2nd.  I lost my job today.

At first I was somewhat stressed out and a little bit down when my manager said that corporate had not sent him any acknowledgment of my extension of leave before the deadline, because not having a job while looking for a job makes looking for that job even tougher.  And what can I say to an interviewer in response to the question that they for sure will ask, “why did you leave your last job?”  That will surely be the fatal killer.  However now, this gives me freedom.  It kind of forces me to look for jobs and a life situation that isn’t just because a couple people I happened to look up to strongly urged me to keep this job.  This can be the start of finding my first job that calls to me. The fact that this corporate retail job that sent me to the hospital, and caused me stress and anxiety even though I wasn’t working there, is over, gives me a whole lot of relief.

Now I can successfully say “F*** those F***’rs, I don’t have to deal with your stuff anymore.”  I have never been this happy to risk losing a job in my life.  With all the other positive changes I am planning and making, this can be the cure to all my depression and feelings that I wasn’t living up to my calling.

-fromghost [7:59 PM US EST]

(Courtesy of Sacred-texts.com:  ”The Meaning of the Glorious Quran, by Mohammed Marmaduke Pickthall”)

Chapter 2: al-Baqarah: The Cow

“40 O Children of Israel! Remember My favour wherewith I favoured you, and fulfil your (part of the) covenant, I shall fulfil My (part of the) covenant, and fear Me.

41 And believe in that which I reveal, confirming that which ye possess already (of the Scripture), and be not first to disbelieve therein, and part not with My revelations for a trifling price, and keep your duty unto Me.”

What this clearly states is that in Islam, there is a Sacred and VERY HOLY connection between the Muslims and the Jews.  They revere the Jews as what my history professor said in college said, the father of the Islam faith.  So when very observant Muslims look at this text and see the acts of agression by Israel, a theocratic Jewish State…I would completely agree with their frustration and sometimes anger.  Do Muslims feel that the Jews are disgracing this religious and Holy bond that they have had for almost 2000 years?   So one international language of understanding and peace is food.  So, what I would say to people of Iranian and Persian decent who want to help prevent international War, but are unsure how, I would reccomend opening up authentic, family style Persian restaurants.  Reason why I say Persian and not Iranian is because Persia is the historical name for the land now named Iran.  Calling your food Persian would prevent the initial stigma that an Iranian restaurant happening to open up right near a Synagogue might cause.

Now in this resturant, use the recipes that you would have used yourself for your own family with the utmost level of care.  In the menu, have descriptions of what each dish is in the language local to whatever area your establishment surrounds.  The menu and how you prepare the “Specials” selection gives you opportunity to educate people about the culture that inhibits Iran and Syria.  I would highly reccomend, and this is coming from someone who has witnessed how a lot of the prejudice and hatred prevails…in your self-described introduction of Persia, stick to the care of the food, traditions of the people, and a bit of the history that is relevant to Persia.  I would also casually slip in a mention or two of the Muslim religion that prevails, and that of Eid for Ramadan.  Perhaps show a map of the Persian Empire at its biggest, with lines to show present-day political boundaries.   To accompany this, during the cultural and religious festivals native to the local people of Iran and surrounding area, have your specials menu feature dishes usually only cooked on those holidays (and Eid).  And for when there is no holiday, it is your freedom to choose whatever dish that is not an everyday item on your establishment’s menu.

And also, Please do not try to Americanize anything about the food.  The experience of a warm, cozy and friendly atmosphere with personal customer service needs food, and for something of this nature needs food that is truly authentic.  The whole experience of  eating the food, the enjoying the company of the staff who happen to be Iranian, and the atmosphere of your resturant will leave a lasting impact on the American people, perhaps enough to stop their unjust hatred of Islam, Arabs, and Arab Nations.

Please, input.  This touches on a very current and controversial event that effects the lives of millions of people.  So readers, what do you think?

-fromghost [1:46 AM US EST]

Now in everyday practice, I don’t recommend going all the way to Elizabeth, Jersey City, or Newark for your groceries. Maybe  Jersey City in the Journal Square area or Newark by the PATH train, but just maybe.  But only if you take the PATH and walk from your location to the path stop in NYC.  The costs of the train tickets or the tolls on the bridges or tunnels would be insane.

