It was a year ago today that the 29-year-old was killed while trying to rescue one of his comrades who had been shot by a sniper. He didn’t make it.

I remember crying last year as I made call after call to his friends and family shortly after news of his death had come out. I had to leave the office and sit in my car while I cried for him, for his family, for the realization that a war is being fought.

Today, however, was not meant to be sad. It was meant to pay tribute to this man who gave his all, his life, to protect what he believed in.

As the balloon slipped out of my hand a tear slid down my cheek. Mark’s death was still getting to me.

He had brown hair, brown eyes. He was loved by his family. He was loved by his friends. He set an example for his comrades to follow.

He was a true patriot and he died with honor.

But as I walked away from the balloon release, from his oldest brother who stifled back tears of his own as he talked about Mark, the tears began falling down with more fervor.

Once I reached my car, my mascara was running down my cheeks. I clutched the bookmarks in my hand that had Mark’s portrait.

It seems unfair. Too sad to be real. But it is real. It’s real for his family everyday and he is just one of the many who are killed on the battlefield.

It’s been a year, but its fresh everyday that a new name comes across my desk.

Read Mark’s story >>

Caylee, whose remains were found in a wooded area near her family’s home in Orlando in December 2008 would have turned six years old on Tuesday. Although she is gone, a nonprofit charity hopes to keep her memory alive.

Bring Kids home, which refers to itself as a public charity for missing and abused children, is holding the public event to reveal their plans for the memorial.

According to a report in the SunSentinel, the balloon and butterfly launching event will be held near the woods on Suburban Drive in east Orange County where Caylee’s remains were found.

Caylee’s mother, Casey Anthony, was acquitted of a murder charge last month in her daughter’s death. Her defense team claimed the toddler drowned in the family’s pool in June 2008. Caylee was two years old when she was reported missing.

The event is scheduled to begin at 6 pm. Bring Kids Home is asking the public to bring helium filled latex balloons to be released.

Last year, because the weather was so awful, people registered quickly, walked with their heads down against the wind and took off before the rain came.  This year, on a gorgeous sunny morning, we had the opportunity to actually have a ceremony and what an emotional ceremony it was.

The event opened up with Steve Crowley, father of Olivia and co-chair of the Cleveland walk, saying these words into the microphone, “There are two things no parent ever wants to hear: Your child has cancer. And I’m sorry, but there’s nothing else we can do.” Well, the crowd of gathered families got quiet pretty quickly with that one. I’ve heard that first statement (three times too many) and hope to never ever hear the second.

He was followed by our own Dr. Auletta, proudly representing Rainbow, and then oncologists from both the Clinic and Akron Children’s, all repeating the same message: pediatric cancer affects too many children and families, is the number one cause of death by disease for young people, and is pathetically underfunded.

Then there was the balloon release. So we’re all standing around on the grass in front of the stage at Wade Oval and you can see this woman up there with a huge handful of helium balloons and you’re sort of wondering who’s gonna get to hold them and what they’re for (and you know the kids were all wishing they were for them), and then the MC invites up the families who’ve lost a child to cancer. And they slowly start to trickle out of the crowd, one or two at first, parents and grandparents and little kids who’ve lost their brothers and sisters, some individually, some in groups. And suddenly there’s this big crowd up there, much bigger than it ever should be, and Sarah MacLachlan’s Blackbird is playing over the loud speaker and it was just devastating, crushing (play the song before reading on if you really want to experience this). Everyone was crying as all those families slowly let go of their balloons (how many times must they let go?) and up they floated, a crowd of dead children in the air above us, hovering for a moment and then taking off with the wind until they were nothing more than tiny white dots in the sky.

And then, while I was still wiping the mascara off my eyes, they invite the survivors up to the stage. So I popped my sunglasses on my face and carried Austin up with the others. A line of children, some young, some teenagers, many with hair just growing in, plus one grown man — a twenty-year survivor — standing up with his own healthy children,  received their survivor medals from Mayor Jackson, Austin hiding his head in my shoulder the whole time.

