Last night I was listening to an old mix CD I had made probably in tenth grade, when Anna Nalick’s song “In My Head” came on.  I wouldn’t say I had completely forgotten about Anna, but I guess I had forgotten about what gorgeous song she writes because I instantly felt sixteen again and like I was hearing the song for the first time again.  Which got me thinking, whatever happened to Anna Nalick?

I got “Wreck of the Day” on a whim over the summer before my sophomore year of high school.  Within weeks it had quickly become one of my favorite CDs and what I deemed to be the soundtrack for my life.  Hardly a day would go by where I wouldn’t listen to it at least once.  And nearly every song had some sort of meaning to it for me.  I felt like “In My Head” said everything I could ever want to say in a song, and that “Breathe (2 AM)” was my journal word-for-word.  A few years ago, I sent her a letter saying how much her music meant to me and how I was such a big fan.  Three months later, I surprisingly got a response.  Anna sent me an autograph and wrote me one of the nicest cards I had ever recieved.  This pretty much only increased the magnificence of “Wreck of the Day” in my mind.

Listening to it again four years later, it still rings true to my life.  Now even more so.  I finally understood what all of her songs are about, and the emotions she was conveying.  It’s interesting that years later, I can still relate to every word on the record and maybe even more so now.  Sure, at fifteen you can feel a few of the emotions that songs like “Wreck of the Day” , “Paper Bag”, or “Satellite” are trying to convey, but you probably won’t fully understand it until you’ve had at least one meltdown and major heartbreak.  I have. 

Over the years Anna has attempted to release a second album–in 2008 she released the EP “Shine” which was supposed to be the lead in to her second album.  But months went by and nothing happened.  Now her music MySpace hasn’t been updated or even logged into in a year.  There’s no fan page on Facebook set up by her record label.  There’s no official, verified Twitter where she’s keeping her fans updated.  And her official site or online journal haven’t been updated in a year. It’s as if her record label has completely forgotten that this gem of an artist exists and have turned their attention to other, newer acts.  While other singer-songwriter artists like Jill Sobule, Liz Phair, and Lisa Loeb are finding other ways to release albums (whether self/fan-funded or through an indie label), Anna’s career remains in a standstill.  Or dead, depending on how you look at it. I want to believe that at some point a miracle will occur and she’ll release something, ANYTHING–even if it’s through YouTube, but I’m  beginning to lose hope.  WIth absolutely no word from her label on a release it seems she’s been completely shelved.  I know some fans feel personally betrayed when an artist walks away from their work, but I can’t say that I feel that way.  I just miss the gorgeous and insanely relateable music she used to put out, and it boggles my mind why a record label would shelve someone as talented as her.

But this doesn’t mean that things have to be over for Anna.  In a digital age, nearly anyone–even without a record deal–can release music whether it’s through iTunes or MySpace.  So, Anna, if you Google your name like most celebrities do and come upon this article, please put out some new music and let us know what’s up.  Your fans miss you.

I like this song!
We’re all waiting on your supernova because that’s who you are.

(: Happy holidays! God bless you.

2am and she calls me ’cause I’m still awake,
“Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don’t love him. Winter just wasn’t my season…”
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticise,
Hypocrites. You’re all here for the very same reason

‘Cause you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl…
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe… just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
“Just a day” he said down to the flask in his fist,
“Ain’t been sober, since maybe October of last year.”
Here in town you can tell he’s been down for a while,
But, my God, it’s so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I’ll just sing about it…

Cause you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable,
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe… just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There’s a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout ’cause you’re just as far in as you’ll ever be out
And these mistakes you’ve made, you’ll just make them again
If you only try turning around…

2am and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to

But you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable,
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

I have spent now 5 years as a Single Mama. I have a child who is not insane. I am not bankrupt. I have not traded Mr. Wrong for a slew of sugar daddies, dimwits or thugs. And, despite the spam of “Meet Men Now” that clouds my life – despite the scramble here and scramble there, juggle this and juggle that – I am happy.

