This is not a post solely about Twilight, but I will report that I finished it. After the midpoint momentum dropped away, finishing it meant slogging through various primings for the sequel and a prom that was only surpassed in dullness by my own–except I recall that mine culminated in a late-night screening of Brazil, so sorry, Twilight, your prom was marginally harder to endure. But Twilight? I get it now; I really do. You’re selling the fantasy that someone whose surface appears not so special (targeting female demographic ages 12-55) can yet hold such beguiling inner beauty as to entrance an otherworldly creature. I may not have bought it, but I borrowed it.

* * *

I’ve been making my way in fits and starts through the recent biography of Charles Shultz. Early on I was completely smitten by the exquisitely painful shyness and secret steely determination of the Peanuts creator; later on in his life, I’m a feeling a little bit get over yourself, ultrasuccessful multimillionaire, but his terminal cancer is soon to strike, so I’m also poised for great sadness.

The book is filled with Peanuts cartoons strategically placed to illustrate various episodes in his life, and often they’d been created in sync with said events, which really hammers home just how literally drawn from life was his work. As kids growing up in the 70s, my sister and I’d been fairly Snoopy obsessed, but I didn’t realize until reading this book that by then Charlie Brown and his gang had already been a cultural powerhouse for a couple of decades. There’s also lots of interesting stuff about the merchandising of Peanuts into plush toys and coffee mugs at a time when such tchotchkes were not commonplace, and the account of making the now-iconic TV Christmas special should not be missed by anyone who teared up at Linus’s reading from the Gospel of Luke. (I’m talking to you, Jewish husband!)

* * *

Finally, I watched my friend rock the house yesterday as Beatrice in a local production of Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing, and it has made me eager to revisit the play, especially the amazing scene where the often-raucous comedy suddenly goes still as Beatrice laments her own inability to strike and coldly prods Benedick to avenge the shaming of her cousin Hero: “If I were a man, I would eat his heart in the marketplace.” It’s hard to grasp today just how ruinous it once was to cast doubt on a young woman’s virtue, but the rage Beatrice expresses at the dishonor unjustly meted out to her kinswoman burns right through to the present.

After her electric portrayal, my friend spoke of exhaustion from barely having slept the night before, which was in no way evident, and mentioned noticing her father-in-law in the audience, reminders that performance is illusion and the actor is aware of the construct as she is creating it. In that way the craft is quite similar to writing fiction, I think, though later that evening I was listening to an interview of yet another author speaking of her characters as if they had emerged fully formed from the cosmos and were speaking through her (this time it was Alice Sebald, who wrote The Lovely Bones, an uplifting tale of rape and dismemberment’s aftermath that I somewhat queasily liked).

On the one hand, I sort of know what she meant, in that as characters form they sometimes seem to nudge you toward destinies other than those you had originally conceived for them. On the other hand, you made it all up and you know you did, else you court mental illness and stream-of-consciousness hypergraphia. 

Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing, starring Emma Thompson as Beatrice and Kenneth Branagh as Benedick, among others.  If Kenneth Branagh is involved in a Shakespearean movie, I’m pretty much guaranteed to love it.  I love his performances and his approach as a director.  This movie in particular is one of my favorites.  It is absolutely hilarious — the rivalry between Beatrice and Benedick is highly entertaining, as is the courtship they’re tricked into having.  My favorite scene is when Benedick overhears Don Pedro, Claudio, and Leonato carrying on a false conversation about Beatrice’s affections for Benedick, and how he suddenly goes from being a determined bachelor to being in love with Beatrice.  His happy splashing about in the fountain is just classic.

Greta Alison (Lily)

Olive Audrey

Alex Chloe (Jack)

Bess (Ella)

Haidee Elaine & Alyssa Rose (Lucas)

Iris Vita (Harriet, Phoebe)

Vivien Rosemary (Lily)

Helena Antoinette

Lauren & Honor ( Lucia)

Olive Elizabeth (George)

Elsie-May Ellen (Bailey, Ephraim & Marita)

Polly Frances

Aurelia Grace (Isabelle)

Portia Alice

Neve Jennifer (Rylee, Fletcher)

Penny Mary (Hamish, Felicity)

Sacha Tui

Kahlan Lillias (Hayden)

Maggie Iris Rosa (Ruby)

Freyah Lily (Tahlia)

Sabrina Mary

Elsie Olivia (Joel)

Milla Juno (Bodie)

Maeve Ellen (Cormac)

Sidney (Lennox & Munro)

Hugo John

Jasper Stan (Jonty & Tilly)

George Banjo (Hugo)

Tahere Hunter

Albie Murphy

Jack & Keygan (Thomas)

Wilhelm David

Josiah James

Jag Archie

Edward Montgomery (Benji & Samuel)

Wilfred Otis (Theo)

Deaths

Rosanna Jane, Adeline Anne, Sally Elizabeth, Grace Muriel, Margaret Winifred, Ruby Evelyn, Sylvia Winifred, Adele Mary, Violet Hope, Hazel Margaret, Beatrice Mary, Helen Adeline,

Hector Leslie, George Basil, Quentin Phillip, Henry Percival, Leo Charles, Archibald Ralph, Sydney Benjamin.

I almost pooped my pants this morning when I got a phone call asking me to audition to be in a movie tomorrow as a featured extra!  Ok, the pay was only going to be $80, but I was going for the adventure and the chance to meet the dude pictured below on the left.  The best part was that the director had “hand picked me” out of “hundreds of extras” to be cast as the ex-wife of a “major movie star.” 

And I was going to be feautured on the movie poster.  Just look at who else was going to be in the movie.  Sigh.  I was going to be the coolest step-mom ever if I met someone from “The Office.” 

I’m a huge movie fan, former movie theatre manager and projectionist, so my inner geek was doing cartwheels today.  I have been having a streak of bad luck, and I thought today was the day when it was all going to change.  Whaw-waaay ….

To find out what went wrong, and why I came “this close” to becoming famous, please watch my video.  It’s a little lame and I come off dorky because I kept forgetting where the camera is on my new laptop.  Still, friends and blog friends will enjoy a glimpse of Beatrice.  Although, hubby made fun of me for filming in in my new cupcake pj’s.  Too bad, I am a dork, and who cares.  Enjoy!

Picking up right where the last episode left off, Beatrice brings Kanon back as a ghost for a little while in order to save Jessica. Kanon’s able to coax Jessica into going to a safer room, where Beato’s waiting for them. Beato say’s she’s done more evil than she can compensate for, but Kanon says in this moment, she’s a good witch for doing this for them. Beato leaves the room to let Kanon and Jessica “talk about love”. Romancing between a ghost and a girl sound interesting, but it’s sad because we all know it’s going to end tragically, like always. Once Beato gets out of the room she starts to put a barrier on the room, but -

- within seconds, Beato gets a Siesta Sister bow of death. Of course, once Beato decides to do something good is when she gets hurt with things, not when she’s being a raging psycho….and just on a side note, the music during this entire scene is amazing, I cannot wait til I can get my hands on the Umineko OST.

Anyway, Eva-Beatrice and the Siesta Sisters try to destroy Beato, even shooting her through her heart numerous times, and then finally after blowing her up, her heart still remained. Having Beato’s floating heart there scared off the Siesta Sisters, and as Eva-Beatrice went in to stomp Beato dead, time freezes and Battler shows up.

