Most people, have their own description of a loser….maybe in their minds, they’ve came across one or many in their lifetime, like a Husband, Wife, Boyfriend, Date…..whatever.

However, in that sense…..they weren’t always considered a loser right? It’s been used in the form of a Misconception by too many…..What I mean is……you started a relationship with a person, you got more serious with that person, and at some point you might have even married, or had children with that person.

But somewhere along the lines, people change. Most people will say it was the other person changing…..and eventually, that relationship disintegrates…..and with it, the opinion of that other person also disintegrates.

But the label of “A Loser” shouldn’t always be that shallow, should it? I mean, the label should go well beyond just a broken heart.

So if a woman cheated on her husband, but is an exemplary individual in every other aspects in her life……is she still a Loser? Nope……maybe just to the poor guy who was cheated on.

You see…….Did you notice I used a woman in that role? Because if I had used a Man for an example, it becomes a crucifixion in the eyes of a woman…..LOSER!!!

But to a man…..it’s thought of as, an opportunity to move on. Point is….when it comes to relationships…..The Loser Label, is just another name to call those who hurt you once or twice…..But that is just the natural order personality conflicts.

None the less…..A Loser, or not, should be categorized by the things he or she does to help or debilitate others…..And lets be clear, a Non-Loser shouldn’t be labeled by the monetary things they posses, how well they dress, and most importantly…… how attractive they are……Because if you label that as a Non-Loser……you my friend….are a fucking loser.

I have compiled a list of my own, of which I believe constitutes being a Loser…. In No Particular Order!!

1)      You have reached the legal adult age, and you have no desire to make a living….whether through employment, or education….and you eat, sleep, fuck, and loiter on somebody else’s dollar.

2)      You make babies…..and fall under the category of # 1.

3)      You fall under #1, and #2, and your parents support the baby.

4)      You fall Under #1, and #2…….and The Government supports the Baby.

5)      You fall under #1, #2 or both, and you play video games, collect comics, or Collector Cards or all of the above.

6)       You fall under 1 through 5, and you live off your bunk ass disability check, parents disability check, or your significant others child support check from that other loser they were with before you.

7)      You refuse to claim Taxes.

8)      You fall under 1 through 7…..and you spend money on any narcotic, drug, alcohol, or stimulant.

NOW!!! In saying that……it’s only an opinion…..and the ones who are EXEMPT from my list, are the people who have Quite Simply, been plagued by misfortunes……Life is hard, I know……If you have lost a job, are you are on unemployment, and just can’t get a fucking break…..I wasn’t talking to you……

If you were left by your mate, with no job experience, a butt load of kids…..and have absolutely no outlet to improve yourself……I wasn’t talking to you……But keep trying!!!

Don’t wait on a prayer, a fucking lottery ticket, or Prince Charming to come and take care of you……Do what you have too to make ends meet, but as long as you do……live with the mistakes, don’t sweep them under the carpet…..and don’t expect others to bail you out……Remember that the Government Programs developed to aide people…..weren’t developed to be a life long deal…….people really need that, and the money has to come from somewhere. And if you didn’t know that, you do now…..If you did know that, and fall under 1 through 8……You are a Loser.

You are only human, and doing something stupid, may have seemed right at the time, and sometimes you would never know how stupid it was….. until you did it.

I believe some regrets are warranted…..Have you ever had a falling out with someone, or forgot to tell them how you felt about them…..with out knowing you’d ever see them again? To some, getting the last word in is a necessity, and that only makes things worse in some cases……But I know everybody has walked away wishing they had said more…..

The truth of the matter is….the people you care about, are not always going to be there. And, if something as silly as pride is keeping you from making right by those people….then they might as well be already gone from this earth.

What I mean is….Ending a relationship isn’t easy, but people come in and out of your life all the time, and we just deal with it accordingly…….Sometimes it hurts…..sometimes it’s a relief…..and it’s ok to let pride determine who should be in your life……But when it comes to family, a falling out could be like losing a limb, and you’ll never know till it’s too late.

Family should always be there for you…..but because of this selfish culture we’ve developed, where every sibling claims independence….. we create new drifts in the family tree….making a once considered “Immediate Family Member”, into someone more distant than a Facebook Friend you never met……and this is becoming more and more common……and that saddens me.

