Today I went Christmas shopping with a friend. Luckily I wasn’t buying anything, all presents I have to get have already been bought. My dad’s getting Benny Hill DVDs and my mother is getting the Mama Mia box set so that’s all taken care of. Anyway, in Asda I saw the below product on special offer. Called ‘Snuggie’ it’s billed as a ‘blanket with sleeves’. I’m sure it’s a top quality product which does its intended job very well. However, I couldn’t help but think that it also makes those who wear it look like members of a religious cult. Thanks for reading.

A Shetland confectioner wins its legal battle with retail giants Asda over the name of one of its flagship sweets…. From BBC News. Full story

This site may contain information about: go shopping. The blog is also related to: gift shopping.

The RSPCA hits out at pranksters who put a live sheep in a shopping trolley and wheeled it into a London supermarket…. From BBC News. Full story

This site may contain information about: window shopping. The blog is also related to: green shopping.

For some reason Wal-Mart (who now own ASDA in the UK) seems to be getting a lot of tweets today. reminds me of my experience with their security staff in the Watford (UK) branch.

We were leaving their store, after spending a couple of hours shopping. We had a trolley packed full of bags. As we left, a woman dashed through the security scanner thingy’s setting off the alarm. A Canadian gorilla masquerading as a security guard came running and instead of chasing the woman who was running out of the store, he picked on us. Right out in the open, getting rude stares from everybody walking past,  we had to unload everything while he checked through what we had in the trolley and compared it to the receipt.

He actually said, “I’m not finding anything folks” when he failed to find anything that hadn’t been paid for. Hardly bloody surprising since we hadn’t stolen anything. I was half hoping he’d ask us to back to the office for a search we could have been really rude then, but he just got frustrated and fed up after a while and went back into the store. In other words, having chased the wrong people, he made a half hearted attempt to appear in control and confident then, with the job only half done, he gave up.

Here’s a top tip for Wal-Mart (and other stores). We know you have to employ security staff but when you do so, please make sure they have eyes and a few brain cells.

I haven’t bothered to go back there, I now shop at Sainsbury’s where they employ real people.

Phillip Blond, leader of the ResPublica thinktank, has launched an attack on Britain’s supermarkets. Mr Blond is allegedly influential with the Conservative leadership.

Mr Blond suggested that the government should “create new models” for supermarkets’ businesses. He wanted them to charge for their car-parks, and he wants new rules to stop new supermarkets being built.

New rules to stop new stores being built would of course be a big boon to the existing supermarkets, entrenching existing local monopolies and preventing new entrants. It is often believed that the four supermarkets that now lead the pack always did so. That is nonsense. Morrison’s has only in the last few years emerged as a challenger. If Mr Blond’s new rules had been in place, it would have prevented Morrison’s rise, and protected the other three of the current big four from their competition.

I’m not sure what Mr Blond meant by the government “creating new models” for supermarkets. But he should remember that they are private businesses, operating in an intensely competitive industry. A player that weakens even for a short time can find its position under serious threat. Sainsbury’s found that out the hard way over the last few years, although they have now recovered.

The only people creating models for supermarkets should be the supermarkets – responding to the demands of customers. And that is something that they do extremely well. When governments create models for business, they typically mess it up.

Almost everybody buys most of their food in a supermarket. That is not because the supermarkets have those customers in some kind of vice-like grip from which they cannot escape. It is because the supermarkets provide the customers with what they want.

Customers want good service, and the supermarkets provide better service than most small shops.

Customers want cheap prices, and the supermarkets deliver those in spades. They are often able to sell food at cheaper prices than the small shops have to pay to buy in their stock. Which is, of course, because there are big wholesalers acting as middle men in the small shops’ business models – companies like Booker. For some unknown reason nobody ever seems to complain about the profits they make.

Customers want good quality, and the quality controls of the big supermarkets are far superior to those any small shop could espouse.

And customers want to be able to drive to the supermarket, park for free and load their shopping into the car. They haven’t got time or energy to go shopping every day and carry the food back in bags on the bus.

But of course supermarkets screw suppliers, don’t they? Yes, they do. And they themselves are being screwed by their customers – that’s you and me, demanding ever lower prices, ever more choice, ever better stores and ever better service. That’s how markets work.

Mr Blond has apparently described himself as a “Red Tory”. Nope. He’s a socialist.

The top UK supermarket ASDA (formerly part of the wal-mart family) has gone public with some great results of a multivariate test. For the full gen, see Internet Retailing magazine’s coverage here, there are a few excerpts below for your edificaiton.

A multivariate test to the ASDA homepage saw bounce rate reduce by 19% so that’s a bag-load more visitors going deep into the site and shopping in one of the ASDA brands (groceries, finance, whitegoods appear to be the major ones). There’s no comment on the impact on conversions at the end of the funnel but Chris Dalrymple of ASDA is very positive about the result in the quote:

“By making small and subtle changes to our website we have already seen that this can have a huge impact on our customers’ ability to find what they’re looking for. This is a level of detail that we’ve never previously had access to whereas now we can use Maxymiser’s analysis tool to look at changes that we know drive conversion uplift. ”

It’s great to see multivaraite testing getting some coverage in the vertical press over here in europe. So many of them have been blind to its impact to date even though vendors including Omniture and Optimost have been plugging away and publishing some great results. Perhaps the press are so used to amazing stories of uplift that they are already jaded when they hear of this new multivariate testing thing?

