Peggy Hill sings "The Turtle Song"; image courtesy of kingofthehill.wikia.com

I’ve always had a special place in my heart for King of the Hill. It kind of lost its footing after being on the air for so long, but I stand by season twelve’s “Lady and Gentrification” (aka “the hipster episode” aka “what happened to Austin’s East 7th Street”). I also stand by a touching finale, which left us with the image of propane salesman Hank Hill grilling with his son Bobby. Other reasons are as follows.

1. I’m a Texan. And while, like Friday Night Lights‘ fictitious Dillon, the location of Arlen is flexible — while the name of the town comes from Garland, sometimes it seems like Temple, other times Nacogdoches, other times Elgin, and other times Waco — both shows do a great job capturing the culture, values, and pace of life in small town Texas. By the way, I grew up in Alvin, which sounds a lot like Arlen and was filled with dudes just like Hank Hill. Some of them were my friends’ dads.

2. Bobby Hill might be the queerest ostensibly heterosexual pubescent boy American prime-time network television has ever offered us. That he was voiced by Pamela Adlon definitely adds a layer of queerness that, say, Nancy Cartwright can’t offer Bart Simpson. Also, Bobby cracked me up.

We're Bobby Hill -- actress Pamela Adlon with my favorite animated late bloomer; image courtesy of nytimes.com (to read Joe Rhodes's feature on Pamela Adlon, click on the image)

3. In the wake of Brittany Murphy’s tragic death, hearing her voice come out of Luanne Platter is strangely poignant. And while she eventually became woefully underwritten in the service of creating more screen time for her husband Lucky Kleinschmidt (and Tom Petty, who played him), I always liked Ms. Platter. Especially whenever she was fixing cars or skating in the derby.

Luanne Platter and Brittany Murphy; image courtesy of listoftheday.blogspot.com

4. Señora Paddlin’ Peggy Hill. While her skills as a substitute junior high Spanish teacher were questionable, her hubris got her into trouble, and she never owned the term “feminist,” I always admired her. For one, she was voiced by avowed feminist Kathy Najimy. Peggy herself had formidable Boggle skills, was a professional muser, and had a mean pitching arm. She jumped out of a plane with a faulty parachute and lived. And she never took any guff from her misogynistic father-in-law Cotton, but made friends with just about anybody, including prostitutes and drag queens. For a list of other awesome things Peggy did during the show’s thirteen-season run, I highly recommend checking out the Consumed issue of Bitch.

Suffice it to say, Peggy was more than just a Sarah Palin lookalike. In fact, she was actually modelled after Lady Bird Johnson. Give it up for two real Texan ladies representing “real America.”

Best of all, Peggy was always trying to gain professional skills and broaden her personal experiences. This led her to become a successful realtor later in the series. But she was always trying to better herself. For example, in season two’s “Peggy’s Turtle Song” she picks up the acoustic guitar and takes lessons from a feminist instructor played by Ani DiFranco.

Now, I think this episode takes an unfortunate turn. As was often the case with King of the Hill, Hank tended to know best. So what was originally an episode about Peggy trying to find her own voice and growing critical of her marriage becomes a retreat from feminist dogma and back into her husband’s arms.

But I don’t think we should discredit Mrs. Hill’s angst, as she never lost it. Throughout the series, she proved herself to be a peer to her husband and never let herself settle. She stayed restless and opinionated. And I’m pretty sure she kept that guitar.

As many of you may know, Nancy Cartwright, who famously voices the character of Bart Simpson on The Simpsons has been a $cientologist pretty much since day one of the show’s twenty-season run. Today she’s a high-ranking member.

Well now a new leaked $cientology video intended to only be seen by other $cientologists (like the hilarious Tom Cruise video leaked earlier this year) has emerged promenantly featuring Ms. Cartwright as she delivers a call to arms for $cientologists, telling them, “This is the Crusade.” The video demands nothing short of trying to convert everyone in your neighborhood to $cientology.

Though there’s no inexplicable laughing fits, this video manages to be every bit as creapy, if not more so, than the infamous Tom Cruise video.

My response to Ms. Cartwright:  EAT MY SHORTS!

Monday’s questions were:

1. How many letters in the Maori alphabet? 

2. What is  a Sophora microphylla? 3. What are Frankincense and myrrh?4. Who wrote, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus . . .”? 

5. Who said, “Christmas is the one time of year when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.”? 

PaulL gets a point for justifying his answer to #2 and a half for his answer to #4.