In closing, I just want to say that it wouldn’t hurt you by knocking the chip off your shoulder, and make amends with people with whom you share blood with. Not only would it not hurt you, but it could only make you feel better…… Because at least by trying to make things right, at least you won’t have the regrets when someone you once (or still) care about, leaves this world forever……and most important…..tell someone you love them more often…..it could be the last time they hear it.

I wonder if some people actually know why they’re happy. Like this race was a baseball game, or a boxing match….a movie about good versus evil……

And like how Obama acted in the last debate, he was obviously on the offensive, and came off sounding like a petulant bully on the playground…..while all of the sideliners yelled out, “Yeah, you tell him!!” And if that was you, you should be ashamed, and you are equally petulant.

This isn’t a game people….it’s our future….Let me remind you that both men are good people, who believe what they do is right for the country…..There is no Good vs. Evil you idiots, Romney isn’t the Anti-Christ…nor Obama, or Bush.

If there was an anti-christ….he died already in Germany, in the early forties.

No, the segregation in this country has been made too personal to act civil. Whether you are on one side of the sand drawn line or the other, to ridicule the other party or candidate shows your idiocy….and instead of poking at a guys hair, or smirk, or religion….how about giving the fucking guy the god damned common courtesy of trying to make America great…..Because these two men believe in what they believe, and whether it differs or not, they are doing it for the common good……They don’t want to be put on a pedestal, or be ridiculed, or bashed! YOU the people make it schoolyard fight…YOU make it Good vs. Evil…..and those who follow the majority and don’t know why are mindless sheep…. This isn’t like High School Politics….but after seeing how people act lately, I’m starting to wonder.

It reminds me of High School Politics because, when the students vote for there class President, and it’s usually somebody popular….. The voters usually don’t really know, or care what that vote meant…..just as long as their candidate won, and that their vote helped it happen.

Don’t get me wrong…I don’t think Obama is a bad guy, I respect him for his personal accomplishments before the Whitehouse…..education, family, etc….. But to be quite honest, I really don’t think he is, or ever will be the right man for the job. In fact, the man I thought was right didn’t even make a dent in the presidential race, because it comes down to the 2 parties that are MOST popular.

To prove my theory…I direct your attention to my Facebook friends…..I didn’t see one post about the other elections going on last night. You know, House of Representatives……..U.S. Senate seats…..Remember them? These are also, very important individuals, who have a big voice in what happens in this country, and AS LONG AS OBAMA WON…..it really doesn’t matter right? Whether it was Rich against Poor, or Black against White, or Democrat against Republican….It would benefit you to investigate, and to really know the opposite party, before letting hear-say, and misconception tool your vote…. And, remember the President doesn’t run the country by himself.

POPULARITY

(Shaking my head)

I also saw a lot of posts about excuses for Obama’s dormancy the last 4 years….like, how he has to fix Bush’s mistakes….That is the biggest and oldest cop out in the book! I can point fingers et every president since Jimmy Carter, where every following President would either….coat-tail….blame…re-direct….or take praise on what their predecessor did…..but what is funny is…Obama doesn’t blame Bush…..anymore! Only the moron groupies who need to justify Obama’s short-commings blame Bush. Because Obama knows now what a fucked up job he’s working in. The President of the United States is the worst job to have, and I feel bad for him….I wouldn’t want it. Obama has a very tough job ahead, and I really hope for his success….

Another misconception is that Bill Clinton is the liberal messiah; Obama should follow his example, because we flourished during Clinton’s tern. Well I have to admit, Clinton was very smart…….in the aspect of LISTENING to his very awesome advisors, and in doing so, he made very sound decisions. Not to say, he didn’t make mistakes…..he was just better at hiding some….. One of the smartest things Clinton did was allow smart people to set up stakes, and build businesses…NOT SMALL BUSINESSES….but big businesses, ones that needed workers, workers that learned a skill, workers that could pay taxes, and pay for their own benefits!

These businesses were developed by smart….not rich…..but smart people who became rich. People like Bill Gates…and Steve Jobs….people who got educated, and didn’t have to pay ridiculous tuitions, and weren’t taxed when they made over $250,000….

No people, we didn’t flourish under Bill Clinton’s administration…that was incidental…..we flourished under the Gates/Jobs administration.

Now….do you think for a minute, if people like Gates, or Jobs were taxed as much as now, they would even start a billion dollar business? What’s the incentive?

