We went into one department store and it was the first time I’d been in there for years. I have to admit to being a little disappointed, as it was a nightmare to get round in a wheelchair. The stock was much too close together and on multiple occasions we had to reverse and go around another way. This drives me nuts! I believe that every shop owner should be forced to go round their store in a wheelchair, just to see the hazards and difficulties that it presents to their disabled customers. Other shoppers, with their sharp elbows and bags, are bad enough; but when shelves, racks and precarious stock is at risk of taking your eye out or just halting progress completely, it makes the whole thing a difficult experience.

Anyone that’s ever been in or pushed a wheelchair will know that they are not the most graceful of things and despite my Mum being a very capable driver in a car, I’m not sure she’d pass her test if it was required for pushing a wheelchair. We’ve removed a fair amount of paint in our time; but when it’s due to a badly arranged shop or a nightmare door I don’t feel too guilty.

When we did manage to get around the shop, I saw that they had so much stock, I wasn’t sure where to look, not in the “oh wow this is so amazing”  way; but more in the “my senses are on overload, I feel like I’m looking at a Where’s Wally Puzzle” kind of way. The thing that frustrated me was that there were so many things I know I would have loved, if it had been more spread out and/or better displayed. I understand the logic that they are trying to fit in as many products for as many people as possible; but for me it just didn’t work.

Which brings me to my point, what makes a great shop? One that you walk into and just have to buy something, everything, as much as you can afford. I’ve been into shops like that, where I can’t wait to go back and buy more, somehow it’s set up to sell.

There’s one example that comes to mind. A few months ago Mum and I went to a local Waitrose. Going in, the atmosphere just felt wrong, nothing was in the place you would expect, it was difficult to find anything and the whole shopping experience didn’t seem to flow. It was disjointed and uncomfortable and we didn’t buy very much – great for the bank balance; but not for the shop, or for us, we felt cheated out of a fun shop (I love food shopping, I’m “different” I know).

Just before Christmas we went back again and the whole shop had been refitted and reorganised. The only word for it was WOW! It was like being in a completely different store, the shelves and locations of the food made sense, we were happy to browse the aisles and it was as if we were led from one section to the next and all we wanted to do was pick things up and put them in the trolley. Products seemed to jump off the shelf, begging to be bought, they were even giving out free samples of cake! Seriously how much better can it get?! The cook ware and gifts section was beautiful, colourful and light. Everything was inviting and I wanted to spend money, in the end I had to resist so many things; but I came out feeling happy and satisfied after a really good shop, you know what I mean, you come home smiling, everything feels right with the world.

I think that a great shop has a good lay out, well spaced for wheelchairs (or prams/pushchairs for that matter), it must be light and airy. You need to be able to see what you’re looking at and it needs to be displayed well, in a way that makes you want to reach for a product, not be scared of knocking over the display. There has to be a flow to the shop, products need to be seamlessly arranged from the entrance, drawing you deeper into the shop, like a maze leading you further and further in to the treasures waiting at the centre.

If I’m in a shop, then I’m there to spend money (I hate window shopping, so depressing). I’m there because there’s either something I’m looking for, or I want to treat myself or someone else to something. Give me reasons to buy, encourage me in my decisions, make it easy for me to part with my money, because if you don’t Iwill be leaving empty handed and I won’t be rushing back.

I enjoy eating out, it’s one of the low energy activities I can do and it’s all sitting down, perfect! I have fairly high standards though, I expect good service, friendly staff and well cooked food. I think a restaurant is a business like any other and should deliver the same quality customer care if you want me to a) part with my money, b) come back and c) give you referrals.

The exact formula for a great restaurant is difficult though, some get the food spot on; but the staff leave a lot to be desired. In others the staff shine and make the experience; but the food is sadly lacking. Then there are those that have both of these things; but yet they lack atmosphere and customers. These restaurants get me the most frustrated, when they have everything working and yet people aren’t going.  I want to demand that they tell me what marketing they are doing, how they are publicising what they’re doing, because I want to help them succeed. I want people to go because I think there’s nothing sadder than a great business going under just because not enough people know about them. I’ve seen very bad restaurants with full car parks and I have the urge to march in and demand that everyone get up and follow me to the quiet place down the road. Okay so I may be a little crazy!

