My mum got a call yesterday from some woman at UK Borders. It’s about my brother, he needs to travel out of the country for a school trip but as I mentioned before due to the complications that have risen, we are now not sure if he will. I don’t know what it is with these people but with the way they are going about issues, I’m tempted to assume they are either a.) skilled in scare mongering tactics b.) not the shiniest tools in the box. My mum thinks they didn’t even go to school altogether!

This woman calls her to, supposedly, update her on my brother’s case ( they detained him and took away his passport and student I.D at Gatwick Airport) Mind you, my brother is underage! This was after my mum’s application got stuck in their distorted entanglement of bureaucracy. My mum was at work when this happened. She left everything and rushed to the airport to get my brother. Next day we received a letter citing the reason for taking my brother’s documents as; ‘it appears the person concerned forged the  documents’. I’m sorry, what!? I think they’re having a laugh here. For Pete’s sake, my brother is underage! Underage. Underage. Underage. This boy does not even know how the inside of his passport looks like! My mum keeps his passport for him and gives it to him when he needs to travel. At the airport! So where the flipping heck did they get this one from? It’s just simply farcical!

It would have made sense for them to say, ” Since you’ve still got a case pending with the Home Office, I’m afraid your son will not be able to travel out of the country.”

That is more believable. Right now we are not sure whether he is going to miss out on this trip or not. He’s due to travel in about two weeks. My mum got off the phone, ” Do these people know if I wanted I could sue them for causing emotional distress to my son?”

“I could sue them for serious money!”

Yesterday as me and my mum were watching  TV, a text came through on my mum’s phone. It was my ex boyfriend. Not King. This was a guy I broke up with in February this year. I had already fallen out of love with him about four months earlier but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him because a.) I was scared of being alone b.) I had this false perception that we’d gone through a lot therefore it was my obligation to stay.

How naïve could anyone get? Sometimes when I look back at me then, I laugh at myself. I’m just so glad I’ve grown up. I held down this ‘relationship’ for four and a half years. FOUR AND A HALF YEARS! I never cheated, never even thought of it. Never even allowed myself to think of any other man, and, it was a long distance relationship to boot! I look back at it sometimes and feel like kicking myself because it wasn’t a ‘relationship’. It was an obsession. You know when you are in high school and all the other girls are about boys, boys, boys and more boys? I got into this ‘thing’ because I didn’t want to be left out. I wanted to be ’one of those girls’…then, it became all I knew. We met for the first time when I was 15. This guy said he loved me and forced me to say I loved him too on the first day. Out of no experience I said it and thought that was OK. Due to some peculiar circumstances, I never saw him again for three and a half years ( despite living in the same country, same region), yet for some reason I still believed I loved him very much and he felt the same way too. We did the texts, phone calls, emails thing ( I mostly did it…infact, I did it all the time because he had no money) Everytime he planned to visit, something came up and it always had to do with having no money, although half the time he didn’t admit it.

Three and a half years later, I see him, we spend four days. First day in which he said that he was going to come out and hang out with me but didn’t turn up. Second day in which we spent it at his uncle’s wedding, so basically we didn’t have much time to ourselves. I had this feeling at the back of my mind that he was showing me off to his family, but I brushed it aside because I thought that was how love was supposed to be. I really did not want to attend the wedding, he had to force me. I did it out of courtesy, you see, I’m so nice. Too nice.  Third day in which I saw him for about half an hour in the morning because he had to go to work, the rest of the day, I went shopping with his sister. We didn’t speak much. Fourth day, again, only for about half an hour.

Yet, we still called this a ‘relationship’. Phone calls, texts, emails..e.t.c. This was the order of the day until around July 2008 when, as if I woke up from a wicked spell, I decided I couldn’t go on. It dawned on me that I had been wasting my time. He got a job over 5000 miles way from me and the constant conversations on the phone about our future plans, saving money to visit him, waiting for each other e.t.c were wearing me out. I hated it. This guy even had the impertinence to propose to me. Talking about marrying me when I finished uni. Hallo!? I’m turning 21 in a few weeks time. Why would I want to get married at 21? Needless to say, I said yes just to please him adn then proceeded to stress about why I had said yes. I hated him for doing this to me. I hated myself for blindly putting myself through it. I detested everything about myself and wanted out. It was disgusting. I wasn’t going to waste any more time, so I decided to end it. This is when I fully realised how insecure and needy he was. I remember around the time I went to see him, he mentioned something about ‘ I can’t live without you’, ‘ I don’t know what I’d do without you’, ‘You’re my everything’, ‘I need you to help me and be there for me, especially with the financial problems I have’

Did I mention that this guy asked me for money, not once but twice. The first time, I really had nothing, but he begged me and I gave in. Second time, I literally had nothing but since I felt guilty and didn’t want to lose him, I gave it to him anyway. OK, maybe it was my fault. Maybe I came across as loaded. Maybe my family was a bit priviledged than his. I appreciate that maybe that was the case, but, a loving and caring man DOES NOT ask money from his woman! That’s just how it works, especially since we were not even married or engaged or anything! For crying out loud, I was 19!

