Oh my word. We were just channel surfing and found Move Like Michael Jackson on BBC Three.

It’s the semi-final, which means we’ve missed the first couple of episodes of this dire “dance contest”. Tonight, then, we find a load of over-made-up girls, and a solo bloke, flail around a studio, to be judged by Jamelia on their likeness to Michael Jackson. Or something. Oh, and there’s a token Jackson judge – Jermaine, looking like he doesn’t quite believe he’s doing this.

It makes Alesha Dixon look like an incredibly strict judge – on this programme, every contestant is wonderful, creative, a major talent. Talk about giving them a deluded sense of their own ability to become stars.

It’s presented by Reggie Yates in bizarre retro outfit and ’70s style, deeply unflattering spectacles. Never have we appreciated Claudia Winkleman’s appearance and presenting skills more.

“There’s a lot of emotion in the studio,” intones Reggie, as the male “performer” is voted off. The only emotion in this house is one of comic disbelief.

It seems that some judging or calculating of who does what is actually announced by the pulling out of cards out of MJ’s old hat. Tasteful.

Then two leprechauns come on – sorry, two guys dressed in pseudo-MJ-in-the-Thriller-video outfits – and execute a very badly choreographed and performed dance to Blame It On The Boogie. Appropriately enough, they’re called the Urban Jokers.

Jermaine still can’t say anything except that these contestants are “entertaining”. We think he’s being generous. And we can’t understand why the judges have to wear the headworn radio mic beloved of live performers who are moving around a lot, when they are the most static group of people we’ve ever seen.

After watching Michael Jackson: The Live Seance with Derek Acorah, we thought that the depths of Jackson-related programming had been truly plummeted; but it seems we were wrong.

Move Like Michael Jackson is embarrassingly awful, a misconceived programme. It’s proof that you can both have too many programmes “dedicated” to Michael Jackson, and too many dance/talent contests on TV. It’s entertainment – but not in the way it intends, trying to make it seem like a serious paean to MJ’s talents whilst getting a load of talentless wannabes to do a brief shimmy on camera.

None of them moves remotely like Michael Jackson. They just perform crap dances to edited MJ songs.

And Reggie’s outfit is just criminal – not Smooth Criminal.

Michael Jackson was a legend – one of the world’s most successful singers and an amazing dancer too. Tonight, to celebrate the greatest performer in the history of pop, who died earlier this year, BBC Three begins the search for the UK’s best dance act – someone who can move as well as Michael in his prime. Hosted by Reggie Yates, this unique contest has dancers battling it out to win an amazing opportunity – to perform with the world’s superstars at the Michael Jackson official tribute concert in 2010.

Dance Experts travel from the streets of Glasgow to the playing fields of Cardiff and from the bus stops of Manchester to the shopping malls of London to find the UK’s best dancers.

Solo performers, duos and crews all attempt to dance their way to a place in the studio shows, but first they have to impress legendary choreographer Lavelle Smith Junior, who worked with Michael for more than 20 years, and Mark Summers, who had been tasked with finding the UK’s most talented dancers for Michael Jackson’s This Is It tour.

The best are invited to call backs – it’s their final chance to win a place in the studio shows and perform for Jermaine Jackson – Michael’s brother – as well as singer Jamelia.

Reggie goes to America to meet those who worked with Michael and find out exactly why he was the king of dance. The day starts with 25 acts, but only eight will make it through to the studio shows.

Monday 14 December
8.30-9.30pm BBC THREE

Remember the bloke who scored badly on Mastermind, then claimed it was all a brilliant prank? Apparently

He says has also been offered some TV work and is hoping to be a household name in 2010.

“I have a few low-budget proposals to look at. I worked with Ant and Dec on a few things recently and I have worked with BBC3,” he said.

(From Voice Online)

So both Ant & Dec, and a BBC3 clips show have invited him on to be mocked. Whoo, and indeed, hoo.

I’ve now decided that I no longer want to have an animation of a rotating world. Even though this is an important feature of the BBC, I no longer think it is relevant that I include it for the BBC Three ident because this channel has a different focus to BBC One.