Not everybody was born rich….some actually worked for it! So what is the incentive for getting rich, to have a huge chunk of your hard earned money ripped away, and then divided up amongst people who didn’t work for it? OH….BUT HE’S STILL RICH!!!

Maybe…..but what if that same guy (untaxed up the ass), invested that same money that the government would’ve took, and created jobs for those same people dependent on Government assistance? It’s called Trickle-down….and it works!

Stop hating the rich people…they open up avenues for everybody, not just their own kind…Let them get richer, and take those scraps from that table, because those scraps can, give you a living, benefits, pocket money, put your kids in college…. And you won’t be one of those millions of people on Unemployment….That’s the real scraps people.

So now we know who our President is….God Bless him in making things better, back him up, no matter what your affiliation….United We Stand……But there is something you can do people. You can actually help our government get back on their feet without paying taxes….And the answer is simpler than getting you dumb-fucks to actually do it.

1)      – Stop getting credit cards!!! Stop getting High-Interest Loans!!! Because it’s not free money stupid….you actually gotta pay it back. But most of us who get in a bind, find out that paying that loan back is hard…and lengthy! So then you give up….and claim bankruptcy…..but that money still needs to be accounted for….so it strains our economy!!

2)      Talk to your grandparents about saving….paying everything in cash….your own money. Use layaway instead of Credit Cards…..Every time you get paid, take 7%, and put it away (not in a fucking sock under your bed retard), in savings accounts, money markets, IRAs, CD accounts…etc….because by doing this, not only do you get yourself out of debt…but you actually strengthen banks where they don’t have to rely on Government Hand-Outs via Taxpayer money.

3)      Vote no on higher taxes…..You don’t know where this money actually goes, and if you actually have more to spend….you can stimulate our economy. How? Your needs and wants have to be serviced….which means a person can actually WORK a job to fulfill those needs and wants, and from there the domino takes effect.

4)      Last but not least…..GET A FUCKING JOB!! There are tons of jobs out there….they’re just not the job’s people want…because they think they’re selling themselves short. Well too fucking bad….a job is a job, and it pays a hell of a lot more than unemployment……But then that’s free money right? No lazy fuck….it comes out of my paycheck…..FOODSTAMPS……don’t magically pull money out of asses, that also comes out of my paycheck.

So McDonald’s is beneath you huh? Again….talk to your grandparents about the great depression…..a time when an out of work Dr. would’ve killed to work register….at McDonalds

Be a real American…..and not the free-loading POS, the rest of the world thinks we are….Unite, and prosper

I am Pizzle BigSlim Heebadooba (JP Vargas)…..and I approved this message.

Before the birth of my first born, to say I wasn’t a “kid person” would be an understatement. In fact, the whole time his mother was pregnant with my son, I didn’t know quite how to act… I was young, immature, selfish, and the thought of having such a large responsibility in my life had me down right worrisome.

I remember being kind of happy when I first found out his mother was pregnant, but then reality kicked in, and I was constantly thinking how we were going to make it.

But, when that moment came, and my sonny was born, a power came over me so powerful; I couldn’t possibly put it to words…… Words like Overjoyed would be close but wouldn’t be strong enough for the feeling I felt.

This little person changed my life in an instant, and I fell in love with him, deep to the core of his soul.

In an instant, I had visualized his whole life…..every, success, every victory, every great thing one would want for their child went through my head….I wanted the world for my beautiful son…….but just as quick as my hopes filled my head, they faded away as reality again set in.

My poor sonny spent the good part of his first 2 months of his life in the Hospital…..if it wasn’t one thing, it was another, and on more than one occasion, he gave his mother, and I a scare….. He would definitely pull out safe and sound, and become a very, very healthy boy.

Looking back, I smile because like everything else in life, nothing ever really works out the way you plan….but things work themselves out like they should.

My son has never lived up to how I wanted him to turn out…..but that’s because I was stupid, and probably still am a little bit…… It really didn’t matter what I wanted, because God made my son his own person. I say that, because he has turned out beautifully……He has turned out exactly how he was supposed to be, and I couldn’t be prouder of him.

Despite the bumps in the road, and the drastic changes in his life, he has come through them all like a champ. He has become a very bright, polite, caring, and interesting person…..whether it was his mother, or I, or anyone else involved in his life…. Sonny took what he has learned, and molded himself into a fine young man.