Andrei gets 2 and a half for his answer to #4.

Since it’s Christmas I won’t deduct a mark for pedantry. I don’t know enough about linguistics to know if he’s right about the Maori alphabet, but the intent of the question was to determine how many letters of the alphabet are used when writing the Maori language.

Gravedodger gets 4 plus a half for his answer to #4.

David gets three.

Paul Tremewan gets three and a bonus for humour.

PDM gets a bonus for honesty.

Tuesday’s answers follow the break:

1. Fifteen:  a, e, h i, , k, p, t,  m, n, o,  p,r,  t, u, w; 20 in you count the dipthongs: ā, ē, ī, ō, ū and 22 if you count ng and wh as letters.

2. The most common of the eight species of kowhai.

3. Resin (dried tree sap) that come from trees of the genus Boswellia (frankincense) and Commiphora (myrhh), which are common to Somalia. Theywere used ot make incense.

4.  Francis Pharcellus Church, an editor of the New York Sun. 

5. Bart Simpson.

Bart: “Dad says I’m one Uday that doesn’t need a Qusay.”

It’s scary how much the Simpsons writers and I think alike.

The Top 29 chalkboard gags from The Simpsons, thoughtfully compiled with images. Funny stuff, but what happened to “It’s ‘potato,’ not ‘potatoe,’” the show’s tribute to the administration that early on provided it with so much material.

Lance Mannion reads Thomas Pynchon’s latest novel and finds . . . something like his past.

When I heard that Nicolas Sarkozy wants to award Albert Camus a posthumous honor, my first thought was, “And George W. Bush wants to give Noam Chomsky the Medal of Freedom.” But whatever.

The oldest book in Scotland gets dusted off. Take a look.

Peter Jackson’s film version of The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold’s novel about a rape-murder victim watching events unfold from the afterlife, is lacking in backbone, according to some critics.

“‘Richard Dawkins points out that he could with equal validity, though with less impact, have called his famous first book not The Selfish Gene but The Cooperative Gene.’” Well, that’s nice to know after all these years, now that three decades of popular-science enthusiasts have convinced themselves that Nature herself speaks in the language of Ayn Rand. One hopes the word will get around.”

A fond tribute to Rick Danko, underrated bassist and songwriter for The Band, on the tenth anniversary of his passing. And a tribute to folk icon Lead Belly on the 60th anniversary of his passing.

NO GIRLS ALLOWED

Do you remember that Christmas episode of The Simpsons where Bart is caught stealing a copy of Bonestorm from his local supermarché?  When his mother finds out, she practically disowns him and leaves him to his own devices.  He has to drop his own marshmallow in his hot cocoa, which inexplicably swells to the size of the entire mug to become a marshmallow ‘loaf’ of sorts.  Bart casually cuts the loaf into slices and consumes it prior to “hitting the hay”, as he puts it.  Marge doesn’t tuck him in.  The next morning he wakes to find that his family have created snowman-representations of themselves.  Bart wants to build his own snow-self, but there’s precious little snow left in the front yard.  The rest of the family move back inside and inform him there’s some slush beneath the car that he can use.  Snowman-Bart slumps over and melts on the lawn, a fitting metaphor for his diminished status in the family.

That’s how I feel playing NFL Quarterback Club.  Like I’ve walked in on something that’s already started without me.  The game practically plays itself.

"What do I do what do I do what do I uuuUUU-gug-gug-gug-gaaAGGH!!"

The Quarterback Club is an exclusive club.  An elite band of gamers that can glance at an array of crosses, circles and lines and not feel immediately alienated, and, more than that, actually *select* one based on their perceived strategic value within an extremely brief period of time!  Later they retire to the parlour to smoke fresh tobacco.

Better than a well-constructed club sandwich? I should think not!!

Now in it’s 21st season, The Simpsons has consistently been one of the best-written shows on television.  Among it’s many gleaming facets, as readers will know, is the opening sequence– in which, to the accompaniment of Danny Elfman’s theme, three elements change from episode to episode:  the things that Bart writes on the school chalkboard, the solos that Lisa plays on her saxophone, and the sight gags by which the family enter their living room to end up on the couch.

Now the archival site Bart’s Blackboard allows readers to wander at will back through young master Simpson’s scrawls.

“Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes the reference is obvious, sometimes it’s not. After 20 years, the writers of The Simpsons can still surprise and delight viewers with Bart’s punishment, and this site’s purpose is to capture them all for posterity.”

