“Ik ben ook maar menselijk!” Deze uitspraak of een variatie erop heb je vast wel eens gehoord. We gebruiken het als een manier om aan te geven dat wij ook maar gelimiteerd zijn door ons eigen kunnen. Maar wat is het nu eigenlijk om ‘mens’ te zijn? We definiëren ons na zo’n vraag meestal door hetzelfde lijstje af te gaan, waarbij we zoveel mogelijk dingen noemen die bij ‘het gewone leven’ horen. Werk, ‘huisje-boompje-beestje’, vrienden maken en verliezen, oud worden. Toch begint die standaarddefinitie de laatste tijd steeds meer op losse schroeven te staan.

Als je nog niks over ballonnen hebt gelezen, is het misschien handig om dat eerst eens te doen. Als je in je hoofd inmiddels al denkbeeldige erwten hebt weggeschoten met denkbeeldige ballonnen, let dan goed op.

Want toen ik Alan Watts hoorde praten over het feit dat wij allen God zouden zijn, schoot me een ander fragment te binnen dat mijn binding met Watts z’n woorden alleen versterkte. Het betreft een stuk van Bill Hicks (16 dec 1961 – 26 feb 1994) waarin hij dezelfde theorie aandraagt als Watts. Het kan heel goed zijn dat Watts een bron van inspiratie voor Hicks is geweest, maar dat kan ik vanuit geen enkele kant bevestigd krijgen. De boodschap van Hicks windt er hoe dan ook geen doekjes om: Ik ben God…en jij ook.

Dit stuk resoneerde zo ontzettend sterk met mijn eigen overtuigingen, dat ik alle mogelijke middelen verzamelde in mijn hoofd om het te kunnen rationaliseren. Iedereen kan zoiets natuurlijk wel zeggen, maar waarom het voor mij ‘waar is’, heb ik gepoogd uit te leggen in de laatste paar weblogs. Van quantum mechanica en de oerknal, tot aan de (zen-boeddhistische) mijmeringen van Alan Watt’s en George Carlin.

De theorie

Hoe ik het zie, is dat wij allemaal maar kleine representaties zijn van het grotere overkoepelende ‘ding’ dat vaak als God bestempeld wordt. Telkens duiken er piepkleine deeltjes deze driedimensionale werkelijkheid in, om het bestaan op deze manier te ervaren, maar ook om het deels in stand te houden door observatie. Ik zie het altijd als kleinere stroompjes die zich afsplitsen van de grote rivier, om zich er later weer mee samen te voegen.

De ‘prijs’ die je ervoor betaalt is dat je, eenmaal geboren in dit lichaam, geen enkele bewuste herinnering meer overhoudt aan datgene wat er aan je huidige leven voorafging. Maar zodra je sterft en je ‘ziel’ dit tijdelijke voertuig achter zich laat, ben je weer terug bij het grotere geheel. Bij de bron, of God.

“God is alomvattend en God is alwetend.” In de context van mijn theorie lijkt deze uitspraak een stuk begrijpelijker. Een leuke bijkomstigheid van het geheel, is dat wij als mini-godje de potentie in ons hebben om meer te zijn dan ‘maar een mens’. Als je vanuit die optiek kijkt naar de grote namen die ik eerder noemde, Boeddha, Jezus, enzovoorts, zou je kunnen redeneren dat zij slechts een stapje op ons voor waren. Maar dat hoeft dus niet te betekenen dat zij, en alleen zij deze stap konden maken. Er moet ergens in ons hoofd simpelweg een schakelaartje ‘om’ en dan ligt die weg voor ons allen open.

Evolving an idea

Sommige zijn van mening dat je dit alleen kunt bereiken via jarenlange meditatie en strikte discipline. Andere menen dat het gebruik van hallucinerende middelen de weg naar verlichting is. Weer anderen denken dat het voor de mensheid ‘ineens om zal slaan’. Dat laatste wordt ook steeds vaker gezegd met een verwijzing naar de 2012-datum in december van dat jaar.

Natuurlijk is het allemaal maar speculatie. Niemand kan met 100% zekerheid zeggen dat zij ‘de weg en het licht’ hebben gevonden, al denken zij dat zelf natuurlijk wel.

Wat ik wel denk, is dat als we niet snel ‘wakker’ worden, we in een overbevolkte, kaalgeplukte wereld eindigen, waar de lucht te giftig is om te ademen en het water te zuur om te drinken. Of zoals Bill Hicks het in een andere voorstelling omschreef:

“Folks, it’s time to evolve idea’s. Evolution did not end with us growing thumbs, you do know that right? Didn’t end there. We’re at the point now where we’re going to have to evolve ideas. The reason we’re all so f***ed up is because we’re undergoing evolution. And the reason all our institutions, our traditional religions are all crumbling, is because… they’re no longer relevant! *laughs* They’re no longer relevant… so it’s time for us to create a new philosophy and perhaps even a new religion, you see?

And that’s our right, because we are free and holy children of God. With minds that can imagine anything…and that’s kind of our role.  Maybe something based on, yes, the principles of Jesus. Which were, love your brother like yourself…Because you know what? He is yourself!”

Als afsluiter dan nog het filmpje van Alan Watts waar het voor mij mee begon (naast die ene hierboven, van Hicks). Het laatste stuk van dit filmpje is Michael Tsarion die op zijn eigen manier hetzelfde probeert over te brengen.

Por Bill Hicks

El mundo es como un paseo en un parque de diversiones y cuando elegís entrar, pensás que es real porque así de poderosa es nuestra mente. El paseo sube y baja, da vueltas, tiene escalofríos y emociones y está lleno de colores brillantes y es muy ruidoso. Y es divertido… por un rato. Hay gente que ha estado jugando por tanto tiempo, que comienza a preguntarse: “¿Es esto real, o es sólo un paseo?” Y otras personas, se han dado cuenta, se vuelven a nosotros y nos dice: “Hey, no te preocupes, no tengas jamás miedo, porque es apenas un juego” Y nosotros… matamos a esas personas “¡Cállenlo! Hemos invertido demasiado en esto, ¡cállenlo! Mirá mis arrugas de preocupación, mirá mi gran cuenta bancaria y mi familia, esto tiene que ser real!”… Pero hemos asesinado a esos buenos tipos, ¿no lo notaron? Hemos dejado que los demonios se salieran con la suya. Pero no importa, porque… es apenas un paseo y podemos cambiarlo cuando sea que queramos. Es sólo una elección, sin esfuerzos, sin trabajo, sin empleo, sin ahorros. Una elección, ahora mismo, entre miedo y amor. Los ojos del miedo quieren que pongas cerrojos más grandes en las puertas, compres armas, te encierres. Los ojos del amor, en cambio, nos ven a todos como uno solo. Aquí hay algo que podemos hacer para cambiar el mundo, ahora mismo: agarren todo ese dinero que gastamos en armas y defensa cada año y en lugar de eso, gástenlo para alimentar, vestir, educar a cada pobre en el mundo, sin excluir a nadie y así podremos explorar juntos  el espacio. Tanto interior como exterior. Para siempre… en paz

Col passare degli anni ho sviluppato degli interrogativi riguardo l””autore” satirico Daniele Luttazzi:

A – Come fa un comico italiano – nonostante la palese e dichiarata derivazione stilistica-performativa da Allen, Letterman e altri -  a partorire tante geniali battute di chiaro stampo anglosassone, dimostrando una padronanza di umorismo d’oltreoceano più unica che rara, che presuppone anche un background culturale di quel genere? è possibile fare questo attraverso il semplice studio e l’assimilazione?

