End Sexism - Respect the Bitches T-shirt By Lamborati

 http://www.zazzle.com.au/end_sexism_respect_the_bitches_t_shirt-235209172981904569

Bitches Don't Like Sexism T-shirt by Lamborati

http://www.zazzle.com.au/bitches_dont_like_sexism_tshirt-235275831989080271

If anyone wanted to know why I love cats this video right here shows why.  Cat’s don’t give a fuck and they don’t take any shit from anyone. Not even a big ass PIT BULL wearing some cheesy sweater. Hahahahaha!

According the The Times, Brittany Murphy passed away this morning in LA, aged just 32. Brittany has reportedly died from a full cardiac arrest. I’m sure more details will follow sooner rather than later. A sad year for celebrity deaths this year.

Cx

SO! As many people know already, Jess, Hannah and I are going to the work Christmas Party dressed as the oh-so-lovely ladies from cult teen move, CLUELESS. Jess is going as Amber, Hannah is Cher and I’m going as Tai played originally by Brittany Murphy. We had planned this well over a week ago.

I was watching Clueless clips online this afternoon, then found a site that streamed the entire film. The streaming stopped working at 63 minutes, so while the film was loading, I logged into Twitter. I saw Brittany Murphy was trending – MASSIVE COINCIDENCE anyway no? Then found she was trending as ‘Brittany Murphy RIP’. Absolutely mental. Brittany died this morning in LA after a full cardiac arrest. She was aged 32.

We will indeed still be going to the party as the Clueless girls and I will endeavour to wear black knee high socks in tribute to the young actress, Brittany Murphy.

Thoughts?

Cx

I wasn’t supposed to know how a charitable organization’s official who did a video with me was all confused what was the video for and why the official was asked to be part of it.

But on Friday, a co-worker who was working on a column who had asked help from the same official, told me about the said person’s discomfort.

Like I said, I wasn’t supposed to know this, but too bad I’ve been told.

I won’t say which charitable organization it was. I’m sure if you’re following Adventures with Renato, you can figure out.

The official was nice to me and all. I didn’t get a hint of prissiness while I was doing the interview. But from what I’ve been told the official wasn’t impressed and was wondering why the official did the video with me.

Some people are simply prissy. 

Sometimes they have the reason to be so.

But if someone is trying to help you out advance the cause of your organization, I think being prissy is totally out of place.

I’m sure raising cash for the needy is a tall order.

And if you’re not up for it or if you’re going to be fuzzy, discriminatory and just plainly bitchy working for a charity isn’t necessarily a place for you.

“You’re not supposed to ask them to donate,” I was told by this official.

“Just smile and let them initiate the donation,” the official said.

My usual silly self just laughed at this.

I wasn’t offended or put off. 

The official even told the videographer doing the shoot to please not run the part where I was accosting people to donate.

They did donate. 

For which I was thankful.

From hindsight however, I’ve been wondering if these people donated because I shamed them into doing so.

I never thought however, there’s shame in asking people to help out.

If a charitable group doesn’t want specific ways or antics to be used in encouraging people to donate, I guess I can respect that.

One thing for sure I won’t be doing next year: smiling and quietly asking people to donate.

I’d rather tell them in a gregarious way, “This group is helping the needy, and you too can.”

I won’t be shy about it, but I’d do it for a different charitable organization.

Dec. 18, 2009

At the crux of many debates and squabbles of a political nature in Singapore, many of which take place in cyberspace, may be said to be the issue of what we should say to begin with. We have free speech but we obsess with being responsibly free. We have opinions, but we have to be balanced too. Our political positions have to be rational. There are to be no flames for we must always remain sedate. We can be neutral and political at the same time, it seems. As long as we remain uncritically trapped by prescriptions about what is right speech, we will remain a fully politicized society that fails to be anything but political.