Besides the fact the he wants to put the “Beat-Down” on his sister, at least once a week (Another story for another day), he is without a doubt the kindest hearted person I’ve ever met…..

Tomorrow is my first born, Robert Leland Vargas’ 15^th Birthday.  I’d like to say Thank you son….for making me proud. You mean the world to me…. You AND your sister are beautiful people inside and out. My only advice is to keep being you, and it will take you far.

 Love always, Dad.

]]> http://thepizzletrain.wordpress.com/2012/10/09/christopher-columbus-say-kiss-my-ass/ Tue, 09 Oct 2012 00:43:30 +0000 thepizzletrain http://thepizzletrain.wordpress.com/2012/10/09/christopher-columbus-say-kiss-my-ass/ To all those Revolutionaries out there….Christopher Columbus is fucking dead! If you don’t feel his existence in world history has any significance, so be it….but cut the guy some slack. He didn’t exactly have the best life anyway.

I would just be happy to get the day off. If you don’t, maybe you’re in the wrong industry? If you don’t work…then what the hell you bitching about? If his very name offends you, let me give you cold hard facts. 1) If his dumb ass didn’t bring his little colonization party from Europe, somebody else would have. 2) If his dumb ass didn’t bring his little colonization party from Europe, most of you “soapbox hero revolutionaries” wouldn’t have been here…..non-existent…..especially you third-world motherfuckers!

Now I can see if you were “Full-Blooded Native Indigenous People”, who wished nobody came over at all, then I completely understand. In my Opinion….unless you belonged to the Lucayan, Taíno, or Arawak tribes…..do you really have to be offended?…. Those tribes were treated worse by mainland tribes than the Spaniards anyway.

The fact that Europe did come, is water under the fucking bridge people. World History is full of treachery, misery, misfortune, broken dreams, and conquered peoples…..plain and simple. But our history as Americans was necessary to make us what we are today….And if Columbus was somehow directly responsible for MY very existence? Screw all of you; give the man a day….. You know who you should be mad at? The god damned Easter Bunny! Making all our kids fat by leaving them candy…..Or Santa Claus! Trying to take all of Jesus’ glory on his birthday by promising spoiled little brat’s toys. Get a grip…..The worlds grown stupid if we’re bashing guys who have been in their graves for over 600 years, or complaining about holidays and what the mean to them. To some, it means extra time with their kids….or a trip to the beach, or lunch with friends, or maybe getting that extra sleep from working all that overtime…….

Christopher Columbus gave me a message from beyond the grave….he says, KISS MY ASS!!

It is easy to curse any aspect of life’s obstacles, and cast blame on circumstances for our short-comings or mistakes. Personally, (and I didn’t always think this way) I believe mistakes are with us for the learning.

How I feel sorry for those who are handed everything in life….. Those who don’t ever experience the pains, and burdens of most, because when the shit really does hit the fan, they don’t know how to cope.

I believe that 50% of life is preexistent….and the other 50% is how we react to it.

On the flipside of being that poor little river rock, we also have to remember that we have choices…hence, how we react. Instead of seeing ourselves as river rocks in a river, we can see ourselves as a car on the open highway. We have a choice in direction. We can put on the breaks and enjoy the scenery around us. We can go full throttle, and deal with where we are going when we get there, wherever that may be.

My point is….we don’t have to dwell on, or regret anything. We are allowed to make those mistakes, because that’s what life is all about.

The problem with most is, by having the FEAR of making the same mistakes, they tend to ball up in a little shell, unknowingly mistreating those who had nothing to do with ones past.

On the subject of relationships, one may be too haste, or be too judgmental in labeling someone, simply because of a wounded heart. We’ve all been hurt at one time or another; does it give the right to give grief, or to pass your pain along?

We could all be a little more open minded, don’t be afraid to change. Is it really a burden on your pride? Don’t try to change others to fit your needs or wants. Is it possible that you have worn out your welcome on your pedestal? Don’t feel pressured or obligated to associate with those who make you unhappy.

There is something I want to share with you today, and it was first shown to me by my Grandfather. Its history comes under debate, but it is irrelevant…… The important thing is the message, and every once in awhile I read it to humble me, and it makes me think about my own mistakes……….and instead of dwelling on them, I appreciate them, for making me who I am…….ENJOY.

I give you…..

