I’ve been meaning to post for a while on what a difference Raising Your Highly Spirited Child has made in our family. But this article in The Atlantic pushed me to post sooner. (The article details how researchers have shown that, while some people have a genetic predisposition to psychological catastrophes, those same people, if nurtured well, can turn their potential liabilities into measurable assets.)

Our dear little Peanut, the tightly wound, sensitive, intense, persistent, introverted, empathetic, strong willed child is my greatest challenge. (When I typed “three-year-old” as a tag for this post, wordpress automatically suggested a previously used tag: “help, I’m being held hostage by a three-year-old.” ‘Nuff said.)

I can handle demanding bosses and confrontational colleagues and obtuse clients and tight deadlines, but my child is harder than anything I’ve ever come across. Because I want to do more than just love him; I want to allow him to be himself, guiding him to a future in which his self esteem and social skills will allow him to do whatever he wants with his life. I want to help him become his best self without squashing his individuality or molding him to my will. I want to find a way to apply gentle, attachment parenting styles to a child most parents would beat into submission and who, daily, takes way more out of me than I have to give. I want him to exist within firm, thoughtful, and broad boundaries within which he is free to explore with wild abandon whatever interests and compels him. I want him to be a full participant in our family, not a pet or accessory. I want what might seem like weaknesses now to become strengths, not just memories.

But it often feels like he is killing me.

To that end, I greatly appreciate Mary Kucinka’s Raising Your Highly Spirited Child because she breaks down some of the personality traits that parents find difficult to manage in typically developing children, and offers an empathetic perspective and some very practical advice on guiding (rather than managing or changing) behavior. One obvious technique she dispenses with quickly, before a lengthy quiz in which readers can discern just where on the spectrum their child resides and the specific realms in which she is “more” than other children, is to rename characteristics as assets. “Difficult” children can be strong willed, energetic, or cautious rather than stubborn, out-of-control, or shy.

What I appreciate even more than the specific advice, the enumerated parameters, and the reassurance, really, that my child has always been a whole handful and a half (and it’s not just my imagination), is the section that acknowledges that oftentimes the almost constant stream of adrenaline that comes from raising a spirited child intensifies when parents are highly spirited, too. I have been called by my family most of the negative terms Kurcinka urges us to reframe as strengths. Her bold acknowledgment that “recommending that spirited parents keep their cool was a denial of their own intensity….It doesn’t work to simply say, ‘I am supposed to be cool.’ The fact is, you’re not” rocked my world. I thought I was a failure for not keeping cool all the time. Now I know I was being me and just need different tools to keep both Peanut and myself from losing it at what turn out to be easily forseeable moments.

The retraction of Kurcinka’s former stance that parents should just stay calm during a child’s most intense moments absolutely melted me. Her book is not a license to autocratic parenting behavior, as so many are, and her suggestions are teaching me how to guide myself as I am guiding Peanut. For instance, I taught him (very easily because he was open to both the technique and the acceptance of his intense passions it implied) that it’s okay, when other people are too much, to politely excuse yourself to your room to have some quiet time and get enough energy to deal with them again. That frustration and anger and hitting come from feeling like you can’t get away but that, really, you can notice that before it happens and get the space you need. Now I have allowed myself to say the same thing to him. “Love, I’m out of people energy and need a little quiet time with a book; I’ll be in my room for a few minutes and you’re welcome to come with me to quietly read your own book” is now something we both respect (and really enjoy). He usually declines because he doesn’t find me draining, exhausting, or infuriating most of the time. When he does want to rip my throat out, he tells me in calm, reasonable tones that he doesn’t like my approach and offers his own suggestions for making things better. We work on issues until we find a solution we both like (unless it’s a non-negotiable issue, in which case I have firm boundaries. But at almost four he’s way beyond fighting sunblock, seat belts, or holding hands in the street.) But when we’re not pressed up against on of those, we’re having a much better time figuring everything out.

In intriguing research conducted at the University of California and other locations, it appears that psychopathic killers often have lower intelligence, which can be the result of brain damage; often from severe chronic maltreatment as a child. Three factors appear to be present among violent offenders:
1. Several “violence” genes.
2. Damage to certain areas of the brain
3. Exposure to extreme trauma and poor parental bonding in childhood.

Among genetic markers related to aggression and mood is MAOA. The high risk variant of this gene gets inherited more by males than females. MAOA regulates serotonin, which affects mood (which is why medications like Prozac affect mood. These medications are called SSRIs: Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors. They function to keep more serotonin in the synapses between brain cells.). In the womb the high-risk version of MAOA can lead to a buildup of serotonin in the brain making the brain less sensitive to the normally calming effects of serotonin. Other research indicates that people who inherit the high-risk gene and who are raised in abusive homes may be more prone to violent behavior.

In another study pbulished in Comprehensive Psychiatry early in 2009, it was found that boys who inherit a mutated variant of MAOA are more likely to be in a gang than those without the mutation and are more likely than those without the mutation to be the most violent gang members.

You hear rumors, urban legends.  But you don’t believe them.  Nah, that is not realistic, you say.  And if it does happen, well, there must be some cruel stuff going on.

I am talking about babies and toddlers that go to sleep early and then stay asleep all night.  You know, good sleepers.

Tonight is the third night in a row that both children went to bed before 7.  We have no idea what to do.  How do you have an adult life again?  We wander around, exhausted, talking, watching a little TV, waiting for the kids to get up.  They have to get up.  But they don’t.  They sleep. (Not until morning.  No, we don’t have kids like that.  But, for them, they sleep soundly.)

We made it happen to some degree.  We got real hard about no naps after daycare for NK – even 20 minute ones.  We are finally ready to pounce on the 6pm drowsiness, not waiting until the 7pm drowsiness.  As for the baby, he no longer has an ear infection, is not teething at the moment and is not learning any new skills.  So he can rest a bit.

Tonight, they went to sleep early after a big Thanksgiving dinner.  Here is an expat Thanksgiving for you.

Wake up.  Wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.

Take toddler to daycare.  Go to work.

Remember Thanksgiving occasionally.  Forget it completely most of the day.

Work.  Go to meetings.  Edit stuff.

Talk to the daycare teacher about Thanksgiving.

Come home to turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie made from scratch, among other things.

Almost cry of joy at the smell of the pie.  Thank your Swedish wife profusely.

Try to explain to the toddler that the turkey decorations and pilgrim candles are not for her birthday, but for everyone.

Eat.  Do a video call with grandma and grandpa.  With the cousins.

Watch the toddler obsess over the pumpkin pie, which she knows from the end of the second verse of “Over the hills and through the woods.”