B – Come fa un simile genio dell’umorismo e della dissacrazione ad avere delle cadute imbarazzanti tipo questa e questa, o a farsi protagonista di gesti al limite della marchetta e politicamente corretto televisivo (vedi applauso alle forze dell’ordine in sala)?

C – Perché un uomo di quella immensa capacità creativa dovrebbe, specie nelle interviste, ripetere sempre, ossessivamente,  gli stessi concetti, le stesse formule, le stesse colte citazioni, come un computer programmato, non lasciando  (nemmeno negli spettacoli) il benché minimo spazio all’improvvisazione, cosa non riscontrabile, per quanto mi riguarda, in nessun altro comico?

D – Perché specula sui suoi monologhi ripetendo all’infinito gli stessi 3 in tour non certo economici senza inventare nulla di nuovo da anni a questa parte?

E – Perché appare così maledettamente “ragioniere”, più che “artista”? perché si erge a giudice supremo ed autorità pedante in fatto di satira arrivando persino ad istituire una “palestra” o corso di battuta ( “chi non sa fare insegna…” (cit.))sul suo sito…ce lo vedete, voi, Guzzanti, o il defunto Bill Hicks a fare da professorini della satira su internet? io no.

F – Come un satirico tanto “libero” nei contenuti può dimostrare di avere una visione socio-politica così “partigiana”, schierata e spesso unilaterale,  tanto che più di quella di un  satirico, sembra quella di un parlamentare?

G – Dove, concludendo,  un robot della dialettica come lui, erudito ma rigido nelle sue convinzioni, spesso infantile e ottusamente ripetitivo, troverebbe quell’incredibile ed originale guizzo creativo che l’ha reso celebre ed ammirato da tutti noi?

Beh, la risposta un po’ l’avevo intuita da solo, ed è la più semplice fra quelle che possano venire in mente, per quanto sbalorditiva: Luttazzi non è un genio della stira ; Luttazzi è un genio del copiato.

Questo sito me ne ha dato atroce conferma fornendomi spunti per approfondire ulteriormente in maniera autonoma. Praticamente, 3/4 delle battute (spesso intere sezioni di monologhi!) che hanno reso celebri il nostro, appartengono a comici americani, tradotte e copiate pari pari e recitate a pagamento o inserite in libri, sempre a pagamento. Come una cover band dei Rolling Stones che si facesse pagare  i concerti 40 euro a biglietto.

Provare per credere.

]]> http://thevagabonddiaries.wordpress.com/2009/11/16/play-from-your-fucking-heart/ Mon, 16 Nov 2009 23:54:59 +0000 daisyhat http://thevagabonddiaries.wordpress.com/2009/11/16/play-from-your-fucking-heart/

“When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children…?”

Als ik een filmpje op YouTube wil bekijken weet ik dat het gaat gebeuren. Wanneer ik een review van een nieuwe bioscoopfilm wil zien kan het me niet ontgaan. Zelfs wanneer ik simpelweg op een gemiddelde website kijk word ik er mee doodgegooid. Reclame. Reclame en nog eens reclame. Zo langzamerhand heb ik genoeg van de penisvergrotende pillen en zalfjes in mijn e-mail doos. Ook heb ik schoon genoeg van de autoreclames die minimaal dertig seconden door mijn scherm heen piepen en toeteren voordat ik daadwerkelijk kan beginnen aan het filmpje dat ik in eerste instantie wilde bekijken. Neen, het interesseert me niet. Ik wil het niet en ik koop het niet. Als ik een auto wil ga ik wel naar een dealer. Als ik alle tijd bij elkaar op zou tellen die ik jammerlijk heb verkwanselt aan onzinnige uitspraken van de hedendaagse ‘vlotte verkooptijgers’ dan was ik een jaar jonger geweest. Ik weet niet hoeveel geduld ik nog heb met spam, verplichte reclames en misschien nog wel het meest irritante van allemaal: pop-ups als je op nieuwssites klikt. Het zoeken naar het delete-kruisje is altijd weer een onderneming. Zat hij de vorige keer nog bovenin, nu moet je onderin zoeken om de irritante flash-animatie van je mooie scherm te krijgen. Mijn computer is allergisch voor bullshit en dat ben ik ook. Om mijzelf te scharen in het intelligente gezelschap van wijlen Bill Hicks; “If you’re in marketing…Please kill yourself.” In bovenstaande zaken is de marketing doordrongen van slechte slogans, vervelende piepjes en irritante producten. Blijkbaar hebben de Internet verkooptijgers een communicatielesje overgeslagen. Hoor jij bij deze club der puisterige reclame pygmeeën die deze rommel over het Internet verspreidt? Val jij dagelijks duizenden onschuldige surfers lastig met producten die ze niet nodig hebben? Meld je dan nu aan op deze website voor de cursus ‘Hoe zoek ik de dichtstbijzijnde psychiater in mijn omgeving?’ Deze cursus wordt u aangeboden door Trip Tekstueel en zal vooral gaan over de overbodigheid van uw werk en de totale disruptie van het sociale Internetverkeer die u daarmee veroorzaakt. Tissues zijn niet incluis en geadviseerd wordt om vooraf uw computer bij het grof vuil te zetten. Ik hoop dat u mij het vergeeft lieve lezers, maar het is tijd voor mij om te stoppen met deze column. Ik moet namelijk een duizendtal commerciële zenders verwijderen van mijn tv-toestel. Wat mij betreft presenteert Piet nooit meer een weerbericht, bakt Gordon Ramsay nooit meer een ei en verknalt Henk-Jan Smits nooit meer de pixels van mijn veel te dure tv toestel. Ik groet u allen vanuit een reine omgeving.

Because someone reminded me of De La Soul the other day…

Me Myself And I – De La Soul
That Fascinating Thing – Squirrel Nut Zippers
Taking You Out – Eleni Mandell
Tomber La Chemise – Zebda
Drive My Car – the Beatles
Parklife – Blur
Sugar (Original Version) – Flo Rida feat. Wynter
River – Lights
Limits – Calvin Harris
Squares – The Beta Band

In honour of Mark Farnsworth, here’s Bill Hicks on music:

Play from your fucking heart indeed.

In this world that we live in today it is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the life we have created for ourselves. We become so focused and entrenched in our work, relationships, and personal life that we sometimes lose sight of life’s big picture. This is not a relatively hard thing to accomplish as the picture is so big and detailed that it is very easy to fixate our attention in one area, forgetting that it’s just a tiny fraction to the whole masterpiece and in fact, the entire picture is just one among endless amounts of other pictures hanging on the wall. As we step back, divert our attention elsewhere or even analyze the very fabric for which the picture was created on we might find that “what ‘matters’ most” is nothing more than the thought we put behind it into making it a reality.

All that exists in this physical world we live in is made up of matter. Protons, Neutrons and Electrons are of course made up by quarks (to over simplify the process) and this is what makes up every thing that exists. Modern physicists are now supporting that these basic building blocks for matter are in fact NOT solid. In fact 99% of an atom is empty space. Countless experiments have been conducted to show that solidity is only a trick of the mind at the macroscopic level.  This was first brought to the public eye by a scientist named Ernest Rutherford in an experiment he did passing particles through gold. I am sure we will be hearing even more about this concept as CERN (Council for European Nuclear Research) is about to kick off its billion dollar project to further investigate the fabric of existence.

