Hôm nay phải nói là từ đuối tới đuối lun >.<

Sáng sớm thì lên trường học E-commerce, vẫn là giờ học đc nghe chú Đức tự sướng: từ bạn chú, bạn của bạn chú, vợ của bạn chú, rồi anh của bạn của bạn chú ) Học chú này giống như con fim hài cao cấp dzị áh: 1 vé đi coi Hoài Linh có hơn 100k mà coi chú này diễn hài tới hơn 200k, có điều đc nghe English bằng Taiwenese + Vietnamese ).

Tới 9h30′ phải chạy xuống canteen để meeting gấp với con bé new team leader của ERD về việc update tình hình nó chạy event mới như thế nào để mình còn support nó. Chài ơi, thiệt tình là hơi bị nản em này. Mình đã hết sứk bình tĩnh chỉ ra em đã làm tốt ở những phần nào và còn những điểm nào cần khắc phục, nhưng mà em đó ko bít bị bịnh j áh, cứ thík leo lên đầu ng khác mà ngồi: từ cák giải quyết vấn đề đến thái độ với ng khác đều ko có một chút professional và respect, tự hỏi ko bít ngày xưa nhìn thế nào mà lại promote nó lên vậy nhỉ? Thật là buồn cười. Làm event ko có kinh nghiệm thì ng ta chỉ cho cũng ko chịu nghe, cứ bảo là em làm xong hết rồi, thôi thì xong cũng đc, miễn là làm tốt. Poster xấu thì ko cứ bảo là đẹp, khăng khăng giữ poster cũ, còn nói:”nếu mấy chị muốn làm cái mới thì mấy chị tự làm nha, tụi em ko làm nữa” What the hell?!? Mình là supervisor hay là nó vậy nhỉ? Ăn nói thế mà đòi lead cái OC team hả @-) Không lẽ bây giờ mình nói: đó là lỗi của em trong lúc run event thì em phải tìm mọi cák mà sửa chứ ko phải đổ lên đầu ng khác 8-} Cuối cùng cũng phải đưa ra solution cho nó mà nó còn kèm thêm 1 câu thế này: “Đó chỉ là biện pháp của mấy chị, để em họp với team em rồi quyết định chọn phươg án nào”. OMG! Máu dồn lên tới não! Nó coi supervisor còn tôm tép hơn team member của nó >.<

Bực bội, nói chiện đc tới 10h hơn là totally can’t stand animore, say goodbye với em cho lành :-<

Leo lên bus về tp bắt đầu cuộc ăn chơi sa đọa ) Số là hum ni SN bạn Thư nhà ta, bạn ấy quít định đãi ở Pizza Hut làm bà con ai cũng máu me, cúp học cả E-commerce để chuẩn bị, làm sáng nay có mình em nó đi học, hix hix.Mà nhắc SN mới nhớ, lần trước SN đi ăn chơi quá chừng mà chưa viết entry lại, cũng chưa collect hình đầy đủ để post lên cho pà kon ghen tị nữa [jk]. Lần trước cũng làm 1 show Pizza Hut hoành tráng rồi bay qua Fanny Ice Cream quậy tưng bừng. Mắc cười lúc qua Fanny, có chú kia ng Tây cứ chụp hình cả đám miết lun , làm ngại quá chừng àh ) Con Nguyên dám bảo chú đó là hình ảnh tương lai của Miquel nữa chứ: râu ria, bụng phệ >.<. Thiệt ra chú đó nhìn cũng phong độ lắm, cỡ 30 mấy àh, có điều hơi luộm thuộm chút thôi, chắc do style nghệ sỹ, mà ác ở chỗ mặt cũng giống giống Miquel :”>. Lần đó cũng tiu hết 1 mớ, ôi, dạo này mình xài tiền như nước :-SS