Does it really all come down to marketing? Advertising? Luck? I don’t know; but I’m going to do my bit to promote as many great restaurants as possible, because they deserve it.

The Sole & Heel are one of the places with a great combination. They have something really good and they deserve to do well. If you’re in the area, you have to stop in and leave room for dessert, they’re out of this world!

For me, I’ve been really worried about updating my website. There was a reason I got in professionals to design and build it, because I wanted a site I knew I couldn’t do on my own – I did a basic web design course years ago which has helped me; but I don’t have the graphic ability or any clue about CSS.

I’d intended to let the site take care of itself, hopefully making enough to pay for some updates; but as with everything, life never turns out as you imagined. I decided to replace one of the holidays with a virtual party that I’m planning for Valentine’s Day. This mean that I was going to have to get into the heart of the html and make some major changes. The thought of ruining my beautiful and very precious site made me feel physically ill, even now I can feel waves of nausea rolling over me. It would have made sense to get a content management system; but at the time I wasn’t sure of the direction of Holidays From Home so a basic six page shopping site made sense. How I longed for the ease of content management this morning!

February is getting closer and closer, I knew I had to find some courage and do it; but despite saving copies of the original pages it was still a very tense job. I actually quite enjoyed doing it. There were a few teething problems, a few mistakes; but I managed to work them out and now I’m delighted that I’ve made all the changes I wanted to, plus a few extra that I’ve had in the back of my mind.

I know feel like a super star! My sense of achievement is rather inflated, considering how relatively simple the job was and the fact that the majority of the tech community could have done it with ease; but I feel like I fought a tiger and won!

I’ve had one of those amazing days today, an incredibly exciting letter, wonderful feedback about my blog when I was considering taking a break, sold another virtual holiday, I was asked to do a talk about Holidays From Home and had a delicious meal out. It’s been brilliant; but I had no idea when I got up this morning what to expect. It could just have easily been another bad day.

What determines if it’s going to be a good or bad day? Is there something in the air? The way the planets align? It can’t just be how you’re feeling because lots of great things seem to happen at once, things you could not predict, that have nothing to do with your mood. Why do they happen all at once?

Is it better to have one really great day followed by weeks of dull days or would life be more fun if the good things were spread evenly out over the weeks? I think I’d quite like to spread them out, because the last few days have felt like a rollercoaster of highs and lows; but I’m very grateful for the highs, because they make everything else worthwhile.

It’s called the Versatile Blogger Award; but I think it really translates as “Writes about lots of random things award”. I definitely qualify for that! It is lovely to get recognition and has made me feel very smiley. I am a bit wary that like Red Jim says it’s some kind of pyramid sales/chain letter type experience; but if it promotes other good blogs then it’s a great thing. It does mean I have to nominate 15 blogs and while I read a few, I never have enough energy to read as many as I would like to.

I also have to tell you seven things about me, so here goes:-

1. I love crystals.
2. I enjoy sci-fi fantasy books / television / films.
3. I hate coffee, since my severe ME gave me bad nausea I’ve felt sick at just the smell. I feel very left out now there are lots of cool coffees to try.
4. My first pets were stick insects.
5. I’m allergic to animal fur (hence the stick insects).
6. I’m a reiki master.
7. Roses are my favourite flower.

These are my fifteen nominations, as they say on Big Brother, they’re in no particular order. Nominees you can see the rules here…

• Emotfit’s Blog

• Pat Bean’s blog 

• Wordsmith’s Desk

• analyfe

• Knotrune

• notyethere

• Nissi Knows!

• The Athele Series

• I’ve been thinking about………….

• allaboutwordswa

• 1 Story A Week

• The Traveling Book Club’s Blog

• Away with Words

• Thoughts in my heart

• The Laughing Housewife

I’m off now to tell everyone…

Just putting the pictures in the frames and then standing them up in the living room gave me more satisfaction than anything else  I did today. I just felt like I’d achieved something worthwhile.

Sorry for the dull post today, feeling uninspired. I’ll try harder tomorrow!

A lot of the things she says is unintelligible; but from the look of clear intent on her face, it makes utter sense to her and I felt a bit sad that I didn’t understand her. She looks so proud when she says something and so she should do! I can’t wait until she can say more, she’s learning new words every day, pizza was new yesterday – guess what we had for dinner. The cake I took was Rocky Road and when I told people, she said “ocky oad” which was adorable.