I was so pissed off, I made up my mind that I would not turn 20 while still with him. I just would not. I told him I didn’t want to continue with the relationship in December 2008, he waited  a while before any response, presumably he was living in denial and hoping this would go away ( this wasn’t the first time I’d done this which goes to show you the extent to which I was unsure about this relationship) Around the second week of January, a few days after my birthday, he called me to beg me to stay with him, saying we had gone through a lot. Who fucking cares what we’ve gone through? What exactly did we go through? Distance? Headaches and sleepless night because we missed each other? What was this thing that we went through? At this point I didn’t care, I said I’m putting a fork in it and I’m out.

I thought that was that. I was hugely disappointed and doubly pissed off but not surprised when I got a message from him while on an Erasmus exchange in February this year. He said maybe we should think about it a little bit more because he still loved me and he knew I still loved him. This is where this looser guy was wrong. He thought he owned me. He took me for granted. Assumed that I was his by default. I caved in, silly me. I said, ok maybe we could try. Then he started harassing me on Facebook by thinking that every statement I made there was about him.

On Valentines day, I spent the day with my two handsome Mexican housemates. One of them bought me Hershey’s chocolate and we went window shopping. Chattering and laughing loudly in the streets of one of the cities of said Erasmus country. I got home, opened my Facebook and there was a message from him, with that air of entitlement again ‘Happy Valentine my love’. I wanted to throw up. I didn’t reply. Shut off the computer and spent the night cuddled in one of the Mexican’s arms as we watched TV. Three days later, I made it clear to him. Crystal. It was the end, he should never contact me. I did not want to be his friend. I meant it.

He called me in April, I said I did not want to talk to him. I met King in May. He texted me in June saying he missed me, I told him to get lost or I might consider that as harassment. In July my phone got stolen while I was on holiday somewhere in sunny Africa. I cursed at first but when I got back home and got a number I thanked God because I realised everything happens for a reason. He didn’t have my number anymore. Perfect. He still has my mum’s number though.

Yesterday, I told her to ignore him and never to give him my number. Over my dead body will I ever get back with him.

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How stupid is this?

Recently, there were two guys beaten up at the main train station of the town that I live in. This alone is bad. Unfortunately for the attackers, their action has been filmed on a camera. Stupid idiots didn’t notice the cameras? Either they’re blind or just don’t care about being filmed while attacking people for no reason.

Yes, for no reason. There wasn’t any kind of provoking or argument in advance. I’m not even sure if they were drunk. Those bastards attacked the two guys, who were just on their way home, by the way, without any reason. “We did it just for fun,” they said.

Just for fun. Yes, attacking two guys with my friends is fun, yes. It’s not cowardish at all, since we were only one more and kicking them when they’re on the floor, bleeding. Yes, we have balls now! Huge balls, I can tell ya, and even some pubic hair that we didn’t have before that!!

OH I don’t know, they’re so stupid! How can it be that hitting people that are already on the ground, beating up random guys just for fun and attacking groups that are smaller than yours, how can it be that this is considered cool or good and even fun? I understand there is some thrill in it, but couldn’t they find anything else that wouldn’t have hurt two innocent people? Like video games?

Apparently not. Well, of course not, they’re stupid idiots! It’s pissing me off that such people are actually allowed to have children later. Planning on becoming a teacher, I’m kind of scared of their kids right now, or of the parents’ reaction when I have to tell off their kids. I don’t really want to live like this, being scared of those idiots. They don’t deserve to walk on the same ground that I touch with my feet.

They should have played Wii fit or Wii sports. It’s fun and makes you tired. Let your aggressions out by playing, doesn’t hurt anybody. Maybe only scratches a bit on your pride if you lose against a computer, but you’ll survive!

—

(c) patrick bentz

Greetings… from the new look blog.

So? What do you think? I was going for slightly more professional and a little more accessible. I think I got it, but you know… my friends and family often have different ideas.

Guess who worked out how to use POLLS?

(polls)

The Valentine Yeti at large.

So Christmas is looming, and the wonderful thing about being otherwise not religious and living in a predominantly Buddhist country is that I get to avoid a lot of both the commercialisation of Mithras’ birthday, and all the churchy clamouring that normally attends the festival. (Midnight mass, carolling etc.) This is not to say that I am utterly immune to the effects of the season… for me it is a time of family, with the emphasis on spending time with family and friends. This year, it looks as though the Yeti will be spending the weekend in with the wife. Of course, being in a non-Christian country means that both the wife and I will be working on the day as well. So we are simply going to join the masses in a state of denial, and celebrate the day on the Saturday.

Now, whilst the Yeti is decidedly non-Christmassy… the wife more than makes up for the both of us. It’s carols and wrapping and decorations and menu planning all the way. My primary goal for the magic weekend appears to be to stay the hell out of the way.

One of the best things about Mithmas in Taiwan is that the temperature is plummeting. Really cold. Like…..14 degrees.
Now I KNOW that most of my family live in temperatures that are routinely lower than that… and to them I would just like to say. You lot live in houses with carpets, double-glazing and central heating. The temperature inside is pretty much a nicely uniform 18 to 20 degrees. Which is nice. The problem with Taiwan is that the Taiwanese summer runs for about 9 months of the year, and the houses are built accordingly. So we have wall to wall tiling, single-glazed windows, and air-conditioning throughout. Which means that the temp inside is the temp outside. Which is pretty bloody cold. Let’s face it, 14 degrees in your bedroom is pretty bloody nippy.