But where the Urban Enterprise Zone comes in is when you shop for a car, clothing, cookware, or furniture.  Let’s say you buy a $50,000 Mercedes Benz in New York City.  tack on the 8.275% (from what I think I know) tax and you’re paying $54,137.50 for something where in New Jersey’s Urban Enterprise Zones for the same exact car and same condition you will be paying $51,750.  That’s a savings of over $3,000 by just going a mile across the river.  Savings might even be more than that if you are trading in.

Same message goes out to those in Jersey too.  Pay half as much sales tax in these zones than you would for the same item of same quality just less then a half mile away from the merchant.

-fromghost [6:26 PM US EST]

I first learned of this when reading about some roasts that a small, independant company has based out of the United States.  So, to inform you in a way better than I would, I found a description of the process not afilliated with any company.  see link below.  Has anybody tried this kind of coffee?

http://www.food-info.net/uk/qa/qa-fp149.htm

Have a great day!

-fromghost [12:52 PM US EST]

There are multiple answers to this question.  Some factors is that people in other countries outside of the United States take care in their coffee.  Not even Starbucks takes any care.  They just make the same BS coffee and put a lot of sugar and cream to mask its horrible flavor, just like Dunkin, and most mainstream American establishments.  Having a small amount of liquid so good with a flavor so strong that sipping slowly on a cup of black coffee becomes orgasmic is key.  Another thing is the food is more nutritious and wholesome, so less caffeine throughout the day is needed in general.

And another thing is sleep.  Valuing a good night’s sleep and having a somewhat regular schedule is also another factor into this.  Better quality sleep leads to coffee for a different purpose.

So I think I might have the first one down, and hopefully soon will get the food intake and sleep taken care of.

One trick is to take care not in what you put in the coffee after its brewed, but what you put inside the filter.  Last night I needed a little perk of energy but not too much.  I also wanted to make the coffee taste different.  So I did an experiment.  In an automatic drip machine and directly into the filter, I put in organic granulated cane sugar. Then, I put in some really good quality Chili powder I have in my apartment, then one scoop of regular coffee, and 1-1/2 scoops of decaf Cafe Bustelo espresso (still decaf), topped off with another thin layer of the organic sugar.  Before brewing, I gently mixed it partially together.  What arose is a truly amazing, lovely and aromatic cup with all the flavors of the chili and sugar, but without a single grain of sugar in the coffee whatsoever, and nothing to cream it with either.  Not even milk or soy milk!  I had successfully, without using turned black coffee into a romantic experience with flavor.  I got the litlle perk I needed, and my mood improved dramatically just by the experience of having such good coffee in the convenience of my home in an automatic drip machine.

Now, in daily practice for the morning what I would do is use slightly less water so I can easily get away with using less beans.  I would then also use better quality coffee for the regular.  The coffee I have been using recently is a generic store brand, is medium-strength, and does not have the robust, bold flavor that I look for in a good cup of coffee.

So for me, I have always seen myself as a leader, whether it showed or not.  I saw myself, even in dark times of last year, that I was meant for my own unique calling.

So here are some topics of articles, books, and cheap textbooks I can pick up locally I am interested in and think I would benefit:

1) pschylogical and sociological studies showing forces that made leaders go from just wanting to lead to actually leading in the ways they want to impact the world.

2) Anything I can read or attend about all different disciplines of psychology, sociology, and history.  History of different cultures and people plays a huge role if I want to help people around the world.  Also, if I want to fix things that are wrong in the world,  I should probably look into Abnormal Psychology/Sociology.

3) successful organizational skills and models.  My plans involve something big, and I know I will need to create an organization or agency to facilitate this.  I will need people to help me with the things like accounting, finance, and affiliates of my cause in other regions so it is equally as effective around the world as it is here in the States. I’ll be quite frank, that I suck at math and I don’t want to put myself in a situation where my poor algebraic reasoning skills will jeopardize my mission.

I am blessed to be in New Jersey, which is part of one of the largest Metropolitan areas of the Western Hemisphere north of Mexico City.  There are so many resources right around me to soak myself in besides just the colleges.

-fromghost [12:44 PM US EST]

In the dream, My sister, brother, and I were so upset at the way my father was talking in general, that we went out of the city apartment where this took place and my sister and I talked about how much it bothered us the way our father was talking about what was right and wrong for our “success.”  During this venture outside, we met the artist and he had a vibe that made me want to explore the world and that my success would not be measured by the number of dollars made, but what I can achieve in expressing my character and soul.  I came back and I told my father that I did not want to go to college, but expressing my emotions was already a lost cause.  Saying that made him more furious and hostile, while he was looking for any possible way to fund my education.

