youtube channel: TannaWolf

Here is Taylor being a funny bunny on SNL as Edward Cullen.

Hilarious video, too bad we can’t hear what’s being said.

I’m sure someone out in youtube land has made another video of this.

Here is one that Tanna made of the New Moon Premiere Pictures to Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance

Okay, no pressure or anything, but the New York Times says there’s a Chihuahua surplus in the Bay Area, so we should probably all go out and get one, because we all live in a traditionally MEXICAN neighborhood and these dogs are from MEXICO.

So anyway, my theory is that everyone in the Bay Area saw the trailer for Beverly Hills Chihuahua and was like AW FUCK NO re: these little shits and returned their pups to the pup store.  Another classic Norcal vs. Socal debate.

Go ahead and share this one in your Google Reader with the note “Bitch is crazy. I miss Allan.”

It’s beeha, here – saying hello from the 2cRAzyoLdbiTCHes.  It’s been a while and b& b have been busy, but we’re back.  In our following posts we’ll tell you all about our activities and maybe get some of u to share yours with us.

In the meantime, we’ve received several comments on our many posts about www.alphainventions.com .  If you’d like to read more about what we’ve written about alfalfa-inventions :) just search our site for alpha or alphainventions.  We have oodles of material which is lot’s of fun because we love cheru and his site.  Be sure to search our post called “Alphatracks:” – it’s a fun one and if you click on the cheru link above,  it’ll take you right there! Oh, almost forgot – go down a little on the left side of our home page and use “Stuff from Before.”  You will surely  find lot’s of alpha posts - AND  some 2cob goodies, too.

In the meantime, to all living beings around the planet: good night, good morning, good afternoon, or good evening, whichever the case may be.  More soon from b&b – the 2cRAzyoLdBitCHes.

Sara Bachelder of Mexico Casting is a national casting company. They have a very extensive casting resume and have been involved in the following productions:

Fast and Furious – Columbia / Sony Pictures
You Don’t Mess with the Zohan – Columbia / Sony Pictures
Beverly Hills Chihuahua (South of the Boarder)
The Heartbreak Kid – Dreamworks / Paramount
The Hunting Party – The Weinstein Co.
Vantage Point – Columbia / Sony Pictures
Nacho Libre – Paramount
and many more…

Vanaf vandaag verkrijgbaar
Bereid je voor op een hilarisch avontuur met Chloe, een verwende, in diamanten gehulde chihuahua uit Beverly Hills, die verdwaalt tijdens een vakantie in Mexico. Papi , een vermakelijke chihuahua die gek is op Chloe, komt in actie en gaat naar Mexico om haar te redden. Terwijl Chloe hulp krijgt van Delgado, haar nieuwe vriend die zichzelf heeft opgeworpen als haar beschermer.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua van Walt Disney Pictures is een hartverwarmend en ongelofelijk grappig verhaal, dat weer eens bewijst dat groter niet altijd beter is.

PeuterPlace mag 2 kinderen blij maken met deze DVD en als extraatje een leuke Beverly Hills Chihuahua Spaarpot! Bekijk de Beverly Hills Chihuahua Mail&Win actie.

Bekijk de trailer

]]> http://headswillrollonline.wordpress.com/2009/09/02/i-shall-call-him-squishy-because-he-is-my-squishy/ Tue, 01 Sep 2009 21:45:24 +0000 alexdarkly http://headswillrollonline.wordpress.com/2009/09/02/i-shall-call-him-squishy-because-he-is-my-squishy/

The old saying goes you don’t choose your pet, your pet chooses you. LadyFlash explains to Heads Will Roll how his pet chose him and what it means to be a pet owner in 2009.

Every morning climbing into the shower presents a challenge. I am one of the many people who are short sighted and the shower is one of the few places that my spectacles fail me. Recently shower time had taken an interesting turn. Not long ago I climbed into the shower and out of the corner of my eye I spotted a dark blurry mass huddling in the corner of the shower. As I turned to see what it was the mass had disappeared. I went back to my usual shower ritual but I could sense the mass, again I spotted it but this time it was drifting around me getting closer and closer with each sweep. I wasn’t sure if it was a stranded animal or a massive clump of my housemates hair, ever growing with each shower. I was petrified of touching it. As the days passed by I thought possibly the humane thing to do would be set it free as I was worried the RSPCA would soon bang down our door and haul us away for keeping an animal we weren’t feeding, though I was positive this thing had grown big enough to hunt for itself. In fact I was positive he was sneaking out at night and feasting on the neighbours pets as every morning when I climbed into the shower he seemed to have grown and I was worried one day he would be large enough to feast on me, defenseless as I am when I climb into the shower half asleep partially blind and naked.

I decided I needed to start treating the hairball as a proper pet if I was escape the wrath of the authorities. The first thing he would need would be a name. What’s in a name? Well according to Bow Wow (bowwow.com.au) 20% of all pet names are based on the Pets appearance or personality. So I needed to think what characteristics the hairball had been displaying. Well it was hairy, it was sneaky, it liked to eat, and it was squishy. That’s it! I shall call him squishy because he is my squishy!