So… as I was saying, one of the nice things about Mithmas is that the temperatures are down, which means that we can actually enjoy a hot meal. (Living in South Africa, having an actual roast turkey dropped on the table when it was 32 degrees outside always seemed pretty dumb.) This year, seeing as everything except mammals are back on the menu, we’re roasting a chicken. YAY!
(And we’re hoping that our favourite restaurant is going to be kicking in with a turkey meal around about that time too. *nudge nudge*)

In other news. I am getting over what appears to be an allergy induced asthma episode. I know. Weird.
For some reason, my lungs decided that the air around me was simply not good enough any more, and started to close. Every (and I mean EVERY) breath was painful, the deeper the breath, the worse the pain. Tell me… you ever tried to teach a class of 25 6-year old’s QUIETLY? Needless to say, this week hasn’t been one of the finest teaching weeks that I have had. I got to the doc on Monday though, and the medication has basically improved my breathing every day this week. Which is a good thing.

Nothing like breathing to pass an enjoyable day.

The Soapbox.

Well… this week marks the start of the rest of my life. Social Networking site FREE. I quit Facebook on Monday. And you’ll be amazed at just how much time it saves. Of course, “quitting” Facebook is a relative term. You see, if you go through your ‘Account Settings’, you will see that there is an options to DEACTIVATE your account. Which is just dandy until you read the print in the confirmation email that they send to you. The wording is something along the lines of “your account will be ready and waiting for you should you ever decide that life without Facebook is just not worth living, and come crawling back to us.” Or something to that effect. Which means that your information is not DELETED, it is merely inaccessible to YOU. And you need to realise that everyone that you are friends with, or share a network with still has access to your shit. Just not you. Unless of course, you log back into your account, in which case, all is hunky dory again.

Sneaky eh?

So. I decided that Deactivation was not good enough. Instead, I wanted to actually get my profile DELETED. To this end, I went into their Help section and did a search for deleting your profile. And there… in the third paragraph of reasons why you shouldn’t leave, is a single word hyperlink for account deletion. But that is not all. No no. See, once you have clicked on the link, they still throw everything they can at you. To whit… pictures of a selection of your friends with the caption “Joe Bloggs will miss you….” “John Smith will miss you….”. Pathetic, isn’t it?
Once you have confirmed that you do indeed intend quitting permanently, and confirmed that you are happy for your profile to be deleted, and entered all their security codes and bullshit… THEN, you get a message to the effect that your account has been DEACTIVATED, and if you do not log in for the next TWO WEEKS, only THEN will your profile be deleted.

So. After you have expressed and confirmed and confirmed the desire to leave their fucking website. After you have made your will clear, after all that… YOUR details are held on their servers for an additional two weeks just in case you change your mind and come back to them. Well thank you very much Facebook. But on the hallmarks of a great organisation is facing up to loss with grace. And this smacks simply of juvenile sore-loser material.

Now, besides the time wasting issues of the social website, there are issues of privacy. Anyone who intends putting actual data on the site needs to have a look at what they are advertising. And remember that anything that is hosted on a public server is deemed public information. Have a look. Just google “Facebook privacy issues” and then ignore all the facebook employees saying that there is nothing wrong.

Notable Notes and Clippable Clips:

This section is going to be dedicated to the video clips and music clips that caught my eye this week. Enjoy.

The Chick and the Dinosaur.

Panic Attack.

Because it IS the gorram season.

Watch to the end of this one.

Yeti. Out.

One of my favourite days of the week is Tuesday simply because that is when the new movies are released on DVD.

I am an avid follower of Rogers Plus. I like to check and see what was just released, and what soon will be released.

I just recently got my hands on three new movies: Julie & Julia, Inglorious Bastards, and The Hangover. And I am very much excited to watch all of them over the next few days.

I don’t often watch a movie more than once unless it was really amazing to me. A few that I have watched over again would be: Elf, Pride and Prejudice, and Seven Pounds.

Since I usually only play a movie once, that is why I live for Tuesdays when new movies are released. So it is definitely a sad Tuesday when I don’t want to watch any of the movies that were released.

I hope everyone else is going to enjoy a nice weekend curled up with a good movie. And if you are looking to go out, Avatar comes out on Friday. I am really looking forward to seeing that one!

If you watch a really good movie you should comment so that we can all share in it. : )

//

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Visit: Amelia’s Sweater Profile | 12 Christmas Sweaters by Artistech Newmedia

I start this blog today with the intent to screen at least one film per day for an entire year.  That’s a minimum of 365 films reviewed.  As a film major, I would like to find time to screen and analyze some of the best (and worst) films ever made and make available to my adoring fans (a little online tongue-in-cheek) my reviews of said films.  These films will include new releases, such as today’s releases of Inglourious Basterds and The Hangover, new theater releases, such as this Friday’s Avatar, and films throughout the ages.

I hope to cover all genres and eras of film and hopefully build my collection along the way.

The 365 “A Film A Day” Experience will likely begin at the turn of the decade, January 1, 2010.  Stay tuned for a few updates between then and now.

Actually that is probably the wrong headline for today’s article because I was going to start this article by saying that I thought I would give you a day off from percentages and suggestions and I mean, to I promise!

