If this is happening with American football, just imagine how much more with soccer!:

‘Losses by local NFL teams may trigger episodes of domestic violence among their fans, a new study suggests. Researchers examined domestic violence reports in 1995-2006 and found that upsets of home teams matched up with an 8% bump in incidents of domestic violence. The surge in violence almost doubled when traditional rivals, such the Bears and Packers, squared off.
‘The new violence occurred in the 3 hours following the game’s end, supporting the notion that the painful loss triggered the episode. The researchers don’t suggest that football is to blame: The upset likely just provides a trigger. “In a world without football, acts of abuse might merely get postponed, only to be brought on later by some other source of anger,” writes Ray Fisman for Slate.’

Having trouble with your dog?  Here are some secrets from me.

http://bcb98btljla6dxepwd3edi3q7y.hop.clickbank.net/

Hope for people with Breast Cancer.
AUSTRALIAN scientists are poised to begin radical new surgery to help breast cancer victims regrow their own breasts within months, using stem cells.

The world-first trial could also revolutionise the billion-dollar international cosmetic surgery industry by allowing women to grow their own bigger natural breasts.

The experimental technique, called Neopec, could replace breast reconstructions and implants within years.

The trial offers new hope to more than 5000 Australian women who lose their breasts to cancer each year.

Five Melbourne women have been selected to undergo the procedure at St Vincent’s Hospital early next year.

The trial is believed to be just the second time in the world tissue engineering has been carried out in a human.

Bernard O’Brien Institute director Professor Wayne Morrison said using the stem cells of our own fat to regenerate body parts was a huge step forward.

If successful, the Neopec technology could be widely available to cancer patients after a three-year trial but it will probably be a decade before it could be used for cosmetic purposes.

Neopec relies on surgeons implanting a biodegradable synthetic breast-shaped chamber beneath the skin to act as a scaffold for the new breast.

They then redirect a blood vessel from the woman’s underarm to a 5ml piece of the patient’s own fat which grows to fill the space and form a new breast over four to six months.

The fat tissue stops growing when it reaches the chamber, which then degrades.

The technique has already been proven in pigs, which grew new breasts in just six weeks.

Prof Morrison said the breast replacement technique could be the tip of the iceberg.

“If it is satisfactory we could use this method to treat any type of contour defect, whether it is breast, a congenital deformity or trauma such as where someone has suddenly lost chunks of themself,” Prof Morrison said.

He also expects the research will lead to huge commercial outcomes. “We strongly believe that if this works it will replace silicone implants,” Prof Morrison said.
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26338832-5003426,00.html

Wisdom of ages have been saying the same.Also,thought processes and what we speak not only affects the individuals concerned , it affects the society as well.Hence, Indian Philosophy insists on speaking Truth at all times, that too in a manner that would be palatable,never to blame others, and that there should be perfect synchronization between thought ,word and deed and this is one of the basic principles of Yoga.

ScienceDaily (Nov. 22, 2009) — Merely observing someone publicly blame an individual in an organization for a problem — even when the target is innocent — greatly increases the odds that the practice of blaming others will spread with the tenacity of the H1N1 flu, according to new research from the USC Marshall School of Business and Stanford University.

Nathanael J. Fast, an assistant professor of management and organization at the USC Marshall School of Business and Larissa Tiedens, a professor of organizational behavior at Stanford, conducted four different experiments and found that publicly blaming others dramatically increases the likelihood that the practice will become viral. The reason: blame spreads quickly because it triggers the perception that one’s self-image is under assault and must be protected.
The study called “Blame Contagion: The Automatic Transmission of Self-Serving Attributions” is believed to be the first to examine whether shifting blame to others is socially contagious. The results will be published in the November issue of Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091119194124.htm

Our unconscious is always awake to stmulii.We can hear/feel even during deep sleep.
Inthe Epic Mahabharata, Lord Krishna instructs his disciple and sister’s husband on a specific war strategy(Chakra Vyuha, a method of organizing armies in the battle field )At that time Krishna’s sister was pregnant with the child.
The child, when he became a young man, could vividly remember the details heard when he was in his mother’s womb, in the battle field.
ScienceDaily (Nov. 20, 2009) — They were in a deep sleep, yet sounds, such as a teakettle whistle and a cat’s meow, somehow penetrated their slumber.

