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THANK F_CK it's FRIDAY: How to tell your a c#cknocker?

Michael Courtenay — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 02:49:54 +0000

At some point we ALL need to take a good hard look into a mirror and ask ourselves that question: “Am I a Cocknocker” Let me just tell you straight up! If you have a bottle of Bling H20 on your kitchen counter top, in your hand or on the fridge door, the answer is a definitive YES! At $40 a bottle – FOR WATER – your bent, hear that? BENT! Ready for the rant: It’s little wonder that Wall Street is – as we speak – crowded with people protesting against excesses, just how do you differentiate a product like bottled water, turn on a f_cking tap you cocknocker!? Americans drink more than 25 billion litres of bottled water a year at prices greater than gasoline. Bottled water sales have risen 50% per person in less than a decade, which isn’t bad for a core product that varies little, and is at least a thousand times more expensive than tap water which is readily available as an alternative. In Europe, water is even bigger business – Western Europeans drink more than half the world’s bottled water. And don’t even get us started on the massive problem bottled water causes to the environment! D★D READ MORE

PS: Go down to your local and have a beverage, HECK HAVE TWO, you’ll still get change from the $13 a glass you’d have paid to be a cocknocker!

Do you bling ?

helenedenamps — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 23:01:08 +0000

La Bling H2o-Photo Hélène Denamps

L’exposition, “Paris – Los Angeles” qui se déroule jusqu’au 11 octobre 2009 au Bon Marché Rive Gauche, nous fait parcourir les différents quartiers de la ville hollywoodienne en nous donnant des idées de shopping. Parmi la sélection de produits hype proposés, se trouve la célèbre eau de source, la Bling H2o, vendue en édition limitée. Sertie de cristaux Swarovsky, elle coûte 29 euros les 375 ml, ramenant le litre à la modique somme de 77,33 euros pour étancher sa soif d’über-riche. Comme le précise son fondateur, le scénariste et producteur Kevin Boyd : « This is pop culture in the bottle ». Mais c’était peut-être avant la crise.

Bling H2O.

jdiaz — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 21:14:33 +0000

Fifty-five dollars. 55. Peepty Pibe. That’s how much a bottle of Bling H2O water will cost you. If you’re confused, just read a little more from their marketing campaign. The price tag is just the beginning.

Bling H2O is the inspiration of Kevin G Boyd, Hollywood writer-producer. While working on various studio lots where image is of the utmost importance he noticed that you could tell a lot about a person by the bottled water they carried. In Hollywood it seemed as if people flaunted their bottled water like it was part of their presentation. Whether the bottles had a cool shape or came from an exotic island, none truly made that defining statement. Bling H2O was fashioned to make that defining statement.

The mission was to offer a product with an exquisite face to match exquisite taste. The product is strategically positioned to target the expanding super-luxury consumer market. Initially introduced to hand-selected athletes and actors, Bling H2O is now excitedly expanding it’s availability. Bling H2O has been featured at many recent celebrity events including the MTV Video Music Awards and television’s biggest event, The Emmys. Bling H2O is pop-culture in a bottle. But it’s not for everyone, just those that Bling.

So, let me make sure I understand this. Taste tests prove that it tastes no different than the Kirkland bottles I proudly drink everyday. But people are paying $55 for a bottle of water to let everyone else know they have the money to spend $55 dollars on a bottle of water? Wouldn’t it be easier to throw cash on the floor as you’re walking down the street? Making it rain is so much more sensible than this.

Michael Jackson recently ordered 1,200 bottles and Paris Hilton feeds it to her dog — so you know this is legit.

- JD

President Obama Limits CEO Pay - INS Put On Alert

shipinthenight — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 00:40:04 +0000

New Measure Expected to Drive Up Illegal Immigration

In an attempt to gain popular support for the ongoing bailout of the financial industry President Obama signed an executive order limiting CEO pay to a meager $500,000 per year for any company that takes federal bailout money. Major banking institutions are reeling from the order fearing they won’t be able to fill CEO positions at such low wages. Already several CEO’s have threatened to picket their respective institutions if the limit is implemented. “I’ve got several mortgages to keep up and my daughter still needs her Mercedes SUV for college,” said CEO Bernie Waldorf. “This is draconian. How am I expected to live under these conditions? I’ve got enough to worry about without having to wonder how I’m going to pay for my wife’s breast augmentation next week. It was her birthday present. Now what am I going to get her?”

Officials at the Immigration and Naturalization Service are gearing up for an uptick in illegal entries as Central Americans pour across the border to fill the newly opened positions. “I wish the President had waited until we finished the border fence,” commented Border Patrol Field Commander Rachel Carmichael. “We have suspended all vacations and have all available officers on call 24/7. I have every confidence our people can rise to this crises as we have so often in past situations. If Congress is listening, it sure would be helpful if they put some money in that stimulus package for a few more border agents. We were really stressed before. Now our forces are stretched to the breaking point.”

“The type of illegal we are seeing in our sweeps in recent days has changed substantially,” reports Commander Carmichael. “We are seeing more subjects attempting to cross no man’s land in business type attire. I wish these people would learn that they are risking their lives out here. Handmade Italian Berlutti loafers and tailored Sartorio Domenico Caraceni suits are not suitable for desert survival. Dressing to impress out here can get you killed. We’ve picked up several illegals in the last week wandering in the desert with only Kopi Luwak cappuccinos for food. By the time we find them they are willing to give up their Patek Phillipe watches for a bottle of Bling H2O. It’s really sad.”

