It’s tradition that when a new manager takes the helm the team starts to pick up points and builds confidence.

Considering they are below us should we begin to worry? Hull are doing the business (for now) Portsmouth will no doubt start stringing some results together as well with the added bonus of cash to spend mid season (or Grant would never take the job on)

I’m really getting worried now. I’m trying to see the light but this thick fog bank just wont clear in front of me, if we drop further down the table I honestly cant see us getting out of the mess. It comes to a point that a club has to win 3-4 games on the trot to get out of a mess if they keep falling.

It will happen to us if we don’t start winning simple!

Scharner: Dodgy hair, dodgy goal

Continuing the Microsoft Paint Stories Of The Week series (soon to be re-named ‘Baron-Watch’), this week we once again catch up with Baron Silas Greenback (aka Avram Grant), and it certainly appears that he’s been keeping himself busy of late.

Not only has the amphibious super-villain been officially appointed as Portsmouth manager (as predicted here on Eddie’s Football Blog), but there have also been one or two unexplained events in the past week, both of which I am fairly certain he had something to do with.

Now, as we all know from ‘Danger Mouse’ (the reality TV series in which Greenback featured heavily during the 1980s) The Baron has a history of going to great lengths to create the perfect ‘Kansas City Shuffle’ – a moment in which he makes us all look one way (via a distraction), whilst he sneakily steps in to take over the world. I have highlighted examples of this before…

Stealing all of the world’s sign-posts. Sending tins of exploding custard to every household on the planet. Turning elephants into sugar cubes. Stuff like that. Ideas that could only conceivably be contrived by an evil toad.

Naturally therefore, when I stumbled across an article this afternoon citing ‘mysterious toilet blockages’ on an entire fleet of Cathay Pacific aeroplanes, my suspicions were raised. Perhaps the plan this time is to drain all of the world’s oceans? Think about it… the entire population of earth, all wildly flushing their porcelain thrones at once. The water usage would go off the chart.

Well, it’s either that, or he’s plotting a world-wide shortage of drain unblocking products. Just think of a world without drain unblocking products. All hell would break loose. Indian restaurants would fight and squabble over the remaining supplies and, worse of all, we’d all have to start using bidets due to the constant fear of clogging our own crappers. Yes, that’s right, we’d basically all become French.

I can see the fear on your face now. He must be stopped.

Talking of the French, and insanely long introductions out of the way, this leads me nicely on to the second of the unexplained phenomena that has occurred more than once in the past week. Namely, the act of scoring a goal in professional football, having blatantly committed a handball prior to putting the ball in the onion bag.

Both Thierry Henry (the goal that broke Irish hearts. Well, unless you’re Roy Keane), and Paul Scharner (the ‘1′ in Wigan’s 9-1 walloping at Tottenham) have scored goals of this ilk in the past week. Both have got away with it. My question is how?

Suspecting Greenback, I headed to his lair at Portsmouth’s Blue Reef aquarium earlier this week. Passing myself off as ‘Mr Grant’s Wart Removal Technician’ I gained entry, and this is what I discovered…

I think I know what’s been going on now.

Greenback has known all season that, at some point, he was going to be asked to replace Paul Hart as manager. It’s one of the worst kept secrets of all time. Right up there with Tom Cruise’s homosexuality. However, with this knowledge came responsibility. When he became manager, he was going to have to improve Pompey’s form.

Henry: Giving Greenback's invention the high-five

Knowing that his squad wasn’t anywhere near good enough to stay up on their own, and given that he is an super-villain with a lair, an evil crow assistant, and more than a few masterplans up his sleeve, Greenback got to work on a couple of ideas he’d had to improve his team’s performance. The first of these was injecting a ‘Striker’s Serum’ into Aruna Dindane, in the hope that the Ivorian would end up scoring a bucket load of goals. As you’ll remember, it started with a hat-trick, and ended with a threesome. It turned out that the ‘Scoring Serum’ wasn’t specific to football, and the Baron was forced to abandon Dindane’s regular injections after the goals dried up.

Now though, it looks as though Greenback has a new concept to use. A footballing aid called ‘The Invisible Handball’. Basically it is a specially designed synthetic forearm and hand combination that, when attached to a footballer, is completely invisible to the referee and his assistants. It means that a footballer can control, dribble, and even score a goal with their hand, and the officials will not see any offence.

The prototype was tested by Greenback’s father (Earl Greenback) during the 1986 World Cup in Mexico, on a certain young Argentinean by the name of Diego Maradona. It worked brilliantly during a match against England, but after Maradona refused to remove his new hand because he saw it as a good way to get cocaine past customs officials, Earl Greenback abandoned the experiment. Now, in the knowledge that he’ll be taking over such a poorly equipped Premier League team, Greenback Junior has resurrected it.

The product was tested last week on France Captain (and shaving enthusiast) Thierry Henry, and Wigan utility man (and Austrian style icon) Paul Scharner. On both occasions (as mentioned above) the protagonists used their new hand to score via an unfathomably dodgy handball. This obviously means that ‘The Invisible Handball’ passed its test with flying colours. There is, however, no word on either player having become a coke-mule for an underground gang of Colombians since their match. I’ll keep you posted though.

As ever, Baron Greenback looks on from his office as his evil crow henchman prepares to remove the hand from Scharner, in order to get it attached to Ivorian science experiment Dindane, and ready for this weekend’s visit of Manchester United. So, if you see a dodgy handball from young Aruna this Saturday, you’ll now know why the referee allowed play to continue.

It also seems that MI5 are also suspicious of Greenback’s activities (perhaps they read the blocked plane toilets atricle too), as they sent one of their agents into his lair on the day I was conducting my investigation. However, after failing to desguise himself, and following a cliché-filled chat in the Baron’s office, the vodka martini drinking agent ‘fell’ through a trap-door (that just happened to randomly open below his feet) and into a pool of sharks with freekin’ lazerrrs attached to them. He never stood a chance.

So, whether you’re worried about Portsmouth’s new ability to score goals, the possibility that you might have to cleanse your nether regions like a Frenchman in the near future, or just the concerned about the prospect of reading yet another article dedicated to a cartoon character lookalike, it is clear that this man must be stopped.

Where the hell is Danger Mouse when you need him, eh? Let’s hope that he has suffered the same fate as this little chap…

Avram Grant - Clinically dead.