The 25 sounds presented during the nap were reminders of earlier spatial learning, though the Northwestern University research participants were unaware of the sounds as they slept.
Yet, upon waking, memory tests showed that spatial memories had changed. The participants were more accurate in dragging an object to the correct location on a computer screen for the 25 images whose corresponding sounds were presented during sleep (such as a muffled explosion for a photo of dynamite) than for another 25 matched objects.
“The research strongly suggests that we don’t shut down our minds during deep sleep,” said John Rudoy, lead author of the study and a neuroscience Ph.D. student at Northwestern. “Rather this is an important time for consolidating memories.”
Most provocatively, the research showed that sounds can penetrate deep sleep and be used to guide rehearsal of specific information, pushing people’s consolidation of memories in one direction over another.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091119193632.htm

I wrote this poem last year, but I wanted to post it again in time for the holidays Have fun reading it! Can you relate?

WHAT’S A FUNNY HOLIDAY STORY YOU FEEL LIKE SHARING?

FAMILY TIMES

It’s great to have family!

They’re amusing as Hell!

When we all get together,

all we do is YELL, YELL, YELL!

I am especially amused,

When the grandparents say,

” One day I’ll be dead and you’ll

be sorry you acted this way!”

Then the parents chime in

and say, “Shut up, that’s not nice!.”

I am ready to say something,

but I just ” stop ” and think twice!

Why bother, I figure

It all sounds the same,

I guess we have anxiety

and stress to blame!

But when the pleasant event is

all said and done,

We give each other hugs good-bye,

and say “THIS WAS FUN!”

You figure it out!

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

I’ve had trouble staying asleep for the last couple of months and I wondered if this is normal. For the better part of my life I’ve had trouble falling asleep. I can remember when I was in school, I would lay there and lay there and not be able to fall asleep. Then it got to the point I was just counting down hours until I had to get up and then worrying about how tired I was going to be. It was a horrible problem for me for most of my life. Lately, I can fall asleep but keep waking up every hour. Sometimes I’m wide awake and have to force myself to stay there and go back to sleep.

I find I need 8 hours of sleep to feel my best. I don’t get 8 straight hours though even on really good nights. I wake up rolling over a few times each night but I don’t think I really “wake” up doing that. I can handle life with 6 or 7 but I don’t feel as well. Then I wonder how much sleep everyone else gets and needs. Paul goes to bed an hour or two before me but he gets up that much time before me so it equals out to how much we get.

Then I wonder “how” everyone else sleeps. I sleep in VERY cold conditions. I like it COLD and DARK and I have a big fan going so the noises are consistent. I can’t stand a tv on or a radio. The sounds can only be a consistent sound that stays the same, or has a type of “hum” or I lay there and listen. I can’t sleep on my back ever. Only on my sides or stomach. I like to use the same blankets and sheets year-round. It’s the same temperature year-round. Well….it’s colder in the winter but I do have it pretty cold in the summer too. I know people shiver in my room and sometimes in the winter, I can see my breath. There were a few times last winter that I could see frost on the walls and ceiling so I turned on the heat. I didn’t think that was to good for the house. I do have an electric blanket and I turn it on 2 hours or so before I go to bed but I don’t sleep with it on. I also have a down comforter on my bed and I’m ridiculously spoiled with my sheets. I don’t even want to talk about my sheets because I know I sound stuck up when I talk about them but I LOVE THEM.

I was off the oxygen for a long time when I came home from the hospital but I have to admit that when I went off that last medication, I really haven’t felt as well so I went back to using the oxygen at night and there are times I just have to take that off me. I can get wrapped in the tubes and it hampers my sleep more than helping. But the other medication was playing games with my vision and that I couldn’t have.

What I’m really wondering is this, how many hours of sleep do you get each night? Can you sleep with windows open and hear all those “outside” sounds or do you have to have it quiet with a fan or another consistent sound? Do you have special blankets and sheets that you use year round? What temperature do you like it in your room when you’re sleeping? Do you have trouble falling asleep or do you have trouble staying asleep or do you only sleep for a few hours and give in and just get up? Do you then find yourself napping all day and do you think maybe it puts your schedule out of whack? Do you love your pillow and how often do you replace it?

Sorry if I got to nosey but I’ve come to think I have weird sleeping habits! Sleep tight everyone.