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4484053n&tag=contentMain;contentBody

For those of you whom this is a new concept to, I can imagine that you are skeptical to believe that something you can touch is not solid. This contradicts everything we’ve learned throughout our lives. However, modern science is beginning to expound into the “paranormal” and “unexplainable” to possibly repeat history and as time showed the world is not flat and the sun does not revolve around the earth we shall begin to become conscious that what you see and touch is not the end all be all for what exists and who/what we really are.

We are all energy. Our bodies emit light and heat. Our brains produce thoughts that emit waves that manipulate the “physical” world in which we live.  This is not such a strange concept when you think about the fact that our bodies are coexisting with all kinds of different frequencies such as television, radio waves, numerous other frequencies, some probably still undiscovered. Just because you can’t see them at the moment doesn’t mean they do not exist or are not present.  They exist in the same space the mind and body does. One must only find the proper medium to access the information and decode it into information our brains can interpret.   There is more to the human being than the physical bodies in which we live because in fact the majority of our body is once again just a bunch of nothing. We exist on many different levels, dimensions and frequencies. For numerous reasons we have lost touch with our ability to realize our full potential as beings and have forgotten that we are eternal and have always been.  Our minds and bodies vibrate at different frequencies corresponding with the thoughts and emotions we are feeling at the time. This might sound like a bunch of spiritual pish-posh and may make one uncomfortable but if you allow yourself to lower the predetermined constructs of your mind it will all make sense, even logically.

http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/biggestsecret/andtruthfreebook/truthfree00.htm#introduction

Our thoughts are our most powerful and equally crippling tool we possess. Our thoughts define our actions and our actions shape our experiences in this reality.  Our “reality” is a reflection of what we think about ourselves and what we hold onto dearest. It is this great ability to think that we can manipulate to make our lives more pleasant or less favorable.  This is a beautiful thing because once you realize that this is true and is a universal law that we are not taught in school or church (coincidence?), you begin to look inside yourself and out at your current situation and see that it is only you that has put yourself where you are,  and it is only you (and a good thing too since you won’t have to worry about anyone else letting you down) who can use that information to bring about desirable changes. Once we realize that the only one to blame for our problems and our unhappiness is ourselves (not anyone or thing) we can begin to take responsibility for our actions, learn from our mistakes, change our thought process and continue in a new found direction.

This law works simply by like attracting like. Positive attracting positive. Negative attracting Negative. This is the one rule to making this work. The law does not care whether you are emitting positive or negative energy, it will bring you what you desire. Now one might say, no one would want to attract negativity into their life, however, there are people who are consciously making the world a more negative/worse place, but for the moment I am speaking of the people who are probably not aware they are attracting negativity with even the tiniest negative thoughts. One rule that I find works for me, is think simple. If you can apply something on a small-scale and it works, then it will translate to the big picture. It is because of this that we must be careful with what we say and what we are thinking. Little things, eventually add up to big things, good and bad. Think about what you think about yourself and where the majority of your thoughts lie. Are you constantly saying things like “Nothing good ever happens to me”, “I hate…”, “I can’t…”, “Oh woe is me, I’m just a little nobody, working at a job I hate, to pay rent in a too small of house, with a nagging spouse, and too many bills, and I just can’t ever seem to get anything right”, “Nobody likes me” blah blah garbage!! If you think like that you will only be focusing on the negative things in your life, and the positive ones, which still exist will be phased out by your focus on negative ones thus attracting even more negativity into your life. However if you always choose to look at the positivity in things (even though negative ones still may exist) they will be phased out and you will attract even greater happiness into your life. I could not even begin to tell you the thousands of people and things big and small, that I have attracted into my life since learning about this universal law.

I encourage anyone interested in this to check out this movie and research “The Law of Attraction”

People are skeptical to think that you can get whatever you want in life or change any situation you are in simply by thinking about it because a lot of times they don’t realize that although 90% of it is just knowing what you want and thinking about it you still have to put that positivity in alignment with your actions. When those two things are in perfect harmony: 1. knowing what you want, 2. and taking the proper actions to get it: you can literally do anything or recieve anything! Thoughts become things!  The beautiful thing is that no one can stop you but yourself. You just have to stay positive and keep believing that good things will come because they will. The law is always at work. It seems so simple and logical when you break it down on an individual level, however most people in the world are completely oblivious. [I will write a full blog post on this subject with examples from my life and others at a later date]

It is because of this great law and our true “freedom”, which unfortunately I am not talking about the freedom we think we have as Americans, but our true freedom is the power of choice. At the end of the day, in any situation, rational or irrational, it is oneself who always has the ability to make a choice. That being said, those choices always have consequences of less favorable outcomes or favorable/tolerable outcomes but each person always possess the power to choose.  At the end of the day no one can make the decision but themselves. This is something I have had a hard time accepting but now better understand that happiness and fearfulness are choices. Choices that we each make each day, defined by our thoughts, carried into actions, actions that shape the outcome of our life and influence the state of the world. The world is the way it is today because of the thoughts that others before us and now us have had and turned those thoughts into actions or done nothing while our world was manipulated into a state of fear.  It is us who have chosen to live in this world of fear, to accept that it is inevitable that the world can only get worse.  It is us who have so quickly fallen to our knees in looking to the sky for answers to problems, all the while there are people among us whom we’ve never met that are manipulating this false movie-like reality we call life, while we tune out, obey, be silent and do nothing.

The human brain is a very complex and magnificent organ that functions on so many levels most of which we have barely even begun to tap into. However most of us tend to not ever put it to good use and instead allow pop culture, the media and movies to program how we think. There is a small part of our brain called the reptilian brain which functions on basic instincts and survival that most of us never allow ourselves to think outside of. This part of the brain is very primal in that, it allows us to let things like fear, selfishness survival, dominance, and sexual thoughts govern our life. The mainstream media, movie producers and global elite know this and have set our worldly lives up to be stimulated and manipulated like this. It is so much in the forefront of our society that you almost can’t see it because it is in just about everything and we have let ourselves become blinded by the overwhelming exposure to it, accepting it for “just the way it is, honey”, or “always has been always will be.” garbage.

This powerful weapon of manipulation can be seen every time you watch the news, hear a commercial, drive past a billboard, rent a movie, go to war, vote for political figures, listen to the radio, or surf the internet. It’s just about everywhere and it is not by coincidence. Fear is an immobilizing thing. Fear can cripple a person keeping them from ever really doing anything. Fear is a good way to keep people out-of-the-way and influence them to do what you want. However, Fear isn’t real. It is true, the only thing to fear is fear itself. Fear is nothing more than a product of unfamiliarity. A mental road block in your mind. We are afraid of things we do not understand and unfortunately in today’s society we have such a go-go mentality that we don’t take the time to understand or figure out why we’re afraid or what there is to even be afraid of.  We are such a society full of repeaters that world society as a whole never stops to critically analyze happenings in the news around the world and how they are connected. You have to look extremely hard to find a true journalist, or true news source. And of course people have been programmed not to accept an alternative because it is not a “credible” source, most certainly lacking the fancy cameras, graphics and people we’ve become accustomed with.