As we blow away the chalk dust, we might celebrate a different but resonant brand of resourcefulness:  the paper boat.  In the mid-Nineteenth Century, a flourishing business grew near Troy, NY, manufacturing boats with hulls of paper.  Founded and run by the appropriately-named Elisha Waters, Waters & Sons (later Waters & Balch) was credited as the “largest boat manufacturer in America” by the New York Daily Graphic.  The firm made a variety of boats, but was best known for their lighter craft– in particular, their canoe and their racing shell, the hulls of which were fashioned from manila paper (which was in those days actually made from manila hemp, often in the form of recycled sails and ropes)– and the patent for the manufacturing process of which was granted on this date in 1843.

source: A Short History of Paper Boats– and More

I was eating some pasta a couple months back while I was on break at work and I came to the realization that my moms Chicken Alfredo looked like Bart Simpson’s hair. See for yourself.

Mom's Pasta

Bart Simpson’s hair taste good!

Wish you could stop and read all of Bart’s Chalkboard writings, well apparently now you can.

Archive of Bart Simpson’s Blackboard Writings

 ”Do the Bartman” is a pop rap song from The Simpsons‘ 1990 album The Simpsons Sing the Blues. The song was performed by Nancy Cartwright and it was released on November 20, 1990.

It was written by Michael Jackson and Bryan Loren, although Jackson did not receive any credit because he was under contract to another record label. Jackson was a fan of The Simpsons, especially Bart, and had called the producers one night offering to write Bart a number one single and do a guest spot on the show, which is how the song came about. A lesser known fact is that Jackson was such a fan of The Simpsons he would regularly paint himself yellow and it was an allergic reaction to the body paint he used that actually turned Jackson from black to white. Listen to the original below or watch the video here.
The Simpsons - “Do the Bartman“:

'PLEASE KILL ME! I can't take this dialogue anymore!'

‘Now what?’

This is what I thought when I heard that Stephen Sommers had directed a movie called Deep Rising and it didn’t have mummies, vampires, or toys in it.

This is also the catch-phrase, if it constitutes one, of the main character, played by Treat Williams. It encapsulates perfectly everything I feel about this film, as well as the frame of mind this was produced under.

Firsty, let me say it’s lazy writing. Catch-phrases are intrinsically lazy, designed to choke an extra laugh from a sitcom audience without any extra writing, but this one is lazy even by catch-phrase standards.

Consider some of the best catch-phrases:

Aye Caramba!

Hi-Diddily Ho!

Excellent!

Yes, these are all from The Simpsons.

Now consider some of the worst catchphrases:

“Now what?

See the difference? The former are uttered under certain conditions, and in emotion – surprise, eagerness, evilness, and annoyance respectively  – while the latter is something someone might just say at any time.

[Side-note: In The Simpsons episode where Bart becomes famous for the lame catch-phrase on Krusty "I didn't do it!', the mundaneness of the catch-phrase is part of the satire, as is pointed out on the commentary for that episode. End side-note.]

Not only is it a bad catch-phrase, it says something bad about the state of film in general and this film in particular. These two simple words show audiences’ propensity to boredom and their need and desire to see something new, big and stupid thrown at them every few minutes.

The complicity in this mentality (often grudgingly so in his case, I feel – he could have a serious film in him), has defined much of Stephen Sommer’s oeuvre. This film is no exception. He feels the need to directly vocalise this through one of his characters to keep the audience’s interest up, and remind them why they’re there. The fact that I didn’t even notice how often it was repeated the first time around shows how much stuff was being thrown at the screen.

Taken in this context, this catch-phrase mocks the previous section, indicating that it wasn’t enough to sustain the whole film. And so the film is constantly shifting in tone and the use of familiar tropes to continually re-engage the audience. (One whole sequence of them swimming through a flooded area was lifted straight from The Poseidon Adventure, although sea monsters have been added.)

The problem with this is that each successive film has to be more and more different things at once in order to top the previous one, and we end up with a big ridiculous mash-up of many older, superior films.

I'm looking at you, Van Helsing.

But it doesn’t need to be like that. Ghost Ship, essentially the same movie but with ghosts, managed to stay suspenseful all the way through without tipping its hand and devolving into all-out ridiculous action as Deep Rising

Deep Rising is a fun movie. It’s like a creature feature, done with a decent budget (watch out for dodgy CGI water though), and some good suspense scenes.