It has been said that the problems with Singaporeans is that they are apathetic and their apathy has even been blamed on the the PAP’s political hegemony and the apparent impossibility of change. But what exactly is the apathy that we speak of and which aspect of the PAP’s hegemony makes people apathetic? We can understand apathy as a lack of interest—people are apathetic about politics in the sense that they do not really care who wins elections or what policies are formulated. Naturally, this is too simplistic an understanding of apathy. It is impossible for people not to care at all about what affects them directly on a daily basis. It is doubtful that most Singaporeans do not care whether GST rises from 3% to 7% and whether their livelihood is affected by the government’s foreign talent policy. Yet, people do not often participate in discussions about such issues and they even less frequently take action beyond discussing about these issues. What we often call apathy is perhaps better seen as grudging or resigned passivity. “We care(d), but we don’t care anymore.”

One question, though, is why anyone would be bothered by the fact that Singaporeans are politically passive or apathetic. In the eyes of those who feel strongly about politics (and these are invariably those who take a stand against the dominant party), the passivity of Singaporeans is a form of complicity with the dominant party’s hegemony. On the other hand, the establishment is also concerned about apathy, but frames it as an issue of nationalism—Singaporeans do not care about Singapore, and they do not feel like they have a stake in the nation. While both the concerns highlighted are reasonable, perhaps a greater concern exists. Not only are Singaporeans expected to care (as opposed to being apathetic), they are also prescribed the right ways to care. They are sometimes told that to care is to dare—protest, project a voice against the oppressive forces. And perhaps they do not dare to care anymore. They are also told at other times that to care is to act responsibly—to be provide “constructive” criticism, to love the nation, stay rooted, serve NS grudgingly or ungrudgingly and do all the things to ensure that there will always be the Singapore that so many find unbearable.

What do we have then? We have vocal activists and opposition politicians (though not that many of them). We also have those who, interpellated by the State’s seductive call, fancy themselves balanced, rational, constructive critics who, more often than not (and I think they might lash their constructive whips on me here) spout wishy-washy pseudo-criticisms and are on stand-by 24/7 to cane those whom they deem unreasonable, i.e truly political. “You must be fair to the PAP. Not everything they do is wrong.” These are the people who believe that when you have a kilogram of criticism, you must balance it with a kilogram of praise and acknowledgement of good work. (Admittedly, this is an exaggeration, but do I not have the right to use hyperbolic language to make a point, however imbalanced and unfair it is?)

What we need are Political Uber-bitches who are not made to feel like they are obliged to be anything other than what they are, who can take a political stance without having to act in any way or justify themselves as if they have no right to take a “wrong” stand. What Political Uber-bitches need is some real space in which to exist, not an abyss in which they are constantly hurled prescriptions of steroids to enhance their allegedly subpar performance or sedatives to cure them of their perceived excesses. Unfortunately, hegemonic dystopian politics have their ways of shaping the world. It offers a couple of positions: one of marginality that can land you in prison (but of course everyone is entitled to it), another of a pleasurable complicity that allows you to see yourself as an exemplary critic when you are merely a toddler with a toy light saber. Cool effects emanate from the saber, but its blade is harmless. Political Uber-bitches? Well, they bark and find that every tree in Singapore is wrong. They may continue to bark, or they may stop barking. They migrate. They are more important than they seem.

[There is one right that governments are not able to directly take away. But they are able to induce people to deprive themselves. Are you about to deprive yourself of it?]

The next time you see a Political Uber-bitch in your neighborhood, give it a pat. (Yes, I can be prescriptive too. I reserve the right to be self-contradictory as and when I wish to be so.)

Come, correct me. But remember there is a mirror here. Remember not to look into it. For it is not about to assure you that you are the fairest of all.

I’m angry.  I’m angry at a system that is designed to entrap it’s citizens, to coerce conformity, and to expect heteronormative behavior without questioning the underlying presuppositions of this one-sided way of life.

Last week a young person came into my life needing help.  I made phone calls to the father of this young person.  All he did was scream at me. I hoped the situation would simmer down.  It did not. I made sure this young person had a safe place to be and then I called zirs school on Monday morning to see what had to happen to ensure that this person could attend school without harassment.  The school officials told me that the youth needed to obtain a restraining order.  We spent all day Monday and Tuesday in a courtroom until the judge granted this.