Here is a good example of how the media works:

If we want to talk about the real fear in this world and the people responsible for this false sense of reality, after we point the finger in the mirror we need only look to the little picture box that sits at the center of our favorite rooms. This must have item was designed for nothing more than programming of mass numbers of people into fearful, insecure, subordinate, consumers and is responsible for the numbing and culturing of misinformed sheep people (sheople). TV has convinced everyone that what you see on it is reality. That you are not this or that if you don’t have this thing or that thing. It has given us all programmed memories. I can’t remember a lot of days from my past but I remember just about every episode of Fresh Prince, Family Matters, Full House and Boy Meets World. I remember how quickly a life changing story breaks on the news, watching the hours of coverage and hearing the story change and everyone accepting the new version and carrying on with their daily lives. The majority of us accept what we hear and see on TV and take comfort in it.  A little something like this:

Pardon his language, but as Gandhi said “Even in a minority of one, the truth is still the truth”.

WE MUST CLAIM RESPONSIBILITY

As a whole our society is afraid of numerous things: terrorism, violence in our neighborhoods, flu, death, our safety, other religions, communism, people with brown faces, socialism, drugs and endless other things. TV has systematically instilled prejudices and for many people have given them their opinion on certain ethnic groups, religions, and countries before we even take the time to see experience the world with our own eyes, ears and feet. This is something traveling the world has brought to my attention. As Michael Jackson once said “never ever pass judgment on anyone or believe anything you hear on TV until you’ve had the chance to sit down, look the person in the eye and hear what they have to say for themselves.” And based on personal experiences he couldn’t have been any more right. There are a lot of misconceptions about the world that we average Americans hold. Instead of believing this capitalist/nationalist propaganda, that we are the greatest country ever and its our way or the highway we need to take the time to think about where these easy sayings and programmed responses we recite come from.

In the early 1900’s a psychologist  by the name of Edward Bernays changed the course of modern human history by taking his knowledge of psychology and teaming up with big corporations to what would inevitably become the market and advertising scam as we know it today.

The people at the top are not stupid. They know exactly what they are doing and it is only by playing dumb and taking advantage of people’s trust and ignorance that we let them accomplish the evils they do. But the time is coming when they will be exposed and will be held accountable.

How is it possible that they could get away with these acts? The simple truth is because each one of us allows it to happen. The global elite have successfully created a system in which we are all born into to enslave the population. They accomplish this because they have managed to create a prison that you can neither see, touch or taste: A prison for our minds. They have turned society as a whole into a flock of sheep.  Only they have done one better. Sheep at least still need a sheep dog to keep them in line and move them where necessary. We are one worse than sheep in that we don’t need a visible sheep dog (or tyrant) to constantly keep us in line. The elite have managed to ingeniously program the very sheep themselves be their own sheep dogs. We police ourselves.  It is now a crime in this society to be different or speak out against the herd. People are so concerned with what the Jones’ will think if they do this, or say that, or don’t have this, that we refuse to speak up, about what is really on our minds to do/be something unique. Instead we are more concerned with the weather and who’s gonna win the super bowl this year that generations let time pass and the world worsen, never doing a thing about it. Dave Matthews hit the nail precisely on the head.

We must wake up from this long slumber our people have been in and realize the truth: that there is something bigger going on in this world and it is sinister and evil; and that the only reason it continues to happen and worsen is because we let it. We must get off of our knees, stop thinking with a small-minded brain centered on fear, and expand our conciousness to channel the infinite amount of love that is available to free ourselves from fear, hate, perversion and bondage that 90% of the world is trapped in right now.  We must not fear the quest for truth, even when the truth turns out to be stranger than fiction.

“People avoid the truth because the first bit of truth uttered and lived would draw more truth into action and so on indefinitely and this would rip most people right off the customary track of their lives. But people, basically, know what is true and what is not, even if they so often render help to the lie. They support the lie because the lie has become a crutch. Therefore, in common human intercourse, the truth and not the lie is suspected as being phony.”

-Wilhelm Reich, “The Murder of Christ”

We must collectively raise this world from vibrating lowly in a state of fear to soaring high in a state of love and happiness.  The answer starts right at home. What can I do?  Once we begin to change our thought patterns this physical world around us will realign itself with a positive outlook. We want to make the world a better place for those that will be arriving here after we’ve left our physical bodies. Remember that we are not defined by our name, occupation or financial status. We are infinite consciousness experiencing life on planet Earth in the third dimension.

INFINITE LOVE IS THE ONLY TRUTH EVERYTHING ELSE IS ONLY ILLUSION.

(more to come next monday…)

LET THIS SONG RING TRUE!

Should you believe the Pretchers, the Blodgetts and the Roubinis of the world when it come to the supposed “gold bubble” now forming? To get a fresh perspective, here the late, great Bill Hicks (on blow jobs):

I was with this woman one time and she goes down there for like three seconds and starts coming back up. And I’m going ‘uh uh’ – unless you’re getting up to put ice in your mouth….And you know what she says to me? ‘I think you’ve had enough.’ Well, I think that you’re gonna know when I’ve had enough. Yep, pretty definite ending to all this.

So it is with those who are calling a Gold bubble. We ain’t seen nothin yet.

]]> http://shoot2change.wordpress.com/2009/11/07/vision-for-a-better-world/ Sat, 07 Nov 2009 19:38:26 +0000 thecassiatree http://shoot2change.wordpress.com/2009/11/07/vision-for-a-better-world/

Machinima Bill Hicks has a vision.

“It’s not a war on drugs, it’s a war on personal freedom is what it is, OK? Keep that in mind at all times. Thank you. They lump all drugs together. It’s not going to work…” – Bill Hicks, 1990

Hicks had a point, you know. But, then again, he frequently did. On that showing, and if he were still alive, I’d probably be lobbying for him to replace Professor David Nutt, the scientific advisor to the British government on the subject of illegal substances, who was unfairly sacked by the Home Secretary Alan Johnson at the end of last week (two of Nutt’s colleagues have since resigned in support of his stance).

And why was Nutt sacked? Simply because he dared to take a stand on the relative dangers of drugs such as cannabis and ecstasy that actually took into consideration the scientific evidence, rather than simply toeing the government policy line on the assumed risks associated with such substances.

Final proof, if any were needed, that drug policy in this country bears no resemblance to scientific fact and has everything to do with the assumptions and prejudices of politicians; many of whom seem to be stuck in the 1950s in their attitudes towards drugs anyway – Gordon Brown’s public pronouncement in April 2008 that cannabis is a ‘lethal’ drug being but one example of how out of touch this government is on the matter.

The drug issue has always been a complex and emotive one. There are and will always be risks associated with drug use, risks which cannot be underestimated or ignored – but the vast majority of illegal drug users in this country (and there are many) have positive and enjoyable experiences on their substances of choice, much like those who enjoy a social and legal pint or two in the pub of a weekend.

And therein lies the problem. The legal status of various commonly-used drugs seems arbitrary at best. Back in 2007, David Nutt and his colleagues drew up a list of the most dangerous drugs commonly used in Britain, which showed that at least 8,274 people died in 2007 as a result of the use of alcohol, a legal drug. And, according to the same survey, another legal drug, tobacco, contributes to the deaths of thousands more people every year.

Yet ecstasy, currently a Class A drug which can get a user up to seven years in jail for possession, is wholly or partially responsible for less than a hundred deaths every year. It is difficult to judge the number of deaths in which cannabis played a part, as other drugs are usually involved in such cases, but it appears to be physically impossible for the human body to ingest the amount of cannabis alone needed to produce a fatal overdose.

The (lack of) logic behind the legal status of these drugs seems mindboggling when you look at such statistics – until you realise the economic rationale behind it. Despite the fact that they are clearly more dangerous than ecstasy or cannabis, alcohol and tobacco are legal because of the huge profits the government can make from them via taxes and duties – and these profits are enormous, particularly from tobacco.