On a Tuesday I usually spend some time looking at dating sites, dating blogs and indeed all things dating, to see what my competition is doing and I have to say that I think that most of them have missed the fact that this is the season of goodwill to all, including ‘men.’

What is wrong with my fellow female dating ‘experts?’ Why do they seem to hate men so much? Really the number of dating blogs with the word ‘bastard’ in is just frankly astonishing and to make matters worse the word that follows ‘bastard’ is men!

Come on ladies please give men a break, unless you are considering either living as a celibate or as a lesbian, we sort of need men, and if you don’t, then the rest of us do and that means that we have to stop putting men down and worse calling them names. Please try to remember we are grown women and not in the second or third grade.

Men are not all bad you know! If you have had a bad one then I am sorry for you, but you are/were unlucky because for every bad man you have known there is a bad woman as well.

Which leads me to the real point of this blog. Try to remember why we seek the company of a partner, we do it because it makes us feel better basically, no other reason. If someone is not very nice they will demonstrate that side of their character and you should get rid of him or of course her. But never give up hope there is someone out there for you, you just haven’t found them yet.

And remember that labelling all men or indeed women as bitches or bastards does no one any good, all men and women aren’t bitches or bastards, they are simply your potential partners.

Technorati Tags:
Dating, Relationship, Research, Bastards, Bitches

Okay… if a day has ups and downs… today was a roller coaster… mostly downhill…  some of it straight downhill…

Feeding the horses went fairly smoothly.  All of the horses got a blanket check and I couldn’t believe how thick the ice was on the one tub.  They did give me a scare because the big field had emptied their brand new (as in I just put it up yesterday) expensive heated water bucket and decided to knock it over and pull it out of the cord.  I about had a heart attack thinking I only got one use out of a over $50 bucket!!!  (This is the same bucket that I spent all day yesterday worrying about if I had used a heavy enough gauge extension cord and hoping I wouldn’t set anything on fire.  And whenever I worry about something like that… I smell the hot electrical smell everywhere- can you say paranoid!!!  I used to have John to tell me that my nose was dysfunctional and he had a fire sniffing nose… he could tell you what was burning during a fire!  So, I stressed all day yesterday… and checked the cord a zillion times.)  Luckily the bucket wasn’t damaged, cord wasn’t chewed.  I can’t decide which is a more destructive force… toddlers or horses.  In my experience, horses do more damage to expensive thing- like brand new expensive buckets and blankets (I want to cry when I look at the money I invested in shredded blankets), gates, etc.   But Nathaniel is like a tornado… he leaves behind a path of destruction and can create it in seconds!  Comparing pound for pound he has the horses beat by miles…

On that note… back to kiddo.  He was great when he first got up, but he did manage to end up with milk in his hair when he was supposed to be eating cereal.

I emptied the dishwasher and re-filled it with the dishes from the sink.  I was feeling quite accomplished and domesticated.  Kiddo was quietly eating in his high chair and not crawling in the dishwasher and playing with knives… score one for mommy!

Then I tried to fold laundry.  That went over like the Titanic… I got 3 shirts, one baby item, and a pair of socks folded and then Tornado Nathaniel came through and sent two shirts flying and I gave up…

My day went drastically downhill when I logged into Facebook.  I thought I’d log into John’s account because I do periodically.  I want to keep John’s FB account as it is.  I enjoy going back and looking at things that John wrote.  I want his FB account to be there when Nathaniel is old enough to understand.  I always loved how John expressed himself in words… he was just himself… black and white… told it like it was…

Well… I go to log in and get a message–

Account Inaccessible

This account is in a special memorial state. If you have any questions or concerns, please visit Facebook’s Help Center for further information: http://www.facebook.com/help.php

WHAT THE FRUITBAT???  I didn’t request for John’s FB page to have a “special memorial status.”  The widow’s bulletin board that I frequent, has made it very clear that you shouldn’t do that unless you want all of your spouse’s status updates, their info tab, and pretty much everything personal that they ever did on the account deleted.  Basically they said… DON’T DO IT… YOU’LL REGRET IT.  I knew that I didn’t want to do that.  So, I logged in every now and then just to keep the account active.

So, I’m sure whomever did it thought they had good intentions but what the %&#( happened to maybe asking me if I wanted to do it?  I am his wife.  I am the mother of his son.  Do you think perhaps it might have crossed somebody’s mind to ask me if I wanted to do it… rather than taking it upon themselves?  Apparently not.  So… to whomever did it… thanks for raping my husbands account and stealing his thoughts and writings from his wife and son… Thanks a lot… Happy Holidays…

Then, when I couldn’t get to the phone, Union Hospital had left a voice mail… regarding John’s account.  I thought ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? (okay, I added a few choice curse words in my thoughts)

• He died in their hospital- don’t you think they’d have that on record.
• I sent a death certificate & informed them that the estate was closed.
• I responded to one of their collections calls and left a voice mail saying that he’d passed away, the estate was closed, by law I’m not responsible, don’t return my call.

Just exactly what part of that do they not get????

Of course this is also the hospital that called a few weeks after John’s death asking for him to take part in a survey about his recent ER visit.  They also had done that to a friend of mine who lost his wife a few years ago.