I’d put it below The Mummy, but high above The Mummy Returns.

Progressive The Nation editors Richard Kim and Betsy Reed have published a book in response to Palin’s Going Rogue: An American Life.  The title?  Going Rouge:  An American Nightmare. 

While the title and cover are a parody, the content is not.  Contributors include the revered Jim Hightower & Naomi Klein (author of The Shock Doctrine).  I’m lookin’ forward to getting my hands on the Kim/Reed book one of these days.  If it doesn’t completely anger me, I’m sure I’ll find it humorous somehow.

But there’s nothing funny about Palin’s book.  I will not buy it, read it, or review it.  What does tickle the funny bone, though, is that the parody cover of “Going Rouge” is so similar to the cover of “Going Rogue” that many media outlets used the wrong cover in press reports about the book’s release, including (according to the dscriber), USA Today, the AP, and get this — FOX NEWS!  Ha ha ha!

Going Rouge is not the only parody out there, though.  There’s also a coloring book titled, “Going Rouge: The Sarah Palin Rogue Coloring and Activity Book” by husband and wife team, Julie Sigwart & Michael Stinson.  The book is currently sold out, but an Amazon sample page includes the following joke:  “What animal will Sarah kill in 2012? a) Moose, b) Caribou c) Dall Sheep d) Republican Party.”  I’d like to add a choice here:  “e) Gotcha Media”

And now, I’ll do my penance for this blog post.  Bart Simpson style:

I will stop writing cheap Palin articles just to get blog hits.

I will stop writing cheap Palin articles just to get blog hits.

I will stop writing cheap Palin articles just to get blog hits.

I will stop writing cheap Palin articles just to get blog hits.

I will stop writing cheap Palin articles just to get blog hits.

I will stop writing cheap Palin articles just to get blog hits.

I will stop writing cheap Palin articles just to get blog hits.

 

K tengas Buen Dia!!

Esta mañana desperté emocionado
con todas las cosas que tengo que hacer
antes que el reloj sonara. Tengo responsabilidades que cumplir hoy. Soy importante.
Mi trabajo es escoger qué clase de día voy a tener.

Hoy puedo quejarme porque el día esta lluvioso
o puedo dar gracias a Dios porque las plantas están siendo regadas.

Finanzas

Hoy me puedo sentir triste porque no tengo más dinero
o puedo estar contento que mis finanzas me empujan
a planear mis compras con inteligencia.

Hoy puedo quejarme de mi salud
o puedo regocijarme de que estoy vivo.

Hoy puedo lamentarme de todo
lo que mis padres no me dieron mientras estaba creciendo
o puedo sentirme agradecido de que me permitieran haber nacido.

 

Hoy puedo llorar porque las rosas tienen espinas
o puedo celebrar que las espinas tienen rosas.

Hoy puedo autocompadecerme por no tener muchos amigos
o puedo emocionarme y embarcarme en la aventura de descubrir nuevas relaciones.

 

Hoy puedo quejarme porque tengo que ir a trabajar
o puedo gritar de alegría porque tengo un trabajo.

Hoy puedo quejarme porque tengo que ir a la escuela
o puedo abrir mi mente enérgicamente
y llenarla con nuevos y ricos conocimientos.

Hoy puedo murmurar amargamente porque tengo que hacer las labores del hogar
o puedo sentirme honrado porque tengo un techo para mi mente, cuerpo y alma.

Hoy el día se presenta ante mi esperando a que yo le de forma y aquí estoy,
soy el escultor. Lo que suceda hoy depende de mi,
yo debo escoger qué tipo de día voy a tener.

Have a nice day!

Que tengas un gran día… a menos que tengas otros planes

(Thoughts while looking for the most watched porn videos in the most watched porn site)

Pornographic materials are always tagged with one of these words: SEXY SECRETARY. Sooner, you won’t be reading or hearing this one only in porn videos. Porn sites that feature sexy secretaries, playful college girls or naughty nuns are considered acceptable- (you can’t tell the world to ban every porn site because of the fact that the porn industry is royalty, porn sites are earning hard cash so be kind enough and think about the taxes) but offices and companies that only hire secretaries who qualify as “sexy secretaries”? I say this is insanity. I suggest gongs here for a little drama.