Now that I named Squishy I decided that he was lacking style. I didn’t want squishy to get teased by all of the scene pets when we played down at the park. What I really needed was some designer clothes for squishy to wear but where to look? Well celebrities tell me what clothes I should wear so why not Squishy? I found a dress set from the Beverly Hills Chihuahua movie for $53.99 and collar from the Legally Blonde movie for $46.32 but how do I know if these movies are still cool in the movie pet the world?

I don’t want Squishy to get left out of pet playtime because I made the fashion faux pas and purchased last seasons threads. If only there was some sort style leader in the pet world that Squishy could look to. Well luck would have it Elle Macpherson’s dog, Bella, has become the first ever canine supermodel. I found Bella modelling this stylish coat, it was available in XS and was only $38.75 (bargain!)

After all the stress from shopping Squishy needed some pampering. I found a boutique retreat in Perth for small pets called Snips and Snoozes. I chose the Gold room that included:

* Private King Size
* Size – 4.5m x 2.3m
* XL Luxury Bed
* Play area view
* Room is made from very light hand made bricks
* Air Conditioning & Heating coming soon
* Snooza Multi Mat (very soft & snug; velcros to the trampoline bed in winter so it doesn’t fall on the floor)
* Heating from 1800 watt Infra–Red Radiant Heater – Refer to Extra Services for Rates

A deluxe Pamper pack that included:

* Maximum Play (8 hours)
* 2 Super Premium Quality Meals
* 1 Daily Cuddle Time (15mins)
* 1 Daily Brush
* 1 Daily One-on-One Play Time with Toys
* Yummy Treats- Liver Treats, Raw Hide Chews, Steamed Chicken
* Weekly Chicken Necks
* Weekly Hydrobath & Blow Dry

And off course I needed a Pet taxi to pick up Squishy, so that was going to cost an extra $55 to pick up plus $1.65 for every km the taxi needed to drive Squishy. The retreat cost $52 for the room for the night, $55 for Squishy to get groomed, as he was looking a bit scruffy and $159.50 to get picked up and dropped off by the pet taxi. In total one night of indulgence cost me $266.50 but how can you put a price on happiness?

Leaving Squishy to sneak out at night to feed didn’t feel adequate now Squishy was a stylish and pampered pet. What Squishy really needed was a meal that was free from any artificial colours, grain free, which balances all the necessary proteins, fats, carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals. Squishy needed a holistic approach to good health and vitality and definitely food it could normally catch and eat in the wild. I found company that creates Maximal meals for pets. One particular chicken meal contained the following basic ingredients…

Chicken Meal, Chicken Fat (Preserved with Mixed Tocopherols), Peas, Potatoes, Potato Protein, Chicken, Natural Chicken Flavour, Choline Chloride, Methionine, Taurine, Dried Chicory Root, Kelp, Carrots, Apples, Tomatoes, Blueberries, Spinach, Dried Skim Milk, Cranberry Powder, Rosemary Extract, Parsley Flake, Yucca Schidigera Extract, Green Tea Extract, Barley Grass Extract, L-Carnitine, Enterococcus Faecieum, Lactobacillus Casei, Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Saccharomyces Cerevesiae Fermentation Solubles, Dried Aspergillus Oryzae Fermentation Extract, Zinc Proteinate, Vitamin E Supplement, Niacin, Manganese Proteinate, Copper Proteinate, Zinc Sulfate, Manganese Sulfate, Copper Sulfate, Thiamine Mononitrate, Vitamin A Supplement, Biotin, Potassium Iodide, Calcium Pantothenate, Riboflavin, Pyridoxine Hydrochloride (Vitamin B6), Vitamin B12 Supplement, Manganous Oxide, Sodium Selenite, Vitamin D Supplement, Folic Acid.

I started to become fairly attached to squishy, not only had some of his hairs become entangled into the fibres of my jumper, I had a fairly large emotional and financial investment in him so I decided I needed to insure him, just in case something “happened”. I decided to go with a reputable human insurance company for Squishy so I chose Medibank Private for an online quote.

Step 1. What is your pet’s name? Squishy
What type of Pet is Squishy? Dog or Cat (hmm Squishy is super loyal so dog it is)
What Breed is Squishy? Curly Coated Retriever (that’s sounds about right)
When is Squishy’s birthday? It says he needs to be at least 8 weeks old
What is your postcode? 6000
Are you an existing Medibank Private Member? No

Step 2. Choose your level of cover:

Bronze Paw cover (accident injury only) $17.70 p/month, with annual maximum of $8 000

Silver Paw cover (accidental injury & illness) $37.20 p/month, with annual maximum of $12 000

Golden Paw cover (comprehensive cover and routine care) $48.30 p/month, with annual maximum of $15 000

Well that’s easy, how could I go with anything less than comprehensive cover?