How do children do it thought? How do they know to mimic? To copy the sounds? That their brains and coal chords work together, when nobody has ever taught them how to make specific sounds. It’s just incredible.

The really funny thing is that the adult conversation descends into single words, often repeating what Willow said. At times I think she sounded more advanced than we did! I’m not sure why we do that; but it does make all the women in the room coo and grin, while the men look completely bemused!

I’m looking forward to seeing Willow soon to see how many more words she can say. Fingers crossed she might even be able to say my name!

I normally order my books online and get Mum to collect them for me. I’ve always got the maximum number of fifteen out on my ticket, a range of fiction and non-fiction. I can’t believe how many different books they have on a vast range of subjects. I wish I had more energy to do more reading, I barely scratch the surface and would love to spend all day every day reading.

Within a library are a million stories waiting to be discovered, worlds to escape into, adventures to go on, mysteries to solve, friends to make and people to fall in love with. No matter who you are, or what your life is like, there is a story for you, you just have to open a  book and dive in. If you don’t like it, if it doesn’t make your heart sing and your pulse race, then give up and try a new one.

In the past reading has got a bad reputation, “uncool” or “too hard”, which is completely untrue, if you find the right book. Amazing people like J K Rowling have re-opened the door to literature and libraries, we should be very grateful to them. Also the introduction of e-books and audio books have made “reading” even more accessible to more people.

The excitement of receiving a book or audio book that’s free to enjoy is wonderful! There aren’t many things in life that are free anymore, so we really need to support our libraries to make sure they continue doing such brilliant work. In truth you’ll be getting the best of the deal!

There are lots of things on my wish list – like travel, getting married, having a family; but I don’t want to do them with ME, because the level of enjoyment you get is reduced. There’s always something you’re having to ignore, pain, tiredness, feeling like you’re missing out, the sense that you have to compromise when other people don’t. I’m putting off so many things, waiting until I’m better; but I realised that I need to put in a bit more effort to achieve the results I want, i.e. good health and lots of energy.

I am doing a lot of the right things, eating well, drinking lots of water and pacing myself; but I know that I could be doing more, more meditation, better quality resting, yoga breathing etc. I know that all those things are good for general health, even if they won’t cure me; but I think it’s about time that I put in the effort. I’ve been sitting back waiting for my recovery to happen; but maybe I need to commit a bit more of my time and energy to my health.

In the past I’ve been disappointed, alternative therapies haven’t helped, I’ve gone through the promise of recovery and the disappointment when it doesn’t happen. It’s easier to just forget about getting better. It doesn’t happen so you accept that it won’t happen for a while and then you don’t improve so it proves you right.

However I wouldn’t expect to learn a new skill without putting in time and effort, so maybe I can’t expect to get better without committing to doing all I can to give myself the best chance of good health. I know it will take work and results aren’t guaranteed; but there’s so much I want out of life, that I need to do something to hope it happens.

I’d intended not to talk about Holidays From Home; but two of the women I sat with were OTs and were interested in how they could benefit their clients. I really can’t go anywhere without talking about it; but at least it’s an ice breaker!

We had a talk on feminism in art, specifically relating to  The Rokeby Venus by Velázquez, which Mary Richardson attacked with an axe as part of a protest on behalf of the suffragette movement. www.hastingspress.co.uk/history/mary.htm It was really interesting and also horrifying hearing the graphic details of what women went through when they were force-fed. Interestingly the story of the attack has been suppressed and there is no reference to it in the National Gallery, where the attack happened and it is still displayed.

The most interesting art of the evening was the discussion at the end, hearing people’s questions and opinions. It was great to have a lovely evening and come away feeling like I’d learnt something new. Even better we finished with home made cake! Cake and chat, you can’t have a better eveing!

The best part was feeling so supported and understood. I’ve kept up contact with the people in the group and made new contacts with others who have been through the programme. It’s great to talk on Facebook; but they are all so far away. They can meet up; but America’s rather too far for me to travel, especially just for a meet up!

I’ve done some good networking with local people and met some really nice people; but I haven’t found a group yet where I felt like I fitted in. I either feel too small-scale with Holidays From Home, or my concept is too radical and out there.