The young person returned to school on Wednesday morning, glad to be at school and expecting that the restraining order would protect zir from harassment.  Sadly it has not.  The young person has had more harassment since zir returned to school than before the event took place.  The school officials seem to think that the whole thing is a joke.  They have called the young person out of the AP classes zir is taking to meet and talk about the situation everyday.  Today they placed a statement in front of zir suggesting that zir meet with the bigoted father.  Zir had little choice but to sign it.  When the vice principal of a high school says sign this, you sign it.  I remember being a teen.  The school counselors and the officials in charge have done little to protect this persons well being.  They all seem to think that the threat of a hate crime is nothing to be concerned about.  I think they are pushing this person to return to zirs father and god loving bigoted stepmother.

Today during the meeting the father of the young person was present.  This is the person who was ordered to stay 100 yards away.  The vice principal crafted a statement saying I ___ want to meet with the restrained father, and a police officer, and miss class.  I’m certain that none of this is what the young person wanted.  The young person is a straight A student who would have preferred to have stayed in class.

The way the school officials are acting is offensive.  It is scary.  It is insulting.  And it is inherently heterosexually hegemonic.  Why are they pushing this person into a corner?  I do not understand why the school cannot back the fuck down, let the young person get through the semester and let the judge order this homophobic father into tolerance training.

I am so angry at the way the situation is being treated.   This is a sad and disgusting world we live in.  This poor young person is living in a heteronormative suburban area that has nothing but strip malls and beige houses.  There are no places to be without spending money in chain stores.  Everything has a camera attached to it and nothing different is allowed to be there.  There is not even a public library in the region. I wonder what that sort of environment does to a young freak?

I’m concerned that the school officials are attempting to convince this young person to drop the restraining order.  An order that keeps zir safe from zirs father through the rest of the semester, then there is a court date.  What the father of this young person did is unspeakable.  I’m livid.  I’m trying to not scream at the people in positions of power but they continue to bring their own morals into a situation that desperately needs to have a queer advocate present, yet does not.  I am growing more and more worried about what happens to young people who refuse to follow the herd.

Every year hundreds, if not thousands, of non-normative teens kill themselves, are killed, are beaten, and raped and forced into situations that are not safe or tolerant.  If these school officials pressure this young person into dropping the restringing order and anything happens to zir I am going to be very pissed off.  Putting someone in the way of a hate crime is a very serious thing to do.  Why then are they so adamant about fostering communication without a queer advocate present?

Should this not be a standard procedure?  Aaaaaaahhhh

I’m fucking livid.  I’m in the mood to beat the fuck out of someone.  Since it would be a bad idea to beat the fuck out of the homophobe who tossed his teen out on thanksgiving I’m hoping I can find a willing masochist to take my rage.

Please tell me there is a masochist who can step forward and take a beating.  I need to hurt someone.  I need to hurt someone consensually.  I need to do this now.  Don’t make me wait.  I’m in a real serious mood.

Right now I am in the middle of a terrible string of luck.  Lately, I have been taking blow after blow and see no end to the ferocious beat down being delivered by the State of Illinois.  I am going to attempt to explain what has my boxers bunched up right now and I hope it makes sense. 

This is a long post and I apologize for the length.  I feel better to have laid my thoughts down in this post. 

Backstory:  My wife and I have three cars.  When I met her she owned a 99 Hyundai Elantra.  After I moved in with her my car died, so we bought me a 99 Chevy Prism.  Our cars were small and did well.  Last November we decided to get the wife a new Hyundai Santa Fe (SUV).  The dealer wanted to offer us 50.00 for her Elantra, and I told him to take his 50 bucks and stick it somewhere.  We kept the car since we have a spot for a third vehicle at our home.  

Strategy behind keeping Elantra:  Since we had just bought a very expensive SUV, we decided that I would drive my 99 Prism until it died.  When that happened, I would still have the 99 Elantra to drive until it died, thus we would be saving money on car payments since both cars have been paid off since 2005.  We are in no position to take on another car payment of 300 or more a month at this moment in time.   