Now that Squishy is fully fed and looked after I don’t have to worry about the wrath of the RSPCA. My only concern is now I can’t afford my own new clothes or health insurance.

Rachel lets Chloe say "Good-bye" to Aunt Viv.

This is a rather failed effort at producing a canine comedy of manners blended with an adventure/kidnap/chase flick. Naturally, the “thinking” and personalties of the dog characters are indistinguishable from that of humans. The entirety of the scenes at the outset of the movie represented a characature of the New Money crowd, which is rendered by the humans and echoed by their pooches. Every element of the film is stale. Nevertheless, one may find something humorous along the way. It is directed by Raja Gosnell.

STORYLINE:   While rich patron schmoozed in Europe, her pampered Chihuahua pet went on a “south of the border” trip with her “Mom pro tempore.” The “fun-run” became a nightmare when pooch Chloe was kidnapped by shady hombres operating a dogfight business. A “down-on-his-luck” Rin Tin Tin lookalike proved to be Chloe’s wonder dog. He was not the only one, as the Chuhuahua, Papi, a not-so-secret admirer of Chloe, had joined his master, the young landscaper, Pedro, in a separate rescue effort. Pedro and Rachel joined forces in the chase. Love, danger, and a menagerie mixed it up, as they all converged on Chloe. Guess what? Mom returned from Europe, embraced her “baby” and suddenly discovered a new perfume line for her business. It’s sort of earthy, doncha know?

COMMENTARY:     As her wealthy owner-”Mom” prepared for a business trip in Europe to promote her company’s new cosmetic line, she consigned her “little treasure” to the care of her niece, Rachel (Perabo), who wasn’t overjoyed at the burden but who knew who controlled the big bucks. The little treasure has the name Chloe, and she was a Chihuahua diva of Rodeo Drive. The pampered pooch has a set of canine “beautiful people” pals, affording all who noticed them the opportunity to consider the vacuity of folks unable to, or unwilling to, utilize excess wealth for the general good. Tellingly, Aunt Viv (Curtis) has made her big bucks in cosmetics, where she assisted “stinking people” to hide their “crimes” from the nose of the World Community.

Yet, the little Eden of Aunt Viv and Chloe is not entirely posh. There are hired people there to play the valet, landscaper, and the like. The landscaper, Pedro, is young, assured, and confident in his professional abilities. However, he is usually referenced as “gardener.” As an attraction can be detected between Pedro and Rachel, Aunt Viv’s niece, as the film progressed, there is an element of Lady Chatterly’s Lover hinted at but not developed.

This film is like that. Thematic snippets from other films were introduced suddenly then allowed to quickly fade away, as the body of the action plowed through it, episode after episode plodding toward the film’s appointed climax. Can you say, “Walkies!”

All of this is preparation for a “consciousness-raising” experience by Chloe. The little white canine Chihuahua experienced an abrupt alteration of her surroundings, forcing her to rely on the kindnesses of stray dogs ( rat & iguana, too). Further, though  these were mostly “right on” dogs, not every dog wagged an honest tail.

How did this come about? Rachel took her “ward for the week” on a fun weekend in Mexico, and Chloe got nabbed by shady hombres in the dog-fighting racket. Now Chloe, still mostly dressed like “Bride of Chuckie in Vegas,” found herself in a dirty underground chamber filled with big, rough-looking dogs. Naturally, she got teased a bit. In a cage nearby lurked a big German Shepherd with an ominously deep, yet world-weary voice. It’s Delgado (Garcia). He put her down, too, but you correctly got the feeling he’s going to be her guardian bowzer. The king of the fighting dogs was El Diablo, a mean-looking Doberman. Every experienced moviegoer expected that Delgado and El Diablo must have a tousle at or near the climax of the film. As the story progressed, Delgado was revealed to be a former canine cop, who had had issues with El Diablo from the old days.

Promptly, Chloe was released into the pit that was walled and overlooked by a crowd of dog-fight enthusiasts. She was hooted at, as she was dressed like a slightly soiled, Vegas showgirl. Across from her was the dark, menacing El Diablo. By now, Delgado, emoting like a reluctant William Holden-character, has, with a “I-could-kick-myself” attitude, set forth to rescue the “fair damsel.” He did, in fact, save Chloe from El Diablo by briefly opening the escape gate, allowing her slip out, and then closing it on El Diablo before he could enter.

There followed a Spartacus homage, as the canine exodus by all the “gladiator” dogs penned in the chamber beneath the fight facility occurred pell-mell, compliments of Delgado. Into the streets the revolting gladiator-dogs charged, and then the romance of it all was dashed by Delgado telling Chloe that she was on her own. “It’s a dog-eat-dog world,” he advised her. She pled with him not to leave her all alone, and with loathing and dread, the German Shepherd stopped, turned to take a last look at the “little white missy,” and, grumbling to himself, returned to help her. He mentioned a hotel that Chloe remembered having stayed at with her biped “Mom.” It was settled; Delgado would escort her there.