Portsmouth chief executive Peter Storie today confirmed the totally non-shocking-news-that-nobody-saw-coming-a-mile-off that Portsmouth’s director of football Avram Grant will take over as manager from Paul Hart – effective immediately.

Cunning Storie told flabagasterd news hounds:-

“Yes it is true that Avram is the new gaffer – I know it’s hard to believe but we’ve been intending to make him manager ever since he joined us last month as “director of football” but y’know, we’d been waiting for his pesky work permit to clear and for the opportune moment to  put Paul out of his misery ….. Which was this Tuesday when he was doing his shoe laces up and looking forlorn. BAM! That’s all she wrote.”

Experience

The Pompey board are delighted to be able to bring in a manager with such a proven track record, having previously been director of football at Portsmouth in 2007 before joining Chelsea and eventually replacing Jose Mourinho as manager.

“He’s done it all,” explained Storie on the club’s official website as he dislodged the knife from between Paul Hart’s shoulder blades and muffled his last screams with a pillow, “he was one Terry howler away from winning the Champions League for God’s sake! Admittedly Frank Lampard has more skill in his big toe than Michael Brown and that the useless trollop Younnes Kabol isn’t fit to lick the mud from John Terry’s boots but I’m sure he’ll rescue us. If not we’ll arbitrarily sack him and promote some poor stodge to man the sinking ship – it’s our way.”

Grant will be in the dug out this Saturday for the visit of Manchester United.

Avram Grant will be introduced as the new man in charge of Portsmouth at a press conference today and a fair bet is that the first question will be: “Can you keep the club up?”

Grant was confirmed yesterday as the successor to Paul Hart, who was dismissed on Tuesday. As revealed in The Times, Grant will initially take charge under the title of director of football — which appears on the work permit that was finally granted yesterday — until a permit for him to work as manager is arranged. But the administrative difficulties are insignificant compared with the challenge on the field.

For a man who took Chelsea to within a penalty kick of winning the Champions League last year, Grant has many doubters. The suspicion will always exist that a nucleus of senior players, including John Terry, Didier Drogba and Frank Lampard, were largely responsible for Chelsea reaching the final.

But there will be no better way of proving himself than saving Portsmouth from the drop, which would represent a feat of considerable managerial skill. The club are bottom of the Barclays Premier League with only seven points from a possible 39 after Sunday’s 1-0 defeat away to Stoke City, having sold almost all their best players since January and replaced them with journeymen on loans and free transfers.

To succeed, Grant, 54, will have to draw on all his tactical knowhow and motivational skill. And in the unlikely event that there are funds and that the Premier League’s transfer embargo — for failing to pay debts to other clubs — is lifted in January, he may need to equal the wheeling-and-dealing skills of Harry Redknapp, even with the advice of Pini Zahavi, the agent. But he is not short of contacts, or goodwill, within the game.

Fabio Capello was seen to embrace him at the Footballer of the Year dinner this year, while Sven-Göran Eriksson called him “a very good man” who “knows his football and has a lot of experience”. Redknapp marginalised Grant when the Israeli was technical director at Fratton Park in the 2006-07 season, but backed him this week to inherit Hart’s job. “He would be my choice to take it,” the Tottenham Hotspur manager said.

Reports of rousing half-time team-talks are few, but players who have worked with Grant usually praise his work on a one-to-one basis. “I love Avram, he’s a great guy,” David James, the England goalkeeper, said. “When I first joined the club he was very active in preparation for matches. He’s a very wise man and his football knowledge is immense.”

Terry defended Grant after Chelsea had won the Champions League semi-final against Liverpool in 2008. “To get to where we are and to still question the manager’s role at the club is unbelievable,” he said. “Things have been very good and results don’t lie.”

Not everyone was so sure. “I am shocked and surprised,” Paul Merson, the former Portsmouth and England midfield player, said of the appointment. “They had a great team spirit, even though they were bottom. This could go completely the other way and turn things upside down. I could see them getting out of trouble. Now I am not so sure.”

Portsmouth confirmed that Grant has also completed the Uefa Pro Licence — when he was promoted to Chelsea manager, there was embarrassment when it was discovered that he did not possess the credentials to coach in the Premier League. But their explanation for Grant’s appointment had a lukewarm ring that spoke more of expediency than inspiration.

“Avram is a very experienced and respected manager, who has managed at the highest level,” Peter Storrie, the chief executive, said. “The board believes he is the man to help steer the club out of the relegation zone.

“He knows the club, the players and the set-up at Fratton Park, so it was the logical move.”Grant won league titles with Maccabi Tel Aviv and Maccabi Haifa in Israel as well as coaching the national side and became friendly with Roman Abramovich, the Chelsea owner, whose influence got him the job of Portsmouth technical director in 2006, then director of football at Chelsea.

He was put in charge of the first team after the departure of José Mourinho in September 2007.

While Hart confirmed yesterday that he has rejected the consolation post of technical director — Grant’s former title — Grant may wake up this morning wondering what he has let himself in for.

“I am not ‘the Special One,’ ” he told the media after succeeding Mourinho at Stamford Bridge. “I’m the normal one. But my wife says that I am special.”

If her husband succeeds at Fratton Park, Mrs Grant will be proved a very good judge indeed.

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What you missed while the Boston Aquarium was teaching kids to operate on squid (it’s not quite jellyfish, but we’re gonna use that tag anyways)…

• Your Champions League results: Rubin Kazan 0 – 0 Dynamo Kiev, Debreceni 0 – 1 Liverpool, Fiorentina 1 – 0 Lyon, Barcelona 2 – 0 Inter Milan, Rangers 0 – 2 Stuttgart, AZ Alkmaar 0 – 0 Olympiakos, Arsenal 2 – 0 Standard Liege, Unirea Urziceni 1 – 0 Sevilla
• Paul Hart’s been sacked by Portsmouth for not being able to win very many games after the team sold all of his players to pay the electric bill; early candidates for replacement are Darren Ferguson and Avram Grant. Hart may still accept a job with Portsmouth as technical director.
• Kieran Gibbs suffered a “horror foul” against Standard Liege, fracturing his metatarsal and leaving him sidelined for up to three months.
• Everton manager David Moyes (along with, presumably, ever other Premier League manager) doesn’t think Phil Brown should be sacked.
• Congratulations to Gamba Osaka midfielder Endo on winning the Asian Player of the Year award.
• The Dutch national team would like Edwin van der Sar to consider playing for them in the 2010 World Cup.
• Ajax has signed on to help coach the Chinese Football Association’s youth program.
• After numerous ankle injuries, DC United midfielder Ben Olsen retired yesterday. His kid presumably did not wear a Beckham jersey to the press conference.
• Celtic winger Aiden McGeady says that he wouldn’t pay to watch Celtic play.
• Bayern Munich have suspended Luca Toni after making comments critical of Louis van Gaal. That’ll help ‘em win more games, right?
• The Chicago Fire have sacked manager Denis Hamlett for…getting them to the semifinals?