Lên tới tp thì nhận đc tin mí bạn khác còn mắc đi làm tók làm tai, chưa tới kịp, thế là mình với Thư, Thảo đi dạo vòng quanh mấy cái shop: điểm dừng chân đầu tiên là Hagatini. Dạo này Hagatini ít đồ đẹp hơn xưa, mà hình như giá cũng có down 1 chút. Lựa đi lựa lại cũng chả đc cái nào. Có điều, em Thư sau khi ra khỏi Haga thì lại có 1 quyết định rất ư bất ngờ là mua nguyên 1 nải chuối sáp vì lí do: rất thèm ăn chuối sáp =)) Cái lí do này tự nhiên làm mình liên tưởng đến mấy chị có bầu. hị hị[xin lỗi m 1k lần nha Thư =))]. Xong 3 đứa kéo nhau qua Diamond, lại tiếp tục  lượn lờ quanh các shop ở tầng 1 vì lúc ở trong Haga nhận đc tin là em Móm đang ở Bến Thành. Dạo này ko hỉu vì sao mà mình rất ghiền đi xem túi xách, chỗ nào có túi xách cũng mò đến xem [chắc là do nhu cầu túi xák đang bức bák )]. Công nhận dạo này Diamond có nhìu của hàng bán túi thật, xem đã mắt lun, mà chỗ nào bán túi cũng có bán khăn choàng [ ôi, sao mà trùng hợp thế, gom cả 2 sở thík của mình lại lun]. Mà rất tiếc cái túi rẻ nhất ờ đấy cũng tầm tầm 3tr , khăn thì tầm tầm 1tr mấy. Thiệt là chém chết con ng ta mà. Một tháng lương chắc chỉ đủ mua cái khăn (. Dù nhà nghèo, ba má keo, ít tiền nhưng em nó vẫn thík lượn lờ đi xem túi cịn. Bước dzô Burberry, thấy nhân viên bán hàng nhìn cũng sang trọng, hic hic, đi vòng vòng, thấy cái túi kia đẹp quá chừng, cầm lên coi thấy: 24000. Dụi mắt, tưởng coi nhầm, ai dè lát mới tỉnh ra là 24k USD ( Thiệt là  tốt tăm mặt mũi. Haizzz, 24k USD có thề du học đc 1 năm, hây dà, sao mà ng VN giàu quá vậy ta :-S

Vẫn chưa tới, lại lươn típ lên lầu 2 xem quần áo: kiếm Esprit mãi mà ko thấy, Yishion dạo này nhìn chán quá, chả có bắt mắt như lúc trước nữa. Xem đc một lúc thì bạn Móm réo là đã tới nơi và ngồi chờ trong Pizza Hut nãy giờ, làm phải lật đật chạy lên PH cứu nguy cho cậu bé HQ ko cậu ấy bị quê ). Lần này do chỉ có 1 mình pạn Thư làm chủ xị nên cả đám chỉ đc ăn 2 cái pizza medium size thui, ko sao, có là dzui òy, tình hình kinh tế khó khăn mừh. Ngồi kế bên bàn mình là 1 anh ng Sing, khá là bảnh tỏn ngồi với 1 chị [ hình như là assist] nói chiện ko ngừng nghỉ lun. Bùn cười vì bàn bên này 6 đứa cắm đầu ăn ko ngừng nghỉ thì bàn bên kia 2 ng cứ nói chiện mãi, thế là nội dung câu chiện cứ bay qua đây mà dù rất là ko mún nghe lóm . Đối diện là 1 bàn khác có 6 thằng con trai ngồi vuông góc với bàn mình. Gọi là thằng vì thấy mấy nhóc này loai choai quá, chắc cỡ tuổi mấy thằng em họ mình là cùng [mà em họ mình nhỏ hơn mình có 1 tuổi chứ nhiu trời, thui kệ, 1t cũng là nhỏ, hehe]. Mà ngồi 1 lúc mới để ý có thằng nhóc cứ nhìn mình hoài, một hồi còn lôi đt ra chụp hình nữa. Thui kệ, chị đây bao dung, ko chấp mấy em ) Lát sau còn lộ liễu hơn, sau khi mình đi ra ngoài lấy đồ rồi trở vào, mình bị đẩy ra ngồi ngoài bìa, 1 chỗ hớ hênh để bị soi mà còn ngay tầm mắt của mấy nhók này nữa. Thế là mấy em giơ lun máy chụp hình lên chụp: chụp ngang rồi chụp dọc, chụp đủ kiểu, hic hic, Chả biết núp đi đâu>.< Lát sau có anh phục vụ ra, mình nảy ra ý xin mấy cái bong bóng để cố tình ngáng tầm nhìn của bọn nhóc này. Anh phục vụ dễ thương đem ra lun 6 cái, ôi, thương anh ý j đâu Mơi mốt phải thêm dzô checklist những đặc điểm của ng iu lý tưởng là : phải bít thổi bong bóng =))

Ăn xong cũng tầm 1h, bạn Thư có việc phải đi về, mà mình, con Móm, con Thảo chưa đứa nào mún dzìa, vậy là kéo nhau qua mấy shop mới mở xem đồ. Cái shop ngay góc Minh Khai cắt PNT hồi trước là Lemon shop, giờ tự nhiên ko còn nữa, thay vào đó là shop Lime Orange. Thấy hay hay, bay dzô coi thử, thử thử 1 hồi, thành ra bị mắc bẫy của cái shop thiệt: 3 đứa mua 3 cái áo đồng phục Mấy anh chị nhân viên trong đó dễ thương cực kỳ, cả đám mình thử hết hơn cả chục cái áo mà anh chị nào cũng niềm nở tươi cười phục vụ hết trơn