It was a good thing, as the shady operator of the dogfighting facility had commanded El Diablo to get the little white Chihuahua. From this point a secondary chase plot is inaugerated, more or less counterpointing and paralleling the chase effort of Rachel, Pedro, Papi, and the police. Count the weak and brief chase effort of Manuel, the rat, and his iguana pal, pursuing the diamond-necklace/dog-collar once occupying the neck of Chloe, and you can say three.

This episodic film allowed the Disney people to render life in Mexico in a way that is comprehensible to American tourists. However, there is an entirely curious and quazi-”racist” episode with Montezuma, the leader of a tribe of Chihuahuas that called an Aztec ruin, including sacrificial, step-pyramid temple, their “home.” Why the Disney people went this route is not easily understood. Since all the dogs were, for the most part, disguised humans, the Montezuma-led clan’s assertion of a special Chihuahua “soul” which the Chihuahuas of the world must perceive and embrace, saying “No mas” to any forms that profaned this ideal, seemed consistent with some of the blowsy postulations of the Nazis. Or La Raza, for that matter. It jarred with the social “education” afforded Chloe by the stray dogs she had encountered during her adventure in Mexico.

All in all, this is an uneven adventure. If you choose to go, dress accordingly. Cologne/perfume anyone?

Cast Voices: Chloe-Drew Barrymore, Papi-George Lopez, Delgado-Andy Garcia, Manuel-Cheech Marin, Montezuma-Placido Domingo, El Diablo-Edward James Olmos

Cast: Aunt Viv-Jamie Lee Curtis, Rachel-Piper Perabo, Pedro-Axel Alba

All rights reserved. Gobigfoot, 2009

In a Summer that has seen more dog films than I can remember.

My top dog films this season are:

1. Hotel for Dogs

2. Bolt

3. Beverly Hills Chihuahua

4. Marley and Me

Why does Marley and Me come last? Well I don’t think the film makers knew where to pitch it. It could have been a romantic comedy along the lines of the excellent Knocked Up or it could have been a romantic kids movie along the lines of equally excellent Enchanted or it could have been a dog movie along the lines of Hotel for Dogs which was the best live action kids and dog film I have seen since “Old Yeller.” but instead it fell between the stools and we get neither a kids movie nor an adult movie – just a sentimental journey which occassionally features a misbhaving dog.

I love dogs, I really would love a dog, but as a foster parent with 5 kids in the house a dog is not going to be practical for a while. This film did make me want a dog, but I didn’t want to be watching it with my kids. it wasn’t a funny enough, there weren’t enough dog related capers and there were a lot of sexual references and long bouts of dialogue that made the kids bored as Aniston and Wilson wrestly with infertility, miscarriage, birth, postnatal depression and midlife crisis. Yet I am not sure i would have watched it as an adult either.

The film also suffers from the most long and drawn out death scene I can remember since Philadelphia. Now i don’t mind a good blub, I remember sitting and crying my eyes out with the kids as we watched the Disney classic Old Yeller, but the death of the dog in Marley and Me went on for about 15 minutes. (check out my 10 year old’s review)

There were moments of great fun but really this film has gone to the dogs…

The Disney movie “G-Force” shows a squad of specially trained, computer-generated guinea pig spies coming to the world’s rescue. But animal activists say it may end up being real-life guinea pigs who need rescuing.

Some guinea pig rescue groups already have posted pleas to those who might rush out to buy the furry little rodents. “I can tell you, every single rescue in the United States and abroad took a look at that movie trailer and said, ‘Oh, God, here we go,’ ” said Whitney Potsus, vice president of the Critter Connection in Durham, Conn.

The Orange County Cavy (aka guinea pig) Haven in Costa Mesa already has posted urgent Internet pleas to parents asking them to say no when their children beg for guinea pigs, because the animals are too fragile for young children.

It’s happened before. Some call it “101 Dalmatians syndrome,” after the live-action Disney movie that sent thousands rushing to buy the black-and-white spotted pups. When the dogs failed to act like those in the movie, families gave them up, breeders said.

The popularity of Chihuahuas soared after the movies “Legally Blonde” and “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” and when Taco Bell featured a talking one in an ad campaign. Ferrets were the animal of choice after “Along Came Polly,” and guinea pigs were in demand after “Bedtime Stories.”

In “G-Force,” Agents Juarez, Darwin and Blaster drive cars, parachute, use blowtorches, swim, talk, walk on two legs, live in tanks with mice and rats and use hamster balls, Lyn Zantow, a volunteer for the Orange County group, warns on her Web site.

In real life, guinea pigs are noisy, eat and poop all the time, require big and clean cages, don’t swim and can be expensive to care for if they get sick, she said, adding that they should be kept out of the hands of young children.

“We can only hope … parents will all do their research before bringing any critters home. Otherwise, when the novelty wears off, rescues everywhere are going to have their hands full with surrenders,” Potsus said.