But I have not seen so many happy stories. I have seen the ugly, the bad, the wrecked, the inscrutable, the sad and the just plain horrific. Being happy as a Single Mama does not fit the stereotypes of Single Mamadom in a patriarchal society. So there isn’t much information out there supporting the reality of Happy Single Mamas. Or how to BE a Happy Single Mama.

It seems that I need to delineate, exactly, how to BE a Single Mama. Or at least how I do it. I can’t guarantee happiness. Results may vary.

But I can – at least – advise avoiding a few traps that may leave you broken, bruised, or confused.

Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Amy Tan wrote that there are the types of turtles who feed on swallowing people’s tears. If someone gets a rush from playing the role of riding up on a white horse and saving you from the weight of your life – be wary. Be very, very wary. Or rather, be very, very afraid. Or rather, lets just break it down like this: JUST SAY NO.

Skip the event, eat the ice cream. Don’t over-analyze. Do nap. Let a beautician wash your hair. Let a masseuse rub your back. Drive through the full service lane at the gas station. Get a pedicure. Even if you are vegan – at least get an unsweetened iced tea at the drive through window. Outsource. Don’t think. Breathe. If you have to hang your head between your knees, remember to breathe.

Get your finances in order. Read Beth Kobliner. Read Ariel Gore – especially the Hip Mama Survival Guide. Use what is available to you. Work it out. Use every any governmental assistance you qualify for – and then work. Work, work, work.

Talk to Big Brother. Institutions are created to serve the public. They don’t make you institutionalized – unless your head is a sponge and your spine is a feather boa. Whatever you may think of the government, big government, this organization, that organization – you can be in this world without being of this world. Public resources are there for a reason. Welfare. Consumer Credit Counseling. You are a part of the public. You need resources. Go for it. Two more words: YWCA. YMCA. (OK those were acronyms, not words. I know.)

Dating: Not a requirement. Fun idea. If only because you are entitled to do it. But you are also entitled to buy every widget in Walmart that you can. You are also entitled to eat pig skin until you vomit. Entitlement is a tricky thing.

You are entitled to date. You are not required to date.
That should be a relief. A relief indeed.

Your child or children have one childhood. Just one. And you are providing it. Weigh wisely. Home Alone is a bad movie. It’s not an option. Please don’t get your options from movies or TV. Thank you.

Surround yourself with people who respect your time and your responsibilities as a mother. If someone disrespects you once – Gone! You simply cannot make time for someone who does not respect your time, your responsibilities, your family or your priorities. You cannot let anyone waste your time. You have precious little time to begin with. And it’s all already allocated . Remember this rule: One Loser per Lifetime is the Limit.

Popcorn and pancakes for dinner and pyjamas all day on Saturday is not just all right. It’s your right. The 4 basic food groups should go into your little person or little people every day. But no-one ever said you have to sit up at the table and use the right fork.
Fork that.

Find an anthem. Or two. Or twelve. “Like Babygirl, I ain’t got a motor boat but I can float your boat. We can live without the punks just you and me.”

Don’t Worry. Be Happy.

Remember nothing but happiness. Mathilde Urrutia, the last wife of Pablo Neruda was raised by a poor widow in Southern Chile. Her mother ran a rooming house, grew food in her garden and sewed her dresses from flour sacks. How does Mathilde remember her childhood?
I remember nothing but happiness, she writes.

You don’t need a partner to be miserable, but sometimes it helps. Think: Stepford wives. Talk to me.

Un-single-ifying? There will be time for that.

Single Mama does not equal SaveMeMama. It means that I divided by choice and that’s the state I chose: HELLO! MatchDotCom and FindSinglesInYourArea and BlindDates and GeekswithMoney? OhHellNo.

Empower yourself. Carpentry. Hammers. Mechanics. Logistics. Pragmatics. Locks and Doors. Popcorn and Pancakes and Music on Saturdays. Nothing more. Life is good. Can you hear me now?

Laura Hartmark is a writer and is glad you took the time to read this blog.