There is also apparently a case study pdf of the results on the Maxymiser website but I have to rush so will leave you to locate that!

Most of the unsolicited emails I get from PRs (not to mention a few of the solicited ones) are absolute bollocks  but one I got today from the ASDA PR instantly attracted my attention for it read: “George at ASDA prevent men’s beer bellies.” And not only that, they can help with your moobs too.

The solution, dear readers, is the Body Sculpt Vest, a countouring garment for men which claims to give you an instant six pack (I’ll believe that when I see it) and manage your moobs. Now, my own man breasts might not be on a par with that cleaning woman from I’m A Celebrity but I’m certainly at trainer bra status so can’t wait to give this a go. And it’s only £7 too!  All I need now is a pair of contouring pants to reduce the size of my…

Can Archie work his magic this time too?

So the seven month long debacle is over, ITV have found themselves a new chairman, in the form of Archie Norman corporate business saviour extraordinaire. It’s been an embarrassing time for ITV, and news has been greeted by shareholders with a share price rise of 3%. Amazingly, the announcement remained unleaked, so came as somewhat as a smack in the chops to the press.

So what of the appointment. Well Archie certainly doesn’t have any media experience under his belt but he is renowned for his knack for corporate restructuring. Much has been said about his previous role as ASDA’s chief executive and he’s already been dubbed by some as ‘ASDA’s TV repairman’; he brought the supermarket chain back from the brink after it grew too quickly in the 90’s. Also does media experience really matter that much – Michael Grade has bags of it and he hasn’t been able to sail the sinking ship ITV safe of trouble.

And what of the future then? Well hot on the heels of this news we’ll expect a new chief executive chairman to be appointed and you’d hope that a candidate for this job would be of suitable media industry calibre. Norman’s tory roots may also hint at where ITV may well be headed. The Conservatives will not subsidise the channel with the licence fee so Archie will no doubt have been chosen to play the pivotal role of finding a sustainable commercial business model so ITV can survive the long term.

If ITV were as buoyant as ASDA none of us would have to worry about a graduate job!

Corporate restructuring will undoubtedly ruffle a few feathers,  and who knows how this may affect journalistic output. With the news this week that ITN can’t get to grips with its pension scheme, announcing a £3 million pre tax loss,  29 more jobs are to go and a pay freeze is on the horizon in the new year. From the regional perspective, there have been more details this week on who may run the first pilot that will replace ITV’s local services in 2012. The Conservative backed ultra-local TV news replacement is that independently financed model I spoke of in a previous post. At present its a two horse race between Newcastle and Manchester based consortiums that want to have a go first.

There will no doubt be some interesting interplay between ITN who don’t want a ‘patchwork’ of news regions under different guises, but united under one brand, to the way the conservatives see it. However with their financial precariousness, a conservative government looking likely, and Archie Norman’s new appointment, it still all remains very much in flux.

COMO TER UM PET EM ASDA STORY?


Este guia é básico para os iniciantes que querem um animal de estimação para toda sua vida (ps: informações sobre pets no tutorial : http://www.cheatsbrasil.com/local/asda-sto…t-t175935.html)

Como obter um animal de estimação?

-Alguns ovos de estimação são dropados de monstros e alguns estão disponíveis no Cash.

Difinicação de %

Pet de monstro normais têm uma taxa de sucesso normal de incubação.
Pet raros dropados de Boss têm taxa de sucesso bem pequenas na incubação.
Pet comprados em cash tem uma taxa de 100% de sucesso de incubação.

Como fazer o seu pet?

1. Pressione o botão “I” para mostrar item de inventário
2. Clique duas vezes a Incubadora de Pet.

3. Clique no ovo da Incubadora.
4. Clique na Pet Complemento (opcional para dar %)

5. Clique Incubação (processo de incubação, irá ocorrer)
6. Clique na câmara de ovos acima (o dedo clicando no teclado)

Creditos: MMoKidz

Quests

Asda é um jogo Quest Based, ou seja quase sempre você upará por
meio de Quests, matando mobs e cumprindo missões designadas à você, então logo
quando logar, procure no mapa os (!) sobre os NPCs, e pegue sempre
todas Quests possíveis, saia da cidade, cumpra TODAS e logo depois
retorne aos NPC, para terminar as Questes e adquirindo Itens/Exp/Gold. Todos os leveis você ganha uma Quests novas, e algumas só podem ser
feitas caso você tenha feito uma anteriormente. Então fique atento a
todas Quests possíveis.

Mudanças de mapa: Quando você terminar as quests em uma região, começará a aparecer de outra, e de outra… fique ligado para os diálogos.

Equipamentos

Inicialmente não ligue muito para equipamentos, você
irá ganhar uma arma básica quando você trocar de profissão pela primeira vez
(lvl 5), e caso aquela não seja a sua (Ex: archers ganham bow, mas os
archers que gostariam de ser crossbow, ou ballista, terão que achar outro
jeito para arrumar suas armas), compre no Shop ou arrume de outra maneira.
Suas primeiras skills terão a necessidade da arma certa.

Option Stones e Jewel

Jewel – é a alma do jogo, isso que fará toda
diferença nos equipamentos. Toda arma sem Jewel praticamente não serve,
mas 95% das armas, vendidas ou dropadas já vem com Jewel, o mesmo vale
para equipamentos. Ela é que adiciona o ataque a defesa de tudo, e pode
ser alterada para uma melhor ou pior, é só desencaixa-lá e botar uma
outra, assim os stats do equipamento também mudam.

