One of the neat things about Christianity is the way that it transforms the way you relate to other people.

How do you relate to other people if you are an atheist? Well, on atheism, there isn’t any way you ought to be that is independent of your own personal preferences. And there isn’t anyway other people ought to be, either. Instead, atheists tend to reduce relationships down to the level of making themselves happy. On an atheistic view, the purpose of life is to pursue happiness, and relationships with other people are just another part of pursuing happiness. Atheists will look at people as a means to help them achieve happiness in this life.

But things are different on Christianity. When Christians start to act on their belief that the Christian worldview is true, they have a completely different view of how they should relate to other people. Rather than trying to dominate them or using them for pleasure, we instead look at other people as God’s creatures who are made for a relationship with God. And this applies regardless of whether the person is ugly or pretty, young or old, short or tall, rich or poor. Everybody has to know God, and it becomes the Christian’s job to help with that.

Consider this post by Laura at GOP Refugee/Pursuing Holiness, where she explains how she’s had to put her own desires second in order to take a long-term, God-centered view of her relationships.

Excerpt:

There’s no time like the holidays to bring out the Jerry Springer in people.  A time to gather, a time to remember… all those decades of past slights and offenses, real and imagined.  We’re currently undergoing such a drama in my family.  In years past, I would have enthusiastically engaged in it, fiercely defending my position and making a case to show why I’m right, dammit, and you need to [stop, start, resume] [behaving a certain way.] Over the years, my perspective has gradually changed as I slog through this pursuit of holiness.  I’m less concerned with my own honor and more with God’s.

Wow! Go read the whole thing. This is something that Christians often struggle with that non-Christians never imagine is even an issue. Every day Christians deny their own desire to be selfish in relationships so that they don’t negatively impact other people’s vertical relationship with God. It’s hard for anybody to just let this interpersonal squabbles go unanswered. But we Christians have to consider what God wants in relationships. We don’t want to distract you non-Christians from the main issue of being reconciled with God through Christ!

The folks who made these cookies got beaten up a lot in high school and never learned.

I love it when the things I write produce an emotional response. For a writer, it’s the biggest buzz in the world when someone comes to you and says, “That short story/chapter/poem made me so sad/happy/hungry*.”

I always strive to create something that is going to play on the reader’s conscience, to make them contemplate whether the actions within the story are right or wrong. Or better yet, I love making people side with the bad guy and question what sort of a person that makes them.

Despite all my good intentions though, anger seems to be the easiest emotion to evoke in others.

Don’t get me wrong, I do get a cheap thrill out of that but it’s just so easy on the internet. A little too easy, perhaps. One of my posts, ‘Consider a Modern Wife’, has an entire page dedicated to how it – and I by proxy – is wrong, despite the fact that said post only had 32 readers at its initial upload.  I was also spammed with messages from people I know on facebook following my piece concerning that most disgusting of language errors – ‘might of’. Apparently, I’m ignorant as to the history of my country and as a language student ’should know better’.

I could take the time to explain that I spent four years of my life not only learning Danish, but also reading about the common Germanic stem that it shares with English. Or I could boast about the fact that my current favourite book is Bill Bryson’s Mother Tongue and that I spend my free time compiling a list of Doric words that come from Nordic stems. I could write lengthy paragraphs about how invasions from the Vikings and the French have perverted the original form of the language that was used when Beowulf was first scribbled down by monks, or about how the unique ‘ing’ verb form makes English a wonderfully easy language to learn the basics of for foreign speakers**.

But honestly, who gives a toss?

This is the internet: it is estimated that there are over 60 million ‘blogs worldwide and of those, only a handful achieve a readership of over 1000 per day. I write on here because I feel that doing so empties my head of clutter and helps me to be a better writer. I also like to think that my ‘blog is a good showcase for the selection of writing styles I can offer to any potential clients. I don’t for one minute believe that my work could ever be widely read in the way that Diary of a London Call Girl was.

With the exception of family and friends -  who know me well enough to understand that I’m just a crotchety old woman – nobody cares about what I have to say. I’m just another one of the faceless people who sit tapping away at their laptop keyboard instead of getting on with their work. My opinions, therefore, do not matter to anyone other than myself. Just like the opinions of those who think I’m wrong don’t matter to me – the age-old internet stalemate. Because neither party involved in an argument over opinions has to face the other, and because people online are inherantly rude to each other, we end up with arguments like this:

Me: Blah blah blah – hate world – blah blah – romantic notions about how things should be – blah.
Someone else: U hv penis.
Me: Eh? What has that got to do with anything?
Someone else: U jst scared coz u wrong.
Me: Wrong in which way? I like discussions – let’s talk and share our thoughts.
Someone else: U 2 scared to talk bk. ha ha ha ha… penis.
Me: You’re a spoon.

The other problem with the internet is that sites like twitter, facebook, myspace, friendface etc. make us believe that what we say has an impact on those around us. We use the web as a way to express ourselves and without the social boundaries enforced by real life, we’re not afraid to express ourselves in overly critical, arrogant ways. We presume that because we can broadcast information about our goings on and opinions at all hours of the day, that we should. This is not the case. My rule of internet etiquette is as follows: if you wouldn’t say face-to-face what you’ve just typed, hit the backspace key instead of enter***. Afterall, you don’t want to hear about my various bodily functions so what makes you think I want to read about yours?

I think this is what I was trying to say in my entry about lamebook – we’ve all become self-obsessed and presume that the rest of the world cares about what we think and about every intimate detail of our lives. Nobody does, and so after the initial thrill of causing an angry reaction in my online reader for whatever reason, I feel slightly hollow – as if the emotion’s I’ve managed to trigger aren’t real. With so many people out there looking for yet another way to tell the world about themselves, it’s just too easy to have someone disagree.

______

*Hungry is an emotion. I spend 95% of my life ‘hungry’. The other 5% I spend sleeping.

**Interestingly, all objections to my statement that English is an easy language to learn came from native speakers, rather than from those who use it as a second language.

***If you’re drunk, slightly different rules apply,  akin to those necessary where mobile phones are concerned. On becoming inebriated to the point where you think the following messages to your friends are a good idea, all communication devices must be handed to the designated driver or, if at home,  hidden in either the sewing machine case or the vegetable drawer.