Oxidants cause many diseases, including heart attack.Oxidants can be avoided if deep frying is not resorted to in cooking. Recycling or using used oil again contains high level of Oxidants.Packaged snacks contain anti oxidants; but the they do not completely nullify the effect of oxidants in these products.Better avoid them.Most of the Chinese preparations have a higher quantity of oxidants.Ajonomoto used in these foods has higher level of sodium which is quite harmful
Less oil, preferably no oil in cooking is advisable and consumption of cleaned raw vegetables , especially leafy ones, are ideal for health.
ScienceDaily (Nov. 20, 2009) — Scientists at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine discovered that a dietary antioxidant found in such vegetables as broccoli and cauliflower protects cells from damage caused by chemicals generated during the body’s inflammatory response to infection and injury. The finding has implications for such inflammation-based disorders as cystic fibrosis (CF), diabetes, heart disease, and neuro degeneration.

Through cell-culture studies and a synthesis of known antioxidant biochemistry, Zhe Lu, MD, PhD , Professor of Physiology, Yanping Xu , MD, PhD , Senior Research Investigator, and Szilvia Szép , PhD, postdoctoral researcher, showed that the antioxidant thiocyanate normally existing in the body protects lung cells from injuries caused by accumulations of hydrogen peroxide and hypochlorite, the active ingredient in household bleach. These potentially harmful chemicals are made by the body as a reaction to infection and injury. In addition, thiocyanate also protects cells from hypochlorite produced in reactions involving MPO, an enzyme released from germ-fighting white blood cells during inflammation.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091116165741.htm

Just saw a news story on Ad Age. It is titled “Will Retailers or Consumers Come Out on Top on Black Friday?” The story references how Sears, Kmart and other retailers have begun holiday sales ahead of time as shoppers start early, searching for deals. According to Ad Age, Black Friday 2009 has become a massive game of chicken among retailers and consumers, as the closely watched post-Thanksgiving sales data will largely decide which succeeds at outsmarting the other.

Is this the right attitude?

As marketers, are we really trying to outsmart our customers?

If we are customer-centric, we would not be trying to one-up each other, but would focus our efforts on helping our customers solve their needs with relevant and differentiated offers.

As I defined in one of my earlier posts, providing value to customers by fulfilling their specific needs (relevance), recognizing their unique contribution to the business (recognition) and rewarding them with specific offers (reward) will create a win-win proposition. I defined the equation as 2RL + 2RC + RW = CL.

By doing this, the customer gets what they need from the brand and the brand gets the transactions that add strength to the business while building value in the relationship.

It is not about being smarter than them. It is about serving them well.

A simple idea. One that works

Does social media represent just another trend or a fundamental shift in the way we communicate?

If you’re not one of the 1,000,000+ people who’ve seen this already, have a look.

Today’s post will be short and sweet. Last week as Frank and I were approaching our beloved bench that we sit on we noticed a big sign taped on the center of it with gray duck tape. Somebody who lives on the street parallel to ours taped a sign that indicated furniture being sold. The following day the sign was removed and unfortunately what was left were the big fat sticky tape marks making it inappropriate for people to sit on the bench at the center. People could only sit on it at opposite ends now so that it holds two people instead of four. Clearly, the fellow who taped the sign on the bench wasn’t thinking about the consequences of his action or if he did he didn’t care. 

For me, living a self-loving lifestyle involves respecting public property by not vandalizing it.

This post will be very short, because I want more feedback from you this time.  Part of being a man is learning more about your fellow man.  So I have a question:

If your life was a book, what book would it be?  In asking that question, I’m assuming that you all read something other than a sports page or one of those cheesy gossip magazines.

Now, don’t go claiming the Bible or Koran, thinking that you’re blameless and upright like Job.  If you do, when the lightnin’ bolt comes and zaps you square in the forehead, don’t say you weren’t warned.

I could try to play it cool and say the book that would describe me best would be “Pimp: The Story of My Life” by Robert Beck (aka Iceberg Slim), but honestly, I stopped pimpin’ a while ago.  Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.

If I had to pick a book, it would probably be “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” by Robert Louis Stevenson.  Everyone has two sides to them, and depending on the situation, one side takes over.  For some it takes a confrontation to bring that side out. For others, it’s dark liquor.  Some people are just naturally assh*les and act like that all the time.