In my head I’d got an idea of the kind of group I was looking for, passionate, inspiring, supportive, a bit different and out there; but I didn’t think it really existed. That was until my friend Grace sent me a link to a networking group called Wonderful Women, that ticks all the boxes of what I’m hoping for and their site seemed to speak directly to me and it says they like cake! What could be better! I’ve contacted the organiser and we’re going to meet up for a chat. I can’t wait! Sometimes things just feel right and joining this group really does. Fingers crossed it all works out and I finally find the kind of support and friendship I’ve been craving.

It does have quite detailed descriptions of foot binding as it’s set in China several hundred years ago. It was disturbing reading exactly what the poor young girls, often between five and seven, would go through to create the “perfectly shaped feet”. It’s horrific what they suffered to be seen as acceptable and desirable to their future husbands. I tried to picture from the description how the feet were meant to look; but decided to see what they said on Wikipedia, it really is horrendous and must have been complete agony, they basically broke every bone in the foot and then allowed them to heal in a completely different shape. It makes me feel sick just remembering the description; but I think it was done in a very sensitive and careful way in the book.

It has made me incredibly grateful that I was born at a time and into a culture that doesn’t expect me to suffer through painful processes to reshape my body. I know that people complain about the pressure that we all face to look a certain way in this modern age, with make up, weight loss and plastic surgery; but it pales into insignificance compared with foot binding, or even the body deforming corsets of a hundred years ago. I don’t believe that there is a perfect or “right” look, despite what society tells us; but at least here in the UK it does come down to choice, no matter how much pressure we may feel. In China, it was expected, demanded of all women of a certain class. It was the only hope they had of making a good marriage and being seen as having worth, value and respect. There was no other alternative. Now that’s pressure. It puts all our modern-day beauty concerns and worries into perspective.

Like every star-gazer I get particularly excited seeing shooting stars, meteors to the clever astronomers. I never really thought I would see one, and the first time I did I wasn’t sure if maybe I had imagined it, until I saw another one shortly after. Like millions of  girls everywhere, I made a wish and have done every time I’ve seen one since then.

Northern Lights by Image Editor

One thing I would love to see are the Northern Lights or Aurora Borealis. Seeing them on television and in pictures is amazing; but to see them first hand would be incredible. Going on a Northern Lights cruise is on my One Day Wish List and I have my fingers crossed it will eventually happen; but until then I’m enjoying this amazing web camera. http://www.auroraskystation.com/ It shows the sky from the aurora station every five minutes and is fun to watch. The colours are beautiful and you can see how the waves of light gradually move across the sky.

We spend so much time rushing around, that it’s lovely to take some time to look up and appreciate the bigger whole that we’re all a part of.

She had a beautiful china tea set which I fell in love with – I’m a sucker for china, I’d have cupboards full of it if I could. There’s just so many beautiful pieces in almost every homeware shop you go into.

Verity has to have gluten-free food and she had bought cupcakes and brownies from Cake Angels, who are an online bakery that deliver to the UK. We had Salted caramel Brownies, Chocolate and Peanut Butter Cupcakes. They were completely delicious and you would not know they were gluten-free. The Brownies were my absolute fave and I had a piece to take home! http://www.cakeangels.co.uk/brownies-and-traybakes.html I must admit I had reservations about gluten-free cakes; but these were incredible. The chocolate cupcakes had a stronger taste; but the peanut butter ones were dreamy! They were just as good, if not better than some of the cupcakes I’ve had. I’m glad I can have gluten; but if I couldn’t these would definitely be a treat.

We had a lovely couple of hours, eating, chatting and cooing over my friend Julia’s kids. It was very ME friendly a treat to get out and have fun with good friends.

Reedham Ferry

Unfortunately the cafe was closed for the winter so I just fed the ducks, one of my favourite things to do. It was actually a bit scary as there were lots of them, I started with about five and then lots suddenly appeared, as if by magic! They were coming out of the water and I have to admit I ended up throwing the bread into the water really quickly so I could escape. I felt really guilty as there wasn’t enough bread for all of them and I have vowed to go back again soon with more bread.

In the end we went to a nearby garden centre to have a look round the shop and popped into the cafe, where we shared a ham sandwich and a piece of raspberry and white chocolate cake. It was delicious and the cafe had a lovely atmosphere, warm and cosy, with magazines to read.

