Focus! says:
Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.

Focus! says:
he 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

Focus! says:
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine,and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say ’screw you..’

Focus! says:
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

Focus! says:
And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

Focus! says:
I forgot the oral sex stage.

I ask the wife for a shag and she tells me f*ck off!
Focus! says:
Girl: “Mom what is a penis?”
Mom: “When you become a good girl, you will get one.”
Girl: “But mom, what if I am not a good girl?”
Mom: “Then you will get many, dear!”

Fifi says:
HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Fifi says:
I LOVE IT!
Fifi says:
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Late one night, we awoke to find ourselves changed. Would you have trusted me if I had trusted you?

I try to always have clarity so when I dream, it is always in reason and I am unable to dream in the impractical. I try to merit my ideas of you into something substantially significant.

Are you contemplating or speculating? I am a strong believer that any conclusion based on guess work is defective.  I wish I had a better method of dealing with it. I wish I could rid these rather obsolete mental viewings playing over and over in my head; these parallel passages leading back to the same arguments except with different authors.

The weight of this unbearable decision to choose or reject. I am so crowded in all this ; the blank of things. It’s all still so conjectural.

 I was watching one of my shows. This was the quote at the end.

“So much of what is best in us is bound up in our love of family. That it remains the measure of our stability because it measures our sense of loyalty.”

the best things in life happen the moment you break that wall thats hindering you from doing what you want to do.

the best things in life only happen when you do not fear of making mistakes. the only thing is it only becomes a mistake if you let it be one. a mistake, an error becomes one when you dont get the right answer. but who’s looking for the right answer anyway? what is the right answer? you’re telling me its the right thing to do because you’ve done it before and it works for you just fine? but what if im looking for something different? what if i want to make all the “mistakes” in the world just to see what comes after that? and when you’ve reached that, you become fearless of what life brings.

when she said, “dont do it.” i question why not.

i’d jump off a bridge to see how many bones i will break. to see if i can stand and continue to walk after that. to know if you’ll be the one pushing me off or watching me free falling to the grounds. to know if you’d run to catch my fall or shut your eyes to bid goodbye. because if i choose to experience flying for that one second, i want you to watch me take that leap and cheer me on.

putting the right foot forward so the next can step it up.

Black Friday, perhaps one of the biggest sales events in the United States, offers many discounts in electronic and retail stores. But what about the grocery stores?

Why is there no super savings at our local grocery store?

Is it that difficult to offer them?

There’s some food for thought.

there are just so many things that i want to write abt. each time i am alone, well most times nowadays, i think abt so many things. i have silent debates in my mind from 10 different people and i think this week alone, i could have finish writing a 5000 word thesis. even when im in bed, these voices still continue to speak. enough already. i am tired. but i cant help it. i have so many dreams that i want to live and i just have to be patient. a virtue they say.

coming home these days are all a routine. strip tiffanys off, kiss rug rug, refill his bowl of dried food, change his water, clean his shit and off to shower. shut the door, put pjs on and let the sound of white put me to sleep. the house is in a mess and my first few hours in the weekend is spent cleaning. parents are coming home soon. come home soon already. i am sick of having dinner out or in front of the tv. i feel like im living in a rented room. i want the comfort back. i want to sit on my desk with my logitech speakers screaming at me and me shouting back. i want to sleep in my pink forest and doll up in front of my pink dresser. and i am supposed to be at home right?

dilah: so is there anything you want from brisbane?

chit: a surfer dude pls!

dilah: if i can find one that is of 30kg cos that’s what im allowed to carry.

chit: vacuum pack him

me: yeah and she will blow him back to life.

GENIUS!

I have 3 Google Wave invites left remaining, so if anyone wants one, just leave a comment.

What is Google Wave exactly? Take a look at this video to find out:

The pub is calling…. There is no question about it – I’m going!

The question is how drunk to I get?

I have to consider it is a school night, however my boss isnt in tomorrow!!

Let you know tomorrow I suppose….

I’m one of the brave modern day women, a stay at home mum.  I run my own business making, embellishing and selling baby clothes for premature babies from 1 lb in weight upwards and children clothes up to the age of three years.  For me everyday begins with a nice cup of tea, however today was very different, I know you’re now wondering what was so different about today.