And then, the heavy moments behind us (in more ways than one), we walked, in front of the Art Museum and around the pond, now more interested in ducks and geese than chemo and doctors. Kids just being kids, running ahead, lagging behind, laughing and chasing each other. Families just being families, enjoying a beautiful summer day. Together. As it should be.

All fun filled family oriented activities.

I think it is important to learn about disabilities, disorders and other disruptions to a child having a typical childhood. And I also think we should expose our children to those who are different.

The first event was on the last Saturday of March.

Surfing for Autism- It was the groups Family Funday at the Beach.

The venue- Cable Hut Beach.

It was hot hot hot but the water was cool cool cool!

Could you ask for a better occasion sun, beach and surfing lessons too!

JASA collaborated with the Jamaica Surfing Association and the Rotary Club of Trafalgar New Heights to put on an event that had parents and children squealing with delight.

For most parents with children on the Autism spectrum there are very few opportunities that allow for them to take out their children and relax and it was really gratifying seeing that JASA offered such an event.

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wonderful event it’s a pity the KidFriendly children couldn’t make it!

Balloons Balloons Balloons

To kick off April being World Autism Awareness month JASA held a balloon release on Saturday April 2nd at the Emancipation Park.

Also in recognition of that being World Autism Awareness day!

There is really something magical about watching a host of balloons floating up and spreading through the sky.

Really beautiful to behold and very exciting for the young ones

As you can tell from the daughter she had a blast!

So what have you been up to!?

If you want to know more about about JASA or Autism in general visit the jamaicaautism.org

(pps I was told that the balloons were latex which makes them biodegradeable)

I did an interview yesterday with a woman who will soon be celebrating her son’s birthday for the first time without him.

Nearly a year ago, the 2-year-old boy drowned in his backyard pool. He was resuscitated, but died hours later in the hospital.

I’ve never gone through a loss like that — the worst I’ve had to go through was the death of my grandparents and I was 8 when most of them passed away.

“I miss the way he used to say, ‘Mommy,’ ” she told me. “Jakob had an amazing soul and he was a beautiful child.”

The woman said the last year has been one of the hardest for her and her family. She said through going to see a counselor, medication and journaling she lives each day.

She has two daughters that will never know Jakob, but she said she has already vowed to teach them all about their big brother.

What I found amazing, though, is the way they’ll be celebrating the upcoming anniversaries.

If I had a loss like this woman, I don’t know how I would react. What I would do or how positive I would try to be.

This woman and her family, though, are trying to make the most of the pieces of their life that remain. For the boy’s third birthday, they’ll be inviting the entire community to release balloons into the sky.

I didn’t know Jakob, but I saw the hurt in his mother’s eyes. I stared at the picture of the brown-eyed boy smiling at the camera and I felt the loss.

So this is dedicated to Jakob, Happy Birthday.

The day of the 1st Annual Postpartum Balloon Release! (Oh, and my birthday!)

I was woken up this morning by three of the most amazing angels on the face of this Earth. They all piled into bed and curled up with me, yelling Happy Birthday. My youngest informed me that “Birfday coming up! Birfday coming up.!” Yeah buddy. Today!

Then, as I walked into the living room, streamers and balloons seemed to spring from every corner and crevice. The little angels were there as well, cheerfully batting the balloons about and yelling more Happy Birthdays!

And then, then it started. The rain. And the thunder. And I freaked out. How am I supposed to do the Balloon Release in the rain with thunder and lightning? So I rushed to weather.com and guess what? The weather isn’t supposed to let up. Right now, it’s just grey, not raining. But later, when I had planned on doing my own release (because I’m supposed to be at church but am not because of allergies), the weather is supposed to be WORSE. Lovely.

SO… I am kind of waiting to see what the weather actually does. If it improves, I’ll do my release today. If not, I’ll do it in the morning first thing. That is, if the weather is cooperative.