You just have to look at the thriving British black market in cigarettes and rolling tobacco, purchased at considerably lower prices from other European countries, to understand the amount of money the government makes from those who perfectly legally use tobacco – so much so that smokers seeks alternative sources for their legal drug.

You see, that’s where the logic really falls down, in my opinion. The ideal situation in the long term would be the complete legalisation and  liberalisation of drugs, particularly cannabis, but – realistically – that won’t ever happen in this country, for both ‘moral’ and economic reasons. The next best option would be regulation, using the Dutch example as a model – because the net results of that would be advantageous to both the state and to drug users, for a number of reasons.

Seeing as now-illegal drugs like ecstasy and cannabis are comparatively less dangerous than legal substances like tobacco and alcohol, wouldn’t it make more sense to legalise, regulate and tax them – just like tobacco and alcohol? Get the balance of taxes and duties right on such drugs (on any legal or legalised drugs – see above) and the black market should all but disappear, for a start.

And with the number of people who use cannabis and ecstasy on a regular basis in Britain, the government could still make a fair whack from fairly imposed taxes and duties on them, the quality of what is sold would likely improve under such regulation, and other problems associated with the current legal status of such drugs could at least be partially resolved.

Those who seek to prohibit drugs often cite two major and often connected issues as supporting their cause – that of drug-related crime and the link between drug production/distribution and organised crime of various kinds. However, as the notorious example of Prohibition in 1920s America so vividly shows, these undeniable issues come about not as a result of the mere existence and use of such substances, as some would suggest, but as a result of them being made illegal in the first place.

For example, it is doubtful that the likes of Al Capone would have made millions of dollars out of the movement and distribution of alcohol had the booze not been illegal at the time. The simple fact of criminalising drugs also criminalises both supply and users – crime is not a cause of drug prohibition but an effect. A more rational approach to legalisation or regulation would cut crime rates – there would obviously be no more convictions for possession or supply, and there would be far fewer crimes committed in order to obtain drugs if such a regulated supply was freely available.

There could be other societal benefits from changing the law on drugs – a legal, regulated supply should mean standardised quality, reducing the numbers of people who fall ill (and worse) as a result of adulterated substances, and thus reducing the subsequent burden on the health service from those who have to be treated because of their drug use.

All of this could seem highly illogical when so many of us have had the so-called ‘War on Drugs’ theory repeatedly forced upon us; a theory which argues that all drugs are bad by definition, mmmkay, and that any form of legalisation, decriminalisation or sensible regulation would instantly cause society to implode and every child to instantly become a raving junkie.

But none of that has happened yet in Portugal, which abolished all legal penalties for the personal possession of drugs in 2001. In fact, since this change in policy, teenage drug use and the rate of new drug-related HIV infections have actually declined. Neither has Dutch society collapsed as a result of their tolerance of cannabis use in coffee shops, despite the number of ‘drug tourists’ visiting Amsterdam.

Historically, what are now perceived as ‘hard’ drugs (such as the opium-based tincture known as laudanum) were freely and legally available across Europe and the United States during the 19th century, and were widely prescribed for almost any medical ailment you can think of.

Victorian society didn’t fall apart as a result, although addiction was relatively common and little understood – in fact, the use of drugs such as laudanum actually inspired some of the most influential creative minds of the period, such as Samuel Taylor Coleridge and Thomas de Quincey.

So why should we then expect the universe to collapse if drug policy is actually informed by sane and rational facts instead of hysterical and ill-informed politics? Drugs have been around for millennia. People have been taking drugs for millennia. People are always going to take drugs. Whatever you try to do, you’ll never change that.

Is it too much to ask, as Professor Nutt and his colleagues did, for a bit of joined-up political thinking when it comes to drug policy? Is it too much to ask to expect an evidence-based drug policy rather than one still stuck in the out-dated and just plain unsuccessful idea of the ‘War on Drugs’? I don’t think it is, but clearly Gordon Brown and Alan Johnson still need some convincing.

It’s bloody hard work standing up in front of a crowd at the best of times; standing up in front of a room full of expectant people and trying to make them laugh is getting into open heart surgery levels of trickiness. Having some dirty-necked wag, confidence and already enormous ego boosted by ‘premium’ lager, yelling incoherently at you from the back of a working men’s club while you’re riffing gaily about the difference between the bathroom habits of men and women could spell comedy disaster for even the most seasoned funnymen and women.

However, high stakes make for big laughs and it is because of this that there are few things funnier than seeing a loudmouth heckler get taken down a peg or twenty by the man or woman with the mic, and in honour of this most mirth-inducing of phenomenon, I’ve compiled my top ten best heckles and their subsequent putdowns.

1. Bill Clinton vs. Random AIDS Activist

It was 1992, and presidential hopeful, keen amateur sax player and cigar enthusiast, Bill Clinton, was on the campaign trail, only to be faced with a heckler, Bob Rafsky, from AIDS activist group, Act Up. Rafsky scores early points in this encounter and Bill looks peeved. However, he rallies magnificently and delivers a fine lecture on courtesy like the good, ol’ Southern boy that he is, putting Rafsky firmly in his place. Bill went on to win the election and our hearts to boot.

2. Kevin Smith vs. Man-boobed Gentleman


A nerd – A NERD! – thinks he can get the better of film maker, Kevin Smith, in a slightly crude, but very effective crushing. It is quite obvious that the victim still lives with his mother.

3. Toledo Mayor vs. Stoned Heckler


Priceless encounter between smarmy politician and an off-screen, whacked-out, stoner, boo merchant during a TV interview. The restraint this man shows is admirable, but so is the hippy’s commitment to disrupting proceedings. Enjoyable, but could do with more swearing.

4. George Carlin vs Unfortunate Member Of The Audience


It’s obvious that gravel-voiced American comic, George Carlin, does not like to be interrupted when he’s doing his job, as the unfortunate ’star’ of this video found out. Carlin fails to hold back in this masterclass of creative abuse.

5. Bill Hicks vs Drunk Woman In The Audience


A tonne of red-hot rage bricks is dropped on a rather foolhardy member of the audience by the other Bill in this list. Bill Hicks, that is. The moral of this story? You can’t outshout or outswear the man with the mic.

6. Richard Herring vs. Drunk Farmer


Some people just don’t know when to put a sock in it. This one in particular. I’m not sure how well Herring handles this one in the end as he does look a little bit stressed throughout. Worth watching to the end just to hear the security guard’s radio buzz through with the signal that the heckler’s evening is about to get cut short.

7. Red-kneck, Guitar Swordsman vs. Unseen Man


Comedians tend to use their verbal dexterity to deal with hecklers. Not this chap; utterly lacking in the aforementioned skill to handle a particular member of a restive crowd of cowboys, he plumps for the nearest thing to hand: his guitar. Stay watching to the end to hear the hi-larious accents of the good folk of somewhere-deep-South demanding their money back.

8. Pauley Shore vs. Enormous Cowboy Wearing Ridiculous Ten-gallon Stetson


He’s a stony, crusty dude and star of one of my fave films of the early 90s, California Man, but Pauley Shore doesn’t know when to quit winding up these slow-witted cowpokes. One where the heckler gets the last laugh.

9. Brendon Burns vs. Irate Asian Lady With Extreme Sense Of Humour Failure


Accusations of racism fly back and forth as Mr. Burns lays the smackdown on a lady with a rather large and angry bee in her bonnet. Check out the facepalms from members of the audience as she completely gets the wrong end of the stick each time it’s handed to her.