This was another animation that I found. I quite like the fact that the earth is rotating on a hand, and so I think this is an animation that I could use, and would fit in quite well with the BBC Three theme.

Below is the image that I am using as the background for my TV ident for BBC Three.

The animation of the spinning globe below is what I’m going to use for my TV ident. I may choose it as a background, or just include as part of the compostition.

This website is a good source for me to look at the history of the BBC Three iDents.

http://www.theidentgallery.com/bbc3-2008.php

And the BBC Three website ids:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/

I’ve decided to do my TV iDent for BBC three. I’ve researched a little about their branding history and audience profiles:

BBC Three got a complete rebrand in February, dumping the old logo and the iconic blobs.

The new £380,000 rebrand, developed by Red Bee,  is part of the channels repositioning to take itself beyond being just a television broadcaster. Red Bee say the idents are meant to “make it feel a more populated and alive place”, basically a visual representation of Facebook-like communities, including their own Sims like characters.

BBC Three’s iDent embraces media user-generated content.

“BBC THREE is a mixed-genre channel that focuses on younger audiences. The channel’s centre of gravity is 16-35 year-olds, people who are young in spirit and mindset, providing an environment for the development of new talent and for existing talent to take risks, becoming a genuine laboratory for BBC ONE and BBC TWO.

Comedy remains a core genre for BBC THREE. It has had unprecedented success for a digital channel with the hugely acclaimed Gavin and Stacey. They are ” keen to continue to develop the next generation of comedy talent and to commission shows which combine a bold attitude with bags of enthusiasm and spirit… We need to maintain the momentum by delivering more very high-quality, innovative, original, and high-impact programmes to the audience.”

Available at: http://www.bbc.co.uk/commissioning/tv/network/genres/comedy_detail.shtml

Die BBC arbeitet sich gerade an der xten Version einer inzwischen ziemlich alten Sendeform ab: Menschen werden in eine ihnen fremde Umgebung geschickt und müssen sich dort bewähren. Das ganze wird dann als Dokumentation verkauft, die uns angeblich was über Leute und Land erzählt. Inzwischen gibt es unzählige Varianten dieser Sendeform, von supertrashig (z.B. Big Brother) bis seriös (z.B. Sternflüstern: Das Sibirien-Abenteuer) gab’s inzwischen schon unzählige Varianten. BBC three versucht sein Quotenglück jetzt mit Tough Guy or Chicken?, halb Reisedoku, halb Ausleseshow.

Bild: BBC

Diese fünf jungen Männer werden rund um die Welt geschickt, und immer dort, wo es angeblich am härtesten zugeht, müssen sie leben wie die Einheimischen. Aber irgendwie habe ich das alles schon mal gesehen. Und spätestens wenn zum dritten Mal erklärt wird, wie lebensgefährlich es ist, bei unter -70° Celsius in Sibirien durch die Tundra mit einem Rentierschlitten zu fahren oder in Ecuador auf einem Bullen zu reiten, fühle ich mich verarscht. Gibt es noch irgendjemand im Publikum, der glaubt, die Sender könnten es sich leisten, dass sich einer der Teilnehmer ernsthaft verletzt? The lady doth protest too much, methinks. Unwillkürlich fragt man sich dann natürlich, was noch so alles gefaket ist. Sehr irritierend ist auch, dass die Übersetzer nicht zu sehen sind. Der Film ist so geschnitten, dass die Einheimischen eben Einheimisch reden, die Jungs englisch und man glauben könnte, die würden sich verstehen.

Auch die Rollenbesetzungen sind vorhersehbar: Reuben ist ein New Ager – was auch immer das ist – und schlägt sich ganz tapfer. Nick ist Tänzer, erfüllt die “Aufgaben” aber ganz gut, überhaupt nicht dem Klischee entsprechend, wenn man mal davon absieht, dass er als Schleimer hingestellt wird. Easton ist Feuerwehrmann, meistens nicht so gut und deshalb ganz schön zickig. Ross ist der Macho. Und Ben ist der sensible Vegetarier, der dann mit den Zähnen ein Rentier in der Tundra kastrieren soll, dass sogar versucht aber scheitert.