“Hurrah for the fun.  Is the pudding done?  Hurrah for the pumpkin pie!”

Children sleep – magically and mysteriously.

Watch football.  Eat more pie.

Be happy.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that moms should sling their babies around and breastfeed them all day because mothers in third-world countries, like Bali, do and their babies never cry. Or that we should all co-sleep because that’s what moms in China do and they get more sleep.

First of all, it’s not true that Bali babies never cry. Or that Chinese mothers sleep more. ALL babies cry, and hardly any moms sleep! If you think you’re going to go through your baby’s life unscathed in those two areas, I hate to inform you that it’s not going to happen =)

Second of all, we’re not in Bali or China. Don’t you think those moms would change their ways if their situation warranted it? Can you imagine telling a poor Chinese mom that she needed to keep her baby in her bed if, suddenly, the Dr. Phil Foundation gave her a crib and a house of her own? Or what about if the Bali women suddenly didn’t have to spend their lives in the fields? Can you imagine telling them they have to keep strapping their babies to them even though they can now be home, or work a clean 9-to-5 job in an office? Ridiculous!

The glory of culture is that it flexes our prejudices about the way people need to be raised. All over the world, mothers and fathers feed, clothe, bear, train, and nurture their children differently. And babies have been made by God strong enough to be healthy, happy, and successful in a wide range of environments. So people who think American moms should not do what they do put unnecessary pressure on us. With due respect to Dr. Sears who breaks the mold, most of these people are American experts in the elite ivory tower and have no idea what parenting in the real world, America or otherwise, with perhaps with more than two children, is really like.

It goes like this: some anti-American cultural anthrolopologist like Margaret Mead goes over to Samoa and sees how happy and well-adjusted Samoan society is. She then notices that Samoan babies don’t have cribs and are carried around all day, and so she concludes, “we need to do that too.” Then you get some anti-American academes touting her theory, which dribbles down to your pseudo-scholarly Barnes & Noble inventory.

But not only is this anti-American, it is disingenuous. We aren’t raising Samoan, or Bali, or Chinese children. We’re raising Americans. And because they are here, they need to be able to fit into American society, even if they’re Samoan, African, or Chinese. Do you withhold television from your children because people in Bali don’t watch it? Do you boycott Old Navy because the native Samoans went around with earthy robes? Or do you compromise with Western society—because after all, it is your home—and raise your children using the icons around you? Of course you do! And if there is wisdom and tolerance and creativity to be gained by examining other cultures, then glean from it. But don’t delude yourself into thinking that you are going to get the well-adjustment from the Samoans without raising them Samoan (i.e. IN Samoa). Or that you can get that successful, well-tailored, humanistic American doctor or businesswoman you want without putting aside the values of indigenous Samoan society. That is silly. It is even rude to the Samoans to suggest you can. You can’t pick and choose from other cultures, and add it to your own, like you would from a buffet. You denigrate the significance of a culture’s heritage by doing so, you act as a colonialist (thinking you can discern what aspects are “best” and leave the rest), and you definitely won’t obtain their distinctive results.

But third of all, and this is most important… Bali women are not Attachment Parents. They simply carry around their children all day because they have to. If they had to add to their life the religion of Attachment Parenting that the experts made up, they would toss it in the trash too! They are practical, not theoretical, parents. They are not worried that their children are going to grow up feeling inadequate, insecure, neurotic, or resentful. And if they are, they aren’t slinging their children around to prevent it. And the co-sleepers of China or any other poverty-stricken area aren’t sleeping together to promote more bonding. They are sleeping together because they only have one room, or one bed, and that’s where everyone has to go. Even poor people in America do this, or parents who are lucky enough to have lots of kids.

So if you decide to adopt one of these attachment methods: the co-sleep, the sling, or whatever… do it because it is practical for your lifestyle, not out of Freudian anxiety. Do it because you want to nurse the baby quickly in the middle of the night, or because you have twins and only one bed, or because you have to have a serious phone conversation with somebody and you know the baby will be quiet if you carry her around while you talk. All these practical reasons are good and will not produce an attachment child, with the baggage it contains.

Preserve the method, toss the religion, and don’t look to third-world countries to verify the experts.

I have strep throat, which means I am on antibiotics.  I have not been on antibiotics for five-and-a-half years.

Antibiotics are big in my story, though, probably one of the (many) reasons I value my family so deeply and one of the (many) reasons I have committed so deeply to parental leave and co-sleeping and time off with my wife.

Because I used to be on antibiotics all the time.

Starting in college, I developed chronic sinus infections.  Three, four, five, six a year.  Year after year.  I had a year break once in Croatia.  And a nine month break some other time.  And I never caught any other illness.  Just sinus infections, horrible draining low-level sinus infections.  I spent countless hours with my head over steaming pots, wearing hats in the summer, trying any and all folk remedies from Bosnia to Boston.

In January, 2004 – a burned out newspaper reporter in Middletown, New York – I got the worst infection yet.  I ended up at heart specialists and had yet more CT scans and ultrasounds.

Then in April, 2004, I moved to Sweden, in my with my then-girlfriend, now wife.  I went on antibiotics once in that first month, though I didn’t really need to.

And that was it.  No  more infections.  No more antibiotics.  (Though I now get all sorts of sick, unlike before, hit by a Swedish-small children wave of colds, stomach bugs and, now, strep.)

See the pattern?

Home with my parents.  No antibiotics.

Single and on my own.  Many antibiotics.

Very happily married with kids.  No antibiotics.

Think family is good for me?

I wish I didn’t have to write this.  I am so upset and disappointed in myself.  If you read my last post you already know the back story to our toilet learning process with M.  It has been very frustrating because we have gotten mixed signals.  He will work with his preschool teacher on sitting on the potty, but not us.  He likes wearing big boy underwear, but won’t potty in the potty or anything else, including diapers at school.  And finally, he ended up hitting a wall on Friday.  It was like the holding it in thing at school was just physical training for the main event.

On Friday, as I mentioned in the last post, he had an accident at school at about 9am and then didn’t go the rest of the day even though he had a diaper on.  Well, here is the kicker… he went to bed that night without going potty, woke up dry, and was dry the whole next day.  Friday night he woke up at 1:30am wiggling and whining.  I tried to tell him to just go in his diapers, let it out.  I tried rubbing his tummy, etc.  He fell back to sleep, but did the same thing at 2:45am, 4:30am, and 6:00am.  Between him and A’s snoring, I only managed 4 hours of sleep.  I had to be up for a work retreat that morning so I headed out.  I was stunned when I got a call from A asking if I had changed M’s diaper before I left because it was still dry.  We agreed to have A talk to M and tell him that we are not going to work on the potty stuff for a while and that it is totally fine for him to use his diaper.