It’s kind of interesting that the weather isn’t cooperating, actually. That a storm is trying to rain on my parade. Because really isn’t that just like Postpartum Depression? Doesn’t it just sneak up on you and WHAM totally screw up any plans you have for how things are supposed to go? Doesn’t it force you to make new plans? New plans that you may not be happy about but are forced into accepting? I know my Postpartum taught me, albeit the hard way, to learn how to roll with the punches. I wanted nothing more than to give up and curl up into a ball in my darkest days. Back then, it was okay for me to do that. It was okay that I fell apart. Sometimes we all need to fall apart to rebuild ourselves into a new and stronger us. It has taken me almost four years to be able to say that it was okay for me to fall apart. If you’re still struggling, know that your day to say it was okay for me to fall apart is waiting for you. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be a year from now, but it is waiting. It is patiently waiting for you to arrive and is shivering with anticipation to celebrate with you. Today is a celebration of survival. It’s a celebration of struggle. It’s a celebration of US and the stronger US that awaits us down the road. And if need be, tomorrow will be too.

If you’re participating into today’s festivities, please leave a comment here linking to your photos and stories about your balloon release. Feel free to post at your own blogs about this as well. The Flickr group has been opened for public joining – you can access it here: Postpartum Awareness Balloon Release. There is also a Facebook Event Page you can access here: First Annual Postpartum Awareness Balloon Release.

I thank each and every one of you for joining me to celebrating today. It is an honor to be able to share my birthday with so many strong and passionate people. I wish we all knew each other for another reason. But here we are, together, growing stronger, and reaching out to help others do the same. We rock. All of us.

Today was the 12th annual Tee Up For Tots Golf Tournament, which raises money for pediatric cancer research and family support services. I’ve been honored to  donate my services all twelve years to this event, founded by clients of mine whose daughter Courtney died from neuroblastoma at age four. This photo shows Courtney’s sister Jenna and her mother Kathy Zillman releasing the memorial balloons for she and the other victims of pediatric cancers. This has become a tradition at the tournament before the start of play and keeps us all focused on why the tournament exists.

The Steele Children’s Research Center, housed on the campus of University Medical Center at the University of Arizona,  uses the funds Tee Up for Tots raises to purchase high-tech equipment and support doctoral fellows as they do research, as well as offer a variety of things the families need as they go through diagnosis and treatment for their beloved children.

An exciting breakthrough was mentioned today by Dr. Ghishan, director of the Steele Center, at the opening ceremony. He said that there is a vaccine to prevent some forms of pediatric cancer, which is now going to clinical trials. Let’s hope and pray that it proves successful.

www.teeupfortots.org

www.steelecenter.arizona.edu

Image copyrighted. Reproduction prohibited.

www.MarthaLochertPhotography.com

It was a bittersweet day, but I’m glad we found a way to celebrate that felt right. My best friend and I hung on to the bottom of the balloon bouquet, counted to three, and let them go. That’s always a hard moment for me– I think about how each balloon was so individual and how I’ll never get those same balloons back. The same thing happened last year on Andy’s birthday. Of course, it’s just symbolic. When we let the balloons go, though, I heard a man say “Look! Balloons!” and then I heard a small child laugh. That seemed so appropriate, and it made me smile. Andy is still bringing laughter and beauty to other people’s lives. I’m so proud of him and so lucky to have spent any time with him at all. My sweet boy. The balloons were my way of hugging him and saying hello. Perhaps that child’s laugh was his way of answering back.

The pics below are from the balloon release, of course. The second is the balloons high in the air. If you look closely at the center of the sky, you can barely make out them out. A beautiful image on a beautiful day for a beautiful child. We miss him dearly.

Prof. Jim Al-Khalili, on the BBC’s ‘Chemistry: A Volatile History’, (ep. 2) released a big, red, helium-filled balloon, with a string attached.

On its return to earth, the balloon will become litter. Balloons are harmful to wildlife, as documented by the Marine Conservation Society.

The Environmental Protection Act 1990 unequivocally makes it is an offence to drop ‘or otherwise deposit’ litter in a public place.