After Battler shows up and talks to Beato a bit, the scene changes to Battler and Eva-Beatrice in the Witches Tea House, where some crazy epic stuff happens. Battler doesn’t want to be Beato’s opponent anymore, instead he challenges Eva-Beatrice, who has no idea what’s going on and tells the Siesta Sisters to kill Battler……

….which is impossible, because Battler’s anti-magic power is over 9 – I mean, his anti-magic power is Endless 9…yahh. As Ronove explains, since his anti-magic power is endless 9, not even mythic class attacks can do anything against him, so Eva-Beatrice is basically screwed. Beato appears again with her body, acting in a really helpless way trying to help Battler figure out a way to beat Eva-Beatrice.

Things go smoothly until Eva-Beatrice pushes Battler into a corner by using the red letters, and leaves Beato with only one option – To deny the existence of witches.

Yeah, in order to beat Eva-Beatrice, Beato has to deny her own existence, along with every other witch and magical creature there….oh well, at least Battler should be ok…hopefully.

Once Beato denies the existence of witches, everyone in the room (Except Battler) gets turned into golden butterflies and disappears. Right after that, Eva is shown with Battler, and it turns out she was the culprit for this arc, since there are no more witches to interfere.

Without skipping a beat, Battler and Beato are shown. Apparently, they both made it to the golden land, being greeted by everyone – the seven sisters, Ronove, Virgilia, and the entire Ushiromiya family.

Now, all that Battler and Beato have to do to get into the golden land is to sign a document. But, as Battle reads it, it says “I acknowledge you as a witch.” Well, that’s definitely not a way to get into the golden land….but Beato and Virgilia really insist Battler to sign it, but then a girl jumps through the, hmm, I guess space? She jumps through the air into the “golden land”.The girl easily kicks the goat servants asses, and tells Battler that everything that’s going on is a trick. Beato doesn’t deny it, and says it was her strategy all along. To be all loving and happy with Battler, just to trick him in the end. Just when I was really starting to like her character too….well, Beato says that this girl is the game piece that Bernkastel put in, and the girl says she’ll expose what all that’s happened.

At the annual end of the arc witches tea party, it’s only Beatrice and Lamdadelta. Lamda asks Beatrice if she’s even trying, saying that she lets her be a witch only if she wins without fail. So, from this it seems that Lamdadelta is pulling the strings for Beatrice.

Yet another scene change occurs, seriously the end of this arc is becoming like the end of Return of the King. Anyway, next scene cuts to 12 years later, with the mystery girl, who turns out to be Battler’s little sister, Ange, talking to Eva, who’s on her deathbed it seems. It turns out they completely despise one another, and to make Ange suffer, Eva leaves her with the headship to the family and the “cursed” gold.

After refusing to tell Ange what really happened 12 years ago, she tells Ange that she should just go die….which is exactly what she goes to do…but thankfully, she’s stopped by Bernkastel.

Bernkastel tells Ange that her family is trapped in that weekend on Rokenjima island, and that her help is needed. She also tells Ange that the only one to be able to defeat Beatrice, is the last Beatrice : Ange-Beatrice. Ange agrees, with nothing to lose, she goes along with Bernkastel’s wishes, and the arc ends with her jumping off the roof top in a bad-ass fashion.

With Ange’s appearance, the 3rd arc of Umineko, the Turn of the Golden Witch, ends. Overall this arc is my favorite out of the three. Like the rest, the music and plot is great, but the animation at some parts gets a little out there, especially on the characters faces when they get into evil insane witch mode, the animation just looks horrible. Other than that, the arc was great. With one more arc to go before the first season of Umineko ends, who knows what’ll happen.

The next Arc I’m just going to review as a whole, since there’s only 2 episodes left before the end of the season, so look forward to that in two weeks, also look forward to lots of fun things in between, ’til next time!

]]> http://thegirlfromtheghetto.wordpress.com/2009/12/12/are-you-on-santas-naughty-list-or-nice-list/ Sat, 12 Dec 2009 21:33:09 +0000 thegirlfromtheghetto http://thegirlfromtheghetto.wordpress.com/2009/12/12/are-you-on-santas-naughty-list-or-nice-list/

Which list are you on?  The Naughty List or The Nice List?  My sweet cat Beatrice is on The Nice List for sure.  Just look at her here, what a little angel.

Today Santa told me that I was on The Nice List, since I had spent the day volunteering to photograph children for charity.  Since I already got my combo Birthday and Christmas Gift (Yep, I have a birthday the same week as Christmas) I believed him, as I had gotten a very nice new laptop.  When the first picture the elf took of us didn’t turn out and I had to go back up on his knee I told him you don’t want me sitting back up on your lap again, I’m too much woman for you.  He chuckled and told me no, I like it, so now I’m thinking Santa himself is on The Naughty List. 

The Girl from the Ghetto

If you happened to be channel surfing early Saturday morning (on the East Coast of the US, anyhow), you might’ve caught Miss World 2009, broadcast live from South Africa.

Or was that just me?

I’m not into beauty pageants, but I stopped and watched, eager to hear contestants’ names.  Except they kept referring to them as Miss Colombia and Miss Poland.  So off to Google I went, and here are the international appellations that graced the stage.

Miss Gibraltar – Kaiane Aldorino – won the title.  (True confession: I did not know that Gibraltar was an autonomous nation.  Arthur, I hope you’re not reading this.)

Omitting the Annas and Marias, as well as those that don’t translate well into English, like Belgium’s Zeynep:

• Jesinalda (Angola);
• Evelyn Lucia (Argentina);
• Norma Leticia (Belize);
• Flavia (Bolivia);
• Luciana (Brazil);
• Antonia (Bulgaria);
• Lena (Canada);
• Rosine (Cote d’Ivoire);
• Ivana (Croatia);
• Chantalle (Curacao);
• Christalla (Cyprus);
• Aneta (Czech Republic);
• Nadia (Denmark);
• Elena (El Salvador);
• Katrina (England);
• Lula (Ethiopia);
• Sanna (Finland);
• Tsira (Georgia);
• Alkisti (Greece);
• Béatrice (Guadeloupe);
• Imarah (Guyana);
• Blaise (Honduras);
• Adi (Israel);
• Alice (Italy);
• Eruza (Japan);
• Dina (Kazakhstan);
• Fiona (Kenya);
• Martine (Lebanon);
• Vaida (Lithuania);
• Diana (Luxembourg);
• Suzana (Macedonia);
• Shanel (Malta);
• Ingrid (Martinique);
• Anaïs (Mauritius);
• Perla (Mexico);
• Happie (Namibia);
• Zenisha (Nepal);
• Avalon-Chanel (Netherlands);
• Magdalena (New Zealand);
• Glory (Nigeria);
• Nadege (Panama);
• Claudia (Peru);
• Marta (Portugal);
• Loredana Violeta (Romania);
• Ksenia (Russia);
• Katharine (Scotland);
• Jelena (Serbia);
• Pilar Carmelita (Singapore);
• Tatum (South Africa);
• Carmen Laura (Spain);
• Zoureena (Suriname);
• Claudia (Uruguay);
• Lucy (Wales);
• Vanessa (Zimbabwe)

One of the most striking things about the list is that I’d stand little chance of linking the name to the nation – to me, Alice in English, Marta is Polish and surely Pilar is from South America.