My mom picked him up later and brought him to Brown County where I was so they could spend the day and then stay the night at the hotel with me.  I kept calling to see if he would finally let loose.  By 4 pm he still hadn’t and I was freaked out.  He was still begging to change his diaper even if he was dry and would sometimes do the pee pee dance.  At this point I asked A to call our doctor and see what we should do.  His text back made my heart sink!

“Not good baby.  We need to take him to the ER.  He said it is unheard of that a 3year old could hold it for close to 24 hours.  It doesn’t happen.  If he hasn’t had a wet diaper then something else is up. It’s not a UTI either.  He said, with a UTI he would automatically have spasms and it would be coming out even if it hurt when it did.  He said we need to get him to the ER to have an ultrasound done.”

Now, please keep in mind that by this point it had actually been 33 hours since he had peed!  And a full 2 days since a bowel movement.  I read this in my retreat and was instantly in tears.  Being me, I had been talking to everyone about him so they all knew what was going on when they saw my face and heard me say ER.  I remember hearing one person say “Hold it together Crystal cause it won’t do him any good”.  I gathered my composure, grabbed my mom and M and we set out for the ER in Bloomington.

I was very thankful that it was a slow night there.  We got right in and they started gathering information.  They took us to a room and brought in a special bladder ultrasound to measure the amount of urine in his bladder.  We had to restrain him for this because he wouldn’t lay still.  I felt so horrible just because I knew he was scared.  At least I knew they weren’t hurting him.  After it was done, which was very quick, I picked him up.  Suddenly I felt warmth radiating from his diaper and I shouted “He’s peeing he’s peeing!!!”  Sure enough, he let totally loose as we all (even the Nurse Practitioner) did the pee pee dance.  I think it was a mixture of the relief of not being restrained and the slight vibration of the ultrasound tool that did it.  I was so relieved.  It was a miracle.  They basically laughed and said he should be fine.  The doctor that came to see us just before we left said that there is always one that will prove you wrong (about the other doc saying he couldn’t be holding it) and that that was some determination (you’re telling me!!).  He also mentioned that his own grandson is 4 and just became daytime potty trained.  I got what he was saying… don’t worry about backing off, it will happen.

When we got back to the hotel he began insisting that I change his diaper even though it was dry.  After 3 hours of this, (at 1am!) I decided to make the 2 hour drive home, just to change the scene if nothing else.  I am glad I followed my gut.  About 30 minutes into the trip he peed and pooped.  He then slept the rest of the night.  He did the same thing in the morning, but each time the insisting was for shorter amounts of time before he produced something.  So, I feel we are on the right track now.

Can you believe this?  A 3.5 year old so persistent and stubborn that he would withhold urinating for 34 hours!?!?!?!  I told you he is MORE!  During all of this I was a mess of guilt and frustration.  I was crying to my mother that I felt so bad but was doing all I could do.  There are just no books for a kid like him.  The only books that talk about strong-willed kids talk about discipline or just living with them and understanding them.  No one talks about the other things, like the weaning off things, toilet learning, sleeping alone, etc.  There are no guides for parents like me.  I looked at her and said “They don’t make a book for him!”.  She looked at me and said “Maybe you are supposed to write it”.  Wow… what an amazing and scary thought.  So, maybe I will one day.  Until then, I will share these experiences as openly and honestly as I can here.

We have decided to remove the underwear (unless he requests them) and just stick with diapers, forget the potty, and just let him be.  We told him that he can tell us if he ever wants to try, and after a few weeks will begin the discussion again.  But for now, we are taking a total break.  There is nothing like the ER for a wake up call.  It doesn’t matter when he does it, just that he does it in a way that builds him up as a person.  It has to be on his schedule and his pace.  No one else matters.  And until he is done, when people ask us if he is potty trained, I will be confident in saying that a trip to the ER puts it all in perspective so no, not just yet.

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EDIT: This post has been featured by Annie from PhDinParenting and Jennifer from Blogging ’bout Boys
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Never heard of Tweedle Bugs? Don’t be alarmed. I hadn’t either. I came across them by chance one day and just HAD to give them a try! They were so much cheaper than anything I’d ever seen! ($12.95 a diaper!) These are one size pocket diapers that are cheap! For $12.95 I got the black diaper seen above, a Tweedle Bugs insert, and a doubler.

The interior is a fleece. It reminds me of Fuzzi Bunz fleece interior. They have a pocket opening in the front and back, so like Smartipants, you don’t have to unstuff them. They unstuff in the wash. (Which is a great feature!) The Tweedle Bugs insert is almost identical to a bumGenius insert.  The exterior is more nylon feeling and looking. It has no stretch to it as some PULs do.  They only come in a snap version, which you all know is a-okay with me!

Shown above with a Blueberry Deluxe to show size. The Tweedle Bug is a similar style to the Blueberry Deluxe and Econappi, but is slightly smaller. This means that this diaper fits smaller than the Blueberry. Realistically, it would fit an 8 lb. baby up to a 35 lb. toddler. (These do fit Imogene, 38 lbs., on the largest setting.) These diapers have some awesome elastic in them. It is super springy, but gentle. So, you can get a good fit without irritating fat thighs.

The pocket openings do gape a bit. It isn’t a use issue, just a visual one. You also have to make sure the insert isn’t sticking out the front on the smaller sizes. I have never had the insert work its way out while in use.

Do I recommend these diapers? Absolutely! If you want a cheap one size pocket diaper that works, you’ll love this diaper. It does have a limited size/shape range, so if you’ve got an oddly shaped or proportioned little one, you may want to take that into consideration. But overall, I would recommend these over their pricey counterparts any day! I am very happy with these and would happily buy more!

I have several Blueberry Deluxe One Size Pocket diapers. I like them. I don’t love them. You can see my Swaddlebees Econappi Review, since the Econappi and the Blueberry Deluxe are essentially the same diaper. The difference is in the interior and insert materials. The Blueberry Deluxe has a fleece interior and a microfiber/hemp insert. Over time, the interior fabric does pill quite a bit, but it is still very soft.

I have both aplix and snap Blueberry Deluxe diapers. I prefer the snaps. Big surprise, right? The aplix on the Blueberry is very, very strong. It hold up quite well, but I still have my usual aplix issues. On a brand new Blueberry, the aplix is so strong, it takes quite a bit of effort to get it unattached.

