And here we see rare Sofa Bison in it’s natural habitat.

Picture by: Ellen Dockery Caption by: kirkgray via Advanced Lol Builder

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A snit-bit of Mark Driscolls sermon “Anger and Action.”

Cha D

Day 2

Nothing much..Hanging around the score board with Shin Yi then walk around during their breaks..Haha,as usual..Got letters from my youth friend,thought it was from some child………………THink think think……………………..put it back to the HQ letter box,thinking tomorrow only take and see who’s it for and from who……….

Day 3

Went to church at 8:30am.Felt so sleepy but after I went there I felt so refreshed!Haha!So cool lar the children there.Mwahahahaha!!!!!Then got something sad happened larr tdy.Don’t wanna talk about it!LEt’s talk about good things~
Sin Yi became the bride!Haha!Together with Adrian kor kor~So funny!I was like “half crying,half laughing” Then we had the anointing of the Holy Spirit,the candles that represents we are the future leaders of God.Game masters,especially Gibien was the funniest lah.Didn’t know how to express the situation,so noisy!Haha,coz Gibien kor kor very funny.Every children sure agree!Haha!!!Terence kor kor and Samuel kor kor sooooooooooooo funny!!!!!

Then it was testimony time,Aunty Ursular wanted the helpers to talk.Then my hand started to get cold..Yiks!I asked Shin Yi whether she wants to talk or not then she say no so I also say no!Haha,very pai se to talk in front of so many children.I am not like the youths lar,so brave.Hehe~Anyway,if there isn’t them there isn’t me,helping me out at times..So blessed to have them.Talked to some of the youths and so and so.

Then it was photo session time!Haha!So funny!!!!!!!We have to pose for the camera,Andrew Chow kor kor was sitting at the ladder and we have to look up.I tell you,I feel so short with the children.Haha,they are all so tall!Sigh~So short!Haha,who cares anyway.LOL!Btw,I was standing wasn’t bending so I felt quite short lor.Haha,I feel so wierd!Anyway,church ended.It was raining………………………had to wait for the rain to stop so I went back church to keep some score board stuff back.Heh!Feel so happy!God’s love is with us!

Bye bye children,see you this December 19!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you all! *muacks*
God Bless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m special, right? So, why I do I feel so fucking stupid? My fucking expectations ALWAYS lead me to disappointment…yet I fall for it every time. Why am I so dumb when it comes to …? God, I must have HORRIBLE karma or something. Nobody deserves to be humiliated like this. Once again, I thought I had something going when in reality I was always just absolutely nothing in his eyes. A non-entity. Yeah, keep thinking I’m fucking special. God loves me, right? Yeah, right.

Mairee Krissmis Happee Nu Yeer Kiss meh butt.

c’mon. git in teh holiday spirit.

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I can’t write. I have been trying all evening – it’s now half past two in the night – and I didn’t get anything. I type, delete, type and delete.

Just now I wrote two poems, I posted one here in the former post. I feel so fucking shit, I can’t even believe it could get worse. Maybe sadness was better than anger after all, I don’t know… I don’t know anything.

It’s about MM, of course. It’s always about MM. It’s been about MM for way too long. It will also still be about him for a while, I’m afraid. I am going around in circles, strings of thoughts that don’t lead me anywhere. I write a lot of sentences on paper but the make no sense. I can’t put down a coherent story, because all I want to do is curse him. Scold him. Tell him I hate him.

I don’t really hate him, of course. It will pass, like everything else. A moment will come when I realise I am not thinking of him all the time anymore, when I’m not angry anymore.

I changed this blog url, my other blog, closed the blog I wrote only for him. I even changed my e-mail address. I am trying to detach myself from him. The only thing is, that I can’t get him out of my head. I also keep going back to his blog. I frustrate myself by seeing what he posted. Everything just gets worse every time.

I went from sad, to sadder, to hysterically sad, to hoping, to angry, back to sad… and now I’m just… angry. And I don’t like it. I want to let it go, bury it. Forget about him.

I’m not being honest even to myself, because I know I am still hoping. The cutting off from him is supposed to send a signal and I want nothing more than for him to contact me. The truth is ugly, but it’s there. I want him to come running back into my arms and hold me for ever…. sigh. I am just stupid… I’m going to bed now. It’s after three and nothing useful can come from this.