Examples of messages to friends that are a terrible idea are:
a. You’re sexy
b. I’m sexy
c. The ex you still have feelings for is sexy and I just saw them naked
d. Did your car have a bonnet when you loaned it to me?

Over these past few years I know what it has been like to be on the top of your faith and I know what it is like to almost lose it. I know the arguments for both accepting and rejecting faith in Christ. I know how true Christianity and false Christianity look like and have experienced both sides of the proverbial coin.

And one major problem has allowed me to examine why I truly believe in Christ: hypocrisy.  This one major problem that has spread throughout the body of Christ is why I have wondered why I believe in Christ in the first place. This one major problem has made me wonder is it worth fellowshipping with those who call themselves Christians. And this one major problem has almost destroyed my faith, my ministry, and my life.

Jerks—I can’t stand them. If anyone is honest with himself or herself they would probably say the same thing. I mean, who says that they love jerks? I mean anyone with half a brain would probably say, “I can’t stand jerks.” I mean that’s just me, but who knows these days. But it seems like the epidemic of “jerk-itis” is on the flippin’ rise. I see girls that are in love with macho jerks; I see people in government that are elitist jerks; I see corporate executives that are greedy and are ravenous jerks; I see jerks, jerks, and more jerks.

But the one place I have seen more jerks in my life than any other place unfortunately is not in the clubs, Washington, D.C. , or on Wall Street—nope, the place I have seen my fair share of jerks is in the church. Now it is one thing for some atheist to write this statement; but this is coming from someone who is a passionate believer in Christ, who loves Christ and His church, and was a former “jerk.”

You see, when I first became a Christian I was brought up more with the mentality of being a legalist jerk than being a compassionate servant. For me it was all about being right and wrong and it was about who could be the most holy and dress in the best suit. It was about politics and about CCM (hating it, then liking it, then having to hear it is the “devil’s music,” then finally liking it). It was about going to that “Christian college,” and abstinence and about dating is bad and courtship is good. In the end it was about me, myself, and I. I didn’t even grasp the picture of what authentic Christianity looked like until recently in life. All I was seeing previously was hypocrisy, fundamentalism, legalism, and everything that the Lord hates but the things that permeate the Church.

Jerks are everywhere man and they come in all shapes and sizes. They are nonbelievers but they are believers as well. I am not saying that the things above like CCM, abstinence, and courtship are bad things. But having the attitude that because I like or practice those things makes me better than you is “jerkish.” What we need to do to eradicate the “jerk-itis” syndrome that is going around the church today is replace everything “we hate” with the royal law as James puts it: to love God and to love others. If we would become a band of believers that were known more for who we love than for what we hate—the world wouldn’t have to see us as bold-face bigots or hatemongers; we could be seen as revolutionaries, as compassionate servants of the kingdom desiring life change in every individual life.

I have been there and done that when it comes to being a “jerk,” and now I abandon it for something authentic—a true servant of Christ. Laying aside any fundamentalism, or legalism, or judgmentalism, or homophobia, or hypocrisy, or anything that would hinder me from opening up the truth of the gospel with others—I serve God with all my heart and love God and love others.

Here’s a “short test” to see if you pass or fail the “jerk test”:

“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.” (James 3:9-10)

So if you praise God yet curse men, you pass the “jerk test” with flying colors, and if you don’t, well then you fail. If we were honest with ourselves, I would say we all have passed and have been there, done that. Let’s resolve never to commit the act that James has spoken of, but let us always do the following:

“If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing right.” (James 2:8)

[this is from a series of articles entitled: “Why I Hate…”]

Recently, I had posted a debate from the Unbelievable radio show, which is broadcast in the UK. The topic of the debate was whether India should pass an anti-conversion law to prevent Christians from trying to convert people to Christianity. Basically, many Hindus in India want Christians to adopt the Hindu notions of polytheism and religious pluralism. They want Christians to accept that Jesus is one incarnation of the divine among many, and they want to outlaw the Christian practice of using speech to convince people to become Christians.

You can listen to the debate here in my original post.

But I wanted to highlight another debate that occurred in the comments of this blog, between me and a Hindu reader, who challenged me for being intolerant because I said that Hinduism was false.

His initial comment is here.

Guys, all religions teach the same things. Its how each religion is interpreted that makes it different. If you follow any religion persistently, it will lead you to a peaceful and happy life.

[...]If one feels happy following Christian rituals, he may follow Christianity; if he feels happy following Hindu rituals, he is good to a Hindu. It all depends on what makes sense to the person. Enforcing or luring someone to another religion is wrong…It should be a personal choice. And no one should oppose a conversion made by personal choice.

[...]To say that someone’s God or method of worship is false or not real is absolute rubbish according to me.

[...]If one says that other’s God or religion is false, he/she is not tolerating the other’s beliefs. And its immoral. Such things lead to religious conflicts.

[...]I believe in Jesus and so in my religion which is Hinduism.

[...]Why convert when a human being’s main aim is to be happy? Every religion has scriptures that tell how to become happy and attain heaven/liberation.

[...]Everyone loves his/her religion. They would not want to hear anything bad about it.

And I replied:

Our view as Christians is that the purpose of religion is not to live a happy life and to be “good”. Our view is that we want to believe what is true and to know God as God really is. We believe that God is a person, with a real personality – likes and dislikes.

What you’re proposing is a Hindu approach to religion, except with Christian symbols and rituals. But Christians don’t care about symbols and rituals much. We are more interested in history, science and propositional logic. We treat religion like… any other area of knowledge. First we discover the truth, then we act on it.

Additionally, you have a Hindu approach to conversion, and you are trying to force that on Christians. You can keep your Hindu approach to yourself, and tolerate the fact that we have a different approach to conversion.

[...]You’re not in a position to know what Christianity teaches, or what Jesus believes, since you haven’t looked into these things at all. You know Hinduism. And you are projecting Hinduism onto other religions. But Hinduism is totally different than Christianity. They conflict in many areas, like cosmology and history. We believe that the universe had a beginning, you think it’s eternal. And science can arbitrate that claim. We are willing to change our beliefs to be in line with what we can test in the external world, using the laws of logic, and the study of science and history.

[...]You write “To say that someone’s God or method of worship is false or not real is absolute rubbish according to me.”, yet you think that Christianity is false, and not real. But I am actually not offended by that at all. You are welcome to think I am wrong. I don’t mind, this is the way that the game plays. Only one of us can be right, and if you were right, I would have to switch over to your view and that would be fine with me.