Mua xong tính đi về ròy, lại bị con Móm với con Thảo kéo dzô NVH Thanh Niên, cũng chả có mục đích j khác ngoài giết tjan. Phong long sao tự nhiên gặp cái đám promotion của Pond’s, vậy là bị kéo vô chụp hình để up lên website của Pond’s mới gớm. Mà chụp hình bt cũng ko nói j nha, đằng này bị ép đeo mấy cái đồ trang sức màu hường hường thiệt là sến quá đi mà >.< Ôi, lỡ có ai mà search ra hình mình trên đó thì đúng là nỗi nhục gia phong (

Xong xuôi ra chỗ đón bus ngồi nc bá láp cũng tới 3h30′ mới đón đc xe, về tới nhà cũng 4h30, hic hic. Bữa nay ba mẹ đã hẹn là cả gia đình đi nhà hàng ăn uống mừng SN mình với bé ba. Nói chung cũng ko trễ hơn  dụ kiến nhìu nên lịch trình vẫn đc đảm bảo Lần này do có 2 ý kiến: mình thík ăn hải sản ở Phước Ốc còn Bé ba thì thík mấy món ăn ở Những người bạn, thế là mẹ quyết định cho cả nhà đi ăn ở cả 2 nơi lun :p. Ăn đủ thứ món hầm bà lằng như vậy nên lúc về bị tào tháo dí, xui ơi là xui:((

Từ sau chừa, ko dám ăn lộn xộn vậy nữa.

Mà lần này đi ăn khá là dzui dzẻ, ko như lần trước: ba mẹ cứ gây lộn miết về vụ ba có bồ nhí. Lúc đó ai cũng mệt mỏi nhưng hóa ra cuối cùng là ko có j. Cũng mừng vì mọi chuyện lại đâu vào đấy

Lăng xê ba mẹ 1 tí, hì hì

What is it about people today that is making them weird?
For fucks sake man.

Apparantly Gina’s boyfriend think i’m obnoxious and a typical gay guy, because I only “talk to random gay guys and girls” on facebook. And he’s apparantly not homophobic. at all.

And that’s not it. It absolutely boiled my piss in today’s lecture when the girls in my group wouldn’t discuss anything. yes you can be shy, but for fucks sake. you shouldn’t be doing a language-based degree if you have trouble communicating and expressing yourself. And when i tried even communicating with them, they were like :| giving me ‘who the fuck are you’ looks. seriously man.

And i got blanked by the girl i sit next to in NOTEL seminar. She clearly saw me….like seriously. And then totally played with her hair and looked for her phone pr something and walked straight past even though i smiled at her. I get on really well with her normally, like she’s from London and we’re always taing the piss out of each other’s accents
But today. she was like the absolute opposite.

Is there something people aren’t telling me? or am I over-reacting? or is everyone else having PMT at the same time?

Christs sake x

Today I hate every thing and every one.

I hate my stupid stockings which ripped ten minutes after I left the house.

I hate work, which is driving me crazy with all the pressure. And my boss. I definitely hate my boss a little. He’s making my job a lot harder than it needs to be.

I hate my shoes because they were the wrong shoes for today. They would have been the right shoes if I was inside at my desk, with stockings… but I was outside, on my feet all day WITHOUT stockings. I ended up walking through the city barefoot to get home because the idea of going one more step in them made me want to cry.

(I didn’t. I hardly ever cry.)

I hate the Wolves too. HOW is it that the one day I WANTED to find someone with a car following me not a single shifter was in sight? Hm??

I hate stationary shopping, because carrying the bags back to work is heavy, and hard, and makes my feet hurt more.

I hate haircuts because the hairdresser gave me a weird choppy mullet thing, and now my hair isn’t super long any more. It looks strange around my face.

I hate my chin because I have spots.

I hate Christmas shopping because my family is stupid, and I don’t talk to them, but they send me gifts so I feel obliged to send them gifts, which is FUCKING HARD when you don’t know a thing about them, and are completely indifferent to their new partners.

(They both re-married… Or in my mum’s case, she’s about to get re-married, they’re only engaged at the moment.)

I hate book stores with coffee shops, because the employees don’t know how the fuck to find the book you want, instead they want to tell you all about the free wi-fi, and awesome muffins.

I hate kitty litter because it stinks.

I hate rubbish day.

I hate grocery shopping without a car.

I hate my credit card bill.

