Yes, loyal reader, I have been on holiday.   And whilst in Vegas, my family and I took the opportunity to catch Bette Midler’s extravaganza The Showgirl Must Go On.   The Divine Miss M is sharing the Colosseum at Caesar’s (recently vacated by Dame Elton John) with Cher, surely making it the campest place on the planet.  I thought the show was fabulous, adding further weight to the theory that I am a gay man trapped in a straight woman’s body.

As the name suggests, the Colosseum is massive with a ridiculously wide but shallow stage, and Bette Midler is tiny, but she fills the space with her big personality and an assortment of female backing singers and dancers.  I had forgotten that she began her career in stand-up comedy and was surprised to find that she is pleasingly sweary and not playing it too safe with her material.  In talking to the audience, she comes across as genuinely warm, if a little flaky, like a favourite aunt who would be great to go out and get drunk with.  There is so much life in her performance that it’s hard to believe she has been performing the same show on and off for two years (and some of it for a lot longer – there are some jokes in there that must have been around since the beginning of recorded time). 

The Showgirl Must Go On is a mixture of chat, jokes and songs, with a couple of comedy characters (who seemed to be familiar to large sections of the audience but not to me – I must be either too young or too British) thrown in for good measure.  The transition between the light comedy and the more emotional numbers sometimes feels a little clunky, but there is so much to pack into the 90-minute show that Vegas tradition demands that it is difficult to see how it could be done any other way.   The balance between the big production numbers (21 women performing a Busby Berkeley-esque dance sequence in electric wheelchairs needs to be seen to be believed) and the more intimate solos is handled very well.

Indeed, it is in the songs that Miss M really shines; her voice is incredibly powerful and she attacks each number with gusto.  She jokes that everyone is just waiting for Wind Beneath My Wings, which comes right at the end, but there are so many other great songs in the show, some more familiar than others.  For me, the highlight was The Rose, a song which I have always loved, but the delivery of When a Man Loves a Woman very nearly moved me to tears. 

Midler makes frequent references to her advancing years and at one point ends up flat on her back with feigned exhaustion, but has the energy (and figure) of someone half her age – the size of the stage means she is barely able to stand still and the dance routines are pretty demanding.  The woman is 63, for crying out loud, and she is looking and sounding pretty good on it. 

I noticed that Lily Tomlin was also playing Vegas at the same time – I like to imagine that the stars of my sister’s favourite film, the brilliant yet really quite rubbish twin-based comedy caper Big Business, have enjoyed a reunion and reminisced about old times, and are perhaps talking about a sequel…

Working with star-actresses is demanding in terms of time and attention, and, yes, coddling, sometimes. People like Streisand and Goldie Hawn require reassurance, and they need to know their imput is valuable and possible. That’s why I don’t think male chauvinists can successfully direct strong females, as Don Siegel found out with Bette Midler in Jinxed! - Howard Zieff

É apenas coincidência, mas aparentemente estou numa fase “grandes diretores parceirinhos às voltas com estrelas de grande ego”, o mote da vez é Don Siegel encontra Sam Peckinpah. Tudo começou por conta de uns problemas cardíacos sofridos por Siegel durante as filmagens de Jinxed! e, apesar de uma comédia de humor negro ter pouco a ver com as escolhas profissionais de Peckinpah, estava lá Bloody Sam para dar uma mão ao amigo e mentor, assumindo teoricamente como diretor de segunda unidade, mas indo um pouco além de tal responsabilidade. Na verdade a parceria dos dois começou lá nos anos 50, quando Peckinpah começou a aprender tudo que deveria com Siegel, mas dividindo a direção, esta é a primeira, última e única vez, se bem me lembro eles não se juntavam profissionalmente desde quando o Peckinpah resolveu ser ator em Vampiros de Almas.
A trama começa basicamente como algo saído de um filme noir: loira fatal, cantora em Las Vegas, é maltratada por marido jogador e abusivo (Rip Torn), mas em dado momento conhece um dos desafetos do marido, o crupiê vivido por Ken Wahl (O Homem da Máfia! céus, que homem lindo) a quem Rip Torn está tentando destruir por meio de “má-sorte” (jinx), uma espécie de “maldição” que certos crupiês sofrem quando de alguma forma não conseguem ganhar do jogador oponente no blackjack, ou seja, o tal do jinx é uma dominação dos diabos que certos jogadores tem o poder de exercer, mais ou menos o mesmo que meu Parmera sofreu no final desse brasileirão.
O tal crupiê gostosão e a maltratada cantora acabam se conhecendo e todo mundo já sabe onde isso vai parar… mas ao contrário do tom mais sério do início do filme, a segunda parte se transforma completamente numa comédia, com direito a cameo do próprio Siegel como o dono de uma livraria pornográfica e porteiro de um peep show. É aí que está o problema, o tom de comédia não foi adequadamente colocado, a coisa parece não pegar no tranco, especialmente porque Ken Wahl e Bette Midler como um casal é de uma implausibilidade extrema, a falta de química é tão evidente que nem é necessário saber que Wahl chegou a dizer que preferia beijar um cachorro do que os lábios de Miss Midler, talvez alguém como a Dolly Parton fosse mais plausível como cantora com ares de loira de cinema noir (e com isso quero dizer apelo sexual!) e pouco tempo antes ela já provara que tinha dom certeiro para comédia com o Nine to Five, se Parton estivesse no lugar de Midler poderia haver mais afinidade entre a equipe e talvez o filme se desenrolasse melhor.
Tudo deu errado não só por conta do resultado capenga que vemos na tela, mas também no set de filmagens, provando que com esse lance de gato preto e má sorte é melhor não arriscar: os protagonistas se odiavam e o diretor sofreu um ataque cardíaco. É impossível imaginar Bette Midler num mesmo set de filmagens que o Sam Peckinpah, é o mesmo que tentar conceber a Barbra Streisand num filme do Russ Meyer, mas num filme do Siegel a coisa não parecia tão despropositada, muito embora o desafeto aconteceu mesmo quanto ao relacionamento de Midler com Siegel, com a diva chegando a tornar público que o diretor era tão hostil quanto Wahl. Anos depois Siegel rebateu dizendo que a experiência de trabalhar com Midler foi “extremamente desagradável”, o que prontamente acredito, afinal, o homem teve problemas cardíacos e se aposentou em definitivo do cinema, marcando o amaldiçoado Jinxed! como seu testamento final, mesmo que o lendário cineasta ainda levasse uma década para perecer.
No mais, sempre há coisas a serem aproveitadas, como a exuberância de Ken Wahl, as intervenções musicais de Bette Midler e o nosso rouba-show favorito que atende pelo nome de Rip Torn, um peculiar espancador de gatinhos e mulheres. A participação de Jack Elam também seria grande se não fosse a presença histérica de Miss Midler, mas como mulheres histéricas era um vício horroroso de boa parte do cinema dos anos 80, acho que pelo menos este lapso há de ser perdoado, especialmente se por outro lado Midler pôde proporcionar o que seria o ponto alto do filme, no melhor estilo “Um Morto Muito Louco” com a devida ajuda do insuperável Rip Torn.
O que realmente aprendemos com Jinxed? Jamais maltrate o gato de seu cônjuge, você pode acabar com veneno no seu whisky e, mais importante, essa mesma regra vale também para cineastas e suas divas num set de filmagens.