–

Now what is so weird about this dream is that my father is not the type of person who would push college or a certain level-paying career.  He has been all about doing what’s right for me.

But what does come out true in this dream is how the enviroment around me counters in to me feeling pressured to do certain things for my success.  Although I loved the classroom-learning experience, and I pretty much always got good grades, my academic experience has caused much anger, resentment, and depression in the past because of the social environment and the general lack of support emotionally.

Perhaps what would be different this time around is that I have the support of people besides just my parents, I am in the mental health system outside of college, and I am not going to be in school all day long before I even get the chance to do any homework, like how high school played out.

Yet, the attitude of what I grew up surrounded with still turns on once in a while and I become deeply confused about what’s right for me.  As a child, my community drilled into my peers’ and my heads what our parents and the leaders of society wanted, and what they believed how we should lead our lives during adulthood.  This is all stuff that shouldn’t be drilled into children’s heads.  This is stuff that is better left to the children to decide for themselves.

It’s a real problem, because I know that I loved going to college, and I do know that it will make it easier to move up the ranks in a job.  However, the fact that I have college so drilled into my head as the way to start having a profound professional impact on society is making me question otherwise.  If I am going to go to school, please let it be for me.  Don’t tell me a certain way to live my life and why.

What to do? I am just starting to reboot my calling.  When I say to people that one of the main things that made me hate my corporate retail job is the notion that instead of me being there to wholeheartedly help people, that the sole purpose was trying to get their money for my CEo’s benefit…multiple very close family members laugh and tell me that is not a vaild reason to hate my job.  And then that makes me question my other independent reasons as to why I want to go into a social service or community agency or non for profit.  And in effect, I start believing that I should be ashamed of not liking my job.

Perhaps, the inquiries I made to the local Kiwanis and Lions Clubs, with a local animal shelter will be my way to find my calling.  It’s obvious that as far as advice for different career options goes, or specialty within helping people, that I am somewhat on my own.  I am thinking about going into special education/disability rights and advocacy because it is something that hits me personally.  However, there are other options out there too.

This is my time for my call to duty in life.  College might be one way to achieve my goal, but I really need get things onto the plate so I can benefit from going back to college and a specific career, and there are more immediate and clearer ways (like volunteering) to better myself for the cause than college itself.  I do not ever want to be the person who claims they want to go into non for profit, but have not already in the past chose to dedicate my life to service.  I have to be the person in charge.  If I want a feeling of freedom, I cannot latch on to certain venues.

All of that is what woke me up, and it is very rare anything like that happens about any topic or issue. So, I guess it must’ve been pretty important.

-fromghost [3:16 AM US EST]

I do see that meditation can have a profound effect, but if done in a holistic manner that acknowledges every part of the experience and not just one or certain parts.  I also must note that enlightenment and going to heaven do not have to be literal as described in texts.  Perhaps the writers of certain texts meant better to describe these states of being as potential states of conscious mind that can happen during every day life with everyday people on this Earth before you die.  That also brings me back to another point that I bring myself back to of the basic purpose of spirituality and religion.  Why would somebody who has no practices of maintaining health besides what their board licensed MD’s have to say go into a spiritual practice?  My best answers would be to feel more connected with the world and others, and to find meaning for the things that are not answered blatantly with science.   Some people refuse to believe the notion that our bodies rot in the ground when we die, and prefer to search for evidence that we live forever (as just one example).

With all that in mind, I will touch on the topic of mental health.  There are many Atheists who have all needs and desires fulfilled without spirituality.  They are in touch with nature.  They are in touch with others with healthy friendships and relationships, and are profound assets in helping society.  They have all of their questions answered because of a belief system of science that under the same conditions, is reproducible with the same results elsewhere.  By saying this I do not mean that religion and spirituality is pointless.  But what I am saying is that when it comes to mental health, if we are not careful some serious damage can be done to the inner workings of our brains to the point of delusions and psychotic episodes.  Myself as a person who has a psychiatric illness and have had these symptoms before in the past know just how fine the line is between reality and unreality.  Once you cross that line, it is very hard to come back.   It took me 4 years to recover from my first episode– and I didn’t do anything to myself to precipitate that.  I can only imagine how bad it would be if I took actions that made me that way.  It would have been a lot worse.  So in my search for spirituality, I am keeping an open mind and not locking myself into any denomination, and I also made the effort to join an Athiest group on meetup.com, as I still do consider myself an Athiest and would benefit from listening to people talk about how they benefit from life in practical manners without any spiritual practices.