I hate the way my bedroom curtains don’t shut all the way. There’s a tiny one inch gap, and it makes me want to scream.

I hate the fucking way that I can’t just do my hours at work and then get on with my day, instead I have to go back and work late, then take work home.

I hate the color Red. Also the way the deli lady says ‘Fifty.’ Fidy is not a word. LEARN ENGLISH.

I hate fucking EVERYTHING today. And now I have to go do some more FUCKING work instead of sleeping.

Needless to say: I did not get laid the other night. Instead Ran came over and apologised for deceiving me. I was all ‘You know what? I’m going to throw this back in your face every time we fight, or I suspect you’re lying, but I think you did the right thing in this situation. Maybe.’

And he gave this big sigh of relief, and all the tension in him just kinda drained out, and he hauled me into a big bear hug.

(Actually it was probably just a normal hug, but he has big shoulders, so when he hugs, it feels like you’re just enfolded in warm snuggliness – exactly like a bear hug.)

(I’ve just realised that that’s what I want right now. A really big bear hug.)

Then, just as we’re both relaxing into each other and I’m beginning to think about how good he smells, his FUCKING phone rings, and what do you know, the FUCKING Pack has imploded.

Maybe saying that it’s imploded is over-exaggerating, it was more a case of some idiot young males trying to take over a section of the Pack through force – ie: a big fucking fight.

Two of the shit-heads are in hospital, which I’m fine with because they brought it on themselves, but they also hurt a couple of innocent (pack) bystanders by trying to intimidate them into submitting*.

Tiny was very nearly one of them – lucky Andre was with her, and managed to keep her safe, and  stop the dickweeds from doing too much damage.

So? Ran had to go, and he took me along for the learning experience. It was a long stupid brutal night spent physically checking up on the ENTIRE Pack, and visiting the hospital, and holding secret squirrel meetings.

Then, at the crack of dawn I got home, just in time to change into work clothes and drag my carcass out of the house again.

There was no sex, and no sleep.

And that’s probably why I hate everything today.

(Submitting: Think showing their bellies, agreeing to support the dickweedsunconditionally, handing over big chunks of personal property/ money…. Pretty much letting the dickweeds have all the power, to use and abuse how they want.)

I apologize greatly for the posts last night.
I’m fine, really I swear.
Kind of.
**Shrugs**.
I will be.
Shouldn’t have impulse-blogged.
I slip into these moods sometimes where I feel worthless and like I never do anyone ever good. They usually subside relatively quickly. Kind of.  I dunno. Don’t worry ’bout me.

Anyway- today. I made cookies and went to Sue’s house and stuff. It was fun… Green tea maple cookies. Yum. They sound weird but they’re yummy. I went to this thing and it was fun and I don’t really feel like blogging right now so I’m going to stop.

Lots going on right now…

I’m ignoring West Coast, because I’m absolutely sick of the heartache. This hurts a lot too, but I don’t want to have to hear him say something awful like he did last week.

I can hardly believe I’ve gone a full week without talking to him… I miss him like hell.

Part of me wants to get him jumped. That would be really easy, because I know a lot of tough guys who absolutely hate men who victimize women. These guys operate on a sub-zero tolerance policy.

But I know in my heart of hearts that violence can’t be solved with violence. And I really do care for him, and seeing him get hurt would probably make things a lot worse in the grand scheme of things, no matter how much I want there to be some kind of recourse for what he did and said.

Something in me is telling me that I should talk to him. But he’s crossed a line and I can’t apologize anymore.

“Sorry I let you rape me.” It sounds stupid when you say it aloud, n’est-ce pas?

“Sorry for spending so much time and energy on you.”

“Sorry for believing you when you said you’d be there.”

“Sorry for depriving myself of so much in order to give you more.”

“Sorry for expecting a short visit from you after everything we’d been through.”

“Sorry for waiting in my room for you for hours and hours when you weren’t going to come over anyway.”

It all sounds so stupid. What have I even been apologizing for? It’s not fair. Everyone observing this trainwreck between WC and I agrees, and I trust that they would tell me if I were out of line. He’s awful… but that makes me want him worse.

He doesn’t realize that what he did to me has made my eating disorder get markedly worse. I feel like a worthless piece of trash. I can’t accept anything about me that is imperfect, especially not on my body. Now that he doesn’t want me anymore, I just feel like everything I am is wrong. I probably could have been more irresistable. I probably could have kept my facade up for longer, and then I could have had him for longer. I could have been less weak in many regards – with the food, with saying “no,” with the mental breakdowns he’s been witness to.

But I’m weak.