The other day I had an interesting conversation with one of my local card shop dealers.  We were talking about the upcoming Philly Show scheduled for next weekend and I learned some inside stuff that I normally don’t hear.  It seems like almost every dealer is angry with Hunt Auctions.  My local shop owner has been in business for over 30 years and has been attending The Philly Show for almost as long.  After Hunt Auctions purchased the show in late 2008, they immediately raised the price of what it would cost for a dealer to setup.  According to the shop owner, he would normally pay around $700.00 to setup his booth.  Since he has a lot of stuff, he usually takes up two spots.  For next weekend’s show, it will cost $1,050.00 to setup.  He told me that I shouldn’t be surprised if half the dealers don’t show because of the price.  He also told me that Hunt Auctions doesn’t advertise the show.  I probably advertise more for the show here then they do at all.  Even though  MAB-Celebrity has been bringing in bigger name athletes like Mays, McCovey, and Fisk, they haven’t been making very much off of their sales of tickets.  One athlete got paid $25,000.00 to sign autographs for only 14 people that purchased tickets.  I’m no expert in math, but I can tell you that those 14 tickets didn’t amount to anything close to 25k.  It will be interesting to see how many dealers actually show next weekend.  This is why The Hobby is heading towards being 100% run over the internet.  I’ve talked about The Philly Show many times because its one of my favorite shows.  I’d hate to see it go down hill like this.

Update:

I also find it disturbing that they still don’t have a list of dealers who plan to attend on their website yet.  They usually have one up by now.  Perhaps they don’t want people knowing how few of them there will be.  MAB-Celebrity doesn’t have Cole Hamels on the list anymore but Hunt Auctions still does.

Suspicious White Powdery Substance

The image above came about after combining more than 2 packets of powder. Apparently, somehow for my unit (read: Air Defence) when we have a fieldpack mobilisation (or something like that, still new to the unit), our items in the fieldpack have to be of a very exaggerated high standard. Sealed in package toothbrush, an insect repellent which has approx 2 times of its original err.. gel, all manually squeezed in. Likewise, I’m supposed to make my plastic green powder can as hard as a brick.

Talcum Flour

Funnel to guide the flour in

I spent around 2 hours cramming 4 packets of powder, using a makeshift pounder made of a dried up whiteboard marker and a $1 coin taped securely to the flat end of it. I placed a funnel at the mouth of the can, as my previous attempt in camp failed miserably, with powder spilling all over the table at that time.

Halfway through, I was so affected by the powder that were flying around due to my pounding that I actually contemplated using water to harden the powder but I didn’t have with me enough powder packs. Vision and respiratory abilities being compromised as a result of this unnecessary show of wayang. Power packed huh?

Brick

This is the end product, a work of art if I may add, that so nearly re-ignited my asthmatic passion. And I still have a week or so more to get my other items ready.

Sucks to be me.

This is my third post today:/
Im pretty angry right now, upset and just furious. We dont have a justice system, its based on aboslute bullshit.
Guilty people dont get punished and miserable people have to sit back and watch it happen.
I believe in the underdog, the little people fighting for whats right. Dont you worry Tania Winifred Clarke, one day when you least expect it your life will be destroyed and im going to laugh. Your life is a joke.
Maybe we need closure? Maybe we need to believe that there still is good in this world?
Im gunna make a difference in this world, you just watch. I want to make sure no one ever goes through what Michelle has gone through. Shes my hero, Strongest woman I know.

okay no more posts tonight, im starting to sound like an old record.

Who actually reads this anyway?
xoxo

I look tired and fed up because I am tired and fed up. Also I look like I have a headache because I did have a headache.

We kept going around and around in circles over the same point, and nobody was listening to me – even though it was kind of my area of expertise, and that is kind of why they hired me in the first place.

I am wondering if perhaps I should consider not renewing my contract.

I am also wondering if I could get away with punching the guy on my left without getting in trouble.

I like secluding myself, yet I feel angry when I am left alone.

Just now, the rest of my family is getting ready to go out for thanksgiving, and I refused to go. I just don’t want to be around all the noise and people. But I’m feeling dejected because they let me stay at home. I don’t get it. Maybe I just want them to force me to go. I’ve been doing this a lot lately. Maybe I just want some attention. I’m not sure.