Fergusons Jr. and Sr. could soon be doing battle in the Premier League.

How do I know this? Because – and believe me when I tell you this – Man-flu is child’s play compared to what I have at the moment.

That which makes me suffer so badly and cares not one iota that I can barely focus on anything – you guessed it ladies and gentlemen, I’ve got the dreaded man-pneumonia.

It has now set up camp most probably for the entire winter, likely through to next summer, and in all reality, Buzz Lightyear may have hit the nail right on the proverbial head.

However, I am comforted by the fact that the world continues to revolve while I suffer so badly.

People are still working, television is thankfully still airing and football’s chairmen contine to change their managers more often that I change my underwear (I’ve got my opinions on changing managers, and am writing a piece on that very subject, but that is for another day).

Paul Hart has become the latest casualty – becoming the first top flight dismissal this season (and it’s almost December, strange – almost half a season without a single sacking!). After impressively helping turn Portsmouth around last season, he has taken them rock bottom this year and the board have decided it’s time for a change.

And the favourite for the job? Darren Ferguson – of THAT fame. Yes, you got it – THE Ferguson fame. The great one’s son. And, should he get the job, who could be his first opponent (assuming he takes the job in time)?

Yep. Pompey play host to Manchester United this weekend, in what could potentially be the first ever Father v Son managerial battle in Premier League history. Sure, Jamie Redknapp played against teams managed by dad Harry, but this would be the first time that both managers involved in a Premier League fixture would be so closely related.

How interesting would that be? Sir Alex, deep into the twilight years of his career, faces his son Darren in what is the latter’s managerial debut in the Premier League, and the younger generation can spring a surprise.

It would instantly give the Pompey fans belief in his abilities, and set the tone for what could potentially be a great career – I mean, he’s from the best managerial bloodline in the land isn’t he?

But don’t expect Ferguson Sr. to exactly offer any favours. He will know his son needs to learn the hard way, and United are struggling enough to keep up with Chelsea as it is without giving away needless points.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting Sir Alex would simply ALLOW his son to win anyway, but there would surely be a deep-set tinge of sentimentality about the match – one that both would need to overcome, and also embrace, if the true magic of this fixture is to be realised.

Personally though, my money is on Avram Grant taking the hotseat. He’s been back at Fratton Park for a couple of months now, and considering how well he did at Chelsea, the only reason I can see him NOT becoming the new manager is if he didn’t want the job – well, that or his “imminent” work permit (which he has been waiting for since last month apparentely) gets lost in the post.

Either way, the dizzying ride that is the managerial merry-go-round will continue to operate just like I’m sure my man-pneumonia will – to infinite and beyond.

Image courtesy of skysports.com

Pimp my striker: Aruna Dindane

As I have mentioned before, the wonderful blogging software I use to tap out the sort of rambling nonsense that you are about to put yourself through also offers me the ability to see ‘behind the scenes’. Unlike the extras on your ‘Transformers’ DVD though, this unfortunately does not allow me to see Megan Fox in her smalls, rolling around on a beach in the South Pacific. However, what it does allow me to do is to monitor the search terms that people use to get to my wonderous site of footballing irreverency.

This being the case, if you have seen my article’s title in your search results, and arrived here today expecting to read a peice dedicated to a new member of Optimus Prime’s robot gang, then I’m afraid that Google has let down in your quest this time. If however, you just wanted a picture of Megan Fox draped over a motorcycle, then feast your eyes on these apples!

Anyway, let’s have a bit of fun, and ensure that I get a regular stream of Transformers fans arriving here in disappointment. You see, I am told that Google Search works by making a note of keywords in the title and body of any given article, bumping your entry up the results list if you’ve mentioned the searched terms more than other sites have mentioned them. Considering this, and the fact that (including the title) there have already been six Transformers-related references (now there are seven) in the first three paragraphs of this article, I wonder what will happen if I do this…

Transformers! Revenge Of The Fallen! Optimus Prime! Robots hitting each other! Shia La Beouf is constantly in a panicked state! Michael Bay makes rubbish movies! Transformers! Robots in disguise!

Let’s see how that pans out then…

Anyway, those are the finer points out of the way, let’s move on to the main course of this banquet of insight. As I mentioned in my Premier League Predictions, last week I booked a train ticket for Eddie’s Football Blog’s chief reporter to go down to Portsmouth and investigate why Pompey striker Aruna Dindane has suddenly become a player able to score a Premier League hat-trick.

You see, after the player’s frankly comical display against Spurs a few weeks back, where he showcased an array of finishing that would shock even Chris Iwelumo, I smelt a rat. You don’t just transform (see, I used that word again!) over night. What had happened to the Ivorian? Why had he suddenly started to find the back of the net instead of the car park?

As ever, our reporter was without any form of camera, so has had to resort to the pixel-perfect imagery that can only be offered by Microsoft Paint, in order to depict what he saw in Portsmouth that day. Below we can see his findings and the truth, I’m sure you’ll agree, really is shocking…

You might need a minute to take all of that in. I know I certainly did. Deep breaths…

As you can see, our reporter must have tailed Dindane to the secret lair of Pompey Director Of Football Avram Grant (aka Baron Silas Greenback), which (as we previously discovered) he has set up in the city’s Blue Reef Aquarium. Since that discovery, it appears that (alongside plans to develop the club’s academy) he has also developed a concept he once saw in an Austin Powers movie a few years ago – namely, sharks with freakin’ lazers attached. What this means for mankind, I can only speculate. However, given that it has nothing to do with the Ivorian’s form, we better leave that to MI5 (or MI6. If i’m honest, I never really know which one is which).