If it is true, then let it be true.  But first before it may be true, please let me know it is true.

-fromghost [1:08 AM -05:00 GMT]

An older role model for how a boy becomes a man?

A strict man who lays down the law?

…still, somewhat vague.

Perhaps,

A vital team member helping take pressure of the Mother’s back.

Sacred love coming only from knowledge that he had a part in creation

creation of

a sacred child that will grow up to be an adult possibly greater than either

mother or father.

Perhaps, I can be a father.

I envision being the kind of father that teaches my children not just what is moral

but why what is moral is moral– and for them to have their own interpretation of it.

As a father I want to be a teacher, friend, and 24/7 on call free personal consultant.

Raising my children to be successful and independent

not by instilling fear, but by instilling love and understanding.

Where rules are understood, not needing to be enforced.

Where they won’t need therapy because I was too controlling, too closed-minded, or inaccessible in times of need.

Seeing them want to leave because they feel they are ready for the call to their mission to be and do greater things than

be just a part of me.

That is the type of father, that when I am in a situation to become one, that I will strive to be.

-fromghost [1:29 PM-05:00 GMT]

Last night I had my first spiritual experience through meditation.  I haven’t chanted in a couple weeks, but last night I decided to Meditate using a culmination of philosophies I have read thus far. It involved movement and self-touch. I did this right before I fell asleep, and actually after I already turned off the lights for sleep.  I started by focusing my attention on the pattern of my natural breathing.  With my eye’s closed,  I saw a couple dim flashes of light.  After a couple minutes, I was able to hear my own heartbeat.  It felt like music that I started moving slightly as if I were dancing to my own heartbeat.  Afterwards, my mind opened and I became spitting out overtures that I did not think of beforehand of fascination about the blinking light on my computer and how the pattern relates to the blip on an EEG or sleep study of REM in my brain. Over the course of this time, I heard sounds and wind that I did not hear before I had started meditating.  I even heard an airplane that I symbolized as how quick it could be to be physically connected with anybody in the world.  Normally, even though Newark Airport is only a few miles away, airplanes don’t fly so low to the ground enough to make that loud of a sound where I live.  So ,I attributed this to the experience of meditation.  As I became fascinated with whatever surface I was on, I felt connected to the people and lives around the globe, regardless of how they lead their lives or what they practice.   I felt unity for most of this experience, and that was a very powerful moment.

-fromghost  [4:27 AM -05:00 GMT]

Long story short, some people could see such a test as a cause of fret or worry that they may lose a sense of lifestyle.  However, I view the day I get the results back of this quite intensive food sensitivity and intolerance test as a new day in my health.  I know that there are at least a couple things besides the obvious (dairy) that is causing me to have reactions.  But, I will not know what until I get the results.  Knowing what I can and cannot have will help me adjust and fully prepare myself for a more mighty return to the working and productive world.

I just hope I can go to sleep (for real) soon.  I’ts about 8 PM and I had a 1 hour, 15 minute walk from the train station to the hospital on only 4 hours of sleep.  Kudos to Google Maps Walking Directions.

At least I had a soothing dinner of antibiotic free, hormone free, vegetarian fed and humanly raised chicken cooked in grapeseed oil and a touch of rosemary.  Side of my homemade mashed sweet potatoes cooked with Sunflower milk, Unsweetened Cranberry Juice, and Grapeseed oil.  I had 2 fluid cups worth of Maggi Chicken Broth.  Nice way to sooth my senses and my stomach from so much sleep deprivation.  Right now I am about to sip down some Sleepytime tea I just brewed.  Yummy.

-fromghost [8:06 PM -05:00 GMT]

I like that.  Having religious scriptures wrote too plainly opens people up for interpretations that cause violence, wars, and other misfortune.  However, one common theme in all religious texts is this religious order and mystic law that binds everything.  Certain religions help people understand it in different ways.  In Eastern philosophy like in Daoism and Buddhism, the difference is that try to tackle understanding of it directly through practices such as mediation and self discovery.