But no.

I’m particularly taken with Glory and the double Claudia appearance.  And nope, I can’t pronounce most of these – including Kaiane. (Sebastiane, paging Sebastiane.)

Thoughts?

The lost narativePerformance installation:

Friday 4th December at Dartington college of Arts..

Photographic documentation can now be viewed at

http://beatricejarvis.wordpress.com/the-lost-narrative/

Regia di Costantino Sammarra e Elisa Ianni Palarchio

Durata: 6.5 min.

Ambientazione: Palazzo Ricci di Rota Greca (CS) 

Lenzuola bianche, pizzo ricamato sulla pelle bianca della donna. Vede la strada che va dal letto alla porta di un palazzo antico e abbandonato, al quale bussare ripetutamente, senza risposta. Come un sogno ricorrente di un alzarsi miracoloso dal letto più volte e cercare in porte sempre più vecchie qualcosa soltanto sporgendosi un po’ e sbirciando per guardare fuori. È lei che bussa alla porta della casa, come si fa quando si aspetta la persona desiderata. A cercare è la stessa donna dantesca, “la gloriosa donna della mia mente, la quale fu chiamata da molti Beatrice”.

Il primo momento di sogno e di sonno del film è accompagnato dalla lettura a voce alta della Divina Commedia, dai passi che hanno seguito i lettori di Dante fino ai momenti di silenzio che nel cortometraggio sono coperti dalla voce che ripete: “poi rientro sputando in terra, diffido da qualsiasi imitazione: mi perdo”. Un viatico di alternanza tra luce e buio, tra il candore della ripetizione di un gesto inquisitivo, come quello del rispondere al bussare e la sensazione che emerge dalla corsa della donna di una fuga da sé, dal riposo in solitudine. Il ritmo della colonna sonora assorbe la semplicità della trama e la rende intrigante. È un vero e proprio racconto che sostituisce il percorso dantesco: una porta che non si chiude, uno sgabello rosso di quelli da pianoforti riposto davanti alla cucina, una candela che si spegne al passaggio della donna. Il pizzo sopra il braccio, in un ultimo zoom sul particolare prima dell’ultimo risveglio. L’incuria e l’insicurezza del luogo fisico non sospendono la corsa nella speranza di trovare qualcosa nella luce che attraversi la soglia e che riporti all’interno delle stesse mura. Una sospensione dell’essere in movimento che si riformula come un’essenzialità che supporta i piedi e le gambe. Il poggiare le dita dei piedi prima a mezza punta e poi il piede intero fa sembrare che il percorso sia diretto verso un rafforzamento. La fisicità è forte al pari della speranza nell’eternità della frammentazione in passi veloci che di ogni stanza fanno uno scenario di spazi e di tempi riuniti dall’indifferenziazione della girovaga.

L’illusione della ricerca e la riabilitazione della figura umana si diffondono nella spigolosità delle inquadrature, di qualcuno che anticipa la corsa, un narratore che sa già dove potrebbe essere il vento dello spostamento-scissione dalla staticità e dalla polvere della materia inorganica alla forma viva del corpo umano. Esso è tanto più forte quanto riassorbe il passato nel farsi sinolo, unione indissolubile di volontà e di riaffermazione della dimora interiore. Al di fuori delle sensazioni non c’è palazzo che rassicuri o che  protegga. Il video ufficiale della canzone Beatrice con la regia di Costantino Sammarra e Elisa Ianni Palarchio è risultato vincitore del Murgia Film Festival nel 2007. Oggi si presenta agli occhi dei webnauti su youtube con i due tag Beatrice e Conteugolino, il nome del gruppo che ha dato vita alla canzone.

Silvia Redente

I went to D&D today. That was pretty freaking fun. Sam is a zombie now, because he died and this dick grey elf brought him back and left us with an undead hydra that just followed us around. A big theocratic town was like hey you can’t come in, so we just sent Dalton in and Sam and I rode around in the boat, and tried to teach the hydra to sit. I named it beatrice, but Sam and Dalton wanted it to be named farkle. Wtf. Beatrice is a much nicer hydra name. Then we teleported back to our home base where the grey elf is from and the rest of our buddies killed the hydra and we stopped before the oncoming dinner and discussion about what to do with undead sam and everything. I drove back home so mom could take the car. Now I’m writing my face off for NaNoWriMo since I haven’t made any progress yet today and I have to get it in by midnight tomorrow. AHH DEADLINES! More later.

4:30- My ass is asleep but I have 6,000 words to go! Buddy is being adorable and sleeping on my lap while I work, but that means an extra 25 pounds on my lap and not being able to shift at all. That’s alright. I can man up and deal with it.

6:15- Feeling hungry and it’s only 5,000 words to go. Samwich time? Yes. Yes, I think it is. Turkey leftovers samwich plus delicious sweet potatoes to fuel my awesomeness. LOVE IT! Mom made a turkey last night.

7:00- Back on track from 5,000. Dinner was so yummy. I love sweet potatoes so much.

7:30- Okay, seriously writing now. Damn it.

8:30- 4,000 words to go and going to decorate that tree.

9:30- Dude that tree looks awesome!

10:45- Okay seriously have to write. MORE WORDS WILL SLOUGH AWAY! (ew.)

11:30- People are done distracting me. Almost 500 words written. /deaaaath. After this thousand I’m presenting myself with pie.

12:20- Okay 3,000 to go. Pumpkin pie time!

1:55- 2,400 to go. Peter distracted me with discussion about the xmen character Colossus, who has the coolest name: Piotr Nikolaievitch Rasputin. Fuck yeah. Plus Colossus is not only the most intensely strong one, he is incredibly sweet and innocent and surprisingly noble. I used to have a huge crush on him. Back to words.

2:25- 2,000 words to go! I need to get some junk done in this novel RIGHT NOW.

3:00- Digging back in… Peter is being rararar about my ending and wanting it to be less happy. I want a happy ending that leaves them in a good place. I think they’re going to be happy for now, kids.

4:00- 1,000 words to go!!!!!! We are almost done!

4:30- I’m DONE!!! I FUCKING FINISHED!  This novel is DONE! I need to sleep now. It’s been fun. This is insane. Seriously. I just wrote a novel. I have to like read it through tomorrow now for grammar. Right now I deserve some sleep… Goodnight everyone!

Girls

Simone

Sylvia

Virginia

Tabitha

Ada

Helena

Lucille

Ellen

Dahlia

Rosemary

Celia

Paloma

Olive

Beatrice

June

Magdalena

Mina

Nola

Request from Tsundere

[imoutonouta] Umineko no Naku Koro ni Character Song CD Vol. 2 – Beatrice & Ushiromiya George 「Various」

Download

Tracklist:

1. Chain
2. Ai no○○Sengen
3. Anthology Drama “Beatrice no Koi no Magical Daisakusen”
4. Chain (off vocal)
5. Ai no○○Sengen (off vocal)

Beatrice 1L Chocolate Dairy Beverage

More than a year has passed since I originally posted about Chocolate Milk Beverage.  Since then it’s become one of the most popular posts on this blog!  I appreciate all of the comments!