So, if your life was a book, what book would it be?  Feel free to comment.

Developmental Psychology, Vol.45, 2009

Infancy Parenting and Externalizing Psychopathology from Childhood through Adulthood: Developmental Trends

Michael F. Forber and Byron Egeland

SUMMARY:

This article attempted to answer the question, does poor-quality early parenting have a correlation with externalization of behavior as a child continues to progress developmentally toward adulthood? Previous findings were suggestive that poor-quality early parenting was more strongly associated with externalization or behavior problems in early childhood than in adolescence. The results of this study also suggested a similar result with the added inference that externalization during adulthood is more directly correlated to early parenting. There were two theories offered to explain the lack of exhibition of the behavior during adolescence.

The first theory offered to explain the regression of parental influence on behavior during adolescence is called the developmental period explanation which states that during adolescence, it is normal for the adolescent to exhibit a greater predisposition toward externalization of behavior regardless of parental upbringing. This is thought to be caused by increased pressure by deviant peers. Even children with a history of externalization from late preschool age to preadolescence are exposed to the same deviant peer groups. During this adolescent period, poor-quality early parenting has less of an impact than peer pressure according to the results. Conversely, behavioral externalization is relatively low in the late preschool age to preadolescent group, so incidences may be more heavily related to early parenting.

The second salient theory to explain why externalization associated with early parenting decreases during adolescence is called the decaying relation explanation, which attributes the decrease to a longer interval separating risk and outcome. The keystone of this theory is that successful adaptation in previous encounters serves as a tool to cope with future experiences. This coping ability, however, can be affected by future circumstances. This means that successful adaptation in a given situation does not always lead to better coping skills for future encounters if significant events have altered the adolescent’s coping mechanism. For example, negative experiences outside of the early parent-child relationship may cause the adolescent to exhibit more psychopathology than is proportional to the quality of interaction in early childhood.

The results of the tests−parental surveys for kindergarteners, first-graders, and 16-year-olds, and participant surveys for 16-, 23-, and 26-year-olds−indicated that externalization of behavior related to poor-quality early parenting is more prevalent in preadolescent children and adults. This result is suggestive that in stages where externalization is not normative, as in preadolescence or adulthood, those incidences of the behavior are more directly linked to poor-quality early parenting. In adolescence, the major contributing factor is not early parenting. Rather, it is more based on peer interaction and individual choice. Further, researchers suggest that infancy, characterized by rapid development of the ability to regulate emotion, pattern relational abilities, and other internal representations of relationships, may be a sensitive period for future environmental influence. The authors also introduce the idea of a genetic link regarding externalization between the parent and child due to similar results regarding antisocial behavior. Preadolescent and adult antisocial behaviors show a stronger genetic link than that of adolescent antisocial behavior. It is plausible to suggest that, due to these findings, externalization of behavior may be linked to a genetic liability shared between parent and child.

REFLECTION:

                This was a very interesting article about how early parenting has the potential to lead to externalization of behavior; i.e. hyperactivity, delinquency, and aggression. It is apparent that the parenting style taken in the early formative years has a direct effect on the child for the remainder of his/her life. The effect is most pronounced in preadolescence and adulthood, but it still affects adolescence, albeit a more muted effect within that range.  The most interesting factor of the study was the drop in level for 16-year-olds. In both sets of surveys, the participants and the parents believed that poor-quality early parenting had little to do with the externalization of behavior, but the numbers rebound back to comparable levels between preadolescent parental surveys and adult participant surveys. This could mean that in preadolescence, parents believe that they are responsible for their children’s behavior, but after a certain age of maturity, the parents believe that society, peer influence, and individual choice have more to do with the adolescent’s behavior. Similarly, the surveyed adolescents responded in a way that leads the reader to believe that they agree that their early parental experience has little to do with incidences of externalizing behavior during adolescence, but after a few more years of gained maturity, the adults cite poor-quality parenting as a reason for acting out.

                After reading the survey, I was stunned to see the percentage of adults who personally cite early parental influence as the reason behind their externalization of behavior. I believe that adults are completely responsible and accountable for their actions. I understand that nurture during formative years has much to do with the adult that you become, but honestly, I have a strong belief that if a person has the desire to overcome the shortcomings of early life that one cannot control, the shortcomings can and will be overcome. I seriously ask myself, “What happened to personal responsibility? When did it become the normal course of action to blame someone else when something goes wrong?”