So, why is little Aruna visiting the den of his evil super-villain boss? The truth is that Greenback has also devloped what he calls a ‘Striker’s Serum’. Initially he developed the serum to help him ’score’ with women, as it became apparent that evil toad looking villains cannot pull girls, even on a night out in Portsmouth. However, upon testing his potion, it came to light that not only can it help a man score with women, but it can also help with scoring in every other sense of the word. The serum can make an individual become an expert at keeping a tally during darts matches in the pub, composing music and, most importantly in this case, hitting the onion bag on the football pitch.

It all makes sense now. Greenback, in a desperate attempt to keep Pompey up, has started injecting the Ivorian with a scientific concoction that is guaranteed to get him scoring goals. Like Big Sam’s masterplan, The Baron’s scheme surely cannot fail.

The picture shows club doctor Nigel Sellars readying Dindane for his latest shot of the good stuff. Greenback (who is watching on, cackling in delight, and sporting a grey suit he borrowed from his friend Dr. Evil) had hoped not to get any of the staff involved in the experiment, but ended up having to draft Sellars in after it emerged that his evil crow henchman was unable to administer an injection due to having a pair of wings and no opposable thumbs. It would have been a total mess, with needles and feathers everywhere. Plus, he’d done a bit of sight-seeing earlier in the week, and got stuck at the Tower of London after he was told that the building would fall down if he dared leave.

As ever with the masterplans of Baron Silas Greenback though, there is a problem. The serum doesn’t appear to be quite right. Having scored a hat-trick after his first dose, Dindane failed to hit the target during Saturday’s loss to Blackburn. However, he did end up waking up on Sunday morning with three Swedish underwear models in his bed. Technically then, he ’scored’ successfully, but it just wasn’t the right type of scoring.

As a result, it looks like poor old Avram will have to go back to the drawing board, otherwise he might find that Dindane turns up to Pompey’s next match having composed a beautiful piano concerto, but is still unable to hit a cow’s backside with a banjo.

(Transformers, Robots In Disguise!)

Meg Predicts: "Sunderland three, Liverpool twoooooo"

Seeing as Mr.T has not yet driven his tank through my garden wall, and as I have not yet spotted any Snickers bars scattered around on my lawn, I can only assume that the mowhawked one approved of my report this week on what referee Alan Wiley has been up to during the international break.

This has put me in a good mood. As a result though, I am presented with a problem. You see, I had planned to write a bit of a tirade about Premier League scuffle-addict, and Dennis The Menace wannabe, Joey Barton. I was going to have a little rant, rate his face using the Lee Bowyer Smackablomator, and then enjoy the endorphins that my brain always kindly releases after a good old character assasination of an annoying footballer. In my current mood though, there is no way that I could do the man justice, so I’ve had to find something else to occupy myself.

Premier League predicitions aren’t that hard to write. Ask Mark Lawrenson. The basic rule is that if it’s a game between two teams quite evenly matched, it’ll either be a 2-1 win to the home side or some form of relatively low-scoring draw (e.g. 1-1. Although I imagine that providing you with an example of a low-scoring draw is fairly unnecessary). If you have a strong side against a weak side, it’s 3 or 4-0 if the strong side is at home, and 0-2 if they are playing away on a cart-track of a pitch in Wigan. Throw in one nil-nil bore each week, and you’re done.

Oh. Wait. The only other rule is that, if you’re Mark Lawrenson (if, on looking in the mirror, this does appear to be the case, please seek medical attention), you MUST at all costs write an undescribably biased prediction in favour of Liverpool.

Right, so the rules out of the way with, let’s have a look at what we’ve got in store for us this weekend:

Arsenal vs Birmingham

In their last game, Arsenal gave Blackburn the sort of beating that may potentially have forced Big Sam into reconsidering the ‘play a centre-half up front, and lump it long’ approach. That can only be good for the Premier League. Birmingham should expect to endure the same treatment from The Gunners this weekend too.

Paddy Power are already taking bets on the exact minute that Alex McLeish loses his voice from shouting at his players too much. You can also put a wager on the exact shade of red produced by the capillaries on the face of the hapless Scotsman, as he flails his arms about in his technical area in an attempt to get Barry Ferguson to track Cesc Fabregas, instead of making rude gestures behind the referee’s back.

Verdict: 4-0

Aston Villa vs Chelsea

Carlo Ancelotti this week did two things. He got a lap dance on Italian television, and then he compared John Terry to Paulo Maldini. I can see what he means. Both are loyal to their clubs, both are fighters on the pitch, both are defenders, and both are captains (or have been). That’s where Ancelotti’s comparison stops though.

You see, where Maldini has the quintessential character of the Italian footballer – intelligent, softly spoken, stylish, and good looking, Terry, by contrast, is guts-and-glory, loud, stupid, and has a face that wouldn’t be out of place in a Wheterspoons on a Saturday night. Surely I haven’t just described the quintessential English footballer? Oh… right.

Maybe Ancelotti had a point after all. All I know is that, come Saturday, points are not what Villa will be getting.

Verdict: 0-2

Everton vs Wolves

The thing is, Everton vs Wolves is not a very interesting game to talk about. If Everton were going to play against a pack of 11 wolves, all dressed up in football kits and little boots for their paws, then trust me I’d be all over the review of this game like beans on toast. The reality of it all though is that there will be no wolves. No stopping to bay at the moon. No targeting of the smallest Everton player and feasting on him at half time. Nothing.

All there will be is 11 men in gold shirts playing 11 men in blue shirts. The men in blue shirts will procede to score three goals, with the men in gold scoring none. Barring a mild attack of tourettes from Toffees goalkeeper Tim Howard, nothing exciting will happen. However if, like me, you would like English football to be as speicies-diverse as it is ethnically diverse, then how about we all write a stern letter to the Premier League? Word on the street is that Sheffield Wednesday are also interested in the idea.

Verdict: 3-0

Manchester United vs Bolton

He’s just like Dom Joly, that Fergie, isn’t he? Dom Joly, just without the oversized props.

Not content with angering the referee’s governing body last week, with his comments about podgy lard-ass Alan Wiley, professional prankster Sir Alex Ferguson has used the international break to try to wind-up Belgian club Standard Liege. Whilst everyone else’s postman was down the pub enjoying a good old strike, it seems that the United manager’s postie crossed the picket line, because Belgian wonderkid Steven Defour recieved a letter from the Scot this week.

At the letter’s heart Sir Alex expressed his best wishes to the injured playmaker, and reminded the boy that he was in his thoughts. I’m not sure how i’d feel if an old Scottish man wrote me a letter to tell me that I was ‘in his thoughts’, but Defour was supposedly delighted. Whether his club feel the same is another thing.