Lately, I haven’t felt like doing anything. I get automatically moody when I get home. I’m fine at school, but once I hit home, everything changes. I’m easily angered by the simplest things. I think I may be seriously depressed or at least bipolar, but my parents don’t believe in mental illnesses. If I ever tell them I have depression, they’ll just laugh at me and tell me to stop being silly and foolish or dramatic. They’re gonna push me to my limit one day.

I just wasted away a whole entire day. I have SATs coming up next week, and I haven’t even started studying yet. What’s wrong with me? I’m not motivated to do anything. All I want to do is eat and sleep.  And the only thing I want to eat is junk food. If it’s anything my mom makes, I refuse to eat it. So I’m always starving. It’s so hard to make myself get out of bed. I’m gonna be so angry if I don’t do well.

救命啊！！

So lets put this post like this. There was a group email sent to me and a bunch of my friends to go to Upper Canada Village which would be fun. The part that pisses me off is that after all said and done. One of my friends has a chat with one of their friends but the messages keep getting sent to me as in send to all. I sent a message out saying please send each other the emails so I can stop getting them in my inbox. After sending it off I removed the email thread so I could hopefully stop getting the messages.

My friend decided to send a message to all. Which is fucked up since I removed the stupid thread. He starts saying crap about though your Queen of the gays. (which he put in a b-day card to me) remove the email and something about Drama. Im sorry buddies but if you want to be an ass thats on you, as for the drama I stay away from that now, you can count me out of that. Im so pissed off right now like honestly. So I call his bf or roommate of whatever they are up and bitched him out like what the fuck. Of course I was really pissed off then i called my friend back said I was sorry and that was it.

I never hang out with these people in less it’s at a party or some such thing like a party they throw. Im re thinking my friendship with the two of them. I have not had any problems with friends in a while but this is going to be on my last nerve. I don’t need this negativity right now I have other things going on that are much of needed of my time. I really dislike stupid people. Ugh and the weather sucks, I just quit smoking again and I think the higher dose of hormone injections are hitting me all at the same time.

Over and out Lana

restoring my phone at this hour.

then there is the jailbreaking part again.
and syncing everything.
and then adding my contacts.
the apps.

most importantly, CHANGE MY BLOODY SSH PASSWORD.
thing is, changing password is another procedure itself.
fuck.

edit: half hr later, im STILL trying to restore. fuck.
it just doesnt work. sian.

restore. reformat. re-everything.
meaning.. all my contacts. all my texts. all my songs. my themes. my games.

ive gotten TWO hacks/worms/whatever virus.

Ikee

Unfortunately there is no easy fix for this unnamed worm. The only solution at the time is to restore your iPhone and set it up as a new phone (do not restore from backup).

FUCKING SUAYYYYYY!!!!

Credits to the FB group who made this

Last November 23 2009, while I was on my computer watching funny youtube videos and laughing out loud, more than 50 people were massacred in the province of Maguindanao. Some of them were brutally shot on the face closed-ranged while the women were raped before they were killed.

I’m not really a politically-active person but I know what was going on this situation. Innocent lives were killed just because of this stupid politics thingy. Won’t all this fighting about the elections and stuff stop? Why can’t they just help each other for the good of the country. I’m just an ordinary citizen who is a member of the youth sector asking for change so that all this political killings will stop.

The Philippines is known for being one of the most dangerous places for mediamen and journalists. Now that the massacre happened, this becomes a proof for the title that we have gained. I mourn for all the newscasters, journalists and all the member of the media who were killed in the massacre.

As a woman, I also feel sorry for all the women who were not only killed but raped in the said massacre. The government is not taking any action about this happening. What if their wives, daughters, sisters, or mothers were the ones who were killed and brutally raped?

I used to think that there are no bad people in the world but after hearing about the sad news, it made me think twice. Being a pacifist and doing nothing won’t change anything.

And now I shout:

BRING BACK THE DEATH PENALTY LAW FOR THE VICTIMS OF THE MAGUINDANAO MASSACRE!!!

May all the victims of the massacre rest in peace and I hope for the easy moving-on of the family of the victims.

i had planned to leave at 12:25pm via the amtrak and get to san jose at around 3pm-ish.  i had it all planned out — i’d take the bus to campus at 7:50am so that i can carry my luggage, finish class, chill for an hour, eat lunch with kuljit, board the A-line bus, get to amtrak within 5 – 10 minutes, get my ticket, and be done.

