“You’re not a bad person. You’re a very good person who had bad things happen to you. We all got both light and dark inside of us. What matters the most is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.” -Sirius Black

(:

Love, like we never been hurt before..
How is that even possible?
The more I love, the deeper the hurt.
I’m stuck in this position, my heart is constantly fighting against my head.

Logic and feelings.

I feel too much and think too much.
Not a moment I’m resting my mind and heart.
I’m lost, once again.
I thought I could do it,
I felt that everything will be alright..

Perhaps I have overestimated myself.

I’m not as strong as I seemed on the outside.

I am feeling so vunerable and weak that I’m about to go insane.

Emotions overflowed again,
it is time to be back to the reality.

Reorganization.

Time is needed, so badly.
I’m really desperate to get back to my feet again and again.

I wished I can be this honest to everyone who truly cares about me.

I don’t wanna hide, nor I wanna avoid.

I just want to be simply,
Me, Myself, And I.

I wished to be by your side till I’m better.
I really missed so much of happiness.
I don’t know why am I contradicting myself again.

Oh whatever, till I’m fully recovered.

Healing in process.

When something really happens, it is always inexpressible.

Perhaps I haven’t really gotten much surprises in my life, and when I really do it seemed to me so unreal.

I had been way too harsh on myself these days…

Locking myself away from the reality isn’t helping at all.
Avoiding, forced a smile, and I know I acted so well that I am being fooled by myself too.

But I didn’t stayed long this way.

It is torturing, agonizing, and way too hurtful..

I had to carry on with this decision cause I know it is time.

It is kinda snapped me out of my vicious cycle that I created out of fear, and I felt the sudden peace in me.

I’m still getting used to it.

This quietness, silence that I needed.

Guess this is part of life.

(:

P.S.

This is it.
Not anymore.
Never.

Driving lessons, on going.
FTT booked.
E trials, on going.
Air tickets booked.
Apartment booked.
Holiday, confirmed.
Concert tickets, confirmed.
Work, on going.
Korean lessons, on going.
Guitar practice, on going.
Singing lessons, scheduled.
Engineering lessons, scheduled.

Time with friends and family,
every week, every two days.

What’s more?

Life isn’t going to wait for you,
Live life, love life, stay alive.

Give all you have now, cause
it’s Awesome August.
(:

The feeling I had since last year, I don’t know what happened,

why it happened, how did it happened..

I took a glance at my calendar, amazed at how time passes.

I didn’t realize how much effort, how much energy I’ve spent, on this pathetic feeling I have.

I know I ought to be over it, had done whatever I could have..

I start to be foolish, and beginning to stress and be strict with myself.

I had developed this sense of high expectation, quality over quantity,

and all I wanted were improvements and progress.

But what I didn’t expect was seeing myself still standing where I’m suppose

to leave, where I should have traveled far away from…

I’m just so in shocked, to see myself here again.

It’s really crazy.

I am still seeing your shadows everywhere.

I saw your warm smile,  your happiness, anger, sadness, anxiety, the memory of you I had…

I wished you were here sometimes, telling me to go where I should have been.

But that would be really selfish of me to do that, to expect anything from you.

I can’t help to think so much about us, and yet today should be the last day I tell myself that I must let go.

I tried, my very best to forget, to forgive.

I already had forgiven, but still unable to forget.

Tell me, what else should I do?

I wished I could just have an answer.

P.S.

How silly can I get?

I know for sure I want you to be happy.

I want to see you happier than me.

I just don’t want to be a burden to anyone else again…

Less than three, July and me.

没有再逃避
只有最真实的自己

没有了如果
只有充实的活

没有了期待
只剩下等待

没有了依赖
只有坚强独立和忍耐

天开始下起温柔的雨滴
再也无需穿上雨衣

我望着天空白云
忽然想起那么一段话

祝福也是一种爱
因为我发现你会笑了
所以渐渐的我也笑了
你快乐就是我快乐…

Stay strong jun.
You have to overcome all these obstacles by yourself.
You ain’t a coward.
You just lost your way.
Just get back to the right track,
that’s all you need to do.