Verdict: 3-0

Portsmouth vs Tottenham

It’s impossible to write this one without asking the following question. Why did Harry Redknapp conduct a football-based interview in an aquarium on Wednesday afternoon? I think I have the answer.

As we all know, Baron Silas Greenback is now in one of the comfy boardroom chairs at Portsmouth. Greenback would clearly like to start his career as Pompey Director of Football with a win, so what does he do? Instead of sending exploding custard to every single one of the Tottenham players on the morning of the game, he decides to invite the manager of the opposition (rumoured to be partial to a backhander) into his secret evil lair. All secret evil lairs are based in locations largely covered by water, that’s just a fact, so what better place to conduct your business than a secret room in Portsmouth’s famous Blue Reef aquarium. Did Harry take the bung though?

Funnily enough, he did seem to talk awfully highly of his old club in the interview…

Verdict: 2-1

Stoke vs West Ham

This one’s the nil-nil.

Verdict: 0-0

Sunderland vs Liverpool

Sunderland gave Manchester United a real scare last time out. In fact it was Ben Foster who probably gave United the bigger scare, but I digress. The Mackems are on good form and, for Darren Bent, comparisons with Harry Redknapp’s wife Sandra have well and truly been consigned to his Twitter history. One problem I still have with Bent though, and I’ve mentioned this before, is the following… why does he have to wear headphones all the time, even when he’s being interviewed post-match? My only assumption is that he must be learning a language. If so, good luck to you Darren. Sorry, I mean ‘buena suerte’ (if in fact you are learning Spanish, or even reading this at all).

Liverpool have lost their last couple of games, and now have an injury to Steven Gerrard to cope with. Yossi Benayoun will feature for the reds, but is unlikely to have become any easier on the eye during the international break.

Verdict: 3-2

Blackburn vs Burnley

One game. Every weekend in the Premier League we get one of these. The sort of game that is less of a game, and more of an example of how to have a fight within the rules of football. So, lots of shoulder charging, slide tackling, clashes of heads, that sort of thing. There won’t be any football played. It’ll be an absolutely horrible spectacle. However, after 8 pints this game is the footballing equivalent of the girl accross the bar that suddenly got attractive, even though she definitely wasn’t when you sat down five hours ago.

Abnormaly appealing.

Verdict: 1-1

Wigan vs Man City

Alan Wiley is back and, as revealed on Eddie’s Football Blog, has spent the international break punching dead cow carcasses, running up steps, doing push-ups in the snow, and generally finding obscure ‘Rocky’ influenced techniques to get himself into top conditon in the limited timeframe he had at his disposal between Premier League fixtures. Will he now be able to out-sprint Craig Bellamy though? Probably not.

In fact, I don’t think anyone can out-sprint Craig Bellamy at the moment. In the sort of form the Welshman is in, I can see his pace being the difference between the two sides. His unique ability to get on everyone’s nerves will be another difference between the two sides.

Verdict: 1-2

Fulham vs Hull

Family club vs Family club, taking place in the only stadium in the Premier League to have a section for ‘neutral fans’. There are probably still some tickets available, why not buy a couple? Take the kids. Buy some candy floss. Play poo-sticks on Putney Bridge, and have a jolly nice Monday evening. The football won’t be great, but a giant badger wearing a Fulham shirt will do something funny at half time. The kids will like that.

Verdict: 1-1

Grant: Back in the big-time

I’ll admit it, whilst trying to think of something witty to open an article about Baron Silas Greenback’s (aka Avram Grant) return to English football, I got a bit lost in the statistics of the Danger Mouse villain’s record as manager at Chelsea. This is why we’ve ended up with a) a rubbish title to the article, and b) an opening paragraph explaining why it isn’t making you laugh. I can only apologise for this.

The thing is though, after trawling through various statistics about wins, losses, draws and other stuff that people with no interest in football would rather burn their eyeballs than bare witness to, it appears that Greenback wasn’t actually a bad gaffer. In fact, he was quite good.

In the 32 Premier League games which Abramovich allowed him to sit in the hot-seat (whilst stroking his fluffy white caterpillar, and trying to find the exact post-box on Baker Street that his arch-nemesis had set up camp in) his record was as follows; 23 wins, 7 draws, and only 2 losses. That translates as 76 Premier League points, which is certainly a very good haul to ask your evil crow-henchman to gather up and put in your dungeon.

In fact, if you take his average points per game (at this point I’m aware that I will have lost a few of you who don’t care much for statistics. I expected this, which is why I put a picture on the right to distract you), and multiply it by the 38 games that he would’ve had at his disposal, had Chelsea decided to fire Mourinho before the start of the season, The Blues would’ve collected over 90 points that season.

Manchester United won the league with 87 points so, yes, I am essientially saying that The Baron would’ve won the Premier League at his first attempt. Factor in a Carling Cup Final (stop sarcastically saying “ooooooh!” back there!), and being a penalty-competent centre-half’s width away from winning his Russian owner’s very own holy grail, the Champions League, and future historians will be scratching their heads as to why this man was given his P45. Especially when he’s been balancing football management with world domintation. It’s a tough juggling act to one minute have to send tins of exploding custard to every address on the planet, and then the next have to face the media after a 1-1 draw with Birmingham. Very tough indeed.

Greenback: Hell-bent on world domination

That was the problem with Greenback though. Like most evil super-villians, he was media shy, and he also looked like a super-villain should look. All toady and green, with a wheezy little laugh. Those very same historians will soon understand the reason for his dismissal when they see a picture of him. They’ll realise that he never stood a chance because Joe Public is never going to want an evil toad-creature as manager of his club.

Evil toad-creatures are simply not cool or funny enough when interviewed by Garth Crooks on Match Of The Day. As a result, these fans will put completely unrealistic performace expectations onto the manager’s shoulders. So will his chairman. Expectations so high, that all of the achievements stated above will simply not be good enough. If Greenback had been a man with nicely combed hair, who answered every question from Garth with a witty quip about a man walking into a bar, I’m sure those acheivements would at least have earnt him another season at the helm.

His demise was inevitable though, and is probably what drove him to steal a growth serum to create giant chickens that could take over the world. Probably.