Asspain:  So, here’s where this whole story comes together.  On November 5th, I was driving home from my regular Thursday night pool league after a few beers.  I got pulled over.  That was a completely scary moment.  Yes, I had a few beers, and No I was not in any way above the legal limit to drive.  We are talking three beers over the course of 5 hours.  Anyway, the reason the officer pulled me over was because my vehicle registration had expired in October.  Typically my wife gives me the new sticker every year and the extent of my involvment is simply applying said sticker to the plates.  I informed the officer that my wife typically handles and she must have forgotten to give me the new sticker.  Apparently she hadn’t handled it because his magical computer showed that we had not renewed registration.  I was given a ticket with a November 30th court date and was told if I had renewed before then I would not have to pay the fine.  No big deal, I thought at the time.

The next day I told my wife about this, to which she asked me if I had taken my car to the Illinois Vehicle Emissions testing station yet.  I vaguely remember her telling me to do that no less than 5 times.  No, was my response and she told me that Illinois would not let me renew registration on my vehicle until I passed the Emissions test.  Alrighty, off to the emissions testing station I went that day.  I pull into the station, they hook something up to my car, and I am told that my 99 prism has failed and I am rudely told I have to take the vehicle to a mechanic to have whatever is wrong with it fixed.  I have a few choice words I would use at this moment to describe my feelings about the state emissions test but i’ll save that for later.  So, I take my car to a mechanic and it’s going to cost me no less than 700 dollars to replace the catalytic converter.  This is a 10 year old car with 180,000 miles.  Do I really want to drop 700 on this car?  The mechanic did a overall check and told me it was in great shape and forsees in his magic ball that the only other thing that I will need to have done on this car in the next two years is a belt replacement.  I chose not to have him do the repair yet because I had an ace up my sleeve.  The Hyundai Elantra. 

Double Asspain:  The 99 Hyundai Elantra has sat outside in the cold through last years harsh winter and still sits there.  I have driven it no more than two times.  It did go on loan with my younger brother when he flew in for his Wedding in July, so it did get use for three days then.  I did a quick check and to my disappointment the registration had expired on the Elantra back in September.  Let me guess, I have to take this vehicle to the emissions station to have it tested before we can renew?  Correct. 

I drive the car a bit first to make sure it is safe.  Filled the tires, put new oil in it, added some fuel line conditioner and checked all fluids.  It worked just fine once all the kinks were worked out.  Just like my prism, there was the check engine light on which worried me a bit, but at 175,000 miles one would expect a check engine light.  Instead of it reading “check engine”, it should say “drive at your own risk, this car is old”.   Off to the emissions testing station I went to pass the test and renew registration on this vehicle until I had an extra 700.00 laying around to fix the prism.  I pulled into the testing station, waited with a smile to pass only to be told by the air team guy that this vehicle also has failed.  Double whammy. 

I spoke with the mechanic and told  him that I would be picking up my prism without the work being done and I would drop off the Elantra with the hopes that it wasn’t a 700 fix.  Luckily is was only 150.00 and the Elantra should pass now that repair was done.  I picked up the Elantra two nights ago with the repairs done and thought all was good in the world.

Which brings me to yesterday morning.  I have to drive the Elantra for two days before I can have it rechecked by the mechanic to ensure that it will pass the emissions test.  So, with my first morning commute to the office with the newly repaired Elantra I drive for 10 minutes and decided to crack the window a bit.  As soon as I pushed the window down button, the entire window fell of the track and dropped all the way into the door.  So there I was driving this car in 40 degree temps for 45 minutes with the drivers side window all the way down.  Awesome.  I parked in the garage at work and sulked for the day.  How much will this cost I wonder? 

So, after a chilly drive home last night, I decided that I might be smart enough to fix it myself.  Maybe save some money.  Big mistake.  Have you ever taken the side panel off of a door before?  Don’t do it.  I had many years ago when I was in my early 20’s and it took me more than 10 years to forget that I should never be allowed near a car with tools.   Outside of replacing a car battery, head light, or rear light bulb, I shouldn’t even think about it.  Especially on a foreign car.