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its shams, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

“I just had the BEST EMAIL!!! It reads – Pizzle, at some point, you might want to grow up. Your postings are ridiculous, childish, vulgar, and disguntingly creepy. You have nothing remotely interesting to say, and why I accepted you is beyond me. Just wanted to let you know why I deleted you…. Now, normally I would just laugh, but the bitch got me on the wrong day. I noticed she still hadn’t deleted me, so here is my response…… Dearest Funbags, Really? All that? Well no shit…what’s your fucking point? Guess what? I don’t give two hairy dicks, and a rats ass what you think. My postings might be a little unorthodox! Hell! They’re bout 99.999% made up, but they’re a hell of a lot more interesting than what you have for breakfast, or what your baby sent to you for your anniversary, or what your ugly kids did at school…etc.. Let’s be honest…bimbo…you have a great rack…I would speedbag the shit out of them! But you’re a bonafide “Butter Face”! You’re a nobody, with no imagination, no sense of humor, and the only reason you have a thousand facebook friends, is because that ONE hot pick you posted has a mile of cleavage!! I’ll bet that’s not even you…..One more thing….The top of your head is flat! And if your bitchy ass husband is a beer drinker, he must be very happy. Don’t let the Pizzle Train door hit your fat ass on the way out….Love, Pizzle BigSlim Heebadooba”

I remember when I was in 4^th grade; my Auntie Dawn bought me my very first tape recorder…. I thought it was the greatest thing in the world! I would spend countless hours, recording everything…. I was obsessed. Anybody in my family can attest to how annoying I was with that damn thing.

I remember recording my late Great-Grandmother, and her brother talk about “old people shit” for a solid hour, then I’d reclaim my recorder without them knowing it, and then playing it back….and I would just laugh…and laugh…and laugh… Needless to say, I had pretty sick humor even back then…I mean, I’d record myself taking a dump for Christ sake! Those who know me would see the similarities from then and now….. I was a silly little fucker to say the least… But hell, I was an only child, and social skills came on my schedule, at my convenience, so I did what I had to do to keep entertained.

It was a different world back then…  There was no 1000 channels on TV…I had no siblings, my cousins were all younger than I was with the exception of one, and he was too old, and cooler than me to give me time a day…. Not to mention, my poor Mom was a single mother, working graveyards, and most of the time, I’d stay with 1 of 3 Grandmothers, and a Great-Aunt and Uncle who were all too old to keep me entertained (directly) ….. And friends? I had them here and there….I made my appearance once in awhile, but for the most part, I was a loner, and I liked it that way. Just me and my Tape Recorder…. I was a super-dork, and I didn’t care.

A couple of years later, some Genius invented THE BOOMBOX….and I fell in love all over again. Now….. I could record stupid shit, AND music, and even DUB from one tape to the other.

I was fortunate to have won one, because I happen to sell the most Chocolate Easter Bunnies at school….I won a bike too, but I didn’t give a rat’s ass about a bike….shit, that was too much like work!

So again, here I was, recording everything……Tons of tapes with hours and hours of recorded nonsense! I had everything from, my friend’s sister taking a shower….to Egyptian Lover… It was great!

One day, a friend of mine showed me a few tricks in “Cheap Editing”… he used to steal his parents music cassette tapes , and either tape the 2 open slots on top, or shove foil in them, so that a ordinary music tape can become recordable….This guy was even creepier than I….instead of dubbing a tape to get his favorite songs on, he used to literally pull the tape out, cut it, and tape it all in one music compilation tape!……I know…..SMH.

Well one day, I had ran out of tapes to record….and I’d be damned if I was to tap into, and record over my precious collection of nonsense!

I had remembered what I had learned from my “Creepier Than I” friend, and started going through my Mom’s Tape collection to feed my addiction… It was wrong, I know, but hey….she wouldn’t miss it….. Or would she?

So I grab the first tape I see, and without looking, I scotch tape the top, and stick it in the ole’ BOOMBOX to record god knows what……. I wanted to test it real quick of course, so I went ahead and pressed record and turned on the radio…

After about 3 minutes, I decided to rewind the sum-bitch, and take a listen….. I must have rewinded it a little too much, because what I was hearing, wasn’t the old 96FM (remember that Fresno?)….. What I heard was Laura Brannigan….. What I heard was one of my Mom’s favorite Tapes…. In fact it WAS her favorite tape at the time, and I was in DEEP SHIT!