                The data collected within the survey is good, but further studies are needed to correlate whether there is truth in what the data suggests. If other studies find the same result, then the data might useful as early intervention for preadolescent and adults prone to externalization of behavior. Also, a survey could be useful for school age children to identify which students might need more individual attention based on early parental relationships.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT GETTING ONE OF THESE EDIBLE BOUTIQUES AS A GIFT? WOULD YOU EAT THEM?

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT GETTING ONE OF THESE EATABLE BOUTIQUES AS A GIFT? WOULD YOU EAT THEM?

Callous or Crazy?
AN American woman has been charged with endangering her child after police say she let her daughter, 13, ride in a cardboard box on top of their van.

Albertville, Alabama, police spokesman Sergeant Jamie Smith said the Alabama woman, Jackie Denise Knott, 37, was arrested on Sunday after police received a call about a minivan on a state highway with a child riding on top, The Huntsville Times reported.

Sgt Smith said the woman told police the box was too big to go inside the van, and that her daughter was inside the box to hold it down.

She said the mother told officers it was safe because she had the box secured to the van with a clothes hanger.

The 13-year-old daughter wasn’t harmed and was turned over to a relative.

A jail worker said the mother had been released on bail on Monday.
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26171862-5013016,00.html

When I saw this on Dr. Phil last week, I really have to say, it made me chuckle. Rudeness really does tend to be a personal thing and everyone thinks different things are rude. They had camera’s going on the audience as they came in and sat down and one whole section was late. They all came in up to 15 minutes later than what the time stamped on the tickets said. Of course they all had good reasons for being late ranging from being caught in traffic to “I’m always late, it’s who I am and people know that about me.” Then they recorded everyone answering cell phone calls, texting and taking pictures even though there were strict warnings about turning your cell phones off when entering the studio. It was kind of funny that when people were talking about themselves, it was “different” or “justified.”

When asking the audience what was rude to them, here are some of the things they said. Being late and people talking on their cell phones and making everyone around them listen were two right on top. Then there was touching a pregnant woman’s stomach. Sarcasm to a waitress as to why food is late. Saying “what’s the matter, your feet broken?” People getting checked out of a grocery store, food on the belt and they leave the line to get “one more thing” and make everyone in line wait. People who interrupt others. The rudeness about driving was so full I can’t even get into it but I’m sure you can imagine. Everything from not signaling turns to cutting people off.

It got me to thinking about the things we do that may be considered rude that we don’t even think about. I had to think to myself that I’m bad at interrupting people. I do it quite a lot actually. I just get really excited about something and think if I don’t blurt it out, I’ll forget about it and not tell that person. But that really shouldn’t be an excuse because when you get right down to it, it’s rude.

What bothers you that other people do? What is rude to you?

What do you do that’s rude and you defend with excuses?

Drinking for any reason whatsoever is not good.Families are ruined because of Drinking.
Many take shelter under the argument that social drinking is good for it improves their business contacts and non drinkers are not accepted in the elite group.Those who drink are not elite but irresponsible people,at least in terms of health and and their families.
Others say it is good for health citing few researches.But there are other ways to improve health including taking healthy food and and going to bed early.
If parents, under the illusion of giving freedom to children, encourage drinking, are ruining their children and their families.

Parents, be Adults, not adolescents >.
PARENTS of Schoolies revellers are ignoring pleas from police, politicians and welfare leaders to stop buying alcohol for their underage children.
Police were forced to issue a $750 fine to the father of a former student of St Joseph’s Nudgee College who defied an order to tip out the alcohol bought for his underage son.

Police spotted the man unloading alcohol outside a Surfers Paradise apartment on Saturday afternoon, first issuing him with a caution, then ordering him to tip out the alcohol, before he defiantly declared: ”I’ll just go and get some more”.

Gold Coast police superintendent Jim Keogh described the incident as ”extremely disappointing”.

”It is irresponsible and in one instance, certainly, you had a parent who just openly defied police instruction and that is a real concern,” he said.

A number of tip-out orders were also issued against other parents.

Nudgee College dean of students Paul Begg said the incident was disappointing as students were taught about the impacts of alcohol and violence.