Weak enough to have to get back into this “pro-ana” bullshit too, apparently. There’s this Twitter thing, “The Skinny Bitch Challenge.” I find that when I have a goal in mind like that, like a set number of calories each day or a pledge to only drink juice and water, everything is more effective. It makes each day feel compartmentalized, like each one is a new opportunity to work harder, detached from all the days before it. It’s a safe feeling.

I’m on a liquid fast until Thanksgiving, and by that time, the Skinny Bitch Challenge will have started. I’m not so sure what to do about Thanksgiving, actually, because my family is catching on fast. I’ll have to think of something to stay one step ahead of them all.

It’s stupid, and it feels like I’m back in middle school, but it helps me along. The support is kind of nice, too. I just don’t want to be that “oMg PoAsT tHiNsP0o0!” girl or some sort of “wannarexic” who only puts the fucking fork down to cry about her weight.

This liquid fast has been a great success today. My friends are all going out to dinner, and if I go along, I’ll be ordering water and water alone. I’m broke anyway, so this is my best option, disorder aside.

Reading this over another time, I see that I’m really sick and fucking twisted. It’s sick how I want him still, it’s sick how cowardly I am, and it’s definitely sick how much I hate myself and demonize people who are just like me.

I’m in an awful mood. And the fucking washing machines are broken… fuck this dorm.

De alaltaieri totul imi merge prost. Salvarea mea ar fi pamantul imbogatit de viermi. :raspa:
Jur ca n-o sa mai fac nimic pt cei care nu merita chiar deloc. Sunt nervoasa. Ma doare capul din cauza frigului. Am pierdut un cercel ce am primit de la mami.

“Si sarac, si cu pretentii.”

Era sa dea masina peste mine, m-am ratacit m-au plimbat de la casierie la faculta aiurea, am dat 6lei pe xerox ca n-am gasit alt magazin, am prins un control in tramvai cand soferul a tras o frana de era sa pic in nas si sa pice toti banii din portofel, cea mai buna prietena s-a schimbat, altii ma sapa pe la spate. Nu mai am chef de nimic, sunt dezamagita, distrusa psihic.
Singurul lucru bun care s-a intamplat azi a fost ca soferul autobusului m-a asteptat sa urc, a observat ca fugeam dupa bus. Ah nu, a mai fost ceva bun; defapt era gustos. Cand m-am intors de acasa am primit de la bunica papa bun congelat. Azi la pranz l-am mancat. A fost nemaipomenit. Multumesc buni!
Sunt singura in salbaticia Clujului. In weekend am ramas singura. Mi-e dor f mult de Alex, imi pare rau ca nu e aici. Relatiile la distanta dor. Sper sa reuseasca sa faca ceea ce mi-a spus.
Sunt sictirita. Mi se rupe. I don’t care anymore. I don’t give a fuck. Am plecat la engleza.

How immature can a person be like really. This girl is like I wanna be grown up and talk to you about the drama thats going on. So fine I talk to her. I should have listened when my friend/step sister was like “who’s around the corner?” but I just starting talking and telling the girl whats going on and that yeah she’s not part of the drama and that some other girl is. Well After we’re done talking the one girl is like okay cause I don’t want drama it’s stupid. Then I look as she walks away and the other stupid girl comes out from around the corner and gives me a dirty look. Whatever I don’t care everything I said is true, but the girl that said she didn’t want drama clearly just started it ugh i hate people so much!

Grr. Bad mood. I don’t know why. It’s probably just ’cause I’m focused on my ankle hurting. So hopefully that goes away soon.

I hate it when people IM me not to talk, but to inform me on what they’re doing. Basically, when people IM me and I answer with “Okay.” or something. Yeah. You’re annoying me when you do that. Because most of the time what I really mean is “Okay… why are you telling me this?”

I suck at small talk. Idle chit chat. I think it’s because of my anxiety. I blank out and don’t know what to talk about and end up answering with one word or something. And I feel dumb. And I hate it. I hate IMing. I think most of what I say heavily depends on the way I say it, and so meanings don’t go across very well over IMs or something…

I don’t know.

I’m likely just being selfish, but I really don’t care what most people are doing. Unless I ask, of course. Or if you’re doing something super interesting. And even then, I don’t want to know unless you’re going to invite me to join you, because otherwise I feel like you’re just rubbing it in. Like, seriously?

Friend: Jake and I are going to the arcade.
Me: …Okay.

I mean, this is how the conversation started. What am I supposed to say? Nevermind, I’m sure there’s something I /am/ supposed to say, but, like, seriously? Why would you tell me this? I don’t care. I don’t. And that probably makes me a horrible friend.