I have tried this diaper as an all in two, as the maker of Blueberry and Swaddlebees says you can. It didn’t work out for me. The interior fabric always got wet. I wouldn’t recommend buying these if you are wanting an all in two.

These diapers are on the larger end of one size diapers. Realistically, they fit from about 10 lbs. (if you’ve got a longer, leaner built child- you’re probably not going to get a good fit until 12 lbs.) and max out around 40lbs. Imogene wears them on the largest settings and she is 38 lbs. They have the smallest range of any of our one size diapers.

I have leak issues with these all the time. They are not good night diapers except on the smallest size. The insert gets all bunched up and moved around when the older ones are running around. You cannot put this on a kid and then go play on the playground. The running and climbing always leads to leaks. They work fine when they kids are still, like in their car seat, or just not overly playful. The insert seems just a little too narrow for the diaper.

These diapers are also kind of a pain when you’ve got multiple kids wearing one diaper stash (which is why I use one size diapers to begin with). The inserts snap together, so you have to determine what size you’re using when you put the diaper together. I assemble all my diapers out of the wash. So, with the Blueberry and Econappi, I must decide ahead of time which child will wear the diaper and then set the diaper accordingly. I also have to set those diapers aside for whichever size they are set to. That kind of annoys me. With other diapers, I can stuff them all and leave them all unsnapped, snapping them as I need them snapped. With these, I can’t exactly do that.

(Shown above with Econappi.) So, do I recommend the Blueberry Deluxe One Size Pocket diaper? Well, it really isn’t worth the money. If you’ve got money you just want to spend to have that little Blueberry tag on your child’s bum, then go ahead and buy some if you want. Just make sure you buy something else to use at night. Do they work? Yeah, they work for the most part. But you can pay half the price for a diaper that will work twice as well and fit much longer! I know I won’t buy anymore of these. In fact, I wouldn’t have more than one if several more were not given to me.

Wahmies one size pocket diapers are pretty good. I have used both the hook version and the snap version. These diapers have the greatest range of any of the one one size diapers I’ve tried.

The hook version of this diaper (the brown and blue one) really intrigued me. I was hoping for it to be toddler proof. However, Aidan can still get out of it. To the diaper’s benefit, though, he never could get the hooks open. He just figured out how to suck in his belly and wriggle out of the thing! The hooks are not difficult to use. Once you play with it a bit, you figure the system out. They do take a little longer to get on and off. I suppose if I only had these hooks, I’d be quite speedy with it by now. Also, you can’t exactly expect grandma to change their diaper in or out of this one. The snap version is much more user friendly, but the size range isn’t quite the same.

The interior of this diaper is velour. Not the cotton velour of swaddlebees, but a synthetic velour like the blue “velour” blankets my grandmother used to have on her beds. (I loved those blankets. So much so that my Granny bought me several when I went off to college. I still have them.) You can use any rectangular insert in these. I use Nicki’s Diapers inserts. (bumGenius, Fuzzibunz, Smartipants, Tweedle Bugs, etc. would also work.) The interior does wick the moisture away quite well. Natural velour tends to hold the moisture more, but this synthetic stuff will keep the moisture away.

Wahmies also have elastic in the front. It keeps them much snugger, without cutting off circulation. They fit any shape or size without too much extra fuss. I never have the interior rolling out the top problem with these. (Can be a problem with one size diapers when using them snapped down.)

Like I said, Wahmies one size pocket diapers have a very big range. This is probably THE ONLY one size diaper I’ve used that really will fit newborn through potty training. This diaper has an extra set of snaps that other diapers don’t have. These easily fit at 6 lbs. These still easily fit at 38 lbs. The hook version has more range in this area, but even the snaps would easily fit a 6 lb. baby and still fit a 38 lb. toddler. However, if your child is more rolly or super thin, the hooks would definitely give you a much better fit! These really do fit birth to potty training as claimed! That is a super plus.

Would I recommend Wahmies? Oh absolutely! These are very good diapers! Great quality! Super fit! If you are needing a easy diaper that a care provider can also use, you may want to avoid the hook version. But if you are willing to work past the learning curve, the hooks are the way to go with this one! The snaps are fine, but the hooks really add a lot to this diaper. I have no leaking issues with these! And a perfect fit on 3 kids is hard to do!

As a side note, my diapers look so fluffy here because I was putting them on the older two for bed. They each had two inserts in them. I tend to overstuff at bedtime! (Better safe than sorry!) They are not normally so fluffy when stuffed normally.

Oh where do I begin?  I just posted this to my twitter: “i have no idea what I am doing with this potty learning with my STUBBORN 3.5 boy. this is such a battle and I don’t want it to be.”  “NOTHING is working!!! He is so ready, but it is a power struggle. I am just done! My gentle parenting side isn’t finding anything works”  “Even “No Cry Potty Solution” says “sometimes you just have do it” just like when he used to fight teeth brushing and I had to hold him down”  “I hate hate hate that I can’t be the mommy I want to be!!!”  Can you sense my desperation??  Within moments I had 17 responses (can I tell you how much I LOVE my tweeps!? A shout out to them at the end…)

In order to really understand and offer advice, I need to give you the whole story since every kid is different.  So, get ready to know M better than you ever thought you would.

M is amazing!  I am about to talk about a lot of things that might seem negative and that is hard for a mommy to do, so I want to say that first.  I love and adore him and I am constantly amazed by him.  (here it is…) Buuuuttttttt, there are many parts of his personality that make him VERY difficult to parent.  Everything with him is an extreme.  M is just MORE.  He is MORE persistent, MORE stubborn, MORE independent, MORE active, MORE whiny, MORE clingy, MORE needy.  He is the poster child for “strong willed”.  I LOVE Dr. Sears, but I have a hard time when he talks about working with your child’s natural desire to please, because that part seems to be missing with M.  He is fairly defiant.  If you want him to do something, he is VERY likely to do the opposite even if he KNOWS he will receive a negative reaction.  Discipline with him has been just as difficult as potty learning because of these traits.  He seems to LOVE negative attention!  You can’t bribe him usually, everything just has to be on his terms.  He is also a perfectionist!  He wouldn’t let anyone but me, (not even A) see him on his new tricycle when he was 2.5 until he knew he had it down pat.

I learned VERY early that, because of these traits, potty learning would need to be handled carefully.  We did everything we could to make this an easy experience for him.  We have talked about what our bodies do, what our pee and poop are, how bathrooms work, etc.  We have allowed him in the room while we go, read many books, we have potty seats and a chair that he picked out.  We have sticker boards in each bathroom.  We have gently offered to take him to the bathroom and made it very non-pressure.  This has all been over the last year and a half.