Thankfully though, The Baron will have to reign in all that harebrained plotting now, as yesterday afternoon he accepted the Director Of Football job at Portsmouth. Just like his last job, this appears to be an interim position. On this occasion, however, it’s an interim position in the boardroom, and it looks very much like it’ll be Paul Hart who will end up biting the bullet. This should pave the way for Greenback, ironically for a super-villain, to step in and save the day.

Pompey fans, if it does happen, and you switch on the TV to see Greenback stroking his caterpillar whilst giving monosyllabic answers to Geoff Shreeves, in a press conference that he has rigged to interrupt every channel in the world, don’t dispair. He may not be pretty, and may occasionally be side-tracked by plans to destroy all the world’s signposts, but you can’t argue with his record during his last stint in the Premier League.

Plus, he looks like a cartoon character. So just think of all the songs you could make up.

Ahora que quedó vacante el puesto de director técnico en el Guadalajara, se dice que Jorge Vergara estaría  buscando un técnico europeo de renombre para la próxima temporada, entre los que suenan Ronald Koeman (holandés), Avram Grant (Israelí, ex DT de Chelsea), Hristo Stoichkov (búlgaro) e incluso el sueco Sven-Göran Eriksson, quien todos sabemos que no tuvo un buen paso por la Selección Mexicana.

Lo que sí es seguro es que no lo traerán este torneo, sino para enero, cuando el Rebaño se mude a su nuevo estadio (a ver si ahora sí). Para lo que queda de este pésimo Apertura parece que seguirá la dupla formada por Luis Díaz y Marco Fabían como interinos, u otro entrenador mexicano, pero sólo hasta que termine el año.

Efraín Flores, vicepresidente deportivo del Guadalajara, dijo que primero deben ver qué es lo que quieren (he ahí el problema con Vergara!), para después tomar la decisión.

“Primero necesitamos plantear qué queremos, si un técnico para el corto plazo, o un técnico para el mediano plazo. Esto último nos llevaría más tiempo, por lo que en este momento lo primero es definir lo que buscamos”, dijo Efraín.

Se dice que por ahora la opción más probable es Eriksson (no, por favor!), aunque también sería el más caro de los que están en mente de la directiva rojiblanca.

Hagan lo que hagan, esperemos que los malos manejos de Jorge Vergara y su esposa cambien un poco, y por lo menos se tome una buena decisión en cuanto al técnico. De ahí en adelante habrá que ver si lo aguantan pese a posibles malos resultados iniciales, o si las Chivas seguirán teniendo espírituo de equipito que cambia de DT luego de once partidos o menos.

Saludos!

Fuente: Récord

Having a Ball

Who will replace Leo Beenhakker? One of the main candidates for the position of Polish national team coach is Avram Grant, former manager of Chelsea. According to Fakt, representatives of the Polish Football Association (PZPN)  already talked to Grant after the Poles’ unsuccessful European Football Championships in Austria and Switzerland. When Grant ended his tenure at Stamford Bridge, Michał Listkiewicz, former head of the PZPN, contacted him immediately and offered him the job. Grant refused. However, all is not yet lost as it is possible that he will start work in Poland this autumn. Grant is still the main candidate for the position of Polish national team coach. However, not until he begins talks with Grzegorz Lato will he comment on the whole matter. The Israeli coach would replace Beenhakker no earlier than this autumn. Leo Beenhakker’s job is therefore safe until at least October.
Dziennik

Newzar can be emailed to you directly

1.

Io guadagno 11 milioni non 9, e con la pubblicità anche 14

2.

C’è prostituzione intellettuale

3.

Se avessi voluto un lavoro facile sarei rimasto al Porto, con una bella poltrona blu, la Coppa dei Campioni, Dio e dopo di lui io

4.

Io sono speciale

5.

Guardate il mio taglio di capelli, sono pronto per la guerra

6.

Wenger ha un vero problema con noi e credo che lui sia quello che in Inghilterra si chiama voyeur. Gli piace guardare. Ci sono ragazzi che quando sono a casa hanno un grosso telescopio per per spiare nelle case degli altri. Wenger deve essere uno di questi. Ed è una malattia

7.

Mi rimpiangerete, soprattutto quando comincerete a perdere anche le partite in casa. I fan del Chelsea non hanno mai lasciato Stamford Bridge in lacrime, perché non abbiamo mai subito sconfitte casalinghe, ma quando il Chelsea perderà il prossimo incontro davanti al suo pubblico, allora qualcuno si ricorderà che questa cosa non succedeva da tre anni (ai dirigenti del Chelsea)

8.

Magari nella filosofia di un perdente questa è stata una grande stagione (ad Avram Grant, suo successore sulla panchina del Chelsea, che aveva definito positiva la stagione nonostante la sconfitta nella finale di Champion’s League).

9.

Avete vinto il primo scudetto in segreteria, il secondo perché non c’erano avversari e il terzo all’ultima giornata. Siete una squadra di merda (ai giocatori dell’Inter dopo una delle pochissime sconfitte di quest’anno)

10.

Io non sono un pirla

E quest’uomo sarebbe la salvezza del calcio italiano?

Avram, why it do go so wrong, so quickly? Were we not attentive enough to your needs? Should we have been impressed by your monosyllabic, mono-tonal responses to questions from the press? What could we have done to keep such a promising managerial career firmly on the rails?

the ultimate metaphor for your managerial style, the 'Get that damn ball away from me' strategy

The end of your career as a top line manager came too quickly. Meteoric doesn’t even fully describe your rise out of complete obscurity (Avram who?) to lead one of European Football’s powerhouses. Your influence on dour douche bags worldwide was profound. Dour was in, baby! What is the world to think now?

As Chelsea fans, we had grown accustomed to a manager who breathed inspiration, inspired confidence and promoted a zest and vitality for football, unparalleled in the modern game. You taught us that those qualities were inconsequential. That winning titles and trophies was not integral to defining success. You strove to achieve what every man is looking for in the bedroom with their partner, to let their partner (in this case Man U) come first, so we could come second. And you did it with a fluidly inherent beige-like dignity.

In fact you took Beige, all it stands for, its very essence, to dizzying heights. You took Beige out of the wilderness, to the extent that the next Websters Dictionary is set to reflect that very influence. In the latest edition to hit the shelves, when people look up Beige, there will be a picture of your face with the description, synonym: Avram Grant.