A guinea pig can scare or startle easily, and if a child doesn’t have a good hold, it will run off. “Guinea pigs can’t jump,” said Fenella Fpeece, president of Wee Companions Small Animal Adoption in San Diego. A fall, even from a sofa, will paralyze them, break their backs and then “they are probably as good as dead.”

She is worried about the big plastic balls used in the movie and sold in pet stores. They are made for hamsters and mice, she said. “Guinea pigs don’t have flexible backs and they don’t go in wheels.”

They also have delicate digestive systems. “Kids get distracted. If you forget to feed it, it’s done. Its little life is over,” Fpeece said.

She already has been asked if she has a guinea pig that looks like one of the agents. And ads on Craigslist are offering ” ‘G-Force’ type guinea pigs. I am really worried,” she said.

Activists say there are several waves of worry ahead: during the movie’s run in theaters, when it comes out on DVD and when the novelty wears off.

About 795,000 homes have guinea pigs as pets, according to the American Pet Products Association, based in Greenwich, Conn. Volunteers from most guinea pig rescue groups have beefed up public education programs in an effort to prevent impulse buys, said Susan Lee, director and CEO of the Costa Mesa group.

Jan Davidson, founder of Deerbrook Guinea Pig and Rabbit Haven in Oakhurst, said other rescue workers have been asking her what to do. One said she was afraid to post new adoption notices because “it is hard enough to find good homes for them as it is.”

Disney is aware of the power of the movies and works to promote a strong pet responsibility message, a studio spokeswoman said. For “Beverly Hills Chihuahua,” Disney made sure most of the animals in the movie came from shelters and each was adopted when the movie was over.

For “G-Force,” a statement is posted on the movie’s Web site and on other promotional materials, advising viewers to be responsible and research any pet “to make sure that it is suitable for your particular situation” and consider adopting from a shelter.

Potsus, who has four guinea pigs, hopes parents will fudge a little to protect the animals.

“We hope parents will use money or time as an excuse,” she said. “We like to think the bad economy would cut down on some impulsive decisions.”

Instead of delicate animals who can’t talk, shoot or travel through space, Davidson suggested an alternative for children who want to re-enact stunts with the movie’s stars: guinea pigs of the stuffed or plastic variety.

By Sue Manning – Associated Press

Posted: 07/31/2009 12:00:00 AM PDT

Updated: 07/31/2009 02:36:45 PM PDT

Posted:  Just One More Pet

Related Resources:

The Blue Dye in M&M’s Cure Spinal Injuries

Okay, I’m a dog person, so the passing of the Taco Bell chihuahua hit me kinda hard. But if you’re looking for the next star canine on the silver screen, look no further than this big, mushy husky…

Gidget, the 15 year old dog best known for her Taco Bell ad campaign, died of a stroke Tuesday in Los Angeles, California. The words “Yo Quiero Taco Bell,” Gidget, a female dog, played a male dog in the commercials. Sue Chipperton, her trainer, said “She was cast as the girlfriend of the Taco Bell Chihuahua, but the director changed his mind at the last minute and made Gidget the lead dog“. Chipperton trained Gidget since she was 8 weeks old and traveled everywhere with the dog. Gidget was cast in the 2003 film, “Legally Blonde 2“. She also had a role as an extra in the 2008 animal themed movie, “Beverly Hills Chihuahua“.

By: Clifton M.

Kittens, in a previous blog I told you how I view most humans as nothing more than sausage casings filled to the near breaking point with unwanted globs of entrails, hoof and ass meat. Unpalatable membrane stretched and filled with guts and ground up colon fibre.

That was being kind. I would like to revise my assessment.

As we all know by now I don’t have pet peeves. I have uncontrollable severe psychotic hatreds. Having said that this morning on my daily walk to board the good slave ship Lollypop yet another shred of faith in humanity was stripped away never to return.

This planet suffers the indignity of being inhabited with nothing more than glorified Whoopie cushions stuffed with bacon grizzle, coagulated Jello, goose livers and shredded losing scratch and win lottery tickets. They spend their lives flopping around on a chair and only make a faux incontinent squelching sound that passes as language when a larger more cumbersome asshole sits on them and releases the contents for all to be amused.

By now my Kittens you must be thinking I witnessed a grave unimaginable human atrocity this morning like somebody spiking a baby like a touchdown football, or hearing Rick Astley. You’d be partially right Kittens, yet again another repulsive man-made abomination reared it’s horrible head, but it wasn’t a car bombing or chance encounter with Oprah at a buffet, it was this;

(Seriously…..what the fuck is wrong with you people?)

Sadly my Kittens I’ve become mostly numb to the sickening daily onslaught of barftacular media sewage. I even accept that the repugnant scumbags that shit their filth all over the Pavlovian foot soldier consumer clones every day have their place in the world. If I wasn’t cursed with a soul I may have even put my thinkin’ bone to work and joined these monsters who produce this brain-grease and create (admittedly an incorrect use of “create”) a film about a giant spastic cartoon asshole that saves the world from an evil empire.