Options – te dão stats e outras características especiais, mas ao
contrário das Jewel, nem todas armaste darão o direito de equipá-la com
Options, apenas dropadas, achadas, Box, etc. As compradas do npc e
derivados, são apenas compatíveis com Jewel.

OBS: Existem jewel e Options de muitos levels, e stats parecidos/iguais, mas as de boss, box, e raras variam e ajudam bastante.

Dungeon

Chegará um level (17 aproximadamente) que você será
desafiado pela primeira vez (Pelas quests) a entrar numa dungeon e
cumprir diversas missões lá. Nesse level, não é possível solar lá, há
diversos boss e mobs em grupo, então você será forçado a procurar uma
party pra faze-la. Tenha sempre em mente a sua função no grupo, (Ex: Magos Healers tem a função de Curar, Tankers de Solar, Archers atacam e dão
suporte aos Melees e por ai vai). Sempre esteja em grupo que dai não será difícil,
se você é archer não deve tentar solar, espere alguém para fazer isso.

Os itens achados de boss, das quests de dungeon são realmente interessantes, e a exp. muito boa também, tanto dos
boss, quanto das quests.

FAQ

Problemas de dano, ataco muito pra matar um mob , estou fraco?
Isso é real, há anéis no internacional que facilitam 100% o grind,
que aumentam o ataque físico, a defesa, e o ataque mágico, são baratos
e realmente muito úteis. Sem eles, voce sentirá uma diferença brutal no
dano, passando de 400 na skill por exemplo, pra 1200. Mas não posso
garantir que a Ongame os trará logo no inicio, visto que há pouco tempo
foi introduzido no Internacional.

Está ok, agora quando troco de equipamentos?
Você raramente precisará comprar, só 35+ acredito, antes disso você
vai dropá-los ou consegui-los normalmente pelas boxes, a não ser que
você seja sem sorte.

Como faz arma que brilha?
Refinando uma arma bastante, essa ganha atributos especiais, e pode
brilhar, não é caro, mas é meio perda de tempo em em leveis baixos, já que
você ja ja troca de novo de arma.

Espero que gostem e agradeçam.

Organização: ScobaDark
Fonte: Cássio do Asda Story Brasil (Comunidade Orkut)

Confira a lista de Títulos do asda

Woken up this morning feeling generally under the weather and with a rotten headache, so once I’ve finished this post, I’m going to do the hoovering, have a tidy round, and then curl up on the sofa, methinks.  William’s been struggling with a horrible cold all week, so perhaps I’ve got that coming – just in time for the weekend – lovely!

Anyway, without further ado, here’s some more of my recently shopping highlights:

First up, these fab winter boots I picked up for William in Asda this week for only £12.  He’s been mooching round in Crocs or school trainers since the summer (apart from his school shoes) so I thought it was about time I bought him something more suited to our current weather!  He even likes them – result!

I popped into Richley’s last week (not one of my usual shopping stops, but my car was parked right next door, as I was picking up my new bedroom lights from the shop next door, and as they had a huge sign proclaiming a big closing down sale, I just had to go and have a quick nosy.  Very worthwhile as it turned out, as I picked up two of these pretty summer dresses (Monsoon) and three of these Per Una skirts, all to sell on Ebay, for the absolute rock bottom price of £1 each!  Was jolly glad I went in after all!

And last but not least, but lovely new bedroom lights.  I am so pleased with my bedroom, just the finishing few touches to complete now, and it will be done.  Please excuse the appalling bottom photo, I wanted to show you how the bedside lights look on and off, but it hasn’t come out brilliantly.  They look much better in real life, I promise.

I’m not in the habit of promoting careers fairs on LondonLovelies, but thought this might be of interest for some of you:

The Diversity Careers Show is on this Friday, Nov 20, at New Connaught Rooms in Holborn.  The event is open 11am – 5pm.

There are loads of exhibitors at the event, including Asda, Barclays Capital and Google – click here for a full list.

It’s free entry, but you have to register to attend – you can do that on the event website.

Today is one of those days in which I don’t have time to write about anything that anybody might be interested in reading (even if I write it in such a way that makes them not want to read it), and instead write a post explaining that I don’t have time to write a proper post.   The tortuous lengths that I go to in order to not miss a day’s blogging.

Anyway, the most interesting thing that I can think of to discuss is regarding Adsa sandwiches.  Specifically, why don’t they make any nice ones?  Yeah, I know, it’s not very interesting.  I would like an answer though.  I’d like them to make nice sandwiches more than I’d like an answer, of course.

Is that really the only thing that I’m going to mention? Yes, I’ve got to go off my dinner now.

Hope you’re all having a lovely day, anyway.

In September Asda and Aldi started a price war with savage cuts on the prices of their bananas which is like ‘reading the funeral rites of Caribbean farmers’ according to a spokesman for the banana producing Windward Island farmers.

Aldi is seen as a price-setter for bananas across the EU and this move threatens to move the price war to other parts of the continent.

Email Aldi’s UK banana buyer David Hill to ask him to stop the banana price war and to ensure that the growers and farmers are paid a decent wage for their produce.

Check out Ctrl.Alt.Shift’s spoof Asda advert http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRlyaypeik0 and learn more about the banana trade at www.bananalink.org.uk

Go to www.facebook.com/superbadger, send off your e-badger to David Hill and  do your bit for the banana farmers! Which is also quite fun to say…

Badger love xoxoxo

 
 
 
 
 
WEDNESDAY 18th NOVEMBER

 
 
 
 
I’m a lion, apparently. I’m taking a journey on the yellow brick road. Let’s hope the Wizard of Oz can cure this problem I supposedly have.
 