Ben hat aber auch einen der wenigen Momente, die authentisch wirken und mir sofort irgendwie sympathisch gemacht haben. Wie bisher fast in jeder Sendung scheitert er mal wieder an einer Prüfung. In solchen Fällen werden die chickens dann zurück geschickt, in der Regel ins Dorf, wo nur die Frauen und Mädchen geblieben sind. Im mexikanischen Urwald darf Ben also nicht weiter am Initiationsritual in die Männerwelt teilnehmen. Die Frauen im Dorf aber freuen sich um so mehr, dass er ihnen bei der alltäglichen Arbeit hilft. Und auch Ben scheint seinen Spaß zu haben. In die Kamera erzählt er dann leicht verschämt aber auch sichtbar glücklich:

So far in this trip at certain times I felt more at home with the women of the communities than I have with the men. I think I’m just not a right manly man.

Und fügt etwas zögernd hinzu:

If you can take that the right way.

Warum tut er sich dann diese Sendung an? Vielleicht genau für diese Momente.

Radiohead are playing Reading Festival tonight and it will be live on BBC3. I am, it must be said, quite excited about the prospect of watching one of the greatest bands of modern times doing their thing from the comfort of my warm and dry living room. To whet the appetite, Sky Arts have been showing a Dave Fanning interview with the band from 2008, the ‘OK Computer’ tour documentary, ‘Meeting People Is Easy’, a set from Eurockeenes 2003 and the episode of ‘From The Basement’ upon which the band featured on a near constant loop. All of which are bloody great and if you’ve not had a chance to watch the Dave Fanning interview, do so before it disappears. Thom and Ed are in good form and Fanning asks some quite decent questions which, in turn, prompt some quite decent answers. ‘Meeting People Is Easy’ appears in an edited form, but it still riveting viewing and ‘From The Basement’ features some wonderful renditions of tunes from the last two albums. In addition to all of this, VH1 are repeating the ‘In Rainbows – From The Basement’ show, which can be purchased from iTunes, tonight at 10pm. One to Sky + whilst watching the live show on BBC3. Make sure you have an ornament of choice identified in advance to look at whenever Bowman appears on screen. Don’t want to upset yourself just before seeing what should be a pretty impressive set.

Here’s some bits and bobs from Ver Tube to enjoy:

On the subject of the greatest bands of recent times, if I really want to conform to expectations, I suppose I should take a moment to deride people for caring about Noel leaving Oasis. But, I care. And they were, more often than not, a great group. I shall dwell further on the topic tomorrow. I shall leave you with one of their finer tunes.

At the opening of Lipsy's (?me neither) first stand alone store in Manchester in April this year (courtesy of Getty Images®)

The name i can never remember when i’m thinking of that hot girl off of ‘Hollyoaks‘ (the incestuos nature of her character in which put me off slightly)and ‘How Not To Live Your life‘ is Sinead Moynihan. She’s hot as hot. The second series of ‘How Not To Live Your life‘ airs on the 15 September over here on BBC Three. She’s in every episode so keep an eye on it.

(courtesy of Getty Images®)

The token bikini shot

The spaghetti shapes are very easily ignored

x

Horne And Corden – BBC Three – 1 Season – UK

Sometimes those you love are the ones who hurt you the most. For a long time Spaced was my favourite British comedy; Simon Pegg could do no wrong in my eyes. I would follow him to the ends of the earth and back. Then he made Run Fatboy Run. So when the stars of another favourite British comedy of mine, Gavin & Stacey, branched out into sketch comedy I thought it would be good for a laugh or two. I certainly didn’t expect it to not only ruin the honeymoon but brutally murder the newlyweds.

I love Matt Horne and James Corden. I hate Horne & Corden.