So…this morning, after picking the car up from the mechanic no less than 36 hours ago, I dropped it off again with the explainer on the key envelope for early drop offs:  “Front window is broke or off track, I tried to fix it but made things much worse, door handle and lock no longer functions as well, please call me with the cost to repair”.  I tried blaming my wife for letting me attempt to fix it myself.  She had none of that. 

Triple Asspain:  At this point I am ready to drive the Elantra into a lake and call it a day.  Other than the fact that I just dumped 150.00 into it two days ago, I don’t want to get rid of it.  Honestly, I would just park the Elantra back outside and have my Prism fixed knowing what I know now, but the problem is that the Elantra no longer has a front drivers side window.  What, am I going to put plastic and duct tape over the window and leave it in my drive way?  No, I am not that ghetto.  So, here I sit clinching my buttocks waiting for the phone call to come telling me that I have to pay four hundred or more to get the Elantra fixed.  More to come on this story. (as if it wasn’t long enough)

Oh, and through all of this, I was unable to get my registration renewed on the Prism before my November 30th court date, so I had to pay a 75.00 fine on that as well. 

Rant:  The State of Illinois and their Vehicle Emissions Requirments are in my own opinion a very pointless and corrupt process.  I can’t count the number of times I have followed a vehicle spewing forth gag worthy exhaust.  Neither the Prism or the Elantra emit anything that hurt the enviroment.  The mechanic said that the Catylitic converter is not really bad, but beginning to go, and the Elantra had a vacuum leak in the evap system (purge solenoid) which wasn’t a big issue either.  Seriously. This is BS that has and will end up costing me a total of 1500.00 to get both cars pass this stupid vehicle emissions test which I now fully believe was put into law by corrupt politicians that were greased by mechanics. Conspiracy theory?  I don’t see it as so, just a law that requires cars to be fixed when they are actually doing very little to no harm on the environment.  The fact that registration on both vehicles are being held hostage until I drop this kind of money with the mechanic’s make me downright ill.  I will not bow down to this corruption and buy a new vehicle as I am sure this whole emissions process was designed to motivate vehicle owners to do. 

Blah.

You know how there are some things you are completely thankful for but you can’t actually admit to since saying so would make you bitchy?  The lovely thing about the internet is you can anonymously admit to them.

So here are some things I’m thankful for but would never admit to in real life.

I’m thankful…..

-That I’m skinny.  Yes, I work out a lot to stay in shape but I’m naturally like a size zero or two depending where I shop.

-That everyone thinks I’m sweet and innocent. I don’t know where that idea comes from but it is better than being called a slut any day.

-That I have zero problem getting a date when I really want one.

-That I always date universally hot guys.  You know the ones I mean?  Everyone thinks they are good looking even if they are not attracted to them.

-For my C cups.  Well according to Victoria’s Secret they are D’s since my rib cage is so skinny.  Either way, I like that they are pretty big verses how skinny I am.

That’s all I can think of right now.

Later lovers.

Sooo… I thought it would be kind of fun to let you know what I was thinking today, because we all know lots of people like this… Sooo… Sarah Says…

Sarah Says… You really need to get a clue… as in, get a fucking clue!!!   Sarah wonders if you have any real clue about who you really are…  Yeah, you muffin…  Who you are, what you are and what you want to be when you grow up???  Cuz… Guess What????  You are all GROWN up….  So act grown up…and get a clue….Yes, this means you!!! 

Sarah Says…. What the hell???   No really, what the hell???  Just what the hell are you talking about and please tell me what the hell are you doing???  So, what the hell????  Sarah says, get a fucking clue so you can figure out what the hell you need to do and more importantly, why the hell you aren’t doing it…  because you aren’t so… stand on your own two feet and “please” get your ass on down the road and just do it… what the hell… 

Sarah Says… Why on earth should we care about you???  Are you that special and why should we give a shit about what you are thinking, doing and most importantly… What you are NOT doing… Sooo really, if you don’t care… then why should we???  I really think you should get a clue, figure out what the hell you want and then maybe we will care too… however, more importantly maybe, you will care… because right now you don’t…  so, you know what???  It’s  your call baby cakes….the balls in your court…