*****
 
A clarification.
 
I wasn’t describing people who play computer games as “utter sad twats” in the blog last week – it was aimed at those who queued at midnight when the new ‘Call of Duty’ game was released in the shops.
 
Couldn’t you wait until lunchtime the next day? Or the next week? Or wait to get it as a Christmas present? Did you really have to have it there and then, race home and get playing at 1am in the morning?
 
Well it appears that many people did. I personally find that extremely sad – just my opinion.

*****

That said, I suppose all these people acting out their solo fantasies in front of a computer screen is not dissimilar to my favourite hobby before going to bed…
 
*****
 
I had to laugh at this from the BBC website last week:
 
“Thousands of gamers may have been cut off from Microsoft’s online gaming service Xbox Live for modifying their consoles to play pirated games.”
 
I’m struggling to find any sympathy.

*****
 
This is what happened on Wednesday 11th November 2009:
 
Geoff Peters, aka Mr DJ Wanker, described X Factor in his blog as “karaoke for a thick generation.”
 
Gordon Sumner, aka the singer Sting, described X Factor in a newspaper as “cynical televised karaoke.”

*****

Another clarification.
 
I mentioned last week that I thought it was a bit sad that so many people update their Facebook status, expressing real anger, when the X Factor results come in on a Sunday night.
 
I like people expressing an opinion although I prefer it when they make it reasonably constructive. Then again, I don’t really expect constructive criticism from the primarily young Facebook generation.
 
*****
 
Facebook status:
 
<name removed> “is starten 2 realise alot of fings right now… “
 
That she needs a dictionary for Christmas?

*****
 
Some guy called Ian offering some girl called Katie advice on blokes via Facebook:
 
“dnt try looking 4 a relationship cz u rush in2 fings wiv sum1 dat u really dnt want so sit bk,relax n i bet u dat mr right wil cum 2u”

*****
 
Even more from Facebook this week:

Belinda “grrrr y do ppl fukin interfear all da bastard tym, get on wit ya own lives n let ppl b fukin appy”

Craig “dont worry about it baby…as long as u r happy then we’ll be fine init”

Belinda “yea i am appy but y do ppl av 2 interfear all da tym.. fuk um 2bh u no who ur friends r.. cnt ova ppl b appy”
 
Craig “well there u go we’re happy so take no notice babe let them say wot they want i know ur not doin it and so do u so we’re fine aint we”

Carly-ann “beathe lol”
 
Katie “Some ppl r only happy when there stirin with other ppl aslong as u 2 know the truth just ignore every1 else”

Belinda “i no thxs it jus fuks me off wen ppl av 2 try n make fings difficult 4 ya, but if dey wana bull shit up 2 dem.. n oh C apparently i messed J n A around lyk fuk did i… mre lyk otha way around. i ay fukin laughin.  if it carries on am jus deletin face book cnt b arsed gotta beta fings 2 do den let ppl gossip bwt me fukin lyf”

 
Okay, we’ll leave you guys to it.
   
*****
 
I was getting jiggy with a fat girl once, many years ago.
 
She said: “You know what I want, don’t you?”
 
I replied: “Yes, the whole fucking bed!”
 
She might not have been the best looking woman but beauty is only a light switch away.

*****
 
So how was Dr Who for you then?
 
I think the ‘Waters of Mars’ special on Sunday was one of the best since the show returned in 2005. They could, perhaps, have trimmed it down to 50 minutes to make it tighter but that would be the only tiny criticism.
 
I was sat on my sofa transfixed by a thrilling plot and cracking dialogue, not knowing how they’d get to the end and set up David Tennant’s final two shows.
 
It was a real shock to the system when The Doctor turned into a megalomaniac which certainly didn’t sit comfortably with how he’d operated before. I thought Adelaide was going to shoot him. Then it twisted back again as she killed herself and Tennant produced a couple of minutes of inspired acting, facing the Ood, fearing his song was going to end there and then.
 
I like Dr Who because it combines drama, comedy, emotion, underlying subtexts, plot arcs which stretch over different series, subtle nods to the past and there is that quintessentially English feel about it.
 
You can probably tell that I’m quite looking forward to the Christmas and New Year episodes…
 
*****

Full credit to Sammy Dolan from Telford who is doing rather well with his own clothing label. You can check out his fine range of gear at www.letthekidsdance.co.uk – it’s way too cool for someone like me who shops at Asda, Tesco, Sainsbury’s, BHS, Primark and Burton et al.
 
The company has been featured in the Sunday Express as well as Front magazine and FHM.com.
 
PS. Some of the men’s t-shirts are fantastic and not expensive either. Sam has promised a discount for blog readers so message me if you’re interested.

*****

The big chests were out in force at Pussycats last weekend. I even had customers saying they wanted me to take photos of their bouncing bazookas for my website. See for yourself in the gallery at www.djwanker.com – I’m liking this new trend and long may it continue.
 
That said, I prefer a woman to have a cute ass rather than great breasts. I accept I’m in a minority of men with regard to that. Although a man of my age and average looks has to be grateful for any offer these days.
 
*****
 
On the subject of enormous jugs, I see that Katie Price – erm I mean Jordan, erm I mean Katie, erm I mean Jordan… okay, that talentless oxygen thief – has gone into the jungle on ‘I’m A Celebrity’. You can’t blame her – she’s getting the thick end of half a million quid if the tabloids are to be believed.
 