10. Jimmy Carr vs. Audience Random


Jimmy Carr: he of the permanently smug face and patronising voice. And you can see why he looks so pleased with himself all the time as he mercilessly and deftly destroys this simple-looking chap who dares speak up during one of his shows.  You have to ask yourself, do these people really think that they have what it takes to tangle with the professionals?

So there you have it, folks. To be a successful heckler you need brains, balls and to be the right side of 10 pints of Stella Artois. Not something that is likely to happen any time you might find yourself in a comedy club. Remember: leave the funny business to the professionals.

I love this post. Especially the part about the careers listing.

Funny how “sex work” never showed up in any of my high school careers guide books and they don’t seem to be offering a course on it at uni…. I promise I’ll do a real post soon.

Το Βρώμικο Ψωμί τάσσεται καθαρά υπέρ του σατιρικού βίντεο των Πάνο Μουζουράκη-Στέλιο Κάτσαρη για την 28η Οκτωβρίου και καταδικάζει την επίθεση Χρυσαυγιτών στον πρώτο έξω από το Οξυγόνο όπου εμφανίζεται. Φασίστες στις τρύπες σας. Και ευαισθητούλικα πατριωτάκια αποκτήστε χιούμορ.

Angelcel asked about some musical experiences which maybe stopped me in my tracks and I can think of a few off the top of my head. Like the time I was doing a solo gig and found myself having an out of body experience right in the middle of a song. No word of a lie, I was somehow suddenly gazing down at myself from somewhere up by the ceiling of the bar I was gigging in! For a few seconds I was stunned to find that my body carried on with the singing and the hands moving from one chord to the next despite the fact that to all intents and purposes my consciousness was several feet above it. And then I was back in my body, finishing the song, spluttering that I was going to take a short break, and rushing to the bathroom to throw water in my face and wonder at what the hell that was all about.

I remember another less freaky time during which I felt certain that my ambitions of musical success were just around the corner. There was a political rally through my town, one of many across the country against a new tax the government were pushing through parliament. Mine was not a large town and seemed fairly apathetic politically so five or six thousand people taking to the streets was a big deal. After marching through town everyone congregated in a local park and there were a couple of speeches after which local bands were due to play. I was not there to play but one of my former bands were on the bill so I was looking forward to hearing what they were doing now. Turned out the first band were not ready and the crowd looked like dispersing. The man doing the sound engineering work knew me, called me over, thrust an acoustic guitar in my hand and said “Fill in for the band till their drummer arrives, two or three songs so we don’t lose this crowd.”

I strolled up to the microphone and said “Hello” and five or six thousand people shouted hello back and my knees went a bit shaky. But once I was into the first song I lost my nerves and got such a buzz from the crowd. The energy coming off them was electric. After three songs the drummer showed up and I was given the signal to wrap it up. Coming off stage I was met by a local radio DJ who shoved his own microphone under my nose and asked me about the rally, about the government and about the crowd I had just played for. With the band starting their set behind me and the questions coming at me, I felt like Dylan or Lennon for a few moments. And to add to my ego-boost, when my former band took to the stage later on, they played a couple of my songs and shouted out to me.

What really stopped me in my tracks, literally changed my mind about music as a career, was more complex, however. Early in 1994, while the Isis CD was still being pressed and gigs were being lined up several events happened at once that forced me to re-evaluate my career path. One of my favourite comedians died – Bill Hicks – which just made me sad. Then Kurt Cobain took his own life which took that sadness to whole new depths. Nirvana were one of the bands who’d brought life back into the whole guitar band scene, they’d reminded me of some of the passion and drive I’d had when I began, before I’d ended up with a manager and working tirelessly at songs day after day like it was really a job. To most outsiders Cobain was living the dream, that elusive rock and roll star lifestyle. Even had a rock and roll wife (less said about her the better, actually). So not everyone understood why he blew himself away that day. Part of it was a depression and physical pain he’d suffered all his life but also in the mix was the fact that ‘living the dream’ really is not what people think it is.

To a lot of people the rock life is glamorous and you become like some god who can do as he pleases. From the inside, and on a much smaller scale, I already knew that the glamour is an illusion which soon wears off for the actual musicians. And it was clear to me that the more successful Cobain became the more of a prisoner of other people’s expectations he became, the more he felt like he was selling-out his own ideals of anti-stardom.

The next meeting the band had with our management company I was still milling all of this over. Our manager was telling us how great the demo was, how it was only a matter of time before we were going to be touring America, recording our first album proper, gold discs, the lot. Hype and motivational talk, some of it, but everything he was talking about were the hallmarks of success in our industry. They were the things to aim for. Yet they were beginning to appear less appealing to me.

And then somebody I knew took his own life. He was someone I’d met here and there but we were not best buddies, yet his death was a huge shock and reverberated around the group of friends I had at the time. I also knew his parents a little and his mum phoned me to ask me if I would play something at his funeral. He had been learning guitar before he died so she asked me to play something he’d played for her. I was on the phone for a long time with her, not entirely sure what to say as she poured out her grief, listening to her cry, just letting her express such terrible, overwhelming emotions. When I put the phone down I picked up my guitar and a song just came out in a very short space of time. It was called ‘I Never Heard You Say Goodbye’ and I felt that it was more her song than mine, as it seemed to be from someone who knew Sean far better than I actually did. So I called her back and told her what had happened after I’d spoken to her. “Do you want to hear it?” I asked her. She replied that she wanted to hear it at the service as it was obviously meant to be.

I’d like to say that playing for Sean’s funeral was the oddest performance I’ve ever given but it wouldn’t be quite true as I have, sadly, played at two other people’s funerals since that day. But it was such a weird experience standing in front of so many mourners, looking at Sean’s mother and father and brother a few feet in front of me. I played and people cried some more and I shuffled off to the side of the crematorium unsure what to do with myself as it didn’t seem right to wander through such palpable grief and take my seat again.

Later, Sean’s dad said I had “made the worst day of his life slightly more bearable” and his brother said that I had somehow captured what he would have wanted to say. I felt honoured and I felt as though this was possibly the most important things I could ever do with music in my entire life – offer a tiny crumb of comfort to the family in such a dark time. It had nothing to do with ego, it had nothing to do with wanting to be famous or successful or anything. It felt more honest than anything I had ever done with a guitar in my hand before, or would ever be able to do again.

Sean’s ashes were scattered in the churchyard close to their home and a few weeks later his mum took me there to show me a plaque they’d had placed by the path. It simply stated Sean’s name, his date of birth, the day he died and underneath it said ‘We never heard you say goodbye’. I cried and I felt again that for once in my life I had done something truly meaningful with music. Gold discs? American tours? Fame? Money? They were meaningless; empty ambitions. Every changed from that day.

Some weeks later the band held a huge party to launch our CD. Many of our friends and family were invited as well as some record company people and other movers and shakers the management wanted to impress. We played well – it wasn’t actually one of my best ever performances but the others drove me along with them and all in all it was a good gig. Afterwards I went to a smaller party and found I did not want to be there, being patted on the back by people and told I was going to be a big star. I went home, remembering that plaque and feeling more empty than I had ever felt in my life. This was what I had been chasing hadn’t it? For years I’d had to face people down whenever they told me I was living in the clouds and that success was such a rare possibility. And yet here I was, on the cusp of it all, and wanting the carousel to stop and let me off. I was very confused and torn and it actually took me another six months to find the courage to admit I no longer wanted that future or this life. Eventually it mattered more that I try and find out what would actually make me happy rather than chase a dream I no longer believed in.