After sitting through the entire first season hoping that the downhill fall into mediocre drivel would stop and turn around at some point all I could do was look at Matt and James on the screen and wonder “what have you done?”

What started as an enjoyable lark devolved into a complete waste of time. After the first episode I was hesitant but felt safe in the knowledge that the boys would improve on a rocky start. Surprisingly they just got worse. Episode 2 saw Corden actually fondling Horne’s genitals on television. A later episode featured a sketch based around the idea of Corden getting a penis enlargement and ended with the punchline of him flopping his massive penis onto Horne’s desk. Seriously.

There’s not a single clever idea in the entire first season. The show feels like a first draft. Each episode opens with Horne and Corden leaping out in front of a live studio audience and setting up a really laboured joke we all see coming a mile off. Episode three opened with a four minute sketch about how Horne was supposed to buy an ‘electric wheelchair’ for a crippled girl, but instead bought her an actual ‘electric chair’. We spent two and half minutes building up to a pun we all saw heading our way as soon as Corden said the words “we’ve put some money together to buy her an electric chair.”

The pair have developed a series of recurring characters that fill up the screen time of every episode. Horne plays the half way funny Tim Goodall, an extra camp news reporter. The joke each time is that he’s extra camp. That’s it. One of the recurring sketches performed in front of the live audience sees Horne and Corden playing a Christian rock group who sing a joke song that’s about as sophisticated as the primary school rhyme “Peter had a boat, the boat began to rock, up came the shark and bit him on the … cocktails, ginger ales, 40 cents a glass, if you don’t like it you can stick it up your… ask no questions…” You get the idea.

Horne & Corden would probably be alright if the show just wasted our time with bad puns and overacting but instead they trot out a collection of reoccurring characters that range from bland to revolting.

Every week Spiderman sees Superman down at the shops, or at the gym, or waiting in line somewhere and they have an awkward conversation for five minutes. That’s the joke. Horne and Corden don’t care about these characters; they don’t know anything about them which is made abundantly clear by the sketch about how Superman was the number one Marvel character of all time. You don’t have to be a massive comic book nerd to know that Superman isn’t even Marvel. It’s DC. But Horne and Corden don’t care about that, they want us to laugh at the fact superheros have awkward conversations with each other about nothing JUST LIKE REGULAR PEOPLE.

As boring as the ‘Superman chats with Spiderman in a place normal people go to’ sketches are they don’t compare with Corden’s revolting Xander character. Xander is a repulsive man who spots his old friend Horne when he’s out on a date, or at a job interview, or with his kids, and then proceeds to tell horrible revolting revealing things about the pair of them that are meant to shock the audience and embarrass Horne. Each of these sketches run for about five minutes and after you’ve sat through it twice you can pretty much skip the sketch when it appears in the next episode.

By the final episode I worked out that about ten minutes of every episode was skippable. The sketch where the blokes play a pair of dancers name Johnny Lee and Miller exists because they think a fat bloke in a leotard is funny and that naming a dance group Johnny Lee Miller is funny. Maybe the first time but it’s not the sort of material you should stretch out to five sketches running at least five minutes each.

Even the Ricky Gervais impression got old by the third episode. It provided the biggest laugh in the first episode but Corden found nowhere else to go with the character other than that if you put Ricky Gervais in a movie he’d riff and lick his lips. That’s great, but what else have you got?

One week they followed the Ricky Gervais sketch with one featuring an office worker who talks up how much of a ‘big night’ he had the night before. They mocked Ricky Gervais and then proceeded to channel Gareth straight from The Office.

There’s not a single thing in this entire season worth wasting your time over. It’s the ultimate slap in the face. Horne & Corden is a pathetic waste of a television program. It hurts more that two guys from the brilliant Gavin & Stacey decided to take all that good will and hard work and just piss it away on third rate sketches that mostly just feature James Corden taking his shirt off and wiggling his belly around.

Did anyone see the BBC Three documentary following three teenagers and how they coped with life?

I found it quite fascinating but the producers didn’t show any success stories which I felt would have given hope to other teenagers on the autistic spectrum.