Image by Clear Inner Vision via Flickr

Well I really wanted to start the day with my usual cup of tea, however there was this humongous spider preventing me.  The battle started something like this, I picked up the kettle and walked towards the sink, I saw something move and the next thing I knew there was this huge spider hurtling towards me, it was like an Olympic sprinter.

I started to back away the eight legged creature stopped and just sat there staring back at me.

Someone once told me that spiders can bite and I feel as if this spider is about to pounce on me, am I being irrational here?

It makes a sudden move and I drop the kettle and run screaming into the living room like a big girls blouse.  So here I sit in front of my pc with my feet well and truly off the floor (just in case that spider comes after me) waiting for my husband to rescue me.

Yes I’m a brave modern day woman, I can cope with stroppy teenagers and cantankerous old men, heck I can even cope with those telesales people that often call.

Yes I’m a brave modern day woman, unless there’s a spider involved.

fire in the fireplace, originally uploaded by DRheins.

Sunday morning burn

logs on fire, coffee cupped

magic flicker dance

Just found out that C-14 is back and making songs!

They will be releasing a new album coming out next month.

You probably know them from “Synergy” or “Waiting For You” in the DDR Universe series.

Great songs!

Check out their new website here!

my favourite pieces from elie saab’s sping/summer 10 ready to wear collection. =)

Do you have a list?

Okay think about the 10 things you can’t live without. And I don’t mean your friends and family okay, they’re not things. Lol. I mean material things, and well, events, shows, stuff of the world. Hahaha… These lists change, don’t they? And what’s funny is if the list changes, it means some of the stuff in the previous list are stuff you actually can live without! Wow, heavy! Haha.

But you just keep making the lists! So you just change the heading —10 Things I Can’t Live Without AT THE MOMENT. More appropriate. Yes?

Oh and I won’t include Church and Bible in this list, because technically, they’re not of this world. But yes, I can’t live without Church and Bible (and God, of course). Everytime I miss Mass, I end up not doing well that week, and I’m always grumpy. And I always bring a Bible around. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite because I don’t really open the Bible outside the house a lot. I do my reading in my bedroom, but it’s just that, I feel safer when it’s around. And who knows, I may need it.

So anyway, on to my worldly list hahaha.

10. Shining Inheritance. Correct, the Koreanovela also known as Brilliant Legacy. And I’m not watching it on fake DVD so I have to wait late at night to be able to watch it in GMA7. It’s a pain that they only show it 4 times a week, at 30 minutes each (probably 15 minutes if you take away the TV Ads in between). I so love the series. I don’t know why, the lead man here kinda looks like my favorite Korean actor, Gong Yoo. Just KINDA. It’s like Gong Yoo in Coffee Prince, but I still think GY looks better. Haha.

And the other guy looks like Hayden Kho. Lol. I don’t care. (2NE1? yahaha) I like the story. They say it’s typical Korean, but you don’t see this kind of story much on Philippine TV. And I always love Love Stories that start with tension between the people involved. Haha.

9. Chocolate. I know, it’s fattening but I just can’t live without chocolates. Especially now, I’m doing thesis hence, I need energy. Haha. Excuses? Who can live without chocoloates? Man, how hard that life would be.

8. My Zen Zest Red Berries perfume and my ZZ Raspberry hand sanitizer. I mean it, they’re addicting. They’re my favorite scents. I bought the perfume for P100, buy 1 take 1. I’m a cheapskate. I know. I bought the hand sanitizer at P50. Love.

7. The Shopaholic Series. I was sad when the Harry Potter series ended, it’s like, I ended my childhood as well. But Sophie Kinsella gave me another series to read, so wow, I’m reading chicklit! I started reading this just a month ago and I fell in love. Maybe because I’m a bit of a shopaholic myself although I don’t spend money that I don’t have. I’m scared of the credit card. I’m not yet 21 so I don’t have my own card, but I have an extension from my mother. I haven’t dared to use it. Anyway, I love the books, I’ve finished up to The Shopaholic Ties the Knot. I haven’t read the next because books aren’t cheap haha. Not here in the Philippines at least.