It was one of the best days out I’ve ever had, simple activities; but so relaxed and lots of fun. Definitely an unexpected blessing.

I started to think about how important numbers are to life, they are literally part of everything. Turn on your TV – use numbers, the internet – binary code  using numbers, money obviously, food/cooking weighing, measuring, science and medicine you’d be rather screwed without specific dosages. Society is built on number and I feel a bit sorry for poor number 13 for being singled out!

I learnt the hard way about backing up my data, when my last hard drive crashed – hence why I got an external hard drive; but when that went wrong I was rather upset. Luckily though I had most of the music on my iPod and I found software which means I can copy from my iPod back onto my computer.The problem was my main hard drive is too full to store the music, which brings me back to one of the main reasons for having the external hard drives in the first place, talk about vicious circle.

Fortunately I do have a second external hard drive; but it was set up in a way that I couldn’t add files to.  After an hour of searching the support site I found out how to uninstall, delete and reformat the drive; but it was completely terrifying. I was worried about messing up my computer and damaging the drive; but I knew I had to do something, so I took a deep breath and went for it. It worked and left me feeling on top of the world! I felt like a conquering hero!

My iPod is now a few hours into the 20 hours it says it will take to transfer my 13,965 songs! You can see why it’s been so important. I can’t wait for it to finish, as it’s reminded me of all the albums I’ve got and I want to go back and listen to them again.

I wasn’t sure what it would be like looking back on the past, life has changed so much since I last looked through them; but I was pleased to realise that I wasn’t upset by them, in fact I could see all the good times and just let the bad things slip away. I realised that I’ve moved on and I’m so grateful for that fact.

Like with so many things I have no real idea how cameras and photographs work; but I am truly grateful that I have these amazing photographs to keep. I know they only mean something to the people who are in them, that they have no value to anyone else; but for me they are priceless.

There’s still a lot of stigma attached to having “therapy”. For the record there’s no couch, at least not where I go, I don’t lie with my feet up, although I do sit on pillows on the floor – much more comfortable! You don’t blame everything on your parents, it’s not all touchy feely, you don’t have to use loads of pyscho-babble terms and everything isn’t  all about sex either.

The world seems to divide into those who think it’s a waste of time, a “load of mumbo jumbo” and those that appreciate the benefits. Before I started I was in favour of the general idea, just not for me. I didn’t want to talk to a stranger, to open up and share my inner thoughts and feelings. The thought was terrifying. Plus how would it help anything? Just talking? It took a lot for me to finally decide that I was ready.  I knew it was the right time when I felt I couldn’t cope with all the emotions on my own any more.

I knew I had a lot to work through during my parents’ divorce and although that was why I started, I’ve explored so many different areas and have learnt a huge amount about myself, what makes me tick and that it’s okay to feel, all the emotions, not just the “good” ones. I’ve come a long way and it’s helped me to feel more myself than I ever have before.

Asking for help was one of the best things I’ve ever done and I would recommend it to everyone. It’s not overnight, you have to put in the time and effort, it’s painful and difficult and tempting to give up; but if you keep going and trust the person you’re working with, you can make real progress. I think we could all benefit from some time with a therapist.

There’s something magical about entering a shop and seeing a rainbow of colours spread out in front of you. It draws you in, like a butterfly to flowers, and just like a butterfly I head straight to the brightest material first, moving from section to section, seeing what catches my eye and never settling too long.

I love running my hands along the shelves, feeling the soft material on the rolls and hunting through the baskets of fat quarters  – not as rude as it sounds, the material is cut into smaller sections for patchwork. It’s these that I buy and have a huge variety in my sewing box. I’m working on a quilt of 6 x 6 squares which is gradually growing; but I can’t wait until it’s finished. Every square is a different piece of material and there are lots of colours, patterns and cartoon characters in it. I was just going to keep it as pink and purple; but there were so many other colours of material that I fell for that I just had to expand to include them.

I did think I was nearly finished with the quilt last year; but then I laid it on my bed and realised that it only covered half the bed! Definitely too small, so I had to “force” myself to get some more material and now I’m looking forward to getting the energy to finish the quilt and finally put it on my bed.