New figures show parents worry more about their children being bullied and the amount of time spent in front of the computer than drinking alcohol.

The Australia-wide survey commissioned by parenting group Generation Next found nearly half of all parents think it is OK to sometimes serve alcohol to a 16-year-old.

But alcohol and drug experts said children are too young to drink alcohol at 16 years of age, mostly because their brains were yet to be fully developed.

”In terms of brain development, it’s a key time and the evidence says quite clearly you should delay the onset of drinking for as long as possible.”

Asked about their concerns for their children, 60 per cent of parents were worried about bullying, 42 per cent feared their children were on the computer too long, 41 per cent were anxious about children having sex at a young age and 37 per cent worried about children using illegal drugs, while just 33 per cent nominated drinking alcohol.

Australian Medical Association Queensland President Dr Mason Stevenson said parents appeared to have their priorities wrong.

”It concerns me if any survey puts alcohol misuse further down the list when, medically speaking, it needs to be top of the list,” he said.

”It is our number one drug problem in Australia. Parents are grossly underestimating the problem and . . . the young person’s risk of harm.”

Gold Coast Schoolies Advisory Board chairman Mark Reaburn said parents had to set a better example.

”One parent paid a very expensive price,” he said. ”We know kids are going to consume alcohol at Schoolies, but the parents have to accept some responsibility as well.”

Police and Schoolies officials were happy with the overall behaviour of revellers on the Gold Coast. Of the 30 schoolies arrested on Saturday’s traditionally wild opening night, most were for drunk and disorderly or public nuisance offences, with just three drug arrests and none for violent crime.

Schoolies organisers issued about 20,000 wristbands for the exclusive schoolies-only entertainment hub, but only about 12,000 attended the venue, an alcohol-free beachfront area fenced off from ”Toolies” (older hangers-on) and other troublemakers.

There were 88 non-schoolies arrests on Saturday night, though Supt Keogh did not label them Toolies.
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26385812-952,00.html?referrer=email&source=CM_email_nl

Oscar Crawford aka Mr. Monday Morning

There is one person in every family, group, and community that believes they know more about everything than anyone else. They stand ready to tell others how to dress, what to eat, and how to talk. These offer unsolicited advice and judgmental critique of others’ behavior and activity as if prepared by education and training to do so.

Many of us have someone or a number of some ones in our families who are always ready to tear us down and never build us up. Today, I want to establish for the Monday Morning Friends Connection the crystal clear difference between constructive criticism and being judgmental.

If I had to choose one word to establish the difference between constructive criticism and being judgmental, the word would be LOVE. I am borrowing from ancient texts and applying directed reciprocal paraphrase to establish perspective.

Love, i.e., constructive criticism, is regarded an action that is patient and kind. Being judgmental says I am better than you because I think I am. Judgmentalists are often mean spirited with the desire to exercise power over others.

Love, constructive criticism, is not big headed and egocentric. Judgmental is self centered on all things with the selfish need to make others feel bad or less than they should because they are not like them. Judgmentalists consider that all others would be better if they were just like them.

Being judgmental is not involved with love. Being judgmental evokes notions of supremacy. The Klan and Nazis held these perspectives.

The gifts to us of Mother Teresa and Gandhi loved in the face of judgment. These inspired masses of people through their nurturing empowerment and inspiration.

Constructive criticism empowers and liberates others to become their best developed selves. Judgment is about power and control over what others think of themselves.

No person has the privilege to judge another. The ancient texts make clear that with whatever judgment one judges another, they will also be judged.

I recommend you allow no one to critique you or your behavior unless you can determine the critique is inspired and motivated by love. If you have any sense of others just trying to control you and what you think about yourself, please inform them they may be anywhere but where you are. Be forgiving and loving as you dismiss them.

YouQUEST – The Online Magzine is now available at http://www.openzine.com/aspx/PublisherZine.aspx?ID=11554

http://oscarcrawford.wordpress.com/2009/07/10/oscar-crawfords-resume/ Follow me on Twitter http://twitter.com/YouQUEST 

oscarlcrawford@gmail.com   http://oscarcrawford.8m.com

The Monday Morning Word is a Crawford and Dienst Publication protected by Copyright Law. No portion of the Monday Morning Word may be copied and used in any context or format without written consent from the pubisher. The Monday Morning Word is as publication that is diverse by nature and christocentric by perspective.