I have found my new ‘hood.   Northern Liberties…otherwise known as “No. Libs”. I checked out The 8th Annual Northern Liberties Variety Show last Sunday with Autumn.

The show was held at the much past by, never visited, often thought of, bar, Johnny Brenda’s.

The Libertines, a dance trio reminiscent of gay Paree, provided entertainment between acts, in addition to a nod to Statler & Waldorf, all lead by an MC who explained the top 8 people on Philadelphia’s Shit List. (Mostly politicians and the obscene new bike rules and fines).

Acts consisted of live music, performance art including “Death Tap” , a tribute to Farrah Fawcett and her “ass cancer that can never have a proper fundraiser”, man boys playing guitars, a country trio, and comedians.  Two surprises of the night were Chang Chang and the Hula Hoop girl.

Chang Chang performed early this year with Leslie Hall and the Lys. I can only describe his show as “All Over”, as in he is all over what ever he is standing around.  And the Hula Hoop girl teaches Hooping at my gym! On my first day in class (and my only day, really) after 20 minutes of  being able to get the hoop around me once, every time. She said, “We will find you a hoop. No one fails at this with me, I promise.” Maybe I’ll go back to the class now that I’ve seen her do the show.

Here are some pictures from the other acts.

Or course, I did not leave this show uninspired! I, too, would be willing to perform in the 9th Annual Northern Liberties Variety Show! My song (you know it’s coming!) of choice?

Bette Midler: “My Otis Regrets”

I just need to find some Queens for back up dancers!

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to?

- Bette Midler

The Funeral Singer (G)

Professional funeral singer-for-hire Marcie Shriver (Bette Midler), frustrated by never having made it on Broadway where she feels she belongs, is determined to display her talent wherever she can, no matter how inappropriate the situation. (And it seems her confidence isn’t misplaced, as she always has the grieving mourners, on their feet, whooping and begging for an encore.)

But when Marcie’s estranged daughter, cerebral palsy sufferer Molly Shriver (Katherine Heigl), is diagnosed with swine flu and given just days to live, her relatives gather at her bedside and Marcie must prepare for the gig of her life and face her toughest crowd yet: her family! (Family includes estranged father (Gore Vidal), estranged sister (Meryl Streep), estranged cousin (Rupert Everett), etc…)

In a surprise twist of fate, Molly makes a full recovery from the flu while Marcie suffers a massive (and fatal) stroke. So it’s Molly who must take on the role of funeral singer, to perform a nauseatingly sentimental tribute to her mother.

"..and it cuts...ng-woiiike a knife........she's out of my....ng!...ng!.."

תכנית משובחת במיוחד (לטעמינו לפחות) הייתה ביום שלישי האחרון.

פתחנו עם קאבר משובח ששמרנו לכם כבר הרבה זמן לשיר האדיר Ready for the floor של האלטרו-פופים הבריטיים Hot Chip. הזמרת הטרייה Lissy Trullie מפנקת את השיר המקורי בביוע פחות אלקטרוני ויותר רוקי, פתיחה אנרגטית לתכנית.

Lissy Trullie. שיחקה אותה

בהמשך, Field of joy בגרסא של לני קרביץ לשיר שהוא בכלל במקור של הרכב בשם New york ensemble מ-1971. מדובר בהרכב רוק שניגן בשנות השישים והשבעים והוציא תשעה אלבומים והשיר המקורי לקוח מתוך אלבום בשם Roll Over.