TODAY WAS LIVING PROOF THAT THINGS CAN ALWAYS, AND I MEAN ALWAYS, GET WORSE

the morning bus did not come. i eventually gave up waiting for it, so just before 8am (when my class starts), i decided walking was my only option. it just sucks that i live off campus, i’m carrying luggage, and in order to walk to school i needed to circle around the whole building (because of the bus stop location)… in flats. yea, not a great experience! i eventually got to class… it was kind of funny because i opened the door and everyone looked at me. some snickered since i was rolling luggage and a little out of breath. i don’t think i missed too much though. class was normal (sans some students… but they never really talk anyway so not much to miss)–boring as hell.

oh i got an 89 on my final. it’s pretty decent considering i thought i was going to get a 75 since i totally bullshitted the paper… i don’t even get what the fuck my point was xD

after class, i just chilled at the silo (a pit stop of sorts? with a canteen? places where buses stop and across is a huge barn filled with food and places to eat) until 11am. initially, i was planning on boarding the 11am bus to the amtrak, but kuljit said she didn’t want to get on campus that early (ok… she implied it), so i relented and decided to take the 12pm bus instead. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE ON MY PART. but anyhoo, i treated her out to lunch. we talked, including my “sexiling” (as said by my sister) by my roommate and her boyfriend the past weekend. we also agreed that i should live with her next year, so that’s settled =D

the bus was super crowded. like literally filled to the brim with people squished all next to each other. the bus driver… though i understand that he’s just doing his job… was a total douche puppy. i hope swine flu befalls him for not moving the fucking bus even though no one got on after 5 minutes…

i ended up late at the amtrak. the lady yelled, “the train isn’t going to wait for you! i suggest if you can’t print out your ticket then bring your reservation print-out and pay an extra $9!!”

not wanting to miss the train, i ran. hurt my ankle in the process but i got on… only to realize i did not have the extra $9. i would’ve, except i spent that $10 bill on shitty Chinese food at THE OLD TEAHOUSE (fuckkk you!! *sob*). so i got off before they would kick me off when they find out i don’t have anything. incredibly shitty.

turns out the next departure for san jose was at 3:50pm. i had no other choice; i stayed at the amtrak station for the next 3 hours. i befriended a girl who had missed the train too. she had the most SHITTIEST boyfriend i have ever seen in real life (he kept blowing up at her for missing the train and causing him to wait with her for 3 hours).

me: “oh are you guys siblings? friends?”

girl: “oh no he’s my boyfriend”

fucking loser of a boyfriend: “but i’m thinking about reconsidering that! >:(“

me: “oh no don’t say that! that’s mean! :0″

fucking loser of a boyfriend: “( ಠ_ಠ)”

me: “(O.O)( ；ﾟДﾟ) oh but don’t mind me! i’m just a stranger, so…. *looks away*”

so eventually i minded my own business and started watching a movie on my laptop. the girl joined me eventually, and when my laptop was starting to run low on battery, i went looking for a plug. her boyfriend was using not one, but both, plugs – one for his laptop and his external hard drive.

i feigned ignorance and coyly asked, “oh are you using both of them?”

fucking loser of a boyfriend: “yea”

hellloooo, sir. your girlfriend and i are both watching a movie on my laptop. the least you can do is let me charge it up a little while your completely charged laptop runs. don’t be such a douche bag!

W E L L ,   H E   T U R N E D   O U T   T O   B E   A ( N   U G L Y )   D O U C H E   B A G .

eventually i had to stop the movie and charge my laptop while standing up and balancing my laptop on a rail and in the middle of the amtrak line formation just because that was the only other outlet i could find.

the amtrak ride itself… was crowded. the first empty seat i found, i decided to be polite and ask the girl if it was alright for me to sit here. her response, “no it’s taken for someone on the next stop.”

i hate how, moments later, the conductor on the PA goes, “ok guys this is the busiest time of the year. you buy a ticket and it’s only for ONE person. there is NO reserving seats, alright? it’s illegal and out of line considering we  have people sitting on the floor here!” i found an empty seat diagonal to the one i should have gotten (and i say “should have” because it’s true).

the ride was long and tedious. i was able to finish my movie

200 LB. BEAUTY – [Korean] good but i skipped some parts as i deemed them kind of boring and lagging… the actress / character cried waaaay too much. focused on superficiality and the topic of plastic surgery (her surgery was impossible on more levels than just a safety hazard, impossible time interval, and realistic potential). fun and light-hearted (to some extent).

i was then going to start on another Korean movie – one that i’ve heard rave reviews about – Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance. i shedded a tear after only 12 minutes in! i would’ve kept on with it too, except there was a scene with a whole bunch of boys masturbating and then i skipped to another scene… turns out it is sexual too. the guy diagonally behind could and WAS see(ing) what i was watching. creepy as hell, as it is. i deemed that SFMV was not amtrak-safe, so i turned off my laptop and just watched the scenery with ipod blasting. it was nice. i feel asleep eventually too. woke up to drool and a sore neck.

more later should sleep now.