The money is not her inspiration, of course. She’s gone there after a difficult year to “get closure.” Let’s hope she gets closure. Stay there you terrible woman and we’ll close the door behind you.
 
Peter can keep the kids as he seems like a decent bloke.
 
*****

Thanks to everyone for their feedback about the blog last week especially with regard to ‘The Sperminator’ aka the shag-happy Telford internet love-rat. Most people agreed with my assertion that while he was obviously a reckless twat, the gullible women involved also lacked responsibility.
 
The Princess Diana joke raised an eyebrow or two (come on, it’s 12 years since she died, let’s get over it, none of us knew her personally…) and this was my favourite message: “Bad taste about Diana – but I nearly pissed myself laughing.”

*****

There were a couple of army guys in Cats on Saturday in full military uniform. They’d been to a wedding, I think. One had ginger hair and I pointed him out via the microphone.
 
“Ladies and gentleman, Prince Harry is here.”
 
I probably shouldn’t have followed up with: “How’s your mum? Oh shit, sorry.”

*****

Men vs Women – Part 4 of 6

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

 
Part five in this series next week.

*****

A friend of mine is trying to raise funds for the Neuroblastoma society after a nine-year-old boy she knew died from this rare cancer. For more information go to www.nsoc.co.uk and www.justgiving.com/stephanie-poole.

*****
 
Plucking fantastic.
 
I think Trudy at Tantalize really enjoyed ripping out my eyebrows last week. I’m in for a back wax this week. I think they take pleasure in seeing a grown man wince and groan. It’s okay though; I take a sadistic pleasure from having it done!

*****
 
From the letters page at Viz magazine: “A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV News that ‘God would make her better.’ Presumably that’s a different God to the one that almost killed her with a tornado.”
 
*****

And finally… news on Jimmy Carr’s new diet book. He’s calling it: “Put that down, fatty, you’ve had enough.”

 
  
 
 
 
Cheers for now,
Geoff / DJ Wanker

Leave a comment here or send feedback via Facebook or email

www.djwanker.com  
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I’m never quite sure what I want from the supermarket until I get there. Writing grocery lists are a pain, and if you live by the list, you die by the list. So far I’ve written 12 items, but I think I need more than that.

Now the next dilemma: ASDA or Sainsburys?

Até 30 pessoas de cada facção podem entrar nessa batalha, sendo assim um total de 90 players logados,

ao mesmo tempo, criando um intenso combate.

Conforme os campos de batalha forem lotando, novos irão ser abertos para acomodar todos os jogadores
que quiserem participar. Em cada campo de batalha, as facções são balanceadas baseando-se no level e no
numero de jogadores participantes, assegurando assim uma batalha sempre acirrada.

Quanto mais jogadores lutarem e competirem na guerra das facções maior será a experiência, os pontos de
honra, e as moedas de honra que poderão ser trocadas por itens e equipamentos especiais, da guerra das facções,
que não estão disponíveis em nenhum outro lugar do jogo. Além disso, também ganharão pontos de PvP ganhando
assim itens melhores e mais poderosos. Para começar, você deve escolher uma das seguintes facções: Luz, escuridão ou caos.
Depois da seleção, os jogadores podem fazer a missão programada que põe as três facções uma contra a outra em uma
batalha para capturar o forte em volta de um campo de batalha especial.

Os pontos verdes indicam os membros do seu grupo, os azuis indicam os membros da sua facção, então você pode
facilmente localizar todos os jogadores do seu time. O objetivo é capturar os fortes do mapa, que estão indicados
pelos números. Para fazer isso, você deve dar um clique com o botão esquerdo do mapa no forte, então uma barra
de progresso pop-up irá aparecer ate você completar a captura.

Aqui está, no meio, a barra de progresso. No lado superior direito, você pode ver um mini mapa que indica os fortes,
e quais times capturaram eles (azul claro para a Luz, vermelho para a Escuridão e verde para o Caos). Quando você
conquista um forte pela primeira vez, a “bola” do forte estará somente cheia até a metade com a cor do seu time,
o que significa que você ainda não está ganhando pontos por essa conquista. Durante alguns intervalos de tempo
indefinidos, você ganha pontos para o forte que você conquistou completamente(indicado por uma
“bola” do forte completamente cheia com a cor do seu time).

No lado direito, abaixo do mini mapa, existe uma janela que indica o tempo restante para o fim da guerra e qual a
sua unidade. Se você clicar no botão ”Raid Unit” ( a tradução seria invasão de unidade ou do seu time, mas ainda não
temos certeza de como vai ficar a tradução oficial então vamos deixar no inglês mesmo.), isso abre uma janela que mostra
todos os seus companheiros de time, e também permite o “Raid Leader” atribuir a outros jogadores o cargo de
sub-capitão, para que estes possam convidar outras pessoas para a guerra.

O resultado final, indicado por uma janela, é decidido por quem tem o maior número de pontos ganhos pela maior
captura de fortes e por terem mantidos esses fortes por maior tempo que os outros times.

Traduzido por Yamato

Over  the past few year’s,  Asda has grown as a company, it is now a well-known leading supermarket.  It is popular with the public because of their low prices, Asda are well known for this factor.  I decided to type ‘Asda’ into www.yahoo.co.uk to see what results would be given.  There were 22,100000 results related to Asda.  This shows that it is quite popular, however many of the results may not have relevance.  I will use this search engine throughout these tests.  I will also carry out several other check’s to see where www.asda.co.uk shows up in the results.  Below shows me typing in ‘Asda’ to yahoo and it proves popular as it is the first one that it predicts.