As you can see to your right, they’re not even calling it milk anymore.  This begs the new question:  What is Chocolate Dairy Beverage?

First, let’s see what Metro and Beatrice had to say…

Response from Metro

True to their word, Metro got back to me within two days.  Kudos!

Dear [redacted],

Thank you for your e-mail.

I know there have been some changes to labeling regulations as to what a product is called and what has to be included in the ingredients.

I suggest you contact Parmalat directly at their website “parmalat.ca” or call 1-800-263-2858 for more information.

Kindest regards,

Judy [redacted]
Customer Care Specialist
Metro Ontario Inc.
1-877-763-7374

I appreciate Metro’s timely and personal response.  Judy actually read my e-mail and wrote a reply in her own words that was useful and appropriate, given Metro’s position as the retailer.

Based on Judy’s response, my initial assumption is that Health Canada’s website wasn’t quite up-to-date last November.  More on that in a bit, but first, lets see what Parmalat had to say.

Response from Parmalat (Beatrice)

Unlike Metro, it took Parmalat three months to formulate this canned reply.  Not only that, but the central section of the e-mail was in a different font from the header and footer – I have indicated this section in bold.  Content is king but the formatting is simply another indicator of how little effort they put into this response.

Dear [Redacted],

This is to acknowledge receipt of your recent e-mail to Parmalat Canada.

Thank you for your recent enquiry on our Chocolate Milk Beverage product.  Parmalat and Beatrice have been providing Canadian families with the wholesome benefits and great taste of milk for generations.   Proudly made with milk from Canadian dairy farms, our products are great tasting and nutritious.

Chocolate Milk and Chocolate Milk Beverages are both standard dairy products under the Milk Act. The primary ingredient in both products is milk.

Chocolate Milk Beverage is a good nutritional choice as it is:
Low in Fat
Excellent Source of Calcium
Excellent Source of Vitamin D
A Source of Vitamin A

Beatrice and Parmalat also offer a variety of other value added Chocolate Milk Products, such as Smart Growth 2% Chocolate milk with DHA, and Omega-3 1% Chocolate milk as other options for consumers who are looking for chocolate milk products with additional functional ingredients.

We appreciate your input and will provide your comments to our product development team for consideration in future developments.

Thank you for your loyalty and for taking the time to write to us.

Sincerely,

Consumer Relations,
Parmalat Canada
1-800-563-1515

Snapshot: Chocolate Dairy Beverage, conspicuously absent

Wow, thanks Parmalat.  This sounds more like advertising copy than an e-mail response. I asked several pointed questions; your lengthy reply has not answered any of them.

Interestingly, the Beatrice website nolonger lists Chocolate Milk or any of its relations on their product page.  Why not?  Buttermilk, Egg Nog, Banana Milk and Strawberry Milk are all apparently worthy of mention?  Banana and Strawberry milk are not even sold in all provinces, Egg Nog is only available at Christmas time and Buttermilk is for pancakes, not for drinking.  Chocolate is available all year round.  You wouldn’t be trying to hide your chocolate flavoured dairy concoction, would you?

Dairy Farmers of Canada

Since Beatrice was no help at all, I decided to write the Dairy Farmers of Canada on November 18th to see if they could help.  A few months ago they changed their blue cow logo to include the text “100% Canadian Milk” and was curious to see what they had to say about dairy beverages.

Hello Dairy Farmers of Canada,

I have noticed over the past year the appearance and prevalence of products labelled as Chocolate Milk Beverage or Chocolate Dairy Beverage, in place of real Chocolate Milk.  I have been trying to figure out what exactly a ‘dairy beverage’ is and was wondering if you could shed some light on that?

Would you mind sending me some information on your 100% Canadian Milk programme?  How do ‘dairy beverages’ align the goals of that programme?

Much appreciated

Anyone care to guess what they’ll say?  They’re basically a lobby group, so they don’t want to piss off their dairies, however, they want to sell REAL milk.  There’s a bit on their website about frozen desserts being substituted for real ice cream.  We’ll see, I guess…

What are we drinking??

Packaging copy:  “Made with partly skimmed milk (fortified with vitamins A and D) and added dairy ingredients.”  Unlike real partly skimmed milks as defined by Canada’s food and drug regulations, the packaging of Beatrice’s dairy beverage does not overtly indicate the milk fat content.  To the average consumer, the packaging looks nearly identical to Beatrice’s old Chocolate Milk and Chocolate Milk Beverage products.

For the record, Beatrice Chocolate Dairy Beverage contains thirteen ingredients, fifteen if you count the mandatory vitamins:

• partly skimmed milk (vitamin A palmitate, vitamin D3)
• modified milk ingredients
• sugar
• reconstituted skim milk powder
• cocoa
• dipotassium phosphate
• modified corn starch
• salt
• colour
• carrageenan
• cellulose gum
• guar gum
• artificial flavour

There are five ingredients that I actually understand, which I have highlighted in grey.  Several of the ‘questionable’ ones would seem to be thickening agents:  modified corn starch, carrageenan, cellulose gum and guar gum.  What are modified milk ingredients, anyway?  A quick Google search comes up with all sorts of interesting stuff.  CBC’s Marketplace summed it up well:

That name can mean just about any product that was initally part of milk, especially including the following:

• skim milk powder
• milk protein concentrates
• milk protein isolates
• casein
• caseinates

As pointed out in a comment on the previous post, Parmalat’s own Protelac products are sold to the food industry as ‘milk replacers.’    Their frightening marketing copy identifies the true goal:  cost savings.

Each Prestige and Protelac milk replacer is an all-natural, advanced technology ingredient specifically designed to replace the functionality and taste of milk solids in your formulation while generating substantial cost savings verses skim milk (non fat dry milk).

There’s much more to cover in the exciting world of chocolate dairy beverages masquerading as chocolate milk…  In a subsequent post, I’d like to review what real chocolate milk options are left to us, beyond the dairy beverage offerings of Parmalat, et al.

© 2009 http://talkinghead.ca

Dante Alighieri by Andrea del Castagno

Robert Hollander is Professor of European Literature at Princeton University and Director of the Princeton Dante Project, which can be found here. The following are selections from an essay he wrote in 2002 titled Dante: A Party of One 

His Place in History
Rarely has a writer left a more indelible mark — and under less favoring circumstances — than Dante Alighieri (1265-1321). His major work is considered one of the crowning achievements of human expression. It lives even today, nearly seven hundred years after its making, as one of the two or three greatest poems ever written.

Exile and Unfulfilled Political Hopes
The author of the Divine Comedy was born in Florence into a family of minor nobility, Guelph in its political alignment and thus siding with the popes in the city’s political tensions (as opposed to Ghibellines, at the time mainly banished from Florence, who favored the imperial cause). The struggle between the two largest political forces in medieval Europe had not abated in Dante’s time.