עוד בתכנית היה חידוש נמרח ומתוח ביותר ללהיט שברון הלב של סוף הניינטיז, Crush של Jeniffer Paige והקאבר של The Dismemberment Plan.

נסענו למקסיקו בפינה הבינלאומית בשביל לשמוע את Alejandra Guzman, מלכת הרוק הלטיני כך מסתבר, מבצעת בצורה לא רעה בכלל את House of the rising sun שבוצע מאות פעמים אבל הכי מזוהה עם The Animals מ-1964.

הזמר החביב של שנינו Richard Shindell, זמר הקאנטרי האמריקאי ביצע את Senor של דילן ומיד אחריו ביצוע פאנק הזוי לחלוטין ל-Men In Black של וויל סמית’ מ-97 בגרסא שאפשר להבין בה את המילים של להקת Forever the sickest kids (ורק שיהיו בריאים).

פינת הקשיש”ק הייתה רוויה בביצועים נדירים, שניים במספר ל-Dazed and confused של לד זפלין מ-1969. המקור הוא בכלל של המוזיקאי Jake Holmes מ-67′ בגרסא שמוקלטת בקושי ונשמעת כאילו היא מושמעת ממערה. ג’ימי פייג’, גיטריסט הזפלינים שמע את Holmes בהופעה ועיבד מחדש את השיר ללהקתו דאז, The Yardbirds ואחר כך גאמור גם לזפלין. השיר לעולם לא הוקלט על ידי ה-Yardbirds אך יצא בדיסק של הופעה חיה וזו הייתה הגרסא אותה השמענו. חתיכת היסטוריה באנדרקאבר.

The yardbirds. נכון השני משמאל מזכיר את שון פן?

כאן הגיע הקרב הגדול של התכנית. בפינה אחת בט מידלר, בפינה השנייה הרולינג סטונס. הנושא: Beast of burden האדיר של הסטונס מ-1978 והביצוע המחריד (לדעת שחר ורבים אחרים) שבט מידלר עשתה לו ב-1981. לפחות הקליפ שלה מגניב ואפילו משתתף בו מיק ג’אגר:

את התכנית סגרו חברי מוניקה סקס עם חידוש לשיר שומר אריות של יוסי אלפנט ז”ל מתוך האלבום חיות מחמד מ-2003 (שהוקלט תוך ארבעה ימים!!!).

נשתמע בשבוע הבא!

]]> http://anthonygeorge.wordpress.com/2009/11/20/lily-conquers-vegas-bette-plans-a-showgirl-exit-and-meet-the-new-susan-boyle-hes-a-guy/ Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:00:24 +0000 George Anthony http://anthonygeorge.wordpress.com/2009/11/20/lily-conquers-vegas-bette-plans-a-showgirl-exit-and-meet-the-new-susan-boyle-hes-a-guy/

LOVIN’ LAS VEGAS: Don’t know why I thought that Lily Tomlin and Sin City were not a natural fit. Turns out they are. La Tomlin premiered her new

TOMLIN & WAGNER: Viva Las Vegas

one-woman show, Not Playing With A Full Deck, at the MGM Grand, and reportedly loves Las Vegas! Lily’s partner and personal muse, the unabashedly brilliant humourist Jane Wagner, is the mighty pen behind her new show as well as such previous Tomlin megahits as The Search For Signs Of Intelligent Life In The Universe and Appearing Nitely. Lily’s new show is a mix of Greatest Hits – the characters her fans still can’t get enough of, like Ernestine and Edith Ann – and new characters, and

SHORT: Damages control

new technology. Tomlin’s new show ‘try-out’ played in MGM’s Hollywood Theater, which seats about 2,000 people at each performance. And when Tomlin isn’t hanging out with her Big Business co-star and Caesars Palace headliner Bette Midler (The Showgirl Must Go On) or trying to coax Jane (“it’s come down to begging, really,”) into writing a new Broadway show for her, she’s commuting to New York to shoot her scenes in the new season of Damages with Glenn Close. In it she plays the matriarch of a powerful family determined to destroy shady legal eagle Close. Assisting Lily in this mission are Martin Short as her high-powered attorney and Campbell Scott as her son. And yes, she confesses, she and Marty did misbehave one day on the set, when

MIDLER: The show must go ... off

she read her lines as Ernestine and he did his as Ed Grimley. “But never when the cameras are rolling!”

THE SHOWGIRL MUST GO OFF: P.S. for Vegas-bound Bette Midler fans: Your heroine ends her two-year residency at The Colloseum – aka The House That Céline Built – on January 31. Says Bette: “These legs have had such a great run in the desert, it may be time to haul them to places with more humidity and fewer slot machines.”

GET OUT YOUR HANDKERCHIEFS: Yes, it’s true, the latest YouTube sensation is a recent audition for Simon Cowell’s British talent show The X Factor. The singer is a 40-year-old cabinet-maker named Daryl Markham. Markham has his own website now, and is now a household

MARKHAM: YouTube sensation

name for millions of people all over the world. But can he sing? You be the judge. To see his now-historic audition, just click here.