Don’t ever frown, for things get better when you smile!

FIGHTING!

All those waiting will be gone.
Live all you can.

Try to remember the kind of september,
when life was slow and oh, so mellow.
Try to remember the kind of september,
when the grass was green and grain was yellow.
Try to remember and if you remember then follow, follow…

Deep in december is nice to remember,
without a hurt the heart is hollow.
Deep in december our hearts should remember,
then follow, follow…

-Try to remember by The Brothers Four

The perfect song for the night…
Sing along in your dreams.
Listen to your heartbeat.

Less than three,
just him and me.

请你要小心, 别再乱伤心, 让人担心又操心.
你要学会听一听, 那温柔的声音.

心啊, 心.

我想念你那温暖又能感应其他人的心,
那最容易打动人又让彼此更亲近的心.

心啊, 心.

告诉我你到底是真心, 还是假惺惺?

100% Handmade book (:

Fell in love with sewing these days.. hee.

Can’t figure out is this minnie mouse or just big red ribbon over a black mouse.. lol.

I promised I’m not flooding you with mickey stuffs! Hehe

A true storybook, with tons of pictures and heartfelt words..

Almost took me a month to think, to plan, to scan, to write and to make!

But I believe, nothing beats a handmade present from just me to you! (:

Hope you had enjoyed the book and the present!

LESS THAN THREE!

hope, faith, believe, LOVE!

Our 9th year together. I am still waiting for our first decade! <3

Somehow I felt that I’m in a relationship with my special one here, haha.

It’s her birthday, today (:

There’s so much to say, to tell her how much I treasured all these years of friendship,

how thankful I am, how important she is in my life…

Though it’s not my first time writing to her, to make her presents for each birthday spent,

I still want to say to her, every single year.

Only till this year, I realized how strong our friendship is.

I still remember we grew closer only after secondary school graduation, and meeting up regularly,

spending time, planning outings, taking tons of photos together..

Years went by, our lives changes, from schooling to working, nothing ever seems to be certain,

but strangely what doesn’t change is the connection shared between us.

She always seems to know me better than I do!

That’s kinda scary sometimes but seriously, she is really the

most patient and understanding friend I ever have! My first soulmate! (: 

I am really grateful, and really really appreciate her presence in my life.

I seriously have no idea what will happen in the future, when we get tired in our lives,

get lost in our dreams, and perhaps we may quarrel and fight, (though not even once we did)

I know for sure I will keep her by my side, still loving her like I do now!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my dearest one! <3

Shall update, soon!

Less than three times less than three!

to be revealed on 13 July, Friday! (;

Found this little note in my treasure box. To whoever wrote this many many years ago..thank you! (:

喜欢音乐不是件坏事；

不要放弃艺术；

不要担心，要有信心；

看着这样盲目的自己，一直活在梦想里的自己。

想着想着哪一天会成功，成功的那一天，父母朋友都以我为傲。

直到那一天的到来，我不会放弃。

我不会再胆却，一定要克服这一切。

A simple motivation goes a long way.

FIGHTING!

It is difficult to keep someone in your life who doesn’t want to stay.
To have someone in your heart who doesn’t have yours in the first place.

Right now, perhaps.

I learnt to keep a treasure box.
A box with a simple lock called love…

A box of memories, a box of my personal life experiences…
So as I am able to recap and refresh memories that were fading together with time,
and remembering people who were long forgotten over time.

It is the best way of recalling my past,
Good or bad, so let it be.

My past, present and the future,
will always be well treasured and preserved.

If you ever love me, you will be able to open the box.
If you don’t, it will always remain locked.

Less than three,
For this july, everything reminded of you and me..

Click ctrl + Z to track back,
Click ctrl + C and ctrl + V to copy and paste memories.

Click ctrl + A to select all,
Click delete to erase all.

P.S.
Rainy season is here again.
Learn to dance in the rain.