 The following test was to see what results were shown when ‘Asda’ was searched.  The screen shot below shows the many links that Asda have on their website.  They provide a wide range of services which were advertised in the Yahoo search results.  The first result listed brings a user straight to the main homepage for Asda, this is a positive find.

The next test i carried out provided me to type in ‘Groceries’ into www.yahoo.co.uk.  This test was to see what rank Asda would show up in.  The screen shot below shows that Asda did not prove popular for this test as it was the last result on the first page, where as Sainsbury’s and Tesco’s where higher within the results.  If someone hoping to do their grocery shopping online was to type in ‘Groceries’ to yahoo, it is most likely they would not even scroll to the bottom of the page when the other two leading supermarkets are shown earlier in results page.

Following this i typed “Asda’s own named brand’s” into Yahoo and the results can be viewed below.  The first result shows Asda’s own branded clothing range called ‘George’.  There are also a couple of results about Asda’s own brand daily contact lenses.  As for the rest of the results, many of them have no relevance at all.

Overall, i feel that using search engines to retrieve information about ‘Asda’ has been successful.  It was quite easy to navigate through Yahoo to find the correct information you required.  There was one issue i noticed while searching for ‘Asda’, there were no paid links displayed on the right hand side of the results page.  To conlcude, i feel that i should i have used www.google.co.uk to require this information as it is a world wide search engine where as Yahoo is UK based and may not provide as much information or detail.

…or so the old folk keep telling me.  Great.  It means I’m onto a winner with the gummy bear blowjobs.  In an ideal world it would be a high heeled, short-skirted, nice little lady tippy-toeing at full stretch, trying to reach the top shelf in the supermarket, thus giving me a good glimpse of her shapely behind in the process.  Instead it always seems to be old blue rinse Mavis, asking me if I could fetch her down the Bovril. No, it’s sweet really.  Especially the 20 pence tip they leave you afterwards.  Cheers, luv.  You’ve lost your marbles as well as your teeth.  20 pence back in 1876 might have been enough  to buy you your shopping and a trip to Ibiza to get your young ass Pacha on.  Not now.  20p nowadays won’t even buy me a packet of Hubba Bubba, or a Sun newspaper if I’m out of London.  It’s as good a use to me as a chocolate fireguard.  I’m joking.  I love conversing with old people.  They’re sweet.  Plus I intend on being one someday.

The one I get the most though, when driving ‘em to the Gala or to check up on their Alzheimer’s is, “You’re a nice boy.  Lovely boy.  Do you have a girlfriend?”.  It does make me wonder, mind.  Why?  Are you asking, darlin’?  I can give you a bloody good send off before you go and meet the big man upstairs, if you are.  There’s plenty of room in the back.  Plus, I’m sure you’ve already noticed.  I’m a big man.  6ft 9in.  6 of those foot being my height. 

My God!  Has my constitution really sunk so low beyond compare, that I’m having to write about fornicating with the Titanic’s last remaining survivor?  And to think, all this stemmed from an innocent conversation at the supermarket this morning.  Next time, get your own Bovril and bag of boiled sweets.  Again, I’m joking.  I’m a nice boy, remember?

Eaglehawk Wolf Blass chardonnay 2008 £5. Asda. Bit flat, although some fruit. Lacked a certain je ne sais quoi. Had much better.

@Jaynehowarth

GE used to run a number of branded credit cards, including the ASDA card. They ran them badly. GE sold that business, or maybe parts of it, to Santander. They barely seem to run them at all.

The online interface for the ASDA card was always weak, breaking constantly. Logging in required the account number every single time and that’s still true today. Junk. Whichever owner was in charge at the time put up notices on the site saying username logins were coming. That was about a year ago from memory. Whichever company promised it, they clearly changed their mind. Liars.

That said, once you were logged in, transactions and statements were easy to access and making a payment was well integrated. Clicked the button, entered some payment card details and more often than not, it processed it.

That interface has this month been removed and replaced with the crap pictured.

In case it’s not completely clear, this is a disjointed page not related to the ASDA card account manager, requiring entry of the account number in full before the card details. In Firefox the card branding images obscure two vital text boxes. Even if they didn’t, this page inspires no confidence. There’s no way i’m using this excuse for a payment page.

As a bonus, the page leading here informs us to note the transaction reference, as they can’t provide a confirmation email. Of course they can’t! The page has nothing to do with the site we’re using. They have no idea what my email address is. That’s way off in an entirely different database!

I’m one of the parasites that signed up for this card purely to buy petrol and get a 2p/litre discount, which they dropped to 1p/litre and no doubt will drop altogether before too long. I look forward to cutting the thing in half when it becomes worthless. I’m not the guy they want, customer wise, but I can imagine just how this experience translates to the poor debt-laden card jugglers.

Sort it out, Santander. There’s so little to like about you overall. You have no real identity, yet you’re destroying existing identities, you’re sacking people, naturally, and your web interface is dismal.

Another 200 people in coaches will hit our roads shortly, because Network Rail, maintainer of the UK’s rail network, can not afford the price of train tickets on the Train Operating Companies (TOCs) that it maintains the track for.

For a conference in Coventry, they are laying on coaches at a cost of £12 a head, instead of giving the delegates a train ticket costing over £130.