Laura Brannigan – Self Control Album…… It was kind of like chick music, kind of gay, but call me gay…I kind of liked it…. But not as much as my Mom did, and I knew she would whoop my ass if she found out what I did…..

So after a quick freak-out session…. I did whatever, non-logical thing I could think of at the time…. Why I didn’t just record over the radio recording, I don’t know….I did what seemed smart at the time…….I took what I had learned from “Creepier Than I” friend, and CUT a section out of some random tape….and taped and inserted into the infected area…which means I taped it, like one of my friends compilations….

Weeks go by….and I totally forgot about the whole ordeal, because in my mind…things are cool. So my mom and I are on our way to Salinas, to visit family….. She pulls out her tape case, pulls out a tape, and inserts it into the deck….. LAURA BRANNIGAN!!!

I’m thinking OH SHIT! I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead…. So just as the song gets to the INFECTED AREA……my mom decides to rewind it to the beginning…. I’m sweating my ass off, by this time, and I’m hoping we get to where we’re going before it gets to the INFECTED AREA!

Sure enough…..after about 2 minutes of Laura Brannigan… the music dramatically changes to 3 minutes of ……Michael Jackson’s –Thriller!

Now the rest was kind of a blur….. I remember a lot of “God Damn it’s”…..maybe a few “What the hell did you do’s?”….I don’t know…I just played dumb as long as I could until my mom got tired of rewinding, and flipping over the tape……

Anyway….I learned my lesson, it was wrong, and even though my mom forgot all about it… I still felt bad, and today I’m coming clean…..Momma….I’m sorry….It was me….and I’m sorry! Will you forgive me?

P.S. – REST IN PEACE – LAURA BRANNIGAN

I had been a fan of Soccer since I first played competitively back in 2^nd grade…. And after the 6^th grade, I knew I didn’t have the right tools to keep going. I was never athletically inclined, a little awkward, uncoordinated, and was never thin, fast or very limber…. Something I probably could have worked on, but instead, I gave into social pressures to play other sports…..Sports like, American favorites; Football, and baseball… I wasn’t any good at these either…. I kind of just went with it, and even though I enjoyed watching these sports, I didn’t exactly want to play…. And even though I tried to play these sports….. I always admired those who played my all time favorite sport.

I have been a fan of most professional sports as a kid….. You name it; I had a favorite player or competitor, and a favorite team in every sport… It wasn’t uncommon to have friends growing up who followed more than one sport. The teams would vary, but most would follow teams from within the state or area they resided in….. I was always an odd-ball…rooting for the underdogs of a team nobody else did, in a town I’ve never been to…. But that was me. I was never a conformist… Most of the time, I would just follow the team that would be on TV at the time, and would just be happy to watch something competitive.

A few years ago, I started paying close attention to soccer again (referred to as Football in most of the world). I especially paid close attention to European soccer. Why? I don’t know…. It’s not like I couldn’t turn to the local Spanish speaking station and watch Mexico Primera, or Sudamericana….. But I was more intrigued with European competitive soccer…more specifically, the English Premier League……even more specifically than that, NEWCASTLE UNITED!!!

I’d watch a soccer match, from any league, anytime of the year when I could. As long as it didn’t interfere with the NFL (my number one gambling sport), I would sit down and watch a good match.

I remember when Major League Soccer first came out in 93…. I thought, it’s about fucking time! But because of the lack of Television up until a few years ago…I have to be honest….it was easy to forget it was even around. American favorites took precedence on Television. Now……given, there are some diehard Americans out there who followed the MLS, and helped it become what it is today, and I thank them for it! However, we as Americans are a lifetime and a half away from being- as passionate about the sport, or ANY sport for that matter than the Europeans, the Asians, Latin America, or Africa.

It’s not just a sport…it’s a fucking religion. Fans of the EPL live and breath by what goes on when it comes to their respective Clubs…

Don’t get me wrong…. Many countries dedicate their lives to the sport. I’m not saying one is more dedicated than the other… My point is that the United States fails in comparison to the passion for this sport than the rest of the world and that is unfortunate.