I guess part of what pisses me off is a little attention to detail would just make my life so much easier.  Maybe it’s because where I work, I can investigate and research prior to making calls.  I use data that I’m given and find to help paint a picture or create a scenario.  Then if I have to, I make a call.

In all fairness, maybe Union Hospital’s collection staff don’t have the flexibility that is granted to me.  Maybe they’re calling blindly.  Maybe they have terrible computer systems.  Maybe they have staff that doesn’t enter things that are mailed to them or left on voice mail into the computer system.  Maybe they’re just not that bright.

Or maybe I’m too logical (or insert your choice of words for me).

Let’s take a look at the scenario-

1. Somebody who always pays bills on time & now doesn’t.  Hmmm… looks like a problem of some sort…
2. Somebody who’s information shows stage IV melanoma.  Hmmm… cancer… melanoma… stage IV… not a good prognosis.
3. Chart says deceased, July 21, 2009.  Hmmm… maybe they’re dead… Which at this point in time, I’d think maybe they’d stop making repeated collections calls for a $25.00 copay out of courtesy to the family.  But in all fairness there could have been an estate and medical bills are high on the list to be paid and I’m sure they need the $25.00 copay to keep the hospital in business.  Did I mention I’m a sarcastic smart ass, too?
4. Notes in the computer stating that the death certificate was received and the estate is closed.  I’m assuming that there are not notes because if their are then there is NO excuse for calling me.  So… ball drop (at least) number one…
   
5. Notes in the computer stating phone call returned and customer is deceased, estate closed, and do not call.  Again… I’m assuming that there are not notes because if there are then there is NO excuse for calling me.  So… ball drop (at least) number two…

I’ve been trying very hard not to get upset and not to get pissed.  But with that coupled with the Unum fiasco (they keep pulling money out of my account to pay premiums on a life insurance policy that they’ve paid out and then have the intelligence of a fruit fly and send me a check- (minus a month) to the Estate of John Smith– I haven’t even had the patience to call them back– they didn’t take the money out of the “Estate of” so what logic would they have to return the money to “Estate of”– they took they money out of  our account which is now MY money out of MY account… I’ve already called them TWICE.  How hard is it for a LIFE insurance company to stop pulling funds when somebody has passed away… it’s not rocket science)– oh and add in a kid who is either teething or going into his terrible twos early… I’m at my wits end…

So… I called Union Hospital back and let the poor lady have it.  She didn’t deserve it.  She was nice.  She was polite.  She extended her condolences.

I on the other hand was not very nice.  I even had a few choice curse words– I hope she didn’t take it personally.  I was upset with the situation, not with her.  She said something about that the computer systems didn’t link up and she didn’t have record that I had notified the hospital of John’s death.  I lacked tact and told her that maybe they’d better look into to some computer systems that linked up… it wasn’t my problem and to take care of it.  I told her I wasn’t really that surprised because this was coming from a hospital that called with an ER customer satisfaction survey after my husband died in their hospital.  That comment even received a gasp.  Of course, maybe if their hospital had a grief management group I wouldn’t have spazzed out on her…

That collection call ruined my day.  I hope I didn’t ruin hers.  I just get so irate when people can’t do their jobs.  I think a lot of it comes from working somewhere that has very high standards and quality checks in place.  It’s not rocket science.  Fill out the deceased report… no estate… clear the books.

I also get emotional because I hate to think of John’s credit getting trashed because we worked so hard to have and maintain excellent credit.  But I’m at no liability to pay his bill.  That $25.00 can be used for groceries, gas, child care, or put in his college account.  I also struggle somewhat because I don’t know what John would want me to do… he may want me to pay the bills because he received the care.  And we’re not talking about a lot of money, either- just co-pays.

I honestly can’t understand how the budget works out to spend the money to hire collectors to make multiple calls on co-pays… I got a collection call from Hopkins (actually they sold it to a collection agency) for a TEN dollar co-pay…  I could understand if it was a several thousand dollar bill. Part of me thinks… you greedy, bloodsucking, bastards… a $10.00 copay????  You’re going to call and bug a widow over a $10 copay????  You got the insurance money… I got a dead husband and a toddler to raise on my own and a farm to manage and pay for and am stressed beyond belief…

Sorry… I’ve had a hell of a day… I’m venting… I’m entitled to it…

During the collection call… Nathaniel started screaming… about what, I haven’t a clue.  I never could figure men out… and I really can’t figure out a small male who can’t communicate with words and is clearly upset about something.

Then Nathaniel stopped screaming… I still have no idea what his issue was.

I’m still trying to calm myself down.  Now, I’m upset that I talked to the lady that way.  It wasn’t her fault.  Hopefully, I don’t go to Hell for it.  While I’m hanging up the phone, kiddo managed to get the baby gate open and was running around upstairs before I realized what he’d done.  I about had a coronary right there as he was zooming towards the steps.  Luckily, he stopped.  I grabbed him and carried him safely downstairs.  The baby gate is going to get the fix that I know how to do… some baling twine and a double ended snap.  I can’t figure out if it’s broken or not adjusted correctly and my “fix it skills” end with being able to pull out a nail.. I can’t barely hammer a nail  straight…

Then kiddo is not happy with me because I won’t let him climb up the stairs and run around like a banshee.