I realize this all sounds just awful and I sound like a terrible person (which I probably am) but I mean, come on. You’re just asking for “Ohh, I’m so jealous” or “Lucky! Have fun!” or something and I’m not willing to say that because I know that’s what you wanted to hear and that just makes you a bitch.

Actually, I think that makes me a bitch.
But that’s not the point. The point is, I am angry about this! And I am tired of this! And I am not going to do anything about this, but know I will be glaring at you from my computer and telling you how I am just so indifferent toward the things you do, but really it’s kind of not true and you have totally made me jealous and so yes, your plan worked all along but you will never know.

Unless you’re reading this right now.

=/

I was sleepy three hours ago when I told myself I’d go to bed. I lay and stared into the darkness. I raised the blinds to see if I could catch any of the meteor shower. I couldn’t. Sleep brings on another, new day, but sometimes I’d rather torture myself. Punish myself, because I am not the person I should be. That is just the truth right now.

The platitudes are useless: I know everyone feels that way at some point, or even at many points, in their lives. I know it very well could be a phase. I know this pain is more than just being away from New York or feeling inadequate because of employment or school or social circles or family or bank accounts. It’ll pass; it will all work out. Of course it will.

Why do I do this to myself?

It’s raining stars in our solar system right now. Leo’s mane crackles. If I were to jump high into the sky and catch one of those stars on my tongue, it would burn. My whole soul would catch fire and be consumed instantly in the vacuum beyond our atmosphere. I am nowhere near ready for such glory – subtelestial – even that of meteors blazing in their own orbit.

So, well. Donut accidentally spilt some water on m’computer and it is gone. So, I have to use the normal family computer from now on which is really frustrating. Plus, you know, my computer is gone. And I quite liked my computer.
In other news: nothing happened today and life was really boring. Early block was when the excitement with the computer happened, then geometry was… well… Geometry. Advisory was weird. Bill made this cake thing which was yummy and then everyone threw white board markers at the white board. I refused to partake in that activity. French class rocked. The juniors were all out for some reason so it was all sophomores… There were only eight of us and we had a really good dynamic. Things just… worked. I dunno. I also found out that this girl who I kind of know a little bit is on YWP which was really exciting. I mean, she’s not that much of a regular, but she recognized my username and she has a fair amount of posts and stuff. Lunch was… lunch. English was boring. I worked on my Macbeth soliloquys. My teacher used the word soliloquy and I got excited because I knew what it meant. Human Bio we did blood typing. That was… interesting. We did it with fake blood though, so that was disappointing. Call back was not interesting. I picked my computer up from IT and they gave me the bad news that it was, in fact, dead. Donut and I went and got popcorn in the cafeteria and pretended to be penguins. Maxie saw us, didn’t understand and came over to see what was going on. We did a weird dance and then went and caught the bus. I have been home, doing homework, ever since. It’s terribly boring. I should go do more now… Human Bio test tomorrow. Adios dear bloggies!

“It is not enough to allow dissent. We must demand it” Robert Kennedy
“When two people in business agree, one of them is unnecessary” William Wrigley

Robert Sutton in “Sparking Nonprofit Innovation” suggests that there is strong evidence that traveling through life in a good mood is a good thing, especially if you want to be creative. One of advice he gives non-profits is “find some happy people and get them to fight.”  This notion is based on mounting evidence that intellectual conflict results in “comprehensive, integrated, and well defined solutions.”  The author states this as one of the management practices that works, sparking an organization to innovate.

I came across an article called Bad Moods ‘Boost Memory and Judgement’ which describes new evidence that “negative feelings improve judgement, boost memory and make people less gullible.”  This article states that people in a bad mood are more critical and pay more attention to their surroundings than happier people, who are more likely to believe anything they are told. While the researchers admit that positive mood seems to promote creativity, flexibility, cooperation and reliance on mental shortcuts, positive moods are not universally desirable.  People in negative moods are more attentive, careful and are better at producing high-quality, effective and persuasive messages (written and verbal). Furthermore, research suggests that sadness promotes information processing strategies best suited to dealing with more demanding situations.

This suggests that a mildly negative mood may actually promote more concrete, accomodative, and ultimately more successful communication style; thereby leading to a better result in the end.  So should Sutton change his message to: ” Find some mildly sad people and get them to fight” ?

Today, nothing much happened, making me feel as if it is going to take me a huge effort to even type anything for the blog. But of course, being me, I just have to do so, right? Blog-addict. That’s what I am. Blogging, reading blogs are what I do best.