[...]You write “Everyone loves his/her religion. They would not want to hear anything bad about it.” No that’s your view. You identify Hindusim with India and patriotism and your people and culture. I don’t identify Christianity with anything except truth. I like it because it’s true. And that the only reason I like it.

[...]When I say that Hinduism is false, I am not “talking bad about your religion” any more than I am talking bad about the view that 2 + 2 = 5, when I say that 2 + 2 = 4. It’s not talking bad about an idea to say it is false.

And then he replied:

Do you believe that people who worship idols are devilish or all religions except Christianity are false? If yes then explain me with proper scientific reasoning and provide me a proof in the recent decades that logically explains the above two statements. You need to prove me that what you believe is experimented by scientists and proven by technology.

[...]I believe in all Gods no matter what religion because God is One. For me and this generation of educated Indians, we believe in tolerance and respect for all religions. We believe in co-operating with each other and not pointing flaws in others beliefs until its proven scientifically and attested by scientific authority. And we believe that people’s belief be respected!

Then I replied:

The current best theory of the origin of the universe is called the big bang theory. It states that all the matter, energy, as well as time and space and time, came into being from nothing. It is backed by experimental data from red-shift measurements, cosmic microwave background radiation measurements, and light element abundance measurements, etc. The theory states that the universe began 14.7 billion years ago. Additionally, the universe will not recollapse because measurements of mass density from Maxima and Boomerang show that the universe will expand forever.

The big 3 monotheistic religions agree with the universe coming into being from nothing. Unfortunately, other religions think that the universe is eternal, such as Mormonism and Hinduism. On that basis, I reject Hinduism, which requires that the universe be eternal.

“I believe in all Gods no matter what religion because God is One.” That view (pantheism/polytheism) is called Hinduism. You are a Hindu. Christianity (monotheism) is mutually exclusive with Hinduism, because the teachings are in conflict, (as with the example of cosmology). As a Hindu, you therefore think that Christianity is false. On your definition, you don’t “tolerate” Christianity – you think it’s false. You don’t “respect” Christianity, because you want to force your view (Hinduism) and your view of conversion (don’t tell other people their religion is false) on Christians.

[...]Note: I am ok with you saying that I am wrong and that Christianity is false.

And then we sort of wound things down from there.

Anyway, the point of this exchange is most people in most religions think that the point of religion is to be happy, to have a sense of community and to get along with everyone by never talking about whether religious claims about the external world are true or false. But that view of the purpose of religion is not the Christian view. On the Christian view, the goal is to seek the truth. And part of Christian practice is to defend Christianity in public, and trying to convince other people that Christianity is true.

So, I think that Christians need to be a bit tougher, and recognize when someone who is not a Christian is trying to get them to accept that the purpose of religion is not to seek the truth. That’s their view. That’s not our view. It doesn’t make any sense for someone to say that I am evil for thinking they are wrong, when they are thinking that I am wrong. I think a better way forward is to allow other people to disagree with you, but to keep the disagreement focused on arguments and evidence.

And just because you disagree with someone else, it doesn’t mean you have to be mean to them. In my office, I am friends with Hindus, Muslims, atheists and Jews. We try to outdo one another in good deeds to make our religions look good! And when we debate which religion is true, we use arguments and evidence to attack and defend. What I’ve found is that you get a much stronger friendship when you are comfortable being yourself. I keep telling my co-workers – it’s OK to disagree.

Related posts

• the problem of religious pluralism and religious truth claims
• the problem of postmodern skepticism
• the fate of the unevangelized (what about those who never heard of Jesus)
• the hiddenness of God (why isn’t there more evidence for God’s existence?)
• are all religions basically the same?
• what about the blind men and the elephant?
• isn’t faith is opposed to reason and evidence? (a debate between a Christian and a postmodern relativist)
• what makes Christianity different from other religions?

Mentoring

• the importance of being able to argue both sides of a question
• why does talking about religion make people uncomfortable?
• how to talk to your co-workers about your faith

Apologetics advocacy

• does the Bible teach that faith is opposed to logic and evidence?
• the six enemies of apologetic engagement
• why men flee the feminized church
• why won’t Christians defend their faith in public?

Sometimes I don’t know what people are thinking. Do they choose to do these things to hurt you or are they just plain insensitive. Who knows…

1.When your wedding theme is silver and your fiance’s mother chooses to wear gold. Enough said.

2. When you want to make your brother your best man because he is truly one of the best friends you could ever have but your fiance’s mother says that would mean that her other son would be marching with your brother and it would make him look gay.

Side note: He is gay.

3. When your fiance’s father complains that their names are not on the invitation saying “with the blessing of our parents…” He wants us to redo the invitations. We have 550 guests and at that point all invites have already been printed out as it is less than a month before the wedding.

4. When your fiance’s mother looks at your mom’s guest list and then crosses out mutual friends from her list to make room for more of her friends.

5. When your fiance’s mother wants to feel “more involved” with the wedding so you let her have her best friend do the flower arrangements for the church. Nothing wrong with that except her bf is a total bitch to you, the bride.

6. When your fiance’s father and maid of honor/fiance’s sister (by default as your mother-in-law said it couldn’t be your bother and had to be her) say nothing nice about you or your husband in their toast and just end up blabbing about nothing relevant. (Yes my dad and brother said a lot of great, wonderful things about my husband in his toast.)

7. When your fiance’s parents know you are supposed to do the massive (550 guest list) seating arrangement 2 days before your wedding and schedule a family “talk” that your fiance is obliged to attend. They end past 1am and you post-pone the seating arrangement for the day before the wedding.

8. When you have to arrange the seating arrangement the day before the wedding and you end up finishing 3:30am on the day of the itself. (Refer to #7)

9. When your fiance’s father tells your finance that his mom is jealous with the engagement ring he bought me because he never bought her diamonds.

10. When your in-laws complain you don’t spend any time with them ( we were out on a 2 month honeymoon in Europe and Australia…duh!?!).

My guilty pleasure is to read people get riled up about other peoples opinions.  Many people online think they are right and it is their job to ‘enlighten’ the rest of the population who they either think is ignorant or troll because the different view points. 

I think people would get further in their conquests if they gave facts with valid sources (this doesn’t include blog entries for sources).  Then leave those with different opinions alone to digest the new information and make their own assessment.  Hey if they still do not agree move the fuck along. 