He knows what he is supposed to do completely, so his issue isn’t preparedness with that. We have also had his friend from next door potty in front of him and encourage him (she is 6 months older).  He does say he is scared of the potty.  I don’t know why or where it came from.  He has never been afraid of the flush (still isn’t).  He told me one time about alligators in it.  So A got a book M has that shows how things work (love Usborne books!) and showed him how it worked.  We even took off the back of the toilet and showed him and we showed him how no alligator would fit in there.  He hasn’t said any more about that but still says he is scared.  I think he uses that sometimes as a resistance.

There have been a few short spurts (the most recent back in July) when he showed interest.  We would embrace it and encourage him gently.   In July, he would sit on the potty while I read book after book.  He never made any “deposits” and after a few days lost interest.  We took it as a sign he wasn’t ready and backed off to avoid any power struggle.

He started going to a daycare/preschool 2 days a week in Oct.  He is with 7 kids (ages 3-5) and is the only one not totally potty-trained.  I thought this would offer great encouragement.  He does sit on the potty there, several times a day.  He doesn’t like it but he does and counts to 30 with the teacher.  He even takes off his own pants and everything!!!!  But, never gets anything deposited.

2 weeks ago his teacher asked us to bring underwear for him.  He had an accident the first day and cried, but was proud of himself for being in big boy underwear (he even told me “I have accident just like my potty book!”).  At this point he would be diapers with underwear over them at home and during naps at school and then just underwear the rest of the day at school.  The next day he just didn’t pee all day!  They went ahead and left him in his underwear and when we got home and he was playing he had an accident and cried.

After that he started holding it for a LONG time… even WITH his diaper on.  At home we were still doing a diaper with underwear over it since he wouldn’t sit on the potty.  Well he would constantly be asking us to change him.  We think he would feel the need to pee and then hold  it and ask us to change him.  We tried to help him identify this as the feeling that means he needs to sit on the potty but he won’t do it at home!

Then this week came along.  He is only peeing 2 times per day!!  He is just holding it for a long time diaper or no diaper, until he can’t anymore.  He even went 3 days without a poop!!  So, we feel like we need to really get moving on this at home because it scares us.  He doesn’t want to go in his pants or diaper, so we HAVE to get him started on the potty!!!  His teacher felt that Weds. might have been too much pressure (when he finally did put a few drops in) so today she went to underwear with a diaper OVER them.  She said he was a so much better and was all involved with the day.  He even went to the bathroom himself, but still no deposits.  If he is so willing there, then why not at home or grandma’s?

So, how do you get a VERY stubborn 3.5 yo boy on a potty he will run from?  Hell if I know!  I had a total break down tonight and held him there.  It was awful. I am not proud of it and hated myself for it, but I am so freaked that he won’t potty!  (He only went once today at about 9am!!!!! And he didn’t poop all day.)  Of course it didn’t end well.  After I gave myself a time out I talked to him and this is what I told him… “When you were little you didn’t want to brush your teeth, but you had to or they would hurt.  So when you wouldn’t do it, mommy had to hold you down and do it anyways.  I didn’t like to do that, but I had to until you learned that you needed to do it.  This is the same thing.  You don’t want to use the potty, but you have to or your tummy will hurt.  So, until you decide you are going to do it yourself, I will have to take you to the potty and keep you there.  I will stay with you and snuggle you, but we are doing it no matter what, even if you cry.  So, I am going to count to three and then take you in there, sit you down and count to thirty.”  Then I slowly counted to three and carried him into the bathroom. He fought at first, but then it went well and we snuggled while I counted.  Nothing happened, but at this point I just need him to get used to the potty first, right?  Once he is getting used to it, he will be more relaxed and then try letting things out.  right?  After that, we let him pick a sticker and put it up.  He seemed a lot better, but I still feel lost.

So, please, ANY advice?!  We have done all we can.  Am I doing the right thing now??  Here is a list of all the things I can think of that we have tried:

1. The big Lego when he made his first deposit, no matter how small
2. Putting his diaper over his underwear (he just shuts down if you take diaper totally away for a few days it seems)
3. Being consistent with what is happening at school
4. let him pick his potty seats
5. I even promised an iTouch when he stays daytime dry for a week (cheaper than diapers!!!!)
6. sticker board for any attempt
7. lots of praise for any try
8. cheerios in the bowl
9. pick out his own big boy undies
10. books and conversations that he leads
11. Been very positive about any accidents, etc
12. tonight I assured him that being a big boy that uses the potty doesn’t mean he can’t snuggle or sit on our laps or be carried
13. Made a big deal out of any attempt
14. I even called my family doctor who I trust tremendously. I spoke to his nurses and they said to take the diapers away.

So, please, if you have a VERY VERY strong-willed child, I need any advice you have about ANYTHING!  But, seriously, please help me.  I have struggled as his mother since day one because his needs do not fit well with my personality.  I don’t get to be the mommy I always thought I would be because he needs something totally different.  It is hard and there are so many times when I feel completely unprepared and unqualified.  I wouldn’t trade him for the world.  I just need to keep learning how to be his best mommy.  So, please help me with that!!!

Thanks everyone!  And a special thanks to @jet_set @butterflysnbees @StayAtHomeMaven @Crunchynurse @LLeighMartin @Momalom @arlenetorres for your support and thoughts on Twitter!  If you are not following these folks, you should be!!

The diaper on the right is my one Swaddlebee Econappi One Size Pocket diaper. Shown with a Blueberry Deluxe, because they are ultimately the same diaper. The difference is in the fabric choices on the interior and the insert. The Econappi has an organic velour lining and insert. (The insert is a two fabric insert with hemp, too.)

The interior fabric stains easily. That isn’t a big issue with me, since they are diapers. The inner fabric is nice a soft for the first couple hundred washes. They do feel wetter with this diaper, as the velour does not wick away moisture quite like some of the fleeces and microfibers do. It wasn’t enough of an issue to bother any of my children. Over time, the interior fabric gets rougher feeling. It doesn’t bother the children, but is not as nice and lush feeling as it once was.

I tried the Econappi as an all in two, like the company claims you can, and it didn’t work out. The liner is not wide enough to make sure there is no spill over and the interior fabric ends up soaked. I gave it several attempts on different kids and always got the same result.