(While being told about a woman accusing a man a pervert while she was posing naked for a photo shoot)

So every woman is looking for liberation. After getting tired of burning bras, they tried to find ways to achieve liberation. When there were no more bras to burn, they turned to their clothes and stripped naked. When men looked at their bodies like hungry vultures, they got angry and called everyone a pervert. So much for your so called liberation against the male hormones.

In the world of airlines, flight attendants cannot be called as flight attendants not unless if they’re sexy, skinny, long haired and long legged (maybe because it’s the businessmen that are always traveling). The absurd thing here is that women are proud to become objects of the testosterone world. One flight attendant commented from an interview that she was fired because she was attractive. Here’s the real story- the flight attendant was actually fired because she was posting sensual photos in her blog wearing her official uniform. The company found the act embarrassing and degrading to the company reputation. And here’s the embarrassing part- the strongest accusation she could find was that the airlines today prefer to hire fat and ugly flight attendants. Now, why am I embarrassed? Well, why shouldn’t I? All along, some women are fighting to make men realize that a woman should not be hired in an office because she has good skills not because she has good boobs. But here’s this flight attendant making a strong conclusion that attractive women (what she meant by attractive women here are those who will willingly pull their skirts and show more skin just to get promoted and get accepted in a testosterone driven culture) should be the only ones to be hired as flight attendants. Well, what does she expect, loud gongs from all the women (what I mean women by women here are those women with calloused feet, skinny women, fat women, women with big glasses, women with scarred faces and finally women)?

(Meditating while watching Bart Simpson and getting curious after the big news that Marj Simpson will pose for Playboy magazine to beat Cindy Crawford and Pamela Anderson)

Women hate women and men don’t hate men. Maybe every women should need a meditation gong and men need some more testosterone photos and videos. Anyway, I don’t hate Cindy Crawford and Dianne Lane, they’re both hot women, I can very well understand the liberation there. Maybe I need to learn how to form fragments and then form a cult to make up my mind why women hate women.

Homer goes to Paris on a business trip but while he’s away, does Marge have an affair with Ned Flanders?

Find out in the brand new, only just aired in the US a couple hours ago, never aired in the UK, not going to be aired in the UK for months, episode of the Simpsons from the 21st season!

http://www.wtso.net/movie/464-2105_The_Devil_Wears_Nada.html

Every Publisher or Literary Agent has a certain style for each manuscript that is to be submitted.

Some like the font size 10pt or 12 pt.

Others request that it all be in Times New Roman or Courier New.

It is important to read the manuscript submission guidelines for each and every publisher or agent that you plan to submit a manuscript to.

If they want 1.5 inch margins, then make sure you have them.

Rule of thumb, if you cannot follow several simple rules, they will dump your manuscript into the garbage without even looking at it!

No second chances, in the world of publishing.

You are expected to know what to do and how to do it, so make sure you do your homework!

And that is the tip of the day from The Idea Girl Says.

I spent most of my day celebrating my sweeties birthday.

I took him out for lunch, and bought him a small WWE Wrestlemania key chain and a Bart Simpson on a skateboard Mug.

bart simpson on a skate board

wrestlemania(usc.uwo.ca)

He liked both of the gifts and I got them at the dollar store.

It’s not how much you spend, it’s the thought that counts.

This is a video made by youtube dann8313 – How to Draw Bart Simpson in MS Paint.

NO VEO PORQUE NO!!!

Vamos, no se pongan verdes; a todos nos gustan los Simpsons y este capitulo fue muy bueno. Y desde hace días me estaba dando vueltas en la cabeza “Bart podemos recoger ese vago” que en realidad es “Bart podemos levantar a ese hippie” así que tenía que expulsarlo de mi sistema, de no hacerlo esta frase, esta idea seguiría dando vueltas en círculos sin permitirme poder desarrollar otros tópicos más entretenidos. Tengo unas buenas ideas para molestarlos digo informarlos: “Tu lado gay” “Que haces cuando termina la movie en el cine” y otro XXX JAJAJAJA, no, no es cierto.

Lo que me gusta de esta escena es que Bart literal y metafóricamente esta al volante y accede a todo tipo de proposición por mas absurda y peligrosa que esta sea.
Caray luego, luego se nota que es un niño tonto que no sabe que a veces se debe decir que NO.

En fin, me agrada esa postura de SI a todo, a mi me gustaría que cada que voy de copiloto se me diga que si a todo lo que se me ocurre. Por ejemplo eso de comprar helado no estaría mal.