6. Jotter Pad. I can’t live without paper around me. Oh and I can’t live without a pen around me. Even if I’m just chilling out, I write a lot. Notes, essays, poems, whatever. It’s important to have one around because you’ll never know when you’ll need to write down something. I even write random stuff my teachers say, aphorisms, etc.

5. Adobe Photoshop. How did people live before this was invented? I’m not aware of other photo editing programs before Photoshop and it’s like everything else died when it came. Or maybe I’m just not techie enough to know the other programs (Corell Draw is another one I know but that’s just because I saw a CD in my father’s disc keeper.). Before Photoshop all I knew how to use was Paint. HAHA classic. I still use Paint if I only need cropping because it takes time for Photoshop to load, especially higher versions when I’m working with this old PC. Gosh. My father has a 3GB RAM and I have… well…

4. My Kapok Bed. I don’t know why I don’t like special foam beds, air beds, or spring beds. I haven’t tried water bed though, I don’t know anyone who owns one (hence, my social circle isn’t very rich haha). They may be more posh, but nothing beats my Kapok Bed. I’ve been using it since I was in first grade. I’m graduating from college in April but I still use the same mattress. My parents tried changing my mattress but I won’t change it unless the replacement is also made from kapok. Somehow my back doesn’t feel good if it wasn’t kapok I’m sleeping on. Well, apparently there are a lot of posh kapok mattresses now but it’s still cheap here so that’s good.

3. Facebook, Twitter, and WordPress. Not a surprise. It’s like living 2 lives, one in reality and one in cyberspace. There’s just a constant need to interact with people. Because man is a social animal. Lol.

2. Rice ++. Why put “++”? Well, technically, Filipinos can’t live without rice but Filipinos can’t live on rice alone. Whether it’s just broth on rice for the tight budget, or with braised beef for the more luxurious, you need ulam. Anyway, rice is so important that I don’t feel I’ve had a meal if there was no rice. Pasta and bread’s okay but nothing beats rice for me.

1. Music. Thing? Thing? Well, music is mostly sound, you can’t touch it but it exists in the world. Haha. I love singing. I love playing the guitar (I do, but I’m not saying it’s always been easy). I keep updated about the “top ten songs of the week” unless it’s super busy. Some people make their lives on music. For me, even if I don’t have a career on music, it’s just something I can do along with everything else I do. I mean, even if I’m studying, I can turn the radio on (hopefully not when there’s Boys Night Out or BrewRats. You just can’t study while listening to those shows.). I sing in the bathroom. I sing while I’m walking home, when no one’s near haha.

I’ve just realized I didn’t put coffee in. Because coffee is not of this world. HAHA kidding. I love coffee but just recently I’ve toned down the addiction. I don’t drink everyday anymore, just when I need to or when I can’t resist the caramel frappuccino. So maybe it’s time to change my blog’s name? Naaa. Like I said, I love coffee.

So, I think maybe next time I list, I’ll narrow the topic down. Like “Ten Food Items I Can’t Live Without” or “Ten Stuff in My Bag I Can’t Face a Day Without”. Till next time. <3

okay this is something i want to share with you guys.

this afternoon, my boss came up with this idea to dress one of our colleague’s table. this person is apparently the alchy of the team so he turned it into a bar and it was really a job well done!

welcome to wendy’s!

(notice the pink table stand? yes. it was that detailed.)

check out the menu!

dont forget to drop your name card after you purchase your drinks.

he took abt 30 mins to do it up. and it looked so pretty with all the lights! well done boss! apparently his known to play such pranks for years. once, he turned another the entire room into a massage parlour and it was awesome la! HAHAHAHAH. and yes, he did warn me that my time will come soon. =/

I have been absolutely over-whelmed with college, an added class of training for Fire Rescue & EMS, work, & of course my motherly duties. It has been absolutely nuts around here. At least in my own mind it has been.