NO BIZ LKE SHOW BIZ: Leave it to Reg Hartt to find a copy of the sumptuous MGM musical Kiss Me Kate, with Kathryn Grayson, Howard Keel and young hoofers Bob Fosse & Tommy Rall competing for Ann Miller’s machine-gun taps., in — wait for it — 3D, its screen original format. Cineaste extraordinare Hartt unspools the classic Cole Porter musical this Sunday and next at 5 pm at his Cineforum HQ at Bathurst & College. Adds Reg: “Bring your own popcorn and we will zap it for you.”

WILLIAMS: ReelWorld decade

Hmmmm, wonder if Stratford’s Kiss Me Kate star Juan Chiorian, now on stage at the Factory Theatre in The Madonna Painter, has ever seen this version? … fan faves Colin Mochrie & Deb McGrath guest with Ron James tonight at 8 pm on CBC Television …  the Kate Rogers Band performs live tomorrow morning on CBC Radio One’s GO! Show. “Tickets are free and everyone is welcome!” sez Ms Rogers … speaking of tickets, you can still snag some for this weekend’s performances of the National Ballet’s spectacular Sleeping Beauty revival before it closes Sunday .. and can you believe that Tonya Lee Williams’ ReelWorld Film Festival, the little movie marathon that grew, celebrates its 10th anniversary next spring? Ms Williams, of course, is currently stationed in Washington, D.C. — on screen, at least — in The Border. And BTW, the ReelWorld call for submissions has already started. So if you have a feature, documentary, short, music video or animation from the Aboriginal, Asian, Black, Latino, Middle Eastern, South Asian or other multi-racial community, click here and fill out the submissions form.

Happy weekend!

-/-

http://reelworld.ca/

Cher has returned to the Caesars Palace – Colosseum in Las Vegas now until 12/20. Jerry Seinfeld will perforn two nights before Bette Midler returns on 12/30 and will perform a New Years Eve show on 12/31 at 7:30p.m. leaving plenty of time for a New Years party on the Las Vegas strip.

Jeff Dunham will perform two nights 12/11 and 12/12 giving Cher a two day break and the Gallows as well for one night only.

The UFC 106 is on though champion Brock Lesnar had to bow out recently against top contender Shane Carwin due to an illness the UFC 106 will go on. The UFC will headline a rematch between former UFC champions Tito Ortiz and Forrest Griffin on Nov. 21. The Lesnar vs Carwin fight will be rescheduled to a future date in 2010.

Santana is at the The Joint – Hard Rock Hotel now through Feb 2010 and Avant will perform at Planet Hollywood Fri, Nov 27.  Vicente Fernandez will be at the Mandalay Bay – Events Center on Sat, Nov 28 at 9PM followed by KISS at the Palms Casino Resort on Sat, Nov 28 at 8PM.

It’s a great time to visit Las Vegas with the National Finals Rodeo heading to Vegas in December and Metallica to perform on 12/5 also at Mandalay Bay.

Tickets for all events available online at Click2Vegas.com

LISTA INITIALA (25 DE ANI)
1. Sa fie frumos
2. Sa aiba succes financiar
3. Sa asculte cu atentie
4. Sa aiba simtul umorului
5. Sa fie in buna forma fizica
6. Sa se imbrace elegant
7. Sa aprecieze lucrurile fine
8. Sa fie plin de surprize placute
9. Sa fie un amant grozav
10. Sa o iubeasca.

LISTA REVIZUITA (35 DE ANI)
1. Sa fie dragut (de preferinta cu par pe cap)
2. Sa deschida usa, sa tina scaunul la masa
3. Sa aiba suficienti bani pentru o cina placuta
4. Sa asculte mai mult decat vorbeste
5. Sa rada la glumele ei
6. Sa aduca cumparaturile din piata
7. Sa aiba cel putin o cravata si o pereche de sosete curate
8. Sa ii placa mancarea gatita acasa, sa-i faca ei ceai
9. Sa isi aminteasca onomasticile si aniversarile
10. Sa fie romantic macar o data pe saptamana
11. Inca sa o mai iubeasca.

LISTA REVIZUITA (45 DE ANI)

1. Sa nu fie prea urat (merge si daca e chel)
2. Sa nu porneasca masina pana nu se urca si ea
3. Ii paseaza ei de bunavoie telecomanda
4. Sa dea din cap cand vorbeste ea (vertical bineinteles)
5. Sa-si aminteasca replicile la bancuri
6. Sa fie in forma destul de buna incat sa poata mute mobila din cand in cand
7. Sa poarte o camasa care sa-i ascunda burta
8. Sa fie inca de acord sa-i viziteze pe parintii ei
9. Sa lase jos capacul de la toaleta
10. Sa se barbiereasca in majoritatea weekend-urilor.
11. Inca sa o mai iubeasca.

LISTA REVIZUITA (55 DE ANI)
1. Sa-si smulga pilozitatile nazale
2. Sa nu se scarpina si sa nu ragaie in public
3. Sa nu imprumute bani prea des
4. Sa nu adoarma cand vorbeste ea
5. Sa nu repete acelasi banc de prea multe ori
6. Sa fie forma fizica suficient de buna incat sa se poata da jos de pe canapea macar in weekend
7. Sa poarte in majoritatea timpului sosete ce se potrivesc una cu alta
8. Sa aprecieze o cina in doi, fie chiar si in fata tv-ului
9. Sa rosteasca mai mult de trei vorbe cand raspunde la telefon rudelor ei
10. Sa se barbiereasca macar in unele week-end-uri
11. Inca sa o mai iubeasca.