The Marine Conservation Society are campaigning to stop balloon releases, both by persuasion in the short term and, eventually, through prohibitive legislation. They are supported in that campaign by a large number of reputable organisations, including the RSPB, the RSPCA, the National Farmers’ Union, the Tidy Britain Group, Keep Scotland Beautiful, county bird clubs, various Wildlife Trusts and other organisations.

Please make it BBC policy to forbid the release of balloons, as many other organisations have done.

I’ve e-mailed a courtesy copy of the complaint to Prof. Al-Khalili. I’ll let you know what responses I get.

Here’s my reasoning:

1. One of the most important laws of physics is that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. It can only change forms.
2. I believe that our essential selves–the core of who we are–are made up of energy.
3. This was made clear to me at the funeral of my friend Jill, who died in a car accident at the age of 16. Seeing her body at the funeral was a shock. Though it looked like Jill, her essential “Jillness” was gone, and all that was left was a shell.
4. Jill’s death caused my then-fundamentalist Christian faith to crumble. It took me 20 years to rebuild a belief system that made sense to me. But I never stopped believing that Jill’s consciousness had survived the accident.
5. I concluded that, because a disembodied consciousness (or “soul”) does not have physical senses, you can’t hurt it by hitting, stabbing, or burning it.
6. So, even if a physical hell did exist, how could it hurt something that is pure consciousness?

There are many other reasons why I don’t believe there’s a hell (more of my journey away from fundamentalist Christianity is described here). But as I said, Mom is just as sure that there is a hell, and that it’s my destiny. There’s a little girl inside me who has always yearned for my mother’s approval, and it hurts to know that the only way I will ever receive it is become what I am not. I find it difficult to reconcile Mom’s professions of love for me on the one hand with her insistence that I am going to hell on the other.

A few years ago, Mom got not one, but two ulcers. She attributed them to my sister’s and my refusal to accept Jesus as our lord and savior. She was hospitalized, so I called the hospital’s gift shop and asked them to fill up two helium balloons, then write my name on one of them with a permanent marker, and my sister’s name on the other. I asked them to take the balloons up to Mom’s room, then called Mom and instructed her to go outside and let the balloons go. I wanted her to experience the release of that, but she didn’t do it. She asked my brother to go outside and do it for her, saying she’d watch from the window. I don’t know if he ever did. The whole meaning of the ritual was lost.

So here’s take two: A declaration of emancipation.

I don’t know if it’ll help Mom, but it helped me. When my son and I want to let things go, we find big rocks, write what we want to release on them in permanent marker, and then drive up to Deception Pass. There’s a bridge there whose deck is about 180 feet above the water, and when we drop our rocks over the railing, it takes a loooong time for the them to hit the water. It gives us a satisfying feeling of release.

Our New Year’s Eve tradition (in fact, we just did it today), is to conduct a burning bowl ceremony. We write on slips of tissue paper all the things that we want to release, take turns sharing them with each other, touch the paper to the flame of a candle, and then drop the burning paper into a metal bowl. One of the things I burned up today was “My mother’s expectations.”

Naturally, I was very excited at the thought of my little girl being on the front of a magazine, especially as we missed out on this honour last year because we were at Center Parcs at the time of the photo.

But, the idea of a balloon release and a bunch of toddlers did concern me. As a friend of mine said when I told her: “What next? Give them all chinese burns?!” But never mind. Maybe it’d be ok.

Tony picks Lilly up from nursery and he hadn’t heard any news about how said balloon release went. So when I got home,  I asked Lilly how it had gone:

Me – Did you have a balloon today in nursery, Lilly?

Lilly – Yes!

Me – What colour was it?

Lilly – Number three

Me – No, what colour was it?

Lilly – Number three!

Me – Don’t you mean number 2? (it was the nursery’s second birthday)

Lilly – No! Number three!

Me – Ok. What colour was the number 3?

Lilly – Pink

Me – Oh, lovely. And did you let it go into the sky?

Lilly – Sky.

I checked with nursery this morning for more detail. They said Lilly cried and cried when the balloon went into the sky, in fact they said they had never seen her so upset.