Kiddo is progressively more unhappy about God only knows what.  I’m frustrated.  I’m beginning to think I have the parenting skills of a frog.

The mail today was comprised of Christmas cards.  I enjoy getting them and feel “loved,” but at the same time, it’s hard to see them addressed just to me or to Nathaniel and me.  It’s the little things that get to me sometimes… John’s missing.

I decide… we’re going to the dump.  I barely have enough trash or recycling to warrant a trip to the dump, but there is one bag of diapers and that is reason enough to go…   I also figure with kiddo strapped into the car seat he at least won’t be running around leaving a path of destruction.  I also figure… if he squawks, I can turn the radio up and tune him out…

So, we go to the dump.  No problems there.  Stinky diapers gone.

Then we stop by the cemetery.  I was hit with the unexpected.  Two ladder trucks and a flag.  John’s truck…  I had seen that a CFCRS life member had passed away, but I didn’t realize the funeral was today.  I mistakenly thought he had already been buried.  There was another funeral earlier this week.

I didn’t know if I should turn back or continue with my visit.  I didn’t want to disrupt anything.  I decided to proceed anyway.  Turns out they wouldn’t be doing the burial for at least another hour or so.  It was strange seeing the ladder trucks and the flag… I thought I’d end up sobbing, but it didn’t bring back a painful memory.  Instead, I smiled and told John, “your truck is here.”  It made me feel good that John is buried in a cemetery where in theory “his” ladder truck will return to and that it overlooks “his” town.

Another wreath is at John’s grave.  This one is from his Aunt Linda.  The two of them look so nice.  No need for me to add a third.  I’ve got tree duty.

Christmas this year just feels so empty.  Like John’s fight against cancer, I’m doing it for one reason- Nathaniel.

On my way out I had a brief chat with one of the firefighters.  It was nice.  I’m glad he recognized me… that would have been embarrassing if he hadn’t.    There are a lot of members that I don’t know and on top of it, John was TERRIBLE about introducing me.

I then decided that kiddo and I were driving to DE.  I wanted to get Nathaniel his Christmas Hess “truck, ” which this year happens to be two race cars and no truck… still not sure how that happens.  Anyway… story behind that is that every year for Christmas John’s parents always got him a Hess truck.  So, last year, I got Nathaniel his first Hess truck.

I want to make it a tradition for Nathaniel, like John’s parents did for him.  Although, I’m hoping Nathaniel will be a little more appreciative than John was for the last few years… John would be like… “I know what this is, I’m not even going to unwrap it.”  Yes, we have unwrapped Hess trucks in the basement.

I also wanted to get Nathaniel a little shaker that I thought he’d like.  I had seen it when we went to pick up John’s guitar that he never got to play.

On our way to DE, we stopped at Cracker Barrel for lunch.  Thankfully, this time the waitress didn’t ask if anybody else would be joining us.  Phew.  I don’t think  I could have taken it today.  Nathaniel had applesauce and mashed potatoes.  I had a house salad and Chicken and Rice.  That was one of John’s favorites and they only serve it on Saturdays.  I thought of John and missed him.  I also missed him as I was trying to keep an eye on kiddo and eat.  John and I did such a good job at sharing our time watching kiddo so we could both have an enjoyable dinner.  Sigh.  Overall, kiddo was good.  He wants to do everything himself… which sometimes is such a great idea for a yearling.  No milk in the hair this time.  A lady diagonally commented about how well behaved he was… funny because I wasn’t happy about how demanding he was being and he squawked several times and there was no need for it.

So… after our trip to DE, we had 2 Hess “trucks” (one to play with and one to save) and 1 shaker.  I love being able to buy presents for kiddo with him there.  It’s great to be able to preview presents with him and then not have him beg for them when we get home and not have him remember that we got them together.  Those days will soon be over, I’m sure.

Earlier in the day, I had made a phone call to a friend of John’s who had suggested Teething Tablets for the little Mr.  I had never seen such a thing, but several people said that they were great.  At this point… I could use something great… Nathaniel’s teething has been driving me crazy…   We picked them up at a local pharmacy and I hope they work!!!

When we got home, it was about dusk.  He wanted to wonder around.  I decided to bundle him up and let him “help” me feed the horses.  He pretty much enjoyed the experience.  There were several moments of momentary unhappiness of an unknown origin.

When I took Nathaniel inside, I noticed that he had dirt all over his face.  Poor kiddo must have landed on his cheek/mouth in the mud.  He never cried and I hadn’t noticed in the darkness.  I decided a bath was in order, so kiddo got cleaned, dressed, fed, and then sent to bed.

In all honestly, the last few weeks have been rough and I think the last time that I had a whole day that was really good and mostly stress free was last Friday when I went to Annapolis to deliver the ornaments to AFD and then went to see Ballyhoo afterward.

And that, ladies and gentleman… has been the long story of “How was your day?”  I don’t think I’ll get asked that question very often if I reply like I just did… oh well… tomorrow is another day… who knows what it will bring…

Phil Gould, in a rather lengthy diatribe says that “It’s time for the clubs to take action and end the farce being orchestrated by the ARL.” He’s got that half right. It is time to end the farce, but that farce is allowing NRL players to walk the streets of Sydney while not on a leash. Latest in a long line of misdemeanors isn’t a horror story of underage sex or rampant violence, it’s another indication that while their training on the field may be excellent, their toilet training is somewhat lacking.