Dante was significantly involved in politics, eventually holding office as one of Florence’s six Priors in 1300. Within a year, perhaps after an encounter with Pope Boniface VIII in 1301 — Dante may have been part of a political mission to the Holy See — he was sent into exile when an opposing Guelph faction in Florence took over the city. Refusing the humiliating compromises offered by his enemies, Dante saw his exile eventually become permanent. After 1302 he never again entered his native city, at that time one of the most wealthy, beautiful, and important urban centers in the Western world. The exile was a difficult period, and we know little of his itinerary around northern Italy during the last twenty years of his life. He enjoyed two lengthy sojourns at the court of the Scaligeri, in Verona (ca. 1303-06 and 1312-18). Upon his return from a political mission to Venice on behalf of that city’s ruler, he died in Ravenna of malarial fever in September 1321.

Beatrice
If his life seems fairly unremarkable except for the bitterness of the exile and of his unfulfilled political hopes, it resulted in an overpowering single work, the Comedy (which was not known as The Divine Comedy until 1555, an apt editorial intervention that has remained with the poem to this day). His earlier literary activity is also of considerable interest. Perhaps as early as 1293 he had composed a work called Vita nuova (“New Life”), in which he assembled thirty-one poems written during the previous ten years, many of which celebrated a woman named Beatrice.

Beatrice and the Presence of Christ
There is still some debate as to the actuality of this “relationship,” which in the telling seems to have been totally devoid of sexual concourse, no matter how defined. Suffice it to say that the pretext of the work is that the miraculous woman it celebrates was a flesh-and-blood Florentine woman. What is most remarkable about Vita nuova is that it contrives, in ways that remain securely on the side of calculated understatement, to make the reader understand that Dante’s lady is to be understood as directly, and miraculously, related to the physical and noumenal presence of Christ.

Beatrice is a “nine,” he once explains, because the root of nine is three and that is the number of the Holy Trinity. While the poems themselves may on occasion hint at this equation, the prose, which controls them and our understanding of them, eventually serves to release a secret: loving Beatrice was his way of finding Christ in his “new life” (a phrase that can hardly fail to bring to mind Paul’s frequent insistence on our conversion from the old way of being to the new). The figure of Beatrice was probably derived indirectly from the life of St. Francis, who was thought to have offered his followers as close an approximation of an experience of the nearness of Jesus as anyone since apostolic times had ever felt. Vita nuova is the first work in the history of Western writing to take the form of commentary on one’s own poems. In Dante’s startling decision to frame the work in this manner, we find the demon of experiment that always drove him. Indeed, De vulgari Eloquentia (Concerning Eloquence in the Vernacular), one of the two succeeding unfinished works that he began while in exile, begins by claiming, rather presumptuously but altogether accurately, that no one had ever before written about the rules governing writing in the vernacular. It was written in Latin, but argued that vernacular poetry, which had only begun in Italy 150 years before with the poems of St. Francis, was worthy of all the consideration previously bestowed on Latin alone. This polemical analysis was in Latin because Dante knew that to beat those who exalted Latin, and scorned all who wrote in the “vulgar” Italian, he had to join them — at least when composing a work on such a subject.

Earlier Work
At about the same time (ca. 1304-1307) Dante also completed the first four books of what was to have been a fifteen-book encyclopedic treatise, written in the vernacular, on the nature of philosophizing. Called Il Convivio (“The Banquet”), it takes the Consolation of Philosophy of Boethius as its model. Although at the conclusion of Vita nuova Dante had promised to write still more about Beatrice, in Convivio he has a new and “allegorical” beloved, the Lady Philosophy. Convivio, like Vita nuova, is cast in the form of commentary on poems by its author. The poems in this case were canzoni, or odes, long lyrics of considerable artifice, which in De vulgari Eloquentia Dante claimed to be the highest possible literary form in the vernacular, lofty (“tragic” is Dante’s word for this) and serious.

The fifteen “treatises” (trattati) of the work, after an introductory treatise that was to function as introduction to the whole, were each to comment on a canzone. The first two of the three succeeding treatises that Dante completed deal with his new love, Philosophy. Dante says that he sought “silver” (consolation) after the death of Beatrice but found “gold” instead in the counsels of philosophy, a “lady” better suited to the more mature man that he now was. These two unfinished works both contravene Vita nuova‘s celebration of Beatrice as the most valuable teacher of a fully charitable love that the writer could know. It is thus understandable that the Comedy, which presents Beatrice as giving essential meaning to Dante’s life and work, in turn contradicts things said in the two abandoned texts, while essentially presenting Vita nuova as a necessary and praiseworthy beginning.

The fourth and last treatise of Convivio that Dante completed moves in more political directions. Although a Guelph by family ties, early disposition, and Florentine political allegiances, Dante in this treatise turns in the direction of empire. He addresses the question of Rome and its authority as imperial seat. The question is presented as part of a larger discussion on the nature of philosophical and imperial authority, yet it is clear that the imperial part of the argument is not necessary to its main thrust, as a result standing out all the more.

This matter will resurface in the first and second cantos of Inferno, where state and church are seen as equally important, and then as the central concern of his later essay, Monarchia. Monarchia is one of Dante’s few forays into explicitly political concerns. Written in Latin to guarantee the readership of the “cultural elite” he intends to engage, probably around 1317, it offers a ringing attack upon the hierocratic position so urgently put forward by many after Pope Gregory VII. According to Dante, God created Rome to be the imperial leader of the secular world. Dante’s concept of “monarchy” (synonymous with “empire”) as a current possibility, however, exists only as an ideal. Except for its Roman model, it refers to few precise past and no existing temporal states, but to the divinely sanctioned secular government of all Europe that should be the essential ordering force of human affairs in this world.

The Comedy: Not A Summa Of Medieval Thought
It is important in this respect to note the dangers of taking the Comedy as a sort of summa of medieval thought. While one cannot deny that it at least appears to engage almost every subject that seized the imagination of the day, it is also true that to take Dante as the voice of late medieval Christendom is to fail to observe his heterodoxy and, one should add, his genius. Perhaps Dante’s strategic advantage lay in his ability to be completely himself, unworried should he oppose generally held beliefs, while also presenting his own ideas as though they were normative. A reader of the Comedy unversed in medieval debates and unaware of Dante’s idiosyncratic notions about them is easily persuaded that this work indeed represents the late middle ages in nuce (in a nutshell). In fact, Dante finds something to quarrel with in the positions put forward by almost every recognized authority, even those he respects the most, from Aristotle (whom he honors perhaps more than any other thinker) to Aquinas (with whom he fights mainly friendly but nonetheless frequent little battles).

The Comedy was probably composed between 1307 and 1321. We can only begin to imagine how its germinal idea was conceived. It probably took no more than an instant for Cervantes to have the simple, fruitful idea that produced Don Quixote: take a middle-aged, down-at-the-heels landowner, fill his brain with the entire tradition of chivalric romance, and then have him ride forth into the world as a knight errant. In the case of Dante’s Comedy, we likely read the result of a similar sudden inspiration, one based on a perhaps even less promising pretext: take a not-very-successful (though respected), soon-to-be-exiled civic leader and poet, and send him off to the afterworld for a week.

The Comedy: A Break From Previous Work
We shall never know what brought the work to life in Dante’s mind, his first awareness of a plan. But we can see how largely the Comedy departs from his previous work, despite its thematic and stylistic links to his literary past. Vita nuova, De vulgari Eloquentia, and Convivio all put prose to the service of controlling and explaining verse. The Comedy sticks to verse. And almost everything about it is new.