I believe husband has actually remained sober. He has shown absolutely no signs what so ever of drinking. However, he still hasn’t created a support system with AA or a sponsor. That is disappointing because if he is triggered I don’t believe it will take much for him to run right to the store, make a purchase, and be inebriated before I can realize what’s going on. I have however, accepted the fact that he makes his own choices and I can not change or affect them. I am absolutely powerless over his addiction but I refuse to allow it to control me.

I have expressed myself quite clearly in the past couple weeks. I am convinced though that when I talk to my husband all he hears is “Meep, blah, blaaaaaah, meep, blah!”.  I haven’t said a word about drinking but I have went on & on & on about the mental games he plays. I call it the “I’m Sorry” game.

I have to tell you – I have always taken pride in the fact that I am a great friend. I am a quiet listener, I chose my words wisely, I am NOT a fighter, and I will be solid support *if* you should chose to show me the same basic level of humane respect. I generally trust people – not overly trust them, but enough to form a tight bond. I have never had an issue with making friends. That is how it all started with my husband … friendship which grew into a form of love that sadly has diminished over the course of eleven years.

Point being ….. over the past couple weeks I have pointed out to my husband that he lacks any respect for me as a person or his wife and it is so obvious that he doesn’t trust me. I am a firm believer that if there is no trust in a relationship (marriage, boyfriend/girlfriend, friendship) there is NO relationship – period. Husband proclaims that I am absolutely delusional and that he does in fact trust me … “kind of”. Here’s the thing friends, I haven’t given him a reason NOT to trust me. This trust issue has developed from his OWN issues of lack of self-esteem, no confidence, anger, & perhaps things that have happened to him prior to us being together. If I were to describe my husband it would include:

• Irritable
• Intense
• Illogical
• Offensive
• Possessive
• Unforgiving
• Ruthless
• Vicious
• Arrogant

I realize all those words are not exactly on the bright side but what can I say … this is how I would describe my husband if someone asked me. I find this to be a sad situation. As I point all the above out to my husband in hopes that something will click and he will realize that he is rather lofty – however he just stares at me with this vacant look as though I have completely lost my mind.  I don’t know if the man is convinced he does not wrong or if he realizes it and just will not fess up.

(I’m finding it hard to stay on a single though as my three undomesticated monkeys are hooting & hollering)

The I’m Sorry Game

As it stands I have been a gold player in husband’s I’m Sorry Game. Last night was a prime example … as I was told last minute about a training course that was from 6:30 – 9:30 than at class learned it was actually until 10:30. Regardless, I was asked if I was going to the bar about a hundred times before I left. Mind you – I don’t drink folks … only a rare occasion. So it was one of those questions that you just look at someone like “Where the hell did that come from?”. Than as I walked to the department I received more than a few messages threatening me … “I will be going to the bar to see if you’re there. Just so I know you’re not lieing.” … ect. He called my cell a few hundred times in the four hour period .. I was in class and couldn’t answer. Than I finally get home at 10:45 and he does the most offensive thing ever …. walks upto me and starts smelling the air around me but what was most annoying about it was how he over-emphasized what he was doing. Asshole. After he got to work I received ANOTHER phone call that resulted in him saying “I’m sorry”.

I realize these events may seem trivial but when you go through it everyday over everything – it becomes a terrible, stressful game. The worst is when I leave work or class late and have this sunken, aching feeling just knowing that when I walk through the door to home I am in for it. He is not psychically abusive but the man sure does know how to mentally fuck me.

i try to look for the boy i once knew. and each time, i thought he’s there, he’s gone. i dont know if im too rigid and i just dont wish to see him for who he really is. because if i thought wrong, then have i been wrong all this while? unlikely. i’ve known you for so long and have i been missing all these things about you? have i been so selective that i just did not register what it really is?

because it is that unlikely, that a person can change so much over such short period of time. and it confuses me. it continues to surprise me and i dont know what to make out of it. should i just ignore it? should i accept it? and its hard, trust me, because imagine something that you’ve had for years came to be something it is not. sighhhh.

sometimes you are same to me, but you are different to others. so different. so who are you really?

same same but different?

my heart is beating so fast now. you have no idea.

i was watching tv and suddenly, i heard a long loud honk followed by a loud BANG!

i could hear engines running. loud engines. so i stuck my head out of the window and i saw it.

an accident just happened on the road by my flat.