The Econappi runs a bit larger than other one size diapers. Realistically, these diapers start fitting around 10 lbs on a very round baby. (If you have a long, lean child- it may be more like 12 lbs.) They do fit up to 40 lbs, I’d guess. Imogene is 38 lbs. and this diaper still easily fits her, though it is becoming a bit low rise on her. Also, with multiple kids in this diaper, the way the diaper goes together and snaps down can be a bit of a problem. I like to put all my diapers together out of the dryer. But the Econappi insert must be snapped together for the size you’re setting the diaper. So, I have to decide out of the dryer who will wear it and set it aside for that child, which is kind of a pain to me “any kid can wear any diaper” system.

I’m not sure how well you can see it in the photo, but the back seam of my Econappi is coming loose. Yes, I can fix it, but I don’t like having to. I want my most expensive diaper to hold together better than my cheaper ones. The casing around the back elastic is coming unsewn. It is still wearable, but it is a pretty obnoxious problem.

I do not like this diaper as an overnight diaper (unless it is on the smallest setting) because it just doesn’t hold enough at night. I also don’t like this diaper for trips to the park. Sounds odd, I know, but hear me out. When the older ones are running and climbing, the insert gets all pushed around inside the diaper. It leaks. Everytime I take a kid to the park in the diaper, it leaks. It is fine if they aren’t running and climbing. It does fine on trips when they are sitting still in their car seats.

Do I like this diaper? Eh, it’s alright. Would I recommend this diaper? If money is no issue and it doesn’t bother you to have issues with an expensive item, sure, go on and buy it. If you find some amazing half price deal and you can live with the small annoyances, then sure, go on and buy. Will I buy more? No, it isn’t worth it to me. There are diapers half the price that work so much better.

I think this is an important thing to do. I try to do this at the end of each day if my brain is still working.

This week has been hard. We’ve done NOTHING, aside from a lot of laying around and sleeping and wiping noses, and changing our clothes, me especially as I have been lugging around 12 kilos of baby boy and he loves nothing more than to snuggle into my neck, and I love it too, I love feeling that baby soft cheek skin, I love the smell of his hair, I love hearing his little soft words, mama, booby. I don’t love how he claws at my legs while I try and cook dinner. But we shall forgive him because he is adorable, even when he is a snotty, biscuity mess. throw in some drool I can’t believe I forgot drool.

Then Lizie poor, Lizie. Started with a slight cold, turned into 4 days of fevers, & lots of sleeping, and for the last two nights coughing, like she’s been smoking a packet of Benson & Hedges her whole life.

Today no fever. But now it’s Jerry’s turn. Eliza will drink medicine like it’s the nectar of the gods, Jerry refuses it. He looks at me as if I am clinically insane, and then runs away into a corner and cries. I tell you again this boy is a hippie.

Another issue that came up this week was “co-sleeping” oh yes I’m one of those. Jerry is still in our bed,  he still feeds 3-4 times a night. I don’t care, nor mind. I find it a short period in my life to sacrifice. BUT apparently now that Jerry is getting older he doesn’t lay as still and is really taking over our bed, so it’s time for the little guy to go to his own. This has gone well. He’s still waking up, whatever I don’t mind. He happily sleeps anywhere.

It will be nice to reclaim the bed!

Hubby and I have been trying to make time for each other in the evenings, it’s been hard, I have been desperately tired due to the children being ill and most nights have gone to bed at 8pm. He has been exhausted from work.

Next week will be better. Next week I am hoping to draw up a proper schedule in regards to “lessons” for Eliza, menu planning, and fun. Next week will be good!

Really love to hear what you guys eat, We eat everything fish, meat, veggies, kids aren’t fussy and neither are we. but I hate Mushrooms and hubby hates capsicums if you do have any quick easy delicious recipes!

Lately, because of various things going on with Little Frog – he’s working on getting in three teeth at the same time, making leaps and bounds in his movement (he almost runs to get things), and he’s getting more communicative – he’s been super clingy.  If I move at night, he’ll wake up and fuss at me, or he’ll scootch in closer, resulting in me waking up in a sweat from the two of us radiating heat off each other.  Many times I also realize I have a dead spot along my arm, always a startling realization in the middle of the night when the brain is only partly functioning, caused by the dead weight of the totally asleep child’s head resting on my arm.  The resulting numbing of everything on the other side of his head will later be countered by the jangling return of feeling when he finally shifts to nurse.  I’m not really sure what’s worse in that case – the dead feeling or the pin and needles, pokey-stabby feeling – especially when what you want is to be sleeping.

This clinginess of his is extending to more than just while we sleep.  It’s all day.  If I move, he wants to be right where I am, preferably in my arms, or on my lap.  If I set him down, squalls on a large, loud scale ensue.  He doesn’t want The Hubby in this case, though he’ll do in a pinch.  He doesn’t want Bro, and if made to go to Bro (like when Mama is cooking something hot and splattery on the stove) will howl as though deserted with a stranger.  He wants to sit on my lap all the time, wants all the things I have, to do all the things I’m doing (even those things that he can’t have or do), and does not want at all, in any way, to be set down – until he wants it.  Then he gets down, usually to play with Bro, giving me a rare opportunity to run to the bathroom unaccompanied!  No sooner am I back, and he’s attached to me again.  If I don’t immediately pick him up upon regaining my seat, he circles me, patting my leg, shaking the arm of my desk chair, pushing against the back of my chair, pulling on my clothes.  I feel hunted, by some weird, taunting little predator, one who’s not above letting me know that he knows I have the boobies, and that as long as I sit still and let him have the boobies, no one will lose their hearing.  LOL  I love him, but boy does he have strongly held opinions, and powerful set of lungs, and he’s totally not afraid to use either one of them. 

 Over the last week, getting him to go to sleep at night has been nearly impossible.  He’s asleep, I can tell by his breathing, his complete limpness, his stillness.  I move on the bed, preparing to get up – nothing.  I lift myself up – and *boing* up comes his head, like a prairie dog popping out its hole to investigate that noise, that commotion.  Upon recognizing that Mama is leaving, he’s up out of the covers and starting to protest loudly, while grabbing onto my arm. *sigh* All that time, laying down next to him all for nothing in the merest blink of my eye.  Sometimes I wonder if he’s got some invisible alarm system that tells him Mama’s on the move.

It wouldn’t be so bad, except for the fact that this sleeping time at night, is my quiet time, my recharge.  I’m not getting much of it lately, and I’m noticing it.  I’m noticing it in the worst of ways… I don’t want to be touched.  One of my closest friends calls it ”Being out of touch” – in other words, you’ve touched and been touched so much, you don’t want to feel it any more.  I can deal with being a jungle gym, and climbed on, and accosted, and, and, and… if I get this down time.  When I don’t get it, when it starts becoming backlogged, I start to notice my nerves being more twitchy, I notice less patience – with everyone, I just want to run away to some quiet corner and be alone for a little bit.