忽然的阵雨, 藏着许多的回忆.
雨水滴答滴答, 一点一滴.
你站在那远远的草地, 偷偷的哭泣.
我撑着伞, 看着你, 却无能为力.

请原谅我不敢面对, 那哭红的双眼.

每个人的人生里都隐藏着许多故事，经历的事情都不太一样。

不管人生里发生过任何事，我都能够理解。

但今天收到这样感叹人生的消息后，我不能够了解。

从小就像一个大家庭，一起玩闹，虽然不是很亲但还是有些模糊的印象。

我和几个堂妹，堂弟，还有个顶着光头的大哥哥，

曾有过那么短暂又快乐的童年。

近几年，那位大哥哥已经结了婚，有个六个月大的孩子。

但在得知这消息后，现在的他已不在世上了。

更让人惊叹的是，在生命与死亡之间，

他选择了了断这一切。

我真的不明白，也不知道该如何应对。

心顿时冷却了。

只希望在天上的祖母，会好好的看守他，

告诉他，这一切都是个错误。

一辈子，不能挽回的错误。

如此脆弱的生命，请好好的珍惜。

Everywhere else seemed so dead,
not a person was seen, or awake.

The empty streets and shop houses around,
I was unfamiliar with this strange town.

It was really cold and I was freezing in pain,
thought I will never feel any warmth again.

I felt so alone and insecure,
when all of a sudden, the rain stops.
I found myself lying on my bed,
staring at the blank wall…

It was just a dream,
A horrible dream, a nightmare.

I heaved a sigh of relief,
never ever want to recall any parts of it.

Mentally blown, I calmed myself down and looked around.

I spotted my guitar, picked it up, and played a few songs.
I could feel the pain from my fingers.

The pain that I had experienced,
those feelings that are never gone.

I opened my diary and decided to write a song,
with no lyrics just a few simple chords.

I imagine, I think, and I feel.
I just don’t want any of this to be real.

It will be fine, I reassured myself.
This is not the end of twenty twelve.

On this special day of yours…

 
Remember that you are never alone and you are always blessed with these people around.

Millions of fans’ wishes all over the world, they will stay by your side, giving support whenever you need.

Your family, friends, fans, and band members always love you for who you are.

Find the happiness within you, keep this passionate, warm and kind heart,

keep smiling and dream of a bigger dream.

Although I know I’m one in the million fans, but still wanna say

Happy birthday!  (:

Less than three, you are happy so are we <3

Sometimes we just need lesser fights, and more light in us.

When we were young;

Everything seemed so new and fascinating,

curiosity brought us new ideas, new perspectives.

As time goes by, we grow, we learn from others,

from our parents, our family.

Each and every detail in life,

how to speak, how to read,

how to write, how to eat,

how to deal with people, how to communicate..

Looking back in time, it has been quite awhile.

For the 22 years I have lived up till now,

I question if I ever took good care of myself,

of my parents…

In the recent days, I realize how weak I am,

knowing that my health is getting worse,

I am trying my best to gain this healthy set of mind and body back again.

I want to get well, I need to be better.

Less than three for I have faith in me.

(:

回忆, 就像那美丽的风筝,
唯有那条线才能在空中飘着.
如果把手中的线放开了,
它就会像自由的鸟儿飞翔着.

我该学会放下所拥有的,
还是学着珍惜这一切呢?

顿时看着那蔚蓝的天空,
心也跟着海浪一波一波的跳着.
不知何时开始笑着流泪,
感到欣慰又无奈.

但还是对矛盾的自己说,
不要再欺骗, 也不要再忍耐.

就让一切顺其自然吧.