2 bikes, trashed and broken on the floor and a car parked by the side of road. people started running across, onto the road to see what just happened. minutes later the ambulance came and i couldnt quite decipher what was going on. i saw one man, still on the grounds, but he seemed conscious. and the other man, was limping to the side of the road.

i spent a good 5 mins just observing the chaos before i returned to tv.

and then i heard screamings, shoutings of a woman. a foreign language that sounded familar yet i could not understand.

so i peeped my head out the window again and i saw an old lady, with a headscarf struggling to keep the male victim steady. he is the other of  the less injured victim.

they struggled. the crowds grew and at the other end of the scene, i saw the paramedic pulled out a stretcher.

shit.

“ISTIFAR IS!” the lady shouted.

what’s that mean? i vaguely remembered my mom saying that once but i really dont know what that means. a prayer?

my heart beats even faster. and i saw they carried the victim away in the ambulance.

not again.

it is now, the second in a day i witnessed an accident on the road.

i am petrified.

Question of the day … When is it enough?

I ponder this question every single day at some point. Sometimes, it’s the only thing that I think about alongside …

• Will I be able to support the kids without him around?
• How will I work – I can’t afford daycare for three kids?
• Will the kids be okay? Emotionally? Growing up?
• Will people think I’m a quitter?
• Will people eventually see the truth?
• Will husband see the truth and why I left?
• Will it be better without him around?

After being with someone for 11 years; the passing thought of removing that person from your life for whatever reason is scary. My husband however, has become a habit. Do not mis-understand what I am saying … I do love my husband however, I do NOT love my husband enough to continue living my life out the way I am right now. As I hear people say things about my situation – I find myself becoming embarrassed that I tolerate it. I am stronger, smarter, more determined than how they perceive me. I am not a scared little girl – although sometimes I do feel like it.

I suppose I can admit I’m lonely. I haven’t had any true friends, male or female in close to 10 years. Most of that is a direct result of the alcoholism & abuse of my husband. I was so wrapped up in fixing him that I didn’t have the energy to bring another person into my life. Add to that the embarrassment of my husband’s control & jelousy issues and you have yourself one loner wife who avoids all outside contact with the world minus working.

Husband’s issues are at a point of ridiculous to be honest. I could write out 100 examples for just ONE single day of the bullshit I deal with. I say it’s bullshit because in reality – these are HIS problems and I suffer the consequences. He has no self esteem, a broken ego, no confidence and I (his wife) get to bare the brunt of it all. It is NOT fun and sometimes just downright depressing.

I had this strange moment – yesterday someone said to me “Do you ever do anything else besides work and study for college? That’s all I see you doing.”

I got embarrassed. Ok you busted me! I have NO life what so ever.

I suppose it was a confusing moment for me because:

(a) I work so much because I have to, not because I want to. Like you I have rent, bills, and needs to fulfill for my children. Working also makes me feel worth something. I work everyday. 7 days a week … 9-14 hours a day.

(b) I go to college because I don’t want to be a waitress anymore. I don’t like people. Well, I don’t like people as “food service customers”. They annoy me, piss me off, treat me like a low life, and are just irritating. I hate being a waitress.

But the truth is ….

(a) I consume myself in ridiculous hours of work each week because I don’t have to be home dealing with my husband.

(b) I consume myself in ridiculous amount of college work every semester so that I am not required to pay attention to my husband when I am home.

There you go. I admitted it. I purposely over load myself. Not only because I like to be busy but because it helps me escape the realities of my fucking life.

This leads into the whole friendship thing. No one that has been a part of my life for the past ten years has been able to tolerate my husband. They get tired of listening to his bullshit, they get tired of my excuses as to why I can’t do this or that, they get tired of watching someone (me) that they give a shit about battling everyday of her life just to sustain the ability to remember to breath.

So I wonder …..

Is there life outside of this box I’ve been living in?

Is it time I step outside of my safe zone?

Would I be considered irresponsible if I finally did something for MYSELF?

P.S. – I think I’m seriously depressed and it’s starting to weigh me down to the point of insanity.