Tonight, wonder of wonders, he went to sleep – huge sigh of relief – and here I sit, in the quiet.  The Hubby and Little Frog are upstairs asleep, Bro is in his room listening to Tom Petty, and I’m here at the computer, finally getting to blog a little before I pick up my newest hobby – knitting.  Yep, much to the happiness of my mom, I have finally learned to knit.  A good friend (who was my doula with Little Frog) opened her house to a bunch of crazy women – moms with their youngsters  in female service positions (lactation consultants, doulas, etc) for a get together every week.  We sit and talk, wrangle our kids, and try not to strangle our yarn as we manipulate our fingers and the needles into creating a cohesive chain of stitches.  It’s working, amazingly enough, though I daresay the biggest thing we’re all getting out of this is the camaraderie and companionship.  We sit around, flashing boobies as we nurse our children of various ages, to the soundtrack of conversation and clicking needles.  It’s fantastic, this reconnection with other mamas, and necessary to keep myself balanced.  Otherwise, I’ll lose myself even more than is already too easily happening.

Time to get back in touch with me, to find me again in the Momiverse that circles around me.  Me, spiritually, since that’s been on hold.  Me, craftily, as I’m loving this new thing I’m doing, but also miss the old crafty me.  Me, the person, since I know I’m so much more than just Mama, but somehow Mama takes precedence, and the rest of the parts of me seem to shuffle back in the back, like all the girls you knew in school… the ones who were always afraid to call attention to themselves.  Yeah, that’s the rest of Me right now – the jr. high girl, who stands back and lets life pass by because you’re not supposed to call attention to yourself.  Now I need to pay attention to those needs… at least a little.  Mama is important, needs to be forefront right now, but the rest of Me needs to not be lost in the process.  Hopefully I can juggle it, and not be so “Out of touch” both for my family and for me.

I have a little quiet time.  Both of the girls are napping, which is a bit unusual.  I have a million things I need to be doing, but I’ve decided to update the blog in a more formal way.  I don’t know when I will have the chance again.

I was going to post about our work on the barn and moving our chickens there.  I don’t know how much time I have and I haven’t uploaded the pictures yet, so I will post about life for me now.  This is almost becoming a journal for me.  If nothing else, it is a way to keep my family up from afar, and a way for me to keep a record of our life.

After the last five weeks of things being so out of sorts around here, I feel like I’ve fallen into a land of chaos.  There is so much to do and so much to be done.  Catch my drift?   I think the ups and downs and the interruptions to our rhythm have fostered in a “stage” with the girls.  They are both so very needy right now in different ways.  It has caused me to pull back a little to problem solve.  Sometimes it is so overwhelming being a mother – meeting everyone’s needs.  I’m trying to observe where I am falling short in my keeping up a rhythm that satisfies all of us.  That takes thinking about the girls and their needs throughout the day, adding in my goals for things to accomplish, and making sure John is fed and has clean clothes, along with a semi-tidy house.  What about time to just be a family?

I have decided to use the Daily Guide I purchased from Little Acorn, but create my own curriculum to go in that.  I’m feeling we need something a bit more natural to us and to the age of the girls.  I have to find our flow.  There are several books that I’m looking to purchase to help me along, and one I have on loan.  The loaner is Festivals, Family, and Food by Diana Carey and Judy Large.  It is filled with seasonal songs, verses, food, stories, games, and crafts.  It has most of the major American holidays and lots of European holidays or those less familiar to us.    The others I plan to purchase are:

• Waldorf Education: A Family Guide
• The Children’s Year: Seasonal Crafts and Clothes
• Stories for Under Five Year Olds
• All Year Around

This is a lot of reading.  I am trying to read four books right now.  Eli, the Good by Silas House, Heaven on Earth by Sharifa Oppenheimer, Concentration by Ernest Wood, and The Christian Home by the Valley View Mennonite Church.  I do a daily Bible study.  I am also attempting to enjoy the magazines and journals I subscribe to – Mothering Magazine, Yoga Journal, Appalachian Heritage, and Fugue.  Reading the blogs I love as well as exploring the new ones, is another reading goal.  Studying up on Kundalini Yoga, keeping up with yahoogroups, Facebook, and email… more reading.  Did I mention I’m an information hound?

I’m feeling like I need to pull back from myself.  I’m healing and seeking and seeking some more.  It’s not a wonder that I am having such difficulty making my mind be still.  Again, I recall… “Cease striving and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10.  In trying to make things easier and more organized, I’m finding that I am slipping into a need for days to be 72 hours long.  I’m becoming more and more tempted to shut it all off for awhile and trying to just listen.  Yet, I need to study and prepare myself to teach my children, practice my yoga, and truly understand my spirituality and religious beliefs.  What gives? Did I mention that I am still trying to write and submit?

How do I stop this momentum?  How do I keep the things of interest and necessity to me to one at a time?  I’ve never been good at balancing my life or organizing it.  I get things done, but I’m wondering if I am not going about it the hard way.  I was gifted in other areas.

In all of this, I see the tremendous blessings in my life.  I have the opportunity to learn about whatever I please, and devote as much time as is necessary and good to my family.  That is a jewel more precious than any diamond.

At this month’s meeting the topic was that perennial parental favorite: sleep!

Everyone was asked to talk about what they do to get to sleep if they can’t sleep. Many moms reported reading while others said taking a bath or watching TV. Typically there are many things that we as adults have learned to do to lull ourselves to sleep when Dreamland seems to be beyond reach.

Babies and small children may have just as much trouble getting into sleep mode as we sometimes do but because their resources are particularly small and undeveloped, they may need help finding ways to settle into sleep mode and help in staying there or getting back there once they go to sleep for the night.

Typically the adult sleep cycle is anywhere from 90 to 110 minutes in length. When moving from deep sleep to the lighter stages, we may briefly rouse, turn over, fluff our pillow or check the clock to see how much time we have left to sleep! Then we might go right back without hardly noticing.

The sleep cycle for newborns, infants and young children is shorter and much less developed. Typically they start with a 45-minute or so cycle of deep sleep before they arouse.

These shorter sleep cycles may be one way of nature helping to keep these littles alive.

While there are many books available to “teach” your baby how to sleep, chances are your baby will learn when his or her little system has matured enough to be able to do so.