I look forward to seeing the photos….

October is Infant Loss Awareness Month – So if you know another mom who’s had a loss, let her know you are thinking of her!

Where I’m at today:

I can finally say I am in a comfortable spot. I’m not “over” our losses and I never will be but I feel like I’ve finally found some peace with what has happened. I’m not sure if it’s being pregnant again that’s giving me hope and something to look forward too but I feel that right now at this moment, Everything is okay. I miss Jayden  & Baby Boone #2 more than anything and I still do cry, quite often, but at the same time… my good days are outweighing the bad ones. All the families who have lost babies are in my thoughts and prayers. Especially this month! Hugs.

Here is a video of our balloon release, Mom, Heather, JB and I tied our balloons together, it’s the big cluster you see floating away! And there were hundreds of other balloons!

Click here to view the video!

Today saw the launch of the Nottinghamshire Hospice Lottery and to mark the occasion Matthew Lewis Displays were commissioned to release 5000 bio-degradable latex balloons. All balloons had a race tag attached. Watch the video here

My friend Andy was the one who told me the news – Andy works at TIGI.  Andy told me that today at noon, everyone at TIGI and all the Toni & Guy salons across the world, were going to release balloons into the air in Guy’s honor.  I think that’s absolutely brilliant.  Of course many will be mourning his death, but a celebration of life is something that Guy would prefer.

It got me thinking – when I pass, I think I want balloons released at my funeral.  Pink balloons would be nice – alllll shades of pink.

hot pink,
pastel pink,
salmon pink,
rose,
magenta,
coral pink,
deep pink,
lipstick pink,
baby pink…

you get it.  So, friends and family – I’m sure it’s quite far away…but when that day comes, please release balloons. 

Photo Credit here.

kisses,
whit

March, 2009

March 16, Texas Bake Sale – Corpus Christi, TX. You can reach Melissa at 361-288-4698. http://txcherubs.wordpress.com/

March 28, Oakland Academy in Portage, MI Spring Carnival fundraiser. You can reach Amy at ame_amers@hotmail.com

Friends of Faith Book Drive – Michigan (but you can participate from anywhere). You can reach Amy at ame_amers@hotmail.com

April, 2009

Michigan JayCee’s Event – Contact Darcy for more info or Barb at bwagner@cherubs-cdh.org

CHERUBS UK Pub Crawl – April 11, Melanie Parsons http://www.facebook.com/event.php?sid=5b487216f38310cadf3be1f4321ad462&eid=71341216080

North Carolina Get-Together – in Raleigh, NC. Informal Chuck E. Cheese get-together for local NC families and to help plan the various NC events we have going on! You can reach Dawn at dawn.williamson@cherubs-cdh.org or 919-690-0129 http://nccherubs.wordpress.com/

May, 2009

Grayton’s Glory 5K Run – May 9 in Alabama. You can reach Leigh for more information at leigh.creekbaum@ubs.com

Michigan Member Bowl-a-Thon – May 17 in Flint, Michigan. You can reach Barb at bwagner@cherubs-cdh.org or 810-845-8480

Day of Prayer for CDH – May 17 around the world! You can reach Dawn at dawn.williamson@cherubs-cdh.org or 919-690-0129

North Carolina Walk for Cherubs – May 17 in Raleigh, NC. You can reach Dawn at dawn.williamson@cherubs-cdh.org or 919-690-0129. http://nccherubs.wordpress.com/

NC Balloon Release for Cherubs – May 17 in Raleigh, NC. You can reach Dawn at dawn.williamson@cherubs-cdh.org or 919-690-0129. http://nccherubs.wordpress.com/

CHERUBS Ebay Auctions – around the world. You can reach Dawn at dawn.williamson@cherubs-cdh.org or 919-690-0129

June, 2009

2009 UK Conference – in Great Britain. You can reach Brenda at blane@cherubs-cdh.org or 0800 731 6991. http://www.uk-cherubs.org.uk/

Pennsylvania Get-Together – You can reach Kate at kcrawford@cherubs-cdh.org or 412-414-7073. http://pacherubs.wordpress.com/