To begin with, the Comedy‘s verse form (terza rima) is an innovation. “Loosing and binding,” in the words of Erich Auerbach, its rhyme scheme (aba bcb cdc . . . yzyz) is ideal for propelling a rhymed narrative. No one had written in the form before Dante. Perhaps surprisingly, no later writers of epic in Italian (e.g., Boiardo, Ariosto, Tasso) would follow him.

Dante calls each of the one hundred divisions of the work a “canto,” or “song.” This word in this context is so singular and foreign that many early commentators didn’t “get it,” and referred to the canti as “chapters,” a more usual and perhaps more dignified way to indicate the parts of a “serious” whole. Dante’s word seems to reflect epic precedents (Virgil too was a “singer”: “Arma virumque cano,” begins the Aeneid) as well as his pride in his own vernacular. In addition, the word he eventually chooses for the three large divisions of the poem, Inferno, Purgatorio, and Paradiso-cantica-had never been used for such a purpose before him. Its resonance with the Canticle of Canticles is probably not coincidental.

The Choice of Virgil
The choice of guide is dramatic and challenging: Virgil, the greatest of the Latin poets (for Dante and many contemporary judges). What is a pagan, damned to Limbo forever for his lack of faith, doing as guide in a Christian poem? This was a bold decision. As has frequently been pointed out, Virgil’s example was seminal for many aspects of Dante’s poetic strategies in the Comedy: to write a poem that prominently features a visit to the underworld (Dante could not read Homer’s texts, though he did know of them, which explains why he can behave as though Virgil were uniquely qualified to serve as his model); that celebrates the Roman concept of political order as exemplified in the empire; and that is narrated by a poet who has been lent prophetic powers.

In addition, and perhaps most importantly, Virgil was a poet who wrote poetry as history, and Dante followed this example as well. As the work of Ulrich Leo demonstrated some years ago, Dante had been rereading the texts of Virgil and the other Latin writers of “epic” (Statius, Lucan, and Ovid) as he was finishing the fourth and last book of Convivio. We can say, then, that Dante chose Virgil as his guide because Virgil was his guide. Dante seems to be indicating that rereading the pagan Virgil redirected his attention to his good beginning as the Christian poet of Beatrice, the role to which he now returns in the Comedy.

The Veracity Of The Comedy’s Narrative
Before Dante no one had dared to write a poem that claimed for itself revealed truth. And one can understand why. The question of the veracity of the Comedy‘s narrative is never far from its readers’ attention. In the first invocation of the poem (Inf. II, 7), the poet asks for the aid of the Muses (the rules of grammar and rhetoric?) and of alto ingegno (“lofty genius” — either, somewhat implausibly, the poet’s own capacities, or, more probably but also rather disconcertingly, that of a higher Power). What follows immediately is a claim (and not an “invocation”) for the ability of the poet’s memory to set forth an exact record of his week-long visionary journey: “O mente, che scrivesti ciò ch’io vidi / qui si parrà la tua nobilitate“ (O memory, that set down what I saw, here shall your worth be shown-II, 8-9). Dante here seems to acknowledge his need for two kinds of external assistance, that conferred by what one can learn about poetic discourse (figures of speech, rhetorical devices, rhymes, etc.), and that conferred by God so that the poet can conceive the meaning of his experience.

Not A Mere Fiction
Dante’s claims for the absolute veracity of the Comedy offend, one might say, only two classes of reader: believers and nonbelievers. In ways that would have deeply surprised and troubled St. Thomas, Dante assumed for himself the ability to write his poem using the same procedures that interpreters like Thomas believed God employed in dictating Scripture. This tactic provides one of the continuing debates in Dante criticism. To this day there is controversy over whether Dante actually wrote the “Letter to Cangrande,” whose author overtly claims that he wrote the Comedy making use of the four senses of Scripture, almost exactly as these are defined by St. Thomas near the beginning of the Summa (I, i, 10). Even if Dante did not write the epistle, the techniques of signifying in the poem nevertheless centrally reflect “God’s way of writing.”

From Dante’s first insistence that what is narrated as having occurred is to be treated as having actually occurred, it is clear he does not actually expect us to believe that the journey really took place. He does want us, though, to pay particular attention to the fact that he has claimed that it did. Here lies the central difference between the Comedy and more “standard” medieval allegorical visions (e.g., the Roman de la Rose, Brunetto Latini’s Tesoretto). Take the moment in Inferno XVI when Dante stakes the credibility of his entire comedía on his having seen the fabulous monster Geryon. In such moments, we may sense that the poet realizes that his reader will not grant for an instant that such things really have occurred, but will recognize the reason for which the poet must make the outrageous claim. Dante does not want his poem categorized as a mere fiction, like those castigated by Aquinas and other theologians who held that poets are in effect liars and have little to say that is epistemologically valid.

Just Another Lying Poet
In Inferno XXIX, Dante emphasizes this point by comparing counterfeiters, victims of a plague-like ailment in their eternal damnation, to those plague victims on the island of Aegina described by Ovid, who were replaced by “ant-people”– “secondo che i poeti hanno per fermo” (as the poets hold for certain). That dig in Ovid’s ribs-no one will (or should) believe what a lying poet tells-is a risky and amusing joke between us and Dante. For at heart we know that his sinners, as he portrays them, are as “fictive” as Ovid’s Myrmidons. Dante takes on Thomas’ objections by claiming total veracity for his poem as he smilingly capitulates to them: he is, after all, only another lying poet, but one who nonetheless claims to tell “the truth,” and indeed literal truth.

There are, to be sure, several moments in which he seems altogether serious about the truth claims made for his vision. Yet his careful (and often amusing) undercutting of their full impact makes the poem’s readers far more comfortable than they would be were such passages not present. They allow the poem to be utterly serious when its author wants it to be (one cannot imagine such playfulness being allowed in the climactic visions of Paradiso XXXIII), and they allow readers to think that Dante is at least as sane as they are. Dante, while as stern a moralizing poet as one is likely to find, is a surprisingly restrained visionary.

A final example of his witty playfulness about his role as prophetic seer is worth noting. In describing the six wings adorning each of the four biblical beasts representing the authors of the Gospels in Purgatorio XXIX, Dante assures us that their wings were six in number (Ezekiel’s cherubic creatures had only four [1:6]), that is, as many as are found in John’s description of the same creatures (Revelation 4:8). Verse 105 puts this in an arresting way: “Giovanni è meco e da lui si diparte“ (John sides with me, departing from him). No one but Dante would have made this statement in this way. “Here I follow John” would have been a more acceptable gesture for a poet to use in guaranteeing the truthfulness of his narrative. Not for Dante. Since the pretext of the poem is that he indeed saw all that he recounts as having seen, that experience, in good Thomistic procedure, is prior — he knows this by his senses. And so John is his witness, and not vice versa. It is an extraordinary moment.