Breathe (2am) by Anna Nalick, lovely song. I first heard it in Grey’s Anatomy. Everytime I listen to the song I get this almost crystallized moment and I feel good.  I wish I could sing this and play the piano. But sadly I cant the play the piano… yet

L.A. lights never shine quite as bright as in the movies
Still wanna go?
‘Cause something here
In the way, in the way that we’re constantly moving
Reminds you of home

So you’re taking these pills
For to fill up your soul
And you’re drinking them down with cheap alcohol
And I’d be inclined to be yours for the taking
And part of this terrible mess that you’re making
But me, I’m the catalyst

Anna Nalick, ‘Catalyst’

MUSIC. Thought I’d share a favorite song of mine today. Anna Nalick – Breathe (2 am)

And it’ll be okay
Fly little bee away
To where there’s no more rain and I can be me”

Some days I wade in the indigo
Singing that song on the radio
I blame these puddles on the rain
You know I gotta keep these cheeks dry today
Gotta keep my cheating strategy
And baby I’m gonna have it made

Anna Nalick, Paper Bag

‘Cause love doesn’t hurt so I know I’m not falling in love
I’m just falling to pieces
- Anna Nalick’s song Wreck of the Day

~*~ My favourite makeout playlist ~*~

Alright ~ Kinnie Star

How My Heart Behaves ~ Feist

Five String Serendade ~ Mazzy Star

Fallen ~ Sarah MacLachlan

Been Let Down ~ Mazzy Star

Tell Me ~ Carly Rae Jepsen

Sweet Talker ~ Carly Rae Jepsen

Drifing ~ Sarah McLachlan

Stay With Me ~ Colbie Caillat

Sweet Jane ~ Mazzy Star

Dirty Little Secret ~ Sarah McLachlan

Glitter In The Air ~ Pink

Madly ~ Tristan Prettyman

Interviews ~ Tristan Prettyman

In My Head ~ Anna Nalick

Push ~ Sarah McLachlan

All Your Sisters ~ Mazzy Star

Give Me Your Lovin ~ Mazzy Star

Falling Slowly ~ The Frames

Anna Nalick will open this blog, just because I spent most of the evening listening to her music.

This particular song hit me pretty hard while listening, and the thing is, that sometimes I feel like this:

“Talk about the weather
Will you miss me ever?
Lately I’m obsessed
And I need the rest
I hope that you’re impressed
But she’s so pretty, I’m jealous
And she’s lost like Alice
In a painted past
In a looking glass
I see me looking back

I’ll take another, Drink Me, baby
Slowly, I’ll disappear
And wear my life like a barbed wire necklace
So let’s play truth or dare”

I’ll leave you the video so you can enjoy such great song:

View from My Smoking Window

[The Juice-Box: Anna Nalick's "Breath (2am)" for you to listen to while you read.]

i live above a bar i never go to because i don’t believe in shitting where i live. Across the street from my apartment is a square so, while i can’t see the people in the bar, i can see them spilling across the street.

2am, last Saturday night, i was sitting and smoking at the window when i saw a group of young people pour out of the bar and onto the square. One of them was a burly guy in a black t-shirt and by the way he sloshed like a drink that was overfull, i knew he was the drunkest. His girlfriend was the cute one; i  knew she was his girlfriend because she (tentatively) took his hand before he shook her off after only a couple steps.

He struck out alone with an angry defiance that defines many drinkers, forcing the others (a four-pack of friends) to be his entourage. They then had to follow and try to talk him down with all the false jocularity of a bomb squad over a nuclear device.

Looking on the scene as a (sober) conscientious objectifier was like seeing my reflection in a gutter puddle of spilled beer. i recognized myself in the drunken boy’s swagger and heard my voice in his rising tone. What struck me hard enough to hurt, however, was the way he treated his friends. He wore on them and he wore them down and their friendship wore away with it all.

Hurting myself doesn’t hurt.

Hurting those that love me does.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

i chose “Breathe (2am)” because the above scene took place at 2am and especially because the second verse talks about drinking.