When we were a the start of the moving process I wasn’t sure if or how we’d be able to do it; but sitting here, in our comfortable and beautiful living room I am so relieved and very grateful. If I never see another moving van, flat pack box or reel of brown tape, it will be too soon! I hope that one day I will be able to have my own place. I know that the moving process will be worth it; but for now I am very happy living here with my things unpacked, knowing where everything, okay most things, are.

They say you know if a place is right for you within seventeen seconds of being in it and that was certainly true for us. I loved the house we grew up in; but where we are now ticked all the things on our wish list for a dream house. I’m pleased we held out for perfection, because it really was out there.

Bad news – it’s in Florida and I’m housebound in the UK.

I’ve been taking part in a series of free webinars this week, run by Darla LeDoux called Profit SOS. www.profitsosevent.com There have been two calls a day with some really amazing and inspiring speakers, talking about life and business. It’s been brilliant, really interesting and aligns with so many things that I’ve been thinking during the past few weeks, not just personally; but also for Holidays From Home. It’s helped to focus me and find my path again. I think the best thing I got from it was to trust myself and do what feels right, it sounds so obvious; but what feels right to me is often very different to what most people do, so it’s hard to trust your gut at times like that. I mean who on Earth does virtual holidays and parties? That’s insane right?! Yet somehow it works.

Anyway, I tweeted or re-tweeted a lot of things from the calls, keen to share the information with others, because I found it so helpful and thought others would too. By doing this I was picked as one of the two winners of a ticket to Be the Change Event, so exciting; but heartbreaking as well because not only is it in Florida, the top place on my to visit list;  but the conference is over my birthday, the exact time I’ve been wanting to go to Florida. It’s just so frustrating.

It is a blessing to win though, out of all the hundreds of people who were taking part in the calls, so I am trying very hard to be grateful and believe that something positive will come from it all.

I take water for granted every day, it’s just always there and always has been. Being able to have a drink, run hot water and flush a toilet seems such a simple thing; but it’s a real luxury and one that I’m very, very grateful for, especially realising just how ill I would be without it. I know that by tomorrow I’ll probably go back to just accepting it’s there; but I hope my gratitude and awareness lasts.

I went to my book club tonight, it’s something I always look forward to as we have a good chat and a catch up, as well as discussing our latest book. We read A Week in December by Sebastian Faulks last month. I have to admit I didn’t get far with it because it was Christmas and I wanted to read something a bit lighter and more fun. I normally make sure I read the book each month; but I did cave in December. This month however, they chose my suggestion Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See. We had decided on a Snow/Winter/Icelandic themed book nomination this month because a) it’s January and b) we hoped it would ward off the bad weather we normally experience, which cancels our meeting, kind of like having an umbrella stops it raining. It worked because all we’ve had is really strong winds.

I’ve ordered my copy from the library and now can’t wait for it to arrive. I’m a big fan of libraries – all those free books! Going into one has all the thrill of being in a bookshop multiplied by a hundred because you can walk out without having to pay! I have to resist though because the temptation is to take out lots of books and then not get round to reading them.

There’s a real pleasure in starting a new book, opening it up and waiting for the story to unfold. I love a huge range of genres, from fiction to fantasy, romance to historical, comedy to classics. Since joining the book club I’ve become a bit more choosy in the styles I read. I have to enjoy the tone of voice the author uses. Sometimes I just find the language clunky and awkward and it can destroy a book for me. In years gone by I’ve struggled through books like that; but now I’ve realised there are so many books I want to read, I’m not prepared to sacrifice my time on books I’m not enjoying.

In fact I think I can hear my latest book calling me now….

Personally I like to take the time to show somebody I appreciated the effort and cost that went into sending me something, it feels like the least I can do.

It does take time to write to everybody and to find something new to say to each one. I don’t want them to be identical; but that can be a challenge when you get four diaries in a year – all of which will be used in some form – just in case you’re one of the people who gave me a diary, I am grateful!

I love getting presents, the excitement of unwrapping them and then enjoying the gift; but it can be rather overwhelming as you look down the list of things you received and know that you’ve got a letter to write for every one you received; but each letter I write is a symbol of a special person in my life, someone who cares enough to think of me at Christmas or my birthday and send me a gift that they know I’ll like. I got lots of butterfly things this year, my friends and family know me well! Lots of chocolate too….

I now have a stack of about twenty letters waiting to be posted and over twenty presents to find a home for, in my room; but more importantly I’ve got over twenty people in my life who care. Thank you.