It is not some personal attack on your beliefs if someone doesn’t agree.  A lot of people take it personal if you give a view point that makes them uncomfortable.  They then will write comment after comment stressing how wrong you are and it insulting and you MUST AGREE RIGHT NOW THAT YOU ARE WRONG, THEY ARE RIGHT. 

Sometimes I think people argue online and impose their view points to make it a reality.  We all met someone like that.  They will ask for the community’s opinion to then start arguing with every commenter till they get the RIGHT answer.  Why even ask for others view points if you already have your own set view?  Some call it fishing to ‘educate’ but I think these people are insecure and have a bug up their ass.   

The reality of online debate is that people are bored and have nothing better to do then argue.  I share in these same interests of wasting time online except it is usually laughing at the bunch of you who get in these intense squabbles about dumb shit. 

There is turmoil boiling due to the economy right now and many blow steam online.  Suddenly their problems at home are sourced to what you said online.  You must have written it because you knew they be reading it and it would hurt their feelings.  Your significant other, boss, coworker, friend or family member pissed you off and now you are loaded online with all sorts’ bad vibes. 

Main thing, they are online and no one can see their face.  So they are not insecure to impose their view points or bite off your head because you do not think the same way they do.  The practice of tolerance is absent online.  So the next time someone is butt sore about your opinion please just LOL and move along.

Just Bleugh. I know I was meant to hold onto the contented feeling and be all happy and smiley but I’m not. I’m tired and frustrated and wishing that people would just leave me the hell alone (I’m talking about the people who incessantly follow me talking about utter rubbish I don’t give a crap about). So for today all we get is a rant, sometime you just have to do this. So in no particular order….

I don’t care about Fstops or whatever they are, I point I click and I faff on photoshop. I like what I create and I have no interest in the boy buttons you obsess with.

I have bought boots for iceland. They have fur in. I don’t actually care if they would withstand army training. I have done my time as a lady in sensible shoes, it did not suit. I am a bloody girl and will look like one thank you very much.

You are five, not fifteen. And even when you are, talk to me like that again madam and I will remove all out of room activities except for school and possible bathroom breaks.

STOP BLOODY WHINING CHILD. Stop it, just stop it. I am a reasonable woman, but for god sake everything does not need to be uttered in that irritating nasally whinge. I will get you a drink, if you ask me in a more human manner.

Yes I’m tattooed. No I don’t regret it. No I won’t regret it. No, I won’t. Because it translates as ‘I am good enough’. It’s personal. You want to know eh? It’s because it covers up the scars from self harming and is a better reminder than looking at the white streaks over my arms which just make me want to continue. What would you prefer to look at – ‘I hate you’ or ‘You’re good enough’? Case closed.

The best way to deal with someone in total denial is not to happily chat about your midwife (or not happily dependant on the convo). I am happy for you, I really am, but every time I’m reminded that you work and I don’t it feels like being punched. I know you don’t mean to, but right now this hurts. A Lot. 

It would occasionally be nice if you could pay me for the work that I do. And when you don’t, why on hell’s earth are you exasperated when I’m irritable about dedicating yet more time to the useless unorganised fuckwits that you are. 

Frankly Christmas this year is unstimulating and not exciting me in the slightest. We have no room for festivities and it’s become more about appeasing the relatives than enjoying being with the people you love. I will not allow the kids to know this and won’t be letting on, but as things stand to the adult community. Bah Humbug.

Yes, this is a low for no apparent reason (or just because I’m back to reality which is far less comfortable than hiding out). But it doesn’t make it any less low. It will pass, but until I hit the bounce back up I’m curled up canonball style to stop limbs from breaking when I hit the bottom.

If you wake me up at 3am, don’t expect a happy bouncy mummy, especially if you then prevent me from sleeping until 6.30 when Mr T is instructed to take you away before I go postal. If you then make a tonne of noise preventing me from dozing off until 10 minutes before Mr T wakes me up I will be further irritated and may well possibly be in a foul bloody mood all day. Trust me kid, this is just a bad plan.

If Windows 7 is backwards compatible, why the hell won’t Spore load on it? That doesn’t spell backwards compatible to me. Stop lying to me Mr Gates.

And why, WHY must it insist on raining only between 3.05 – 3.35 pm during the week. This is not funny. School pick up is stressful enough without getting soaked through daily.

Stop meowing at me.

This is the second post in our series on euthanasia and assisted suicide. Come see Alex Schadenberg speak at UofT tomorrow at 6pm in the SMC Senior Common Room for the highlight event.

The Catholic Organization for Life and Family has released a downloadable PDF booklet: Euthanasia and Assisted Suicide: Why Not? As the Catholic Register explains, “the booklet lists 12 common arguments in the pro-euthanasia mindset, then sets out to obliterate them with concise, bullet-like points based on natural law.”

The arguments seem fairly focused on reason — non-Catholics should be encouraged to read it as well.

The booklet is free to copy and distribute, so I’m going to dive into each of the arguments over the next few weeks, beyond the scope of this week’s series. Today, we’ll start with the introduction:

According to some surveys, three-quarters of Canadians would favour the legalization of euthanasia. Above all, they fear one day becoming a burden and having their lives unduly prolonged in suffering.

Given the immense confusion surrounding euthanasia, it is reasonable to question these statistics and some unreliable surveys. It is more than likely that the majority of citizens would change their minds if they were properly informed.

However, a very effective lobby is manipulating words and emotions in order to promote euthanasia and assisted suicide. For example, some erroneously use the phrase “passive euthanasia” to describe the withdrawal of futile medical treatment.

The need to dispel confusion by returning words to their true meaning has become
urgent. It is also important to recognize euphemisms for “euthanasia” and “assisted suicide”: voluntary interruption of life… active aide in dying… hastened death… physician assisted death…

To begin with, it is important to clarify the distinction between euthanasia and the refusal of aggressive treatment (see Quick Answer no. 3). When death is imminent and inevitable, it is perfectly legitimate to refuse medical procedures which are disproportionate to the desired results or too burdensome for the patient and his or her family.

But what is euthanasia? Euthanasia is the intentional killing of someone, with or without his or her consent, either by act or omission. By killing the person, one seeks to eliminate all aspects of that person’s life including the pain, suffering or humiliation of being in need of help. The person who commits euthanasia must intend, for whatever reason, to kill the other and must cause his or her death.