As a blog reader, I find it highly annoying to see people who just don’t care to take care of their blogs. I mean, the layout doesn’t seem right, the font is just wrong, the annoying music which sometimes force me to listen to 2 songs at the same time. We get it. You love music, but don’t you think that it is too much to put 2 songs on your page, playing at the same freaking time? And if you just have to put a song profile, can you choose something that is soothing, that is calming instead of some purely rock music. It’s okay if you put it on your Myspace profile, but on your blog?! To me, that is a freaking no no. People READ your blog. They need to concentrate, word by word. Do you think it is fun doing some reading with a black metal song as the background? No, it ain’t fun, mate. No way.

But, that’s the reason they created the PAUSE button. I can always pause the song, or even stop it anytime I want, but everytime I turn to the new page of your blog, I would have to press PAUSE again. Which is rather troublesome for me. It’s super annoying. If it’s a song I like, I don’t really mind but it’s the disturbing songs I hate

But then again, it’s YOUR blog, not mine. I guess you can do whatever you want with it, right? I am just highlighting my opinions about this matter.

I woke up early today. Good old me. Sent my little sister to pre-school. Did some studying. At 9:50am, went to 1 Utama with Mama. Tried a whole bunch of winter clothing in Zara but we were looking for something more worth it to buy. I wanted to buy this cute winter jacket there, which was really cheap, I tell you. Seriously! But they didn’t have it in my size! I was so frustrated. The size I wanted was only available to color blue and green which were not really nice. I wanted a white jacket. Sigh

Went to some other stores. There was this trench coat in Warehouse that was superbly awesome. It was red in color and I seriously wanted to buy it but decided not to, looking at the price. Sheesh.

After buying some sweaters for my brothers at Universal Travelers, we went to Sunway Pyramid to buy my coat. It’s from Universal Travelers as well but it wasn’t available at 1 Utama. I don’t really know what to say about this coat. It’s nice. But I’m just scared that it’s too much. I am not the type of person that can handle such low temperature, that’s why I had to buy this huge sponge coat (haha, I call it the sponge coat) and God, I think I look fat in it. But it would come in handy when we are playing with the snow and I can use it when we go to Canada which is going to be colder.

Bought a pair of gloves, winter socks and some other stuffs. Going to borrow more coats from my auntie. Not really going to waste money on something I am not going to wear that often, right?

Then, we went home I was so hungry!! I only ate 1 slice of bread, drank chocolate milk and a quarter of banana, until 2:30pm. Hooray me.

Now, it’s 5:21pm. I am going to skip the rest of my today’s activities as I have not the mood to write any further. Bad mood, bad mood. Grrrr.

Off to cheer myself up.

xoxo, Fanah.

I’ve seen this type of response happen before, but it never really registered consciously. As time goes on in a couple’s relationship, there could be a tendency to stop being as affectionate. Does the couple still touch affectionately, hold hands, give little gifts of love, amiable looks, whispered sweet nothings in the ear, surprise kisses, random embraces… ???

This could partially be due to the couple, unconsciously, setting up anchors for these negative states. The next time this anchor is fired off, the person’s mood will change to match the state corresponding to the anchor that was triggered.

This is a pretty basic technique that is detailed in the studies of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and most people do it every day unconsciously.  Here is a quote from Richard Bandler/John Grinder’s book, Frogs Into Princes:

When couples have been together for a while they usually end up not touching each other much. Do you know how they do that? Let me show you. Come up here, Char. This is a good way to alienate your loved ones. You’re in a really bad mood, really depressed. And I’m your loving husband, so I come up and I go “Hey, it’s going to be all right,” and put my arm around your shoulders. Then all I have to do is wait until you’re in a good mood and really happy, and come up and say “Hey, you want to go out?” and put my arm around you again. Boom! Instead of touching each other when they are happy and making all kinds of great anchors, couples usually anchor each other into unpleasant states.

So you see… the wife was depressed and the husband embraced (granted, with good intentions). However, he unknowningly set up his wife to associate that embrace with that negative mood / state. So, potentially, when he embraces her in the same manner in the future, she will react in accordance to the negative state from the last time or when the anchor was setup. Probably a better way to handle the situation (for the long run) is to help the wife achieve a more positive state and THEN anchor that state with the embrace.

As is often stated in the same book, the intent of your communication is the response you get from it and if you don’t like the response you get – change your ways! Look at the way you interact with someone that this applies to. Are there some positive portions of your responses that seemed to have dimished over the years? What is common across the board of these experiences? Pay special attention the next time one of these instances occurs… and change!

Give you and your partner the CHOICE to respond to your intereactions with each other instead of just jumping back into the familiar routine responses.