(Don’t knock it. They’re yummy)

Kittens, those horrible slack jawed consumer trolls are going to cram theselves into rooms that feature commercials as opening entertainment, fork out $100 in admission and troughs of hot buttered chocolate dipped cocktail wieners so they can distract and amuse themselves by watching a film about a cartoon guinea pig that wears a tool belt.

This is why those sacks of Tater-Tots and Cheese Doodles go to work every day. They need money so they can afford to pay off their credit cards that they use to go see a movie, then buy a dvd about a fucking cartoon evil-slaying rodent. This is all it takes to amuse and distract the public so they remain obedient worker sloths who exist only to consume more goods, and show up for work on time so they continue carrying out somebody elses meaningless repetitive tasks. A movie about a talking rat.

We all know how much a university education costs. I escaped the conformatorium at a tender age and avoided going balls deep into debt before my adult life began, but many sheepole didn’t have that luxury. Either through family pressure or simple indoctrination they were hearded into universities and went into debt for tens of thousands of dollars so that they could learn how to conform and memorize things that they would need for the jobs that they would one day perform for the rest of their lives until they die or they are laid off.

(They are lining their guinea pig cage)

$40 000 of debt later sheeple are chucked out into the world unless they are still living in their parents basement talking to their internet chums and forced to find something to do for a living. They have been taught since they were fadpoles to obey, consume, breed and be good little plow mules for their corporate overloards. The slave bracelet is locked firmly in place by starting your adult life into a debt you won’t be able to re-pay for 20 years so you need to go to work.

Work is hard, annoying, banal, repetative and all consumming. People even have to go out for drinks with other sheepole they worl with so they can bitch and moan about……ummm……..work. They show up every day because they need their benefits, paycheques and so they can pay off their debt, which by now is rapidly expanding just like thier asses.

At some point they will marry each other and make of themselves. Balls of hemoglobin falls out of the pretty one and then they will name it something like Isotope, Persephonie, Wonderballs or Godzilla. These my Kittens are called children and most will grow up to be the carbon copies of their parents and thus scuff the earth with their bellies and assholes while they live their “lives” and buy as much stuff as possible.

Now that the lash is firmly across the back of the sheepole and they have a litter of snotty horrifying replicant zygotes, they own a stable somewhere in the middle of a place filled with other stables that look all the same and are relatively close to several malls and corporately owned places to devour heaping platters of curly fries and extra zesty cream cheese stuffed mastodons they need to exhume themselves from their daily lives and amuse themselves now and then.

(Uh….no, that’s not it…..I hope)

(They are also available in large sizes)

They grease and pry themselves out of their Lay-Z-Boys with the aid of a cricket bat and lure of more things to consume.

(This model comes with a septic tank)

Since their owners and captors sometimes allow them time away from the oars so that they can be well rested for the other 50 weeks so they can be efficent and jolly task-bots they occasionally go on what they loosely refer to as “vacations.”

(It isn’t a large rock, it’s chocolate)

They drive around in Goliath sized vehicles so they can gawk and stare in dead-eyed awe at large balls of string (which probably don’t look so large when you consider scale), purchase souvenir t-shirts so they can let the world know that they went to a Waffle House in a different suburb than the one they live in. The bravest of the brave go that extra mile (sometimes literally) inflict nothing but pain and terrifying misery upon me and infiltrate my neighborhood so they drip their consumer slime-juice all over my beloved streets while they shuffle around looking for a suitable chain restaurant so they can suckle on a few regional beers and familiar tasting ribs.

A slight confession Kittens. More than once I have been tempted to hijack a school bus, paint it as a tour bus and load it up with tourists so I can drive them to the middle of a field filled with snakes and hungry bears, just so I can leave them there.

(Not an exaggeration at all)

Eventually they will return to their stables loaded down with snow globes, t-shirts and stories to regale their co-workers about how the Old Navy in our town was so foreign and ethnic compared to the one in theirs and settle back into their tasks and distractions.

It is a well known fact that even the most debt ridden stable can only hold so much stuff, and since they just fueled up their ghastly human-meat carrier with so much petrol that Saudi Arabia sinks three feet into the ocean every time they go to the gas station, they sometimes want to go for a drive across the street and entertain themselves. On rare occasions they are even able to walk all they way from their parking spot to the movie theatre.

(Sadly Kittens, that T-Shirt wasn’t Photoshopped)

This my Kittens, is where todays disgust manifests itself.

Once they have waddled in, smeared their credit card through the machine so that tHey are allowed into a multi-plex commercial stadium and purchased enough food to feed a Botswanan orphanage for a year, they squeeze into their seats and watch stuff like this.

(Sadly again, this is not Photoshopped)

These are the kinds of things that distract sheepole from their lives long enough to accept their lives my Kittens. This is all it takes to keep the average schmo amused so that they are willing to spend their entire lives being obedient uncreative servants for their corporate and political slave masters.