In the case of assisted suicide, a person kills himself or herself with the help of another person who provides him or her with the means to carry out the act.

[...]

The “quick answers” presented here provide appropriate responses to common
arguments put forward by proponents of euthanasia and assisted suicide.

Check out the booklet [PDF] or stay tuned to our blog!

If you believe in the unconscious mind, or one of its many permutations, subconscious, non-conscious, pre-conscious, extra-conscious, (and maybe even cognitive schemas or implicit memory), if you believe that any of your thoughts, emotions, or behaviors are caused by or motivated by factors of which you are not aware (and if you don’t, let me know and I’ll send you a week’s worth of reading, research showing you are almost certainly wrong), then you cannot rationally believe that you have free will, because even if you did have free will, you could never know it. There will always be that possibility that each action you take is guided by something that is not your will. You can still believe that you might have free will, and you might,* but not that you do have free will.

*In fact, you may be better off pretending that you do.

Don’t allow your relationship to crash and burn. Perhaps there should be “black boxes” in relationships. That way when a major relationship crash occurs you would be able to analyze more correctly what caused the problem.

Forensic experts know that in analyzing black boxes, any deviation in any sequence of events would have prevented the crash. That’s good to know.

Adjustments in your own position about your relationship can and will make a BIG difference. Giving up being “right” about YOUR position is a great first step. You’ll be amazed! Make this commitment and it will transform the “rumbles” in your relationship to “ripples” almost immediately!

Ask yourself, “Would I rather be right or happy?”

Relationships are something that must be worked on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.

Agree as partners to keep your relationship in a constant state of repair by continually working on it. This is a good way to prevent future issues from occurring. Sustain your relationship by periodic visits to those best in a position to help you. Got a relationship problem you cannot solve? Relationship coaching is a wise choice.

My friend, Dr. Michael LeBoeuf, says “A mistake only proves someone stopped talking long enough to do something.” People in relationships make mistakes. The key is to learn from your mistakes and push forward.

Never stay hooked to the past. The past is an energy drain. Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. Practice constructive doing. You make fewer mistakes that way.

The miracle of error is the access to opportunity it presents. Problems validate what you are committed to. They get in the way of your commitments, therefore they validate what you are committed to. If this were not true, we couldn’t call them problems. Accept responsibility for your problems. If you don’t, you are the problem.

It is infinitely wiser to experience relationship problems as those situations which lure you on to self-discovery than to be stopped by the unpleasantness of the circumstances and be shut down to the possibilities the problem presents.

There are no accidents. Relationship problems occur for a reason. It is sometimes difficult to find the good in what appears to be all bad. There are important lessons to be learned in every circumstance.

Problems by design are repetitive. They come back if you don’t learn from them and do something to prevent their reoccurrence.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” There are more than 750 pages of great relationship information on Larry’s Website. Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

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Our study today is in 1 Timothy, chapter 4. This text discusses individuals who turn away from the church and their faith in God. As we study this, we discover that those who are truly following Christ are not these people. True followers of Christ love Him and His Word with all of their hearts. People who depart from the church will have many reasons or excuses as to why they are not active in a church or in ministry. To love Christ and to live for Christ requires much more that just looking at people, situations and circumstances when interacting with others within the church. The message of the gospel and the teachings of Christ are of the utmost importance within the church. Everything else is secondary. The Word and the church are inseperable. This is difficult for some people to accept. Some people, in their own way of thinking, have difficulty with faith matters presented in Scripture. For example, the virgin birth of Christ, angels speaking to people, man (Peter) walking on water, or the resurrection of Christ (someone dead coming to life). The real issue is the ongoing development of your own faith and the understanding that God’s purpose in your life is for you to know the true value of His saving grace in your life. The obstacle to our obedience to the truth is Satan and those who are not following Christ. They try to prevent you from the greater understanding of Christ (Galatians 5:4-8; Galatians 1:7). It is ultimately the demonic influences that keep people out of Chirch and prevent us from knowing more about God and acquiring greater understanding. The bible does not directly address the reasons why people leave the church. It does address the influence that is far greater than just people making choices to go to church or to not go to church. The Holy Spirit brings us to Jesus and His church by faith. Satan and demonic influence wants to keep us away from Jesus, His church, and the faith. Paul, in 1 Timothy, declares that the Holy Spirit is making the declaration that some will depart from the faith (2 Peter 1:21). Peter was clear that he was not speaking on his own accord. The Spirit was speaking on its own accord and on its own authority (Deuteronomy 18:21-22; John 14:17). The Spirit of truth is speaking in 1 Timothy on what was taking place in the church at that time and as time progresses it will become even greater than in previous days. “Now the Spirit explicitly says that in the latter times some will depart from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and the teachings of demons, through the hypocrisy of liars whose consciences are seared (1 Timothy 4:1-2).” Here, the word “faith” is not the same word as referenced in James 2:17. The word “faith” refers to the doctrine (teaching) of the church and Jesus Christ. People will make the choice to abandon the faith because they cannot or will not accept the true teaching. They are leaving the doctrine or teaching which forms the foundational basis on what a Christian believes. Scripture warns us to not be swept away in this manner. “Watch out, brothers, so that there won’t be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart that departs from the living God. But encourage each other daily, while it is still called today, so that none of you is hardened by sin’s deception (Hebrews 3:12-13).”

Please note that some, not all, people will depart from the faith. The church wil remain intact in spite of those who walk away. The people who choose to abandon the faith allow themselves to be deceived, and choose not to be a workman of the Word (1 Timothy 2:15). They allow themselves to be taught by false teachers (1 Timothy 4:1-2). It is not the church, but its people that allow themselves to be corrupted.

Unfortunately, the church has a history of false teaching. Thankfully, there is good teaching taking place at the same time. Scripture accurately points this out.

1. Sowing of the tares as well as sowing good seed (Matthew 13:24)
2. Seducing spirits (1 Timothy 4:1)
3. Truth and error at the same time
4. God and Satan were both in the Garden of Eden
5. Good and evil are present at the same time (Romans 7:21)
6. The Old Testament reveals both godly and false prophets occur concurrently

Jesus warns us in Matthew 24:4 not to be deceived. To be deceived is to be tricked, and all of us are capable of being deceived by Satan and false prophets, hence the warning (Matthew 24:11). Satan is out to deceive those who already believe in Christ. He can render believers useless because of his deception and disrupt believers even within the church membership (Acts 20:29-30).