Good news from the weekend: the Arrested Development movie just got a little more official. Bad news from the weekend: David Cross may show up for the filming covered in white powder instead of Blue Man Group paint.

It’s an age-old dilemma, really: should finding out one of your favorite artists may be a bit of a bastard diminish his/her standing in your eyes? Is it acceptable to think less of the artist, or are you being a judgmental prig, especially if the offense is relatively minor in the grand scheme?

I’ve been troubled with these thoughts since reading some of David Cross’s recent loose-lipped braggadocio about snorting cocaine 40 feet away from President Barack Obama at this summer’s White House Press Correspondents’ dinner.

At best, Cross behaved grossly irresponsibly, both when he took a toot at the DC event AND when he went public with the story. That’s one part of the downside to this incident, once you get past the initial “He did what!?” and the surprised laughter. Let’s say Cross gets painted in the mainstream (where he’s still largely unknown despite his giant stature among comedy enthusiasts) as the “creepy, pervy, depraved fiend” type because of all this. Will that diminish future projects that he’s involved in, such as the Arrested Development movie, or the viability of his closest comedy colleagues and friends? Could this even be twisted to become an indicator of something wrong with Barack Obama himself?

At this point, these seem to be questions worth asking. If for no other reason, the powers that be are usually looking for any reason to pull the plug on left-field projects (witness the Arrested Development TV series for a prime example), and certain political sectors will reach with their non-trigger hand for anything and everything to question the legitimacy of our current President. David Cross should NOT be providing, um, ammunition for such efforts.

On a more personally meaningful level, it’s troubling news for me because, frankly, I love David Cross and have for years seen him as a sort of comedic prophet. Except for Bill Hicks (R.I.P.), no comedian does better at expressing righteous, politically progressive indignation—and crucially, making it funny—than David Cross. And that’s just his stand-up. Of course, Cross and Bob Odenkirk were the stars and driving creative forces of Mr. Show, the most razor-sharp, bitingly satirical sketch comedy show in television history.

Not everything Cross has done, of course, has been a vehicle for political commentary. See “Chipmunks, Alvin and the” and “Movie, Scary” in the Comprehensive Entertation Index (yet to be published). Even the deservedly venerated Arrested Development mostly avoids serious social or political commentary, except for some nice lampooning of the corporate culture and power structures that could allow a family such as the Bluths to indulge their eccentric, irresponsible tendencies and behaviors.

But I’d be hard-pressed to imagine that any of his own work means more to David Cross and/or satisfies him more as an artist than his stand-up and satire. That’s where I can’t get past the “snorting cocaine and bragging about it” stuff, because in this case, his questionable personal behavior directly links to, and negatively affects, the impact of his art. I’m willing to hear arguments against the idea, but I fear that Cross’s latest antics have diminished his credibility as a social critic.

The biggest cause for consternation is the drug of choice, for powder cocaine is straight-up Wall Street, K Street, and Wilshire Boulevard. More than other illicit drugs, it represents a culture of materialism, acquisition, and exploitation. Cross does a bit on his album It’s Not Funny about a New York restaurant that serves a dessert covered in gold. He imagines the gold passing through layer upon globalized layer of worker exploitation, from the mining to the refining to the shipping, all to end up flaked and sprinkled as a tasteless, odorless, and unnoticed addition to a pharmaceutical executive’s dessert. As he says on the album, “If that [dessert] isn’t the ultimate ‘Fuck You!’ to poor people, I don’t know what is.”

The importance of critiquing crass, harmful consumption, and making that commentary funny, hasn’t gone away—it never will—but I’m not sure it will mean as much coming from David Cross in the future. His legitimacy as the messenger may have disappeared right up his nose, along with the cocaine best left to the very exploiters he once so powerfully denounced.

Maybe I’m painting this with brush strokes that are entirely too Manichaean, but doing cocaine in public and touting it with such thoughtlessness seems to me the domain of those people, the ones who laugh at others’ bad fortune as they consume the products, excrete the waste, and externalize the human and environmental costs of a socioeconomic system built on the backs of the powerless. I thought David Cross was better than them. Now I’m not so sure.

This occurred to me once…in my search for revelations and just taking a larger look…generally…at things-

Seeing all the things, the issues, the variables, the parameters, the doubts,  the complexity, the randomness, the intangibility…… the things got too large to take, so took a step back… to say… hang on… maybe its bound to be this way… “just a ride”… nothing more nothing less…suffering or enjoying is a PERCEPTION you CHOOSE to make.

–

“The World is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it’s real, because that’s how powerful our minds are.

And the ride goes up and down and round and round, and it has thrills and chills and is very brightly colored, and it’s very loud. And it’s fun, for a while.

Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they’ve begun to question, ‘Is this real, or is this just a ride?’, and other people have remembered, and they’ve come back to us and they say ‘Hey, don’t worry. Don’t be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.’ and we KILL THOSE PEOPLE.

“Shut him up! We have alot invested in this ride! SHUT HIM UP! Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.”

It’s just a ride.

But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that. You ever noticed that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn’t matter, because … It’s just a ride.

And we can change it anytime we want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. A choice, right now, between fear and love.
and WE CAN EXPLORE SPACE, TOGETHER, BOTH INNER AND OUTER, forever … in peace.”

see on Youtube

(– Bill Hicks 1961 – 1994)

We can do whatever we want, realize who we are…WE CAN DO IT, ALL OF US…no one’s stopping us…its always US, OURSELVES.

___________________________________________________

thanx for a visit…till next time

–RK

This past September, staff reporter Tandelayo Breckenridge sat down with Captain Planet (Ret.) during the 2009 Pennsylvania Eco Career Fair to discuss his views on the environment, his legacy, and his retirement.

TRANSCRIPT

TB: Welcome, Captain, thank you for joining us today.

CP: My pleasure, Tandy. Now where are you from that they make reporters who look like you? [laughs] Have you ever done any modeling? You should. I’m actually something of a photographer…

TB: Um, I’m from Canada. Now Captain–

CP: Please, call me Barry.

TB: OK…Barry. Barry, I understand that you have been retired now for several years, but many young North Americans remember you as a champion of the environment, a passionate advocate for progressive action to address climate change. I understand that you’ve written a book, and we’ll get to that in a moment, but first maybe you could tell us a little bit about what you’ve been up to as of late. How are you finding retired life?

CP: Well, Tandy, I divide my time between my condo here in Pittsburgh, and a time-share I have down in Cancun. I like getting some rays. I like broiling down by the pool. You know, plus, let’s be honest, that Mexican pussy tastes damn fine after months of frigid American tang, and you can basically bend ‘em over for twelve pesos and… [unintelligible]. That’s pretty much it…I mean…I keep busy.

TB: Right…um…right….

TB: Sorry, you can’t smoke in here.

CP: Fuck me, since when? Whatever.

TB: Um, so you were saying you’ve been keeping busy?

CP: Well yeah. Got some projects, you know. I mean, about once a month MacGyver will come over and we’ll go up to New York City, check out the titty bars, buy a dance or two, you know, that sort of thing. Sometimes Dave Coulier comes along, sometimes he doesn’t.

TB: I see. [extended silence]

CP: I’m also an avid golfer. Me and Bill Murray hit the links whenever we get a chance.