The Time For Mercy And A Time For Justice
Nothing is more difficult for one who teaches this poem to students than to convince them that all of the damned souls, no matter how attractively they present their own cases, are to be seen as justly damned. The poem creates some of its drama from the tension that exists between the narrator’s view of events (in Inferno often represented by Virgil’s interpretive remarks) and that of the protagonist. What makes our task as readers difficult is that at some pivotal moments neither the narrator nor Virgil offers clear moral judgments. Instead, Dante uses irony to undercut the alluring words of sinners who present themselves as victims rather than as perpetrators of outrage in the eyes of God. Guido da Pisa’s gloss (to Inf. XX, 28-30) puts the matter succinctly: “But the suffering of the damned should move no one to compassion, as the Bible attests. And the reason for this is that the time for mercy is here in this world, while in the world to come there is time only for justice.”

If it was John Milton’s task in Paradise Lost to “justify the ways of God to men,” Dante before him had taken on the responsibility of showing that all that is found in this world and in the next is measured by justice. Everything in God is just; only in the mortal world of sin and death do we find injustice. And it is small wonder that Dante believes there are only few living in his time who will find salvation (Par. XXXII, 25-27). Words for “justice” and “just” recur frequently in the poem, the noun some thirty-five times, the adjective some thirty-six. If one were asked to epitomize the central concern of the Comedy in a single word, “justice” might represent the best choice.

An Insistence On God’s Justness
In the Inferno we see this insistence on God’s justness from the opening lines describing Hell proper, the inscription over the gate of Hell (III, 4): “Giustizia mosse il mio alto fattore“ (Justice moved my maker on high). If God is just, there can be absolutely no question concerning the justness of his judgments. All who are condemned to Hell are justly condemned. Thus, when the protagonist feels pity for some of the damned, we are meant to realize that he is at fault for doing so. This is perhaps the most crucial test of us as readers that the poem offers. If we sympathize with the damned, we follow a bad example. In such a view, the protagonist’s at times harsh reaction to various sinners, e.g., Filippo Argenti (canto VIII), Pope Nicholas III (canto XIX), Bocca degli Abati (canto XXXII), is not (even if it seems so to some contemporary readers) a sign of his falling into sinful attitudes himself, but proof of his righteous indignation as he learns to hate sin.

If some readers think that the protagonist is occasionally too zealous in his reactions to sinners, far more are of the opinion that his sympathetic responses to others correspond to those that we ourselves may legitimately feel. To be sure, Francesca da Rimini (canto V) is portrayed more sympathetically than Thaïs (canto XVIII), Ulysses (canto XXVI) than Mosca dei Lamberti (canto XXVIII), etc. Yet it also seems to some readers that Dante’s treatment of Francesca, Ulysses, and others asks us to put the question of damnation to one side, leaving us to admire their most pleasing human traits in a moral vacuum, as it were.

It is probably better to understand that we are never authorized by the poem to embrace such a view. If we are struck by Francesca’s courteous speech, we note that she is also in the habit of blaming others for her own difficulties; if we admire Farinata’s magnanimity, we also note that his soul contains no room for God; if we are wrung by Pier delle Vigne’s piteous narrative, we also consider that he has totally abandoned his allegiance to God for his belief in the power of his emperor; if we are moved by Brunetto Latini’s devotion to his pupil, we become aware that his view of Dante’s earthly mission has little of religion in it; if we are swept up in enthusiasm for the noble vigor of Ulysses, we eventually understand that he is maniacally egotistical; if we weep for Ugolino’s piteous paternal feelings, we finally understand that he, too, was centrally (and damnably) concerned with himself, even at the expense of his children.

Trusting His Readers
Dante’s innovative but risky technique was to trust us, his readers, with the responsibility for seizing upon the details in the narratives told by these sympathetic sinners in order to condemn them on the evidence that issues from their own mouths. It was indeed, as we can see from the many readers who fail to take note of this evidence, a perilous decision for him to have made. Yet we are given at least two clear indicators of the attitude that should be ours. Twice in Inferno figures from Heaven descend into Hell to further God’s purpose in sending Dante on his mission. Virgil tells of the coming of Beatrice to Limbo. She tells him, in no uncertain terms, that she feels nothing for the tribulations of the damned and cannot be harmed in any way by them or by the destructive agents of the place that contains them (Inf. II, 88-93). All she longs to do is to return to her seat in Paradise (Inf. II, 71). And when the angelic intercessor arrives to open the gates of Dis, slammed shut by the rebellious angels against Virgil, we are told that this benign presence has absolutely no interest in the situation of the damned or even of the living Dante. All he desires is to complete his mission and be done with such things (Inf. IX, 88, 100-103).

Such indicators should point us in the right direction. It is a continuing monument, both to the complexity of Dante’s poem and to some readers’ desire to turn it into a less morally determined text than it ultimately is, that so many of us have such difficulty wrestling with its moral implications. This is not to say that the poem is less because of its complexity, but precisely the opposite. Its greatness is reflected in its rich and full realization of the complicated nature of human behavior and of the difficulty of moral judgment for living mortals. It asks us to learn, as does the protagonist, as we proceed.

Each Of Us Reads His Own Dante
One tradition of deathbed utterance has it that Calderón’s last words were, “Dante, why were you so difficult?” Whether or not the anecdote is true, the lament is a fitting one. We might choose a different version of this question: “Dante, why were you so good?” His extraordinary gifts as poet-and these are the most salient aspects of what he has left behind-enable him to reach everyone who loves to watch or hear language do everything it can do. In this he is like Homer and Shakespeare. And, like them, he enjoys some of this power even when he is translated. He has the further ability to enter the hearts of nearly everyone: “Monarchists” read him their way; “Papists,” theirs.

For some conservative Catholics he is the authentic voice of the medieval Church; for many liberal atheists he is an authentic voice of human suffering and hope. Each of us reads his own Dante, and admires what he reads. How would Dante react, come back to experience it, to all our fuss over him? It seems reasonable to believe that, first of all, he would be pleased with the extraordinary amount of attention his work continues to gather. The poet who, with unbelievable boldness in Inferno IV, had made himself one of the six major poets between antiquity and his own day (Homer, Virgil, Horace, Ovid, Lucan, . . . Dante), now looks modest, in the world’s estimation; he has eclipsed, for most readers, all but Homer.

But then do we not imagine hearing him complain, over and over, about how badly we now read him? Even posthumously he probably would consider that he had ended up what he had said he was in his political endeavors: “a party of one.”