Those that will hold to the truth:
1. They are grounded and rooted in the faith.
2. They are not caught up with every new teaching (Ephesians 4:14).
3. They hear the Word and understand it (Matthew 13:23).
4. They are not deceived about marriage and food (1 Timothy 4:3-4).

Who will you choose to believe? Will you be the one that seeks truth and sound biblical teaching? Always ask if the teaching is God’s truth. God’s Word is written and provided to us for our good and for our benefit. Challenge yourself by claiming God’s Word as truth and have the faith that He will work through you and within you. His Word is a living and active Word.

Stop Argumotion

Couples often move in patterns that trigger arguments. I call this argumotion.  Falling into that pattern you set in motion a journey that leads to fussing and fighting.  We repeatedly hear wives say, “The same ol’ thing happens over and over and we fight.”

It may be about food, work, the house, or sex, but the familiar patterns lead to the same result. Next time this happens try something new.

When you feel a fuss coming on, stop and tune in to your feelings.  If he says something sharp, do you feel unheard, rejected, or disrespected?  Name the emotion.

Next, shift gears and talk about the emotion. Say, “Right now I am feeling rejected.”  Be careful to not place blame on your partner, so add. “I am not blaming you, just letting you know what I am feeling.”

Next, the other asks forgiveness over the unintended emotion. “Sorry, hon, I am not trying to reject you.”  Say “I forgive you,” and move on by asking what he feels.  You might be surprised to find he feels criticized.  Deal with that emotion the same way, forgive.

Shifting from details to emotion gets you to the heart of the problem, adds a new element, and breaks the old pattern.   A new pattern means a new result. And you add forgiveness to your mix.  I know this sounds simple and a little innocent, but give it a try, It will work.

CoachOurMarriage

18.11.2009

Lovers and Friends

          Love is something people see everyday.  With the places I go, I see young love, further known as “puppy love,” almost everywhere.  Most young love starts off as friendships, and then grows into something more special, but with some couples, you wouldn’t be able to tell whether they’re couples, or best friends.

          I decided to photograph “Lovers and Friends” to display how the best couples are made up of the best friends.  What inspired me to take these images was the way I noticed I act around my boyfriend.  We started off as friends in high school, for over three years, never knowing that we would end up being “high-school sweethearts.”  Now that we’re a year and a half deep into our relationship, and almost 4 years deep as being best friends, we still have that playful friendship that we had when we first met.

          Best friends play around, laugh, argue, and tell each other everything, and that’s the kind of affection displayed in these images I took, by this young couple.  Pay attention to the body language, the comfort, and the happiness this couple expresses in the images.

Here’s what I want to know this morning:

If women resent the fact that men often require women to be their sexual vibrator, then why are women often insistent that men are their emotional vibrator? If a man is self-centered to require a woman to fulfill his sexual needs, why is a women not considered equally as self-centered to require a man to fulfill her emotional needs? Why does a woman require a man to be emotionally available for her and yet resent the fact when he asks her to be sexually available for him?

Where’s the equity?

I’m still at home, I’m staying until tomorrow.

Life at home is tremendously difficult at the moment. Things are going on, about which I’m wary of going into detail here, where anyone can see it. Basically there is a situation, which is potentially real-world serious (i.e. not just serious in the context of my house, where horrific arguments have stemmed from a single unwashed cup). Everybody is worried, and everybody seems to be disagreeing with each other. I’ve been trying, as ever, to provide some sort of middle ground, some sort of compromise, but, as ever, people don’t really listen.

My mum’s more or less falling apart. And I don’t say that lightly. Maybe it’s just today, maybe tomorrow she’ll be as fine and as normal as she ever is and I will feel stupid for being so anxious today. I hope that’s the case. But she is crying more or less non-stop, and verbally lashing out at everyone, alienating us all. Saying really harsh, untrue things. Saying reckless things, as if what happens in the future doesn’t matter. We keep trying to help but she pushes us away. I’m really, really frightened.

I feel so guilty. She’s been really angry with me lately, and it’s because of how I am. I am a sarcastic, mocking person. Everybody in my life knows I’m more comfortable with good-natured insults than with actually acting like I care about anyone, and most of the people I know understand that – most of my friends are like that to a certain extent, too. And I’ve been like this all my life, but my mum still doesn’t get it, she thinks I’m picking on her, when I say infinitely worse things to my dad and he just laughs and returns them. And that, combined with my utter inability to be silent when I disagree with someone, and the fact she’s saying so many things I disagree with, is making her hate me, even more than usual.

She says I am a bitch. A selfish, rude, idiotic cow.

And I can’t find it in myself to disagree.

I just want to help. I know that I make things worse, with my comments and my attitude, but I can’t stop it, it’s so ingrained in who I am. And when people are arguing, I try to find a compromise, a middle ground, and it just tends to make both sides get angry with me, but I still keep doing it because at least if they’re snapping at me they’re not snapping at each other, and that seems important.

And underlying the internal family drama is the threat of  ‘real world consequences’. This situation, it could get hideous. It’s already deepening the cracks in the relationships in my family. I’m dreading how this will end up, if the worst should happen.

This is a time when I need to be strong. My family is falling apart. Now is not the time – if ever there was one – to be doubting myself. Hating myself.

But I feel awful. And I get the feeling it’s going to get worse when I go back to uni – as hideous as life is here at the moment, at least I’m surrounded by people, at least I have some sort of a purpose, even if it’s just damage control. I suppose it comes to something when I’m so lonely and adrift at uni that even the stress, tension and outright hostility of home feels like the better option.

I don’t want to go back. Partly because I’m needed here, because I’m scared of what will happen to them without a mediator – even though I know I’m not a very good one, even though they’ve managed all the other times I’ve been away. But mostly it’s because at uni I am alone, and I have no-one to talk to, and all I can think about is the horror of the future; all the things I’ve failed to do, all the challenges that are approaching, and how even when all my efforts are put into it, I’m still so incredibly far from what is required of me.

I don’t really feel capable of anything at the moment. I’m spending my time crying – or, more often, trying not to -, spaced out, or horrifically anxious.

I am scared of so very many things.

Just in case you would like to have some fun with another person in your next disagreement, here are some tips for quickly escalating a minor miscommunication to a full-blown conflict.