LISTA REVIZUITA (65 DE ANI)
1. Sa-si aminteasca unde e baia
2. Sa-si aminteasca sa iasa din baie
3. Sa nu necesite prea multi bani pentru medicamente
4. Sa nu sforaie prea tare cand doarme
5. Sa-si aminteasca de ce ride
6. Sa fie intr-o forma destul de buna pentru a sta in picioare nesustinut
7. Sa-si aduca aminte sa se imbrace (cu hainele lui)
8. Sa-i placa mancarurile usoare
9. Sa-si aminteasca unde si-a lasat dintii
10. Sa-si aminteasca ca e week-end.
11. Inca sa o mai iubeasca.

LISTA REVIZUITA (75 DE ANI)
1. Sa respire
2. Sa nimereasca toaleta in majoritatea cazurilor
3. Inca sa o mai iubeasca

Caesars Palace in Las Vegas is losing its Colosseum headliner in a few months and has had to hustle to replace her. 

Bette Midler is wrapping up her two-year run in “The Showgirl Must Go On” in January. Cher has stepped up to fill the void and has added to her contract shows in April and May. 

“What a fabulous two years this has been, and I thank AEG and Caesars Palace for the best partnership a showgirl could imagine.  Who knows?  These legs have had such a great run in the desert—it may be time to haul them to places with more humidity and fewer slot machines.  But first I need to finish recording my album of the sexiest new love songs that only a showgirl could sing,” stated Midler. 

“Bette is one of the most talented, hard working professionals in the business and we would have loved for her to stay longer, said John Meglen, co-CEO and President of AEG Live/Concerts West. “All of us at AEG Live thank Bette and the entire cast, crew and staff for a great two year run at The Colosseum.” 

“Like every one of her performances, the approaching finale of Bette’s two-year engagement leaves us applauding for more,” said Gary Selesner, president of Caesars Palace. “Bette always will have a home at Caesars Palace.” 

The Showgirl Must Go On will perform November 7 through 15 and December 30 through January 31, 2010. The show is dark Monday, Thursday and occasional Fridays. Tickets for these final performances are on-sale now at Ticketmaster.com, keyword “Bette Midler”, by calling 1-877-7BETTEM, or in person at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace Box Office in Las Vegas, which is open daily from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m.

To kick off the holiday season, Diane of Good Mourning, Glory! will be hosting a week long blog carnival complete with guest bloggers and giveaways to celebrate diversity and coexistence.  Yours truly will be a guest blogger on Saturday, November 21.

Therefore, to celebrate the Coexist Blog Carnival, Diane (also our Musical Monday host) has requested this week’s participants pick a song with a coexist theme.  I chose From a Distance by Bette Midler.

Several years ago during my teaching days, my elementary students sang From a Distance for our holiday concert.  The words are much more meaningful when you hear a choir of young children from different ethnicities sing the song.  I still get choked thinking about their sweet voices.

As I searched for the video, I stumbled upon a Christmas version of From a Distance.  It’s a nice twist to a song already about peace, harmony and love for everyman.

I hope you watch the Christmas version.  The images are truly stunning.

I am sure many people consider Bette Midler’s “The Rose” to be just another easy listening standby, just another harmless and brainless ode to love with lyrics full of cliches piled on top of each other. They may have a point. After all, the song basically compares love to a rose, which isn’t exactly the most original simile ever. However, may I re-direct you attention to the part where love is also called a razor that leaves your soul to bleed? Hmm, not exactly a sentiment often found on most adult contemporary stations, is it? The thing that makes “The Rose” great and not merely easy listening good is that it doesn’t flinch away from the dark side of love even as it celebrates the bright, shiny parts. Adding to this underlying grit is Bette Midler’s voice. Bette leaves no doubt that she’s no dopey-brained crooner; she’s a woman who’s accompanied Love to hell and back. So when she tells us that in spite of it all, she still believes in this razor, this river, this seed, this rose that is love, she empowers not only herself but also us.

74. The Rose – Bette Midler

Meyer Kessler, aka Carl Ballantine/aka Lester Gruber/aka Ballantine the Great.

27 September 1919 – 3 November 2009.

Here’s the Beach Boys’ cover of the Rivingtons‘ classic,

…that was coopted by the Trashmen,

…that was covered by the Ramones. For a one chord song, it’s almost impossible to play without a vocal, and without a vocal, it’s not worth listening to.

Even the Oakridge Boys stole the line, but we have more class than to post that one, so here’s an ear cleaner instead.

Bette Midler’s version of the Stone’s “Beast of Burden.” Odd enough.

Bette Midler Now – 11/15

Cher 11/19 – 12/20

Santana 11/11-22
Leonard Cohen – 11/12
Neil Sedaka 11/12, 13 
Pacquiao v Cotto 11/14
Chelsea Handler 11/14
So Think You Can Dance
The Four Tops 11/20-22
UFC 106 – 11/21
Avant 11/27
Vicente Fernandez
KISS 11/28
Stevie Wonder 11/28
Black Crowes 11/29
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Cruise down the freeway in Los Angeles or look along some New York roadsides, and you’ll see signs saying that this particular stretch of road is cleaned and maintained by Bette Midler. I’ll have to say I was pretty doubtful that Bette, well meaning as I’d always heard she was, would actually ever be out there with her Hefty bag and gloves grabbing up cigarette butts and Dr. Pepper cans. Now I know better–her commitment to the greening of the places she calls home is almost unparalleled. Bette’s New York Restoration Project (about which I’ve blogged before) is a hugely important player in the greening of the Big Apple. So many people find the inspiration to get involved due to her star power and name…and now she’s gathering, ohhh, about a hundred or so of her most famous friends, to up the ante.