July, 2009

Shelby’s Summertime CHERUBS Celebration – July 11 in Indiana, contact Stephanie Olivarez at solivarez@cherubs-cdh.org

2009 International Member Conference – July 22-25, San Antonio, Texas! You can reach Dawn at dawn.williamson@cherubs-cdh.org or 919-690-0129. http://www.cherubsconference.org

August, 2009

Ohio Get-Together – in Columbus, OH. You can reach Tara at thall@cherubs-cdh.org or 614-275-0858. http://cherubs-ohio.wordpress.com/

September, 2009

Jeremiah’s Car Show – in Columbus, Ohio. You can reach Sarah at sdeskins@cherubs-cdh.org or 419-512-3446. http://cherubs-ohio.wordpress.com/

October, 2009

2009 Australia Conference – in Australia. You can reach Danielle at dkessner@cherubs-cdh.org or 03 5135 6999. http://www.cdh.org.au/

New England Get-Together – in Salem, Massachusetts. You can reach Corin at cnava@cherubs-cdh.org or 401-524-9182. http://newenglandcherubs.wordpress.com/

Gabe’s Bowl-a-Thon – in Cranston, RI. You can reach Corin at cnava@cherubs-cdh.org or 401-524-9182. http://newenglandcherubs.wordpress.com/

CHERUBS Masquerade Angel Ball – October 30, 2009 at Duke Gardens in Durham, NC. You can reach Dawn at dawn.williamson@cherubs-cdh.org or 919-690-0129. http://www.cherubsangelball.org

December, 2009

National Children’s Memorial Day – December 13, 2009 at 7:00 pm around the world

New England Truffle Sale – in Rhode Island. You can reach Corin at cnava@cherubs-cdh.org or 401-524-9182. http://newenglandcherubs.wordpress.com/

January, 2010

Shannon Crawford CDH Spaghetti Dinner – January 16, 2010 in Elizabeth, Pennsylvania. You can reach Kate at kcrawford@cherubs-cdh.org or 412-414-7073. http://pacherubs.wordpress.com/

Blood Drive in Memory of Shane Torrence – January 28, 2010 in Wake Forest, NC. You can reach Dawn at dawn.williamson@cherubs-cdh.org or 919-690-0129. http://nccherubs.wordpress.com/

February, 2010

Valentine’s Day Cherubs Fundraiser – February 14, 2010 around the world. You can reach Dawn at dawn.williamson@cherubs-cdh.org or 919-690-0129

April, 2010

CHERUBS Golf Tournament – Wake Forest, NC. You can reach Dawn at dawn.williamson@cherubs-cdh.org or 919-690-0129. http://www.cherubsgolftournament.org

July, 2010

2010 International Member Conference in San Francisco, California. You can reach Dawn at dawn.williamson@cherubs-cdh.org or 919-690-0129. http://www.cherubsconference.org

October, 2010

CHERUBS Masquerade Angel Ball – October 29, 2009 at Duke Gardens in Durham, NC. You can reach Dawn at dawn.williamson@cherubs-cdh.org or 919-690-0129. http://www.cherubsangelball.org

On our recent trip to Hilton Head, Rick and I shared a very special moment with Justin.

Being near ocean has always been the first place I want to be when I feel I need to find peace, so I felt it was the appropriate place for my first balloon release to Justin.  I know that Rick had no idea what a balloon release was at first,but he didn’t question me for reason, he simply followed me and offered support and compassion.  While on the beach I feel he joined Justin and I in spirit which made it a beautiful experience. 

My logical side knows that my message is not truly delivered to Justin, or can it?  This new journey is all uncharted territory for me.  I am seeking and searching for anything that makes me feel closer Justin.  I know that I have to be careful which paths I travel because I know that I am so desperate to be near him I might open doors I do not need to enter.

I know many may not understand, but this is not about reason, this is about finding a way to heal a broken heart and trying to stay connected with with my son.  In life, I expressed my love to him and I will continue to share my love in death…forever