1) Tell them what they’re feeling

When you want to get a strong emotional response from somone, just tell them what they are feeling. For example, you could say “don’t get angry with me.” This comment is just about guaranteed to get an angry response even if they were not already angry.

You might also try something like this, “why are you so defensive?” I love that one. It almost always puts the other person on the defensive so that their emotions elevate to the point that we can really get into a good argument.

2) Tell them why they did what they did (or said what they said)

This is a sure fire way to get under someone’s skin and escalate a conflict. When you tell another person their motivation for their words and actions, you can easily spin them up. Little comments like “you just said that because you’re jealous” or “you did that because you want to get even with me” are great for making a conflict worse.

If you’re determined to fan their emotional flames, mix in some amateur psychoanalysis. You could say something like “you are so OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder)” or “you must have relationship issues or something.”

3) Raise your voice

If you’re ready for a good knock-down-drag-out confrontation, raise your voice. This technique is great for getting their emotional juices flowing. Add a little finger-pointing and leaning forward to the recipe, and you just might push them over the edge. It’s great fun!

4) Focus on the past

As you start to get into a good conflict, focus on something that they have no power to change: the past. Refuse to discuss actions for future behaviors or ways of interacting. Insist that they deconstruct and defend their past words and actions.

You don’t have to look too far in the past for this technique to be effective. You can work with what they just said. If you push hard, you can spend a good 10 or 15 minutes telling them:

Since they cannot change what has already happened, you can lock them into a conflict with no way out.

Raise your voice while you focus on the past, and you can have even more fun with them.

5) Walk away

Just as you get the other person really frustrated and upset, turn and walk away.

If you add some sort of sarcastic comment like “you’re always so difficult” or “I’m not going to talk with you about this anymore,” you can plant the seeds of a conflict that goes on for days. This is a fantastic tactic for keeping the conflict ball in the air for an extended period of time.

Hopefully, you see the tongue-in-cheek message in this post. I don’t actually advocate any of these behaviors, and I work every day to keep them out of my communication practices. However, I am human, and sometimes one or two of them will creep in on me.

Take a look at yourself. Do any of these behaviors ever show up in your conflict communication style?

If you want to learn the skills of effective workplace conflict resolution, I suggest that you work to do just the opposite of these five conflict escalation practices and go back to the conflict de-escalation post.

Here’s a great article about road rage and what it has to do with workplace conflict. It was written by Guy Harris who writes a blog about resolving conflict in teams.

As I returned home from taking my daughter to school last Friday, a gentleman in a van pulled out in front of me and forced me slam on the brakes to avoid hitting him.

When we passed each other, he looked at me sheepishly and waved. Clearly, he did not see my car. I’m guessing that he did not intend to create a heart stress moment for me. It just happened. He’s human.

After I waved to him to let him know that I undestood, I thought of the times I have seen other people react totally differently. In fact, I thought of times when I have reacted totally differently. I thought of people yelling, honking the horn, and offering a one-finger salute rather than a friendly wave.

At that moment, I saw a connection to workplace conflict. The anger and escalation of road rage often begins by misinterpreting another person’s actions.

When someone pulls out in front of you, cuts you off, or stops short; they either did it for the purpose of annoying you or they didn’t. If they didn’t do it to annoy you, they probably just reacted to what they thought they saw as they decided to pull out, change lanes, or stop.

Since I have pulled out, changed lanes, and stopped in ways that frustrated others without meaning to do it. I think it’s fair to say that not everyone who does something to cause you stress in traffic intended to do so. In fact, I don’t recall ever intentionally driving my car in a way that annoyed another person. I’m guessing that most people don’t intentionally annoy others either.

What, you might ask, has this got to do with workplace conflict?

Everything.

It’s all about the interpretations we place on other people’s words and actions. In the situation I mentioned at the start of this post, I assumed that the other person did not see me. I assumed that he had good intent and just made a mistake. As a result, I didn’t get angry with him.

In other situations (when I have been less under control), I have thought that the other person saw me and pulled out despite the fact that they saw me coming. I assumed negative intent, and I got angry.

The same thing happens in the workplace. Someone does or says the wrong thing. Or, they don’t do or don’t say the right thing. Whatever the situation, it happens, and we assume that they “meant to do that.” With that assumption about their intention, we get angry, and conflict begins to grow.

I have noticed that the vast majority of people seldom do things for the purpose of causing other people frustration and aggravation. It usually happens unintentionally.

When things go wrong in our interactions with others, we have a choice. We can choose to assume that they meant to  frustrate us, or we can assume that they made an innocent mistake.

I suggest starting with the later assumption.

I’m not talking about naive, polyanna type assumptions. I realize that some people actually do enjoy frustrating others. I’m just saying that most people don’t.

Why not start with the assumption that applies to most people, and minimize the risk of conflict even beginning? You can always adjust if necessary rather than starting with the negative assumption and escalating a conflict without reason.

http://principledriven.com/blog/conflict-resolution-concepts/road-rage-interpretations-and-workplace-conflict/

Well not quite an ode. A few paragraphs to be exact.

The man asked why I hadn’t named him in my favourite bloggers and friends post a few weeks back. A silly man I tell ya. Doesn’t he realize that his place in my heart is a special one? He’s had quite a few stories to tell which include me and I think it’s time I returned the favour.

I first met DD in early 2000 when we both worked in Lowe, then Lintas together. A large, dark, well-dressed, slightly overwhelming man, who didn’t wear undies on Friday just for kinks. His arguments with David Blacker were legendary and we’d all pop out along the corridor to hear them. But come 5 pm the 2 of them would be at Old Joes getting drunk together like the best of friends, albeit with some cutting remarks from David which DD would opt to laugh off instead of starting yet another war. It’s from these 2 that I learned the value of not taking advertising personally. We argue in this industry like cats and dogs, but some of us know how to walk out of one of them and still stay the best of friends.

DD told me once that we nutters in the ad industry take ourselves far too seriously. It isn’t this year that I finally began to grow tired of selling soap for a living and began to realize the wisdom of his words. We have brainstorms, we strategize, look for insights into the human psyche… all to sell soap to the masses. I for one have stopped taking my job seriously and I have DD to thank for it. I like my job, I do it well, it pays the bills. That’s it. My life, my real life has nothing to do with the advertising world anymore, unlike years ago.