Sarah Says….  You are sometimes, just one big ”whiny ass bitch”… and just why the fuck is that???  What do you really have to whine about and why are you just such a bitch???   Seriously… I think, you should get a fucking clue, figure out what the hell is your annoying problem,  fix it or quick worrying about if cuz all your whining does nothing more than makes you sound just like a bitch… and that makes you suck…  worse than any hoover I have ever used…

Sarah Says… You can do anything that you want and you don’t need anyone’s approval to do it, cuz we really don’t give a rats ass what you do, think, want, whine about, have no clue about or give a shit about…  I guess I could go on… but really, what is the point???  You aren’t paying attention anyway… cuz that would mean you would have to quit thinking about you and what everyone thinks  about you…  seems this statement is going in circles…  Next!!!

Sarah Says… Could you please just get a life… a real life…   Maybe even “your own” life…  Maybe stay out of everyone else’s life… quit worrying about what everyone else is or isn’t doing… because we are living our own lives???  So why don’t you quit worrying about what we are doing instead figure out what the hell you want to do…  then maybe we will give a fuck about you   Really though, if YOU would just shut your lame whiny ass trap, live your own life and keep your nose out of everyone else’s business… then maybe you will be happy???   Wow… what a concept, to be happy!!!   I know we would be happy if that would happen…

Sarah says to please just get over yourself and get on down the road baby cakes… Live life… Because, we are and we are tired of the fact that you don’t… Only you can change it baby…  So quit your bitching and do something about it for a change… Because  Sarah Says,  simply just shut the fuck up…. you just aren’t that important… and someone had to finally tell you… and I drew the short straw… so that is all for now…

Ciao Bella…  A Very Bitchy Ass Sarah B…

Lagunatic was reading a message board conversation about Mensa.  I knew I had to contribute as I have much to say on the matter:

I’m the antithesis of Mensa…I belong to a group called Menstrual. You have to be really cranky and saddled with a week long case of the stupids to join. We meet monthly. Period. Sometimes we check out each others’ pads.

(how much longer can I go with this do you think?)

You’re sorry you opened this aren’t you? Well get over it and pass me that fucking jar of Nutella! And a tissue – I seem to be crying for no apparent reason.

There's a sucker born every minute!

You,

Yeah you! It’s you, stop looking at your left or right.

You know you are, you are smart enough to realise that. Just that you refused to confront it.

You fulfilled the criteria to be a sucker. Yea, with you mouth, that’s it. And that’s your best weapon.

Nothing can beat you down. That disgusts me to the max.

Worse, your bad aura kept on influencing other people. Too strong, and the people around are too innocent to realise it. So well, that’s it. It did affect me, but won’t be long, as I have decided to take Dr Selva’s words.

Ooo, I haven’t posted anything about my rotation posting, which was quite interesting to me. (Though it sounded ultimately boring and lame according to some of them.) Maybe I am lame? Oh well… It all depends on yourself, like I said.

I’m tired of blogging about law school, so lets switch this blog up a bit… I’m going to tell you how crazy I am I just managed to get in a fight with dee boyfriend and dee mother… all in a 45 minute span. And Cry and yell and feel terrible.. neither of which are answering my repeated phone calls. There is something seriously wrong with me, the two people I care most for in the world I can’t help but push them away by being crazy. I know law school is stressful but this is ridic I mean who does this? Why am I doing this… I need to seriously evaluate myself and figure out what is wrong with me…. I need to fix this problem before its too late… its NOT okay to freak out on people you love because you are stressed… that is all for now I’ll post later internet

Dear J,

It seems as if my depression is slipping away.  I’m still a little blue but I am not on the verge of slipping down the rabbit hole anymore.  I feel much better.  I tell you I have to get this emotional eating under control.  It’s my Achilles heel, my kryptonite, my Pandora’s box, my, well, you get the picture. 