No I am not saying that Network Rail are doing anything wrong. On the contrary, being funded by the Government and hence the tax payer, they are penny pinching like any good company should do. That in turn will mean that the money we give them through our taxes will be used elsewhere and making it go further. In fact, even if they made useof the advance purchase fares, it would still be £2 cheaper to use the coaches.

It does begger the question though as to whether there is finally an admission that the railways are over-priced. Apparently the arguement in railway circles is that Network Rail staff should get free train travel, which I disagree with in that I doubt contracted hauliers who deliver food to Tesco or ASDA don’t get a discount in the respective supermarkets. Maybe if the railways were cheaper thenwe would have less problems on the roads. A search of any train tickets supplier (TrainLine.com or National Express East Coast; for example) will show that advance purchase fares are available for that journey for £14 vice £135. Dropping the priceof fare by shouldbe viable….. surely?

 
 
 
 
 
 
WEDNESDAY 11th NOVEMBER

 
 
 
 
What an exciting week!
 
Queued for hours outside Asda for the midnight release on Monday of the new ‘Call of Duty’ computer game just so I could be one of the first to play it.
 
Oh hang on – no I didn’t. I’m a sensible grown up. I’ll leave that geeky bollocks for the utter sad twats. Get a life.
 
FAIL.
 
*****
 
Things I would like to see…
 
People talking about X Factor on their Facebook status updates on a Sunday evening. Why do people not mention it?
 
That is obviously another piece of sarcasm. X Factor has the Facebook world in a vice-like grip.
 
* “Fukin Simon Cowell wadda prik.”
 
* “I h8 dem twinz.”
 
* “Not watchin dat shit agen til da twins r out.”
 
* “Dat show makes me fukin angry.”
 
* “Twins shud get a lyf and Cowel to.”
 
Yawn. It’s karaoke for a thick generation. Get over it.
 
*****
 
Do not disturb me this Sunday night between 7 and 8. My phone will be switched off. Got to give Dr Who my full attention.
 
I, of course, reserve the right to update my Facebook status with my views on that particular programme. And I imagine I’ll write about it here next week.
 
Yes, yes, yes – I am a Dr Who geek… but I wouldn’t queue outside a shop for the midnight release of a Dr Who DVD/Dalek helmet/computer game etc.
 
*****
 
Facebook status update of the week (1):
 
“Guna stick d fire on, b4 goin bk t work at 3! Early nyt tnyt me finks!”
 
Yeh me finks dats da best fing 4 u 2 do innit.
 
 
Facebook status update of the week (2):
 
Kayleigh wrote: “Had A Gud Nyt Last Nyt Talken Bwt Shit Lyk Ghosts Scaren Da Crap Owt Ov Ourselves Ha! Shud B A Nuva Gd Nyt Cumen On”
 
I replied: “I’m sending a ghost to your house tonight, Kayleigh. You’ll recognise which ghost I’m sending… it’ll be the one with a dictionary.”
 
Kayleigh subsequently pointed out that she’s “shit at spelling” as if there’s nothing she can do about it. I imagine it must be hard for some people to spell such difficult words as…
 
* Good
* Night
* Talking
* About
* Like
* Scaring
* The
* Out
* Should
* Another
* Coming
 
Well it must be hard to spell those words… if you’re SEVEN YEARS OLD !
 
I don’t mind a bit of ‘text talk’ to save some time but when you spell ‘out’ as ‘owt’ it’s the same bloody length!
 
 
Facebook status update of the week (3):
 
Katie Jarvis wrote: “What goes around comes around Sooo u need to watch out u Fat fuckin bitch u Think its fuckin funny lieing about somethink that was never true ur just sick and twisted and ur defo no fuckin mother of mine as far as im concerened u can go rot in fuckin hell!!”
 
Ooooh, get you!
 
*****
 
Here is a ‘conversation’ I had with some dork called Ryan Campbell: (who I have subsequently deleted as a friend) on my Facebook wall last week…
 
RC: Saf
Me: What ??
 
RC: Saf m8
Me: Apologies for my ignorance… I only speak English
 
RC: Yes saf m8
Me: What does ’saf’ mean though?
 
RC: Muf w fu M8. Saf m8
Me:  Give me a minute while I consult the ‘chav dictionary’
 
RC: Ha ha saf
Me: The ‘chav dictionary’ doesn’t recognise the word ’saf’ or ‘muf’ or ‘w fu’
 
RC: No at u r saf m8
Me: Ah right – I should’ve looked in the ‘Telford Dictionary’
 
RC: Saf gud ida m8 saf
Me: The ‘Telford Dictionary’ suggests ’saf’ might mean ’safe’ – am I right ?
 
RC: On u mud. Dot oud saf m8
 
* DELETE *
 
*****
 
The big story of the week was this belter from the News of the World…
 
http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/news/586565/The-Sperminator-Facebook-cheater-Dominic-Baronet-gets-12-girls-pregnant.html
 
“Love rat Dominic Baronet from Telford has been branded The Sperminator for getting TWELVE girls pregnant after wooing them on the social networking site – two of them on the SAME DAY. Five women are now raising his KIDS, five were talked into ABORTIONS and two are EXPECTING. For years the laptop lust hunter has secretly preyed on women with his smooth internet patter.”
 
I think my favourite tabloid phrase in that is: laptop lust hunter.
 