TB: Really? Cap–, sorry, Barry, that surprises me. Many commentators would point out that using precious urban greenspace for the amusement of predominantly rich, white–or in your case blue–males, while the urban poor have nowhere to build social housing, is a bit unethical, not to mention bad for the environment. As studies have shown–

CP: Hold on. Hold on. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize your name was Captain Fucking Planet. Ohhhhhh. Myyyyy mistake. My bad. My bad. So I guess it’s actually you who has two honorary PhDs in the Environmental Sciences from The DeVry Institute of Technology? Ohhhhhhh. Of course. Of course. What was I thinkinggggg. How stupid of me to make that mistake. I clearly was confused. I’m sorry. No. How dumb of me. Of course. Of course. No. Please, go on.

TB: Ah…Um…So, Barry, things seem to be going well for you now, although I understand that the mid to late 90s were a tough time for you.

CP: Yeah, definitely. Around ‘93, after the show got cancelled, yeah I think it was ‘93, I was dating Alicia Silverstone, snorting lots of coke, you know, it was a tough time, and I mean that bitch was a stone cold jailbait fox, don’t get me wrong, but she would never put out. Chronic blue balls. I had–chronic–blue balls.

TB: Maybe we could get back to–

CP: Then I tried acting. I very briefly in the mid-90s had a walk-on role in a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie of the week, starring Melissa Joan Hart. But I got fired after two days of filming for finger banging an intern at the craft services table. You live, you learn, I guess.

TB: Um.

CP: Anyway, so it was soon after this, around 1995, that I moved to Pittsburgh and got my Real Estate license. I was specializing in those modular homes, you know, those prefab units? Anyway, I also started making appearances at conventions like this one. Used to rake in a nice appearance fee back then, too. Shit. Not like now. Now all they fucking want at these environmental gigs is that cunt Al Gore. Ooh, look at me. I’m Al Fucking Gore. I won a Nobel Prize. I won an Academy Award. I ran for president and actually won. Fuck that cock.

TB: I would have thought you would have supported Al Gore…?

CP: Listen, that assjanitor stole my livelihood. Before him, who else are they gonna book for these enviro gigs? No one. No one. I was the only show in town. Captain Fucking Planet. Now I got nothing. I mean, do you know what my pension is on Captain’s pay? What a joke! I mean, never mind the fact that I should have made Admiral by now, at least. Admiral Planet. Fuck. Then the subprime mortgage crisis hits, so my real estate business goes in the shitter. So here I am. Back doing these things. Whenever Al Fucking Gore isn’t available.

TB: Let’s switch gears a bit. Tell me about the Planeteers. Have you all kept in touch?

CP: Well for the most part. I mean, Wind ended up becoming a total Soviet Hottie. Mmmmhmmm. Man. I tried to bang her when she turned eighteen, but…Anyway, Fire is a hair-dresser now, lives in Ohio, has three kids. Heart got AIDS, and died. I think we all saw that coming. Water…now I can’t remember what Water does, but I know it’s something in finance… Anyway, we all try and get together once a year at a Red Lobster off Interchange 3 south of Buffalo. Of course, he never shows up. Shit.

TB: He?

CP: Fucking Earth. Yeah. Earth, who’s “too busy” to keep in touch. Mr. Messiah. Mr. Hotshot. Mr. “They Gave Me The Nobel Peace Prize For Doing Jack Squat.”

TB: Wait a minute. Earth’s name was Kwame. Are you somehow implying that Earth was actually…a young Barack Obama??

CP: What, you didn’t know? Yeah, even back then, he was the de facto leader of the Planeteers, he was the voice of reason that kept the group in check when the others started losing their faith in a given situation. Gave ‘em hope. I brought the audacity back then, let’s just be clear on that.

TB: But his name was Kwame…?

CP: Sure it was, back then. ‘course, he changed his name later in life, said he didn’t want people to know he was from Kenya, or something like that. I don’t really remember exactly. Anyway.

TB: Unbelievable. Unbelievable. So Glenn Beck was right all along…

CP: Anyway, these days I’m trying to get back into doing these environmental gigs.

TB: Let’s talk about that. I have a quote here, from sixteen years ago. Congressman George Lafayette (D-Arizona), former Chairman of the Congressional Sub-Committee on Environmental Affairs, was quoted in the Washington Post as saying: “Captain Planet, he’s our hero, gonna take pollution, down to zero.” Now that was more than fifteen years ago. And yet I think even you have to admit, Captain, that you have failed to meet this target. What is your response to that?

CP: Listen, Tandy, well first of all those weren’t really “targets,” they were “aspirational goals.” Totally different. Totally different.

TB: Ok. But you can’t deny that at Kyoto, in ‘97, you were the main proponent of a Cap and Trade plan, which as you know, has now been discredited by leading scientists and environmental thinkers, including David Suzuki.

CP: How is Dave? Man, that guy and I used to smoke a shitload of BC Bud back in the 70s. Good guy. GREAT guy. And funnnnnnnny? Man, I never laughed so hard. But listen, listen- just because Cap and Trade turned out to be a bullshit way for politicians to get out of actually doing anything about the environment, doesn’t mean that I can be held responsible for every country except Denmark not making any progress on Global Warming. Say, Honey, you know, I got my Prius out back. Maybe you and I could wrap this up, and–

TB: Captain, how do you feel about the recent success of your former rival, Captain Pollution?

CP: Oh. Him. Well. He had shares in Halliburton, so, you know… so yeah, I heard he did well. I mean, whatever. He’s done well…

TB: Have you been to see him yet on Capitol Hill where he’s established his permanent offices?

CP: No, yeah, you know, I’ve been…busy…really, really busy…

TB: So tell us: what does the future hold for Captain Planet?

CP: Well, Tandy, I will be going on a book tour shortly, talking about my experiences with the Planeteers, my time in rehab, my relationship with Sarah Palin, my battle with bulimia–which I talk about in the book–and just some general reflections on the state of environmental politics today. I’m also in talks to do Dancing with the Stars, although that isn’t confirmed yet, I’m still trying to get a new agent, so, yeah, we’ll see. I may also be in some Quiznos commercials for the 2012-2013 season, so you can watch out for that, they will be featuring a brand new line of subs, Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, etc. And I’m working with Justin Timberlake on a new clothing line for the eco-sensitive consumer.

TB: Well, Captain Planet, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with our readers.

CP: Any time. Any time. You know I have a bottle of Sake back at my place that’s begging to be opened, and a hot tub–

TB: Goodbye.
 

Tandelayo Breckenridge writes for no one and has no impressive resume. She lives in Toronto with her cat Gordon.

Well, not quite new lol, but finally available. Hopefully more will come, slowly, but surely they’re making their way to the the public and word around the campfire is that an album of Bill’s music will be released in the future. Bits from all of these songs were carefully and masterfully dipped into parts of Bill’s magnum opus, Rant in E-Minor. But, these are the songs in their entireties. “She’s A Woman” is my favorite. Check it out!

Chris

A new animated documentary on the life of my hero, Bill Hicks. It just premiered in London on October 23. The documentary contains interviews with the very people, whom knew Bill the best. Here’s a link to the website: http://www.billhicks.org/Images/American.jpg

Chris

Sailor Jerry’s should not be sold to babies.

Give me a cup of coughee over the dumbness any hour of the day, any day of the week.

Subtitle music notes for a deaf person.

Fuk shit up? Fuk this shit.

Hope Gaslight was good.

Spit, hiccup, blooooaaaaaaauuuuugghhhhhh

Blatz – Fuk Shit Up

Blatz – Lullaby

Mobb Deep – Drink Away the Pain (situations) ft. Q-Tip

Bill Hicks – Drunk Driving