That’s what I love about Taoism and Buddhism.  They look beyond things like 10 Commandments, rules, and how one individual is more holy than the rest of us.  While those concepts are all relevant in Eastern philosophy, they are never mentioned, because in those traditions these are understood as inate within all those wish to benefit from these practices.  We are already perfect, and were probably enlightened at a very early age until we learned our regional languages.  Now our struggle is, with our currrent knowledge and interpretation of language, being able to back to that state of purity where the need to understand ourselves is irrelevant, and we are so great that others have a hard time of understanding even who we are.

-fromghost [9:33 PM -5:00 GMT]

However, there is a distinct difference in acceptable ways and unacceptable ways to propogate.

One of the main things that drew me to Buddhism is that although plenty of information is out there and people given ways through multiple venues to explore it, most Buddhists do not make a point out of trying to convert people.  I gave great disdain towards the religions that posted on billboards, had people on busses handing out the “Watchtower,” or walked around towns with the sole purpose of converting people who don’t look like they come from a particular faith.  That pissed me off, because that is not a peaceful way or a way to show that it is a peaceful faith.

Even if Mitt Romney has a possibility of being a good person, the practices of his faith and the way they propagate is one reason why his popularity as a potential Mormon president give me great anxiety in the creation of a Christian or Mormon Secular State, much in the way that Iran is not just Iran, but the “Iranian Islamic Republic.”

I do believe that other religions have the potential to be peaceful.  However, the only major influential Christian world power that is at all peaceful is the Vatican.  And they only have a population less than 1,000 people.  And even they have some less than peaceful things to say about certain groups (like LGBTQ communities, Pagans, with a shaky relationship with the Jewish community.)

Until people stop trying to fear or shame people into believing, no one will believe.  Faith is meant to be a personal, personalized, and spiritual journey.  That leads me to the ways of propogation that led me to Buddhism.

Nobody has ever posted billboards, ad campaigns, lobbied in congress, threatened me in the name of Nichiren Buddhism, or even Zen Buddhism.  As a young teenager, it stood out with the Aboriginal religions and Pagan religions that was there as a possible venue that always struck me as a truly peaceful movement that did not cause people to fight, start wars, or hate others.  It was the only major religion that from an outsider’s perspective, actually taught people how to be accepting of others, peaceful, and actually grow spiritually as an individual through the practice.  It might have taken me 11 or 12 years of it just being in the back of my mind before I seriously started giving it any thought as to how it would help me in my life, but eventually it happened this year.

These are some of the factors:  Every Nichiren Buddhist I have ever met, whether I had known they were part of the SGI or not was just really cool and down to Earth.  They were always helpful.  From my experience being an Eagle Scout, I can say they followed the Boy Scout Law, all 12 parts of it without even really trying.  Recently my Sister was going through a rough patch and she had introduced me to the actual practice of Nchiren, and through her experience and how the practice helped me personally– that’s how I opened up to the idea.

Maybe other relgiions should follow the same methods of propaganda as most Buddhists do, rather than making my younger brother cry at the Wisconsin State Fair one time when somebody at a Jesus Freak kiosk scared him into believing that he would go to hell.

-fromghost [3:30 PM -05:00 GMT]

This time I felt awake and refreshed.  So odd after about 5 hours of sleep.  Going back to bed this time would take some different strategies and some thought.  With that in mind, I went into my mother’s living room and turned on the computer.  I started brewing a cup of some calming herbal tea she has caled “Calm.”  Once opening up the main google page and seeing their daily “Google Doodle” for today,” it was clear to me why I was awake.  Today is the spring equinox in the Northern Hemisphere.  Spring is a time for new beginnings.  Everything going on and all the changes happening for me now and in the near future are all about new beginnings.  This is my time to be awake, for going back to sleep for the hell of it would be disasterous.  My brain even woke me up right around the time that it officially starts– close to 2 AM so I could be ready in time.

I will continue sipping on my Herbal tea, hoping I get back to sleep even if it’s just for another hour and a half.  That would only be with purpose of being more alert and energetic for the rest of the day.  However, I am glad I know now the importance of me now waking up sleep deprived signing this post at 3: 22 AM US Eastern Time.

Now is is a very good time for me to be awake, and in so many ways.