Americans love their version of football; fine….it’s a great sport, great to watch….I love it…. But there are too many close-minded, one-track sport fans in my country who say, Soccer is boring….YAWN!! – My cousin Terry says….. He’s a Raider Fan…nuff said… American Football fans say they are Hardcore……They don’t know what the fuck Hardcore is until they spare a couple hours watching two bad-ass teams go toe-to-toe (literally) in a game of soccer, when the game means something, when something is on the line, when fans are out of their fucking minds full of emotions…

Today was “Survival Sunday”, in which a handful of teams in the EPL were playing for the top 4 spots in the league….which would put them in the Championship League (Tournament of top teams from top European Leagues). But besides my NEWCASTLE UNITED MAGPIES losing their game, the most intriguing battles were going on elsewhere…..2 teams, Manchester United, and their neighboring rivals, Manchester City, were playing for enough points to make them EPL Champs…. MC had the advantage playing against Queens Park Rangers over MU who was playing Sunderland….. MC, who had the lead in points over MU until two things happened, that had EPL fans on the edge of their seats…..MU scored against Sunderland…. And Manchester City, who hadn’t been Champs in 44 years, fell behind Queens Park 2-1 in the final minutes of the match.

Now Manchester United (A historical favorite) had the top spot in the rankings…..because their game came to a end…beating Sunderland…

Then the unthinkable happened…when all seemed lost for Manchester City….when regulation time finished, and the stoppage time was implemented…..,BAMMMMMMM!!!   Edin Dzeko and Sergio Aguero scored during injury time in a 3-2 victory that gave Manchester City its first league title since 1968, finishing ahead of Manchester United on goal difference…..

Now….anybody watching would be lying if they said, Soccer was boring after seeing something as dramatic as that….. And I noticed something, which touched me more than anything related to sports, or athletic competition in all my life…..  The fans went through an amazing emotional rollercoaster in a very short amount of time– And in the end, they were overjoyed when their team won the title of Champion…It touched me. It touched me because I enjoy all aspects of what this sport brings. It brings more passion, more emotion, and more excitement than any other sport in my opinion……and it is my opinion…….and about 3 billion others!

Wife #2 was a little different story…. Let’s just say, I didn’t know what I was getting into, and should have skipped to Wife #3…….But this is just a Preface to the story I’m about to tell……..

I got a call today from #2. She was a little upset while leaving me a voicemail….. She was upset because I didn’t give her a heads up about never talking to her 6 year old son anymore, on account that I’m re-married, she was re-married, and I also am expecting a child with #3…… She said stuff like, he’s in the backseat crying because he misses his daddy; I could have gave her a heads up because now she has to explain that I’m not his real daddy, and basically, Thanks for being a dick and not calling……

Now….. If you didn’t know better, you’d think, yes! That is a dick move…. What kind of person stops talking to a child because he decided to move on?

But here’s the back story…

You see, I got involved with this woman at the worst possible time in my life. I was emotionally, and mentally broken, and I was just happy somebody “kinda” liked me at the time. And I let myself get wrapped up in a situation, I never ever should have been in…… before I knew it…..we were married, and living together.

Fast forward 4 years later, and we are separated….

Countless sleepless nights, ridiculous arguments, shady behavior, staying out all night…etc….. This woman put me through the worst emotional and financial hardship of my life! And, even through the critiquing, and double-talking, double-standards, and the pass the buck finger pointing…I was there! I took care of her kids anyway I could…even when she was gone till 6 in the morning, god knows where.

This, First-Class Manipulating Sociopath was some peace of work. She would argue, and side-step, and divert the conversation so much in one sitting….that the point got lost! And then she’d somehow come on top and make it all seem like everybody else’s fault….

But I got wise….. I started to figure her out, and my once broken senses started to come back… I started to realize something.

Here is someone who has 3 kids from 3 different fathers…WHICH ISN’T A BAD THING, BECAUSE I KNOW GOOD PEOPLE WITH THE SAME SITUATION…. No, you see, the kids are just a bi-product of a continuous cycle…a pattern if you will?

She had 3 tumultuous relationships before me….which included, Child Support Filings, Spousal Abuse Claims, Restraining orders, Child Protective Custody…you name it! Why I didn’t see the REDFLAG is a fucking mystery to me….But besides that, starting to get the picture?

Every relationship would start out with a bang, and then fizzle out……but not before spreading like wildfire and taking innocent bystanders with them.

I also remember hearing how she talked to her kids…..strategically making the fathers out to be the bad guy’s, and making herself smell like roses…..And these little brainwashing techniques would usually come after she was a little overzealous with some physical discipline….if you know what I mean…She’d say stuff like “I do this because I love you, and I care for you. I don’t see your father here beating the shit out of you, so he must not care!” Nice stuff huh?