It isn’t this….

(Note to self, never use BBQ sauce as hair gel)

….this….

(I can see down your top)

….or even this……

(This is my signature model)

….no my Kittens, all you need to own your very own human being is to crush them with debt so they nicely behaved Pavlovian lap dogs and entertain them a bit so they are distracted long enough to never ever question anything besides paper or plastic and feed them jowlfulls of this.

(Seriously Kittens…..talking fucking rats)

You’ll never need to keep them intellectually challenged or physically active. They don’t require walking and some of them that can still reach the important bits can still even bathe themselves. They will feed themselves as often as they can and tend to find their own stables so they can keep dry, comfortable and have enough space to keep all of their stuff that they are constantly accumulating.

All you need is to sell them tickets and dvds to a movie about talking rats or dogs, scare the shit out of them with the fear of a vengeful yet loving god, the terror of electing a politician that might enjoy snorting cocaine off of a hookers ass in a public washroom for kicks and all the national pride you can explode in their faces with fireworks and flags.

(They don’t sell salami….it makes them uncomfortable)

There you have it Kittens. In case you were looking for a project, as usual Big Daddy has taken care of you. Assemble this impossibly easy kit, and dangle the carrot you too can become a slave owner. You don’t need nets, horses and whips anymore. You won’t even need any fences. All you will need to keep them happy and passive about their servitude is once and a while allow your property to go and pay to see a movie about A TALKING MOTHER FUCKING RAT.

Vor wenigen Wochen hatte ich über den Toy-Movie-Wahn in Hollywood berichtet – nun wird die Parodie aus dem damals geposteten Clip tatsächlich wohl todernste Wirklichkeit: Wie Filmstarts.de berichtet, wollen Columbia Pictures und Sony Peyos Comicschöpfung “Die Schlümpfe” als 2-D-/3-D-Live-Action-Animationsspektakel verfilmen. Auch der Starttermin scheint schon festzustehen: Am 17. Dezember 2010 sollen die blauen Gnome unter dem Titel “The Smurfs” die Leinwand erobern. Schreck lass nach.

Regisseur ist hier Raja Gosnell,  der zuletzt mit der Disney-Trash-Comedy “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” “glänzen” konnte. Ein schlechtes Omen? Ich vermute schwer, dass es à la “Alvin and the Chipmunks” verfilmt wird: Schlümpfe werden animiert, Gargamel und Co. werden von echten Schauspielern verkörpert. Jedenfalls hat wohl hiermit die “Hollywood-ist-kurz-davor-meine-wertvollen-Kindheitserinnerungen-zu-verhunzen”-Welle ihren traurigen Höhepunkt erreicht. Ich freu mich jetzt schon auf die vollkommene Zerstörung des “Lala-lalalala”-Schlumpflieds.

Mult asteptatul film Strumfii ? Nu inteleg de unde atata entuziasm pentru un film cu strumfi, dar se pare ca orice este posibil in America. Ştrumfii si-au gasit regizor.

Raja Gosnell, regizorul responsabil pentru doua filme Scooby Doo si recentul dezastru Beverly Hills Chihuahua se va ocupa si de regia filmului “The Smurfs”.

Initial, Colin Brady era vizat pentru regia filmului, dar acesta a renuntat inte timp. Incredibil, dar adevarat. Producatoarea Jordan Kerner, se chinuie de 7 ani sa realizeze filmul despre strumfi.

Filmul va fi un hibrid intre animatie 2D si 3D, cu o lansare planificata pentru 17 decembrie 2010. Inca nu se stie nimic concret despre pvoestea fimului, dar sa fim seriosi, foarte multe nu se pot intampla.

Personajele strumfilor au fost create de catre artistul belgian Pierre Culliford in 1958 si au cunoscut celebritatea la nivel mondial dupa ce compania Hanna Barbera a realizat binecunoscuta serie de desene animate.

Raja Gosnell (Scooby-Doo, Scooby-Doo 2), has signed on to direct the live-action adaptation of Smurfs.  Gosnell recently directed the 2008 hit film, “Beverly Hills Chihuahua”. 

Lukas Eggen

Friday, June 12th, 2009
On the BIG Screen
at 7:00 pm in Sanctuary
(Refreshments Afterwards)

First Presbyterian Church
11832 Euclid Street; Garden Grove, CA
714-534-2269

Here’s another boring post that will contain all sorts of things I’ve been thinking about lately. I do have a good text I’ve written a wee while ago, but I’m gonna post that tomorrow so y’all don’t say I don’t post everyday… Well every once in a while that is.

A few days ago I couldn’t help but hear Vonda Shepard’s – Read your mind. In my mind, of course. But I ain’t gonna post it as song of the day… As I just heard a few lyrics, such as: “If I could read your mind, I hope I’d find, say the love I have in mine. If I could go back in time, I’d try to find you and make up for all this waste of time. [...] But am I really free?”