-fromghost [3:23 AM -05:00 GMT]

-fromghost [8:33 AM -05:00 GMT]

From my point of view, coming from years in an atheist/geek mindset– Nichiren Buddhism is a way to give ourselves the self-conviction and passion we need in order to accomplish everything possible in life.  In dark times when we might doubt ourselves, the definition of “possible outcomes,” versus “impossible outcomes,” gets distorted.  However the whole idea that every individual is the force of good and peace is very powerful.  When put into practice, everybody has their own potential.  There is no shame for wanting.  Just as long as the methods that we take are peaceful to achieve our goals, we can live lives fully out of desire.

I had a conversation with a man who hosts meetings for the “Orange” District of the SGI on the ride home tonight that was also very eye opening.  We shared a lot of common ground.  One of the things he agreed with me on is that one quality that all of the most influential positive leaders and innovators in history had is not just confidence, but conviction.  Their minds were not just connected to the heart, but just expressions of the heart.  They might have came from different faiths colletively.  However, what makes/made them strong figures is exactly what everybody in the SGI experiences on one level or another.  The thing that is special about Nichiren Buddhism, is that this is something that a very high percentage of followers obtain.  With other religions that I have seen, it is really hit or miss.  Somebody can be a devout Catholic, Mormon, Jew, Muslim, Hindu, or even Zen for a lifetime and never achieve what many people achieve sometimes in less than a year of practice.  What makes followers of other religions that are positive and influential figures is that they recognize that it’s already within them.  They don’t need to pray to a higher power in order to become a leader.  Everybody has that same potential that if harnessed, can do great.  They also understood the idea of immediate cause an effect, which is actually a core teaching of the SGI as a whole.  That is the meaning of the “renge” in “Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.”  Individuals can take whatever personal meaning they want to the mantra.

And as for “Nam Myoho Renge Kyo” as a chant, the reason why it works best to be in Japanese is an enhancement of the idea that Buddha is your mirror.  Nichiren was Japanese, and he was the first to chant the name of the Lotus Sutra.  Of course, in order for it to be understood internationally and over time, the chant should remain the same.  That way without any translator present, people from any native language will be able to get the same effect.  When things get translated into different languages (Japanese to English as a prime example), the meanings often get distorted and the only way to have an accurate translation sometimes is instead of a literal translation, writing a perception of what the writer from one language meant and translating that meaning into English.  When that happens, the depth of the meaning is already lost.

So more deeply, three times, “Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.”

-fromghost [10:03 PM -05:00 GMT]

The quiet still somewhat lingers before the hustle and bustle of today

After waking up this morning, I decided to catch an early bus to Bloomfield to shoot some pictures.  I captured downtown Bloomfield, NJ near Bloomfield college just as the day was beginning and people were on their way to work.  I captured the above image, with about a dozen or so more before I decided to head back home.  I could have easily spent hours there, but I had to go home at some point.  At this point, I was beginning to get somewhat tired from waking up at 3:30 AM, but I knew that maybe with the help of some black tea at home I would be able to pull through the rest of the day.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo!

–fromghost [[9:01 AM] (-05:00 GMT)]

And it was a great day.  Nothing too out of the ordinary happened, but all my blessings and prayers, feeling what I learned on Tuesday night what is called Inner Buddhahood, it all became true.

Last night, I chanted again.  Because I was so tired, I only had the energy to chant for about 10 to 15 minutes, with longer breaks for moments of silence.  It was my first whole-hearted prayer in my memorable life praising not just something truly out of the ordinary and amazing happening (like my sister’s recovery), but just for it being a good day.  My thoughts were a little bit clouded on what I wanted to achieve today, but one thing that was clear to me that I chanted for was a calm and meaninful close to the day and a good night’s sleep.

Now to give you a little inside info about my relationship with sleep.  Without my CPAP machine, and without it hooked up to a distilled water humidifier, I can easily sleep 9, 10 hours or more and feel no more benefit than if I slept close to none.  Last night because didn’t use my CPAP machine because I needed to do some regular maintenance on it–I did not use my CPAP machine.

That comes to a miracle, because I woke up with no alarm, no trouble sleeping or anything keeping me from sleeping.  I woke up early in the morning at 3:30 AM or so, feeling upbeat and refreshed on 6 and a half or 7 hours of sleep, without caffeine, and without my CPAP machine.

That shows me something.  I am beginning to see only after a little more than 24 hours the benefits of this decision to proceed on this journey.  I feel no need to share these stories, but I am so relaxed, happy, and spiritually better that these stories excite me to that point.  I am feeling hopeful that this is going to be a good long term decision to make for myself.

–fromghost