Whether in a 5-star establishment such as the Crowne Plaza or on a popular street corner near the King Street Wharf, it seems these highly trained gladiators can’t be trusted to observe the most basic of social skills. Perhaps they should be confined to barracks after games, fed raw meat, and only taken out for a walk by the NRL Executive. At least then perhaps they’d find a tree or post to cock their leg on rather than the head of a fallen mate.

Bastards.

Private security guards from Blackwater Worldwide participated in some of the C.I.A.’s most sensitive activities — clandestine raids with agency officers against people suspected of being insurgents in Iraq and Afghanistan and the transporting of detainees, according to former company employees and intelligence officials.

The raids against suspects occurred on an almost nightly basis during the height of the Iraqi insurgency from 2004 to 2006, with Blackwater personnel playing central roles in what company insiders called “snatch and grab” operations, the former employees and current and former intelligence officers said.

Several former Blackwater guards said that their involvement in the operations became so routine that the lines supposedly dividing the Central Intelligence Agency, the military and Blackwater became blurred. Instead of simply providing security for C.I.A. officers, they say, Blackwater personnel at times became partners in missions to capture or kill militants in Iraq and Afghanistan, a practice that raises questions about the use of guns for hire on the battlefield.

For decades to come American servicemen and women will pay a high price for Cheney’s flouting of the rules of war. Markos Moulitsas had this one right from day one: mercenaries are scum, and their employers always pay a high price for resorting to lowest common denominator resources.

UPDATE: emptywheel.

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Because they work very hard at being fair and balanced, the Strib gives Michele Bachmann an op-ed slot today in which she tortures the record of fact to make the Bush bailout be all about the Democrats.

Only a wingnut could possibly think it appropriate to blame Democrats for the Republican solution to a Republican mess.

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This doesn’t really change anything, but it’s certainly interesting to learn that the story of John Edwards’ $400 haircut originated from the Obama campaign.

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I’m going to be a callous prick and say that teenagers’ lives aren’t worth six million dollars each, especially when the driver was at fault.

The driver is ALWAYS at fault when there’s a car-train collision. You might as well blame the sun for your sunburn.

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The more I watch the Vikings, the more coverage we finally get on what’s wrong with how football is played.

I can’t help but think that we’re in for a long series of prominent players dying early deaths from damage attributable to their playing years.

Frankly, I could think of worse outcomes than seeing the greedy fucks who own the teams all being sued into receivership.

All pro sports would benefit from public ownership. Franchises should belong to the cities or states where they reside, and they should never ever be moved. Players should be paid from gate receipts and media deals, and ticket prices should drop to where real people can afford to take their families to a game now and then.

Then again, why should pro sports be forced to conduct themselves more honorably than the titans of Wall Street?

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Gene Barry, R.I.P.

As a kid I loved actors like Gene Barry, David Niven and Charles Boyer. Different times.

We already know our rail system is owned and run by a bunch of theiving bastards who’d fine a dying pensioner if their corpse landed in first class, but this takes the piss…

I have Brighton to London annual gold card. But I wanted to go from London to Eastbourne instead so bought a single extension ticket for £12.55. This wasn’t a special offer or supersaveadvanceapexmegasaver ticket with 361 separate terms and conditions attached. No, just a walk-up single off-peak fare which I happened to buy the day before my journey to save queuing in London during rush hour.

Then it turned out I didn’t want to go from London to Eastbourne at all. I would be starting out in Brighton.

So, when buying my Brighton to Eastbourne ticket, I asked for a refund on the unused ticket. Yes, of course I could have a refund but there’d be a £10 ‘admin fee’.

TEN POUNDS!

It’s not like they’d lose out by not being able to resell the journey. There isn’t a limited number of tickets for sale, and don’t I know it when we’re crammed in like illegally transported pigs to the overcrowded slaughter.

They made ten quid pure profit on not providing a service on a journey I didn’t take.

To be fair, they do attempt to create a few quids worth of admin by taking various details and filling in forms, but that just means they took a tenner of my money as well as 12 minutes of my time.

Fuck you *dazedlittlemiss!

That’s the offline message I got last night on messenger chat. This is the stupid guy who’s been begging me to get naked for him on webcam. Yeah,  fuck me!

Fuck me, what was I thinking even adding this loser and entertaining him? I’m so glad I didn’t do anything stupid with him. I really hate these internet arseholes. I thought he was just going to be one of those internet friends that you talk about things. You know, culture and travel or what is happening in the world and things like that. Unfortunately this guy isn’t exactly the brightest of bulbs, as demonstrated by that message after I refused to entertain him any further.

Ridiculous. I didn’t  reply because I’m not interested in any sort of exchange with him or any man right now. Get fucking lost!

Another one, about three days ago. I was online and this guy is actually a real life friend. We have never, ever indulged in any conversation that was sexual. I think you can imagine my surprise when he got online and after seeing me logged in the first comment was: You looked sexy in that *blue dress. This was followed by a wink.  I ignored him then he went ahead to tell me how rude I was being. I told him to get lost, I didn’t feel like chatting to him. He logged off.