So anyway, after all the shady behavior….like one does when they’re cheating…..I saw my opportunity to start planning my exit strategy…. The last straw was when she wanted to move out without my father, who was living with us….And I flat out said no!….Did she really think, that I would choose her over my dad?…..He had been there for me while she was out fucking around, I’d be damned if I would kick my blood out for a two-timing sleaze of a person, who only gave a shit about her…and hers…

When she saw that I wasn’t going with her, she threw a tantrum…scratched my face…and moved out to her own place…leaving me and dad with a 4 bedroom house to clean…and a shitload of bills….

Fast forward to now….and I’m happy as happy can be.

I’m married to a beautiful woman….not just outside, but inside too…. She doesn’t critique everything I do, she supports everything I do…..she doesn’t make sport of pointing out my children’s flaws…..she loves them…and doesn’t compare mine to hers…..She won’t make me choose her over my dad, cuz she loves him too…She doesn’t talk about her friends and family behind their backs….she loves them. She doesn’t chew people up, and spit them out….she treats people with respect, and expects it back in return….I hit the lotto on this one! I love her dearly, and I would do anything for her… And she’s a hell of a lot worth my time then the Parasitic Leach of a woman that gave me nothing but grief for 4 years!

So now for the little-man….her 6 year old son….who called me daddy….who I helped raise under his mothers umbrella of hell-fire?……. Well, I love him dearly….I miss him dearly….and it hurts me very much to have to walk away…..But I have too…I no longer want to associate with that scum…… I hope someday he will come searching for me…..even though his mother will surely fill his head with ugly stories about me…..

In closing I want to say this…… I thought about the last words “Good Ole” #2 said in the voicemail…. She said, Thanks for the heads up…Thanks…..well I want to thank her too!

Thanks for wasting 4 years of my life…

Thanks for making my credit worse…

Thanks for making me realize life is better without you…

Thanks for all the horrible memories…

And most important….thanks for indirectly placing me on the path to meet my Beloved #3…The love of my life, the mother of my baby boy (Due June 2012)…..Thanks!

So one day, my buddy Daniel asked if I wanted to play some Indoor Soccer on his brother’s team….. I thought it would be a great way to get in shape and drop a few extra pounds… (Cuz I have a lot of extra).

So I go to my first practice…had a good time, then all of a sudden, I felt a huge pop in my left foot. It actually felt like somebody threw a rock at it….. Needless to say, my foot started to swell and throb.

I go to the podiatrist the next day, and he said I tore my plantar fascia….. and because my foot has absolutely everything wrong with it…I should go get some prosthetic inserts for my shoes…..

You see, I have a WIDE FOOT, a HIGH ARCH, a HIGH INSTEP, and big ole’ chicken McNugget toes……and after wearing the wrong shoes my whole life, it was starting to catch up to me….not to mention, me being overweight which was a huge factor.

So Dr. Podiatrist referred me over to an Orthopedist for my inserts, which luck would have it, my insurance covered…..

I get to the Orthopedists office and this guy was as blunt as he was funny…. He said, “Oh my flipping God, these are the worst feet I’ve ever seen! I laughed, but he explained why, which pretty much matched up with what the Dr. said….

I told him how my Dad called my feet Clydesdale Hoofs after the Budweiser Horses….and after a quick laugh; he said they were more like Water Buffalo Hoofs….

So this guy measures my Hoofs…..and they come out to be 10.5 4E’s….but he said that I might have to go to 11 depending on the brand, but he highly recommends NEW BALANCE because the soles were wide and sturdy for my monstrosities!

So today! My beautiful wife took me out to buy some DiDiDi spasoid tardo shoes from SEARS, because she got tired of me complaining about how all my size 12 skinny ass feet hurt so much……

I have no regrets! Yea…I have to wear DorkOfide Clodhoppers for the rest of my life, because I went so long wearing the wrong shoe. It contributed to foot pain, as well as back pain, and knee pain too.

Most shoes now days are designed around skinny ass, long, black guy feet….I know that isn’t Politically Correct, but it’s true…and I wish I had feet like that….. But thank god for NEW BALANCE and their wide selection of Water Buffalo shoes! I can play Soccer…no matter how stupid I look!