'Here's looking at you, Avram'

You taught the world that poor tactical personnel decisions were not only the norm but what was to be expected. That raising your research and decision making processes in the big moments, against the other powerhouses with competent managers, was a luxury that we could no longer afford. Football managerial decisions are eerily akin to a military commander in battle, with every competent manager using some variation of ‘game theory’ to chart the best possible strategy under a variety of circumstances. Your unpredictable ineptitude in formulating a coherent strategic basis, could have worked to Chelseas’ advantage. Sadly, it didn’t. After all, what thoughtful individual could possibly predict, with any level of certainty, your next move.

Actually, that’s not entirely fair. Parts of it could be predicted with great precision, as they always had 4 common ingredients:
* a cupful of the reverse of imagination (believe me imagination can have a reverse, its like dreams that consist only of the beige image above, and nothing, i repeat, nothing else)
* a spoonful of fear and desperation (like a jockey who got boxed in and missed several runs before using the whip like a dominatrix in the last 2 furlongs)
* a dollop of uninspired genius (imagine the polar opposite of Obama’s ‘Yes We Can’ speech after the New Hampshire primary)
* an infusion of the complete absence of any kind faith in its rationale or ultimate success (its like the antipodean feeling to watching the scene below from ‘Dirty Harry’ for the first time. Namely, that I’m in good shape following this guy and his ideas around for a couple of hours).

Quick tangent on this scene. Aside from having some of the most enjoyably memorable lines in cinematic history, the cinematography and the acting performances are particularly ‘top shelf’. The camera follows Harry from behind as he sidles up to the ‘punk’ (a technical term), then pans down to the distance between the punks hand and his weapon (which if you look at closely is actually way too far for it to be plausible for him to do any conceivable damage to Harry). After all, the punk has not moved one inch from when he got hit with the .44 originally, and the gun is facing the wrong direction for him to ever get a shot off in Harry’s direction. The hand vibration work and the overactive fear expressions of the punk are particularly delightful in their extreme turtuosity (if its not a word it definitely should be, if not a buddy cop movie starring Vin Diesel and Nic Cage). But the highlight is the way Clint hits his phrasing. I’m convinced he was born to say those lines and couldn’t have possibly enjoyed saying them more (look at that smirk after he says punk, that’s what pure joy looks like). Pay particular attention to his enunciation on the words ‘clean off’ and ‘punk’, an absolute tour-de-force. Also, the punks line ‘I gots to know’, might be the most enjoyably underrated line in cinematic history’. Tangent over.

When unnamed Chelsea players (Didier Drogba?) pleaded for some sanity with comments like your methods and strategies are “25 years behind the times” and “Chelsea deserve a bigger coach than him. Grant does not have the quality to coach a team like this. When we play big opponents we will suffer because of him”, and you simply shrugged them off those narrow shoulders of yours, we were giddy in admiration.

Unlike ‘The Special One’ who came out with once in a generation type metaphors comparing his side’s lack of fit players to the kinds of omelettes you can make with different kinds of eggs from different kinds of supermarkets,

“It is omelettes and eggs. No eggs – no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem”, you gave us ‘yes’ and ‘no’. For that we will be forever in your debt.

When The Special One departed from Chelsea, part human, part machine, captain John Terry said ‘Jose Mourinho won six trophies at Chelsea. He simply was the most successful Chelsea manager ever and the best I’ve ever worked with. His training, preparation and tactics were outstanding. His impact on a game was there for all to see. More importantly, he is a good man, with good people around him.’, comparatively since your Chelsea departure the words of support and encouragement from your former players have been deafening…..in silence that is.

Avram, your 8 month tenure at Chelsea will be fondly remembered, mostly by Tottenham Hotspur, Wigan and Manchester United who helped ensure the bagel of titles commensurate with your performance. After 6 titles in 2 years it was time for a break from any kind of silverware anyway.

The good ole days

May your managing career, forevermore, Rest in Peace.

Gianfranco Zola’s West Ham moved up to seventh in the Premiership after disposing of Mark Hughes‘ expensively assembled Manchester City project at Upton Park this afternoon.

The two clubs could hardly have been run more differently this season. Zola has built a team moulded in his image – at its best free flowing and beautiful, at its worst a little diminutive on the pitch. Hughes, on the other hand, has failed to stamp his personality on Manchester City with the same degree of success as at Blackburn Rovers or with Wales. Blackburn were a team that had a solid foundation built around big-hearted and just generally big players like Christopher Samba, Ryan Nelson and Roque Santa Cruz. On paper, Richard Dunne, Micah Richards and company looked to be made of the same stuff. Instead, they have proved to be more like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man – seemingly huge but actually soft, vulnerable and all too easily defeated by a bit of total protonic reversal. Or, in Manchester City’s case, Jack Collison.

Then there’s the small matter of money. West Ham are a club teetering on the brink of annihilation, while Manchester City have a virtually bottomless pit of dirhams for transfer fees and exorbitant wages. Hughes spent January splashing the cash, bringing in Wayne Bridge, Nigel de Jong and Craig Bellamy for a combined fee of over £40 million, while West Ham’s biggest achievement in the transfer window was keeping hold of most of their star players (Bellamy excluded, of course).

Then finally – and crucially – there’s the difference on the pitch, underlined by West Ham’s 1-0 win over Manchester City on Sunday. The Hammers were dominant throughout, with their one January signing Savio Nsereko instrumental in Collison’s goal and Scott Parker adding real bite to all the delicate touches being exchanged in midfield. Based on this performance, it should come as no surprise that Chelsea have been linked with an approach for Zola where just eight months ago they lost out on Hughes as their first choice to replace Avram Grant. At the moment West Ham and City are chalk and cheese. And I think Roman Abramovich might just have a taste for expensive Italian gorgonzola.

Read more here

• Can Chelsea get their cheese?
• Hughes favourite to be next to go
• Robinho out, Jurgen Klinsmann in?

Guus Hiddink faces his first big challenge as Chelsea coach against high-flying Aston Villa on Saturday. The importance of this fixture against the club immediately above Chelsea in the Premiership has doubtless not been lost on the new Dutch manager. But can any result turn Chelsea into winners after the circumstances that have beset the London club over the past two weeks?