Today I hate every thing and every one.

I hate my stupid stockings which ripped ten minutes after I left the house.

I hate work, which is driving me crazy with all the pressure. And my boss. I definitely hate my boss a little. He’s making my job a lot harder than it needs to be.

I hate my shoes because they were the wrong shoes for today. They would have been the right shoes if I was inside at my desk, with stockings… but I was outside, on my feet all day WITHOUT stockings. I ended up walking through the city barefoot to get home because the idea of going one more step in them made me want to cry.

(I didn’t. I hardly ever cry.)

I hate the Wolves too. HOW is it that the one day I WANTED to find someone with a car following me not a single shifter was in sight? Hm??

I hate stationary shopping, because carrying the bags back to work is heavy, and hard, and makes my feet hurt more.

I hate haircuts because the hairdresser gave me a weird choppy mullet thing, and now my hair isn’t super long any more. It looks strange around my face.

I hate my chin because I have spots.

I hate Christmas shopping because my family is stupid, and I don’t talk to them, but they send me gifts so I feel obliged to send them gifts, which is FUCKING HARD when you don’t know a thing about them, and are completely indifferent to their new partners.

(They both re-married… Or in my mum’s case, she’s about to get re-married, they’re only engaged at the moment.)

I hate book stores with coffee shops, because the employees don’t know how the fuck to find the book you want, instead they want to tell you all about the free wi-fi, and awesome muffins.

I hate kitty litter because it stinks.

I hate rubbish day.

I hate grocery shopping without a car.

I hate my credit card bill.

I hate the way my bedroom curtains don’t shut all the way. There’s a tiny one inch gap, and it makes me want to scream.

I hate the fucking way that I can’t just do my hours at work and then get on with my day, instead I have to go back and work late, then take work home.

I hate the color Red. Also the way the deli lady says ‘Fifty.’ Fidy is not a word. LEARN ENGLISH.

I hate fucking EVERYTHING today. And now I have to go do some more FUCKING work instead of sleeping.

Needless to say: I did not get laid the other night. Instead Ran came over and apologised for deceiving me. I was all ‘You know what? I’m going to throw this back in your face every time we fight, or I suspect you’re lying, but I think you did the right thing in this situation. Maybe.’

And he gave this big sigh of relief, and all the tension in him just kinda drained out, and he hauled me into a big bear hug.

(Actually it was probably just a normal hug, but he has big shoulders, so when he hugs, it feels like you’re just enfolded in warm snuggliness – exactly like a bear hug.)

(I’ve just realised that that’s what I want right now. A really big bear hug.)

Then, just as we’re both relaxing into each other and I’m beginning to think about how good he smells, his FUCKING phone rings, and what do you know, the FUCKING Pack has imploded.

Maybe saying that it’s imploded is over-exaggerating, it was more a case of some idiot young males trying to take over a section of the Pack through force – ie: a big fucking fight.

Two of the shit-heads are in hospital, which I’m fine with because they brought it on themselves, but they also hurt a couple of innocent (pack) bystanders by trying to intimidate them into submitting*.

Tiny was very nearly one of them – lucky Andre was with her, and managed to keep her safe, and  stop the dickweeds from doing too much damage.

So? Ran had to go, and he took me along for the learning experience. It was a long stupid brutal night spent physically checking up on the ENTIRE Pack, and visiting the hospital, and holding secret squirrel meetings.

Then, at the crack of dawn I got home, just in time to change into work clothes and drag my carcass out of the house again.

There was no sex, and no sleep.

And that’s probably why I hate everything today.

(Submitting: Think showing their bellies, agreeing to support the dickweedsunconditionally, handing over big chunks of personal property/ money…. Pretty much letting the dickweeds have all the power, to use and abuse how they want.)