*

You know what one of the worst things is?  Knowing that you’ve hurt someone you care about. That’s one ****** up thing of the whole human/words/actions/relationships experience.  And, you might believe it’s egotistical (as in you don’t wanna lose them) but it’s not. It’s just about not wanting to hurt them.

I mean… How on earth could you possibly ever want to hurt someone you care about? You’d never do it on purpose. So when you do it, and you somehow learn that you ****** up (because, obviously, as it’s unintentional, you don’t know it as you do it) it feels like you’re a bad person. Like you’re unworthy of the friendship. And that’s one crappy feeling for sure.  You can’t help but wonder… If you can hurt someone you care about, what chance do people you don’t give a rat’s arse about have? LOL Actually, come to think about it, they might have a better one than the others. Hm… ****** up, I’ll tell ya.

It shadows you as a person, because you feel that if you can hurt someone,  even when you care about them, then maybe your whole process of thinking is wrong.

Any ideas on this? Liberatedself? Please?

*

For the past week I’ve been  down. And it all culminated with a cold that kept me doped (without drugs lol) for a few days. And no, it’s not the swine flu, for all who may wonder , been to the doc’s. It’s just an alergic thing.

But now I’m feeling better. My beautiful friends at Starbucks granted me with some more freebies. Lurve you guys! That Columbia coffee tastes mighty  fine. And in other troubled areas, there might just be a way out… Which is great. Good news. But I’ll have to work on it. However I’m not the kind who’ll say pass to work. Not when I care about something.

I’d say more… Oh… Wait… Last night, as I was down with the cold, I saw two movies and said pass to one. Saw “Tropic thunder” and “Beverly Hills Chihuahua”.

Now Tropic Thunder ain’t as good as they claim it to be. Actually it’s quite boring. But, as one critic would put it, it was hard not to get everyone to laugh, considering the multitude of jokes per minute. So I did laugh. Pretty much. On three different scenes. And Robert Downey Jr. does a very interesting job too. Hugzie Not a must watch though.

As for the Beverly Hills Chihuahua… That’s one pretty cool movie. It is, of course, easy, but nevertheless good for its genre. I especially appreciated the voices of Andy Garcia, as Delgado (one mighty fine german shepherd if you’ll ask me), and of Placido Domingo as Monte. However I didn’t recognize Garcia’s voice, because it’s somewhat harsher… And I think they should’ve used Placido’s voice more. Nevertheless… If only for Garcia and Placido’s voices and presences and for the cute animal action… The movie is cool. I’d recommend it. Especially if you like movies like that (Chipmunks and such).

In the picture below, Andy Garcia, Drew Barrymore and some other dude. I’ll let you guess who’s’who, cause… Well they do look like them, don’t they? LOL

One film I did say pass to though was The tale of Despereaux. I thought it to be something like Ratatouille (which was quite delicious), but it’s not. I don’t know what this 3d art (or whatever art is used in this flick, as I’m not sure it’s 3d) is all about, but I don’t like it. At least not in this case. And I pretty much didn’t enjoy it in Bolt either. So after the first few scenes… I said pass.

Tomorrow I’m gonna see Tom Hanks in Angels and Demons. I hope it’s good… Anyhew, you gotta love the Hanks. And I can’t wait to see Keanu Reeves in a new flick. Simply love the dude. The blockbuster master. And I’d pretty much enjoy seeing Tom Cruise in a new flick too. Not like the crap political one he’s done last aka Lions and Lambs. I’d love to see Keanu and Tom in new action or romance flicks. I think they suit them best. Blockbuster masterrrrrrrrrrs.  Oh and btw, I think it’s time they did a flick together. Certified………………………………………

And that’s about it. I will come back with a good piece on YOU, as a person. A second You, my darling, you.

Stamattina, invece di giocare al pc, mi sono messo a vedere questo film leggero della Walt Disney.. L’avventura di una piccola chihuahua persa nel grande Mexico

Chloe è una chihuahua snob e raffinata della riccona Vivian Ashe (Jamie Lee Curtis). La riccona durante una sua assenza, affida la cagnetta, per un breve periodo, alla sua inaffidabile nipote Rachel. Durante una gita in Messico con i suoi amici, Rachel smarrisce Chloe in un momento di distrazione. La chihuahua viene rapita da un organizzatore di combattimenti tra cani. Durante la sua prigionia, riesce a scappare con l’aiuto di altri cani. Dopo la fuga, la piccola chihuahua chiede aiuto a Delgado, un solitario pastore tedesco, ex cane poliziotto, per trovare la strada di casa e conteporaneamente fuggire dallo spietato doberman che si fa chiamare El Diablo. Intanto, Papi, un chihuahua innamorato di Chloe, corre in aiuto della cagnolina in Messico.

Forse questo film vi sembrerà una favoletta per bambini, ma a me è piaciuto, fa capire che ci sono delle potenzialità in ognuno di noi, “anche se sei piccolo come un chihuahua”.