Ms. Midler has pulled together an ONLINE CHARITABLE AUCTION at CHARITYFOLKS.COM to raise funds for NYRP. Once in a lifetime opportunities to meet and hang out with celebs are being auctioned to the highest charitable bidders. Some of the opportunities of which you can avail yourself (and feel good about being philanthropic and making New York better for everyone) include:

· Sit front row at Bette Midler’s Las Vegas show and meet her backstage

· Lunch with Richard Branson during your week-long getaway at Necker Island

· Lunch with Jann Wenner – Founder & Publisher of Rolling Stone Magazine

· Private tennis lesson with John McEnroe

· Walk on Role with Steve Carell and Paul Rudd in “Dinner for Schmucks”

· Meet Daniel Craig with house seats to A Steady Rain on Broadway

· Meet John Stamos backstage at Bye Bye Birdie

· Spend a Day in the Studio with Legendary Musician Jackson Browne

· Meet Robin Williams with VIP tickets to his NYC stand-up show

· Meet Cher with VIP tickets & backstage passes to her Las Vegas show

· Meet John Mayer at one of his concerts along with VIP tickets

· Intern at Rolling Stone Magazine – the ultimate source for music & pop-culture

· Walk-on Role & Lunch on Set of  It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

The auction is live until Friday the 13th (November 13, 2009) at www.charityfolks.com, highlights from the fabulous 100 lot auction include:

Well.

Today we delve into the realm of popular music. Or, to be slightly more accurate, music that was briefly very popular, but is now an embarassment to the very idea of sound – yet somehow, still remains AWESOME.

Which brings me to today’s list – Thirteen Guilty Pleasure Songs You Hate to Love. (Or Love to Hate.)

Thirteen: The Sign. (Ace of Base.)

Ah, 1993. A simpler time. A time before balloon boys and black presidents and lady gagas ran amok, choking our nightly news with the same tenacity as a green Jolly Rancher in a child’s throat. And the non-grunge soundtrack to that bygone era would no doubt be peppered with plenty – puh-lenty – Ace of Base.

It what pretty much came down to a coin toss, I went with “The Sign” over “All That She Wants.” Both are maddeningly catchy  pop anthems from the early nineties, but I suppose it will truly be “The Sign” that this weird, and oddly sexy, Swedish band will be remembered for.

And nothing else.

Twelve: Stay (I Missed You). (Lisa Loeb.)

One year after Ace of Base broke into North American homes, depositing their sugary sweet sound into teenage ears like some weird Swedish Santa Claus, a local girl with trendy glasses also made a bit of an impact.

Let’s face it…if you were a dude in the early nineties old enough to understand the basic differences between men and women – you had a thing for Lisa Loeb. Her girl-next-door image, her sweet voice, her awesome pre-Tina Fey eye gear…this girl was all that. Just ask Ethan Hawke.

And while her big hit single “Stay” may not neccessarily be a guilty pleasure for the feminine set, I often get strange looks from people whilst blaring it from the speakers of my Toyota Tercel while driving.

Though it may just be because I’m wearing those wicked glasses.

Eleven: Toxic. (Britney Spears.)

Say what you will about Brit – and there’s a lot to say, I’m sure – this song kicks ASS. From the offbeat synth/violin riff to the onbeat sweet percussion, this is a song full of hooks that gets under your skin and into the meat of your brain no matter how embarassed you might feel listening to a damn Britney Spears track.

Oh, and the video, like most of Brit’s visual work, is also something of a guilty pleasure. At least, I always feel strangely guilty three or four minutes after watching it…

Ten: Lovefool. (The Cardigans.)

While the opening choppy guitar may be reminiscent of Television’s “Elevation” (not to be confused with U2’s “Elevation”, which is neither as good as the Television song, nor as catchy as “Lovefool”) this song nevertheless reamains a remarkably potent pop nugget. Made famous for it’s appearance in Baz Lurhman’s “Romeo & Juliet” MTV “opus,” it became a pretty big hit for this Swedish band, and the mere mention of it too this day still get’s her bizarrely accented voice stuck in my head.

Interesting that this is the second Swedish band to make the list – though not the last. Which brings me to….

Nine: Anything by ABBA. (ABBA.)

Even if you change your mind, they’ll still be first in line. North America took a chance on Sweden’s ABBA, and by gumption, they stepped up to the challenge – delivering pop tunes so sweet that they gave our ears cavities, sending us all rushing to our dentists. Or ear doctors. Well, whoever you would see about damaged ear enamel.

“Take a Chance on Me,” “Mamma Mia,” “Waterloo,” “Dancing Queen” – the hits didn’t stop. Even today they’re still making musicals and movies based on ABBA’s long gone career. Catchy as hell, these are songs that everyone seems to know the words too – but of course, would never be caught dead singing them out loud.