Lyrics:

“Breathe (2 AM)”

2 AM and she calls me ’cause I’m still awake,
“Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don’t love him. Winter just wasn’t my season.”
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes,
Like they have any right at all to criticize.
Hypocrites, you’re all here for the very same reason

‘Cause you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe… just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May, he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss.
“Just a day,” he said down to the flask in his fist.
Ain’t been sober, since maybe October of last year.
Here in town you can tell he’s been down for a while,
But, my God, it’s so beautiful when the boy smiles.
Wanna hold him. Maybe I’ll just sing about it.

Cause you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable,
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe… just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There’s a light at each end of this tunnel.
You shout ’cause you’re just as far in as you’ll ever be out,
And these mistakes you’ve made, you’ll just make them again.
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I’m still awake, writing a song.
If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them however you want to.

But you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable,
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button now,
Sing it if you understand.
And breathe, just breathe
Breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

]]> http://rubyjazz37.wordpress.com/2009/09/24/333/ Thu, 24 Sep 2009 08:32:18 +0000 rubyjazz37 http://rubyjazz37.wordpress.com/2009/09/24/333/

L.A. lights never shine quite as bright as in the movies
Still wanna go?
‘Cause something here
In the way, in the way that we’re constantly moving
Reminds you of home

So you’re taking these pills
For to fill up your soul
And you’re drinking them down with cheap alcohol
And I’d be inclined to be yours for the taking
And part of this terrible mess that you’re making
But me, I’m the catalyst

Anna Nalick, ‘Catalyst’

Late at night, when no one is around, the thoughts come fast and furious, meandering through me until I am consumed in their fire.  These are the moments when I fall victim to the worst parts of me.  These are the moments when I need a hand to hold me.

I haven’t slept well alone in years, not since my bed was a battleground.  As much as I hate being too warm, I sleep better nestled against someone.  I know my insomnia stems from the need to feel safe, something I never feel alone.  I know I feel suffocated because of a past that I still cannot let go of.

These are the moments, late at night, where sometimes, it is all I can do to beg myself to breathe.  Just breathe. There is no going back, no matter how much we wish we can.  And if we do, as the TV show Being Erica proves, there’s no guarantee it will be as wonderful as we remember.

I inhale and hold, afraid to exhale, until the music kicks in, saving me again.  Breathe.  I just have to breathe, until the sunlight returns.

Day Thirteen:  Breathe (2 am) – Anna Nalick

“Breathe (2 AM)” by Anna Nalick

2 AM and she calls me ’cause I’m still awake, “Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?, I don’t love him. Winter just wasn’t my season” Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes Like they have any right at all to criticize, Hypocrites. You’re all here for the very same reason ‘Cause you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table No one can find the rewind button, girl. So cradle your head in your hands And breathe… just breathe, Oh breathe, just breathe May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss “Just a day” he said down to the flask in his fist, “Ain’t been sober, since maybe October of last year.” Here in town you can tell he’s been down for a while, But, my God, it’s so beautiful when the boy smiles, Wanna hold him. Maybe I’ll just sing about it. Cause you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable, And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button, boys, So cradle your head in your hands, And breathe… just breathe, Oh breathe, just breathe There’s a light at each end of this tunnel, You shout ’cause you’re just as far in as you’ll ever be out And these mistakes you’ve made, you’ll just make them again If you only try turning around. 2 AM and I’m still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to But you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable, And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table No one can find the rewind button now Sing it if you understand. and breathe, just breathe woah breathe, just breathe, Oh breathe, just breathe, Oh breathe, just breathe.

The name for my blog came from a verse in a song by anna nalick called breathe (2am). I have liked the song for some time now but I guess the lyrics just never hit me the way they did today. I was listening to what my Pandora calls “norah jones radio” when the song came on. The verse goes something like this, “yeah we walk through the door, so accusing their eyes, like they have any right at all to criticize, hypocrites, you’re all here for the very same reason.” I guess part of me pictures an AA meting from the movie Fight Club, but today another part of me pictured a bible study group or a church. Some how the people who are supposed to be following the teachings of Jesus have come to think of themselves as exclusive rather than inclusive. We all need God’s love and mercy, we are all searching for the way. Not that there can’t be a standard or that we the “church” should be expectational-less. The church I am a part of recently hosted a few speakers from out of town. I think that what one of them said embodies what I am trying to express. He said (and I won’t quote cause I am not sure of the word for word), if you feel safe leaving your purse on your seat than you aren’t inviting the right kind of people to your church, if there isn’t an element of theft in your church your not working hard enough. I like that idea. I probably wouldn’t like it as much if it were my wallet stolen but I like the idea of having people that need coming to my church. Although, I would hope it wasn’t the people who had been coming for 15 years that were stealing. I just want to see the followers of God (and the words of Jesus) be a group that is viewed as people that live and love to the fullest. The fact that most people would say that Bono cares more for people than Jesus’ people do is sad. I hope I see the day when churches are working with (RED) and Live Earth and Amnesty International, not competing with them. When they see humanitarians as an asset, not a liability.