One benefit of breastfeeding is learning to nurse your little one while lying down. While there may be a learning curve to it, and while you may not necessarily stay completely asleep, the upside is that Mama gets to at least stay in bed for a little while instead of pacing the floor or breaking out that bottle or even the Boppy.

What are some ways you put yourself to sleep?

What are some techniques you have found to incorporate a little more sleep into your life with a baby or young child who has different sleep patterns?

Happy ZZZs to all and to all a good night!

There are a couple of things that really put me off the whole attachment parenting thing.

One is people having home births with elder siblings watching. I’m sure these people don’t let their kids watch horror movies, so why let them watch their mother fall about in absolute agony for hours on end, followed by the bloody emergence of their new little brother or sister from their mother’s stretched and possibly torn vagina? Sounds like MA rated viewing to me.

The other is prolonged breastfeeding. And by prolonged I don’t mean twelve or even eighteen months, I mean years. When kids are old enough to pour themselves a drink, surely the boobs should go back to dad?

I seriously hope the whole thing is a massive joke, otherwise Cumbria has some disturbed little kids running around.

As a teen-ager, you know you know it all, and are invincible in this knowledge and your power over death.  As an adult, you think you know it all, but the invincibility is waning somewhat – mortality is a little more apparent than it used to be.  As a parent, you realize you know nothing whatsoever, and mortality is staring you straight in the face, daring you to keep moving, like some weird game of chicken.  But if you can break away from that stare, you realize those kids (yes the ones that alternately make you want to scream and to laugh) can teach you so much if you let them.

Bro constantly amazes me.  We unschool, and always have, so that means he’s never been in a formal school situation.  He’s never been subjected to the peer pressure that says you must stay in your herd age group, and only associate with those people.  He’s never had the joy of learning snuffed out like nothing more than a little candle.  Because of this, he willingly hangs out with his parents, and he thinks his parents’ friends (who are our chosen family) are fun to do stuff with.  He builds Legos with his Dad (they have a show they’re participating in this weekend at the Colorado Mills Mall), and he helps keep an eye on Little Frog.  He asks questions out of the blue, about subjects that are flowing around in his brain, and those questions can spark an hour’s worth of conversation (at least) as the subject moves from one connection to another.  This is one of the things Bro has taught me over the course of his life – that in learning, as in life, all things are interconnected.  Once I realized that, it became clear to me what has bothered me so much about the way the majority of our schools teach subjects – divided, with none of the connections that help tie it all together.  All the things that students are supposed to be learning about are tied in – art to science to math to history to literature to government/politics.  When we learn about one in the absence of the others, it loses that spark of interest that can grab someone and spark the desire to know more.  Instead it becomes a meaningless jumble of words and statistics, a static fact devoid of life.  When you bring all the subjects together, and follow the ebb and flow of an idea that sparked a quest for more, which in turn became challenging and dangerous to those in power, and thus must be banned from public knowledge – you get a true feeling for why we are who we are.  This plays a big part in our decision to not just homeschool, but to unschool.

Little Frog has challenged a lot of my previously held child-rearing knowledge.  I knew I would breastfeed again, but hadn’t planned to breastfeed exclusively – until I started learning more.  I read more and more, and discussed things with The Hubby, and decided that circumcision was a thing we would never do, that babywearing spoke to us deeply, that vaccination was too questionable to approach without more knowledge (and once we’d gotten that, very selectively chose what we did).  We decided that gentle discipline was a necessary thing, that extended breastfeeding just made sense (especially since at 14 mos, Little Frog still hasn’t decided solid food is worth more than tasting), and that crying it out was a cruel thing to do to the tiny individual who would be depending on us for everything (this was not a change from what I did with Bro).  We drew the line at co-sleeping/bedsharing though.  He would be in his own room after the first week, and sleep in his own crib, just like Bro did.  If he cried, I would comfort him and put him back in his crib.  We wanted our space at night, our privacy.

In the first few days home, however, Little Frog’s bilirubin count was high enough to warrant being put under bili-lights.  We let the doctor know that we were exclusively breastfeeding, not supplementing at all, and that my milk had come in since Little Frog had been nursing so much.  So we had a bili-blanket brought to the house instead, and for the next three days, my brand new son spent all his time that he wasn’t nursing, in his cradle by himself.  I spent most of that time on the verge of tears.  I just wanted to hold him, but knew that the more time he spent on the blanket, the better it would work.  Once he was finally off the bili-blanket, and his count was normal, I was extremely happy, but still thinking that night-time would find Little Frog sleeping in the cradle, to be moved to his room in a couple of weeks.  He had other ideas, though… he would sleep just fine in the cradle for 30 minutes to an hour, and then wake up crying.  I’d nurse him back to sleep, wait til he was fully asleep, move him to the cradle, only to have the same thing happen.  It took me a couple of weeks of no real sleep to finally decide to bring him to bed with us… call me a slow learner if you want – I’m chalking it up to lack of sleep.  I put pillows behind me so I was semi-reclined, laid him on my chest, and he slept that night for 4 hours!  When he finally woke up and needed to eat, I sat up (hadn’t figured out the side-lying position yet) and fed him, and then we snuggled back down to sleep.  It was wonderful… better even than chocolate!  After a few nights, The Hubby said he wanted his turn.  I’d read all about how dads aren’t as aware or responsive to babies being in bed with them.  However, The Hubby was totally aware (said it was one of the most exhilirating and sleepless nights he’d had), that he’d had no idea of how erratic newborns breathing patterns are, but that he wanted to keep doing it because it was such an amazing feeling.

Fourteen months later, and we’re still bedsharing.  Little Frog sleeps between us, won’t sleep at night without us both there, and seems to be very happy about the situation.  He nurses, and then snuggles up against one or the other of us, and reaches out a hand to the other one to make sure that we’re both there.  Changing the one most strongly held idea regarding sleeping together has made for a happier family all around.  Letting Little Frog tell us what he needed, and paying attention to that need, was probably the best lesson we have all learned.  We all feel better when we know that others are really paying attention to our needs.

-> A mother’s story of saving her baby from a heart attack by carrying her in a wrap. A MUST READ!

Hospitals to crack down on induced labors

Medical risks of epidurals

Taye Diggs on Jimmy Kimmel talking about home birth

Why Babies Should Not Sleep Alone

Dr. Sear’s research on co-sleeping

Merck admits Gardasil protects against basically nothing

Benefits of a natural approach to the third stage of labor

Pre and Perinatal Psychology video, part one

Bishop Scores and what they mean

The Labor Market, an article by TIME

Breaking water does not speed labor

Diagnosing Tongue-Tie

An OBGYN’s thoughts on long labors