Así que vamos todos al Rodeo Gramatical, bueno eso hay que decirles a nuestros padres, a dónde vayamos en realidad queda entre nosotros.

This post will be short because a beer run is difinitely in need. Plan and simple Bart Simpson and the I.R.A, and no even though the provos have laid down most of thier guns the fight for freedom continues. Up The RA!

Bart and the IRA!

The tune in the clip is by the Young Dubliners, Foggy Dew. I’ve posted it before, but it’s here again to go with Bart.

Hi everyone,

Last Wednesday I presented a 5-minute talk at Ignite! Sebastopol, a very cool event. Here is my presentation: You can try understanding the science of synchronicity in 5 min.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOorgULvAJ0

By Ernest O’Dell – DMS Group and Guerrilla Internet Marketing

1. Do you know which of your past marketing efforts have been SUCCESSFUL?

Find out where the rock created the ripple, then go back and throw more rocks. Repeat past successes. Trying something different and expecting different results can lead to insanity!

2. Do your beautiful, award-winning marketing materials actually influence customer decisions?

More times out of none… no, they don’t. Nobody cares. Nobody cares about you, nobody cares about your company and nobody cares about your crappy brochure or your Power Point Presentation. Presentations suck!

Your customers and prospects only care about THEMSELVES and what you can do to make their lives better. Get over yourself.

When they pick up your marketing collateral, they generally ask themselves a few questions:

“Who cares?”
“So what?”
“What’s in it for me?”

In Texas we might say, “Who the heck cares? Who gives a rip? So what? Big deal? What am I gonna get out of it?”

Imagine Bart Simpson, the animated loser of television fame, asking those questions of you. Your prospects are probably going to be more polite, but the questions are still there, lurking in the dark recesses and the abyss of their minds.

Address those questions in your marketing material, and you’ll have a winner.

3. Does your marketing make people raise their eyebrows?

If not, you’re in trouble. Because this involuntary indicator of interest, intrigue and curiosity is the best instant barometer of your marketing. EVER. Huh? Before Aha!

Driving into San Antonio, Texas, there are lots of billboards along the highway. One in particular that I remember is the one that said,

Does Advertising Work?
It just did!

Get people’s attention with your marketing, then make them raise their eyebrows.

4. How are you enabling your customers to do your marketing for you?

Build community. Build relationships. Cultivate fans, not customers.

Make yourself and your products so remarkable from the very beginning that you clients and prospects CAN’T forget you. Do that and you’ll never have to waste your money on another worthless Yellow Pages ad again… EVER!

Fans (not customers) equal money.

5. How are you getting permission from people to market to them?

You ARE collecting email addresses, right? You ARE sending out a regular, value-driven newsletter, right? You ARE getting subscribers to your blog through RSS, right? Get permission early.

6. How are you marketing yourself daily?

The more answers you can come up with to this question, the more money you will make. Period. Market yourself—not your company, product or service—on a daily basis. YOU will become known as the “go-to” person for the solution to their problem.

7. How much money do you spend on marketing?

On one hand, you could say “nada,” if your customers are doing your marketing for you. On the other hand, you could say “mucho dinero,” if everything you do is a form of marketing. Imagination, not millions.

8. How much time do you spend on marketing each day?

On one hand, you could say “nunca,” if your customers are doing your marketing for you. On the other hand, you could say “todo,” if everything you do is a form of marketing. Imagination, not millions.

9. How much stopping power does your marketing have?

Nobody notices normal. Nobody buys boring. The effectiveness of a message isn’t necessarily dependent on its longevity, but rather its ability to evoke emotion in the moment. Make people stop.

10. Is your marketing making music or noise?

It’s the difference between the homeless guy who sits on a street corner with a sign versus the homeless guy who stands in a subway station with a guitar. One gets money; the other gets ignored. Interesting. Sing; don’t yell.

11. Is your marketing so good that it doesn’t even look like marketing?

Not because it’s slick, but because it’s authentic. It’s YOU. A logical extension of your passion and love and fire. Movements, not campaigns.

Does it identify any problems or frustrations, and imply a solution? If it doesn’t, you’ve got a problem.

You’ve got to blow people away with your message. You’ve got to stop them DEAD in their tracks and grab their attention like a monkey focused on a shiny object.

12. Does your marketing piece come across like a boring technical manual, or does it “talk” to your prospect?

Sometimes you have to write your ad piece in such a way that it violates all the rules of grammar, and the sensibilities of your English teacher.
If you come across as too intellectual, you’re going to lose about 99% of your prospects—even the intellectual ones.