Eight: Fields of Gold. (Sting.)

What do you get when you combine a peaceful melody, lush production and a friggin’ lute?

Sting, of course.

Let’s go back a bit. To, say…1979. When Sting was considered “cool”. Here was a white Englishman fronting the world’s biggest and coolest reggae band…and, let’s face it, one of the biggest bands in the world. Then the band broke up, and the other two dudes from “The Police” kind of just disappeared. This was the coming – the hearkening, if you will – of Solo Sting.

Not content to just sing and play bass anymore, Sting decided to add a few new weapons to his arsenal. The guitar. The piano. And THE LUTE.

And then you get “Fields of Gold” a gentle, yet delicate song that transcends beauty in every pluck of the lute string. But, it’s by Sting, so I’m not allowed to like it.

Quick crib note for anyone paying attention: listening to “The Police” = COOL. Listening to Sting = NOT SO MUCH.

Sorry, Sting.

Seven: Invisible Touch. (Genesis.)

“She seems to have an invisible touch, YEAH!

She reaches in and grabs right hold of your heart!”

And, with those words, Phil Collins single-handedly destroyed the legacy that was Genesis, forcing Peter Gabriel to go all solo and weird.

But damn if it ain’t catchy.

Six: The Power of Love. (Huey Lewis and the News.)

Let’s get one thing out of the way. Huey Lewis is not cool. Huey Lewis will never be cool. Huey Lewis is the opposite of cool, and the News is just there to reiterate the fact. Having said that…

“The Power of Love” IS cool. Granted, it had the good fortune of appearing in a film (“Back to the Future”) that was and shall always be cool (despite featuring Huey Lewis in a cameo acting – wait for it – uncool) but that doesn’t detract from the fact that this song is an anomaly. It shouldn’t be cool – all power chords and inane lyrics- but it damn well is. Maybe it’s just because I associate it with skateboarding and time travel and Michael J. Fox…all cool, by the way. Whatever it is, it is what it is.

Cool.

Five: Kiss From a Rose. (Seal.)

Another soundtrack song makes the list, and, like “The Power of Love”, maybe I just have fond memories of it due to its association with BATMAN. Albeit, in one of the worst Batman outings ever. It’s grandiose and corny and peppered with stupid lines like “but did you know/when it snows/my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen” which is barely even coherent. Whatever though – it was in a BATMAN movie, and Seal could and still can emote like no other. And, since I’m sure this song had at least something to do with his hooking up with Heidi Klum, I can only assume that it’ll work the same for me. Karaoke, here I come!

Four: Karaoke Songs. (Various, but mostly Journey and Bon Jovi.)

Karaoke, here I am!

This entry is less about the act of karaoke as it is about the songs people choose to karaoke with. Songs that you would never find yourself listening to at  home alone, or possibly even at a party, but dump a few cocktails down your throat and throw in a creepy dude with a microphone and songbook on hand, and suddenly you’re singing every damn lyric without even glancing at the screen.

“Living on a Prayer” and “Don’t Stop Believing” are usually the most well documented. For instance:

Yeah. Just like that.

Three: It’s All Coming Back To Me Now. (Celine Dion.)

This is what happens when you give Celine Dion a Meatloaf inspired song attached to a Meatloaf inspired theatrical video:

And it’s AWESOME.

Two: Do You Really Want To Hurt Me. (Culture Club.)

“The Wedding Singer” may have helped this one, but whatever. This song was ALWAYS awesome. It’s a weird song (to say the least) that should probably come off as horrendously creepy, but somehow Boy George manages to sell it legitimately. Nowadays however, with Boy George’s recent drug woes and wrongful imprisonment of male escorts (seriously), the song has achieved a darker tone, and has finally reached its destiny of being the weirdly creepy song we all knew it could be!

One: The Rose. (Bette Midler.)

I’ll let this one speak for itself:

“Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it’s only seed

It’s the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It’s the dream afraid of wakingthat never takes the chance
It’s the one who won’t be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dyingthat never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winterfar beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun’s love
in the spring
becomes the rose”

Was anybody else singing along while reading that? Because god knows I was.

And I honestly don’t even feel that guilty about this one.

Well.

That is that. Stay tuned for more blog updates, where I hopefully discuss good music.

Although, seriously…some of these count.

Also, if any of these songs are now stuck in your head – or, god forbid, if ALL of them are stuck in your head, battling it out for supreme annoyingness – I personally shoulder none of the blame.

January will end an almost two year run for Bette Midler in Las Vegas.  She will end with about 180 performances in her stint at The Colosseum at Caesar’s Palace.

I watched Hocus Pocus last week in the spirit of Halloween – not that we really celebrate Halloween in Australia, but Hocus Pocus was one of my favourites when I was a kid. So how does it fare now?

Firstly the plot. The film opens in Salem, Massachusetts in the late 1600s, where Thackery Binx (Sean Murray) attempts to save his younger sister Emily from three witches who live in the woods. Winifred (Bette Midler), Mary (Kathy Najimy) and Sarah (Sarah Jessica Parker) and the Sanderson sisters, striving to be young forever by sucking the lifeforce from young children. Thackery is too late to save his sister, and the witches turn him into an immortal black cat. The sisters are caught and hanged (how, aren’t they witches??). Before they die, however, they manage to cast a curse from their spellbook which will raise them from the dead if a virgin lights the black candle in their house.