I don’t think so. Even if Hiddink can mastermind victory over Villa by springing a surprise or two (for example thrusting Michael Mancienne into the action), I don’t believe one win – or even a piece of silverware – can undo the long-term damage Scolari’s sacking has done to the club. For starters, Hiddink isn’t just a part-time replacement for a full-time manager. Along with Scolari, Chelsea dismissed Flavio Teixeira, Darlan Schneider and Carlos Pracidelli from their backroom team. So Hiddink is a part-time replacement for a manager, an assistant manager, a fitness coach and a goalkeeping coach. And given the short term nature of his contract, Hiddink seems both unlikely and unwilling to bring in any additional support – despite the availability of a ready-made assistant like, say, former Chelsea star Gus Poyet.

Then there’s the problem of preparing for the summer transfer window. Last season, before Luiz Felipe Scolari arrived at Stamford Bridge, Chelsea had already splashed out £16.3m on José Bosingwa. Neither Scolari or his predecessor Avram Grant has been able to stamp their mark on a squad that has lost key peripheral players including Claude Makélélé and Wayne Bridge in the past six months. Makélélé’s loss in particular has had a visible impact on the team, with his replacement Deco so clearly unfit for task that Scolari was forced to look to German Bundesliga and Brazil flop Mineiro for back up. With news breaking today that Hiddink intends to bring Russian crony and CSKA Moscow winger Yuri Zhirkov to Stamford Bridge - regardless of whether or not he is still manager by the time the player arrives – there is surely a possibility that his successor will be lumbered with yet another unwanted new arrival with allegiances to the former regime.

Of course, it is not Hiddink’s job to worry about these details. After all, he has enough on his plate holding down his five jobs (at last count). Rather, they are problems for his successor – Carlo Ancelotti perhaps? Which is a great shame, because Hiddink is absolutely the right man to take Chelsea to the next level, namely Premiership and European success on a consistent basis. But no manager can deliver all that in a fist full of months: just ask Sir Alex Ferguson, who took three years to assert his vision on Manchester United. Or even Hiddink himself, who was given just seven months to turn around Real Madrid in 1998. And, for the record, couldn’t.

Read more here

• Guus Hiddink is not an entertainer, says Gus Hiddink
• Hiddink thinks this football lark isn’t quite up to manure
• And Arsene’s not impressed

(VienCanh.Com) Hôm qua, Portsmouth quyết định sa thải HLV Tony Adams vì chuỗi thành tích nghèo nàn. Hai trong số các ứng viên thay thế cựu hậu vệ của Arsenal đều thuộc dạng khủng.

Adams ra đi chỉ 15 tuần sau khi lên nắm quyền, thay Harry Redknap đến Tottenham hồi cuối tháng 10 năm ngoái. Ông nhận quyết định sa thải từ một cuộc gọi điện của Giám đốc điều hành Peter Storrie. Đây có thể là một cú sốc đối với cá nhân Adams, vì trước đó ông chủ Alexandre Gaydamak cam kết để ông nắm quyền đến ít nhất là hết mùa hiện tại.

Adams vẫn còn non kinh nghiệm trên cương vị huấn luyện.

Tuy nhiên, trên thực tế, việc nhà cầm quân trẻ phải ra đi là điều dễ hiểu. Dưới sự dẫn dắt của Adams, Portsmouth mới chỉ thắng hai trong số 15 trận ở Ngoại hạng, tụt từ vị trí thứ 7 xuống 16 và chỉ còn hơn nhóm có nguy cơ xuống hạng một điểm. Trận cầm quân đầu tiên và cuối cùng của chiến lược gia 42 tuổi đều là những trận đấu với Liverpool tại Ngoại hạng (thua 0-1 và 2-3).

Dưới triều đại Adams, đội chủ sân Frattton Park cũng không bảo vệ được chiếc Cup FA giành được mùa trước, sau khi để thua đội hạng Nhất Swansea. Tại Cup UEFA họ cũng đã sớm phải nói câu giã từ.

Giám đốc bộ phận đào tạo cầu thủ trẻ, Paul Hart, tạm thời nắm quyền HLV. Tuy nhiên, ban lãnh đạo Portsmouth đang sốt sắng tìm kiếm người thay thế thực sự. Hai trong số những cái tên được nhắc đến là Avram Grant – người đưa Chelsea giành ngôi á quân Champions League và Ngoại hạng mùa trước, và Sven Goran Eriksson – cựu HLV trưởng đội tuyển Anh và hiện dẫn dắt đội tuyển Mexico.

Doãn Mạnh tổng hợp

Bài viết liên quan

5 vụ sa thải HLV gây chấn động thế giới

Man City thở phào khi Chelsea sa thải Scolari

Hiddink sắp dẫn dắt Chelsea

Chuyến phiêu lưu khổ sở của Scolari tại Chelsea

Nguồn: viencanh.com Portsmouth mời gọi Avram Grant và Eriksson

Felipão foi demitido do Chelsea essa semana e o fato realmente pegou muitos de surpresa.

Mas agora, Felipão pode esperar tranquilo alguma proposta ou escolher com muita calma seu próximo destino. Como o técnico ficou apenas 8 meses no time, e seu contrato era com duração de três anos, a indenização pela multa rescisória é altíssima.

Felipão recebia cerca de 530 mil Libras por mês, algo em torno de de R$2 milhões. A multa envolve os valores referentes aos meses restantes de contrato, ou seja, 28 meses. É pura matemática, que soma aproximadamente 15 milhões de Libras, batendo na casa de R$50 milhões.

O Chelsea acumula gastos de 40 milhões de Libras nas demissões de Mourinho, Avram Grant e Scolari.

Garanto que Felipão não está tão triste assim. Já dá até pra pensar em comprar uma casinha em Rio Grande, tchê!

POSTADO POR NÓIA

Image via Wikipedia

You heard it here first folks – looks like my powers of prediction are improving. Guus Hiddink is being lined up to take charge at Chelsea, the BBC are reporting.  Roman’s been bending the ear of the Russian FA, by the sound of things.

As a Man U fan, I’m not exactly heartbroken to see Chelsea struggling for direction and leadership, but gloating aside, this job is looking like more and more of a poisened chalice. The ghost of Jose Mourinho is still stalking the corridors (or would be, if he were dead and not managing Inter Milan. As hauntings go it would be pretty spectacular…his grey coat swishing round corners as he held aloft a spectral premier league trophy, occasionally taunting visiting managers for being voyeurs). But I digress. Chelsea is still suffering from his departure and remains one of the most demanding managerial posts.

For my next prediction – Avram Grant to save Portsmouth from relegation but quit at the end of the season. And, England to beat Spain 2-1 tonight.