We love it when Grannie comes to visit. Things happen around the house. Most of these things are funny Grannie-isms. And we laugh a lot with her and because of her. But most of all we love it when Grannie comes to visit because Beatrice and Harry and Eleanor love it. Here are six classic tell-tale signs that Grannie is in the house:

1. Our teacups breed, and plan complex escapes. They’re everywhere! Grannie must consume her bodyweight in tea and coffee every day, because the damn cups are everywhere. Bathroom? Check. On the bookshelf next to a book about princesses? Check. Next to the telly? Check. Arranged along the windowsill in Grannie’s Room? Check, check and check again. They’re mighty clever, these teacups: they don’t plan their escapes without provisions. There’s always a quarter-cup of tea left in each and every one to avoid dehydration.
2. Food disappears from your plate. At its most extreme, and with the reactions of a cat and the stealth of an owl (are owls stealthy? I’ve met quite a few that are!), any meat product may be taken at any time. Vigilance is required. More cunning is the Food Taste, prior to dishing up. An excellent context. Of late, the Mine-Sweeping of finished plates stacked in the kitchen has resulted in more food for Grannie’s tummy and less food for us to sacrifice to the Compost God.
3. You know those people statues you get in city-centres? The ones who are usually sprayed gold or silver and spend ages not moving an inch? Well, whenever Grannie comes to stay and it is bedtime, one of these people statues appears on the sofa: a Grannie-statue. On special occasions there is a prop (teacup, of course, usually at least half-full). The one modification to the Grannie-statue is that whenever the phrases ‘are you asleep?’, ‘is it not time for bed?’, or ‘are you watching that?’ are uttered, the Grannie-statue jerks to full alertness, mutters something about ‘bed’ and ‘in a minute’, before drifting happily back off to the land of nod. She has yet to start asking for money…
4. At least one obligatorily inane conversation is held in the kitchen, which is either about a relative, a trivial observation about the house, Beatrice and Harry learning, or chicken.  We chuckle lots.
5. The ironing pile disappears. We particularly love this phenomenon. And it’s easy to explain, too: iron and ironing board out into lounge + latest Federer match located on TV, or failing this, the latest period drama = stuff ironed. Brilliant!
6. Most importantly of all, Beatrice, Harry and Eleanor are Happy Bouncy Bunnies. And that makes Jen and me Happy Bunnies, too. Eleanor is still taking a little time to become a Happy Bouncy Bunny, because whenever Grannie arrives and says “Hello, Eleanor”, Eleanor puts on her I Am Truly Unhappy Right Now face and bursts out crying. I think she’ll eventually get over herself. But Beatrice and Harry utterly love seeing Grannie. They love reading with her, and showing her how to play with their toys, and going for walks and just finding out about stuff.

Like I said, we love it when Grannie comes to visit. Things happen around the house. Beatrice and Harry have been staying at Grannie and Grandad’s this weekend, which has worked really well. They’re back now and Grannie’s staying for dinner. I’m off to protect my food, and Eleanor’s just started crying.

a billion light years away in paradiso
i skull-fucked bay
-ah
-tree
-che
in my head an image of you
pinned and nailed like a butterfly in the garden of Go

Ange that was couldn’t accepted the insult from her friends was calling the seven purgatory and command them to kill all of her classmates. The seven Purgatory couldn’t do that because the level of anti-magic over there was too high, and Ange isn’t prepared yet for tainting her hands with blood.

Ange was angry and denied the existence of those furniture. so all of them had broken. (on Ange’s world)

Mariya that alawys left alone by her mother (Rosa-san) lost her house key, so she asked help from police, but her mother’s office told the police that Rosa was on a vacation,,,

a couple days again, some woman came to Rosa’s house and scolded her, because she’s too frequent left Mariya alone. Rosa angry with this, she kicked out that woman, and Scold Mariya with some violence,, -_-;; she even break Sakutaro,,

Mariya that was angry (cause of Sakutaro) asked Beato how to revenge and kill her mother,,

Ange that realized her mistake, admitted again the existence of the seven purgatory, and sakutaro, to help her arguing with Beato.

Came across this interesting little post on Snopes.  On a given Sunday in 1950, every member of  the West Side Baptist Church choir in Beatrice, Nebraska, was late for practice.  The tuneless church exploded that evening, just five minutes into the regularly scheduled rehearsal time.  Chance?  Luck?  I don’t really believe in those options…

All of the reasons for tardiness are given.  You decide…click here to read the true account.

Sure seems like divine intervention to me!  But then, I’m preaching to the choir here.

I told you that I  would compare and give my opinion about other Umineko theories

This time I want to think about the last riddle of the episode 4. That will be shown in the anime in the latest

episode probably so If you  just watch the anime do not read more of this post it has huge spoilers for you

I got the image from the  EP4 tea party fan disk . The next theories are from this page . Here somebody have done the hard work of translate current theories about the 5 episodes (episode 5 or higurashi related things are written in white so you can’t see it unless you select that text)

I have to say that I use sometimes Fantasy scenes info in order to get a theory. Lots of people do not believe anything of them but I see it as great font off hidden clues.

The question for this last riddle is very short: Who I am?

Red text related to this question: Ushiromiya Battler. After this point in time, I will kill you. And right now, there is no one on this island other than you. The only one alive on this island is you. Nothing outside the island can interfere in any way. You are all alone on this island. And of course, I am not you. However, I am here now, and will kill you.

I will extract just the main lines of the answers. If you wish to read additional info go to the post:

Answer1: Bomb. Battler can be killed by a timed bomb or a dud bomb, even if the island have no more people on it.

Well. We can say that somebody have used those methods but there are a few things strange on that. First of all if a bomb explodes it would be noticed by police investigations easily.

If it were a timed bomb can they program the exactly time to battler to go to that place because it would be a bad idea to programate the bomb with extra time because if Battler discovers the bomb he surely ran away. You must remember that Battler have gone to the storehouse before that point so it was an extra time.

If it were a dud bomb we need an special position to set it. if we follow the fantasy scene we are told that battler is near the box a time in order to get the prove paper but  he dies after that so he wasn’t probality on an specific position on the time of his death.

Finally I must add that nobody of the people on the island would have material to get or prepare a professional bomb so it must be an amateur one and getting it stay at the outside in the middle of a typhoon It would be destroyed it easily because of  the rain or the wind

Answer:2A: Disaster, typhoon

The most logical one. We know it, There is a typhoon on Rokkenjima so we do not need to create anything new in this theory. I, myself can trust in this option easily but I want to think a bit more about it.

Following my method of “Fantasy’s analysis” it is curious the fact that in the fantasy scene we are told too many times about the rain and Battler noticing about him getting wet. So I think that the possible cause of his death is an hypothermia. In an atmospherical condition like a typhoon you must get complete wet in a few minutes. If we took the possible fact that he can’t go into the mansion and he wouln’t be able to return to the guesthouse  for any reason, for example we can attribute it by a  cause  X . However I do not need to explain or show the fact that the cause X exists  due of the Demon’s proof.

2B: Disaster, Volcano

Let’s apply some geology knowledge here. Volcans use to show signs that they are going to erupt time before they do (except Hawaiian type, but Japaneses ones are not that type, I think).For that local authorities must know about the volcano before it would be dangerous to people. So there is no way that they could go to Rokkenjima if a volcanic eruption were to happen  soon on this island or a near one

Answer 3A: Law, Battler didn’t die at the end, but was missing for more than a year after 1986 and was deemed as “dead” (dead in absentia) by the law.

This is simple, the red says I will kill you so if Battler do not dies it will contradict what the red is saying. Well, in a strange word game we can say be dead= be killed.  in that case would Battler disappear?   No way.  What would happen to Ange? I do not think that a future where Battler survives and not come home would exist

3B: He was deemed dead by the police by their search.  .  In other words, the law killed Battler.

Another contradiction. The red explains Nothing outside the island can interfere in any way but the law and judgement  are outside the island. and also I am here now, and will kill you.  The law representation judgement is not on the island on that moment

Also I have to add that It can’t be a suicide because of the red text: I will kill you  and I am not you tells  the fact of killing must be done by another thing  or person different of  the “you”, Ushiromiya Battler