Today I have to be productive and that will make me feel better.  I had a bowl of really yummy Vanilla Almond Post shredded wheat cereal today and it was delicious and filling.  The kids ate the cereal and a container of yogurt (even better).  K is home sick today so I have to work around him but as God as my witness, I shall not be lazy again (today)!!!!

How are you doing?  Did work and Big Daddy survive the case of the bitchiness you caught from me yesterday?  I hope so.  I am sorry if my moodiness rubbed off on you.  If I rub on you, I only want it to be for good and not evil.  Wait, that sounded dirty.  You know what I mean!

Have a better day today Bubba!

Love,
A

Finally I am getting somewhere with all these damn phone calls made to the different players out there that are not working very efficiently. I will be getting a check for the last two months for my Long Term Disability YAY!!! Of course there won’t be any money left for anything fun, I have bills to pay. Oh and my babies are guaranteed food on the table for a while longer.

saving a tree branch~ I do my part, how about you?

Next thing I am tackling is getting my insurance carrier to reactivate my insurance cards, so that I can keep my appointment for Monday and surgery on Wednesday….of course this is another set of phone calls and emails. All this crap does not make for a sunny disposition….

Not so sunny here...

My coffee and shower are both out-of-the-way, I need to strip my bed and wash my linens, I can’t make my bed until I get boy # 1 to flip my mattress over….when I was well, back in the day….I could do this by myself…it’s the little things we take for granted…and yes I know there are people who never think about flipping their mattress…but I try to, after all I am laying there night after night in essentially the same spot, same with the seat cushions on my sofa, I need to get them all switched around.

Boy # 1~ Mattress flipper

And as I sit here typing away, I go back and forth on email, I just received an email showing that someone is actually working on my behalf and my benefits may be activated soon…yay….yes I  use my professional and polite skills of persuasion when asking for things. I’m better suited doing the asking via email, where I can pause and read before I hit send, I get really bitchy when I do this over the phone and that is counterproductive…so I’ll keep my fingers crossed…and check again after a while.

I am off to go and fix breakfast and chillax in front of the boob tube.

welcome to the inner monologue.

^^NOW^^ running several times daily

now playing inside my head

• to fat
• to pimply
• to many bruises
• to many bites
• to curly
• to “curvy”
• to short
• to wide
• to lumpy
• to hyper
• to lazy
• to emotional
• to immature
• to un inspired
• to “chesty”
• to material?
• to clumsy
• to slutty
• to prudish
• to modest
• to bitchy
• to common
• to average
• to “unique”
• to annoying
• to over the top
• to noisy
• to quiet
• why me?
• why not?
• why so?
• just why?
• wrong music
• wrong style
• wrong taste
• wrong life
• wrong choices
• wrong people
• wrong peers
• wrong everything

is this really how everyone feels?

• not smart enough
• not pretty enough
• not the right style
• not the right shape
• not the right  size
• not what I thought
• not what you need
• not the right hair cut
• not the right clothes
• not the life style I want
• not any thing at all

• not the right outlook?

what am I ment to do when everyday I get reminded of all the thing Im not?
how does any body win?

• F*** this
• F*** that
• F*** you
• I’m sorry I can’t make things better
• I hate you
• I love you
• I l0st you
• you ruined who I was
• I’m losing you
• I’m losing you too
• your leaving

they’re moving on and I’m still here…    just   floating

• I’m not what you need right now, I know I have failed you and it kills me inside to know this
• I dont even know who you are any more
• I dont know what I have done?? I used to trust you

……….and repeat……….

Probably I am just getting old … Nevertheless, I wonder where the success of these women comes from. To me, being older than 30, they look like good looking women making money showing boobs and assess (and – some – talent of course) – striking examples of emancipated women of the new century Were the MTV awards sponsored by Victoria’s secrets?

I am so sick and tired of the negative energy that has been surrounding me lately. It is completely wiping any happy feelings I had. What is wrong with people that they put sooo much effort into being negative, bitchy, and downright miserable, and wanting everyone they come into contact with to be the same. Makes me want to greet people I meet not with a smile, but with a huge squirt of pepper spray right in the kisser!