Minhas manhãs não foram as mesmas durante o mês de julho. Sobrou muito tempo pra pensar em “coisas e pessoas inúteis” (ou não). Como Anna Nalick em “Breathe” , “o inverno não foi minha melhor estação”. E todas as lembranças foram regadas a boa música, pois drama sem trilha sonora não é a mesma coisa. Ouvi muito Oasis, e nenhuma música fala mais por mim do que “Wonderwall”, seja pela melodia envolvente, seja pela letra tão “desabafante”.

Simplesmente por que “existem muitas coisas que eu gostaria de te dizer,
mas não sei como“.

Hoje será o dia
Que eles vão jogar tudo de volta em você
Por enquanto você já deveria, de algum modo,
Ter percebido o que deve fazer
Não acredito que ninguém
Sinta o mesmo que eu sinto por você agora

Andam dizendo por aí
Que o fogo no seu coração apagou
Tenho certeza que você já ouviu tudo isso antes
Mas você nunca tinha uma dúvida
Não acredito que ninguém
Sinta o mesmo que eu sinto por você agora

E todas as estradas que temos que percorrer são tortuosas
E todas as luzes que nos levam até lá nos cegam
Existem muitas coisas que eu
Gostaria de te dizer
Mas não sei como

Porque talvez
Você vai ser aquela que me salva
E no final de tudo
Você é meu muro das maravilhas

Hoje seria o dia
Mas eles nunca vão jogar aquilo em você
Por enquanto você já deveria, de algum modo
Ter percebido o que você não deve fazer
Não acredito que ninguém
Sinta o mesmo que eu sinto
Por você agora

Todas as estradas que levam a você até lá são tortuosas
Todas as luzes que iluminam o caminho nos cegam
Existem muitas coisas que eu gostaria de te dizer
Mas não sei como

Ylva tagged me in this little game on Facebook.  Basically, participants are to set their portable music player to shuffle and list the name and artist for the first 25 songs that come up on the shuffle.  I’ll play along.  Let the embarrassment begin….

01.  Juice Newton, “Queen of Hearts”

02.  Vonda Shepard, “Read Your Mind”

03.  Carly Simon, “Nobody Does It Better”

04.  ”Weird Al” Yankovic, “Polkarama!”

05.  John Lennon, “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)”

06.  ABBA, “Summer Night City”

07.  Kelly Clarkson, “Since U Been Gone”

08.  Anna Nalick, “Breathe (2 AM)”

09.  The Wizard of Oz, “Follow the Yellow Brick Road / We’re off to See the Wizard”

10.  Sugarland, “Already Gone”

11.  Simon and Garfunkel, “The Boxer”

12.  The Summer Obsession, “Disappear”

13.  The Byrds, “Turn!  Turn!  Turn!”

14.  Superchick, “Courage”

15.  System of a Down, “Chop Suey!”

16.  Tiësto, “Lethal Industry”

17.  Rookie of the Year, “Pop Destroyed the Scene”

18.  Johnny Cash, “I Walk the Line”

19.  Marty Robbins, “El Paso”

20.  The Killers, “Mr Brightside”

21.  Tiësto, “Told You So”

22.  Destiny’s Child, “Survivor”

23.  United States Naval Academy Marching Band, “Anchors Aweigh”

24.  Queen, “We Are the Champions”

25.  Hawaii Five-O, “Hawaii Five-O”