A bunch of us would go to Old Joe’s after work at least 3 times a week. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a super homey place located on the St. Joseph’s College compound with excellent bites and arrack galore. At 19 or 20 my disposable income was virtually non-existent and most of the time the likes of DD would foot the majority of the bill, reminding the rest of us broke ‘uns that he was also young once and it’s no reason to miss out on all the fun. I’ve had some excellent memories drinking with DD that went on for years and every day we’d sit down together, I’d come away with a new experience.

On my 21st birthday I was at work and way too broke to have a party. I remember he was at home and called me asking me to just drop work and turn up at his house. A bunch of us sat in his living room getting drunk all afternoon. It was the nicest way to turn 21, I tell ya!

But we’ve had our share of legendary arguments as well. We’ve screamed at eachother along the corridors of Lintas and I’m sure he thought I was a right-royal brat at the time, but I wasn’t one to keep quiet and would stand up for my convictions which I do hope he managed to realize even then. But with DD, even the arguments were fun because he’d bring a new, albeit ridiculous perspective to the disagreement just to flummox me, leaving me gaping at him open-mouthed and furious that I had let myself get trapped in a nonsensical argument.

I love ya DD. And I miss having you around a lot more than you realize. Come home soon?

I was sitting here one day two weeks ago and a big white truck pulled into the driveway. I thought it was my sister-in-law and wondered why she was here. As I glanced at her getting out of the truck I just thought she must have been in the neighborhood so I waited for her to get to the door. When I went to the door I discovered, it wasn’t her. It was a woman “representing” our power company.

She started telling me, TELLING ME and not “talking” to me that a lot of our trees needed to be cut down. I about had a stroke. She pretty much told me that a path of a good 20 feet wide and a good 50 feet long, needed to be removed from our front yard. Keep in mind that these tree’s were our privacy from the road.

I asked her why they couldn’t just be trimmed and she informed me that the power company can’t afford to come out and “trim” these box-elder tree’s that I didn’t plant there in the first place. She said the birds ate the seeds and took a crap and that’s the only reason the tree’s were there and they were “garbage” trees anyway!!! I’m NOT kidding you. She really said that. Well, I just didn’t quite know what to say to that other than we’ve been watching these tree’s grow for years now and that’s one of the nice things about living on 80 acres in the country. We have privacy and I didn’t want all those tree’s cut down the way she described it. I also told her that my husband would have a stroke when I told him. I asked her to come back when he was home. I knew Paul would flip out.

I even told her I’d be willing to hire my own tree trimming company and pay for it myself and she told me that working that close to power lines, they need a special license. While I know part of that may be true, she was trying to bully me and it really started pissing me off. She told me I had every right to refuse to let them be trimmed but then they’d put some kind of adapter on the pole on the road so if a tree hit any power lines, only our power would go off and if it was the middle of January and we lost our power on a Friday night, nobody would come to help me until Monday!!

This woman was very rude. Sue told me I should have called the power company and tell them this woman was very pushy and a big bully but I knew it wouldn’t do any good. They don’t “really” care do they? I know it had to be done but I don’t like the way I was treated. She also argued with me that she was out here 2 years ago when they trimmed. I called her on that one. I asked her if she ever saw me before and she said no so then I asked her who she talked to as we’ve lived here since 95. She couldn’t answer me so I knew I had her. I also told her if she’d told me 2 years ago I’d lose all these tree’s, I’d have kept them trimmed and we wouldn’t be having this conversation. It turns out they trimmed the tree’s on the road and they don’t need permission to trim those.

I asked her if I had to give her an answer right this minute and she said no, that she’d come back the following week. I told her I had to talk to Paul and he would NOT be very happy to have a path like that through our trees. I did give her the okay but she really backed off the next time she came out here and the path they cut down was nothing like she told me it was going to be.

It just makes me wonder if any of you have had experiences like this? Why do people “in the driver’s seat” seem to think they can come and just bully you this way? Obviously I didn’t want to lose power in the winter or any other time but couldn’t she have been a little kinder and talked to me like we were equals and not like she was the Queen Of The World? What makes people act like this?

Stupid, stupid, stupid people. You know when people say you get smarter each year you grow up? With age comes wisdom? .. or something along those lines. They were lying. My parents are definitely not a good example of wise adults who make smart decisions in life. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my parents no matter how much they piss me off. It’s just .. they things they do anger me. So, let me rant about what happened.

So, I’m upstairs, on the computer, when I hear two loud idiots screaming at each other downstairs. Why? I have no idea. Usually, this is how it goes. My male parent would say something, to which my female parent would question. He would respond with, “Don’t question the things I say. Just do them.” My female parent would not give up though. She must find the answer to why something is done that way, or why his statement had to be presented in that manner. Next, my male parent would get defensive because he feels as if people do not trust his ideas or theories, or anything else he has presented to others. Following that, my female parent would then present her idea to the situation, to which he would reply, “No, my way is the right way/thought, and your way/thought is idiotic. God, you people are so f**king stupid.” Now, my female parent would be angry because her intelligence is being questioned. So, she would say something along the lines of “Please watch your attitude towards me.” My male parent, being the quick-tempered person that he is, will say; “Don’t f**king tell me what to do. Your brains are all filled with sh*t.” Basically, you can see the statements they say back to one another. My male parent would scream, give you a glare that kills, and my female parent would walk away from him, to which he would smack/punch something. Usually the couch or table.

Now, my parent’s don’t fight .. physically, which is obviously a good thing. However, their arguments are pretty constant. Once a month, if not once every two months. After the argument, my female parent would no longer make him meals. Therefore, he’ll go and purchase take-out. After two weeks (if I’m lucky, it’s one week), he will realize he can’t waste any more money on take-out food, and apologizes to my female parent. They will quickly fix their problems, and everything will run smoothly .. until the next argument.

My point is, their arguments are so childish. Honestly. Even teenagers don’t argue about stupid things like that, let alone middle-aged adults who should have learned their lesson the first couple of arguments they have in the first couple years of their marriage. Either my male parent just stop being so quick-tempered, or my female parent should just stop questioning his methods of doing things. Here’s how I see it: You do what he says. If it’s wrong, you can them blame him afterwards with proof that his theory was wrong. That way, he can’t say anything to it. It’s worked for me, and I learned to do that a couple years ago. Why can’t she?

Gosh .. my parent’s are idiots.