While I’m no expert on marriage and family relations, I do know a few things from experience, observation, and research that contribute to successful relationships. One particular concept that’s on my mind today is Stephen Covey’s emotional bank account. My husband and I discussed this before we got married, and we’re still referring to it. Why? Because it works.

A simple but revolutionary idea, the emotional bank account works pretty much like a bank account at a financial institution.  If I want to use my debit card, I have to make regular deposits to my account. I also have to make sure that the money in my account is sufficient to cover all withdrawals; otherwise, I’ll be overdrawn and have to pay a huge overdraft fee. Naturally, I don’t like that so I keep a close watch on my expenditures.

The idea of deposits and withdrawals works exactly the same in interpersonal relationships. This is so simple to see, and yet sometimes emotions like anger or resentment or plain old selfishness get in the way of our vision. Often we get so caught up in what we want when we want it that we can’t see the dynamics that are going on.  “Me-ness” runs rampant.

While everyone has a different idea of what constitutes a deposit, sincere compliments, hugs, acts of service, and common courtesies can make everyone stand a little taller.  Is it really that hard to say, “You look great,” or to iron your husband’s shirt (or your wife’s blouse)?  These are little things, and yet I’m convinced that in relationships, the little things are the big things.  Apologizing when you’ve hurt or disappointed someone can actually be a deposit. So can occasionally doing things you don’t really enjoy like accompanying your sweetie to an event that’s important to him. Not because you like basketball games or church socials but because you love the person.

Deposits are important because sooner or later you’re going to make a withdrawal, usually unintentionally.  Sometimes it’s something little like forgetting to pick up the dry-cleaning, and sometimes it’s a doozy like forgetting an anniversary. At times like these, you need to make sure your account is still solvent.

Not long ago my daughter Carrie was putting some clothes that her husband Rich had washed into the dryer when she began to notice stains that hadn’t been Shouted out, and now the tiny shirts were ruined for good. Plus, Rich had used hot water, and some dark clothes had faded on some white ones. She began to get exasperated and downright angry as she thought, “How hard would it have been to pick up the Shout and spray it on Emma’s shirt? And why couldn’t he reach up and change the water temperature to warm?” Still fuming, she then began to remember all of the wonderful things Rich did for the children and her every single day.  Before her laundry experience was over, she was feeling grateful again, and their relationship was “in the chips.” If Rich had not consistently made deposits, her anger could have escalated to the point that she’d have been really irritated and critical.

 A friend of mine used to call this “piling up your chips.” Call it what you like. Just do it. Just make some deposits and see what happens.

People with classic schizotypal personalities are apt to be loners, having few to no intimate relationships. They exhibit extreme anxiety in social situations, often associated more with distrust and an inability to communicate with others than with a negative self-image. They view themselves as alien or outcast, and this isolation causes pain as they disengage more and more from relationships and the outside world.

People with schizotypal personalities often have odd patterns of speech and ramble endlessly on tangents to a topic of conversation. They may dress in peculiar ways and have very strange ways of viewing the world around them. Often they harbor unusual ideas, such as believing in the powers of ESP or a sixth sense. At times, they believe they can magically influence people’s thoughts, actions and emotions.

In adolescence, signs of a schizotypal personality may begin as a gravitation toward solitary activities or a high level of social anxiety. The child may be an underperformer in school or appear socially out-of-step with peers, and as a result often becomes the subject of bullying or teasing.

Self-Image

Millon & Davis (1996, p. 626) describe individuals with StPD as ineffective and uncoordinated in regulating their needs, tensions, and goals. Their inadequate defenses lead to a disorganized and often direct discharge of primitive thoughts and impulses. They are unable to effectively sublimate their energy into reality-based activity and have few successful achievements in life. The disorganized and ineffective defenses further leave StPDs vulnerable to being overwhelmed by excess stimulation.

On Saturday, November 21st, the Senate voted 60-39 to debate the healthcare bill. I wanted to check the roll call, but no record of the vote. I wanted to see the official roll call even though I already know how my Democratic Senators voted.

No record of this vote represents a total lack of the transparency promised by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV). And on the very first damn vote! Why the hell is there no record of this vote?

Do you suppose any of those guys have read the damn bill beginning to end? I’ll be asking my Senators to see what kind of form letter comes back.