Pulling – BBC Three – 2 Seasons – UK / ABC2 – 10pm Thursday – AUS

I’ve managed to get myself burnt in the past by assuming that just because Horne & Corden starred two of the leads from Gavin & Stacey that it would be just as good, so imagine how burnt I’m going to get by assuming that just because Pulling follows Gavin & Stacey on BBC Three that it too is going to be good.

It’s not. It pales in comparison with Gav & Stace.

To give you an idea of what you’re in for Pulling opens with a guy being unenthusiastically jerked off under the covers by his bride to be. It just gets more “hilarious” from there. Pulling stars Sharon Horgan who was great in the flawed Rob Brydon’s Annually Retentive. Sharon plays Donna a woman fed up with her aforementioned fiancée Karl. He’s a slob and a loser, and she wants to call the wedding off so she can spend more time with her best friends Louise & Karen.

Pulling is quite clearly a member of the ‘awkward comedy’ family. A staple genre for British comedies in recent years that has brought us everything from The Office to Peep Show. Straight out of the gates though Pulling makes a complete misstep. The biggest loser on the show isn’t the lead character. Donna is a depressed 30 year old woman who’s surrounded by a bunch of idiots that she doesn’t think very much of. The Office was based around David Brent and for all his good intentions every stupid decision made in that show was his fault, and every awkward situation that ensued he caused himself. Peep Show is an even better example. Mark & Jeremy are so full of their own importance that no matter how stupid or pathetic the decision they make is, they make it because they believe in some twisted way that they’re right. We can laugh because we know it’s their fault.

Pulling isn’t about Donna making bad decisions. Half way through the first episode Donna calls it off with her fiancé Karl. Karl cries, and then vomits because he’s so upset. He then begs Donna to come to a pre wedding lunch with all of his family. Donna reluctantly agrees. Then when the lunch predictably goes balls up the only person to blame is Karl. This was all Karl’s idea. Sure it’s not ideal for Donna, but it’s not her fault. She gets off guilt free.

The idea might be to show us exactly how much of a loser Karl is so we as the audience can agree that Donna should leave him, but it doesn’t work like that. Pulling goes to great lengths to let us know we’re supposed to think Donna is right, and that we should be laughing at her poor stupid fiancé, and her bitch of a maid of honour, and at that horrible mother in law of hers.

Asking the audience to follow Donna on her quest to escape this world is like asking us to follow Tim on The Office if Tim wasn’t a lovable funny guy and was in fact a depressing soulless half person with the emotional range of a wet afternoon.

Pulling amounts to nothing more than what feels like a televised female stand up comic’s routine, and I mean that in the worst possible way. It was horrible, depressing and unfunny. I tuned in hoping for a Gavin & Stacey style Brit-com about the humour found in everyday life and got a show that would be exactly like Gavin & Stacey if Gavin & Stacey wasn’t about Gav & Stace and was actually about Pete & Dawn… and all the other fun loveable characters had never been born.

Good, Alright, Bad Or Ugly?
Ugly

On Tuesday 11th at 9pm BBC Three are showing a programme called ‘Autistic Me’ following 3 autistic adults and how they make their way in the world at large.

Horne & Corden – BBC Three – 1 Season – UK

Horne & Corden is a new sketch comedy starring James Corden and Matthew Horne of Gavin & Stacey fame. Horne is of course Gav, and Corden played Gav’s best mate Smithy. I’ll quickly express my love then move on: I love Gavin & Stacey. Love it. I think it’s the best British comedy series since The Office, and would rate it my second favourite Brit-com behind Spaced.

So that means there’s a lot of love in the room when Gav and Smithy… sorry Horne and Corden decide to branch out to their very own sketch comedy series.

With such lofty expectations Horne & Corden could only be a disappointment. The show opens with a live studio audience and Matt & James run out to meet them. They’re all excited and Corden goes for a bit of a run around the set just to show how excited he is. He gets puffed out, because he’s a fatty you see… and it’s pretty much that same joke for the rest of the show.