Having been in the Sunday papers myself – I was ‘romantically linked’ with the girlfriend of a football manager back in 2001, it made the front page of the Sunday People and was in the NOTW and others, I may tell you the full story one day if the lawyers allow – I never believe every cough and splutter of these stories.
 
I bet he hasn’t really impregnated twelve women but clearly he is a bit of a lad. As someone who doesn’t like hypocrites, I must be honest that there have been occasions when I was much younger where I may have spun a line to impress a woman. Now I just say what I think and people have to like it or lump it.
 
There’s part of me who salutes the cheek of this bloke (what they saw in him, I don’t know) although cheating in relationships is reprehensible.
 
However, these gullible women have to take some responsibility. If they’d shown a bit more respect for themselves – keeping their legs shut or insisting he wore a condom etc – then they would have less to complain about.
 
One of the girls who went to the newspaper with the story is a Facebook friend of mine. I know her because she comes into Pussycats. I doubt she’ll be in for a while in her state – although there are plenty of women around Telford who look like they might be pregnant.
 
*****
 
Here were some of the comments posted about the story on the NOTW website:
 
* “If ugly girls weren’t allowed to use Facebook, they couldn’t be seduced by desperate losers.”
 
* “Looking at those photos, I think the ’slappernator’ would be more appropriate.”
 
* “What a pair of trollops, no wonder he didn’t hang around!!”
 
* “If I was him I’d be well embarrassed … these two are ugly!!”
 
* “I admire the guy for getting 12 girls pregnant, and he isn’t even good-looking. Wish I had his charm.”
 
* “CHAV-TASTIC!”
 
 I think we need to get Jeremy Kyle involved.
 
*****
 
The final word on the subject goes to Dee Austin who sarcastically suggested: “At least the kids will have a big family network.”
 
*****
 
We had another wonderfully busy weekend at Pussycats. Yet again the honeys with the big bazookas happily posed for some photos and you can see them for yourself in the gallery at www.djwanker.com – I’m always quite happy to appeal to the lowest common denominator of society if it means extra hits on my website!
 
I was thrilled that Phil, my best mate (in the world… ever!), popped into Cats after work on Saturday. He’s never been to Telford to see me DJ (it’ll be seven years next April since I started) because he’s also a DJ and, being very good at his job, is always in demand.
 
He was spinning the tunes in Vox Bar in the town centre last Saturday and absolutely loved it. You really should go and check him out – before heading to Cats afterwards, obviously! Welcome to the team, Phil. I hope the customers and management appreciate him as much as I do.
 
But TMDAIKY… <private joke>
 
PS. Add him on Facebook – Phil Mansfield – he’s on my friends list.
 
*****
 
Notice of an event at Pussycats – on Friday 20th November we’ll be raising money for Children In Need with a themed night called: “Sexy Pajama Party.”
 
That is not a spelling mistake from me. Obviously it should be ‘pyjama’ as we’re English and not American but the man at the helm of our slick PR machine (who I mustn’t name because I’ll get untold grief) says it was a deliberate cock-up “to attract attention.”
 
I did point out to him that, judging by Facebook, most people in Telford can’t spell anyway.
 
*****

Men vs Women – Part 3 of 6

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

 
Part four in this series next week.
 
*****
 
From the Daily Telegraph: “The number of jobless university leavers is predicted to have reached the 100,000 mark, up from 70,000 last year, when the latest unemployment figures are released.”
 
I can think of one who can’t be arsed to get a job after university because they’re a complete and utter… [edited]
 
*****
 
Telly news.
 
Benidorm has completed its run and every single hour-long episode was sheer brilliance. Whether they can manufacture another series looks unlikely but you never know.
 
I loved it last weekend when Madge was being ferried about in the back of the vehicle, just as the Pope would, with Gregorian chanting on the show’s soundtrack, and the local Catholics started waving and worshipping… Madge, smoking a fag, flicked them the V-sign.
 
Much funnier to see than for me to try and explain. Yes, you had to be there. Sort of.
 
The best visual gag of the whole series for me was in the first episode where Mel was promoting a mobility scooter for people with, erm, a tendency to poo at the wrong time. The advert on the back was this:
 
“COMING SOON

Don’t get caught between two stools !”
 
Blink and you miss it. Genius.
 
*****
 
Have I mentioned how much I’m looking forward to Dr Who this Sunday?
 
*****
 
From the letters page at Viz magazine: “My granddad keeps forgetting where his allotment is. I think he’s lost the plot.”
 
*****
 
I’m probably the last person to stick up for Gordon Brown but he’s had a lot of unfair criticism this week about an error he made in a letter to the mother of a soldier killed in action. Yes, it’s extremely sad when anyone dies in the line of armed duty and we all have great sympathy for parents who lose their children but if I’d lost someone, I’d have bigger things to worry about than a slight grammatical error.
 
Let’s retain a sense of perspective.
 
He took the time to send a handwritten letter to a bereaved mother. She went to the papers to complain and he apologised. He might be an utter useless gimp for everything else but to clout him with a big stick over this is just unnecessary.
 
*****
 
Don’t worry – the usual Brown-bashing will return again soon.
 
*****
 
And finally… a very, very, very bad taste joke.
 
The Queen Mother bumps into Princess Diana up in Heaven and says: “Hello dear, I see you’ve been rewarded for all the important charity work you did while you were on Earth. Would it be possible for me to get a Halo just like yours?”
 
Diana replies: “Fuck off nan, it’s a steering wheel!”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Cheers for now,
Geoff / DJ Wanker

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