Members of The Minute Men, the self appointed vigilante border guard organization, are up in arms over the recent development. “It was hard enough harassing field hands and construction workers,” complained Rufus Stoukle, Captain in the Sam Houston brigade. “These guys in the suits are real pains in the butt cheeks. Pick one of these guys up and they start shouting orders, making demands and threatening you with lawyers. I had to pay for dry cleaning for this one guy I found. He blamed me for him being lost and for getting his fancy suit dirty. It was some really expensive outfit that could only be cleaned by a certain place in Indonesia. Or so he claimed. And I had to put him up in the Austin Four Seasons till his suit came back from the cleaners. That place ain’t cheap. Next time I’ll just let the SOB die.”

Water

ccoyle — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 16:22:00 +0000

Yes, water. By Bling h2o. It’s not the water itself that’s pink, but the foil and logo (made out of Swarovski Crystals) on the limited edition “Paris Pink” glass bottle. It’s not cheap ($40/bottle, or $480 for a case of 12), but if that kind of money for water isn’t in your budget, don’t despair! They also have plastic bottles (which have a hot pink label with white letters) that sell for only $24.

La déferlante des eaux de luxe

madmoisellejulie — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 01:00:37 +0000

Révolue l’époque de l’eau du robinet, ou de la bouteille de Cristalline au fond du frigo. La nouvelle tendance, c’est l’eau de luxe !

Le packaging est novateur, et le concept tout autant. De l’eau “pas comme les autres”, entendez par là qui provient d’une contrée lointaine, qui a des vertus cosmétiques (elles rendraient la peau plus belle) ou un design étonnant. Qu’on l’achète “parce que c’est -in-”, pour collectionner la bouteille (ou “flacon”), ou parce qu’on croit à ses bienfaits, force est de constater que les eaux de luxe sont la nouvelle vague tendance. Zoom sur quelques gouttes scintillantes dans le monde merveilleux de l’eau de luxe…

Précurseur dans la tendance, “Balance” est une eau aux 6 essences de fleurs australiennes. La gamme regroupe différentes eaux, l’une censée vous apporter calme, sérénité et paix intérieure “Balance for mind”. D’autres sont spécialement conçues pour les femmes, les enfants, ou pour le voyage.
Vendue 5€ chez Colette, l’eau “Beauty to go !“, n’est pas seulement de l’eau à emporter. Ses couleurs ocres dorées, son packaging recyclable, renferment une eau puisée dans un site protégé situé à une profondeur de 150 m. Comprenez par là que l’eau est protégée de toute influence extérieure, air, lumière, pollution. Vraie promesse ou argument marketing ? Testez pour le savoir…
Voss est une eau venant tout droit de Norvège, qui coule depuis des siècles sous les montagnes et la glace. Mais toute l’originalité du produit réside dans sa bouteille, épurée et cylindrique. Un must à poser sur la table lors de dîners entre amis…
Ah les légendes celtiques… elles inspirent tout de suite tradition et originalité. C’est aussi le cas de l’eau Gleneagles, puisée au fin fond de l’Ecosse. Le design de sa bouteille a été primé à de nombreux awards dont l’Europe Premier Creative Award (EPICA). La particularité de cette eau est qu’elle provient de cascades jaillissant “à travers un arc-en-ciel” (“beneath the rainbow” étant le slogan estampillé sur chaque bouteille…)
Ogo, c’était mon coup de coeur au mois d’Août dernier et je vous en faisais part dans cet article. Petit rappel pour les absents : la bouteille est ronde, telle une bulle, et l’eau est enrichie 35 fois plus que toute autre en oxygène. Ce qui explique son prix avoisinnant les 10 € (pour 1 litre).
Dernière et pas des moindres… la Bling H20, qui comme son nom l’indique est la plus tape à l’oeil de toutes. Lancée par un producteur hollywoodien, elle provient d’une source du Tenessee, et est soumise à un procédé de purification qui la protège de l’ozone et des ultra violets. La bouteille est digne d’un parfum, avec l’inscription de la marque en cristaux Swarovski.

Et maintenant, il me reste plus qu’à vous dire : “Cheers” !

Pour + d’infos et encore d’autres eaux de luxe, rdv sur :
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http://finewaters.com/

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http://www.aquamaestro.com/

Bling H2O

Daryl Laux — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 10:01:00 +0000

Is it just me or is a new water called Bling H2O the height of pretension and stupidity? Targeting celebrities who want everyone to know precisely what they’re drinking, Bling H2O contains spring water from Tennessee. The water comes corked in a 750mL, frosted glass bottle that is studded generously with Swarovski crystals and is far more impressive than anything you’d find in the regular supermarket. It is designed to be a fashion statement and, although the bottle is fairly large, you can tell more about someone carrying one of these around than about someone with a bottle of Arrowhead water – at least, according to creator Kevin G. Boyd. Bling H2O is to bottled water what Rolls Royce is to automobiles; a premium product with premium packaging that merits a premium price. Bling H2O is priced at $40 per bottle.

Okay, so the water won the Gold Medal for taste at the Berkeley Springs International Water Tasting Festival. I doubt that the celebrities drinking it or, now, us ordinary folk, who can also buy it, can really tell the difference between it and any other variety of decent tasting water. When I googled Bling H2O, it appears that the entertainment media has grasped the idea to their collective bosoms. Not one comment indicating this is an outrageous idea. Maybe if the profits went to providing clean water to those who don’t have it…

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