Half the sketches seem to be about Corden being fat, or topless, or fat and topless. The boys seem to be under the impression that all a scene needs for a laugh is to see Corden flash his man boobs around. In fact the boys seem to get naked an awful lot now that I think about. Seeing Horne’s arse as he stands on a balcony is a preview of things to come when Corden gets his arse out later on.

Sketch comedy is hit and miss most of the time anyway but here a lot of the sketches don’t pan out due to pure lazy writing. An early sketch finds Corden playing Ricky Gervais in Karate Kid 14 – the joke being that Gervais talks a lot of shit; I laughed a fair bit because the Gervais impression is pretty spot on but it doesn’t go anywhere. It’s just a lot of mannerisms, and a fairly good impression but no real payoff. It’s like they were sitting around on the set of Gavin & Stacey and Corden pulled out his Gervais impression. Horne laughed it up and said “wouldn’t it be funny if Gervais was in like Karate Kid 14 or something?” and decided not to work on the joke any more than that.

The whole thing lost a lot of steam the longer it went on, and most of the time when a punchline wasn’t found Corden just seemed to yell a lot and hope that would fill in for any actual jokes.

How does it stack up against other recent British sketch shows? Ignoring Little Britain (as I recommend everybody does) it’s more fun than Man Stroke Woman but it’s nowhere near as clever or as funny as That Mitchell & Webb Look.

As someone who loves these two blokes an awful lot I still only managed to find a couple of laughs in the show. I’ll stick around though, but that’s because I’m willing to cut Gav & Smithy a lot of slack. I’ll get back to you after I watch the first season and let you know how this thing pans out, but at the moment it doesn’t look good.

Good, Alright, Bad Or Ugly?
Bad

BBC Three have been in touch with Curvety as they are looking for participants in a new show. This could be your chance to get on the small screen and enjoy some travelling to boot!

“BBC Three is looking for plus size people between the ages of 18-28 to travel around the world for a new series that looks at eating culture, lifestyle and health issues in different countries.

If you’ve answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, or just want to find out more for yourself or a friend, please call Lucy in confidence on 020 800 83863 or email lucy.malins@bbc.co.uk”

Good luck to anyone who decides to give it a go!

Denne serien imponerte meg noe veldig… kommer nok helt sikkert til å følge med på denne snaddersaken som går på BBC three. Det er litt vanskelig å si hva handlingen er om etter en episode på en time men jeg liker iallefall serien. Så langt kan jeg si at den handler om 4 personal assistenter (sekretærer), hvorav ei forsvinner i episode en og ei mystisk og veldig vakker temp (spilt av Ruth Negga, bildet under) kommer inn istedet.

Jeg vet ikke helt hva det er som gjør at jeg gleder meg til neste episode av denne noe merkelige britiske serien, men jeg tror det kan ha litt med karakter oppbygning, filming og de små fantasi innspillene nå og da. Antakeligvis den beste britiske serien som har kommet ut på ei god stund om du spør meg.

Jeg gir denne serien

(5/6 stjerner)

All hail the BBC!

Yes, the BBC. The bloody huge, license fee-causing BBC.

This country’s primary media source (probably). The entity that is one of the defining triumphs of this country.

Why the BBC love in?

Lets look at the previous 24 hours:

The Apprentice & The Apprentice You’re Fired – awesome finale to an awesome show. Thank you BBC 1.

The Chris Moyles Show – Great as ever this morning especially with the two Apprentice finalists, Kate & Yasmina, on the show. Thanks Radio 1.

Family Guy – can always rely on BBC Three when you need a Family Guy fix. Cheers BBC Three.

French Open Final – BBC has tennis coverage down! It wouldn’t feel right if any other channel covered the tennis. Thanks BBC 2.

BBC News – The news channel has been vital these past few days in order to keep up with the latest governmental resignations. Thanks BBC News 24.

I mean, that is just top quality broadcasting on all fronts, no?

Boom Boom Pow.

Luce x