Fast-forward three-hundred years, and the Sanderson house is now a museum steeped in superstition. Max (Omri Katz) has just moved to Salem from California with his parents and younger sister Dani (Thora Birch). He is extremely cynical and really doesn’t appreciate his new town’s fascination with Halloween. When his parents go out to a Halloween party Max is forced to take Dani trick-or-treating, much to his horror, and is bullied by some guys from school. Oh, the teen angst! Anyway, he meets up with his crush from school, Allison (Vinessa Shaw), and they go to the Sanderson museum. Thackery Binx is still lurking about but he fails to stop Max from lighting the Black Candle, bringing the witches back to life! Max, Allison, Dani and Binx manage to escape, stealing their spellbook. From here the plot becomes a witch-hunt (pun intended), with the Sanderson sisters needing to get their book back before sunrise so they can become truly immortal.

This movie is a lot of fun, though not as funny as it could be. It was directed by Kenny Ortega, which surprised me. I know he is known now for High School Musical (don’t hold that against him) but he is also a well-known choreographer…no real dance sequences here! Hocus Pocus is classic Disney, featuring unhelpful adults and heroic kids! Katz and Shaw are fine, but Birch is the standout amongst the younger set. All three of the witches are great, and they all look like they’re having a lot of fun, especially Better Midler, who shines in this role. She gets most of the good lines and gets to be delightfully wicked! One of the best scenes is when the sisters do a rendition of I Put a Spell on You. Bette Midler has obviously had a huge singing career, SJP has done quite a bit of Broadway, and Kathy Najimy had just done Sister Act, so the song is in good hands!

I really miss these kind of movies. Maybe I’m biased because I was young during that time, but I really feel like the 90s was a great time for family/kids entertainment. I just think of films like Home Alone, Beethoven, Free Willy, Addams Family, Sister Act, Homeward Bound, A Little Princess, The Parent Trap, the Mighty Ducks…and of course Disney animation. There was a real market for films that both kids and adults could enjoy. One of my favourite films from childhood was Mrs Doubtfire, which is probably more of a comedy for adults, but that just shows that family films of the 90s had broad audience appeal. There are very few movies like that today; there are lots of animations (especially with Disney competitors like Dreamworks) but not many live-action family films. It seems that Disney released a lot of those live-action films (even Sister Act was Touchstone, which is owned by Disney) but they don’t do it much anymore. It’s a shame.

Ok getting of my soapbox now. There is nothing too offensive here, and nothing too scary either, even for little kids. Kids will love Binx especially – who doesn’t love a charming talking cat?! The special effects aren’t too bad either, maybe a little bit dated but hey, it was made 16 years ago (now I feel old). There are quite a few knowing references to virginity, but seriously, kids won’t even notice. Overall this is an enjoyable film from Disney with some fun performances, especially from Bette Midler. Good for kids.

My Rating: 

*

I PUT A SPELL ON YOU

(PRVegas.com) – November 5, 2009 – Bette Midler announced today that the final performance of her critically acclaimed Las Vegas show The Showgirl Must Go On will be Sunday, January 31, 2010. The final performance will mark the end of her two-year residency at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace which began on February 20, 2008.

Bette Midler

“What a fabulous two years this has been, and I thank AEG and Caesars Palace for the best partnership a showgirl could imagine. Who knows? These legs have had such a great run in the desert—it may be time to haul them to places with more humidity and fewer slot machines. But first I need to finish recording my album of the sexiest new love songs that only a showgirl could sing,” stated Midler.

“Bette is one of the most talented, hard working professionals in the business and we would have loved for her to stay longer, said John Meglen, co-CEO and President of AEG Live/Concerts West. “All of us at AEG Live thank Bette and the entire cast, crew and staff for a great two year run at The Colosseum.”

Tickets still available at Click2Vegas.com and NationalShowTickets.com and other ticket outlets.

_____________________

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Two excerpts from “Revenge” are now uploaded.  The entire SP is also “live” on Zoetrope right now.  I’ve been working on this one for a couple of years now.

I think this SP would be absolutely fantastic with Goldie Hawn, Whoopie Goldberg, and Bette Midler.  It’s just this screenwriter’s dream!  What can I say, we all have them.

“Revenge” is written with extensive flashbacks and voice-overs.    Oh I can just hear all my fellow screenwriters groaning, right now.  But I think they work.  We’ll see.   If they are not received well, then on the next rewrite…

Now, what to work on next?  I can rewrite “Stalked” or “Motel 96″.   I have a couple of new screenplays on the backburner which I could “flesh out” a little…  In December, Moviepoet has an ”open challenge” that I have barely thought about.  Or I have 36 short screenplays to read from the “Numbers” contest on Moviepoet.

On November 20th I’ll find out if I get to proceed to the third round of the NYC Midnight Screenwriter Championship contest.   In the first round I earned 22 points (second in my group).  Those points will be added to whatever my second round entry earns.  The total will determine if I proceed to the third round.  This contest has a total of four rounds.  Anyway, if I do get to write in the third round, I’ll be busy doing that Nov 20-22.

So, what do I work on next?  Guess I’ll sign off this post and find out!

Dressed as a show girl, which is what she is in Las Vegas, Bette Midler wowed in New York, Saturday, hosting her 14th annual Hulaween Party Bash.