偶尔一个人坐在人群中，想象自己的未来。

想象自己的家，房子大小，

一一的浮现在脑海里。

曾经的我，会想象自己的家庭，孩子，

老公，和家人一起住。

大家一起，同一个屋檐下，

过着简单又快乐生活。

但最近不知道何时改变了想法，

现在的我很想搬出去一个人住。

也许是因为天天为工作烦恼，

为家人担心，自己也让家人操心。

生活变得更辛苦，责任也开始增加，

要处理的事情渐渐地堆积如山。

不知道是要逃避，还是要训练自己独立，

但我只想要试试一个人的生活。

一个人去旅行。

一个人弹弹吉他，唱唱歌，

一个人吃饭，看书，画画，

一个人和外国人交流，

一个人去吸取多点经验，

偶尔一个人，也能生存…

In the last several months, I have been literally living my life.

Working, outing, working, learning.

I have seen so much in my life, and I know that there are

more than what I have seen in the future right now.

Sharing my life stories to cheer others up has been my hobby.

I love to share, it shows that I care.

Whoever judges me before knowing,

I couldn’t be bothered too.

Though most of the time I know that I’m being easily misunderstood,

and just wanting others to be patient with me when getting to know me,

but, I guess I need to be patient with myself first.

Many questions came to me like, am I a good person?

Am I giving the wrong impression to others?

Am I improving?

Am I living my life?

Am I able to survive on my own?

No matter how much I think,

I just want to keep moving on,

keep on pursuing my dreams.

In this new month, there are certain goals and things I wished to achieve.

My wish list has grown.

Learning to settle all problems that are needed to be solved.

Hoping to stay strong and be even more independent.

No, I will and I must.

JUN, FIGHTING!

Less than three, set myself free.

You gave me your care and concern when I am feeling low.

You held my hand tighter when I was about to let go of myself.

You stayed by my side when everyone has left me.

You always be there like you always said you will be.

No one told you that how emotionally drained I was when I allowed my weak side to be seen,

No one told you how deeply everything that happened meant to me,

No one except you who came, and understood without any words exchanged.

Thank you, my dear.

Thank you.

It happened to me before, it will happen again.

But this time I shall be nice to myself, and to the others in need.

I don’t know who else to turn to when I really need,

but I hope I can always share every part of me when you needed me.

That’s the least I could do for you.

And that’s only way that I will feel better.

I know for sure and I don’t know why, but only this time.

I felt that it is everything I wished for, and it is exactly what I am looking for.

I hoped.

Less than three and it’s just gonna be me.

Well for this is life, it is the more we should stay alive.

Perhaps trying really hard to be the change in everything you want to see,

it is rather inspiring and motivating…

But it takes us quite some time to know that we all have our limits,

differences and our own lives to live, and the fact that

we were never superheros.

Somehow, sometimes.. I wonder how, I really wonder why.

Why do we have to earn money to live and survive,

why do we need so much effort made to be ‘perfect’ humans when there

is never such a word as perfect in life?

Why and more why?

I hate to watch the news recently, the corrupted system in education,

the badly shaped society, and yet I have seen these much in just 22 years that I’ve lived,

I just felt rather disappointed, agitated, agony, frustrated,

trying so hard to change, to be better and finally realized that

there’s only these much I can do.

Simply,

I am just a human too.

Less than three, for hope is always within me.

Very soon, we will have everything back in place.

I let those painful yet happy memories flow in my mind,

slowly, one by one they came back on its own.

Flashbacks and fading out…

They are quite similar to those transitions that appear in movies,

scene by scene, a moment to another.

I kept my calm, as much as I can, though still feeling teary every time.

I don’t wish to control anymore, I just wish to change.

I will change, my feelings towards everything that had happened.

I know for sure it is gonna take me some time, I am no superwomen,

and I am sure you need the time too.

I don’t know how much you still feel about us, but I just want you to be happy.

Be happy, stay happy and you will definitely be better.

I don’t what else I can say, and I don’t know what else I can do for you,

I don’t know how I am suppose to talk to you like this,

but at least I still can hope that you can read even we don’t talk at all.

I am ready anytime, to face anything that is about to happen,

I will be brave, and stay strong no matter what.

Let our hearts feel, the way that they need to be.

Love like it doesn’t hurt at all, love for we need to love more in life.