I used to get up every morning, Monday to Friday and go into the city. I went to the same building everyday. I went to the same office everyday, sat in the same chair everyday, from nine to five. Some people would think that’s crazy.

But do you know what was really crazy, I didn’t even have a job.

Pur-Stretch-plexed!

Opened the post this morning and while tearing up my Vodafone spam, I stopped, read it and realised that

Hello? Is this Steve the Tiler? It's Joe Perry. You're not special, you know that, right? You do know that?

I am far to much of a depressed little munki to buy any of their products. Their target demographic are people who are happy ALL the fucking time. People who have 1,000 of the bestest friends you could ever possibly have. People who can’t even work because of the amount of time they spend replying to fun messages, organising events and being FUN! People wearing up-to-date fashions who listen to the latest happening music (probably some dirge from Snow Patrol). People who seem to have absolutely no elderly contacts on their phone, no doctor or vet’s phone number. Yet, I have the phone number of the tiler who tiled my floor 10 years ago, who I will never call again in my life but feel comforted that when I scroll down my contacts list, there is a person I y’know could ring if I wanted to. If I was lonely an all.

Anyway, it’s Monday and I’m unda too much pressure. This post is going out to all my skiing buddies, if I had any skiing buddies. If I did, we’d drink WKD and have japes, yes we would, but eventually I would go all Foxy Knoxy on their asses!

Here’s the greatest song about rain ever. The Beta Band would not ring their tiler at 4 in the morning for a chat, would they? Well, would they?

Put ‘em in the army. Who? These sad excuses of men who glass or stab people when subjected to any altercation. These youths who like, this boy, think that life owes them a living. At fifteen, this boy knew how to stab an adult to steal money. He got 20c. Pathetic. The victim, an older man, has had his life changed irrevocably. The sad little boy with the knife will be let off with a warning.

You can’t put these offenders in prison. The boy is too young. These men who use a glass or a knife as a first resort are also too young for prison. It would simply recycle them, and spit them out as older men unable to fit into society.

Conscription is a dirty word. It was a frightening word when I was a teenager. Whitlam was yet to be elected and repeal the law. Having been press-ganged into the cadets at fifteen I knew there was no way I wanted to spend two years in the military. It taught you self-discipline, respect for authority and a sense of worth. It was also a breeding ground for bullies, yet by the very nature of the military heirachy, there was always a bully bigger than you.

These snivelling excuses of manhood need a dose of this regimen to restore them to normality. That normality being that stabbing and glassing are the height of cowardice and beyond the pale of human decency.

Two years in the Army would do them a whole damn sight more good than two years in Long Bay.

Google has always seem to be faceless.  It was just Google.  But now, their developers are making videos explaining it to the nerdy people who have websites,  and basically let websites spread what they think is important out of their videos. They went from no faces to a mix of faces.  That’s a very cool way of looking at it.   It’s like, “everyone here is important.  Everyone gets a say. We don’t just have one Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, or Moses, or that doctor from Idiocracy, or that indian guy who co-invented the usb, who’s really just an actor,  in fact we dont have any actors, we just have all of the people that work for us, explaining the shit they’ve been working on.  But then again, those dudes could be actors too.  Google would be good at getting people to trust them, before they take over the world.

But anyway, here’s some creepy shit they can do.  Sure, you can disable it from using custom search,  but, you cant stop them from looking at your shit if they want to.   So, uhh, yeah.  Be careful out there.

Inglorious Basterds, o mais recente de Quentin Tarantino. Vingança, crueldade, cenas longas e um humor sacana, apesar de ter o nazismo como pano de fundo. Muito violento. Não é um filme convencional. Pra quem gosta do estilo o filme não decepciona, mas Pulp Fiction ainda não foi batido. Um filme assim só sai da mente doentia de Quentin Tarantino.

Inglorious Basterds

Clique na imagem e baixe 0800

It's what's on the inside that counts...

What’s up with Microsoft? Are they running low on cash? Not likely. If you have an Xbox360 then you’ll probably pay them around £30 a year for Gold Membership to Xbox Live – allowing access to premium content and online gaming. It all sounds fair enough, but with the BBC’s iPlayer already available on the Xbox’s two main competitor’s consoles – the Wii and the PS3 – Microsoft are missing out. And it’s their own fault:

Xbox 360 iPlayer launch delayed indefinitely

What don’t Microsoft get about this? Have they even heard of ‘value-add’ services? Do they have to charge for absolutely everything??

...that is, UNLESS you have an Xbox360.

The BBC themselves aren’t allowed to charge for the iPlayer – what the hell makes Microsoft think they’re allowed to just because a) they’re big bad Microsoft, and b) they have a ’strategy’ to charge for absolutely everything. I mean, what company seriously has the balls to make a strategy to charge for everything? Oh yeah, that would be Microsoft. They really need to wake up and smell the free entertainment. The Xbox is a popular enough console, but how many extra hours do you think people will spend on their console if thy can switch from gaming to watching TV? And if, to put it in an idiotic term used by marketers, they have more backsides on seats for a longer time, this can only be good for the Xbox brand and increase it’s offering. It’ll probably get people interested in Xbox 360 who previously only saw it as a games console rather than a media centre.

Microsoft should stop worshipping the almighty dollar and give a little back to its already paying public, for once. Besides, the BBC is ours – we already paid for it.

GZS