Bad Boys – Main Theme
Audiomachine – Opus Dei
Braveheart – The Secret Wedding
Colin Farrell. Jude Law. Brad Pitt.
There’s no denying there is something very appealing about a bad boy, my personal favourite being the man himself, Mr John Mayer (ironically as I write this I am listening to his music. Pure magic!)
BUT why? Why do we opt for the bad boy over the good guy?
With that question plaguing me the last week, it finally hit me.
1. We are attracted to those similar to us, or who we perceive ourselves similar too.
I’ll chuck the candy right out there and say:
We go for the bad boys because we don’t feel good enough for a ‘good guy’.
And by good guy I mean the one who will open your door, meet you parents (even though it’ll scare the bejesus out of him) and consider your needs over his own. We find it hard to date the ‘good guy’ because they actually see us higher than we see ourselves. We reject and hurt the good guy because we feel unworthy of what he brings. Whereas, although a bad boy is ‘exciting and tests the boundaries’, he’s also been known to treat women below ‘par’ because they think it’s all they deserve.
As a woman who has hefty track record of being attracted to the ‘bad boy’, it wasn’t until recently when I started going out with my (now) boyfriend when it hit me. I thought I knew my worth, but didn’t think it was possible for someone else to ever value me in the same way. Because of that I was willing to give whoever I dated the benefit of the doubt, and accept them even if they treated me wrong.
As you can imagine, with this kind of thinking it was hard at the start and sometimes still is, to accept my boyfriend’s kind words and selfless gestures, because I didn’t expect someone to actually value me for me.
Men and women think VERY differently; when a woman looks in the mirror she sees imperfections, whereas a man finds the good thing and focuses on that. This thinking isn’t exclusive to just appearance either, but across various areas of life.
Apply this to dating:
And men and women are going to look at it through two different sets of eyes. Men see the positives/good things in the other person, whereas us women tend to beat up ourselves about feeling inadequate compared to our ‘good guy’ partner.
2. We like to fix things/others
And…what better challenge than a bad boy; the “I’ll convert the bad boy to a good guy” thinking is one we like to entertain. *Guilty as charged. I’ve always thought if John Mayer and I ever ended up together I’d be the woman to finally tame him.*
But ladies, let’s be honest and frank:
a) Chances of that ACTUALLY happening are very slim (both John Mayer and taming bad boys in general).
b) If it does work out and we ‘convert’ the bad boy, although it feels amazing, at what cost does it come at? A man losing himself to appease us?
Men and women live VERY differently. Men compartmentize things, whereas women try to be equal at everything.
Ever heard of the Nothing box?
Well, studies prove men do in fact have a place in their brain which literally means they don’t think about anything…at all. So when we ask, “Babe what are you thinking about?” and they say “Nothing” and we roll eyes at their lies, they genuinely aren’t thinking about anything.
Because of this, there’s no surprise why guys excel at what they put their mind too. When they pick something (eg: music, sport) they will work on it until they have mastered that field before moving on to something else.
On the other hand ladies, we like to be more of a ‘jack of all trades’; alright-ish in at a lot of different areas. This is probably what instigates our crazy amounts of stress/cry sess’s and overdose on daily coffee limits (BIG generalisation!)
Applying this to dating:
You can see how some guys can be massive players, but somehow still manage to have a girl on his hip. He has mastered the ‘girls’ compartment.
And us women, we like the idea of having the ‘okay’ relationship if it means everything else in our lives is all good. Once we’ve reached this and waters of imbalance have settled, it is there where we are content.
OJ Simpson and not Arnold Schwarzenegger as The Terminator?
It almost happened!
Studio execs wanted director James Cameron to use OJ, but he fought them and won. 64 more words