So, I am at school even though I shouldn’t be. I am coughing and I have to blow my nose every five seconds and I am more miserable right now than I have been in a long time. Chinese (of course) let out early (always does) so now I’m sitting in the cafeteria. I looked for Jazz, she had said she was going to be in the library but she wasn’t so I looked in the Snelling fishbowl (wasn’t there either) so I checked the library again (still wasn’t there) so I went and got some water and sat down here. Ugh. There are so many healthy people everywhere. It’s so frustrating. I did not sleep last night- I was coughing all night. Alas- I cannot miss school and I cannot miss driver’s ed and I wanted to see everyone and such. Plus I still need to pull everything together for Writing Club, which is going to have to happen tomorrow. After school today I have to go talk to my Human Bio teacher about a test and then go to driver’s ed and then go home and do lots of homework. Then I am going to sleep and I am never waking up (until I have to blow my nose or cough again). Anyway, I have a couple older posts I need to edit and some homework I could probably do. **Sighs**. I hope you are all healthy and well.

Poate că şi lucrurile rele au un rol al lor, dar de fiecare dată când se întâmplă ceva rău îţi schimă şi planurile şi aspiraţiile şi relaţia cu toţi cei din jurul tău. În mai toate cărţile citite întâmplările rele le fac pe personajele principale să fie mai  puternice, să-şi redescopere prietenii, să regăsească pielea aia aspră care te scoate în viaţă de pe un câmp de luptă.

Poate că aşa e şi în realitate, deşi acum, la o oră şi un pic după o veste foarte proastă, mă simt ca o broască aflată pe o masă de disecţie văzând luciul lamei bisturiului într-o mână tremurândă. De un an şi ceva îmi tot spun că trebuie să mai rezist un pic, că în cele din urmă lucrurile se vor rezolva şi că o să pot să-mi fac griji din acelea penibile de tipul “vai, dacă poluă mâine va trebui să-mi prind părul în coadă că-l întrept degeaba”. Mă târăsc dintr-o lună în alta şi mai zâmbesc din când în când dar sunt în continuare nefericită. Mereu mi se pare că ştiu care e lozul câştigător dar îmi mai lipsesc 5 bani să-l cumpăr, sau că mi se pune piedică cu 2m înainte de finish.

De o lună şi un pic îmi vine să-mi smulg părul din cauza frustrării. Muncesc de printr-a 10-a şi totuşi nu sunt un candidat eligibil pentru un credit, contractele de cedare de drepturi de autor nu impresionează pe nimeni. Gândit şi scrisul se pare că nu sunt muncă. Aşa că rămân zăcând în nefericirea mea, aşteptând să mai treacă o vreme şi poate atunci o să am voie să încep şi ceea ce vreau. Şi cum zac eu în nefericirea mea mai vin şi câteva veşti proaste să-mi dea câte un picior în burtă…

seeengaaaaaaaaaallllllll~~~

aku bgn pagi dgn dikejutkan suara budak2 hostel yg mengilai-ngilai… ohh.. pleeese.. aku nk sambung tido! then hp aku bunyi.. tkejut laa… potong stim mata aku je.. mama is calling… “fara, tido lagi ke? ni mama da masukkan duet… jimat2 tau. ” tuuuuuttt….. a…ape? duet? oh ye.. smalam aku dgn tedesaknyer tepun mama ku ntuk meminta belas kasihannyer.. tggl 5 engget oii… minum air sejuk la kalo aku x mintak smalam. huhhh…

terasa sgt sengal!!

……………..

esok pakwe aku off.. die ajak aku kua. tp aku kata.. “sowie dalinggggg~~ fara x dpt gaji lagi.” … then die kata.. “hah!! x de gaji?? x jadi r nk kua…” tuuuttttt…….. oh tuhan… mengapakah? ok.. pesoalan ni aku tanak bwk panjang2.. kang silap2 aku mintak ‘cerai’ je…. herghhhhh!!! =___=llll

…………….

dia: skang syg guna brapa enset?

aku: skrg guna 2… tp ade 1 je yg masih aktif…

dia: ohh.. yg celcom tu syg guna lg ke?

aku: tak….

dia: hmmm bih tu enset yg lagi satu tu syg wat pe je?

aku: aaa… fara awet je.. nk letak kat muzeum.. haha..

dia: wat lawak lak… sekeh pale kang…

aku: adoi… pe sekeh2 ni.. wat lawak pun x le…

dia: wat la lawak best2 sikit.. ni lawak kuno tu.

aku: ok.. len kali fara wat lawak best2 ea.. (mls da aku nk cari gado)

dia: tau x pa… kalo x reti wat jgn dok wat noh…. bg ceq gatai *tuuuttt* ja….

aku: ………………… *speechless* ._.

ok…. yg ni pun aku x nk elaborate pnjang2… kang aku mintak cerai lg…. =____=