You say, “Well, dawling! That doesn’t sound very professional. I wouldn’t do that to my brochure.”

Hey, you can do whatever you want to do with your money—and your brochure—because I don’t give a rip!

I’m just telling you you’ll be the “most professional” broke guy who still has his pride intact. But your bank account will be depleted because you’ve been drinking the M&A kool-aid that your old ad agency has been giving you.

It’s up to you.

In short… last, but not least…

You can learn The Marketing Equation, or you can go broke.

Last time I looked, the commies in the District of Criminals haven’t totally taken over and this is STILL a free country.

And if your idea of “the Pursuit of Happiness” envisions getting “taken to the cleaners” by the disengenuous M&A firms you’ve been working with, then I hope you’re happy you got to “do it YOUR way.”

Ernest O’Dell – CEO
Guerrilla Internet Marketing
E-mail: GuerrillaInternetMarketing@gmail.com
Guerrilla Internet Marketing

Ernest O’Dell is the moderator of the guerrillainternetmarketing

He is also the author of “Guerrilla Real Estate Marketing” and soon to be published “Black Ops Manual In Guerrilla Internet Marketing.” Watch for it!

Bart's part is pretty much a cameo...but you can't deny he's photogenic...

Last Wednesday at the Crossroads Theatre in New Brunswick, a friend and I saw MacHomer, the one man spectacular mashing Shakespeare’s tragedy of Macbeth with over 50 impressions of characters from the TV series “The Simpsons”.  Walking into the theatre was an interesting experience.  The theme songs of familiar TV series played while we stared at a small set, simply a miniature TV set style podium backed by a large projector screen.  From before the show even started, I could tell this was going to be something different.

And how little prepared I was for what took place that night.  Rick Miller, the one and only star of the show, entered dressed in traditional Scottish garb, and began reciting the first lines of Macbeth as the Wyrd Sisters, but really as three side characters from The Simpsons: Captain McCallister, Moe Szyslak, and Principal Seymour Skinner.  From the get go, we have surprising choices for characters (he referred to this later as “casting”) and there were many more similar cases of juxtaposition (such as Apu as one of the murderers). But remarkably, Miller stayed true to the script, keeping many of the lines (at least the ones I could remember) and lampooning several of them at the same time.  He begins the MacHomer speech of “Is this a dagger I see before me” quite faithfully until the “dagger” manifests quickly into a slice of pepperoni pizza.

Chain-mail and a donut...it never stops being funny.

Overall, my impressions of the show were favorable.  Miller is an incredibly talented performer, as nearly all of his impressions were spot on and his ability to command an audience with humorous asides was admirable.  The show was well written, witty, and fast-paced; so fast-paced, in fact, that it was hard to know what was going on at times.  I did enjoy the omission of an intermission (with the exception of a humorous 15-second break for Miller himself) as it made the show go faster and would be pointless as the show in its entirety is less than 90 minutes long.  Omitting intermissions is one of my favorite trends in theatre over the last five to ten years.  Finally of note, Miller’s use of a camera hidden behind the podium to project his face onto the gigantic projector screen was ingenious. While theatre purists hate any type of video media within a show, Miller’s invention was utilized so brilliantly and for comedic effect that it did nothing but add to the hilarity of the show.  I have to say, MacHomer was one of my favorite theatre experiences in some time.  More on Miller himself and some of the behind-the-scenes information in my next post.

I’ve been sick of Lil Wayne ever since I heard my Mom rapping “A Milli” and the fat white trash dude that lives in the apartment complex next to me bump “Lollipop” out of his dually every morning. If it’s ghetto shit I want to hear I turn to Gucci or OJ Da Juiceman now.   Hopefully this mixtape helps me remember how much I want a iced out Bart Simpson necklace.

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Click below for track listing

01. Swag Surfin’
02. Ice Cream Paint Job
03. D.O.A.
04. Interlude
05. Wasted
06. Watch My Shoes
07. Break Up (Ft. Short Dawg & Gudda Gudda)
08. Banned From TV
09. Throw It In The Bag
10. I Think I Love Her (Ft. Tyga & Shanell)
11. Interlude 2 (Ft. Shanell)
12. Wetter
13. I’m Good (Ft. T-Streets)
14. Make Her Say (Ft. Jae Millz)
15. Run This Town
16. I Gotta Feeling
17. Outro